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In 1974, President Richard Nixon
resigned in disgrace...
2
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...amid the Watergate scandal.
3
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One of the mysteries
of the 20th century...
4
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,714
...pertains to the identity
of Deep Throat...
5
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...the inside source who leaked the
information to the Washington Post.
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Who is Deep Throat?
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Tonight, my guests will
answer that question.
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Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein...
9
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...Post reporters who broke
the story so many years ago.
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- Nice to have you here.
- Thank you for having us.
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Let's just get right to it.
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Who is...
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...Deep Throat?
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Uh, well, first of all,
we're not telling you.
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[CHUCKLES]
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Second, I was under the impression
that I would be the only guest tonight.
17
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Well, I guess you're not, Bob.
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You know, you guys
are getting pretty old now.
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So, what's your point?
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I'm wondering...
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...are you ever going to tell
anybody who Deep Throat is...
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...before you die?
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Well, a lot bigger names than you...
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...have asked us
who Deep Throat is, so...
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I don't think we'd reveal it
on a little show like this.
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You know what I think?
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I mean, I'm just gonna
come right out and say it.
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I don't think there is a Deep Throat.
I think you made it up.
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- Yes, there is! Deep Throat is...
- Don't say it! He's trying to trick us!
30
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I'm sorry, Bob.
31
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Don't ever touch me.
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- Bob, I said I'm sorry.
- Don't ever!
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You smell like cabbage.
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[THE JACKSON 5'S "ABC" PLAYING]
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♪ You went to school to learn, girl ♪
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♪ Things you never, never knew before ♪
37
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- ♪ Like "I before E, except after C" ♪
- ♪ And why 2 plus 2 makes 4 ♪
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BETSY:
Oh, fudge!
39
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- ♪ Now, now, now I'm gonna teach you ♪
- ♪ Teach you, teach you ♪
40
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- ♪ All about love girl ♪
- ♪ All about love ♪
41
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:09,103
♪ Sit yourself down, take a seat
All you gotta do is repeat after me ♪
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♪ A B C
Easy as, 123 ♪
43
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♪ Simple as, do re mi
A B C ♪
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♪ 123
Baby, you and me, girl... ♪♪
45
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Okay.
46
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ARLENE:
Okay.
47
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:25,945
Dear Bobby:
48
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,082
BETSY:
I'm having so much fun already.
49
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,459
ARLENE:
I need you to concentrate.
50
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,461
Dear Bobby:
BETSY: Hold on, hold on.
51
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,623
ARLENE: Here's the reason...
BETSY: Wait.
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Arlene, I need to have time
to review my letters.
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Okay.
54
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,846
ARLENE: We have a deadline.
BETSY: I know.
55
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:47,053
I need to concentrate. Hold on.
Let me just look at them.
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00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:48,847
Okay. Dear Bobby:
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Here's the number one reason
that I think...
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Okay, I'm ready.
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- "A."
- Okay.
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Dear Bobby:
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Here's the number one reason that
I think that you should choose me...
62
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,530
...Arlene Lorenzo...
63
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:08,572
...for the "Win A Date
With Bobby Sherman" contest...
64
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,287
- ...in Tiger Beat magazine.
- Hold on. Wait.
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00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,042
Number one: I love you.
66
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,749
And number two:
I just think you're cute.
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00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,756
B, B. Oh, my God,
they're both together.
68
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:23,636
But the main reason that I think
you should pick me, Arlene Lorenzo...
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00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,805
...is because we're soul mates, Bobby.
70
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,518
You are so brilliant, Arlene.
71
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,013
So, what do we have so far?
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"Dear Bobb...
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...y."
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ARLENE: I think maybe I could type
faster than you.
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CROWD [ON TV]:
Four more years!
76
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Four more years!
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MAN 1: What are you looking at?
MAN 2: Nothing.
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00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,752
MAN 1:
You seem pretty interested in nothing.
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Give me those.
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Oh, yeah.
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I'll take the one doing cartwheels.
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[SLURPS]
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What time is it?
84
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Shit!
85
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Um... The gemstone is glistening.
86
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The gemstone is glistening.
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[♪♪♪]
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She's finally asleep!
89
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The deadline to enter the contest
is midnight. We have to hurry.
90
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,635
We have to mail this letter. Go...
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00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,176
...so I can win, or I swear I'll die.
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WOMAN [ON TV]: Evening, Mr. Whipple.
MAN: Evening.
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00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,728
WOMAN:
Don't squeeze the Charmin.
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00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,109
BOY: Hi, Dad.
MAN: Hi, Georgie.
95
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:09,321
BOY: Can I carry the Charmin?
MAN: Yep, but no squeezing.
96
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,451
BOY:
What did you do in the store today?
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00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,362
MAN:
You should've seen it.
98
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,787
There I was, and these two ladies
were squeezing the Charmin.
99
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This way, we can get back in
without having to go to the lobby.
100
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,299
So nobody'll ever see us
and tell my mom.
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Arlene.
102
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You're a genius!
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[SIGHS]
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Okay.
105
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[WHISPERS]
Down, down!
106
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It's Fat Freddy.
107
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[PASSES GAS]
108
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[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]
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Shh! Shh!
110
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That is so disgusting.
111
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,795
Go, go. Go, go, go!
112
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What the...?
113
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Oh, shit!
114
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:42,076
Max, call the cops.
Looks like we got a break-in here.
115
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,204
You know why I love Bobby?
116
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Because he cares about people
but also about nature and ecology.
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I need a status report.
Give me a 20 for gemstone. Over.
118
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Jewel thieves.
119
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- Really?
- Yes.
120
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Hold it!
121
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[BOTH YELL]
122
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,392
Get away from us!
123
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,444
Young people running wild
in the middle of the night.
124
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Hey.
125
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By the time you're grown, you'll be
living in the Soviet Union of America!
126
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,370
[BOTH SCREAMING]
127
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She's still out like a light.
128
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[SIRENS CHIRPING]
129
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OFFICER:
We have the suspects in custody!
130
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It was a jewel heist.
131
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See if you can get
any statements from them.
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[GROANS]
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Arlene?
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Betsy?
135
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What are you two
doing up at this hour?
136
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Nothing.
137
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REPORTER:
Last night, five men were arrested...
138
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...in the Democratic Committee office...
139
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,912
...during an attempted burglary
at the Watergate complex.
140
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,417
It has been confirmed...
141
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:09,251
...that one of the arrested was
formerly an employee of the CIA.
142
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,208
TEACHER:
Aren't you students excited...
143
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,880
...about visiting the home of
the president and the first family?
144
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,094
- Well, not really.
- No.
145
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:23,181
And after our tour,
we're having lunch at McDonald's.
146
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,266
[ALL CHEERING]
147
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I love McDonald's so much!
148
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,185
French fries! French fries!
149
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,947
He looks like he's wearing blush.
150
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,529
[BOTH GIGGLING]
151
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,369
That guy has T.P. stuck to his shoe.
152
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:49,999
Hey, mister!
153
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,083
- Hey, you!
- Shorty, turn around.
154
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,381
Young lady, I am a very busy man.
155
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,840
Wait a minute, I know you.
156
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BETSY:
Me too. But from where?
157
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,761
I don't know.
158
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,767
Do you sell corn dogs at the mall?
159
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,973
As far as you're concerned,
I have no identity at all.
160
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,936
As a matter of fact...
161
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,976
...I'm not even here.
162
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,446
ARLENE:
He's way weirder than the corn dog guy.
163
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,157
And this isn't T.P.
164
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,820
It's a piece of paper with names
and amounts of money on it.
165
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,997
"CREEP list"?
166
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,159
I guess all the people
on that list must be creeps.
167
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,417
Mm-hm.
168
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:30,999
Souvenir.
169
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,372
Let's go.
170
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,300
Jesus, Gordon,
they're just little girls.
171
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:46,015
GORDON: They were in the Watergate
last night. They know too much, Bob.
172
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,890
I want to interrogate them.
173
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:55,403
BOB: I think you've done enough,
what with bumbling the burglary and all.
174
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,231
Just pay off all your guys
on that CREEP list.
175
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:01,401
Don't worry about that.
I've got that right here.
176
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:06,073
G. Gordon Liddy is not going to let down
the president of the United States.
177
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:12,040
Would you ladies like to see
the West Wing of the White House?
178
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,297
- Oh!
- Sorry.
179
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,425
This is fun.
180
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,803
Look at that b...
181
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,309
Ladies...
182
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,607
...when you think of your president...
183
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:39,279
...do you think...
184
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,489
...friendly thoughts?
185
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,371
I don't think
about him that much.
186
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,202
But when you do...
187
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,742
...you don't think...
188
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,577
...unfriendly thoughts, do you?
189
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,459
- No.
- No.
190
00:11:56,633 --> 00:12:00,252
So you would never want
to do anything that might...
191
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,841
...hurt the president?
192
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,721
Never. No.
193
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,098
Because you see...
194
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,267
[KNOCKING]
195
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,728
Excuse me, Mr. Haldeman.
196
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,935
It's your wife.
She says it's rather urgent.
197
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,444
Excuse me, ladies.
198
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,280
Hello, dear.
199
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:30,990
Mm-hm. Yeah, just putting out a little fire
here at the White House.
200
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,204
I can stop by the store
on the way home.
201
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,665
Mm-hm. A dozen? The poppy kind.
202
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:39,381
I'll tell you the problem.
The dog doesn't like me.
203
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:44,045
Kennedy and Johnson had dogs
that liked them. That's the problem.
204
00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:48,341
Mr. President, maybe you should
show the dog more affection.
205
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,684
Maybe I ought to fire you!
206
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,557
Come on, boy.
207
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,728
Looks away. Doesn't look at me.
208
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,476
What'd I do to him? Nothing.
209
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,103
You're supposed to love me, Checkers.
210
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,944
MAN: Shouldn't you call him
King Timahoe, sir?
211
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,820
[BLOWS HIGH-PITCH WHISTLE]
212
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,030
Come here.
213
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:09,866
NIXON:
Where's he going?
214
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,746
[CHEERING]
215
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,078
BOB:
No, I am not uptight.
216
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,744
When did you start
talking like that, anyway?
217
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,501
What's going on in here?
218
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:22,253
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
219
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,959
Mr. President, if I may.
220
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,799
BETSY: Look how cute you are.
Come here.
221
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,717
Come here, baby.
222
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,006
It's the president.
223
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:33,803
I mean, all I asked for
was a simple bugging, all right?
224
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,142
I don't know how many times
we've done that.
225
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,228
And here they go and screw it up.
226
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,693
Hi, puppy. Nice puppy!
227
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,195
Nice puppy!
228
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,940
Have you paid them off?
229
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:48,279
CREEP has made up
a list of who to pay off...
230
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,493
...and Liddy's taking care of it now.
231
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,828
Are you the president's dog trainer?
232
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:59,245
I'm John Dean,
Chief White House Counsel.
233
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,583
BETSY:
Oh...
234
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,710
That's too bad.
235
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:05,921
Oh, thank you!
236
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,711
That one lives in the Watergate.
237
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,051
They were there
the night of the break-in.
238
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,305
Do they know anything?
239
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,889
I love your ears.
Look at the ears!
240
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,931
Sir, I've met yams with more going
on upstairs than those two.
241
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,223
Now, Bob.
242
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,063
I remember when...
243
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:27,197
When Julie and, uh,
what's her name, Tricia...
244
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,154
...were that age.
245
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:34,243
If it wasn't about makeup or
Frankie Avalon, they didn't give a hoot.
246
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,618
Aw. You're the softest dog.
BOB: What should I do with them?
247
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,119
I'll take care of it.
248
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,129
How're you doing, young ladies?
249
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,009
What are your names?
250
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,796
I'm Betsy and this is Arlene,
Mr. President.
251
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,464
Call me Dick.
252
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,099
Hi, Dick.
253
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,268
How old are you?
254
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,806
- Fifteen.
- Fifteen.
255
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,266
- Well...
- We have an urgent communiqué...
256
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,102
...from Anderson Air Force Base.
257
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,311
What?
258
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,021
So cute.
259
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:08,109
Excuse me, I wasn't informed
that you are in the middle of...
260
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,239
What are you in the middle of?
261
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,276
One minute, Henry.
262
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,827
Uh, young ladies...
263
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,160
...I've got a proposition for you.
264
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,367
How would you two
be interested in being...
265
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:24,542
...official White House dog walkers?
What do you think?
266
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,422
[GASP]
267
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,842
- Really?
- Yeah.
268
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,669
Jesus.
269
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,804
Who are these little girls, Henry?
270
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,557
I don't know, but it doesn't
look constitutional to me.
271
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:36,762
Thank you!
272
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,428
- Thank you so much.
- We're gonna walk you!
273
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,473
- I'm so happy.
- Thank you. I'm really excited!
274
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,312
Sure. Very good.
275
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:47,523
Mr. President, really,
we have to make a decision...
276
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:51,319
...regarding offensive action
north of the 22nd parallel.
277
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,233
Bottom line, Henry...
278
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:56,245
...is we bomb them
or we don't, isn't it?
279
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:58,246
I wouldn't put it exactly in that...
280
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,161
I have something to say.
281
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:01,370
Go on, Arlene.
282
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:07,081
War is not healthy for children
and other living things.
283
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:08,874
- Yeah.
- Henry...
284
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:11,589
...that's the voice
of the youth of America.
285
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,087
Yeah, well, first of all...
286
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:17,053
...it wasn't a war
that this administration started.
287
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:20,094
Henry, Jesus, let's not start that.
288
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,721
Isn't there somebody
waiting out there for me?
289
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,686
The Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Let's go!
290
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:27,442
Welcome on board.
Hey, good to have you.
291
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,612
[CHATTERING]
292
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,111
Mr. Haldeman, it's your wife.
293
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,523
Have a great day. Congratulations!
294
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,692
I don't have time to talk to her.
295
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,366
- You're starting another war!
- I don't have time to talk to her.
296
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,657
If you have a problem with Vietnam,
talk to Johnson.
297
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,042
DICK: He's dead!
BOB: Yeah, thank God.
298
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:47,705
DICK: Do we bomb or not bomb?
Let's get this done with today.
299
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,499
Wow.
300
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,005
There they are.
301
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,425
Oh! Whoops!
302
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:02,511
I'm sorry!
303
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,559
We're coming!
304
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,275
Because of your thoughtlessness...
305
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:11,482
...we have missed the field trip lunch
at McDonald's...
306
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:15,400
...which the students on
the other buses are now enjoying.
307
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,442
We will return to school...
308
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,737
...for a cold lunch...
