WEBVTT

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.

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- "Will & Grace"
is recorded in front of

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a live studio audience.

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- Hey, check this out.

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I got it for the trip.

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It's called an Astro Pillow.
So--

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[grunts]

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You put it on like this,

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you put down your
tray table, and...

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You can sleep like this.
Isn't it cool?

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Grace, could you--
could you help me?

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It's a little snug.

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- Do it yourself.
How else will you learn?

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- Grace, I can't breathe!

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I'm Sandra Bullock
in "Gravity"!

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You were going to
let me die in there.

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- I would never let you die.

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Then who would be around
to criticize me?

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- [groans]

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Okay, I'm sorry
about the other night.

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I should never have said that
you can do better than Noah.

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- So you don't think
I can do better?

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- To be clear,
I shouldn't have said it.

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- Oh, my God,
you just can't help yourself.

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- The guy bails on your
good friend's wedding, why?

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Because he's got
a "buddy" in town?

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- Hey, we are not
doing this today.

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It's Jack's wedding.
- All right, you're right.

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- And Noah's friend
is only in for three days.

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- That is such a lame--
- No, not today.

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And the wedding is in Spain.
That's a big ask.

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- He made a commit--
- Not..today!

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[upbeat piano music]

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- Hi, Jack McFarland,
BTB, bride to be.

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Um, is it possible to arrange
a surprise announcement

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from the pilot congratulating
me on my upcoming nip-shuls?

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- Sorry, the flight's
been delayed.

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Bad weather in Spain.
- No, no, no.

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It can't be delayed.
Check again.

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Do the thing where you do this.

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- Okay.

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It's delayed.

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- Well, she checked.

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- Let me take a crack
at this one, boys.

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If you can get
this tin bird moving,

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I'll blow into your tubes
until you're fully inflated.

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- Karen, you're not a lesbian.
- Oh, really?

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Then why is my hot
new lesbian girlfriend

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about to meet me here?

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There, I said it.
She's black.

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- Oh, look, the flight's
no longer delayed.

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- Oh.
- Oh, thank God.

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- It's cancelled.

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[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]

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♪

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- Wait, so the wedding's
on hold.

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- Eh.
- How's Jack taking it?

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[horn beeps]
- Why?

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- So, look, I have something
big to tell you.

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- McCoy Whitman, is that you?
- Yeah.

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- Ooh, can I get
a picture with you?

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- Yeah, sure thing.

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[shutter snaps]

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All right.
- You want to check it?

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- They're always good.
- Oh.

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- It looks like the network
is going to make me

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Chief London Correspondent.

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- That's your dream job!
- I know.

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It's going to be so great.
- So why does it--

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- Because I'd be living
in London,

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and you'd be living here,
and we'd be so far apart!

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- Hi, we're huge fans.
Can we--

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- Of course. Yes.
- Oh, gosh!

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[shutter snaps]

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- What are we going to do?
- Well, we'll be okay.

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I mean, lots of couples make
the long-distance thing work.

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- Name one.

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You can't!

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- Um, that guy was
in the picture, so do--

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- Let's take another.
- Oh, good!

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- All right.

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[shutter snaps]

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- Oh, I look bad
in this one, too.

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- Everyone looks bad
next to him!

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Move it along.

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- Jack.
- Ohh...

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please tell me you found a way
for us to get to Spain.

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- Oh, wouldn't that be nice?
But no.

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We are getting married
at midnight

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right here at gate 35A!
The nicest of the 35s.

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Papi, I know it's not Spain,

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but at least our wedding
will not be on a Tuesday.

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- Oh, thank God.

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Because we wouldn't want
our wedding to be cursed

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by being forced
to have it at an--

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oh, I don't know, an airport!

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What--what, do you want to have
our honeymoon in a men's room?

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- Jack, that's where we had
our second date.

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[upbeat piano music]

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.

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- Welcome to the pre-wedding
cocktail hour.

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As you can all see, this is not
a castle on a hill in Spain.

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But Estefan did find
an airport White Castle.

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And this jar of Spanish olives
for the reception.

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So...

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yay.

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There will also be
no unicorn dessert station,

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no magical up-lighting.

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I mean, it's an airport.
There's nothing.

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[laughs]

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[sobs]

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- Who's going to perform
the ceremony?

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- That part is set.
Estefan's tio,Alberto.

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He's a judge on
"Spain's Got Talent."

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- Isn't he in Spain?
- Your point?

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- Five, four, three, two...

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- Excuse me.

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- Oh, my God, I didn't even
think of this.

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If Jack's getting married here,
Noah can come.

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I'm going to call him.
- I have no opinion on that.

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- I wasn't asking
for your opinion.

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- Well, none was offered.
- None was requested.

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- Nor was one forthcoming.

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- Oh, go put your
head condom back on.

