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They say that if you've lived
in New York for ten years,
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00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,471
you can officially call yourself
a New Yorker.
3
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But the trained eye can always spot
the ones who were born here.
4
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,729
I want it all, I want it now,
and I want you to get it for me.
5
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:04,940
After firing
her last two publicists,
6
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:08,694
Jenny Brier, the daughter
of a wealthy New York restaurateur,
7
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,320
had decided that Samantha
8
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would be taking over the PR
for her upcoming party.
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I want Vanity Fair, Carson Daly,
People, Teen People, InStyle, NSYNC--
10
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Jenny, sweetie.
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Don't take this the wrong way,
but how old are you?
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Hello, it's my bat mitzvah party.
I'm 13.
13
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-You're 13 years old?
-Duh! And what are you, like, 45?
14
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And just like that,
the meeting was officially over.
15
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-I'm sorry, I don't do kids' parties.
16
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Sweetie, my father has invited over 300
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of his most powerful friends
to this event.
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They're not all coming.
The Clintons can't make it, of course.
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Like I told Daddy, we'll be lucky
if we can swing this for under a mil.
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But what do I know? I'm just a kid.
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We'll never get NSYNC.
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After meeting her new client,
Samantha met Charlotte, Miranda and me
23
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,584
for the latest trend
in Manhattan power lunching,
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haute cafeteria cuisine.
25
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You coming in for a landing, sister?
26
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Sorry. Cute guy.
27
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I thought he was checking me out
for a second.
28
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Where?
29
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-Hey, stop, don't turn.
30
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-He's a cutie, all right.
31
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Definitely looking.
32
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Looking at you guys looking at him,
like I asked you not to.
33
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-Take your tray over there.
-What!
34
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-No.
-Absolutely. Why not?
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Because this isn't PS 147.
We're adults now.
36
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She's married, for Christ's sake.
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We have to at least pretend
to know better.
38
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So, I finally went to the doctor
about my headaches.
39
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-Still looking.
40
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Which you're not helping, thanks.
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Because I've been trying
to diagnose myself on the Internet.
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-You can do that?
- Sure.
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00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,506
You just type in your symptoms,
hit "enter,"
44
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,508
and wait for the word "cancer"
to appear on the screen.
45
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,594
Anyway, turns out I'm a tongue-thruster.
46
00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,806
Now, see, if you were a man,
that would be a good thing.
47
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:04,935
My tongue pushes up against
my front teeth, so my bite is all off.
48
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My dentist thinks I have TMJ.
49
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Come on, you have to do something.
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I am.
I'm going to the orthodontist tomorrow.
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00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,234
No, I mean, he's really cute.
52
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-She could write him a note.
- I know. Even cuter!
53
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You guys, I'm not writing him a note.
54
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-Dear Mr. Cutie-Cute.
-You did not just write that.
55
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No. Just your phone number.
56
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I'm not giving him my phone number.
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Oh, relax, TMJ. You don't have to.
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-I'll do it for ya.
-Carrie.
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-Carrie.
-Go, girl.
60
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Oh, my God.
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00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,430
Hi. I'm sorry to bother you,
but my friend Miranda over there...
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00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,307
- Oh, my God.
- She thinks you're kinda cute.
63
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:49,563
Please tell your friend Miranda
to call me.
64
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,531
On the way home from lunch,
I decided to brave the afternoon heat
65
00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:01,825
to see if my favorite shoe-repair guy
could do anything
66
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,660
about my tired old soles.
67
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:09,040
But when I got there,
there was no "there" there.
68
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,183
Hey, what happened to Artie?
69
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:31,396
-Artie?
-Artie. My guy. My shoe guy.
70
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:32,939
He fixed these the last time.
71
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,317
Oh, yeah, Artie.
Nah, he moved back to Williamsburg.
72
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,319
-Oh.
-Brooklyn, not Colonial.
73
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,614
He couldn't afford the place
once they destabilized the rent.
74
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,283
And if the comic business
keeps going the way it is,
75
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:44,659
I'm not sure I'll be able to either.
