Stupid thing. The pressure is shot.
Can you live with regular instead of espresso?
Never mind, sweetie. Thanks anyway.
T, hey. Sorry for the ambush. I brung up your paper.
- I am meeting the new realtor. - Yeah? Good luck.
Got a call from Sergeant Danny over in Newark PD.
Yeah? And?
T, the Feds are doing some digging over by Branford Avenue.
Willie Overall the bookie, Labor Day 1 982?
Danny says he hears it's Larry Barese that's been talking.
Lot of work for a dead fucking bookie.
Come on, kid. Do it.
- You made your bones with that prick. - Yeah.
Old Zepupin's house.
You were shaky a little but you did good.
I remember telling your old man.
25 years, T. Possible there's nothing left.
There'll be bones, teeth.
What are we gonna do?
We're gonna pack our toothbrushes.
I'll call you in a few days on the alternate cell.
Any emergencies, call Sil or Bobby.
- And if you need more cash, call Mich. - I know the drill, Tony.
You know, it's not like I won a trip to Paris.
You have everything? Your razor?
Yeah, I think so. I can buy whatever I need.
Make sure you wear your sunblock.
It's nothing. A little gambling charge. It's gonna be fine.
It's just better safe than sorry.
I know, it's just... This is what life is still like at our age?
My tomatoes are just coming in.
- It's good to see you. - Yeah.
You seem good, Junior, I gotta say.
Fuck does that mean? I'm fucking incarcerated, for Christ's sake.
The medicine, the Aricept, it agrees with you.
You're not repeating yourself so much.
You gotta get me out of here. The smell alone in this fucking place...
What do you hear from my nephew?
Tony? He sent me a card for my birthday.
I'm still waiting for an apology. Tell him.
All right.
Which one of you's gonna tell him?
We'll figure it out, Junior.
If you made an appointment with an outside dentist, that might do the trick.
What trick?
We'll meet you there and sneak you off in our car.
Dinner, ten minutes.
- So what do you think, Junior? - Enchiladas tonight.
Here's the electricians' union.
Don't let 'em take my plate, kid.
Make sure there's enough so everybody can buy in.
- $60. - For sodas and fucking candy?
Caffeinated sodas and sugar.
You know some of them ain't allowed this shit.
Gets them all riled. I could lose my job.
- Stick-up artist. I gave you my watch. - Don't count my money, nigga.
You're making 500% off these motherfuckers.
You're good till lights out. I'll steer people away from the door.
All right. No-limit five-card stud. $40 buy-in to the house.
The white buttons are five bucks. The red buttons are ten.
- Red buttons! - What you say?
Today we got Coca-Colas...
Fuck was I just saying?
- The soda, Junior. - What soda?
Right, the Coke.
The real kind, not the diet shit, ice-cold, five buttons.
Plus we got Snickers, KitKats and Sprees, also five.
I'll take some Sprees.
OK, ante up.
This is nice, huh?
A little road trip, just you and me. All things considered, of course.
Yeah, just like the old days.
Willie fucking Overall, after all these years.
Remember driving around with that prick in the trunk looking for a spot?
What was it, a week before AJ was born?
No, Meadow.
- Now she's gonna be a doctor. - Yeah.
Remember we took you to Luger's after? Me, Puss, Ralphie.
Chevy Chase... Fuck ever happened to him?
Let me ask you something.
You mentioned Ralph before.
A few years ago, he had that beef with Johnny Sack,
he made a crack about Ginny, huge fucking mole on her ass or some shit.
Yeah?
Who the fuck would tell Johnny about that joke?
How should I know?
Nine of clubs.
You know, I try to be cooperative but it's that same message over and over.
Walter, what you got?
Flush.
- No, you don't. George? - What?
George, what you got?
- Your hand. - He's got Alzheimer's.
- Help him, for Christ's sake. - Pair of jacks.
Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife.
"l guess I'll have to spread my legs now," she says.
"Why?" he asks. "Don't you have a vase?"
High rollers only. Keep walking, Professor.
I'm not here to gamble. I'm looking for Keith.
- Keith's busy. Take a hike. - We had a chess match, Keith.
The pride of Rutgers.
