I want to tell you about the craziest white man I ever met.
We go way back, Eddie and me.
Met in the army.
Hadn't heard from him in a while before I got his postcard.
Never been to visit before.
Postcard says you were bringing me a surprise.
Is that it?
- Yeah. - I appreciate it, Eddie.
I really do. Always loved that bike.
I am sorry it broke down.
Hey, it's an old Indian, just like me.
It's not the end of the world. What you're going to do, kill yourself?
That's what I am here for, Johnny.
Postcard didn't say when you were coming...
...so I lit a fire last night.
The smoke told me when you'd be here.
- I have been watching for you. - You know why I came to see you?
I got a pretty good idea, amigo.
What good did we do?
Nothing!
We used to do it real good, Johnny.
The killing...
The memories...
the haunt, Johnny.
Haunt me, Johnny!
That's why you got the medal, Eddie.
Hey.
I had this dream about the Devil.
He reserved a whole floor in hell...
just for me, man.
What do you think about that?
Tell me more about your dream, Eddie.
Oh yea... my dream.
I think about it a lot, Johnny... I think about it a lot.
Check it out!
Fenito... enough.
That's why I am here, Johnny... to kill myself.
I need your okay.
I need your okay, man.
You know?
Eddie...
you do not need my okay.
Look at this...! He could have killed me.
This fucking guy.
Hey, you! Cycle man!
What in the hell, you're shooting at, boy?
- You damn near killed us back there. - Leave me alone.
- I don't want any trouble. - What I think you need to do, son...
....is apologize to me and my brothers for almost killing us.
Hey, Johnny! What do you think?
- Maybe they can do it. - Who the fuck are you talking to?
My best friend.
I will tell you what, mister.
Why don't you just give us this here motorcycle...
and maybe... maybe me and my brothers, will just forget about this whole incident.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, that's a gift for my friend.
Hey.
You really shouldn't be driving the way you are, mister.
Please. Leave me alone.
And you... get off of my bike.
Whatever you say, chief. So sorry, man.
Now, come on! Get you some!
- You can do it. - Get up.
Yeah!
Look at that. I am fresh out.
Hey, there's a car coming.
Wait. Slow down, Vern. Wait a minute.
Vern, slow down. Somebody is in trouble.
Yeah, and it's none of our business.
Vern, they're going to kill him.
- It's just Vern and Dottie. - They ain't going to say nothing.
They better not. I don't want trouble with the Hogan’s...
and if you're smart, you will keep your mouth shut too.
- I am putting this in the damn truck. - I will give you a hand.
- You make sure he's dead first. - Give me the gun, Peaty.
- Peaty, give him the gun. - I can do it, Matt.
You go on. I can do it, all right?
- All right, Jess. Let him do it. - Don't miss.
- Come on, hurry up, man. - What are you waiting for?
- Let's go! - I am sorry, mister.
- Damn! I didn't think he had it in him. - Me neither.
Come on.
Thanks, Buddy.
- Where's Dottie today? - Late, as usual.
Oh. Well, could you give her these for me?
- What's that? - These.
Oh, Buddy, that is so sweet.
- She's really going to like those. - Really?
Well, Rhonda, do you think Dottie would go out with me?
She likes you, Buddy. Why don't you ask her?
All right. I will.
I better get my ass in gear...
or they're going to discontinue the run.
There's one passenger out there, and it's military. Half price.
Oh, could you tell her I am sorry I missed her?
- Sure will. - See you, Pop.
It's not my turn. I paid last time.
What do you say you sit on my lap and we talk about...
....the first thing that pops up?
Let's split this hole.
Keep the change, sweet thing.
Ow! Give me frostbite.
- You're late. - The shortcut through the dry lake...
....we saw this poor boy getting the mess beat out of him....
...by the Hogan’s, and I think... - We saw a flying saucer. Unbelievable!
Please. Please!
Just start filling the ketchup bottles.
And Buddy left these for you, Dottie.
- Isn't he sweet? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I thought you said they cancelled his run.
Look what he got me, Vern.
Says here the army may be conducting maneuvers around here.
Army's not coming, Pop...
and the flyboys have gone too.
Should have sold this place when I was a kid....
....before they put in the interstate.
Here's a fresh cup, Mr. Early.
Oh, thank you, Rhonda. Thank you.
My Bertie should be here any time now.
She's been away finding me a job as a handyman.
She should be here any time. Any time.
I wish you'd teach me some patience, Mr. Early.
Oh, Rhonda, patience is always there waiting for you.
Well, that is good to hear.
You know, Bertie is gone three years now, and he is still waiting.
He's my kind of guy.
Little old for you, isn't he?
- Way to go, Peaty, man. - We didn't think you had it in you.