76
00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:48,079
-Oh, comics aren't selling, huh?
-No, especially mine.
77
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,461
"Power Lad by Wade Adams."
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00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,172
Is this you? Did you draw this?
79
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,299
Wow!
80
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,886
So, what's so powerful about him?
81
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:07,557
He's a superhero, or he wants to be.
See, his parents were superheroes.
82
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,434
And he's trying to figure out
what his superpowers are.
83
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,560
They haven't really kicked in yet.
84
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,687
It's stupid.
What do you... What do you do?
85
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,397
Oh, I'm a writer.
86
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,191
Really, that's cool. What do you write?
87
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,693
Turn to page seven
of your newspaper there.
88
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,284
Ah, yes, I thought you looked familiar.
89
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:30,080
-You ever think about writing comics?
-Aren't the comics more of a boy thing?
90
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,707
No way!
There's all kinds of women superheroes.
91
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,709
Batgirl, Supergirl, Black Canary.
92
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,711
I know you've heard of Wonder Woman.
93
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:40,924
Oh, with the bracelets and the tiara.
94
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,719
I used to love that
even her accessories had superpowers.
95
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:45,804
Oh, man.
96
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:54,771
What's wrong with them?
97
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,440
Well, see, to them,
you are Wonder Woman.
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00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,986
-All right, stop. I'll buy some.
-All right.
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00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,995
I never did get my shoes fixed.
100
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,539
But the following week,
I did get a new pair of boots.
101
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I don't know what came over me,
102
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,296
but I suddenly felt compelled
to call and thank him.
103
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Even as a superhero,
I was powerless to resist.
104
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That evening,
inspired by Miranda's digital diagnosis,
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Charlotte went surfing
for a cure for Trey's condition.
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There it was,
in both the on and off positions.
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$8,000 worth of hydraulics that could
turn Trey into the Bionic Man.
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00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:45,113
Ordinarily, this was the kind of thing
Charlotte would shy away from,
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00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:47,073
but since her marriage
was shy of wood...
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00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:52,871
That night, I met Wade Adams
alias Power Lad at Bar Code,
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a Times Square bar that specialized
in real drinks and virtual reality.
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I can't believe this place.
It's like ten bucks a game.
113
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Yeah, but, you know,
games come with beer.
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Yeah, that's 'cause they want you
to play half as well and twice as much.
115
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,010
-Sounds good to me.
116
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What will it be,
a little Bloodburst or Terrorfright ll?
117
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,724
Whatever happened
to Frogger and Ms. Pac-Man?
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-She got married.
-No! To Pac-man?
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Aw! Good for them.
120
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Man, where have I been?
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I don't know, but you wanna go to Mars?
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00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,362
-For ten bucks? It's a bargain.
-Let's go.
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Then, without ever leaving
the building,
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Power Lad took me
to the furthest reaches of the galaxy.
125
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And right back to seventh grade.
126
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You're about to
journey to Mars. Pilot, please select...
127
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-There we go.
- Oh, God.
128
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It was maddening.
129
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:45,382
Bram and Pippin favored the '78 Lafite,
which is entirely acceptable.
130
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,384
The implant's patented
on/off switch
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00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,386
had Charlotte thinking about Trey's.
132
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:53,098
She desperately wanted to turn his on,
but she didn't know where to find it.
133
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,849
But at the end of the night,
the joke was on him.
134
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'Cause we ordered both.
135
00:07:58,436 --> 00:07:59,437
How was your day?
136
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,733
Well, I went to the gallery
in the morning,
137
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,820
and then the framer's in the afternoon.
138
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,908
And then I found this,
on the Internet. See?
139
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,539
What on Earth...
140
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:20,875
Charlotte, what are you getting at?
141
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,752
Well, just that...
142
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,337
Well...
143
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,007
We've tried everything else,
144
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:28,675
and we still...
145
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,468
You haven't...
146
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,929
in my... ever...
147
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:33,847
So...
