1 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:52,678 My friend Miranda was dating Thomas John Anderson, 2 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,888 an up-and-coming New York playwright. 3 00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:56,056 -Oh, God. 4 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,349 -Oh, God. 5 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:58,600 -Oh, God. 6 00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:00,143 -Oh, God. 7 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,730 That was wonderful. 8 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:07,234 Things were great except for one thing... 9 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,235 I'll be right back. 10 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,573 Immediately after sex, 11 00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,033 he'd hop out of bed and shower. 12 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,705 -Oh, God. 13 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,207 -Oh, God. Oh, God! 14 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,834 Oh, God! 15 00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:27,671 Wow! 16 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,131 Be right back. 17 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,133 Night after night, it was the same thing. 18 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:35,345 -Oh, God. Oh, God! Oh, God! 19 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,100 -I'll be right... -Yeah. 20 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,686 She decided to confront Thomas John Anderson 21 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,021 as soon as he dried off. 22 00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:53,739 -So, what's with the showers? -What do you mean? 23 00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,575 You always get up and shower right after we're done. 24 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,327 I'm starting to feel like it's me. 25 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:02,831 Oh, no, no, no, it's not you. It's just... 26 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:05,626 -What? -It's just a habit I have. 27 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:09,338 Growing up, the nuns told us that sex was a sin. 28 00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:12,758 So I just, you know, got into the habit of taking a shower after I... 29 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,718 you know, came. 30 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,428 Oh, the nuns. 31 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:20,182 Miranda suddenly realized she was dating "Catholic Guy." 32 00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:25,187 So you thing the water serves as a retro baptism kind of thing? 33 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,230 Beats me. If I'd known he was Catholic, 34 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,899 I never would've gone out with him in the first place. 35 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,275 They should make them wear a sign. 36 00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,818 Single people in New York 37 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,529 rarely ask about their dates' religious backgrounds, 38 00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:37,866 for the same reason they don't ask the number of former sex partners... 39 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:40,160 -Too scary. -I mean, he's a rational, 40 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:43,538 logical guy in every respect but this. 41 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,832 Clean. You forgot clean. He's a clean guy. 42 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:49,920 Leave it to me to find the only religious guy still left in Manhattan. 43 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,964 New York is a city filled with places to worship. 44 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,966 But it recently dawned on me, 45 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:58,011 the only time I ever heard anyone mention going into one, 46 00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,888 was for a singles mixer. 47 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,849 Are relationships the religion of the '90s? 48 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,478 Having been raised in the church of "Be nice to people 49 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,146 and don't talk with your mouth full", 50 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:11,233 I decided to check out some more traditional religious types 51 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,068 in their natural habitat. 52 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,446 As I watched people leaving church, I was amazed at how they looked. 53 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:19,783 Valentino, Escada, Oscar de la Renta. 54 00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:23,453 What is it about God and fashion that go so well together? 55 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:27,791 And suddenly, there he was, wearing Armani on Sunday. 56 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,918 Mr. Big. 57 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,796 I admit it was kind of a shock. 58 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,757 Up until that moment, I thought he only believed in the Yankees. 59 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,559 -Well, hello there, churchgoer. - Hey! 60 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,230 -What are you doing here? -Research. 61 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:53,900 I'm doing a column on closet Presbyterians. You know any? 62 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,987 Actually, I'm an atheist, but don't tell that to the minister. 63 00:03:57,821 --> 00:03:59,197 Who's the mystery woman? 64 00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:01,992 My mother. 65 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,663 -I take her to church every Sunday. -Really? 66 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:10,667 I'm so loving that. How come you never told me? 67 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,628 Well, you write every Sunday, so... 68 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:17,299 So every Sunday... church. 69 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:18,925 Right. 70 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,474 You know, I've got 20 minutes before my racquetball game. 71 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,018 -Why don't we have a cup of coffee? -I can't. I'm on deadline 72 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,604 and this cappuccino just kicked in, so... 73 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,315 So? 74 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:34,608 Bye. 75 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,446 God bless. 