309
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,580
...in the cafeteria.
310
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,409
But we really did meet the president.
I swear to God.
311
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:29,125
And he did ask us to be the
official White House dog walkers.
312
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,380
Every lie is another brick...
313
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,638
...in the pathway to hell.
314
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:38,848
[♪♪♪]
315
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,986
GIRL:
You're so stupid.
316
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,442
BOY:
I hate you.
317
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,864
[♪♪♪]
318
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,147
[BOTH GIGGLING]
319
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,487
Guess what happened to us today?
320
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:45,830
What's the matter?
321
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,492
Your brother got his letter.
322
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,499
I got drafted.
323
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:55,215
Now you can get my room,
like you always wanted.
324
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,094
[SOBBING]
325
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,261
Betsy, are you okay?
326
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:12,850
I'm fine.
327
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:18,026
I was wondering what we'll do with
his crappy bed, dresser and nightstand.
328
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:24,027
You think the president meant it
when he said we could walk Checkers?
329
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,201
He's the president, Betsy.
He always means what he says.
330
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,199
We should bake him cookies.
331
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:32,627
Let's make Hello Dollies.
It's my mom's special recipe.
332
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:43,138
All's my mom says is that my dad died
in a car crash before I was born.
333
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,890
You've never seen
a single picture or anything?
334
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:49,557
She said it upset her too much,
so she threw everything away.
335
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,267
Arlene...
336
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,433
...no offense, but it's obvious
you're being lied to.
337
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,772
The whole story is way too convenient.
338
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,235
- Is the butter melting?
- Mm-hm.
339
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,822
Are you making those cookies?
340
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:06,695
Yes, but you can't have any.
341
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:09,330
- They're for the president.
- Oh.
342
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,617
Okay.
343
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,537
Don't forget the walnuts, man.
344
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,004
So you really think
that my father could be alive?
345
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,139
Alive and famous.
It makes perfect sense.
346
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,674
He was probably married...
347
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:31,471
...and your mom had to keep it
a secret to protect his reputation.
348
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:37,525
How come there's little
green leaves in the walnuts?
349
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,732
Oh. Larry says they're just
from the walnut tree.
350
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,567
- Oh.
- Anyway...
351
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:45,109
...your dad could be watching you now,
his heart breaking...
352
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:49,496
...because he can't reach out
to the only person that matters to him:
353
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,782
His beautiful, darling daughter.
354
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,292
My life is so tragic.
355
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,954
Or it could be even worse.
356
00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:59,839
What if you fall in love
and are about to marry...
357
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,584
...and you find out your
fiancé's dad is your dad too...
358
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,549
...and that you're brother and sister!
359
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,963
Oh, my God!
360
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,882
It's called incest, Arlene...
361
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,350
...and it's against the law.
362
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:22,403
Hi.
363
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,734
We're here to play with Checkers.
The president knows about it.
364
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:29,654
You're not on the appointment list.
Please step back.
365
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:33,954
The president wants us
to walk his dog, Checkers.
366
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:38,124
Please step back.
If you don't comply, you'll be removed.
367
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:42,924
You are a meanie!
368
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,596
Stupid kids.
369
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,762
I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
370
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,520
I can't believe
I ate that whole thing.
371
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:57,021
You ate it, Ralph.
372
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:05,064
Doesn't anybody realize
that Kung Fu isn't Chinese?
373
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:09,818
He doesn't even look Chinese.
He looks like the mailman.
374
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:13,576
Why don't you go to Canada
like Mom says?
375
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:17,709
Too much information's coming in.
I have to maintain.
376
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,036
But the old drugs aren't working.
377
00:22:20,214 --> 00:22:22,831
We need to create new drugs.
378
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:28,253
Have you guys
been eating those cookies?
379
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,547
We gave them
to Mom and Dad to taste.
380
00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:33,933
They ate all of them
and started giggling and went upstairs.
381
00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:35,765
I think they're having sex now.
382
00:22:35,938 --> 00:22:37,054
[CHUCKLES]
383
00:22:37,231 --> 00:22:43,398
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie... ♪
384
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:44,853
ARLENE:
I have an idea.
385
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:46,447
What?
386
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:49,024
Let's ask the president
to stop the war.
387
00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,739
Okay.
388
00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:53,869
How will we get
into the White House?
389
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:57,532
Unless you wanna keep the war going,
so you can have Larry's room.
390
00:22:58,627 --> 00:22:59,993
No.
391
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:03,083
Larry's a freak and all...
392
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:06,337
...but I'd be sad if he, you know...
393
00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:10,386
- Died?
- Yeah.
394
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:14,011
I really hope that this works.
395
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:15,310
Of course it will.
396
00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:17,685
You're the smartest person I know.
397
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,851
But you don't know anybody.
398
00:23:24,862 --> 00:23:27,900
♪ Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie ♪
399
00:23:29,033 --> 00:23:32,993
♪ Louie, Louie, I gotta go ♪♪
400
00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:35,696
If you flirt with him...
401
00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:38,991
...then I can stand off to the side
and do my special whistle.
402
00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:40,375
Okay!
403
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:41,586
[♪♪♪]
404
00:23:57,811 --> 00:23:58,811
Hi.
405
00:24:02,816 --> 00:24:05,775
I like your hair.
It's really "dry look."
406
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,066
[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLE]
407
00:24:09,573 --> 00:24:11,530
Oh! Okay, stop that.
408
00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:13,783
We have to talk to the president.
409
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,489
Code yellow, central corridor.
410
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,996
Code yellow, central corridor.
411
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:19,827
Aah! Oh, my God!
412
00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:21,909
Ladies, this way.
413
00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:24,498
Let's go.
414
00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:28,547
Make sure photographers
are outside the restaurant...
415
00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:30,299
...when I come out after lunch.
416
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,552
- Let me go.
- Keep moving.
417
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:34,678
Hey, German guy!
Remember us?
418
00:24:34,848 --> 00:24:37,761
We're here to walk Checkers
and talk to Dick about the war!
419
00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:39,426
Oh. Oh.
420
00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:41,014
I know them.
421
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:46,024
Yes, that's all right. That's okay.
I'm familiar with these young ladies.
422
00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:49,482
Well, I'm not "familiar" familiar.
I know them.
423
00:24:49,655 --> 00:24:53,069
We've had discussions
about foreign policy and...
424
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:55,487
What, what?
Don't you give me that look.
425
00:24:55,995 --> 00:24:57,702
I'll take responsibility.
426
00:24:57,871 --> 00:25:00,033
I'll be the only person
who's willing...
427
00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:02,119
...to take responsibility
for anything.
428
00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:04,659
- I think I got bruised.
- Did somebody hurt you?
429
00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:08,959
You have to remember
it took Charles de Gaulle...
430
00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:12,251
...four years to extricate
himself from Algeria.
431
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,798
Not that I'm comparing
myself to de Gaulle.
432
00:25:14,972 --> 00:25:17,635
- Wars are extremely hard to stop.
- You're right.
433
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,554
Rose, these young...
You're very becoming this morning.
434
00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:22,677
These ladies want
to see the president.
435
00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:26,765
Our president has the weight
of the free world on his shoulders...
436
00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:29,605
...and he doesn't have time
to see any old person.
437
00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:31,899
Hello, girls.
438
00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:33,483
- How are you?
- Oh, hi.
439
00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:36,900
- Come on in.
- The president will see you now.
440
00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:40,411
Not you, Henry.
441
00:25:40,664 --> 00:25:43,748
That's all right.
I'm late for an interview anyway...
442
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,955
- ...with the Nobel Committee.
- Right.
443
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:49,336
I'll be a monkey's uncle...
444
00:25:49,590 --> 00:25:52,958
...if these aren't
the yummiest cookies I've ever had.
445
00:25:54,178 --> 00:25:57,216
Thanks. It's a secret recipe.
446
00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:58,389
Secret, eh?
447
00:25:58,640 --> 00:25:59,801
ARLENE:
Anyway...
448
00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:02,892
...there doesn't seem
to be any point to it.
449
00:26:03,437 --> 00:26:04,723
Point to what?
450
00:26:05,731 --> 00:26:06,767
The war.
451
00:26:10,819 --> 00:26:12,185
DICK:
See, girls...
452
00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:17,403
...we're fighting the Communists
because Communism is immoral.
453
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,192
That's the whole point.
454
00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:22,746
Don't you think it's more important
what's going on here?
455
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:23,951
What do you mean?
456
00:26:24,666 --> 00:26:26,623
Well, I mean...
457
00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:29,377
...nobody at our school's
worried about Communism...
458
00:26:29,546 --> 00:26:33,256
...but everybody talks about Mac
Washington because he got killed there.
459
00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:36,673
- And Betsy's brother just got drafted.
- He's maintaining.
460
00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:38,928
- He's maintaining?
- Yeah.
461
00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:40,464
Good for him.
462
00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:45,010
I just think people would like you better
if you stopped the war.
463
00:26:45,187 --> 00:26:48,931
Well, don't worry your
pretty little heads. Okay?
464
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:51,145
I think we know what we're doing.
465
00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:52,854
[CHUCKLING]
466
00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:54,603
I guess so.
467
00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:57,614
Yeah. Mm, mm, mm.
468
00:26:59,493 --> 00:27:00,825
Can we walk Checkers now?
469
00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,986
Yeah, go ahead. Have a ball.
470
00:27:03,872 --> 00:27:05,329
Secret recipe, eh?
471
00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:07,995
I'm feeling lightheaded.
472
00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:11,036
These are scrumptious.
473
00:27:11,213 --> 00:27:14,581
Well, I've gotta tell you,
I haven't felt this way in...
474
00:27:19,096 --> 00:27:20,212
Whoa-ho.
475
00:27:20,389 --> 00:27:22,051
[ALL LAUGHING]
476
00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:24,223
Whoo-hoo!
477
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:30,438
Again? They must never let him out.
478
00:27:30,691 --> 00:27:32,648
I know. Would you look
at all that shit?
479
00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:33,899
[BOTH GASP]
480
00:27:34,069 --> 00:27:35,560
Oh, I mean, poo-poo.
481
00:27:38,031 --> 00:27:40,114
I think it was left.
482
00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:44,527
That's because you couldn't go right.
483
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,037
Well, let's ask someone.
484
00:27:54,131 --> 00:27:55,338
Or not.
485
00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:59,042
Come on.
Let's go, Checkers. Come on.
486
00:28:04,057 --> 00:28:05,468
Who the hell are you?
487
00:28:05,642 --> 00:28:06,849
Oh, um...
488
00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:10,933
We're walking the dog, Checkers,
and we sort of got lost.
489
00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:13,098
We went left because
you couldn't go right.
490
00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:16,021
And we're looking
for the president's office...
491
00:28:16,195 --> 00:28:18,903
...because that's who
we walk the dog for.
492
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:21,359
- We're really sorry.
- Shit!
493
00:28:22,159 --> 00:28:23,445
[BOTH SCREAM]
494
00:28:26,163 --> 00:28:27,279
[CHECKERS BARKS]
495
00:28:27,456 --> 00:28:30,244
Oh, I'm so sorry.
We brought your dog back.
496
00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:31,578
We didn't know!
497
00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:33,493
What in bejesus is going on?
498
00:28:33,670 --> 00:28:36,208
[BOTH CHATTERING]
499
00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:41,212
ROSE:
All right, settle down.
500
00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:43,093
What's going on, Bob?
501
00:28:43,263 --> 00:28:45,095
They walked in on the shredding.
502
00:28:46,099 --> 00:28:48,637
They actually saw
documents being shredded?
503
00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:49,926
Yes.
504
00:28:50,103 --> 00:28:52,390
And the cash for the payoffs.
505
00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,933
Checkers pooped.
506
00:28:56,902 --> 00:29:00,691
The president's dog doesn't poop.
He "does his business."
507
00:29:00,864 --> 00:29:02,321
- Um...
- Uh...
508
00:29:02,532 --> 00:29:04,068
I'll take care of it.
509
00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:07,611
I've got a way with young people.
They trust me.
510
00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:10,951
Why were they shredding
all that paper?
511
00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:15,042
Papier-mâché is a hobby of mine.
512
00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:18,462
- Nice painting of a boat.
- Yeah.
513
00:29:18,632 --> 00:29:20,248
Step right here, actually.
514
00:29:21,510 --> 00:29:24,924
I want to have a little
private chat with you.
515
00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:26,174
You know, today...
516
00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:31,139
...you ladies gave me some very, very
good counsel in foreign affairs.
517
00:29:31,395 --> 00:29:36,186
So in addition to being
official dog walkers...
518
00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:40,151
...I'd like you to be
my Secret Youth Advisers.
519
00:29:40,487 --> 00:29:43,104
Which means you mustn't
say a thing...
520
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:46,366
...about anything that happens
in the White House.
521
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:48,450
Do I have your word on that?
522
00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:49,986
Okay. Okay.
523
00:29:50,163 --> 00:29:51,654
Swear to God?
524
00:29:52,165 --> 00:29:53,281
- Promise.
- Hope to die?
525
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:55,950
- Stick a needle in my eye!
- Stick a needle in my eye!
526
00:29:57,170 --> 00:29:58,877
Congratulations.
527
00:30:04,386 --> 00:30:06,753
Are you sure, man?
Are we sure it's over?
528
00:30:07,014 --> 00:30:08,050
Honey...
529
00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:12,137
...it's the president.
He's on national TV.
530
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:16,521
If he says the war is over,
I think you can believe him.
531
00:30:18,025 --> 00:30:19,061
Sweetie.
532
00:30:19,318 --> 00:30:22,277
At 12:30 Paris-time today...
533
00:30:22,529 --> 00:30:26,022
...January 23, 1973...
534
00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:28,608
What's going on?
535
00:30:30,412 --> 00:30:32,199
I'm gonna live.
536
00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:35,452
They're pulling everybody out
of Vietnam. The war's over.
537
00:30:36,001 --> 00:30:38,163
I don't believe it.
538
00:30:38,962 --> 00:30:40,078
She's bumming...
539
00:30:40,255 --> 00:30:43,794
...because her dreams
of being an only child are dashed.
540
00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:45,879
KAY:
Larry, stop it.
541
00:30:47,304 --> 00:30:49,091
I'm not supposed to tell you this.
542
00:30:49,806 --> 00:30:53,595
But Arlene and I are the ones who asked
the president to stop the war.
543
00:30:54,269 --> 00:30:56,556
We did it because
we felt sorry for you.
544
00:30:57,439 --> 00:30:59,146
You should be thanking me.
545
00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:03,310
I just want you to know...