Two shots in the head. That's my little brother.
- Ain't no big deal. - I wonder where that son of a bitch...
....was from - what planet.
Peaty, what's that thing worth, that .45?
- Four hundred, maybe more. - All right. Run that over to Eli's.
Tell Lester if he don't give you four and a half for it...
....I will shove it up his brother's tight little ass.
I don't know. They might enjoy that.
Hey, you guys, hurry it up.
I don't want to be late and get Ramsey all riled up.
- Come on, Peaty. You need the practice. - Bullshit.
I am every bit as good at collecting as you are.
We will see about that. Hey, good morning, you all.
It's time to pass the plate.
I am afraid we're a little short this month.
Oh. Count it. And I am afraid Yale are going to have a serious problem then.
Yeah, like a goddamn broken arm.
You can't take the Lord's name in vain, sonny.
Sorry, ma'am.
Look, Mrs. Howard, I don't want Peaty to get any more upset than he is...
....and end up breaking both of his arms.
Oh, no. Not that, Henry.
Well, looky here. It's a miracle. Hallelujah!
- You all take it easy now. - Have a nice day, ma'am.
- Why did you do that? - Oh, by the way.
Saturday night I got this date with this cute little sinner.
Could I get some clean sheets this time?
- I got to lie down. - Lord, Lord, oh, Lord. Could I get some clean sheets this time?
- I got to lie down. - Lord, Lord, oh, Lord.
That was the reverend's money.
Come on, let's see.
- Pure this time, right? - Hundred percent.
Good.
Anybody seen my idiot sons?
You know those boys, Gunny. You just... just can't count on them.
Goddamn it.
I told them to be here. Goddamn it!
It looks like the plane's on time for a change.
We're sitting ducks.
Count's good.
- You haven't lost your touch, Chang. - Thanks.
Be back on Friday for the rest.
We will be ready. No sweat.
Good morning, Dad. Sorry we're late.
Morning, Peaty. Where you two been?
You were supposed to be here to back me up.
What about you? You're on my payroll, and you do like you're told.
What the hell is that?
Oh, it's like a '49 Indian, Pa. I got a good deal on it.
I see that.
Now you show me the pink slip.
Well, like I said, I got a great deal on it, Gunny. It...
Damn it! The last thing I need right now is trouble.
- Is this bike going to be trouble? - No, sir.
- You sure? - Dead sure. Right, Peaty?
Right. Absolutely, Dad. No trouble at all.
Don't even think about it.
Shit. Fucking dickwads!
Stupid sons of....
Oh, great. Just fucking great. Do you know how to tell time?
- Yes, sir. - Then be here on time for once.
We been through this a dozen times, and you're never fucking here.
Oh, shut up.
You're fading on me.
That's a good boy, Oki. I could really use your help.
What do you say?
Man, you're a sick mother.
- Hey, what's the stink in here? - Smells like death.
- Check your boots. - It ain't me.
- Smells like some damn manure in here. - Maybe the outhouse fell over.
- Can I get you boys some coffee? - Who you talking to?
- You, bitch. - Better red than dead, asshole.
Fuck you! Your boss shorted us 15 gallons of ephedrine.
Why don't you boys take your differences outside?
Well, you heard our town constable. You gents best be moving along.
- Shut the fuck up! - Shut the hell up, ass wipe!
- Get the fuck out of here. - You want to fucking make me?
- No need to be rude. - Get the fuck out of my way.
- Oh, shoot me. - Get out of my way.
Say hey to your wife and my kids for me.
Fuck you, fucker.
- What will you have? - Come on, Rhonda.
You know we like Dottie to take our order.
Dottie the hottie. You got nice tits... no offense...
....but hers are bigger and firmer.
And people say you're not sensitive, Jessie.
Sure I am. Especially right around the tip of my dick.
- Don't talk to Rhonda like that. - You going to stop him, Pop?
Hey, sweetheart, did you maybe see something...
...that could have upset you or something?
No. I am fine.
Really. You sure about that?
- I am fine. - She won't even look me in the eye.
Johnny.
John....
- Six toes. - Morning.
How'd you find me?
I feel like a football.
I did a lot of stitching on you, Eddie.
See you still like your tequila.
If I stay drunk...
I won't kill anything.
Except the tequila.
You seem at peace.
I think I am.
Boy, but we had some wild times, huh?
All the broads and the booze.
Cigareets and whiskey
And wild, wild women
They will drive you crazy
They will drive you insane
Cigareets and whiskey
And wild, wild women
They will drive you crazy
They will drive you insane
Remember?
I remember.
I remember the killing too.
I remember that if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here.
You know, my people say that if you save a man's life...
your souls are locked together forever.
That's why I came to see you.
