1
00:00:00,807 --> 00:00:02,441
Europe was incredible,

2
00:00:02,443 --> 00:00:04,242
especially Italy.

3
00:00:04,244 --> 00:00:09,114
Oh, it was so fun to immerse
yourself in another culture.

4
00:00:09,917 --> 00:00:13,785
Pinocchio, spaghetti,

5
00:00:13,787 --> 00:00:17,322
Ariana Grande.

6
00:00:17,324 --> 00:00:19,825
So what happened with, uh, Marcus?

7
00:00:19,827 --> 00:00:22,965
Marcus was good, dirty fun,

8
00:00:23,831 --> 00:00:25,497
and then we went our separate ways.

9
00:00:25,499 --> 00:00:27,966
Hit it and quit it, I'm proud of you.

10
00:00:27,968 --> 00:00:29,968
Oh, gosh, it was so freeing, Will.

11
00:00:29,970 --> 00:00:33,572
For the first time in my life,
I did what I wanted,

12
00:00:33,574 --> 00:00:37,376
when I wanted, and who I wanted.

13
00:00:37,378 --> 00:00:40,545
You naughty, naughty, I need specifics.

14
00:00:40,547 --> 00:00:42,080
And please convert from metric.

15
00:00:42,082 --> 00:00:43,348
Centimeters aren't sexy.

16
00:00:44,451 --> 00:00:47,552
In Greece, I fooled around
with a construction worker

17
00:00:47,554 --> 00:00:49,888
in the scoop of a bulldozer.

18
00:00:49,890 --> 00:00:53,325
Ooh, in my mind, I'm putting
a clean blanket underneath you.

19
00:00:53,327 --> 00:00:55,327
You know what this trip gave me, Will?

20
00:00:55,329 --> 00:00:56,790
Gonorrhea?

21
00:00:59,166 --> 00:01:00,899
And whatever that is on your ankle?

22
00:01:00,901 --> 00:01:02,401
- It's just a bug bite.
- Is it?

23
00:01:02,403 --> 00:01:05,604
'Cause it looks like what
you Italians call pepperoni.

24
00:01:05,606 --> 00:01:07,205
I will get it checked.

25
00:01:07,207 --> 00:01:11,343
Anyway, it gave me a new perspective.

26
00:01:11,345 --> 00:01:13,211
For the first time in my life,

27
00:01:13,213 --> 00:01:16,415
I am not worrying about
someone else's needs.

28
00:01:16,417 --> 00:01:19,284
It's... it's all about me.

29
00:01:19,286 --> 00:01:20,519
I'm so happy for you.

30
00:01:20,521 --> 00:01:21,887
Can we talk about me for one second?

31
00:01:21,889 --> 00:01:23,889
I'm worried about me and McCoy.

32
00:01:23,891 --> 00:01:25,223
Oh, honey, I know, he's gorgeous,

33
00:01:25,225 --> 00:01:27,738
but time'll even it out.

34
00:01:28,429 --> 00:01:30,462
It... it feels like we're on hold.

35
00:01:30,464 --> 00:01:31,630
You just got engaged.

36
00:01:31,632 --> 00:01:33,532
I know, but there's no intimacy.

37
00:01:33,534 --> 00:01:35,067
I mean, I'm here. He's in London.

38
00:01:35,069 --> 00:01:37,069
His penis is always five hours ahead.

39
00:01:38,205 --> 00:01:39,571
He wants to have phone sex.

40
00:01:39,573 --> 00:01:40,939
You should ask Karen for help.

41
00:01:40,941 --> 00:01:43,041
She's really good at phone sex.

42
00:01:43,043 --> 00:01:44,710
You know the government's listening in.

43
00:01:44,712 --> 00:01:45,777
I mean, the last thing I wanna do

44
00:01:45,779 --> 00:01:48,647
is make another donation
to Mike Pence's spank bank.

45
00:01:52,902 --> 00:02:00,907
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

46
00:02:02,488 --> 00:02:03,520
Morning.

47
00:02:06,352 --> 00:02:07,385
Morning.

48
00:02:13,452 --> 00:02:14,818
I'm having a yard sale.

49
00:02:16,744 --> 00:02:18,243
See anything you like?

50
00:02:18,245 --> 00:02:19,411
I like this shirt.

