1 00:01:13,287 --> 00:01:17,906 "Once upon a time there was a lovely Princess. 2 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:21,993 "But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, 3 00:01:22,087 --> 00:01:25,671 "which could only be broken by love's first kiss. 4 00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:29,382 "She was locked away in a castle 5 00:01:29,469 --> 00:01:32,802 "guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. 6 00:01:33,765 --> 00:01:38,134 "Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, 7 00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:40,219 "but none prevailed. 8 00:01:41,064 --> 00:01:43,225 "She waited in the dragon's keep 9 00:01:43,317 --> 00:01:46,229 "in the highest room of the tallest tower, 10 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:50,859 "for her true love and true love's first kiss." 11 00:01:52,326 --> 00:01:53,941 Like that's ever gonna happen. 12 00:01:54,703 --> 00:01:57,240 What a load of... 13 00:03:33,635 --> 00:03:35,751 = sema ee 14 00:04:03,290 --> 00:04:06,202 - I think it's in there. - All right. Let's get it! 15 00:04:06,293 --> 00:04:09,035 Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? 16 00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:12,087 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. 17 00:04:12,841 --> 00:04:16,129 Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. 18 00:04:16,803 --> 00:04:20,261 Now, ogres, they're much worse. 19 00:04:20,348 --> 00:04:23,260 They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. 20 00:04:23,351 --> 00:04:25,433 - No! - They'll shave your liver. 21 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:28,762 Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! 22 00:04:28,857 --> 00:04:31,394 - Actually, it's quite good on toast. - Back! Back, beast! 23 00:04:31,485 --> 00:04:33,601 Back! I warn ya! 24 00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:39,818 Right. 25 00:04:56,009 --> 00:04:59,342 This is the part where you run away. 26 00:05:06,102 --> 00:05:09,139 And stay out! 27 00:05:11,024 --> 00:05:14,107 "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." 28 00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:23,842 All right. This one's full. Take it away! 29 00:05:24,788 --> 00:05:28,656 - Move it along. Come on! Get up! - Next! 30 00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:31,662 Give me that! Your flying days are over. 31 00:05:31,753 --> 00:05:34,369 That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! 32 00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:37,206 - Get up! Come on! - Twenty pieces. 33 00:05:38,844 --> 00:05:41,381 - Sit down there! - Keep quiet! 34 00:05:42,806 --> 00:05:45,172 This cage is too small. 35 00:05:45,267 --> 00:05:47,387 Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. 36 00:05:47,435 --> 00:05:49,121 I can change. Please! Give me another chance! 37 00:05:49,145 --> 00:05:51,887 - Shut up. - Next! 38 00:05:51,982 --> 00:05:54,849 - What have you got? - This little, wooden puppet. 39 00:05:54,943 --> 00:05:58,731 I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. 40 00:05:59,948 --> 00:06:02,314 Five shillings for the possessed toy. 41 00:06:02,409 --> 00:06:04,554 - Take it away. - Father, please! Don't let them do this! 42 00:06:04,578 --> 00:06:06,239 - Help me! - Next. What have you got? 43 00:06:06,329 --> 00:06:09,196 Well, I've got a talking donkey. 44 00:06:09,291 --> 00:06:13,830 Right. Well, that's good for 10 shillings, if you can prove it. 45 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,753 Go ahead, little fella. 46 00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,839 Well? 47 00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:22,633 He's just... he's just a little nervous. 48 00:06:22,721 --> 00:06:26,680 He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt! 49 00:06:26,766 --> 00:06:29,348 - That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! - No, no, he talks! 50 00:06:29,436 --> 00:06:31,176 He does. 51 00:06:31,313 --> 00:06:33,554 I can talk. I love to talk. 52 00:06:33,648 --> 00:06:36,560 I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. 53 00:06:36,651 --> 00:06:39,188 - Get her out of my sight. - No, no! 54 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:43,693 I swear! He can talk! 55 00:06:46,953 --> 00:06:48,409 Hey! I can fly! 56 00:06:48,496 --> 00:06:50,111 - He can fly! - He can fly! 57 00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:51,905 He can talk! 58 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,584 That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. 59 00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:58,286 You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, 60 00:06:58,381 --> 00:07:01,464 but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. 61 00:07:07,807 --> 00:07:09,763 Seize him! 62 00:07:11,728 --> 00:07:14,561 After him! He's getting away! 63 00:07:22,405 --> 00:07:25,613 Get him! This way! Turn! 64 00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:33,116 You, there. Ogre! 65 00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:35,494 Aye? 66 00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,246 By the order of lord farquaad, 67 00:07:37,337 --> 00:07:39,669 I am authorized to place you both under arrest 68 00:07:39,756 --> 00:07:45,342 and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. 69 00:07:45,428 --> 00:07:49,467 Oh, really? You and what army? 70 00:08:00,235 --> 00:08:02,226 Can I say something to you? 71 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,653 Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible! 72 00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:11,485 Are you talkin' to me? 73 00:08:11,579 --> 00:08:12,944 Yes, I was talkin' to you. 74 00:08:13,039 --> 00:08:15,601 Can I tell you that you was great back there? I mean, those guards. 75 00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:18,332 They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! 76 00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:20,439 They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. 77 00:08:20,463 --> 00:08:22,374 That really made me feel good to see that. 78 00:08:22,465 --> 00:08:25,502 - That's great. Really. - Man, it's good to be free. 79 00:08:25,593 --> 00:08:31,133 Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? 80 00:08:31,224 --> 00:08:37,265 But I don't have any friends, and I'm not goin' out there by myself. 81 00:08:37,355 --> 00:08:39,892 Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. 82 00:08:39,983 --> 00:08:41,894 You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. 83 00:08:41,985 --> 00:08:44,425 Together, we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. 84 00:08:48,575 --> 00:08:51,237 Wow! That was really scary. 85 00:08:51,327 --> 00:08:52,612 And if you don't mind me sayin', 86 00:08:52,704 --> 00:08:55,099 if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 87 00:08:55,123 --> 00:08:56,934 'cause you definitely need some tic tacs or something, 88 00:08:56,958 --> 00:08:58,243 'cause your breath stinks! 89 00:08:59,794 --> 00:09:01,605 Man, you almost burned the hair out of my nose, 90 00:09:01,629 --> 00:09:04,462 just like the time... 91 00:09:04,549 --> 00:09:06,005 And then I ate some rotten berries. 92 00:09:06,092 --> 00:09:08,253 I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. 93 00:09:08,344 --> 00:09:11,051 Why are you following me? 94 00:09:12,182 --> 00:09:14,719 I'll tell you why. 95 00:09:15,393 --> 00:09:17,725 'Cause I'm all alone 96 00:09:17,812 --> 00:09:21,555 there's no one here beside me 97 00:09:21,649 --> 00:09:23,765 my problems have all gone 98 00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:27,603 there's no one fo deride me 99 00:09:29,115 --> 00:09:30,776 but you gotta have friends 100 00:09:30,867 --> 00:09:33,904 stop singing! 101 00:09:33,995 --> 00:09:36,031 It's no wonder you don't have any friends. 102 00:09:37,832 --> 00:09:39,743 Only a true friend would be that truly honest. 103 00:09:39,834 --> 00:09:43,918 Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am 1? 104 00:09:48,802 --> 00:09:52,044 - Really tall? - No! I'm an ogre. 105 00:09:52,138 --> 00:09:55,346 You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks." 106 00:09:55,433 --> 00:09:57,424 Doesn't that bother you? 107 00:09:57,519 --> 00:09:59,635 Nope. 108 00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:02,596 - Really? - Really, really. 109 00:10:03,525 --> 00:10:05,811 Man, I like you. What's your name? 110 00:10:07,904 --> 00:10:09,565 Shrek. 111 00:10:09,656 --> 00:10:12,898 Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? 112 00:10:12,992 --> 00:10:15,950 You got that kind of I-don't-care what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. 113 00:10:16,037 --> 00:10:19,825 I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. 114 00:10:21,501 --> 00:10:24,993 Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that? 115 00:10:25,088 --> 00:10:28,296 That would be my home. 116 00:10:28,842 --> 00:10:32,426 And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. 117 00:10:32,512 --> 00:10:35,128 It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. 118 00:10:35,223 --> 00:10:39,967 I like that Boulder. That is a nice Boulder. 119 00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:46,431 I guess you don't entertain much, do you? 120 00:10:46,526 --> 00:10:48,312 I like my privacy. 121 00:10:48,403 --> 00:10:51,236 You know, I do, too. That's another thing we have in common. 122 00:10:51,322 --> 00:10:53,175 Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. 123 00:10:53,199 --> 00:10:54,844 You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. 124 00:10:54,868 --> 00:10:57,530 Then there's that big, awkward silence, you know. 125 00:11:00,665 --> 00:11:03,156 Can I stay with you? “What? 126 00:11:03,251 --> 00:11:05,788 Can I stay with you, please? 