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- So I just got off
the phone with the network,

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and it turns out
I didn't get the job.

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- What, no!
Darn it, those dummies.

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[grunts]

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- It's okay if you're happy.
- I am, I'm sorry.

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But I'm thrilled for us.

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We both know the long-distance
thing never works.

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- Yes, I agree,
and that's why I told them

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thanks but no thanks.

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- Wait, why did you thank them
for not giving you a job?

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- Well, I was
just being polite.

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You know how the Brits are.

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[British accent]
Tut-tut, spot of tea.

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On your marks, get set, bake!

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Okay, they--they offered me
the job, but I said no.

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- Sweetie, you can't turn down
your dream job because of me.

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- I don't want to lose you.
- Well, if you stay,

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you'll end up resenting me.
I couldn't stand that.

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You got to call them back.

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- I know.

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- Another round, barkeep.

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- Hello, Mrs. Walker.
- Smitty?

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You work here, too?

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- Because of all the death
and illness in my family,

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I have to work multiple jobs.

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Though I guess dancing
while Wall Street guys

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throw lit cigarettes
at me, well,

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that's not really a job.

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- Oh, Smitty.
You are a treasure.

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If I wasn't a lesbian,
I would kiss you.

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I'm a lesbian now.
- You are?

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Oh, my gaydar must be going
the way of my hearing

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and--and my sense of smell,

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and--and my ability
to digest solid food.

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- [laughs]

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Smitty, you got to give a gal
a chance to breathe.

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[laughs]

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Oh, it's just that
after my marriage ended,

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I didn't know who I was
or what I wanted.

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And then, Nikki came along
and told me.

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And now, I am exactly
who I'm supposed to be.

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I think.

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I don't know.

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- Did you ever think
that maybe you're not gay?

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You're just lost.

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- [laughs]

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Wait a minute,
that's not funny.

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[bright piano music]

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- Chardonnay, please.

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Noah's not coming.
We do not need to get into it.

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- Ah.

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- That is such a "you"
thing to say.

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- Mm.
- Oh, now you're lecturing me?

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I get it, it's a bummer.
He's a bummer.

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Are you happy?
- Are you happy?

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- I'm happy enough.
Noah is kind, and he loves me.

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You get to a point in your life
where you're lucky

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if you get 60%
of what you want.

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- Grace--
- It's not sad.

184
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It's a reality.
- Don't say that.

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You--
- No, do not tell me

186
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that I could do better,
because I can't.

187
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I can't do better.
- Wow.

188
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I wish you could see yourself
the way I see you.

189
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Because if you did,
you'd know you deserve 100%

190
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of what you want.

191
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[groovy piano music]

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♪

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.

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- We have another problem.

195
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We don't have anybody
to marry us.

196
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- You big gay bitch!

197
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I just found out
that you're getting married,

198
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and you didn't invite me!

199
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- I know, I'm so sorry.
We totally forgot.

200
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:50,807
- That bothers me, Jack.

201
00:09:50,851 --> 00:09:54,071
If I wasn't on my way to Tampa
to marry my sister--

202
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:57,814
- Hey, you cannot
marry your sister.

203
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:02,340
- In Florida, you can.

204
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,825
- I'm not marrying her,
you dummies.

205
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:13,047
I'm performing the ceremony.
I'm ordained.

206
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:16,877
- Wait, you can marry people?
Would you ever consider, like--

207
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,880
- All right,
I'll do it for 75 bucks.

208
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:22,143
- 25 bucks.
- 100.

209
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:25,581
- 200.
- You got yourself a deal.

210
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,584
[bright piano music]

211
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,673
♪

212
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:31,718
- Oh!

213
00:10:31,761 --> 00:10:33,676
Oh, oh!
- Oh!

214
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,199
- I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no, no, no.

215
00:10:35,243 --> 00:10:37,941
I'm sorry, I just--
I bit into the--

216
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:40,857
- Gooey center?
- I call it the pearl.

217
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,731
Oh, please, don't stop eating.

218
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:48,691
- That is the nicest thing
a guy has ever said to me.

219
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,651
- I find that
kind of hard to believe.

220
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:53,174
You know, I was going to get
one of those

221
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:55,045
sad little airport cookies,
but then, I thought

222
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:56,743
"why settle for mediocrity

223
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:59,093
when there is this
deliciousness out there?"

224
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:02,705
- Agreed.

225
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:05,055
- Marcus.
- Grace.

226
00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:07,449
- Where you headed?
- Nowhere.

227
00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:09,756
My friend is getting married
here in the airport.

228
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,671
- Oh, that's where I
want to get married.

229
00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:13,716
- Really?
- No.

230
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,370
[laughs]

231
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,372
Just my indelicate way
of telling you

232
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:19,243
that I'm not married.

233
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,028
- Smooth.
- Yeah.

