- I'm laying out. You coming? - The UV index is 10.
Jesus, we don't do anything. We don't eat.
We don't go out. God knows we don't do anything else.
Is that all you ever think about, sex?
All I ever think about? You haven't fucked me in over a year.
Blood sugar, I told you, the weight loss.
Good, fine. Skin cancer.
What's up?
Thing we talked about at the wedding.
Rusty.
You made the call to Italy.
Our friend over there's gonna fit him for a suit.
She's sending over two of her best tailors.
So I should meet 'em at the airport?
No, they're gonna call you when they arrive.
Now you hook 'em up with a third party, huh?
Get 'em some scissors.
This is smart, Ton', the more I think about it.
Glad you approve.
Anybody taking a look, there's nothing linking us to it.
- Hey, good seeing you. - Hey, there he is.
How are you?
Listen, come here a minute.
About the other day...
I'm fine. A couple of stitches.
Yeah? My fucking temper, you know?
No no no no, it's okay, really.
Take it.
Thanks.
Look, Ton',
I don't remember slamming the refrigerator door,
but Carlo told me and my dad,
I never should have raised my hands to you. I'm sorry.
As long as you realize.
It basically became the same thing every day.
Coffee, couple lines of meth,
smooth that out with a shot of Jameson.
And that was just to drive the kids to school.
Then one day I fell asleep at work and forgot about Gracie's recital.
Human frailty, it makes me sick sometimes.
- Chris, right? - Should I know you?
Kevin Mucci, Yonkers.
We met at the Trotters. Sal lacuzzo's cousin.
- Right. Hey. - Hey.
Yonkers, what are you, lost?
My ex's birthday over at the Red Robin in Clifton.
I figured I'd need a meeting to make it through that shit.
I hear that.
So I saw my cousin this week.
It turns out he ran into a friend of yours, the big guy, Vito.
And...
He was in a fag bar, dancing with a guy.
Get the fuck out!
Right, Joey, use your head.
You are not gonna fucking believe this.
Vito Spatafore's an ass-muncher.
- Oh! What? - What did you just say?
I'm sorry, it's true.
We ran into this kid. Vito was spotted in a fag bar in New York.
By who?
The kid's cousin. Allegedly.
Probably bullshit.
- He's a married man. - With a goomar.
All right, back up a second.
What did the kid say exactly?
- The kid's cousin Sal lacuzzo... - From Yonkers, I know him.
Sal was at this place in the city, supposedly on business.
He saw Vito holding hands with a guy in nipple rings.
You're leaving out the best part.
He was wearing a motorcycle outfit,
like the guy in the Village People with the leather hat
- and the vest. - Chaps too.
I don't know. Fucking slander, ask me.
All right, let's take this in the back.
- Yeah, that's what Vito did. - You can go.
Tell you one thing, if it was me this kid was spreading rumors about,
he'd have something up his own ass.
And it wouldn't be no cock, either.
That's the point, though.
This guy Sal, I know him.
- He's a friend of ours. - I fucking called it, long time ago.
You knew Vito was a recchion'?
- Yes. - When?
I never said it, but I knew.
Get the fuck out. Enough of this rush to judgment.
For all we know, this fucking Sal guy's got a hard-on for Vito.
Oh, you think this is funny, huh?
There's a man's reputation at stake here.
A married man, with kids.
Nah, that don't mean shit. Elton John was married.
Yeah, Rock Hudson too. I think.
So what do we gotta do, Ton', actually see him take it in the ass?
Get Vito on the phone.
You know, he called me the other night.
3:00 in the morning, after the wedding.
And?
Honestly, it was weird. He wanted to know what was going on.
He was fucking fishing, see if we heard.
Straight to voice mail.
Ton', I mean, he represents us.
I'm not gonna condemn the man off the word
of some fucking douchebag from Yonkers.
- I could care less, basically. - Yeah? Maybe you're a flambe.
Fucking nauseating.
It was up to me, I'd drag Vito behind my fucking car right now.
Will you take it easy over there, fucking Judge Roy Bean?
One of my bar girls knows his goomar.
We'll check with her. Maybe she's seen him and knows where he is.
Loren.
Think about it, though, Ton'...
sudden weight loss.
- AIDS? - Nobody's got AIDS.