546
00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:06,278
...whatever she's on,
I didn't give it to her.
547
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:11,530
Well, all right.
Grooving right along.
548
00:31:11,787 --> 00:31:15,622
Betsy Jobs, your turn
to come on up and express yourself.
549
00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:25,297
Current events.
550
00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:31,929
I probably shouldn't be telling you this
because of national security...
551
00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:34,341
...but what the heck.
552
00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:37,184
Arlene Lorenzo and I...
553
00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:40,389
...are Secret Youth Advisers
for President Nixon.
554
00:31:40,982 --> 00:31:44,191
"... in addition to being the
official White House dog walkers.
555
00:31:44,361 --> 00:31:47,069
It's fun being
a Secret Youth Adviser.
556
00:31:47,239 --> 00:31:49,982
The president trusts us
with national issues."
557
00:31:50,158 --> 00:31:52,650
We bake him cookies
called Hello Dollies...
558
00:31:52,828 --> 00:31:55,036
...that he loves,
and are easy to make.
559
00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:59,040
You get graham cracker crumbs,
sweetened condensed milk...
560
00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:01,826
...and all this other stuff,
and you bake them.
561
00:32:02,087 --> 00:32:04,170
But they're really good.
562
00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:07,252
"I like being a Secret Youth Adviser
to the resident...
563
00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:10,919
...because it means I am helping
to run the country. The end."
564
00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:15,761
How dare you...
565
00:32:16,226 --> 00:32:18,434
...come up in front of the class...
566
00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:22,347
...and make up lies
about our president?
567
00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:25,399
Absolutely wild.
568
00:32:26,111 --> 00:32:30,481
And I really dug the way
you used fantasy...
569
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:31,821
...current events...
570
00:32:31,992 --> 00:32:36,453
...and cooking in a kind
of tapestry of storytelling.
571
00:32:37,038 --> 00:32:38,245
Thank you, Betsy.
572
00:32:38,415 --> 00:32:41,374
That was real special.
Thank you. Give her a hand.
573
00:32:41,668 --> 00:32:43,159
Thank you. Thanks.
574
00:32:43,378 --> 00:32:44,378
[♪♪♪]
575
00:32:45,505 --> 00:32:47,212
- Hi.
- Hi.
576
00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:50,841
Got the cookies?
577
00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:52,677
Uh-huh.
578
00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:56,347
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
579
00:33:00,479 --> 00:33:02,141
[GIGGLING]
580
00:33:03,523 --> 00:33:06,106
I've been dreaming about these.
BETSY: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
581
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,812
- Bye.
- Bye.
582
00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:12,025
What's that mean?
583
00:33:13,074 --> 00:33:14,110
Peace.
584
00:33:14,284 --> 00:33:15,946
Oh. Good.
585
00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:17,947
I mean, uh...
586
00:33:18,288 --> 00:33:19,574
...groovy.
587
00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:21,989
- Bye.
- Bye.
588
00:33:22,417 --> 00:33:23,533
Come on, Checkers.
589
00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:25,960
[PATTI LABELLE'S
"LADY MARMALADE" PLAYING]
590
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:39,192
There's something different about you.
591
00:34:39,911 --> 00:34:41,868
Why aren't you wearing your glasses?
592
00:34:42,122 --> 00:34:44,079
Because I got contact lenses.
593
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:46,327
[BOTH GIGGLING]
594
00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:52,121
- Looks cool!
- Okay. Thanks!
595
00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:53,966
Hi, Rose.
596
00:34:54,134 --> 00:34:56,842
It is imperative
that we put a freeze...
597
00:34:57,012 --> 00:34:59,675
...on nuclear weapons
of mass destruction.
598
00:34:59,848 --> 00:35:02,056
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
599
00:35:02,225 --> 00:35:05,309
Yeah, I know what nyet nyet means.
600
00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:08,058
Excuse me a moment, Leonid.
601
00:35:08,273 --> 00:35:10,265
[CHECKERS WHINING]
602
00:35:10,734 --> 00:35:13,021
Settle down, Checkers.
603
00:35:13,695 --> 00:35:15,527
Hello, girls. How are you?
604
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,737
Are these what I think they are?
605
00:35:19,618 --> 00:35:20,654
Nice to see you.
606
00:35:21,369 --> 00:35:22,485
Leonid.
607
00:35:22,662 --> 00:35:25,575
You gotta try one of these cookies.
608
00:35:25,832 --> 00:35:30,497
I assure you, there's nothing
like them in all the Soviet Union.
609
00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:32,540
Go ahead.
610
00:35:35,508 --> 00:35:37,670
They're called Hello Dollies.
611
00:35:39,596 --> 00:35:41,132
[DICK CHUCKLES]
612
00:35:43,933 --> 00:35:45,049
What are they?
613
00:35:46,686 --> 00:35:48,552
What do you think, Leonid?
614
00:35:49,689 --> 00:35:51,021
[CHUCKLES]
615
00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:53,228
Hello Dollies, eh?
616
00:35:53,401 --> 00:35:55,142
[LAUGHING]
617
00:35:57,822 --> 00:36:00,360
[SINGING]
♪ Hello, Dolly ♪
618
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:03,568
♪ Well, Hello, Dolly ♪
619
00:36:03,745 --> 00:36:08,365
♪ It's so nice to have you back
Where you belong ♪
620
00:36:08,958 --> 00:36:10,415
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
621
00:36:10,585 --> 00:36:11,746
Sing something.
622
00:36:12,045 --> 00:36:15,914
♪ You're looking swell, Dolly
I can tell, Dolly ♪
623
00:36:16,841 --> 00:36:21,006
♪ You're still glowing
You're still growing ♪
624
00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:24,175
♪ You're still going strong ♪
625
00:36:24,349 --> 00:36:25,715
[ALL SINGING]
626
00:36:25,892 --> 00:36:27,758
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
627
00:36:28,395 --> 00:36:29,431
You know, girls...
628
00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:32,472
...I think your cookies
have just saved the world...
629
00:36:32,649 --> 00:36:34,936
...from nuclear catastrophe.
630
00:36:35,443 --> 00:36:36,443
Ha!
631
00:36:36,611 --> 00:36:38,227
[SINGING CONTINUES]
632
00:36:38,446 --> 00:36:40,733
There you go, Leonid.
Hello, Dolly.
633
00:36:41,324 --> 00:36:44,613
♪ Golly gee, fellas ♪
634
00:36:45,161 --> 00:36:48,370
♪ I'll have another of those ♪
635
00:36:48,998 --> 00:36:51,331
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
636
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,008
[♪♪♪]
637
00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:33,874
Arlene.
638
00:37:34,502 --> 00:37:36,664
Come away with me.
639
00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:39,125
But what about Pat?
640
00:37:39,299 --> 00:37:41,336
She understands.
641
00:37:41,509 --> 00:37:43,501
[♪♪♪]
642
00:38:15,335 --> 00:38:17,372
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
643
00:38:51,371 --> 00:38:52,578
[♪♪♪]
644
00:38:59,587 --> 00:39:06,505
♪ I can't stop this feeling
Deep inside of me ♪
645
00:39:07,804 --> 00:39:13,016
♪ Girl, you don't realize
What you do to me ♪
646
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:14,470
Arlene, watch out!
647
00:39:16,646 --> 00:39:18,308
[GRUNTS]
648
00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:20,981
- Oh, my God! Are you all right?
- Uh-huh.
649
00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:23,734
Quick, tell me what your name is!
650
00:39:24,529 --> 00:39:26,270
Rhoda Morgenstern.
651
00:39:28,783 --> 00:39:30,820
I am so embarrassed.
652
00:39:31,619 --> 00:39:34,453
I don't think anyone saw.
BOY: Freak!
653
00:39:45,133 --> 00:39:47,500
Has something been
on your mind lately?
654
00:39:48,136 --> 00:39:49,377
No.
655
00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:52,338
There isn't some deep feeling...
656
00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:55,342
...you need to confess
to your best and only friend?
657
00:39:55,518 --> 00:39:56,804
What are you talking about?
658
00:39:57,020 --> 00:39:58,761
- Just say it!
- Say what?
659
00:39:58,938 --> 00:40:00,804
Just say it, because I already know!
660
00:40:01,024 --> 00:40:03,186
All right, I love Dick!
661
00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:05,271
[ALL LAUGHING]
662
00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:08,278
GIRL:
Ew!
663
00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:15,820
ARLENE: This is everything about
him and us since we first met.
664
00:40:16,915 --> 00:40:20,158
Okay. Here's me as his wife.
665
00:40:20,335 --> 00:40:22,827
- It looks so real.
- Thank you.
666
00:40:25,048 --> 00:40:28,132
- This is cartoon Dick.
- It's cute. I like that one.
667
00:40:29,093 --> 00:40:31,426
This is our White House souvenir.
668
00:40:32,388 --> 00:40:34,801
Oh. Look, I found these
old magazine clippings...
669
00:40:34,974 --> 00:40:37,307
...with stuff about him
when he was young.
670
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:38,846
Look.
671
00:40:39,646 --> 00:40:41,979
He's way more distinguished now.
672
00:40:42,148 --> 00:40:43,810
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
673
00:40:43,983 --> 00:40:47,977
A jury today convicted
G. Gordon Liddy and James McCord...
674
00:40:48,154 --> 00:40:51,522
...of eight counts, including burglary,
in the Watergate break-in.
675
00:40:51,699 --> 00:40:55,283
Ugh. Enough already.
I am sick of Watergate.
676
00:40:55,536 --> 00:40:57,573
And I am sick
of Woodward and Bernstein.
677
00:40:58,790 --> 00:40:59,826
Who are they?
678
00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:01,956
Snot-nosed Washington Post reporters...
679
00:41:02,126 --> 00:41:04,334
...who are trying
to disgrace the president.
680
00:41:04,504 --> 00:41:06,040
Anybody want some more Jell-O?
681
00:41:06,422 --> 00:41:07,583
Yes, please. Here.
682
00:41:08,132 --> 00:41:09,168
Betsy, look.
683
00:41:09,342 --> 00:41:11,459
MALE REPORTER:
One more question, Mr. Liddy.
684
00:41:11,636 --> 00:41:15,630
The White House denied involvement.
BETSY: He's so familiar.
685
00:41:15,807 --> 00:41:16,807
[GASPS]
686
00:41:16,933 --> 00:41:18,265
It's that weird guy!
687
00:41:18,893 --> 00:41:21,681
- What was he doing at the White House?
- I don't know.
688
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:24,805
Done! We're going upstairs.
689
00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:28,024
FEMALE REPORTER: A spokesman
for the Administration once again...
690
00:41:28,194 --> 00:41:31,562
...denied any participation
in the Watergate burglary.
691
00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:35,358
President Nixon is said to be
in seclusion with advisers.
692
00:41:37,912 --> 00:41:39,494
It's starting.
693
00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:45,416
[RINGING]
694
00:41:45,586 --> 00:41:47,077
Goddamn it!
695
00:41:49,215 --> 00:41:51,753
- Hello?
- Hello.
696
00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:53,588
Mr. President, this is Arlene.
697
00:41:53,761 --> 00:41:54,797
Oh.
698
00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:56,762
Yeah. Hello, Arlene. Yeah.
699
00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:58,923
- I'm not waking you, am I?
- No, no. No, no.
700
00:41:59,142 --> 00:42:01,179
- Uh, I'm a night owl.
- Oh.
701
00:42:01,644 --> 00:42:03,761
What's the deal with
that Watergate thing?
702
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:06,351
- Do you know anything about it?
- Uh...
703
00:42:06,566 --> 00:42:08,523
No. No, no.
704
00:42:08,693 --> 00:42:12,027
No, no, absolutely nothing.
I don't know a thing.
705
00:42:12,321 --> 00:42:14,153
No way, José!
706
00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:16,235
Oh, because I live in the Watergate...
707
00:42:16,409 --> 00:42:19,902
...and one time we saw
that Liddy guy there...
708
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:24,198
...then we saw him at the White House,
and now he's gonna go to jail.
709
00:42:26,627 --> 00:42:30,416
Arlene, is there something
I can do for you...
710
00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:32,172
...or your family?
711
00:42:32,425 --> 00:42:33,425
No.
712
00:42:33,593 --> 00:42:36,552
There must be something you desire.
713
00:42:38,973 --> 00:42:40,885
I have to go now. Good night.
714
00:42:41,392 --> 00:42:43,054
[SIGHS]
715
00:42:43,478 --> 00:42:45,185
My sweet prince.
716
00:42:45,354 --> 00:42:46,970
I think he's a vampire.
717
00:42:47,148 --> 00:42:49,982
Ha-ha-ha.
But he doesn't even have a tuxedo.
718
00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:53,234
Oh, Myrna, you are something.
719
00:42:53,488 --> 00:42:55,275
You are really something.
720
00:42:55,573 --> 00:42:57,360
[SNORING]
721
00:43:01,454 --> 00:43:04,117
Pat, will you stop snoring,
goddamn it!
722
00:43:04,373 --> 00:43:06,911
My head is about to explode!
723
00:43:09,003 --> 00:43:10,995
So you're the president's lawyer?
724
00:43:11,255 --> 00:43:12,746
Yes.
725
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,002
Why does the president need
a lawyer?
726
00:43:19,097 --> 00:43:21,054
[SNICKERING]
727
00:43:21,641 --> 00:43:24,099
Good question. I, uh, just...
728
00:43:26,104 --> 00:43:27,140
I don't know.
729
00:43:31,567 --> 00:43:33,684
It's you two.
DEAN: Mr. President.
730
00:43:33,861 --> 00:43:37,195
The Attorney General
is waiting upstairs, sir.
731
00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:38,526
Didn't I fire him?
732
00:43:38,699 --> 00:43:40,110
It's the new one, sir.
733
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:44,119
Yeah.
734
00:43:51,379 --> 00:43:53,917
- We're here to walk Checkers.
- Oh, my goodness!
735
00:43:54,090 --> 00:43:58,835
I'm so busy that I sometimes forget
about the rest of God's creatures.
736
00:44:00,513 --> 00:44:04,132
- Here. I'll be back after lunch.
- Okay.
737
00:44:04,934 --> 00:44:06,345
Bye.
738
00:44:16,737 --> 00:44:18,103
Look.
739
00:44:18,364 --> 00:44:20,481
We should leave a message for Dick.
740
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:22,069
Like what?
741
00:44:24,996 --> 00:44:26,578
Arlene...
742
00:44:27,707 --> 00:44:30,575
...I think it's time
you told him how you feel.