234
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,159
[chuckles]

235
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:25,336
- Where you going?
- Uh, Italy.

236
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:29,471
Yeah, then France, and then,
I don't know where.

237
00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:32,430
- Wow, that sounds amazing.
- Yeah, yeah.

238
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:35,651
I just--I woke up one day,
and I thought...

239
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,435
I don't know, you ever just
have one of those moments

240
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,700
where you just--
you rethink your entire life?

241
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:42,179
- Constantly.

242
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:43,703
- [chuckles]

243
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,661
- How long you going away for?

244
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,141
- Mm, as long as it
makes me happy.

245
00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:48,838
- Oh.
- And as long as I

246
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:51,798
can pass for a Canadian.
- I wish I could do that.

247
00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:54,757
Not the Canadian part.
I'm too loud.

248
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:57,847
The dropping everything
and just taking off thing.

249
00:11:57,891 --> 00:12:00,763
- Oh, then do it.
- Oh, I--

250
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:01,938
[scoffs]

251
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:03,679
I don't do stuff like that.

252
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,987
- What, something you want to
do when you want to do it?

253
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:10,381
- Don't make it
sound reasonable.

254
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:13,907
- Look, sometimes, the things
we do without thinking,

255
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:17,127
they end up being the best
things that we ever do.

256
00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:19,173
- Really?
Because I have a Bowflex

257
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:21,871
and cargo pants
that would say otherwise.

258
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:29,052
- Hey, you wouldn't want to--
with--

259
00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:30,967
Oh--oh, man, forget it.

260
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:33,187
I'm--I'm going to sound
like a crazy person.

261
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:38,540
Uh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You just--you seemed so--

262
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:39,846
[stammers]

263
00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:42,892
Forgive me.
Okay, enjoy your wedding.

264
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:45,852
- Hey.
- Yeah?

265
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:48,768
- Points for almost asking.

266
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:54,425
[bright piano music]

267
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:55,731
- Hey, babe.

268
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,515
- [laughs]

269
00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:58,952
- So wait,
what was the thinking

270
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:00,823
behind getting married
at an airport?

271
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:03,086
The DMV was booked?

272
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:06,263
- [clears throat]

273
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:09,919
Look, um,
I need to say something.

274
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:13,009
You know how I've said
that being with you

275
00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:17,013
has changed me,
and you've said that

276
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:22,192
maybe I'm not being
totally honest with myself.

277
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,846
- What are you trying to say?

278
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:28,546
- Mm, what do you think
I'm trying to say?

279
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,766
- Karen, I can't
say it for you.

280
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,898
- [exhales]

281
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:35,989
It's just so hard.
I just--

282
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:39,514
I've realized that...

283
00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:42,430
I am...

284
00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:43,779
[exhales]

285
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,259
[chuckles]

286
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:49,611
Why can't I say the word?
Why can't I just say it?

287
00:13:49,654 --> 00:13:54,921
What--what is wrong with me?
Why am I so ashamed?

288
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:59,447
Why can't I just speak my truth
and be who I am?

289
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:00,622
Nikki...

290
00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:01,623
[button clicks]

291
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,016
I'm straight.

292
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:05,148
[echoing]
I'm straight, I'm straight...

293
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:07,847
I'm straight...
I'm straight...I'm straight...

294
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,240
- There are children around!

295
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,852
[bright musical flourish]

296
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:14,941
.

297
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:18,945
- So, about to be married
at an airport.

298
00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:21,338
Worst wedding
since Batman married Robin

299
00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:24,602
in that filthy cave.

300
00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:26,430
- Look at it this way.

301
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:29,042
You waited for the right one.
You didn't settle.

302
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,914
- You didn't care about
the distance or the obstacles.

303
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:34,786
- And you're both really,
truly gay.

304
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:39,139
It's not like one of you
is gay and black

305
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:41,968
and the other one
is white, straight, and lost.

306
00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:45,188
["Here Comes The Bride"
plays]

307
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:52,456
♪

308
00:14:55,938 --> 00:15:00,029
- Buddy, this is your moment.
Today, it's all about you.

309
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:03,990
- I have waited to hear you
say that for 30 years.

310
00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:08,037
- If you hurt my Jackie,

311
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:11,562
I know someone
who will reach up inside you

312
00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:14,783
and turn you inside out.

313
00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:16,132
- [purrs]

314
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:18,787
- No, not in the good way.

315
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:23,618
- Thank you.

316
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:27,187
- Gracias.
[coins rattle]

317
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:33,236
Mi amor,
you look beautiful.

318
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,935
- I know.

319
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:39,025
- Queerly beloved,
we are gathered here

320
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:43,072
under this extremely
harsh lighting

321
00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:46,423
that I wouldn't wish
on my evil twin sister--

322
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:49,774
she should rot in Hell--

323
00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:53,648
to unite these two "men"...

