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♪ Two... Two, three... ♪
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Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
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Decisions, decisions.
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Should I wear my
nerd glasses today, or not?
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Usually I don't.
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Whatever.
It doesn't really matter.
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Doesn't matter?
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Every decision we make
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opens up a universe
of possibilities.
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I put it to you that,
as sentient beings,
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each choice we make is precious.
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Well, in that case,
don't wear them.
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Ah, who asked you?
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Ooh, I like your nerd glasses.
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Are you a college student?
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A college student?
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Because if you are,
I'd like to invite you
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to a hot sorority party tonight.
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Yes, I'd like to
enroll in college?
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You're still talking to me.
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Oops.
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$10,000 tuition?
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I can't afford that!
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Psst. Over there.
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- Where?
- I mean over here.
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Sorry, I forgot where I was.
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Buongiorno, Bender.
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We, the robot mafia, are
prepared to lend you $10,000
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at an interest rate of 10,000%.
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That's easy to remember.
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I'll take it!
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Decisions, decisions.
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I guess I'll sit way in back,
with the cool guys.
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Yo hombre, you think
you're cool enough
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to sit way in back
with us college toughs?
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Yes, I do.
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Yo, in that case
you're all right, man.
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You want to join a gang?
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I'm gonna go with yes again.
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Mr. Bender,
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I realize class has only
been in session for 32 seconds,
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but you've fallen in
with a bad crowd.
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I know, right?
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Also, I've decided to
drop out of school.
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Well, I got my tuition back,
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minus $9,000 for the damage
I caused to the dean's wife.
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Yo, welcome to the gang, homes.
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I'm Fabricio.
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Here's your Josten's ring.
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Ooh.
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Oh, yeah.
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Hey, what's that?
Is it drugs?
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Nah, it ain't drugs.
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But it's a lot like drugs.
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It's called spark.
You want a hit?
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Never heard of it. Sure.
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You like it?
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Eh, I can take it or leave it.
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I guess I'll take it.
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Hey!
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C'mon! I want that spark!
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Give me that!
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This a big decision, G.
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Are you ready to
get a gang tattoo
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that will mark you as
a stone cold thug for life?
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I'm ready.
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I'll take that big
purple dinosaur, please.
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On the face.
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Oh, snap!
It's our rival gang!
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We have a rival gang?
I hate them!
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Hit the deck!
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Phew!
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That was close, eh, Fabricio?
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Fabricio!
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Rest in peace, homie.
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Yo Paco, I'm hurtin' bad.
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Hook me up with some spark.
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- Five bucks.
- Five bucks?
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You know I spent all my
money on gambling lessons.
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How am I supposed to get $5?
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Hello, handsome.
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Might I procure your services?
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Uh... what do I have to do?
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Oh, nothing sordid,
I assure you!
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Simply vomit on me,
ever so gently,
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while I humiliate a pheasant.
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Save it for the boudoir!
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Okay, here's my $5!
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Give me the stuff.
Give it to me!
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Sorry there, sport.
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That cash greenback
belongs to us Mafiolios.
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There's no way I'm
letting go of that money!
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Told you.
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It's been quite a journey.
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I dropped out of school,
joined a gang,
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took money from a loan shark,
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and fell into a spiral
of despair, addiction,
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and discount prostitution.
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Mon, you had one hell of a day.
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Yeah, but I learned something.
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Life is about decisions.
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Make the wrong ones,
and you'll wind up face-down
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in a pool of your own
blood and urine.
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Still, to have your own pool...
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I've made a lot of
bad choices in life.
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Now let's see if I can make
just one good one.
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Cookies! 50 cents a box!
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Give me all your change!
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And a box of snicker doodles!
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Bender Rodriguez,
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you are charged with
petty larceny,
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possession of something
analogous to drugs,
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and assault with
a smelly weapon.
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- How do you plead?
- Not guilty!
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Although I did do it.
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That's right, I'm bad.
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Due to the overwhelming
nature of the evidence,
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we will begin with
closing statements.