148
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:35,557
So, I just thought...
149
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,186
You can't be serious.
150
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,856
What other options do we have?
151
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,367
Five beers, four video games,
152
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,870
102-degrees-outside later...
153
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:00,665
Oh, man.
154
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,627
Aw... You gotta be kidding.
155
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,088
What? This is fun.
156
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,090
It's cheaper than taking cabs.
157
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,217
Besides, all the kids got them.
158
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:14,763
-You wanna try it?
-It's too hot to scoot.
159
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:18,850
Then we could go to my place.
I got a terrace, I got a great view.
160
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,727
And the breeze up there is even better.
161
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:24,314
I'm not the kind of girl who scoots
to a guy's terrace on the first date.
162
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,358
I could respect that.
163
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,820
-I have central air.
-Give me that scooter.
164
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,947
-You ever been on one?
-No.
165
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,450
- That's great.
-Thank you.
166
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,453
I'm scooting in heels.
167
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,246
You know.
168
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,637
You said you had a view, not the view.
169
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,599
And this breeze, it's like
there's even different air up here.
170
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,643
How do you have all this?
171
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,394
Why don't I go get us some beers?
172
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,897
Then we can talk
adventures and real estate.
173
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,486
How was it possible
that mild-mannered Power Lad
174
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,696
could afford a classic six
on the Upper East Side
175
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,657
with a terrace and a view of the park?
176
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,034
Was he merely Power Lad by day
177
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,370
and secretly
a millionaire playboy by night?
178
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,081
Hmm.
179
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,207
- Hello?
180
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,584
Oh, you scared me.
181
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:29,671
I just heard voices outside and--
182
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:30,880
-You're up.
-Oh.
183
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,424
- Did we wake you?
- Oh, no, no, you know me,
184
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:35,135
always keeping the watch.
185
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,720
-Uh, did you meet Carrie?
-Um...
186
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,722
Carrie,
I'd like you to meet my mother.
187
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,766
Hello.
188
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,270
-It's a beautiful night, isn't it?
-Yeah.
189
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,648
Well, I'm off to bed.
190
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,276
You two have fun.
191
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,821
-But don't stay up too late, dear.
-No.
192
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:56,906
-Good night.
-Good night.
193
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,658
It's lovely to meet you, Carrie.
194
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:02,620
Oh, lovely to meet you too, Mrs. Adams.
195
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,211
-He lives with his parents?
-It's their apartment.
196
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:13,464
The next day at Commune,
Daddy Brier's latest restaurant,
197
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:15,925
I asked Samantha
about my prospects with Power Lad.
198
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,510
Not sexy, honey.
199
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,096
Dump him immediately.
Here, use my cell phone.
200
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,764
But it's only because
he put all his money
201
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:22,891
in the comic book store.
202
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,267
Still not sexy. What's his number?
203
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,644
Because he's saving up
for his own place.
204
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,438
Come on, you know how tough
the market is right now.
205
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,441
Plus, he's fun and funny.
206
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,443
Honey, stop while you're still sexy.
207
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,361
So, are you saying there's no way
208
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,280
you'd go out with a guy
who lived with his family?
209
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,699
Well, maybe Prince William.
210
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,702
I'm sorry I'm late.
211
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,290
This is what happens
to tongue-thrusters.
212
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:50,460
I have to wear them for a year.
Am I hideous?
213
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,086
No.
214
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:55,632
Hey, no. No, they don't look so bad.
215
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,133
Really? You mean it?
216
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,801
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
217
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,804
Are you in pain?
I'm in pain just looking at you.
218
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:05,558
I'm a 34-year-old woman with braces,
and I'm on a liquid diet.
219
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,185
"Pain" doesn't begin to cover it.
220
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,980
-Oh, look, lunch.
-We didn't order champagne.
221
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,649
Compliments of Jenny Brier.
222
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,151
Ah, you always get
the nicest compliments.
223
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,695
Do you realize a 13-year-old girl
224
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,448
just bought us
a $200-bottle of Dom Perignon?
