1
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:51,009
There are a million reasons
to celebrate in New York City.
2
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:54,805
Steve no longer having testicular cancer
was just one of them.
3
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,767
I only have one ball left.
4
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,357
I don't care who wins,
it's me and you after this, buddy.
5
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:06,733
Great.
6
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,279
It all comes down
to just one little ball.
7
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,489
Who wants a beer?
8
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,657
-Hey.
-Oh.
9
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,080
Samantha?
10
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:25,877
One ball?
11
00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:28,046
One ball?
12
00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,799
I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.
Was he upset?
13
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,467
Embarrassed, I think.
14
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,970
There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
He's still got one.
15
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,180
Miranda, they come in a set,
like earrings.
16
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:40,475
Oh, he's doing great. If it were me,
I'd be sitting at home all depressed.
17
00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:41,476
Explain that to me.
18
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,895
Tell me why you'd be depressed
if you were perfectly healthy
19
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:46,064
but had to go through life
without balls.
20
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,150
-Well--
-I was talking to Aidan.
21
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:52,571
Well, maybe it's bullshit, but I might
feel like less of a man or something.
22
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:53,822
A couple of hanging glands
23
00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:55,991
has nothing to do with
making somebody a man.
24
00:01:56,074 --> 00:02:00,078
She's right. I once went out with
this guy, the biggest balls I've seen,
25
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,413
complete pussy.
26
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,248
-How big?
-Huge.
27
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:05,000
I could barely fit one in my mouth.
28
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,712
Welcome to my world.
29
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:13,008
The irony is that I don't think
women care that much about balls.
30
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,509
I know I don't. Do you, Carrie?
31
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,180
Except for yours, darling.
I'm very into yours.
32
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:21,391
I have never met a man
who wasn't into his balls.
33
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,393
"Oh, yeah, baby, that's it.
34
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,647
Grab my big balls,
lick them, pull them."
35
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,357
-You pull the balls?
-Mmm-hmm.
36
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,359
-They like it.
-Oh.
37
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:31,610
I went out with this guy--
38
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,154
-I'm sure you did.
-Wait, will you please let her finish.
39
00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,280
She's done.
40
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:40,452
Now, I'm thinking balls are to men
what purses are to women.
41
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:44,289
It's just a little bag, but we'd feel
naked in public without it.
42
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,041
Samantha Jones.
43
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:51,129
-Hey, how are you?
-I'm great.
44
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,632
Everyone, this is, um...
45
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:58,470
-Allan. Allan Jannie.
-Allan Jannie, right, we...
46
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,847
-Fucked.
-Fucked, right.
47
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,432
I knew I knew you.
48
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:03,892
How the hell are you?
49
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,561
Not bad. Just designed
the new Richard Wright hotel.
50
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,565
I've been trying to get a meeting
with him for months. Who's doing his PR?
51
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,734
I think he's talking to Brad Rosen.
52
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,361
Oh, he's a hack.
53
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,571
-Get me a meeting?
-I'll do what I can.
54
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,323
-Good seeing you...
-Allan.
55
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,659
I know.
56
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,583
And up on Park Avenue,
a different reason for celebrating.
57
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,628
So I told him,
when I hire a contractor to do a job,
58
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:32,921
I expect him to finish on time.
59
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,090
Good, honey. Good.
60
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,175
You know, sometimes they just
need to hear it from a man.
61
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,094
A little more mu shu, my mu sh...
62
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,596
So I saw my doctor today
63
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,266
and I told her how frustrated we were
that we weren't pregnant yet.
64
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,642
Mmm-hmm. Wonton?
65
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,769
And she said that
the easiest thing to do
66
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,104
would be to test your sperm.
67
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,859
Charlotte, I'm eating.
68
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:57,946
Is it too much to ask to have my mu shu
without a side of sperm?
69
00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,323
Why are you getting so mad?
We're just talking.
70
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,117
Hell's bells,
it's only been three months.
71
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:06,204
And why would you just leap to
the conclusion that the problem is me?
72
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,582
I'm not leaping to anything.
73
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,334
It's just easier to test the man first.
Less invasive.
74
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,837
I'm sure your sperm is fine.
75
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,506
No, it's better than fine,
it's fantastic.