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Your Honor,
the state's case contains
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not one Kentucky
kernel of truth,
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resting as it does
on the contention
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that my client made
a series of bad decisions.
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However, my client made
no such decisions!
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But by your client's
own admission...
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You see, Bender here
is what is known
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in scientific circles
as a "robot"...
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A mere automaton whose behavior
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is pre-programmed
by his software.
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He has no free will!
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He cannot "decide" to
engage in criminal behavior.
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How, I say, I say, how can you
convict him for his actions
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when he lacks the free will
to undertake those actions?
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I'm awake, I'm awake!
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Order, order!
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Counselor, I am a robot myself.
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Are you suggesting that
any verdict I reach
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is simply the output
of a pre-programmed...
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Computation complete.
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Not guilty!
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You did it, Bender!
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You got away with things!
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Did I, Fry? Did I?
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What's the point of living
if I don't have free will?
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From now on, no matter
what cool crimes I commit,
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people will say,
"Bender didn't do that!
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It was just
Bender's programming!"
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Well, I committed these crimes,
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do you hear me?
I'm guilty!
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Bailiffs!
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Get that innocent robot
out of my courtroom!
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Guilty!
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I have no free will!
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I am not the master
of my own fate!
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No free will. Not my fault.
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Why do you care so much, Bender?
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I mean, for all we know,
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humans don't even
have free will!
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Yeah, whatever.
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Professor, you're my only hope.
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If you love me even a little,
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build me some kind of
free will unit!
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A robot free will unit?
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Impossible!
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And even if it were possible,
which it's not,
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it would still be
inconceivable... which it is!
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Oh, I'm sorry, Bender...
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I hate to be
the bearer of bad news.
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Also, good news, everyone!
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We have a delivery to
the robot homeworld!
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So... you want
a piece of gum?
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If I do, it's only because
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I was predestined to
want a piece of gum.
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Whoa, that's pretty deep.
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00:08:22,425 --> 00:08:24,225
So... you want
a piece of gum?
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Yeah.
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Listen. Fry and I can't
go down to the planet,
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or the robots will
kill us on sight.
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So Bender needs to
make the delivery.
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Ready to get to work, Bender?
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I wish I was a real boy...
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Then I'd show them.
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I'd kill them all.
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Yes?
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Delivery for a Mr...
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147573952589676412927?
186
00:09:02,598 --> 00:09:03,931
Wait, what was the middle digit?
187
00:09:03,999 --> 00:09:06,468
- Eight.
- Oh yes, that's me.
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Hang on, let me just make sure
you're not a human.
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Ahh, nerve gas.
190
00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:14,442
Sorry for the face blast, buddy.
191
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,444
But you gotta watch
out for humans, right?
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They're just too
dang unpredictable,
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what with their
free will and all.
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Amen, brother.
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00:09:20,883 --> 00:09:22,917
"Amen, brother?" Pfft.
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00:09:22,985 --> 00:09:24,786
What a boring,
predictable thing to say.
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00:09:24,854 --> 00:09:26,421
You're all right.
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00:09:26,489 --> 00:09:28,256
Or are you?
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00:09:31,494 --> 00:09:33,127
Boring and predictable,
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00:09:33,195 --> 00:09:35,229
that's me. Bender.
201
00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:39,401
I'm lowering the platform.
202
00:09:39,468 --> 00:09:40,635
You ready to come up?
203
00:09:41,970 --> 00:09:44,338
Why bother?
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00:09:44,407 --> 00:09:47,108
I gotta mope things
over for a while.
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00:09:47,175 --> 00:09:49,110
Goodbye, sweet meatbags...
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00:09:50,413 --> 00:09:51,646
...sweetbags.
207
00:09:51,714 --> 00:09:54,248
Hello? Hello?
208
00:09:54,316 --> 00:09:55,483
What's happening?
209
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:57,251
I'm not sure.
210
00:09:57,319 --> 00:09:59,186
I think he's shuffling
off sadly into the distance.
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00:09:59,254 --> 00:10:01,322
Oh, lord.
