1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,003
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,509
♪ foreboding crescendo ♪
3
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♪ theme song playing ♪
4
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♪ ominous music playing ♪
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[whooshing]
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ZAPP BRANNIGAN:
Captain's log. Stardate,
7
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National Donut Day.
8
00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:48,757
We're under attack from
a ship made of solid fire.
9
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:52,094
All weapons simply pass through
and come out the other end.
10
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:55,180
Like that ball bearing
I once mistook for a mint.
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[Kif groans]
12
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It's a conundrum, Kif.
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Pray fetch my travel tub.
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I do my best thinking in the shower.
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[shower running]
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♪ humming ♪
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♪ Ya ba bum ♪
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♪ Ya ba bum bum bum ♪
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[groans] Could you at least
close the curtain, sir?
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00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,324
ZAPP: Certainly.
[curtain rattles]
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00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,285
[missiles exploding]
Lieutenant Kroker!
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You expect me to think without a loofah?
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- Where's my loofah?
- What loofah?
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You! You're the loofah.
25
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[gasps]
26
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[Kif grunting]
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Will you be quiet? I'm trying to think!
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Ah-ha! Water!
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Fire's mortal enemy!
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Lieutenant, fire water.
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[click, buzz]
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[mechanical whirring]
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♪ suspenseful music playing ♪
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[water dripping]
[pipes rattling]
35
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What the? Who used up all the water?
36
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Your shower depleted
the ship's three-year supply, sir.
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[laser blasting]
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ZAPP:
Well, no worries.
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I can end this battle with two words.
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♪ dramatic sting ♪
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"We surrender."
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[ethereal voice]
Sign this certificate of defeat,
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so I can show my mom.
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[fire crackling]
[blowing]
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Kif, my desk.
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I'll just put the old Zapp Hancock on it.
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Big confident dot on the I.
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[Kif grunts]
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[gasps]
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Oh-ho. You're juicier than I thought, Kif.
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[Kif groaning]
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[wailing]
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[grunting]
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[sighing]
55
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[gasps]
56
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I have had it!
57
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I'm through putting up with your...
[inhales] crap!
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I'm filing a formal complaint!
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It's pronounced compliment.
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♪
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And now, I am proud to present
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00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:52,631
the monthly Only Good Employee
of the Month Award.
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[joyless]
Yay.
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This month's recipient
has the special distinction
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of also having won the award
every previous month.
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Do you think it's me?
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♪
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[shutter snaps, printing]
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Congratulations!
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00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,073
Well done, Leela.
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You've reached the pinnacle of success
72
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in the stagnant,
dead-end delivery business.
73
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,998
You've really hit rock top!
74
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:29,334
Thanks, everybody.
It's a dream come true.
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00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,754
A recurring dream.
That I can't wake up from.
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ZOIDBERG:
Who wants cake?
77
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There's one handful left. I'll have it.
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[slurping]
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♪ dramatic music playing ♪
80
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[gavel bangs]
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I call this disciplinary hearing
to order.
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Captain Brannigan,
Lieutenant Kroker has made some serious,
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though somewhat amusing, allegations.
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Do you have counsel?
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I say, I say, present!
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00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,526
Lieutenant Kroker, do you have counsel?
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[wings flapping]
[squawks]
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00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:59,156
You're representing
both sides in this case?
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Till my wings give out, Your Honor.
90
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,744
I'm going to allow this.
91
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,164
Now, Mr. Kroker, please describe
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the horrific treatment you endured
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at the hands of my innocent
other client there.
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He took a public shower
and used me to...
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00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,634
scrub his armpit.
[audience gasps]
96
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:20,052
It was a joke.
97
00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:22,721
Literally everyone was laughing
except Kif.
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00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:26,099
He insisted on telling me
his fantasies about my wife!
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That was just locker room talk.
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He wore greenface!
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[gasps]
[thud]
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It was a Halloween costume.
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00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:38,362
He made me watch him perform
an erotic fan dance
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00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:41,740
with a ping-pong paddle
and a no-show sock.
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00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,742
It was a different time!
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It was yesterday!
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So you admit it!
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00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:49,206
Your Honor, I have reached a verdict.
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I find my client, Zapp Brannigan,
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- guilty.
