1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Created and Encoded by -- Gaz -- of www.YIFY-TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet. 2 00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:47,833 Hello. 3 00:00:47,958 --> 00:00:50,958 I am Andy... 4 00:00:51,083 --> 00:00:54,750 and I would like to thank you for coming to my movie. 5 00:00:56,500 --> 00:01:00,542 I wish it was better, you know, 6 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,958 but... it is so stupid. 7 00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:08,208 It's terrible. I-I do not even like it. 8 00:01:08,292 --> 00:01:10,875 All of the most important things in my life... 9 00:01:10,958 --> 00:01:13,958 a-a-are changed around and mixed up... 10 00:01:14,083 --> 00:01:15,958 for, um-- 11 00:01:17,292 --> 00:01:19,917 uh, dramatic purposes. 12 00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:24,250 So... 13 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,750 I decided to cut out... 14 00:01:26,875 --> 00:01:29,250 all of the baloney. 15 00:01:31,083 --> 00:01:34,917 Now the movie is much shorter. 16 00:01:38,958 --> 00:01:40,875 In fact, 17 00:01:40,958 --> 00:01:43,875 this... is the end of the movie. 18 00:01:46,083 --> 00:01:48,042 Thank you very much. 19 00:01:57,792 --> 00:01:59,792 I am not fooling. 20 00:01:59,875 --> 00:02:02,583 Good-bye. 21 00:02:02,667 --> 00:02:04,583 Go. 22 00:04:00,208 --> 00:04:02,958 Wow. You're still here. 23 00:04:04,167 --> 00:04:06,417 O-kay! 24 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,417 I hope you're not upset. 25 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:12,042 I did that to get rid of those folks who just... wouldn't understand me... 26 00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:14,583 and don't even want to try. 27 00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:17,917 Actually, the movie is really great. 28 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,875 It's just filled with colorful characters, 29 00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:24,667 like the one I just did and the one I'm doing now. 30 00:04:24,792 --> 00:04:26,667 Our story begins... 31 00:04:30,542 --> 00:04:33,000 back in Great Neck, Long Island. 32 00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:39,458 This is our house. 33 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,917 And that's my father's old car. 34 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,250 That's my father. 35 00:04:44,375 --> 00:04:46,208 That's my little brother Michael. 36 00:04:46,292 --> 00:04:48,750 That's my little sister Carol. 37 00:04:48,875 --> 00:04:51,292 - And that's my mom. - Janice? 38 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:54,542 Andy's up in his room? 39 00:04:54,667 --> 00:04:56,208 Yeah. 40 00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:06,625 Mr. Bear is saying that Mrs. Cat made his head fall off. 41 00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:09,208 She saw it And it's not true. 42 00:05:09,292 --> 00:05:11,667 Today's special guest, Mr. Bear. 43 00:05:11,792 --> 00:05:14,583 - What's up, Mr. Bear? - Andy? 44 00:05:20,792 --> 00:05:23,708 Son, this has got to stop. 45 00:05:25,042 --> 00:05:27,042 Our house is not a television station. 46 00:05:27,167 --> 00:05:29,958 There's not a camera in that wall. 47 00:05:30,083 --> 00:05:33,083 I mean, this is not healthy. You should be outside playing sports. 48 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,417 But I have my own sports show. 49 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:38,417 Andy, you know that's not what I meant. 50 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:42,333 Look, I'm gonna put my foot down. No more playing alone. 51 00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:46,042 - You want to perform, you have got to have an audience. - They're right there! 52 00:05:46,125 --> 00:05:48,667 That is not an audience. That is plaster. 53 00:05:48,792 --> 00:05:53,917 An audience is made of people, people who live and breathe. 54 00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:05,875 Andy Kaufman and Howdy Doody present... 55 00:06:05,958 --> 00:06:08,583 "The Animal Song"! 56 00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:11,750 I'm gonna say the animal, and then you tell me what it says. 57 00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:13,750 - Okay? - Okay. 58 00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:18,750 - Oh, the cow goes-- - Moo. 59 00:06:18,875 --> 00:06:23,958 - And the cat goes-- - Meow! Meow! 60 00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,542 And the bird goes-- 61 00:06:28,583 --> 00:06:30,792 - Tweet, tweet. - Tweet, tweet! 62 00:06:30,917 --> 00:06:33,917 And the lion goes-- 63 00:06:34,042 --> 00:06:37,042 Roar! 64 00:06:37,125 --> 00:06:39,875 - And the dog goes - Ruff. 65 00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:42,917 - And the cat goes - Meow. 66 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,792 - And the bird goes - Tweet. 67 00:06:45,917 --> 00:06:48,875 - And the pig goes - Oink. 68 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:53,958 And that's the way it goes 69 00:06:54,083 --> 00:06:59,417 - The comedy stylings of Andy Kaufman. - Thank you. 70 00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:03,875 So, Mr. Besserman, same spot tomorrow? 71 00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:07,583 I don't know, Andy. I think I have to let you go. 72 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,125 You're firing me? 73 00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:17,875 You-- You don't even pay me. 74 00:07:17,958 --> 00:07:20,708 I don't want to seem insulting, but your act is like amateur hour. 75 00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:24,625 You're doing sing alongs for six-year-olds and puppets that aren't funny. 76 00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:28,375 - Playing records? - But it's totally original. 77 00:07:28,458 --> 00:07:31,208 No one's ever done it. I'm not like everyone else. 78 00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:34,083 Well, everybody else gets this place cookin'. 79 00:07:34,208 --> 00:07:37,542 I thought it was cooking. There was a man over here that was really upset. 80 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:40,792 He stormed out, and a lot of other people left in the middle of your act. 81 00:07:40,917 --> 00:07:44,542 - I can't sell booze-- - It's not about comedy. It's not about art. 82 00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:47,625 - It's about booze. - I can't sell booze when you're singing "Pop Goes the Weasel." 83 00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:50,083 - That's all that matters. - I'm running a business here. 84 00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:54,625 It's show business. Show business. Show business. 