743
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,001
I can't.
744
00:44:34,172 --> 00:44:37,381
Maybe he loves you too, but he
doesn't think you're interested.
745
00:44:41,137 --> 00:44:43,299
If you care for him at all...
746
00:44:43,723 --> 00:44:45,385
...you'll tell him.
747
00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:51,095
Okay, you just have to go first.
748
00:45:00,573 --> 00:45:02,030
Hi, Mr. President!
749
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,066
This is Betsy and Arlene.
750
00:45:04,243 --> 00:45:08,613
We wanted to thank you for letting us
be your Secret Youth Advisers...
751
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:12,116
...and for, um,
letting us walk Checkers...
752
00:45:12,293 --> 00:45:13,704
...and for...
753
00:45:16,255 --> 00:45:17,255
Well...
754
00:45:17,465 --> 00:45:20,048
I don't know what else for,
so here's Arlene.
755
00:45:20,218 --> 00:45:23,336
She has something
very personal to tell you.
756
00:45:25,765 --> 00:45:27,176
I love you.
757
00:45:27,808 --> 00:45:29,299
Um...
758
00:45:31,812 --> 00:45:35,146
I know that you have a lot
of things on your mind...
759
00:45:35,358 --> 00:45:38,066
...because you're
the president and all. Um...
760
00:45:40,196 --> 00:45:43,155
But I can't keep my feelings
inside any longer.
761
00:45:43,366 --> 00:45:45,483
I've never felt this way
about anyone...
762
00:45:45,743 --> 00:45:48,076
...not even Bobby Sherman,
who I adore...
763
00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:51,159
...but now I realize that
that was just puppy love...
764
00:45:51,707 --> 00:45:53,039
...and this is the real thing.
765
00:45:53,209 --> 00:45:55,075
Hey, Checkers. Hi, sweetie.
766
00:45:55,253 --> 00:45:59,088
I realize you're married and that
we can never really be together...
767
00:45:59,382 --> 00:46:00,714
...but I'll love you forever.
768
00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:02,374
Good boy.
769
00:46:03,970 --> 00:46:05,506
- [WHISPERS] Poo-poo.
- Um...
770
00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:08,755
...there's this song
by Olivia Newton-John...
771
00:46:09,183 --> 00:46:12,176
...that I think best describes
the way I feel about you.
772
00:46:13,562 --> 00:46:15,178
It goes like this:
773
00:46:16,983 --> 00:46:19,191
♪ I love you ♪
774
00:46:19,986 --> 00:46:22,273
♪ I honestly love you ♪
775
00:46:23,906 --> 00:46:26,740
♪ You don't have to answer ♪
776
00:46:27,201 --> 00:46:30,194
♪ I could see it in your eyes ♪
777
00:46:30,621 --> 00:46:33,079
♪ But it's coming from my heart ♪
778
00:46:33,249 --> 00:46:37,084
♪ And not my head ♪♪
779
00:46:37,378 --> 00:46:38,378
[♪♪♪]
780
00:46:38,546 --> 00:46:41,539
And then there was that time...
781
00:46:41,841 --> 00:46:44,208
...when you put your hand
on my shoulder...
782
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:48,925
...and I got this warm,
tingly feeling inside.
783
00:46:49,348 --> 00:46:52,637
And I knew, right then,
at that moment...
784
00:46:52,893 --> 00:46:56,557
They'll be back soon.
You've been on for 18 and a half minutes.
785
00:46:56,731 --> 00:46:57,731
[BOTH GASP]
786
00:46:57,898 --> 00:47:00,811
Oh. I have to go now. Goodbye.
787
00:47:00,985 --> 00:47:03,147
I can't believe you were
talking that whole time.
788
00:47:03,321 --> 00:47:05,608
- What did you say?
- Heh.
789
00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:07,151
- Stuff.
- Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
790
00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:08,907
It's personal.
791
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:10,822
I want to make sure it recorded.
792
00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:17,036
DICK [ON RECORDING]:
Hunt's link to Colson is a problem.
793
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,833
I must've pushed fast-forward.
794
00:47:22,798 --> 00:47:26,041
We can arrange for Hunt
to disappear in Latin America.
795
00:47:26,260 --> 00:47:29,719
And we could always
un-disappear him if we want to.
796
00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:35,759
Get down off of me, Checkers.
797
00:47:35,936 --> 00:47:38,394
Get down off of me,
you piece of shit!
798
00:47:38,564 --> 00:47:40,897
[CHECKERS WHINES ON RECORDING,
THEN CHECKERS WHINES]
799
00:47:41,275 --> 00:47:45,770
So let me tell you something.
We are going to use any means.
800
00:47:50,493 --> 00:47:53,986
I just don't want this whole
fucking Watergate business...
801
00:47:54,246 --> 00:47:55,282
...biting me in the ass!
802
00:47:55,498 --> 00:47:58,366
You know the goddamn Jews
are out to get me!
803
00:48:03,923 --> 00:48:06,210
I don't think
the president of the U.S...
804
00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:09,297
...should be recording
conversations like that.
805
00:48:12,223 --> 00:48:13,223
[BOTH GASP]
806
00:48:13,724 --> 00:48:17,308
- Make it 8:30.
- Okay, Mr. President, will do.
807
00:48:17,686 --> 00:48:19,928
Ooh, girls. Uh...
808
00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:21,930
...did Checkers do his business?
809
00:48:22,274 --> 00:48:23,685
Uh-huh.
810
00:48:23,859 --> 00:48:25,600
- Excellent.
- Good, good.
811
00:48:25,861 --> 00:48:29,104
I hope you left me
some of those yummy cookies.
812
00:48:29,490 --> 00:48:30,822
Take care.
813
00:48:32,785 --> 00:48:34,321
We have to go.
814
00:48:35,663 --> 00:48:36,699
[CHECKERS BARKING]
815
00:48:36,872 --> 00:48:38,329
Oh, my stars!
816
00:48:38,749 --> 00:48:39,749
[♪♪♪]
817
00:48:39,917 --> 00:48:41,829
Arlene!
818
00:48:43,087 --> 00:48:45,044
Arlene!
819
00:48:53,055 --> 00:48:54,842
Sounds very important.
820
00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:57,716
BETSY:
It is.
821
00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:00,935
BOB:
Mr. President?
822
00:49:01,605 --> 00:49:02,686
What is it, Bob?
823
00:49:03,023 --> 00:49:05,561
I was wondering if you had
that package ready for me...
824
00:49:05,734 --> 00:49:07,691
...to take home over the weekend?
825
00:49:07,862 --> 00:49:11,151
Oh. Yeah, the musical tapes.
826
00:49:11,323 --> 00:49:12,439
Yeah.
827
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,989
Bob and I are very big fans
of Guy Lombardo.
828
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:19,912
I taped them myself.
829
00:49:20,332 --> 00:49:21,493
Let me know what you think.
830
00:49:21,667 --> 00:49:22,874
I will, sir.
831
00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:29,252
You were saying, Arlene?
832
00:49:31,051 --> 00:49:33,759
We don't think you've been
completely honest with us.
833
00:49:34,180 --> 00:49:38,174
If this is about
that Watergate nonsense...
834
00:49:38,517 --> 00:49:40,224
...let me say once again...
835
00:49:40,394 --> 00:49:42,932
...I had nothing to do with it, okay?
836
00:49:43,189 --> 00:49:46,728
It's a plot created
by my enemies to disgrace me!
837
00:49:46,901 --> 00:49:51,362
Those radical, muckraking bastards,
Woodward and Bernstein...
838
00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:52,896
...at the Washington Post!
839
00:49:53,073 --> 00:49:55,110
They're the liars here, you know!
840
00:49:55,409 --> 00:49:58,402
Always hiding behind
the goddamn First Amendment!
841
00:49:58,704 --> 00:50:00,320
Let me tell you something!
842
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:03,616
It won't protect them from me!
843
00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:08,875
Actually, it was just about the dog.
844
00:50:09,215 --> 00:50:11,298
You act like you like him...
845
00:50:11,509 --> 00:50:13,250
...but we don't think you do.
846
00:50:14,595 --> 00:50:16,086
What dog?
847
00:50:18,807 --> 00:50:22,426
Now that you mention it,
people are talking about Watergate...
848
00:50:22,686 --> 00:50:24,143
...and they say you lied.
849
00:50:24,313 --> 00:50:26,430
And I'm Jewish.
850
00:50:26,774 --> 00:50:28,140
I know.
851
00:50:29,193 --> 00:50:30,775
I had you checked out.
852
00:50:33,489 --> 00:50:37,199
There's probably more in there
than you know about yourselves.
853
00:50:39,453 --> 00:50:41,115
- Even grades?
- Yeah.
854
00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:42,699
Grades...
855
00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:46,041
...your parents' income tax returns...
856
00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:49,543
...overdue library books.
857
00:50:49,713 --> 00:50:52,205
The whole kit and caboodle.
858
00:50:55,094 --> 00:50:57,461
Is there stuff
about my father in there?
859
00:50:59,098 --> 00:51:00,134
Who was he?
860
00:51:00,307 --> 00:51:04,301
A lady's shoe salesman
at Garfinkle's or some such place.
861
00:51:04,478 --> 00:51:07,516
Got hit by a garbage truck
at the age of 24.
862
00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:10,690
Your mom never said
it was a garbage truck.
863
00:51:10,859 --> 00:51:13,897
Strictly small time.
Never amounted to much.
864
00:51:18,242 --> 00:51:20,234
Well, at least he wasn't a liar.
865
00:51:21,620 --> 00:51:23,486
We heard that tape!
866
00:51:23,664 --> 00:51:25,951
- What'd you hear?
- You kick Checkers!
867
00:51:26,208 --> 00:51:29,326
And you're prejudiced,
and you have a potty mouth!
868
00:51:29,503 --> 00:51:31,790
You're a bad man!
869
00:51:31,964 --> 00:51:34,547
You stinking little idiots,
get out of here!
870
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,008
And don't ever come back here again!
871
00:51:37,177 --> 00:51:38,918
[BETSY & ARLENE SHRIEKING]
872
00:51:39,138 --> 00:51:41,425
You don't mess with the big boys!
873
00:51:44,602 --> 00:51:45,809
Betsy. Arlene.
874
00:51:45,978 --> 00:51:47,014
Wait!
875
00:51:48,897 --> 00:51:51,355
I would like to apologize
for his actions.
876
00:51:51,525 --> 00:51:53,517
He's been under
a lot of stress lately.
877
00:51:53,694 --> 00:51:57,187
It's too late. We're not friends
with him anymore, period!
878
00:51:57,489 --> 00:52:00,573
And if you stay,
you're just as bad as he is.
879
00:52:06,248 --> 00:52:08,240
Oh.
880
00:52:09,543 --> 00:52:12,081
[PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]
881
00:52:12,254 --> 00:52:13,870
BETSY:
Arlene!
882
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,838
Arlene!
883
00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:19,380
Wait!
884
00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:21,965
It's gonna be okay.
885
00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:24,138
I hate Dick!
886
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,973
It was stupid of me
to fall in love with Dick.
887
00:52:29,229 --> 00:52:30,686
What was I thinking?
888
00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:33,940
Dick just disgusts me now.
889
00:52:34,943 --> 00:52:36,559
You know, Arlene...
890
00:52:37,821 --> 00:52:40,484
...Dick meant a lot to me too.
But I've been thinking...
891
00:52:40,658 --> 00:52:41,658
[BAND STOPS PLAYING]
892
00:52:41,825 --> 00:52:43,691
...you can't let Dick run your life!
893
00:52:46,455 --> 00:52:48,242
[♪♪♪]
894
00:52:48,415 --> 00:52:49,951
Do you mind?
895
00:52:50,584 --> 00:52:53,327
We're having a personal conversation.
896
00:52:55,255 --> 00:52:56,541
♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
897
00:52:58,133 --> 00:52:59,920
♪ Who do you think you are? ♪
898
00:53:00,094 --> 00:53:01,551
♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
899
00:53:03,097 --> 00:53:05,089
♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪
900
00:53:05,974 --> 00:53:07,806
♪ Now because you wear ♪
901
00:53:08,394 --> 00:53:10,761
- ♪ All those fancy clothes ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪
902
00:53:11,105 --> 00:53:12,767
♪ And have a big fine car ♪
903
00:53:12,940 --> 00:53:14,852
♪ Oh, oh, oh
Yes, you do now ♪
904
00:53:15,442 --> 00:53:17,525
♪ Do you think I can afford ♪
905
00:53:18,070 --> 00:53:21,029
- ♪ To give you my love? ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪
906
00:53:21,198 --> 00:53:24,817
♪ You think you're higher
Than every star above ♪
907
00:53:25,619 --> 00:53:27,030
♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪
908
00:53:28,622 --> 00:53:30,579
♪ Who do you think you are? ♪
909
00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:32,248
♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪♪
910
00:53:33,836 --> 00:53:35,452
[DOOR CLOSES]
911
00:53:38,507 --> 00:53:39,588
What happened?
912
00:53:39,758 --> 00:53:43,001
Larry wasn't at Jake's house.
Larry was at a porno movie.
913
00:53:43,178 --> 00:53:44,214
ARLENE:
Ooh...
914
00:53:44,805 --> 00:53:47,172
- Hi, Daddy!
- Hi.
915
00:53:48,183 --> 00:53:49,549
Hi, girls.
916
00:53:49,727 --> 00:53:52,344
[SOFTLY] Would you mind
going upstairs for just a minute?
917
00:53:52,521 --> 00:53:54,513
[♪♪♪]
918
00:53:55,649 --> 00:53:58,437
I don't understand
the title of that porno movie.
919
00:54:03,866 --> 00:54:05,482
[WHISPERING]
"Deep throat" means...
920
00:54:05,659 --> 00:54:09,278
...when the woman puts
the man's penis in her mouth...
921
00:54:14,877 --> 00:54:16,118
[BOTH SCREAMING]
922
00:54:16,295 --> 00:54:19,038
♪ I remember
When rock was young ♪
923
00:54:19,298 --> 00:54:22,132
♪ Me and Suzie
Had so much fun ♪
924
00:54:22,509 --> 00:54:24,501
♪ Holding hands
And skimming stones ♪
925
00:54:24,678 --> 00:54:27,671
[LAUGHING]
926
00:54:28,932 --> 00:54:31,174
♪ But the biggest kick I ever got ♪
927
00:54:31,351 --> 00:54:33,718
♪ Was doing a thing
Called the Crocodile Rock ♪♪
928
00:54:33,937 --> 00:54:35,769
[SIGHING]
929
00:54:37,483 --> 00:54:39,019
Okay, what now?