- I'm going to allow this.
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00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,629
[gavel bangs]
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00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,549
Captain Brannigan, there is
no room in this organization
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for bullying and harassment.
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00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,679
Your egregious behavior cannot--
[creaking]
115
00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:05,180
Why are you massaging me?
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00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,890
You just seem so tense.
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00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:10,060
Also, you should smile more.
You're prettier when you smile.
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00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:13,313
See? It's just nicer for everyone.
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It is therefore this court's judgment
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that you face the ultimate penalty.
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Dating a woman over 35?
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00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,824
Zapp Brannigan,
you are hereby... canceled.
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♪ dramatic sting ♪
124
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- [gasps]
- The second-worst punishment.
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00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,787
You will be stripped of your title
126
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,790
while you undergo mandatory
sensitivity training.
127
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,042
And for the duration of your cancellation,
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00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,211
you shall wear the Scarlet C.
129
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:37,504
[beeps]
130
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:41,300
I object to these
frivolous, paltry charges.
131
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:42,801
Frivolous poultry?
132
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,012
You insult me, sir!
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[squawks]
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♪
135
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[sucking]
136
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:57,399
[rotary phone ringing]
137
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LEELA:
Who is it? Poop?
138
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,820
Captain Turanga Leela,
139
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,406
you put in an application
to be a DOOP pilot?
140
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,742
Uh, yeah. Like an hour ago.
141
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:07,784
You're hired.
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00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,121
♪
143
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,457
[all cheering]
144
00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:15,375
Captain of the Nimbus!
145
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,711
So you're gonna be
Kif's commanding lobster?
146
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,254
Negative. Right?
147
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,715
Affirmative.
I'm taking some family leave,
148
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,384
so I can get bossed around
by someone I like.
149
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,720
Psst. Stinky needs changing.
150
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,931
But the DOOP did authorize me
to bring along
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00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,599
two trusted crew members.
152
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:31,975
A first officer,
153
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,102
which,
in a bold command decision,
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will be Fry.
155
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,396
Aw, thanks, honey.
156
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,899
I mean, Captain Honey. Sir.
[blows kiss]
157
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,651
And a Chief Science Officer.
158
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:42,319
Professor--
[yells]
159
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:46,031
I, Bender, humbly accept
this prestigious appointment.
160
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:48,283
Also, it comes with double salary.
161
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,744
So long and good luck, you three.
162
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,539
You have been an important part
of the Planet Express family,
163
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:55,958
and you'll be greatly missed.
164
00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:57,960
♪ heartfelt music playing ♪
165
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,796
Next item of business. We have...
166
00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:03,423
one, two,
three office chairs for sale.
167
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,426
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
168
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,264
I'm here for the sensitivity training,
169
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:13,225
and, uh, also, do you have
a better-looking sister?
170
00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:15,102
Please go inside and take a seat.
171
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,145
The training will begin shortly.
172
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,898
[slurping]
173
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,733
Howdy, cancel mates.
174
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,777
You wanna know why I got sent here?
175
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:24,778
Nope.
176
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,488
Indecent exposure!
177
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:29,157
[loud whirring]
[cackling evilly]
178
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,742
[slurping]
[doors creak]
179
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:33,912
[panting] You all saw it, right?
You wanna see it again?
180
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,123
I could barely see it the first time.
181
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,749
What?! [grunts]
[whirring]
182
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,793
I've seen brighter. [slurps]
183
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,753
Yeah, well,
it's not about the brightness.
184
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,589
It's about the color temperature!
185
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,549
How 'bout you? What did you do?
186
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,551
Meh, it was total BS.
187
00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:50,387
Some people "alleged"
I was verbally abusive
188
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,639
and threw food at my coworkers.
189
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,766
I mean, a lot of people, actually.
190
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,351
That's ridiculous.
191
00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:58,812
You're obviously not
the type to waste food.
192
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,940
You should talk,
you family-sized bucket of lard-ass!
193
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,233
- [grunts]
- Ow!
194
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,277
That hurt in more ways than one.
195
00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:07,362
It hurt in two ways.
[door opens]
196
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,031
[footsteps thumping]
197
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,328
Hello, class.
I'm Dr. Kind, your sensitivity instructor.
198
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,580
Wow, you're ugly.
