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In this ever-expanding galaxy
called New York City,
2
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there are certain heavenly bodies
one orbits around every day.
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And then there are those stars
4
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whose gravitational pull one drifts in
and out of over the years.
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Is that all there is
6
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Bobby Fine, satellite friend,
piano bar legend.
7
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I usually do this number at home
in a pink caftan and a Peggy Lee wig.
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Like you've never done the same thing
after three daiquiris?
9
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But right now, I must take a quick break
to say hello to a celebrity friend.
10
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Is there any other kind?
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-Little Miss Carrie Bradshaw.
- Wonderful.
12
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She writes books.
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You remember books.
Primitive versions of the DVD.
14
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Stop, please stop. Okay, one more time
for the cheap seats in the back.
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Is that all there is
16
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Yes, that's all there is
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How long have you two known each other?
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Oh, let's put it this way.
Cats was just Kittens.
19
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-Cats, the musical.
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-Hello?
-Oh, I loved Cats.
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-Medic.
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-It hasn't been that long, has it?
-Please, darling, when we met,
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you took aerobics,
and Stanford had hair.
24
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-Bobby.
-Whoa, Bitsy.
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-I thought you had a dinner.
- Oh, I do.
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The driver is circling,
but I had to run up and say hello.
27
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-Aw.
-Oh, hello, hello, hello, hello.
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Bitsy Von Muffling.
This is Carrie, Miranda, Samantha,
29
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and the one who liked Cats.
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Bitsy, Samantha Jones.
I did PR for your museum benefit.
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Oh, Samantha, of course, I loved you.
32
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I was just so thrilled
that someone actually liked Cats.
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-Well, I didn't like it that much.
-Waiter, sense of humor, table five.
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-So, Samantha, how are you?
-Fabulous. How are you?
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Delirious. I'm madly in love
and getting married.
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-Oh!
-Big, big, big Hamptons wedding.
37
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-Aw.
-Congratulations! Who's the lucky stud?
38
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Me.
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Ah!
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Oh! Oh!
41
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-You're getting married?
-Can you believe it?
42
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Bitsy and I are affianced.
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I finally found the right girl.
44
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Well, Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle
before he can tinkle.
45
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And, Samantha, I have your address.
You have to come.
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-Nice meeting you all.
- Bye.
47
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I thought he was...
48
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-gay.
-Uh, yeah.
49
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"Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle"?
50
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That as to be
the gayest sentence ever uttered.
51
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-He must be marrying her for the money.
-He doesn't need the money.
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He was one of the original investors
in A Chorus Line.
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Just when you thought
you'd never hear a phrase gayer than,
54
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"Mr. Broadway has to go tinkle."
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Why would he be getting married?
56
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In 1988, Bobby Fine announced
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that he was going to sell
his piano bar downtown
58
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and go volunteer
with Nicaraguan orphans.
59
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The orphans are still waiting.
60
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This wedding will never happen.
61
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-It's happening.
-Everything's booked.
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So the really big question
is where are we going to stay?
63
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That's the really big question?
64
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,537
What about, "Why are these two people
marrying each other?"
65
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-Hmm.
-Is that all there is?
66
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Well, Bitsy said
they were madly in love.
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You see, I find the love facade
the most offensive part.
68
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,296
We're adults. We can handle it.
69
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,549
Bitsy should say, "I'm getting older
and I want companionship."
70
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,510
Or Bobby should say,
"The hot men don't go for me anymore."
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But don't print up invitations
and call it love,
72
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as if love transforms people
and changes molecules.
73
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'Cause that's bullshit.
74
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I guess you don't want
to be my date then.
75
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,688
No dates, unless they have
summer houses.
76
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,732
Oh, relax. We can stay with Stanford
and Marcus.
77
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,401
I was a fool to break up
with Richard before Labor Day.
78
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He has a fabulous house.
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I wouldn't go to this charade
if you paid me.
80
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It's like there's a pink suede elephant
in the middle of the room,
81
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and nobody's allowed to talk about it.
82
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Do you think they won't have sex?
83
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,750
All married couples
stop having sex eventually.
84
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:54,252
That's not true. You've had sex
with plenty of married people.
85
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That's how I know.
86
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Okay.
87
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,049
Let's say it's companionship.
