1 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:51,218 The only thing as delicious as those first few bites 2 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,844 of a truly great burger 3 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:56,265 are those first few dates with someone truly great... 4 00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:57,349 Like Berger. 5 00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:00,978 All right, so I thought, "That's cool, I'll do a book reading in my hometown." 6 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,188 Right about after the fifth question, 7 00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:05,649 I realized that my mother is heckling me. 8 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,234 -She was not. -No, no. She was. 9 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,569 Ask anybody at the Downers Grove, 10 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,071 Barnes and Noble, all right. They still talk about it. 11 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,323 Come here. 12 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:18,954 Everything is fresh. Everything is a first. 13 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:23,000 -You like your beef? -Everything is foreplay. 14 00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:28,255 Even a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond can become an ecstatic errand. 15 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,215 I don't see you as a fish person. 16 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:33,343 Yeah the problem with the fish is, then you're into the whole fish theme. 17 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,554 You have the fish soap, fish bath mat. 18 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,223 It's a pyramid scheme, this shower curtain. 19 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:39,933 Now this one, 20 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,977 -this is the one I have at home. -Mm-hm. 21 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,895 Except on mine, China's covered in mold. 22 00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,023 And here they thought communism was a problem. 23 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:46,982 Mm. 24 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,819 You know, it's a very intimate thing, shopping for shower curtains. 25 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:53,530 Oh, yeah? Wait till I get you into bedding. 26 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,243 And of course, those first kisses 27 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,079 are the greatest kisses in the world. 28 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,169 Good night. 29 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,342 All right. We should get out of here before they turn the lights off. 30 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,469 Oh... Well... 31 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,638 The waitstaff couldn't wait any longer. 32 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:18,722 And neither could I. 33 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,975 I wanted Berger in my bed, bath and beyond. 34 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:22,934 Immediately. 35 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:26,688 I'm either leaving a very big tip or a dry cleaning receipt. 36 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,825 -Ow, my hair. -Oh! Sorry. 37 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,994 -Was that... -Yeah, no, I just... 38 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,018 The next night Samantha convinced us to go to Raw 39 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,397 where the scene was hot and the food was not. 40 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,733 You'd think a place that eliminated cooking could eliminate waiting. 41 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:13,443 What do you mean, they don't cook the food here? 42 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:17,322 That's why they call it Raw. The Raw Food Movement? People love it. 43 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:20,575 Sting, Demi, Soon-Yi, soon me. 44 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,369 Now, what is raw food exactly? 45 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:26,540 Vegan non-dairy, and nothing is cooked over 118 degrees. 46 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,875 So, in other words, raw vegetables. 47 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,878 -And sometimes flowers. -And you knew about this? 48 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,756 -I read a review in The Times. -Where, in the gardening section? 49 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:38,468 -I heard it's delicious. -People, the emperor has no oven. 50 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,640 I'm sorry. Sorry. I didn't get enough sleep last night. 51 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,435 Really? Did you finally bugger Berger? 52 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,103 How long have you been waiting to say that? 53 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,897 -It just occurred to me. -Yes we finally buggered. 54 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,107 Yay! 55 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,151 You realize you are now applauding intercourse? 56 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,445 Well, it was their first time and she really likes him. 57 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,488 Jones. Your table is ready. 58 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,031 Oh! 59 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:05,787 So, details. 60 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,582 Uh... it was good. It was fine. 61 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,042 -Fine? -I don't really wanna talk about it. 62 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,003 -He couldn't get it up? -He could get it up. 63 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,965 That wasn't the-- You know what? There was no problem. Moving on. 64 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,845 -Enjoy your meal. -Thanks. 65 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,020 What? I don't wanna make a big deal about it. 66 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,438 It was just the first time. 67 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,151 We're so good everywhere else. 68 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,737 We're great in restaurants, it's like poppity pop-pop. 69 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:42,282 And the kisses are great. And then in bed... 70 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:45,619 There was... there was no sexual chemistry. 71 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,288 I don't know what happened. He just... 72 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:51,917 -Couldn't find you clit? -He knows what he's doing. 