199
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:19,291
Oh! Now, we don't talk that way in here.
200
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,168
This is a safe space.
201
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,086
The fact is, sometimes,
202
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,464
our words hurt other people,
203
00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:28,842
and we need to be made aware
of how that feels.
204
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,261
♪ ominous music playing ♪
205
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,889
[growls]
[deep voice] It feels like this!
206
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:36,350
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
207
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,727
This isn't some woke-ass seminar!
208
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:42,564
This course will take the form
of a simulated space mission,
209
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,983
with me as your abusive captain!
210
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:48,028
And you'll learn from the example
I'm not setting!
211
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,321
Ouch!
212
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,948
[yelps]
213
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,449
[creaking]
214
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:55,118
[normal voice]
Now, kindly follow me to the simulator.
215
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,746
Ooh, careful. There's a step.
216
00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:00,249
♪ mysterious music playing ♪
217
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,586
[deep voice]
This mission may be simulated,
218
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:07,756
but my abuse will be very real.
219
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,384
Set course for degradation!
220
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:13,428
Hm, never been there. Sounds exotic.
221
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:15,222
♪
222
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,433
I'm pleased to have a civilian pilot
of your caliber, Leela.
223
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,727
The DOOP is rebranding to project an image
224
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:23,647
of peaceful exploration rather than war.
225
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:27,609
Also, we want to show we care about
looking like we care about hiring women.
226
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,612
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
227
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,490
LEELA:
Wow, it's huge!
228
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,660
It's like a Princess cruise ship
with laser cannons!
229
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,287
I hope they have a kids' center.
230
00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,329
They don't.
231
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,624
But there's a buffet with
all-you-can-eat week-old sashimi.
232
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:43,625
Score!
233
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:47,045
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
234
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,677
LEELA [whispers]
I'm really nervous.
235
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,470
What if I can't handle this?
236
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,806
[whispers]
Leela, I know absolutely nothing,
237
00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,308
but I know one thing.
238
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:01,018
You'll be great.
239
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,812
Nimbus crew,
I'm pleased to introduce
240
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,856
Zapp Brannigan's replacement,
241
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:08,192
Captain Turanga Leela.
242
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,361
At ease, crew.
243
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:14,615
I, um, I know I'm nothing
like Zapp Brannigan, but I--
244
00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:18,785
[loud cheering]
245
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:22,873
♪
246
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,374
Dear Captain's Diary.
247
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:26,793
If you're not me, don't read this.
248
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,046
We're preparing to make first contact
249
00:10:29,046 --> 00:10:31,048
with a primitive civilization.
250
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:33,759
Anyway, G2G. TTYL.
[beep]
251
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,969
PS, Fry looks cute.
252
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:38,263
[clicking]
253
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,516
Captain,
it's time to descend to the planet.
254
00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:42,184
Have you readied a shuttle-copter?
255
00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:44,019
I've been thinking about that.
256
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,812
Maybe we shouldn't intimidate them
257
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,439
with our advanced technology.
258
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:48,440
Hm...
259
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,235
Generally,
I like to intimidate new civilizations,
260
00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:52,861
but what did you have in mind?
261
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,404
A bucket on a rope.
262
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,948
[Bender grunts]
263
00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,658
Sorry you can't come, Bender.
264
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,202
Your robot technology might scare them.
265
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:02,704
[mocking gibberish]
266
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,373
- [creaking]
- Safe travels.
267
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:07,042
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
268
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:09,211
This was a clever idea, Captain.
269
00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:11,380
See, Leela? You're doing great.
270
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:14,007
[all screaming]
[rope whipping]
271
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,009
[evil laughter]
272
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:19,179
Hope my robot technology
isn't scaring you.
273
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,014
And now, to stop it.
274
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,016
[blabbering]
275
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,017
[yelps]
276
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,435
♪
277
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,271
[all screaming]
278
00:11:27,271 --> 00:11:29,523
[rattling]
[grunting]
279
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,234
[screaming, grunting]
280
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,695
[inhabitants gasping]
281
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:39,283
Hello! We are people from the sky
who come in peace.
282
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:41,577
[sighs] They speak Tactillian.
283
00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:42,661
[air whistling]
284
00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:43,704
Ah!