I wanted to get your okay...
....to take a journey.
Well, I got things I got to do then.
I have to look at the moon.
Talk to the smoke. Listen to the wind.
Nothing's easy with an Indian.
They buzz me all the time.
There's an Air Force bombing range right over those mountains.
Looks like F-15's today.
What are you going to do when you catch those three brothers?
- Get your gift back. - You got me a gift and they took it? What are you going to do when you catch those three brothers?
- Get your gift back. - You got me a gift and they took it?
Yeah. They're going to kill you.
And if the Hogan’s don't, then the Heathens will.
Heathens?
They're in the dope business with the Hogan’s.
Hey, what do you say we do a little "divide and conquer"?
Like we used to in the old days.
They're making life pretty miserable for the good people around here.
Hear that coyote? You and him are a lot alike.
Coyote's got courage, wisdom, a sense of mischief.
And he's got a small dick, just like you.
- I am going to take a piss. - It's windy up here.
This ain't windy. It's Oki.
He's glad you're feeling better.
Good morning, Mr. Early.
Ah. Good morning, Rhonda.
What has got you up at the crack of dawn?
Well, I had a dream last night.
Oh, a dream. What was it about?
Well, I dreamed that I heard the sound of the coyote...
...and that today was going to be a glorious day.
- Oh, a glorious day, huh? - Very glorious.
Well, I would like to hear more about that.
Why don't you come in and help me make the coffee.
That would be my pleasure, my dear. My pleasure.
My lucky hat, Eddie.
Thanks.
Here. You might need this.
I have got a gun...
...and I am going to get it back.
Which way is town?
Take the game trail down to the road...
...then head west.
Highway Patrol comes through about once a week.
See you around, Indian.
I am going to get your gift back, then...
I want your okay to take a journey.
Yo! When you get to town, head straight for the diner.
Some of Rhonda's apple pie will put a smile on your face.
My heavens! What was that?
Nothing to worry about, ma'am. Just the flyboys showing off.
- You folks just passing through? - Yeah. We're looking for some UFOs.
We got lost the minute we turned off the interstate.
- Lost, huh? - Well, not exactly lost.
Oh, Clarence, you have always been lost.
You got a map to the interstate?
Don't need no map, Ivy.
- Well, we're fresh out. - Choke and die, you old farts!
- What was that? - Let's go, Ivy.
- What'd he say? - I don't know, Ivy.
- Come back and see us, hear? - Oh, you bet you.
- I am going to head to the Pearly Gates. - All right. I will meet you there.
See you in a few. Check up on that .45!
You two jackasses ain't sold that gun yet?
Does it look sold to you?
Man, that's pitiful.
Come on, give me the envelope. I ain't got all fucking day.
You inbreeds. You're real good at running credit card scams...
....and ripping off old folks looking for space ships.
That's real cute, but if my father has to come down here...
....you two lowlifes are going to pee your little SWAT team pants.
Isn't that right?
Thought so.
Oh, my God.
Rhonda, you remember about the time I told you...
.....when me and Vern saw that guy getting all beat up by the Hogan’s?
That's him.
- Dottie, I talk to you for a minute? - Not....
I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut.
Keep your mouth shut!
Hey! If you're looking for UFOs, take a fucking hike.
That guy on the bike... who is he?
Hey, scumbag, you want information, dial 411.
Now get the fuck out.
- That .45! - Where did you get it?
From your grandma.
Oh, yeah, my grandma.
Yeah, she's... she's dead.
I have been taking shit all day.
Catch!
- That a gunshot, Pop? - It's probably Lester and Leon...
....shooting ground squirrels out in back.
There hasn't been any ground squirrels around here since I was a baby.
I bet it's him.
Praise the Lord!
Praise his everlasting glory!
Save us, Jesus!
Save us... Henry, what are you doing out there?
Not five minutes ago, I saw a man in a straw hat go into Eli's Emporium.
Then I just heard a gunshot.
- We'd better call the State Police. - Why?
It takes them an hour to get out here even when they know where they're going.
What if the man in the straw hat is a robber? A rapist?
What do we do if he comes in here?
We could rent him a room.
- Praise the Lord, praise the Lord - Rent him a room?
If there's anybody still alive out there...
....I'd sure like you to get me out of the stink back here.
Well, don't just stand there. Get me out of here.
They keep the key over the door jamb.
Well, that's better.
Now, let's get out of the stink.
My whole damn foot's asleep.
Follow me.
Where's the tank? Bring my goddamn tank.
Well, get it out here. I ain't going to live forever.
You do Lester like this?
And Leon too?
You done them both... both at the same time?
- They left me no choice. - Well, that sounds like them.
Leon looks kind of peaceful, don't he?
