1
00:00:06,732 --> 00:00:12,132
<b><font color="#ffff00">Prepared and arranged by zero boy</font></b>

2
00:00:12,556 --> 00:00:18,356
<font color="#80ff00"><b>^_~ my instagram >> im_0boy</b></font>

3
00:00:18,580 --> 00:00:20,984
[wind howling]

4
00:00:31,527 --> 00:00:33,930
[music playing]

5
00:01:01,924 --> 00:01:04,294
[fire crackling]

6
00:01:06,768 --> 00:01:08,170
[coughing]

7
00:01:10,739 --> 00:01:12,140
[groaning]

8
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,141
MAN: Get up!

9
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:16,143
Get up.

10
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,113
[groaning]

11
00:01:19,781 --> 00:01:20,581
Come on.

12
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,050
Get in there.

13
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:24,986
Move!

14
00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:26,954
Get up.

15
00:01:27,055 --> 00:01:29,424
[groaning]

16
00:01:30,992 --> 00:01:33,361
PRISONER: Don't!

17
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:34,496
[groans]

18
00:01:38,633 --> 00:01:41,502
NARRATOR: It has been
the burden of my people

19
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:45,306
to struggle under the iron
fist of the ruthless leaders

20
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:50,244
since Nebuchadnezzar created
the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

21
00:01:50,345 --> 00:01:52,981
There all those of us
who, though our efforts

22
00:01:53,081 --> 00:01:55,984
may be futile,
have tried to bring

23
00:01:56,084 --> 00:02:00,722
peace to our war-torn land.

24
00:02:00,822 --> 00:02:02,490
But we tremble.

25
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:06,294
For it is written that this evil
wind will lure the great eagle

26
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:09,264
into the clutches
of its ambition,

27
00:02:09,364 --> 00:02:12,567
and the whole world
will come to the edge

28
00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:19,907
of being nothing but a
whisper's vapor in the universe.

29
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:26,214
The secret, gentlemen, is
in your reach and accuracy.

30
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:27,315
[clank]

31
00:02:28,650 --> 00:02:32,320
You must have the right
balance and the right power.

32
00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:35,690
Soon, we will invade Karifistan.

33
00:02:39,194 --> 00:02:40,461
[clank]

34
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:43,832
And the American infidels will
foolishly rush to their aid.

35
00:02:43,932 --> 00:02:45,067
That's right, Kibee.

36
00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:49,037
And then I, Almar Habib
Tufuti, President for Life,

37
00:02:49,137 --> 00:02:50,871
will be the leader
of all true believers

38
00:02:50,972 --> 00:02:53,275
when the American eagle
falls from its perch.

39
00:02:56,411 --> 00:02:58,313
NARRATOR: There
will be one man who

40
00:02:58,413 --> 00:03:01,582
will ride the storm
from the West to humble

41
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,152
the tyrants of the Earth.

42
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:09,824
I tell you now the prophecy
of a great American warrior.

43
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:11,359
Good morning, Mr. Worrell.

44
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:14,262
You're looking at a
trap cleverly devised

45
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:18,132
by the evil genius
Baron von Titleist.

46
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,367
A mine field.

47
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:22,770
Mines diabolically disguised
as your average garden

48
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:26,808
variety golf ball, or
golf astemplis spheracoli.

49
00:03:26,908 --> 00:03:29,443
Your mission, should
you choose to accept it,

50
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,345
will be to rid the
world of this menace

51
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:36,117
and make this geriatric pastime
safe again for all of humanity.

52
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:39,354
My voice will self-destruct
in five seconds.

53
00:03:39,454 --> 00:03:41,857
Four, three, two, one.

54
00:03:41,957 --> 00:03:45,360
[IMITATING SELF DESTRUCTION
NOISES]

55
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:51,199
Let the games begin.

56
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:54,169
Yeah, another day
on this course.

57
00:03:54,269 --> 00:03:55,136
There's one.

58
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,404
Oh-oh.

59
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,605
Got another one.
Uh-oh.

60
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:58,506
Steer right.

61
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,207
There's one.

62
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:01,776
OK, got another one.

63
00:04:01,876 --> 00:04:02,911
[laughs]

64
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,880
Yeah, can't hit me.

65
00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:08,116
You couldn't hit a bull in
the butt with a bass fiddle.

66
00:04:08,216 --> 00:04:10,284
Nice try, lady.
[laughs]

67
00:04:10,385 --> 00:04:11,686
Oh, yeah.

68
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,459
Yeah, you knock
them, I rock them.

69
00:04:17,559 --> 00:04:18,360
Uh-oh.

70
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,830
Do your worst, Baron Titleist.

71
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:27,035
Your pock-marked angels
of death frighten me not.

72
00:04:27,135 --> 00:04:29,471
Uh-oh, reinforcements.

73
00:04:29,571 --> 00:04:30,371
We're dumb.

74
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:33,608
When you're dumb, you're dumb.

75
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:34,509
GOLFER: Get him, Bill.

76
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,283
[golfers groan]

77
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,217
[laughs]

78
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,754
Don't tempt
these guys, Ernest.

79
00:04:45,854 --> 00:04:49,090
You know what happens.

80
00:04:49,191 --> 00:04:51,860
Special Forces Commander
Ernest P. Worrell

81
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:56,030
receives his much
deserved hero's welcome.

82
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,498
[grunts]

83
00:04:57,599 --> 00:05:00,001
[clatter]

84
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:02,470
[laughs]

85
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:03,972
[yells]

86
00:05:04,072 --> 00:05:05,340
[thud]

87
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:06,440
GOLFER 1: I think I got him
in the pancreas with that one.

88
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:07,341
GOLFER 2: Yeah, good shot.

89
00:05:07,442 --> 00:05:09,410
Good shot.

90
00:05:09,511 --> 00:05:10,412
All right.

91
00:05:16,951 --> 00:05:19,854
Whoo, boy.

92
00:05:19,954 --> 00:05:22,290
Hey, great American hero.

93
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:23,191
Are you gonna make it?

94
00:05:23,291 --> 00:05:24,359
[grunts]

95
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,095
Merely a flesh wound, Ben.

96
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:30,999
Merely a wound upon my flesh.

97
00:05:31,099 --> 00:05:31,866
Yeah.

98
00:05:31,966 --> 00:05:33,868
[gibberish]

99
00:05:34,869 --> 00:05:36,237
[thud]

100
00:05:36,338 --> 00:05:37,672
[chuckles]

101
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:40,341
Gosh Ben, thanks for
saving me under-fire today.

102
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,977
Baron Titleist nearly
got the best of me.

103
00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:45,813
A soldier never leaves his
buddy in the heat of battle.

104
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,148
How's that bean head of yours?

105
00:05:47,248 --> 00:05:49,017
It'd be a whole lot better
if you'd let me drive.

106
00:05:49,117 --> 00:05:50,351
Now, we've been
through that before.

107
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,120
Oh, please, Ben,
with sugar on top?

108
00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:53,021
No, no, no!

109
00:05:53,121 --> 00:05:54,289
Gosh!

110
00:05:54,389 --> 00:05:55,823
You never let me do anything,
ever since we were kids.

111
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,125
I let you do stuff.

112
00:05:57,225 --> 00:05:59,627
- What stuff?
- Stuff.

113
00:05:59,728 --> 00:06:01,863
Well, OK, stuff, but
you never left me drive.

114
00:06:01,963 --> 00:06:03,631
Ernest, I can't let you drive.

115
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,366
This is an Army
vehicle, and it is to be

116
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,035
only driven by Army people.

117
00:06:07,135 --> 00:06:10,638
I am an Army people, whilst
you are not Army people.

118
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,740
Gosh, I'll never get to
drive those big camo mammoths

119
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,575
and jeeps and
[inaudible] and tanks

120
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,077
and armored personnel carriers.

121
00:06:16,177 --> 00:06:18,045
Never, ever, ever in the
whole history of the universe

122
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,213
will I ever get to drive.

123
00:06:19,314 --> 00:06:20,482
[slurping]

124
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:22,717
You could enlist.

125
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:23,818
Enlist?

126
00:06:23,918 --> 00:06:25,419
Join the army?

127
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:26,321
Army people drive.

128
00:06:29,090 --> 00:06:29,891
Army people.

129
00:06:29,991 --> 00:06:30,792
Army people.

130
00:06:30,892 --> 00:06:32,027
Army, Army, Army people.

131
00:06:37,365 --> 00:06:38,166
Huh.

132
00:06:38,266 --> 00:06:39,501
I'm telling you, Ernest.

133
00:06:39,601 --> 00:06:41,068
There's nothing like life in
the defense of your country.

134
00:06:41,169 --> 00:06:42,771
Know what I mean?
[chuckles]

135
00:06:42,871 --> 00:06:45,140
ERNEST: Ben, do they let
keep my old underwear...

136
00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,642
'cause I hate to break
in new underwear?

137
00:06:47,742 --> 00:06:48,976
BEN: I think something
can be arranged.

138
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:49,878
I don't know.

139
00:06:49,978 --> 00:06:51,579
I'm too old to enlist.

140
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:52,913
Not for the
Reserves, your not.

141
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,383
Why, we got guys your age
signing up all the time.

142
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:56,284
The Reserves?

143
00:06:56,384 --> 00:06:57,685
Yeah, boy.

144
00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,253
You'd love it, Earnest, driving
them big rigs on the weekend.

145
00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:01,455
It's like summer
camp for real men.

146
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:04,159
Well, I was a summer
camp counselor once.

147
00:07:04,259 --> 00:07:06,327
The way you drive that golf
cart, why you'd be a natural

148
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:08,496
in Mechanized Infantry.

149
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,831
I don't know.

150
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:12,900
Look, it's not like you'd
ever be in combat or anything.

151
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,668
I mean, you'd be stationed
right here at the base.

152
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,638
I'm not gonna let
anything happen you.

153
00:07:16,738 --> 00:07:19,106
Never have, now have I?

154
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,074
No.

155
00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:21,342
Are you gonna eat
those pork rinds?

156
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,011
No, no.
You take them.

157
00:07:23,111 --> 00:07:25,980
Sarge, are you ready to go?

158
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,815
I was born ready, Bambi.

159
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:28,783
Bambi, Ernest.

160
00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:31,051
Ernest, Bambi.

161
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,020
Hi.

162
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,587
It's nice to very meet you.

163
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:34,489
Hi.

164
00:07:34,589 --> 00:07:35,389
ERNEST: Hi.

165
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,458
Let's go, Ben.

166
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:38,993
Women love Army people.

167
00:07:39,093 --> 00:07:42,263
Know what I mean?

168
00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:44,732
[news intro music playing]

169
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:45,667
NEWS ANNOUNCER: Our town.

170
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:46,600
Let's see--

171
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,236
Gosh, I wish I
had a girlfriend.

172
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,838
CINDY SWANSON (ON TV):
Hi, this is Cindy Swanson

173
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:51,772
reporting for Channel 3--

174
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,042
Cindy Swanson?

175
00:07:54,142 --> 00:07:55,042
[groans]

176
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,410
CINDY SWANSON (ON
TV): --who's just

177
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,546
won the Hoffer Award for the
most unusual locust collection.

178
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,448
You must be very excited.
- Oh, yes.

179
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:01,482
This means I get to speak--

180
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:02,383
[kissing noises]

181
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:03,984
--convention in Michigan.

182
00:08:04,085 --> 00:08:05,386
What an awesome
responsibility.

183
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:06,420
Oh, yeah, it is.

184
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,321
All the elite--

185
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,156
Oh, excuse me, Mr. Beetleman.

186
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:12,526
We're cutting away to
INNI for a special report.

187
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,295
This is Cindy Swanson report--

188
00:08:14,395 --> 00:08:15,730
It was mummified by a pharaoh.

189
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,364
NEWS ANNOUNCER: And now,
for a special report

190
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:21,636
from Frank Williams at the
INNI foreign desk in London.

191
00:08:21,736 --> 00:08:24,705
It seems that Almar Habib
Tufuti, President for Life

192
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:28,276
of Arisia, is saber rattling
again as these satellite photos

193
00:08:28,376 --> 00:08:30,511
reveal a large
intercontinental missile

194
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,480
being moved across a
southern province of Arisia

195
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:33,781
toward Karifistan.

196
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:45,793
You see how far
you can reach when

197
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,862
you use the right club, Kibee?

198
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,897
Yes, I see, Excellency.

199
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:53,368
The eagle will shudder when
it sees how far you can reach.

200
00:08:53,468 --> 00:08:56,471
You know, I've
never shot an eagle.

201
00:08:56,571 --> 00:09:00,340
A few birdies, many
pars, but never an eagle.

202
00:09:00,441 --> 00:09:01,476
Perhaps, if you
were to keep you

203
00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:04,645
head more still, Excellency?

204
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:08,249
But who am I to say?

205
00:09:08,349 --> 00:09:10,384
This little beauty
is from Pakistan.

206
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:12,854
It spits when it's in flight.

207
00:09:12,954 --> 00:09:15,456
Oh, that's very interesting,
Mr. Beetleman, but I'm

208
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,925
afraid we're gonna have to cover
this story at another time.

209
00:09:18,026 --> 00:09:18,827
I'm sorry.

210
00:09:24,299 --> 00:09:26,034
[laughing]

211
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,104
I'm sorry you didn't
get to finish, Cin.

212
00:09:30,204 --> 00:09:31,238
Oh, that's OK.

213
00:09:31,339 --> 00:09:33,207
That story was finished
before it got started.

214
00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:34,442
Thanks.

215
00:09:34,542 --> 00:09:36,443
You know, I have worked
like a dog for this station

216
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:37,678
for over a year.

217
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,580
I've done everything
they've asked me to do,

218
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,783
but I'm never gonna
get to INNI reporting

219
00:09:41,883 --> 00:09:43,451
dorky stories like this one.

220
00:09:43,551 --> 00:09:45,653
I need a really big story
to put me over the top.

221
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,088
Well, you hang in there, Cin.

222
00:09:47,188 --> 00:09:49,390
You'll get your chance.

223
00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:50,291
Maybe.

224
00:09:50,391 --> 00:09:52,726
[laughs]

225
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,962
Yeah, right.

226
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,431
[sighs]

227
00:10:08,409 --> 00:10:09,844
The Army.

228
00:10:09,944 --> 00:10:12,646
Yeah, maybe that's it.

229
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:16,451
I'd be an expert on
driving those big rigs.

230
00:10:16,551 --> 00:10:20,955
Gentlemen, this is your GNC
Napa Sonoma Mendocino 3000.

231
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,258
It is the ultimate
urban assault vehicle.

232
00:10:23,358 --> 00:10:26,461
It has 67 cylinders,
3000 horsepower,

233
00:10:26,561 --> 00:10:27,995
seating capacity-- one.

234
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:28,996
[clank]

235
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,464
[crash]

236
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:35,936
It has endoroflex suspension,
monoflatulating corroboration,

237
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:41,075
and all models made after 1997
has the extra large cup holder.

238
00:10:41,175 --> 00:10:43,277
The body is solid unibody
and is made by the US

239
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:44,711
Army Corps of Engineers.

240
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:46,614
[clatter]

241
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:50,184
Doors are optional.

242
00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:52,886
This vehicle is your friend,
it is your companion,

243
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,288
it is your long lost love.

244
00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:55,957
You will treat this
vehicle with respect,

245
00:10:56,057 --> 00:10:58,626
or I will cut your
guts out with a rock.

246
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:01,028
Do you understand?

247
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:04,298
Now, gentlemen, are
there any questions?

248
00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:05,666
[crackling]

249
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:06,968
I didn't think so.

250
00:11:07,068 --> 00:11:07,969
[crash]

251
00:11:09,070 --> 00:11:10,471
[grunts]

252
00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:14,441
Joining the Army is
the best decision you'll

253
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:15,810
ever make in your entire life.

254
00:11:15,910 --> 00:11:17,411
Just change this
cap for a GI cap.

255
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:18,646
Get rid of these
blues and greys--

256
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,281
For browns and greens.
And as they say--

257
00:11:20,381 --> 00:11:21,482
You're in the Army now.

258
00:11:21,582 --> 00:11:24,118
But what about boot camp?

259
00:11:24,218 --> 00:11:27,755
What about tough GIs, grueling
work, the breaking down

260
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,457
of one's self-esteem with
strong language, insults,

261
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:32,092
and the clever use of profanity?

262
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,260
What about that?

263
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,262
You're not in the real Army.

264
00:11:34,362 --> 00:11:35,162
You're in the Reserves.

265
00:11:35,263 --> 00:11:36,264
We drive trucks
on the weekend.

266
00:11:36,364 --> 00:11:37,331
And talk on the radio.

267
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:38,399
And party all the time.

268
00:11:38,499 --> 00:11:40,935
So it's time to rock and roll.

269
00:11:41,035 --> 00:11:42,670
ALL: (SINGING) A-R-M--

270
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:43,571
Why?

271
00:11:43,671 --> 00:11:44,471
Why?

272
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,340
Because we're Army people.

273
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:50,812
ALL: (SINGING) P-O-P-L-E.

274
00:11:50,912 --> 00:11:53,648
BEN AND ERNEST: Poople?
- What's wrong with poople?

275
00:11:57,651 --> 00:11:59,487
[thunderclap]

276
00:12:04,492 --> 00:12:06,861
Comrade Blatz report
for midi-sector.

277
00:12:06,961 --> 00:12:11,265
I want to know how a
pipsqueak despot like Tufuti

278
00:12:11,365 --> 00:12:13,066
get a pluton missile.

279
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,436
No excuse, Boyard, but
we have no information

280
00:12:15,536 --> 00:12:16,904
of missile origins.

281
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:19,206
For that missile,
Comrade Blatz,

282
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:22,876
we could blackmail entire world.

283
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:28,182
Every nation on Earth would
have no choice but to bend

284
00:12:28,282 --> 00:12:31,485
to my personal demands.

285
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:34,555
I must have that missile!

286
00:12:34,655 --> 00:12:39,993
NARRATOR: So the wondrous hands
that mold the events of men

287
00:12:40,094 --> 00:12:43,030
will set the great
American warrior on course

288
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,065
to his destiny.

289
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:51,872
While in other parts of the
world, the weak and oppressed

290
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,674
struggle to survive.

291
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,076
Knowing when to
buy and when to sell.

292
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:57,210
It's perfect.

293
00:12:57,311 --> 00:12:59,846
I am Ben-Ali and I know
of strange and dangerous

294
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,315
cults that own this city.

295
00:13:01,415 --> 00:13:03,718
You can charm them off with
the charm of the Geshua.

296
00:13:03,818 --> 00:13:04,986
Get away from me, parasite.

297
00:13:05,086 --> 00:13:05,886
[grunts]

298
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,621
Get away, and don't come back!

299
00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:10,224
The charm of the Geshua
is only one dollar.

300
00:13:10,324 --> 00:13:12,226
I need to feed my sister.

301
00:13:12,326 --> 00:13:13,127
We sick.

302
00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,096
Feed at the baker's kitchen.

303
00:13:15,196 --> 00:13:17,831
Now, leave us alone
before I have you jailed!

304
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:18,733
No!

305
00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,671
What I was saying is that--

306
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:26,574
[indistinct speech]

307
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:30,844
Hey!

308
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:31,945
Hey, come back here!

309
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,080
Come back you thief!

310
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,448
[grunts]
[tires squeal]

311
00:13:34,548 --> 00:13:35,415
[laughs]

312
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,185
Take it easy, man.