76
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,051
This little subject matter
has put me right off my dinner.
77
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,262
-Excuse me.
-Trey.
78
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,724
-Honey?
-Not now.
79
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,523
-Do men?
-Do men, what?
80
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,233
Like them pulled?
81
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,027
How would I know?
82
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:38,737
Do you?
83
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,073
-Do I what?
-Like them pulled?
84
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:43,992
How do I know?
85
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,370
Why don't we give a little tug and see?
86
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,956
-You wanna give a little tug?
-Mmm-hmm.
87
00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,215
You're gonna do it too hard.
88
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,550
-No, I won't.
-All right.
89
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,310
You were saved by the bell.
90
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,439
Bradshaw House of Pain,
how can we hurt you?
91
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:19,277
-Hello?
-Oh, hey. Hey, man, it's me.
92
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,030
Sorry to be calling you this late.
Is Carrie there?
93
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:23,573
Yeah, just a sec.
94
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:25,826
Who is it?
95
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,579
-Hello?
-It's me. I need to talk to you.
96
00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:33,542
Oh, it's really not a good time.
We're about to go to bed.
97
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:37,087
It's important. Willow is totally
fucking with my head, please.
98
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,171
All right.
99
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,592
He's having girlfriend problems.
I'm gonna be just a minute.
100
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,265
Apparently, dating a movie star
101
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,559
makes you as crazy
as dating anyone else.
102
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,560
What's the problem?
103
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,770
She's in town,
she's at the Mercer.
104
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,230
We were supposed to
get together tonight.
105
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,398
She hasn't gotten back to me.
106
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,275
Well, did you call her?
107
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:02,070
Yes, I called her.
I called all five of her numbers.
108
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,738
She never answers.
109
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:06,241
See, here's the thing, see.
110
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,828
She can reach me,
but I can't ever get her.
111
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,747
-Maybe she never got your--
-No, you don't get it.
112
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,624
She can reach me,
113
00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:18,169
but I can't get her, ever.
114
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,297
How fucked up is that?
115
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,965
I don't know. Very?
116
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,926
I thought everything was going great.
117
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:29,514
It was, I mean, I flew out to LA
to take her to that MTV Award thing.
118
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:32,100
I'd better start feeling
sorry for you soon.
119
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,476
Then she totally dissed me.
120
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,938
I was following her around
like a goddamn dog.
121
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,024
I'm just gonna be
one more minute.
122
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,320
Listen to this message she left me.
123
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,280
Ugh. I gotta go to bed.
124
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,365
No, wait, listen. Listen to this.
125
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,367
Gonna miss you.
126
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:53,121
I can't wait until I'm in New York,
in your arms.
127
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,959
I'm in a New York state of mind
128
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,337
"A New York state of mind"?
129
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,882
-It's Billy Joel. We love that song.
-Good night.
130
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,927
-Should I call her again?
-No. Good night.
131
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,640
I'm sorry.
132
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,310
So, you still want me
to give them a little pull?
133
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,812
Nah. Why'd you take the phone in there?
134
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,483
'Cause I know you don't like him
calling here, so...
135
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,944
Carrie, you tell me nothing's going on,
136
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:25,820
then nothing's going on.
137
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,490
You don't gotta run in a closet.
138
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,867
Well, I didn't run.
139
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,996
And I went in there 'cause I know
how uncomfortable it makes you.
140
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,290
How uncomfortable it makes me or you?
141
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,251
Me, yes, I'm uncomfortable.
142
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,837
I don't want you to feel threatened.
143
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,172
You think I'm threatened by him?
144
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,091
No, not threatened.
145
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,217
I could take him.
146
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,680
-Who said anything about taking him?
-I'm just saying.
147
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,516
It's like the time Batman
and the Green Hornet got in a fight.
148
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,059
Everybody expected Batman to win,
149
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,019
'cause he's got the gadgets
and the cape and shit.
150
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,896
But the Green Hornet had the moves.
151
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,023
See, I'm the Green Hornet,
I got the moves.
152
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,901
Plus I got Pete, and he's like Kato.
153
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,070
Aren't you, boy? Hey, Petey.
154
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,613
-Come here, boy, come here.
155
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:09,781
Who's your buddy?