88
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,844
How do you sustain a relationship
without the zsa zsa zsu?
89
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:04,971
-The what?
- You know,
90
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,057
that butterflies-in-your-stomach thing
91
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,267
that happens when you not only
love the person
92
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,811
but you gotta have them.
93
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Isn't that what gets you
through the years?
94
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:17,692
Even if it fades, at least,
you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu.
95
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,986
I'm fine with whatever people
want to do.
96
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,530
Just be straight with me.
97
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I think that's how
Bitsy proposed to Bobby.
98
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It was right about then
99
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,161
Charlotte decided
to be straight with us.
100
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,330
I'm seeing someone, sort of.
101
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,958
You're in a "sort of" relationship?
102
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,127
It's ridiculous. He's so not my type.
103
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Is he heterosexual?
104
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Yes.
105
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But he's bald and short,
and he talks with his mouth full.
106
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And I don't even want to be seen
in public with him.
107
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And I hate his name, Harry,
because he is.
108
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Everywhere but his head.
109
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Wow! Is the sex bad too?
110
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It's the best sex of my life.
111
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I think I might really like him.
112
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You want to go to a wedding
in the Hamptons in a few weeks?
113
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-Bitsy Von Muffling's.
-You're invited to that?
114
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Oh, yeah, I handled her divorce.
115
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I just never thought of you
as a Hamptons type.
116
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I am the Hamptons, baby.
I own a house in Bridge.
117
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Well, I can't go. I'm not really ready
for swimsuit season.
118
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What? You're a fucking knockout.
119
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It's you. It's your back.
120
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What's wrong with my back?
121
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It's very hairy.
122
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You're not supposed to be able
to grab someone's back.
123
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Hey, this is how I was born.
What am I supposed to do about it?
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Get it waxed.
125
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I'll tell you what.
126
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You come with me to the wedding,
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and I will get my back waxed.
128
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Fine.
129
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Come here, you.
130
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-No! Your hands are all greasy.
-Oh, oh, oh!
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That night,
I thought about what it takes
132
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to make a relationship work
till death do us part.
133
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Most singles have more
long-term success with friends.
134
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So maybe it is a better strategy
to marry a friend.
135
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However, in the absence of sex,
whether that's the arrangement,
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or just what happens after a few years,
137
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what distinguishes this companion
from your many other companions?
138
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When it comes to saying, "I do, "
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is a relationship a relationship
without the zsa zsa zsu?
140
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Or in Samantha's case,
141
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how much is a woman due
for surviving the zsa zsa zsu?
142
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This is Richard.
You have 30 seconds.
143
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I've been thinking,
our pathetic relationship
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is as close to marriage
as either one of us ever hopes to get.
145
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So I feel I deserve
some sort of settlement.
146
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Like, say, a weekend at your house
in the Hamptons.
147
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You're not invited.
I'll be having a party.
148
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You're not invited to that either.
149
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Oh, it's Samantha. Call me.
150
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A couple of weeks later,
151
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:59,938
another couple of exes
were working out their summer share.
152
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Hi.
153
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,525
-How you doing?
-Hey.
154
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,485
Me and Brady were just napping.
155
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I miss napping.
156
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They look down on napping at work.
157
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Oh, it's so hot out.
158
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I was going to give him
one more bottle before I left.
159
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,169
-I can do it.
-I know, but I like it.
160
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It used to be all breast.
161
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Now me and him, we got our bottle thing.
162
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Did Magda bring those?
163
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,306
No, I did.
164
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,183
Ma's garden in Queens.
165
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Oh, lilacs.
166
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:44,941
-Yeah.
167
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Good flowers.
168
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Miranda wasn't sure
if it was the smell of the lilacs,
169
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the smell of the baby,
170
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or the smell of Steve's skin.
171
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,126
But that afternoon,
172
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,879
Steve went from ex to sex.
173
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,299
I slept with Steve.
174
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,260
Miranda admitted they were
somewhere between friends and lovers,
175
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,179
somewhere between Manhattan
and the Hamptons.
176
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Ah!
177
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That's why you decided
to participate in the charade.
178
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-You're fleeing.
-I'm a fucking fugitive. Literally.
179
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-Perhaps it was the zsa zsa zsu.
