1
00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:53,011
One of the best things about
living in a city like New York...
2
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:54,930
is leaving it.
3
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,769
My friend Patience and her husband
4
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,854
invited me out to the Hamptons
for the weekend.
5
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,234
Patience and Peter
were the perfect married couple.
6
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,069
They were fun, smart
7
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,196
and they looked like they fell out
of a J. Crew catalog.
8
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:14,700
If their house wasn't right on
the beach, I would have hated them.
9
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,870
So he gets in the cab
and slides up next to me.
10
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:23,959
-Yes?
11
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,503
-And it is hot.
12
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,172
It is hot all the way
from Houston West Broadway
13
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,757
to 72nd and Madison.
14
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:34,386
Hampton houseguests are always required
to sing for their supper.
15
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:38,765
Brokers give investment advice.
Architects, design advice.
16
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:43,353
Single people give married friends
tidbits from their sexual escapades.
17
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:48,567
The next morning I woke up
feeling rested and fabulous.
18
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:51,862
I couldn't wait to go out
and take in the spectacular view.
19
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,239
Morning.
20
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:58,368
Patience went out to get
juice and muffins.
21
00:01:58,577 --> 00:01:59,786
She'll be right back.
22
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,747
There he was...
23
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:04,833
full-frontal friend.
24
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,460
Good!
25
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:10,297
He just stood there, casual,
happy, hanging out.
26
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,049
I didn't know what to do or what to say.
27
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:12,966
Great!
28
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:16,637
I only knew one thing.
That's way too much Peter before coffee.
29
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,473
-Good morning.
-Hey.
30
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,602
Got some fresh juice
and the good muffins.
31
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,605
So, what's happening?
32
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,899
Oh, well, um...
33
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:33,445
I ran into Peter in the hallway
without his underwear on.
34
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:37,491
PS, congratulations.
35
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,452
Sunny day.
36
00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:43,705
Honey, did Carrie
see your dick in the hall?
37
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,333
Oh, yeah, she caught me
on the way to the bathroom.
38
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,710
Oh. "On the way to the bathroom."
39
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,755
Oh, yeah! The good muffins.
40
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,928
So what are we doing today?
41
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,765
I barely had time to shove
a "good muffin" in my purse
42
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,558
before I was on my way back to New York.
43
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:06,269
I'm confused. Why would he do that?
Did he want to have sex with you?
44
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,355
I don't know. It didn't feel sexual.
45
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,066
Maybe he just wanted to show it off,
like a monkey.
46
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,404
-So, how big was it?
-Fresh pepper?
47
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,574
Yes, please. Thank you very much.
48
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,035
That'll do.
49
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,453
Would you like
some fresh pepper?
50
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,914
Oh, honey, I'd love some fresh pepper.
51
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:30,085
In fact, I think everyone at this table
could use a lot of fresh pepper.
52
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,715
Thanks.
53
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,009
Mmm.
54
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,679
So I told her I didn't understand
why she was so upset.
55
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,598
And she said I couldn't understand it.
I'm single.
56
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:44,641
And what?
57
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,685
Single women prowl beach houses
58
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:49,563
hoping for glimpses of their friend's
husband's dicks?
59
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:52,524
-How good of a friend was she?
- What's the difference?
60
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,484
When someone gets married,
all bets are off.
61
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,862
They become married,
and we become the enemy.
62
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,322
As the only single lawyer
working at her law firm,
63
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,450
Miranda had given this topic
some thought.
64
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,160
You know, married women are threatened
65
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,288
because we can have sex
anytime, anywhere with anyone.
66
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:07,539
We can?
67
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:11,543
And they're afraid we're gonna have it
anytime, anywhere with their husbands.
68
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,295
I would never sleep with a married man.
69
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:16,256
What makes you so sure you haven't?
Wedding rings come off, you know.
70
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:20,427
Face it, ladies. If you're still single,
you are not to be trusted.
71
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:23,096
Come on! Not all married women
feel that way.
72
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,264
Charlotte treated marriage
73
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,850
like a sorority
she was desperately hoping to pledge.
74
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,894
You're right. Not all.
75
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,021
The ones who don't fear you, pity you.
76
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,939
That's not true.
77
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:36,109
Are you telling me you haven't gotten
those "poor single you" looks?
78
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,653
-I hate those.
-Okay, yes, I have.
79
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:41,698
I hate it when you're the only
single person at a dinner party
80
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,033
and they all look at you like you're a--
81
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,242
-Loser.
-Leper.
82
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,203
-Whore.
-Exactly!
83
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,122
I'm telling you,
married people are the enemy.