- Yeah. - You got a name?
- Eddie Lomax. - Boys, meet Eddie Lomax.
- Eddie Lomax, meet the boys. - Hi, boys.
Oh, that feels good.
My name's Eli Hamilton.
About two months ago, when I took ill...
....Lester and Leon come down here supposedly to help me run the store.
The bastards. Run the store, hell!
They took over.
Well, don't just sit there. Bring me the tank.
They chained me to that chair back there.
Told everybody I was in the hospital. No visitors allowed.
They starved me and then they beat me.
And they was my nephews. Imagine that!
They hoped I'd die, but I didn't.
And then you come along and killed them.
I know where they hid their money.
Here.
You can have it all... you can have it all. I don't want your money.
Well, then, take the truck. Make a run for it.
- No. I have got some unfinished business. - What business?
- You know the Hogan’s? - Oh, you going to kill them too?
My advice is go ahead and kill them.
Yeah. Wipe out the whole poisonous nest.
- All of them? - Absolutely.
But what about them? My kin folk?
My mess. I will take care of it.
Where you going now?
- Get a bite to eat. - Straight ahead.
And Rhonda's apple pie is famous in these here parts.
Thanks... Oh, no. Thank you.
- He's still alive. - I figured he would be.
Trouble on the hoof, and it's coming this way.
Shut up, Vern.
So, just passing through?
You're just passing through?
- More or less. - Sure is hot today.
What will you have?
I would like a piece of your famous apple pie.
Famous? And how would you know?
Eli just told me. And Johnny said it would put a smile on my face.
Johnny?
- Johnny who? - Six toes.
How do you know Johnny Six toes?
We go way back.
- Really? - Yeah.
Way back. How about you?
I was ten, and I got bit by a rattler...
...on my ankle... here.
See?
Johnny saved my life and we have been friends ever since.
Johnny was right.
About what?
It's a good pie.
Thank you.
You know Lester and Leon?
- Not anymore. - Oh.
- So, uh, what brings you to town? - I am looking for the Hogan’s.
- You just missed Jessie. - Dottie!
- You got business with the Hogan’s? - They have got something of Johnny's...
....and I am going to get it back. - Yeah, right.
Well, maybe I could help.
Eddie Lomax.
Rhonda Lomax... Uh, Reynolds.
Rhonda Reynolds. And my granddad, Billing Reynolds.
Oh. Sorry. Pie.
- Just call me Pop. - Hi, Pop.
Excuse me. I don't mean to be intrusive, but I am curious.
Did my Bertie send you?
Bertie did send you, didn't she?
She said she was going to get me a good job...
....because I am such a wonderful handyman.
A handyman?
- I can use a handyman. - Well, then, I am your handyman.
Yeah.
Oh, no. No. It's on the house.
- You're very kind. - My pleasure.
- Let's go, handyman. - Right... o.
See? I told you, Rhonda. It's going to be a glorious day today. Glorious.
Hold on there. Hold on.
got to fix that door.
Hold on there. My name is Jubal. Jubal Early.
- Hi, Jubal. Good to meet you. - Thank you. And you are?
- Eddie Lomax. - Eddie Lomax. I like that.
Nice to meet you, Eddie. This your first time through here?
- Yes. First time. - I hope you have a great stay.
Hello.
What do we have here?
Leon?
And Lester? Did you kill them?
Not my business, not my business.
As far as I am concerned, I won't miss them one iota.
Had a beautiful dog once.
They shot him dead, and never said one word about it. Not one word.
- Always wanted to do that. - Oh, you're back Eddie. Good.
Hi, Jubal. I see you have met Eddie Lomax.
Yes, I have.
So, Eli, how are you? I have not seen you in quite a spell.
- Quite a spell. - Yeah, well, I have been tied up.
So, Mr. Lomax, what is the job?
- Lose the bodies. - Privacy. That's me motto.
No job too big or too small.
I will tend to it straight away, sir.
Gadzooks!
Bloody well bled all over back here.
He bloody well bled all over.
However, not to worry.
Some Spic and Span, a little elbow grease...
....several yards of Saran Wrap, and everything will be as good as new.
Good as new.
Well, gents, if you will excuse me, I will go fetch me truck.
I won't be long. Won't be long.
Why does he always repeat himself?
I don't know. I don't know.
Those damn hooligans. Now what are they up to?
- The Heathens? - Yeah. Mangy pieces of shit.
Hey, I have got something better than a .45!
Follow me.
Bring my goddamn tank!
I knew you could do it.
My nephews, them spawns of hell...
....they ripped off some of this stuff from an army depot.
You know how to use them?
Well, I guess you do.
Help yourself.
I just need this for now.
You're very kind. Thank you.