-No. It was an itch,
180
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,817
which we shouldn't have scratched
because now we're into a gray area.
181
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,904
Not having sex was the only thing
holding our relationship together.
182
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,614
Well, you're fleeing
to the right wedding.
183
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,699
-I think that's the theme.
-Seriously.
184
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:39,496
You can't have a kid with someone
and get along and have great sex
185
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,206
without giving the wrong impression.
186
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,208
That being what, that you're happy?
187
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Fabulous.
188
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,754
Absolutely.
189
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,090
Yeah, bring them along.
190
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,801
I look forward to seeing you, too.
191
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:56,888
This party is going to be amazing.
Strictly A-list.
192
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,723
-Are we still invited?
- Yes.
193
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,225
But shitty-pants there is not.
194
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,186
I have to bring him.
I won't be able to find a sitter.
195
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,522
He's ruining my lunch.
He's not ruining my party.
196
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,731
No babies.
197
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,901
Evidently, there's already
a party pooper.
198
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,028
Ketchup.
199
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,207
Oh!
200
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,626
Carrie?
201
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,920
Yeah. Hey.
202
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,713
-Hi.
-Jack.
203
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,590
Berger. I know, I remember.
204
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:35,385
Uh, what's going on here, are you...
are you okay?
205
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,012
Do I need to make a tourniquet
out of a hot dog bun and a twig?
206
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,348
No, it's just...
207
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,808
-Ketchup.
-Yeah.
208
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,977
Oh, thanks.
209
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,564
I didn't figure you
for a motorcycle guy.
210
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,149
Turns out I'm not.
211
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,651
I bought it as a reaction
to my break-up.
212
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,696
It was exactly what I wanted.
213
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,365
A Berger with a side of single.
214
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,034
Well, you look good on it.
215
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:03,496
No. I look good next to it.
On it, I look like this.
216
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,792
In fact, I'm not even really hungry.
I pulled over because...
217
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:11,754
You know, a bug hit my visor
and my hands are still shaking.
218
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,381
So you're "uneasy rider."
219
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,389
Well, if you make it to the Hamptons,
220
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,309
my friend is having a party
tomorrow afternoon.
221
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,978
-It's at Richard Wright's house.
-I heard about that.
222
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,981
Yeah, that's quite a place.
I pass it on the way to my house.
223
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,483
All right. I'm going to get a soda.
224
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:35,778
My throat's kind of dry
from all the screaming inside my helmet.
225
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,826
-It's nice to see you.
-Yeah, you too, Berger.
226
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:44,454
Maybe I'll see you tomorrow.
227
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,289
Yeah, If you don't, uh...
228
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,666
Call the Highway Patrol.
229
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,418
Okay. Yeah.
230
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,131
Definitely zsa zsa zsu.
231
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,468
The next morning, Samantha prepared
her borrowed beach house
232
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,886
-for the big bash.
- Oh, hello.
233
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,848
I want half the tables
set up near the house
234
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,433
and the others near the pool.
235
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,269
Uh, ladies.
236
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:12,190
-Um, Cassandra, did you bring my tote?
-Uh, shit, where are my Merits?
237
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,483
Ladies, excuse me.
238
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,026
Hi.
239
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:18,363
The wait staff is to change
in the guest cottage,
240
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:19,697
down near the entrance.
241
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,367
Aren't you here to waitress?
242
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,744
We go to restaurants.
We don't work in them.
243
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,537
-Where's Richard?
-Richard?
244
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,122
Well, Richard isn't here.
245
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,124
I've got the house this weekend.
246
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,086
Excuse me.
247
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,047
Excuse me. Where are you going?
248
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,341
Richard told us we could hang
by the pool whenever.
249
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,052
Well, you can't pool-hang today.
250
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,054
I'm having a party at 3:00.
251
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,847
Oh, we'll be fried by then.
252
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,267
I have no cell reception at all.
253
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:00,947
Hey.
254
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,326
Miranda brought the kid.
Don't say anything.
255
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,622
I know you didn't want any babies,
but he's wearing Ralph Lauren,
256
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,958
and I stuck a cork up his ass,
so it ought to be okay.
257
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,918
This is supposed to be an A-list party.
258
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,796
Then who's the Double-D list
by the pool?