Slits his wrists in the faculty lounge after he stabbed the dean.
At least some of us know when we need help.
Get the fuck out of here, you fucking...
What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
I don't know.
"Good morning, ladies."
What's going on, guys?
- They're gambling, Warren. - Relax, Brian.
- What did we say about this? - It's a friendly game.
Corrado, it's too stressful. Look at him.
He's not even playing.
Come on, guys. Let's wrap it up.
I saw your girl today at pet therapy.
How does she keep her coat so shiny?
.. they can be unexpected, frightening events.
But here, at beautiful Crater Lake National Park,
they're just part of the scenery.
Crater Lake is located high in the Cascades of south-central Oregon,
250 miles south of Portland.
I brought you your tea.
You did a good job tonight, kid. Here's your taste.
- That's all right. - Take it. You earned it.
Time once, I was a kid.
My old man was a stonemason.
He took me to work,
a job building a wall around some rich lady's garden.
She comes home. I help carry her groceries.
She goes to give me a quarter,
which was a lot in those days, but I say no.
She goes in.
No sooner does she close the door when crack,
my old man gives me a belt right across the mouth.
"What are you, a millionaire? You no need-a money? You no like-a eat?"
Even still, he was right.
He made me walk home that night.
1 1 fucking miles from Essex Fells back to Newark.
- I'm from Essex Fells. - A rich kid?
Warren said I should get my buttons back
as we weren't really supposed to be gambling.
Tell Warren he can fuck himself.
Got a problem with that, tell him to come see me.
- Can I get a KitKat at least? - Do you believe this guy?
Get the fuck out of here.
Once in third grade
I got a 96 on my spelling test, highest mark in the class.
I was so proud.
I brought it home to show my dad.
"What happened to the other four points?" he says.
Fuck you! Fuck you!
UZFM Fredericksburg. Your home for classic rock. 96.9.
Paulie, we should stop.
- Fuck are we? - Virginia.
You remember that place, the dive with the fucking massage beds?
- It was in Culpeper, Virginia. - The Havenaire.
We met those 16-year-old hillbilly whores near the taxi stand.
You want the old days, let's go there.
We'll get a room, bucket of ice from the machine,
bottle of Scotch, order up a couple of steaks...
Now you're fucking talking.
Excuse me. This place, is it new?
I think maybe, I don't know.
There was a motel on this spot, right?
- The Havenaire? - I don't know.
Fucking guy.
Mr Spears, you're all set.
Two king rooms, one night, checking out tomorrow.
From six to ten we offer a complimentary buffet breakfast
in the courtesy room off the lobby.
Sign there, please.
You have room service send up two fifths of Glenlivet?
I apologise, sir, we don't serve bottles.
There is a minibar in the room.
- A couple of steaks, then. - With baked potatoes.
Wraps and salads only after 1 1.
Buckingham's is still open, though. You could get some nachos.
Your dad, boy.
Him and me made this trip a thousand times back in the '60s.
- He had a piece of that dog track, right? - Among other things.
This one time, my first trip ever, we're going through Georgia.
He's got a '59 Eldorado with the fins.
The Biarritz. He used to let me steer.
I'm, like, 20 at the time, I'm a kid. Never been five miles out of Newark.
Anyway, I'm driving, we get pulled over.
State trooper with the hat, fucking sunglasses.
- I got no driver's licence. - Of course not.
I'm shitting a brick.
This is the deep fucking South we're in, and we're ltalian.
I turn to your dad, "What do I tell this prick?"
"Relax," he says. "Tell him your cousin's on the job."
He gives me a southern-sounding name. The guy comes over.
"My cousin's a state trooper too," I tell him. "Maybe you know him."
"What's his name?" "Barney Fife."
The prick gives me a shot, I don't know what the fuck hit me.
Your dad's pissing himself.
I never watch TV. How the fuck do I know, right?
So what happened?
Your dad had to duke the guy 1 00 dollars.
Probably a month's salary in those days.
You know, I remember you around that time.
When I was bad my dad threatened me he'd get Uncle Paulie to come get me.
Fucking Johnny Boy.
He loved you, my friend.
I remember the night you were born.
