1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,171 Not getting any likes on your latest selfie, huh? 2 00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,506 No. 3 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,194 I'm checking my phone 'cause Grace and I did 4 00:00:09,196 --> 00:00:12,210 these DNA tests and the results were supposed to be in today. 5 00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,311 It's gonna be fun. 6 00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:14,513 You know, we'll find out what traits 7 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:18,049 we might pass onto our kids... you know, dimples, eye color. 8 00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:22,521 Baldness... obesity... 9 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,823 baldness. 10 00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,858 That is fun. 11 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,428 Hey, how is knocked-up Grace? Is she a mess? 12 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,897 I am so mad at my dead mother. 13 00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:33,899 Asked and answered. 14 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,500 I just had a dream 15 00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:37,002 that I told my mother I was pregnant, 16 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,905 and she says, "Oh, you can't do that on your own." 17 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,940 And before I could say, "It's not the '50s. 18 00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,315 I don't need a man," 19 00:00:43,317 --> 00:00:45,043 she turned into my high school French teacher 20 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,697 and gave me a quiz. 21 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:50,115 I always dream I'm trapped in a sleeping bag 22 00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:53,518 with Jon Hamm, and we have to have sex to survive. 23 00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:01,026 What do y'all think that means? 24 00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,862 It means your subconscious and your search history 25 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,430 are the same. 26 00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,201 Ugh, my food. 27 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,069 Eating all the takeout that I want 28 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,737 is the best part of my pregnancy. 29 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,273 Yeah, that's when that started. 30 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,745 Mrs. Timmer, you're not egg rolls. 31 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:24,883 I saw your delivery guy in the lobby and sent him away. 32 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,488 Why would you do that terrible thing? 33 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:32,224 The Tenant Board has banned upstairs delivery 34 00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,925 for safety reasons. 35 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,260 Seriously? 36 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,128 Well, then I am taking this up 37 00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,763 with the president of the Tenant Board. 38 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:42,667 You can call me Madam President. 39 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,236 I get food delivered all the time. 40 00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,470 What am I supposed to do? 41 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:49,741 Pick it up in the lobby, or learn to cook, like a woman. 42 00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,410 Hi, there, Jack. 43 00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,112 Hi, yourself, Sharon. 44 00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:56,848 Love her. 45 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,084 She is specifically targeting me, 46 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,418 and this is not the first time. 47 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,420 You don't know for sure that sign, 48 00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:05,824 "No singing in the lobby, Grace," was directed at you. 49 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,526 It's like her mission on Earth 50 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,693 is to get under my skin. 51 00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:11,596 I'll talk to Mrs. Timmer. You got enough on your plate. 