259
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,801
Ugh. They won't leave.
260
00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,595
They say Richard lets them
hang out here on weekends.
261
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:26,264
Fucking freeloaders.
262
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:29,767
-People in glass houses.
-I am not freeloading.
263
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,436
I went through a lot with Richard.
264
00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:34,105
And people should be rewarded
for not getting married as well.
265
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,441
Frankly, I don't know
why you broke up with him.
266
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,902
What's a little lying and cheating
compared to a pool with a little cabana?
267
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:43,489
Uh, did you say "no babies"
or "no boobies"?
268
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,120
-Lady?
-Yeah.
269
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:50,204
And Brady?
270
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,211
That is so inappropriate.
271
00:13:57,628 --> 00:14:00,214
-Greetings from Silicon Valley.
-Shh!
272
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:01,341
People can hear you.
273
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,551
What, like everyone here
can't see those tits are fake?
274
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:05,636
People as far as Quad
can see those tits are fake.
275
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,096
Would you stop saying "tits"?
276
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,933
Why are you wearing that shirt?
Tropical shirts are out.
277
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,435
This is not tropical.
278
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,646
-It's Tiki.
-Well, please Tiki it off.
279
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,440
Ooh, I thought you'd never ask.
280
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,156
Oh, my God! Your back!
281
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,617
You must've had a bad reaction
to the waxing.
282
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,327
Oh, yeah, I thought
it felt a little itchy.
283
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,953
-Ew.
-Suddenly, a little hair
284
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,372
isn't looking so bad, huh?
285
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,878
Carrie, woman to woman,
the sex is amazing.
286
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,297
I've never had a man
make me feel this way.
287
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,926
Oh, why! Hush, Miss Scarlett.
How you do go on.
288
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,725
- Hey.
- Hey.
289
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,437
Well, who ordered the Adonis?
290
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,649
Bobby, Bitsy, this
is my boyfriend Marcus.
291
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,860
For God's sake, man.
Get yourself to a gym once in a while.
292
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,530
Look at that body. It's disgusting!
293
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,281
Wow!
294
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:09,742
I could grate cheese on your abs.
295
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:14,497
Oh! Oh! One large pizza
and hold the salami.
296
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,082
- Oh!
297
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,793
Please, put a shirt on
before I marry you.
298
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,507
Oh, no! I haven't touched
a carbohydrate in three months.
299
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,510
-I've got to fit into that dress.
-Honey, please eat something.
300
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,387
Would you look at her? She's itsy-Bitsy.
301
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:30,972
Bobby...
302
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,599
Oh, Bobby, I see the Talcotts.
We've got to say hello.
303
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,560
-See you all tomorrow.
-Okay.
304
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:36,936
-Bye.
-Bye, Bobby.
305
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,024
Ow!
306
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,196
I swear and I'm totally serious,
I almost fainted
307
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:51,159
when he mimed grated cheese on Marcus.
308
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:53,870
It is so obvious that he wanted him.
309
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:54,996
Try to keep up.
310
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,623
Bobby... is straight.
311
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,625
-Oh, right.
-What is she doing?
312
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,669
Maybe he just makes her laugh.
313
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,842
Can't you wait till we sit down to eat?
314
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,719
-It's so crass.
-Question.
315
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,472
Is there anything about me today
that doesn't bug you?
316
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,765
Well, people are trying to eat.
You should have your shirt on.
317
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:17,185
-Mmm.
-And you have sauce on your face.
318
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,563
Now so do you.
319
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,526
Why did she need to tell me
the sex was amazing?
320
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,320
Because it is amazing.
321
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:30,698
She's amazed he's able to get hard
without another penis in the room.
322
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,575
And speaking of dicks,
323
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:36,120
do you think Richard slept
with any of those cocoa-butter bitches?
324
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,290
No! I'm sure they're just good friends.
325
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,001
Berger.
326
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,629
-Oh, God! How do I look?
-You look great.
327
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,839
-Oh, Jesus! Where's a mirror?
-Oh, here.
328
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,384
-Ta-da.
-Oh, great.
329
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,179
All right, put it down. It's okay.
330
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,472
Thanks for having a party.
331
00:16:58,559 --> 00:16:59,602
How long have you
had a house here?
332
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:00,520
Three years.