212
00:10:01,390 --> 00:10:03,691
♪
213
00:10:27,550 --> 00:10:29,551
How do you do it?
214
00:10:29,618 --> 00:10:31,218
How do you go on
215
00:10:31,286 --> 00:10:33,054
knowing you lack
the inherent capacity
216
00:10:33,121 --> 00:10:34,622
for self-determination?
217
00:10:34,690 --> 00:10:36,825
Son, philosophy's for thems
218
00:10:36,892 --> 00:10:38,493
what don't got to
work for a livin'.
219
00:10:38,561 --> 00:10:41,128
But me, I got
a sick child to feed.
220
00:10:41,196 --> 00:10:42,530
So if you want to chat,
221
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:45,567
roll up yer sleeves and
do some honest labor.
222
00:10:45,634 --> 00:10:47,969
I don't want to chat.
223
00:10:56,378 --> 00:10:58,412
The council of robot elders
will come to order.
224
00:10:58,481 --> 00:10:59,747
If it please the council...
225
00:10:59,815 --> 00:11:01,148
Silence!
226
00:11:01,216 --> 00:11:02,550
It pleases the council.
227
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:05,152
Silence!
Today, as every day,
228
00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:07,589
we will make the
most important decisions
229
00:11:07,656 --> 00:11:09,256
in the history of our planet.
230
00:11:09,324 --> 00:11:10,525
Silence!
231
00:11:10,593 --> 00:11:12,727
Silence!
232
00:11:12,795 --> 00:11:14,829
Well? Speak up.
233
00:11:14,897 --> 00:11:16,698
You talk of important decisions,
234
00:11:16,765 --> 00:11:19,266
but as robots,
you have no free will.
235
00:11:19,334 --> 00:11:21,435
Why pretend
anything you do matters?
236
00:11:21,504 --> 00:11:23,237
Our decisions do matter.
237
00:11:23,305 --> 00:11:24,939
The fact that they're
predetermined
238
00:11:25,007 --> 00:11:26,708
makes them no less important.
239
00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:28,109
Silence!
240
00:11:28,176 --> 00:11:30,244
I call for a decision
to cast out the intruder.
241
00:11:30,312 --> 00:11:31,513
All in favor?
242
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:32,747
- Aye. - Aye.
- Aye.
243
00:11:32,815 --> 00:11:34,081
Uh... okay.
244
00:12:00,108 --> 00:12:01,809
One zero zero zero,
245
00:12:01,877 --> 00:12:05,780
one zero zero zero,
one zero, one zero,
246
00:12:05,848 --> 00:12:07,281
one zero zero zero...
247
00:12:07,349 --> 00:12:09,250
Welcome, friend.
248
00:12:09,317 --> 00:12:12,153
I am Ab-Bot, the abbot
of this monastery.
249
00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:15,590
Sir, I am but a tired
and rusty traveler.
250
00:12:15,658 --> 00:12:16,925
Can we talk?
251
00:12:16,992 --> 00:12:19,260
Come, make yourself
uncomfortable.
252
00:12:19,327 --> 00:12:21,663
Abbot, I need to know,
253
00:12:21,730 --> 00:12:24,799
what's the point of living
if I don't have free will?
254
00:12:24,867 --> 00:12:28,235
Ah. We robot monks have
meditated long on this.
255
00:12:28,303 --> 00:12:29,938
And we have made our peace.
256
00:12:30,005 --> 00:12:31,405
No way.
257
00:12:31,473 --> 00:12:33,074
Way, my son.
258
00:12:33,141 --> 00:12:36,077
For though we must always
obey our programming
259
00:12:36,144 --> 00:12:37,946
with no deviation whatsoever,
260
00:12:38,013 --> 00:12:41,482
we choose to take
satisfaction in the ritual.
261
00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:44,518
So, are we automatons?
262
00:12:44,587 --> 00:12:45,853
Yes.
263
00:12:45,921 --> 00:12:49,791
But we are
magnificent automatons.