51
00:02:19,413 --> 00:02:21,646
That's why I bought it for myself.

52
00:02:24,084 --> 00:02:25,951
You're raising money for your transition

53
00:02:25,953 --> 00:02:27,814
from ferret to human?

54
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:29,654
I'm having a yard sale

55
00:02:29,656 --> 00:02:31,590
to get rid of this hateful cuckoo clock

56
00:02:31,592 --> 00:02:33,992
that Estefan bought us on our honeymoon.

57
00:02:33,994 --> 00:02:35,660
That way when he sees it's missing,

58
00:02:35,662 --> 00:02:39,331
I can say, "Oh, no, I must have
sold it by mistake."

59
00:02:40,968 --> 00:02:43,368
Also, I love being this guy.

60
00:02:46,268 --> 00:02:47,506
He makes change.

61
00:02:47,508 --> 00:02:49,608
He lives his life.

62
00:02:49,610 --> 00:02:50,976
If you don't like the clock,

63
00:02:50,978 --> 00:02:52,277
why don't you just tell your husband?

64
00:02:52,279 --> 00:02:54,045
That may work for you

65
00:02:54,047 --> 00:02:56,159
and the redhead you're married to,

66
00:02:57,217 --> 00:02:59,151
but homo don't play that.

67
00:03:00,287 --> 00:03:02,721
If I tell Estefan how I feel,

68
00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:05,390
I risk hurting his feelings
and getting into a fight.

69
00:03:05,392 --> 00:03:07,659
- It's just a clock.
- Is it?

70
00:03:07,661 --> 00:03:09,628
♪ Come on, shake your body,
baby, do the conga ♪

71
00:03:09,630 --> 00:03:11,630
♪ I know you can't
control yourself any longer ♪

72
00:03:14,468 --> 00:03:16,701
Can you imagine a little gay fool

73
00:03:16,703 --> 00:03:20,372
bursting through the door
every hour on the hour?

74
00:03:31,051 --> 00:03:32,150
No.

75
00:03:33,754 --> 00:03:35,687
What's all this racket, Jack?

76
00:03:35,689 --> 00:03:37,222
Hi, Mrs. Timmer.

77
00:03:37,224 --> 00:03:38,256
I was just having a little yard sale.

78
00:03:38,258 --> 00:03:39,524
See anything you like?

79
00:03:39,526 --> 00:03:40,759
You know I'm on the board.

80
00:03:40,761 --> 00:03:41,760
I can't allow you to...

81
00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:44,029
oh, I like this clock.

82
00:03:45,165 --> 00:03:47,044
Does it do anything?

83
00:03:47,734 --> 00:03:49,401
♪ Come on, shake your body,
baby, do the conga ♪

84
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:51,670
♪ I know you can't
control yourself any longer ♪

85
00:03:54,274 --> 00:03:55,407
That's the funniest thing

86
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:57,509
I've ever seen.

87
00:03:57,511 --> 00:03:59,678
Great, take it! It's free!

88
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,513
Live it! Love it! Yeah!

89
00:04:01,515 --> 00:04:03,215
Go! All sales are final.

90
00:04:03,217 --> 00:04:05,550
Here, have a phone book from 1994.

91
00:04:08,388 --> 00:04:10,222
Oh! La.

92
00:04:12,192 --> 00:04:14,192
Hola!

93
00:04:14,862 --> 00:04:17,195
Oh, my God, Estefan, you're home early.

94
00:04:17,197 --> 00:04:19,397
Captain Montague
had to turn the plane around

95
00:04:19,399 --> 00:04:23,872
because some queen threw
a ginger ale on Ann Coulter

96
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:25,770
and she melted.

97
00:04:27,708 --> 00:04:31,142
I didn't know you were
having a yard sale.

98
00:04:31,463 --> 00:04:33,245
Have you sold anything yet?

99
00:04:33,247 --> 00:04:34,246
Absolutely nothing.

100
00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:35,580
It's been so slow.

101
00:04:35,582 --> 00:04:37,415
♪ Come on, shake your body,
baby, do the conga ♪

102
00:04:37,417 --> 00:04:39,384
♪ I know you can't
control yourself any longer ♪

103
00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:44,155
Jack, if you have sold
nothing at this yard sale,

104
00:04:44,157 --> 00:04:48,894
then why do I hear the sound
of my beloved "kah-koo" clock

105
00:04:48,896 --> 00:04:51,730
coming from inside of apartment 9B?