73 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,919 Then what are we talking about? 74 00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,798 It was... it was just quiet. 75 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,674 I wouldn't worry about it, Carrie. 76 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,511 If the kisses were great, then the sex will eventually be good. 77 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,513 -I'm not worried. -How quiet was it? 78 00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,891 It was so quiet that at one point I heard the M-11 bus. 79 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,310 I heard the doors open, I heard people getting off. 80 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:14,147 Well at least someone was getting off. And speaking of... 81 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,358 Hey. Welcome to Raw. 82 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,068 Hello. 83 00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,491 We'd like to get you started with a little amuse-bouche. 84 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,868 I'd like him to amuse my bouche. 85 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:30,539 -Well, this just looks delicious. -It's our summer vegetable soup. 86 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,040 I see you guys are set for drinks, 87 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,708 so I'll give you a minute with the menus. 88 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,794 And-- Oh, our specials tonight if you're interested. 89 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,421 Oh I'm extremely interested. 90 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,674 Leek papaya patties and zucchini enchiladas. 91 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,217 Mm. 92 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,010 I'm gonna need a pizza after this. 93 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,388 I'm gonna need a napkin to dry off my seat. 94 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,139 That waiter was hot. 95 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,101 -And the soup is not. -What is this? 96 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,229 Bad. This is bad. It is like lawn in a bowl. 97 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:57,107 Maybe something should be over 118 degrees. 98 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,358 Like sex, for example? 99 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,986 Can we please forget I said anything? Seriously. 100 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,321 Who else has news? 101 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:04,906 I do. 102 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,324 But you're gonna have to put down your menus 103 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:07,993 because I need your undivided attention. 104 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:11,872 Well, you'll have to shoot our waiter. Will you look at that ass. 105 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,208 Do you mind? 106 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:19,129 I have something a bit shocking to say. 107 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,798 And after I say it, I don't want anyone to react 108 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,009 because I'm very happy with my decision. 109 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,597 I'm becoming a Jew. 110 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,978 -What? -I can feel you reacting. 111 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:39,024 I love Harry very much and he loves me. 112 00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:43,153 So tomorrow, I'm meeting with the rabbi to discuss converting. 113 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,238 Isn't that a lot of hoop-jumping for a man? 114 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:49,868 Look. Harry's not who I expected to fall in love with, but I did. 115 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,663 And he makes me laugh, and he says what he means... 116 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,166 And I feel like I can be myself around him. 117 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,834 But yourself is Episcopalian. 118 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:02,464 And it is still the most exciting sex I've ever had. 119 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,132 Mazel tov. 120 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,844 Now this is food. And you know what's even better? 121 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,638 While I'm eating this slice of pizza, 122 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,057 my boyfriend is home taping my favorite TV show. 123 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,392 And to which boyfriend are we referring? 124 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,144 -My boyfriend TiVo. -Ah! 125 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:20,690 -You've traded Steve-o for TiVo. -We don't talk of Steve-o anymore. 126 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,943 -I thought if I changed his name... -Who needs him? 127 00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,028 With TiVo, when there's something I don't enjoy, 128 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,781 -I just speed right through it. -If only we could do that in life. 129 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,825 Exactly. And he surprises me with things he think I might like. 130 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,619 Which is how I got hooked on Jules and Mimi. 131 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,371 I stopped watching television when people 132 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,997 started putting leaches down their pants. 133 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,333 No. No. No. This is BBC America. 134 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,502 It's about a beautiful black man from Brixton 135 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,212 and a white woman from Hampstead Heath. 136 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,757 I don't know what that means exactly, but apparently there's a great divide. 137 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:51,304 And he rents the flat above her hat shop and tonight, they're finally having sex. 138 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,473 Well, good luck to them. 139 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,476 -Carrie, it was the first time. -I know. 140 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,103 And sometimes you have to work at it. 141 00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,646 Have you ever had to work at it? 142 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,690 I'm dating a digital recording device. 