313
00:13:37,285 --> 00:13:39,319
ERNEST: Sorry.
Wow!

314
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,454
This is great.

315
00:13:40,555 --> 00:13:42,623
Jock them, chock them,
lock them, and cruise

316
00:13:42,723 --> 00:13:43,924
them on down the highway.

317
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,259
BEN: What did I tell you?

318
00:13:45,359 --> 00:13:47,662
There ain't nothing
like being Army people.

319
00:13:47,762 --> 00:13:49,864
Gosh, Ben, you
really mean it when

320
00:13:49,964 --> 00:13:52,833
you were talking about
taking care of your buddies.

321
00:13:52,934 --> 00:13:54,802
You're about the best
friend I've ever had.

322
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:55,970
Every time, bud.

323
00:13:56,070 --> 00:13:56,871
Every time.

324
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,310
[tires screech]

325
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:04,211
Hey!

326
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:05,178
Hey, watch it.

327
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:06,080
Watch it.

328
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:08,115
Watch what?

329
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,251
What kind of idiot
was driving that truck?

330
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:13,988
Want me to drive?

331
00:14:14,088 --> 00:14:14,922
No, no, I'm fine.

332
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:15,823
I'm OK.

333
00:14:18,659 --> 00:14:19,927
MAN: Look out.
Hey, watch that car.

334
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,362
Watch out.
MAN 2: Ooh, wow.

335
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:28,335
Ambassador, this mission
is not going to be easy.

336
00:14:28,436 --> 00:14:31,405
Not only that, Colonel
Gullet, the Americans

337
00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:34,141
aren't overjoyed at
being under UN command.

338
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:37,945
You will have to win this
American general over, maybe

339
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,113
find out what motivates him.

340
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,782
What motivates him
is what motivates

341
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,183
every American general.

342
00:14:43,284 --> 00:14:44,085
Publicity.

343
00:14:44,185 --> 00:14:45,786
[camera bulb flashes]

344
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:46,687
Barnes!

345
00:14:46,787 --> 00:14:48,022
Sir?

346
00:14:48,122 --> 00:14:49,489
Shouldn't we be doing this
out in the field someplace?

347
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:50,991
What's with all this
stupid blue paper?

348
00:14:51,092 --> 00:14:53,661
We use it to strip in
backgrounds like Omaha

349
00:14:53,761 --> 00:14:55,997
Beach, Saigon, Baghdad.

350
00:14:56,097 --> 00:14:58,165
Through the magic of
computer composing,

351
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,133
we can put you
right in the action.

352
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,369
The devil, you say.

353
00:15:01,469 --> 00:15:03,571
Mm-hm.

354
00:15:03,671 --> 00:15:04,639
That's enough for now.

355
00:15:04,739 --> 00:15:05,706
Get me the proofs tomorrow.
- Yes, sir.

356
00:15:05,806 --> 00:15:06,807
We have a deadline
on the press kits.

357
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,008
Right away, sir.

358
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:11,111
General, Ambassador
Kitchen and a Colonel Gullet

359
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:14,314
from the UN Peacekeeping Forces
will be here any minute now

360
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,449
for a 10 o'clock appointment.

361
00:15:15,550 --> 00:15:17,418
Barnes, I don't want
to talk to some pompous,

362
00:15:17,518 --> 00:15:19,853
stuffy, egomaniacal ambassador.

363
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:22,456
- The press loves him, sir.
- They do?

364
00:15:22,556 --> 00:15:23,523
Well, show him in!

365
00:15:23,624 --> 00:15:24,425
Yes, sir.

366
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,532
Howdy, Ambassador.

367
00:15:31,632 --> 00:15:32,733
Your Excellency.

368
00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:34,668
BARNES: They're here, sir.

369
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,637
Act noncommittal.

370
00:15:36,737 --> 00:15:38,205
Good.

371
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,473
I don't know, old bean.

372
00:15:39,574 --> 00:15:40,373
Excellent.

373
00:15:40,474 --> 00:15:41,575
Very good.

374
00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:42,977
[sighs]

375
00:15:44,946 --> 00:15:49,150
Good afternoon, General
I am Ambassador Kitchen

376
00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:51,051
and this is Colonel Gullet.

377
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:51,952
Welcome, gentlemen.

378
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:55,022
Please, have a seat.

379
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,124
Now, what can I do for you?

380
00:15:57,224 --> 00:16:01,395
As you know, Tufuti has been
kicking up his heels again.

381
00:16:01,495 --> 00:16:03,697
And this time, he plans to
invade the sovereign state

382
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,599
of Karifistan.

383
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:07,434
And on top of that,
there is evidence

384
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,269
that he has a pluton missile.

385
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,538
Ah, Washington doesn't want
him messing up the oil prices,

386
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,440
huh?

387
00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:14,275
[laughs]

388
00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:15,943
[sighs]

389
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:18,246
Rough room.

390
00:16:18,346 --> 00:16:20,914
The UN Security Council
has chosen your Reserve Unit

391
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,650
as a support team for the
UN Peacekeeping Forces

392
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,986
under the command of
Colonel Gullet, here.

393
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:26,887
What?

394
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,889
Support team?

395
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,558
You wait a John
Wayne minute, mister!

396
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,628
My men are a fighting,
killing machine!

397
00:16:33,728 --> 00:16:35,029
We don't take
orders from anyone.

398
00:16:35,129 --> 00:16:37,498
Especially some guy
wearing a beret.

399
00:16:37,598 --> 00:16:39,233
You're not French, are you?

400
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,568
Barnes, is this man French?

401
00:16:40,668 --> 00:16:41,769
You know I hate the French!

402
00:16:41,869 --> 00:16:43,036
Sir--

403
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,072
AMBASSADOR: Please
let me explain.

404
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:48,142
Colonel Gullet will be
handling the day-to-day duties,

405
00:16:48,242 --> 00:16:51,645
but in matters of importance,
you will be consulted.

406
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:54,615
Who will be making
the press briefings?

407
00:16:54,715 --> 00:16:56,984
Why, the General, of course.

408
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,419
Well, then, you can
consider the 97th Reserve Unit

409
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,623
at your disposal,
Colonel Gullet.

410
00:17:02,723 --> 00:17:04,024
Go on.

411
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,425
Go on.

412
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:07,294
[sighs]

413
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:10,096
All right, Pierre, our
troops are your troops.

414
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,965
I'll brief your
men at 1600 hours.

415
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,166
Yeah, it's a good thing.

416
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,769
The killing machine's
only here on the weekend.

417
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,338
[sighs]

418
00:17:18,439 --> 00:17:19,239
What?

419
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:20,173
Did I say something wrong?

420
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:21,108
No.

421
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,476
No.

422
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,744
Have a nice day.

423
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,079
[phone rings]

424
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:27,648
Cindy Swanson, WZEB.

425
00:17:27,748 --> 00:17:29,449
BARNES: Remember me, Cindy?

426
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,751
Unfortunately.

427
00:17:30,851 --> 00:17:33,353
I've got something you want.

428
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:36,356
Barnes, this is an actual news
phone line, not a 900 number.

429
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,459
The 97th is being
sent in to support

430
00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:40,427
UN troops in Karifistan.

431
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:41,328
No way.

432
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:43,263
The 97th Unit is a Reserve Unit.

433
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:46,066
They're outta here
in a week, and General

434
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,401
Lincoln's leading the charge.

435
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:48,569
[laughs]

436
00:17:48,669 --> 00:17:50,471
Wait a minute, has
Washington lost its mind?

437
00:17:50,571 --> 00:17:51,439
Don't answer that.

438
00:17:51,539 --> 00:17:52,906
Who else knows
about this, Barnes?

439
00:17:53,006 --> 00:17:56,743
Only you, for now, baby.

440
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,746
Now, when can you and I, uh--

441
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,348
Thanks for the tip.

442
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,516
You're not gonna believe this.

443
00:18:02,616 --> 00:18:03,483
I gotta call the boss.

444
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,486
[dialing]

445
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:08,955
Ow!

446
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:11,491
God!

447
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,393
[tires squeal]

448
00:18:12,493 --> 00:18:13,861
[crash]

449
00:18:13,961 --> 00:18:14,861
[laughs]

450
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,096
Some drive, huh, Ernest?

451
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:16,997
Yeah.

452
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,365
Army life is great.

453
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,000
Hey, you want an Ooey
Gooey Toad Gummy?

454
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:20,901
Oh, no.

455
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:22,069
They're too sticky for me.

456
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,737
It takes me a week to
get them out of my teeth.

457
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:25,438
You just gotta
know how to eat them.

458
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,041
It's an art form few
real men possess.

459
00:18:28,142 --> 00:18:29,643
We've gotta get to the
parade ground like now.

460
00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:32,212
Some big muckety-muck
from the UN is here.

461
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,815
We're on our way.

462
00:18:34,915 --> 00:18:37,284
[chewing loudly]

463
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,689
MAN 1: Move it.
Move it.

464
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:43,657
MAN 2: Slow down.

465
00:18:43,758 --> 00:18:45,058
[sucking]

466
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,460
MAN 1: Come on, you guys.
Step it up.

467
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,428
Step it up.

468
00:18:53,868 --> 00:18:55,169
[grunting]

469
00:18:55,269 --> 00:18:56,069
ERNEST: Oh.

470
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:56,970
Ooh.

471
00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:58,472
Thanks, Ben.
- Come on.

472
00:18:58,572 --> 00:18:59,573
Let's go, Ernest.

473
00:18:59,673 --> 00:19:01,409
[murmuring]

474
00:19:03,777 --> 00:19:05,112
Do it as rehearsed.

475
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,346
ERNEST: Are you
sure you don't want

476
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:07,815
an Ooey Gooey Toad Gummy, Ben?

477
00:19:07,915 --> 00:19:09,116
[murmuring]

478
00:19:10,251 --> 00:19:11,251
At ease.

479
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,087
[murmuring]

480
00:19:14,788 --> 00:19:15,589
Get me a close-up.

481
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:24,564
Men, God has truly smiled
down upon you this day.

482
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,334
Out of the entire United
States Armed Forces,

483
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:30,403
you and you alone
have been chosen

484
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,507
as an elite fighting unit.

485
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:36,010
Never in the history
of warfare has

486
00:19:36,110 --> 00:19:38,345
such an awesome
responsibility been

487
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:42,649
placed on the shoulders of
such brave and noble souls

488
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,284
as yourselves.

489
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:47,221
Colonel Gullet.

490
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:48,588
Make it snappy, Pierre.

491
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,791
These guys go home at 5 o'clock.

492
00:19:50,891 --> 00:19:54,194
I am Colonel Gullet,
UN Special Forces.

493
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:56,830
You will be under
my direct command.

494
00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:58,966
This unit will be
my support unit.

495
00:19:59,066 --> 00:20:01,435
You'll cook all the
meals, clean the toilets,

496
00:20:01,535 --> 00:20:05,139
police the grounds, wash the
equipment, unload the trucks.

497
00:20:05,239 --> 00:20:06,707
You'll perform
each and every task

498
00:20:06,807 --> 00:20:09,443
you are told, when you are
told, while on this peacekeeping

499
00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:11,011
mission to Karifistan.

500
00:20:11,111 --> 00:20:12,646
Karifistan?

501
00:20:12,746 --> 00:20:14,615
I can't go to Karifistan.

502
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:16,583
I don't know anybody
in Karifistan.

503
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,851
I don't speak Karifistanese.

504
00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:19,553
And besides, my lips will peel.

505
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:22,055
Soldier, do you
have a problem here?

506
00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:24,925
Yeah, I've gotta pickup
golf ball next week.

507
00:20:25,025 --> 00:20:27,428
What's that in
your hand, private?

508
00:20:27,528 --> 00:20:28,428
Ooey Gooey Gummy Toads.

509
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,329
You want one?

510
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,231
Get rid of them!

511
00:20:33,501 --> 00:20:35,336
[guzzling]

512
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,207
[chewing loudly]

513
00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:42,543
- Barnes.
- Sir.

514
00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:43,476
Who is this man?

515
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,812
He's a new recruit, sir.

516
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,514
Have him flogged.

517
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:49,749
We can only do that
in Singapore, sir.

518
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,652
[chewing loudly]

519
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:56,423
And the box!

520
00:21:01,228 --> 00:21:03,030
[grunting]

521
00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:05,966
Ohh.

522
00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:06,934
COLONEL GULLET: General,
what kind of Army

523
00:21:07,034 --> 00:21:08,169
are you running here?

524
00:21:08,269 --> 00:21:09,569
You wouldn't find this
bean head under my command!

525
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:10,704
Who does he think he is?

526
00:21:10,804 --> 00:21:11,605
Easy, sir.

527
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:12,573
Easy.

528
00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:13,907
When they get back
from Karifistan,

529
00:21:14,007 --> 00:21:16,477
you won't recognize this
bunch of blockheads!

530
00:21:19,947 --> 00:21:21,047
Look at you!

531
00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:22,282
Shoulders back!

532
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:23,183
Stomach in!

533
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,083
[spits]

534
00:21:24,184 --> 00:21:25,219
[mumbling]

535
00:21:28,288 --> 00:21:30,356
Ew, ew, ew, ew.

536
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:32,059
[laughing]

537
00:21:32,159 --> 00:21:33,226
Sir.

538
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:34,261
Hang on, Colonel.

539
00:21:34,361 --> 00:21:36,663
I'll get it off.

540
00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:37,797
Stay calm, sir.

541
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:40,533
I'll have you out
in nothing flat.

542
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,603
Here, I'll need
this for leverage.

543
00:21:42,703 --> 00:21:44,004
[squishing]

544
00:21:44,104 --> 00:21:45,805
Here it goes.

545
00:21:45,906 --> 00:21:47,641
[grunting]

546
00:21:47,741 --> 00:21:48,542
Sarge!

547
00:21:48,642 --> 00:21:49,676
Corporal Davis!

548
00:21:49,776 --> 00:21:51,879
Hey, guys, hold him down.

549
00:21:51,979 --> 00:21:53,747
[murmuring]

550
00:21:53,847 --> 00:21:55,782
Don't worry, Colonel.

551
00:21:55,883 --> 00:21:57,784
You'll be able to
breathe in just a minute.

552
00:21:57,885 --> 00:21:59,719
[groaning]

553
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:02,222
Barnes, shouldn't
we do something?

554
00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:04,924
I think we'd better
stay out of this one, sir.

555
00:22:05,024 --> 00:22:06,026
[grunting]
- That's it.

556
00:22:06,126 --> 00:22:06,927
Pull it.

557
00:22:07,027 --> 00:22:08,394
Come on!

558
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:11,398
One, two.

559
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:12,866
Gosh.

560
00:22:12,966 --> 00:22:15,335
[clamoring]

561
00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:16,803
Pull!

562
00:22:16,904 --> 00:22:18,806
[grunting]

563
00:22:29,283 --> 00:22:30,149
BEN: What are you doing?

564
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:32,118
[chuckles]

565
00:22:32,219 --> 00:22:35,088
ALL: Whoa!

566
00:22:35,189 --> 00:22:36,590
[clatter]

567
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:37,557
[crash]

568
00:22:37,658 --> 00:22:38,459
[hissing]

569
00:22:38,559 --> 00:22:40,026
Ooh.

570
00:22:40,127 --> 00:22:41,528
[laughing]

571
00:22:41,628 --> 00:22:42,562
[clears throat]

572
00:22:42,662 --> 00:22:44,097
How do you like that, Pierre?

573
00:22:44,198 --> 00:22:46,033
[groaning]

574
00:22:49,169 --> 00:22:49,970
Eww.

575
00:22:53,507 --> 00:22:54,875
[thud]

576
00:22:54,975 --> 00:22:56,143
I told you I'd get it off.

577
00:22:56,243 --> 00:22:57,911
[laughs]

578
00:22:58,945 --> 00:23:02,049
Know what I mean?
- Oh, Ernest.

579
00:23:02,149 --> 00:23:04,384
Don't worry, Ben,
I'll explain everything.

580
00:23:04,484 --> 00:23:06,019
The General seems
like a swell guy.

581
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:07,287
I'm sure he'll understand.

582
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:10,157
And, besides, no one is
impervious to the Worrell

583
00:23:10,257 --> 00:23:12,192
charm.
- Please, Ernest.

584
00:23:12,292 --> 00:23:14,194
When we go in
there, just shut up

585
00:23:14,294 --> 00:23:15,194
and let me do the talking, OK?

586
00:23:15,295 --> 00:23:16,096
But, Ben.

587
00:23:16,196 --> 00:23:16,996
Ben, nothing.

588
00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:18,164
I can handle the General.

589
00:23:18,264 --> 00:23:19,366
Just remember what I said.

590
00:23:19,466 --> 00:23:23,270
In the Army, you always
look out after your buddy.

591
00:23:23,370 --> 00:23:24,604
I'm gonna get you, Worrell.

592
00:23:24,704 --> 00:23:26,507
If it's the last thing
I'd do, I'm gonna get you.

593
00:23:29,476 --> 00:23:31,645
You know, Ben, I don't
think the Colonel is

594
00:23:31,745 --> 00:23:34,181
as familiar as we are with that
"taking care of your buddy"

595
00:23:34,281 --> 00:23:35,149
stuff.

596
00:23:35,249 --> 00:23:37,784
GENERAL LINCOLN:
Sergeant Ben Kovsky!

597
00:23:37,885 --> 00:23:39,620
[gulps]
How tough should I be?

598
00:23:42,556 --> 00:23:45,325
Like an iron fist,
in a soft glove.

599
00:23:45,425 --> 00:23:46,293
Ah.

600
00:23:46,393 --> 00:23:47,627
Remember what
happened to Patten.

601
00:23:47,728 --> 00:23:49,529
Oh, yeah.

602
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:53,933
OK, let's go.

603
00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:55,903
[clears throat]

604
00:23:58,972 --> 00:24:00,707
Private Ernest P. Worrell
and Sergeant Ben Kovsky

605
00:24:00,807 --> 00:24:02,375
reporting as ordered, sir.

606
00:24:02,475 --> 00:24:05,545
Well, Private Worrell, what
do you have to say for yourself?

607
00:24:05,645 --> 00:24:06,780
Well, sir.

608
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,650
Worrell, you have one
weekend of military service

609
00:24:09,750 --> 00:24:11,684
and you have nearly
jeopardized the entire UN

610
00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:13,219
Security Council mission!

611
00:24:13,319 --> 00:24:14,488
BEN: If I could explain, sir.

612
00:24:14,588 --> 00:24:16,256
And you, Sergeant Ben
Kovsky, you should know better.

613
00:24:16,356 --> 00:24:17,324
[heart beating]

614
00:24:17,424 --> 00:24:18,726
The image of the 97th
is at stake here,

615
00:24:18,826 --> 00:24:22,262
and now the whole world
will be focused on me-- us!

616
00:24:22,362 --> 00:24:24,465
I have no choice but to
relieve you of your duties!

617
00:24:24,565 --> 00:24:25,732
[groans]
[thud]

618
00:24:25,832 --> 00:24:27,166
Ben?
What's wrong?

619
00:24:27,266 --> 00:24:28,301
I knew it.
Too tough!

620
00:24:28,402 --> 00:24:29,936
Barnes, I was never here.
It never happened.

621
00:24:30,036 --> 00:24:31,371
I was at the Officer's
Club the whole time!

622
00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:32,305
But General, sir.