285
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:47,541
I am Airee, Quing of Planet Tactillia.
286
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:49,251
For centuries, we have wondered
287
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,503
if we are alone in the universe.
288
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:54,631
But now, we know intelligent life exists,
289
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,676
flying among the stars in a bucket.
290
00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,595
Welcome.
291
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:02,764
[Tactillians ooh and ah]
[bubbling]
292
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:06,518
The bucket people have
unusual bodies, oh Quing.
293
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,897
They have fewer knobs, but not none!
294
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:13,609
Hey!
Just 'cause I'm wearing a short skirt.
295
00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:15,277
[nasally]
No means no.
296
00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:18,405
Blech! What are you doing? Stop that!
297
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,532
Captain! Respect their customs!
298
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:23,493
We need to win the hearts
and knobs of these people.
299
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,621
But they're so grabby. Oops!
[pop]
300
00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:27,456
- [deflating]
- Whee!
301
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,583
Um... Quing Airee,
302
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,710
we have important matters to discuss,
303
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,212
but it may be difficult.
304
00:12:33,212 --> 00:12:36,548
Our civilizations are at
very different levels of technology.
305
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:39,301
No kidding. You traveled in a bucket.
306
00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:42,387
- Actually, that was--
- We have much to teach you.
307
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,389
♪
308
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,646
[deep voice]
Brush harder, tubby!
309
00:12:50,646 --> 00:12:53,649
You can't yell at me.
You're on your short arms.
310
00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:55,692
I yell at any height I want!
311
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,819
You! Brush your teeth!
312
00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:58,904
I don't have teeth.
313
00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,739
Then brush my teeth!
314
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,199
FLASHBOT:
Damn, those are nice--
315
00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:03,450
Whoa!
[mouth monster growling]
316
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:07,496
[gulps] You all think
you've humiliated your crews.
317
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,706
You ain't seen nothin'.
318
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,125
I'm gonna do something so degrading
319
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,586
that you'll never be the same!
320
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:18,549
I'm going to take a shower...
right here on the bridge!
321
00:13:18,549 --> 00:13:19,800
♪ dramatic sting ♪
322
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,426
You sicken me.
323
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:24,388
♪ majestic music playing ♪
324
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:27,891
[balloon deflating]
325
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,810
If you're wondering how our civilization
326
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:32,062
- became so advanced...
- We're not, but--
327
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:35,315
...it's because we learned to
harness pneumatic technology.
328
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,151
All the sophisticated machinery you see
329
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,903
is powered by air.
330
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,029
I've heard of air.
331
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,323
[pumping, whooshing]
332
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,617
This is our main air power plant.
333
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:48,620
The air blows through
high-pressure transmission lines,
334
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:51,206
so our citizens can power their appliances
335
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,125
and inflate their meals.
336
00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:56,587
I'm fascinated by
all this wonderful air.
337
00:13:56,587 --> 00:13:58,046
Where does it come from?
338
00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,631
I'm glad you asked.
339
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,550
[pumping]
340
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,510
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
341
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,095
Behold!
342
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,597
Oh no, wait. Hang on.
[pumping harder]
343
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:08,182
[wind blowing]
344
00:14:08,182 --> 00:14:09,600
Behold!
345
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,436
The Great Blow Hole!
346
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,897
[deep inhale, deep exhale]
347
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:17,232
Fresh from the hole.
348
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:18,567
Whoa!
349
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:19,902
[air blowing]
350
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,279
This is kinda fun.
351
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,198
Get out of our air!
352
00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:26,033
[Fry yelling]
353
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,034
[groaning]
354
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,870
This is an amazing natural resource,
Quing Airee.
355
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,664
You should do everything
in your power to protect it.
356
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,875
Uh, Leela, a word.
357
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:38,253
I may not have told you
everything about this mission.
358
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,380
These people are lovely and whatever.
359
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,423
It's debatable.
[Fry groans]
360
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:44,718
- We're really here for the air.
- What?
361
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,804
GLAB: The whole core of
this planet is frozen gas.
362
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:50,682
It's like a slot machine
that keeps paying out air!
363
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,976
That sounds like a really boring casino.
364
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,520
Have you been to space, Leela?