76 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,823 It was one of those awkward relationship moments 77 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,075 where you feel like you know nothing about the person 78 00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:45,952 you thought you knew everything about. 79 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,830 He goes to church with his mother? 80 00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,999 -That can't be good. -Don't listen to her. 81 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,668 A man who cares about his mother makes a wonderful husband. 82 00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:56,171 -I think it's sweet. -Sure, all religions are sweet, 83 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,465 until you get to that shower-after-sex phase. 84 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:02,010 -Oh, my God! Is he still doing that? -It's amazing he has any skin left. 85 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,012 Well, have you tried taking a shower with him? 86 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,848 No! I'm afraid he'll pull out garlic and a cross. 87 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:09,768 So, which church does his mother go to? 88 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,145 -Park Avenue Presbyterian. -Good church! 89 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,980 It's one of the best on the East Side. 90 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,525 What, are you rating churches? Is there a Zagat guide for that? 91 00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:19,486 Four stars, great bread, disappointing wine selection. 92 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:22,405 The thing is, I'm dying to meet his mother. 93 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,115 Can you imagine? 94 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,619 Getting on the good side of his mother is like closing the deal. 95 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:30,455 -Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. -Well, it's about time. 96 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,791 I just had a five-hour lunch with James. 97 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,751 Five-hour lunches. I remember those. 98 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,546 Ladies, I have an announcement. 99 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:40,006 -Please don't laugh. -What? 100 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,051 -I'm in love. -What? 101 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,887 Samantha uttering those words to us 102 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:50,183 was an event as unfathomable as Moses parting the Red Sea. 103 00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:56,273 It all started a couple of weeks ago, on a particularly blah Wednesday night. 104 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,526 Samantha decided to treat herself to a night of great music. 105 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,533 I couldn't help but notice how you move to the music. 106 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:07,909 It's beautiful. 107 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,829 Well, I love jazz. 108 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,998 That's pretty clear. 109 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:14,875 Are you a musician? 110 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:17,168 Yeah. 111 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,754 Trapped in the body of a lawyer. 112 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,674 Well, we won't tell anyone. 113 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,427 May I join you? 114 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,096 Sure. 115 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,020 After they closed the jazz joint, 116 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,688 they walked and talked for blocks. 117 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,815 You have to at least try one of the glazed. 118 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,567 It's a little bit of heaven. 119 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,570 Mmm. 120 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:46,740 Heavenly. And I never thought I'd get there. 121 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:50,035 Why not? An angel like you? 122 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:55,498 And then Samantha did something rather shocking for a first date... 123 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,375 She didn't ask him home. 124 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,170 Thanks, James. 125 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,756 I had a wonderful time. 126 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,467 Can I see you again? 127 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,178 I'd love that. 128 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,891 And with that one touch, 129 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:16,186 Samantha, who was never a believer in relationships, 130 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,104 suddenly became a convert. 131 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,067 I mean, I'd totally given up on the idea that you could actually talk to men. 132 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,361 -Hey, don't spread that around. -Before James, 133 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,197 all my conversations consisted of two sentences, 134 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,491 "give it to me" and "go home." 135 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,202 And I owe it all to Charlotte. 136 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:35,330 Me? What did I do? 137 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,165 All that bullshit you spout 138 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:40,043 about not sleeping with men right away actually paid off. 139 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:43,922 I mean, if I'd fucked James already, who knows where we'd be. 140 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,132 Wait. You haven't had sex yet? 141 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,258 Soon. 142 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,219 You know, 143 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,389 I think he's someone I could actually marry. 144 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,643 Samantha, that's great. 