1 00:00:02,820 --> 00:00:05,122 ♪ Two... two, three... ♪ 2 00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:19,269 Futurama presents...: Mutual of omicron's wild universe 3 00:00:19,337 --> 00:00:22,439 brought to you by mutual of omicron... 4 00:00:22,507 --> 00:00:25,809 insuring your world, and its destruction. 5 00:00:25,877 --> 00:00:29,946 Tonight's planet: A primitive backwater known only as... 6 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,821 Earth. 7 00:00:33,252 --> 00:00:38,979 Sync and corrections by Tony for www.Addic7ed.Com 8 00:00:41,482 --> 00:00:43,517 narrator: Of all the creatures on earth, 9 00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,886 none has a more thrilling life cycle 10 00:00:45,953 --> 00:00:48,054 than the intrepid salmon. 11 00:00:48,122 --> 00:00:51,124 It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, 12 00:00:51,192 --> 00:00:53,093 where the salmon eggs incubate. 13 00:00:53,161 --> 00:00:55,128 I'm born, baby! 14 00:00:55,196 --> 00:00:57,764 Narrator: The new hatchlings are known as "Fry." 15 00:00:57,832 --> 00:00:59,299 What's your name? 16 00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:01,535 I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. 17 00:01:01,602 --> 00:01:03,904 Narrator: After three years in the stream, 18 00:01:03,971 --> 00:01:05,405 the young salmon are ready 19 00:01:05,473 --> 00:01:07,908 for the arduous journey to the ocean. 20 00:01:07,975 --> 00:01:11,278 I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. 21 00:01:11,345 --> 00:01:13,446 Narrator: The trip will be dangerous. 22 00:01:13,514 --> 00:01:15,916 Only three in ten will survive. 23 00:01:15,983 --> 00:01:17,884 Let's all ten of us go together. 24 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,252 There's safety in numbers. 25 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,453 Ah! 26 00:01:22,857 --> 00:01:26,126 Mm. I reckon my boy will be right pleased 27 00:01:26,194 --> 00:01:28,862 when I regurgitate that into his mouth. 28 00:01:28,930 --> 00:01:32,199 Narrator: Looming ahead: Nature's waterfall, 29 00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:34,768 the cliff of the waters. 30 00:01:34,835 --> 00:01:38,672 Ah, it sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current. 31 00:01:38,739 --> 00:01:40,140 Whoa! 32 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:42,642 Salmon Hedonismbot: Oh my! 33 00:01:42,710 --> 00:01:44,945 Salmon Hedonismbot: Oh dear! 34 00:01:45,012 --> 00:01:47,047 Salmon Hedonismbot: Oh yes! 35 00:01:49,784 --> 00:01:50,951 This just in. 36 00:01:51,018 --> 00:01:53,119 Three dead in foamy plunge. 37 00:01:55,056 --> 00:01:56,590 Oh... oh. 38 00:01:57,892 --> 00:02:00,227 Still, six out of ten alive. 39 00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:02,629 That's considered good for our species! 40 00:02:02,697 --> 00:02:05,131 Five out of ten, also nice. 41 00:02:05,199 --> 00:02:07,033 Ayup. 42 00:02:07,101 --> 00:02:09,836 Narrator: And so the salmon reach the ocean, 43 00:02:09,904 --> 00:02:12,472 birthplace of all life. 44 00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:13,840 Except the salmon. 45 00:02:16,377 --> 00:02:18,245 Uh, hello. Who are you? 46 00:02:18,312 --> 00:02:20,747 I'm a salmon. Really? Me too! 47 00:02:20,815 --> 00:02:23,116 No way! So, uh, hey... 48 00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,784 I don't want to be too forward, but... 49 00:02:24,852 --> 00:02:26,820 I'd like to mate with you in a few years 50 00:02:26,887 --> 00:02:28,088 when we're sexually mature. 51 00:02:28,155 --> 00:02:29,589 I'd like that. 52 00:02:29,657 --> 00:02:32,158 Coho, what have we here? 53 00:02:32,226 --> 00:02:33,526 I'm a pieces. 54 00:02:33,594 --> 00:02:35,695 And you? Also pieces. 55 00:02:35,763 --> 00:02:37,764 We're all pieces. Then it's a date. 56 00:02:37,832 --> 00:02:40,000 I'll see you at spawning time. 57 00:02:40,067 --> 00:02:41,268 No, thanks. 58 00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,803 I've already found my mate. 59 00:02:46,274 --> 00:02:50,010 You haven't ignored the last of me... 60 00:03:12,199 --> 00:03:15,902 narrator: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. 61 00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:17,904 Thus begins their 1000-mile journey 62 00:03:17,972 --> 00:03:21,141 back to the exact stream in which they were born. 63 00:03:21,208 --> 00:03:22,976 So how do we find our way home? 64 00:03:23,044 --> 00:03:24,377 Nobody knows! 65 00:03:24,445 --> 00:03:26,112 Narrator: Experts are unsure 66 00:03:26,180 --> 00:03:29,949 whether salmon navigate by memory, sense of smell, 67 00:03:30,017 --> 00:03:33,253 or by detecting variations in earth's magnetic field. 68 00:03:33,321 --> 00:03:36,723 Okay, everybody do one of those three things. 69 00:03:44,932 --> 00:03:46,833 well, this is it. 70 00:03:46,901 --> 00:03:48,435 Home, stream home. 71 00:03:48,502 --> 00:03:50,270 No, it isn't! 72 00:03:50,338 --> 00:03:52,205 I was born in the next stream up! 73 00:03:54,175 --> 00:03:55,542 You're from next stream up? 74 00:03:55,609 --> 00:03:57,077 So am I! 75 00:03:57,144 --> 00:03:59,245 I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. 