156
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,492
He's gonna get him. He's got him!
157
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,912
What do superheroes have to do with it?
158
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,539
I have no idea.
159
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,917
It's a guy thing. All I know is that
in order to deal with Big,
160
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,211
he had to turn himself
into the Green Lantern.
161
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,380
-Hornet.
-I don't care if he's the Green Bee.
162
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,675
I just wish there was a way for Aidan
163
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:32,137
to really understand
that he has nothing to worry about.
164
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,016
Maybe I should try to get
Big and him and me together.
165
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:37,767
Did you have a plate of crazy for lunch?
166
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,019
We could all talk.
167
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:42,689
And Aidan could see
once and for all that I love him,
168
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,566
and Big and I are just friends.
169
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,276
-Carrie, I don't know.
-Seriously.
170
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:50,113
Keeping my relationship with Big
in the closet only makes things worse.
171
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,615
These are guys.
They don't talk, they fight.
172
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:56,536
They can't help it, it's all that
crazy testosterone. God bless it.
173
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,748
We're having Trey's sperm tested.
174
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,125
Is it not doing well in school?
175
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,129
We were discussing it over dinner
last night and he just blew up.
176
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,424
One minute he was perfectly happy,
the next minute, furious.
177
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,675
That time of the month?
178
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,761
It's a side of Trey I've never seen.
179
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,888
It's about the sperm.
180
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,682
What is it with that area?
It's like a minefield.
181
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,643
I spent the afternoon
thinking about my friends.
182
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:24,147
Body image depression,
unpredictable mood swings,
183
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,442
late-night phone calls
obsessing about a relationship.
184
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,986
Did I mention these are my male friends?
185
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,989
So, maybe men and women
aren't from different planets
186
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,991
as pop culture would have us believe.
187
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,160
Maybe we live
a lot closer to each other.
188
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,538
Perhaps, dare I even say it,
in the same zip code.
189
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,999
In view of current circumstances,
190
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:47,170
I couldn't help but wonder,
are men just women with balls?
191
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,172
- Look at that.
- Look at what?
192
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,508
-That dog's sack.
-No, thank you.
193
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:57,680
Did you know you can't enter a dog
in a dog show if he's only got one ball?
194
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,099
Where'd you hear that?
195
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,476
Around.
196
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,896
They even make fake dog balls.
197
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,692
They make them for humans too.
198
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:16,866
-I'm thinking about getting one.
-No. Steve, no. Why would you do that?
199
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,160
Why not?
Women get breast implants all the time.
200
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:22,080
Steve, trust me, I've been to the area.
201
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:25,583
And I swear to God,
I wouldn't know if you had one or four.
202
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,210
But I know.
203
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,671
Every time I look down at my nuts...
204
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,965
Correction: "nut."
205
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,260
I look all lopsided.
206
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,262
Women don't care.
207
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,555
We care about
208
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:42,475
nice arms, great eyes, big dick.
209
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:46,646
I have never once heard a woman say,
"He had such a big, full scrotum."
210
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,608
I made an appointment,
I'm talking to the doctor.
211
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:51,901
Will you go with me?
212
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,571
Where, testicle shopping?
213
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,451
Samantha finally
got her meeting
214
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,579
with hotel magnate Richard Wright.
215
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,248
Smart, tough, a real ballbuster.
216
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:09,752
Well, I've enjoyed meeting you,
but truth be told, Ms. Jones
217
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,463
-your résumé's all fluff.
-Fluff?
218
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,424
It's just parties and social events.
219
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,552
What is it that you do in your hotels?
220
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,553
Nuclear fission?
221
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,729
I admit, I'm intrigued.
222
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:28,771
If I wasn't,
223
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,566
you would've been down in the lobby
having a cappuccino ten minutes ago.
224
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,152
Here's an idea.
225
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,279
I'm talking to Brad Rosen.
226
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,573
Maybe you two can get together
and share the work.
227
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,950
Five hotels, it's a big job.
228
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,619
I know it's a big job.
229
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,414
That's why I'm still here and not
down in the lobby having a cappuccino.
230
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,167
I appreciate your offer,
231
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,919
but I don't need a partner.
232
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:54,005
Read between the lines, Ms. Jones.
