1
00:00:01,367 --> 00:00:03,213
"Will & Grace" is recorded
in front of a live audience.

2
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:06,992
Grace, don't. She said not to.

3
00:00:07,016 --> 00:00:08,651
Hey, Karen, uh, I know that you said

4
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,353
you never wanted to see us again,

5
00:00:10,377 --> 00:00:12,388
and I totally respect that,
but I just wanted to call

6
00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:16,615
and say hey and make sure
you're okay, okay?

7
00:00:16,959 --> 00:00:19,670
So... hey.

8
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:23,087
Okay.

9
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,175
Oy vey.

10
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,894
Wow, that was like word jazz.

11
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:32,089
Well, I am worried about her.

12
00:00:32,113 --> 00:00:34,377
Karen just met this guy a week
ago, and she's in love?

13
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:35,445
Whatever happens,

14
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,935
I'm sure here true friends,
Alcohol and Painkiller,

15
00:00:37,959 --> 00:00:40,016
will be there for her.

16
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,401
I'm not saying we could take their place.

17
00:00:43,819 --> 00:00:45,263
It just doesn't feel right.

18
00:00:46,544 --> 00:00:48,867
Hey, losers. It's me, Karen.

19
00:00:48,891 --> 00:00:50,902
I just stopped by your dumb apartment

20
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,203
to tell you to leave me alone.

21
00:00:52,227 --> 00:00:54,037
No need to open the...

22
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,209
Okay, I'm not really Karen.

23
00:00:58,233 --> 00:01:00,879
It's me, Friday.

24
00:01:00,903 --> 00:01:02,046
Wow.

25
00:01:02,070 --> 00:01:03,703
The similarities are nonexistent.

26
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,384
Karen told me to trick you

27
00:01:06,408 --> 00:01:07,952
so you that you wouldn't
go looking for her.

28
00:01:07,976 --> 00:01:09,320
I knew I should've finished

29
00:01:09,344 --> 00:01:11,589
Natalie Portman's MasterClass.

30
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:12,979
Where is Karen?

31
00:01:13,749 --> 00:01:15,560
Friday, if you know something,
you have to tell us.

32
00:01:15,584 --> 00:01:17,962
Okay, you know that new guy
she's seeing? Phil?

33
00:01:17,986 --> 00:01:19,564
Well, she told him about her cabin,

34
00:01:19,588 --> 00:01:21,332
and they decided to go
there for the weekend.

35
00:01:21,356 --> 00:01:23,001
Wait, her cabin in the woods?

36
00:01:23,025 --> 00:01:25,570
The one that's a million miles
away from anything?

37
00:01:25,594 --> 00:01:27,138
- We gotta get to that cabin.
- What?

38
00:01:27,162 --> 00:01:29,107
You just told me not to get involved.

39
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,408
Okay, look, I finally listened

40
00:01:30,432 --> 00:01:31,743
to the "Dirty John" podcast.

41
00:01:31,767 --> 00:01:33,578
I still have two episodes to go.

42
00:01:33,602 --> 00:01:35,146
I was waiting for you to catch up!

43
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:36,314
Okay, there's... there's... there's more.

44
00:01:36,338 --> 00:01:39,450
After I finished "Dirty John"
I listened "Malicious Mark."

45
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,974
What?

46
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:44,255
We said we were gonna save
"Malicious Mark" for Purim.

47
00:01:44,279 --> 00:01:45,356
Wait, look.

48
00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:47,358
The... the point is there's a pattern

49
00:01:47,382 --> 00:01:49,160
to all of these true crime podcasts

50
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:51,095
that's happening with Karen and Phil.

51
00:01:51,119 --> 00:01:52,864
Mysterious man from out of nowhere,

52
00:01:52,888 --> 00:01:55,333
- claims to be a doctor...
- Goes after wealthy women...

53
00:01:55,357 --> 00:01:57,368
Tries to separate her from her friends.

54
00:01:57,392 --> 00:01:58,670
- We have to get to the cabin.
- I'll drive.

55
00:01:58,694 --> 00:02:00,705
I'll criticize.

56
00:02:04,066 --> 00:02:11,926
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

57
00:02:12,708 --> 00:02:14,152
No, please!

58
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:15,853
Phil, I beg you!

59
00:02:15,877 --> 00:02:17,288
Stop or I'll scream!

60
00:02:17,312 --> 00:02:18,389
Scream all you want.

61
00:02:18,413 --> 00:02:19,891
There's no one around for miles.

62
00:02:28,657 --> 00:02:31,836
I have to warn you, the
procedure I'm about to perform

63
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,638
is not covered by Obamacare.

64
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,741
You're a little early, Doctor, but...

65
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:39,199
I think I can squeeze you in.

66
00:02:43,505 --> 00:02:47,885
Okay, ladies, eight hours
until the grand reopening.

67
00:02:47,909 --> 00:02:50,922
Wow, look at you, all boss-lady like.