52 00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:13,532 Yeah, you're trying to cook a baby 53 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,801 in an old 1970s Easy-Bake, lady. 54 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,705 You should be relaxing. 55 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,274 You think I need you to fight my battles 56 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:23,775 because I'm pregnant? 57 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,511 - No, no, no, no, no. - Hey, don't be stupid. 58 00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,513 Because I don't have a man in my life? 59 00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:31,883 - Not at all. - You are literally so dumb. 60 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,818 Look, if I'm gonna raise a kid on my own, 61 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,487 this is exactly the kind of thing 62 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,489 that I need to be able to handle. 63 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,457 Speaking of kids, I still haven't gotten 64 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,126 the results from my DNA test. 65 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:42,327 No, me neither. 66 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,163 I'm excited to find out what my child might inherit from me. 67 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,498 Bald, fat, bald. 68 00:02:51,363 --> 00:02:54,072 You know, Jack, I'm actually curious to see 69 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,807 if premature baldness shows up. 70 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:58,009 I could be a carrier, even though I clearly have not 71 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,044 been affected by it. 72 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,345 I don't know about that. 73 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,680 Your hair's been receding for years. 74 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,316 What? Excuse me? 75 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,295 Oh, this is wonderful. 76 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,055 No, it's still great for a man your age. 77 00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:12,857 I'm just saying, you know, look at old pictures. 78 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,762 Your hair is disappearing like the polar ice cap. 79 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:19,182 Yeah, you guys, global balding is real. 80 00:03:24,887 --> 00:03:32,889 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 81 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:40,518 Wait, those aren't the lyrics. Oh, right. 82 00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:45,857 There you are. I need your help. 83 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,726 I'm writing a petition for the people in my building 84 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,461 to help oust our president. 85 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,029 Yeah, well, if you don't like it here, 86 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,665 why don't you go back to where you came from? 87 00:03:56,762 --> 00:03:58,737 Of the Tenant Board. 88 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,572 Oh. 89 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,941 She's banned food delivery for safety reasons, 90 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:05,543 and now, in the golden age of takeout. 91 00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:08,546 Postmates, Uber Eats, Grubhub... 92 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:12,450 it's the lazy, hungry person's renaissance. 93 00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:15,720 Oh, Grace, you're a couch-toilet away 94 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:18,189 from all your dreams coming true. 95 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,927 Honey, why don't you have Will take care of it? 96 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,230 He's a lawyer, should be right up his alley. 97 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,400 Is that offensive to say about a gay man? 98 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:29,868 "Up his alley." 99 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:34,739 I sure hope so. 100 00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:37,175 Just please read what I have so far. 101 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:40,412 Oh, honey, as much as I don't want to, I can't. 102 00:04:41,306 --> 00:04:43,915 I'm on my way to an underground illegal poker game. 103 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,785 Just stopped by to get my cash stash. 