145 00:07:56,726 --> 00:08:00,146 The idea that Samantha could possibly get married before she did, 146 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,440 shook Charlotte's beliefs to the core. 147 00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,484 She took some drastic action. 148 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:07,070 She made an appointment to see Noanie Stine, 149 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,823 psychic to the stars and a cosmic connection, 150 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,909 who lived in a brownstone between Central Park West and Columbus. 151 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,412 -Is this you and Madonna? -Yeah. 152 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,831 We go to the same Cabala class. 153 00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,417 Now... 154 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:25,714 Pick three cards, face down with your left hand. 155 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:29,134 Charlotte had heard about Noanie through a sorority sister 156 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,928 whose marriage she had very accurately predicted. 157 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,388 Okay. 158 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:37,100 Now, is there one question in particular? 159 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,894 Well, no. 160 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,354 Just... 161 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,273 There is. 162 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,650 When will I get married? 163 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,239 "Ace of wands." Prosperity. 164 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,870 "Nine of cups." Strength and independence. 165 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,416 "The Hanged Man." A new awakening. 166 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,128 You're a strong, independent woman 167 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:08,506 with great success in your future, but I do not see marriage. 168 00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:12,719 -Excuse me? -I don't see it. 169 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,431 -What? -I don't see marriage. 170 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:21,019 Well, how can you just... say that like that? 171 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:25,315 I mean, what about my feelings? 172 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:28,693 Honey, I'm a psychic. I'm not a shrink. 173 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,571 So, who is this fabulous mother in the hat 174 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,823 and when do I get to go to church with you two? 175 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,118 You want to go to church? 176 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:39,871 You say that like I'm the antichrist or something. 177 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,164 No. 178 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,501 It's just I never thought of you as the church type. 179 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,337 Oh, really? What type am I? 180 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:51,341 The incredibly beautiful and intelligent type. 181 00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:54,552 What religion are you? 182 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:58,056 I'm no one religion in particular. I'm open to all. 183 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,226 -Kind of like a 7-Eleven? -Come on. 184 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,520 I want to go to church with you and your mommy. 185 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,313 How about this Sunday? 186 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:11,277 Well, it's just a private little thing my mother and I do, just the two of us. 187 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:21,955 You want to go to the Caribbean next week. 188 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:24,332 Sure. I'll go pack my jet ski. 189 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:27,252 No, I'm serious. We could both use a vacation. 190 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:31,506 Come on. The sun, the sand, you and me. You waiting on me. 191 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:34,425 -Can you get away? -Yeah, but I can't afford it. 192 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,761 I'll tell you what. I'll buy the tickets. 193 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:40,765 When we get to St. Barts, you can buy me one big margarita. 194 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,061 -Oh, God! 195 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:48,898 Oh, God! Oh, God! 196 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,657 Wait. I want to hold you. 197 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,327 -I'll be right back. -Stay here a second. 198 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,916 Isn't this nice? Us together? 199 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,585 Yeah. 200 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,337 Look. I'm just gonna go jump in the shower, 201 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,590 and then, boom, I'm all yours. 202 00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,509 There's nothing sinful about sex. 203 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,137 Oh... 204 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:20,847 Oh, really? 205 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,058 Well, thanks for clearing that up. 206 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:26,811 And what is that? The gospel according to Miranda? 207 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,522 What are you gonna tell me next that God made the body, 208 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,817 and if God made the body and sex is an expression of that body, 209 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:36,654 how could anything made by that God-made body be considered sin? 210 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,198 Well, yeah. 211 00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:41,868 It's a miracle! I'm healed! 212 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,870 You're free to go work with the lepers now. 213 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,830 I guess this means I'm not going to hell. 214 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,875 Great news! Thank you, Miranda. 215 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,502 Thank you for saving my immortal soul. 216 00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,671 In her effort to help, 217 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:57,800 Miranda had accidentally detonated some kind of Catholic guilt bomb. 218 00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,720 I'm gonna go take a shower. 