233
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:57,759
I deal with a lot of business-men.
234
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,470
What are you saying?
235
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:04,098
That business-men
would be more comfortable
236
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,101
dealing with a woman
if she were working next to a man?
237
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,353
You have a lot to offer.
238
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:12,065
You might want to consider
working with a partner who isn't so...
239
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,400
emotional.
240
00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:18,529
"Emotional" is just code for
"I don't wanna hire a woman."
241
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,698
Exactly. They're that way
at my firm too.
242
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,617
They think you're gonna cry
over a legal brief.
243
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,452
Well, have you ever cried over a brief?
244
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,454
Certainly, but only in the privacy
of my own office.
245
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,958
I cried once at the gallery,
once in ten years.
246
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:33,378
And from that day on it was,
"Careful, don't make Charlotte cry."
247
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,129
I have never cried at work.
248
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,966
I fake cried to my editor
when I missed a deadline.
249
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,385
I told him
I was having a bad time at home,
250
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,845
but really I was having a good time
in the Hamptons.
251
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,306
That makes the rest of us look bad.
252
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,141
Oh, boo-hoo,
it was 80 degrees and sunny.
253
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:50,645
A guy gets angry in a meeting,
he's a pistol. A woman's emotional.
254
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:53,648
If I'd say anything, like,
"I don't think that's hung high enough"
255
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,276
they say, "Ooh, careful,
don't make Charlotte cry."
256
00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:59,654
What does he think I'm going to do?
Get my period and ruin his empire?
257
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:00,947
Yes, men...
258
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:04,909
-Wait, let me rephrase that, some men--
- Good move, Counsel.
259
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:07,245
That will look much better
on the court transcripts of this dinner.
260
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:09,872
Some men are threatened
by strong businesswomen.
261
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,667
And they have to find a way
to make her be just a woman again.
262
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,377
Hence, "You're too emotional."
263
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,753
"Hence," yet.
264
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:19,674
I'm going back in there, guns blazing,
cool, calm, collected.
265
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:22,260
I'm going to impress
that arrogant motherfucker so much,
266
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,178
he's gonna beg me to take the job.
267
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,889
Just don't cry. Once. Once in ten years.
268
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,475
Well, this chicky's gotta run,
or I'm gonna miss my ride with Aidan
269
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,644
and then I'm gonna have to take
mass transit to the country.
270
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:32,854
Then there'll be some tears.
271
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,691
The next day, while Aidan was
tearing down the old shed,
272
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:41,112
I was tearing through the new In Style
with Big's big movie star on the cover.
273
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:46,868
Hello?
274
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,870
Hey, it's me.
275
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,747
What's the matter? You sound terrible.
276
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,042
I hope you don't mind my calling.
I got the number off your machine.
277
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,710
Where's area code 845?
278
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,628
Upstate, we're in the country.
279
00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:58,921
On a Thursday?
280
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,382
We're taking a long weekend.
What's wrong?
281
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,675
Tsk!
282
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:04,969
She broke it off.
283
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,056
She said
she never wants to see me again.
284
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,432
Oh.
285
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,019
-I'm so sorry.
-I don't even know what I did.
286
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,771
She won't return my calls.
287
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:18,066
See, she can reach me
288
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,650
but I can't get her.
289
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,027
You mentioned that.
290
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:24,405
Well...
291
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,576
She's crazy, I'm telling you.
She has the eyes of a crazy person.
292
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,995
Man, I was such a chump.
293
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,332
I really put myself out there
294
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,752
and she drop-kicked me
right in the fucking heart.
295
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,923
When are you coming back
to the city?
296
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,133
-Monday.
-Not till Monday?
297
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,013
Fuck.
298
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,434
Well...
299
00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,269
I would...
300
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,855
I'd invite you out here,
but it's just so far away.
301
00:14:57,939 --> 00:14:58,773
How far?
302
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:03,111
It's 40 minutes, you know,
if there's no traffic,
303
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:06,948
but with the weekenders and everything,
I don't know, an hour, maybe even two.
304
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,867
-It's Thursday afternoon.
-Yeah, don't you have to work?
305
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:13,037
I have to see you.
I'll get my Jag out of the garage.
306
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,372
Maybe the drive will do me good.
307
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,458
-Uh-huh.