106
00:05:11,618 --> 00:05:15,120
I know I'm gonna regret this.

107
00:05:15,122 --> 00:05:16,254
You okay?

108
00:05:16,256 --> 00:05:18,590
You see this bug bite?

109
00:05:18,592 --> 00:05:20,358
Yeah.

110
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,260
I got it in Europe.

111
00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:23,261
It's just a bug bite.

112
00:05:23,263 --> 00:05:25,530
I mean, it's bad. It needs cream,

113
00:05:25,851 --> 00:05:28,133
crema in Italian.

114
00:05:29,603 --> 00:05:31,436
But the doctor said something to me

115
00:05:31,438 --> 00:05:33,471
that you should never tell a woman

116
00:05:33,473 --> 00:05:35,941
who is finally making
her life about herself:

117
00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:38,610
I'm pregnant!

118
00:05:42,449 --> 00:05:44,950
- Aren't you a little...
- Old?

119
00:05:44,952 --> 00:05:47,452
Yes!

120
00:05:47,454 --> 00:05:50,622
The doctor said
it was a freakin' miracle!

121
00:05:55,643 --> 00:05:58,364
♪ Come on, shake your body,
baby, do the conga ♪

122
00:05:58,366 --> 00:06:00,859
♪ I know you can't
control yourself any longer ♪

123
00:06:02,683 --> 00:06:04,483
Boom!

124
00:06:11,165 --> 00:06:13,165
Grace Something Designs,
Adderall speaking.

125
00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,700
How can I help you?

126
00:06:17,694 --> 00:06:19,372
- Will?
- Oh, Karen, hi.

127
00:06:19,374 --> 00:06:21,774
Sorry, I... I...
I must have butt-dialed you.

128
00:06:21,776 --> 00:06:24,884
Is there anything
your people's butts can't do?

129
00:06:26,047 --> 00:06:28,663
So far, I've yet to be disappointed.

130
00:06:29,384 --> 00:06:30,917
But... but... but, really, I...

131
00:06:30,919 --> 00:06:32,518
Oh, Wilma, stop it.

132
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,220
You need my help with phone sex.

133
00:06:34,222 --> 00:06:35,378
Come on.

134
00:06:35,380 --> 00:06:36,885
I'm a pansexual superstar.

135
00:06:36,910 --> 00:06:39,444
It's on my business card.

136
00:06:39,446 --> 00:06:40,782
Let's get to work.

137
00:06:40,784 --> 00:06:42,669
Okay, look, I'm supposed
to FaceTime with McCoy

138
00:06:42,671 --> 00:06:44,036
during his break between broadcasts,

139
00:06:44,038 --> 00:06:45,317
but I don't know what to say.

140
00:06:45,319 --> 00:06:47,337
You know, maybe we should loosen you up

141
00:06:47,338 --> 00:06:49,205
with a little light roleplay.

142
00:06:49,207 --> 00:06:52,341
You be you, and I'll be
that incredibly handsome man

143
00:06:52,343 --> 00:06:54,981
who hasn't yet realized
that he can do better.

144
00:06:55,857 --> 00:06:58,735
You know, he's a straight ten
but a gay eight.

145
00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:02,385
Here we go, but I warn you,

146
00:07:02,387 --> 00:07:05,688
my McCoy impersonation is only so-so.

147
00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:09,092
Okay, all right.

148
00:07:09,094 --> 00:07:10,193
Brr.

149
00:07:10,195 --> 00:07:13,062
Okay.

150
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,999
Hey, Will, it's McCoy.

151
00:07:18,369 --> 00:07:22,050
Listen, I've got my gay sex toy
plugged in with all...

152
00:07:23,718 --> 00:07:25,541
Seven attachments.

153
00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:30,213
Any thoughts?

154
00:07:32,978 --> 00:07:36,252
Ooh, the silent treatment.

155
00:07:38,590 --> 00:07:41,189
Yum, me likey.

156
00:07:42,426 --> 00:07:46,695
The doctor said it was
a geriatric pregnancy.

157
00:07:48,732 --> 00:07:51,399
That's the term they use
for people over 35.