85 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,708 Without the business, there's no show. 86 00:07:57,833 --> 00:08:00,792 - There's no show for you. - Wh-What do you want me to do? 87 00:08:00,917 --> 00:08:04,958 - "Take my wife, please"? - At least it's a joke. Try some jokes. 88 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:08,458 Like, "Why did the Siamese twins go to England?" 89 00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:10,708 I don't know. Why did they go to England? 90 00:08:10,792 --> 00:08:13,917 So the other one could drive. 91 00:08:15,792 --> 00:08:18,875 But why doesn't the other one just learn how to drive? 92 00:08:18,958 --> 00:08:22,375 Whew. Maybe that one isn't for you. 93 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,917 But do jokes about the traffic, do impressions, 94 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,417 maybe some blue material. 95 00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:59,792 Thank you very much. Goodnight! 96 00:09:24,167 --> 00:09:26,542 Now? 97 00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:28,542 Now. 98 00:09:28,625 --> 00:09:30,542 Thank you very much. 99 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:37,917 One thing I do not like... 100 00:09:38,042 --> 00:09:40,542 is too much traffic. 101 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,792 You know? 102 00:09:44,833 --> 00:09:47,500 Tonight I had to come... 103 00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:50,667 from... uh-- 104 00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:56,000 A-And the freeway, 105 00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:58,417 it-it was so much traffic. 106 00:10:00,042 --> 00:10:04,500 I-It took me an hour and a half to get here. 107 00:10:07,292 --> 00:10:09,417 But-- But... 108 00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:13,208 talking about the terrible things-- 109 00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:17,583 My wife-- take my wife. Please take her. 110 00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:19,375 Ugh. 111 00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:21,833 No. 112 00:10:21,958 --> 00:10:24,125 No. I am only fooling. 113 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:32,292 I-- I-I love my wife, 114 00:10:32,417 --> 00:10:34,750 but she don't know how to cook. 115 00:10:34,875 --> 00:10:37,375 Her cooking is so bad. 116 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,958 - It's terrible. - No. 117 00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:44,000 Now I-I would like to-- 118 00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:46,292 I would like to do for you... 119 00:10:46,417 --> 00:10:48,292 the imitations. 120 00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:51,250 I would like to start... 121 00:10:51,375 --> 00:10:54,917 with the-- the Jimmy Carter. 122 00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:57,917 The president of the United States. 123 00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:05,750 Hello, I am Jimmy Carter, 124 00:11:05,875 --> 00:11:09,250 the president of the United States. 125 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,750 God! 126 00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:18,958 Thank you very much. 127 00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:26,583 And now I would like to do for you... 128 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,917 the-- 129 00:11:30,042 --> 00:11:31,917 the Elvis Presley. 130 00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:49,917 Well, it's one for the money two for the show three to get ready 131 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,750 Now go, cat, go Now, don't you 132 00:12:52,875 --> 00:12:55,875 Step on my blue suede shoes 133 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:00,542 Well, you can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes 134 00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:03,125 Let's go, cat! 135 00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,583 Budd, what's the story with this guy? 136 00:13:08,708 --> 00:13:10,583 I think he's from Lithuania. 137 00:13:10,708 --> 00:13:13,750 Oh, blue, blue blue suede shoes 138 00:13:13,875 --> 00:13:16,958 Baby, blue, blue blue suede shoes, honey 139 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:19,750 Blue, blue blue suede shoes, baby 140 00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,375 Blue, blue blue suede shoes 141 00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:26,417 You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes 142 00:13:26,542 --> 00:13:28,417 Oh, well we were dancin' 143 00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:31,625 We were dancin' 144 00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:37,750 To the jailhouse rock 145 00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:40,375 All right! 146 00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:01,875 Whoo! 147 00:14:01,958 --> 00:14:04,708 Thank you very much. 148 00:14:06,542 --> 00:14:09,042 Hey, I really enjoyed your set. 149 00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:12,750 I didn't mean to startle you. I really liked what you did out there. 150 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:15,125 Thank you very much. 151 00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:20,292 So I understand you're from Lithuania. 152 00:14:20,417 --> 00:14:23,542 No, I am from Caspiar. 153 00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:27,625 Caspiar, huh? 154 00:14:27,750 --> 00:14:31,583 It is a very small island in the Caspian Sea. 155 00:14:32,917 --> 00:14:35,583 It sunk. 156 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,083 Oh, I'm sorry. Uh-- 157 00:14:38,167 --> 00:14:41,583 Look, uh, I'm probably out of my mind, 158 00:14:41,667 --> 00:14:43,958 but I think you're very interesting, 159 00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:47,542 and if you ever need representation, we should talk. 160 00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:49,583 Okay. 161 00:14:51,333 --> 00:14:53,875 "George Shapiro." Mr. Shapiro. 162 00:14:55,750 --> 00:14:58,417 Wow. 163 00:14:58,542 --> 00:15:02,208 - It is an honor, sir. - Caspiar, huh? 164 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:05,250 I wanna be the biggest star in the world. 165 00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,417 Well, people love comedians. 166 00:15:08,542 --> 00:15:10,667 I'm not a comedian. I don't do jokes. 167 00:15:10,792 --> 00:15:14,083 I don't even know what's funny. I'm a song-and-dance man. 168 00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:16,083 - Oh, yeah. - Thank you. 169 00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:19,583 Uh, I particularly suggest the lotus root. 170 00:15:30,292 --> 00:15:33,167 Um, but y-y-you, uh, 171 00:15:33,292 --> 00:15:35,208 you know, you show a lot of promise. 