225
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:23,409
You know what I was buying
when I was 13? Nothing.
226
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,871
I couldn't afford anything.
I was serving Dilly Bars at Dairy Queen.
227
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:30,416
Where is she?
Where's that little Brat Mitzvah beast?
228
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,545
-Jenny!
-So, ladies, is everything fabulous?
229
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,965
It is now. I didn't know you were here.
230
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,841
And I didn't know
you knew Carrie Bradshaw?
231
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,302
You are fucking fabulous.
232
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:44,889
Your column about secret sex?
Hello, my life.
233
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:48,726
Seriously. My ex was so completely
about the sex when we were alone,
234
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,895
but at school in the hallway,
I didn't exist.
235
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,232
-And they're all like that.
-Or worse. Men suck.
236
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:58,987
What?
237
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,531
I'm sorry, are your braces blue?
238
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,533
No, they're sapphire.
239
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,201
Oh, my God. Look.
240
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:06,995
You have the old-fashioned kind.
241
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,871
I didn't even know
they made those anymore.
242
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,540
- I said I'll be there.
243
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,750
We have to dash.
Enjoy your meal, ladies.
244
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,919
You are so fucking fabulous.
245
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,967
Her braces are sapphire.
246
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,052
I'm a 34-year-old nerd.
247
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:27,557
-How old are they?
-Thirteen.
248
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,184
-But they sound...
-I know.
249
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:31,728
-And they're dressed...
-I know.
250
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:33,521
Just like us.
251
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,067
Were Jenny Brier
and her friends
252
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,153
dressed like
30-something-year-old women,
253
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,655
or were we trying
to look like teenagers?
254
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:45,074
One of us was sending over Dom Perignon,
255
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,243
while another was touring
around New York on a scooter.
256
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,663
When you're a teenager,
all you want to do is buy beer.
257
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:53,416
But once you hit 30,
all you want to do is get carded.
258
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,836
I wondered,
in today's youth-obsessed culture,
259
00:13:56,919 --> 00:14:01,257
are the women of my generation
growing into mature responsible adults,
260
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,469
or are we 34 going on 13?
261
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,473
After a week of self-imposed seclusion,
262
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,768
Miranda finally felt strong enough
for solid food and table service
263
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,479
with Lance Bloom,
a senior editor at Knopf.
264
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:18,524
I started out wanting to be a writer,
but it's such a solitary life.
265
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,569
I'm much more interested
in collaborating with someone.
266
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,404
What are you working on now?
267
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:25,948
Uh...
268
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:27,575
You have a little...
269
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:28,659
Oh!
270
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:32,330
I just got these. I guess they're going
to take some getting used to.
271
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:34,665
Oh, my God.
272
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:40,338
So, what's it like
to, uh, kiss somebody with those things?
273
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,258
-The doctor said it should be fine.
-Ah.
274
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,719
But a blow job's
out of the question, right?
275
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,808
Oh. I was kidding.
276
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:55,812
That was... That was a joke. I'm sorry.
277
00:14:57,438 --> 00:15:00,608
He just didn't want your hardware
getting too close to his software.
278
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,527
Oh, it's not just him, it's everybody.
279
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,736
I can't open my mouth
280
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:07,073
without the whole world looking at me
like I'm a freak.
281
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,574
It's like I'm suddenly
back in junior high.
282
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,160
And believe me, I was lucky
to get out alive the first time.
283
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:14,747
Maybe you should think of it as mouth
jewelry. You know, tooth bracelet.
284
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,374
I'm never dating again.
285
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,418
Oh, of course you are.
Listen, if the guy's worth dating,
286
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,920
he's not gonna care about your braces.
He's gonna care about you.
287
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:23,381
That was so Afterschool Special of you.
288
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,884
Well, in the Afterschool Special,
you'd see him across the cafeteria.
289
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:30,138
He'd smile, and he'd have braces too.
290
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,432
Yeah, but the sick thing is,
291
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,059
I would never date a guy with braces.
Even now.