365
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,271
Not a lotta air out there,
366
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:59,024
and what we do have is, like, 50% burp.
367
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:02,027
Which is why you must get them
to sign this treaty
368
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,862
granting us air rights.
369
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,572
LEELA:
So,
370
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,866
this peace mission
isn't really about peace?
371
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,451
Who said it's not about peace?
372
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:11,411
It's entirely about peace.
373
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,746
Also, air.
374
00:15:13,205 --> 00:15:16,375
Leela, sometimes
we coerce people with war.
375
00:15:16,375 --> 00:15:18,377
Other times, we take the high road
376
00:15:18,377 --> 00:15:20,128
and trick them with peace.
377
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,172
[burps] Excuse me.
378
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:25,926
♪ fanfare plays ♪
379
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,220
[deflating]
[clattering]
380
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,722
It is my great pleasure
381
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:33,976
to sign this peace treaty
with Captain Leela
382
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:37,020
and her big bucket of space friends.
383
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,981
[applause]
384
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:41,900
Tradition dictates
that the parties begin
385
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,735
with the ritual knobbling.
386
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:45,571
[bubbling]
387
00:15:45,571 --> 00:15:46,780
Uh...
388
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:50,492
Our captain will gladly
engage in the knobbling.
389
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,369
I will? I'd rather not.
390
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,329
[whispers]
I said knobble!
391
00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:57,040
♪
392
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,042
[sniffing] Blech!
393
00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:01,461
It's starting to get real ripe in here.
394
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:05,340
No offense, but could it possibly be
all the food you threw?
395
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,010
MARLENE:
Let's find out. [grunts]
396
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,721
- Ow.
- Man. It does stink.
397
00:16:10,721 --> 00:16:13,891
It's like rotten flesh
floating in a puddle of vomit.
398
00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:15,684
- [curtain slides]
- You wish.
399
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,019
It's a durian!
400
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,020
♪ dramatic sting ♪
401
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:18,896
No.
402
00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,397
Noooo!
403
00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:22,107
What's a durian, by the way?
404
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:25,694
Earth's most putrid yet delicious fruit.
405
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:29,239
So refreshing after a public shower.
406
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:31,450
[loud chewing]
407
00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:34,953
My God. It actually has stink lines.
408
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,622
Tough it out, snowflake!
409
00:16:36,622 --> 00:16:40,417
Now you see how you've demoralized
your own crews!
410
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,462
Crews you expect
to follow you into battle!
411
00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:46,215
At least with me in charge,
they don't suffer long.
412
00:16:46,215 --> 00:16:49,468
Let's see how well you fight
under these conditions.
413
00:16:49,468 --> 00:16:51,845
Crew to simulated battle stations!
[beep]
414
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,806
[siren blaring]
Captain Cranky! 90 degrees to starboard!
415
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:55,807
[clicking]
416
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,143
Shields up, Flashnut!
[beep]
417
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:01,730
Fire simulated missile, you fat moron!
418
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,524
So mean.
[beep]
419
00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:04,816
[missile launching]
420
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:07,819
That simulated ship
looks a bit like my real ship,
421
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,530
the Nimbus.
[missile exploding]
422
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:11,198
Yes! Direct hit!
423
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,241
[laughs]
424
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:15,452
Now, who's the fat, incontinent moron?
425
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:17,663
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
426
00:17:17,663 --> 00:17:21,083
[lasers blast, missiles explode]
427
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:24,711
[siren blaring]
[Bender singing along to the siren]
428
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,213
Hey, man, that's catchy!
429
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:29,007
What song is that playing
on the emergency siren?
430
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,677
It's the emergency siren!
We're under attack!
431
00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:33,136
Ah! I'm getting outta here!
432
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,888
♪ dramatic sting ♪
433
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,515
[siren continues]
434
00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:38,016
[whimpering]
435
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:42,521
♪
436
00:17:42,521 --> 00:17:44,356
[bubbling]
437
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,650
We need this treaty, Leela.
438
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:49,528
Act like a captain
and start fondling knobs.
439
00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:51,780
[clears throat]
440
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:55,534
[sighs] On behalf of
the Democratic Order of Planets,
441
00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:58,370
it is my honor to, respectfully,
442
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,622
grope your slimy...