143 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,651 Well, I have never had to work at it with someone I really like. 144 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,319 You should probably keep that to yourself. 145 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,613 Okay, but Miranda... 146 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:12,283 I gotta tell you. It was not good. 147 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:16,913 There was no... no... No throw-down. 148 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,250 -It was more like a slowdown. -Hm. 149 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,795 And it caught me completely off guard because I thought it would be amazing. 150 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,505 -Well, maybe that's the problem. -What? 151 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,383 Your expectations were too high. Of course you were disappointed. 152 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,218 From now on, people should tell it like it is. 153 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,012 First time sex? Tricky. 154 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,265 Non-dairy vegan ravioli? Kindergarten paste. 155 00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:47,152 As I tried to scrub the smell of uncooked okra off me... 156 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:51,114 I started thinking about sexpectations. 157 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:57,078 We're aware as smart, single women that we can't expect perfection 158 00:08:57,162 --> 00:09:00,498 but life still manages to throw us curve balls. 159 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:03,626 Maybe once you're into your mid-thirties, 160 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,462 it shouldn't be called dating, 161 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:09,090 it should be called "waiting for the other shoe to drop." 162 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:14,554 If it's not the sex between me and you, then someone has to become a Jew. 163 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,557 Why is it always something? 164 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:21,978 Unless you're in a problem-free relationship with TiVo. 165 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,735 No. No. Maybe later. 166 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,613 Hello. 167 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,825 Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. 168 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,078 Thank you. 169 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,212 Jules. Are you there? 170 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,006 Hello, Mimi. 171 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,218 Do you always answer the door without your shirt on? 172 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:57,180 The heat isn't working and that's why I rang you up. 173 00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:02,977 Seems to be working. It's definitely balmy in here. 174 00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,813 No. The problem is in the bedroom. 175 00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,608 Right. Of course. The bedroom. 176 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:14,155 The next day, Charlotte boldly went where no York had gone before. 177 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,074 The synagogue. 178 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,997 Shalom. Where would I find the rabbi? 179 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,792 His study. Inside. 180 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,127 Thank you. 181 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,260 -Are you the rabbi? -Yes. 182 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,011 Hi, my name is Charlotte York 183 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:40,557 and I'm here today because I would like to consider joining the Jewish faith. 184 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,475 We're not interested. 185 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:54,237 Hello. I need to report a very rude man. 186 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,281 I was just saying that my name is Charlotte York 187 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,366 and I would like to consider joining the Jewish... 188 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,082 I don't know what is with these people. I never... 189 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,334 Do you know how much I love you for doing this? 190 00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,545 Do you know how sexy you look? 191 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,630 That's it. I have to have you immediately. 192 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,300 - Harry definitely had throwdown 193 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,677 but Charlotte was too thrown and down to care. 194 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,472 Stop, Harry. I'm feeling very rejected by your people. 195 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:25,768 That's the game, baby. They try to make it hard for you. 196 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,271 -What? -It's part of the process. 197 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,649 Traditionally, they turn you down three times to make sure you're serious. 198 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,027 Suddenly Charlotte understood. 199 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,237 They were playing hard to get. 200 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,239 They were rules rabbis. 201 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,700 I can play that game. 202 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,621 I invented that game. 203 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:49,751 -No man rejects Charlotte York. -I don't care what any rabbi says. 204 00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:52,879 -You are my chosen person. - Oh! 205 00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,884 Miranda was looking forward to another perfect night 206 00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,510 with her perfect boyfriend. 207 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,472 But unfortunately, there was another woman. 208 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,057 I think I did something bad. 209 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,434 What do you mean? Brady? I just checked on him. 210 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,187 No, boy is beautiful, is fine. 211 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,234 TiVo? 212 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,197 What did you do? Exactly, what did you do? 213 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,450 I sit on... 214 00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,871 -and then nothing. -You sat on TiVo? 215 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,748 Is it okay? 216 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,461 Nothing is recorded. How could you do this? 217 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,089 This is Jules and Mimi, the morning after. 