68
00:02:50,946 --> 00:02:52,090
Hmm.

69
00:02:52,114 --> 00:02:55,927
Turns out, the devil wears Old Navy.

70
00:02:55,951 --> 00:02:57,028
I know, right?

71
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,551
I'm such a hard-ass.

72
00:03:00,255 --> 00:03:01,766
Owen!

73
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,002
If you have time to lean,
you got time to preen!

74
00:03:04,026 --> 00:03:05,961
Lick those eyebrows neat.

75
00:03:07,863 --> 00:03:08,906
Next time, do it with your tongue;

76
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:10,090
you get a raise.

77
00:03:12,868 --> 00:03:15,413
What are these ruby slippers doing here?

78
00:03:15,437 --> 00:03:16,948
I... I thought they looked pretty there.

79
00:03:16,972 --> 00:03:18,883
You thought?

80
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,852
This guy.

81
00:03:20,876 --> 00:03:22,453
Last time I checked,

82
00:03:22,477 --> 00:03:25,923
I was the only one who got paid
to "thought," huh?

83
00:03:25,947 --> 00:03:27,607
And I say they look pretty...

84
00:03:29,151 --> 00:03:30,777
Here.

85
00:03:31,653 --> 00:03:34,587
- That is better, sir.
- Yeah, it is.

86
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,067
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

87
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:39,203
That's Dexter Murphy
from "The New York Gayzette"

88
00:03:39,227 --> 00:03:41,739
He's interviewing me
about my big opening.

89
00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:48,212
Hello, welcome. I'm Jack McFarland.

90
00:03:48,236 --> 00:03:50,815
I'm Dexter Murphy, "New York Gayzette."

91
00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:53,484
I loved your takedown
of Andy Cohen's dog.

92
00:03:53,508 --> 00:03:55,677
Ugh, that bitch had it coming.

93
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:59,579
Yeah. May I take your... poncho?

94
00:04:00,816 --> 00:04:02,715
Or is that what's holding you together?

95
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,566
- We missed the turn.
- No, this is right.

96
00:04:08,590 --> 00:04:09,734
Well, how do you know?

97
00:04:09,758 --> 00:04:11,402
You said Karen blindfolded you

98
00:04:11,426 --> 00:04:13,071
so that you wouldn't see where it was.

99
00:04:13,095 --> 00:04:14,305
She does not like drop-ins,

100
00:04:14,329 --> 00:04:17,475
but I can figure it out with
my heightened sense of smell.

101
00:04:17,499 --> 00:04:19,343
It's kind of my superpower.

102
00:04:19,367 --> 00:04:21,145
And I'm getting...

103
00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:23,815
Raspberry cream and...

104
00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:25,083
Epoxy glue.

105
00:04:25,107 --> 00:04:26,666
The turn's coming up.

106
00:04:27,275 --> 00:04:29,420
Raspberry cream and glue?

107
00:04:29,444 --> 00:04:31,923
There is nothing in the world
that smells like...

108
00:04:31,947 --> 00:04:35,159
"Gower's Fruit-Filled Candy
and Marine Sealants,"

109
00:04:35,183 --> 00:04:37,595
100 yards.

110
00:04:37,619 --> 00:04:40,098
Wow, that's... that's quite a nose.

111
00:04:40,122 --> 00:04:41,632
My dad raised bloodhounds.

112
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,367
I used to always try
to find the dead rabbits

113
00:04:43,391 --> 00:04:44,702
before they could.

114
00:04:44,726 --> 00:04:46,504
You know, so that Dad would love me.

115
00:04:46,528 --> 00:04:48,306
I always won...

116
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,508
the rabbits, not his love.

117
00:04:57,251 --> 00:04:59,288
So let me get right to it, Mr. McFarland.

118
00:04:59,312 --> 00:05:01,696
How do you plan on keeping

119
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:06,638
an iconic institution like
Coco's open without Coco?

120
00:05:06,662 --> 00:05:08,573
Oh, oh, they'll still come. Yeah.

121
00:05:08,597 --> 00:05:10,442
I'm not changing anything. Yeah.

122
00:05:10,466 --> 00:05:12,277
We're just under new management.

123
00:05:12,301 --> 00:05:14,279
The bar's transitioning...

124
00:05:14,303 --> 00:05:16,007
like half our patrons.

125
00:05:16,872 --> 00:05:19,484
Do you think people who are
transitioning are funny?

126
00:05:19,508 --> 00:05:20,485
Oh, God, no.

127
00:05:20,509 --> 00:05:22,075
They have no sense of humor.

128
00:05:24,213 --> 00:05:25,824
Thank you for your time.

129
00:05:25,848 --> 00:05:29,527
I must rush this to my editor
because, clearly,

130
00:05:29,551 --> 00:05:31,529
this place won't be open much longer.