Only time I ever saw him cry.
It's funny, you know, I never knew where I stood with him.
Like he didn't believe in me or something.
Fucking kidding?
He trusted you enough to give you the Willie Overall thing.
- And you were what, 24? - 22.
So there you go, then.
I tell the guy, "Listen, I don't mind paying for the tailpipe,
"but that muffler's still under warranty."
- All set? - Yeah.
- Nice talking to you. - Yeah, you too.
Enjoy Miami.
- What the fuck is wrong with you? - What?
You tell some fucking goober your life story?
We're supposed to be laying low.
I'm gonna grab some Danish for the road.
- You have shit on your pants, Don. - Please be patient with him.
Yes, ma'am.
Visiting day at the zoo. Don't feed the chedrools.
- Ma. - How was church?
It was fine. It was good. You remember Mr Soprano?
Corrado, please. Hello, my dear.
- How are you today? - I'd complain, but who'd listen?
They have me on some new medication. It makes me salivate.
I'll leave you two to visit. I have some letters to answer.
- He's a good boy, this one. - Thank you.
I have this new medication they put me on. It makes me salivate.
How are you feeling?
- Fine. - Maybe you can clear something up.
Dr Mandl says you've been acting aggressively toward other patients.
- That is total fucking bullshit. - Carter...
- Why don't you just lead off with that? - What are you talking about?
Instead of pretending to give a shit how I feel.
Now, apparently, you are becoming a bully.
Dr Mandl feels you're modelling your actions on the wrong people.
- Really? Like who? - You know who. That gangster.
You of all people should know not to believe what you read in the paper.
All that crap they wrote about Daddy.
That was the Wall Street Journal. It was entirely different.
It's never enough, is it?
My whole time at MlT, you told me to get out and make friends.
Now I finally do learn to assert myself a little, suddenly that's a negative.
Checking in. Spears.
- Sil. - I'll get us settled in.
- Hey. - It's not good.
The Feds found a body.
Skeleton. They tentatively lD'd it as the guy.
- Fuck. - Try and relax.
How's Paulie holding up?
Jaws are holding up fine. He won't shut the fuck up.
- That's too bad. - What the fuck's he gotta worry about?
Scenario like this, the Feds ain't interested in him, believe me.
Look, I love the guy, it's just...you know how he is.
Believe me, I hear you.
What else? Let me think.
I looked in on Carm and she's OK.
Thanks.
Call me if you hear anything.
Use your hat!
"And hope to hear from you soon.
"Sincerely..." No.
"Respectfully, Corrado Soprano."
Read it back.
"Dear Vice President Cheney,
"As a powerful man all too familiar with accidental gun play,
"l am writing in the hope that you will intervene in my case.
"Like yourself, I was involved in an unfortunate incident
"when a gun I was handling misfired."
Head up, yo.
- I'd lay off the card games awhile. - Fuck's the matter?
The professor snitched you out to Dr Mandl.
What do you do with those, Jameel?
Autographed pictures of the man who capped Tony Soprano?
Them motherfuckers go right on eBay.
Come on, now, sign.
That was our deal.
You wanna keep getting them sodas?
Sick fucking world.
For you.
- I got one for Cristina and Gia too. - Thanks.
Where's the DVD?
That never occurred to me. I'll have Sil FedEx you one.
Long as you're here.
Before the girls get here, remember that Cuban guy I was telling you about?
He knocks over trucks.
Last load was American Standard. Sinks, toilets, tubs...
No shit? All right, let's talk.
I'll give you his number, you call him. Now, check this out.
You're not gonna believe what I found when we were moving into the new house.
Holy fucking shit.
Mickey Pinto took that in 1963.
Look at that hair.
Handsome fucking guy.
That wristband, the leather thing,
I remember getting one just like it, me and all my friends.
Wanted to be a tough guy just like him.
That big one, that's your Uncle Junior and your old man in front of Satriale's.
There he is.
It's the Biarritz. We were just talking about that.
I'm gonna have my daughter scan them into the computer
so I can get a couple of copies for you.
That's my wife. I gotta take this.
- No, stay. It's all right, come on. - I gotta empty my bag anyway.