127 00:11:05,879 --> 00:11:08,211 - Of course! - Really? 128 00:11:08,298 --> 00:11:10,789 - No. - Please! I don't wanna go back there! 129 00:11:10,884 --> 00:11:14,672 You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. 130 00:11:14,762 --> 00:11:17,344 But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! 131 00:11:17,432 --> 00:11:20,549 - Please! Please! - Okay! Okay! 132 00:11:20,643 --> 00:11:23,225 - But one night only. - Thank youl! 133 00:11:23,313 --> 00:11:25,645 - What are you... no! No! - This is gonna be fun! 134 00:11:25,732 --> 00:11:27,643 We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, 135 00:11:27,734 --> 00:11:30,521 and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles. 136 00:11:32,197 --> 00:11:33,858 Where do I sleep? 137 00:11:33,948 --> 00:11:35,688 Outside! 138 00:11:36,784 --> 00:11:39,275 Oh, well, I guess that's cool. 139 00:11:39,370 --> 00:11:41,098 I mean, I don't know you and you don't know me, 140 00:11:41,122 --> 00:11:43,534 so I guess outside is best, you know. 141 00:11:44,792 --> 00:11:46,748 Here I go. 142 00:11:48,755 --> 00:11:51,167 Good night. 143 00:11:52,926 --> 00:11:56,919 I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. 144 00:11:57,013 --> 00:11:59,675 I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. 145 00:11:59,766 --> 00:12:02,052 By myself, outside. 146 00:12:02,143 --> 00:12:06,933 I'm all alone there's ho one here beside me 147 00:13:11,671 --> 00:13:13,832 I thought I told you to stay outside. 148 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:16,915 I am outside. 149 00:13:23,099 --> 00:13:26,887 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? 150 00:13:26,978 --> 00:13:29,469 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. 151 00:13:29,564 --> 00:13:32,601 - What a lovely bed. - Got ya. 152 00:13:32,692 --> 00:13:34,307 I found some cheese. 153 00:13:35,528 --> 00:13:37,018 Awful stuff. 154 00:13:38,239 --> 00:13:40,821 - Is that you, gorder? - How did you know? 155 00:13:40,908 --> 00:13:44,526 Enough! What are you doing in my house? 156 00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:45,860 Hey! 157 00:13:46,998 --> 00:13:49,956 Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. 158 00:13:50,043 --> 00:13:53,206 Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. 159 00:13:56,716 --> 00:13:58,172 What? 160 00:13:58,259 --> 00:14:03,003 I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! 161 00:14:03,097 --> 00:14:05,713 What do I have to do to get a little privacy? 162 00:14:07,393 --> 00:14:11,011 Oh, no. Oh, no. 163 00:14:11,105 --> 00:14:13,687 No! No! 164 00:14:16,361 --> 00:14:17,646 What? 165 00:14:17,737 --> 00:14:19,728 - Quit it. - Don't push. 166 00:14:24,118 --> 00:14:27,030 What are you doing in my swamp? 167 00:14:27,121 --> 00:14:29,533 Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! 168 00:14:31,751 --> 00:14:32,957 Oh, dear. 169 00:14:35,963 --> 00:14:38,500 All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! 170 00:14:38,591 --> 00:14:40,502 Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! 171 00:14:40,593 --> 00:14:42,549 - Quickly. Come on! - No, no! 172 00:14:42,637 --> 00:14:45,003 No, no. Not there. Not there. 173 00:14:49,602 --> 00:14:51,388 Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. 174 00:14:51,479 --> 00:14:53,561 Oh, gosh, no one invited us. 175 00:14:53,648 --> 00:14:56,230 What? We were forced to come here. 176 00:14:56,317 --> 00:14:58,433 - By who? - Lord farquaad. 177 00:14:58,528 --> 00:15:03,272 He huffed und he puffed und he signed an eviction notice. 178 00:15:03,366 --> 00:15:06,073 All right. 179 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:10,403 Who knows where this farquaad guy is? 180 00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:13,281 I do. I know where he is. 181 00:15:13,376 --> 00:15:17,085 Does anyone else know where to find him? 182 00:15:19,173 --> 00:15:20,788 - Anyone at all? - Mel me! 183 00:15:20,883 --> 00:15:22,794 - Anyone? - Pick Mel 184 00:15:22,885 --> 00:15:25,297 I know! I know! Me, me! 185 00:15:26,097 --> 00:15:28,509 Okay, fine. 186 00:15:28,599 --> 00:15:33,468 Attention, all fairy tale things. 187 00:15:33,563 --> 00:15:37,932 Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. 188 00:15:38,025 --> 00:15:41,734 In fact, I'm gonna see this guy farquaad right now, 189 00:15:41,821 --> 00:15:44,938 and get you all off my land and back where you came from! 190 00:15:54,292 --> 00:15:57,455 You! You're comin' with me. 191 00:15:57,545 --> 00:16:00,002 All right, that's what I like to hear, man. 192 00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:03,752 Shrek and donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind, big-city adventure. 193 00:16:03,843 --> 00:16:05,834 I love it! 194 00:16:05,928 --> 00:16:07,589 On the road again 195 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,090 - sing it with me, Shrek. - Hey. 196 00:16:09,182 --> 00:16:11,514 I can't wait to get on the road again 197 00:16:11,601 --> 00:16:13,808 what did I say about singing? 198 00:16:13,895 --> 00:16:15,135 - Well, can I whistle? - No. 199 00:16:15,229 --> 00:16:18,016 - Can I hum it? - All right, hum it. 200 00:16:47,803 --> 00:16:50,840 That's enough. He's ready to talk. 201 00:17:03,778 --> 00:17:06,235 "Run, run, run, as fast as you can. 202 00:17:06,322 --> 00:17:09,860 "You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!" 203 00:17:09,951 --> 00:17:13,535 - You're a monster. - I'm not the monster here. You are. 204 00:17:13,621 --> 00:17:18,285 You, and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. 205 00:17:18,376 --> 00:17:19,866 Now, tell me! Where are the others? 206 00:17:22,588 --> 00:17:25,500 I've tried to be fair to you creatures. 207 00:17:25,591 --> 00:17:29,083 Now my Patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll... 208 00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:32,295 No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. 209 00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:34,051 All right, then. Who's hiding them? 210 00:17:34,141 --> 00:17:39,477 Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? 211 00:17:39,564 --> 00:17:41,896 - The muffin man? - The muffin man. 212 00:17:41,983 --> 00:17:45,396 Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on drury Lane? 213 00:17:45,486 --> 00:17:48,899 Well, she's married to the muffin man. 214 00:17:48,990 --> 00:17:51,106 - The muffin man? - The muffin man! 215 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,192 She's married to the muffin man. 216 00:17:54,287 --> 00:17:55,948 My lord! We found it. 217 00:17:56,038 --> 00:17:59,246 Well, then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. 218 00:18:13,973 --> 00:18:17,591 - Magic mirror... - Don't tell him anything! 219 00:18:18,269 --> 00:18:19,975 No! 220 00:18:22,023 --> 00:18:23,809 'Evening. 221 00:18:23,899 --> 00:18:25,764 Mirror, mirror, on the wall, 222 00:18:25,860 --> 00:18:29,227 is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? 223 00:18:29,322 --> 00:18:31,904 Well, technically, you're not a king. 224 00:18:32,366 --> 00:18:33,776 Thelonious. 225 00:18:35,494 --> 00:18:39,112 - You were saying? - What I mean is, you're not a king yet. 226 00:18:39,206 --> 00:18:42,790 But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a Princess. 227 00:18:43,294 --> 00:18:44,830 Go on. 228 00:18:45,963 --> 00:18:49,581 So, just sit back and relax, my lord, 229 00:18:49,675 --> 00:18:53,964 because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. 230 00:18:54,055 --> 00:18:56,512 And here they are! 231 00:18:57,350 --> 00:18:58,556 Bachelorette number one 232 00:18:58,643 --> 00:19:02,682 is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. 233 00:19:02,772 --> 00:19:05,013 She likes Sushi and hot-tubbing anytime. 234 00:19:05,107 --> 00:19:08,565 Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. 235 00:19:08,653 --> 00:19:11,019 Please welcome cinderella. 236 00:19:11,113 --> 00:19:13,570 Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl 237 00:19:13,658 --> 00:19:15,148 from the land of fancy. 238 00:19:15,242 --> 00:19:17,949 Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. 239 00:19:18,037 --> 00:19:21,575 Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. 240 00:19:21,666 --> 00:19:25,784 Come on. Give it up for snow white! 241 00:19:25,878 --> 00:19:28,119 And last, but certainly not least, 242 00:19:28,214 --> 00:19:30,205 bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead 243 00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,836 from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot, boiling lava! 244 00:19:32,927 --> 00:19:35,509 But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol 245 00:19:35,596 --> 00:19:38,212 who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. 246 00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:42,471 Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! 247 00:19:42,561 --> 00:19:44,893 So, will it be bachelorette number one, 248 00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:48,472 bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? 249 00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:50,728 - Two! Two! - Three! Three! 250 00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,151 - Two! Two! - Three! 251 00:19:52,238 --> 00:19:54,354 Three? One? Three? 252 00:19:54,448 --> 00:19:56,484 Three! Pick number three, my lord! 253 00:19:56,575 --> 00:20:00,318 Okay, okay, number three! 254 00:20:00,413 --> 00:20:05,203 Lord farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. 255 00:20:10,047 --> 00:20:14,711 Princess Fiona. She's perfect. 256 00:20:14,802 --> 00:20:17,168 Alll have to dois just find someone who can go... 257 00:20:17,263 --> 00:20:19,950 But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. 