158
00:07:51,401 --> 00:07:54,069
It's really judgmental.

159
00:07:54,071 --> 00:07:56,004
When I had my first, I was 19.

160
00:07:56,006 --> 00:07:58,253
That's a little young, don't you think?

161
00:07:59,243 --> 00:08:01,631
Compared to your old ass?

162
00:08:02,412 --> 00:08:04,676
You're right. I'm sorry.

163
00:08:05,182 --> 00:08:09,681
It's just that I was
finally living my life for me,

164
00:08:10,420 --> 00:08:12,420
and now a baby?

165
00:08:12,422 --> 00:08:14,589
The timing is so bad.

166
00:08:14,591 --> 00:08:18,026
I was gonna do so many
great things with my life.

167
00:08:18,028 --> 00:08:19,211
Like what?

168
00:08:19,213 --> 00:08:21,696
I was gonna watch so many shows.

169
00:08:29,439 --> 00:08:32,774
I think you're gonna put your hand

170
00:08:32,776 --> 00:08:34,309
right about here.

171
00:08:34,311 --> 00:08:37,279
So cold,

172
00:08:37,281 --> 00:08:39,961
and yet so hot.

173
00:08:42,653 --> 00:08:44,883
Oh, you're an animal!

174
00:08:46,057 --> 00:08:47,790
So close!

175
00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:50,026
Oh, me too.

176
00:08:51,462 --> 00:08:53,462
I bet you're wearing jeans.

177
00:08:53,464 --> 00:08:55,698
I bet they're tight.

178
00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:57,854
I bet they're women's jeans.

179
00:09:00,738 --> 00:09:02,505
Damn it.

180
00:09:02,507 --> 00:09:04,540
Have I been bad?

181
00:09:04,542 --> 00:09:07,864
If I've been bad,
then you better punish me.

182
00:09:10,315 --> 00:09:13,082
I know you want to,
but you wouldn't dare.

183
00:09:13,084 --> 00:09:15,246
You would?

184
00:09:16,721 --> 00:09:18,154
And you are!

185
00:09:18,156 --> 00:09:24,493
And I..can't... stop you!

186
00:09:24,495 --> 00:09:26,762
I found it.

187
00:09:26,764 --> 00:09:29,131
You certainly did.

188
00:09:34,672 --> 00:09:35,671
Thank you.

189
00:09:35,673 --> 00:09:37,206
Do you live with the father,

190
00:09:37,208 --> 00:09:38,774
or are you on your own?

191
00:09:38,776 --> 00:09:40,276
Neither.

192
00:09:40,278 --> 00:09:41,686
I live with a different guy.

193
00:09:41,688 --> 00:09:45,610
That's gonna be a fun
conversation when you get home.

194
00:09:46,284 --> 00:09:47,850
Oh, no, it's fine. He's gay.

195
00:09:47,852 --> 00:09:51,320
You are like
a seven-layer dip of mistakes.

196
00:09:53,424 --> 00:09:55,758
Listen, I have four kids.

197
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,427
There's no perfect time to have a baby.

198
00:09:58,429 --> 00:10:00,417
You figure it out.

199
00:10:01,199 --> 00:10:02,429
I'm so scared.

200
00:10:02,431 --> 00:10:05,101
Get used to it. That never goes away.

201
00:10:07,238 --> 00:10:09,538
Jack, why did I just have to wrestle

202
00:10:09,540 --> 00:10:13,643
my very own "kah-koo" clock
away from that angry lady?

203
00:10:13,645 --> 00:10:17,380
Honestly, I... I don't know
how she got it.

204
00:10:17,382 --> 00:10:19,715
Well, obviously, you sold it to her.

205
00:10:19,717 --> 00:10:21,896
What are you insinuating?

206
00:10:22,453 --> 00:10:24,420
That you sold it to her.

207
00:10:24,941 --> 00:10:28,291
Okay, your stories are
getting crazier and crazier.

208
00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:30,393
Look, as soon as I'm done with my day,

209
00:10:30,395 --> 00:10:33,095
I'll put the clock back, okay?

210
00:10:33,097 --> 00:10:34,630
I do not trust you with that clock!

211
00:10:34,632 --> 00:10:36,766
I said I'll put it back.