104 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,088 Wait, you keep cash here? 105 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,791 Is that you hiss at me every time I get near your desk? 106 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,060 Sure, honey, that's a reason. 107 00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,932 Really means a lot to me to get an invite to this game. 108 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:10,208 It's a no-limit affair that Stanley used to take me to, 109 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,310 played by a ruthless group 110 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,713 of billionaires, crooks, and gangsters. 111 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:15,747 When we got a divorce, 112 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,885 I thought I'd never see those lovable kooks again. 113 00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,554 Stan's on vacation, so they invited me. 114 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,322 My God, how much money is that? 115 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,957 Not quite enough. 116 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,305 All right, that ought to do it. 117 00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,306 Wish me luck. 118 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:42,841 Oh, and if you see the boss, 119 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,776 tell him I wasn't even here. 120 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:58,022 "I hate what you're wearing." 121 00:06:01,897 --> 00:06:03,777 Dr. DiLorenzo will be right in. 122 00:06:03,802 --> 00:06:06,626 Okay, thank you. I don't even know if I wanna do a... 123 00:06:06,651 --> 00:06:07,676 A procedure. 124 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,668 I just... you know, I obviously still have 125 00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:11,217 most of my hair. 126 00:06:11,242 --> 00:06:12,909 He'll be right in. 127 00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:20,621 Hi, sorry I'm late, but not as late as you are. 128 00:06:20,623 --> 00:06:22,790 Really? It's that obvious? 129 00:06:22,792 --> 00:06:24,852 'Cause I just noticed that it'd gotten a little worse. 130 00:06:24,854 --> 00:06:26,060 By the time it's noticeable, 131 00:06:26,062 --> 00:06:27,929 you've already lost over half your hair. 132 00:06:27,931 --> 00:06:30,790 Why do people write books about anything other than that? 133 00:06:31,048 --> 00:06:32,514 The good news is, 134 00:06:32,516 --> 00:06:34,549 modern micrografting looks completely natural. 135 00:06:34,551 --> 00:06:36,017 I mean, you'd be shocked if I told you 136 00:06:36,019 --> 00:06:37,085 some of the actors who've done it. 137 00:06:37,087 --> 00:06:38,186 Can you give me a hint? 138 00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:40,749 I can't, but I had my own trailer 139 00:06:40,751 --> 00:06:42,657 during the last Avengers movie. 140 00:06:44,361 --> 00:06:46,261 Trust me, there's nothing about this procedure 141 00:06:46,263 --> 00:06:47,529 to be embarrassed about at all. 142 00:06:47,531 --> 00:06:49,197 - Okay. - Let's take down some numbers. 143 00:06:49,199 --> 00:06:50,465 Janae, can you come in here? 144 00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:52,367 I'm on hold. Should I hang up? 145 00:06:52,369 --> 00:06:53,601 No, I'll just shout 146 00:06:53,603 --> 00:06:55,470 Will Truman's hair loss numbers to you. 147 00:06:55,472 --> 00:06:56,738 I'll call you back. 148 00:06:56,740 --> 00:06:57,739 I have to take down 149 00:06:57,741 --> 00:07:00,408 Will Truman's hair loss numbers. 150 00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:01,776 All right. 151 00:07:01,778 --> 00:07:05,880 He's got bilateral recession of 4 centimeters. 152 00:07:05,882 --> 00:07:08,049 He's a Norwood three, but he's heading toward a four 153 00:07:08,051 --> 00:07:09,621 like a runaway train. 154 00:07:10,454 --> 00:07:12,721 I can almost see my reflection in his forehead, 155 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:15,090 and hair is literally coming out in my hands. 156 00:07:17,627 --> 00:07:20,295 I am gonna take about 5,000 micrografts 157 00:07:20,297 --> 00:07:21,496 from the back of your head 158 00:07:21,498 --> 00:07:24,065 and reinforce your real hairline, 159 00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:26,601 giving you something like this. 160 00:07:27,938 --> 00:07:30,905 Oh, my God, it's me in 1995. 161 00:07:30,907 --> 00:07:34,075 I-I'm walking through Times Square before the S&M world 162 00:07:34,077 --> 00:07:35,643 became the M&M's World. 163 00:07:35,645 --> 00:07:36,811 Hmm. 164 00:07:36,813 --> 00:07:38,947 Turning back the clock is what I do. 165 00:07:38,949 --> 00:07:40,915 Yeah, but can you really? 