218 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:39,384 No. No. No. No. No. 219 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,301 Yes. 220 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:46,557 And across town, I lay in bed willing Berger to call me, 221 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:47,976 which never works. 222 00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:55,066 -Hello. - Hey, it's me. 223 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,151 I'm sorry for not calling earlier. 224 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,404 And I know this is the same excuse that every guy gives 225 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:00,655 but in my case it is true. 226 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,366 A 60-foot raccoon was attacking the village. 227 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:06,411 And I had to trap it and kill it and stuff it. 228 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:07,745 And everybody's safe now. 229 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:12,333 Even the little Flanders girl who was stuck in a tree. 230 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:16,796 But I might have rabies. What have you been up to? 231 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,341 Oh, same old, same old. Did The Times crossword puzzle, 232 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,010 found a cure for cancer. 233 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:25,179 -You did The Time's cross word puzzle? -Monday's not Sunday's. 234 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,806 Oh, okay. 235 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,184 I need like three people to do Sunday's. One of them has to have the answers. 236 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,937 I was thinking that if two people can be good in bed 237 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,564 when they're not in the same bed, 238 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,150 how hard a conversion could it be? 239 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,902 I have some answers if you have cab fare. 240 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:40,987 Oh, yeah? 241 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:00,798 Dump him. 242 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,886 Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me. 243 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,096 Is that the saying? 244 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,098 That's my saying. 245 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,351 I don't wanna dump him. I think he's fantastic. 246 00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,978 And aren't we getting a little old to jump to the dump? 247 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,855 What about working on things? 248 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,066 Look at Charlotte. She's becoming a Jew. 249 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,067 Hi... 250 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:22,445 I need something that will make a guy come in his pants as soon as he sees me. 251 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:23,446 Got it. 252 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:28,368 -You talk to salespeople like that? -I'm here all the time. They love me. 253 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:32,497 Is this for a specific gentlemen or do you just look for that generally? 254 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,625 It's for that hot waiter from Raw. I'm sleeping with him tonight. 255 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,293 But he doesn't know it yet. 256 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,504 I think I have to talk to him. 257 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,882 -No. -We talk about everything else. 258 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,760 Honey, when it comes to sex, spray it, don't say it. 259 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,428 Okay, that was unnecessary. 260 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,514 I'm trying to salvage your love life. 261 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,975 The only words you should be saying in bed are dirty ones. 262 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,895 I can't do that. Without alcohol. 263 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,313 Then start drinking. 264 00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,691 Because if you want a hotter sex life, you're gonna have to turn up the heat. 265 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,819 Starting with. 266 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:07,365 -I don't wear furry shoes. -They're not for you, they're for him. 267 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:10,910 He mostly wears loafers. Are you sure I can't talk to him about it? 268 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:11,953 Honey. 269 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,832 If the sex isn't great, it doesn't help to say it's not great. 270 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:20,420 That's usually a downer. And by that I mean, uh-uh. Uh... 271 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:24,841 Yeah. Plus he must know it's not great. He can't think this is good. 272 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,552 Oh, God. 273 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,555 Is it possible he thinks this is good? 274 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,265 Here we are. 275 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:35,184 Oh, as a matter of fact. I'm gonna take this. 276 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:38,896 No, we'll take two. And these in a seven. 277 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:43,693 That evening Miranda had one of those regrettable discussions 278 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:44,861 that results from the belief 279 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,404 that you and your significant other 280 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,239 should be able to talk through any problem. 281 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:52,827 We have been over this before. I feel like you are not listening to me. 282 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,914 I turned the system off for ten minutes and nothing changed! 283 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:03,171 I'm sorry. I'm upset. 284 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,799 I'm just so disappointed. 