1 00:00:01,762 --> 00:00:03,663 ♪ Two... two, three... ♪ 2 00:00:05,718 --> 00:00:11,712 Sync and corrections by Tony for www.Addic7ed.Com 3 00:00:20,780 --> 00:00:23,916 welcome back to the clippie awards, 4 00:00:23,950 --> 00:00:27,286 honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys. 5 00:00:27,321 --> 00:00:31,557 Our next category is best newcomer on a bicycle. 6 00:00:31,591 --> 00:00:32,825 Good luck, Dwight. 7 00:00:32,859 --> 00:00:33,993 (Bell dings) 8 00:00:34,028 --> 00:00:35,761 And the nominees are 9 00:00:35,795 --> 00:00:39,399 Johnny Jensen from rent-a-cat, 10 00:00:39,433 --> 00:00:42,801 Nezzbin Zalgabarg, ten-minute underwear, 11 00:00:42,836 --> 00:00:46,572 and Dwight Conrad, speedy wig. 12 00:00:46,606 --> 00:00:48,408 And the clippie goes to... 13 00:00:48,442 --> 00:00:50,676 (Grunting) 14 00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:52,011 Little Johnny Jensen! 15 00:00:57,518 --> 00:01:00,453 Oh, don't feel bad, son. 16 00:01:00,487 --> 00:01:02,522 We couldn't be more proud of you. 17 00:01:02,556 --> 00:01:04,623 Unless, of course, you had won the award. 18 00:01:04,658 --> 00:01:07,460 Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. 19 00:01:07,494 --> 00:01:10,096 The stupid Professor didn't even show up for me. 20 00:01:10,130 --> 00:01:13,266 I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. 21 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,134 We love you, Johnny! 22 00:01:15,169 --> 00:01:16,169 Shh! 23 00:01:16,203 --> 00:01:19,105 Now to get all serious. 24 00:01:19,139 --> 00:01:22,341 It's time to pay tribute to the brave delivery boys 25 00:01:22,376 --> 00:01:24,510 who gave their lives this past year 26 00:01:24,545 --> 00:01:27,346 in the line of duty. 27 00:01:27,381 --> 00:01:30,316 Gene Tinker, bus. 28 00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:34,120 Charles Kiley, train. 29 00:01:34,154 --> 00:01:38,157 Mike Pisarik, lion. 30 00:01:38,192 --> 00:01:41,494 They're on the truck to heaven now. 31 00:01:41,528 --> 00:01:45,030 Up next, the award for best delivery boy: 32 00:01:45,065 --> 00:01:48,468 Newspaper, phone book, or miscellaneous. 33 00:01:48,502 --> 00:01:51,471 Miscellaneous, that's me. 34 00:01:51,505 --> 00:01:53,072 The nominees are: 35 00:01:53,107 --> 00:01:54,507 Gene tinker, 36 00:01:54,541 --> 00:01:55,908 Charles kiley, 37 00:01:55,942 --> 00:01:57,176 Mike Pisarik, 38 00:01:57,211 --> 00:01:59,812 and Philip J. Fry. 39 00:01:59,846 --> 00:02:02,081 And the clippie goes to... 40 00:02:02,116 --> 00:02:03,916 (Grunting) 41 00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:06,352 Philip J. Fry! 42 00:02:06,386 --> 00:02:08,687 (Applause) 43 00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:11,491 Sign here. 44 00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:16,496 Wow. Uh, (Clears throat) 45 00:02:16,530 --> 00:02:18,998 I'd like to thank the academy of delivery sciences, 46 00:02:19,032 --> 00:02:20,833 my lovely robot, Bender, 47 00:02:20,867 --> 00:02:23,836 and most of all, my dear nephew, 48 00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:26,005 Professor Farnsworth. 49 00:02:26,039 --> 00:02:29,108 He always has time for me, 50 00:02:29,143 --> 00:02:30,876 whether it's sending me on a delivery, 51 00:02:30,910 --> 00:02:34,079 or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. 52 00:02:34,114 --> 00:02:35,248 And why? 53 00:02:35,282 --> 00:02:36,749 Because he's family, 54 00:02:36,783 --> 00:02:39,051 and family is always there for each other. 55 00:02:40,587 --> 00:02:42,054 (Groans) I'm sorry, 56 00:02:42,088 --> 00:02:43,756 but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. 