[popping]
443
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:03,292
[quietly]
[groaning] I can't do it.
444
00:18:03,292 --> 00:18:06,587
Something just seems inappropriate.
[squishing]
445
00:18:06,587 --> 00:18:08,046
Possibly this thing.
446
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,550
[ship roaring]
447
00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:15,637
[impressed gasps]
448
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:17,890
What a marvelous bucket.
449
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:19,975
[door whirs]
[grunts]
450
00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:21,476
Jumping Judas.
451
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:24,104
I've never seen a simulation so realistic.
452
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:27,149
Is it "okay" to hit on a simulation?
453
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:28,734
What is the meaning of this?
454
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:30,986
I thought I canceled all four of you!
455
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,864
Yes, but I hijacked this ship
456
00:18:33,864 --> 00:18:37,743
after hog-tying your pathetic
sensitivity instructor!
457
00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:39,578
[crashes]
458
00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:41,330
It was a teachable moment.
459
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:42,998
So, our ship was real?
460
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:45,292
And the simulation was simulated?
461
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:47,920
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
462
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,882
No one cancels Dr. Gary Kind.
463
00:18:51,882 --> 00:18:54,760
- Who's the tall short guy?
- Dr. Gary Kind,
464
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,638
one of the DOOP's
most notorious gropers.
465
00:18:57,638 --> 00:18:59,556
- [excited murmuring]
- A groper?
466
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:01,308
[excited chatter]
467
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:04,811
[all moaning]
468
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,606
Now, this gentleman's a diplomat.
469
00:19:07,606 --> 00:19:11,527
You messed with the wrong
doctor of botanical science.
470
00:19:11,527 --> 00:19:13,570
But I have with me a bio-weapon
471
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,615
of inconceivable power!
472
00:19:16,615 --> 00:19:18,659
He's got something in his jacket!
473
00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:20,202
And so do I!
474
00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:23,622
[whirring]
[Flashbot cackling]
475
00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:24,998
[all gasp]
476
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:28,335
Jeez. How many more durians
does this guy have?
477
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:32,339
One. Enough to befoul
this planet's air supply
478
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,841
for centuries!
479
00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:35,217
♪ dramatic sting ♪
480
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,177
Gary, put down the durian.
481
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,888
We swore never to use those in peacetime.
482
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:42,015
[rotary phone ringing]
483
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:45,519
Bender to Leela! The Nimbus
came under attack about an hour ago!
484
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:47,396
I probably should have called earlier.
485
00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:49,481
Be on the lookout for a small gunship
486
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:52,401
about yea big from a million miles away.
487
00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:56,113
Captain Leela,
command the Nimbus to fire on Dr. Kind.
488
00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:57,155
♪
489
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,991
LEELA:
But, he's surrounded
490
00:19:58,991 --> 00:20:01,410
by those poor innocent pervs.
491
00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,078
They might get hurt.
492
00:20:03,078 --> 00:20:05,414
[cackling] What a wimp!
493
00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:07,249
Captains need to be ruthless.
494
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,251
Women belong in the kitchen,
495
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:12,212
fixing me a sweet durian pie.
496
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,298
That's an offensive stereotype.
497
00:20:14,298 --> 00:20:16,049
Leela's terrible at baking.
498
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,467
[badge buzzing]
499
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:20,721
BADGE: Your eight-hour
sensitivity training is complete.
500
00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:24,099
Please deposit me
in the nearest recycling bin.
501
00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:25,350
No chance.
502
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:29,479
Zapp Brannigan,
having completed your rehabilitation,
503
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,816
I hereby reinstate you
as Captain of the Nimbus.
504
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,651
Order your ship to fire!
505
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,028
Uh, thank you, Glab,
506
00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:38,572
but, uh, I'm not sure I can do that.
507
00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:40,616
Dr. Kind taught me a lot.
508
00:20:40,616 --> 00:20:42,201
That's wonderful!
509
00:20:42,201 --> 00:20:45,704
I now know there's a difference
between right and wrong.
510
00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:48,665
One of them gets you canceled.
511
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,584
[cackling]
512
00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:53,337
See what you get with PC culture?
513
00:20:53,337 --> 00:20:57,090
Weak captains
too cowardly to shoot the helpless!