172 00:15:35,292 --> 00:15:39,375 And my concern is I don't know where to book you. 173 00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:42,083 You're not a stand-up, and, uh, 174 00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:46,750 your act doesn't exactly translate itself to film, so-- 175 00:15:49,958 --> 00:15:53,750 Um-- 176 00:15:53,875 --> 00:15:56,833 So help me. Where do you see yourself? 177 00:15:56,958 --> 00:16:01,083 Well, I've always wanted to play Carnegie Hall. 178 00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,542 That's funny. 179 00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:10,083 See, I don't want to go for cheap laughs. 180 00:16:10,167 --> 00:16:12,917 I want real gut reactions. 181 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,917 I want the audience to have gone through an experience. 182 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,625 They love me, they hate me, they walk out. It's all great. 183 00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:22,792 - Andy, you got a little something-- - Hmm? 184 00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:26,417 Oh. 185 00:16:28,708 --> 00:16:31,708 When I'm famous, I'm gonna sell these, 186 00:16:31,792 --> 00:16:33,917 as worn by Andy Kaufman. 187 00:16:34,042 --> 00:16:35,917 You can have this one. 188 00:16:36,042 --> 00:16:40,083 It's probably gonna be worth a lot 'cause it was actually up my nose. 189 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,417 You're insane! 190 00:16:46,042 --> 00:16:48,083 But you might also be brilliant. 191 00:16:50,625 --> 00:16:53,292 Hello. George Shapiro here. 192 00:16:53,417 --> 00:16:56,875 Uh... yeah! Is this George Shapiro ? 193 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,250 - Yeah, speaking. - Speaking! 194 00:16:59,375 --> 00:17:02,167 Reeking, seeking, creaking. Freaking! 195 00:17:02,292 --> 00:17:05,208 Big freaking deal! Tell me something I don't know, toadstool! 196 00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,208 Can I help you with something? 197 00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:11,083 Yeah, you can stay away from Andy Kaufman, if you know what's good for you. 198 00:17:11,208 --> 00:17:13,583 - Crankshaft! - Who is this? 199 00:17:13,708 --> 00:17:15,917 Do not twist my noodle, toy poodle! 200 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:20,167 This is Tony Clifton, a name to respect, a name to fear! 201 00:17:20,292 --> 00:17:24,625 - Kaufman is a lying bastard. He is a psychopath! 202 00:17:24,750 --> 00:17:28,375 Now slowly open your eyes. 203 00:17:30,125 --> 00:17:34,250 You should feel rested, relaxed and alert. 204 00:17:36,208 --> 00:17:39,542 Uh, I would like to thank you, Your Holiness. 205 00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:44,417 My heart is radiating pure energy. 206 00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:48,375 - Okay-- - Oh, no. Wait. 207 00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:51,500 Wait. Uh-- I'm sorry. 208 00:17:51,625 --> 00:17:54,375 Uh, I have a question. 209 00:17:56,083 --> 00:17:57,958 Is there-- 210 00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:02,458 Is there a secret to being funny? 211 00:18:05,583 --> 00:18:07,625 Yes. 212 00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:10,625 Silence. 213 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:10,792 Upbeat] 214 00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:13,792 Upbeat] 215 00:18:17,833 --> 00:18:20,625 Welcome back to Saturday Night Live. 216 00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:23,125 And now, as a special treat on our first show, 217 00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:25,958 musical guest Andy Kaufman! 218 00:18:58,458 --> 00:19:00,875 What's wrong with this guy? 219 00:19:07,167 --> 00:19:09,583 This is dead air. 220 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:22,250 Band] 221 00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:26,458 Mr. Trouble never hangs around 222 00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:30,708 When he hears this mighty sound 223 00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:33,875 - Here I come to save the day 224 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,042 That means that Mighty Mouse is on his way 225 00:19:38,167 --> 00:19:41,875 Yes, sir, when there is a wrong to right 226 00:19:41,917 --> 00:19:46,250 Mighty Mouse will join the fight 227 00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:49,458 On the sea or on the land 228 00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:53,833 He gets the situation well in hand 229 00:19:53,917 --> 00:19:57,042 So though we are in danger we never despair 230 00:19:57,167 --> 00:20:00,583 'Cause we know that where there's danger he is there 231 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,417 - He is there on the land, on the sea 232 00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,875 In the air 233 00:20:05,958 --> 00:20:09,792 - We're not worrying at all 234 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:13,625 We're just listening for his call 235 00:20:13,708 --> 00:20:17,417 - Here I come to save the day 236 00:20:17,542 --> 00:20:21,208 That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way 237 00:20:23,042 --> 00:20:25,417 - Mr. Kaufman? - Hmm? Oh. 238 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:27,417 Hi. Right this way, please. 239 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:30,042 - Okay. - George is expecting you. 240 00:20:30,125 --> 00:20:32,708 Hey, Andy. 241 00:20:32,875 --> 00:20:35,417 Hey. 242 00:20:35,542 --> 00:20:38,042 - Thanks for coming out. - Oh, thank you, George. 243 00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:40,500 - Come on, sit down. - Um, oh. 244 00:20:40,542 --> 00:20:43,375 - Wow, they're-- Which one? - Either one. 245 00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:46,750 - They're both red. - Yeah. 246 00:20:46,875 --> 00:20:49,125 This one, I guess. 247 00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:51,458 - So did you have a nice flight? - I-I did. 248 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:55,542 I had a really good flight, and the stewardess was very, very nice. 249 00:20:55,625 --> 00:20:57,958 And she allowed me to keep my headphones. 250 00:20:58,083 --> 00:21:01,833 - Oh, that's terrific! - Yep. Mm-hmm. 251 00:21:01,958 --> 00:21:04,417 Andy, I got something better. 252 00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:06,542 - You do? - Yeah. 253 00:21:06,583 --> 00:21:08,375 This is big. 254 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,708 Okay. 255 00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:12,708 - Okay? - Okay. 256 00:21:12,792 --> 00:21:15,000 You are getting a once-in-a-lifetime, 257 00:21:15,125 --> 00:21:17,500 very lucrative opportunity... 