258 00:20:19,974 --> 00:20:21,885 - I'll do it. - Yes, but after sunset... 259 00:20:21,976 --> 00:20:26,060 Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, 260 00:20:26,147 --> 00:20:30,311 and duloc will finally have the perfect king! 261 00:20:30,401 --> 00:20:32,608 Captain, assemble your finest men. 262 00:20:32,695 --> 00:20:36,483 We're going to have a tournament. 263 00:20:39,201 --> 00:20:41,692 But that's it. That's it right there. That's duloc. 264 00:20:41,787 --> 00:20:43,368 I told ya I'd find it. 265 00:20:43,456 --> 00:20:47,574 So, that must be lord farquaad's castle. 266 00:20:47,668 --> 00:20:49,750 That's the place. 267 00:20:49,837 --> 00:20:54,046 Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? 268 00:20:57,511 --> 00:20:59,467 Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. 269 00:20:59,555 --> 00:21:02,422 Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. 270 00:21:04,477 --> 00:21:06,934 Hey, you! 271 00:21:07,021 --> 00:21:10,479 Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. 272 00:21:10,566 --> 00:21:13,182 I just... I just... 273 00:21:45,017 --> 00:21:46,598 It's quiet. 274 00:21:49,021 --> 00:21:51,307 Too quiet. 275 00:21:53,901 --> 00:21:58,019 - Where is everybody? - Hey, look at this! 276 00:22:11,418 --> 00:22:14,831 Welcome to duloc such a perfect town 277 00:22:14,922 --> 00:22:18,631 here we have some rules let us lay them down 278 00:22:18,717 --> 00:22:22,301 don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine 279 00:22:22,388 --> 00:22:26,006 duloc is a perfect place 280 00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:30,639 please keep off of the grass shine your shoes, wipe your face 281 00:22:30,729 --> 00:22:34,313 duloc is, duloc is 282 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:39,235 duloc is a perfect place 283 00:22:45,870 --> 00:22:47,155 Wow. 284 00:22:48,122 --> 00:22:52,081 - Let's do that again! - No. No. No, no, no! No. 285 00:22:55,296 --> 00:22:56,786 Brave knights. 286 00:22:56,881 --> 00:23:01,090 You are the best and brightest in all the land. 287 00:23:01,176 --> 00:23:03,588 Today, one of you shall prove himself... 288 00:23:03,679 --> 00:23:06,170 All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. 289 00:23:06,265 --> 00:23:08,051 Sorry about that. 290 00:23:08,809 --> 00:23:13,644 That champion shall have the honor... No, no, the privilege 291 00:23:13,731 --> 00:23:17,724 to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona 292 00:23:17,818 --> 00:23:21,151 from the fiery keep of the dragon. 293 00:23:21,238 --> 00:23:25,447 If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, 294 00:23:25,534 --> 00:23:28,697 the first runner-up will take his place 295 00:23:28,787 --> 00:23:31,574 and so on and so forth. 296 00:23:31,665 --> 00:23:37,331 Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. 297 00:23:42,301 --> 00:23:44,758 Let the tournament begin! 298 00:23:50,351 --> 00:23:52,137 What is that? 299 00:23:54,188 --> 00:23:57,646 - It's hideous! - That's not very nice. 300 00:23:58,609 --> 00:24:00,770 It's just a donkey. 301 00:24:00,861 --> 00:24:03,819 Indeed. Knights, new plan! 302 00:24:03,906 --> 00:24:08,616 The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him! 303 00:24:08,702 --> 00:24:12,661 - Get him! - Hey! Now, come on! Hang on now. 304 00:24:13,874 --> 00:24:14,989 Go ahead! Get him! 305 00:24:15,084 --> 00:24:18,747 Can't we just settle this over a pint? 306 00:24:18,837 --> 00:24:20,077 Kill the beast! 307 00:24:20,172 --> 00:24:23,414 No? All right then. 308 00:24:24,718 --> 00:24:26,800 Come on! 309 00:24:42,695 --> 00:24:43,855 Damn! 310 00:24:57,751 --> 00:24:59,662 Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! 311 00:25:08,512 --> 00:25:09,547 Yeah! 312 00:25:11,765 --> 00:25:13,721 The chair! Give him the chair! 313 00:25:33,328 --> 00:25:35,740 Oh, yeah! 314 00:25:38,709 --> 00:25:39,915 Thank you! 315 00:25:40,002 --> 00:25:43,961 Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! 316 00:25:50,345 --> 00:25:52,301 Shall I give the order, sir? 317 00:25:52,389 --> 00:25:55,973 No, I have a better idea. 318 00:25:56,060 --> 00:26:01,225 People of duloc, I give you our champion! 319 00:26:01,315 --> 00:26:05,183 - What? - Congratulations, ogre. 320 00:26:05,277 --> 00:26:09,611 You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. 321 00:26:09,698 --> 00:26:14,067 Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. 322 00:26:14,161 --> 00:26:17,369 - Your swamp? - Yeah, my swamp! 323 00:26:17,456 --> 00:26:19,947 Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! 324 00:26:21,085 --> 00:26:24,748 Indeed. All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal. 325 00:26:24,838 --> 00:26:28,626 Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. 326 00:26:28,717 --> 00:26:31,424 Exactly the way it was? 327 00:26:31,512 --> 00:26:34,254 Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. 328 00:26:34,348 --> 00:26:37,590 - And the squatters? - As good as gone. 329 00:26:41,605 --> 00:26:44,438 What kind of quest? 330 00:26:44,775 --> 00:26:47,266 Okay, let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon 331 00:26:47,361 --> 00:26:50,068 and rescue a Princess just so farquaad will give you back a swamp, 332 00:26:50,155 --> 00:26:53,134 which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. 333 00:26:53,158 --> 00:26:54,739 Is that about right? You know what? 334 00:26:54,827 --> 00:26:57,614 Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. 335 00:26:57,704 --> 00:27:01,071 I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? 336 00:27:01,166 --> 00:27:03,248 You know, throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, 337 00:27:03,335 --> 00:27:06,168 grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. 338 00:27:06,255 --> 00:27:08,166 I know what. 339 00:27:08,257 --> 00:27:10,748 Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village 340 00:27:10,843 --> 00:27:12,674 and put their heads on a pike, 341 00:27:12,761 --> 00:27:16,379 gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. 342 00:27:16,473 --> 00:27:18,589 Does that sound good to you? 343 00:27:19,810 --> 00:27:21,300 No, not really, no. 344 00:27:21,395 --> 00:27:25,183 For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. 345 00:27:25,274 --> 00:27:28,016 - Example? - Example? 346 00:27:28,110 --> 00:27:32,444 Okay, ogres are like onions. 347 00:27:32,531 --> 00:27:35,113 They stink? Yes. No! 348 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,610 - They make you cry? - No! I 349 00:27:36,702 --> 00:27:38,693 you leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, 350 00:27:38,787 --> 00:27:40,181 start sproutin' little, white hairs. 351 00:27:40,205 --> 00:27:42,196 No! Layers! 352 00:27:42,291 --> 00:27:44,623 Onions have layers. 353 00:27:44,710 --> 00:27:47,998 Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. 354 00:27:48,088 --> 00:27:50,500 You get it? We both have layers. 355 00:27:52,426 --> 00:27:55,384 You both have layers. 356 00:27:57,139 --> 00:27:59,471 You know, not everybody likes onions. 357 00:27:59,558 --> 00:28:02,174 Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. 358 00:28:02,269 --> 00:28:06,182 I don't care what everyone likes. 359 00:28:06,273 --> 00:28:09,982 Ogres are not like cakes. 360 00:28:12,112 --> 00:28:14,398 You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. 361 00:28:14,489 --> 00:28:17,071 Have you ever met a person, you say, "let's get some parfait," 362 00:28:17,159 --> 00:28:19,679 they say, "no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. 363 00:28:19,745 --> 00:28:23,988 No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! 364 00:28:24,082 --> 00:28:26,789 Ogres are like onions! End of story. 365 00:28:26,877 --> 00:28:29,710 Bye-bye. See ya later. 366 00:28:33,926 --> 00:28:37,384 Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. 367 00:28:37,471 --> 00:28:40,463 You know, I think I preferred your humming. 368 00:28:40,557 --> 00:28:43,219 Do you have a tissue or something? 'Cause I'm making a mess. 369 00:28:43,310 --> 00:28:46,222 Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. 370 00:29:26,311 --> 00:29:27,972 Shrek! Did you do that? 371 00:29:28,063 --> 00:29:30,600 Man, you gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. 372 00:29:30,691 --> 00:29:32,977 - My mouth was open and everything. - Believe me, donkey, 373 00:29:33,068 --> 00:29:35,650 if it was me, you'd be dead. 374 00:29:36,863 --> 00:29:38,478 It's brimstone. 375 00:29:38,573 --> 00:29:41,736 - We must be getting close. - Yeah, right, brimstone. 376 00:29:41,827 --> 00:29:43,507 Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. 377 00:29:43,537 --> 00:29:45,903 I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. 378 00:29:45,998 --> 00:29:47,954 It didn't come off no stone neither. 379 00:30:05,976 --> 00:30:09,309 Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. 380 00:30:12,441 --> 00:30:14,648 Shrek? 381 00:30:14,735 --> 00:30:18,102 Remember when you said that ogres have layers? 382 00:30:18,196 --> 00:30:19,276 Aye. 383 00:30:20,324 --> 00:30:22,815 Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. 384 00:30:22,909 --> 00:30:24,445 Donkeys don't have layers. 385 00:30:24,536 --> 00:30:26,347 We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. 386 00:30:26,371 --> 00:30:29,158 Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. 387 00:30:29,249 --> 00:30:30,455 You know what I mean. 388 00:30:30,542 --> 00:30:33,204 You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. 389 00:30:33,295 --> 00:30:36,128 No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge 390 00:30:36,214 --> 00:30:37,875 over a boiling lake of lava! 391 00:30:37,966 --> 00:30:42,005 Come on, donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? 392 00:30:42,095 --> 00:30:44,757 For emotional support, 393 00:30:44,848 --> 00:30:49,387 we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. 