- I owe you a debt of gratitude. - My pleasure.
What are you going to do now?
Take a shower.
Good idea.
Bungalow five. Made up fresh this morning.
Thank you both.
Young man? Have you been saved?
I am afraid I am a bad boy, ma'am.
But it's never too late.
I hope you're right.
Oh, ma'am.
- I love your hair. - Why, thank you.
- Henry, I don't think he's a rapist. - How would you know?
Night-night, fellas.
Hey, what do you say we do a little "divide and conquer"...
...like in the old days?
- Good evening, Eddie. - Evening, Eddie.
Good evening, boys.
You sure smell a lot better.
Thank you, Eli.
Tell me. The Heathens... where do they hang out?
You got a plan, huh? Not that you need to tell me what it is.
There's a roadhouse about 15 miles down the highway....
....the Bomb-Bay Cafe.
Run by a tall, dark fella by the name of Singh.
But fair warning. It can get pretty rough in there.
Yeah, it can get very rough in there, Eddie.
But that doesn't worry you, does it?
You will need some wheels. Take that Dodge pickup there.
Here. Help yourself.
Thank you.
You know, I bet he gets lots of pussy.
Yeah. I bet.
No! No, no, no, no!
No more dancing. I don't want to dance anymore.
- Get out! - Where the hell you going?
- I can't dance all by myself. - You promised...
...to take us to the bus depot.
- We want to go home! - One more dance, please?
No more dancing. I want to go home. I am not putting....
....You will go when I goddamn tell you to go! Now you dance!
No more shooting! Please, I beg you, please!
I tell you what. The next round is on the house.
- Yeah! - The next round is in your foot!
Now, dance!
Hey! Can't we all just get along?
- I don't want to get along. - Ah.
Hey, Jack. Your girls here seem to have a thing...
....for this sissy in his sissy hat.
What are you looking at? I own your ass.
Hey! You're a very naughty boy.
You're one smart motherfucker, ain't you?
- Thank you. - Make him dead.
Who's next?
Drop your guns.
Please.
Hey, mister, take us with you.
- Okay. Pick up the guns. - God! Oh, my God!
You have just dispatched three of my best customers. I am a ruined man!
Prithee, sir, who is going to pay for all this damage?
- My new boss. - And who might that person be?
- The Hogan’s. - Son of a bitch.
All of you, inside.
Thank you. Hey girls, did I look tough enough?
Yeah. Real tough.
You took a big chance for us, mister.
Oh, no, no, no, no. I have my own reasons, and they have nothing to do with you two.
Put those guns in the back and jump in.
Maybe he's some kind of gunfighter or bounty hunter or something, you know?
Whoever he is, he sure finished off that pig Spider.
I mean, he just killed him like a bug.
Yeah, but Eddie's got those gentle eyes, you know?
Yeah. He sure does.
I wonder if he's circumcised.
Henry? Henry, you should be in bed.
Hey, Marge... Marge.
Good God. I can't help wondering...
....about those two poor, innocent girls.
- What's he going to do to them? - Well, I don't know, dear.
But I have to go to the store. We're out of Depends.
And you should be asleep. Take your pill.
You're right, dear. You're always right.
Eddie. It's Carol, from next door.
What do you want?
I want to thank you.
You're welcome.
No, I... I really want to thank you.
Hi.
- Hi. - May I come in?
Sure.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
¶ Oh, when the saints ¶
¶ Go marching in ¶
¶ Oh, when the saints go marching in ¶
¶ Oh, Lord, I want to be in that number ¶
¶ Oh, when the saints go marching in ¶
¶ Oh, when the sun ¶
¶ Begins to shine ¶
¶ Oh, when the sun ¶
¶ Begins to shine ¶
¶ Oh, Lord, I want to be in that number ¶
¶ Oh, when the sun... Begins to shine ¶
- Eddie, it's Rose. - What do you want?
I just want to say thank you. I didn't know you were busy.
Hey, you're next.
- Really? - Praise the Lord.
The door.
He's spreading joy to everyone.
Wait. Eddie, where are you going?
I am going to go check on my bike.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
Where is he going?
For a bike ride.
Where does he get the energy?
Sweet dreams.
You're up early, Eddie.
- Sorry I woke you. - Aw, forget it.
At my age you don't sleep much anyway.
- Do you mind? - Help yourself.
Okay. Oh, listen.
Send Jubal to the Bomb-Bay Cafe.
He will know what to do.... clean-up job.
And I have got two girls in my bungalow.
Put them on the bus to Cleveland.
Two girls. Yeah, sure.
I can take care of both of them.
How many of them Heathens did you get down at the Bomb-Bay?
- Just three. - Not bad. Not bad.
And are you going after the Hogan’s?