-I'll come up for an hour, we'll talk,
308
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:18,668
and then I'll head home.
309
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,712
-Uh-huh.
-How do I get there? Let me get a pen.
310
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,641
Hey, darling.
311
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,936
We gotta close these windows up.
It's gonna rain.
312
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,815
-Did I hear the phone ring?
-Uh-huh.
313
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:43,693
Who was it?
314
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,486
It was Batman.
315
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,364
I invited him up.
316
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,285
I didn't mean to.
317
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,495
I just got trapped.
318
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,832
That crazy movie star lady
broke up with him,
319
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,585
he's devastated,
he has no one else to talk to.
320
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,045
Before I knew it, I was telling him
to make a right at the sign
321
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,881
for Farm Fresh Summer Squash.
322
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,675
-I don't want him in my house.
-I totally understand.
323
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:11,053
Look, he's gonna come up here
and we're gonna have a quick talk,
324
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:14,140
and then he's gonna go right back
to the city where he belongs.
325
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,224
Fuck.
326
00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:18,269
Hey.
327
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:19,896
You're my man.
328
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,732
-And I love you.
329
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,152
He's just a friend in pain.
330
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:31,032
I would never do this,
but he's really hurting.
331
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,284
Come on, haven't you ever
had a girl break your...
332
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,541
Well, he better be fucking upset
when he gets here.
333
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:41,834
There better be tears.
334
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,003
Thank you.
335
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:47,965
Let's go, Pete.
336
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,054
He's got some balls coming up here.
337
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:56,974
The prosthesis approximates
338
00:16:57,058 --> 00:17:00,895
the weight, shape, and feel
of a normal testicle. Squeeze it.
339
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,694
Oh. I'm sorry.
340
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,821
I dropped the ball.
341
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:19,789
Now, it comes in four sizes.
Extra small, small, medium, and large.
342
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,375
I'd be a...
343
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:24,919
Jeez. Um...
344
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,338
Miranda, what would I be?
345
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,466
Um...
346
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:32,093
Medium?
347
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,471
Yeah? I was thinking large.
348
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,057
Well, I'm really not an expert.
349
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,434
Large, then.
350
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,396
Medium.
351
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,316
-Really?
-A large-medium, Steve.
352
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:48,985
Now, to get this model,
353
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,988
you have to enroll in a clinical trial
for market clearance.
354
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,657
-Excuse me?
-It's not approved yet.
355
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,492
It's still being tested for safety.
356
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,369
No, Steve.
357
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,623
-No.
-I assure you, it's perfectly safe.
358
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,418
He says it's perfectly safe.
359
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,378
That's what they said
about the Ford Pinto.
360
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:10,881
Think about it, Steve.
You want a Pinto near your penis?
361
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,599
And in a different
urologist's office,
362
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:22,226
-at the exact same time...
363
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:24,645
Hi.
364
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,607
Is everything okay?
The nurse said you wanted to see me.
365
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:31,110
I'm afraid our old problem
has reared its ugly head.
366
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,946
I can't seem to rise to the occasion.
367
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,324
Well, let's not assume
it's the same problem.
368
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,493
Here, I bought you this.
369
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,538
-Juggs?
-I know how much you like them.
370
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,124
You knew I'd have a problem.
371
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,168
No, I just came prepared.
372
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,253
Look.
373
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:51,714
She's got big boobs.
374
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,426
Look, so does she.
375
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,219
It's the Big Boob Bonanza issue.
376
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,889
-It's not that, it's...
-What, honey?
377
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:02,975
I'm afraid to.
378
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,729
I don't think I can handle
another problem in that area.
379
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,568
Don't you worry, Trey MacDougal.
380
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:17,740
I'm sure that you have
very strong Scottish sperm.
381
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:19,867
And if you don't,
382
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:22,953
we can just spin them,
383
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,789
and whip them up,
384
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,209
and do whatever it is
you sexy doctor types do.
385
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:29,752
Mmm. That's good.
386
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,003
-Yeah?
-Mmm-hmm.
387
00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,215
-Yeah, keep doing that.
-Mmm-hmm.
388
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,303
-Do that thing I like.
-Which thing?
389
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,265
-You know, you give a little tug.
-Ah.