I don't wanna hear that word in here again!
The Federal Prosecutor's office won't tell you why your son's being held?
Or where. It has been four days now since he's been arrested,
and we have no money to hire a lawyer.
- How did you hear about the law center? - You will write the...
Habeas corpus? I'm not an attorney yet.
I'm a volunteer assistant. One of our attorneys will file the writ.
- He is a good boy. - The FBI went to his school
and took him like a criminal. This is America?
It's not easy to be Muslim now.
They wouldn't let Afaf skate at the local rink
- unless she removed her headscarf. - You're kidding me, why?
They said it was for insurance.
It might fall off and someone could trip.
If she had been wearing a yarmulke, it would have been a different story.
You can bet.
They're these poor, hardworking people.
- Finn, you're not eating? - Coffee's good.
The government is just completely fucking this family over.
When did it start she could use that kind of language
in this house with immunity?
I'm telling Mom about these people that came into the office yesterday.
Let me guess, was it a crack whore trying to get her kids back
for the welfare money?
Actually, it was a family from Afghanistan who fled the Taliban
and sweated out Visa lotteries
in a refugee camp, and hold down three jobs.
You think it's funny? The FBI snatched their son off the street
like we're some third-world dictatorship.
Pretty scary.
There must have been some reason, Meadow.
- Like he's a terrorist, maybe. - 9-11, 9-11.
Bush is using it as an excuse to erode our Constitutional protections,
- and you're falling for it. - Well, I voted for him.
Right, well, you don't relate to black people clinging to logs.
You oughta chill out about some of this.
Hey.
Let me ask you something,
those two Arabs
with the credit cards, Fazool and whatever his name is...
Yeah?
you think there's a chance they could be...
I don't know, Al-Qaedas, something like that?
You know at one point it did cross my mind.
Yeah, and?
I don't think so.
They're gun nuts but the smaller guy Ahmed,
when those Danish cartoons got published,
he was very upset, but at the protestors.
He said he hated the cartoons
but that the rioting shit would just bring bad attention to all Muslims.
And the other guy Mohammed, his brother's
a government interrogator in Lebanon
or Syria.
Plus Mohammed and his girlfriend have a dog,
a springer spaniel.
I'm gonna get a coffee.
Vito, what the fuck you doing?
- Tony's looking for you. - For me?
He's been calling for fucking days.
My goddamn phone, Jesus. Everything all right?
You tell us.
I'm good. Tell Tony I'll call him.
It's better you come in.
Sure.
You go ahead, and I'll follow you.
What?
What are you doing?!
Motherfucker!
Fucking finook.
Lying piece of shit.
Better not come around here no more.
Hey.
You speak Ital, right?
Some friends coming over from Naples,
paying a visit to a guy from New York.
- Who? - The little guy in Ozone Park.
That's pretty high up.
You should provide 'em a couple of dumb gats,
guidance on where to find him.
How do I get ahold of them?
Just leave your phone on.
Part two when it's done.
I hear fat Vito's been riding up the Hershey Highway.
- Where'd you get that? - Come on.
Somebody started a joke. I won't mention any names.
There's no truth to it.
It's a fucking captain you're talking about.
People went to see him. He was down the shore with his goomar.
So it's bullshit then.
As soon as he saw 'em, took off like a bat out of hell.
Fuck.
You didn't hear it from me.
It could be a mid-life thing.
Sucking a cock?
Mr. Spatafore, hey.
Marie's still at the hospital with her mom.
- Kids asleep? - They went to sleep about an hour ago.
Fuck!
Hi. How are you doing?
I need a room for the night.
I don't have anybody down for a reservation.
The sign said "Vacancy."
Oh, we have rooms. We usually don't get walk-ins. Come in.
Glad to have you. Slow around here until the leaf peepers show up.
Let me show you where we serve breakfast.
I just want to go to my room.
No problem. It's $140, breakfast included.
- MasterCard or Visa. - I'll pay cash.
We accept that too.
But you can take care of it in the morning.
I'm just beat, that's all.
My car broke down.
On a night like this too.
You know, my stepson runs the tow service.
You want, early morning, I can have your rig brought to the Mobil.
Yeah?
Black Cadillac.
Route 228.
This is for you.
Have a good night.
Franklin Pierce room. Up the stairs, first door to the right.