219 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:04,140 When I come out, I'd kind of like it if you weren't here. 220 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,226 You got it. 221 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,062 Six months later, that exact same speech 222 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,522 would find its way into Thomas John Anderson's 223 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:14,442 hit Off-Broadway play Shower of Shame. 224 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:21,449 Meanwhile, downtown, Samantha was preparing to see God. 225 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,079 I know it's only been a couple of weeks, 226 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,873 but I love you, Samantha. 227 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:30,917 I love you, too. 228 00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:41,386 Oh, honey, I can't wait any longer. 229 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,972 Just unzip and get over here. 230 00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,238 Okay, I'm ready. Put it in. 231 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,282 It is in. 232 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,411 Samantha said a little prayer that he was kidding. 233 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,621 He wasn't. 234 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:15,420 Sunday morning. A time for rest. A time for relaxation. 235 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,171 A time for spying. 236 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,549 The plan was simple. 237 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,883 Just get a look at the mother, 238 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,885 then Miranda and I would go for eggs. 239 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,805 Look at how crowded it is. What a sham. 240 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,016 Will you lighten up? It's a Presbyterian church, 241 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,100 not a Catholic one. 242 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:33,062 Whatever. Catholics, Episcopalian, Buddhists, Shakers, Quakers. 243 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,773 All the same, all designed to fuck up our sex lives. 244 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:36,733 Here, pray. 245 00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:39,902 Oh, there they are. 246 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,654 -Where? -Right there. 247 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:45,408 As I watched Mr. Big standing quietly next to his mother, 248 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,619 tall, proud, respectful... 249 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,622 I think I fell a little bit more in love with him. 250 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:52,999 Let us pray. 251 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,794 - We come together... -We're out of here. 252 00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,727 Here they come. Let's make a break for it. 253 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,479 No, they saw me. I have to say hello. 254 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:15,980 I can't just pray and run. 255 00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:17,899 Oh, there they are. 256 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,985 Okay, go. I'm fine. Go. 257 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,575 Aren't you the young lady who made all that noise? 258 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,369 Slippery gloves. 259 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,621 -'Morning. -Good morning. 260 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,040 -It's a lovely church. -Yes, isn't it? 261 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:38,419 -Don't you think it's lovely? -Mother, this is my friend Carrie. 262 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:42,215 I searched her face looking for the light of recognition. 263 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,301 But there was nothing. 264 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:46,761 Carrie-Carrie. 265 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:49,055 I'm just gonna go and say good-bye to the pastor. 266 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,015 -It was lovely meeting you. 267 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,103 "My friend Carrie"? 268 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,480 You show up at church after I asked you not to. 269 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,065 What are you trying to do? Test me? 270 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,734 I mean, why all of a sudden interest in meeting my mother? 271 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,569 Well, has the woman ever even heard of me? 272 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,905 My mother doesn't need to meet another girlfriend. 273 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:07,990 Oh. 274 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,076 I didn't mean that... 275 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:13,746 I mean... 276 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,332 I'll introduce you as my girlfriend when I'm sure. 277 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:17,750 Oh. 278 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,422 Look, I have to do things on my time frame. 279 00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:23,965 "Time frame"? 280 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,259 We've been going out for months. 281 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,557 I really don't know what else to say to you. 282 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,018 We'll get there. You just have to have a little faith. 283 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:39,689 -"Faith"? -Yeah. Look. 284 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,107 In a couple of days we're going on vacation. 285 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,442 We have plenty of time to talk this out. 286 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,235 Right now, I've got to get my mother home. Okay? 287 00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:45,903 Well, go. 288 00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,198 Just go. 289 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:07,133 Move over. 290 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,015 I didn't leave. 291 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,434 You didn't seem fine. 292 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,770 He introduced me to his mother as a friend. 