292
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,644
Come on, are you kidding me?
293
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:37,979
Don't you think
that's a little childish?
294
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:42,150
-More lemonade, Carrie?
-Yes, please, Mrs. Adams.
295
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:46,112
And how about some nice,
homemade Toll House cookies?
296
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,905
Yes, please, Mrs. Adams.
297
00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:49,991
On closer inspection,
298
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:53,494
it turned out this "living with
the parents thing" wasn't so bad.
299
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,913
It was like having servants
you didn't have to pay.
300
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,709
Oh, and Carrie,
can you stay for dinner?
301
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:00,751
Uh-huh.
302
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:07,967
Faced with the idea of having
hydraulic cylinders placed in his shaft,
303
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:11,304
Trey decided to pursue
the less physically demanding option
304
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:12,472
of couples counseling
305
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:15,641
with a therapist he'd found
through his college alumni association.
306
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:20,730
I sense you're both having difficulty
verbalizing your sexual issues.
307
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:26,986
With some clients,
I've found it often helps to
308
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:31,240
create your own non-threatening language
with which to talk about sex.
309
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,410
I'm not sure that I understand.
310
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:39,165
Well, for example,
one client, rather whimsically,
311
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:42,668
dubbed his anus
"the Chocolate Starfish."
312
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,046
Are you quite sure you went to Yale?
313
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:51,219
Charlotte, if you could
rename your vagina
314
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,970
something completely non-sexual,
315
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:56,224
something that didn't feel threatening
to yourself or Trey,
316
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,726
what would you call it?
317
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,105
Rebecca.
318
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,776
Rebecca? Why on Earth would you--
319
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,654
'Cause it sounds nice,
and I've always liked the name.
320
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:11,781
Now you name yours.
321
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:17,245
-Oh, this is preposterous.
-Something with positive associations.
322
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,626
Well, Trey loves to sail.
Don't you, Trey?
323
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,962
Yeah, that's true. I do love to sail.
324
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,298
So, how about something like Canoe?
325
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,050
Canoe?
326
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,929
"Canoe" doesn't go with "Rebecca."
327
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,180
Well, what, then?
328
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,767
Uh, well, how about, um...
329
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:44,438
-Schooner.
-Schooner's good.
330
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,941
Rebecca and Schooner.
Schooner's good, isn't it?
331
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:49,860
Oh, that's very good. It's very good.
332
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:52,655
This is a wonderful beginning.
333
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,577
There's still a lot of work ahead,
some here and some at home.
334
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,705
So, tonight, as homework,
335
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:04,917
I want you to lie down together,
side by side, without touching,
336
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:09,505
and share a sexual fantasy.
337
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,968
I'm a fairy princess in a forest,
338
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,470
and I'm riding on a unicorn,
339
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:22,351
when suddenly I see
a pirate in buckskins.
340
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:25,021
A prince in disguise.
341
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,024
And that's when you pull me
off my unicorn.
342
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,068
You tear away my gossamer petticoats,
343
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:34,739
and you put your Schooner
deep inside my Rebecca.
344
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:39,285
Now you.
345
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:40,870
Where are you?
346
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:43,164
I'm in hell.
347
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,044
I'm sorry, Charlotte. I can't do this.
348
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,422
I'm a respected surgeon.
I can't. I can't.
349
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,257
Yes, you can. I know you can.
350
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:55,509
Charlotte, we've been dealing with this
for weeks and weeks.
351
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:58,971
Just accept the fact that
I'm not that sexual a person, all right?
352
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:00,473
But...
353
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,892
we love each other,
354
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,519
and we're married now.
355
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:10,733
Rebecca and Schooner belong together.
They need each other. Please.
356
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,152
You are a fairy princess.
357
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,280
I don't deserve you. I'm sorry.
358
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:18,991
I'm sorry.
359
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:33,297
That night, Wade and I had
our very first sleepover, at my place.
360
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:36,467
And I finally figured out
what made Power Lad so powerful.