390
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:46,560
Turned out,
Trey's Scottish sperm was fine.
391
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,397
No, better than fine. Fantastic.
392
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,314
Where's the cup?
393
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,068
Well, I have to admit,
you're the best person for the job.
394
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:55,903
But I'm not gonna hire you.
395
00:19:57,571 --> 00:20:00,241
Give me one legitimate reason why not.
396
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:02,159
-Do I have to say it?
-Yes.
397
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,414
I'd like to hear the words
come out of your mouth.
398
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:09,333
Okay, you slept with my architect.
399
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,920
Turns out,
Samantha was wrong, men do talk.
400
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,296
And I don't wanna get into all that.
401
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,757
Into all what?
402
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,428
It happened 100 years ago.
I barely know the guy.
403
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,598
And how does my personal life
affect your business?
404
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:26,851
I think the more accurate question
would be,
405
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,603
how does your personal life
affect your business?
406
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,273
It's too bad.
407
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,358
Other than that, you had the job.
408
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,197
You know what?
409
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,576
If I was a guy,
you would've shaken my hand,
410
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,245
bought me a scotch,
and given me a key to an office.
411
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:47,913
It's amazing.
412
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:51,292
A man with such innovative vision
can be so shortsighted.
413
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,713
Ms. Jones, wait.
414
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,298
But Samantha couldn't wait.
415
00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:59,633
She could feel the tears
building up inside her.
416
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,011
-Come on, come on.
- Wait, not so fast.
417
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,306
-Close.
- Ms. Jones.
418
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:12,521
The next day,
Richard Wright hired Samantha.
419
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,483
He told her he admired her balls.
420
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,905
When Big still hadn't arrived
two hours later,
421
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:25,075
I was secretly praying he had missed
the sign for Farm Fresh Summer Squash.
422
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:29,914
Then there it was, the Batmobile.
423
00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:44,428
Maybe he doesn't wanna come in
and meet your dad.
424
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:53,729
But I'm taking a Greyhound
425
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,607
On the Hudson River Line
426
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:04,031
I'm in a New York state of mind
427
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:07,034
-What are you doing just sitting here?
-Waiting for you.
428
00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:10,246
Why didn't you come in?
429
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:14,708
I don't wanna go in.
430
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:18,712
-Let's go have a drink or something.
-Wanna get a drink, where?
431
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:22,174
At a Ye Old Country lemonade stand?
432
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:25,427
-Under the evergreens
433
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:27,972
Why are you listening to that?
434
00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:30,182
But I know what I'm needing
435
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:32,434
And I don't want to waste more time...
436
00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:35,229
Come on, turn off the car
and come inside. We'll talk, all right?
437
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,399
I'm in a New York state of mind
438
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:48,158
-Is he in there?
-Yes.
439
00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:50,995
I can't talk about this in front of him.
440
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:53,831
Yes, you can, and you better.
441
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,625
So come on, let's go.
442
00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:58,669
Come on.
443
00:22:59,169 --> 00:23:00,504
Oh, shit.
444
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:05,384
An hour
and two bottles of red wine later,
445
00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:07,011
Big started talking.
446
00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:09,722
Unfortunately, it was mostly to himself.
447
00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:11,015
"Her luminous skin,
448
00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:15,519
a product of vegan diet discipline."
449
00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:19,273
Vegan diet, bullshit.
450
00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:22,526
-All right. Give me the magazine.
-No, wait, listen to this one.
451
00:23:23,277 --> 00:23:26,238
"I'm looking for that someone special."
452
00:23:27,031 --> 00:23:29,783
She's not looking for anybody. Bullshit.
453
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,121
-Any more wine?
-Nope.
454
00:23:41,629 --> 00:23:44,048
"Let's go have a drink
and a smoke sometime."
455
00:23:46,884 --> 00:23:49,386
-You can't smoke in the house.
-Huh?
456
00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:52,932
Can't smoke in the house.
457
00:23:53,891 --> 00:23:54,892
That's cool.
458
00:23:56,644 --> 00:23:57,895
Guess I better head back.
459
00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:02,316
Thanks.
460
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:06,987
Oh, Jesus.
461
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,615
Look at him, he can't drive.
462
00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:22,169
Hey, what do you think you're doing?