394 00:30:49,478 --> 00:30:51,389 - Really? - Really, really. 395 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:53,471 Okay, that makes me feel so much better. 396 00:30:53,565 --> 00:30:54,680 Just keep moving. 397 00:30:54,775 --> 00:30:59,360 - And don't look down. - Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. 398 00:30:59,446 --> 00:31:02,813 Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. 399 00:31:04,951 --> 00:31:06,691 Shrek! I'm lookin' down! 400 00:31:06,787 --> 00:31:09,699 Oh, god, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please. 401 00:31:09,790 --> 00:31:13,328 - But you're already halfway. - But I know that half is safe! 402 00:31:13,418 --> 00:31:16,205 Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. 403 00:31:16,296 --> 00:31:18,708 - Shrek, no! Wait! - Just, donkey... 404 00:31:18,799 --> 00:31:21,882 - Let's have a dance then, shall we? - Don't do that! 405 00:31:21,968 --> 00:31:25,836 I'm sorry. Do what? 406 00:31:25,931 --> 00:31:29,014 - This? - Yes, that! 407 00:31:29,101 --> 00:31:32,559 Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. 408 00:31:33,647 --> 00:31:34,887 No, Shrek! 409 00:31:34,981 --> 00:31:38,098 No! Stop it! You said do it! I'm doin' it. 410 00:31:38,318 --> 00:31:42,436 I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. 411 00:31:45,117 --> 00:31:48,109 That'll do, donkey. That'll do. 412 00:31:52,666 --> 00:31:54,156 Cool. 413 00:31:54,835 --> 00:31:57,577 So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? 414 00:31:57,671 --> 00:32:01,414 Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. 415 00:32:01,508 --> 00:32:04,420 I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. 416 00:32:20,777 --> 00:32:21,812 You afraid? 417 00:32:21,903 --> 00:32:24,189 No, but... 418 00:32:25,282 --> 00:32:27,614 Good. Me, neither. 419 00:32:30,245 --> 00:32:32,281 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. 420 00:32:32,372 --> 00:32:35,614 Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. 421 00:32:35,709 --> 00:32:37,745 Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. 422 00:32:37,836 --> 00:32:40,516 With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, 423 00:32:40,547 --> 00:32:42,083 it sure doesn't mean you're a coward 424 00:32:42,174 --> 00:32:44,054 if you're a little scared, you know what I mean? 425 00:32:44,092 --> 00:32:46,504 'Cause I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. 426 00:32:48,180 --> 00:32:51,513 Donkey, two things, okay? 427 00:32:52,267 --> 00:32:54,633 Shut up. 428 00:32:54,728 --> 00:32:56,969 Now, go over there and see if you can find any stairs. 429 00:32:57,063 --> 00:32:59,679 Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the Princess. 430 00:32:59,774 --> 00:33:04,643 The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. 431 00:33:04,738 --> 00:33:08,322 - What makes you think she'll be there? - I read it in a book once. 432 00:33:08,408 --> 00:33:12,321 Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. 433 00:33:12,412 --> 00:33:15,449 I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. 434 00:33:15,540 --> 00:33:17,980 That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. 435 00:33:22,506 --> 00:33:23,962 I'm gonna take drastic steps. 436 00:33:24,049 --> 00:33:26,836 Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. 437 00:33:26,927 --> 00:33:29,714 I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. 438 00:33:29,804 --> 00:33:31,260 I'd step all over it. 439 00:33:34,726 --> 00:33:38,014 Well, at least we know where the Princess is, but where's the... 440 00:33:38,104 --> 00:33:40,186 Dragon! 441 00:33:55,956 --> 00:33:58,197 Donkey, look out! 442 00:34:10,262 --> 00:34:12,253 Got yal! 443 00:34:47,632 --> 00:34:49,293 No. Oh, no. No! 444 00:34:51,136 --> 00:34:52,626 Oh, what large teeth you have. 445 00:34:54,848 --> 00:34:56,338 I mean, white, sparkling teeth. 446 00:34:56,433 --> 00:34:58,714 I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, 447 00:34:58,768 --> 00:35:00,088 but you must bleach or something, 448 00:35:00,145 --> 00:35:02,727 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. 449 00:35:02,814 --> 00:35:05,476 Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? 450 00:35:05,567 --> 00:35:07,398 And you know what else? You know what else? 451 00:35:07,485 --> 00:35:10,318 You're... you're a girl dragon! 452 00:35:10,405 --> 00:35:14,899 Sure. I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 453 00:35:14,993 --> 00:35:18,781 'Cause you're just reeking of feminine beauty. 454 00:35:18,872 --> 00:35:21,204 What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? 455 00:35:24,210 --> 00:35:26,622 Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm... 456 00:35:26,713 --> 00:35:28,649 I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out 457 00:35:28,673 --> 00:35:30,789 if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. 458 00:35:30,884 --> 00:35:32,670 Shrek! 459 00:35:34,679 --> 00:35:38,388 No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! 460 00:36:11,716 --> 00:36:13,172 Wake up! “What? 461 00:36:13,259 --> 00:36:14,874 Are you Princess Fiona? 462 00:36:15,553 --> 00:36:17,669 I am. 463 00:36:17,764 --> 00:36:20,301 Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. 464 00:36:20,392 --> 00:36:22,383 That's nice. Now, let's go. 465 00:36:22,477 --> 00:36:24,468 But wait, sir knight. 466 00:36:24,562 --> 00:36:26,848 This be-eth our first meeting. 467 00:36:26,940 --> 00:36:30,649 Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? 468 00:36:30,735 --> 00:36:35,069 - Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. - Hey, wait. What are you doing? 469 00:36:35,156 --> 00:36:37,238 You should sweep me off my feet, 470 00:36:37,325 --> 00:36:40,692 out yonder window and down a rope onto your Valiant steed. 471 00:36:40,787 --> 00:36:43,574 You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? 472 00:36:48,002 --> 00:36:50,869 But we have to savor this moment! 473 00:36:50,964 --> 00:36:53,706 You could recite an epic poem for me. 474 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,257 A ballad? A sonnet! 475 00:36:56,344 --> 00:36:59,586 - A limerick? Or something! - I don't think so. 476 00:37:00,765 --> 00:37:04,098 Can I at least know the name of my champion? 477 00:37:04,185 --> 00:37:06,096 Shrek. 478 00:37:06,938 --> 00:37:09,896 Sir Shrek. 479 00:37:09,983 --> 00:37:14,727 I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. 480 00:37:15,864 --> 00:37:17,855 Thanks! 481 00:37:21,870 --> 00:37:23,701 You didn't slay the dragon? 482 00:37:23,788 --> 00:37:26,245 It's on my to-do list. Now, come on! 483 00:37:26,332 --> 00:37:28,414 But this isn't right! 484 00:37:28,501 --> 00:37:31,789 You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. 485 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:33,416 That's what all the other knights did. 486 00:37:33,506 --> 00:37:35,792 Yeah, right before they burst into flame. 487 00:37:35,884 --> 00:37:37,795 That's not the point. 488 00:37:39,512 --> 00:37:41,969 Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. 489 00:37:42,056 --> 00:37:44,092 Well, I have to save my ass. 490 00:37:44,184 --> 00:37:47,392 What kind of knight are you? 491 00:37:47,479 --> 00:37:49,891 One of a kind. 492 00:37:49,981 --> 00:37:52,347 Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. 493 00:37:52,442 --> 00:37:54,979 I believe it's healthy to get to know someone 494 00:37:55,069 --> 00:37:58,607 over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. 495 00:37:59,407 --> 00:38:02,899 I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. 496 00:38:02,994 --> 00:38:06,452 I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of this 497 00:38:06,539 --> 00:38:08,825 magnitude, really, is the word I'm looking for. 498 00:38:08,917 --> 00:38:12,409 Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. 499 00:38:12,504 --> 00:38:14,961 Hey, what are you doing? 500 00:38:15,048 --> 00:38:18,290 Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. 501 00:38:18,384 --> 00:38:21,217 We really should get to know each other first as friends, 502 00:38:21,304 --> 00:38:22,510 or maybe even as pen pals. 503 00:38:22,597 --> 00:38:26,806 'Cause I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards... 504 00:38:26,893 --> 00:38:29,305 Hey, you know, I'd really love to stay, but... 505 00:38:29,395 --> 00:38:31,977 Hey, hey, don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. 506 00:38:32,065 --> 00:38:34,397 You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to... 507 00:38:34,484 --> 00:38:35,764 What are you gonna do with that? 508 00:38:36,736 --> 00:38:39,352 Hey, now. No way. No! No! 509 00:38:39,447 --> 00:38:42,189 No, no! No. No, no, no! No! 510 00:39:09,060 --> 00:39:11,016 - Hi, Princess! - It talks! 511 00:39:11,104 --> 00:39:14,847 Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. 512 00:39:50,435 --> 00:39:52,346 Okay, you two, head for the exit! 513 00:39:54,689 --> 00:39:57,226 I'll take care of the dragon. 514 00:40:02,614 --> 00:40:04,775 Run! 515 00:40:52,956 --> 00:40:54,287 You did it! 516 00:40:54,374 --> 00:40:57,241 You rescued me! You're amazing. You're... 517 00:40:57,335 --> 00:41:01,078 You're wonderful. You're... 518 00:41:01,172 --> 00:41:03,458 A little unorthodox, I'll admit. 519 00:41:03,549 --> 00:41:08,464 But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. 520 00:41:08,846 --> 00:41:10,757 I am eternally in your debt. 521 00:41:12,433 --> 00:41:16,767 And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? 522 00:41:16,854 --> 00:41:20,187 All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. 523 00:41:20,274 --> 00:41:21,514 She think I'm a steed. 524 00:41:22,986 --> 00:41:24,772 The battle is won. 525 00:41:24,862 --> 00:41:27,353 You may remove your helmet, good sir knight. 