I was just over at the house. Everything is gone.
- Which house are you referring to? - The spec house.
The PVC, the shake-roof shingles,
even that expensive lock on the shed is missing.
That's awful, Mel.
You don't know anything about this?
You left it there to rot.
I don't believe this.
- With my husband on his deathbed... - Oh, Sarah Bernhardt.
...you went over there and you picked through the place like a vulture!
You said you'd straighten out the permits with the building department
- and you never did. - That is beside the point!
Carmela, what happened to my bundt pan?
It was your fault the permits were denied in the first place.
You're a broken record, for God's sake. That's what you are.
Carmela, wait.
No, let her go. I've had a lifetime of her bullshit.
Gimme a coffee.
National directory. City and state?
Peterborough, New Hampshire.
The number for Angelo Di Piazza.
- Double "Z." - No number listed, sir.
How about Roberta Di Piazza?
Nothing for Roberta Di Piazza.
- Huh? - Nothing, sir.
Could you try Roberta Spatafore?
S-p-a-t-a-f-o-r-e.
I don't have anything for that listing, sir.
Look, I'm trying to find my cousin.
Could you search the whole state?
Searching.
I'm sorry, sir.
- What's good? - First time here, try the johnnycakes.
What's that?
Pancake made with white cornmeal. New England specialty.
Where you from?
Scottsdale.
Well, they're delicious. Little butter, local syrup.
Okay, and gimme some of them Jimmy Deans.
Our sausages are made in-house.
Hey, boys, how'd you guys make out in the storm?
We lost our lights in the middle of "Cold Case."
We thought we were gonna have to talk to each other or read a book.
The usual, guys?
- Are we boring? - Yeah yeah.
Here's your johnnycakes.
I gotta warn you, they're addictive.
They look good.
- You want more coffee? - No, I'm coffeed out.
You don't say hello to your uncle?
- Hi, Uncle Sil. - Vito.
Well, he ain't gonna show.
I'll just leave him these.
He said he'd be back from Vegas today. I don't know.
You and Vito,
how are things going with you guys?
We have our ups and downs.
And in the romance department?
Excuse me?
What's this all about?
It's awkward.
No offense, I really don't want to talk about this.
Vito's a good father and a loving husband.
But his mind is elsewhere.
He takes these unexplained powders.
He's got a goomar. I know all about it.
It's nothing. Forget about it.
You hear from him,
tell him I brought him some Blood, Sweat and Tears tickets.
Backstage passes too.
I'm telling you,
my business, I'm around a lot of women.
That one ain't getting laid.
- Hello. - Vito?
- You got him? - Who?
- Put Vito on the phone, asshole. - Fuck you, motherfucker.
What, are you sucking his dick? Put him on.
How about I kick your ass, you fucking faggot?
Yeah, that's right, telephone tough-guy. Put Vito on the phone!
There ain't no Vito, man. I found the phone on the side of the road.
- What? - Hang on a second.
Where'd you find the phone?
Hello.
Hello!
Oh, you motherfucker.
What happened?
Bob at the marina where Tony docks his boat
says he'll donate a sunset dinner cruise.
- I paid $300 for that? - Yeah.
I got seasick in Bermuda on one of those.
- Oh, Angie, finally. - Sorry.
I had these sales reps in my office.
We're just going over the list for the silent auction.
- We're already up to about 7500 bucks. - Oh good, Artie.
- Ladies. - A silent auction again?
- Why not get a live auctioneer? - I got sea bream, beautiful.
Porcini-dusted ravioli, huh?
I hate to be a pain, but I gotta get back.
- Can we just let him cook? - Sure.
Great, go for it.
Where were we?
Jesus Christ. He's always interrupting.
People enjoy the silent auction.
I thought our goal was to raise money.
I say we get 'em liquored up, let 'em tear each other's throats out.
- Well... - It's just an idea.
Anyhow, put me down for $2,000 worth of bodywork and/or paint.
2,000? Madonn', Ange.
So, did you hear about Vito and Marie? Separated.
Oh, sorry, I gotta take this.
Hello?
They were just at the wedding. They seemed fine.
What'd I tell you? Is that a beautiful fish or what?
Oh, for God's sake, all right!
Can I just get some prosciutto melon to go?