166 00:07:40,917 --> 00:07:43,818 I mean, I'm still gonna have to accept that I'm getting old. 167 00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:46,588 Honestly, I'm only here because I'm imagining 168 00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:49,657 a lifetime of being mocked even more by my friend Jack. 169 00:07:49,659 --> 00:07:51,126 You'd think after all we go through, 170 00:07:51,128 --> 00:07:52,927 gay men would stop torturing each other 171 00:07:52,929 --> 00:07:55,430 about our appearance, but we do it constantly. 172 00:07:55,432 --> 00:07:57,298 - Paid for my boat. - What? 173 00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:59,087 Really makes you think. 174 00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:01,221 I don't know. 175 00:08:01,223 --> 00:08:02,369 Hey, why don't you take a look at some 176 00:08:02,371 --> 00:08:03,841 of my patient success stories? 177 00:08:03,843 --> 00:08:05,774 For privacy reasons, their identities 178 00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:07,509 have been obscured. 179 00:08:07,511 --> 00:08:10,111 Oh. 180 00:08:10,113 --> 00:08:11,546 Uh-huh, mm-hmm. 181 00:08:11,548 --> 00:08:13,281 Oh, that... that's impressive. 182 00:08:14,951 --> 00:08:17,619 Oh, my God. 183 00:08:17,621 --> 00:08:18,853 You see something you like? 184 00:08:18,855 --> 00:08:21,823 Oh, I like this very much. 185 00:08:28,324 --> 00:08:31,199 _ 186 00:08:34,204 --> 00:08:36,704 Gentlemen. Good to see you, mafia guy. 187 00:08:36,706 --> 00:08:39,140 I don't think I know anyone else here. 188 00:08:39,142 --> 00:08:42,677 Oh, I think you do. 189 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:44,579 Hello, Karen. 190 00:08:44,581 --> 00:08:46,181 Danley Walker? 191 00:08:46,183 --> 00:08:48,216 Who invited my brother-in-law? 192 00:08:48,218 --> 00:08:50,318 Ex-brother-in-law, or so I hear. 193 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,187 And I invited you. 194 00:08:52,189 --> 00:08:53,280 Why? 195 00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:55,323 So you could try to win back all of the money 196 00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:57,826 that I took from Stanley in the divorce? 197 00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,360 I earned every penny. 198 00:08:59,362 --> 00:09:02,108 I worked my lips to the bone. 199 00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:05,366 I was only vaguely aware the you two split up 200 00:09:05,368 --> 00:09:07,405 188 days ago. 201 00:09:08,171 --> 00:09:09,704 Was it an ugly divorce? 202 00:09:09,706 --> 00:09:12,874 Well, not as ugly as most French actors, but... 203 00:09:14,878 --> 00:09:19,347 It did get mildly unattractive, like most British actors. 204 00:09:21,585 --> 00:09:23,918 Hello, ladies with absent fathers. 205 00:09:31,561 --> 00:09:33,228 You know, Stanley always thought 206 00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:34,429 you never came around 207 00:09:34,431 --> 00:09:37,365 because you were a little sweet on me. 208 00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:40,201 Me? Sweet on my brother's wife? 209 00:09:40,203 --> 00:09:43,538 I was always the bigger man. 210 00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:45,907 That's not physically possible. 211 00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:49,611 And I think he was right. 212 00:09:51,248 --> 00:09:53,882 You do look stunning. I'll give you that. 213 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:55,717 Like a statue by Bernini 214 00:09:55,719 --> 00:09:58,248 that some kids have drawn huge gazongas on. 215 00:09:59,956 --> 00:10:01,022 So which is it? 216 00:10:01,024 --> 00:10:05,296 You either asked me here to ruin me or to ruin me. 217 00:10:06,396 --> 00:10:07,929 Let's see where the night takes us. 218 00:10:07,931 --> 00:10:09,964 Seven-card stud, no limit, 219 00:10:09,966 --> 00:10:15,470 unless that action's a little too hot for you? 220 00:10:15,472 --> 00:10:18,406 I'm going to eat you alive. 221 00:10:18,408 --> 00:10:20,241 However I end up in your mouth is fine... 222 00:10:20,243 --> 00:10:22,410 Oh, just play cards! 223 00:10:25,315 --> 00:10:27,115 - Oh, hi, are you... - Shh. 224 00:10:27,117 --> 00:10:28,516 - Were you followed? - What? 225 00:10:28,518 --> 00:10:32,086 In the lobby, were you followed? 226 00:10:32,088 --> 00:10:33,488 I don't think so? 227 00:10:33,490 --> 00:10:35,857 - Do you have the stuff? - Your pizza? 228 00:10:35,859 --> 00:10:37,292 Yeah, it's right here. 229 00:10:37,294 --> 00:10:39,460 Okay, okay. All right. 230 00:10:39,462 --> 00:10:40,929 I'm gonna need you to go down the stairs 231 00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:44,132 and take the door out into the back alley, okay? 232 00:10:44,134 --> 00:10:45,600 Here's a little extra. 