76 00:03:59,313 --> 00:04:01,414 Let's go! 77 00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:05,552 Narrator: The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably 78 00:04:05,619 --> 00:04:07,020 toward the stream of its birth. 79 00:04:07,088 --> 00:04:08,788 Stupid body! 80 00:04:08,856 --> 00:04:11,358 Why won't you go to that other stream? 81 00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:13,126 Nobody knows! 82 00:04:13,194 --> 00:04:14,728 Narrator: I just told you! 83 00:04:14,795 --> 00:04:16,429 Goodbye! 84 00:04:16,497 --> 00:04:18,365 It was fun maturing with you, 85 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:20,033 but at this point in my life cycle, 86 00:04:20,101 --> 00:04:22,369 I need a mate who's within squirting distance. 87 00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:25,572 I'll never forget you... fish. 88 00:04:25,639 --> 00:04:27,407 Come on, loxy lady, 89 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:31,044 it's time for us to get naughty by nature! 90 00:04:31,112 --> 00:04:33,446 No! 91 00:04:50,731 --> 00:04:52,799 Well, here goes something... 92 00:04:55,002 --> 00:04:56,302 Don't make it... Don't make it! 93 00:04:56,370 --> 00:04:58,738 Ouch! 94 00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:01,841 Son of a fish! 95 00:05:07,014 --> 00:05:09,349 Pfft. Jumping is for suckers. 96 00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:14,521 Oh, I'm good! 97 00:05:14,588 --> 00:05:16,322 Who wants a piece of me? 98 00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:17,590 I'll try a bite! 99 00:05:24,098 --> 00:05:26,266 Narrator: Having completed its perilous journey, 100 00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:28,935 the exhausted salmon enters the final phase 101 00:05:29,003 --> 00:05:31,337 of its life cycle. 102 00:05:31,405 --> 00:05:33,173 The female deposits her eggs 103 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,674 and the male fertilizes them. 104 00:05:34,742 --> 00:05:36,976 Okay, who's next? 105 00:05:37,044 --> 00:05:39,045 There's a lot more where that came from! 106 00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:44,350 I can't see them any more! 107 00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:45,618 What if they're mating? 108 00:05:45,686 --> 00:05:46,853 Who cares? 109 00:05:46,921 --> 00:05:48,121 Just release your milt already! 110 00:05:48,189 --> 00:05:49,355 Everybody's doing it! 111 00:05:49,423 --> 00:05:50,623 No! 112 00:05:50,691 --> 00:05:52,492 I refuse to release anything 113 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,228 unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love! 114 00:05:59,867 --> 00:06:03,069 Tell my offspring I loved me... 115 00:06:03,137 --> 00:06:04,904 Very much... 116 00:06:10,878 --> 00:06:12,745 Oh, yeah. 117 00:06:12,813 --> 00:06:14,247 Plop those roundies. 118 00:06:14,315 --> 00:06:15,582 Ah! 119 00:06:15,649 --> 00:06:17,250 Ooh! 120 00:06:24,158 --> 00:06:25,592 All right, step aside. 121 00:06:25,659 --> 00:06:27,827 Time to let my bad boys loose. 122 00:06:27,895 --> 00:06:29,229 Ah! 123 00:06:29,296 --> 00:06:33,099 I am brrr, devourer of fish and honey! 124 00:06:38,172 --> 00:06:39,372 I'm coming, darling! 125 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,107 Hm, I shouldn't... 126 00:06:41,175 --> 00:06:43,343 But who's counting? 127 00:06:43,410 --> 00:06:45,545 Help! Fish police! 128 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,614 Two salmon for dinner? 129 00:06:47,681 --> 00:06:49,449 What? It's spawning season! 130 00:06:49,517 --> 00:06:51,184 It's a bear holiday! 131 00:06:51,252 --> 00:06:54,554 That is what you said when you found those boy scouts! 132 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:57,891 Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! 133 00:06:57,958 --> 00:06:59,526 That's it! 134 00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,961 We're hibernating in separate caves this winter! 135 00:07:10,971 --> 00:07:12,572 My love! 136 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,607 You... you made it! 137 00:07:14,675 --> 00:07:18,645 You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me! 138 00:07:18,712 --> 00:07:20,747 Mmm. 139 00:07:20,814 --> 00:07:22,582 So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? 140 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:25,084 Already taken care of. 141 00:07:25,152 --> 00:07:29,088 Well, we swam away and then we came back. 142 00:07:29,156 --> 00:07:31,491 It's been an interesting life. 143 00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:36,896 And the best part is, it had a happy ending. 144 00:07:36,964 --> 00:07:42,035 Narrator: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, 145 00:07:42,102 --> 00:07:44,304 meaningless and grim. 146 00:07:44,371 --> 00:07:48,041 Why did they live, and why did they die? 147 00:07:48,108 --> 00:07:49,509 No reason. 148 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,117 Narrator: The isolated Galápagos islands. 149 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:58,577 A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. 150 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,579 Home to dozens of species found 151 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,416 nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches, 152 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,850 and the marine iguana. 