I'm sorry, guys. I gotta get back.
No, the quarter panel from the LeSabre, I said.
Oh shit.
You didn't know he was gay?
Actually I had him pegged the whole time, but...
He a close friend?
Not only that, he's one of my most valuable guys.
He's ambitious, he's focused.
When I was in the hospital,
he helped Carmela tremendously when we were strapped.
You've implied you have millions of dollars.
Your hospital stay was actually that costly?
Well no, but, uh...
Huh?
Is that the issue?
You tell me. What is the issue?
He's a fa-ag!
And?
Now what am I supposed to do?
About what?
I know what. They're born that way, right?
It's not their fault.
Frankly I think they go about in pity for themselves.
I don't think they see it as a fault.
In your circle I'm sure you got all kinds
of gays and trans-whatevers
of all stripes.
But not where I come from.
You personally...
how do you feel about homosexuality?
I find it disgusting.
Men kissing men, holding hands in the street.
Every fuckin' TV show now, they rub your nose in it.
Although, that...
the lesbian thing with the, uh...
Jennifer Beals,
it's not bad.
She a dyke in real life?
I don't give too much of a shit
what people do behind closed doors
with the consenting adults.
Although don't forget: I'm a strict Catholic.
I agree with that Senator Sanitorium,
who says if we let this stuff go too far,
pretty soon we'll be fucking dogs.
I hear a lot of ambivalence.
This guy that got outed, look,
the guys that work for me are asking for head.
His head. What the fuck?
You know, him and me, we're in the construction business.
Now some of these union old-timers, the contractors,
they're not gonna want to be seen with him.
And I'm talking huge deals, major fucking dollars.
A lot of your circle must have done jail time.
They can't be strangers to male-male sexual contact.
You get a pass for that.
Well, that's nice.
Well, what are you gonna do?
There's no women there.
You're there five, 10 years.
Just for the record, my incarceration was very short term,
so I never had any need for any anal... you know.
So this fellow who's been outed, what's he saying?
You think I'm lying, don't you?
About when I was in jail.
I've given you no indication I think you're lying.
What the fuck, I suppose something inside me says
God bless, a' salut'.
Who gives a shit?
I mean I had a second chance. Why shouldn't he?
Part of your new outlook?
Maybe.
I salute it, then.
Tall fuckin' order, I'll tell you that.
How so?
You can talk about every day being a gift and stopping to smell the roses,
but regular life's got a way of picking away at it.
Your house, the shit you own,
it drags you down.
Your kids, what they want.
One bad idea after another.
Just trying to work a cell phone menu is enough to make you scream.
There's some cold pasta.
No, I ate already.
What's all that?
For the silent auction.
My busy little beaver.
Not really.
Look, Ton', I haven't wanted to bug you,
but before you got hurt,
you said you would get that building inspector
to cut me some slack so I could get back to my business?
Oh yeah, right right. I will, later.
Come here.
No, uh, I'm still not ready for that.
Last time I thought I tore something from tensing my muscles.
No, I got something for that scar.
Vitamin E.
My facialist said it will help get the red out.
You were right about my uncle, Carm.
All along.
It doesn't give me any pleasure, believe me.
I should have cut him out of my life.
I brought this all on myself.
You did not. Don't ever think that.
All this, you never once said "I told you so."
Accentuate the positive.
I wanted you to get better.
You know my shrink...
told me that, uh...
I stood by Junior through all his jealousy and shit...
trying to prove I'm a good guy...
and that my mother couldn't hate a good boy like that.
Imagine laying next to a guy 15 years
and all the time he's been playing for the pink team.
Who told you? Tony swore me to secrecy.
I'm not gonna burn my sources.
Anyway, it's all over the place.
Those children, imagine when they find out their father's a finook.
God, she's such a bright girl, Marie Spatafore.
You think she and Vito had some arrangement?
I just hope she gets herself tested.
Still, Vito? He'd be like the last one you'd suspect.
Suspect of what?
Wow, such a young lady!
Yes, she's working two jobs.
Days she's interning at Gendler, Lookstein, Abruzzo & Abruzzo.
What about Vito?
Nothing. Him and Marie are having some problems, that's all.
- I can probably guess. - Excuse me?
Huh-uh, I'm not going first.
Do you know something?