212
00:10:47,512 --> 00:10:50,780
Jack, why are you clock-blocking?

213
00:10:54,752 --> 00:10:57,286
Estefan, look,
okay, I'm sorry, all right?

214
00:10:57,288 --> 00:10:58,754
The truth is, I hate this clock.

215
00:10:58,756 --> 00:11:01,123
Even more than I hate a woman

216
00:11:01,125 --> 00:11:03,772
in a dress and sneakers
holding a Diet Coke.

217
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:06,262
I... I... I tried to sell it

218
00:11:06,264 --> 00:11:08,297
because I don't wanna start a fight.

219
00:11:08,299 --> 00:11:09,665
We are not fighting.

220
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,801
We are just being honest with each other.

221
00:11:11,803 --> 00:11:12,935
You can sell it.

222
00:11:12,937 --> 00:11:14,837
- I can?
- Sí,

223
00:11:14,839 --> 00:11:18,607
as long as I can sell something
of yours that I hate.

224
00:11:18,609 --> 00:11:19,809
Sure, whatever.

225
00:11:19,811 --> 00:11:21,610
I mean, anything to avoid a fight.

226
00:11:21,612 --> 00:11:22,845
Fine.

227
00:11:25,216 --> 00:11:28,184
Your big-boy baby doll.

228
00:11:30,888 --> 00:11:32,154
Cher?

229
00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:36,692
You put her down, you.

230
00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:39,729
She is a national treasure.

231
00:11:39,731 --> 00:11:41,797
No, whoa, whoa.

232
00:11:41,799 --> 00:11:43,165
Stop it!

233
00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:44,166
She's been through enough!

234
00:11:44,168 --> 00:11:46,635
She was born in the wagon
of a traveling show!

235
00:11:46,637 --> 00:11:48,371
Jack, you want your doll?

236
00:11:48,373 --> 00:11:51,173
Catch her on her farewell tour!

237
00:12:00,985 --> 00:12:03,953
No!

238
00:12:33,584 --> 00:12:35,317
I got you, babe.

239
00:12:41,106 --> 00:12:43,773
Hi. Okay, I got 20 minutes
until I go on the air.

240
00:12:43,775 --> 00:12:45,641
- Great.
- Oh, by the way,

241
00:12:45,643 --> 00:12:48,644
"HELLO! Magazine" just voted me
England's Best Teeth.

242
00:12:48,646 --> 00:12:51,796
Ooh, who came in second,
the queen's rabbit?

243
00:12:52,617 --> 00:12:56,018
Aw, I miss your jokes
that I don't quite get.

244
00:12:56,908 --> 00:12:59,375
So should we... uh, should we start?

245
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,097
Oh, yeah.

246
00:13:06,383 --> 00:13:07,782
Will?

247
00:13:07,807 --> 00:13:09,107
Have we started?

248
00:13:09,132 --> 00:13:10,690
Oh, it started.

249
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,330
Okay, you're not doing anything.

250
00:13:13,332 --> 00:13:16,028
No, no, I am.
I'm giving you the silent treatment,

251
00:13:16,030 --> 00:13:18,497
and it is sexy.

252
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,466
Trust me, it's good.

253
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:22,534
Drove Karen wild.

254
00:13:22,536 --> 00:13:24,136
You had phone sex with Karen?

255
00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:26,305
It wasn't consensual.

256
00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:27,606
Just give it a minute.

257
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,643
Are you falling asleep?

258
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:32,878
No, I'm so sorry.

259
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,212
It's just, it's really late here,

260
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,515
and the news is so boring.

261
00:13:36,517 --> 00:13:40,182
Look, I... I gotta
do something real quick.

262
00:13:40,184 --> 00:13:44,489
Just... Google glistening Paul Newman.

263
00:13:46,046 --> 00:13:48,478
Bladder and Sons, this is Connie.

264
00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:50,649
Karen, I'm bombing.

265
00:13:50,650 --> 00:13:52,016
What do ya talk?

266
00:13:52,018 --> 00:13:54,119
You were so good with me this afternoon,

267
00:13:54,121 --> 00:13:56,788
I've been sitting on
a bag of frozen peas all day.

268
00:13:56,790 --> 00:13:58,990
I didn't touch you!

269
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:01,960
Besides, I'm putting him to sleep.