153 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,719 Also the blue-footed booby! 154 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,254 That's fairly interesting! 155 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,456 Note the blue coloration of the... 156 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,159 Narrator: Of all the creatures in the Galápagos, 157 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,960 none is rarer or more tragic 158 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,029 than the Pinta island tortoise. 159 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:21,500 Only a single living specimen is known to exist: 160 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:23,569 Lonesome Hubert. 161 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,471 Sad news, everyone. 162 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,773 I'm lonesome. 163 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,475 Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you 164 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:30,876 a symbiotic parasite cleaning? 165 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,111 Would it? Would it? Would it? 166 00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:35,181 Fine, knock yourself out. 167 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,882 Narrator: The Galápagos finches 168 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,485 eat parasites off the tortoise's skin, 169 00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,887 a mutually beneficial arrangement. 170 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,489 Except for the parasite! 171 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,424 How's that, Hubert? Feeling better? 172 00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:49,061 A good beaking usually cheers me right up, 173 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,130 but today it's no use. 174 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,733 My species is as good as extinct. 175 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,603 I haven't seen a female of my kind in over 100 years! 176 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,071 There's got to be a lady tortoise 177 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,473 out there for you, Hubert. 178 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,974 What about her? 179 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,743 Hey, good lookin', 180 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,445 I've got a lichen that needs a lickin'. 181 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,080 Are you crazy? 182 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,182 She's a slightly different subspecies! 183 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:13,419 See how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck? 184 00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:16,455 Ooh... talk about a cloaca shrinker. 185 00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,457 Well, haven't you ever met a girl tortoise 186 00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:21,594 who had that whole "same subspecies" thing going on? 187 00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:23,295 Oh my, yes. 188 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,831 When I was a young tortoise of 50 189 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,867 I met a hot young piece of shell 190 00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:31,771 by a palo santo tree on the far side of the island. 191 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,874 Let's go look for her! C'Mon, c'Mon, c'Mon! 192 00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:39,278 I've always wondered if she's still there, waiting for me. 193 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,647 But the trip is far too long. 194 00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:42,882 It's only 100 feet! 195 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,150 At my age, 196 00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,385 it might as well be 200 feet. 197 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,020 I'd never make it! 198 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,555 Come on, you can make it! You can do it! 199 00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,023 Get out of your shell. Do it, do it! 200 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:54,293 Well, let me think it over. 201 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:57,630 Let's go already! 202 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,920 Watch out! 203 00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:24,723 What brings yous to this part of the isleseses? 204 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,226 He's gonna eat us! 205 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,861 Don't be such a Finch. 206 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:32,431 We Galápagos tortoises have no natural predators. 207 00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,867 Finch Amy: That's so fascinating! 