333
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,439
Moments later,
among the butterflies,
334
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,191
I felt butterflies.
335
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:06,984
There's a really nice garden.
336
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,819
-So, you garden?
-No.
337
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,238
No, I have been known to hoe.
338
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,617
But my ex actually planted the garden
so we could enjoy fresh summer salads.
339
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,538
Uh, we didn't quite make it
to the summer, so, uh...
340
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,790
It's more fresh pain
than fresh vegetables.
341
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,584
Yeah, I can't really go out there.
342
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:25,836
Yeah, I know how you feel.
When I broke up with my ex,
343
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,296
I couldn't bring myself
344
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,007
to go within six blocks
of his furniture store.
345
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,175
When did you two break up?
346
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,971
Uh... last year for the second time.
We broke up the first time
347
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:36,722
the year before that.
348
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,183
Oh, you broke up twice. Way to go.
349
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:42,144
Yeah, well, we hadn't sufficiently
hurt each other enough
350
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,271
the first time round.
351
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:45,481
But we definitely took care
of business this time,
352
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,275
because this time, he moved in.
353
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:50,361
So we had the merging of the things...
354
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,196
-Right.
-And the dividing of the things,
355
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,199
and the things that are left behind
that you don't wanna give back
356
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,617
because that seems mean.
357
00:17:57,034 --> 00:18:00,037
And you don't want to throw them away
because it's all you have left.
358
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,747
And it just gets harder as we get older
359
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:05,001
because we're not dating
wildly inappropriate people anymore.
360
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,461
You know, there's...
There's no, "Phew! Glad that's over."
361
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,005
Right. Right.
362
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,674
And after every break-up, I tell myself,
"I'm never doing this again."
363
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,176
It's too hard.
I mean, how many of these things
364
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,178
can one person survive?
365
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,181
You know, they should institute
366
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,934
-a helmet law for relationships.
-Right. That's...
367
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,437
-That's excellently put.
-Well, thank you.
368
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,527
Well, I should get going. Uh...
369
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,195
It's going to take me
370
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:36,032
six hours to drive
the two miles home, so...
371
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:37,658
-Oh.
-Yeah.
372
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:39,827
Oh.
373
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,038
-My jacket.
-My purse.
374
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,539
Sorry.
375
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:49,128
-Oh, I hope there aren't grass stains.
-No, no. It's old.
376
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,215
-Okay, bye.
-Bye.
377
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,760
The man could not get away
from me fast enough.
378
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:59,430
Apparently, it's a short road
from comisery to misery.
379
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,517
Oh! Oh! Oh, are you okay?
380
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,021
Yeah, okay.
381
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,495
Perfect!
Everything's going out right on time.
382
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,164
Um, there's no Tab in here.
383
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,376
-What are you doing in my refrigerator?
-It's Richard's refrigerator.
384
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,044
I stocked it.
385
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,421
Did you see any Rice Krispie treats?
386
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,715
Richard usually
leaves those around for us.
387
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:35,925
No, I didn't.
388
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,594
And those lemons are for the drinks.
389
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,389
-Drinks I paid for.
-Whatever.
390
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,307
And I also paid for the food.
391
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,017
In fact, the only thing at this party
392
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:48,020
that you two actually paid for
are your breasts!
393
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,272
Jealous?
394
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,109
Oh, yes. I'm jealous.
395
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,986
I'm just dying to look like...
396
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,363
this.
397
00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,324
Well, maybe if you did,
you'd be out here with Richard.
398
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:03,285
-Snap!
399
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:15,589
What, are you crazy?
400
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:20,261
Evidently,
people who borrow glass houses
401
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,804
shouldn't throw cantaloupes.
402
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:26,183
The next morning,
while Stanford and Marcus had Brady,
403
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,144
Miranda and I had brunch.
404
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,395
How about these muffins?
405
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,021
How about these eggs?
406
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,315
-How about these napkins?
-How about these plates?
407
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,608
How about we marry gay guys?
408
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,902
How about maybe now
I won't have a choice?
409
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:38,446
Was it really that bad?
410
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:39,697
Bye-bye, Berger.
411
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,323
One minute we were laughing,
412
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,576
the next minute,
he had to get away from me so fast,
413
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,370
he left skid marks. Seriously.