Hey, honey sweetie, how's everything?
- Gia says hi, guys. - Hello, Gia.
He pisses in a bag now? Jesus Christ, fucking kill me now.
..supporting them with a huge warehouse covering 28 acres,
stuffed to the rafters with over 3, 000 products
you can order at rock-bottom prices
and sell for profits of up to 300% and more.
It's easy to wish for a better life...
Just pick up the phone and call this toll-free number...
- Hello. - Junior, it's Pat.
- You put any thought to our plan? - What plan?
The dentist, you know, like we said.
- Who is this? - It's Pat.
The dentist, remember? You were gonna make an appointment.
You sneak me off, where would I lam it?
A safe house, I don't know.
The time's not right. I'm being watched. Call back later.
Cos I'm headed back to Sarasota soon...
..free to get started.
They give you plenty of ideas and support
and the quality of the products is even better than in the catalogues.
I decided I wanted something where I was my own boss...
Back in the day, '70s, fucking '80s,
you didn't make a move in North Jersey without this one up your ass.
I wasn't even born yet.
Please. Wanna talk about stand-up guys?
Sorry, Beans.
Carlo, can we get some more champagne, please?
Remember that yokel at the feast mouthing off to your cousin?
This maniac threw a vat of hot oil
right from the zeppole stand on this prick.
Oh, my God.
Little powdered sugar, he would have been done.
And, Tone, remember when we all rented that house down the shore?
- With the bedbugs. - Summer of '78.
Carlo, Silvio, Frankie Napoli...
Place up the beach, Sonny Spinz from the Bronx rented it,
that's where that hippy kid mysteriously drowned during that party.
- Tone, you OK? - Yeah.
You sure, T? You're being kinda quiet.
That's cos "remember when" is the lowest form of conversation.
I told Tommy DeLeo you're the boss now.
This fucking DeLeo Construction has always been a problem.
Tell him I personally am upset.
- Nice gravy. - Yeah.
Anyway, your taste.
How's Patricia? You mind?
Go ahead.
Now I'll start by making a mountain fold on each corner.
Folding the corners into the centre of the paper...
Touché, Captain Blood.
- Checkers, the thinking man's game. - You looking for a smack in the mouth?
Corrado? Language, please.
What do you want?
If you'd move, perhaps I could reach the chess set.
If I don't, what the fuck are you gonna do?
- You don't intimidate me. - Corrado.
You're lucky she's here, you little prick.
Naturally. You're only tough when there's an authority figure nearby
so things don't go too far.
- How the mighty have fall... - Corrado!
Get him! Get him!
How do you like that? Fucking smart guy! How do you like that?
God, no!
I'm gonna kill this prick.
Would you describe Mr Soprano as the aggressor?
- Is he generally a troublemaker? - No, he cool.
You just gotta know how to talk to him is all.
That's a lovely watch you're wearing. Is that vintage?
Bulova, yeah. Flea market.
Must have been quite expensive.
Why am I the only caregiver being interrogated?
It wouldn't happen to be because of the colour of my skin, would it?
Thank you for your cooperation. You can go.
I'm gonna write a change order for Soprano's meds.
Yeah, I need a bridge loan. If you could.
- 200K. - Done.
What can I tell you? I've been mush lately.
- Happens. - I lost the one o'clock game by a field goal.
It was a pick 'em. Then the four o'clock game, I'm chasing the money.
I picked the 49ers minus two.
Fuck it, you don't want to hear this.
It's been this way the last couple of months, though.
- Listen, this too shall pass. - Thanks, tateleh.
- Any time. - All right.
- Is this a non-smoking room? - Go ahead.
- Dinner was fun the other night. - Yeah.
- How do you know Peter? - Who Peter? Beansie?
He's an old friend from the neighbourhood.
So the other guy? The one with white hair thingies.
- What's his name again? - Paulie.
Right. What is he, like, your best friend?
- He say that? - I just figured.
The way he was talking.
Honestly, I thought he was your dad at first.
There was a time when I wished he was.
- He used to work for my dad. - I know, he told me.
Corrado?
It's time for group.
It's these new pills, last couple of days.
I got no pep.
That'll change. There's a slight adjustment period.