930
00:54:41,445 --> 00:54:42,902
Prank phone calls?
931
00:54:44,114 --> 00:54:45,480
Okay, who?
932
00:54:47,534 --> 00:54:48,741
Miss Spinnler?
933
00:54:49,411 --> 00:54:50,993
No.
934
00:54:52,831 --> 00:54:54,322
Sean Freshman?
935
00:54:55,417 --> 00:54:59,001
- No, we always do him.
- Um...
936
00:55:01,715 --> 00:55:04,378
I know, I know! These guys!
937
00:55:05,761 --> 00:55:07,923
The "radical, muckraking bastards."
938
00:55:08,180 --> 00:55:09,546
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
939
00:55:09,723 --> 00:55:12,887
These are the guys that are writing
all that stuff about Watergate.
940
00:55:13,060 --> 00:55:14,551
Oh.
941
00:55:15,187 --> 00:55:19,022
- Oh, and this one's kind of hunky.
- Gross.
942
00:55:19,983 --> 00:55:22,191
Well, you liked Dick.
943
00:55:25,906 --> 00:55:27,863
[PHONE RINGS]
944
00:55:28,033 --> 00:55:30,195
Washington Post.
ARLENE [IN BRITISH ACCENT]: Hello.
945
00:55:30,369 --> 00:55:32,452
I'm the daughter
of the British ambassador...
946
00:55:32,621 --> 00:55:36,956
...and I have some very important
information concerning Watergate...
947
00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:38,620
...for your newspaper.
948
00:55:39,211 --> 00:55:40,702
One moment.
949
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:43,622
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm on hold!
- Okay.
950
00:55:45,509 --> 00:55:47,501
[PHONE RINGS]
951
00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:48,719
Woodward.
952
00:55:49,471 --> 00:55:50,587
I can't. I can't.
953
00:55:51,014 --> 00:55:52,050
Hello?
954
00:55:53,016 --> 00:55:55,303
Hello? Hello.
955
00:55:55,477 --> 00:55:56,763
[IN DEEP VOICE]
Who's this?
956
00:55:57,062 --> 00:55:59,975
I just told you. Bob Woodward.
957
00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:02,564
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Oh. Um, good.
958
00:56:02,943 --> 00:56:04,605
We, um, know things.
959
00:56:04,778 --> 00:56:06,610
What kind of things?
960
00:56:08,031 --> 00:56:09,272
About Dick.
961
00:56:10,158 --> 00:56:11,615
I mean, the president.
962
00:56:12,995 --> 00:56:14,202
On the record?
963
00:56:15,414 --> 00:56:16,450
Huh?
964
00:56:16,623 --> 00:56:17,864
Can I use your name?
965
00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:20,867
Heh. They don't get that it's a joke!
966
00:56:21,128 --> 00:56:23,290
- That just makes it funnier.
- Okay.
967
00:56:23,463 --> 00:56:26,422
Unless you go on the record
or have documentation...
968
00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:32,007
I have deadlines.
This is the Washington Post.
969
00:56:32,180 --> 00:56:34,467
A documentation.
Like a piece of paper.
970
00:56:34,641 --> 00:56:35,973
Yeah. Yeah.
971
00:56:36,143 --> 00:56:37,805
[WHISPERS]
We have a piece of paper.
972
00:56:37,978 --> 00:56:42,222
Hold on. We have a list of creeps.
We got it at the White House.
973
00:56:43,817 --> 00:56:45,353
A list of creeps?
974
00:56:45,527 --> 00:56:47,860
Uh-huh. C-R-E-E-P.
975
00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:52,319
The Committee to Re-elect
the President.
976
00:56:52,492 --> 00:56:57,157
It's to Haldeman. It has a list of names,
amounts of money and dates.
977
00:56:58,790 --> 00:57:00,622
Go ahead. What do you have?
978
00:57:02,502 --> 00:57:05,495
It's Magruder, Barker, Brown...
979
00:57:05,672 --> 00:57:06,672
Uh-huh.
980
00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:09,715
Right.
981
00:57:10,802 --> 00:57:12,134
Yeah.
982
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:14,963
Okay. Okay, can...?
983
00:57:16,308 --> 00:57:17,344
Yeah.
984
00:57:19,853 --> 00:57:21,060
Can I help you?
985
00:57:21,855 --> 00:57:23,847
- I'm cool.
- I'm sorry, go ahead.
986
00:57:26,902 --> 00:57:28,768
Right. Uh-huh.
987
00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:33,860
Go away!
988
00:57:34,743 --> 00:57:35,743
Right.
989
00:57:35,911 --> 00:57:38,619
You actually have this document
in your possession?
990
00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:40,746
Yeah, it's sitting right here.
991
00:57:41,458 --> 00:57:43,450
But the only problem is that...
992
00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:48,421
...we drew all over it and I dropped
my grilled cheese sandwich on it...
993
00:57:48,590 --> 00:57:50,252
...so it's kind of rank.
994
00:57:50,509 --> 00:57:53,001
Benji, stop it. Get off!
995
00:57:54,262 --> 00:57:57,221
Are you insane?
Or are your pants too tight?
996
00:57:57,683 --> 00:57:59,015
Who are you talking to?
997
00:57:59,184 --> 00:58:02,803
A source with proof that the Committee
to Re-elect the President...
998
00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:04,596
...paid off the Water...
999
00:58:05,065 --> 00:58:07,352
[WHISPERING]
Paid off the Watergate burglars.
1000
00:58:07,609 --> 00:58:09,475
And the White House knows about it.
1001
00:58:09,653 --> 00:58:11,019
[GASPS]
1002
00:58:14,366 --> 00:58:16,824
[WHISPERING] You can't have
that conversation on the phone.
1003
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,701
It's too dangerous.
1004
00:58:18,912 --> 00:58:21,279
- Arrange a meeting.
- Okay.
1005
00:58:21,456 --> 00:58:23,096
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Ow! That really hurt me.
1006
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:24,912
That really hurt me.
1007
00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:27,702
Could I meet you?
1008
00:58:27,879 --> 00:58:30,246
KAY: We've been too permissive
with you, young man.
1009
00:58:30,757 --> 00:58:33,420
From now on,
we're watching you like a hawk.
1010
00:58:34,094 --> 00:58:35,676
Not around here.
1011
00:58:35,846 --> 00:58:38,930
Right, you're being watched.
I understand. Um...
1012
00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:42,926
[SOFTLY] There is an underground
parking garage...
1013
00:58:44,438 --> 00:58:47,772
...on A Street and York Avenue.
1014
00:58:48,025 --> 00:58:49,391
Across from Garfinkle's.
1015
00:58:49,568 --> 00:58:51,901
We can go shopping
after we meet them.
1016
00:58:52,070 --> 00:58:56,360
Yes. I can meet you there
tomorrow at 9 p.m.
1017
00:58:57,117 --> 00:58:58,358
Okay.
1018
00:58:59,244 --> 00:59:00,280
How will I know you?
1019
00:59:01,204 --> 00:59:03,662
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
1020
00:59:04,041 --> 00:59:05,577
[ARLENE & BETSY CHUCKLE]
1021
00:59:07,961 --> 00:59:09,372
What are you staring at?
1022
00:59:09,546 --> 00:59:11,503
There's yelling. Are you in trouble?
1023
00:59:14,259 --> 00:59:17,502
Give me a name, so when you call next,
I'll know it's you.
1024
00:59:21,016 --> 00:59:22,848
Deep Throat! Aah!
1025
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:24,096
Deep Throat!
1026
00:59:25,437 --> 00:59:27,895
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Carl Bernstein. Tell me your story.
1027
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:29,351
Up yours, man!
1028
00:59:29,649 --> 00:59:30,981
[LAUGHS]
1029
00:59:31,151 --> 00:59:33,985
Deep Throat! Come here,
Deep Throat boy! Come here!
1030
00:59:34,154 --> 00:59:36,692
ARLENE: Deep Throat!
- Deep Throat! Deep Throat!
1031
00:59:37,365 --> 00:59:38,651
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
They hung up.
1032
00:59:38,992 --> 00:59:40,654
- What are you doing?
- It's cool.
1033
00:59:40,911 --> 00:59:42,573
- What are you doing?
- Helping you out.
1034
00:59:43,455 --> 00:59:44,946
WOODWARD:
I swear to God...!
1035
00:59:45,123 --> 00:59:48,833
BETSY: Deep Throat boy!
ARLENE: Deep Throat! Deep Throat!
1036
00:59:49,002 --> 00:59:52,291
BETSY: You're horny! Horny little pervert!
ARLENE: Pervert!
1037
00:59:52,464 --> 00:59:54,456
[♪♪♪]
1038
01:00:01,807 --> 01:00:04,265
- All right, he's not here. Let's go.
- Okay.
1039
01:00:04,434 --> 01:00:06,551
[BETSY SHRIEKS]
1040
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,272
You're Deep Throat?
1041
01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:13,853
BOTH:
Yeah.
1042
01:00:14,027 --> 01:00:15,484
We both are.
1043
01:00:15,654 --> 01:00:17,020
How old are you?
1044
01:00:18,031 --> 01:00:19,192
Twenty-three.
1045
01:00:19,366 --> 01:00:20,982
Is that your combined ages?
1046
01:00:21,159 --> 01:00:22,159
[SCOFFS]
1047
01:00:22,327 --> 01:00:24,193
There's no need to be snotty.
1048
01:00:24,371 --> 01:00:27,535
I'm just trying to imagine here,
what exactly...
1049
01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:30,371
...is your connection
with the White House?
1050
01:00:30,544 --> 01:00:32,911
We were the Secret Youth Advisers.
1051
01:00:33,088 --> 01:00:36,581
And we walked the dog.
And Arlene was in love with Dick.
1052
01:00:36,758 --> 01:00:39,876
Okay, I don't need to hear
any more of that, really.
1053
01:00:40,679 --> 01:00:41,840
[CLATTERING NEARBY]
1054
01:00:42,013 --> 01:00:43,133
[WHISPERS]
Were you followed?
1055
01:00:48,019 --> 01:00:49,806
[CLATTERING THEN
BERNSTEIN GRUNTING]
1056
01:00:49,980 --> 01:00:52,097
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What are you doing here?
1057
01:00:52,357 --> 01:00:54,098
I came to make sure
you were all right.
1058
01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:55,933
You did not!
1059
01:00:56,111 --> 01:00:57,977
You're trying to horn in on my source.
1060
01:00:58,155 --> 01:01:01,319
How come you get to meet Deep Throat?
I'm the one who saw that movie.
1061
01:01:01,491 --> 01:01:02,948
[BETSY CLEARS THROAT]
1062
01:01:03,118 --> 01:01:04,609
Hi, I'm Carl Bernstein.
1063
01:01:04,786 --> 01:01:06,597
WOODWARD:
You're supposed to check phone records.
1064
01:01:06,621 --> 01:01:07,953
BERNSTEIN:
It gave me a headache.
1065
01:01:08,123 --> 01:01:09,955
- Stop whining.
- I'm not whining.
1066
01:01:10,125 --> 01:01:11,991
Yes, you are. You're whining.
1067
01:01:12,169 --> 01:01:14,035
We've talked about this.
BETSY: Hey.
1068
01:01:14,504 --> 01:01:16,291
Are you interested in the story or not?
1069
01:01:16,965 --> 01:01:18,957
- Yes.
- Yes.
1070
01:01:24,014 --> 01:01:26,631
At first, we thought he was really nice.
1071
01:01:26,933 --> 01:01:31,348
Then we heard him saying mean things
about Jews and using foul language.
1072
01:01:31,605 --> 01:01:33,141
We realized he was a jerk.
1073
01:01:33,315 --> 01:01:34,726
WOODWARD:
A jerk.
1074
01:01:34,983 --> 01:01:37,350
We could hear him kicking the dog
on the tape.
1075
01:01:37,527 --> 01:01:38,608
There's a tape?
1076
01:01:38,778 --> 01:01:41,612
He records everything. It's in
Rose Mary's desk. He's paranoid.
1077
01:01:41,781 --> 01:01:43,488
What else did he say on this tape?
1078
01:01:43,658 --> 01:01:45,149
They talked about hiding...
1079
01:01:45,577 --> 01:01:48,991
...some guy in South America
because he knew about Watergate.
1080
01:01:49,164 --> 01:01:53,158
Uh, let me get this straight. You're saying
the president of the United States...
1081
01:01:53,418 --> 01:01:55,501
- Of America.
- Of America...
1082
01:01:55,754 --> 01:01:59,338
...the most powerful country
in the world...
1083
01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:02,709
...is involved
in this Watergate cover-up?
1084
01:02:02,886 --> 01:02:04,047
- Yeah.
- I guess.
1085
01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:06,383
Who is he talking to on this tape?
1086
01:02:06,556 --> 01:02:09,515
Um, Erlichman?
ARLENE: No.
1087
01:02:09,726 --> 01:02:11,467
- Hurlichman.
- Oh, yeah.
1088
01:02:11,645 --> 01:02:14,137
No, there isn't a Hurlichman.
BETSY: Yes, there is.
1089
01:02:14,314 --> 01:02:15,805
There's not a Hurlichman.
1090
01:02:16,191 --> 01:02:18,979
There's a Haldeman.
And there's an Erlichman.
1091
01:02:19,319 --> 01:02:20,355
Wait, wait, wait.
1092
01:02:20,612 --> 01:02:22,820
The guy who's, like, kind of fleshy...
1093
01:02:23,073 --> 01:02:26,362
...who wears horn-rimmed glasses
and a cheesy dark suit.
1094
01:02:26,534 --> 01:02:27,615
It sounded like him.
1095
01:02:29,329 --> 01:02:30,945
Show me which one.
1096
01:02:34,292 --> 01:02:36,909
ARLENE: I never realized how much
they all look alike.
1097
01:02:39,339 --> 01:02:43,208
The document you mentioned on
the phone, it was written to Haldeman?
1098
01:02:43,468 --> 01:02:46,211
If we publish that, we could nail him.
1099
01:02:46,429 --> 01:02:48,421
Give me skin, Daddy.
1100
01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:51,466
No.
1101
01:02:51,643 --> 01:02:54,886
- We don't really have it right now.
- What?
1102
01:02:56,106 --> 01:02:57,722
The dog ate it.
1103
01:02:58,066 --> 01:02:59,352
The dog ate it.
1104
01:03:00,193 --> 01:03:01,855
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1105
01:03:02,237 --> 01:03:05,856
Great. You know, I don't need this.