233 00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:47,669 This is a 20. Your pizza's $19. 234 00:10:47,671 --> 00:10:49,549 Yeah, a little extra. 235 00:10:50,173 --> 00:10:52,273 - Violation. - No, it's not. 236 00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:54,342 - Are you holding a pizza? - Yes. 237 00:10:54,344 --> 00:10:56,945 - Are you a pizza delivery guy? - Yes. 238 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,813 Then it's a violation. 239 00:10:58,815 --> 00:11:02,283 Only tenants and their guests are allowed past the lobby. 240 00:11:02,285 --> 00:11:03,685 Well, the joke's on you, 241 00:11:03,687 --> 00:11:07,021 because this isn't just any pizza delivery guy. 242 00:11:07,023 --> 00:11:09,857 This is also my boyfriend. 243 00:11:09,859 --> 00:11:11,859 Uh... 244 00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:14,896 - He's your boyfriend? - Yes. 245 00:11:14,898 --> 00:11:16,464 He is my boyfriend, 246 00:11:16,466 --> 00:11:18,533 and he brings me pizza sometimes, 247 00:11:18,535 --> 00:11:23,037 which is why me and Mike M. are so happy together. 248 00:11:24,674 --> 00:11:28,109 If he's your boyfriend, kiss him on the mouth. 249 00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:34,682 You want... I would. 250 00:11:34,684 --> 00:11:36,818 I would... I would actually really love to do that, 251 00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:38,152 but he's not really into public... 252 00:11:38,154 --> 00:11:39,554 You can kiss me. 253 00:11:46,062 --> 00:11:49,731 Okay, you want me to kiss my boyfriend on the mouth? 254 00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:50,865 No problem. 255 00:11:52,335 --> 00:11:53,935 Tongue or no tongue? 256 00:11:53,937 --> 00:11:55,370 Oh, my God! 257 00:11:57,173 --> 00:11:58,840 He's not my boyfriend. I lied. 258 00:11:58,842 --> 00:12:00,208 I'm a liar. Are you happy now? 259 00:12:00,210 --> 00:12:01,709 Not yet. 260 00:12:03,913 --> 00:12:06,347 - You're a monster. - What did you say? 261 00:12:06,349 --> 00:12:07,582 Muenster. 262 00:12:07,584 --> 00:12:10,051 The pizza's made with muenster cheese. 263 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,254 Hey, would you ever wanna... 264 00:12:13,256 --> 00:12:15,056 No, Mike M., I wouldn't! 265 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,908 Hey. I got your text. 266 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:27,078 What's up, Hairless Potter and the Half-Bald Prince? 267 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,382 How is "Hairmione"? 268 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,822 How's "Baldemort"? 269 00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,191 You know, Jack, being confronted 270 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:42,226 with my hair loss really shook me. 271 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:45,063 This isn't easy for me to admit. 272 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:48,666 Went to a hair clinic, the DiLorenzo Hair Clinic. 273 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,204 Yeah, the doctor said the new techniques 274 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,539 are getting really good, 275 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,274 especially compared to five years ago. 276 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,276 Apparently, the guys who did it back then 277 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,912 are now going totally bald, yeah, 278 00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,213 except for, like, two spots 279 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,981 where the new hair's growing in. 280 00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,384 So it looks like they have hair horns. 281 00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,891 I don't want hair horns. 282 00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,426 What? 283 00:13:19,434 --> 00:13:20,967 Looks like it's just you and me, Karen. 284 00:13:20,969 --> 00:13:25,338 Mano y... man, is your rack spectacular. 285 00:13:26,775 --> 00:13:27,941 Last card. 286 00:13:33,114 --> 00:13:34,347 Make your bet, Walker. 287 00:13:34,349 --> 00:13:36,215 All right, Walker. 288 00:13:36,217 --> 00:13:39,852 I am all in with this. 289 00:13:39,854 --> 00:13:41,821 Whoa. That's... wrong pocket. 290 00:13:41,823 --> 00:13:43,957 Wow. That was almost a disaster. 291 00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:46,492 Uh... 292 00:13:46,494 --> 00:13:48,494 I am all in with this. 293 00:13:49,464 --> 00:13:51,230 The deed to my house. 294 00:13:51,232 --> 00:13:55,468 And all you have to wager to bet is one date with me. 295 00:13:55,470 --> 00:13:56,636 Well, if that's what you're after, 296 00:13:56,638 --> 00:13:59,639 then I'm going to have to ask you to sweeten the pot. 297 00:13:59,641 --> 00:14:01,975 I want what's in the other pocket. 