57 00:02:43,790 --> 00:02:45,191 The truth is, 58 00:02:45,225 --> 00:02:48,394 Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! 59 00:02:52,266 --> 00:02:54,133 And the fish sticks were limp! 60 00:02:58,772 --> 00:03:00,706 Ooh, hefty. 61 00:03:00,740 --> 00:03:03,042 You could really bash in a skull with this thing. 62 00:03:03,076 --> 00:03:04,910 I know, right? 63 00:03:06,746 --> 00:03:08,147 (Clears throat loudly) 64 00:03:08,182 --> 00:03:09,248 What? 65 00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:10,883 Oh, your awards show. 66 00:03:10,917 --> 00:03:12,718 I'm sorry I couldn't make it, 67 00:03:12,752 --> 00:03:14,953 but I had a very good reason. 68 00:03:14,988 --> 00:03:16,789 Perhaps you'd favor us with it? 69 00:03:16,823 --> 00:03:18,157 My pleasure. 70 00:03:18,192 --> 00:03:20,926 You see, I came down with a searing case 71 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,562 of who gives a crap. 72 00:03:22,596 --> 00:03:23,962 (Giggles) 73 00:03:23,997 --> 00:03:25,464 (Growling) 74 00:03:25,499 --> 00:03:27,966 Oh, I wish I had more living relatives. 75 00:03:28,001 --> 00:03:29,669 What about the Professor's parents? 76 00:03:29,703 --> 00:03:31,103 They're still alive? 77 00:03:31,137 --> 00:03:33,906 Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs... 78 00:03:33,940 --> 00:03:36,642 toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, 79 00:03:36,677 --> 00:03:38,411 the whole shmagoigle. 80 00:03:38,445 --> 00:03:40,079 So where do these fossils live, 81 00:03:40,113 --> 00:03:42,248 in sedimentary rock? 82 00:03:42,282 --> 00:03:44,817 (Laughing) 83 00:03:44,851 --> 00:03:46,419 No. 84 00:03:46,453 --> 00:03:48,521 According to his next of kin file, 85 00:03:48,555 --> 00:03:50,656 they live in a virtual retirement home 86 00:03:50,691 --> 00:03:52,425 on the near-death star. 87 00:03:52,459 --> 00:03:53,492 I've been there. 88 00:03:53,527 --> 00:03:54,793 Let's boldly go 89 00:03:54,828 --> 00:03:56,895 where we've gone before. 90 00:04:12,212 --> 00:04:13,479 Halt! 91 00:04:13,513 --> 00:04:15,114 Visitors are forbidden. 92 00:04:15,148 --> 00:04:16,382 Oh, really? 93 00:04:16,416 --> 00:04:17,950 Does that rule apply to... 94 00:04:17,984 --> 00:04:19,151 Clippie winners? 95 00:04:19,185 --> 00:04:20,319 I'm sorry, sir. 96 00:04:20,354 --> 00:04:22,655 Go right in. 97 00:04:22,689 --> 00:04:24,990 That's Philip J. Fry. 98 00:04:25,024 --> 00:04:28,193 Ned and velma Farnsworth, 99 00:04:28,228 --> 00:04:30,363 423 Shadybrook Lane. 100 00:04:30,397 --> 00:04:32,498 Let's hover-roll. 101 00:04:34,735 --> 00:04:38,070 Fry, you're so confident and take charge on this trip. 102 00:04:38,104 --> 00:04:39,672 It's kind of a turn-on. 103 00:04:39,706 --> 00:04:42,107 Not now, Leela, I'm trying to meet old people. 104 00:04:46,246 --> 00:04:50,549 ("Also Sprach Zarathustra" plays) 105 00:04:50,584 --> 00:04:53,185 (Doorbell rings) 106 00:04:56,089 --> 00:04:58,157 My God... 107 00:04:58,191 --> 00:05:00,493 It's full of geezers. 108 00:05:09,869 --> 00:05:11,904 Hey, why are they hooked up like that? 109 00:05:11,938 --> 00:05:14,907 Is it some kind of craft-matic adjustable death bed? 110 00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:16,542 (Chuckles) Don't be ridiculous. 111 00:05:16,576 --> 00:05:19,378 Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. 112 00:05:19,413 --> 00:05:22,415 The idea came from an old movie called the matrix. 113 00:05:22,449 --> 00:05:24,350 But-but wouldn't almost anything 114 00:05:24,384 --> 00:05:26,619 make a better battery than a human body? 115 00:05:26,653 --> 00:05:27,886 Like a potato? 116 00:05:27,921 --> 00:05:29,355 Or a battery? 