623
00:24:32,405 --> 00:24:33,206
Call the medic!

624
00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:35,909
Call an ambulance!

625
00:24:36,009 --> 00:24:37,877
I learned CPR on Oprah.

626
00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:38,878
[inhales loudly]

627
00:24:38,979 --> 00:24:41,348
[screams]

628
00:24:43,416 --> 00:24:45,819
[machine beeping]

629
00:24:53,894 --> 00:24:55,161
Hey, Ben.

630
00:24:55,261 --> 00:24:57,898
How's my favorite Army people?

631
00:24:57,998 --> 00:24:59,499
I brought you some
stuff from the PX,

632
00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:02,302
but they're a little funny
about what you could eat,

633
00:25:02,402 --> 00:25:07,774
so I brought you the pork rinds
but without the hot sauce.

634
00:25:07,874 --> 00:25:12,245
This is all my fault.
What was I thinking?

635
00:25:12,346 --> 00:25:17,083
All I wanted to do was
drive the Army big rigs.

636
00:25:17,183 --> 00:25:22,255
Ben, you're the best fiend
I've got in the whole world.

637
00:25:22,355 --> 00:25:24,691
Without you, I
wouldn't have anybody.

638
00:25:24,791 --> 00:25:27,160
And if I ever lost you, I'd--

639
00:25:27,260 --> 00:25:28,161
[sobs]

640
00:25:28,261 --> 00:25:29,896
WOMAN (ON PA): Visiting
hours are over.

641
00:25:29,996 --> 00:25:34,167
All visitors, please
leave the hospital.

642
00:25:34,267 --> 00:25:36,436
Well, I gotta go
now, Ben, but I'll say

643
00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:38,438
a little prayer for you, OK?

644
00:25:38,538 --> 00:25:41,974
You-- you hang in there, buddy.

645
00:25:42,075 --> 00:25:42,976
[clatter]

646
00:25:43,076 --> 00:25:43,977
No.

647
00:25:44,077 --> 00:25:46,413
[fast beeping]

648
00:25:46,513 --> 00:25:47,914
[gasping for air]

649
00:25:48,014 --> 00:25:49,416
This thing came out.

650
00:25:49,516 --> 00:25:51,918
I'll put it back in for you.

651
00:25:52,018 --> 00:25:53,286
[slurps]

652
00:25:53,386 --> 00:25:54,687
[jabs]

653
00:25:54,787 --> 00:25:56,189
[labored breathing]

654
00:25:56,289 --> 00:25:57,690
It won't stay.

655
00:25:57,790 --> 00:26:00,193
OK.

656
00:26:00,294 --> 00:26:02,195
[screams]

657
00:26:02,295 --> 00:26:04,264
It's staying there now.

658
00:26:04,364 --> 00:26:06,065
I gotta get it going.

659
00:26:06,166 --> 00:26:08,035
[grunting]

660
00:26:09,135 --> 00:26:10,504
[erratic beeping]

661
00:26:10,604 --> 00:26:14,941
OK, you get some rest.

662
00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:16,910
[shuddering]

663
00:26:20,947 --> 00:26:24,317
Allah, be praised.

664
00:26:24,417 --> 00:26:29,722
Gentlemen, behold my special
club, the pluton missile.

665
00:26:29,822 --> 00:26:32,926
With it, I will bring the
infidels to their knees

666
00:26:33,026 --> 00:26:36,063
and be leader in the Arab world.

667
00:26:36,163 --> 00:26:36,964
Kibee.

668
00:26:43,670 --> 00:26:48,007
Commander, I want you to
personally have our tanks

669
00:26:48,107 --> 00:26:50,010
delivered this to King Chirac.

670
00:26:54,481 --> 00:26:55,348
[cheering]

671
00:26:55,449 --> 00:26:56,817
[gunfire]

672
00:26:59,853 --> 00:27:02,456
NARRATOR: Once again,
history spewed forth

673
00:27:02,556 --> 00:27:06,059
a wave of aggression
that swept the land,

674
00:27:06,159 --> 00:27:09,896
and everything in its path
was crushed beneath the treads

675
00:27:09,996 --> 00:27:12,031
of its ambition.

676
00:27:12,132 --> 00:27:17,471
There was little to stop
evil's triumphant march.

677
00:27:17,571 --> 00:27:18,972
Ben-Ali, you must come!

678
00:27:19,072 --> 00:27:20,440
The tanks are coming.

679
00:27:20,540 --> 00:27:21,608
Everyone in the
village is leaving.

680
00:27:21,708 --> 00:27:22,509
Come.

681
00:27:22,609 --> 00:27:24,277
Come.

682
00:27:24,377 --> 00:27:27,648
Yes, I come.

683
00:27:31,718 --> 00:27:34,788
NARRATOR: So the
beast lured the eagle

684
00:27:34,888 --> 00:27:40,693
by devouring the defenseless,
and an orphan child

685
00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:49,169
wept, praying, hoping,
looking for the liberator

686
00:27:49,269 --> 00:27:52,172
of his land and his future.

687
00:27:55,809 --> 00:27:57,844
Even I could have told you
he wouldn't go for that one.

688
00:27:57,944 --> 00:27:59,279
It's the biggest
story in the world.

689
00:27:59,379 --> 00:28:01,781
The Americans sent to
Karifistan and our own 97th

690
00:28:01,881 --> 00:28:03,449
Reserve Unit leading the way.

691
00:28:03,549 --> 00:28:05,519
This story could break me out
of this dinky little station.

692
00:28:05,619 --> 00:28:07,086
Now, come on, Cindy.

693
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:08,422
You knew the boss
wouldn't spring

694
00:28:08,522 --> 00:28:12,058
for a ticket to the Middle
East when the 97th ships out.

695
00:28:12,158 --> 00:28:12,959
Ships out.

696
00:28:13,060 --> 00:28:13,860
That's it.

697
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:14,894
Don't.

698
00:28:14,994 --> 00:28:17,997
CINDY: Thanks, Danny

699
00:28:18,097 --> 00:28:20,900
[news intro music playing]

700
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,635
NEWS ANNOUNCER:
With INNI, you are

701
00:28:22,735 --> 00:28:25,138
there in Operation Sand Trap.

702
00:28:25,238 --> 00:28:28,141
President Tufuti of Arisia has
invaded the neighboring country

703
00:28:28,241 --> 00:28:30,043
of Karifistan today.

704
00:28:30,143 --> 00:28:32,446
Our staunchest ally in the
Middle East, King Chirac,

705
00:28:32,546 --> 00:28:35,115
has asked for
intervention by UN Forces.

706
00:28:35,215 --> 00:28:37,818
President Powell has ordered
immediate deployment of troops.

707
00:28:42,855 --> 00:28:44,624
Soldier, do up that lace.

708
00:28:44,724 --> 00:28:45,625
Try to look sharp.

709
00:28:45,726 --> 00:28:46,526
Yes, sir.

710
00:28:50,797 --> 00:28:52,299
ERNEST: You know, Corporal,
for your own safety,

711
00:28:52,399 --> 00:28:55,668
you should never let anyone
else pack your chute.

712
00:28:55,768 --> 00:28:56,636
Welcome aboard, Worrell.

713
00:28:56,736 --> 00:28:59,005
Oh, thanks.

714
00:28:59,105 --> 00:29:00,840
What's the movie on this flight?

715
00:29:00,941 --> 00:29:04,110
I hope it's not another
chick flick art film.

716
00:29:04,210 --> 00:29:06,012
They always look so brown to me.

717
00:29:06,112 --> 00:29:07,814
I've got two words
for you, Worrell--

718
00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:08,715
friendly fire.

719
00:29:13,887 --> 00:29:15,856
You know, I think
he's warming up to me.

720
00:29:15,956 --> 00:29:18,691
He actually used
the word "friendly."

721
00:29:18,791 --> 00:29:19,725
Look at it this way, Ernest.

722
00:29:19,825 --> 00:29:21,962
After Operation Sand
Trap, me and you,

723
00:29:22,062 --> 00:29:24,263
we'll be desert heroes.

724
00:29:24,363 --> 00:29:26,767
Desert heroes.

725
00:29:26,867 --> 00:29:30,036
(DEEP VOICE) Legends
of the Sudan.

726
00:29:30,136 --> 00:29:32,005
What is the measure of a man?

727
00:29:32,105 --> 00:29:33,072
A yardstick?

728
00:29:33,172 --> 00:29:33,973
Nay.

729
00:29:34,074 --> 00:29:35,274
His heart.

730
00:29:35,374 --> 00:29:37,710
His dedication to
God and country.

731
00:29:37,810 --> 00:29:40,547
The sort of car he drives.

732
00:29:40,647 --> 00:29:43,517
Give me a man who will
work through lunch battling

733
00:29:43,617 --> 00:29:46,987
insurmountable odds to
spit his last bloody breath

734
00:29:47,087 --> 00:29:48,755
into the face of the enemy.

735
00:29:48,855 --> 00:29:51,724
A man who will never once
complain about sunburn

736
00:29:51,824 --> 00:29:53,960
or painful underwear itch.

737
00:29:54,060 --> 00:29:57,730
Live each day as if it were
your last because someday,

738
00:29:57,830 --> 00:29:59,866
he will be right.

739
00:29:59,966 --> 00:30:01,267
No prisoners.

740
00:30:01,367 --> 00:30:02,769
No prisoners.

741
00:30:02,869 --> 00:30:04,604
No prisoners.

742
00:30:04,704 --> 00:30:07,007
[muffled speech]

743
00:30:10,943 --> 00:30:13,213
Communique from Interceptor.

744
00:30:13,313 --> 00:30:15,314
It's About time there
was some progress.

745
00:30:15,415 --> 00:30:16,215
Yes, sir.

746
00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:17,651
He is airborne.

747
00:30:17,751 --> 00:30:18,551
Good.

748
00:30:18,651 --> 00:30:19,819
Good.

749
00:30:19,919 --> 00:30:22,455
Soon FIT will have
pluton missile

750
00:30:22,555 --> 00:30:24,991
and Operation Payback can begin.

751
00:30:25,091 --> 00:30:26,426
SOLDIER: Left.

752
00:30:26,526 --> 00:30:27,393
Left.

753
00:30:27,493 --> 00:30:29,829
Left, right, left.

754
00:30:29,929 --> 00:30:30,797
Left.

755
00:30:30,897 --> 00:30:31,764
Left.

756
00:30:31,864 --> 00:30:34,167
Left, right, left.

757
00:30:34,267 --> 00:30:35,135
Left.

758
00:30:35,235 --> 00:30:36,102
Left.

759
00:30:36,202 --> 00:30:40,006
Left, right, left.

760
00:30:40,106 --> 00:30:43,142
You know, I think I
brought too much carry on.

761
00:30:43,242 --> 00:30:44,377
I should have checked
a lot of this--

762
00:30:44,477 --> 00:30:46,345
If they're going
down the hole, follow.

763
00:30:46,445 --> 00:30:48,915
I shoulda checked a lot of
this stuff at the baggage.

764
00:30:49,015 --> 00:30:50,649
Hey, does anybody want a juice?

765
00:30:50,750 --> 00:30:52,419
I think I've got
some olive loaf.

766
00:30:52,519 --> 00:30:54,220
Beautiful, General.
Beautiful.

767
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:56,389
Now, if you could just turn
your body toward me, sir.

768
00:30:56,489 --> 00:30:58,224
I want to try and catch
that flight of F-18s

769
00:30:58,324 --> 00:30:59,259
in the background.

770
00:30:59,359 --> 00:31:00,426
N-- no, they're ours.

771
00:31:00,526 --> 00:31:02,062
Their ours, sir.
- God bless them.

772
00:31:02,162 --> 00:31:04,030
Now, sir, if you could just
turn your head a little bit

773
00:31:04,130 --> 00:31:05,164
to the right.

774
00:31:05,265 --> 00:31:06,699
I'm trying to lose that
cold sore on your lip.

775
00:31:06,799 --> 00:31:08,267
Shaving cut.
BARNES: I'm sure, sir.

776
00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:09,269
I'm sure.
Good.

777
00:31:09,369 --> 00:31:10,169
Good.

778
00:31:10,270 --> 00:31:11,938
Stand by.

779
00:31:12,038 --> 00:31:13,940
Action!

780
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,442
(SHOUTS) Charge!

781
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:21,847
And cut.

782
00:31:21,948 --> 00:31:23,749
All right.

783
00:31:23,849 --> 00:31:27,287
OK, Lloyd, let's do lunch.
Come on.

784
00:31:27,387 --> 00:31:28,288
I know this nice, new place.

785
00:31:28,388 --> 00:31:29,222
Do you like fish?

786
00:31:29,322 --> 00:31:31,124
This place called
the Hairy Prawn.

787
00:31:31,224 --> 00:31:32,625
You'll love it.

788
00:31:32,725 --> 00:31:34,326
SOLDIER: Left, right, left.

789
00:31:34,427 --> 00:31:35,228
Hold it!

790
00:31:35,328 --> 00:31:36,362
Hold it.

791
00:31:36,462 --> 00:31:37,497
SOLDIER: What's
going on up there?

792
00:31:37,597 --> 00:31:39,199
[inaudible]
further up the beach.

793
00:31:39,299 --> 00:31:44,871
It's a baby blue jellyfish,
or gelacticus swim fasticus.

794
00:31:44,971 --> 00:31:47,707
It is native to the
warm waters of Zanzibar

795
00:31:47,807 --> 00:31:50,843
and feeds primarily upon
plankton and other forms of--

796
00:31:50,943 --> 00:31:52,579
What are you doing?

797
00:31:52,679 --> 00:31:54,714
Oh, hi, Colonel.

798
00:31:54,814 --> 00:31:58,151
This is a gelacticus
swim fasticus,

799
00:31:58,251 --> 00:31:59,953
or baby blue jellyfish.

800
00:32:00,053 --> 00:32:00,853
It is common to--

801
00:32:00,954 --> 00:32:02,856
Shut up!

802
00:32:02,956 --> 00:32:05,658
But it's still alive.

803
00:32:05,758 --> 00:32:07,894
You're stopping the
entire combined force

804
00:32:07,994 --> 00:32:09,829
of the world for a jellyfish?

805
00:32:09,929 --> 00:32:14,067
A baby blue jellyfish,
or gelacticus swim fast--

806
00:32:14,167 --> 00:32:16,435
Give me 20, soldier.

807
00:32:16,536 --> 00:32:17,737
Gosh, 20.

808
00:32:17,837 --> 00:32:18,705
That means I can't go--

809
00:32:18,805 --> 00:32:20,273
On the ground, idiot!

810
00:32:20,373 --> 00:32:21,675
[grunts]

811
00:32:22,709 --> 00:32:29,048
One, two, three--

812
00:32:29,148 --> 00:32:30,917
All right, enough
wild life education.

813
00:32:31,017 --> 00:32:32,218
Let's move it out!

814
00:32:32,318 --> 00:32:33,453
SOLDIER: Left.

815
00:32:33,553 --> 00:32:34,354
Left.

816
00:32:34,454 --> 00:32:36,822
Left, right, left.

817
00:32:36,922 --> 00:32:50,203
14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19--

818
00:32:50,303 --> 00:33:03,616
1,221, 1,222, 1,223,
1,224, 1,225, 1,226.

819
00:33:03,716 --> 00:33:06,119
One-- one thou-- That
out to be enough.

820
00:33:06,219 --> 00:33:09,622
I hope I can catch
up to these guys.

821
00:33:09,723 --> 00:33:12,125
[panting]

822
00:33:14,694 --> 00:33:15,728
You are American?

823
00:33:15,829 --> 00:33:18,398
Yep, born and bred in
the land of the free.

824
00:33:18,498 --> 00:33:20,533
You ever been to
Karifistan before?

825
00:33:20,633 --> 00:33:22,836
No, never been further
east than Savannah.

826
00:33:22,936 --> 00:33:27,006
Well, there are some
strange and dangerous cults

827
00:33:27,106 --> 00:33:28,741
and curses in the Middle East.

828
00:33:28,841 --> 00:33:29,642
Yeah, I know.

829
00:33:29,742 --> 00:33:31,010
I saw them on cable.

830
00:33:31,110 --> 00:33:34,547
So you know you need one of
these or all manner of trouble

831
00:33:34,647 --> 00:33:36,082
will befall you.

832
00:33:36,182 --> 00:33:39,552
The charm of Geshua.

833
00:33:39,652 --> 00:33:40,586
Let me see that.

834
00:33:40,686 --> 00:33:43,022
50 bucks, US.

835
00:33:43,123 --> 00:33:44,323
50 bucks?

836
00:33:44,423 --> 00:33:49,261
Do I look like I have stupid
written all over my face?

837
00:33:49,362 --> 00:33:50,996
60 bucks.

838
00:33:51,097 --> 00:33:52,298
60 bucks?

839
00:33:52,398 --> 00:33:53,500
That's outrageous.

840
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:57,136
It has good luck
too, at no extra costs.

841
00:33:57,236 --> 00:33:59,572
You mean, it comes with
all the bells and whistles

842
00:33:59,672 --> 00:34:00,706
and everything?

843
00:34:00,806 --> 00:34:03,443
All of them.

844
00:34:03,543 --> 00:34:06,346
OK, $65 and that's
my last offer.

845
00:34:06,445 --> 00:34:08,947
OK, but you robbing me.

846
00:34:09,048 --> 00:34:10,717
OK.

847
00:34:10,817 --> 00:34:13,920
All I got's a
hundred dollar bill.

848
00:34:14,020 --> 00:34:14,888
Wait here.

849
00:34:14,988 --> 00:34:15,989
I'll bring you change.

850
00:34:21,494 --> 00:34:24,397
Gosh, I hate taking advantage
of a little kid like that.

851
00:34:31,302 --> 00:34:33,672
I sure hope he makes it
back soon with my change.

852
00:34:38,510 --> 00:34:41,514
This is the Arabian
Desert, gentleman.

853
00:34:41,614 --> 00:34:45,117
It is hot, cruel,
and unforgiving.

854
00:34:45,217 --> 00:34:48,754
This is the chemical
weapon the enemy uses.

855
00:34:48,854 --> 00:34:53,025
It is highly toxic and can melt
the skin off a tyrannosaurus.

856
00:34:53,125 --> 00:34:55,061
In the event of
such a gas attack,

857
00:34:55,161 --> 00:34:59,432
you'll need a working
knowledge of your gas mask.

858
00:34:59,532 --> 00:35:02,435
Place the mask
fully over your face

859
00:35:02,535 --> 00:35:06,939
and adjust the straps to
ensure there are no gaps.

860
00:35:07,039 --> 00:35:08,708
Continue to breathe normally.

861
00:35:08,808 --> 00:35:11,144
[exaggerated breathing]

862
00:35:11,811 --> 00:35:12,946
[yelling]

863
00:35:13,046 --> 00:35:14,914
It is an essential part
of your military equipment.

864
00:35:15,014 --> 00:35:18,351
It will be kept clean and free
of dirt and foreign objects.

865
00:35:18,451 --> 00:35:22,154
Abuse of military property
is not to be tolerated.

866
00:35:22,254 --> 00:35:24,089
Worrell, get back in line!

867
00:35:24,189 --> 00:35:25,725
Worrell, get back in line!

868
00:35:25,825 --> 00:35:26,892
Worrell, do you hear me?

869
00:35:26,992 --> 00:35:28,194
What do you think you're doing?

870
00:35:28,294 --> 00:35:29,095
Worrell!