298 00:14:01,977 --> 00:14:03,042 I can't do that. 299 00:14:03,044 --> 00:14:04,844 This is a controlling interest 300 00:14:04,846 --> 00:14:06,646 in a professional baseball franchise. 301 00:14:06,648 --> 00:14:08,514 I can't just gamble this away. 302 00:14:08,516 --> 00:14:10,416 Well, then I guess you don't really want a chance 303 00:14:10,418 --> 00:14:12,051 to win a date with me. 304 00:14:14,088 --> 00:14:15,721 Fine. 305 00:14:17,025 --> 00:14:20,885 Jacks and aces. 306 00:14:21,529 --> 00:14:24,330 Well, Danley, it's like I said to your brother 307 00:14:24,332 --> 00:14:26,199 on our first date: 308 00:14:26,201 --> 00:14:27,867 "There's a whole lot more to me 309 00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:30,637 than just the great pair I'm showing." 310 00:14:32,173 --> 00:14:34,340 Full house, queens over tens. 311 00:14:34,342 --> 00:14:35,541 Damn! 312 00:14:37,445 --> 00:14:40,079 Jack, we have got to stop beating ourselves up 313 00:14:40,081 --> 00:14:41,381 about our looks. 314 00:14:41,383 --> 00:14:42,682 We should support each other. 315 00:14:42,684 --> 00:14:44,701 In fact, we should both... 316 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,754 mm, no, forget it. 317 00:14:48,223 --> 00:14:49,155 What? 318 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,857 What were you gonna say? We should both what? 319 00:14:53,094 --> 00:14:56,462 No, I just... I don't wanna worry about losing 320 00:14:56,464 --> 00:14:58,131 the rest of my hair anymore. 321 00:14:58,133 --> 00:15:01,434 So I have decided to shave my head, 322 00:15:01,436 --> 00:15:03,803 make a clean break. 323 00:15:03,805 --> 00:15:05,538 You know, I just don't have the face 324 00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:07,607 of a menopausal lesbian. 325 00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,942 And you think I do? 326 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,720 No, no, if you shaved your head, 327 00:15:20,722 --> 00:15:24,590 you'd look more like... like a big toe dipped in oil. 328 00:15:26,561 --> 00:15:28,461 I would look fantastic bald. 329 00:15:28,463 --> 00:15:31,764 Jack, I will not let you shave your head, 330 00:15:31,766 --> 00:15:34,100 and I will certainly not agree to a competition 331 00:15:34,102 --> 00:15:35,735 to see which one of us looks better bald. 332 00:15:40,408 --> 00:15:42,608 Well, since I brought it up, I insist! 333 00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:45,344 A competition it is! Ha-ha! 334 00:15:45,346 --> 00:15:46,946 And you can't stop me! 335 00:15:48,416 --> 00:15:50,249 It's been a pleasure, 336 00:15:50,251 --> 00:15:53,986 and I'd love to welcome you someday into the owner's box, 337 00:15:53,988 --> 00:15:56,856 when I take over... 338 00:15:56,858 --> 00:16:00,626 the Blattsville Millstones? 339 00:16:00,628 --> 00:16:03,262 Uh, was I not clear that when I said, 340 00:16:03,264 --> 00:16:05,865 "professional baseball franchise," I meant, 341 00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:08,367 "bumbling independent minor league team 342 00:16:08,369 --> 00:16:11,270 from a backwater town that loses millions every year"? 343 00:16:11,272 --> 00:16:13,706 I'm so sorry. 344 00:16:13,708 --> 00:16:15,208 You threw the game 345 00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:19,011 just so you could stick me with this loser team? 346 00:16:19,013 --> 00:16:20,880 Why? 347 00:16:20,882 --> 00:16:24,617 The night you and Stan met, I saw you first, 348 00:16:24,619 --> 00:16:26,452 and I wanted you more than anything. 349 00:16:26,454 --> 00:16:27,820 But the minute you two met, 350 00:16:27,822 --> 00:16:29,522 it was like you couldn't even see me. 351 00:16:29,524 --> 00:16:31,190 If you were standing behind him, 352 00:16:31,192 --> 00:16:33,025 no one could see you! 353 00:16:35,964 --> 00:16:39,499 My love for you has been an albatross around my neck, 354 00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:41,167 and now you've got the Millstones, 355 00:16:41,169 --> 00:16:43,903 and they are going to humiliate you. 356 00:16:43,905 --> 00:16:45,738 No one humiliates Karen Walker 357 00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:47,974 without my permission and a safe word! 358 00:16:55,919 --> 00:16:57,873 Thanks to Mrs. Timmer, 359 00:16:57,898 --> 00:16:59,464 I had to walk all the way to the deli 360 00:16:59,466 --> 00:17:00,899 to pick up my sandwich. 361 00:17:00,901 --> 00:17:03,131 - Where is it? - I ate it. 362 00:17:03,737 --> 00:17:05,236 Where's mine? 363 00:17:05,238 --> 00:17:07,635 You should order things I don't like. 364 00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:10,708 Why don't you just stand up to her? 365 00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:13,211 I can't. I don't know what it is. 366 00:17:13,213 --> 00:17:15,213 There's just something about her. 367 00:17:15,215 --> 00:17:18,030 She just brings up all this stuff, 368 00:17:18,055 --> 00:17:20,051 just anger and judgment. 