293 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,316 She never heard of me. 294 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,777 That isn't a good sign. 295 00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:32,033 -Maybe they're not that close. -Come on, don't lie. You're in a church. 296 00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:38,998 I can't get inside. 297 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,419 I don't know what else I can do. 298 00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:48,466 Later that night in the Church of Disco, 299 00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:51,010 Stanford invited everyone he knew 300 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,513 to a party to introduce a new fragrance, 301 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:54,972 Fallen Angel. 302 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,727 Hi, Carrie! Hi, Carrie! 303 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:03,564 Also, he wanted to show off his new boyfriend, Allanne. 304 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,150 Hi! 305 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:09,153 Isn't this fun? It's like hell with a cover charge. 306 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,907 Carrie, this is Allanne. Allanne, Carrie. 307 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,493 - Hi. Nice to meet you finally. -You too. 308 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:18,996 Did I tell you that Allanne designed the Fallen Angel bottle? 309 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:21,749 Yes. Congratulations. 310 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,752 Thank you. Excuse me for a second. 311 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,046 I just saw someone I want to say hello to. 312 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:33,886 So you know what we did today? 313 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:39,308 We shopped for Deco cabinet handles for his armoire. 314 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,144 I turned into one of those couples we hate and I'm loving it! 315 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,731 Stanford and Allanne worshiped the same God... 316 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:46,983 style. 317 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,653 So, you all excited for the big vacaciĂ³n? 318 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,030 I don't know. I can't help feeling 319 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:56,784 like it's some sort of consolation prize for not letting me in his life. 320 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:59,328 What is going on with you two? 321 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,540 -We're not in the greatest place. -What happened? 322 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,585 He wouldn't introduce me to his mother. 323 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,461 Ouch. 324 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:11,132 Thanks. 325 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,552 Skipper. Hi. 326 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,055 It seems Stanford had invited everyone in his Rolodex. 327 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:20,474 I was hoping I'd see you here. 328 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,977 I've been totally thinking about you since we broke up. 329 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,396 -You have? -Totally. 330 00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,441 You look great. 331 00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,861 Thanks. So do you. 332 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,280 Miranda looked at Skipper. 333 00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,907 The months apart had shed a new light on him. 334 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,995 Actually, they'd shed a new light on his shower-free feelings about sex. 335 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:45,249 Later that night, the three of us tracked Samantha to the ladies' room 336 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,585 to get the lowdown on her love life with James. 337 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,587 Here you are. We've been looking for you everywhere. 338 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:52,757 So, how is everything? 339 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,468 She means have you and James done it yet? 340 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,136 Mm-hmm. 341 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,137 And? 342 00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:02,933 -It's nice. -I'm so happy for you. 343 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,689 Sweetie, what is it? 344 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,524 Nothing. 345 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,490 -Hey, what's going on? 346 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:18,824 Why are you crying? 347 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,202 James has a small dick. 348 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,370 Oh... 349 00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:25,665 -Well, it's not the end of the world. -It's really small. 350 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,041 -How small? -Too small. 351 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,502 -Well, size isn't everything. -Three inches? 352 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,712 -Well... -Hard? 353 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:36,342 -Is he a good kisser? -Who the fuck cares? 354 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,094 His dick is like a gherkin! 355 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:42,431 I feel so terrible. Listen to me. I'm a bad person. 356 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,851 Don't beat yourself up. You had certain expectations and you're disappointed. 357 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,978 Why? Why? 358 00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:50,314 Why does he have to have a small dick? 359 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:53,901 -I really like him. -I thought you loved him. 360 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:55,319 Well... 361 00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:58,239 -Oh, look, we've all been there. -That's for sure. 362 00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:02,076 I was once with a guy the size of one of those little miniature golf pencils. 363 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,620 Couldn't tell if he was trying to fuck me or erase me. 364 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,292 I'm sorry. It's just... It's funny. 365 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,211 Let's not lose perspective. 