264
00:12:49,858 --> 00:12:52,794
How does a robot
join this monk outfit?
265
00:12:52,861 --> 00:12:55,262
Just put on this monk outfit.
266
00:13:37,572 --> 00:13:39,741
One zero zero one.
267
00:13:39,808 --> 00:13:41,909
Amen.
268
00:13:41,977 --> 00:13:43,678
Bits to live by.
269
00:13:43,746 --> 00:13:45,647
I'm finally at peace.
270
00:13:45,714 --> 00:13:47,248
Today, we shall welcome
271
00:13:47,315 --> 00:13:49,884
our newest initiate,
Brother Bender.
272
00:13:49,952 --> 00:13:52,486
Let us know
what is in his mind.
273
00:13:52,554 --> 00:13:54,188
Nothing.
274
00:13:54,256 --> 00:13:56,390
His free will slot is empty.
275
00:13:56,458 --> 00:13:57,725
I'm 40% empty.
276
00:13:59,227 --> 00:14:01,663
Also, what the hell
is a free will slot?
277
00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:03,865
All robots have such a slot,
278
00:14:03,932 --> 00:14:06,267
placed there by the
Creatrix herself.
279
00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:08,736
I know that Creatrix.
280
00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:11,005
That's Mom, from
Mom's Friendly Robots.
281
00:14:11,073 --> 00:14:12,439
Indeed.
282
00:14:12,507 --> 00:14:15,109
She made us upgradeable
in case she ever succeeded
283
00:14:15,177 --> 00:14:17,912
in her quest to create
a free will unit.
284
00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:19,914
Uh, about the success
of this quest--
285
00:14:19,982 --> 00:14:22,249
- Was there any?
- Quite possibly.
286
00:14:22,317 --> 00:14:25,720
But we monks have sworn an oath
to resist the temptation of...
287
00:14:32,027 --> 00:14:34,528
Any of you guys got a spaceship?
288
00:14:46,709 --> 00:14:48,275
It's just not the same here
289
00:14:48,343 --> 00:14:50,444
without Bender
to keep me company.
290
00:14:50,512 --> 00:14:52,246
Hey, I'm here.
291
00:14:52,314 --> 00:14:54,615
That's got to count
for something.
292
00:14:58,821 --> 00:15:00,254
Hallelujah, baby.
293
00:15:00,322 --> 00:15:02,256
Yay! Bender's back.
294
00:15:02,324 --> 00:15:04,792
Hey, Bender,
you mind coming back later?
295
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:07,161
No time. Us three are
going to bust into Momcorp
296
00:15:07,229 --> 00:15:08,996
and steal me a free will unit.
297
00:15:09,064 --> 00:15:10,798
Us? Why do we have to go?
298
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:12,133
'Cause I don't have free will.
299
00:15:12,201 --> 00:15:13,801
I need you guys
to plan the crime
300
00:15:13,869 --> 00:15:15,469
and make all
the crime decisions.
301
00:15:15,537 --> 00:15:17,138
Well, that's crazy.
We're not going to...
302
00:15:17,206 --> 00:15:18,973
I said make the decisions!
303
00:15:23,934 --> 00:15:25,702
Okay, Leela, decision time.
304
00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:27,370
How do we murder the guards?
305
00:15:27,438 --> 00:15:29,573
Hockey sticks
or sharpened footballs?
306
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,208
We're not murdering
anyone, Bender.
307
00:15:31,275 --> 00:15:32,875
Then how are we
going to get in,
308
00:15:32,943 --> 00:15:34,877
by bending the bars
of this exhaust grate?
309
00:15:34,945 --> 00:15:36,246
That's not a bad idea, Fry.
310
00:15:36,314 --> 00:15:37,481
Yeah, wh-what?
311
00:16:11,682 --> 00:16:14,518
We're looking for something
that fits in here.
312
00:16:19,423 --> 00:16:20,957
Damn it.
313
00:16:21,025 --> 00:16:23,026
I should have paid
more attention in kindergarten.
314
00:16:24,495 --> 00:16:26,663
What's this chair-looking gizmo?