258 00:21:17,583 --> 00:21:21,750 to star on a prime time network sitcom! 259 00:21:27,417 --> 00:21:30,250 - A sitcom? - Yeah. 260 00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:32,250 And this is a class act. 261 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:36,208 It all takes place in a taxi stand. 262 00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:38,333 And you're gonna be the Fonzie. 263 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:42,750 I'm... Fonzie? 264 00:21:42,833 --> 00:21:45,250 No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. 265 00:21:45,375 --> 00:21:47,833 The Fonzie, the crazy, breakout character... 266 00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:50,042 who all the kids imitate, 267 00:21:50,167 --> 00:21:52,500 and they put him on the lunch boxes. 268 00:21:52,583 --> 00:21:55,458 - I hate sitcoms, George. I've never liked them. - Hold on. 269 00:21:55,542 --> 00:21:59,000 - These guys have seen your foreign man character. - Yeah? 270 00:21:59,125 --> 00:22:01,125 And they wanna turn him... 271 00:22:01,250 --> 00:22:05,083 into a lovable, goofy mechanic... 272 00:22:05,167 --> 00:22:07,083 named-- 273 00:22:11,792 --> 00:22:14,250 Latka. 274 00:22:19,333 --> 00:22:21,458 - Uh, no. - No? 275 00:22:21,583 --> 00:22:23,458 - No. - No to which part? 276 00:22:23,583 --> 00:22:26,708 No to the whole thing. It doesn't sound good to me. 277 00:22:26,792 --> 00:22:31,208 - Andy, this is every comedian's dream! - I'm not a comedian. 278 00:22:31,375 --> 00:22:34,750 A-And sitcoms are the lowest form of entertainment. 279 00:22:34,833 --> 00:22:37,083 I mean, it's just... 280 00:22:37,208 --> 00:22:39,542 stupid jokes and canned laughter! 281 00:22:39,625 --> 00:22:41,875 And you don't know why it's there, but it's there. 282 00:22:42,042 --> 00:22:45,625 It's dead people laughing. Did you know that? Those people are dead! 283 00:22:45,750 --> 00:22:47,875 This is-- This is classy. 284 00:22:48,042 --> 00:22:49,917 I-I don't care. 285 00:22:50,042 --> 00:22:53,917 I-I wanna generate my-my own material. 286 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,375 Look, I-listen. Listen to me. 287 00:22:57,458 --> 00:23:00,250 Look, I've been in this business for 20 years! 288 00:23:00,375 --> 00:23:03,083 I know. I've seen this! I know this. 289 00:23:03,208 --> 00:23:06,167 If you pass up this opportunity, 290 00:23:06,292 --> 00:23:11,417 you will never, never see another one like it again. 291 00:23:11,542 --> 00:23:13,417 Never! 292 00:23:18,208 --> 00:23:20,875 Yeah. 293 00:23:24,167 --> 00:23:27,375 - Okay. I'll do it. - Ah. 294 00:23:27,458 --> 00:23:30,083 - But I have some terms. - Oh, sure. 295 00:23:30,167 --> 00:23:33,208 That's-- That's what negotiations are all about. 296 00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:40,792 - What are you doing? - I'm writing out my terms. 297 00:23:50,958 --> 00:23:53,417 Wh-- What, are you making fun of me? 298 00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:55,917 - Those are my terms. - Th-This is ridiculous. 299 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,417 It's what I need. It's what I need to do the show. 300 00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:03,250 Wh-What is this? It says, "Four guaranteed guest spots for Tony Clifton." 301 00:24:03,333 --> 00:24:06,292 - Who's Tony Clifton? - He's a Vegas lounge singer. 302 00:24:06,417 --> 00:24:08,875 And, um, I used to do impressions of him, 303 00:24:08,958 --> 00:24:11,292 and we sort of got into a fight over it. 304 00:24:11,417 --> 00:24:13,750 - This Clifton called me. - He did? 305 00:24:13,833 --> 00:24:16,458 - He's a loon! He hates you. - No, no, no. 306 00:24:16,583 --> 00:24:19,125 He just talks tough, but I owe him. 307 00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:21,958 And if I'm the new Fonz, 308 00:24:22,083 --> 00:24:26,625 then ABC is just gonna have to... give me what I want! 309 00:24:26,750 --> 00:24:28,625 Hey! 310 00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:32,500 Mr. Kaufman will only appear in half the episodes of Taxi. 311 00:24:34,333 --> 00:24:39,417 Mr. Kaufman requires an undisturbed 90 minutes of meditation prior to filming. 312 00:24:41,292 --> 00:24:44,750 Uh, Mr. Kaufman gets his own network special. 313 00:24:44,833 --> 00:24:48,125 And, uh, Taxi must guarantee... 314 00:24:48,250 --> 00:24:51,458 four guest appearances for Tony Clifton. 315 00:24:52,833 --> 00:24:54,750 Who? Who? 316 00:24:54,833 --> 00:24:57,292 Tony Clifton. 317 00:24:57,417 --> 00:24:59,542 Who the hell is Tony Clifton? 318 00:24:59,625 --> 00:25:01,542 Uh-- 319 00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:05,125 I don't know. 320 00:25:05,250 --> 00:25:05,333 And now-- 321 00:25:05,333 --> 00:25:08,375 And now-- 322 00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:10,958 now Mama Rivoli's is proud to present... 323 00:25:11,083 --> 00:25:13,750 an international singing sensation! 324 00:25:13,833 --> 00:25:18,083 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Tony Clifton! 325 00:25:18,208 --> 00:25:20,083 Ha! 326 00:25:26,042 --> 00:25:28,083 Come on. 327 00:25:34,125 --> 00:25:36,958 All right, all right! 328 00:25:38,625 --> 00:25:40,708 Ladies and gentlemen, uh, 329 00:25:40,792 --> 00:25:43,708 due to Mr. Clifton's vocal constraints, out of respect for him, 330 00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:46,708 he asks that if you please extinguish... 331 00:25:46,792 --> 00:25:48,792 your smoking material, your cigars and cigarettes. 332 00:25:48,917 --> 00:25:51,792 Goddamn! I paid ten bucks for that cigar! 333 00:25:51,917 --> 00:25:53,458 Uh, I'm sorry. 334 00:25:53,583 --> 00:25:56,250 - Is he joking? - And now, 335 00:25:56,375 --> 00:25:59,250 ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Entertainment, 336 00:25:59,333 --> 00:26:02,375 Tony Clifton! 337 00:26:13,375 --> 00:26:16,583 What does he think he's doing? 338 00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:25,542 Vo... 339 00:26:27,542 --> 00:26:30,375 ...lare, whoa 340 00:26:32,708 --> 00:26:35,917 Ca-wa-wa-wa-wa-wantare whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 341 00:26:37,917 --> 00:26:40,542 No wonder my happy heart sings 342 00:26:40,625 --> 00:26:43,417 Your love has given me wings 343 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:45,917 I got the wings of a dove 344 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,500 I got the wings 345 00:26:48,583 --> 00:26:52,042 I got the chicken wings from Kentucky Fried-- 346 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,542 Whoop-de-doo, whoop-de-di! 347 00:27:01,667 --> 00:27:03,875 Stick a-a needle in your eye! 348 00:27:03,958 --> 00:27:05,917 - Oh, my God. - Let's get somethin' straight, people. 