324
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,869
In holy matrimony.

325
00:15:57,913 --> 00:16:00,655
And now, I believe that
both Jack and Estefan

326
00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:03,614
have prepared their own vows.
Jack?

327
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:07,270
- Estefan, you know me
well enough to know

328
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:12,275
that I have prepared nothing.

329
00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:13,973
- It's true, I know that.

330
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:17,498
- For months,
all I've ever talked about

331
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,413
was having the perfect wedding.

332
00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:22,807
I wanted it to be the greatest
moment of my life.

333
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:27,943
And now, standing here,
looking in your eyes...

334
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,771
- [exhales]

335
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:33,557
- I know I got exactly
what I wanted.

336
00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,996
This is perfect.

337
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:39,868
- Flight 201
to Dallas, Fort Worth,

338
00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:42,958
has been moved to gate 63.

339
00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:02,717
- Like I said, perfect.

340
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:06,460
You are the love of my life.

341
00:17:06,503 --> 00:17:08,723
Te amo.

342
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:11,813
- Te amo siempre,Jack.

343
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:17,688
[off-key]
♪ Tu llenas mis sentidos

344
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:21,083
♪ Como una noche
en el bosque ♪

345
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:23,259
- [nose honks]

346
00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:30,092
- ♪ Like a mountain
in springtime ♪

347
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:32,660
- No, no, no.

348
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:41,625
- It's going to be okay, McCoy.
- No, it's not.

349
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:43,192
We're going to break up,
and I'm going to

350
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:45,151
have to go back
to dating underwear models

351
00:17:45,194 --> 00:17:51,113
and Bravo executives
and Italian soccer stars.

352
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:54,899
It's going to be hell.
- Ah, well, me too.

353
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:58,425
What with all the
part-time piano teachers

354
00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:01,732
and no-show Grindr dates.

355
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:05,388
I--I totally get it.

356
00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:08,565
How do you keep a relationship
going from so far apart?

357
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:12,091
- You can't.
- Unless...

358
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:14,136
[Estefan continues
singing in Spanish]

359
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,965
- Unless what?

360
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:20,055
- And now, do you, Jack,
take Estefan

361
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,406
as your
lawfully-wedded husband?

362
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:26,366
- Maybe everything else
was not as I planned,

363
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,672
but this moment is.

364
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:30,892
All eyes are on me
as I say--

365
00:18:30,935 --> 00:18:34,635
- I will!
I will marry you, Will Truman!

366
00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:39,466
- [screaming] I knew it!

367
00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,381
I knew it!

368
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:44,601
- Jack, Jack, Jack, you're
still getting married first.

369
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:47,561
I'm dying inside.

370
00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:49,824
- That helps.
Let's keep going.

371
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:53,784
[bright piano music]

372
00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:56,135
- That was the craziest,
most impulsive thing

373
00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:59,616
I have ever seen you do,
and I have never been prouder.

374
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,488
- Yeah, yeah, it's weird,
because crazy and impulsive

375
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,098
is usually your department.

376
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,621
Did we switch bodies
when we opened

377
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,841
that book of magic spells?

378
00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:09,148
- You inspired me, though.

379
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,585
I'm kind of thinking about
doing something

380
00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:14,109
crazy and impulsive myself.

381
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,589
- Is it something
that has the chance

382
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:18,461
of making you
more than 60% happy?

383
00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,811
- It might.

384
00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:25,903
- Well, then go.
Go get yourself some happy.

385
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:33,824
- Smitty, this isn't like me,
but I'm happy for my friends.

386
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:37,524
I guess it makes me feel like

387
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:41,049
maybe there's a chance
that I'll find love again.

388
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,878
- [laughs]

389
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:51,451
Mrs. Walker, you're hilarious.

390
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,673
- We have a boarding
opportunity for passengers

391
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:58,022
traveling flight 6150--

392
00:19:58,066 --> 00:20:00,329
- Ma'am are you boarding?

393
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:03,811
- I was just--um, uh,
waiting for someone.

394
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:07,206
I guess it was crazy.

395
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,425
- Hold up.
Hold the gate.

396
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:11,688
[bright music]

397
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:14,517
- Hi.

398
00:20:14,561 --> 00:20:16,345
- Hi.

399
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:18,695
- Ooh, the first song
is husband and husband.

400
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:22,612
Come on, let's dance.
Will!

401
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:26,442
♪

402
00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:29,097
- I was looking for you.

403
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:31,839
- Here I am.

404
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:35,712
- ♪ Love is in the air

405
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:39,847
♪ Love is in the air

406
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:44,025
♪ Love is in the air

407
00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:47,594
♪ Love is in the air

408
00:20:47,637 --> 00:20:50,945
♪ Love is in the air