208 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:55,187 I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. 209 00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,523 Thank you for staying with me, Fry. 210 00:10:57,591 --> 00:10:58,858 I'm not Fry. 211 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,593 I'm his great-great grandson... Fry. 212 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,594 Whuh...? 213 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,262 My beak is different, see? 214 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,264 It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations, 215 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,100 to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. 216 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,101 Watch! 217 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,103 I'm stuck! 218 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,571 Oops. 219 00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:14,573 So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? 220 00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,442 Lady whuh? 221 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,277 Wait, there she is! 222 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:21,247 After all these years, I've found her! 223 00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,550 Oh, my darling! 224 00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:26,919 You haven't aged a day! 225 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,387 Should we say something? 226 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,322 Nah. Let him have his fun. 227 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,724 All right. 228 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:34,593 Let's just do what comes naturally. 229 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:38,631 I'll get things started with a little neck extension... 230 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:42,268 Then a couple of these... 231 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,137 And here we go! 232 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,140 What the tropical hell are you doing?! 233 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,909 Whuh? 234 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,845 I've been saving myself for a hundred years, 235 00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,980 and this is how you repay me? 236 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,582 Who is that hard-shelled skank? 237 00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:57,616 I'll kill her! 238 00:11:57,684 --> 00:11:59,518 Wait, I can explain... 239 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,853 shut up! 240 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,655 I'm going to crack that hussy open 241 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,490 like a slutty Brazil nut! 242 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,166 This volcanic archipelago 243 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,001 isn't big enough for the both of us. 244 00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,775 Yeah, you'd better topple. 245 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:26,378 You always were a hot-blooded latina. 246 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:27,913 Narrator: Like all reptiles, 247 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,782 the Galápagos tortoise is cold-blooded. 248 00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:36,488 Okay, neck, tap, tap, climb, climb, and... 249 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,190 We're back in business. 250 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,659 Um, should we be watching this? 251 00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,161 It seems kind of personal. 252 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:43,495 That's not an issue for us. 253 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:44,964 We're wildlife. 254 00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,001 What about the moaning? 255 00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,469 Is it okay to listen? 256 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,172 Sure, but act like it's no big deal. 257 00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:55,007 Just pretend you're eating seeds. 258 00:12:58,712 --> 00:13:01,413 Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? 259 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,415 No. 260 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:12,191 Well, okay then. 261 00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:14,593 Yes, it's been lovely. 262 00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:15,594 Hang on a second. 263 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,600 Narrator: The Galápagos tortoise 264 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,570 lays a clutch of between six and 15 eggs. 265 00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:27,573 Oh, what do you want? I'm 150 years old. 266 00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,779 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 267 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,681 Aren't you going to watch over your young? 