349 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,917 I play big showrooms in Vegas. 350 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,542 I need this place like I need a shotgun blast to the face! 351 00:27:11,625 --> 00:27:14,125 Now, let's go do wn andmeet some ofthe audience. 352 00:27:14,250 --> 00:27:16,250 All right. 353 00:27:16,375 --> 00:27:19,583 How are you all doin'? Where you from? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 354 00:27:19,708 --> 00:27:22,083 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 355 00:27:22,208 --> 00:27:25,708 Whoa! Somebody's wearin' a lot of perfume around here! 356 00:27:25,792 --> 00:27:30,292 - Must be that time of the month, huh? 357 00:27:30,417 --> 00:27:33,500 Yeah, I know all the tricks. How are you doin'? 358 00:27:33,583 --> 00:27:36,417 You havin' a-- You enjoyin' that pasta carbonara? 359 00:27:36,542 --> 00:27:39,167 It appears that you are. 360 00:27:39,292 --> 00:27:42,500 Whoops! Hey, look out! I think you sat in some cottage cheese. 361 00:27:42,583 --> 00:27:46,042 Oh, pardon me. That's your ass. 362 00:27:46,167 --> 00:27:48,917 Aww! 363 00:27:52,875 --> 00:27:55,500 How you doin'? You enjoyin' the show? 364 00:27:55,583 --> 00:27:57,500 - Yeah. - Huh? 365 00:27:57,583 --> 00:27:59,708 - Yeah. - What's your name? 366 00:27:59,833 --> 00:28:01,750 Bob. 367 00:28:01,833 --> 00:28:04,167 Bob! Bo-o-ob! 368 00:28:04,292 --> 00:28:08,583 Bo-o-ob! Bo-o-ob! 369 00:28:08,708 --> 00:28:12,708 - What's your last name? Up and down in the water? - Ugh. 370 00:28:12,792 --> 00:28:15,167 Huh? 371 00:28:15,292 --> 00:28:17,292 Gorsky. 372 00:28:17,417 --> 00:28:20,792 - Gorsky? That Polish? - Yeah. 373 00:28:20,917 --> 00:28:22,750 You tryin' to do some Polish humor? 374 00:28:22,833 --> 00:28:24,750 - No, that's, uh-- - Shut up! 375 00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:26,875 - That's just my name. - Shut up! 376 00:28:26,958 --> 00:28:29,292 I do not appreciate, uh, racial slurs! 377 00:28:29,417 --> 00:28:31,750 I think them dumb Polacks been ridiculed enough. 378 00:28:31,875 --> 00:28:33,875 I do a clean show here. 379 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,417 You wanna see some humor? Here's some humor right here. 380 00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:40,250 Right there, okay? Awww! 381 00:28:40,375 --> 00:28:42,458 Sit down and enjoy that, okay? 382 00:28:42,583 --> 00:28:45,208 And you-- Shapiro! 383 00:28:45,292 --> 00:28:48,375 I'll see you backstage, baldy. 384 00:28:48,458 --> 00:28:51,708 Vo... 385 00:28:51,792 --> 00:28:54,250 ...lare 386 00:29:01,625 --> 00:29:03,917 What do you want? 387 00:29:13,083 --> 00:29:15,875 Just a little friendly conversation, George. 388 00:29:15,958 --> 00:29:17,917 You hungry? 389 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,917 You look thin! 390 00:29:22,292 --> 00:29:24,375 Y-You-You-- 391 00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:29,208 Italiano, cacciatore scallopini, pasta fazool 392 00:29:31,333 --> 00:29:33,875 I don't understand this act. 393 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,250 It's good, old-fashioned entertainment, George. Everyone loves a villain. 394 00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:41,542 - What about that poor schlub you humiliated? - Hey, man, excellent show. 395 00:29:41,625 --> 00:29:44,917 - That was a great show. - Yeah, good show for you. Um, George. 396 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,750 This is, uh, my writer and old friend Bob Zmuda. 397 00:29:47,875 --> 00:29:50,250 Hey, George. How are you? I'm Bob. 398 00:29:50,333 --> 00:29:52,750 - He's very creative. - Yes. 399 00:29:52,833 --> 00:29:55,625 - I am the brains behind this operation. - Dream on. 400 00:29:55,750 --> 00:29:59,375 He once faked a lion escaping from the Chicago Zoo. 401 00:29:59,458 --> 00:30:02,083 This was fantastic, George. 402 00:30:02,208 --> 00:30:04,667 We got 40 actors tearin' through the zoo, they're all screamin'. 403 00:30:04,750 --> 00:30:09,125 - Closed the place down. - "There's a fuckin' lion, man! A lion!" 404 00:30:09,250 --> 00:30:11,542 Your name's not Gorsky. 405 00:30:14,417 --> 00:30:16,875 Don't believe everything you hear, George. 406 00:30:16,958 --> 00:30:19,083 This cannot leave this room. 407 00:30:19,208 --> 00:30:22,083 Do not write this down, okay? 408 00:30:22,208 --> 00:30:24,917 Tony Clifton is Andy Kaufman. 409 00:30:26,417 --> 00:30:28,958 And Andy Kaufman is Tony Clifton. 410 00:30:29,083 --> 00:30:32,917 They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true. 411 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,958 This is great business. 412 00:30:36,083 --> 00:30:38,625 You get two Andy Kaufmans for the price of one. 413 00:30:43,583 --> 00:30:47,292 - Andy. Andy. - What's up? 414 00:30:47,417 --> 00:30:51,250 They said yes. You're gettin' everything. Everything! 415 00:30:53,208 --> 00:30:55,417 Bonus. 416 00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:57,667 - Whatever you want. - Bonus! Thank you very much. 417 00:30:57,750 --> 00:31:00,792 - It was so good. - I have to do Taxi, though, right? 418 00:31:00,917 --> 00:31:03,250 - You gotta do Taxi. - Okay. 419 00:31:20,833 --> 00:31:22,750 Party time for Latka? 420 00:31:22,833 --> 00:31:26,792 - Not until you take off those overalls. - This is a good party. 421 00:31:28,458 --> 00:31:31,250 No, no, Latka! Listen to me. Listen to me. 422 00:31:31,333 --> 00:31:33,417 There's a drug in those cookies. 423 00:31:33,542 --> 00:31:36,542 No! 424 00:31:36,667 --> 00:31:39,625 No. No! 425 00:31:46,333 --> 00:31:48,250 Bed? 426 00:31:48,333 --> 00:31:51,375 I have never been so emotional... 427 00:31:51,458 --> 00:31:53,375 in all my life. 428 00:31:53,458 --> 00:31:55,792 And this is for my mother, and this is for my father! 429 00:31:55,917 --> 00:31:58,708 And this is for my grand father! 430 00:32:00,792 --> 00:32:02,792 I hope you have a small family. 431 00:32:14,875 --> 00:32:17,458 - Ohh! - Whee-ooh! 432 00:32:17,583 --> 00:32:20,208 - Thank you very much. - Thank you very much. - Thank you very much. 433 00:32:20,292 --> 00:32:22,750 Thank you very much! 434 00:32:30,583 --> 00:32:32,750 - I'm gonna quit. - What? 435 00:32:32,875 --> 00:32:35,083 Every show is worse than the last one. 436 00:32:35,167 --> 00:32:38,333 Forty million people are watching your ass every week, Kaufman. 437 00:32:38,458 --> 00:32:41,958 - What do they know? - Absolutely nothing! And that's the beauty. 438 00:32:42,083 --> 00:32:44,167 Man, look, it's credibility. 439 00:32:44,250 --> 00:32:46,917 You make them love you now, and then later on, 440 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,750 on your special, you can fuck with their heads. 441 00:32:49,875 --> 00:32:52,583 The sky is the limit, man. 442 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,542 Oh, yeah? I don't care! 443 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,833 Sir, there 's a problem down on the Kaufman special. 