361
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:40,596
He had the soul of a teenage boy
in the body of a very grown-up man.
362
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,431
-Oh, the machine will get it.
363
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,974
Hi, I'm not here but my shoes are,
364
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,935
-so leave them a message.
365
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:51,565
Hi, Carrie.
This is Mrs. Adams, Wade's mother.
366
00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:53,275
How are you, dear?
367
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:54,485
Oh, my God.
368
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:58,406
I'm so sorry to bother you,
but we never heard from Wade tonight
369
00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:02,076
about whether or not
he fed the dog his medicine.
370
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:06,038
And Wade's father
was just about to give it to the dog,
371
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:10,459
but if he's already had it,
well, that would be bad.
372
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,379
So, if you speak to Wade,
373
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:17,466
please tell him
I won't go to bed until I hear from him.
374
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,761
Yes, Mom, I gave the dog his medicine.
375
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,515
No, Mom, I'm not mad, I just...
376
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,226
I told you not to call me here.
377
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,312
No, don't call me here.
378
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:33,691
I love you, too.
379
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,322
-She wants to talk to you.
-What?
380
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,408
Why...
381
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,083
Hi, Mrs. Adams. How are you?
382
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,044
Several blocks south,
383
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,547
Charlotte's night
was interrupted as well,
384
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,883
by odd noises coming from her bathroom.
385
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,482
Charlotte felt terrible.
She hadn't meant to make Trey cry.
386
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,074
Honey?
387
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:51,852
-He told me he wasn't a sexual person.
-It wasn't sexual.
388
00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:54,396
It was tension release.
It helps me sleep.
389
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:55,731
I understand.
390
00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:59,568
Now, this may be difficult, Trey,
391
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:05,491
but I want you to tell me specifically
which magazine you were using.
392
00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:08,035
Juggs.
393
00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:14,083
All right. Now I think, we can try
and see this as a positive thing.
394
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:17,253
How? How is this a positive thing?
395
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:21,549
Well, Trey was masturbating to jugs.
396
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:24,218
At least we know he isn't gay.
397
00:22:24,927 --> 00:22:27,930
Excuse me,
what exactly is the problem here?
398
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:29,682
It was tension release with a magazine,
399
00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:31,976
it had nothing whatsoever
to do with my wife.
400
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,854
Interesting choice of words, Trey.
401
00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:37,189
Maybe that's the problem.
402
00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:41,610
We have to find a way
to integrate your wife
403
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,029
into your sexual routine.
404
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:48,200
How are we supposed to do that?
405
00:22:49,243 --> 00:22:50,744
Charlotte had no idea.
406
00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:53,122
She wished they were 13 again,
407
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:55,833
before sex had made everything
so complicated.
408
00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:58,419
When just holding hands
and a goodnight kiss
409
00:22:58,502 --> 00:23:00,170
would have been everything she needed.
410
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:03,215
To pierce the corporate veil,
411
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:05,593
the courts
generally look at five factors,
412
00:23:05,676 --> 00:23:08,220
whether the subsidiary
is wholly-owned or--
413
00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:14,101
The 13-year-old girl
inside Miranda wanted to disappear,
414
00:23:14,184 --> 00:23:16,979
but the 34-year-old woman
who was a partner in this law firm
415
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:18,647
decided she wasn't going anywhere.
416
00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:20,733
You think that I'm funny, gentlemen?
417
00:23:21,275 --> 00:23:23,611
You think the fact that I have braces
is hilarious?
418
00:23:23,944 --> 00:23:26,947
Well, let's just all take a moment
and have a good laugh, shall we?
419
00:23:27,031 --> 00:23:30,576
Let's just get it out of our systems
so we can go back to work like adults.
420
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:33,871
Hobbes, we were just laughing
at the typo on page three.
421
00:23:36,874 --> 00:23:38,918
Miranda decided that TMJ
422
00:23:39,001 --> 00:23:41,754
was a lot less painful
than a second adolescence.
423
00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:44,340
The next day, she had her braces removed
424
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:47,384
and resumed her life
as a 34-year-old tongue-thruster.