268 00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:38,283 Tortoises don't do that, do we? 269 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,452 I sure as hell don't. 270 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,554 Anyway, I've done my part. 271 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,723 The species is saved! 272 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,960 Good job! 273 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,628 Narrator: And so, the survival 274 00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:52,197 of the Pinta island tortoise is assured. 275 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,781 All: Mama! 276 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,118 Narrator: And so, the extinction 277 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:16,055 of the Pinta island tortoise is assured. 278 00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:20,159 200 million years of evolution, snuffed out. 279 00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,761 For in the end, nature is horrific, 280 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:25,197 and teaches us nothing. 281 00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:26,865 Coming up next, 282 00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:28,701 the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, 283 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:31,103 The clown of the sea. 284 00:14:39,632 --> 00:14:41,642 Narrator: Of all the spectacles in nature, 285 00:14:41,767 --> 00:14:45,336 few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. 286 00:14:45,404 --> 00:14:46,838 Certainly not the salmon. 287 00:14:46,906 --> 00:14:47,872 And the tortoise? 288 00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:49,674 Yeah, right. 289 00:14:49,742 --> 00:14:53,278 The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach 290 00:14:53,345 --> 00:14:57,148 to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. 291 00:14:57,216 --> 00:14:58,950 Just as in human society, 292 00:14:59,018 --> 00:15:01,853 only the biggest, most obnoxious males 293 00:15:01,921 --> 00:15:03,554 have any chance of mating. 294 00:15:03,622 --> 00:15:04,555 Aw, yeah! 295 00:15:04,623 --> 00:15:06,391 Survival of the fattest! 296 00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:09,193 Narrator: The dominant male, or "beachmaster," 297 00:15:09,261 --> 00:15:12,063 maintains a harem of up to 50 females. 298 00:15:12,131 --> 00:15:13,998 Okay, harem, let's get to it. 299 00:15:14,066 --> 00:15:15,366 Form an orderly heap on top of me. 300 00:15:17,269 --> 00:15:20,805 I like mating with beachmaster 'cause he's the largest. 301 00:15:20,873 --> 00:15:23,975 Narrator: While the beachmaster enjoys the spoils of victory... 302 00:15:24,043 --> 00:15:25,043 Whoo! 303 00:15:25,110 --> 00:15:27,045 I'm doin' it in my sleep! 304 00:15:27,112 --> 00:15:30,081 ...the lesser males languish at the edge of the colony, 305 00:15:30,149 --> 00:15:33,051 unable to attract their own harem due to age... 306 00:15:33,118 --> 00:15:35,186 Harem?! I can barely see 'em! 307 00:15:35,254 --> 00:15:36,387 Immaturity... 308 00:15:37,456 --> 00:15:38,890 I'm scared. 309 00:15:38,958 --> 00:15:40,591 ...or other reasons. 310 00:15:40,659 --> 00:15:42,560 Hmm. I don't know... 311 00:15:42,628 --> 00:15:45,363 Does this kelp scarf make me look fat enough? 312 00:15:46,999 --> 00:15:48,599 It's so unfair. 313 00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:51,336 That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! 314 00:15:51,403 --> 00:15:54,572 Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls. 315 00:16:01,947 --> 00:16:03,281 Back off, losers! 316 00:16:03,349 --> 00:16:05,083 Stay away from my beaches! 317 00:16:05,150 --> 00:16:06,718 You big bully! 318 00:16:06,785 --> 00:16:10,254 Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. 319 00:16:10,322 --> 00:16:12,223 You're just a giant lump of fat! 320 00:16:12,291 --> 00:16:14,092 Do you even have an ass under there?! 321 00:16:14,159 --> 00:16:15,394 I'm 40% ass! 322 00:16:15,395 --> 00:16:16,395 Arf, arf! 323 00:16:16,463 --> 00:16:18,164 Now beat it! Boo! 324 00:16:21,301 --> 00:16:23,803 Narrator: With no hope of defeating the beachmaster, 325 00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:27,740 some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy... 326 00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:29,875 attempting to mate with one of his harem 327 00:16:29,943 --> 00:16:31,677 while he is asleep or distracted. 328 00:16:31,745 --> 00:16:33,412 So, any of you guys thinking 329 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,314 of being a sneaky male this season? 330 00:16:37,017 --> 00:16:38,317 This season? 331 00:16:38,385 --> 00:16:40,252 Walrus don't need no chicanery. 332 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,089 Once a lady goes walrus, she never... 333 00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:45,157 She ne... 334 00:16:45,225 --> 00:16:47,159 No one ever goes walrus. 335 00:16:47,227 --> 00:16:49,328 I'm a little old for it now, 336 00:16:49,396 --> 00:16:52,164 but in my prime, I was quite the sneaker. 