444 00:33:02,917 --> 00:33:07,375 - They say he's not following the technical requirements. - Technical? 445 00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:09,458 Thanks for coming on my show. 446 00:33:09,583 --> 00:33:11,750 Thanks for having me on your show, Andy. 447 00:33:11,875 --> 00:33:14,083 - Right now, roll it! - No. 448 00:33:14,208 --> 00:33:18,042 It's my special! I have creative control. Now roll it! 449 00:33:18,125 --> 00:33:20,542 - No! - Do it, man! 450 00:33:20,625 --> 00:33:23,875 - Hey, Andy! Hi. - Be careful, please. 451 00:33:23,958 --> 00:33:26,458 Only positive energy allowed beyond this point. 452 00:33:26,583 --> 00:33:29,917 I've been hearing fabulous things about the special. 453 00:33:30,042 --> 00:33:32,250 What, did we hit a little speed bump? 454 00:33:32,333 --> 00:33:35,042 Mm-hmm, and his name is Colin. 455 00:33:35,125 --> 00:33:37,583 Kid Genius told me to mess with the vertical hold. 456 00:33:37,708 --> 00:33:40,083 - Show me. - Show him. 457 00:33:40,208 --> 00:33:42,083 Show him, Colin. 458 00:33:44,917 --> 00:33:48,083 Thanks for having me on your show, Andy. 459 00:33:48,208 --> 00:33:50,083 Boy, it sure-- 460 00:33:56,583 --> 00:34:00,542 It'll be great. People will think their TV is broken. 461 00:34:00,667 --> 00:34:03,167 They'll get out of their chairs, walk over to the TV, 462 00:34:03,250 --> 00:34:05,625 twist the knobs, call the TV store. 463 00:34:05,750 --> 00:34:07,625 "I paid a lot of money for that TV!" 464 00:34:07,750 --> 00:34:11,083 They'll bang on the television, but they won't be able to fix it! 465 00:34:13,167 --> 00:34:16,292 Andy. Andy. 466 00:34:16,417 --> 00:34:19,583 We don't want the viewers to get out of their chairs. 467 00:34:19,708 --> 00:34:22,417 But it's funny. 468 00:34:22,542 --> 00:34:25,250 It's a practical joke. 469 00:34:25,375 --> 00:34:29,583 The viewer must be able to see the program. 470 00:34:31,708 --> 00:34:35,417 But-- But it's only gonna be for 30 seconds. 471 00:34:35,542 --> 00:34:38,875 - Five. - Twenty. 472 00:34:38,958 --> 00:34:41,375 Ten. 473 00:34:41,458 --> 00:34:42,708 Deal. 474 00:34:44,875 --> 00:34:48,292 - Okay, Andy. Ten seconds, huh? - Ten seconds, okay. 475 00:34:48,417 --> 00:34:50,292 - Okay. - Okay. 476 00:34:58,083 --> 00:35:00,750 - Ten seconds is all I really wanted. - Ten seconds is perfect. 477 00:35:05,042 --> 00:35:07,750 You know, Howdy, I've been watching you since I was a little boy. 478 00:35:07,875 --> 00:35:09,750 I didn't even know what television was. 479 00:35:09,875 --> 00:35:13,417 Oh, look at how cute he is, huh? Isn't this great? 480 00:35:13,542 --> 00:35:17,292 - That is so moving. - You're as real as anyone else on the show. 481 00:35:17,417 --> 00:35:20,583 And I love you. I really do. 482 00:35:20,667 --> 00:35:22,708 This is not funny. 483 00:35:22,792 --> 00:35:25,958 This is artsy-fartsy shit. I mean, what-- 484 00:35:26,083 --> 00:35:29,375 This is the magical part of the show. The show's not all like this. 485 00:35:29,458 --> 00:35:31,958 It's hysterical. It gets very funny. 486 00:35:32,083 --> 00:35:35,917 For Christ's sakes, we're the number one network. Can't we afford a decent TV? 487 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,917 No, no, no, th-that's part of the show. 488 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,917 - This is part of the show? - Yes. 489 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,917 What do you mean, it's part of the show? 490 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,458 Th-That's the way Andy wants it, with the rolling. 491 00:35:45,583 --> 00:35:49,708 Thanks, Andy. I love you too. 492 00:35:51,792 --> 00:35:56,250 Tell Kaufman this network will never air this program. 493 00:35:57,458 --> 00:35:59,375 Hey, that's Andy Kaufman. 494 00:35:59,417 --> 00:36:01,500 Do you wanna bet? 495 00:36:01,625 --> 00:36:04,167 Hey. Hey. 496 00:36:04,250 --> 00:36:06,917 Hey, excuse me. Are you Andy Kaufman? 497 00:36:09,458 --> 00:36:11,792 I get that all the time. 498 00:36:18,250 --> 00:36:20,708 Andy. 499 00:36:20,875 --> 00:36:23,125 This is ridiculous. 500 00:36:23,250 --> 00:36:25,125 Take off that apron. 501 00:36:27,458 --> 00:36:30,750 No. I'd rather work here than at ABC. 502 00:36:30,833 --> 00:36:34,083 - Ah, I'm sorry. They're a bunch of assholes. - Yeah. 503 00:36:34,167 --> 00:36:38,208 We work in a creative business. There's no telling what people are gonna like or dislike. 504 00:36:38,333 --> 00:36:41,375 The only reason why I did Taxi-- the only reason-- 505 00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:43,750 was so that I could have my own special. 506 00:36:43,875 --> 00:36:45,958 I know. I'll tell you what. 507 00:36:46,083 --> 00:36:48,042 Let me book you some colleges now, 508 00:36:48,167 --> 00:36:50,250 and then I'll take the special around. 509 00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:53,708 I'll show it to people and see if anybody wants to buy it. 510 00:36:53,792 --> 00:36:56,583 We'll have a garage sale. No, I'm over and out. 511 00:36:56,667 --> 00:36:59,708 - You know, you're not over and out. - I am over and out. 512 00:36:59,792 --> 00:37:01,750 - You can't be over and out. - I'll show you over and out. 513 00:37:01,833 --> 00:37:04,375 You've got a deal with ABC. You've gotta honor it. 514 00:37:04,458 --> 00:37:08,000 All right. How much longer's left on my contract? 515 00:37:08,083 --> 00:37:10,917 You signed for five years, so... 516 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,875 four years and seven months. 517 00:37:36,917 --> 00:37:38,833 Thank you. 518 00:37:38,875 --> 00:37:40,833 It's really great to be here. 519 00:37:40,917 --> 00:37:43,792 We're gonna have a great show tonight. 520 00:37:43,917 --> 00:37:46,125 Really good one! 521 00:37:46,250 --> 00:37:49,833 We're gonna-- We're gonna start by singing some songs. 522 00:37:49,958 --> 00:37:53,042 - Do Latka! - Yeah, Latka! 523 00:37:53,125 --> 00:37:55,000 Come on, Latka! 524 00:37:59,083 --> 00:38:01,875 Latka! Latka! Latka! 525 00:38:01,958 --> 00:38:05,583 - Latka! Latka! - Excuse me for one second. 526 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,917 - I saw that. - What? 527 00:38:10,042 --> 00:38:12,583 - Give me the book. - What book? No, I'm not going to give you the book. 528 00:38:12,708 --> 00:38:14,833 - Is something wrong? - No, everything's okay. Fine. 529 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,250 - Can I squeeze your nuts? Thanks. - Ohh! 530 00:38:18,333 --> 00:38:20,958 They're askin' for it. 531 00:38:27,583 --> 00:38:31,208 Ladies and gentlemen, since you're such a... 532 00:38:31,333 --> 00:38:33,250 special audience-- 533 00:38:33,333 --> 00:38:35,917 Yeah! 534 00:38:36,042 --> 00:38:39,042 I'm going to reveal for the very first time, 535 00:38:39,125 --> 00:38:41,750 ever, the real me. 536 00:38:41,875 --> 00:38:43,750 That's right. 