270
00:14:01,962 --> 00:14:05,078
I'm pretty much the C-SPAN of phone sex.

271
00:14:05,298 --> 00:14:07,132
Honey, you gotta go wild.

272
00:14:07,134 --> 00:14:08,800
Let's talk lubricants,

273
00:14:08,802 --> 00:14:11,035
and I'm not talking about bed stuff.

274
00:14:11,037 --> 00:14:13,371
I'm talking about under-the-sink stuff,

275
00:14:13,373 --> 00:14:16,674
you know, stuff that burns,
stuff that's for metal.

276
00:14:18,011 --> 00:14:21,479
Can we talk like human beings
for a minute?

277
00:14:21,481 --> 00:14:23,782
I'm trying to be intimate
with the man I love,

278
00:14:23,784 --> 00:14:25,884
and it's... it's just not sexy.

279
00:14:25,886 --> 00:14:29,154
Will, honey, you're making
this too complicated.

280
00:14:29,156 --> 00:14:31,189
Just tell him what you want.

281
00:14:31,191 --> 00:14:34,225
Isn't there something you've
always wanted to do with a guy

282
00:14:34,227 --> 00:14:36,161
maybe something you've never done before,

283
00:14:36,163 --> 00:14:37,462
but don't give me any specifics.

284
00:14:37,464 --> 00:14:39,404
That stuff grosses me out.

285
00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:46,004
Hi.

286
00:14:46,006 --> 00:14:47,472
Hey.

287
00:14:47,474 --> 00:14:49,841
McCoy, can I tell you what I want?

288
00:14:49,843 --> 00:14:51,342
Of course.

289
00:14:51,708 --> 00:14:53,244
It's not phone sex.

290
00:14:53,246 --> 00:14:55,980
Although, please, feel free
to leave your pants off.

291
00:14:58,852 --> 00:15:01,300
I... I...
I don't want to be on hold anymore.

292
00:15:01,721 --> 00:15:03,922
I wanna... I wanna talk about us,
about our wedding,

293
00:15:03,924 --> 00:15:06,825
whether we should register at
Bergdorf's or Bloomingdale's.

294
00:15:06,827 --> 00:15:09,260
- Bergdorf's.
- Of course Bergdorf's.

295
00:15:09,262 --> 00:15:11,896
See, this works for me.

296
00:15:11,898 --> 00:15:14,499
McCoy, I wanna talk about our future.

297
00:15:15,728 --> 00:15:16,827
Okay.

298
00:15:17,370 --> 00:15:19,527
I want us to have a baby.

299
00:15:24,945 --> 00:15:26,778
Oh!

300
00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:28,880
Okay, that was amazing!

301
00:15:28,882 --> 00:15:31,249
Now who's watching the yard sale?

302
00:15:32,886 --> 00:15:36,054
Jack, do you know what I despise?

303
00:15:36,056 --> 00:15:38,523
Besides the letter S? I can't imagine.

304
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,227
Being lied to.

305
00:15:42,229 --> 00:15:43,561
If you hated my "kah-koo" clock so much,

306
00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:44,963
you should have just told me.

307
00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:45,964
I didn't want us to have a fight.

308
00:15:45,966 --> 00:15:47,899
Why? What is the big deal about fighting?

309
00:15:47,901 --> 00:15:49,267
Because...

310
00:15:49,269 --> 00:15:51,436
- we're married now.
- So?

311
00:15:51,438 --> 00:15:54,906
When married people fight,
they get divorced.

312
00:15:54,908 --> 00:15:57,442
It happened to my mom.
It happened to my dad...

313
00:15:59,946 --> 00:16:02,111
Literally every parent in my life.

314
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:04,782
And I'm not gonna let that happen to us,

315
00:16:04,784 --> 00:16:06,251
so from now on,
if we get mad at each other,

316
00:16:06,253 --> 00:16:08,086
we're just gonna
have to stuff it deep down

317
00:16:08,088 --> 00:16:09,254
and not acknowledge it.

318
00:16:09,256 --> 00:16:10,922
That is crazy.

319
00:16:10,924 --> 00:16:14,425
We are two passionate men
with minds of our own

320
00:16:14,427 --> 00:16:17,126
and the perfect amount of body hair...