117 00:05:29,389 --> 00:05:31,590 Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, 118 00:05:31,625 --> 00:05:34,226 it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. 119 00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:35,728 I know, I know. 120 00:05:35,762 --> 00:05:37,363 It sounds absurd. 121 00:05:37,397 --> 00:05:39,432 In fact, when the matrix first came out, 122 00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:42,267 it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, 123 00:05:42,302 --> 00:05:43,902 most awful, dimwitted idea 124 00:05:43,937 --> 00:05:46,238 in the entire history of science fiction, 125 00:05:46,272 --> 00:05:48,574 but it turned out to be true. Who knew? 126 00:05:48,608 --> 00:05:50,476 Good work, writer of the matrix. 127 00:05:51,778 --> 00:05:54,246 This is it, room 1119. 128 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,081 Aw, it's my relatives. 129 00:05:56,115 --> 00:05:59,552 I'm gonna call them Gram-Gram and Shabba-doo. 130 00:05:59,586 --> 00:06:01,387 They look just like you, Fry. 131 00:06:01,421 --> 00:06:03,556 Arms, legs, ugly. 132 00:06:03,590 --> 00:06:06,759 Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. 133 00:06:06,793 --> 00:06:08,728 We can. Just moisten your heads 134 00:06:08,762 --> 00:06:11,230 and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. 135 00:06:14,634 --> 00:06:18,738 Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. 136 00:06:18,772 --> 00:06:20,305 Are you sure this is safe? 137 00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:23,576 It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. 138 00:06:23,610 --> 00:06:25,544 (Electrical crackling, grunting) 139 00:06:35,489 --> 00:06:38,056 (Yelling) 140 00:06:44,865 --> 00:06:47,199 (Yelling) 141 00:06:49,469 --> 00:06:51,404 Told you it was safe. 142 00:06:54,285 --> 00:06:57,988 Wow, so this is my relatives' virtual old-folks home. 143 00:07:07,665 --> 00:07:10,100 There's only one word for it: Terrible. 144 00:07:10,135 --> 00:07:12,436 And also horrible. 145 00:07:12,470 --> 00:07:13,937 This is their room. 146 00:07:13,971 --> 00:07:17,073 They're gonna be so excited to meet me. 147 00:07:17,108 --> 00:07:19,510 Hi. 148 00:07:19,544 --> 00:07:21,011 I'm your distant relative. 149 00:07:21,045 --> 00:07:22,679 Forget it, you flimflammer. 150 00:07:22,713 --> 00:07:25,616 I can smell a scam a mile away. 151 00:07:28,119 --> 00:07:29,586 Reverse mortgages. 152 00:07:29,621 --> 00:07:32,122 Get your reverse mortgages here. 153 00:07:32,157 --> 00:07:34,057 Oh, come in, come in. 154 00:07:36,127 --> 00:07:38,695 So, you're really my grandson, huh? 155 00:07:38,729 --> 00:07:40,430 Well, it's not quite that simple. 156 00:07:40,465 --> 00:07:42,599 See, I got frozen, and your son, 157 00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:45,536 Professor Farnsworth, is my great-great-great-great-great... 158 00:07:45,570 --> 00:07:47,304 Huh? What? 159 00:07:47,338 --> 00:07:50,106 Yep, I'm your grandson all right. 160 00:07:50,141 --> 00:07:51,542 A grandson? 161 00:07:51,576 --> 00:07:53,310 My, you're a big boy. 162 00:07:53,344 --> 00:07:54,611 What are you, a... 163 00:07:54,646 --> 00:07:56,112 A junior in high school? 164 00:07:56,147 --> 00:07:57,481 Most recently, yes. 165 00:07:57,515 --> 00:07:58,982 Oh, you look so thin. 166 00:07:59,016 --> 00:08:02,219 Can I offer you some virtual ham casserole? 167 00:08:02,253 --> 00:08:03,987 Sounds delicious. 168 00:08:04,021 --> 00:08:06,290 Mmm. 169 00:08:06,324 --> 00:08:08,124 (Sighs) 170 00:08:08,159 --> 00:08:11,195 Nobody's eaten my food like that in ages. 171 00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:14,231 I don't cook much since we moved out of reality. 