285 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:10,595 I got used to coming home to something. Can't you work with me on this? 286 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:18,519 You told me to do that already. What is wrong with you? 287 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,315 Ugh! 288 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,819 Friday night with Berger. 289 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:30,531 I had my sexy lingerie under my cool couture 290 00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,700 and I was feeling good. 291 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,203 You look so hot in that shirt. 292 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,413 Are you being serious? 293 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,582 Okay. We're gonna need some drinks. 294 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,542 -Oh, hey - Hi. 295 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,920 Well, it's still happy hour so frozen margaritas are two-for-one. 296 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,421 All right. Okay. 297 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,256 -When in Rome. -Sure. 298 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:52,678 Since we were 0 for 2, I figured two for one was a good idea. 299 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,354 And after three unreturned phone calls, 300 00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,523 Charlotte decided to make a house call. 301 00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,900 Hello, Rabbi. I brought you some kosher wine. 302 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,873 I'm sorry but my husband can't see you now. 303 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:24,418 Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude but I think he can. 304 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,963 Miss. What... 305 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:33,386 Look, I'm 37 years old. I'm reproductively challenged. 306 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,597 I'm in love with a Jewish person and it took me 20 years to find him. 307 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,724 I don't have time to play these games. 308 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:57,827 All right, Charlotte. Lesson number one. You have to give it a rest. 309 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,538 Because it's about to be Sabbath, the day of rest. 310 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,290 You wanna be a Jew? 311 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,002 Sit. 312 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,713 Watch. 313 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,590 Learn. 314 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:16,887 Oh, that is so sweet, but actually, I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend... 315 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,309 I can skip it. 316 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,644 Come, girls. Gather. 317 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,409 Oh. Sorry. 318 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:55,801 - Amen. -Amen. 319 00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:03,059 And Samantha was at Raw, ready to get things cooking. 320 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:08,898 -Hey, welcome to Raw. -Hello. I was here the other night. 321 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,859 That's what happens. You come once, you just keep coming over and over. 322 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,362 Here's hoping. 323 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,531 I'll be with you in a minute. I'm getting slammed tonight. 324 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,992 For some reason the hostess keeps seating everyone in my section. 325 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:20,993 Be right back. 326 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,163 -Sorry I took so long. - Hi. 327 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,798 Suddenly, Samantha realized 328 00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:36,342 why the Raw Food Movement was a movement. 329 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,928 Women weren't there for the cold food. 330 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,180 They were there for the hot waiter. 331 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,519 Oh. Sorry. 332 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,856 Sorry. Sorry. 333 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,192 Hey, big boy, look who's home. 334 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,612 Oh, I got held up at work. Thanks for filling in. 335 00:19:56,987 --> 00:20:01,701 Hi. Hi, cutie. Hi, cutie. Did the TiVo guy come? 336 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:06,580 Uh, no. They called and said they have to reschedule for a week from Thursday. 337 00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,916 A week from Thursday? 338 00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:12,545 Yeah. But I played around with a few things and I think it's okay now. 339 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,964 -What do you mean, it's working? -Yep. 340 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:21,595 I love you. I mean, you know, for fixing that. 341 00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,432 Yeah. Well, Magda said it was kind of important. 342 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,893 So... Listen, I gotta take off. 343 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,605 -Hot date? -Yeah. I got this dinner thing. 344 00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,316 So, I'll see you later, champ, all right? 345 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,117 Some things, like a broken TiVo, can be repaired. 346 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:47,288 And others, like a broken heart, are a little more complicated. 347 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,500 Four hours and four courses of uncooked food later, 348 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:54,628 Samantha and her competitors waited it out. 349 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:05,681 Maybe they were less horny, maybe it was all that roughage 350 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,601 but one by one, women threw in the napkin. 351 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,629 Can I get you anything else? 352 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:41,967 Oh, no. I'm just enjoying my delicious mushroom tea. 353 00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:44,094 Okay. 354 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:50,226 -Did you want anything else? -You know what. 355 00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,687 I would like to have some of that key lime custard. 356 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,273 It sounds too good to pass up. 357 00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:58,234 Okay. 358 00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:15,876 Honey, you've put up a good fight 359 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,170 but you have no idea who you're dealing with. 360 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:22,466 I'm going home with him and you're going home with key lime custard. 