131
00:05:31,553 --> 00:05:32,597
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

132
00:05:32,621 --> 00:05:34,632
Wait, wait, I forgot
to tell you about the one thing

133
00:05:34,656 --> 00:05:36,134
I'm bringing to the bar that's gonna make

134
00:05:36,158 --> 00:05:37,268
everyone wanna come here.

135
00:05:37,292 --> 00:05:38,959
It's, uh...

136
00:05:40,362 --> 00:05:41,806
Ooh, ooh!

137
00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:44,843
These are the original ruby slippers

138
00:05:44,867 --> 00:05:47,178
worn by Judy Garland
in "The Wizard of Oz."

139
00:05:47,202 --> 00:05:48,613
Yes, they are.

140
00:05:48,637 --> 00:05:51,649
- Are those real?
- Yes, they are real.

141
00:05:51,673 --> 00:05:55,854
Uh, and that's why I'm renaming
the bar to "the Ruby Slipper."

142
00:05:55,878 --> 00:05:58,790
What kind of an idiot would do
that unless they weren't real?

143
00:05:58,814 --> 00:06:00,781
I know one.

144
00:06:02,251 --> 00:06:03,161
What if we're wrong?

145
00:06:03,185 --> 00:06:04,629
What if we get there
and they're just having

146
00:06:04,653 --> 00:06:06,331
a normal romantic weekend?

147
00:06:06,355 --> 00:06:07,399
Better to be wrong

148
00:06:07,423 --> 00:06:08,800
than to find out

149
00:06:08,824 --> 00:06:10,368
he chopped her up to make stew.

150
00:06:10,392 --> 00:06:12,570
And that's what "Malicious
Mark" did to his victims.

151
00:06:12,594 --> 00:06:13,872
Why would Phil go through all this?

152
00:06:13,896 --> 00:06:15,874
- That's what I don't get.
- Money.

153
00:06:15,898 --> 00:06:18,009
They're always after the money.

154
00:06:18,033 --> 00:06:19,878
Yeah, but he's so handsome, though.

155
00:06:19,902 --> 00:06:21,546
You think he could get money out of women

156
00:06:21,570 --> 00:06:22,547
without killing them.

157
00:06:22,571 --> 00:06:24,671
I mean, that body after 40?

158
00:06:25,774 --> 00:06:27,787
I'd give him my debit card.

159
00:06:28,410 --> 00:06:29,854
One good thing is, legally,

160
00:06:29,878 --> 00:06:31,489
even if he wanted Karen's money,

161
00:06:31,513 --> 00:06:32,657
he couldn't get it.

162
00:06:32,681 --> 00:06:33,992
Not unless they're married.

163
00:06:34,016 --> 00:06:35,593
Okay, Doctor.

164
00:06:35,617 --> 00:06:37,262
Truth or dare?

165
00:06:37,286 --> 00:06:38,763
Hmm.

166
00:06:38,787 --> 00:06:39,898
Truth.

167
00:06:39,922 --> 00:06:42,400
Um, have you ever stolen anything?

168
00:06:42,424 --> 00:06:43,803
Oh.

169
00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:46,070
Well, once when I was ten,

170
00:06:46,094 --> 00:06:49,574
I took some licorice
from the corner store, and...

171
00:06:49,598 --> 00:06:51,876
I felt so guilty
that I went right back in

172
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,411
and apologized to the owner.

173
00:06:53,435 --> 00:06:55,547
Aww. That's so sweet.

174
00:06:55,571 --> 00:06:57,715
Oh! And a truck full of TVs.

175
00:06:57,739 --> 00:06:59,284
Yeah, the guy just left it running,

176
00:06:59,308 --> 00:07:02,220
and I hopped in just to see
if I could get away with it.

177
00:07:02,244 --> 00:07:03,688
I did.

178
00:07:03,712 --> 00:07:05,256
I got away with it.

179
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:08,026
Oh, good, because when you
told me the licorice story,

180
00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:10,261
I was worried I'd hitched
my wagon to a fruit cart.

181
00:07:10,285 --> 00:07:11,796
Aww.

182
00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:14,187
Karen, you make me so happy.

183
00:07:15,724 --> 00:07:17,691
You, me too, Phil.

184
00:07:21,296 --> 00:07:23,241
Um...

185
00:07:23,265 --> 00:07:24,876
ooh, I got a good one.

186
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:27,200
Have you ever killed anyone?

187
00:07:28,737 --> 00:07:30,136
Isn't it my turn?

188
00:07:32,074 --> 00:07:34,085
Oh, right. I'm sorry, darling.

189
00:07:34,109 --> 00:07:35,720
Oh, that's okay, baby.

190
00:07:35,744 --> 00:07:37,611
So truth or dare?

191
00:07:38,113 --> 00:07:39,579
Dare.

192
00:07:40,182 --> 00:07:41,626
Marry me.

193
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,604
Do you see Karen?

194
00:07:52,628 --> 00:07:53,972
I don't think anyone's here.

195
00:07:53,996 --> 00:07:55,139
She's here.