84
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,626
Was Miranda right?
Were we enemies?
85
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:56,588
Is there a secret cold war
between marrieds and singles?
86
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,382
I love my single friends.
87
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,926
But now that I'm married,
88
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,220
I don't see them as much as I used to.
89
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,055
It's too painful.
90
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,600
They remind me of how desperate
I used to be.
91
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:11,394
When women get married,
they forget who they are.
92
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,481
"I" becomes "We." "We loved the movie."
93
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,274
"We hate that restaurant."
94
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,068
"We, we, we, we, we."
95
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,320
My best buddy and I
did everything together.
96
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,323
Then he married this girl
who doesn't like me.
97
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,826
Now I only see him on Super Bowl Sunday.
98
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,078
It's all about
what you want out of life.
99
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,831
Some people, like me, choose to grow up,
100
00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,707
face reality and get married.
101
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,126
And others choose to... what?
102
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:39,422
Live an empty, haunted life
of stunted adolescence.
103
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,884
No, it's not a cold war.
It's an out-and-out battle.
104
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,095
And it isn't just straight people.
105
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,889
Every gay guy I know
is running off to Hawaii
106
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:52,102
putting on a kaftan, reciting vows
and feeling superior to me.
107
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,105
-Kaftan?
-Oh, yes, with orchid leis.
108
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,566
-"Aloha."
109
00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,734
I miss the old times
when everyone was alone.
110
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:02,571
Now I'm starting to feel like
I'm an outcast in the outcasts.
111
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,655
Carrie?
112
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:09,202
Oh, my God! Joe! Hi! Wow!
113
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:12,539
Geez, it's been years.
I haven't seen you since you were, um...
114
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:13,665
Straight?
115
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,959
Well, I was gonna say in Miss Saigon.
116
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,837
-Still am.
-I love Miss Saigon.
117
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,172
Oh, this is my friend, Stanford.
118
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,925
Hi. And this is my life partner, Lou.
119
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,344
Oh, look at that.
120
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,639
-Congratulations.
-Where are you registered?
121
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,017
-Barney's.
-I was kidding.
122
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,061
So, Carrie, how about you?
Are you married?
123
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,522
Oh... Not really. I mean, no!
124
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:41,735
-Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
-Perfect!
125
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:43,570
What?
126
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:46,573
Well, Lou and I are interested
in having a child.
127
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:49,659
We already have a surrogate,
but we need a topnotch egg.
128
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:53,330
What are your feelings
about donating one?
129
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,542
Well, listen, here's our card.
130
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,628
You think about it, and give us a call.
131
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,838
-We'll pay.
-Yeah. Great seeing you.
132
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:08,136
I had just experienced
single-bashing for the new millennium.
133
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,680
I was no longer
even considered a person.
134
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,807
I was now an egg farm.
135
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,143
Meanwhile, in a park downtown
136
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,979
another single woman
was about to be humiliated.
137
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:22,108
Miranda was obliged to attend
her firm's annual softball game.
138
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:24,277
A law firm softball game
is like any other,
139
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:27,364
except when a lawyer steals a base,
he gets promoted.
140
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,741
Miranda.
I was afraid you wouldn't come.
141
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,118
All right. Let's get it over with.
142
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,790
Panicked at the idea
of spending another firm function
143
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:37,999
labeled as a leper,
144
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,044
Miranda had agreed
to be fixed up on a blind date.
145
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,130
Miranda, this is Syd. Syd, Miranda.
146
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,009
Look at you two.
It's like a perfect match.
147
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,596
Well, I'm gonna excuse myself.
148
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,434
-Nice to meet you.
-You too.
149
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:59,646
I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna get a soda. You want a soda?
150
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:02,315
-Yeah.
-I'm gonna get us a soda. Okay.
151
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:04,943
Jeff.
152
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,612
Pretty great, huh?
Can I pick them or what?
153
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,155
Yeah. I'm not gay.
154
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:10,991
Seriously?
155
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:14,703
I've been with the firm eight months.
I haven't once seen you with a guy.
156
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,579
Circumstantial, Jeff. I'm single.
157
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:20,083
Christ! When did being single
translate into being gay?
158
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,584
Shit.
159
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,879
Uh, you want me to go over there and...
160
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,715
No, I'll do it.
161
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:33,513
Brave Miranda marched
right over and told Syd she wasn't.
162
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,474
They had a good laugh
and decided to stay and play ball.
163
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:49,821
Miranda and Syd's
last-inning double play
164
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,239
got the attention of everyone.
165
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,991
Even the firm's senior partner.
166
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:56,286
-That was quite a play, ladies.
-It's all about teamwork, Charles.