Cowards! Why the fuck didn't you kill him?
- He was outgunned and outnumbered! - Fuck you, Ives. You weren't there.
Who the fuck you talking to, fool?
I will screw this up your ass and splatter your brains all over the desert.
- Do you understand? - Back the fuck off.
If you had any balls, you'd take him yourself.
You keep talking like that, Irma...
....you're going to look funny sucking my dick with no teeth.
We have tried to live in peace with the Hogan’s.
Ramsey's broken the truce...
....by hiring this gunman.
- So let's blow up his lab. - We ain't going to blow up his lab...
....because we're going to need it, brothers and sisters.
We're going to need it...
....because we're going to take over his entire operation.
Everything!
Cut off the head of the snake...
...the body dies.
Let's kill Ramsey. What do you say? Come on!
Hold it!
Ramsey's not even in town.
- How do you know that? - because I know my enemies.
First Thursday every month, the fat pig goes up to Vegas...
...with his bastard sons.
He sees his stockbroker...
....then goes over to his hooker to get his knob waxed.
He usually gets back between 12:00 and 1:00.
We will be waiting for him!
Daddy...
...Can I ask you a question?
What's the matter now? You got to go pee-pee?
No, sir. It's just that, well...
....Spit it out, weenie boy.
I was just wondering, why are you riding me and Jesse so much and never Peaty?
- He rides me plenty. - Shut up! He does not.
- Shut up! - Yeah, all right.
I love Peaty because I loved his mother.
She died giving him birth.
- He's our love child. - Oh, my God.
Ah... well, what about me and Jess?
You two are the unfortunate results...
....of some recreational fucking back when fucking was fun.
Geez.
Get over it.
We got company.
And they're closing fast.
Heathens. They got us outgunned!
As soon as we round the bend, jump!
I am a chemist. I am not a doctor.
It looks like he may have a concussion and possibly some internal injuries.
- He should be in a hospital. - Okay, Chang, go back to work.
- He's your son. - You're goddamn right he is!
- You sure you're okay, boy? - Yeah, Dad, just a headache.
I am going to get some real firepower.
Wait a minute. Daddy! Think about it. Why would they attack us?
We're in business together. It don't make no sense.
A man shoots at me and mine, I shoot back and ask questions later.
I am paying 500 bucks a head, and that weaselly little rat-fuck Ives is mine!
- I want you to stay in and rest. - I will rest when I am dead, Daddy.
Hell, they tried to kill me too.
Well, ain't you a block off the old chip.
- We're going pig hunting tonight. - Yea...
Six toes?
Always forget how easy it is to sneak up on a white man.
I have been thinking about your problem.
You been wanting to die for how long now?
A year? You're not dead yet?
It's easy to come up with 100 reasons to take the journey...
...but you only need one to go on living.
I don't have one.
Well, what about Rhonda? She's a nice girl.
Ought to marry her, have some kids.
Hey, there's something moving down there.
Looks like a bunch of white guys with bushes on their heads.
Old "divide and conquer" working, huh?
Should we even the odds?
Bastards!
- Thought we got rid of you! - Think again!
Answer me one thing!
- How come you tried to kill us tonight? - Stop firing!
Stop firing!
- Forgot, huh? - Forgot what?
Your hired gun wasted three of mine!
At the Bomb-Bay! I don't take that laying down!
- What hired gun? - Ramsey, you piece of shit.
You know. Your man with the Colt .45!
Matt, that's the guy from the dry lake.
It's got to be!
- Peaty, you told me you killed him. - I did!
Peaty, what the hell is he talking about? Stop firing!
The guy with the motorcycle.
Motorcycle?
It ain't my fault... You told me it would be no trouble!
It ain't my fault! Peaty was supposed to cap him. He told me he would.
There you go, screwing up again!
- You just keep screwing up! - Lay off me, man!
When are you going to learn, weenie boy? Get off me, old man!
I said it wasn't me! I didn't do it!
- You think you're tough enough? - Yes, I do!
Daddy... Daddy.
You killed him.
You killed him, Matt. You killed him!
You killed him, Peter, because you didn't shoot that guy...
...like you said you did!
You lied to me, boy. And that's why Gunny’s dead!
You're one of us! You're family!
I am glad I ran away from home when I was a kid.
You understand?
It's getting a little too cozy down there, don't you think?
- You like barbecue? - I love it.
I am sorry, man!
I told you we didn't hire no gunman!
Up in the tower! It's the guy from the Bomb-Bay!
I will get the cable. Get their attention. Then you beat it.
It's a good plan, but one thing's wrong.
There he is!
He's going up the side!
Get him! Get that bastard!
That ain't him!
Where did you get the hat?