I went to Yale.
1106
01:03:06,032 --> 01:03:08,365
- Ow.
- Sorry.
1107
01:03:08,535 --> 01:03:12,028
Hey. We could've gotten grounded
for sneaking out.
1108
01:03:12,247 --> 01:03:14,079
If we could get that tape...
1109
01:03:14,249 --> 01:03:16,036
But it's in the White House.
1110
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:20,328
[OVER RADIO] You know who else is
sexy is Robert Plant, from Led Zeppelin.
1111
01:03:20,839 --> 01:03:24,332
- Ew. He reminds me of my brother.
- Oh.
1112
01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:31,889
Your brother's not that bad.
Not that I like him.
1113
01:03:32,267 --> 01:03:34,805
I can't run this. You don't have it.
1114
01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:36,222
What?
1115
01:03:37,230 --> 01:03:40,974
I might be willing to take the risk
on these other names...
1116
01:03:41,151 --> 01:03:42,892
...but not on Haldeman. My God!
1117
01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:47,272
He's the man who controls access
to the leader of the free world.
1118
01:03:47,699 --> 01:03:49,315
There is another source.
1119
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:53,111
You mean, your what-do-you-call-it?
1120
01:03:53,288 --> 01:03:55,905
- Hand Job.
- Deep Throat.
1121
01:03:56,082 --> 01:03:59,792
Yeah, Deep Throat.
Well, tell me about Deep Throat.
1122
01:04:00,170 --> 01:04:03,709
Well, "he" links the president...
1123
01:04:03,882 --> 01:04:04,882
...to the burglary...
1124
01:04:05,050 --> 01:04:06,837
...and to a cover-up.
1125
01:04:07,010 --> 01:04:08,251
Jesus!
1126
01:04:08,970 --> 01:04:10,506
What branch is he in?
1127
01:04:11,139 --> 01:04:13,472
E... E... Executive.
1128
01:04:13,641 --> 01:04:14,927
How high?
1129
01:04:15,101 --> 01:04:16,262
About yea high.
1130
01:04:17,312 --> 01:04:18,974
Don't do this to me.
1131
01:04:19,147 --> 01:04:21,935
Get some more sources
on those names.
1132
01:04:22,317 --> 01:04:25,856
Bring me in some hard evidence
and nail it down.
1133
01:04:26,571 --> 01:04:29,655
Some people think
that Mick Jagger's lips are gross.
1134
01:04:29,908 --> 01:04:31,695
But I think that they're sexy.
1135
01:04:31,951 --> 01:04:34,864
They're like this big couch
made out of skin.
1136
01:04:35,121 --> 01:04:37,613
- You're so hard rock now.
- No.
1137
01:04:37,791 --> 01:04:40,283
- Yes.
- No.
1138
01:04:41,169 --> 01:04:42,169
What?
1139
01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:46,081
That van's been right behind us
since we left school. Don't look.
1140
01:04:46,341 --> 01:04:47,457
I have to.
1141
01:04:48,676 --> 01:04:50,668
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1142
01:04:50,845 --> 01:04:52,837
[♪♪♪]
1143
01:04:53,014 --> 01:04:54,846
[BETSY GASPING]
1144
01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:56,598
- We're being followed.
- By who?
1145
01:04:56,893 --> 01:04:58,759
I don't know. Do you think it's Dick?
1146
01:04:58,978 --> 01:05:02,471
Maybe he knows we talked to
the "radical, muckraking bastards."
1147
01:05:02,732 --> 01:05:04,268
He couldn't know.
1148
01:05:04,442 --> 01:05:05,899
He could.
1149
01:05:08,363 --> 01:05:10,275
Dick frightens me.
1150
01:05:11,366 --> 01:05:12,948
Hello, this is Bob Woodward.
1151
01:05:13,118 --> 01:05:14,984
And Carl Bernstein, Washington Post.
1152
01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:19,280
Carl's on the other line. We have
a few questions we'd like to ask you.
1153
01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:21,198
HELEN:
Oh, girls! Arlene, Betsy!
1154
01:05:21,376 --> 01:05:22,662
We can't talk now.
1155
01:05:22,836 --> 01:05:27,297
We need to know some names from
that list you had. Do you remember any?
1156
01:05:27,465 --> 01:05:29,707
We're under a lot of pressure too.
1157
01:05:29,926 --> 01:05:32,589
WOODWARD: It's okay.
You don't have to name any names.
1158
01:05:32,762 --> 01:05:34,344
- Don't answer.
- We'll say names.
1159
01:05:34,514 --> 01:05:38,053
We'll count to 10. If you don't
hang up, that's a confirmation.
1160
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:39,641
What?
1161
01:05:40,562 --> 01:05:41,598
Hi.
1162
01:05:41,771 --> 01:05:43,763
I'm so sorry to interrupt you.
1163
01:05:43,940 --> 01:05:45,852
- Go!
- Just go with it!
1164
01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:47,312
Okay.
1165
01:05:48,111 --> 01:05:50,649
I asked you to come to dinner
15 minutes ago.
1166
01:05:50,822 --> 01:05:52,529
Now your TV dinners are ice-cold.
1167
01:05:52,699 --> 01:05:54,691
In fact, they're frozen again.
1168
01:05:54,868 --> 01:05:56,404
McCord.
1169
01:05:59,122 --> 01:06:00,122
Lang.
1170
01:06:00,290 --> 01:06:04,125
So come to the table now,
or I'll never fix you dinner again, ever!
1171
01:06:04,294 --> 01:06:05,294
Seven...
1172
01:06:05,462 --> 01:06:06,462
...eight...
1173
01:06:06,629 --> 01:06:07,629
...nine...
1174
01:06:07,964 --> 01:06:09,375
We'll be right there, Mom.
1175
01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:12,468
...ten.
1176
01:06:12,802 --> 01:06:13,802
Thank you very much.
1177
01:06:13,970 --> 01:06:15,131
[KISSES PHONE]
1178
01:06:15,430 --> 01:06:17,262
[DIAL TONE BUZZING]
1179
01:06:17,474 --> 01:06:19,386
- Whoo!
- Yes! Yes!
1180
01:06:19,559 --> 01:06:20,845
[♪♪♪]
1181
01:06:21,269 --> 01:06:22,726
They hung up.
1182
01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:26,555
I'm sorry, Janet.
1183
01:06:26,816 --> 01:06:27,977
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1184
01:06:28,902 --> 01:06:32,020
♪ Hey, kid, rock 'n' roll ♪
1185
01:06:32,197 --> 01:06:35,156
♪ Rock on
Ooh, my soul ♪
1186
01:06:35,325 --> 01:06:38,409
♪ Hey, kid, boogie too ♪
1187
01:06:38,578 --> 01:06:40,285
♪ Did ya? ♪
1188
01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:43,538
♪ Hey, shout ♪
1189
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:44,915
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
1190
01:06:45,084 --> 01:06:48,168
♪ Jump up and down
In the blue suede shoes ♪
1191
01:06:48,338 --> 01:06:49,374
♪ Hey ♪♪
1192
01:06:53,468 --> 01:06:55,460
You scared us to death!
What's the matter?
1193
01:06:55,678 --> 01:06:58,512
[SOFTLY] You little lying sacks of shit
are the matter!
1194
01:06:58,890 --> 01:06:59,926
Listen.
1195
01:07:04,479 --> 01:07:08,314
You guys gave us bad information
on the phone.
1196
01:07:09,025 --> 01:07:10,812
The names on the list?
1197
01:07:11,486 --> 01:07:14,604
We printed it, they denied it,
and our other source backed out.
1198
01:07:14,822 --> 01:07:17,530
Now everybody thinks
that I'm a schmuck.
1199
01:07:18,785 --> 01:07:19,946
What names?
1200
01:07:20,203 --> 01:07:22,035
The names. The information.
1201
01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:24,287
Listen, people are counting on you.
1202
01:07:24,457 --> 01:07:28,747
You're big-shot reporters. Can't you
figure anything out for yourselves?
1203
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:31,503
How could you let your dog
eat that list?
1204
01:07:31,714 --> 01:07:33,330
You're ruining my life!
1205
01:07:36,052 --> 01:07:40,046
We have a very important report
on turquoise jewelry due in two days...
1206
01:07:40,306 --> 01:07:43,390
...and we can't find books on it,
and the president is having us followed.
1207
01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:47,019
- It's too much pressure.
- Just leave us alone!
1208
01:07:50,733 --> 01:07:52,725
[♪♪♪]
1209
01:08:00,743 --> 01:08:02,325
HELEN:
Arlene?
1210
01:08:02,495 --> 01:08:04,031
Mom?
1211
01:08:04,414 --> 01:08:05,621
I'm in here, dear.
1212
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:08,248
- How come you're home so early?
- Oh...
1213
01:08:08,418 --> 01:08:09,534
Honey...
1214
01:08:10,545 --> 01:08:12,161
...I've met someone.
1215
01:08:12,630 --> 01:08:14,417
I've met someone.
1216
01:08:14,591 --> 01:08:15,752
Here he is.
1217
01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,041
[♪♪♪]
1218
01:08:17,343 --> 01:08:18,754
Hello, Arlene.
1219
01:08:19,262 --> 01:08:20,423
[CHUCKLES]
1220
01:08:21,556 --> 01:08:22,967
How did you know my name?
1221
01:08:23,141 --> 01:08:25,258
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
1222
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:27,267
It's embroidered on your blouse.
1223
01:08:27,437 --> 01:08:28,803
HELEN:
Oh! Ha, ha.
1224
01:08:30,607 --> 01:08:33,270
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
1225
01:08:38,823 --> 01:08:40,280
Mm. Mmm...
1226
01:08:40,950 --> 01:08:42,191
[HELEN CHUCKLING]
1227
01:08:42,368 --> 01:08:44,451
It's really so funny how we met.
1228
01:08:44,621 --> 01:08:49,491
I was in the market at lunch and we
literally just crashed into each other.
1229
01:08:49,667 --> 01:08:54,458
I said, "Excuse me, your peanut butter
is in my chocolate."
1230
01:08:54,631 --> 01:08:56,293
[HELEN CONTINUES CHUCKLING]
1231
01:08:56,507 --> 01:09:01,878
And I said, "Your chocolate
is in my peanut butter." Ha-ha-ha!
1232
01:09:02,055 --> 01:09:03,262
HELEN:
Oh, my gosh.
1233
01:09:03,431 --> 01:09:05,468
We haven't been separated
since then.
1234
01:09:05,642 --> 01:09:09,306
Well, until I used the bathroom
just now. Ooh!
1235
01:09:11,773 --> 01:09:14,561
HELEN:
Roderick, you're such a treasure.
1236
01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:21,442
Honey.
1237
01:09:21,616 --> 01:09:24,279
- Honey, did you leave the door open?
- No.
1238
01:09:24,452 --> 01:09:25,943
No.
1239
01:09:26,329 --> 01:09:28,241
[♪♪♪]
1240
01:09:34,295 --> 01:09:35,661
We've been robbed.
1241
01:09:39,300 --> 01:09:41,508
My grandmother's pearls!
1242
01:09:42,428 --> 01:09:43,885
My stash!
1243
01:09:44,055 --> 01:09:46,047
[SNIFFING]
1244
01:09:46,224 --> 01:09:48,216
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
1245
01:09:48,810 --> 01:09:51,268
Are you absolutely positive
nothing is missing?
1246
01:09:51,437 --> 01:09:52,928
Yes.
1247
01:09:53,481 --> 01:09:55,438
I don't understand it at all.
1248
01:09:55,650 --> 01:10:00,145
My jewelry case wasn't touched,
but they ripped apart the sofa cushions.
1249
01:10:00,446 --> 01:10:01,653
I need a drink.
1250
01:10:01,906 --> 01:10:05,070
Maybe they just didn't like
my wife's taste in decorating.
1251
01:10:05,243 --> 01:10:06,654
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1252
01:10:07,787 --> 01:10:11,030
If I didn't know better, I'd say
someone was looking for something.
1253
01:10:11,290 --> 01:10:14,658
LARRY: I can't imagine what.
- We're just a normal family.
1254
01:10:14,961 --> 01:10:17,044
LARRY:
Okay, I wouldn't go that far.
1255
01:10:17,422 --> 01:10:19,414
[♪♪♪]
1256
01:10:24,137 --> 01:10:26,504
They only stole
the Hello Dollies recipe.
1257
01:10:26,681 --> 01:10:29,845
Not jewelry or the TV
or Larry's pot or anything.
1258
01:10:30,017 --> 01:10:31,599
It's too much of a coincidence.
1259
01:10:31,769 --> 01:10:35,262
Your house gets robbed, and my mom
gets a boyfriend the same night?
1260
01:10:35,690 --> 01:10:37,101
Why don't you like him?
1261
01:10:37,275 --> 01:10:41,360
Because I think he's a spy for Dick.
No guy like that would go for my mom.
1262
01:10:41,529 --> 01:10:43,395
[CLICKING OVER PHONE]
1263
01:10:43,865 --> 01:10:45,401
Hello? I...
1264
01:10:46,033 --> 01:10:47,069
Betsy?
1265
01:10:47,243 --> 01:10:49,235
[LINE DISCONNECTS]
1266
01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:50,996
Hello?
1267
01:10:51,456 --> 01:10:53,448
[♪♪♪]
1268
01:11:15,480 --> 01:11:17,267
[CAR HORN BLARING]
1269
01:11:26,073 --> 01:11:28,065
[WHISTLING]
1270
01:11:29,744 --> 01:11:32,452
[SOFTLY] I'll buzz you up
so that my mom doesn't hear.
1271
01:11:33,372 --> 01:11:36,115
[SOFTLY]
Okay.
1272
01:11:38,753 --> 01:11:39,994
Betsy, what are you doing?
1273
01:11:40,171 --> 01:11:41,582
[OVER SPEAKER]
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1274
01:11:41,756 --> 01:11:43,748
- We're being bugged!
- What?
1275
01:11:44,217 --> 01:11:47,460
The president of the United States
is bugging our houses...
1276
01:11:47,637 --> 01:11:49,503
...and spying on us!
1277
01:11:50,765 --> 01:11:51,881
What did you just say?
1278
01:11:52,058 --> 01:11:55,677
♪ My little baby says
I can do it with ease ♪♪
1279
01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:58,227
It's a line from a song. It's:
1280
01:11:58,564 --> 01:12:00,556
- ♪ We're being bugged ♪
- ♪ We're being bugged ♪
1281
01:12:00,942 --> 01:12:03,434
- ♪ The White House ♪
- ♪ Bugged ♪♪
1282
01:12:04,487 --> 01:12:08,151
There's a man from the Washington Post
on the phone for you.