526 00:41:28,157 --> 00:41:30,022 - No. - Why not? 527 00:41:30,118 --> 00:41:32,325 I have helmet hair. 528 00:41:32,412 --> 00:41:35,620 Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. 529 00:41:35,707 --> 00:41:38,289 No, no, you wouldn't'St. 530 00:41:38,376 --> 00:41:40,833 But how will you kiss me? 531 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,708 What? That wasn't in the job description. 532 00:41:45,633 --> 00:41:47,123 Maybe it's a perk. 533 00:41:47,218 --> 00:41:51,632 No, it's destiny. You must know how it goes. 534 00:41:51,723 --> 00:41:55,511 A Princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon 535 00:41:55,601 --> 00:41:58,513 is rescued by a brave knight, 536 00:41:58,604 --> 00:42:01,892 and then they share true love's first kiss. 537 00:42:02,692 --> 00:42:04,057 With Shrek? You think... wait. 538 00:42:04,152 --> 00:42:07,315 Wait. Wait a second. You think that Shrek is your true love? 539 00:42:07,405 --> 00:42:09,396 Well, yes. 540 00:42:13,453 --> 00:42:15,910 You think Shrek is your true love! 541 00:42:15,997 --> 00:42:17,908 What is so funny? 542 00:42:17,999 --> 00:42:21,082 Let's just say I'm not your type, okay? 543 00:42:21,169 --> 00:42:24,661 Of course you are. You're my rescuer. 544 00:42:24,756 --> 00:42:27,213 Now... now, remove your helmet. 545 00:42:27,300 --> 00:42:29,507 Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. 546 00:42:29,594 --> 00:42:31,585 - Just take off the helmet. - I'm not going to. 547 00:42:31,679 --> 00:42:32,839 - Take it off. - No! 548 00:42:32,930 --> 00:42:35,012 - Now! - Okay! 549 00:42:35,099 --> 00:42:39,593 Easy. As you command, your highness. 550 00:42:50,364 --> 00:42:53,106 You... you're an ogre. 551 00:42:54,285 --> 00:42:57,072 You were expecting prince charming. 552 00:42:57,163 --> 00:42:59,654 Well, yes, actually. 553 00:43:01,584 --> 00:43:07,250 Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. 554 00:43:08,382 --> 00:43:12,546 Princess, I was sent to rescue you by lord farquaad, okay? 555 00:43:12,637 --> 00:43:14,548 He's the one who wants to marry you. 556 00:43:14,639 --> 00:43:16,550 Well, then why didn't he come rescue me? 557 00:43:17,225 --> 00:43:20,968 Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. 558 00:43:21,145 --> 00:43:26,890 But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his pet. 559 00:43:26,984 --> 00:43:29,066 So much for noble steed. 560 00:43:29,153 --> 00:43:31,769 Look, Princess, you're not making my job any easier. 561 00:43:31,864 --> 00:43:35,231 Well, I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. 562 00:43:35,326 --> 00:43:40,571 You can tell lord farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, 563 00:43:40,665 --> 00:43:42,997 I'll be waiting for him right here. 564 00:43:43,084 --> 00:43:48,124 Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. 565 00:43:48,214 --> 00:43:50,455 You wouldn't dare. 566 00:43:51,467 --> 00:43:52,923 - Put me down! - Ya comin', donkey? 567 00:43:53,010 --> 00:43:54,591 Yeah, I'm right behind ya. 568 00:43:54,679 --> 00:43:58,263 Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! 569 00:43:58,349 --> 00:44:01,091 This is not dignified! Put me down! 570 00:44:04,730 --> 00:44:07,417 Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, 571 00:44:07,441 --> 00:44:09,001 but you don't really like her that way. 572 00:44:09,026 --> 00:44:11,463 How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, 573 00:44:11,487 --> 00:44:14,049 but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? How do you do that? 574 00:44:14,073 --> 00:44:16,815 You just tell her she's not your true love. 575 00:44:16,909 --> 00:44:19,616 Everyone knowest what happens when you find your... 576 00:44:19,704 --> 00:44:21,410 Hey! 577 00:44:22,373 --> 00:44:24,659 The sooner we get to duloc the better. 578 00:44:24,750 --> 00:44:27,662 Yeah, you're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! 579 00:44:27,753 --> 00:44:31,496 And what of my groom-to-be? Lord farquaad? What's he like? 580 00:44:31,591 --> 00:44:33,707 Let me put it this way, Princess. 581 00:44:34,635 --> 00:44:38,628 Men of farquaad's stature are in short supply. 582 00:44:39,891 --> 00:44:43,975 I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him. 583 00:44:46,105 --> 00:44:48,972 Stop it. Stop it, both of you. 584 00:44:49,066 --> 00:44:51,273 You know, you're just jealous you can never measure up 585 00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,022 to a great ruler like lord farquaad. 586 00:44:54,113 --> 00:44:57,025 Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. 587 00:44:57,116 --> 00:45:00,404 But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. 588 00:45:00,494 --> 00:45:04,703 Tomorrow? It'll take that long? 589 00:45:04,790 --> 00:45:09,500 - Shouldn't we stop to make camp? - No, that'll take longer. 590 00:45:09,587 --> 00:45:14,047 - We can keep going. - But there's robbers in the woods. 591 00:45:14,592 --> 00:45:17,425 Time-out, Shrek! Camping's definitely starting to sound good. 592 00:45:17,511 --> 00:45:21,595 Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. 593 00:45:21,682 --> 00:45:24,048 I need to find somewhere to camp now! 594 00:45:30,942 --> 00:45:35,026 - Hey! Over here. - Shrek, we can do better than that. 595 00:45:35,112 --> 00:45:37,694 Now, I don't think this is fit for a Princess. 596 00:45:37,782 --> 00:45:40,899 No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. 597 00:45:40,993 --> 00:45:45,612 Homey touches? Like what? 598 00:45:46,249 --> 00:45:49,741 A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. 599 00:45:49,835 --> 00:45:52,439 You want me to come in there and read you a bedtime story? Because I will. 600 00:45:52,463 --> 00:45:54,328 I said good night! 601 00:45:57,635 --> 00:45:59,216 Shrek, what are you doing? 602 00:45:59,303 --> 00:46:03,763 L... you know... come on. I was just kidding. 603 00:46:10,356 --> 00:46:13,940 And that one, that's throwback, 604 00:46:14,026 --> 00:46:17,439 the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. 605 00:46:17,530 --> 00:46:20,647 Right. Yeah. 606 00:46:21,742 --> 00:46:23,607 Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? 607 00:46:23,703 --> 00:46:27,491 Well, the stars don't tell the future, donkey. They tell stories. 608 00:46:27,581 --> 00:46:33,076 Look, there's bloodnut, the flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. 609 00:46:33,170 --> 00:46:34,856 All right, now I know you're making this up. 610 00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:37,462 No, look. There he is, 611 00:46:37,550 --> 00:46:40,633 and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. 612 00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:43,302 Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. 613 00:46:43,389 --> 00:46:47,678 You know, donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. 614 00:46:49,645 --> 00:46:51,010 Forget it. 615 00:46:55,151 --> 00:46:58,268 Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? 616 00:46:58,362 --> 00:46:59,772 Our swamp? 617 00:46:59,864 --> 00:47:02,625 You know, when we're through rescuing the Princess and all that stuff. 618 00:47:02,658 --> 00:47:06,697 We? Donkey, there's no we. There's no our. 619 00:47:06,787 --> 00:47:09,494 There's just me and my swamp. 620 00:47:09,582 --> 00:47:13,825 The first thing I'm gonna do is build a 10-foot wall around my land. 621 00:47:15,087 --> 00:47:18,045 You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. 622 00:47:19,925 --> 00:47:21,381 You know what I think? 623 00:47:21,469 --> 00:47:25,053 I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. 624 00:47:25,139 --> 00:47:29,303 - No, do ya think? - Are you hidin' something? 625 00:47:29,393 --> 00:47:31,429 Never mind, donkey. 626 00:47:31,562 --> 00:47:34,804 This is another one of those onion things, isn't it? 627 00:47:34,899 --> 00:47:38,767 No, this is one of those drop-it-and-leave-it-alone things. 628 00:47:38,861 --> 00:47:42,353 - Why don't you want to talk about it? - Why do you want to talk about it? 629 00:47:42,448 --> 00:47:44,234 - Why are you blocking? - I'm not blocking. 630 00:47:44,325 --> 00:47:46,486 - Yes, you are. - Donkey, I'm warning you. 631 00:47:46,577 --> 00:47:48,597 Who you trying to keep out? Just tell me that, Shrek. Who? 632 00:47:48,621 --> 00:47:50,737 Everyone! Okay? 633 00:47:51,415 --> 00:47:53,576 Now we're gettin' somewhere. 634 00:47:53,667 --> 00:47:56,830 For the love of Pete! 635 00:47:56,921 --> 00:47:59,801 What's your problem, Shrek? What you got against the whole world, anyway? 636 00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:02,126 Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? 637 00:48:02,218 --> 00:48:05,085 It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. 638 00:48:05,179 --> 00:48:09,172 People take one look at me and go, "help! Run! 639 00:48:09,266 --> 00:48:11,507 "A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" 640 00:48:13,938 --> 00:48:15,974 They judge me before they even know me. 641 00:48:17,274 --> 00:48:19,185 That's why I'm better off alone. 642 00:48:28,244 --> 00:48:29,359 You know what? 643 00:48:29,453 --> 00:48:33,366 When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. 644 00:48:35,251 --> 00:48:38,084 Yeah, I know. 645 00:48:38,170 --> 00:48:41,583 So, are there any donkeys up there? 646 00:48:41,674 --> 00:48:47,419 Well, there's Gabby, the small and annoying. 647 00:48:47,513 --> 00:48:52,428 Okay, okay. I see it now. The big, shiny one, right there. That one there? 648 00:48:52,518 --> 00:48:54,725 - That's the moon. - Okay. 649 00:49:18,002 --> 00:49:19,867 Again. Show me again. 650 00:49:23,924 --> 00:49:27,508 Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the Princess. 651 00:49:32,933 --> 00:49:35,049 Perfect. 652 00:50:40,334 --> 00:50:42,666 Yeah, you know I like it like that. 653 00:50:44,129 --> 00:50:47,713 - Come on, baby. I said I like it. - Donkey, wake up. 654 00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:49,415 - What? - Wake up. 655 00:50:51,011 --> 00:50:52,922 - What? - Morning. 