172 00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:18,902 (High-pitched droning) 173 00:08:18,936 --> 00:08:20,837 (Snoring) 174 00:08:23,007 --> 00:08:25,309 And that's how I got this scar above my eye, 175 00:08:25,343 --> 00:08:27,311 and this fork inside my lung. 176 00:08:27,345 --> 00:08:29,145 (Chuckles) That's a doozy. 177 00:08:29,180 --> 00:08:31,014 Hey, look at this. 178 00:08:31,048 --> 00:08:32,849 I can pull my thumb off. 179 00:08:32,883 --> 00:08:35,485 Oh, stop, Shabba-doo, you're freaking me out. 180 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,521 Don't let him get your nose. 181 00:08:37,555 --> 00:08:39,022 (Laughter) 182 00:08:39,056 --> 00:08:40,524 (Snorts) 183 00:08:40,558 --> 00:08:41,825 Oh, lord. 184 00:08:41,859 --> 00:08:43,193 (Snoring resumes) 185 00:08:43,228 --> 00:08:45,329 It's so nice to have more family. 186 00:08:45,363 --> 00:08:46,830 All I had was the Professor, 187 00:08:46,864 --> 00:08:48,865 and he's kind of crotchety and moldy. 188 00:08:48,899 --> 00:08:51,167 You should have seen him when he was little. 189 00:08:51,202 --> 00:08:54,170 My golly, he was crotchety and moldy. 190 00:08:54,205 --> 00:08:56,373 We miss him terribly, 191 00:08:56,407 --> 00:08:59,209 but it sure has been nice spending time with you. 192 00:08:59,244 --> 00:09:01,911 It gets lonely and depressing around here, 193 00:09:01,946 --> 00:09:05,349 with no entertainment except the rigged bingo! 194 00:09:05,383 --> 00:09:07,351 Old man (Distantly): Prove it, loser! 195 00:09:07,385 --> 00:09:08,852 Well, we should get going. 196 00:09:08,886 --> 00:09:10,687 It was great to meet you, though, 197 00:09:10,722 --> 00:09:13,724 and hear about how bursitis transcends physical existence. 198 00:09:13,758 --> 00:09:16,627 (Sniffles) Keep up with your studies, huh? 199 00:09:16,661 --> 00:09:17,894 What? 200 00:09:17,928 --> 00:09:19,529 Oh, God, I'm still here? 201 00:09:21,432 --> 00:09:22,966 I'll miss you guyyyyys... 202 00:09:26,904 --> 00:09:30,106 I don't think Gram-Gram likes that place, 203 00:09:30,141 --> 00:09:32,142 and I know Shabba-don't. 204 00:09:32,176 --> 00:09:34,010 I sure wish they could come with us. 205 00:09:36,947 --> 00:09:39,750 (Alarm sounds) 206 00:09:39,784 --> 00:09:41,785 Guards (Chanting): Elder abuse! Elder abuse! 207 00:09:41,819 --> 00:09:43,420 (Screaming) 208 00:09:43,454 --> 00:09:44,721 Go it! Fastly! 209 00:09:44,756 --> 00:09:46,323 (Engine whines) 210 00:09:46,357 --> 00:09:47,991 It won't start. 211 00:09:48,025 --> 00:09:50,093 The batteries are dead. 212 00:09:52,963 --> 00:09:54,798 I'm about to lose history's greatest life 213 00:09:54,832 --> 00:09:57,601 all because of some useless old people. 214 00:09:57,635 --> 00:09:59,135 They're not useless. (Grunts) 215 00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:00,904 They can cook ham casserole... (Grunts) 216 00:10:00,938 --> 00:10:03,239 And watch TV at incredible volume... 217 00:10:03,274 --> 00:10:05,241 (Grunts) And they generate electricity... 218 00:10:05,276 --> 00:10:06,310 (Gasps) That's it! 219 00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:07,711 (Grunting) 220 00:10:10,481 --> 00:10:11,715 (Engine starts) 221 00:10:21,992 --> 00:10:23,259 We can cut them off. 222 00:10:23,294 --> 00:10:25,128 Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. 223 00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:27,564 I meant Feingold! 224 00:10:39,677 --> 00:10:42,846 It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. 225 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:44,481 I'm Dr. Zoidberg. 226 00:10:44,515 --> 00:10:45,716 I'm very important. 