I can show them to you.
414
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:47,830
Jam, please.
415
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:53,085
I know what I did.
I revealed too much, too soon.
416
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,337
I was emotionally slutty.
417
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,006
-That's not like you.
-It wasn't me.
418
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,508
It was the zsa zsa zsu.
It makes me crazy.
419
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,511
Bitsy Von Muffling-Fine
may have the right idea.
420
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,765
Maybe we should stop looking
for a great relationship
421
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,225
and settle for a fine one.
422
00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:12,730
I'd marry Steve in a second
if he were gay. Ugh.
423
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:14,690
Everything would be so easy.
424
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,693
So, a gay area
is better than a gray area?
425
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,404
Oh, yeah. More coffee. You want some?
426
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:25,034
- Great coffee.
-Tell me something I don't know.
427
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:31,791
-What?
-You did it, Stany.
428
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,627
Great man, great house...
429
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,504
Great relationship.
430
00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:40,049
We've all been looking
and you actually found it.
431
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,176
Marcus and I haven't had sex
432
00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:44,136
since we bought
the Cynthia Rowley china.
433
00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:47,723
Thank God! I am so relieved.
434
00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:49,600
Bitsy Von Muffling,
435
00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,268
the first time I saw you,
436
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,062
I fell in love.
437
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:56,190
You walked in
wearing that red vintage Dior...
438
00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:58,359
Pink elephant in the room.
439
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,445
Do you mind?
I am listening to the bride and...
440
00:22:01,946 --> 00:22:02,863
bride.
441
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:05,616
My dear Bobby Fine...
442
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:09,286
Something tells me
Bitsy isn't doing Fine.
443
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:13,249
And that's the little piece
of information she's been Von Muffling.
444
00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:15,751
You are there for me
in the morning
445
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:17,753
and there for me at night.
446
00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:19,672
There in the good,
447
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:21,340
there in the bad.
448
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:23,759
There in my thoughts,
449
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:25,761
there in my dreams.
450
00:22:27,137 --> 00:22:28,514
But most of all, my darling,
451
00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:31,058
you are there in my heart...
452
00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:33,102
forever.
453
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,521
Perhaps we were all
much too cynical.
454
00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:38,274
Perhaps, somehow, despite the odds,
455
00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:41,193
Bobby and Bitsy
had found something real.
456
00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:43,737
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
457
00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:45,573
You may kiss the bride.
458
00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,037
Ah! Ooh!
459
00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,790
One more time
for the cheap seats at the back.
460
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,570
Looks like somebody over here
is about to dance.
461
00:23:27,990 --> 00:23:30,284
I think you may have sold
this one a little short.
462
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:31,327
Me, too.
463
00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:35,205
With a little time
and the right astringents,
464
00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:36,582
who knows?
465
00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:39,543
There's nothing on my face,
nothing in my teeth.
466
00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:41,712
I'm sure you'll hate
my moves on the dance floor,
467
00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:44,089
but that is the risk
that every man must take.
468
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,803
What a beautiful night.
469
00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:53,641
It's too bad I blew my only chance
at a boyfriend this year.
470
00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:56,435
You want to hold my boyfriend?
471
00:23:56,727 --> 00:23:59,605
Ah, I think
I'm gonna drown my sorrows
472
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:00,981
in another piece of cake.
473
00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:04,485
And if anybody asks, I had two,
474
00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:06,195
not three.
475
00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:17,998
Do you smell that, Brady?
476
00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:19,833
It's lilac.
477
00:24:24,254 --> 00:24:28,050
Should we call Daddy
and tell him we miss him? Huh?
478
00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:37,726
Hey, it's me, Steve.
I'm not here. Leave a message.
479
00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:52,324
Yeah.
480
00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:01,750
Do you believe this wedding?
481
00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:06,714
Funny where life has taken us, huh?
482
00:25:07,381 --> 00:25:09,925
I remember when we went
to these things just for the free food.
483
00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:11,844
I have dinner rolls in my purse.
484
00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:16,265
There's my song.
485
00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:20,352
And there's my girl.
486
00:25:23,439 --> 00:25:24,440
Whom I love.
487
00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:27,901
In case you had any money riding on it.
488
00:25:28,652 --> 00:25:29,653
Not a penny.