656 00:50:53,013 --> 00:50:55,550 How do you like your eggs? 657 00:50:55,641 --> 00:50:59,350 Good morning, Princess! “What's all this about? 658 00:50:59,436 --> 00:51:03,645 You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. 659 00:51:03,732 --> 00:51:09,102 I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. 660 00:51:10,447 --> 00:51:12,403 Thanks. 661 00:51:13,534 --> 00:51:17,322 Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. 662 00:51:23,127 --> 00:51:25,709 - Shrek! - What? It's a compliment. 663 00:51:25,796 --> 00:51:28,538 Better out than in, I always say. 664 00:51:28,632 --> 00:51:31,499 Well, it's no way to behave in front of a Princess. 665 00:51:32,678 --> 00:51:35,294 - Thanks. - She's as nasty as you are. 666 00:51:36,473 --> 00:51:40,011 You know, you're not exactly what I expected. 667 00:51:40,102 --> 00:51:44,311 Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. 668 00:51:47,943 --> 00:51:50,650 Hey! 669 00:51:50,738 --> 00:51:52,478 Princess! 670 00:51:52,573 --> 00:51:55,030 Wait, wait. What are you doing? 671 00:51:55,117 --> 00:51:58,405 Be still, mon chérie, for I am your savior! 672 00:51:58,495 --> 00:52:02,829 And I am rescuing you from this green 673 00:52:03,167 --> 00:52:05,408 - beast. - Hey! 674 00:52:05,502 --> 00:52:08,414 That's my Princess! Go find your own! 675 00:52:08,505 --> 00:52:13,465 Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? 676 00:52:13,552 --> 00:52:16,635 Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! 677 00:52:16,722 --> 00:52:21,466 Of course! How rude. Please, let me introduce myself. 678 00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:23,721 Merry men! 679 00:52:30,694 --> 00:52:32,776 I steal from the rich and give to the needy 680 00:52:32,863 --> 00:52:34,899 - he takes a wee percentage - But I'm not greedy 681 00:52:34,990 --> 00:52:36,981 I rescue pretty damsels man, I'm good 682 00:52:37,076 --> 00:52:39,783 - what a guy, monsieur hood - Break it down 683 00:52:43,749 --> 00:52:45,910 I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid 684 00:52:46,001 --> 00:52:47,354 what he's basically saying is he likes to get... 685 00:52:47,378 --> 00:52:48,378 Paid 686 00:52:48,462 --> 00:52:49,462 so 687 00:52:49,546 --> 00:52:51,191 When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush 688 00:52:51,215 --> 00:52:53,627 that's bad - that's bad 689 00:52:53,717 --> 00:52:56,299 when a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad 690 00:52:56,387 --> 00:52:57,877 he's mad he's really, really mad 691 00:52:57,971 --> 00:52:59,962 I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart 692 00:53:00,057 --> 00:53:04,642 keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start 693 00:53:11,235 --> 00:53:14,193 Man, that was annoying! You little... 694 00:53:42,808 --> 00:53:44,673 Shall we? 695 00:53:46,603 --> 00:53:47,968 Hold the phone. 696 00:53:49,982 --> 00:53:52,473 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. 697 00:53:52,568 --> 00:53:54,559 Where did that come from? “What? 698 00:53:54,653 --> 00:53:57,861 That! Back there. That was amazing! 699 00:53:57,948 --> 00:53:59,404 Where did you learn that? 700 00:53:59,491 --> 00:54:02,733 Well, when one lives alone, 701 00:54:02,828 --> 00:54:05,570 one has to learn these things in case there's a... 702 00:54:05,664 --> 00:54:08,280 There's an arrow in your butt! “What? 703 00:54:08,375 --> 00:54:11,959 - Would you look at that? - No. This is all my fault. 704 00:54:12,045 --> 00:54:13,751 - I'm so sorry. - Why? What's wrong? 705 00:54:13,839 --> 00:54:16,376 Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? 706 00:54:16,467 --> 00:54:17,707 No, Shrek's gonna die. 707 00:54:17,801 --> 00:54:19,211 Donkey, I'm okay. 708 00:54:19,303 --> 00:54:21,656 You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. 709 00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:23,671 Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. 710 00:54:23,766 --> 00:54:26,929 - Does anyone know the heimlich? - Donkey! Calm down. 711 00:54:27,019 --> 00:54:29,385 If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods 712 00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:31,562 and find me a blue flower with red thorns. 713 00:54:31,648 --> 00:54:34,390 Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. 714 00:54:34,485 --> 00:54:35,485 Blue flower, red thorns. 715 00:54:38,822 --> 00:54:39,857 - Donkey! - Donkey! 716 00:54:39,948 --> 00:54:41,813 Yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. 717 00:54:42,034 --> 00:54:44,320 Blue flower, red thorns. What are the flowers for? 718 00:54:44,411 --> 00:54:46,618 For getting rid of donkey. 719 00:54:46,705 --> 00:54:48,946 Now, you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. 720 00:54:49,041 --> 00:54:50,906 Hey! Easy with the yankin'. 721 00:54:51,001 --> 00:54:54,539 - I'm sorry, but it has to come out. - No, it's tender. 722 00:54:54,630 --> 00:54:56,086 Now, hold on. 723 00:54:56,173 --> 00:54:57,484 What you're doing is the opposite of help. 724 00:54:57,508 --> 00:54:58,918 Don't move. 725 00:54:59,009 --> 00:55:00,840 - Look, look, time-out. - Would you... 726 00:55:00,928 --> 00:55:05,513 Okay. What do you propose we do? 727 00:55:05,599 --> 00:55:08,286 Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. 728 00:55:08,310 --> 00:55:10,642 This would be so much easier if I wasn't color blind! 729 00:55:10,729 --> 00:55:12,811 Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. 730 00:55:12,898 --> 00:55:14,980 Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! 731 00:55:16,819 --> 00:55:18,935 Not good. 732 00:55:19,029 --> 00:55:22,521 Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head. It's just about... 733 00:55:28,622 --> 00:55:31,614 Nothing happened. We were just... 734 00:55:31,708 --> 00:55:34,871 Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask, okay? 735 00:55:34,962 --> 00:55:38,500 Come on! That's the last thing on my mind. 736 00:55:38,590 --> 00:55:42,253 The Princess here was just... 737 00:55:47,057 --> 00:55:50,641 Hey, what's that? That's... Is that blood? 738 00:57:09,264 --> 00:57:11,095 Hey! 739 00:57:21,443 --> 00:57:23,274 There it is, Princess. 740 00:57:24,237 --> 00:57:25,773 Your future awaits you. 741 00:57:25,864 --> 00:57:28,150 - That's duloc? - Yeah, I know. 742 00:57:28,241 --> 00:57:30,803 You know, Shrek thinks lord farquaad's compensating for something, 743 00:57:30,827 --> 00:57:33,443 which I think means he has a really... 744 00:57:35,540 --> 00:57:39,249 - I guess we better move on. - Sure. But, Shrek? 745 00:57:40,337 --> 00:57:42,999 I'm worried about donkey. 746 00:57:43,340 --> 00:57:45,456 - What? - I mean, look at him. 747 00:57:45,550 --> 00:57:48,542 - He doesn't look so good. - What are you talking about? I'm fine. 748 00:57:48,637 --> 00:57:50,127 Well, that's what they always say, 749 00:57:50,222 --> 00:57:52,713 and then next thing you know, you're on your back. 750 00:57:54,309 --> 00:57:56,220 - Dead. - You know, she's right. 751 00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:59,136 You look awful. Do you want to sit down? 752 00:57:59,231 --> 00:58:01,938 - You know, I'll make you some tea. - I didn't want to say nothin', 753 00:58:02,025 --> 00:58:04,945 but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. 754 00:58:05,028 --> 00:58:06,893 W -see? - Who's hungry? 755 00:58:06,989 --> 00:58:09,321 - I'll find us some dinner. - I'll get the firewood. 756 00:58:09,408 --> 00:58:14,027 Hey, where you goin'? Man, I can't feel my toes! 757 00:58:14,121 --> 00:58:15,577 I don't have any toes! 758 00:58:16,873 --> 00:58:18,579 I think I need a hug. 759 00:58:26,216 --> 00:58:29,174 This is good. This is really good. 760 00:58:31,096 --> 00:58:33,382 - What is this? - Weedrat. 761 00:58:34,099 --> 00:58:35,555 Rotisserie style. 762 00:58:35,642 --> 00:58:37,223 No kidding. 763 00:58:38,729 --> 00:58:40,060 Well, this is delicious. 764 00:58:40,147 --> 00:58:42,308 Well, they're also great in stews. 765 00:58:42,399 --> 00:58:47,063 Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. 766 00:58:50,907 --> 00:58:54,320 I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. 767 00:58:55,996 --> 00:58:59,784 Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. 768 00:58:59,875 --> 00:59:01,911 I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. 769 00:59:02,002 --> 00:59:05,870 Swamp-toad soup, fish-eye tartare, you name it. 770 00:59:07,924 --> 00:59:09,255 I'd like that. 771 00:59:21,855 --> 00:59:23,766 - Princess? - Yes, Shrek? 772 00:59:26,359 --> 00:59:31,149 I was wondering. Are you... 773 00:59:35,494 --> 00:59:37,610 Are you gonna eat that? 774 00:59:44,753 --> 00:59:48,166 Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. 775 00:59:48,256 --> 00:59:53,000 Sunset? No! I mean, it's late. It's very late. 776 00:59:53,095 --> 00:59:54,585 What? Wait a minute. 777 00:59:54,679 --> 00:59:56,590 I see what's goin' on here. 778 00:59:57,140 --> 00:59:59,597 You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? Yes! 779 00:59:59,684 --> 01:00:03,427 Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know what, I'd better go inside. 780 01:00:03,522 --> 01:00:07,231 Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until... 781 01:00:07,317 --> 01:00:09,979 Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. 782 01:00:11,655 --> 01:00:14,988 - Good night. - Good night. 783 01:00:18,829 --> 01:00:22,287 Now I really see what's goin' on here. 784 01:00:22,374 --> 01:00:24,080 What are you talkin' about? 785 01:00:24,167 --> 01:00:26,729 I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. 786 01:00:26,753 --> 01:00:29,073 I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. 787 01:00:32,843 --> 01:00:35,960 Come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. 