167
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,955
-Uh, Chip.
-Chip.
168
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,251
Listen. My wife and I are having
a little dinner party on the 12th.
169
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,295
Just some couples, nothing fancy.
170
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,547
We'd love it if you both could make it.
171
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,965
We'd love to.
172
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,556
Later that night, Miranda
gave me the lowdown on her day.
173
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:20,477
So you think it's just because
they think you're in a couple?
174
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,896
I know it. I've been
with the firm for two years.
175
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,899
He's barely even spoken to me.
All of a sudden, it's "Chip."
176
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,692
A lawyer named Chip. Gotta love that.
177
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,862
And they seemed so relieved
to have finally figured me out.
178
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,323
So you're actually gonna go through
with the dinner?
179
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,242
Yup. I'm determined
to make partner in this firm,
180
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,536
even if I have to be a lesbian partner.
181
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,914
After Miranda left,
I had a thought.
182
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,291
Maybe the cold war isn't about hate.
183
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,795
Maybe it's about fear,
fear of the unknown.
184
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,422
Married people don't hate singles.
185
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,675
They just want us figured out.
186
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,970
I felt it was time to stop
all this speculation
187
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,806
and infiltrate the enemy camp.
188
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:01,392
Lunch with my favorite couple,
David and Lisa.
189
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:05,021
Well, I don't think of us
as married so much as together.
190
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,940
-Wait. Are we married?
-Uh, yeah.
191
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,650
Remember that day
you wore the white dress
192
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,277
-and we got all the flatware?
- Oh, yeah.
193
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,947
-I guess I should stop seeing other men.
-Hey.
194
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,366
What about you? You like being single?
195
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,326
Most of the time, yeah.
196
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,286
Then there are the other times,
you know...
197
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:24,165
Like family functions, when you're
the only one that's not married
198
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,792
and they sit you at the kid's table.
199
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:30,964
Or when you two eat off
the same fork, I just...
200
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,674
Oh, man, that's so sweet.
201
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:36,052
Don't start crying. He's such a pussy.
202
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,930
But you do want
to get married someday, right?
203
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:40,849
I don't know.
204
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,351
I'm beginning to think
I may not be the marrying kind.
205
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,477
Really?
206
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,813
No sooner had the words
come out of my mouth,
207
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,606
than I wondered if they were true.
208
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:52,277
-Hey!
-Hey, Sean! What a surprise!
209
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,529
- This is our friend Carrie.
-Hi.
210
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,823
We're just about to have dessert.
You want to join us?
211
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,033
Uh, sure. Sure.
212
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,287
- This is such a surprise.
- How are you?
213
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,746
Another time
I hate being single
214
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:07,292
is when married friends
"surprise" fix you up.
215
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,211
Two espressos and a tiramisu later,
216
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:13,047
I had learned that Sean
was the youngest of three brothers,
217
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,716
had his own investment firm,
218
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,719
and was about to move into
an apartment he had just purchased.
219
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,597
-You know this was a fix-up, right?
-Oh, please.
220
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,682
I could smell it
before you walked in the door.
221
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,185
My parents met on a fix-up
222
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:28,188
and they will be married
41 years next month.
223
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:30,273
Wow. That's great.
224
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,649
It was then I realized,
225
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,776
I was having coffee
with the marrying guy.
226
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:37,322
That elusive and rare Manhattan man
whose sights were set on marriage.
227
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:40,825
So, Carrie, can I see you again?
228
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,036
Sure.
229
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,085
Over the next week and a half,
I met Sean for a movie.
230
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,881
I met him for another movie.
231
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,302
And I helped him pick out
232
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,846
a top of the line cheese grater
at Williams-Sonoma.
233
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,349
My buddies are giving me
a big housewarming on the 12th.
234
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,393
-You should come and bring your friends.
-Sounds like fun.
235
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,856
Thanks for a great day.
236
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:16,819
He was like the flesh-and-blood
equivalent of a DKNY dress.
237
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,112
You know it's not your style,
238
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,865
but it's right there,
so you try it on anyway.
239
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,869
It was the night of the 12th.
240
00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:27,288
On the East Side,
a pseudo-lesbian couple
241
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,707
attended a right-wing
Republican dinner party.
242
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:35,922
Hey!
243
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,675
On the West Side,
a trio of single gals
244
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,261
went to a single guy's
housewarming party.
245
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:45,014
-So tell me. Are his friends cute?
-Don't know. I haven't met them yet.
246
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,809
How did you manage to get
a new boyfriend in a week?
247
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:51,312
He's not my boyfriend.
He's just somebody I'm trying on.