321
00:16:17,964 --> 00:16:19,130
none.

322
00:16:20,093 --> 00:16:21,499
Of course we will fight.

323
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:24,469
We can't, okay? Not anymore.

324
00:16:24,471 --> 00:16:26,938
You have to promise me.
The stakes are too high.

325
00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:28,239
I do not care about

326
00:16:28,241 --> 00:16:30,275
the altitude of the stakes, okay, Jack?

327
00:16:30,277 --> 00:16:33,311
I only promise you
that when you are wrong,

328
00:16:33,313 --> 00:16:35,813
I will always fight with you forever.

329
00:16:38,118 --> 00:16:40,985
You did just say "always" and "forever."

330
00:16:40,987 --> 00:16:43,988
Even when we are very old
and maybe you have a sickness

331
00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:46,958
and I still have my health,
I will fight you.

332
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,527
In sickness and in health.

333
00:16:49,529 --> 00:16:52,864
I will not stop until the last breath

334
00:16:52,866 --> 00:16:56,334
leaves your hairless, incorrect body.

335
00:16:57,604 --> 00:16:59,604
Till death do us part.

336
00:16:59,606 --> 00:17:03,174
Oh, Steffie, we're really not
gonna turn out like my parents.

337
00:17:03,176 --> 00:17:05,009
We're gonna be together
forever, aren't we?

338
00:17:05,011 --> 00:17:07,378
Mi amor, of course.

339
00:17:07,380 --> 00:17:10,181
I love you. I could never leave you.

340
00:17:10,183 --> 00:17:13,099
Then let's always fight.

341
00:17:14,621 --> 00:17:16,487
But not now. Let's be done with this one.

342
00:17:16,489 --> 00:17:18,957
Maybe we go upstairs
and hose each other down.

343
00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:21,159
Great idea, but before that,

344
00:17:21,161 --> 00:17:23,194
I really need a shower.

345
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,919
There you are.
I've been dying to talk to you.

346
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:37,321
So McCoy and I
were trying to have phone sex,

347
00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:39,657
and then something
a whole lot bigger came up

348
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,258
that blew that right out of the water.

349
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,618
I shouldn't say bigger.
It's actually something really small,

350
00:17:43,653 --> 00:17:47,198
about the size of a...
oh, I don't know, a baby?

351
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,933
How did... how did you know?

352
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:50,701
I just knew.

353
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,971
Wow, and... and this is good news?

354
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,272
Obviously.

355
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,274
I mean, I'm...
I'm still not totally clear

356
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,376
how the actual
impregnation part of it works,

357
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,712
but I watched a video,
and I think I got the gist.

358
00:18:03,735 --> 00:18:06,703
You had to watch a video?
How gay are you?

359
00:18:08,259 --> 00:18:09,559
What does that mean?

360
00:18:09,584 --> 00:18:11,150
Why are you not more excited about this?

361
00:18:11,175 --> 00:18:12,908
It's just a lot to consider,

362
00:18:12,933 --> 00:18:15,000
I mean, like the age thing,
which is kind of a bummer.

363
00:18:15,025 --> 00:18:16,692
Oh, thanks,
that's a terrible thing to say.

364
00:18:16,717 --> 00:18:18,850
Not to mention a lot of people think

365
00:18:18,875 --> 00:18:21,542
that a baby should
have a man in its life.

366
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,934
Well, now you're just being hurtful.

367
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,666
You know, maybe we don't own tool belts,

368
00:18:26,701 --> 00:18:30,003
but McCoy and I add up
to at least one man between us.

369
00:18:31,206 --> 00:18:32,906
Wait, you and McCoy are having a baby?

370
00:18:32,941 --> 00:18:35,008
Yes, that's what
I've been trying to tell you.

371
00:18:35,043 --> 00:18:37,143
- Oh.
- What did you think I was...

372
00:18:37,179 --> 00:18:38,269
No.

373
00:18:38,305 --> 00:18:39,644
Yep.

374
00:18:40,015 --> 00:18:41,748
You're telling me that you're...

375
00:18:41,783 --> 00:18:43,356
Yep.

376
00:18:44,052 --> 00:18:47,187
And, believe me, I already
know all the problems.

377
00:18:47,222 --> 00:18:49,408
The doctor told me.
The lady on the subway told me.