361 00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:27,263 So, what do you say, I buy your dinner and we call it a night. Hm? 362 00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,101 -Okay. -Check! 363 00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:38,315 Meanwhile, I was finally confident I could heat up my sex life 364 00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:42,862 because I was a sex columnist. I was resourceful. 365 00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:45,364 And I was drunkety drunk drunk. 366 00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:56,375 Okay. 367 00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:59,378 -There. Oh. 368 00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:06,760 I got a little something for you. 369 00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,180 And you're gonna love it. 370 00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,605 Look at that. Hm? 371 00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:25,112 Get ready, mister... 372 00:23:29,199 --> 00:23:30,200 'cause... 373 00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:38,667 'cause I got something under here for you. 374 00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:43,422 Oh. And I have shoes. 375 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,176 Wait till you see me in these. Hm? 376 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:56,435 Oh. 377 00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:00,064 Hey, are you okay? 378 00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:02,399 Yeah, I'm fine. 379 00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:05,486 Whoo! 380 00:24:12,743 --> 00:24:15,537 - And after a night of Raw food, 381 00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:18,707 Samantha enjoyed an all-nighter of raw sex. 382 00:24:38,227 --> 00:24:41,063 Hey. Can I tell you a secret? 383 00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:42,856 You're 12. 384 00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,234 You didn't have to order all that shit. 385 00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:48,195 I was ready to go home with you last Tuesday. 386 00:24:48,404 --> 00:24:51,031 Now you tell me. I ate a fucking cactus. 387 00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:54,326 Get back down there and make it up to me. 388 00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:55,369 Awesome. 389 00:25:11,927 --> 00:25:15,222 Samantha was still having sex when it dawned on me 390 00:25:15,431 --> 00:25:17,141 that Berger and I hadn't. 391 00:25:29,945 --> 00:25:32,781 -Hey. -Hey. 392 00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:35,075 We both knew it was now or never. 393 00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:45,961 That morning I resigned myself to the idea that I would never again 394 00:25:46,045 --> 00:25:48,464 have frozen drinks or hot sex. 395 00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:52,634 -I suck. This is awful. -I know. 396 00:25:52,718 --> 00:25:54,261 I've never been this bad. 397 00:25:55,429 --> 00:25:57,765 Look, I don't want to toot my own horn here, all right, 398 00:25:57,848 --> 00:25:59,516 but I'm way better than this. 399 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,143 I've actually been told that I'm good at this. 400 00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:02,603 I don't know what the fuck is happening. 401 00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:05,939 -We're so good everywhere else. -Would you look at us in restaurants? 402 00:26:06,023 --> 00:26:08,400 -We're the best. -We're the couple you wanna be. 403 00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:12,571 All right, we gotta make the bed more like a restaurant. 404 00:26:19,787 --> 00:26:23,082 -Are you coming back? -Yeah. Grab something that'll help. 405 00:26:27,711 --> 00:26:30,798 Now we're talking, huh? What do you have there, a pet? 406 00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:33,759 -Shoes. -Oh. 407 00:26:37,513 --> 00:26:39,014 Here, and... 408 00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:42,851 Berger, what if we're just not good together in bed? 409 00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:45,771 No, don't say that. All right, look. 410 00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:49,441 I choked. We had it all going on. 411 00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:51,401 -We did. -And I thought it would be great 412 00:26:51,485 --> 00:26:54,196 and I wanted it to be great and I choked. 413 00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:57,950 And I came over the next night and I thought it would be better and... 414 00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,660 -I choked. -What's up? 415 00:26:59,743 --> 00:27:01,954 We should be smoking, not choking. 416 00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:04,623 I think sometimes the rhyme helps. 417 00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:06,416 I agree. 418 00:27:06,834 --> 00:27:10,462 Boy, those are some very sexy shoes. 419 00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:13,632 -Shall I put them on? -Yeah. Hey. Couldn't hurt. 420 00:27:20,139 --> 00:27:23,142 All right. Here. 421 00:27:23,267 --> 00:27:24,560 Throw some of that over your left shoulder. 422 00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:26,770 Come on. You want things to get worse? 423 00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:32,651 -I was gonna talk to you about it but... -Yeah, I wanted to talk to you but... 424 00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:35,696 Well, let's make a deal. I talk to you, you talk to me. 425 00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:38,115 We should be able to talk about these things. 426 00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:40,075 -Let's talk about it. -We'll talk. 427 00:27:51,128 --> 00:27:53,422 That morning, the other shoe dropped. 428 00:27:53,714 --> 00:27:55,424 And it wasn't bad at all. 429 00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:58,051 In fact, it was kind of hot. 430 00:28:04,308 --> 00:28:08,395 Give me one more chance And you'll be satisfied 431 00:28:10,981 --> 00:28:16,236 Give me two more chances You won't be denied 432 00:28:18,572 --> 00:28:21,742 Well, my heart is where it's always been 433 00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:25,913 My head is somewhere in between 434 00:28:26,079 --> 00:28:31,460 Give me one more chance Let me be your lover tonight 435 00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:34,630 Check it out 436 00:28:35,631 --> 00:28:40,677 You're the real thing Yeah, the real thing 437 00:28:42,346 --> 00:28:45,015 You take me higher 438 00:28:46,391 --> 00:28:48,477 You're the real thing 439 00:28:49,603 --> 00:28:52,231 Even better than the real thing 440 00:28:53,106 --> 00:28:56,026 Even better than the real thing