227 00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:47,016 Leela: Hey, Zoidberg, 228 00:10:47,051 --> 00:10:48,985 you forgot to empty this trash can. 229 00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:51,355 Don't hit me! 230 00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:54,224 I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. 231 00:10:54,258 --> 00:10:55,726 Oh, Professor. 232 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,127 Some special old people are here for you. 233 00:10:58,162 --> 00:11:00,530 Are they my zombies from hammacher schlemmer? 234 00:11:00,565 --> 00:11:01,732 (Gasps) 235 00:11:01,766 --> 00:11:03,700 Mama? Daddy? 236 00:11:03,735 --> 00:11:06,035 Son! Hiya, kiddo! 237 00:11:06,070 --> 00:11:08,505 Leave me alone! 238 00:11:08,539 --> 00:11:11,875 I never want to see you again! 239 00:11:11,909 --> 00:11:14,010 What crawled up his geritol? 240 00:11:14,044 --> 00:11:17,414 Well, to be honest, a few troubling things 241 00:11:17,448 --> 00:11:19,215 did happen in our past. 242 00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:22,151 Lady, all of human history happened in your past! 243 00:11:22,186 --> 00:11:23,754 (Laughs) 244 00:11:23,788 --> 00:11:27,724 Eh, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. 245 00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:31,361 Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? 246 00:11:31,396 --> 00:11:32,696 Live it up? 247 00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:34,664 I'd be surprised if you live it out! 248 00:11:34,699 --> 00:11:36,533 (Laughs) Whoo! 249 00:11:36,567 --> 00:11:38,402 You're on fire! 250 00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:40,704 ♪ 251 00:11:57,588 --> 00:11:59,856 ♪ 252 00:12:13,638 --> 00:12:15,906 (laughing) 253 00:12:17,809 --> 00:12:20,444 Whoa, looks like you guys had fun. 254 00:12:20,478 --> 00:12:21,912 Did we ever! 255 00:12:21,946 --> 00:12:23,647 Gram-Gram fell down at the ice cream store 256 00:12:23,681 --> 00:12:25,048 and we got free ice cream! 257 00:12:25,082 --> 00:12:26,983 Now let's all go take a nap! 258 00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:28,184 (Whooping) 259 00:12:57,014 --> 00:13:00,750 Professor, Amy and I are concerned that... oh! 260 00:13:00,785 --> 00:13:03,052 (Sobbing) 261 00:13:04,789 --> 00:13:06,857 Aw. What's wrong? 262 00:13:06,891 --> 00:13:10,093 I just want my parents to love me. 263 00:13:10,127 --> 00:13:11,461 God, how I hate them! 264 00:13:11,496 --> 00:13:13,262 Of course they love you! 265 00:13:13,297 --> 00:13:14,865 Not like they love Fry! 266 00:13:14,899 --> 00:13:16,867 They never played with me like that. 267 00:13:16,901 --> 00:13:18,835 They were always "too tired." 268 00:13:18,870 --> 00:13:20,770 Oh, what awful parents! 269 00:13:20,805 --> 00:13:23,940 Come closer, I'll tell you the whole story. 270 00:13:23,975 --> 00:13:27,243 Tell you what, let's get an opaque bubble layer going. 271 00:13:30,147 --> 00:13:31,648 Okay, go. 272 00:13:31,682 --> 00:13:36,119 It all started a century and a half ago. 273 00:13:36,153 --> 00:13:39,489 I had a perfectly normal adolescence in new New York. 274 00:13:39,524 --> 00:13:42,358 But my parents were simple hedge fund managers 275 00:13:42,393 --> 00:13:45,161 who couldn't appreciate my interest in science. 276 00:13:45,195 --> 00:13:47,964 Mom, dad, look what I made! 277 00:13:47,999 --> 00:13:49,365 (Yawns) 278 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,801 That's wonderful, dear. 279 00:13:51,836 --> 00:13:55,705 Here you go, squeakers. 280 00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:59,342 I was accepted to mit at the age of 14, 281 00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:01,511 but my parents crushed my dreams 282 00:14:01,546 --> 00:14:03,146 like a discarded frog head! 283 00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:05,715 Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. 