537 00:38:48,125 --> 00:38:51,625 Ahem. I'm actually British. 538 00:38:53,333 --> 00:38:56,958 And though I dabble in clowning, I do find it so boorish, 539 00:38:57,083 --> 00:38:59,042 so... American. 540 00:39:00,750 --> 00:39:03,458 I prefer the fine arts, henceforth, today... 541 00:39:03,583 --> 00:39:06,167 I am going to grace you with a reading... 542 00:39:06,250 --> 00:39:08,583 of one of the greatest novels ever written, 543 00:39:08,708 --> 00:39:11,042 The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. 544 00:39:15,958 --> 00:39:17,833 Please. 545 00:39:19,292 --> 00:39:21,917 "In my younger and more vulnerable years, 546 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,917 my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. 547 00:39:26,042 --> 00:39:28,542 'Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,' he told me, 548 00:39:28,625 --> 00:39:30,708 - Latka! - 'just remember that all the people of this world... 549 00:39:30,792 --> 00:39:32,875 - Latka! - haven't had the advantages that you've had.' 550 00:39:32,917 --> 00:39:36,708 But he'd always been unusually communicative in a reserved way, 551 00:39:36,792 --> 00:39:39,042 and I understood that he meant... 552 00:39:39,125 --> 00:39:41,917 a great deal more than that." 553 00:39:48,500 --> 00:39:50,417 Thank you very much. 554 00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:52,417 Yeah! 555 00:39:56,875 --> 00:39:58,875 "In consequence, 556 00:39:58,958 --> 00:40:00,917 I'm inclined to reserve all judgments, 557 00:40:01,042 --> 00:40:03,875 - a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me... 558 00:40:03,958 --> 00:40:06,542 and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores." 559 00:40:06,625 --> 00:40:09,375 - Oh, come on! - No, no. No, no. 560 00:40:09,417 --> 00:40:12,792 No, no, please keep it down. We've got a long way to go. 561 00:40:12,917 --> 00:40:15,042 "They were the same people, 562 00:40:15,083 --> 00:40:18,750 or at least the same sort of people, the same profusion of--" 563 00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:20,750 I tell you what. 564 00:40:20,833 --> 00:40:24,458 Would you rather I kept reading, or do you prefer to hear the phonograph record? 565 00:40:24,583 --> 00:40:26,417 Record! 566 00:40:26,542 --> 00:40:28,792 - I'm sorry. I can't hear you. - Record! 567 00:40:28,917 --> 00:40:31,958 - Are you positive? - Yeah! 568 00:40:32,083 --> 00:40:35,208 - Very well then. - Yeah, "Mighty Mouse"! 569 00:40:40,875 --> 00:40:44,375 "His presence gave the evening it's quality of oppressiveness. 570 00:40:44,500 --> 00:40:49,625 It stands out in my memory from Gatsby's other parties that summer." 571 00:40:49,750 --> 00:40:52,708 The green light, the orgiastic future... 572 00:40:52,833 --> 00:40:55,583 that year by year recedes before us. 573 00:41:00,250 --> 00:41:02,542 Tomorrow-- 574 00:41:02,708 --> 00:41:06,542 Tomorrow we will run faster, 575 00:41:06,625 --> 00:41:09,833 stretch our arms out further, 576 00:41:09,958 --> 00:41:12,625 and one fine morning, 577 00:41:12,750 --> 00:41:16,542 so we beat on, boats against the current, 578 00:41:16,708 --> 00:41:20,708 borne back ceaselessly... 579 00:41:20,750 --> 00:41:22,708 into the past." 580 00:41:25,417 --> 00:41:27,750 The end. 581 00:41:29,333 --> 00:41:31,542 All right! 582 00:41:53,250 --> 00:41:55,583 You wanna play Arizona State? 583 00:41:55,625 --> 00:41:58,917 You give 'em Mighty Mouse. You give 'em Elvis. 584 00:41:59,042 --> 00:42:01,542 - I-I gave them The Great Gatsby. - Yes. 585 00:42:01,667 --> 00:42:04,125 - F. Scott Fitzgerald's best work. - A classic. 586 00:42:04,250 --> 00:42:08,292 - His finest piece of work. - I don't care. 587 00:42:12,917 --> 00:42:14,833 Andy. 588 00:42:14,875 --> 00:42:19,250 Andy, you have to look inside and ask this question. 589 00:42:19,333 --> 00:42:21,792 Who are you trying to entertain? 590 00:42:21,917 --> 00:42:24,250 The audience or yourself? 591 00:42:25,833 --> 00:42:29,375 Excuse me. 592 00:42:29,458 --> 00:42:31,750 Ah. 593 00:42:31,833 --> 00:42:34,083 - Bob. Bob, I'm-I'm-- - What, George? 594 00:42:34,167 --> 00:42:36,583 I'm worried about Andy. 595 00:42:36,667 --> 00:42:39,875 This is not good. His stress level is affecting his work. 596 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:43,000 Calm down, George. That's not gonna help anything. 597 00:42:43,167 --> 00:42:45,625 Look, uh, 598 00:42:45,750 --> 00:42:48,625 Tony Clifton is gonna go on Taxi next week. 599 00:42:48,750 --> 00:42:52,583 That should, uh, let him blow off steam and relieve the stress. 600 00:42:52,667 --> 00:42:54,583 - Bob, Bob, Bob. - Okay? 601 00:42:54,667 --> 00:42:57,333 Andy needs to relax. This is your job. 602 00:42:57,417 --> 00:43:00,875 - You have to take him away from all of this. - My job. 603 00:43:03,750 --> 00:43:06,500 - Would you come on? - Okay. 604 00:43:06,625 --> 00:43:08,917 Sh-- 605 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,625 - Hi. How are you doin' today? - Fine. 606 00:43:11,708 --> 00:43:14,250 - Hello. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 607 00:43:14,417 --> 00:43:17,375 - How are you? - Peachy. 608 00:43:17,417 --> 00:43:19,833 Oh. 609 00:43:19,917 --> 00:43:21,917 Yeah 610 00:43:30,208 --> 00:43:33,542 - What do-- What do we do now? - Now you pick. 611 00:43:35,625 --> 00:43:39,083 But what if I... hurt somebody's feelings? 612 00:43:39,208 --> 00:43:42,417 For Christ's sake, you're not gonna hurt anybody's feelings. 613 00:43:42,583 --> 00:43:45,000 They're-- They're all professionals. All right? 614 00:43:45,167 --> 00:43:47,083 Okay. 615 00:43:53,042 --> 00:43:55,167 All right. Which one? 616 00:43:56,958 --> 00:43:59,333 I will have both! 617 00:44:04,708 --> 00:44:08,583 I will have this fraulein und the one with the big strudels. 618 00:44:08,708 --> 00:44:11,167 Mach schnell, mach schnell! 619 00:44:11,250 --> 00:44:14,125 Oh, no. Zmuda, I'm gonna kill you. 620 00:44:14,208 --> 00:44:16,250 Excellent choice. 621 00:44:17,417 --> 00:44:19,333 - Hi. - Hi. 622 00:44:19,375 --> 00:44:21,750 Are you having a good day? 623 00:44:21,875 --> 00:44:24,625 It's kind of a big day. 624 00:44:24,750 --> 00:44:27,125 It's my buddy's first time with a prostitute. 625 00:44:27,208 --> 00:44:31,083 What are you talkin' about? Andy comes here almost every weekend. 626 00:44:31,208 --> 00:44:33,583 Who, Andy? 627 00:44:33,708 --> 00:44:36,500 Oh, he doesn't always call himself that. 628 00:44:36,542 --> 00:44:39,125 Sometimes he's Tony, and he wears a tux. 629 00:44:40,833 --> 00:44:42,750 - Yeah - Oh, ho! 630 00:44:58,417 --> 00:45:00,375 Hey, um, 631 00:45:02,542 --> 00:45:06,375 if-- if I gave you both... 632 00:45:06,458 --> 00:45:08,333 three hundred dollars, 633 00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:10,375 would you, um, 634 00:45:13,583 --> 00:45:16,458 come to Hollywood and help me destroy a TV show? 635 00:45:19,667 --> 00:45:21,583 Five hundred. 