366 00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:15,715 -There are ways to work around this. -I don't want to work around it. 367 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:19,009 I love a big dick. I love it inside of me. 368 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,679 I love looking at it. I love everything about it. 369 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,015 When I blow him, it's like... 370 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:27,560 nothing. 371 00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,311 Nothing. 372 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,189 -Can you talk to him about it? -No. 373 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,526 It's the only thing we can't talk about. 374 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:42,616 -What am I gonna do? -How is he with his tongue? 375 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,663 Charlotte left us all behind, 376 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,707 telling us she had another party to go to. 377 00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:55,546 She took a cab to a part of town never mentioned in the New Yorker. 378 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:57,965 Will I ever get married? 379 00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:04,013 I call the power of all the saints. 380 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:05,931 Saint Lazarus. 381 00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,518 Saint Rosa. Send me your guidance. 382 00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,396 Send me the truth. 383 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:16,901 Send me an answer. 384 00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:29,622 No yolk. 385 00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:31,248 What does that mean? 386 00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:34,543 You'll never be married. 387 00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:38,047 You are cursed. 388 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:43,636 But do not worry. For $100 dollars, we can remove it. 389 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:50,976 The entire way home, 390 00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:53,604 Charlotte berated herself for being so foolish. 391 00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:56,106 She simply refused to give in to the idea 392 00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:57,566 that she would never get married. 393 00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,151 Sorry. 394 00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:02,321 All she had to do was keep believing, and it would happen. 395 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,285 It was 3:00 am in the Church of Disco, 396 00:22:08,369 --> 00:22:11,330 and Miranda couldn't believe what she was about to say. 397 00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:15,125 -You want to spend the night? -The night? The whole night? 398 00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:18,546 Yeah, the whole night. 399 00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:25,177 -I knew we'd get back together. -You did? 400 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,429 Yep. 401 00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:30,224 Every night I'd light a candle and say a little prayer. 402 00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:32,935 You're a freak. 403 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,647 Samantha tried desperately 404 00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:39,024 to believe that love was stronger than sex. 405 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,027 Why are you crying? 406 00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:45,281 I'm just so happy. 407 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:54,915 I stayed up all night questioning my faith in faith. 408 00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:57,835 I mean, hadn't I had faith in us all along? 409 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,384 Faith that all the withholding would stop. 410 00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:09,930 Faith that he'd say, "I love you." 411 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:11,515 Let's go! 412 00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:14,059 Hey, hurry. We're gonna miss the plane. 413 00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:17,438 Wait, wait. Put them down a second. 414 00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:19,773 Just put them down. 415 00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:23,193 Okay. 416 00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:26,071 What? 417 00:23:27,865 --> 00:23:29,158 I need a sign. 418 00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:33,495 I mean, you told me to have faith, but, see... 419 00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:36,332 I'm kind of losing mine, so... 420 00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:39,877 I need a sign. 421 00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:42,379 What, like in those old religious movies? 422 00:23:42,463 --> 00:23:43,881 You want a voice from above? 423 00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:46,508 Just tell me I'm the one. 424 00:23:48,302 --> 00:23:52,348 You don't have to tell your mother or the whole world, just... 425 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,518 Just tell me. 426 00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:14,078 I can't do this. 427 00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:16,997 Carrie. 428 00:24:17,081 --> 00:24:18,123 Carrie. 429 00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:20,292 Carrie. 430 00:24:20,376 --> 00:24:23,462 Just get in the car. Please. 431 00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:25,881 I can't. 432 00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:29,551 I love you, but I can't. 433 00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:36,892 So that's it? 434 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:53,033 No regrets 435 00:24:55,369 --> 00:25:01,500 Although our love affair has gone astray 436 00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:05,337 No regrets 437 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,133 After he left, I cried for a week. 438 00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:13,679 And then I realized I do have faith. 439 00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:15,889 Faith in myself. 440 00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:19,685 Faith that I would one day meet someone 441 00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:23,147 who would be sure that I was the one. 442 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:28,986 Still in my heart you'll be 443 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:34,742 Forever mine 444 00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:38,620 No regrets