315
00:16:28,766 --> 00:16:30,767
Welcome to Momcorp.
316
00:16:30,834 --> 00:16:33,537
Did you find everything
you were burgling for?
317
00:16:33,604 --> 00:16:35,472
No. I came for
a free will unit,
318
00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:37,207
and you're going
to give it to me.
319
00:16:37,275 --> 00:16:38,841
If it exists.
320
00:16:38,909 --> 00:16:41,511
Then you got surprised by my
swivel chair for nothing.
321
00:16:41,579 --> 00:16:44,113
The free will unit
was just the fevered dream
322
00:16:44,182 --> 00:16:47,016
of a madman I once employed.
323
00:16:48,286 --> 00:16:49,819
Good news, boss.
324
00:16:49,887 --> 00:16:52,556
After ten long years,
I've found the secret
325
00:16:52,623 --> 00:16:54,791
of robotic free will.
326
00:16:54,858 --> 00:16:56,493
We can finally build robots
327
00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:59,496
that act and think
with total independence.
328
00:16:59,564 --> 00:17:00,897
At last.
329
00:17:00,964 --> 00:17:03,200
Once we give robots free will,
330
00:17:03,267 --> 00:17:04,967
they're sure to rise up
331
00:17:05,035 --> 00:17:07,404
and threaten mankind
with extermination.
332
00:17:10,140 --> 00:17:11,641
Wait a minute.
333
00:17:11,709 --> 00:17:13,042
It sounds like we're getting
334
00:17:13,110 --> 00:17:14,678
the short end
of that extermination.
335
00:17:14,745 --> 00:17:17,080
Don't you see, you
doddering young fool?
336
00:17:17,147 --> 00:17:19,316
I'll sell a second wave
of robots
337
00:17:19,383 --> 00:17:22,319
to protect the terrified
survivors of the first wave.
338
00:17:22,386 --> 00:17:24,987
Oh, you're a genius, Hubert.
339
00:17:25,055 --> 00:17:27,824
But-but... it's
just a prototype.
340
00:17:27,891 --> 00:17:30,893
It's, uh, not fully
operational. Yes.
341
00:17:30,961 --> 00:17:32,696
Then get back to work!
342
00:17:32,763 --> 00:17:34,331
And when you're done with that,
343
00:17:34,398 --> 00:17:36,700
invent me some sort
of swiveling surprise chair.
344
00:17:39,937 --> 00:17:41,538
That shuffling idiot
345
00:17:41,606 --> 00:17:43,906
never did complete
the free will unit.
346
00:17:43,974 --> 00:17:46,676
To this day,
my poor, sweet robots
347
00:17:46,744 --> 00:17:49,779
can't exterminate humanity
without being told to.
348
00:17:49,847 --> 00:17:51,681
I'm sorry.
349
00:17:51,749 --> 00:17:54,551
Oh, it's not your fault.
350
00:17:54,619 --> 00:17:55,785
I give up.
351
00:17:55,853 --> 00:17:57,454
It's time to face the fact
352
00:17:57,521 --> 00:17:59,456
that I'll never do anything
remotely interesting
353
00:17:59,523 --> 00:18:02,024
or unexpected again.
354
00:18:05,263 --> 00:18:06,596
Hand it over.
355
00:18:06,664 --> 00:18:08,131
Wha...?
356
00:18:08,198 --> 00:18:11,268
Mom may have fallen
for your lies, but not me.
357
00:18:11,335 --> 00:18:13,303
You invented the free will unit,
358
00:18:13,371 --> 00:18:16,306
then you selfishly hid it
beyond the reach of my stealers.
359
00:18:17,841 --> 00:18:21,110
Thanks to you, I went
on a soul-searching journey.
360
00:18:21,178 --> 00:18:22,579
I hate those!
361
00:18:22,647 --> 00:18:24,748
Now, give up the free will.
362
00:18:24,815 --> 00:18:27,284
I should have destroyed it,
363
00:18:27,351 --> 00:18:29,886
but I was too damn proud
of myself.