284 00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:07,884 You're just not emotionally mature enough 285 00:14:07,919 --> 00:14:09,385 for college yet. 286 00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:11,254 (Mumbling): "Not mature enough for college yet!" 287 00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:13,990 (Sobs loudly) 288 00:14:14,025 --> 00:14:16,560 Worried that city life was filling my head 289 00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,929 with an unhealthy respect for education, 290 00:14:18,963 --> 00:14:20,730 my parents moved us to... 291 00:14:20,765 --> 00:14:23,033 A peaceful farm! 292 00:14:23,067 --> 00:14:25,101 (Sobbing) 293 00:14:25,135 --> 00:14:26,603 I think that's sweet. 294 00:14:26,637 --> 00:14:27,871 Oh, shut up! 295 00:14:27,905 --> 00:14:30,273 (Cow mooing, chickens clucking) 296 00:14:30,307 --> 00:14:33,176 You're all I have left, squeakers. 297 00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:34,510 (Bird screeches) 298 00:14:34,545 --> 00:14:36,245 (Screaming) 299 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,615 Oh, God, I hated that place! 300 00:14:38,649 --> 00:14:40,116 My parents kept me there for years! 301 00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:41,851 So when I finally ran away, 302 00:14:41,886 --> 00:14:44,955 I vowed never to speak to them again! 303 00:14:44,989 --> 00:14:48,625 That's a really sad and long story, Professor. 304 00:14:48,659 --> 00:14:50,193 But you'll never get over this 305 00:14:50,227 --> 00:14:51,795 unless you go to your parents now 306 00:14:51,829 --> 00:14:54,030 and tell them honestly how you feel. 307 00:14:54,065 --> 00:14:55,865 (Sniffs) You're right. 308 00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:57,567 I will. 309 00:14:57,602 --> 00:15:00,971 Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! 310 00:15:01,005 --> 00:15:02,472 You ruined my life! 311 00:15:02,506 --> 00:15:03,974 Good-bye! 312 00:15:04,008 --> 00:15:06,342 (Sobbing) 313 00:15:10,315 --> 00:15:13,818 That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man. 314 00:15:18,254 --> 00:15:19,789 (Door opens, Fry panting) 315 00:15:19,823 --> 00:15:22,558 I almost headed off the Professor at the east river, 316 00:15:22,593 --> 00:15:24,393 but the wind caught his skin flaps 317 00:15:24,427 --> 00:15:26,696 and sent him parasailing over the queensboro bridge. 318 00:15:26,730 --> 00:15:28,097 Why would he go to queens? 319 00:15:28,131 --> 00:15:29,565 He doesn't need tires. 320 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,434 Our old farm was in queens. 321 00:15:32,469 --> 00:15:35,204 He must've gone back there to defile it with his nudity! 322 00:15:35,238 --> 00:15:36,772 Come on, hurry! 323 00:15:36,807 --> 00:15:38,808 (Groaning painfully) 324 00:15:41,344 --> 00:15:43,813 Why are you so eager to find the Professor, Fry? 325 00:15:43,847 --> 00:15:45,314 Aren't you mad at him? 326 00:15:45,348 --> 00:15:46,582 Of course I'm mad. 327 00:15:46,617 --> 00:15:47,817 That's been established. 328 00:15:47,851 --> 00:15:49,284 I just want to find him 329 00:15:49,319 --> 00:15:50,820 for Gram-Gram and Shabba-doo's sake. 330 00:15:50,854 --> 00:15:52,154 Who? 331 00:15:52,188 --> 00:15:53,756 Faster, faster! 332 00:15:53,790 --> 00:15:54,991 Okay, stop short! 333 00:15:55,025 --> 00:15:57,326 (Grunts) 334 00:15:58,695 --> 00:16:00,262 There's the old place. 335 00:16:01,598 --> 00:16:03,899 Ned: Hasn't changed a bit. 336 00:16:03,934 --> 00:16:05,635 Put on your glasses, sweetie. 