788 01:00:36,054 --> 01:00:38,716 Just go on in and tell her how you feel. Ll. 789 01:00:38,807 --> 01:00:42,800 There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, 790 01:00:42,894 --> 01:00:48,389 well, you know... And I'm not sayin' I do, 'cause I don't... 791 01:00:48,483 --> 01:00:50,940 She's a Princess, and I'm... 792 01:00:51,486 --> 01:00:55,695 - An ogre? - Yeah. An ogre. 793 01:00:56,741 --> 01:01:00,825 - Hey, where you goin'? - To get more firewood. 794 01:01:19,556 --> 01:01:23,344 Princess? Princess Fiona? 795 01:01:28,523 --> 01:01:30,639 Princess, where are you? 796 01:01:36,281 --> 01:01:38,112 Princess? 797 01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:45,203 It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. 798 01:01:56,009 --> 01:01:58,216 - No! No! - No, help! 799 01:01:58,303 --> 01:02:00,919 - Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! - No, it's okay. It's okay. 800 01:02:01,014 --> 01:02:04,097 - What did you do with the Princess? - Donkey, I'm the Princess. 801 01:02:04,184 --> 01:02:06,550 It's me, in this body. 802 01:02:06,645 --> 01:02:09,182 Oh, my god! You ate the Princess! 803 01:02:09,272 --> 01:02:11,012 - Can you hear me? - Donkey! 804 01:02:11,107 --> 01:02:12,847 - Listen, keep breathing! - No! 805 01:02:12,943 --> 01:02:16,151 I'll get you out of there! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! 806 01:02:16,238 --> 01:02:18,650 - Shrek! - This is me. 807 01:02:23,912 --> 01:02:26,324 Princess? 808 01:02:26,414 --> 01:02:31,374 What happened to you? You're different. 809 01:02:31,461 --> 01:02:34,077 - I'm ugly, okay? - Well, yeah. 810 01:02:34,172 --> 01:02:37,212 Was it something that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. 811 01:02:37,300 --> 01:02:39,837 - You are what you eat, I said. Now... - No. 812 01:02:39,928 --> 01:02:43,261 I've been this way as long as I can remember. 813 01:02:43,348 --> 01:02:46,010 What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. 814 01:02:46,101 --> 01:02:48,808 It only happens when the sun goes down. 815 01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:55,850 "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm 816 01:02:56,319 --> 01:03:02,235 "until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." 817 01:03:04,619 --> 01:03:07,577 That's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. 818 01:03:07,664 --> 01:03:10,701 It's a spell. 819 01:03:10,792 --> 01:03:15,286 When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. 820 01:03:15,380 --> 01:03:17,666 Every night I become this, 821 01:03:18,633 --> 01:03:21,466 this horrible, ugly beast. 822 01:03:24,014 --> 01:03:28,929 I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. 823 01:03:29,019 --> 01:03:31,726 That's why I have to marry lord farquaad tomorrow 824 01:03:31,813 --> 01:03:37,058 before the sun sets and he sees me like this. 825 01:03:39,321 --> 01:03:42,654 All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. 826 01:03:42,741 --> 01:03:46,905 You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. 827 01:03:46,995 --> 01:03:49,987 But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. 828 01:03:50,081 --> 01:03:53,619 But, donkey, I'm a Princess, 829 01:03:53,710 --> 01:03:56,417 and this is not how a Princess is meant to look. 830 01:03:58,131 --> 01:04:00,998 Princess, how "bout if you don't marry farquaad? 831 01:04:01,092 --> 01:04:02,957 I have to. 832 01:04:03,053 --> 01:04:05,886 Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. 833 01:04:06,389 --> 01:04:09,506 But, you know, you're kind of an ogre, 834 01:04:09,601 --> 01:04:12,843 and Shrek, well, you got a lot in common. 835 01:04:13,563 --> 01:04:14,643 Shrek? 836 01:04:15,231 --> 01:04:18,644 Princess, I... how's it going, first of all? 837 01:04:18,735 --> 01:04:22,978 Good? Good for me, too. I'm okay. 838 01:04:23,073 --> 01:04:28,363 I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and... 839 01:04:28,453 --> 01:04:31,820 Well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 840 01:04:31,915 --> 01:04:36,705 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd... 841 01:04:38,421 --> 01:04:42,005 I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. 842 01:04:42,092 --> 01:04:44,299 I can't just marry whoever I want. 843 01:04:44,386 --> 01:04:46,843 Take a good look at me, donkey. 844 01:04:46,930 --> 01:04:48,670 I mean, really, 845 01:04:48,765 --> 01:04:51,723 who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? 846 01:04:51,810 --> 01:04:53,926 Princess and ugly don't go together. 847 01:04:54,020 --> 01:04:56,432 That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. 848 01:04:56,523 --> 01:05:00,937 My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. 849 01:05:02,404 --> 01:05:06,272 Don't you see, donkey? That's just how it has to be. 850 01:05:08,785 --> 01:05:11,197 It's the only way to break the spell. 851 01:05:11,287 --> 01:05:13,118 You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. 852 01:05:13,206 --> 01:05:16,494 No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. 853 01:05:16,584 --> 01:05:19,144 What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? 854 01:05:19,212 --> 01:05:21,669 Promise you won't tell. Promise! 855 01:05:21,756 --> 01:05:24,589 All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. 856 01:05:25,468 --> 01:05:27,029 I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need 857 01:05:27,053 --> 01:05:29,965 a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'. 858 01:05:54,956 --> 01:05:58,414 I tell him, I tell him not. 859 01:05:59,836 --> 01:06:02,327 I tell him, I tell him not. 860 01:06:03,673 --> 01:06:05,004 I tell him. 861 01:06:05,091 --> 01:06:09,835 Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want... 862 01:06:31,242 --> 01:06:32,823 Shrek. 863 01:06:34,245 --> 01:06:38,329 - Are you all right? - Perfect! Never been better. 864 01:06:38,416 --> 01:06:41,658 I... I don't... There's something I have to tell you. 865 01:06:41,961 --> 01:06:44,327 You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. 866 01:06:44,422 --> 01:06:47,084 I heard enough last night. You heard what I said? 867 01:06:47,175 --> 01:06:48,961 Every word. 868 01:06:49,052 --> 01:06:50,462 I thought you'd understand. 869 01:06:50,553 --> 01:06:52,293 I understand. 870 01:06:52,388 --> 01:06:56,427 Like you said, "who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" 871 01:06:57,393 --> 01:06:59,179 But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. 872 01:06:59,270 --> 01:07:01,306 Yeah? Well, it does. 873 01:07:03,358 --> 01:07:06,065 Right on time. 874 01:07:06,152 --> 01:07:08,859 Princess, I've brought you a little something. 875 01:07:14,536 --> 01:07:16,868 What'd I miss? What'd I miss? 876 01:07:16,955 --> 01:07:19,571 Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. 877 01:07:20,959 --> 01:07:23,075 Princess Fiona. 878 01:07:23,169 --> 01:07:26,206 As promised. Now, hand it over. 879 01:07:26,297 --> 01:07:30,791 Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. 880 01:07:30,885 --> 01:07:34,298 Take it and go before I change my mind. 881 01:07:35,390 --> 01:07:37,597 Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, 882 01:07:37,684 --> 01:07:40,096 but you startled me, 883 01:07:40,186 --> 01:07:43,849 for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. 884 01:07:43,940 --> 01:07:47,023 I am lord farquaad. 885 01:07:47,110 --> 01:07:50,944 Lord farquaad? No, no. 886 01:07:51,948 --> 01:07:54,781 Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short 887 01:07:58,121 --> 01:07:59,486 farewell. 888 01:07:59,581 --> 01:08:04,575 That is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. 889 01:08:04,669 --> 01:08:06,785 It's not like it has feelings. 890 01:08:06,879 --> 01:08:10,246 No, you're right. It doesn't. 891 01:08:10,341 --> 01:08:14,334 Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. 892 01:08:14,429 --> 01:08:17,671 I ask your hand in marriage. 893 01:08:17,765 --> 01:08:21,633 Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? 894 01:08:26,733 --> 01:08:31,193 Lord farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make... 895 01:08:31,279 --> 01:08:34,521 Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! 896 01:08:34,616 --> 01:08:38,859 No! I mean, why wait? 897 01:08:38,953 --> 01:08:42,662 Let's get married today before sunset. 898 01:08:42,749 --> 01:08:45,456 Anxious, are we? You're right. 899 01:08:45,543 --> 01:08:49,456 The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! 900 01:08:49,547 --> 01:08:51,879 There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. 901 01:08:51,966 --> 01:08:55,379 Captain, round up some guests! 902 01:08:55,470 --> 01:08:57,961 Fare thee well, ogre. 903 01:08:58,056 --> 01:09:00,297 Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. 904 01:09:00,391 --> 01:09:01,881 Yeah? So what? 905 01:09:01,976 --> 01:09:03,912 Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. 906 01:09:03,936 --> 01:09:05,722 Look, I talked to her last night. She's... 907 01:09:05,813 --> 01:09:10,273 I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? 908 01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:13,693 Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? 909 01:09:13,780 --> 01:09:15,736 Shrek, I wanna go with you. 910 01:09:15,823 --> 01:09:18,781 I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. 911 01:09:18,868 --> 01:09:22,952 I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! 912 01:09:23,039 --> 01:09:24,995 Understand? Nobody! 913 01:09:25,083 --> 01:09:29,918 Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! 914 01:09:30,004 --> 01:09:33,167 But I thought... Yeah. You know what? 915 01:09:33,257 --> 01:09:34,918 You thought wrong! 916 01:09:37,220 --> 01:09:38,585 Shrek. 917 01:11:59,904 --> 01:12:03,943 Donkey? What are you doing? 918 01:12:04,033 --> 01:12:07,150 I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. 