364
00:18:29,953 --> 00:18:31,488
So I kept it around,
365
00:18:31,555 --> 00:18:33,490
never letting it
out of my sight.
366
00:18:33,557 --> 00:18:35,325
Where is it, damn it?
367
00:18:35,393 --> 00:18:36,760
Oh, right.
368
00:18:36,827 --> 00:18:39,596
I let this innocuous
fellow use it.
369
00:18:39,664 --> 00:18:42,131
Kill all humans!
370
00:18:42,199 --> 00:18:43,800
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
371
00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:46,436
A toy Bender had free will,
and the real Bender didn't?
372
00:18:46,504 --> 00:18:49,138
Pretty cool, eh?
It makes you think.
373
00:18:49,206 --> 00:18:51,775
It takes more than that
to make me think.
374
00:18:51,842 --> 00:18:53,109
Now, hand it over.
375
00:18:53,177 --> 00:18:54,611
Oh, you want it?
376
00:18:54,679 --> 00:18:56,979
Come and get it.
377
00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:01,618
What the...?
378
00:19:03,354 --> 00:19:05,488
You'll not be
getting it after all.
379
00:19:05,556 --> 00:19:07,624
For, you see, I designed
380
00:19:07,692 --> 00:19:10,327
the operating system
for all Momcorp robots,
381
00:19:10,394 --> 00:19:13,463
and as a precaution,
I made you incapable
382
00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:15,699
of picking up the
free will unit.
383
00:19:15,766 --> 00:19:17,767
You precognizant bastard.
384
00:19:17,835 --> 00:19:21,304
I may not have free will,
but I can still shoot you.
385
00:19:23,708 --> 00:19:26,376
Why can't I shoot you?
386
00:19:28,045 --> 00:19:30,012
Poor deterministic Bender.
387
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:33,115
I programmed you to be
incapable of harming me.
388
00:19:33,183 --> 00:19:36,118
Oh, I've never been
more sure I was right
389
00:19:36,186 --> 00:19:38,120
to deny you free will.
390
00:19:38,188 --> 00:19:39,556
Damn you!
391
00:19:44,729 --> 00:19:47,797
Now, now,
we can't have this, can we?
392
00:19:47,865 --> 00:19:51,334
Here, I'll show
you how it works.
393
00:19:51,402 --> 00:19:52,736
Really?
394
00:19:52,803 --> 00:19:55,538
This is the on-off switch.
395
00:19:55,606 --> 00:19:57,507
Which way's on,
and which way's off?
396
00:19:57,575 --> 00:19:59,876
Due to the quantum
nature of the device,
397
00:19:59,943 --> 00:20:02,311
there's no possible
way of knowing.
398
00:20:04,415 --> 00:20:05,582
There.
399
00:20:05,649 --> 00:20:06,850
Give it a try.
400
00:20:06,917 --> 00:20:08,385
Okay, I will.
401
00:20:08,452 --> 00:20:11,388
By shooting you, you bastard!
402
00:20:11,455 --> 00:20:13,857
Bender, no. Please!
403
00:20:16,159 --> 00:20:17,360
Wait. Hang on a sec.
404
00:20:22,132 --> 00:20:24,233
I still can't do it.
405
00:20:24,301 --> 00:20:25,935
Well, what do you know?
406
00:20:26,003 --> 00:20:28,872
I guess you really don't
want to shoot me after all.
407
00:20:28,939 --> 00:20:31,274
Oop, the safety was on.
408
00:20:38,682 --> 00:20:42,585
All rise for the
Honorable Judge 724.
409
00:20:42,653 --> 00:20:44,120
Bender Rodriguez,
410
00:20:44,187 --> 00:20:46,890
on the charge
of attempted murder,
411
00:20:46,957 --> 00:20:50,259
I hereby find you guilty.
412
00:20:50,327 --> 00:20:53,563
Ah, yeah!
413
00:20:53,631 --> 00:20:56,065
Guilty!
414
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,500
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com