871
00:35:29,195 --> 00:35:30,963
Worrell, give me that!

872
00:35:31,063 --> 00:35:33,099
[muffled speech]

873
00:35:35,100 --> 00:35:37,903
Worrell, have you
lost your mind?

874
00:35:38,003 --> 00:35:39,272
Worrell, get back in line!

875
00:35:39,372 --> 00:35:40,239
[squeaking]

876
00:35:40,339 --> 00:35:41,173
Can you hear me, Worrell?

877
00:35:41,273 --> 00:35:43,108
This is disobeying orders!

878
00:35:43,209 --> 00:35:44,444
[groaning]

879
00:35:44,544 --> 00:35:46,445
Worrell, no smoking on duty!

880
00:35:46,545 --> 00:35:48,414
Worrell, I'll see you
court marshalled for this!

881
00:35:48,514 --> 00:35:49,882
[groans]

882
00:35:49,982 --> 00:35:51,350
[thud]

883
00:35:51,450 --> 00:35:54,320
I'm with the press.

884
00:35:54,420 --> 00:35:55,321
OK, you guys.

885
00:35:55,421 --> 00:35:56,789
I'll catch you later.

886
00:35:56,889 --> 00:35:58,257
Ooh, hurry up, man.

887
00:35:58,357 --> 00:36:00,726
I'm bursting.

888
00:36:00,826 --> 00:36:01,794
Right on through.

889
00:36:01,894 --> 00:36:02,695
Thanks.

890
00:36:02,795 --> 00:36:04,663
You wouldn't happen to--

891
00:36:04,763 --> 00:36:08,801
And when the smoke clears,
you'll be singing soprano.

892
00:36:08,902 --> 00:36:12,405
And finally, the newly
developed rock mines.

893
00:36:12,505 --> 00:36:14,941
The one on my right
is an ordinary rock.

894
00:36:15,041 --> 00:36:17,743
The one on the left
will rock your world.

895
00:36:17,843 --> 00:36:19,245
Handle this one carefully, men.

896
00:36:19,345 --> 00:36:21,981
Hm?

897
00:36:22,081 --> 00:36:24,950
COLONEL GULLET:
They're very sensitive.

898
00:36:25,050 --> 00:36:27,753
They're perfectly camouflaged.

899
00:36:27,853 --> 00:36:31,056
A good bump will definitely
turn you into a fine red mist.

900
00:36:31,156 --> 00:36:32,258
Hm?

901
00:36:32,358 --> 00:36:33,325
Give me the mine, private.

902
00:36:33,425 --> 00:36:34,227
Give it to him.

903
00:36:34,327 --> 00:36:35,094
Give it to him, Ernest.

904
00:36:35,194 --> 00:36:37,864
Eenie, meanie, miney--

905
00:36:37,964 --> 00:36:39,732
One potato, two potato--

906
00:36:39,832 --> 00:36:40,666
Paper, rock, scissors--

907
00:36:40,767 --> 00:36:41,567
The mine!

908
00:36:41,667 --> 00:36:42,635
SOLDIER: Ernest, give it to him.

909
00:36:46,439 --> 00:36:47,840
General!
GENERAL LINCOLN: I'm busy.

910
00:36:47,940 --> 00:36:48,741
[kaboom]

911
00:36:48,841 --> 00:36:49,809
[yells]

912
00:36:52,378 --> 00:36:53,245
[crash]

913
00:36:53,346 --> 00:36:55,715
[coughing]

914
00:37:00,252 --> 00:37:01,621
SOLDIER: Can I keep the rock?

915
00:37:04,323 --> 00:37:05,124
Sir.

916
00:37:05,224 --> 00:37:07,960
Carter, Rosen, at ease, men.

917
00:37:08,060 --> 00:37:09,695
Cut.

918
00:37:09,795 --> 00:37:10,797
Keep that take.

919
00:37:10,897 --> 00:37:12,631
I want that one for myself.

920
00:37:12,732 --> 00:37:14,467
[chuckles]

921
00:37:14,567 --> 00:37:16,335
[helicopter noise]

922
00:37:16,435 --> 00:37:18,705
SOLDIER: Private, get over here!

923
00:37:18,805 --> 00:37:20,707
Hey, Ernest, where
are you headed?

924
00:37:20,807 --> 00:37:22,908
I'm gonna go whip
up my special pancake

925
00:37:23,008 --> 00:37:24,343
breakfast for the troops.

926
00:37:24,443 --> 00:37:26,913
I'll warn them.

927
00:37:27,013 --> 00:37:28,347
BOY: No!
Stop!

928
00:37:28,447 --> 00:37:29,315
Leave me alone!

929
00:37:29,415 --> 00:37:30,750
That's mine!

930
00:37:30,850 --> 00:37:32,785
Hey, what's going on there?

931
00:37:32,885 --> 00:37:34,287
You leave that boy alone.

932
00:37:37,389 --> 00:37:39,592
You saved my life.

933
00:37:39,692 --> 00:37:40,960
I owe you everything.

934
00:37:41,060 --> 00:37:43,362
I will return all of your money.

935
00:37:43,463 --> 00:37:45,498
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

936
00:37:45,598 --> 00:37:46,866
It's OK, little fella.

937
00:37:46,966 --> 00:37:48,501
It's OK.

938
00:37:48,601 --> 00:37:49,601
Oh, no.

939
00:37:49,701 --> 00:37:51,070
They would have killed me.

940
00:37:51,170 --> 00:37:52,472
I owe you, sahib.

941
00:37:52,572 --> 00:37:56,776
Here, here is your
money with some extra.

942
00:37:56,876 --> 00:37:58,410
Well-- well, what's your name?

943
00:37:58,511 --> 00:37:59,878
Ben-Ali will be
in your service

944
00:37:59,978 --> 00:38:01,781
for as long as I breathe.

945
00:38:01,881 --> 00:38:04,150
I had a good buddy
back home named Ben.

946
00:38:04,250 --> 00:38:05,684
I am good buddy now.

947
00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:07,853
Good buddy forever.

948
00:38:07,953 --> 00:38:09,455
My name is Ernest.

949
00:38:09,555 --> 00:38:10,356
Ben.

950
00:38:10,456 --> 00:38:12,925
Ben, close buddy to Ernest, eh?

951
00:38:13,026 --> 00:38:16,829
Um, Ben, I've got to go
now and cook breakfast.

952
00:38:16,929 --> 00:38:18,531
Do you like pancakes?

953
00:38:18,631 --> 00:38:19,432
Yes.

954
00:38:19,532 --> 00:38:20,700
I kinda thought you would.

955
00:38:23,569 --> 00:38:25,939
[news intro music playing]

956
00:38:27,039 --> 00:38:28,674
NEWS ANNOUNCER:
With INNI, you are

957
00:38:28,774 --> 00:38:31,244
there in Operation Sand Trap.

958
00:38:31,344 --> 00:38:34,213
UN Peacekeeping Forces have
established a firm beachhead

959
00:38:34,313 --> 00:38:38,685
in Karifistan, but now Tufuti is
in possession of a pluton bomb.

960
00:38:38,785 --> 00:38:41,053
What started out to be a
simple peacekeeping mission

961
00:38:41,153 --> 00:38:43,589
has put American
troops in harm's way.

962
00:38:43,689 --> 00:38:46,226
This deadly game may
escalate beyond control.

963
00:38:54,367 --> 00:38:57,270
Excellency, news from
the northern commander.

964
00:38:57,370 --> 00:38:58,404
Yes, Kibee?

965
00:38:58,504 --> 00:39:01,007
Northern Karifistan
has fallen.

966
00:39:01,107 --> 00:39:04,977
The UN has established
a beachhead.

967
00:39:05,077 --> 00:39:07,413
The eagle has perched
in your cross-hairs.

968
00:39:07,513 --> 00:39:08,814
Excellent.

969
00:39:08,914 --> 00:39:12,651
Tell the commander to send
me four of his best men.

970
00:39:12,751 --> 00:39:14,887
It's time to move
on to the next tee.

971
00:39:14,987 --> 00:39:16,889
As you command, Excellency.

972
00:39:16,989 --> 00:39:18,825
[laughs]

973
00:39:21,393 --> 00:39:23,996
(FRENCH ACCENT) Bonsoir,
monsieur, and welcome

974
00:39:24,096 --> 00:39:26,598
to "Cooking with Ernesto."

975
00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:29,168
Today we're going
to attempt my world

976
00:39:29,268 --> 00:39:33,739
famous recipe for GI
pancakes, or as I call them,

977
00:39:33,839 --> 00:39:35,408
crepes khaki.

978
00:39:35,508 --> 00:39:37,743
First-a, we and a few eggs.

979
00:39:37,843 --> 00:39:38,644
[clank]

980
00:39:38,744 --> 00:39:39,511
Eww.

981
00:39:39,612 --> 00:39:40,446
Perfect.

982
00:39:40,546 --> 00:39:43,950
Now, we add the mix.

983
00:39:44,050 --> 00:39:46,418
Isn't that too much?

984
00:39:46,518 --> 00:39:49,622
It is a creative thing, Pepe.

985
00:39:49,722 --> 00:39:52,191
You will understand
when you are older.

986
00:39:52,291 --> 00:39:54,493
Now, we add enough water to mix.

987
00:39:54,594 --> 00:39:55,394
[spraying]

988
00:39:55,494 --> 00:39:56,296
Eww.

989
00:40:01,300 --> 00:40:03,836
It is perhaps a bit thin.

990
00:40:03,936 --> 00:40:07,240
We will add a bit
more mix to thicken.

991
00:40:07,340 --> 00:40:08,141
I see.

992
00:40:12,078 --> 00:40:13,445
[blowing]

993
00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:15,614
Ah, perfecto.

994
00:40:15,714 --> 00:40:20,052
Now, it is time
to test the grill.

995
00:40:20,153 --> 00:40:20,953
[sizzling]

996
00:40:21,053 --> 00:40:21,888
Ah!

997
00:40:21,988 --> 00:40:24,223
Ah, Ben!

998
00:40:24,323 --> 00:40:26,058
(MUFFLED) Ben, hand
me the spatula.

999
00:40:26,159 --> 00:40:27,326
A bababa?

1000
00:40:27,426 --> 00:40:28,761
The spatula.

1001
00:40:28,861 --> 00:40:30,329
Ah, a bababa.

1002
00:40:30,429 --> 00:40:31,964
A spatula.

1003
00:40:32,064 --> 00:40:33,132
Oh.

1004
00:40:33,232 --> 00:40:34,033
One of these?

1005
00:40:34,133 --> 00:40:34,934
Uh-huh.

1006
00:40:35,034 --> 00:40:36,169
Funny.

1007
00:40:36,269 --> 00:40:37,570
We call them spatulas.

1008
00:40:37,670 --> 00:40:38,938
Oh, give me that.

1009
00:40:41,974 --> 00:40:43,343
[sighs]

1010
00:40:50,850 --> 00:40:52,117
Oh, morning.

1011
00:40:52,218 --> 00:40:53,019
Pancakes?

1012
00:40:55,054 --> 00:40:56,923
[grunting]

1013
00:41:00,559 --> 00:41:01,360
[clank]

1014
00:41:01,460 --> 00:41:03,296
Wh-- whoa.

1015
00:41:03,396 --> 00:41:04,330
[crash]

1016
00:41:04,430 --> 00:41:05,231
Sorry.

1017
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:09,201
Good morning.

1018
00:41:09,302 --> 00:41:12,004
Morning.

1019
00:41:12,105 --> 00:41:13,606
[grunting]

1020
00:41:16,142 --> 00:41:17,510
[clank]

1021
00:41:17,610 --> 00:41:18,644
[grunts]

1022
00:41:18,744 --> 00:41:19,544
Sorry, that one's dirty.

1023
00:41:19,645 --> 00:41:20,946
Here, let me get
you another one.

1024
00:41:21,046 --> 00:41:21,847
No!

1025
00:41:21,947 --> 00:41:22,748
No!

1026
00:41:22,848 --> 00:41:23,649
I got blueberry.

1027
00:41:23,749 --> 00:41:25,617
SOLDIER: No way, man!

1028
00:41:25,717 --> 00:41:28,588
Would you like the blueberry?

1029
00:41:28,688 --> 00:41:30,022
[sawing]

1030
00:41:33,025 --> 00:41:34,861
[fizzing]

1031
00:41:40,266 --> 00:41:41,067
Seconds?

1032
00:41:41,167 --> 00:41:44,103
Have you tried these?

1033
00:41:44,203 --> 00:41:45,605
[clank]

1034
00:41:50,209 --> 00:41:51,611
[crunch]

1035
00:41:55,714 --> 00:41:58,084
Mm.

1036
00:41:58,184 --> 00:41:59,085
Good.

1037
00:41:59,185 --> 00:42:01,554
Needs a little syrup.

1038
00:42:01,654 --> 00:42:03,256
Ben, hand me the syrup.

1039
00:42:05,724 --> 00:42:08,428
Thanks.
[chuckles]

1040
00:42:11,864 --> 00:42:12,998
Mm.
Mm.

1041
00:42:13,098 --> 00:42:13,900
That's better.

1042
00:42:17,369 --> 00:42:18,704
[clank]

1043
00:42:22,208 --> 00:42:23,042
[whoosh]

1044
00:42:23,142 --> 00:42:23,943
[clank]

1045
00:42:24,043 --> 00:42:26,312
Ooh!

1046
00:42:26,412 --> 00:42:29,281
Ben, what do you
want for breakfast?

1047
00:42:29,382 --> 00:42:33,085
I think I'll take my
chances on the street.

1048
00:42:33,185 --> 00:42:34,620
Can you get me a cheeseburger?

1049
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:35,520
Hi.

1050
00:42:35,621 --> 00:42:36,456
Excuse me.

1051
00:42:39,225 --> 00:42:41,259
Guy, oh.

1052
00:42:41,359 --> 00:42:42,194
Hi.

1053
00:42:42,294 --> 00:42:43,329
They hate it when
you punch holes

1054
00:42:43,429 --> 00:42:45,130
in these armored
personnel carriers.

1055
00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:46,699
Has this happened before?

1056
00:42:46,799 --> 00:42:48,133
Only on pancake day.

1057
00:42:48,234 --> 00:42:52,404
Usually, the eggs just
kinda eat the paint off.

1058
00:42:52,505 --> 00:42:53,873
[chuckles]

1059
00:42:55,474 --> 00:42:56,942
Could you, um--

1060
00:42:57,042 --> 00:42:58,243
Never mind, it's OK.

1061
00:42:58,343 --> 00:43:01,113
I can't believe it.

1062
00:43:01,213 --> 00:43:04,016
It's my dream come true.

1063
00:43:04,116 --> 00:43:05,684
It's-- it's Cindy Swanson.

1064
00:43:05,784 --> 00:43:07,386
She's here at Karifistan.

1065
00:43:07,486 --> 00:43:08,720
Is that your girlfriend?

1066
00:43:08,821 --> 00:43:09,621
Well, no.

1067
00:43:09,721 --> 00:43:10,723
Not really my girlfriend.

1068
00:43:10,823 --> 00:43:11,857
We just kind of--

1069
00:43:11,957 --> 00:43:13,458
I mean, I just know
her from seeing

1070
00:43:13,558 --> 00:43:15,894
her on the Channel 3 News.

1071
00:43:15,994 --> 00:43:18,197
Oh, this is my lucky day.

1072
00:43:18,297 --> 00:43:22,301
See, the Geshua charm works.

1073
00:43:22,401 --> 00:43:23,970
Can I help you with your bags?

1074
00:43:24,070 --> 00:43:25,471
Oh, are you a mirage?

1075
00:43:25,571 --> 00:43:26,372
No, ma'am.

1076
00:43:26,472 --> 00:43:27,339
Southern Baptist.

1077
00:43:27,439 --> 00:43:28,740
Thank you, I'm Cindy Sw--

1078
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,444
I know, you're Cindy Swanson
from Channel 3 in the states.

1079
00:43:31,544 --> 00:43:32,778
I'm your biggest fan.

1080
00:43:32,878 --> 00:43:33,979
And you are?

1081
00:43:34,079 --> 00:43:36,048
Oh, Private Ernest P.
Worrell, at your service.

1082
00:43:36,148 --> 00:43:38,084
- At ease, Worrell.
- Oh, hi, Colonel.

1083
00:43:38,184 --> 00:43:39,184
This is Cindy Swanson.

1084
00:43:39,284 --> 00:43:40,886
You know, from Channel
3 in the states?

1085
00:43:40,986 --> 00:43:42,822
A close personal friend of mine.

1086
00:43:42,922 --> 00:43:44,323
Colonel Bradley Gullet.

1087
00:43:44,423 --> 00:43:45,458
Hello.

1088
00:43:45,558 --> 00:43:46,926
I'll take it
from here, Worrell.

1089
00:43:47,026 --> 00:43:48,694
Oh, really, sir,
it's no trouble at all.

1090
00:43:48,794 --> 00:43:50,929
I said I'll take it from here.

1091
00:43:51,029 --> 00:43:53,165
Yeah, Cindy, the Colonel
can handle your bags.

1092
00:43:53,265 --> 00:43:55,401
He's real strong.

1093
00:43:55,501 --> 00:43:56,602
I'll see you around, Cindy.

1094
00:43:56,702 --> 00:43:57,536
Thanks, Ernest.

1095
00:43:57,636 --> 00:43:58,904
- You're a reporter, huh?
- Mm-hm.

1096
00:43:59,004 --> 00:44:00,472
Well, stick with
me, Miss Swanson.

1097
00:44:00,573 --> 00:44:01,574
When it comes to
getting a scoop,

1098
00:44:01,674 --> 00:44:04,176
it's strictly who you know.

1099
00:44:04,276 --> 00:44:05,678
Private Dawson, get those bags.

1100
00:44:08,948 --> 00:44:12,084
I guess the Geshua
charm didn't work so well.

1101
00:44:12,184 --> 00:44:14,987
Neither did the Worrell charm.

1102
00:44:15,087 --> 00:44:18,424
There are many ways
to feed a camel, Master.

1103
00:44:18,524 --> 00:44:20,426
Know what I mean?

1104
00:44:20,526 --> 00:44:24,462
Do you mean Cindy
is a camel master?

1105
00:44:24,563 --> 00:44:26,966
[chatter]

1106
00:44:30,135 --> 00:44:31,036
All right.

1107
00:44:31,136 --> 00:44:32,404
Now, remember General,
be sure to look

1108
00:44:32,504 --> 00:44:33,772
straight into the cameras.

1109
00:44:33,872 --> 00:44:36,041
America, and the rest of the
world, is staring back at you.

1110
00:44:36,141 --> 00:44:37,777
- Can I look at my notes?
- Don't look at your notes.

1111
00:44:37,877 --> 00:44:38,710
Don't look at my notes?

1112
00:44:38,810 --> 00:44:40,079
BARNES: Don't look
at your notes.

1113
00:44:40,179 --> 00:44:42,348
And don't take any questions
from that round haircut at CBS.

1114
00:44:42,448 --> 00:44:43,716
- Oh, I hate that dork.
- Yeah, me too.

1115
00:44:43,816 --> 00:44:44,883
You got your Nam metals on?

1116
00:44:44,983 --> 00:44:46,018
Affirmative.

1117
00:44:46,118 --> 00:44:47,953
Act natural, warm.

1118
00:44:48,053 --> 00:44:49,321
Friendly, but firm.
- Firm.