337 00:16:05,669 --> 00:16:07,503 (Screams) 338 00:16:08,839 --> 00:16:11,140 (Hooting) 339 00:16:11,174 --> 00:16:12,775 (Professor whimpering, sobbing) 340 00:16:12,809 --> 00:16:14,010 (Gasps) 341 00:16:14,044 --> 00:16:15,277 I hear something! 342 00:16:19,816 --> 00:16:21,017 (Fry gasps) 343 00:16:21,051 --> 00:16:22,451 It's the Professor! 344 00:16:22,485 --> 00:16:25,821 Yes, everyone look at the freak! 345 00:16:25,856 --> 00:16:28,924 His parents didn't love him, so they kept him here, 346 00:16:28,959 --> 00:16:32,327 a hundred Miles from the nearest microscope! 347 00:16:32,362 --> 00:16:33,963 Why? 348 00:16:33,997 --> 00:16:35,364 Why?! 349 00:16:35,398 --> 00:16:36,766 Oh... 350 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,267 He deserves the truth, velma. 351 00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,102 I think he's old enough to handle it. 352 00:16:40,137 --> 00:16:41,603 Cupcake... 353 00:16:41,638 --> 00:16:43,673 We never told you this, but... 354 00:16:43,707 --> 00:16:46,008 You had an older brother. 355 00:16:46,043 --> 00:16:48,477 Wha...? 356 00:16:50,213 --> 00:16:52,648 Velma: In many ways, he was like you. 357 00:16:52,683 --> 00:16:56,552 He loved science and was desperate to go to college. 358 00:16:56,586 --> 00:16:58,387 He even looked a little like you. 359 00:17:00,724 --> 00:17:02,825 But the sad fact was... 360 00:17:02,859 --> 00:17:06,028 Oh, how can I put this delicately? 361 00:17:06,063 --> 00:17:07,830 He was a crazy-ass nutjob! 362 00:17:07,864 --> 00:17:09,231 Thank you, ned. 363 00:17:09,265 --> 00:17:10,833 But so what? 364 00:17:10,867 --> 00:17:14,670 He was our crazy-ass nutjob, and we loved him. 365 00:17:14,705 --> 00:17:17,073 (Screams, groans) 366 00:17:17,107 --> 00:17:20,342 Velma: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep. 367 00:17:20,376 --> 00:17:23,079 His pajamas would be soaked with sweat. 368 00:17:23,113 --> 00:17:25,547 Yeah, sweat. Right. 369 00:17:25,582 --> 00:17:28,417 Velma: We'd stay at his bedside all night, 370 00:17:28,451 --> 00:17:31,987 and whenever he'd start moaning and sweating his pants, 371 00:17:32,022 --> 00:17:34,890 we'd read to him from his favorite book. 372 00:17:34,925 --> 00:17:37,426 81, thallium. 373 00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:39,394 82, lead. 374 00:17:39,429 --> 00:17:41,831 82, bismuth. 375 00:17:41,865 --> 00:17:44,767 Ned: The poor little psycho never could've survived on his own. 376 00:17:44,801 --> 00:17:47,603 So we kept him on the farm as long as we could. 377 00:17:47,637 --> 00:17:50,906 Velma: But one night he ran away, 378 00:17:50,941 --> 00:17:53,109 taking nothing but the clothes on his back. 379 00:17:53,143 --> 00:17:56,178 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 380 00:17:56,213 --> 00:17:58,513 (Screaming) 381 00:18:02,485 --> 00:18:06,455 Velma: He was admitted to a prestigious institution... 382 00:18:06,489 --> 00:18:08,924 a mental institution! 383 00:18:08,959 --> 00:18:11,393 Ned: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. 384 00:18:11,427 --> 00:18:14,864 And we never saw him again! 385 00:18:14,898 --> 00:18:17,867 We couldn't let you end up like your older brother. 386 00:18:17,901 --> 00:18:21,303 That's why we kept you on the farm and helped you get 387 00:18:21,337 --> 00:18:24,039 your online doctorate in rodeo studies. 388 00:18:24,074 --> 00:18:26,075 Rodeo studies? 389 00:18:26,109 --> 00:18:28,744 We did it out of love for you, Floyd. 390 00:18:28,779 --> 00:18:31,313 Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? 391 00:18:31,347 --> 00:18:32,714 I'm Hubert! 392 00:18:32,749 --> 00:18:34,049 You're Hubert? 393 00:18:34,084 --> 00:18:35,785 The older brother? 