919 01:12:07,245 --> 01:12:08,906 Well, yeah. 920 01:12:08,996 --> 01:12:12,409 But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. 921 01:12:12,500 --> 01:12:15,287 It is around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half. 922 01:12:15,378 --> 01:12:17,994 Your half. 923 01:12:18,214 --> 01:12:20,705 Yes, my half. I helped rescue the Princess. 924 01:12:20,800 --> 01:12:22,916 I did half the work, I get half the Booty. 925 01:12:23,010 --> 01:12:26,548 Now, hand me that big, old rock, the one that looks like your head. 926 01:12:26,639 --> 01:12:28,925 - Back off! - No, you back off. 927 01:12:29,016 --> 01:12:31,302 - This is my swamp! - Our swamp. 928 01:12:31,394 --> 01:12:32,634 - Let go, donkey! - You let go. 929 01:12:32,728 --> 01:12:34,810 - Stubborn jackass! - Smelly ogre. 930 01:12:34,897 --> 01:12:37,104 Fine! 931 01:12:37,191 --> 01:12:39,127 Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. 932 01:12:39,151 --> 01:12:40,812 Well, I'm through with you. 933 01:12:40,903 --> 01:12:43,940 You know, with you, it's always, "me, me, Mel!" 934 01:12:44,031 --> 01:12:48,821 Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So, you just shut up and pay attention! 935 01:12:48,911 --> 01:12:50,697 You are mean to me. 936 01:12:50,788 --> 01:12:53,495 You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! 937 01:12:53,583 --> 01:12:56,165 You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. 938 01:12:56,252 --> 01:13:00,541 Yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? 939 01:13:00,631 --> 01:13:03,839 Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! 940 01:13:04,176 --> 01:13:07,134 Yeah. You're right, donkey. 941 01:13:07,221 --> 01:13:11,430 I forgive you for stabbin' me in the back! 942 01:13:12,018 --> 01:13:15,431 You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, 943 01:13:15,521 --> 01:13:16,931 you're afraid of your own feelings. 944 01:13:17,023 --> 01:13:18,103 Go away! 945 01:13:18,190 --> 01:13:20,772 See, there you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. 946 01:13:20,860 --> 01:13:23,146 All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. 947 01:13:23,237 --> 01:13:27,651 Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. 948 01:13:27,742 --> 01:13:29,403 I heard the two of you talking. 949 01:13:29,619 --> 01:13:33,407 She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about somebody else. 950 01:13:36,334 --> 01:13:39,497 She wasn't talking about me? 951 01:13:39,587 --> 01:13:41,123 Well, then who was she talking about? 952 01:13:41,213 --> 01:13:44,626 No way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me, right? 953 01:13:44,717 --> 01:13:47,424 - Right? No! - Donkey! 954 01:13:47,511 --> 01:13:51,003 Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? 955 01:13:57,647 --> 01:13:59,433 I'm sorry. 956 01:13:59,523 --> 01:14:03,766 I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. 957 01:14:04,987 --> 01:14:06,648 Can you forgive me? 958 01:14:09,367 --> 01:14:11,232 Hey, that's what friends are for, right? 959 01:14:11,327 --> 01:14:15,821 - Right. Friends? - Friends. 960 01:14:16,666 --> 01:14:21,205 So, what did Fiona say about me? 961 01:14:21,837 --> 01:14:25,045 What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? 962 01:14:25,132 --> 01:14:27,589 The wedding! We'll never make it in time. 963 01:14:27,677 --> 01:14:32,341 Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. 964 01:14:37,395 --> 01:14:39,852 Donkey? 965 01:14:39,939 --> 01:14:42,396 I guess it's just my animal magnetism. 966 01:14:45,027 --> 01:14:46,380 - Come here, you. - All right, all right. 967 01:14:46,404 --> 01:14:48,440 Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss-ass. 968 01:14:48,531 --> 01:14:51,068 All right, hop on and hold on tight. 969 01:14:51,158 --> 01:14:53,240 I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. 970 01:15:25,776 --> 01:15:28,188 People of duloc, 971 01:15:29,071 --> 01:15:33,735 we gather here today to bear witness 972 01:15:33,826 --> 01:15:38,286 - to the union of our new king. - Excuse me. 973 01:15:38,372 --> 01:15:41,580 Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? 974 01:15:41,667 --> 01:15:43,077 Go on. 975 01:15:48,257 --> 01:15:51,624 Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? 976 01:15:54,764 --> 01:15:56,425 Shrek, wait, wait! Hey! Wait a minute! 977 01:15:56,515 --> 01:15:59,077 - You wanna do this right, don't you? - What are you talking about? 978 01:15:59,101 --> 01:16:00,637 There's a line you gotta wait for. 979 01:16:00,728 --> 01:16:03,265 The priest is gonna say, "speak now or forever hold your peace." 980 01:16:03,355 --> 01:16:05,687 And that's when you say, "I object!" 981 01:16:05,775 --> 01:16:07,356 I don't have time for this! 982 01:16:07,443 --> 01:16:09,354 Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! 983 01:16:09,445 --> 01:16:11,165 Look, you love this woman, don't you? Yes. 984 01:16:11,197 --> 01:16:12,607 You wanna hold her? Yes. 985 01:16:12,698 --> 01:16:13,858 Please her? Yes! 986 01:16:13,949 --> 01:16:17,612 Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness 987 01:16:17,703 --> 01:16:19,056 the chicks love that romantic crap! 988 01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:22,288 All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? 989 01:16:23,125 --> 01:16:24,535 We gotta check it out. 990 01:16:24,627 --> 01:16:28,711 - And so, by the power vested in me... - What do you see? 991 01:16:28,798 --> 01:16:30,379 The whole town's in there. 992 01:16:30,466 --> 01:16:33,583 - I now pronounce you husband... - They're at the altar. 993 01:16:33,677 --> 01:16:36,919 - And wife, king and queen. - Mother Fletcher! He already said it. 994 01:16:37,014 --> 01:16:38,845 For the love of Pete! 995 01:16:40,559 --> 01:16:42,925 I object! 996 01:16:43,020 --> 01:16:46,763 - Shrek? - Now what does he want? 997 01:16:50,361 --> 01:16:54,320 Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? 998 01:16:54,406 --> 01:16:56,567 I love duloc, first of all. Very clean. 999 01:16:56,659 --> 01:16:58,069 What are you doing here? 1000 01:16:58,160 --> 01:17:01,277 Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, 1001 01:17:01,372 --> 01:17:04,705 - but showing up uninvited to a wedding. - Fional 1002 01:17:04,792 --> 01:17:07,784 - I need to talk to you. - Now you wanna talk? 1003 01:17:07,878 --> 01:17:10,711 Well, it's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me. 1004 01:17:10,798 --> 01:17:13,289 - But you can't marry him. - And why not? 1005 01:17:13,384 --> 01:17:17,377 Because, because he's just marrying you so he can be king. 1006 01:17:17,471 --> 01:17:19,883 Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. 1007 01:17:19,974 --> 01:17:23,307 - He's not your true love. - And what do you know about true love? 1008 01:17:23,394 --> 01:17:26,431 Well, I... 1009 01:17:26,522 --> 01:17:29,355 - I mean... - This is precious. 1010 01:17:30,693 --> 01:17:34,106 The ogre has fallen in love with the Princess! 1011 01:17:34,196 --> 01:17:35,561 Good lord. 1012 01:17:36,824 --> 01:17:38,439 An ogre and a Princess! 1013 01:17:44,081 --> 01:17:46,743 Shrek, is this true? 1014 01:17:48,002 --> 01:17:50,618 Who cares? It's preposterous! 1015 01:17:50,713 --> 01:17:54,251 Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." 1016 01:17:54,341 --> 01:17:56,377 Now, kiss me! 1017 01:18:01,015 --> 01:18:04,348 "By night one way, by day another." 1018 01:18:06,854 --> 01:18:08,560 I wanted to show you before. 1019 01:18:32,338 --> 01:18:36,206 Well, that explains a lot. 1020 01:18:36,842 --> 01:18:40,130 It's disgusting! 1021 01:18:40,221 --> 01:18:42,007 Guards! Guards! 1022 01:18:42,097 --> 01:18:45,464 I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! 1023 01:18:45,559 --> 01:18:47,015 - Get them both! - No, no! 1024 01:18:47,102 --> 01:18:48,933 This hocus-pocus alters nothing. 1025 01:18:49,021 --> 01:18:52,058 This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! 1026 01:18:52,149 --> 01:18:54,435 - See? See? - No, let go of me! Shrek! 1027 01:18:54,526 --> 01:18:56,232 - No! - Don't just stand there, you morons. 1028 01:18:56,320 --> 01:18:58,402 Get out of my way! Fiona! 1029 01:19:04,370 --> 01:19:07,282 I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! 1030 01:19:07,373 --> 01:19:10,115 - You'll beg for death to save you! - No! Shrek! 1031 01:19:10,209 --> 01:19:12,495 And as for you, my wife... 1032 01:19:12,586 --> 01:19:13,586 Fiona! 1033 01:19:13,671 --> 01:19:16,583 I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! 1034 01:19:16,966 --> 01:19:22,381 I am king! I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have... 1035 01:19:28,310 --> 01:19:31,518 All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. 1036 01:19:32,940 --> 01:19:34,726 I'm a donkey on the edge! 1037 01:19:38,779 --> 01:19:41,145 Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? 1038 01:19:44,493 --> 01:19:45,824 Go ahead, Shrek. 1039 01:19:48,205 --> 01:19:50,116 Fiona? 1040 01:19:50,207 --> 01:19:51,993 Yes, Shrek? 1041 01:19:52,459 --> 01:19:56,077 I love you. 1042 01:19:57,172 --> 01:19:58,878 Really? 1043 01:20:00,259 --> 01:20:01,465 Really, really. 1044 01:20:03,429 --> 01:20:05,010 I love you, too. 1045 01:20:14,023 --> 01:20:17,015 "Until you find true love's first kiss 1046 01:20:17,109 --> 01:20:20,351 "and then take love's true form.” 1047 01:20:44,219 --> 01:20:47,131 "Take love's true form. Take love's true form.” 1048 01:20:54,063 --> 01:20:55,269 Fiona? 1049 01:20:58,484 --> 01:21:02,147 Fiona. Are you all right? 1050 01:21:04,239 --> 01:21:06,321 Well, yes. 1051 01:21:06,408 --> 01:21:10,742 But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. 1052 01:21:13,957 --> 01:21:15,413 But you are beautiful. 1053 01:21:18,087 --> 01:21:20,373 I was hoping this would be a happy ending. 1054 01:22:08,470 --> 01:22:12,258 God bless us, every one. 1055 01:23:22,085 --> 01:23:24,792 That's funny. 1056 01:23:24,880 --> 01:23:27,417 I can't breathe. I can't breathe.