489
00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:36,243
Is that all there is
490
00:25:36,618 --> 00:25:40,873
If that's all there is, my friends
491
00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:43,709
Then let's keep dancing...
492
00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:44,793
Look out.
493
00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:47,504
She's got a piece of fruit,
and she's not afraid to throw it.
494
00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:49,506
Can we not talk about that?
495
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:52,217
Okay. But we'll be the only ones here.
496
00:25:54,136 --> 00:25:57,890
Look, I'm just glad Brady
wasn't the biggest baby at the party.
497
00:25:58,015 --> 00:26:00,851
I guess I went a little crazy,
being at Richard's house.
498
00:26:01,143 --> 00:26:03,479
Around his party-crashing pussy posse.
499
00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:07,149
What do you call zsa zsa zsu gone bad?
500
00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:09,860
Zsa zsa ew.
501
00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:22,372
Then I fell in love with
The most wonderful boy in the world
502
00:26:22,748 --> 00:26:26,668
-Bitsy, honey, everything was perfect.
-It was.
503
00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:27,961
Oh, except for the dessert.
504
00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:30,672
The top layer of the crème brûlée
just wasn't hard enough.
505
00:26:31,882 --> 00:26:33,884
Yeah, that's the problem
with this wedding.
506
00:26:33,967 --> 00:26:35,969
The crème brûlée isn't hard enough.
507
00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:37,179
And then one day
508
00:26:37,888 --> 00:26:42,184
He went away and I thought I would die
But I didn't
509
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:45,896
And when I didn't, I said to myself
510
00:26:46,522 --> 00:26:48,524
Is that all there is to love?
511
00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:53,195
I'm not technically crashing.
I was having lunch in town today,
512
00:26:53,278 --> 00:26:55,197
and for some reason,
the groom invited me.
513
00:26:55,739 --> 00:26:59,076
Is that all there is...
514
00:26:59,159 --> 00:27:00,160
Shall we?
515
00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:02,204
Sure.
516
00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:03,705
If that's all there is, my friends
517
00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:06,959
Then let's keep dancing...
518
00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:07,960
Harry.
519
00:27:08,460 --> 00:27:10,587
What? Now you want me
to wax my eyebrows?
520
00:27:11,213 --> 00:27:13,048
I think I may be falling
in love with you.
521
00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,093
I've been falling for you
since the moment we met.
522
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:19,680
-But I never thought--
-What?
523
00:27:20,097 --> 00:27:22,307
Come on, you could have
any blue-blooded guy here.
524
00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:24,601
-I'm--
-You're wonderful.
525
00:27:25,853 --> 00:27:26,854
And Jewish.
526
00:27:28,105 --> 00:27:30,941
-So?
-So, where can this go?
527
00:27:31,942 --> 00:27:32,943
I don't know.
528
00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:36,488
-Let's find out.
-Charlotte.
529
00:27:38,407 --> 00:27:39,867
I have to marry a Jew.
530
00:27:41,952 --> 00:27:45,330
She can marry a gay guy
and you can't marry an Episcopalian?
531
00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:49,877
What do we do now?
532
00:27:50,878 --> 00:27:51,753
I don't know.
533
00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:53,755
Dance?
534
00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:57,885
Apparently,
Charlotte had a zsa zsa Jew.
535
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:05,642
You're awful quiet.
536
00:28:06,268 --> 00:28:08,478
-And I intend to stay that way.
-No.
537
00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:10,022
You were fine.
538
00:28:10,981 --> 00:28:13,442
I just wasn't sure
if I was up for all that again.
539
00:28:15,152 --> 00:28:16,195
Then I thought...
540
00:28:16,904 --> 00:28:18,238
Then you thought what?
541
00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:22,326
Maybe we should go out on a date
before we break up.
542
00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:36,465
When it comes to relationships,
543
00:28:36,798 --> 00:28:39,676
maybe we're all in glass houses
and shouldn't throw stones.
544
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:42,221
Because you can never really know.
545
00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:45,599
Some people are settling down.
546
00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:48,352
Some people are settling.
547
00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:51,563
And some people refuse to settle
548
00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:53,023
for anything less...
549
00:28:55,442 --> 00:28:56,443
than butterflies.