337 00:16:52,232 --> 00:16:53,165 How did you do it? 338 00:16:53,233 --> 00:16:55,634 Well, while the beachmaster was off 339 00:16:55,702 --> 00:16:57,169 behind a whale carcass, 340 00:16:57,237 --> 00:16:59,972 loudly fornicating with my beloved mother, 341 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,042 I snuck past and surprised my sweetie 342 00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:05,177 with a romantic meal. 343 00:17:05,245 --> 00:17:07,713 A romantic meal, eh? 344 00:17:09,649 --> 00:17:11,250 Narrator: The search for food takes the elephant seal 345 00:17:11,318 --> 00:17:14,820 to depths few other mammals can reach. 346 00:17:18,325 --> 00:17:20,526 In this pitch-black abyss, 347 00:17:20,594 --> 00:17:24,163 life takes on bizarre and horrific forms. 348 00:17:24,231 --> 00:17:26,499 Zoidberg: So, welcome to the abyss. 349 00:17:27,734 --> 00:17:29,401 Road trip! 350 00:17:31,037 --> 00:17:32,471 Kill all penguins... 351 00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:35,407 Kill all penguins. 352 00:17:36,476 --> 00:17:37,710 Huh? 353 00:17:37,778 --> 00:17:39,245 What's the matter with you!? 354 00:17:39,312 --> 00:17:41,547 You just crushed seven of our babies! 355 00:17:41,615 --> 00:17:43,749 Yeah, we can always make more. 356 00:17:43,817 --> 00:17:46,919 Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! 357 00:17:46,987 --> 00:17:48,888 Narrator: With the beachmaster occupied, 358 00:17:48,955 --> 00:17:51,357 the sneaky male makes his move. 359 00:17:54,427 --> 00:17:56,028 I can't believe you came! 360 00:17:56,096 --> 00:17:58,397 The beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! 361 00:17:58,465 --> 00:18:00,199 Also, who are you? 362 00:18:01,268 --> 00:18:02,334 I'm in love with you! 363 00:18:02,402 --> 00:18:04,203 And I don't care what he thinks. 364 00:18:04,271 --> 00:18:06,172 Here, I brought you something. 365 00:18:07,107 --> 00:18:08,440 Hooray! 366 00:18:08,508 --> 00:18:09,875 We're three friends at the beach! 367 00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:12,545 Wait, what's happening, friend? 368 00:18:14,247 --> 00:18:16,816 Narrator: The female conveys her receptivity 369 00:18:16,883 --> 00:18:18,784 through subtle vocalizations. 370 00:18:18,852 --> 00:18:19,785 Wanna do it? 371 00:18:19,853 --> 00:18:20,786 So soon?! 372 00:18:20,854 --> 00:18:22,888 Oh, well... 373 00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:27,026 Sneaky male, eh? 374 00:18:27,093 --> 00:18:28,460 I thought I told you... 375 00:18:29,696 --> 00:18:30,629 Oh, my...! 376 00:18:32,132 --> 00:18:33,432 Well, nice try. Better luck next season. 377 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:34,466 You gave it a shot! 378 00:18:34,534 --> 00:18:35,467 Pathetic. 379 00:18:44,377 --> 00:18:46,145 Sorry you didn't get to mate. 380 00:18:46,213 --> 00:18:48,414 But, hey, we can still play some beach games. 381 00:18:48,481 --> 00:18:50,482 Who's up for some twister? 382 00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:51,717 No! 383 00:18:51,785 --> 00:18:53,652 We beta males deserve better. 384 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,722 When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, 385 00:18:56,790 --> 00:18:59,792 keeping sensible harems of no more than five. 386 00:18:59,860 --> 00:19:02,394 And it begins with me. 387 00:19:02,462 --> 00:19:07,333 Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach! 388 00:19:08,802 --> 00:19:10,069 Aw... 389 00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:18,110 Aw, hang on... 390 00:19:25,218 --> 00:19:26,585 Okay, let's fight. 391 00:19:29,155 --> 00:19:30,289 Aw, that's it. 392 00:19:30,357 --> 00:19:32,591 No more Mr. nice-jerk. 393 00:19:40,533 --> 00:19:42,701 Narrator: The battle will rage for hours, 394 00:19:42,769 --> 00:19:46,205 until both males are exhausted or dead. 395 00:19:58,585 --> 00:20:00,319 Beachmaster, stop fighting! 396 00:20:00,387 --> 00:20:02,821 He's been dead since yesterday! 397 00:20:02,889 --> 00:20:05,057 What?! He's dead?! 398 00:20:05,125 --> 00:20:06,525 Whoo! 399 00:20:06,593 --> 00:20:08,327 I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! 400 00:20:08,395 --> 00:20:09,862 Yo! Clean up! 401 00:20:16,436 --> 00:20:18,237 Narrator: And so, with the threat 402 00:20:18,305 --> 00:20:20,873 to the beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, 403 00:20:20,941 --> 00:20:23,475 order is restored for another year. 404 00:20:23,543 --> 00:20:25,711 Another year, another generation of pups 405 00:20:25,779 --> 00:20:28,714 fathered by me, beachmaster. 406 00:20:32,118 --> 00:20:33,686 I'm the greatest, baby! 407 00:20:33,753 --> 00:20:35,988 You go, beachmaster! 408 00:20:36,056 --> 00:20:40,559 Narrator: And so concludes our exploration of planet earth. 409 00:20:40,627 --> 00:20:43,429 For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, 410 00:20:43,496 --> 00:20:45,464 send five dollars to this station, 411 00:20:45,532 --> 00:20:47,199 care of me, the narrator. 412 00:20:47,267 --> 00:20:48,934 Good night. 413 00:20:49,002 --> 00:20:50,803 Mutual of omicron narrator: Mutual of omicron. 414 00:20:50,870 --> 00:20:52,671 Have you insured your planet? 415 00:20:54,578 --> 00:21:00,512 Sync and correction by Tony for www.Addic7ed.Com