I'm sleeping all the time now. I can't focus.
Give it time, you'll feel a lot better and your memory will improve too.
You know that's bullshit, right?
They're trying to numb you out cos of what you did to the professor.
Where the fuck is this guy?
West on 84, Beans said, right?
There.
What the fuck is this?
God damn it.
Who's Ramon?
Waiting long?
So everybody come tonight except Charo?
All right, hold on.
I'm Tony, this is Paulie.
This is Esteban and the rest of the guys.
We stepped away from a wedding.
Our friend in the wheelchair tells us you get regular access to goods.
I got a trailer full of power tools coming in later on this month.
Factory-sealed Black & Deckers and Makitas.
I can get for you 50 cents on the dollar.
60 grand.
55 would work but that includes shipping to Jersey.
We look like fucking UPS?
Look, you send the truck up north, we send it back loaded.
I got a line on air mattresses, pool toys
and I can round the load out with Kerastase.
It's a French shampoo, $20 a bottle retail.
Now, you get 5% after sale, but that's gonna involve a little trust.
All right. We're looking for a long-term relationship.
- We'll be calling. - All right.
You OK, tío?
Corrado, how you doing today?
I'm dying a slow death, that's how I'm doing.
- Just take your meds, yo. - Real fucking Nazi now, huh?
- Stop fucking pushing! - I wasn't!
Yo, stop bumping dickheads out there!
You should have seen him out there. The fuck can handle himself.
He's got the gazzis of a 20-year-old.
He's my friend, but, Jesus, what a fucking chiacchierone.
He tells me, "Don't say nothing to nobody." He's got prostate.
- I say, "Sure." He tells everybody. - He was always like that.
- No, he was Gary fucking Cooper. - You forget.
One time, I fell asleep while he was on the phone.
I wake up 20 minutes later and he was still going.
I gotta say... it concerns me.
- Lately. - No. Come on.
People live alone, they get like that. It's sad.
I'm leaving for my card game. Are you two OK?
- Dinner was great, hon. - Any time.
Thank you.
That's a great girl you got there. The way she stood by you.
See, that's what Paulie doesn't got.
Now I'm speaking to your point.
He's got no wife. He's got no kids.
He's got no steady income stream.
Except for Barone, which is coming to an end.
I told him, if you can't show legit income, you're vulnerable to the Feds.
He don't do shit about it.
I think you're worrying for nothing, Tony.
Things are going great. Finally.
Maybe I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
All I know is, Paulie Gualtieri is a stand-up guy.
Has he ever really been put to the test?
You know, he had this painting of me in his house.
I was all dressed up like a fucking general.
I heard about that.
Yeah, it pissed me off. I thought it was a fucking joke.
- But I don't think it was. - He loves you, Tone.
You're all he's got. You, the guys and his image.
I love him too.
You always did.
- Hey, Sil. - I'm here with Bobby.
- He just got a call from Jenna. - Who?
- Karen's sister. - Works in the courthouse.
Yeah. And?
- Are you sitting down? - Just fucking tell me.
Jackie Aprile.
- What? - You heard me.
Larry told them JA was totally responsible
for the death of a certain African-American person.
- He covered your ass. - Congratulations, Anthony!
Yeah, well, you got to wonder what's next.
Yeah, but for tonight, huh?
All right, thanks. Talk to you later.
We're off the hook on this Willie Overall thing.
Thank God! That's fucking beautiful.
Yeah.
Know what we ought to do?
We ought to treat ourselves before we leave.
I was thinking maybe we'd do some sport fishing.
You serious?
Yeah. Are you kidding, the fucking marlin they got out here?
We'll rent a boat.
Yeah. Sure.
"What's that got to do with chicken farming?" he asks.
The whore says, "Last year, I raised over 5,000 cocks."
- Where you going? - The head. I gotta piss.
- One more? - Yeah. One more.
Two fags decide they want a baby.
So they jack off in a cup,
use the sperm to get a lady friend of theirs pregnant.
Nine months later, they go to the hospital.
They see all the babies in the nursery.
"Look," they say. "Our baby's the sweetest one.
"He's not even crying at all."