1119
00:44:49,421 --> 00:44:50,389
Firm.
A general's firm.

1120
00:44:50,489 --> 00:44:51,656
- A general's firm.
- All right.

1121
00:44:51,756 --> 00:44:52,758
That's right, tiger.

1122
00:44:52,858 --> 00:44:54,794
Now, get out there and
take your best shot.

1123
00:44:54,894 --> 00:44:55,827
Barnes!

1124
00:44:55,927 --> 00:44:57,162
What if I get a book
deal out of this?

1125
00:44:57,262 --> 00:44:58,497
Don't worry, we'll
get a ghostwriter.

1126
00:44:58,598 --> 00:45:00,799
- A ghostwriter?
- Powell's got a ghostwriter.

1127
00:45:00,899 --> 00:45:02,134
Really?
I did not know that.

1128
00:45:02,234 --> 00:45:03,034
Run along.

1129
00:45:03,135 --> 00:45:04,336
Run along.

1130
00:45:04,436 --> 00:45:06,805
REPORTER: General!

1131
00:45:06,906 --> 00:45:08,808
[snoring]

1132
00:45:16,381 --> 00:45:19,384
COLONEL GULLET: Gentlemen, may
I have your attention, please?

1133
00:45:19,484 --> 00:45:22,454
It appears Tufuti has more
firepower than anticipated,

1134
00:45:22,554 --> 00:45:24,289
so we must escalate the contact.

1135
00:45:24,389 --> 00:45:27,426
You men will be moving toward
the front lines at 0600 hours.

1136
00:45:27,526 --> 00:45:30,562
That's in three hours from now.

1137
00:45:30,662 --> 00:45:31,563
Nighty night.

1138
00:45:31,663 --> 00:45:32,698
Sleep tight.

1139
00:45:32,798 --> 00:45:33,632
SOLDIER 1: Boy

1140
00:45:33,732 --> 00:45:36,669
SOLDIER 2: Oh, man.

1141
00:45:36,769 --> 00:45:37,803
I thought we
were a supply unit.

1142
00:45:37,903 --> 00:45:39,905
I didn't think we'd
actually see combat.

1143
00:45:40,005 --> 00:45:40,873
Combat?

1144
00:45:40,973 --> 00:45:41,941
[gulp]

1145
00:45:42,041 --> 00:45:44,209
Don't be afraid,
Corporal Davis, Ernest

1146
00:45:44,309 --> 00:45:47,313
is the great American warrior
my father talked about.

1147
00:45:47,413 --> 00:45:48,313
He will protect us all.

1148
00:45:48,413 --> 00:45:49,214
That's right.

1149
00:45:49,314 --> 00:45:53,218
I'll just-- Ben!

1150
00:45:53,318 --> 00:45:54,720
What are you doing under there?

1151
00:45:54,820 --> 00:45:56,955
I stick by my
good buddy Ernest.

1152
00:45:57,055 --> 00:45:58,523
You said buddies stick together.

1153
00:45:58,623 --> 00:46:00,092
Oh, Ben, you can't stay here.

1154
00:46:00,192 --> 00:46:01,293
You've got to go home.

1155
00:46:01,393 --> 00:46:04,497
Your folks will worry about you.

1156
00:46:04,597 --> 00:46:06,132
Did you hear me, Ben?

1157
00:46:06,232 --> 00:46:07,833
You've got to go home.

1158
00:46:07,933 --> 00:46:10,001
I have no home.

1159
00:46:10,101 --> 00:46:11,503
This is my home now.

1160
00:46:11,603 --> 00:46:14,205
Well, what about your family?

1161
00:46:14,306 --> 00:46:18,410
My mother was killed
by Tufuti's [inaudible],

1162
00:46:18,511 --> 00:46:22,114
and my father went to
fight in the resistance

1163
00:46:22,214 --> 00:46:24,483
and never came home.

1164
00:46:24,583 --> 00:46:26,318
[cries]

1165
00:46:27,319 --> 00:46:28,387
I'm sorry, Ben.

1166
00:46:31,123 --> 00:46:33,491
Don't worry.

1167
00:46:33,591 --> 00:46:34,794
Everything's gonna be OK.

1168
00:46:41,933 --> 00:46:45,037
I know what it's
like to be alone.

1169
00:46:45,137 --> 00:46:46,005
Good night, son.

1170
00:46:50,542 --> 00:46:51,911
[sighs]

1171
00:47:01,353 --> 00:47:02,554
Where are they going?

1172
00:47:02,654 --> 00:47:03,955
DAVIS: I have no
idea, but I think

1173
00:47:04,055 --> 00:47:07,959
the Colonel's gonna be the first
one of us to see some action.

1174
00:47:08,059 --> 00:47:09,295
BEN-ALI: Ernest!
- Come on, Ernest.

1175
00:47:09,395 --> 00:47:11,163
Let's go.
BEN-ALI: Ernest!

1176
00:47:11,263 --> 00:47:12,063
Ernest!

1177
00:47:12,163 --> 00:47:13,432
Where are you going?

1178
00:47:13,532 --> 00:47:15,233
We've got to go to the
front to help the soldiers.

1179
00:47:15,333 --> 00:47:17,036
- I go too.
- Oh, no, Ben.

1180
00:47:17,136 --> 00:47:18,136
This is no place for a boy.

1181
00:47:18,236 --> 00:47:19,271
I am not a boy.

1182
00:47:19,371 --> 00:47:21,507
I'm a brave warrior like Ernest.

1183
00:47:21,607 --> 00:47:24,109
I'm sorry, Ben, but you're
gonna have to stay here.

1184
00:47:24,209 --> 00:47:26,511
What about sticking
by your buddy?

1185
00:47:26,611 --> 00:47:27,579
I'm sorry, Ben.

1186
00:47:27,679 --> 00:47:28,713
We've got to go.

1187
00:47:28,813 --> 00:47:29,615
We'll be back.

1188
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:37,589
He'll never come back.

1189
00:47:37,690 --> 00:47:40,059
[laughing]

1190
00:47:42,027 --> 00:47:42,861
Excellency.

1191
00:47:42,961 --> 00:47:44,663
Yes, Kibee?

1192
00:47:44,763 --> 00:47:46,065
These are the
men you sent for.

1193
00:47:48,834 --> 00:47:53,071
I need to put a
face on this invasion.

1194
00:47:53,171 --> 00:47:56,008
A sympathetic face.

1195
00:47:56,108 --> 00:48:00,045
One that will ensure
media attention.

1196
00:48:00,145 --> 00:48:02,481
An American face.

1197
00:48:02,581 --> 00:48:03,982
[laughs]

1198
00:48:04,082 --> 00:48:05,985
[all laugh]

1199
00:48:10,922 --> 00:48:12,257
Out!
Out!

1200
00:48:12,357 --> 00:48:13,224
Out!

1201
00:48:13,325 --> 00:48:15,127
[laughing]

1202
00:48:19,464 --> 00:48:21,833
Colonel Gullet, where are we?

1203
00:48:21,933 --> 00:48:24,936
We're about three
steps from heaven.

1204
00:48:25,036 --> 00:48:25,838
Oh!

1205
00:48:25,938 --> 00:48:27,406
Colonel Gullet, please!

1206
00:48:27,506 --> 00:48:29,741
Let's just stick to
the problem at hand.

1207
00:48:29,841 --> 00:48:31,276
I'm trying to get
back to this base.

1208
00:48:31,377 --> 00:48:33,112
Look, I'm not used to
taking no for an answer.

1209
00:48:33,212 --> 00:48:34,580
When I see something
I want, I go--

1210
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:36,015
[groans]

1211
00:48:38,183 --> 00:48:39,651
Thanks.

1212
00:48:39,751 --> 00:48:42,754
Say, you fellas look like
you're from around here.

1213
00:48:42,854 --> 00:48:44,823
Would you happen to
know where this place--

1214
00:48:44,924 --> 00:48:45,724
[screams]

1215
00:48:45,824 --> 00:48:48,027
[muffled screaming]

1216
00:48:54,866 --> 00:48:57,702
[news intro music playing]

1217
00:48:57,802 --> 00:48:59,438
NEWS ANNOUNCER:
With INNI, you are

1218
00:48:59,538 --> 00:49:01,774
there in Operation Sand Trap.

1219
00:49:01,874 --> 00:49:04,009
I'm Frank Williams, and
we're waiting for a briefing

1220
00:49:04,109 --> 00:49:06,712
from General Rodney Lincoln,
perhaps the most colorful

1221
00:49:06,812 --> 00:49:09,982
of all the allied commanders
of Operation Sand Trap.

1222
00:49:10,082 --> 00:49:11,249
And what a voice.

1223
00:49:11,349 --> 00:49:13,652
At approximately
1800 hours today

1224
00:49:13,752 --> 00:49:17,388
the Allied Forces will begin
carpet bombing Sectors 30, 31,

1225
00:49:17,489 --> 00:49:21,159
and 32, along with 200
sorties as preparatory

1226
00:49:21,259 --> 00:49:22,227
to ground assault.

1227
00:49:22,327 --> 00:49:23,195
BARNES: Slip the map.

1228
00:49:23,295 --> 00:49:24,396
Here.

1229
00:49:24,496 --> 00:49:25,831
Now the color.

1230
00:49:25,931 --> 00:49:27,999
GENERAL LINCOLN: And if Tutti
Frutti has the common sense

1231
00:49:28,099 --> 00:49:31,069
of a duck, he'll tuck that
keester of his up under that

1232
00:49:31,170 --> 00:49:33,305
beach blanket he wears
for a hat and hightail

1233
00:49:33,405 --> 00:49:35,507
it out of there like a jack
rabbit in a Louisiana oil

1234
00:49:35,607 --> 00:49:36,408
spill.

1235
00:49:36,508 --> 00:49:37,475
That a boy.

1236
00:49:37,575 --> 00:49:38,577
Any questions?

1237
00:49:38,677 --> 00:49:40,546
[clamoring]

1238
00:49:45,617 --> 00:49:47,019
CINDY: Gullet.

1239
00:49:47,119 --> 00:49:48,119
Gullet!

1240
00:49:48,219 --> 00:49:49,421
Wake up, you creep.

1241
00:49:49,521 --> 00:49:52,123
I can't believe you
got me into this.

1242
00:49:52,224 --> 00:49:53,192
Hey, look.

1243
00:49:53,292 --> 00:49:54,426
Look who's out there.

1244
00:49:54,526 --> 00:49:55,327
What is it?

1245
00:49:55,427 --> 00:49:57,329
It's President Tufuti.

1246
00:49:57,429 --> 00:49:58,296
Tufuti?

1247
00:49:58,396 --> 00:49:59,464
In the flesh.

1248
00:49:59,565 --> 00:50:01,032
He standing over by the
oasis with those goons

1249
00:50:01,132 --> 00:50:01,934
who captured us.

1250
00:50:02,034 --> 00:50:03,501
Oasis?

1251
00:50:03,601 --> 00:50:06,838
The only enemy base near
an oasis is in Sector 32.

1252
00:50:06,938 --> 00:50:07,739
Sector 32.

1253
00:50:07,839 --> 00:50:08,840
Great.

1254
00:50:08,940 --> 00:50:10,241
Now we know where we
are, no thanks to you.

1255
00:50:10,341 --> 00:50:11,876
Too bad nobody else does.

1256
00:50:11,976 --> 00:50:13,278
Look, I'm sorry.

1257
00:50:13,379 --> 00:50:16,014
I didn't know we were
close to enemy lines.

1258
00:50:16,114 --> 00:50:18,316
Yeah, well, you're gonna
be real sorry in a minute

1259
00:50:18,416 --> 00:50:19,685
because they're headed this way.

1260
00:50:22,854 --> 00:50:24,522
Untie them.

1261
00:50:24,622 --> 00:50:25,424
Hi.

1262
00:50:30,629 --> 00:50:32,298
[speaking arabic]

1263
00:50:33,598 --> 00:50:36,801
I trust you are content
with your accommodations,

1264
00:50:36,902 --> 00:50:39,071
and that your journey
into our little country

1265
00:50:39,171 --> 00:50:41,573
has been a pleasant one?

1266
00:50:41,673 --> 00:50:42,708
Mr. President.

1267
00:50:42,808 --> 00:50:44,576
- For Life.
- Whatever.

1268
00:50:44,676 --> 00:50:46,011
You must forgive
these ruffians.

1269
00:50:46,111 --> 00:50:47,980
They're not very
polite sometimes.

1270
00:50:51,483 --> 00:50:57,790
Ah, a member of the press
and a lovely one, at that.

1271
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,729
[chuckles]

1272
00:51:09,535 --> 00:51:10,335
DAVIS: OK.

1273
00:51:10,435 --> 00:51:11,236
OK.

1274
00:51:11,336 --> 00:51:12,437
I hear you.

1275
00:51:12,537 --> 00:51:13,372
Hold it up, Ernest.

1276
00:51:16,208 --> 00:51:19,745
It looks like headquarters
has changed their mind again.

1277
00:51:19,845 --> 00:51:21,313
I'll be in the
communications truck.

1278
00:51:47,105 --> 00:51:48,440
I can't believe
they're doing this to us.

1279
00:51:48,540 --> 00:51:49,541
We just got here.

1280
00:51:49,641 --> 00:51:51,776
That's Army
intelligence for you.

1281
00:51:51,876 --> 00:51:53,779
Hey, has anybody
seen Colonel Gullet?

1282
00:51:53,879 --> 00:51:55,214
He's been gone all day.

1283
00:51:55,314 --> 00:51:57,315
Maybe that reporterette's
got him tied up.

1284
00:51:57,415 --> 00:51:59,084
Maybe somebody should
go looking for him.

1285
00:51:59,184 --> 00:52:00,118
I'd volunteer.

1286
00:52:00,218 --> 00:52:01,820
What's the deal here, Chuck?

1287
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:03,088
They're calling for a bug out.

1288
00:52:03,188 --> 00:52:06,425
The F-18s are bombing the
entire area at 1800 hours.

1289
00:52:06,525 --> 00:52:07,392
Wow.

1290
00:52:07,492 --> 00:52:08,293
This is neat.

1291
00:52:08,393 --> 00:52:10,195
Do you get wrestling here?

1292
00:52:10,295 --> 00:52:12,030
You know, the Undertaker's
gonna be on Monday Night Raw

1293
00:52:12,130 --> 00:52:13,398
this week.
- Really?

1294
00:52:13,499 --> 00:52:14,299
Bullwhips?

1295
00:52:14,399 --> 00:52:15,200
Barbed wire.

1296
00:52:15,300 --> 00:52:16,301
Mm, good match.

1297
00:52:16,401 --> 00:52:17,569
[static]

1298
00:52:18,670 --> 00:52:19,471
It is now--

1299
00:52:19,571 --> 00:52:21,072
Hey, don't touch this stuff.

1300
00:52:21,173 --> 00:52:23,642
--Arisian troops have
at least two hostages.

1301
00:52:23,742 --> 00:52:26,144
A British Colonel and
an American woman.

1302
00:52:26,244 --> 00:52:28,413
We go now to a satellite
feed of a videotape

1303
00:52:28,513 --> 00:52:31,716
we received moments ago from
somewhere in the Middle East.

1304
00:52:31,816 --> 00:52:33,184
I am Colonel Bradley Gullet.

1305
00:52:33,285 --> 00:52:34,486
Oh, look.

1306
00:52:34,586 --> 00:52:36,722
It's the Colonel and Cindy.

1307
00:52:36,822 --> 00:52:37,956
Well, at least they're safe.

1308
00:52:38,056 --> 00:52:42,227
--invasion of the sovereign
nation of Karifistan.

1309
00:52:42,327 --> 00:52:46,832
I'm Cindy Swanson, a news
reporter for Channel 3--

1310
00:52:46,932 --> 00:52:48,033
Channel 32.

1311
00:52:48,133 --> 00:52:50,302
Ain't she something?

1312
00:52:50,402 --> 00:52:52,738
She's the best reporter
Channel 3 ever had,

1313
00:52:52,838 --> 00:52:54,505
and she smells good too.

1314
00:52:54,605 --> 00:52:55,874
But she said Channel 32.

1315
00:52:55,974 --> 00:52:57,609
No, she's on Channel 3.

1316
00:52:57,709 --> 00:52:58,643
I watch her all the time.

1317
00:52:58,743 --> 00:53:01,846
No, she said Channel 32.

1318
00:53:01,946 --> 00:53:03,048
Wait a minute.

1319
00:53:03,148 --> 00:53:04,349
CINDY (ON TV): We denounce
the American allies--

1320
00:53:04,449 --> 00:53:08,387
Maybe she's trying
to tell us something.

1321
00:53:08,487 --> 00:53:09,887
Channel 32.

1322
00:53:09,988 --> 00:53:13,825
Again, this is Cindy
Swanson, for Channel 32.

1323
00:53:13,925 --> 00:53:16,261
Channel 32?

1324
00:53:16,361 --> 00:53:17,329
Channel 32?

1325
00:53:21,966 --> 00:53:26,304
Maybe she meant Sector 32.

1326
00:53:26,404 --> 00:53:27,406
No.

1327
00:53:27,506 --> 00:53:30,975
No, she said Channel 32.

1328
00:53:31,075 --> 00:53:37,316
Therefore, the code
word is "Channel."

1329
00:53:41,286 --> 00:53:43,589
[laughing]

1330
00:53:47,559 --> 00:53:51,463
Soon there will
be a liberator.

1331
00:53:51,563 --> 00:53:52,930
Yes.

1332
00:53:53,031 --> 00:53:53,832
[coughing]

1333
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,634
I've got a full
canteen and a flashlight.

1334
00:53:56,734 --> 00:53:59,304
We can be back before
anybody knows we're gone.

1335
00:53:59,404 --> 00:54:01,906
No, Ernest, that's
Air Rescue's job.

1336
00:54:02,006 --> 00:54:03,308
But what about the
Colonel and Cindy?

1337
00:54:03,408 --> 00:54:04,476
Don't they count?

1338
00:54:04,576 --> 00:54:06,078
I'm sorry about the
girl, but she's the media

1339
00:54:06,178 --> 00:54:07,779
and not our responsibility.

1340
00:54:07,879 --> 00:54:10,782
As for the Colonel,
he's not the Sarge.

1341
00:54:10,882 --> 00:54:12,183
Can't we do something?

1342
00:54:12,283 --> 00:54:13,084
Get in, Ernest.

1343
00:54:13,184 --> 00:54:14,452
That's an order!

1344
00:54:14,552 --> 00:54:15,954
I'm sorry, sir.

1345
00:54:16,054 --> 00:54:18,757
I know it's high treason,
and probably very rude,

1346
00:54:18,857 --> 00:54:21,392
but a real soldier wouldn't
leave those people out there.

1347
00:54:21,492 --> 00:54:25,597
And Ironically, neither will I.

1348
00:54:25,697 --> 00:54:27,833
Ernest, get back here!

1349
00:54:31,436 --> 00:54:34,372
NARRATOR: And so, it
will come to pass,

1350
00:54:34,472 --> 00:54:37,175
that the great
American warrior will

1351
00:54:37,276 --> 00:54:42,280
plunge himself into the
vast wasteland of death.

1352
00:54:42,380 --> 00:54:46,518
He alone, a human
spear, thrusting

1353
00:54:46,618 --> 00:54:48,453
the heart of the beast.

1354
00:54:53,492 --> 00:54:58,963
Kibee, bring me
the UN Colonel.