425
00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:51,138
That night Trey resumed
his own brand of thrusting
426
00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:53,849
and discovered that tension release
could be a turn-on.
427
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:08,072
And Charlotte discovered a way
to include herself in Trey's sex life.
428
00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:13,827
She also figured out what to do
with all those wedding proofs
429
00:24:13,911 --> 00:24:15,329
not suitable for framing.
430
00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:20,084
The following weekend,
at the Brier Bar Mitzvah party...
431
00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:21,961
I'm not sure if I have your name.
432
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:25,547
Let's see, Goldfarb,
Goldman, Goldstein...
433
00:24:25,631 --> 00:24:27,466
I'm sorry, ladies, I just don't see it.
434
00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:28,676
I'm sure I'm on the list.
435
00:24:36,058 --> 00:24:39,061
Jenny, I loved your haftarah portion.
436
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,818
I can't believe
you still have actual albums.
437
00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:52,074
Oh, my God, Styx! I love Styx!
438
00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:56,203
-I had this album.
-Yeah, I love "Renegade." Hated "Babe."
439
00:24:58,956 --> 00:25:01,083
How do you have this?
440
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:03,043
What are you, kidding?
This is a classic.
441
00:25:03,127 --> 00:25:06,588
Oh, this song is so
me driving my parents' Oldsmobile
442
00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,215
without them knowing about it.
443
00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:09,591
You know what would go great
with this song?
444
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:11,635
-Tube top and roller skates?
-No.
445
00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:15,055
Canadian super grass.
446
00:25:15,139 --> 00:25:18,308
Six times stronger than pot,
and 400 bucks an ounce.
447
00:25:18,392 --> 00:25:19,768
It suddenly became obvious
448
00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:22,604
Wade was in no hurry
to save up for his own apartment.
449
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:28,068
-And what, pray tell, is that?
-My bong. I made it.
450
00:25:28,402 --> 00:25:32,281
-At Camp Takatoka.
-I'm sorry, Camp Takatoka?
451
00:25:35,868 --> 00:25:37,786
I hadn't smoked pot
out of a homemade bong
452
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:40,664
since my eighth-grade boyfriend made one
out of tin foil, a BIC pen,
453
00:25:40,748 --> 00:25:43,459
and a two-liter bottle
of his mother's lemony Pepsi Light.
454
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,294
I didn't even know if I'd remember how.
455
00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:51,425
Turns out it was like riding a bike,
a ten-speed.
456
00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:53,469
Oh, wow!
457
00:25:53,552 --> 00:25:55,387
Back at the Bat Mitzvah bash,
458
00:25:55,471 --> 00:25:58,390
Samantha heard some girl-talk
not suitable for little ladies.
459
00:25:58,474 --> 00:26:01,435
I'm gonna totally fuck at least three
of those five NSYNC guys
460
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:02,728
after the after-party.
461
00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:04,104
And I heard the other two are gay.
462
00:26:04,188 --> 00:26:08,192
So I'd fuck them,
I'd fuck them, and their gay boyfriends.
463
00:26:08,776 --> 00:26:11,779
Ladies, aren't you a little young
for that kind of talk?
464
00:26:13,197 --> 00:26:16,784
Oh, I'm serious. You have
your whole lives to talk that way.
465
00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:18,786
You should enjoy being children,
466
00:26:18,869 --> 00:26:22,289
at least until you turn 15
and start having sex.
467
00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:25,000
Please, I've been giving blow jobs
since I'm 12.
468
00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:26,668
Really?
469
00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:28,796
It's the only way
to get guys to like you.
470
00:26:28,879 --> 00:26:30,464
Oh, honey, that isn't true.
471
00:26:30,547 --> 00:26:32,633
Uh, talk to the hand, Grandma.
472
00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:35,886
Samantha had been resenting
Jenny Brier all this time
473
00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:37,846
because of everything she had.