196
00:07:55,163 --> 00:07:57,168
I smell Chanel and Adderall.

197
00:07:58,534 --> 00:07:59,911
Do you think they went for a walk?

198
00:07:59,935 --> 00:08:02,514
Oh, in "Malicious Mark,"
when the sun went down,

199
00:08:02,538 --> 00:08:04,349
he took his victim
for a walk in the woods.

200
00:08:04,373 --> 00:08:05,950
That's when he'd...

201
00:08:05,974 --> 00:08:07,352
and then...

202
00:08:07,376 --> 00:08:09,420
He made them cotton candy?

203
00:08:09,444 --> 00:08:10,855
Stew.

204
00:08:10,879 --> 00:08:13,324
He made stew out of them.

205
00:08:13,348 --> 00:08:15,693
You don't think rotten Phil
did the same with Karen?

206
00:08:15,717 --> 00:08:17,996
It can't be "Rotten Phil."
It's gotta start with a P.

207
00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:19,430
Oh, like "Philadelphia Phil."

208
00:08:19,454 --> 00:08:20,765
If he's from Philadelphia.

209
00:08:20,789 --> 00:08:22,634
Ooh, ooh, how about "Psychotic Phil"?

210
00:08:22,658 --> 00:08:24,636
The P can't be silent.

211
00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:26,137
How about "Psychotic Sam"?

212
00:08:26,161 --> 00:08:29,296
"Psychotic Sam." That's good.

213
00:08:30,032 --> 00:08:32,443
Wait, wait, wait, wait, both
words have to start with a "ph"

214
00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:33,678
and one of them has to be Phil.

215
00:08:33,702 --> 00:08:34,712
It's not that hard a concept.

216
00:08:36,238 --> 00:08:38,516
Hey.

217
00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:41,152
Hey, Sam... uh, Phil.

218
00:08:41,176 --> 00:08:43,488
We... the three of us were just, uh...

219
00:08:43,512 --> 00:08:44,889
The two. I'm not with them.

220
00:08:44,913 --> 00:08:46,291
I'm just a Jehovah's Witness,

221
00:08:46,315 --> 00:08:48,782
but you guys seem too smart for us.

222
00:08:49,851 --> 00:08:51,729
Yeah, so we were... we were just...

223
00:08:51,753 --> 00:08:53,998
Uh, we were in the
neighborhood because...

224
00:08:54,022 --> 00:08:56,701
We... we've got a... a cabin
on the lake...

225
00:08:56,725 --> 00:08:58,169
- Yeah.
- ...too, right down...

226
00:08:58,193 --> 00:09:01,472
round... 'bout there, a piece.

227
00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:03,575
Uh, yeah.

228
00:09:03,599 --> 00:09:05,877
Uh, uh, can we see Karen?

229
00:09:05,901 --> 00:09:07,968
Don't you mean Mrs. Phillip Johnson?

230
00:09:08,904 --> 00:09:09,981
You two got married?

231
00:09:10,005 --> 00:09:11,683
The justice of the peace just left.

232
00:09:11,707 --> 00:09:13,184
It was a beautiful ceremony.

233
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:16,042
I totally cried because
that's a thing people do.

234
00:09:16,845 --> 00:09:21,359
Um, can we congratulate Karen in person?

235
00:09:21,383 --> 00:09:23,595
Oh, she went for a walk.

236
00:09:23,619 --> 00:09:25,830
It's getting dark.
Hope nothing happened to her.

237
00:09:25,854 --> 00:09:28,722
Why don't you come in and wait?
I'm making stew.

238
00:09:31,727 --> 00:09:33,771
- Aren't you coming?
- Yes, yes!

239
00:09:40,756 --> 00:09:42,437
It's 8:15.

240
00:09:42,461 --> 00:09:43,871
Why is nobody here?

241
00:09:43,895 --> 00:09:45,860
There must be a sale on glitter.

242
00:09:46,631 --> 00:09:48,509
Or maybe Lin-Manuel Miranda

243
00:09:48,533 --> 00:09:50,344
is doing is doing
an impromptu rap somewhere,

244
00:09:50,368 --> 00:09:52,450
and everybody's being forced to like it.

245
00:09:53,337 --> 00:09:54,381
Every reservation?

246
00:09:54,405 --> 00:09:56,517
Every one, canceled.

247
00:09:56,541 --> 00:10:00,120
I don't get it.
This is my grand reopening.

248
00:10:00,144 --> 00:10:02,856
This place should be fending
off drunk bachelorettes

249
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,826
crying about their gay cousins in Kansas.

250
00:10:05,850 --> 00:10:07,861
You think it might have something to do

251
00:10:07,885 --> 00:10:09,730
with the article that was just posted?

252
00:10:09,754 --> 00:10:11,131
Read the headline.

253
00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:13,133
"New Owner of Miss Coco's

254
00:10:13,157 --> 00:10:16,158
Fails to Google Ruby Slippers
Before Lying About Them."