1355
00:54:59,063 --> 00:55:00,932
As you desire, Mr. President--

1356
00:55:01,033 --> 00:55:01,833
For Life.

1357
00:55:09,741 --> 00:55:11,309
Colonel Gullet, it is time.

1358
00:55:11,409 --> 00:55:12,810
What?

1359
00:55:12,910 --> 00:55:14,412
What's going on?

1360
00:55:14,512 --> 00:55:16,882
Where are you taking him?

1361
00:55:16,982 --> 00:55:17,782
[sighs]

1362
00:55:17,882 --> 00:55:20,051
It looks like I'm first.

1363
00:55:20,151 --> 00:55:23,355
Sorry, Cindy.

1364
00:55:23,455 --> 00:55:26,390
We'll be back for
you, Miss Swanson.

1365
00:55:26,491 --> 00:55:27,292
No hurry.

1366
00:55:30,261 --> 00:55:32,531
[helicopter noise]

1367
00:55:37,903 --> 00:55:43,041
Well, Colonel, you look
very good on television.

1368
00:55:43,141 --> 00:55:45,576
I think you should
consider it as a career.

1369
00:55:45,676 --> 00:55:47,679
I held up my end
of the deal, Tufuti.

1370
00:55:47,779 --> 00:55:49,247
I delivered you your
news correspondent,

1371
00:55:49,347 --> 00:55:50,381
now pay me my money.

1372
00:55:50,482 --> 00:55:52,216
I don't think you're
in such a good position

1373
00:55:52,316 --> 00:55:53,518
to be demanding anything.

1374
00:55:56,688 --> 00:55:58,456
You'll die for this, Tufuti.

1375
00:55:58,556 --> 00:55:59,791
Strap him to the missile.

1376
00:55:59,891 --> 00:56:02,027
We'll send him back
to his friends.

1377
00:56:02,127 --> 00:56:03,661
You'll die for this!

1378
00:56:03,761 --> 00:56:05,564
Kibee, my club.

1379
00:56:10,101 --> 00:56:12,504
[wind howling]

1380
00:56:14,573 --> 00:56:16,475
[panting]

1381
00:56:22,514 --> 00:56:24,383
[grunting]

1382
00:56:41,866 --> 00:56:44,736
[spits]

1383
00:56:44,836 --> 00:56:45,804
[plop]

1384
00:56:47,005 --> 00:56:51,209
The desert sun certainly
has a diverse effect

1385
00:56:51,309 --> 00:56:52,210
on chocolate milk.

1386
00:57:00,752 --> 00:57:01,552
BEN-ALI: Ernest!

1387
00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:02,521
Where's Ernest?

1388
00:57:02,621 --> 00:57:04,489
Have you seen Ernest?

1389
00:57:04,589 --> 00:57:05,456
Ernest!

1390
00:57:05,556 --> 00:57:07,425
Where's Ernest?

1391
00:57:07,525 --> 00:57:08,893
Have you seen Ernest?

1392
00:57:08,993 --> 00:57:10,462
Where's Ernest?

1393
00:57:10,562 --> 00:57:11,363
Ernest?

1394
00:57:14,899 --> 00:57:16,033
Where's Ernest?
Have you seen Ernest?

1395
00:57:16,133 --> 00:57:17,969
No, Ben.
He went off into the desert.

1396
00:57:18,069 --> 00:57:19,304
He did?

1397
00:57:19,404 --> 00:57:20,872
He thinks he's gonna save
the Colonel and that reporter.

1398
00:57:20,972 --> 00:57:21,839
Which way did he go?

1399
00:57:21,939 --> 00:57:23,141
I can't talk.
I gotta go.

1400
00:57:23,241 --> 00:57:24,042
What did he say?

1401
00:57:24,142 --> 00:57:25,577
I gotta go.

1402
00:57:25,677 --> 00:57:26,478
SOLDIER: Let's go now.

1403
00:57:26,578 --> 00:57:28,446
Quit standing around.

1404
00:57:28,546 --> 00:57:29,447
Grab that box.

1405
00:57:29,547 --> 00:57:31,416
Let's go, gentlemen.

1406
00:57:34,486 --> 00:57:36,355
[panting]

1407
00:57:37,455 --> 00:57:39,324
[wind howling]

1408
00:57:55,740 --> 00:57:57,508
My lips are peeling.

1409
00:57:57,608 --> 00:57:59,378
[smacking lips]

1410
00:58:02,748 --> 00:58:04,349
DAVIS: He just headed
off toward Sector 32.

1411
00:58:04,449 --> 00:58:05,784
I tried to stop him,
but he just kept going.

1412
00:58:05,884 --> 00:58:07,184
BARNES: Sector 32?

1413
00:58:07,284 --> 00:58:10,088
We're just about to turn that
wasteland into more wasteland.

1414
00:58:10,188 --> 00:58:11,389
Who else have you
told about this?

1415
00:58:11,489 --> 00:58:12,490
DAVIS: No one.

1416
00:58:12,590 --> 00:58:13,891
BARNES: You keep it
to yourself, soldier.

1417
00:58:13,991 --> 00:58:14,859
I'll handle it from here.

1418
00:58:14,959 --> 00:58:16,494
DAVIS: Yes, sir.

1419
00:58:16,594 --> 00:58:18,563
Sector 32.

1420
00:58:18,663 --> 00:58:22,334
BARNES: Prepare
to launch assault.

1421
00:58:22,434 --> 00:58:25,770
OK, this shouldn't be hard.

1422
00:58:25,870 --> 00:58:26,671
Lift one foot.

1423
00:58:26,772 --> 00:58:28,973
Now, easy.

1424
00:58:29,073 --> 00:58:30,842
One step at a time.

1425
00:58:30,942 --> 00:58:34,478
Don't disturb the sand.

1426
00:58:34,579 --> 00:58:36,448
[groaning]

1427
00:58:47,892 --> 00:58:49,261
[spits]

1428
00:58:57,802 --> 00:58:59,070
Sand angels.

1429
00:58:59,171 --> 00:59:01,039
[chuckles]

1430
00:59:12,050 --> 00:59:12,951
[scoffs]

1431
00:59:13,051 --> 00:59:14,486
Poisoned barbed wire.

1432
00:59:14,586 --> 00:59:16,755
A feeble attempt to
frighten the lesser minds.

1433
00:59:22,494 --> 00:59:23,794
[zapping]

1434
00:59:23,895 --> 00:59:25,764
[groaning]

1435
00:59:33,271 --> 00:59:34,673
[mumbles]

1436
00:59:34,773 --> 00:59:36,141
[thud]

1437
00:59:39,244 --> 00:59:40,879
Well, at least I
didn't get poisoned.

1438
01:00:09,407 --> 01:00:10,207
[zap]

1439
01:00:10,307 --> 01:00:11,109
Oh.

1440
01:00:18,250 --> 01:00:19,651
[buzzing]

1441
01:00:19,751 --> 01:00:21,652
[laughs]

1442
01:00:21,753 --> 01:00:23,621
Oh, yeah.

1443
01:00:23,722 --> 01:00:25,122
[zapping]

1444
01:00:25,223 --> 01:00:27,591
[groaning]

1445
01:00:27,692 --> 01:00:29,060
[mumbles]

1446
01:00:29,160 --> 01:00:30,562
[thud]

1447
01:00:33,230 --> 01:00:34,032
Hmm.

1448
01:00:42,106 --> 01:00:45,209
If it hadn't been for my
stealth-like ninja moves,

1449
01:00:45,309 --> 01:00:47,278
I never would have
made it this far.

1450
01:00:47,378 --> 01:00:49,714
I am poultry in motion.

1451
01:00:49,814 --> 01:00:51,082
[clank]

1452
01:00:52,984 --> 01:00:55,086
[incoherent mumbling]

1453
01:00:56,554 --> 01:00:57,822
[grunts]

1454
01:00:57,922 --> 01:00:59,658
[thud]

1455
01:00:59,758 --> 01:01:05,530
My people, today we celebrate
tomorrow's certain sacred

1456
01:01:05,630 --> 01:01:08,700
victory over the Americans.

1457
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:12,370
And tomorrow we will pierce
the heart of the eagle,

1458
01:01:12,470 --> 01:01:17,441
and all the land will
praise Almar Habib Tufuti,

1459
01:01:17,541 --> 01:01:20,077
President for Life of Arisia.

1460
01:01:20,178 --> 01:01:21,679
[cheering]

1461
01:01:21,779 --> 01:01:22,580
ALL: [chanting] Tufuti!

1462
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:23,581
Tufuti!

1463
01:01:23,681 --> 01:01:24,515
Tufuti!

1464
01:01:24,616 --> 01:01:26,283
For Life!

1465
01:01:26,384 --> 01:01:27,252
For Life!

1466
01:01:29,921 --> 01:01:30,722
Hang on.

1467
01:01:40,165 --> 01:01:42,033
[ripping]

1468
01:01:45,303 --> 01:01:46,271
Ta-da!

1469
01:01:46,371 --> 01:01:47,472
The cavalry has arrived.

1470
01:01:47,572 --> 01:01:48,373
[sighs]

1471
01:01:48,473 --> 01:01:49,774
Private Worrell?

1472
01:01:49,874 --> 01:01:51,041
(IMITATING JOHN
WAYNE) Well, you can

1473
01:01:51,141 --> 01:01:53,011
call me Ernest, little lady.
[shushing]

1474
01:01:53,111 --> 01:01:53,945
Please.

1475
01:01:54,045 --> 01:01:56,213
Where are the other soldiers?

1476
01:01:56,313 --> 01:01:57,148
It's just me.

1477
01:01:57,248 --> 01:01:59,951
I'm on special assignment.

1478
01:02:00,051 --> 01:02:02,220
I can't get this rope untied.

1479
01:02:02,320 --> 01:02:04,022
I can't believe you crossed
the desert by yourself.

1480
01:02:04,122 --> 01:02:05,456
I thought you were the cook.

1481
01:02:05,556 --> 01:02:06,391
I am.

1482
01:02:06,491 --> 01:02:08,426
And a real good one too.

1483
01:02:08,526 --> 01:02:10,228
I tell you what.

1484
01:02:10,328 --> 01:02:12,697
I'm gonna have to
lift this pole up,

1485
01:02:12,797 --> 01:02:13,931
and you slide the
rope underneath.

1486
01:02:14,031 --> 01:02:14,832
OK.

1487
01:02:14,932 --> 01:02:16,067
OK?

1488
01:02:16,167 --> 01:02:17,535
[grunts]

1489
01:02:17,635 --> 01:02:18,803
Where's the Colonel.

1490
01:02:18,903 --> 01:02:20,605
Well, they probably put
him with the other prisoners.

1491
01:02:20,705 --> 01:02:22,273
How'd you get in here?

1492
01:02:22,373 --> 01:02:23,575
Ninja training.

1493
01:02:23,675 --> 01:02:26,210
I am poultry in motion.

1494
01:02:26,311 --> 01:02:27,344
OK, you ready?
I'm gonna lift.

1495
01:02:27,444 --> 01:02:28,413
Yeah, yeah.
OK.

1496
01:02:28,513 --> 01:02:29,346
Slide.

1497
01:02:29,447 --> 01:02:30,247
[grunting]

1498
01:02:30,347 --> 01:02:31,148
OK, slide it.

1499
01:02:31,249 --> 01:02:33,517
I'm out!

1500
01:02:33,617 --> 01:02:34,418
Oh!

1501
01:02:34,519 --> 01:02:35,686
[grunting]

1502
01:02:35,786 --> 01:02:36,587
Ow!

1503
01:02:36,687 --> 01:02:38,022
Come here, private.

1504
01:02:38,122 --> 01:02:39,089
Oh, private.

1505
01:02:39,190 --> 01:02:39,991
[whistles]

1506
01:02:40,091 --> 01:02:42,493
Come on, private.

1507
01:02:42,593 --> 01:02:45,663
Oh, private Worrell.

1508
01:02:45,763 --> 01:02:47,132
OK, let me help you.
We'll pull up.

1509
01:02:47,232 --> 01:02:47,965
Ready?
- OK.

1510
01:02:48,065 --> 01:02:48,933
OK.

1511
01:02:49,033 --> 01:02:52,270
One, two, three.

1512
01:02:54,972 --> 01:02:55,773
Pull me back.

1513
01:02:55,873 --> 01:02:56,675
Quiet!

1514
01:03:03,347 --> 01:03:05,216
Private Worrell, the pole!

1515
01:03:05,316 --> 01:03:06,584
Ah, the pole.
No, I think I got it.

1516
01:03:06,684 --> 01:03:07,485
No, I got it.

1517
01:03:07,585 --> 01:03:09,988
Let me get it.

1518
01:03:10,088 --> 01:03:10,888
[crash]

1519
01:03:10,989 --> 01:03:12,423
[screams]

1520
01:03:12,523 --> 01:03:13,324
Hurry!

1521
01:03:13,424 --> 01:03:14,792
Don't let them escape!

1522
01:03:14,893 --> 01:03:15,759
Get them!

1523
01:03:15,860 --> 01:03:17,228
Get them!

1524
01:03:17,328 --> 01:03:19,930
Move!

1525
01:03:20,030 --> 01:03:21,165
We've blown it now.

1526
01:03:21,265 --> 01:03:22,667
Find the way out.

1527
01:03:22,767 --> 01:03:23,734
Hurry.

1528
01:03:23,834 --> 01:03:24,636
ERNEST: Dang it.

1529
01:03:24,736 --> 01:03:26,670
I-- I think I broke a nail.

1530
01:03:26,770 --> 01:03:29,873
CINDY: Oh, please, Ernest.

1531
01:03:29,974 --> 01:03:31,642
[whacking]

1532
01:03:31,742 --> 01:03:33,477
You fools, move!

1533
01:03:33,577 --> 01:03:34,412
Ow.

1534
01:03:34,512 --> 01:03:35,980
Try that way.

1535
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:37,214
ERNEST: Doesn't this
hurt your knees?

1536
01:03:37,314 --> 01:03:38,216
No!
Stop being such a sissy.

1537
01:03:38,316 --> 01:03:39,684
Let's go!
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Harder!

1538
01:03:39,784 --> 01:03:41,552
Harder!

1539
01:03:41,652 --> 01:03:42,519
Whah!

1540
01:03:42,619 --> 01:03:43,421
No.

1541
01:03:43,521 --> 01:03:44,722
Try over here.

1542
01:03:44,823 --> 01:03:45,689
[groaning]

1543
01:03:45,789 --> 01:03:47,158
Beat harder!

1544
01:03:47,258 --> 01:03:48,126
Harder!

1545
01:03:48,226 --> 01:03:49,027
[clank]

1546
01:03:49,127 --> 01:03:51,061
Ouch.

1547
01:03:51,161 --> 01:03:52,529
How about this way?

1548
01:03:52,630 --> 01:03:53,998
[groaning]

1549
01:03:54,098 --> 01:03:57,902
OK, look, we'll just
have to brave it.

1550
01:03:58,002 --> 01:03:59,069
Keep your head up real high.

1551
01:03:59,169 --> 01:04:00,104
OK.

1552
01:04:00,205 --> 01:04:02,873
Oh, Ernest, you
coward, get up!

1553
01:04:02,974 --> 01:04:04,309
[banging]

1554
01:04:05,343 --> 01:04:06,677
ERNEST: Ow!

1555
01:04:06,778 --> 01:04:08,112
[groaning]

1556
01:04:08,212 --> 01:04:09,480
I can't help it.

1557
01:04:09,580 --> 01:04:11,282
[soldiers yelling]

1558
01:04:12,283 --> 01:04:13,184
Move it!

1559
01:04:13,284 --> 01:04:15,119
ERNEST: Let's go.

1560
01:04:15,219 --> 01:04:16,120
Hit harder!

1561
01:04:16,220 --> 01:04:18,089
They're still moving!

1562
01:04:18,189 --> 01:04:20,058
Grab the handle, idiot!

1563
01:04:20,158 --> 01:04:22,993
Don't just stand there!

1564
01:04:23,093 --> 01:04:25,429
OK, let's go.

1565
01:04:25,530 --> 01:04:26,430
[whacking]

1566
01:04:26,531 --> 01:04:28,399
[yelling]

1567
01:04:28,499 --> 01:04:31,335
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Where
the hell are they?

1568
01:04:31,435 --> 01:04:32,303
Spread out!

1569
01:04:36,340 --> 01:04:38,276
Kibee, you're in the dungeon!

1570
01:04:38,376 --> 01:04:39,177
Do you understand?

1571
01:04:39,277 --> 01:04:40,678
Shh.

1572
01:04:40,778 --> 01:04:42,680
Oh, help us, please.

1573
01:04:42,780 --> 01:04:44,014
Please, help us.

1574
01:04:44,114 --> 01:04:45,749
OK.
No problem.

1575
01:04:45,849 --> 01:04:46,984
I'll have you out
of here in a jiffy.

1576
01:04:47,084 --> 01:04:49,787
CINDY: Ernest, shh.

1577
01:04:49,887 --> 01:04:50,755
[clunk]

1578
01:04:50,855 --> 01:04:51,856
[slam]

1579
01:04:52,856 --> 01:04:54,992
Oh, oh, thank you.

1580
01:04:55,093 --> 01:04:55,960
Thank you.

1581
01:04:56,060 --> 01:04:56,927
Allah be praised.

1582
01:04:57,028 --> 01:04:57,828
[shushing]

1583
01:04:57,928 --> 01:04:59,797
You have saved us.

1584
01:04:59,897 --> 01:05:02,600
You must be the great American
warrior of the prophecy.

1585
01:05:02,700 --> 01:05:04,502
Oh, shucks.
It was nothing.

1586
01:05:04,602 --> 01:05:06,404
You must have me confused
with some other great

1587
01:05:06,504 --> 01:05:08,372
American warrior of prophecy.

1588
01:05:08,473 --> 01:05:09,741
[yelling]

1589
01:05:09,841 --> 01:05:12,243
Here comes the guards.

1590
01:05:12,343 --> 01:05:13,244
[slam]

1591
01:05:13,344 --> 01:05:15,713
Come on, let's go!

1592
01:05:15,813 --> 01:05:17,182
[groans]

1593
01:05:19,250 --> 01:05:20,618
[screams]

1594
01:05:24,689 --> 01:05:25,556
[crash]

1595
01:05:25,656 --> 01:05:27,524
[rapid gunfire]

1596
01:05:27,625 --> 01:05:29,494
[laughing]

1597
01:05:33,564 --> 01:05:34,933
[clunk]

1598
01:05:37,001 --> 01:05:39,102
Come on, they're
shooting real bullets!

1599
01:05:39,203 --> 01:05:40,370
Real bullets?
I'll go first.

1600
01:05:40,471 --> 01:05:41,271
Cover me.

1601
01:05:41,371 --> 01:05:42,740
Worrell, come back here!

1602
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:43,641
CINDY: Wait!

1603
01:05:43,741 --> 01:05:44,609
Wait, Ernest!

1604
01:05:48,646 --> 01:05:50,515
[rapid gunfire]

1605
01:05:54,519 --> 01:05:56,387
[grunting]

1606
01:06:01,358 --> 01:06:02,159
Ladies first.

1607
01:06:02,259 --> 01:06:03,061
OK, come on.

1608
01:06:03,161 --> 01:06:04,228
Come on.
Come on.