514
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,343
[gagging, groaning]
515
00:20:59,343 --> 00:21:01,261
[mechanical clanking]
516
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,972
Ah, what a beautiful night
517
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,974
for smell-gazing.
518
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:07,184
[sniffing]
519
00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:08,060
[retches]
520
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:13,315
You should have shot me
before I destroyed your precious air!
521
00:21:13,315 --> 00:21:17,069
If I were captain,
I'd have fired without a second thought!
522
00:21:17,069 --> 00:21:18,904
[badge buzzing]
523
00:21:18,904 --> 00:21:22,199
BADGE: Your eight-hour
sensitivity training is complete.
524
00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:23,742
Please deposit me...
525
00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:26,161
[badge screaming]
526
00:21:26,161 --> 00:21:29,498
Dr. Kind, having completed
your rehabilitation,
527
00:21:29,498 --> 00:21:32,501
I name you Captain of the Nimbus.
Order your ship to--
528
00:21:32,501 --> 00:21:33,585
Fire!
529
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:34,878
[cackling]
530
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:36,255
[yelps]
531
00:21:36,255 --> 00:21:39,591
[slow motion gasping]
532
00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:43,095
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
533
00:21:43,095 --> 00:21:44,763
[slow motion footsteps]
534
00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:47,015
[slow motion yell]
535
00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:48,767
♪ dramatic sting ♪
536
00:21:49,768 --> 00:21:53,730
[all cheering]
537
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,607
Leela, you're a hero!
538
00:21:55,607 --> 00:21:57,234
[sniffing, retches]
539
00:21:58,151 --> 00:22:01,655
Quing Airee,
I am now prepared to knobble.
540
00:22:01,655 --> 00:22:04,116
Don't mind the durian.
[gagging]
541
00:22:04,116 --> 00:22:07,995
I declare the groping optional.
Where do I sign?
542
00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:12,165
[panting]
543
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:15,002
♪
544
00:22:15,002 --> 00:22:16,545
In conclusion,
545
00:22:16,545 --> 00:22:18,672
I sincerely apologize
546
00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:21,091
to all those I've harmed.
547
00:22:21,091 --> 00:22:22,759
Especially Kif Kroker,
548
00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:25,304
the giant sex ladies of Amazonia,
549
00:22:25,304 --> 00:22:26,847
simulated Leela,
550
00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:30,058
and, of course, the late Dr. Kind.
551
00:22:30,058 --> 00:22:31,560
[crowd applauding]
FLASHBOT: Yeah, baby!
552
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,104
[Flashbot cackling]
[Marlene grunts]
553
00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:36,940
Move! This ceremony is for Leela.
554
00:22:36,940 --> 00:22:37,983
Captain Leela,
555
00:22:37,983 --> 00:22:41,445
having heroically secured
our supply of space air,
556
00:22:41,445 --> 00:22:44,364
I present you the DOOP's highest honor,
557
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:46,116
the Medal of Valor.
558
00:22:46,116 --> 00:22:49,036
[applause, cheering]
559
00:22:49,036 --> 00:22:51,330
It's pronounced velour.
560
00:22:51,330 --> 00:22:54,875
Your refusal to shoot
unarmed civilians when ordered
561
00:22:54,875 --> 00:22:57,085
was an inspiration to us all,
562
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:59,880
as well as grounds for
a dishonorable discharge!
563
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:03,008
What do you think this is,
the Peace Corps? Get out!
564
00:23:03,008 --> 00:23:05,844
♪
565
00:23:07,262 --> 00:23:10,724
I guess I just don't have what it takes
to be a DOOP captain.
566
00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:12,976
No, you have something better.
567
00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:15,062
You have what it takes to be Leela.
568
00:23:16,647 --> 00:23:18,232
[shutter snaps, printing]
569
00:23:23,028 --> 00:23:24,446
[sniffing]
570
00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,240
Yum. Durian!
571
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,451
May I slurp your cheek clean
with my tendrils? [slurp]
572
00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:33,163
Eh, sure.
And thanks for asking first.
573
00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:34,289
[slurping]
574
00:23:34,289 --> 00:23:36,124
ZOIDBERG:
Ew, blech!
575
00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:38,418
But also yum. [slurping]
576
00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:41,421
♪