- God damn it, what the fuck is it? - "Now he's not crying," the nurse says.
"Just wait till we take the pacifier out of his ass."
Right, yeah.
Oh, fuck me!
Accident! Accident!
God fucking damn it!
Corrado, what happened?
Oh, Jesus Christ on the cross.
It's all right. Come on.
I'm an old man. It was an accident, for Christ's sake.
You're on Ditropan specifically to avoid incontinence.
Not to mention Celexa, which should be curtailing your aggressiveness.
I'm taking my medication. Ask Hormel, you don't believe me.
Jameel. He's been let go.
There's a mutual trust among the staff and our patients regarding treatment.
That means you have a choice.
You can either wear Depends while you await transfer to another facility
or you can take your medication as prescribed.
Here, Corrado. Time for your medicine.
Where the fuck is my iPod?
Every day it's your iPod, Carter. Stop causing a commotion.
- What'd you do that for? - I should piss myself again?
But I did the thing.
They're muscling me. What do you want me to tell you?
I could have gotten in trouble. You don't even give a shit.
Let's get a card game together.
- They fired Hormel. - Jameel? Fuck him! You got me.
Maybe tomorrow, kid. I don't know. I'm tired.
Old lronsides!
You're supposed to say, "Who, Beansie?"
Yeah.
Where you been?
You didn't come to lunch.
I brought you these from Keith. He owed me money.
Hootie And The Blowfish.
Thanks.
That was a nice letter you wrote to Cheney.
But he don't read 'em himself, they got computers that do it.
I asked Lynch, the professor.
What are you talking to him for?
He says we'll have a better chance if we write him at his outfit. Halliburton.
My father owned Grumman stock.
My grandpa said my dad lacked character.
Grandpa was a lion.
You're very smart, Anthony.
I'm sure you're very good with spelling too.
Rigatoni a la Paulie.
But since you're eating it maybe it should be Rigatoni a la Tony.
- What? You're not hungry? - My fucking stomach.
You know, when you went down below, I thought I saw a whale.
- No shit. - It made me think of Ginny Sack.
That joke Ralph made about her, that was some funny shit,
no matter what John said.
You got to have a sense of humour, right?
Yeah.
I heard she took an office job. Chubb lnsurance.
It was you told him, right?
I mean, it's no big deal. I could hardly resist.
- Grapevine, Tone. I don't know. - Yeah.
He was a funny prick, that Ralph.
His Gladiator fixation,
the time he hit Georgie in the eye with the chain.
I'd have loved to have seen John's face when he heard that crack.
Always fucking holier-than-thou cos he didn't fuck other women.
Mr Broomstick-up-his-ass.
You know, no offence,
but you ever had yourself checked for Tourette's?
- What? - Tourette's Syndrome. Seriously.
It's like you got a tick.
I dunno. It's like some people grind their teeth.
When I'm nervous, tense or something.
Come on, you told John about that joke, right?
- It wasn't me, Tone. - No?
That's right.
- You want a drink? - All right. Stewarts.
- Think fast! - Jesus, Tone! Fuck, that hurt.
What does it take to get something to eat?
When my time comes, tell me, will I stand up?
Who was at the door?
Williams-Sonoma. From Paulie.
"The Elektra Semiautomatic Chrome Espresso Machine."
- So? - My God, Tony.
This is, like, $2,000.
I mean, what is wrong with that man?
What's wrong with him? Nothing.
It's guys like him that allows our whole lifestyle here.
Take me over to Jeanette's house.
In an apparent escalation of a Mafia power struggle...
What year? Let me see, '72, '73, back in the Feech La Manna days.
I'm on a roll. I mean, I haven't lost a bet in fucking months.
..after a brazen ambush by...
Tone, you see this shit?
- Skip. - Hey.
Looks like Phil's the main guinea over there now.
Anyway, we're at Maxwell's Plum, the Saturday night before the game.
Who walks in but fucking Namath?
Three sheets to the wind, fucking staggering like a sailor.
So I know the game is going into the toilet.
I said to my brother Jerry, he was just a kid at the time,
"Take this money down to old Caruso on the corner
"and put it all against the Jets."
My brother was just recovering from rheumatic fever...