255
00:10:17,595 --> 00:10:20,007
Do you think this is gonna
affect my big opening?

256
00:10:21,666 --> 00:10:23,165
It's not funny now!

257
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:26,847
You shouldn't have lied
to that reporter, Jack.

258
00:10:26,871 --> 00:10:28,882
I know, I know. I just...

259
00:10:28,906 --> 00:10:31,652
I want so badly for this to be a success.

260
00:10:31,676 --> 00:10:33,887
But you just started.

261
00:10:33,911 --> 00:10:35,756
Come on. Give it time.

262
00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:36,857
Time for what?

263
00:10:36,881 --> 00:10:38,358
I never should have bought this place

264
00:10:38,382 --> 00:10:39,993
in the first place.

265
00:10:40,017 --> 00:10:42,418
Yes, I know, I just said
the word "place" twice.

266
00:10:43,588 --> 00:10:44,898
Listen,

267
00:10:44,922 --> 00:10:47,901
when I bought this place, it was a deli,

268
00:10:47,925 --> 00:10:50,103
but I had a vision.

269
00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:55,096
I based the entire concept
on something I loved...

270
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,178
Me.

271
00:10:58,202 --> 00:11:02,049
So you're saying I should
make this bar all about me?

272
00:11:02,073 --> 00:11:03,584
No, dear. No.

273
00:11:03,608 --> 00:11:06,542
It's a business.
You want paying customers.

274
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,723
You gotta put your own stank on it.

275
00:11:10,865 --> 00:11:12,238
What if nobody likes my stank?

276
00:11:13,818 --> 00:11:15,395
Listen.

277
00:11:15,419 --> 00:11:18,365
Life is a gamble,

278
00:11:18,389 --> 00:11:21,268
but at least you're rolling the dice.

279
00:11:21,292 --> 00:11:24,593
You know, most people don't
have the guts to do that.

280
00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:30,143
Thanks, Coco, but it's too late.

281
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,246
That article's gonna bury me.

282
00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:34,982
Every gay guy in New York City
is gonna read that story

283
00:11:35,006 --> 00:11:36,950
and then retweet it with a mean GIF

284
00:11:36,974 --> 00:11:38,908
of Beyoncé's hair
getting caught in a fan.

285
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,456
So?

286
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,425
You give that reporter
another story to tell,

287
00:11:45,449 --> 00:11:48,061
because if there's one thing
our people like better

288
00:11:48,085 --> 00:11:49,930
than watching one of our own stumble,

289
00:11:49,954 --> 00:11:52,165
it's cheering when they get back up

290
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:54,668
for a glorious second act.

291
00:11:54,692 --> 00:11:58,472
Look at Renée in "Judy."

292
00:11:58,496 --> 00:12:00,974
Oh, my God. You're right.

293
00:12:00,998 --> 00:12:02,676
You're right, Coco.

294
00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:05,178
I'm gonna call that reporter
and give him a new story,

295
00:12:05,202 --> 00:12:06,921
because, God as my witness,

296
00:12:06,945 --> 00:12:10,964
I will Zellweger this so hard,
my opening will be huge!

297
00:12:14,445 --> 00:12:15,689
And that's funny again. Go ahead.

298
00:12:18,349 --> 00:12:20,127
Why did we come inside?

299
00:12:20,151 --> 00:12:21,929
This is just like every horror movie.

300
00:12:21,953 --> 00:12:25,132
First they invite you in, make
you feel at home, and then...

301
00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:27,188
What, you think
he's gonna give you a handy?

302
00:12:29,327 --> 00:12:31,872
Stabbing! This is stabbing.

303
00:12:31,896 --> 00:12:34,463
Then stabbing is how I got popular.

304
00:12:37,735 --> 00:12:39,146
All I'm saying is,

305
00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:41,515
until we know Karen is safe,
we gotta be careful.

306
00:12:41,539 --> 00:12:44,440
- Grace, what are you doing?
- I'm hungry.

307
00:12:45,309 --> 00:12:47,154
The drive up took six hours.

308
00:12:47,178 --> 00:12:50,212
What if the stew is Karen?

309
00:12:52,316 --> 00:12:54,316
I mean, it's already made.

310
00:12:55,586 --> 00:12:57,898
Put the spoon down. Put the spoon down.

311
00:12:57,922 --> 00:13:00,367
Lotta whispering going on.

312
00:13:00,391 --> 00:13:02,569
Hope you're talking about
my wedding gift.

313
00:13:02,593 --> 00:13:04,767
Wouldn't say no to a wood chipper.

314
00:13:06,697 --> 00:13:09,343
Um, actually, we were just
saying how exciting it is

315
00:13:09,367 --> 00:13:11,745
that you and Karen got married.

316
00:13:11,769 --> 00:13:13,180
It happened so fast.

317
00:13:13,204 --> 00:13:15,048
Yeah, she didn't knock you up, did she?

318
00:13:15,072 --> 00:13:18,085
Come on, you guys.