- Do you like it? - You damn smart-ass!
I guess it's my hat now. You like it? Damn it!
Wait, wait, wait. Maybe it's that spooky Indian we always heard about.
No, he never was for real.
The guy with the Colt .45, you don't know nothing about him neither?... No.
- Who is he, Chief? - Tell me! Tell me!
- He's a coyote. - Coyote my ass!
- String him up. - Somebody get me a rope, huh?
Coyote my ass. Coyote man! Where you at? You hear me, boy?
Stick around, we will have a little fun with your friend here.
A little puppet show!
How many cowboys does it take to find a stray dog?
Eddie!
Shut up! He's over there!
This journey ain't over for you... or for her!
Stand him up!
Say sayonara to your Indian friend!
There he is! Get him!
Eddie... Name your first kid after me!
You rejects can't do nothing right!
Home, sweet home. Hey... army
Cigareets and whiskey...
...And wild, wild women...
...They will drive you crazy...
...They will drive you insane.
Is everything all right, Mr. Early?
No, Rhonda, I am quite upset.
Oh, well, what's the matter?
I had a dream again last night, and it was quite troubling.
I heard the howl of the coyote...
....but this time there was violence and blood and death.
But that was just a bad dream, Mr. Early. That's nothing to worry about.
You all, gather around, now, you know we hanged that Indian! We all hanged him.
And I am offering a $10,000 reward for anybody that gets me that Eddie Coyote!
Dead or alive. You understand?
Now, Beserko, you go take...
...I got to go. - Good luck, my dear. Good luck.
Peaty, come with me. We're going to check out Pearly Gates.
Johnny... Johnny.
Six toes, is he okay?
- He's gone. - Oh no.
You got to listen to me. They're looking all over for you.
They have got a $10,000 reward on your head.
It's okay.
- I am going back to town. - I am going to go with you.
Forget it.
- Eddie.... - Johnny was my friend too.
Now hold up.
- Hey, we're closed! - Relax, Pop.
Can't you read?
- Hey, Vern! You're on deck! - Just shut up!
Shut the hell up!
I am not going to thank you for shit... Shut up!
I am telling you one thing, we are not making...
...Shut your pie hole!
- I get a share of the reward, right? - Sure do, Vern.
Just show us where he is.
- Oh, Vern... - It's all right, Pop.
He's at the motel. Right there, the blue one.
Let's go, see if he needs some room service.
- Hey. - Let me go!
- Hey. - Leave her alone!
- You can't do that! - I just did!
Come on!
- You want to dance? - Yeah!
Your dancing days are over, old man!
- I am sorry, Pop! - Come on.
Stick around, Dottie. You and me got a date. Oh... man.
- Why'd you shoot Pop? - Put a lid on it!
You want your reward, boy? Shut the fuck up! Alright go ahead.
He's in bungalow three. The third one in the middle. The blue one.
- Alright. - Remember, he's a damn cold-blooded killer.
All right? Joe Bob, head over to Eli's.
- Quick, let's get some ammo! - Yes, sir.
- How's this? - No, that's a .38!
- There. - No, that's a .45!
- And this? - No, that's a suppository!
Get your fricking hands up, wh... wh... where I can see them!
What the hell was that?
Jess, I got to talk to you... Jess...
This is getting way out of control! Someone could get hurt, maybe even killed.
Sounds like it should mean something to me, but it just don't.
That's it! I quit! Get off me!
I ain't crossing this line until I get a piece of that ten grand.
Jess, go turn that chicken-ass tenor into a soprano for me.
- Back off, Peaty. - Jessie, it's me.
We went to high school together. I signed your yearbook.
- I thought I recognized you. - Okay, I am coming.
That wasn't funny, man!
Good Lord!
Why, you cleaved him open from the collarbone to the belly button.
You don't see that every day.
You got back doors to these shacks?
- No, just windows. - All right, we will cover them.
All right, then... Come on. Let's go!
Let's get this coyote man.
¶ Mine eyes have seen the glory ¶
- Patience, Elijah... Patience. - ¶ Of the coming of the Lord ¶
Hey, mister! They have got this place surrounded!
Give yourself up, mister! They're serious about this!
- Get the hell out of there, Vern! - Come on out!
Get out of the way, punk... They will kill you mister, if you don't come out!
My God!
Nobody could live through that, right? He's dead.
- That's right. Now, go check it out. - Yeah, right!
- You go in there and make for sure. - But he's dead!
- He's dead. - Get your ass in there.
He's dead!
Stick your head in the door!
Make sure he is!
Go on!
Hello, mister, are you there?
There's nobody in there. It's empty and it's full of holes.
Irma, go check it out.
Buck, go with her. We got your back.
It's a booby trap, that didn't go off.