Okay...
he is possibly...
gay.
Finn saw him giving some guy a blowjob.
What?
When Dad got him that job in construction?
Finn showed up early one morning and he saw Vito
in a car going down on some security guard.
- Oh my God! - He saw this?
He had Finn all freaked out. He still does.
Why didn't you say something?
Because Vito warned Finn not to.
You gotta hear what Meadow just told us.
- Mom! - The cat's out of the bag, Meadow.
Oh, it's "Dr. Yank 'em," the painless dentist.
How you doing, kid? Hey Ton'.
Hey...
Unfortunately, Finn here has got some bad news,
so, uh, listen up.
Sit down.
Go ahead.
Tell 'em what you saw.
Don't be scared. It's all right.
All right, if we can just head over and have lunch.
Good morning.
Let me ask you a question.
Before he cornered you in the porta-potty,
when the security guard was sucking him off...
Whoa one sec, it was the other way around.
What?
Vito was blowing the security guard.
Son of a bitch!
Catchin', not pitchin'?
He's not gonna know I told you?
You ain't gonna have no problem from Vito, believe me.
- What are you gonna do? - It'll be okay.
Get him to pay for some therapy.
Look, why don't you... why don't you go out front,
get yourself a sandwich,
any kind you like, huh?
Soda.
When we're done here, somebody will take you back.
All right.
I wanna kill the fat faggot myself.
Be a fuckin' honor.
Cut off his pisciatil' and feed it to him.
There can be no mistake now.
I can't believe I stuck up for him!
I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart.
We can't have him here in our social club no more.
I mean, that much I do know.
Social club?
He's gotta go!
I wanna think about it.
Yeah, I don't know.
What the fuck? What is there to think about?
- Sit down. - Fuck that! I'll say it again!
What the fuck is there to think about?
You gonna take care of his kids, huh, after he's gone?
It's true. They didn't do nothing.
Poor little guys.
Now sit down.
I'm sorry if I yelled, T. It's just...
how much more betrayal can I take?
Vito, a fag.
Big construction tycoon.
Ton', when he was always talking about "greasing the union,"
who knew that's what he meant?
All right, this stays in these four walls.
Am I understood?
- Phil, oh my God. - You poor kid.
I know. I can't believe it myself.
I keep waiting for him to call.
How long am I supposed to tell the kids he's away on business?
That fuckin' shitbag. I get my hands on him
I'm gonna tear him limb from limb.
- Oh, Phil, don't say that. - You're my cousin he married,
making a mockery of the whole sacrament.
But what do we really know?
I mean, maybe there were signs, but...
Vito Spatafore is a good man,
and he's a wonderful dad.
Somebody sees something one time and he's tossed aside like garbage?
That's why I'm here, honey.
There's been confirmation through the grapevine.
Vito was seen in a car with a man.
I don't want to get graphic beyond that,
the idea of it repulses me so much.
What confirmation? Who?
The witness has no reason to lie.
No...
We can't be in denial no more, much as we love him.
Where do you think he might have gone, honey?
So we can get him back here, get him to do something about it.
Excuse me, Angie here?
In the office.
We can get you anything you want, sweetheart,
air bags, chrome rims...
- Oh, hi. - Carm, hi.
I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?
I'm here for the free bodywork certificates for the auction.
- Oh, that's right. - But if you're busy...
This'll just take another sec.
Okay, sure.
They were doing something behind closed doors.
Well you know Angie's put money on the street.
How do you know?
- Angie told me. - She didn't tell me.
Probably 'cause of Tony.
Aw, maybe he didn't want you to know something like that.
Me and my big mouth.
She's got enough money to do that, huh?
Well, she's pretty successful with that body shop, so...
Our grandmothers did it.
Those were harder times, but... a' salut', right?
She's one of us. Now it's like she's one of them.
- You wanted to see me, Ton'? - Yeah.
Hey, Carlo.
Sit down.
Putting you in charge of all construction business,
replacing Vito.
Holy shit!
Guys respect you across the board,
you done real good real with the ports...
Thank you, Ton'.
Jeez, I don't know what to say.
We'll have a drink.
Congratulations.
A' salut, a' salut.
Listen, Ton'...
since you think enough of me to give me this responsibility
I might as well be the one to say it.
All right, skip the preambles.