1609
01:06:04,328 --> 01:06:05,162
Come on.
Come on, Ernest.

1610
01:06:05,262 --> 01:06:06,063
Let's go.
[zap]

1611
01:06:06,163 --> 01:06:06,964
Ow!

1612
01:06:07,064 --> 01:06:07,865
Ouch.

1613
01:06:07,965 --> 01:06:09,266
Come on, let's go.

1614
01:06:09,367 --> 01:06:11,269
[yelling]

1615
01:06:14,839 --> 01:06:17,108
Kill them.

1616
01:06:17,208 --> 01:06:20,812
Take no prisoners.

1617
01:06:20,912 --> 01:06:22,113
[groans]

1618
01:06:23,081 --> 01:06:24,315
- We made it, Ernest.
- Yes.

1619
01:06:24,415 --> 01:06:25,216
We made it.

1620
01:06:25,316 --> 01:06:27,017
Oh, we did it.

1621
01:06:27,117 --> 01:06:30,121
Oh, look, they've
got Colonel Gullet.

1622
01:06:30,221 --> 01:06:31,021
We've got to go back.

1623
01:06:31,121 --> 01:06:31,922
Are you crazy?

1624
01:06:32,022 --> 01:06:32,957
We can't go back in!

1625
01:06:33,057 --> 01:06:34,458
Look, you go on ahead.

1626
01:06:34,558 --> 01:06:35,693
I've gotta go back
in for the Colonel.

1627
01:06:35,793 --> 01:06:37,695
No, we can go get help.
We don't have to.

1628
01:06:37,795 --> 01:06:39,096
You don't understand.

1629
01:06:39,196 --> 01:06:41,399
Sarge said, in the Army you've
gotta watch out for your buddy.

1630
01:06:41,499 --> 01:06:43,901
And Colonel Gullet's my buddy,
even though he is a Colonel

1631
01:06:44,001 --> 01:06:45,136
Ernest.

1632
01:06:45,236 --> 01:06:47,038
What we need is a plan.

1633
01:06:50,475 --> 01:06:51,308
How about an escort?

1634
01:06:51,408 --> 01:06:52,309
No, too small.

1635
01:06:52,409 --> 01:06:53,411
We need at least a Humvee.
- Ernest.

1636
01:06:53,511 --> 01:06:55,279
Ernest.
Ernest!

1637
01:06:55,379 --> 01:06:57,014
Oh, that kind of escort?

1638
01:06:57,114 --> 01:06:58,149
Hi, fellas.
- OK.

1639
01:06:58,249 --> 01:06:59,450
Oh, no.
Ouch.

1640
01:06:59,550 --> 01:07:00,351
Ow!

1641
01:07:07,892 --> 01:07:08,693
Lips.

1642
01:07:12,229 --> 01:07:13,598
He peels easy.

1643
01:07:18,435 --> 01:07:19,904
This is General Lincoln.

1644
01:07:20,004 --> 01:07:22,740
Commence the bombing
on Operation Sand Trap.

1645
01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:25,009
The first bird's
up at 1800 hours.

1646
01:07:25,109 --> 01:07:26,077
Whiskey, Alpha, Bravo.

1647
01:07:26,177 --> 01:07:29,647
My indecision is final.

1648
01:07:29,747 --> 01:07:31,015
Cut.

1649
01:07:31,115 --> 01:07:32,116
You were terrific, General.

1650
01:07:32,216 --> 01:07:33,918
Terrific.
All right.

1651
01:07:34,018 --> 01:07:35,452
Now let's take some
black and white stills.

1652
01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:37,121
I think that would
look more authentic.

1653
01:07:37,221 --> 01:07:40,691
Oh, Barnes, I don't look
so good in black and white.

1654
01:07:40,791 --> 01:07:42,726
We can airbrush them.

1655
01:07:42,826 --> 01:07:43,628
Mm.

1656
01:07:46,530 --> 01:07:48,032
You know, they
say every man has

1657
01:07:48,132 --> 01:07:49,200
a bullet with his name on it.

1658
01:07:49,300 --> 01:07:50,101
Yeah.

1659
01:07:50,201 --> 01:07:51,169
Here's mine, see?

1660
01:07:51,269 --> 01:07:52,670
Ernest.

1661
01:07:52,770 --> 01:07:54,438
I figure, as long as
this is in my pocket,

1662
01:07:54,538 --> 01:07:55,739
nobody can shoot me with it.

1663
01:07:55,839 --> 01:07:57,674
Oh, great, Ernest.
[scoffs]

1664
01:07:57,775 --> 01:07:58,809
Don't tell them
I've got it, OK?

1665
01:07:58,909 --> 01:07:59,711
CINDY: Done.

1666
01:08:14,392 --> 01:08:17,961
Tufuti, you're gonna get
in big trouble for this.

1667
01:08:18,061 --> 01:08:19,263
I'm a noncombatant.

1668
01:08:19,362 --> 01:08:20,997
I'm a member of the press.

1669
01:08:21,098 --> 01:08:22,800
Yeah, I'm a noncombatant too.

1670
01:08:22,900 --> 01:08:24,168
I'm in the Reserves.

1671
01:08:24,268 --> 01:08:27,604
The barbarians think they can
send an infidel into my camp

1672
01:08:27,704 --> 01:08:29,740
to destroy my plans.

1673
01:08:29,839 --> 01:08:31,341
Who do they think you are?

1674
01:08:31,442 --> 01:08:32,743
Rambo?

1675
01:08:32,843 --> 01:08:34,545
Well, close.

1676
01:08:34,645 --> 01:08:35,712
Ready!

1677
01:08:35,812 --> 01:08:36,613
Aim!

1678
01:08:36,714 --> 01:08:37,648
Hold it!

1679
01:08:37,748 --> 01:08:39,050
Don't we get a last meal?

1680
01:08:39,150 --> 01:08:40,785
I could sure go for a pizza.

1681
01:08:40,884 --> 01:08:41,985
Pepperoni, sausage,
extra cheese--

1682
01:08:42,085 --> 01:08:43,586
COLONEL GULLET: Up here, boy.
- --black olives.

1683
01:08:43,687 --> 01:08:44,488
No anchovies.

1684
01:08:44,588 --> 01:08:46,423
Maybe some chocolate chips.

1685
01:08:46,522 --> 01:08:48,224
Ready!
Aim!

1686
01:08:48,326 --> 01:08:49,493
Hey, hey.

1687
01:08:49,593 --> 01:08:52,496
I could use my last phone
call to call for a pizza.

1688
01:08:52,596 --> 01:08:53,831
They could be here
in 30 minutes.

1689
01:08:53,931 --> 01:08:54,898
Look, we could all pitch in.

1690
01:08:54,998 --> 01:08:57,534
I've got tip money.

1691
01:08:57,634 --> 01:09:00,570
No pizza!

1692
01:09:00,670 --> 01:09:02,705
Ready!

1693
01:09:02,806 --> 01:09:04,007
Well, what about a blindfold?

1694
01:09:04,107 --> 01:09:06,577
No blindfold.

1695
01:09:06,677 --> 01:09:09,380
What kind of a jake
leg outfit is this?

1696
01:09:09,480 --> 01:09:11,949
No last meal, no phone
call, no blindfold.

1697
01:09:12,049 --> 01:09:13,784
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: No budget.
[grunts]

1698
01:09:13,884 --> 01:09:15,053
ERNEST: Oh.

1699
01:09:15,152 --> 01:09:17,721
Well, I bet none of you
have ever even shot anybody.

1700
01:09:17,821 --> 01:09:20,290
Kibee shot a man in
the foot last year.

1701
01:09:20,391 --> 01:09:22,826
It was an accident,
Mr. President for Life.

1702
01:09:22,926 --> 01:09:24,661
I have such feelings of guilt.

1703
01:09:24,761 --> 01:09:27,998
Act like a man!

1704
01:09:28,098 --> 01:09:30,301
Any other requests?
- Yeah.

1705
01:09:30,401 --> 01:09:31,803
(SHOUTING) Let me go!

1706
01:09:34,871 --> 01:09:36,239
[engine starts]

1707
01:09:38,342 --> 01:09:39,710
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Ready!

1708
01:09:39,810 --> 01:09:41,712
Aim!

1709
01:09:41,812 --> 01:09:43,180
COLONEL GULLET:
Where are you going?

1710
01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:44,181
BEN-ALI: Here we come, Ernest.

1711
01:09:44,281 --> 01:09:45,149
KIBEE: Your Excellency!

1712
01:09:45,249 --> 01:09:46,751
[yells]

1713
01:09:46,851 --> 01:09:47,652
Ernest.

1714
01:09:47,752 --> 01:09:48,719
Ernest!

1715
01:09:48,820 --> 01:09:49,620
Let's go!

1716
01:09:49,719 --> 01:09:50,620
[rapid gunfire]

1717
01:09:50,721 --> 01:09:51,589
[tires squeal]

1718
01:09:51,688 --> 01:09:52,689
BEN-ALI: Get in, Ernest!

1719
01:09:52,790 --> 01:09:53,590
Go, Ernest!

1720
01:09:53,690 --> 01:09:55,559
Go!

1721
01:09:55,659 --> 01:09:57,027
BEN-ALI: Get in!

1722
01:09:57,127 --> 01:09:58,028
Go!

1723
01:09:58,128 --> 01:09:59,530
CINDY: Come on, Ernest.
- Scoot over.

1724
01:09:59,630 --> 01:10:00,731
CINDY: Hit the gas!

1725
01:10:00,831 --> 01:10:02,799
This is a job for Army people.

1726
01:10:02,899 --> 01:10:03,700
CINDY: Oh, come on.

1727
01:10:03,800 --> 01:10:04,601
Let's just go.

1728
01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:07,037
Go!

1729
01:10:07,138 --> 01:10:09,006
[yelling]

1730
01:10:13,544 --> 01:10:15,413
[crash]

1731
01:10:20,484 --> 01:10:25,022
Kibee, where is my missile?

1732
01:10:25,122 --> 01:10:27,625
Where is my pluton missile?

1733
01:10:27,725 --> 01:10:32,230
I-- I think it has
been removed, Excellency.

1734
01:10:36,733 --> 01:10:39,904
(SHOUTING) Bring
me my desert demons!

1735
01:10:40,004 --> 01:10:41,372
[bang]

1736
01:10:54,952 --> 01:10:58,388
In 30 minutes, the
bombs will begin to drop,

1737
01:10:58,488 --> 01:11:02,159
and this will be
your finest hour.

1738
01:11:02,259 --> 01:11:03,560
Barnes, do you think
those Brit generals

1739
01:11:03,660 --> 01:11:05,762
look so sophisticated because
they have those little pencil

1740
01:11:05,862 --> 01:11:06,730
thin mustaches?

1741
01:11:06,830 --> 01:11:08,131
Excuse me, sir.

1742
01:11:08,231 --> 01:11:11,469
The satellite just picked up a
truck carrying a large missile.

1743
01:11:11,569 --> 01:11:13,337
Barnes, there's no greater
feeling than breaking

1744
01:11:13,437 --> 01:11:14,237
the enemy's spirit.

1745
01:11:14,337 --> 01:11:15,639
That's how I met my wife.

1746
01:11:15,739 --> 01:11:18,075
Sir, the missile's
headed towards us.

1747
01:11:18,175 --> 01:11:19,776
What?

1748
01:11:19,876 --> 01:11:21,612
Barnes, pull out the
big guns, scramble

1749
01:11:21,712 --> 01:11:23,047
the fighters, get me the Navy.

1750
01:11:23,147 --> 01:11:25,315
We gotta nuke that missile now
before they get any closer.

1751
01:11:25,416 --> 01:11:26,217
Yes, sir.

1752
01:11:29,653 --> 01:11:30,987
[snip]

1753
01:11:31,088 --> 01:11:31,956
Oh, boy.

1754
01:11:32,056 --> 01:11:34,125
Barnes?

1755
01:11:34,225 --> 01:11:36,127
Barnes?

1756
01:11:36,227 --> 01:11:39,997
Worrell, stop the truck
and get me down off of here!

1757
01:11:40,097 --> 01:11:41,032
Which way do we go?

1758
01:11:41,132 --> 01:11:42,866
- Head for the dunes!
- Which one?

1759
01:11:42,966 --> 01:11:43,767
The white one!

1760
01:11:43,867 --> 01:11:44,669
The white one!

1761
01:11:44,769 --> 01:11:45,903
Eenie, meanie, miney--

1762
01:11:46,003 --> 01:11:47,137
One potato, two potato--

1763
01:11:47,237 --> 01:11:48,372
Eenie one potato!

1764
01:11:48,472 --> 01:11:49,940
Are you sure it's
not meanie two potato?

1765
01:11:50,040 --> 01:11:50,841
No, no!

1766
01:11:50,941 --> 01:11:52,442
Eenie one potato!

1767
01:11:52,542 --> 01:11:54,912
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Don't let
them get away, you fools!

1768
01:11:55,012 --> 01:11:55,913
Kibee, faster!

1769
01:12:00,484 --> 01:12:03,888
Ernest, we're gonna
get stuck in this stuff.

1770
01:12:03,988 --> 01:12:06,423
Nah, I used to be a
mailman in Michigan.

1771
01:12:06,524 --> 01:12:08,359
[gunfire]

1772
01:12:08,459 --> 01:12:09,326
Oh, no!

1773
01:12:09,426 --> 01:12:11,295
Ernest!

1774
01:12:11,395 --> 01:12:13,263
Worrell, where are you going?

1775
01:12:13,363 --> 01:12:14,198
What are you doing?

1776
01:12:14,298 --> 01:12:15,199
You're the press.

1777
01:12:15,299 --> 01:12:16,667
You're supposed to
be non-combative.

1778
01:12:16,767 --> 01:12:19,003
Tufuti, President for
Life, broke the rules first.

1779
01:12:19,103 --> 01:12:21,738
Now, is this semi-automatic
or full rock and roll?

1780
01:12:21,839 --> 01:12:22,707
[gunfire]

1781
01:12:22,807 --> 01:12:24,708
COLONEL GULLET: Shoot!

1782
01:12:24,808 --> 01:12:26,677
[rapid gunfire]

1783
01:12:29,747 --> 01:12:31,115
[screams]

1784
01:12:32,216 --> 01:12:35,085
COLONEL GULLET: Worrell!

1785
01:12:35,185 --> 01:12:36,087
CINDY: One down.

1786
01:12:36,187 --> 01:12:37,054
BEN-ALI: More bananas?

1787
01:12:43,093 --> 01:12:44,996
[rapid gunfire]

1788
01:12:50,534 --> 01:12:51,435
I'm out of shells.

1789
01:12:51,535 --> 01:12:52,903
Give me another clip.

1790
01:12:53,003 --> 01:12:53,904
COLONEL GULLET: Worrell!

1791
01:12:54,004 --> 01:12:54,871
Get us out of here!

1792
01:12:54,971 --> 01:12:56,373
Ow!

1793
01:12:56,473 --> 01:12:59,443
Hang on, Colonel Gullet!

1794
01:12:59,543 --> 01:13:00,343
CINDY: Look out.

1795
01:13:00,443 --> 01:13:02,313
OK, watch the dip, Ernest!

1796
01:13:02,413 --> 01:13:03,813
[groans]

1797
01:13:03,914 --> 01:13:05,348
[screams]

1798
01:13:05,448 --> 01:13:06,417
Base Camp, here we come.

1799
01:13:10,420 --> 01:13:12,223
Happy to report,
the pluton missile

1800
01:13:12,323 --> 01:13:14,291
moves to Karifistan border.

1801
01:13:14,392 --> 01:13:18,628
It seems Interceptor is
delivering as promised.

1802
01:13:18,729 --> 01:13:21,898
Soon, world powers will
be emptying their bank

1803
01:13:21,998 --> 01:13:23,901
accounts into our coffers.

1804
01:13:27,004 --> 01:13:28,839
[gunfire]

1805
01:13:34,278 --> 01:13:36,146
COLONEL GULLET: No, Ernest!

1806
01:13:36,246 --> 01:13:37,047
Ernest!

1807
01:13:37,147 --> 01:13:38,716
Turn around and go back!

1808
01:13:38,816 --> 01:13:39,917
You can't go through there.

1809
01:13:40,017 --> 01:13:42,786
This is no time to
stop and admire the view.

1810
01:13:42,886 --> 01:13:45,322
Rock mines.

1811
01:13:45,422 --> 01:13:48,191
Oh, we're trapped.

1812
01:13:48,291 --> 01:13:49,292
Not yet, we're not.

1813
01:13:49,392 --> 01:13:50,827
What are you doing?

1814
01:13:50,927 --> 01:13:52,095
What I do best.

1815
01:13:52,195 --> 01:13:53,364
Are you crazy?

1816
01:13:53,464 --> 01:13:54,397
Get me down from here!

1817
01:13:54,498 --> 01:13:56,333
[gunfire]

1818
01:13:56,433 --> 01:13:57,301
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Oh, no!

1819
01:13:57,401 --> 01:13:58,735
They're getting closer!

1820
01:13:58,835 --> 01:14:01,138
Put that foot into
the corner, Kibee!

1821
01:14:01,238 --> 01:14:02,439
We're going to get them!

1822
01:14:02,539 --> 01:14:04,841
KIBEE: They won't get away.

1823
01:14:04,941 --> 01:14:06,577
He said he's been a
prisoner of Tufuti's,

1824
01:14:06,677 --> 01:14:08,679
and that the pluton
bomb is now in the hands

1825
01:14:08,779 --> 01:14:10,714
of the great American warrior.

1826
01:14:10,814 --> 01:14:12,282
I thought I was the
great American warrior?

1827
01:14:12,382 --> 01:14:13,250
Well, you are, sir.

1828
01:14:13,350 --> 01:14:14,651
This is just someone
claiming to be.

1829
01:14:14,751 --> 01:14:15,585
Oh, an imposter?

1830
01:14:15,685 --> 01:14:16,786
I'm sure there's
nothing to it.

1831
01:14:16,886 --> 01:14:17,988
Well, let's check it out.

1832
01:14:18,088 --> 01:14:19,523
There's not room in
this desert for two

1833
01:14:19,623 --> 01:14:22,426
great American warriors.

1834
01:14:22,526 --> 01:14:23,894
[sighs]

1835
01:14:25,462 --> 01:14:26,563
Is this the man?

1836
01:14:26,664 --> 01:14:28,432
Yes, sir.

1837
01:14:28,532 --> 01:14:29,867
Oh, Your Excellency.

1838
01:14:29,967 --> 01:14:33,003
I-- I am so happy and honored
that you would see me.

1839
01:14:33,103 --> 01:14:34,304
I bring great news.

1840
01:14:34,405 --> 01:14:36,573
You said an American
has the pluton missile?

1841
01:14:36,673 --> 01:14:39,343
Oh, yes, and he's
bringing it to you.

1842
01:14:39,443 --> 01:14:41,311
Oh, he's such a great warrior!

1843
01:14:41,411 --> 01:14:42,612
Is anyone with him?

1844
01:14:42,712 --> 01:14:45,249
A UN Colonel and a woman.

1845
01:14:45,349 --> 01:14:46,316
Oh, Pierre!

1846
01:14:46,416 --> 01:14:47,718
[groans]
- Come on.

1847
01:14:47,818 --> 01:14:48,719
Come outside.

1848
01:14:48,819 --> 01:14:49,720
We need to talk.

1849
01:14:49,820 --> 01:14:50,721
Just listen.