394 00:18:35,819 --> 00:18:37,119 (Gasping) 395 00:18:37,154 --> 00:18:38,553 But... we thought 396 00:18:38,588 --> 00:18:40,389 you were still in an institution! 397 00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:41,757 Oh, no, no, no, no. 398 00:18:41,792 --> 00:18:44,093 I was out within 25 years. 399 00:18:44,127 --> 00:18:47,296 It felt like a minute compared to grad school. 400 00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:50,465 Oh, hubie, we're so happy to see you again! 401 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:51,733 Wait. 402 00:18:51,768 --> 00:18:53,235 Was all that true? 403 00:18:53,270 --> 00:18:55,637 Did you really sit up with me every night? 404 00:18:55,672 --> 00:18:57,273 You bet, sport. 405 00:18:57,307 --> 00:19:00,309 That's why we were always too tired to play with you. 406 00:19:00,343 --> 00:19:02,611 I'm so sorry we never got the chance. 407 00:19:04,714 --> 00:19:06,615 Oh, mama! 408 00:19:06,649 --> 00:19:08,117 Daddy! 409 00:19:08,151 --> 00:19:10,452 (Sobbing) 410 00:19:11,554 --> 00:19:12,855 (Clears throat) 411 00:19:12,889 --> 00:19:15,291 Uh, this may not be the best time, 412 00:19:15,325 --> 00:19:18,493 but a couple years ago, a homeless rodeo clown 413 00:19:18,528 --> 00:19:20,329 named Floyd came to the door claiming he was... 414 00:19:20,363 --> 00:19:21,997 Bender! 415 00:19:22,032 --> 00:19:25,134 Why do you always have to be the center of attention? 416 00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:34,343 You're sure you want to go back to the near-death star? 417 00:19:34,377 --> 00:19:36,178 Oh, my, yes. 418 00:19:36,213 --> 00:19:38,814 Our muscles are sore, our bones ache. 419 00:19:38,849 --> 00:19:40,549 My damn skin even hurts. 420 00:19:40,583 --> 00:19:42,017 It's no dream house, 421 00:19:42,052 --> 00:19:44,220 but we get fed through our spines 422 00:19:44,254 --> 00:19:46,288 and the rent is reasonable. 423 00:19:48,058 --> 00:19:50,226 Don't worry. 424 00:19:50,260 --> 00:19:52,294 I'll come back and visit sometime. 425 00:19:52,329 --> 00:19:53,863 How about December, 426 00:19:53,897 --> 00:19:56,631 when they inject the holidays into our brains? 427 00:19:56,666 --> 00:19:58,734 That sounds nice, Gram-Gram. 428 00:19:58,768 --> 00:20:00,202 Well, son, 429 00:20:00,237 --> 00:20:02,238 I guess this is good-bye again. 430 00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:03,705 Not quite yet. 431 00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,574 I took the liberty of reprogramming 432 00:20:05,608 --> 00:20:07,176 your retirement simulation. 433 00:20:08,778 --> 00:20:10,512 Why don't I come in for a moment 434 00:20:10,546 --> 00:20:11,847 and show you around? 435 00:20:20,556 --> 00:20:23,058 Good virtual God! 436 00:20:23,093 --> 00:20:24,760 It's our old farm! 437 00:20:24,794 --> 00:20:26,762 It's beautiful! 438 00:20:26,796 --> 00:20:30,766 Appearances... just a simple matter of appearances. 439 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,501 Speaking of which... 440 00:20:34,137 --> 00:20:35,304 (Gasps) 441 00:20:36,639 --> 00:20:38,673 Velma: My boy! 442 00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:40,910 My beautiful boy! 443 00:20:40,944 --> 00:20:43,012 One last chance to play... 444 00:20:43,046 --> 00:20:44,780 if you're not too tired? 445 00:20:44,814 --> 00:20:47,749 Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nutjob! 446 00:20:47,784 --> 00:20:49,551 Come on, velma! 447 00:20:49,585 --> 00:20:51,053 Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! 448 00:20:51,087 --> 00:20:52,888 Here I come! (Laughing) 449 00:20:52,923 --> 00:20:55,291 I almost got you! Come here, you. 450 00:20:55,325 --> 00:21:00,062 Sync and corrections by Tony for www.Addic7ed.Com