319
00:13:18,109 --> 00:13:18,986
I mean, you don't think one of us

320
00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:20,821
trapped the other in marriage, do you?

321
00:13:20,845 --> 00:13:22,022
- Not at all.
- Oh, God, no.

322
00:13:22,046 --> 00:13:23,690
Because Karen and I are in love.

323
00:13:23,714 --> 00:13:25,359
- True love. I see it.
- Really, a beautiful thing.

324
00:13:25,383 --> 00:13:27,527
Not to mention, men can't get pregnant.

325
00:13:27,551 --> 00:13:30,519
We have ways to shut that down
with our body.

326
00:13:34,425 --> 00:13:35,936
That's funny you mention that,

327
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,772
considering I am pregnant.

328
00:13:38,796 --> 00:13:40,540
Not sure if you remembered

329
00:13:40,564 --> 00:13:43,877
I'm carrying precious life inside me.

330
00:13:43,901 --> 00:13:45,412
Yeah, ooh. Me too.

331
00:13:45,436 --> 00:13:46,913
I mean, w... with a surrogate.

332
00:13:46,937 --> 00:13:48,281
Yeah, but he's not carrying the baby.

333
00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:49,850
No, but I am the baby's father.

334
00:13:49,874 --> 00:13:53,220
- You don't need to be here...
- Yeah, okay.

335
00:13:53,244 --> 00:13:54,621
I want to be here for it.

336
00:13:54,645 --> 00:13:56,089
But if you died suddenly,

337
00:13:56,113 --> 00:13:57,090
it wouldn't be the worst thing.

338
00:13:57,114 --> 00:13:58,358
Grace!

339
00:13:58,382 --> 00:13:59,226
Oh!

340
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:00,794
Cut myself.

341
00:14:00,818 --> 00:14:02,362
Oh, blood. Ah, I hate it.

342
00:14:02,386 --> 00:14:04,231
- I hate looking at blood.
- Aren't you a surgeon?

343
00:14:04,255 --> 00:14:05,732
Well, my own blood.

344
00:14:05,756 --> 00:14:08,123
Other people's blood,
I have no problem with.

345
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,571
I'm gonna get a bandage. Agh! Ugh! Ick!

346
00:14:11,595 --> 00:14:13,240
I'm gonna puke.

347
00:14:13,264 --> 00:14:14,697
Agh.

348
00:14:15,499 --> 00:14:17,978
Okay, I got a bad feeling about this guy.

349
00:14:18,002 --> 00:14:20,414
You think? Where is Karen?

350
00:14:20,438 --> 00:14:21,882
I don't believe for a second

351
00:14:21,906 --> 00:14:23,050
that she went for a walk in the woods.

352
00:14:23,074 --> 00:14:24,384
Do you?

353
00:14:24,408 --> 00:14:26,153
Karen wouldn't be caught dead in nature.

354
00:14:26,177 --> 00:14:27,220
The only reason she'd go to the woods

355
00:14:27,244 --> 00:14:28,422
is to lure children

356
00:14:28,446 --> 00:14:30,186
to her house made of candy.

357
00:14:31,916 --> 00:14:33,794
Psst, you guys.

358
00:14:33,818 --> 00:14:35,128
Friday, where did you go?

359
00:14:35,152 --> 00:14:37,397
Oh, I kinda freak out around murderers.

360
00:14:37,421 --> 00:14:39,099
I know, you'd think after what happened

361
00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:41,068
to my first two roommates,
I'd be over it,

362
00:14:41,092 --> 00:14:42,758
but... guess not.

363
00:14:43,627 --> 00:14:44,838
Why don't you go back to the car

364
00:14:44,862 --> 00:14:46,073
and see if you can get a signal?

365
00:14:46,097 --> 00:14:47,607
Okay, but it's super cold out,

366
00:14:47,631 --> 00:14:49,609
and I definitely just heard a big animal.

367
00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:51,511
I think it might've been a bear.

368
00:14:51,535 --> 00:14:53,346
Okay, well, make yourself big, or...

369
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:54,948
or make yourself small, or...

370
00:14:54,972 --> 00:14:56,338
you'll figure something out.

371
00:14:58,809 --> 00:15:00,654
That was close.

372
00:15:00,678 --> 00:15:02,022
In the medical profession, we call that

373
00:15:02,046 --> 00:15:04,178
a stage-three boo-boo.

374
00:15:04,682 --> 00:15:06,593
Okay, Phil.

375
00:15:06,617 --> 00:15:07,636
Where's Karen?

376
00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:09,029
I told you. She's taking a walk.

377
00:15:09,053 --> 00:15:10,633
Why would you ask twice?

378
00:15:10,657 --> 00:15:12,466
Unless you wanna take a walk.

379
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:15,102
Would you like to take a walk, Will?

380
00:15:15,126 --> 00:15:18,105
I... I already got my steps in today.