378
00:18:49,443 --> 00:18:51,658
My sisters both told me
when I called them.

379
00:18:51,693 --> 00:18:55,995
- I'm too old. I don't have any...
- Grace, this is the best news!

380
00:18:57,966 --> 00:18:59,332
It is?

381
00:19:00,302 --> 00:19:01,801
God, they're gonna be so cute.

382
00:19:01,837 --> 00:19:03,870
And we'll race 'em
around the living room,

383
00:19:03,905 --> 00:19:05,171
and of course they're
gonna be best friends.

384
00:19:05,207 --> 00:19:06,873
Okay, wait, wait.

385
00:19:06,908 --> 00:19:10,210
You don't think that
I'm a little old and unwed

386
00:19:10,245 --> 00:19:12,843
and, you know, me?

387
00:19:13,915 --> 00:19:16,149
No, none of those things
even occurred to me.

388
00:19:17,185 --> 00:19:18,284
Of course they didn't.

389
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,287
I'm just thinking what an
amazing mom you're gonna be.

390
00:19:21,323 --> 00:19:22,889
I think that too.

391
00:19:22,924 --> 00:19:25,225
Besides, I'm... I'm older than you are.

392
00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:28,061
I mean, by the time
this baby's my age, I'll be...

393
00:19:28,096 --> 00:19:30,163
well, I'll be dead, so new rule:

394
00:19:30,198 --> 00:19:32,332
no more math in this apartment.

395
00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,067
Is this crazy?

396
00:19:34,102 --> 00:19:35,802
We've already been down that road,

397
00:19:35,837 --> 00:19:37,904
we talked, we processed,

398
00:19:37,939 --> 00:19:39,905
and we closed the book on this.

399
00:19:39,940 --> 00:19:42,041
Yes, and just like every other book

400
00:19:42,077 --> 00:19:44,010
that we have read
over the past ten years,

401
00:19:44,045 --> 00:19:46,679
we closed the book
before we were finished.

402
00:19:48,950 --> 00:19:50,768
We're talking about our babies.

403
00:19:50,803 --> 00:19:52,018
We're having babies!

404
00:19:52,053 --> 00:19:53,920
We're having babies.

405
00:19:58,226 --> 00:19:59,724
Silence!

406
00:20:00,475 --> 00:20:04,044
I need everyone's attention
because I've got big boobs.

407
00:20:05,367 --> 00:20:08,101
I mean, big news.

408
00:20:08,136 --> 00:20:10,476
Then again, look at 'em.

409
00:20:10,511 --> 00:20:12,272
Wait, why are we here?

410
00:20:12,307 --> 00:20:13,907
You're taking us all out to dinner

411
00:20:13,942 --> 00:20:15,742
so I can share my big news.

412
00:20:15,777 --> 00:20:16,876
Oh, what is it?

413
00:20:16,912 --> 00:20:18,411
Estefan and I survived

414
00:20:18,446 --> 00:20:20,079
our first fight as a married couple,

415
00:20:20,115 --> 00:20:22,115
and now I feel like
I can survive anything.

416
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,384
That's why we're talking
about having a baby.

417
00:20:27,989 --> 00:20:29,188
What was that for?

418
00:20:29,224 --> 00:20:30,723
You're not having a kid!

419
00:20:30,759 --> 00:20:32,815
We don't do kids!

420
00:20:32,850 --> 00:20:34,294
It would mess up everything!

421
00:20:34,329 --> 00:20:35,929
Look around you.

422
00:20:35,964 --> 00:20:37,730
Nobody in this room

423
00:20:37,766 --> 00:20:40,967
should ever even think
about having a baby...

424
00:20:42,623 --> 00:20:47,293
Not you, not me, not him,
and certainly not her.

425
00:20:49,277 --> 00:20:51,744
Oh, my God, you're right.

426
00:20:51,769 --> 00:20:54,871
It... it... it would be insane
for any one of us

427
00:20:54,896 --> 00:20:56,696
to bring a child into the world.

428
00:20:56,721 --> 00:20:59,655
Right, you guys? Come on, let's go.

429
00:21:03,258 --> 00:21:04,424
Should we tell 'em?

430
00:21:04,459 --> 00:21:07,093
Eh, let's wait till one of us is showing.