369 00:17:20,053 --> 00:17:22,587 I mean, isn't it enough that I live with a gay guy 370 00:17:22,589 --> 00:17:24,856 and my mother insults me in my dreams? 371 00:17:26,026 --> 00:17:28,560 Oh. Check your phone. 372 00:17:28,562 --> 00:17:31,262 - Our DNA results are ready. - Oh. 373 00:17:31,264 --> 00:17:34,666 And... ha-ha, ha-ha! 374 00:17:34,668 --> 00:17:39,904 I do not have the premature baldness gene. 375 00:17:39,906 --> 00:17:43,007 Here we go. Okay, looks good. 376 00:17:43,009 --> 00:17:46,578 Looks good. Allergy to cheese? 377 00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:48,342 - That's not a thing. - No. 378 00:17:49,849 --> 00:17:51,783 Dementia? You know what? 379 00:17:51,785 --> 00:17:53,384 I'm looking forward to forgetting stuff. 380 00:17:56,690 --> 00:17:59,390 Will, look. 381 00:17:59,392 --> 00:18:01,426 That doesn't even make sense. 382 00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:05,029 That makes perfect sense. 383 00:18:05,031 --> 00:18:07,031 Listen up, Millstones. 384 00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:09,467 I know you're the biggest joke in all of baseball, 385 00:18:09,469 --> 00:18:11,035 but that's going to change. 386 00:18:11,037 --> 00:18:13,104 Because unless we're talking brain cells 387 00:18:13,106 --> 00:18:15,073 or all three kinds of virginity, 388 00:18:15,075 --> 00:18:17,121 I don't like to lose. 389 00:18:17,877 --> 00:18:20,245 So, by the end of this season, 390 00:18:20,247 --> 00:18:24,716 you are going to hit and run and shoot and serve 391 00:18:24,718 --> 00:18:27,318 and dunk and skate... 392 00:18:29,489 --> 00:18:32,511 Better than any of the other baseball people, 393 00:18:32,892 --> 00:18:36,327 or my name isn't Karen Walker. 394 00:18:41,901 --> 00:18:44,435 Can we get dressed now, Mrs. Walker? 395 00:18:44,437 --> 00:18:45,436 Oh. 396 00:18:47,807 --> 00:18:49,741 Absolutely not, no. 397 00:19:04,758 --> 00:19:07,025 Okay. 398 00:19:07,027 --> 00:19:08,960 - The big reveal. - Hmm. 399 00:19:08,962 --> 00:19:11,429 Do you promise not to completely fall apart 400 00:19:11,431 --> 00:19:14,365 when you see how much worse you look than me? 401 00:19:16,036 --> 00:19:17,869 I will do my best. 402 00:19:18,503 --> 00:19:19,604 Count of three. 403 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,940 Count of three. 404 00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:27,011 One, two, three. 405 00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:39,891 You look terrible! 406 00:19:41,461 --> 00:19:44,667 Oh, no. I do? 407 00:19:45,424 --> 00:19:47,491 Oh, wait. Is this better? 408 00:19:52,872 --> 00:19:55,740 This is for 20 years of bald jokes. 409 00:19:55,742 --> 00:19:58,209 - You tricked me. - Yes, I did. 410 00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:02,213 - Hair horns aren't real. - No, they're not. 411 00:20:06,386 --> 00:20:08,482 If you're here to complain about the... 412 00:20:09,656 --> 00:20:11,389 We're cousins! 413 00:20:13,326 --> 00:20:17,328 You are my mother's second cousin, once removed. 414 00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:19,897 That's why I'm so scared to stand up to you. 415 00:20:19,899 --> 00:20:21,666 That's why we can't stand each other. 416 00:20:21,668 --> 00:20:23,334 We're family. 417 00:20:24,904 --> 00:20:27,171 In my dream, my mom wasn't telling me 418 00:20:27,173 --> 00:20:29,907 that I needed a man to help me have this baby. 419 00:20:29,909 --> 00:20:35,092 She was saying I needed a mom, and I found you. 420 00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:37,928 Are you Bobbi Adler's girl? 421 00:20:38,284 --> 00:20:40,084 She used to give me cigarettes 422 00:20:40,086 --> 00:20:44,088 at the public pool in Schenectady when I was 14. 423 00:20:45,091 --> 00:20:47,458 She smoked throughout her pregnancies. 424 00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:49,315 Yeah, that's my mom. 425 00:20:50,130 --> 00:20:52,697 She was a good woman. 426 00:20:52,699 --> 00:20:54,198 I know. 427 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,468 So, we're family. 428 00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:59,737 I guess I have to look out for you. 429 00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:01,572 I'd like that. 430 00:21:01,574 --> 00:21:03,541 You want some pizza? 431 00:21:05,044 --> 00:21:07,745 I recently came into some. 432 00:21:07,747 --> 00:21:09,547 That would be nice. 433 00:21:09,549 --> 00:21:11,215 I mean, I am eating for two. 434 00:21:11,217 --> 00:21:14,340 Aren't you too old to have a baby? 435 00:21:14,888 --> 00:21:17,755 That's exactly what my mom would have said.