474
00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:39,473
But then Samantha realized,
475
00:26:39,556 --> 00:26:43,852
she'd had something that no amount
of money could buy, a childhood.
476
00:26:44,186 --> 00:26:47,314
And suddenly,
the Dairy Queen wasn't looking so bad.
477
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:56,865
I'm thirsty.
478
00:26:58,283 --> 00:26:59,535
There's bong water.
479
00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:02,538
- Bong water!
480
00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:12,965
Whoa...
481
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:16,593
Bong water.
482
00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:21,181
Hold this.
483
00:27:28,605 --> 00:27:31,775
Hey, what are you doing? That's wet.
484
00:27:38,532 --> 00:27:41,743
Attack of the spicy chicken wings.
485
00:27:44,079 --> 00:27:45,414
Oh, shit!
486
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:49,960
That looks like my parents' car.
487
00:27:52,838 --> 00:27:53,839
Oh, shit.
488
00:27:57,301 --> 00:28:00,512
-Shit, shit, shit, shit.
-It's okay, it's okay.
489
00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:01,805
No, it's not okay.
490
00:28:01,889 --> 00:28:04,308
My parents said that if they caught me
smoking pot in the house again,
491
00:28:04,391 --> 00:28:06,185
I'd have to sleep on a cot
in the comic book store.
492
00:28:06,268 --> 00:28:08,187
-Wait. Wade. Stop.
-What? What?
493
00:28:08,270 --> 00:28:10,564
The chicken wings.
If they see billions of chicken wings...
494
00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:13,567
They're gonna know...
495
00:28:15,402 --> 00:28:18,280
we've been smoking the pot.
496
00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:21,283
Fuck the fucking chicken wings, man.
Where'd we put the fucking pot?
497
00:28:24,912 --> 00:28:28,582
-Wade.
-You're home. Early.
498
00:28:29,666 --> 00:28:31,126
-Hi.
499
00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:34,421
Is that marijuana I smell?
500
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,633
-No. No, ma'am.
-No. No God, no.
501
00:28:40,636 --> 00:28:41,720
Then what is this?
502
00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:46,642
Your father and I told you
503
00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:49,728
if you ever brought marijuana
into this house again...
504
00:28:49,811 --> 00:28:50,646
Carrie brought it.
505
00:28:51,688 --> 00:28:53,232
I couldn't believe it.
506
00:28:53,315 --> 00:28:55,609
Power Lad would never
have ratted me out like that.
507
00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:56,944
Is that true, Carrie?
508
00:28:57,861 --> 00:29:00,280
Did you bring marijuana into this house?
509
00:29:00,364 --> 00:29:02,366
There comes a time
in everyone's life
510
00:29:02,449 --> 00:29:04,785
when you have to take responsibility
for yourself.
511
00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:09,915
A time when I, like Jenny Brier,
had to stand up and say to the world,
512
00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:12,000
"Today, I am a woman."
513
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:13,502
Yes, Mrs. Adams.
514
00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:16,922
I brought the marijuana into the house.
515
00:29:19,132 --> 00:29:21,510
And I'm taking it with me when I go.
516
00:29:22,219 --> 00:29:24,596
Hot child in the city
517
00:29:26,473 --> 00:29:28,517
Hot child in the city...
518
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:29,893
Oh, baby!
519
00:29:34,106 --> 00:29:35,023
There she is!
520
00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:39,528
In the end, I decided
I was definitely 34 going on 35,
521
00:29:39,611 --> 00:29:42,656
but in a city like New York,
with its pace and its pressures,
522
00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:45,742
sometimes it's important
to have a 13-year-old moment,
523
00:29:45,826 --> 00:29:46,994
to remember a simpler time
524
00:29:47,077 --> 00:29:49,371
when the best thing in life
was just hanging out,
525
00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:50,747
listening to records,
526
00:29:50,831 --> 00:29:54,793
and having fun with your friends,
in your very own apartment.
527
00:29:54,876 --> 00:29:56,795
Hot child in the city
528
00:29:56,878 --> 00:29:59,298
Hot child in the city