381
00:15:18,129 --> 00:15:19,506
Plus, he's already too skinny.

382
00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:20,507
Yeah.

383
00:15:20,531 --> 00:15:22,342
A lot of his sweaters are women's medium.

384
00:15:22,366 --> 00:15:24,377
What is the matter with you?

385
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:25,712
How about you, Grace?

386
00:15:25,736 --> 00:15:26,947
I'll take you out

387
00:15:26,971 --> 00:15:28,849
in a canoe on the lake.

388
00:15:28,873 --> 00:15:32,486
Oh, um, I'm not really
a fan of the canoe.

389
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:33,620
Or water.

390
00:15:33,644 --> 00:15:36,156
At the gym, I drink Diet Dr. Pepper.

391
00:15:36,180 --> 00:15:37,691
Oh, is that right?

392
00:15:37,715 --> 00:15:39,715
Okay, regular Dr. Pepper.

393
00:15:41,185 --> 00:15:42,529
And she doesn't go to the gym.

394
00:15:42,553 --> 00:15:44,831
I don't.

395
00:15:44,855 --> 00:15:47,823
Grace, come on.
A little fun won't kill you.

396
00:15:48,759 --> 00:15:49,803
Yeah?

397
00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:52,172
And neither will you!

398
00:15:52,196 --> 00:15:54,007
Damn it. Anything but the broom.

399
00:15:54,031 --> 00:15:55,575
What are you doing?

400
00:15:55,599 --> 00:15:57,577
We know that you're lying, Phil!

401
00:15:57,601 --> 00:16:00,914
About being a doctor, about the
credit cards in your wallet...

402
00:16:00,938 --> 00:16:02,349
Nora Nessbaum!

403
00:16:02,373 --> 00:16:04,151
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's Karen?

404
00:16:04,175 --> 00:16:05,152
And you tell us the truth,

405
00:16:05,176 --> 00:16:06,562
or we will do...

406
00:16:06,586 --> 00:16:08,421
something that we have planned out

407
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:10,824
and practiced a lot of times!

408
00:16:10,848 --> 00:16:12,425
Whoo.

409
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,818
I had to track Mopsy and Flopsy
for 45 minutes...

410
00:16:17,121 --> 00:16:19,599
But we're eatin' meat.

411
00:16:19,623 --> 00:16:21,601
Will, what are you doing here?

412
00:16:21,625 --> 00:16:24,226
And did you ride here on that zebra?

413
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,353
I thought I'd made myself clear.

414
00:16:34,377 --> 00:16:37,022
You support me
or you stay out of my life.

415
00:16:37,046 --> 00:16:39,260
But you couldn't do either one,
could you?

416
00:16:39,284 --> 00:16:41,662
Karen, Phil is not the man
that you think he is.

417
00:16:41,686 --> 00:16:43,397
He is a con man.

418
00:16:43,421 --> 00:16:47,523
If this is about
the licorice, he apologized.

419
00:16:48,526 --> 00:16:50,738
I called the
state medical licensing board.

420
00:16:50,762 --> 00:16:52,072
There is no record of him.

421
00:16:52,096 --> 00:16:53,874
That's because I changed my name.

422
00:16:53,898 --> 00:16:55,910
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

423
00:16:55,934 --> 00:16:57,778
I was born Phillip Johnsonawitz.

424
00:16:57,802 --> 00:16:58,846
You see,

425
00:16:58,870 --> 00:17:01,796
the medical profession has
been unwelcoming to Jews.

426
00:17:03,041 --> 00:17:04,618
That's not true at all!

427
00:17:04,642 --> 00:17:06,353
Karen, you're friends with this putz?

428
00:17:06,377 --> 00:17:08,811
See? He speaks Yiddish.

429
00:17:10,215 --> 00:17:11,759
So you are licensed?

430
00:17:11,783 --> 00:17:13,861
Look, if you want me to
show you all my credentials,

431
00:17:13,885 --> 00:17:15,296
explain those credit cards...

432
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,798
Nora Nessbaum, by the way,
is my neighbor,

433
00:17:17,822 --> 00:17:20,734
and she gave me her card
so I can buy her groceries.

434
00:17:20,758 --> 00:17:23,771
If you wanna see all that,
I'll happily show you.

435
00:17:23,795 --> 00:17:27,517
You don't have to show
anything to anyone, darling.

436
00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:29,477
You know what?

437
00:17:29,501 --> 00:17:31,445
- I think I just wanna go home.
- Hmm.

438
00:17:31,469 --> 00:17:32,813
Would you put our bags in the car?

439
00:17:32,837 --> 00:17:34,882
I need a minute alone with these two.

440
00:17:34,906 --> 00:17:36,639
Of course.

441
00:17:38,743 --> 00:17:41,655
Just don't invite them
on a walk or a canoe ride.

442
00:17:41,679 --> 00:17:43,646
They'll be total dicks about it.

443
00:17:46,417 --> 00:17:48,429
- Please, understand...
- Karen, we really just wa...