Circle around, men. We got to find him.
- We can't let him get away! - You all see anything?
- No, Matt, nothing. - You all search over here?
Peaty, what in the hell you're doing over here, boy?
- Backing you up. - Backing me up.
Yeah.
You didn't even fire one damn shot, did you?
Did you?...
Well, that's just weak, man.
Real weak.
No shit! Can't even count on your own blood.
Shut the fuck up, and quit your fussing over that booby trap. Let's get out of here!
- Looks like, I got me a new shotgun. - No, you didn't. I saw it first.
Hey, Buck, Irma, let's help find the coyote!
Did find something it's caught on something. Yeah, your greedy little hand.
No, it's not. I feel something over here.
- You okay? - Eli was right.
- You get good mileage to a full tank. - You did a good job.
Go check on Pop, huh?
- Be careful. - Go get him then, big King Kong!
- Take your ten grand and shove it! - Peaty, you all right?
- Beserko! Shark! - Jess, you okay?
No, I am pissed off! Now what?
You all head over to Eli's, check on Joe Bob.
Peaty, this is your last chance to be a man. Are we straight?
- Yeah. - You sure?
Alright, I am going to check out that gas station.
- Matt, I won't let you down, okay? - Come out... come out.
I am going to kill him! Come on, you son of a bitch!
All right, Mother Theresa, where is he?
Repent! Repent, you sinner!
Take him, Lord! Take him now!
- What's going on? - The Lord's will.
- Again? - Get him off me... Get him off me!
Good going. You got that coyote, huh?
Right hat.
Wrong guy.
What the hell is this?
You know what the Bible says: "Live by the sword, die by the sword."
That's funny. Where's the dude with the .45?
Don't you joke with me, little chink! I am not joking with you!
- I am going to ask you one more time! - He don't know where he is.
- Will find him, brother. - You are not my brother!
You are a liar and a coward...
...and you do not tell me what to do!
We would not be in this mess if you had just shot that guy...
....when you had the chance, you little coward!
Now's your chance.
He's a long bugger, this one. We will need another one of these.
Get out of here.
Ah, ah, you should have killed him...
...because I am going to kill him as soon as I am done killing your ass.
Now, drop it. Drop it!
Now, turn around, nice and slow, like.
What's the matter? That hurt?
Where are all your little friends now?
This is what happens when you mess with my town!
Last chance to see the coyote! I said get up, boy!
Get up! Get up!
Stand up, little one!
You're pissing me off, you mutt!
Come here, baby. Say adios, baby.
Checkout time.
Come on. Get up. Need a little hand? You need a hand?
You have been causing too much hell around my town!
Stand up! I don't want to kill you laying down.
Come on!
Teach you a damn lesson.
You going to pay for what have you done to my family.
Knock it off, old man!
Everybody see this?
Is everybody watching? It's a beautiful day to die.
Eddie,
I got the bastard!
You? No!
It was me.
Army didn't give me a sharpshooter medal for nothing, you know.
What the hell you talking about? You're all blind!
- I got him! - I love you.
I love you.
It has never missed a shot! Never missed a shot!
I beg your pardon sir, but my grandfather was close to Rudyard Kipling...
...another excellent marksman.
They were very close, like this.
You didn't even have a bullet in your gun.
- Oh, prithee, sir. What was in my gun? - A suppository!
- Cream, no sugar. - Dottie, this is going to be a gold mine.
They're going to start running busses here every two hours.
I know. It's a lifesaver for us too.
- Thank you. - You're welcome, ma'am.
Dottie, I don't want to be forward, but do you like Samurai movies?
I don't know. I have never been to one.
Well, they're like Westerns, only Japanese.
Anyway, there's a special showing on in Sun City...
...one of my favorites, called Yojimbo.
I'd sure love it, if you'd see it with me on Friday night.
Well, that sounds real nice, Buddy.
I could just drive down. What time should I meet you?
Oh, no, no. I will come and pick you up. Say around 5:00 o'clock?
- I will be ready. - Great.
Oh my God, that must be Bertie.
- King me, sir, please. - All right.
A very lucky day for you, Mr. Singh.
And a very lucky day, indeed, for us all. Very lucky.
Our town is experiencing a genuine renaissance...
...and we owe it all to Eddie.
A hell of an idea of his, telling the tabloids...
...about all the alien activity around here.
Whoever knew there were so many nuts in the world with money.
- That's a good one. - I made you boys some brownies.
Thank you very much.
- Now, Bertie, you must sit and rest. - Thank you.
- And Eli, you must stop smoking. - Why?
Because my Bertie and I... are having a baby.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
Congratulations, my friend.
Hey, hey, look who's here!
- You see him too? - I do now.