248
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,398
All right. Ready?
249
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,990
Everywhere I looked,
people were standing in twos.
250
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:05,493
It was like Noah's Upper West Side
rent-controlled ark.
251
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,495
It's all married couples.
252
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,291
Samantha gave me a look
like I had sold her to the enemy
253
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,334
for chocolate bars and nylons.
254
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,421
- Hey.
-Oh, hey! This is for you.
255
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:17,547
- Thank you.
-Hi.
256
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,632
-You must be Charlotte.
-Hi.
257
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:22,593
-And you have to be Samantha.
-Yeah. Where's the bar?
258
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,263
Uh, kitchen. You can't miss it.
Room with the stove.
259
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,015
This apartment is amazing.
260
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,516
Thanks. I've been planning it for years.
261
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,059
Come on. I'll give you guys
the grand tour.
262
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:31,853
As I moved through
the married couples,
263
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,980
I noticed something was different.
264
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:37,275
No fear, no pity, no pointing.
265
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:40,945
Were Sean's friends cold war
conscientious objectors
266
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,573
or was it just that I was "figured out"?
267
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:49,412
My accountant says that it's best
to go with low-risk stocks.
268
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,664
Well, that depends.
I mean, what are your expectations?
269
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,583
Well, I'm not sure.
270
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,754
Honey, I need you to come over here
and meet someone.
271
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,548
Sure. Oh, this is Samantha.
Samantha, this is Elaine.
272
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:01,591
His wife.
273
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,761
Honey, I really need you
in the other room.
274
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,930
Sure. It was nice
talking to you, Samantha.
275
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,936
And this is the den.
276
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,689
Oh, you have one of these
leather club chairs. I love these.
277
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,275
Thanks. I'm using this room
as an office now,
278
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,236
but someday this is gonna be
the kid's room.
279
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,321
Look.
280
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:28,201
I got this three years ago in Aspen.
281
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,370
What do you think?
282
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:37,585
Okay, I owe you.
283
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,962
I didn't know that all his buddies
were gonna be married.
284
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,840
Oh, my God. You're doing tequila shots?
285
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,009
You see that buddy over there?
286
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,012
I fucked him.
287
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,556
See that buddy over there?
288
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,892
I fucked him too.
289
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,521
I never thought I'd see them again.
290
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,898
Well, maybe we should start tagging
your married men
291
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,733
and that way you can keep track of them.
292
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,987
-He's gonna ask you to marry him.
-He is not going to ask me to marry him.
293
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,697
I've been dating him a week and a half.
294
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,867
No guy buys a classic six
on the Upper West Side,
295
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,787
unless they are seriously
thinking about marriage.
296
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:16,207
Some people read palms.
Charlotte read real estate.
297
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,835
If you turn into one of those
married assholes,
298
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,294
I'll kill you.
299
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:26,634
Sean is the greatest guy,
and he love kids.
300
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:31,222
Plus, he owns his own business,
and he's got 300,000 in the bank.
301
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:34,434
We both slept with him,
and he is great in bed.
302
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,478
An hour and a half
into this housewarming,
303
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:40,648
I had gone from party guest
to prisoner of war.
304
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,110
Samantha is totally drunk.
I've gotta get her out of here.
305
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,404
-You're not going anywhere without me.
- Carrie.
306
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,240
Oh, God. More friends.
307
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:51,659
Surprise!
308
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:53,911
It certainly was.
309
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,831
Last time I saw Patience,
she was shoving me on a bus.
310
00:15:56,914 --> 00:16:00,585
When Sean told us you and he
were dating, we were just so thrilled.
311
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:04,755
Oh. Well, listen. About what happened
at your beach house the other day--
312
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:07,300
-Don't mention it.
-Well, I just... I'm not even sure--
313
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,135
I said don't mention it.
314
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:12,555
This party is terrible. Who are you?
315
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,225
Um, this is my friend Patience,
and this is her husband Peter.
316
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,811
I heard about you.
317
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,316
Big peppermill dick!
318
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:30,281
And just as suddenly,
our little cease-fire was over.
319
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,993
Meanwhile, across town
things were winding down.
320
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,746
Thank you so much.
We really had a great time.
321
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,247
As did we all.
322
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,417
She is a real find.
323
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,252
-Oh.
-We'll do it again soon.
324
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:47,006
I'll meet you at the elevator, okay?
I just need to...
325
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,010
We can't do it again soon.
326
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,137
Syd and I aren't really a couple.
327
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,098
In fact, we're not even really lesbians.
328
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,392
Well, Syd is. I'm not.
329
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:00,937
I just took advantage of the situation
330
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,314
to bend your ear
about my work at the firm.