1283
01:12:13,579 --> 01:12:15,866
ARLENE: Hello?
BERNSTEIN: It's Bernstein from the Post.
1284
01:12:16,040 --> 01:12:17,952
- No. No.
- The information you gave...
1285
01:12:18,209 --> 01:12:21,452
Um, no.
We're not interested in a subscription.
1286
01:12:21,629 --> 01:12:22,665
Thanks, no.
1287
01:12:23,005 --> 01:12:25,793
No, we prefer the news on TV.
Thank you.
1288
01:12:27,134 --> 01:12:29,467
I thought we already got the Post.
1289
01:12:30,763 --> 01:12:34,006
You know, there is something
very strange going on here.
1290
01:12:34,183 --> 01:12:35,219
I know there is.
1291
01:12:35,852 --> 01:12:38,515
And I don't want to know
what it is. Okay?
1292
01:12:41,816 --> 01:12:44,775
DICK [ON TV]: And in all my years
of public life, I can say...
1293
01:12:44,944 --> 01:12:48,813
...that I have
never, ever obstructed justice.
1294
01:12:49,282 --> 01:12:50,989
This is all his fault.
1295
01:12:51,784 --> 01:12:54,822
The people have got to know...
1296
01:12:55,246 --> 01:12:57,989
...whether or not
their president is a crook.
1297
01:12:59,041 --> 01:13:00,623
Well...
1298
01:13:00,835 --> 01:13:01,835
...I'm not a crook.
1299
01:13:02,003 --> 01:13:04,245
He's trying to drive me insane.
1300
01:13:04,422 --> 01:13:05,422
[RINGING]
1301
01:13:05,590 --> 01:13:07,081
[ARLENE & BETSY SCREAM]
1302
01:13:08,509 --> 01:13:09,545
Hello?
1303
01:13:09,719 --> 01:13:10,719
[CLICKING OVER PHONE]
1304
01:13:10,887 --> 01:13:12,423
Hello?
1305
01:13:13,598 --> 01:13:15,590
[BETSY WHIMPERING]
1306
01:13:15,766 --> 01:13:16,766
Oh, my God!
1307
01:13:16,934 --> 01:13:18,675
We have to get out of here!
1308
01:13:19,812 --> 01:13:21,974
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1309
01:13:22,732 --> 01:13:24,689
- Oh, my God!
- It's okay.
1310
01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:28,193
[PHONE RINGING
THEN BOTH SHRIEKING]
1311
01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:33,399
[♪♪♪]
1312
01:13:35,870 --> 01:13:36,870
BETSY:
Go!
1313
01:13:38,205 --> 01:13:40,197
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1314
01:13:45,838 --> 01:13:47,420
[SHRIEKING]
1315
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,123
BETSY:
Oh, my God!
1316
01:13:51,719 --> 01:13:52,800
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
1317
01:14:04,899 --> 01:14:08,483
So these girls are a threat
to national security?
1318
01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,315
According to the president.
1319
01:14:12,907 --> 01:14:16,526
How dare those people keep treating us
like stupid teenage girls!
1320
01:14:16,911 --> 01:14:19,324
We are stupid teenage girls.
1321
01:14:19,497 --> 01:14:21,989
No, Betsy, we're human beings.
1322
01:14:22,291 --> 01:14:24,533
And we're American citizens.
1323
01:14:24,919 --> 01:14:28,538
And fourscore and seven years ago,
our forefathers...
1324
01:14:29,090 --> 01:14:30,922
...did something.
I don't know what.
1325
01:14:31,258 --> 01:14:34,592
But I do know one thing:
Dick's ass is grass.
1326
01:14:34,845 --> 01:14:37,428
Where are we going?
What are we doing?
1327
01:14:37,598 --> 01:14:40,466
If Haldeman has the tapes
that Woodward and Bernstein want...
1328
01:14:40,726 --> 01:14:42,809
- ...we're gonna find them.
- Okay.
1329
01:14:43,729 --> 01:14:45,766
This is it.
This is Haldeman's house.
1330
01:14:45,940 --> 01:14:47,147
2170.
1331
01:14:52,947 --> 01:14:54,654
BETSY:
Look, there's somebody there.
1332
01:14:57,827 --> 01:14:59,568
Haldeman must have a son.
1333
01:14:59,829 --> 01:15:01,536
BETSY:
Wait, let me see.
1334
01:15:02,456 --> 01:15:04,072
- Ahh...
- We have a mission.
1335
01:15:04,250 --> 01:15:07,743
We have to figure out a way
to get inside and find those tapes.
1336
01:15:09,588 --> 01:15:11,420
BETSY:
Don't worry, Arlene.
1337
01:15:11,924 --> 01:15:13,210
I'll do it.
1338
01:15:14,635 --> 01:15:16,627
[♪♪♪]
1339
01:15:20,266 --> 01:15:22,053
Oh, hi.
1340
01:15:22,518 --> 01:15:24,134
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1341
01:15:24,311 --> 01:15:25,472
Do you remember me?
1342
01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:29,814
- Betsy.
- Betsy, right.
1343
01:15:30,067 --> 01:15:31,603
From the Homecoming dance.
1344
01:15:32,153 --> 01:15:33,153
Right.
1345
01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:37,318
♪ What's the matter
With your head, baby? ♪
1346
01:15:37,491 --> 01:15:40,700
♪ Find it
Come on and find it ♪
1347
01:15:40,870 --> 01:15:45,114
♪ Help with it, baby ♪
1348
01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:46,744
You wanna make out?
1349
01:15:46,917 --> 01:15:47,998
Sure.
1350
01:15:50,504 --> 01:15:53,167
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1351
01:15:55,092 --> 01:15:57,880
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1352
01:15:59,597 --> 01:16:02,305
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1353
01:16:04,101 --> 01:16:06,593
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1354
01:16:10,399 --> 01:16:12,607
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1355
01:16:12,902 --> 01:16:15,770
♪ What's the matter with you?
Feel right? ♪
1356
01:16:15,946 --> 01:16:17,312
Are you all right?
1357
01:16:17,490 --> 01:16:19,026
I'm fine.
1358
01:16:20,367 --> 01:16:22,575
I need to go to the bathroom.
Will you excuse me?
1359
01:16:22,745 --> 01:16:26,989
♪ Get it from the mainline, all right ♪
1360
01:16:27,666 --> 01:16:30,784
♪ I said find it, find it ♪
1361
01:16:31,087 --> 01:16:34,296
♪ Go on and love it if you like it ♪
1362
01:16:34,507 --> 01:16:35,839
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1363
01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:37,294
Okay.
1364
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:39,968
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1365
01:16:40,137 --> 01:16:43,346
♪ It's your business
If you want some ♪
1366
01:16:43,516 --> 01:16:45,098
[GASPING]
1367
01:16:45,267 --> 01:16:46,267
Arlene.
1368
01:16:46,435 --> 01:16:47,676
[MOUTHING]
1369
01:16:47,853 --> 01:16:49,970
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1370
01:16:52,024 --> 01:16:54,562
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1371
01:16:56,237 --> 01:16:58,229
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1372
01:17:00,741 --> 01:17:03,279
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1373
01:17:25,558 --> 01:17:28,392
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1374
01:17:30,229 --> 01:17:32,721
♪ Come and get your love ♪
1375
01:17:32,898 --> 01:17:34,810
What's going on here?
1376
01:17:35,568 --> 01:17:36,934
Beer bong?
1377
01:17:38,320 --> 01:17:40,733
I'm tripping heavily already.
1378
01:17:45,035 --> 01:17:47,368
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1379
01:17:47,621 --> 01:17:50,955
♪ What's the matter with you?
Feel right? ♪
1380
01:17:51,125 --> 01:17:52,491
♪ Don't you feel right? ♪
1381
01:17:52,668 --> 01:17:54,000
[BURPS]
1382
01:17:54,170 --> 01:17:56,913
♪ Hey, oh, yeah ♪
1383
01:17:58,257 --> 01:17:59,543
You know...
1384
01:18:02,261 --> 01:18:04,127
...I really like you.
1385
01:18:05,139 --> 01:18:06,675
Don't talk to me.
1386
01:18:07,683 --> 01:18:08,764
Kiss me.
1387
01:18:12,479 --> 01:18:14,937
♪ Come and get your love ♪♪
1388
01:18:17,776 --> 01:18:19,733
Ooh...
1389
01:18:30,289 --> 01:18:33,123
[♪♪♪]
1390
01:18:43,135 --> 01:18:44,342
[PHONE RINGING]
1391
01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:46,010
HALDEMAN:
Hello?
1392
01:18:46,180 --> 01:18:47,762
Anybody home?
1393
01:18:55,814 --> 01:18:56,850
Hello?
1394
01:18:57,024 --> 01:18:59,016
MAN:
Oh, my God, it's so terrible.
1395
01:18:59,193 --> 01:19:02,152
- Dean's leaving. Mm-hm.
- Jesus!
1396
01:19:02,321 --> 01:19:04,483
- No. No, no.
- He's leaving, all right.
1397
01:19:04,657 --> 01:19:08,196
Dean's a team player.
He's not gonna cave in like that.
1398
01:19:08,369 --> 01:19:10,577
No, I just don't believe it.
1399
01:19:10,829 --> 01:19:13,196
You better!
It'll be in the paper tomorrow.
1400
01:19:13,415 --> 01:19:16,123
I talked to Dean,
and he said it was true.
1401
01:19:16,293 --> 01:19:20,537
It's happening. It's happening.
It's real, man.
1402
01:19:20,714 --> 01:19:23,206
Well, I guess...
1403
01:19:23,717 --> 01:19:25,424
...the shit's hitting the fan now?
1404
01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:28,132
- Damn right it's hitting the fan.
- Yeah.
1405
01:19:32,851 --> 01:19:34,683
- Ow, ow, ow!
- What's the matter?
1406
01:19:34,853 --> 01:19:38,597
Something's in my ass. Ow.
1407
01:19:39,817 --> 01:19:41,183
Am I bleeding?
1408
01:19:41,652 --> 01:19:43,018
You're fine.
1409
01:19:43,737 --> 01:19:47,481
Figures that the pain in my ass
is Nixon, the fascist.
1410
01:19:48,242 --> 01:19:50,108
He's your dad's boss.
1411
01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:52,823
My dad's an arms manufacturer.
1412
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:55,071
Aren't you Haldeman's son?
1413
01:19:55,582 --> 01:19:57,198
No. That's Brad.
1414
01:19:57,376 --> 01:19:59,117
I'm his roommate at school.
1415
01:19:59,295 --> 01:20:01,378
He's at the dermatologist.
1416
01:20:01,547 --> 01:20:03,004
But this is his house, right?
1417
01:20:04,258 --> 01:20:05,999
Yeah. What the hell's going on?
1418
01:20:06,176 --> 01:20:07,838
Did we meet before or not?
1419
01:20:09,263 --> 01:20:10,549
So you don't remember?
1420
01:20:11,098 --> 01:20:13,215
I remember like it was yesterday.
1421
01:20:14,685 --> 01:20:16,017
That's funny...
1422
01:20:16,603 --> 01:20:18,265
...because we never met.
1423
01:20:19,398 --> 01:20:20,559
What?
1424
01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:24,768
I just saw you on the street
and thought you were cute.
1425
01:20:25,154 --> 01:20:26,154
Really?
1426
01:20:26,322 --> 01:20:28,860
- Mm-hm.
- Heh, heh.
1427
01:20:29,533 --> 01:20:30,774
Ooh.
1428
01:20:32,661 --> 01:20:34,118
You're hot.
1429
01:20:34,330 --> 01:20:35,446
Thanks.
1430
01:20:37,291 --> 01:20:38,623
Liddy says...
1431
01:20:39,043 --> 01:20:40,875
...that these prisons are...
Heh, heh.
1432
01:20:41,045 --> 01:20:44,504
They're like Club Med,
just like Club Med.
1433
01:20:44,882 --> 01:20:45,882
Well, I have...
1434
01:20:46,300 --> 01:20:49,589
...a particularly incriminating tape
I brought home.
1435
01:20:49,762 --> 01:20:51,674
I should give that a listen.
1436
01:20:52,306 --> 01:20:55,049
Sure. Yeah, I'll say hi to the wife.
1437
01:20:55,225 --> 01:20:58,309
- Take care.
- Okay. You take care too.
1438
01:21:00,564 --> 01:21:01,600
[SIGHS]
1439
01:21:02,983 --> 01:21:05,600
[CLATTERING UPSTAIRS
THEN BETSY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
1440
01:21:18,123 --> 01:21:20,991
Whoa. Sorry, Mr. Haldeman.
1441
01:21:21,585 --> 01:21:23,167
That's okay, Chip.
1442
01:21:23,337 --> 01:21:24,748
Uh, who is this?
1443
01:21:24,922 --> 01:21:26,754
CHIP:
This is Betsy, sir.
1444
01:21:26,924 --> 01:21:28,631
Betsy. Hello.
1445
01:21:28,801 --> 01:21:30,212
Hi.
1446
01:21:41,355 --> 01:21:42,436
Wait a minute.
1447
01:21:43,482 --> 01:21:44,768
I know you.
1448
01:21:45,526 --> 01:21:46,607
You're one of those dog...
1449
01:21:46,777 --> 01:21:48,484
[SCREAMING]
1450
01:21:48,695 --> 01:21:50,857
[BOTH SCREAMING]
1451
01:21:51,031 --> 01:21:52,363
HALDEMAN:
Shit!
1452
01:21:54,993 --> 01:21:56,734
BETSY:
Oh, my God!
1453
01:21:56,912 --> 01:21:58,619
Come back here, you little bitches!
1454
01:21:58,789 --> 01:22:00,246
[BOTH GASP]
1455
01:22:02,459 --> 01:22:03,495
BOTH:
My...
1456
01:22:03,669 --> 01:22:04,705
- Hm!
- Ha-ha!
1457
01:22:04,878 --> 01:22:08,713
♪ I've seen all good people
Turn their heads each day ♪
1458
01:22:08,882 --> 01:22:12,751
♪ So satisfied
I'm on my way ♪
1459
01:22:19,393 --> 01:22:20,474
It's not right.
1460
01:22:20,727 --> 01:22:22,719
Sources are sources.
Just because...
1461
01:22:22,980 --> 01:22:24,721
How goes it, paperboys?
1462
01:22:25,566 --> 01:22:26,807
WOODWARD:
Not too good.