444
00:17:48,453 --> 00:17:50,731
No, no, no, no, no.
20 years of friendship

445
00:17:50,755 --> 00:17:54,401
and you still can't trust me
to make my own decisions.

446
00:17:54,425 --> 00:17:58,105
I mean, the idea that I wouldn't know

447
00:17:58,129 --> 00:18:00,007
when something is real?

448
00:18:07,005 --> 00:18:08,849
That was Phil.

449
00:18:08,873 --> 00:18:10,317
He's probably turning the car around

450
00:18:10,341 --> 00:18:12,186
to get a little closer.

451
00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:14,176
I don't think so.

452
00:18:14,879 --> 00:18:19,115
Maybe he's doing doughnuts
to impress the local teens.

453
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:27,557
He left me?

454
00:18:28,993 --> 00:18:30,304
Just like that?

455
00:18:30,328 --> 00:18:31,805
Karen, we're so sorry.

456
00:18:31,829 --> 00:18:33,971
I knew he wasn't a doctor.

457
00:18:34,332 --> 00:18:35,442
On his diploma,

458
00:18:35,466 --> 00:18:37,300
"MD" was spelled wrong.

459
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:40,948
Well, if you knew that, why would...

460
00:18:40,972 --> 00:18:42,616
What do you want me to say?

461
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,385
Somebody comes along and tells you

462
00:18:44,409 --> 00:18:46,287
that you're the sun and the moon.

463
00:18:46,311 --> 00:18:48,611
You want so badly to believe them.

464
00:18:49,247 --> 00:18:51,647
Plus, he destroyed in the sack.

465
00:18:53,484 --> 00:18:55,534
I mean, really destroyed.

466
00:18:55,987 --> 00:19:00,206
Like, call your next of kin
to identify the remains.

467
00:19:02,827 --> 00:19:06,640
So yeah, I guess I closed
my eyes to a few things.

468
00:19:06,664 --> 00:19:10,232
Everybody's a little blind
when it comes to love.

469
00:19:11,002 --> 00:19:14,882
I guess at the end of the
day, we're just three lonely...

470
00:19:14,906 --> 00:19:17,151
Up, up, up, up, up.

471
00:19:17,175 --> 00:19:19,386
I'm already devastated, Grace.

472
00:19:19,410 --> 00:19:21,822
Hearing you say
that I'm like the two of you

473
00:19:21,846 --> 00:19:24,021
is a little more
than I can take right now.

474
00:19:25,950 --> 00:19:27,608
But, uh...

475
00:19:28,753 --> 00:19:31,362
thanks for being there for me, kids.

476
00:19:32,190 --> 00:19:33,334
It means a lot.

477
00:19:33,358 --> 00:19:34,991
We'll always have your back.

478
00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:38,794
Now that we know you're safe...

479
00:19:39,864 --> 00:19:42,264
- Go, get your stew.
- Thank God.

480
00:19:44,535 --> 00:19:48,515
We still have to deal with
the fact that you married him.

481
00:19:48,539 --> 00:19:51,741
Mm, Anastasia Beaverhausen married him.

482
00:19:55,146 --> 00:19:56,757
We signed a piece of bark

483
00:19:56,781 --> 00:19:59,390
in the presence of a badger
we made into a stew.

484
00:20:00,218 --> 00:20:01,295
I think we're good.

485
00:20:01,319 --> 00:20:03,619
Wait, this is badger?

486
00:20:05,655 --> 00:20:06,856
It's really good.

487
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,971
Thank you all for coming tonight,

488
00:20:10,995 --> 00:20:14,742
and thank you to Dexter Murphy
of "The New York Gayzette"

489
00:20:14,766 --> 00:20:17,211
for his fantastic follow-up article,

490
00:20:17,235 --> 00:20:21,579
"Redemption of a Liar," colon,
"Jack McFarland's Second Act."

491
00:20:23,274 --> 00:20:26,654
Miss Coco told me what I needed
to do to make this place mine,

492
00:20:26,678 --> 00:20:29,657
and I thought about all
the good times I've had here

493
00:20:29,681 --> 00:20:31,492
and all the great friends I've made,

494
00:20:31,516 --> 00:20:34,461
and I realized this bar isn't about me.

495
00:20:34,485 --> 00:20:36,163
It's not even about Coco.

496
00:20:36,187 --> 00:20:37,765
It's about all of us

497
00:20:37,789 --> 00:20:40,768
and what it means for us
to have a place like this.

498
00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:43,270
So everybody,

499
00:20:43,294 --> 00:20:44,672
welcome to...

500
00:20:44,696 --> 00:20:46,328
"Queers"!

501
00:20:54,468 --> 00:20:56,468
Where everybody knows you are gays.

502
00:20:57,922 --> 00:20:59,922
And they're always glad you came.

503
00:21:04,452 --> 00:21:05,841
Isn't it great?

504
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,865
I don't get it.