331
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,983
Shrewd move, Counselor.
332
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,945
-No harm done.
-Thank you, sir.
333
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,696
My wife will be disappointed.
334
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:14,450
She was looking to add
a lesbian couple to our circle.
335
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,498
As they rode between floors,
336
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,291
Miranda considered how much easier
337
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,585
her life would be
if she were in a couple.
338
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,087
Any couple.
339
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,135
Yep.
340
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,346
Definitely straight.
341
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,891
Yeah. You are.
342
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,185
Sorry.
343
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:45,773
While Miranda cursed
her heterosexuality
344
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,442
and wondered how much longer
she could fight the war,
345
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:52,947
Charlotte cursed tequila
and forced Samantha into a cab.
346
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,825
She decided Samantha was too drunk
to get home alone,
347
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,286
and insisted she spend
the night on her couch.
348
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:04,125
-We're home.
-We're home. Oh, boy.
349
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:09,964
Let me get that door for you.
350
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,383
Hey!
351
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:17,471
- I like him.
-All right. All right! Bye-bye!
352
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,683
She got Samantha upstairs
and safely to bed...
353
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,226
Or so she thought.
354
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,354
A couple of hours later,
355
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,190
Samantha woke up still drunk
and still single.
356
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,651
And single to Samantha
meant one thing...
357
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,702
-Can I have a cigarette?
-Sure.
358
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,792
Can I have a kiss?
359
00:18:58,888 --> 00:18:59,805
Oh, Jesus.
360
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,143
I really shouldn't. Somebody might see.
361
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,813
Why don't you come upstairs,
just for a minute?
362
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,202
Samantha?
363
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:28,501
Don't be scared, miss.
It's me, Tommy. I'm just leaving.
364
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,170
Your friend invited me up.
I know it was wrong.
365
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:34,256
But I've just been so lonely
since I left home
366
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,925
and I wanted the feel of a...
367
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,761
a woman's touch on me.
368
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,098
I'm going into the bathroom now
369
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,184
and when I come out, you won't be here.
370
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,895
And I never want this mentioned again.
371
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,564
Let me get the door for you, miss.
372
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,910
I was kinda hoping you'd stay over.
373
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,791
Look, Sean, um...
374
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,627
I don't think this is gonna work.
375
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,212
We want different things.
376
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:17,216
You obviously want to get married
and I don't know what I want.
377
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,096
You could smell my desperation, right?
378
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,889
No.
379
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,891
No, no. It's just...
380
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:31,021
I was trying you on. You know?
381
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,273
See if it fits.
382
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:34,942
It doesn't.
383
00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:37,403
I'm sorry.
384
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,829
I don't understand you women.
385
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:51,834
All I hear is "I want to get married.
I want to get married."
386
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:55,254
And none of you says yes. What the fuck?
387
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,850
I'm so tired of going through women.
388
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:10,269
I just want to get married.
389
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,274
I may know someone
who's perfect for you.
390
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:18,444
Who?
391
00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:22,740
They started out casual.
A brunch here, a concert there.
392
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,534
But pretty soon
they were visiting china.
393
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,704
Um, I always wanted this pattern
for formal dining.
394
00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:31,957
Are you serious?
395
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,588
Charlotte broke it off
then and there.
396
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,006
It would never work.
397
00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:41,884
He was American Classic,
she was French Country.
398
00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:46,597
Your friend never called
like she promised.
399
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:50,059
-Why is that?
-I don't know.
400
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:58,025
As I sifted through the rubble
of my marriage skirmish,
401
00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:59,193
I had a thought.
402
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,570
Maybe the fight between marrieds
and singles
403
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,697
is like the war in Northern Ireland.
404
00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:05,407
We're all basically the same,
405
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:08,077
but somehow we wound up
on different sides.
406
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:11,997
Sure, it'd be great to have that
one special person to walk home with.
407
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,500
But sometimes there's nothing better
408
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:17,127
than meeting your single girlfriends
for a night at the movies.
409
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,840
All I'm askin'
410
00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,758
Is for a little respect
When you get home
411
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:23,884
Just a little bit
412
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:24,802
Hey, baby
413
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:25,803
Just a little bit
414
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:26,929
When you get home
415
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,097
Just a little bit
416
00:22:28,222 --> 00:22:29,139
Mister
417
00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:30,266
Just a little bit
418
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:32,977
I ain't gon' do you wrong
419
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:34,728
While you're gone
420
00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:37,231
Ain't gon' do you wrong
421
00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:39,400
'Cause I don't wanna
422
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:41,110
All I'm askin'