1463
01:22:27,067 --> 01:22:28,808
Well, your luck's about to change.
1464
01:22:29,111 --> 01:22:33,401
The president knew about it for sure,
for absolute sure.
1465
01:22:34,408 --> 01:22:36,491
- That's the tape.
- It's the tape.
1466
01:22:36,743 --> 01:22:38,826
We finally have goods on Dick.
1467
01:22:39,288 --> 01:22:42,952
Bob, Tricky Dick's going down.
1468
01:22:44,251 --> 01:22:48,712
It's unethical to take possession
of the tape if it's stolen, but...
1469
01:22:48,964 --> 01:22:51,877
You can't have it anyway.
It's our only souvenir.
1470
01:22:52,176 --> 01:22:56,420
But we copied it down.
Thirty words a minute.
1471
01:22:56,597 --> 01:22:58,054
I passed typing.
1472
01:22:59,266 --> 01:23:02,009
A lot of people want to know
who our source is.
1473
01:23:02,269 --> 01:23:03,269
Really?
1474
01:23:03,604 --> 01:23:04,765
We'll be famous.
1475
01:23:05,022 --> 01:23:07,685
But we've decided
never to reveal your identity.
1476
01:23:08,275 --> 01:23:09,641
- For our own protection?
- Uh-huh.
1477
01:23:10,277 --> 01:23:15,022
No. It's just too embarrassing.
1478
01:23:15,199 --> 01:23:18,067
BERNSTEIN:
Dick's going down. Hey!
1479
01:23:18,452 --> 01:23:20,444
Dick is going down!
1480
01:23:23,290 --> 01:23:26,408
♪ For the queen to use ♪
1481
01:23:26,627 --> 01:23:28,619
[CHUCKLING]
1482
01:23:37,221 --> 01:23:39,383
In a series of events
that rocked the nation...
1483
01:23:39,556 --> 01:23:41,798
...the White House accepted
the resignations...
1484
01:23:41,975 --> 01:23:44,718
...of Presidential Counsel John Dean...
1485
01:23:45,604 --> 01:23:50,520
I can't believe this Watergate business
runs so high up.
1486
01:23:52,277 --> 01:23:54,644
You have no idea.
1487
01:23:55,614 --> 01:23:57,606
I realized one day...
1488
01:23:58,825 --> 01:24:00,691
...that if I stayed...
1489
01:24:01,495 --> 01:24:04,909
...I'd be just as bad as he was.
1490
01:24:09,086 --> 01:24:11,078
[♪♪♪]
1491
01:24:21,932 --> 01:24:25,721
♪ I've seen all good people
Turn their heads each day ♪
1492
01:24:25,894 --> 01:24:29,729
♪ So satisfied
I'm on my way ♪♪
1493
01:24:35,529 --> 01:24:39,773
DEAN: I'd say these people are gonna
cost a million dollars...
1494
01:24:40,075 --> 01:24:41,532
...over the next two years.
1495
01:24:43,078 --> 01:24:44,785
DICK:
We can get that.
1496
01:24:45,163 --> 01:24:48,952
You can get a million dollars,
and you can get it in cash.
1497
01:24:49,209 --> 01:24:51,792
I know where it could be gotten.
1498
01:24:53,672 --> 01:24:55,163
ARLENE:
♪ I love you ♪
1499
01:24:55,340 --> 01:24:56,340
[CHECKERS WHINING]
1500
01:24:56,508 --> 01:24:58,591
♪ I honestly love you ♪
1501
01:25:00,095 --> 01:25:02,428
What in the bejesus is that?
1502
01:25:03,724 --> 01:25:04,965
♪ I can see... ♪♪
1503
01:25:10,314 --> 01:25:12,397
I can't keep my feelings inside
any longer.
1504
01:25:12,566 --> 01:25:15,525
- Oh, no.
- I've never felt this way about anybody...
1505
01:25:15,694 --> 01:25:19,563
- ...not even Bobby Sherman...
- A 15-year-old.
1506
01:25:19,948 --> 01:25:21,359
Oh, Jesus!
1507
01:25:21,575 --> 01:25:23,612
And that this is the real thing.
1508
01:25:25,037 --> 01:25:27,529
Watergate, my ass!
1509
01:25:27,706 --> 01:25:30,414
They'll crucify me if they hear this.
1510
01:25:30,709 --> 01:25:32,416
Checkers, shut up!
1511
01:25:32,586 --> 01:25:35,579
Or I'll feed you to the Chinese!
1512
01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:37,838
Erase this shit.
1513
01:25:41,637 --> 01:25:43,594
What's that smell?
1514
01:25:44,848 --> 01:25:45,848
[GASPING]
1515
01:25:46,016 --> 01:25:47,598
Hello Dollies!
1516
01:25:47,768 --> 01:25:49,805
Where'd you get the recipe?
It was stolen.
1517
01:25:50,062 --> 01:25:53,146
It's on the label
of every can, lamebrain.
1518
01:25:53,315 --> 01:25:55,272
ARLENE & BETSY: Oh.
- Except...
1519
01:25:55,651 --> 01:25:58,610
...for one special Larry Jobs addition.
1520
01:25:59,613 --> 01:26:01,229
[SNIFFS]
1521
01:26:01,615 --> 01:26:04,403
I keep them mixed up with the walnuts.
1522
01:26:06,745 --> 01:26:09,613
You said these were
just walnut leaves.
1523
01:26:10,082 --> 01:26:11,368
I lied.
1524
01:26:11,708 --> 01:26:14,166
But the president ate those.
1525
01:26:14,336 --> 01:26:16,498
Right, your pal, Tricky Dick.
1526
01:26:16,672 --> 01:26:18,379
No, really.
1527
01:26:19,466 --> 01:26:21,048
Whoa.
1528
01:26:21,218 --> 01:26:23,426
Maybe that's why he's so paranoid.
1529
01:26:23,595 --> 01:26:26,429
[♪♪♪]
1530
01:26:28,850 --> 01:26:30,637
ARLENE:
Betsy. Betsy.
1531
01:26:30,811 --> 01:26:31,811
It's happening.
1532
01:26:32,062 --> 01:26:34,019
- What?
- Come on.
1533
01:26:36,775 --> 01:26:40,485
Throughout the long and difficult
period of Watergate...
1534
01:26:40,987 --> 01:26:44,606
...I have felt it was my duty
to persevere...
1535
01:26:45,617 --> 01:26:48,906
...to make every possible effort
to complete the term of office...
1536
01:26:49,204 --> 01:26:51,116
...to which you elected me.
1537
01:26:51,498 --> 01:26:52,989
But as president...
1538
01:26:53,792 --> 01:26:57,251
...I must put the interest
of America first.
1539
01:26:58,672 --> 01:27:00,004
Therefore...
1540
01:27:01,007 --> 01:27:03,715
...I shall resign the presidency...
1541
01:27:04,010 --> 01:27:06,718
...effective at noon tomorrow.
1542
01:27:07,514 --> 01:27:10,507
Vice President Ford will be
sworn in at that hour...
1543
01:27:10,684 --> 01:27:13,518
- It's gonna be different now.
- ...in this office.
1544
01:27:14,521 --> 01:27:16,683
They'll never lie to us again.
1545
01:27:17,023 --> 01:27:19,015
[♪♪♪]
1546
01:27:29,703 --> 01:27:32,537
Isn't it against the law
to cut up the flag?
1547
01:27:33,457 --> 01:27:36,575
- Not if you sew it back together.
- Oh.
1548
01:27:36,752 --> 01:27:38,118
Right.
1549
01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:43,377
♪ You walked into the party ♪
1550
01:27:43,592 --> 01:27:47,677
♪ Like you were walkin' onto a yacht ♪
1551
01:27:48,388 --> 01:27:53,258
♪ Your hat strategically dipped
Below one eye ♪
1552
01:27:53,435 --> 01:27:56,974
♪ Your scarf, it was apricot ♪
1553
01:27:57,355 --> 01:28:01,395
♪ You had one eye in the mirror ♪
1554
01:28:01,568 --> 01:28:05,733
♪ As you watched yourself gavotte ♪
1555
01:28:06,031 --> 01:28:10,617
♪ And all the girls dreamed
That they'd be your partner ♪
1556
01:28:10,786 --> 01:28:13,699
♪ They'd be your partner and ♪
1557
01:28:13,872 --> 01:28:16,831
♪ You're so vain ♪
1558
01:28:17,667 --> 01:28:20,125
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1559
01:28:20,295 --> 01:28:21,502
[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1560
01:28:21,671 --> 01:28:24,129
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
1561
01:28:24,299 --> 01:28:27,588
♪ I'll bet you think
This song is about you ♪
1562
01:28:27,761 --> 01:28:30,344
♪ Don't you? Don't you? ♪
1563
01:28:30,555 --> 01:28:35,300
♪ Ah, you had me several years ago ♪
1564
01:28:35,685 --> 01:28:38,598
♪ When I was still quite naive ♪
1565
01:28:39,314 --> 01:28:44,560
♪ When you said that we made
Such a pretty pair ♪
1566
01:28:44,945 --> 01:28:48,484
♪ And that you would never leave ♪
1567
01:28:48,657 --> 01:28:53,698
♪ But you gave away
The things you loved ♪
1568
01:28:53,870 --> 01:28:57,113
♪ And one of them was me ♪
1569
01:28:57,290 --> 01:29:01,876
♪ I had some dreams
They were clouds in my coffee ♪
1570
01:29:02,045 --> 01:29:04,753
♪ Clouds in my coffee and ♪
1571
01:29:05,131 --> 01:29:07,839
♪ You're so vain ♪
1572
01:29:08,760 --> 01:29:12,049
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1573
01:29:12,222 --> 01:29:15,340
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
1574
01:29:15,517 --> 01:29:18,851
♪ I'll bet you think
This song is about you ♪
1575
01:29:19,020 --> 01:29:22,764
♪ Don't you? Don't you? Don't you? ♪
1576
01:29:23,358 --> 01:29:26,692
We look so fantastic.
1577
01:29:37,372 --> 01:29:40,581
BETSY: Oh, my God.
- We gotta hurry!
1578
01:29:48,216 --> 01:29:49,878
- Got it.
- Come on.
1579
01:29:50,093 --> 01:29:55,930
♪ They were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee and ♪
1580
01:29:56,099 --> 01:29:59,012
♪ You're so vain ♪
1581
01:29:59,811 --> 01:30:03,100
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1582
01:30:03,273 --> 01:30:06,061
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
- ♪ You're so vain ♪
1583
01:30:08,194 --> 01:30:09,194
Look!
1584
01:30:09,404 --> 01:30:12,147
You suck, Dick! Ha-ha-ha.
1585
01:30:16,620 --> 01:30:20,034
Whoo! Bye-bye!
1586
01:30:20,206 --> 01:30:22,368
BETSY:
Bye, Tricky Dick!
1587
01:30:22,542 --> 01:30:25,410
♪ You're so vain ♪
1588
01:30:25,587 --> 01:30:29,297
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1589
01:30:30,258 --> 01:30:34,252
♪ You're so vain ♪
1590
01:30:34,429 --> 01:30:38,264
♪ You probably think
This song is about you ♪
1591
01:30:39,100 --> 01:30:42,684
♪ You're so vain ♪♪
1592
01:30:52,489 --> 01:30:57,530
♪ Ooh, you can dance
You can jive ♪
1593
01:30:57,702 --> 01:31:01,195
♪ Having the time of your life ♪
1594
01:31:01,373 --> 01:31:06,493
♪ Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene ♪
1595
01:31:06,670 --> 01:31:11,711
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1596
01:31:16,930 --> 01:31:20,674
♪ Friday night and the lights are low ♪
1597
01:31:21,643 --> 01:31:25,262
♪ Looking out for a place to go ♪
1598
01:31:25,730 --> 01:31:28,598
♪ Mm, where they play the right music ♪
1599
01:31:28,775 --> 01:31:33,440
♪ Getting in the swing
You come to look for a king ♪
1600
01:31:35,949 --> 01:31:40,114
♪ Anybody could be that guy ♪
1601
01:31:40,662 --> 01:31:45,327
♪ The night is young
And the music's high ♪
1602
01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:47,708
♪ With a bit of rock music ♪
1603
01:31:47,877 --> 01:31:52,838
♪ Everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance ♪
1604
01:31:53,925 --> 01:31:58,420
♪ And when you get the chance ♪
1605
01:31:58,596 --> 01:32:00,178
♪ You are the dancing queen ♪♪
1606
01:32:00,348 --> 01:32:04,308
♪ You can dance, you can jive ♪
1607
01:32:04,477 --> 01:32:07,811
♪ Having the time of your life ♪
1608
01:32:07,981 --> 01:32:12,772
♪ Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene ♪
1609
01:32:12,944 --> 01:32:17,154
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1610
01:32:31,755 --> 01:32:35,965
♪ You can dance, you can jive ♪
1611
01:32:36,134 --> 01:32:39,502
♪ Having the time of your life ♪
1612
01:32:39,721 --> 01:32:44,512
♪ Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene ♪
1613
01:32:44,684 --> 01:32:48,428
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1614
01:32:54,235 --> 01:32:57,319
♪ You're the teaser
You turn 'em on ♪
1615
01:32:58,698 --> 01:33:02,658
♪ Leave 'em burning
And then you're gone ♪
1616
01:33:03,203 --> 01:33:06,913
♪ Looking out for another
Anyone will do ♪
1617
01:33:07,082 --> 01:33:09,995
♪ You're in the mood for a dance ♪
1618
01:33:10,919 --> 01:33:15,209
♪ And when you get the chance ♪
1619
01:33:15,381 --> 01:33:20,001
♪ You are the dancing queen
Young and sweet ♪
1620
01:33:20,178 --> 01:33:23,967
♪ Only 17 ♪
1621
01:33:25,517 --> 01:33:28,976
♪ Dancing queen
Feel the beat ♪
1622
01:33:29,145 --> 01:33:33,389
♪ From the tambourine
Oh, yeah ♪
1623
01:33:34,442 --> 01:33:38,686
♪ You can dance, you can jive ♪
1624
01:33:38,863 --> 01:33:42,072
♪ Having the time of your life ♪
1625
01:33:42,242 --> 01:33:46,987
♪ Ooh, see that girl
Watch that scene ♪
1626
01:33:47,163 --> 01:33:50,907
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1627
01:33:56,089 --> 01:33:59,673
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1628
01:34:05,098 --> 01:34:08,637
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪
1629
01:34:13,940 --> 01:34:18,150
♪ Diggin' the dancing queen ♪♪