You can't drive.
463
00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:25,631
-Call my driver.
-We're an hour outside New York.
464
00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:29,760
I'm in a New York state of mind
465
00:24:29,843 --> 00:24:32,137
Seen all the movie stars
466
00:24:32,221 --> 00:24:33,514
You're gonna have to sleep on the couch.
467
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:34,598
I better not.
468
00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:36,934
He doesn't want me here.
469
00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:43,857
You can't drive. Sleep on the couch.
470
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:47,903
That's cool.
471
00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:53,575
After the ball plan backfired,
472
00:24:53,659 --> 00:24:56,412
Miranda took Steve out to dinner
to lift his spirits.
473
00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:58,414
Here's the book I was telling you about.
474
00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:01,583
-A Positive Outlook to Healing.
475
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:07,589
-Steve, I'm starting to hit my limit.
-I know. Um...
476
00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:09,883
I just...
477
00:25:10,634 --> 00:25:13,178
I was just really
counting on that fake ball.
478
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,307
It's just, every time I look down there,
I feel...
479
00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:19,935
What?
480
00:25:21,979 --> 00:25:23,772
This may be hard for you to understand.
481
00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,441
Um...
482
00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:30,112
But who's gonna fuck
a uni-ball bartender?
483
00:25:38,454 --> 00:25:41,373
Miranda realized the one thing
she could do to help Steve
484
00:25:41,457 --> 00:25:43,667
didn't involve books or balls.
485
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,620
What's that pounding?
486
00:26:20,370 --> 00:26:21,705
Aidan's shooting hoops.
487
00:26:24,666 --> 00:26:26,293
Isn't it a little early?
488
00:26:27,753 --> 00:26:30,005
You have to go out there
and make friends with him.
489
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:36,929
What are you talking about?
490
00:26:40,474 --> 00:26:42,643
We're middle-aged men.
We don't make friends.
491
00:26:42,726 --> 00:26:45,354
-We have nothing in common.
-You have me in common.
492
00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:47,981
And if you and Aidan
don't become at least a little friendly,
493
00:26:48,065 --> 00:26:49,733
I'm not gonna be able
to stay in your life.
494
00:26:57,199 --> 00:26:59,493
Well, how do I do this?
495
00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:03,747
You're a guy, he's a guy,
there's a ball.
496
00:27:04,665 --> 00:27:05,666
Figure it out.
497
00:27:29,898 --> 00:27:30,899
Hey, man.
498
00:27:33,527 --> 00:27:36,572
I'm sorry about last night.
I guess I got a little drunk.
499
00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:41,493
I didn't mean to come up
and ruin your weekend or anything.
500
00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:46,623
You play hoop, huh?
501
00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:48,375
Here, why don't you give me a shot?
I play a little.
502
00:27:55,215 --> 00:27:57,217
A little muddy.
I guess all that rain, huh?
503
00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:10,397
-Watch it, man. That was a little hard.
-That wasn't that hard.
504
00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:31,585
There they were.
Batman and the Green Bee.
505
00:28:32,419 --> 00:28:33,420
Hey!
506
00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:36,840
Stop. Hey, stop it.
507
00:28:40,552 --> 00:28:43,180
Stop it! You're middle-aged!
508
00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:51,563
-That dog just bit my ass.
-Pete.
509
00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:54,483
And just like that,
Kato stopped the fight.
510
00:29:05,786 --> 00:29:08,163
And the thing is, see...
511
00:29:08,914 --> 00:29:10,207
she could reach me,
512
00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:13,126
but I could never get her.
513
00:29:14,795 --> 00:29:16,797
Day or night, whenever,
514
00:29:17,381 --> 00:29:18,632
she could reach me,
515
00:29:19,383 --> 00:29:21,426
I couldn't get her. See?
516
00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:25,764
-That's fucked up.
-Yeah, yeah.
517
00:29:25,847 --> 00:29:30,936
Somehow, the storm had passed,
and I never fully understood why.
518
00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:35,732
Okay, maybe men and women
don't live in the same zip code,
519
00:29:35,816 --> 00:29:37,317
but we're moving closer.
520
00:29:38,318 --> 00:29:39,569
-Good eggs.
-Mmm.