1850
01:14:50,821 --> 01:14:53,223
Listen.

1851
01:14:53,323 --> 01:14:55,125
We'd better call off that
carpet bombing before they

1852
01:14:55,225 --> 01:14:56,426
take out that pluton missile.

1853
01:14:56,526 --> 01:14:57,728
Well, what's wrong with that?

1854
01:14:57,828 --> 01:15:00,964
Because we want to
capture it and take

1855
01:15:01,064 --> 01:15:03,266
all the credit for ourselves.

1856
01:15:03,366 --> 01:15:04,768
Oh.

1857
01:15:04,868 --> 01:15:08,939
You'd think this was
his first conflict.

1858
01:15:09,039 --> 01:15:09,840
COLONEL GULLET: Ernest.

1859
01:15:09,940 --> 01:15:10,874
Ernest!

1860
01:15:10,974 --> 01:15:14,311
What do you think you're doing?

1861
01:15:14,411 --> 01:15:15,212
Come on, Ernest.

1862
01:15:15,312 --> 01:15:16,147
[smack]

1863
01:15:17,180 --> 01:15:18,716
Are you crazy?

1864
01:15:18,816 --> 01:15:20,551
Get me down from here!

1865
01:15:20,651 --> 01:15:22,485
You fool, Ernest!

1866
01:15:22,585 --> 01:15:23,920
Put that thing down!

1867
01:15:24,020 --> 01:15:25,322
You'll have us all killed!

1868
01:15:25,422 --> 01:15:26,456
OK.

1869
01:15:26,556 --> 01:15:28,492
Just keep the gas steady.

1870
01:15:28,592 --> 01:15:29,693
OK, here we go.

1871
01:15:29,793 --> 01:15:30,594
Easy.

1872
01:15:30,694 --> 01:15:31,962
COLONEL GULLET: Stop this thing!

1873
01:15:32,062 --> 01:15:33,063
PRESIDENT TUFUTI:
Move it, Kibee!

1874
01:15:33,163 --> 01:15:34,031
Move it!

1875
01:15:34,131 --> 01:15:35,999
They're getting away!

1876
01:15:36,099 --> 01:15:37,000
Look out, Ernest!

1877
01:15:37,101 --> 01:15:38,068
Here they come!
BEN-ALI: Hurry!

1878
01:15:38,168 --> 01:15:38,969
Hurry!

1879
01:15:39,069 --> 01:15:39,936
ERNEST: Gotcha!

1880
01:15:40,036 --> 01:15:41,905
CINDY: Nice one!

1881
01:15:42,005 --> 01:15:43,908
[boom]

1882
01:15:44,008 --> 01:15:46,010
This is a whole lot easier
without clubbers trying

1883
01:15:46,110 --> 01:15:48,178
to bop you with a six iron.

1884
01:15:48,278 --> 01:15:49,179
Here's one!

1885
01:15:49,279 --> 01:15:50,247
BEN-ALI: Yeah!

1886
01:15:50,347 --> 01:15:51,148
[boom]

1887
01:15:51,248 --> 01:15:52,148
Ernest!

1888
01:15:52,248 --> 01:15:53,583
CINDY: He's unbelievable.

1889
01:15:53,683 --> 01:15:55,218
I believed it all along.

1890
01:15:55,318 --> 01:15:56,286
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: Faster, Kibee.

1891
01:15:56,386 --> 01:15:57,187
Faster!

1892
01:15:57,287 --> 01:15:59,756
How about a double dip?

1893
01:15:59,856 --> 01:16:01,892
Assorted flavors.

1894
01:16:01,992 --> 01:16:02,993
There you go.

1895
01:16:03,093 --> 01:16:03,894
[boom]

1896
01:16:03,994 --> 01:16:04,895
[boom]

1897
01:16:04,995 --> 01:16:06,897
CINDY: Nice one, Ernest.

1898
01:16:06,997 --> 01:16:08,865
PRESIDENT TUFUTI: You fool!

1899
01:16:08,965 --> 01:16:10,367
Ernest, faster!

1900
01:16:10,467 --> 01:16:12,870
Faster!

1901
01:16:12,970 --> 01:16:14,371
Come on.

1902
01:16:14,471 --> 01:16:15,839
KIBEE: Look out, sir.

1903
01:16:15,939 --> 01:16:16,840
Be careful!

1904
01:16:16,940 --> 01:16:18,341
[yells]

1905
01:16:18,441 --> 01:16:20,343
[cindy laughs]

1906
01:16:20,443 --> 01:16:23,747
You got the poop,
I got the scoop.

1907
01:16:23,847 --> 01:16:25,249
[screeching]

1908
01:16:25,349 --> 01:16:26,717
[boom]

1909
01:16:32,790 --> 01:16:33,690
[boom]

1910
01:16:33,790 --> 01:16:35,258
Man, this guy
can't take a hint.

1911
01:16:35,358 --> 01:16:36,160
Come on, Kibee.

1912
01:16:36,260 --> 01:16:37,161
Move it!

1913
01:16:37,261 --> 01:16:39,163
They're getting away!

1914
01:16:39,263 --> 01:16:40,630
FLIGHT LEADER: Delta,
Bravo, one-niner.

1915
01:16:40,730 --> 01:16:41,531
Abort sortie.

1916
01:16:41,631 --> 01:16:42,933
Abort sortie.

1917
01:16:43,033 --> 01:16:43,833
JET PILOT: Roger, HQ.

1918
01:16:43,933 --> 01:16:44,835
We're heading home.

1919
01:16:49,039 --> 01:16:49,839
This way.

1920
01:16:49,940 --> 01:16:51,341
This way.

1921
01:16:51,441 --> 01:16:53,409
COLONEL GULLET: Worrell,
where are you going?

1922
01:16:53,510 --> 01:16:54,310
That's it.

1923
01:16:54,411 --> 01:16:55,813
Stop that!

1924
01:16:55,913 --> 01:16:57,313
Worrell!

1925
01:16:57,414 --> 01:16:58,816
[grumbles]

1926
01:17:00,417 --> 01:17:02,319
Get me down!

1927
01:17:02,419 --> 01:17:03,821
ERNEST: Oh.

1928
01:17:03,921 --> 01:17:04,788
We're stuck.

1929
01:17:10,894 --> 01:17:11,795
There he is!

1930
01:17:11,895 --> 01:17:12,696
Excellency?

1931
01:17:12,796 --> 01:17:13,797
He's ours now!

1932
01:17:13,898 --> 01:17:15,299
[laughing]

1933
01:17:16,366 --> 01:17:17,267
CINDY: Ernest, don't.

1934
01:17:17,367 --> 01:17:19,770
Get out of there!

1935
01:17:19,870 --> 01:17:20,771
[screeches]

1936
01:17:20,871 --> 01:17:22,406
Come on Tufrutti.

1937
01:17:22,506 --> 01:17:23,674
Give us your best shot.

1938
01:17:23,774 --> 01:17:27,411
You have been very
troublesome for me,

1939
01:17:27,511 --> 01:17:29,179
but now I am rid of you!

1940
01:17:29,279 --> 01:17:30,347
[gun cocks]

1941
01:17:30,447 --> 01:17:31,248
CINDY: Duck!

1942
01:17:31,348 --> 01:17:34,250
Duck, Ernest!

1943
01:17:34,351 --> 01:17:35,218
[chuckles]

1944
01:17:35,318 --> 01:17:36,186
KIBEE: Oh, no!

1945
01:17:36,286 --> 01:17:37,087
No.

1946
01:17:37,187 --> 01:17:38,622
No, no, no!

1947
01:17:38,722 --> 01:17:40,090
[yells]

1948
01:17:41,158 --> 01:17:42,259
[clank]

1949
01:17:42,359 --> 01:17:43,160
SOLDIER: Help!

1950
01:17:43,260 --> 01:17:44,060
Help!

1951
01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:47,297
It's only a rock, Excellency.

1952
01:17:47,398 --> 01:17:49,133
[laughing]

1953
01:17:52,002 --> 01:17:52,936
[chuckles]

1954
01:17:53,036 --> 01:17:56,173
Ready to die, great
American warrior?

1955
01:17:56,273 --> 01:17:58,075
[laughs]

1956
01:17:59,142 --> 01:17:59,977
[whooshing]

1957
01:18:00,077 --> 01:18:01,412
[clunk]

1958
01:18:02,479 --> 01:18:03,780
[thud]

1959
01:18:03,881 --> 01:18:05,248
[chuckles]

1960
01:18:05,348 --> 01:18:09,185
Excellency, you are
damaged, for life.

1961
01:18:09,285 --> 01:18:10,955
[kibee laughs]

1962
01:18:11,989 --> 01:18:12,789
Yeah.

1963
01:18:12,889 --> 01:18:14,191
[cindy screams]

1964
01:18:16,126 --> 01:18:16,927
Yeah, Earnest.

1965
01:18:17,027 --> 01:18:18,228
What a shot!

1966
01:18:18,328 --> 01:18:20,663
You have defeated the beast.

1967
01:18:20,763 --> 01:18:22,032
What was that you threw?

1968
01:18:22,132 --> 01:18:23,266
All in a day's cooking.

1969
01:18:23,366 --> 01:18:24,334
know what I mean?

1970
01:18:24,434 --> 01:18:26,870
COLONEL GULLET: Would
somebody untie me?

1971
01:18:26,970 --> 01:18:29,172
Oh, sorry Colonel.

1972
01:18:29,272 --> 01:18:31,007
I'll just lower this hydraulic.

1973
01:18:31,108 --> 01:18:32,943
[whirring]

1974
01:18:33,043 --> 01:18:34,378
COLONEL GULLET: Get me off here!

1975
01:18:34,478 --> 01:18:37,281
ERNEST: Loosen those
on the bottom, Ben.

1976
01:18:37,381 --> 01:18:38,182
Good.

1977
01:18:38,282 --> 01:18:39,482
Don't worry, Colonel.

1978
01:18:39,582 --> 01:18:41,151
I'll have you loose in a minute.

1979
01:18:41,251 --> 01:18:43,586
COLONEL GULLET: Yeah,
about time, too.

1980
01:18:43,687 --> 01:18:45,722
ERNEST: There you go.
[thwack]

1981
01:18:45,822 --> 01:18:46,923
[thud]

1982
01:18:47,023 --> 01:18:48,959
Now, move away from
this missile or the boy

1983
01:18:49,059 --> 01:18:50,461
meets Allah prematurely.

1984
01:18:53,297 --> 01:18:54,131
[beep]

1985
01:18:55,131 --> 01:18:56,432
Interceptor confirms capture.

1986
01:18:56,532 --> 01:18:58,201
Rendezvous at Sector C-12.

1987
01:18:58,301 --> 01:19:01,004
Interceptor
seeks confirmation.

1988
01:19:01,104 --> 01:19:05,309
Confirm his deposit of one
hundred million US dollars

1989
01:19:05,409 --> 01:19:08,679
into his Swiss bank account.

1990
01:19:08,779 --> 01:19:12,249
Dispatch a unit to pick up
the pluton missile when he

1991
01:19:12,349 --> 01:19:14,918
crosses the Karifistan border.

1992
01:19:15,018 --> 01:19:15,819
As Boyard commands.

1993
01:19:20,023 --> 01:19:23,961
COLONEL GULLET: Bank
account number 639736412-12.

1994
01:19:24,061 --> 01:19:25,729
Code name, Interceptor.

1995
01:19:25,829 --> 01:19:27,798
Confirm bank deposits.

1996
01:19:27,898 --> 01:19:28,999
Got it.

1997
01:19:29,099 --> 01:19:31,034
I can't believe you can
be such a traitor, Gullet.

1998
01:19:31,134 --> 01:19:31,968
It's just business.

1999
01:19:32,068 --> 01:19:33,303
Now, move away
from this missile!

2000
01:19:33,403 --> 01:19:36,773
Look, you can keep the
missile, just let the boy go.

2001
01:19:36,873 --> 01:19:38,441
The boy goes with me.

2002
01:19:38,541 --> 01:19:41,612
CINDY: Let the boy go, Gullet.

2003
01:19:41,712 --> 01:19:43,413
What do you want
with a pluton missile?

2004
01:19:43,513 --> 01:19:45,615
Soon I'll be in a world
where idiots like you are

2005
01:19:45,715 --> 01:19:47,884
outlawed, living the good life.

2006
01:19:47,984 --> 01:19:48,918
Goodbye, Ernest.

2007
01:19:49,018 --> 01:19:49,853
Thanks for the ride.

2008
01:19:49,953 --> 01:19:50,753
[groans]

2009
01:19:50,853 --> 01:19:51,655
You!

2010
01:19:51,755 --> 01:19:52,956
ERNEST: Duck men!

2011
01:19:53,056 --> 01:19:53,857
[whack]

2012
01:19:53,957 --> 01:19:54,858
Oh, Ernest!

2013
01:19:54,958 --> 01:19:55,858
Oh.

2014
01:19:55,959 --> 01:19:57,861
[rumbling]

2015
01:19:58,929 --> 01:19:59,829
BEN-ALI: The ropes, Ernest!

2016
01:19:59,930 --> 01:20:00,830
The ropes!

2017
01:20:00,931 --> 01:20:02,833
[yelling]

2018
01:20:04,935 --> 01:20:07,571
If it's gonna hurt, I'm
sure glad that isn't me.

2019
01:20:07,671 --> 01:20:09,506
[kaboom]

2020
01:20:11,542 --> 01:20:12,909
[groaning]

2021
01:20:13,009 --> 01:20:13,943
Eww.

2022
01:20:14,043 --> 01:20:14,844
Oh.

2023
01:20:14,944 --> 01:20:15,845
Eww.

2024
01:20:15,945 --> 01:20:17,147
[muffled speech]

2025
01:20:17,247 --> 01:20:18,214
GENERAL LINCOLN: There they are.

2026
01:20:18,314 --> 01:20:19,449
BARNES: Keep it rolling, Lloyd.

2027
01:20:19,550 --> 01:20:20,350
Stop here.

2028
01:20:20,450 --> 01:20:22,952
The light's good.

2029
01:20:23,052 --> 01:20:24,888
Get me a closeup of the girl.

2030
01:20:24,988 --> 01:20:26,523
What have you done
with my missile, private?

2031
01:20:26,623 --> 01:20:28,358
General, it's
been neutralized.

2032
01:20:28,458 --> 01:20:30,394
You should be pinning
a medal on Ernest.

2033
01:20:30,494 --> 01:20:32,229
Oh.
Yeah, well, I--

2034
01:20:32,329 --> 01:20:33,464
I will.

2035
01:20:33,564 --> 01:20:35,131
I'm gonna put a whole chest
full of medals on him.

2036
01:20:35,231 --> 01:20:36,700
Good work, soldier.

2037
01:20:36,800 --> 01:20:38,768
General, be careful
what you promise, sir.

2038
01:20:38,868 --> 01:20:40,503
Shut up, Barnes.

2039
01:20:40,603 --> 01:20:42,472
You're fired.

2040
01:20:42,572 --> 01:20:43,674
How am I doing, Lloyd?

2041
01:20:43,774 --> 01:20:44,641
Ernest!

2042
01:20:44,741 --> 01:20:45,576
Hey, Ernest!

2043
01:20:49,512 --> 01:20:50,447
Way to go, buddy.

2044
01:20:55,285 --> 01:20:56,552
- Ben, you're-- you're not--
- I'm fine.

2045
01:20:56,653 --> 01:20:57,521
I'm fine.

2046
01:20:57,621 --> 01:20:59,456
I just gotta lay
off the pork rinds.

2047
01:20:59,556 --> 01:21:02,625
Ernest, in my book,
you're Army people.

2048
01:21:02,725 --> 01:21:04,995
Army people.

2049
01:21:05,095 --> 01:21:07,630
I'm Frank Williams,
INNI European division.

2050
01:21:07,730 --> 01:21:08,765
Oh.

2051
01:21:08,866 --> 01:21:11,134
I believe that you have
all the inside details.

2052
01:21:11,234 --> 01:21:14,838
Tell me, what would it take
for INNI to get an exclusive?

2053
01:21:14,938 --> 01:21:16,106
Oh, well, uh--

2054
01:21:16,206 --> 01:21:17,608
How long did you say
you've been in your job?

2055
01:21:21,912 --> 01:21:23,747
Ben-Ali?

2056
01:21:23,847 --> 01:21:25,716
Ben-Ali!

2057
01:21:25,816 --> 01:21:26,717
Ben-Ali!

2058
01:21:26,817 --> 01:21:27,984
Abi.

2059
01:21:28,084 --> 01:21:28,918
Abi!

2060
01:21:29,018 --> 01:21:31,188
Allah be praised,
it is my son.

2061
01:21:31,288 --> 01:21:32,089
My son!

2062
01:21:32,189 --> 01:21:33,490
My son!

2063
01:21:33,590 --> 01:21:34,958
Abi!

2064
01:21:35,058 --> 01:21:36,426
My son!

2065
01:21:36,526 --> 01:21:38,828
Abi!

2066
01:21:38,928 --> 01:21:42,732
I thought I had
lost you forever.

2067
01:21:42,832 --> 01:21:46,870
Well, I guess the Geshua charm
really does bring good luck.

2068
01:21:46,970 --> 01:21:52,108
The good luck is that you
are the great American warrior.

2069
01:21:52,208 --> 01:21:53,376
Wait a minute, Ben.

2070
01:21:53,476 --> 01:21:55,912
You can't keep the great
American warrior to yourself.

2071
01:21:56,012 --> 01:21:57,815
I have some unfinished
business with him.

2072
01:22:00,750 --> 01:22:02,052
[moans]

2073
01:22:04,954 --> 01:22:06,723
Eww.

2074
01:22:06,823 --> 01:22:08,425
What is this?

2075
01:22:08,525 --> 01:22:10,693
Oh, sorry.

2076
01:22:10,793 --> 01:22:14,030
My lips peel easily.

2077
01:22:14,130 --> 01:22:14,932
Oh.

2078
01:22:20,336 --> 01:22:21,138
ERNEST: Cindy.

2079
01:22:21,238 --> 01:22:22,606
Cindy.

2080
01:22:22,706 --> 01:22:24,474
CINDY: Go away, Ernest!

2081
01:22:24,574 --> 01:22:25,475
ERNEST: How about coming over?

2082
01:22:25,575 --> 01:22:26,476
I'll make you some pancakes.

2083
01:22:26,576 --> 01:22:27,443
CINDY: Now, I'm grossed out.

2084
01:22:27,543 --> 01:22:28,545
ERNEST: No, really.

2085
01:22:28,645 --> 01:22:30,246
I make the best pancakes
in the whole world.

2086
01:22:30,346 --> 01:22:32,783
CINDY: Ernest, I have one
word for you-- lip balm.

2087
01:22:32,883 --> 01:22:36,153
NARRATOR: And so it came,
as the years passed,

2088
01:22:36,253 --> 01:22:40,790
that Ben Ali became a great
leader of the Arab world

2089
01:22:40,890 --> 01:22:44,561
and brought peace to
the war-torn land.

2090
01:22:44,661 --> 01:22:47,664
And on every public
building and street sign,

2091
01:22:47,764 --> 01:22:50,434
a small, barely-visible
inscription

2092
01:22:50,534 --> 01:22:54,671
read "Stick by your buddy."

2093
01:22:54,771 --> 01:22:55,639
Know what I mean?

2094
01:23:01,744 --> 01:23:05,500
[music playing]