The guys on Vito's crew,
they say if he was to come back,
they refuse to take orders from him.
Oh, they do?
Not only that,
a couple of the other captains won't talk to him,
and I don't disagree.
Paulie especially.
Now that he's accepted it, hey...
he's the most out for Vito's scalp.
Yeah, you should hear him, Ton'. He's goin' fuckin' mau-mau on the subject.
It's not their fucking decision who they work with.
Let me tell you something...
fuckin' Vito, through sheer hard work,
turned himself into my best earner.
I don't even know if I'd have the new boat without him.
He's a come-from-behind kind of guy.
That's true, but...
So I'm gonna burn that kind of dedication?
It's hard to believe I couldn't get something more out of him,
if he were to come back.
Stocks, offshore shit, I don't know.
Well...
these other guys feel an effort should be made
to find him and put him down for the honor of the family.
Oh, please, huh?
You know, certain people, they love the high drama,
like fuckin' high school girls. And others I could name,
they just can't wait to whack somebody, anybody.
But some people feel it's against our principles, Tony.
A sin.
Carlo, let's be honest with ourselves here.
We all know Vito's not the first.
Well...
we're gonna do great things.
Aw, Jesus, thanks again, Anthony. Thank you.
What?
It's 2006.
There's pillow biters in the Special Forces.
Let me just ask you, Ton'...
sake of argument.
Let's say he shows up.
You gonna kiss this guy on both cheeks?
Take Paulie, okay?
You know perfectly well
guys like him never kick up their full percent to you.
You look the other way,
price of doing business.
But you cut Vito slack now that he's "out of the closet,"
just the excuse people need to go off the reservation
and start withholding serious money.
Let me read in peace, will you?
Having fun with all this paper?
I can't believe this is just one case.
Rafaella Martino. I'm the lead attorney on this mess.
Meadow Soprano.
- I'm Michael Kardish. I work with Rae. - Hi.
Ms. Soprano came highly recommended.
Columbia Dean's List, volunteer at the South Bronx Law Center...
This is really interesting too.
Of course it's different than the kind of thing we see at the law center.
Clients there are so trampled and abused...
Welcome to white-collar fraud.
I need the e-mails from box 44 and 45, July and August.
Pull them and leave them with my assistant.
Okay.
Tony Soprano's kid.
Tony.
Building my lats back up.
Did you by any chance talk to the building inspector about my house?
Shit, I forgot.
The sorting's tedious, but some of the cases...
this guy was pretty clever, really.
He set up all these phony investment firms
and then just siphoned the money out:
- $80 million. - Whoa.
Yeah, he's out on bail.
Then you look at my father's friend,
federal marshals dragging him
out of his own daughter's wedding.
He hasn't even been tried yet.
You're innocent in this country until proven guilty.
Yeah, but Johnny Macaroni was indicted for murder.
They couldn't let him stay 15 more minutes?
You better put your pants on.
You know why they did that?
To humiliate him in front of everyone.
Metal detectors, frisking,
my father with the shoes?
It was pure harassment.
Yeah, but the guy's lucky they even let him out.
Oh, so white-collar criminals can destroy people's lives
and steal their pensions and it's no big deal to you.
You know what? Bad subject.
Let's talk about something else.
No, let's talk about it
so we can stop with the "macaroni" cracks.
Weird, since you're part Italian yourself.
Please, my dad is so deracinated.
Yeah, the way he prefers it. All those hysterical jokes
about Italian cheeses and smelly feet.
Why are you picking a fight?
I'm not, but you're slamming my family. I don't know.
This is good shit.
It's amazing.
You weren't there for the "grand inquisition" about Vito.
I knew it. I'm picking the fight.
I was in the back of a butcher shop
with your Uncle Paulie,
ratting out a guy I don't really even know.
I mean what do you think's going to happen to Vito for being gay?
And don't give me any of that "poverty of the Mezzogiorno" bullshit.
We're in fucking Caldwell, New Jersey,
and you're on your high horse about justice?
They are gonna mete it out themselves.
This is untenable.
This is nice, this pot.
Yeah, that's a Baneda, Arts and Crafts Movement.
Yeah? I really don't know much about this stuff.
Well, you've got a good eye.
That's the most expensive piece in the store.
You're a natural.