636 00:45:28,167 --> 00:45:31,083 What am I, Harry Houdini, huh? 637 00:45:31,208 --> 00:45:34,542 Oh, we busted through. Come on, girls. 638 00:45:34,625 --> 00:45:36,708 Welcome to the Follies "Bree-gere." 639 00:45:36,833 --> 00:45:40,083 - Okay, here's the man. Tony Clifton. - Taxi, laxy. 640 00:45:40,208 --> 00:45:42,208 - Just the factsy, Maxie. - Hi. 641 00:45:42,292 --> 00:45:44,750 Hey, hot shot. How you doin'? 642 00:45:44,875 --> 00:45:48,375 - Ed Weinberger. - Take a hike! Okay, all right, huh? 643 00:45:48,500 --> 00:45:50,292 All right. 644 00:45:50,417 --> 00:45:52,708 - What are we doin', huh? - Here's your script, uh, Tony. 645 00:45:52,792 --> 00:45:54,833 - That's the script I was given? - Yeah. 646 00:45:54,917 --> 00:45:57,542 That's the one I have to do? Okay, let me see. 647 00:45:57,625 --> 00:46:00,583 Okay, bullshit, bullshit, my line. 648 00:46:00,708 --> 00:46:02,875 Bullshit, bullshit, my line. 649 00:46:02,958 --> 00:46:04,708 Ohh! Ha-ha! 650 00:46:04,792 --> 00:46:07,750 That's hilarious! That is hilarious! 651 00:46:07,833 --> 00:46:11,458 I reviewed that script last night and I was not satisfied. 652 00:46:11,583 --> 00:46:14,542 - Yeah, well-- - I was not satisfied. 653 00:46:14,667 --> 00:46:16,833 - Why don't we-- - So I made a few changes. 654 00:46:16,917 --> 00:46:19,875 I stayed up all night with these sweet ladies right here. 655 00:46:19,958 --> 00:46:22,792 This is Lemonade. 656 00:46:22,917 --> 00:46:25,458 - That'll keep you going on a hot day. - Can we get to work? 657 00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:29,042 And this is Melonia. How's my little produce department? 658 00:46:29,167 --> 00:46:32,417 Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk. 659 00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:35,458 This is the new Taxi theme song. 660 00:46:39,750 --> 00:46:43,208 Oh, yes we drive a taxi 661 00:46:44,750 --> 00:46:48,417 Aaaah! 662 00:46:48,542 --> 00:46:53,250 Aaaah! 663 00:46:53,333 --> 00:46:55,458 Aah-aah-aah-aah-ahh! 664 00:46:55,583 --> 00:46:57,458 George. 665 00:46:59,250 --> 00:47:02,625 Now, I can't afford to blow this whole episode, so... 666 00:47:02,750 --> 00:47:04,750 we have to let him go. 667 00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,292 I'm not sure how Andy's gonna take this. 668 00:47:09,417 --> 00:47:13,042 We'll just have to go down and tell him. 669 00:47:13,167 --> 00:47:15,958 But-But that's Tony down there. It's not Andy. 670 00:47:16,083 --> 00:47:18,750 I don't give a fuck who that is. I'm gonna fire him. 671 00:47:18,833 --> 00:47:20,875 Okay. All right. 672 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,375 But we better warn Andy first. 673 00:47:23,458 --> 00:47:26,292 He's up in San Francisco doin' a concert. 674 00:47:26,417 --> 00:47:29,250 I'll call my secretary. 675 00:47:30,625 --> 00:47:33,417 Diane, this is George. 676 00:47:33,542 --> 00:47:37,583 - I'm trying to reach Andy up in San Francisco. - Okay. 677 00:47:37,708 --> 00:47:41,375 - I'll patch you through. - I'll wait. 678 00:47:43,500 --> 00:47:46,250 - Hello. - Andy, I'm gonna put you on the speaker. 679 00:47:47,792 --> 00:47:49,750 - Hello, Andy. Hi. - Hello ? 680 00:47:49,875 --> 00:47:52,125 - I'm here with Ed over at Taxi. - Hi, Ed. 681 00:47:52,250 --> 00:47:54,125 - Hi, Andy. - How are you? 682 00:47:54,250 --> 00:47:55,708 - I'm fine. - Good. 683 00:47:55,792 --> 00:47:58,583 - Andy, there's been some trouble with Tony. - Oh, no. 684 00:47:58,708 --> 00:48:00,833 Did-- Did he get hurt? 685 00:48:00,917 --> 00:48:03,750 - No. - Andy, it's nothing like-- No. 686 00:48:03,875 --> 00:48:06,750 - Did he hurt someone else? - No, no. It's not that. 687 00:48:06,833 --> 00:48:09,375 Andy, uh, the reason I'm calling you like this... 688 00:48:09,500 --> 00:48:13,042 is I have the utmost respect for your artistry. 689 00:48:13,167 --> 00:48:16,708 Well, may I say that I've always appreciated that, Ed. 690 00:48:16,833 --> 00:48:20,792 Thank you, but you see, in this instance, um, 691 00:48:20,917 --> 00:48:24,375 I have to ask your permission to fire Tony. 692 00:48:28,583 --> 00:48:30,458 Oh, my. 693 00:48:30,583 --> 00:48:34,167 George, this is gonna kill Tony. 694 00:48:34,250 --> 00:48:37,583 - He's waited for this his whole life. - There'll be other shots. 695 00:48:37,667 --> 00:48:40,583 Yeah, we have to do this. He's just a terrible actor. 696 00:48:42,125 --> 00:48:45,708 Okay, but please, let him down gently. 697 00:48:45,792 --> 00:48:47,750 Trust us. 698 00:48:47,875 --> 00:48:50,958 Fuck you! I'm not goin'! 699 00:48:52,333 --> 00:48:54,250 We had a deal. 700 00:48:54,333 --> 00:48:56,792 I don't know who you talked to. I didn't talk to anybody. 701 00:48:56,917 --> 00:49:00,042 - You must have talked to someone else! - I was talkin' to Andy Kaufman! 702 00:49:00,125 --> 00:49:02,583 - I don't know no Andy Kaufman! - Okay. 703 00:49:02,667 --> 00:49:06,333 Security, get in here! 704 00:49:06,417 --> 00:49:08,333 Security! 705 00:49:12,542 --> 00:49:15,208 Aah. 706 00:49:22,583 --> 00:49:24,958 Don't hurt him! 707 00:49:25,083 --> 00:49:28,708 - He's a talented man! - I don't want any pictures leaving this set. 708 00:49:28,792 --> 00:49:32,292 Hey, give me that! This is Zmuda! He's one of 'em! 709 00:49:34,208 --> 00:49:36,417 - You guys ever go to Vegas, - Yeah, yeah. 710 00:49:36,542 --> 00:49:38,542 you're not gettin' in! 711 00:49:38,667 --> 00:49:41,708 Hey, come back! Give me the camera! Come here! 712 00:49:41,792 --> 00:49:43,708 - Give me the camera! - What? 713 00:49:43,792 --> 00:49:46,417 I got 20 bucks says you work for me now! 714 00:49:46,542 --> 00:49:49,250 I would like to use the phone! 715 00:49:49,333 --> 00:49:52,875 - Not on the lot, sir. - How 'bout a bathroom? I may have shit my pants. 716 00:49:54,708 --> 00:49:57,375 - Drink of water? Aspirin? - Nope. 717 00:49:57,458 --> 00:49:59,583 - Moist towelette? - No. 718 00:49:59,708 --> 00:50:04,417 In that case, it has been an honor. "Good-bee"! 719 00:50:04,500 --> 00:50:07,417 This is great! 720 00:50:07,500 --> 00:50:09,583 This is too much, man. 721 00:50:09,708 --> 00:50:12,208 It makes Tony real, gives him three dimensions. 722 00:50:14,208 --> 00:50:17,292 It's good for his career, George. 723 00:50:17,417 --> 00:50:21,750 Oh, really? You wanna book Tony Clifton at Harrah's Tahoe. 724 00:50:21,833 --> 00:50:24,083 I know the college kids really like Andy Kaufman. 725 00:50:24,208 --> 00:50:27,958 No, no, no. L-Look, Gene, let me be really clear about this. 726 00:50:28,083 --> 00:50:31,583 If you book Tony, do not expect to get Andy. 727 00:50:31,708 --> 00:50:34,708 Yeah, yeah, well, I'll take my chances, all right? 728 00:50:37,042 --> 00:50:39,958 All right. Be my guest. Book him. 729 00:50:43,167 --> 00:50:44,750 Shut up! 730 00:50:46,667 --> 00:50:49,458 Shut the hell up, all of ya! 731 00:50:49,583 --> 00:50:53,375 You make one more sound, I'll come down there and put your frickin' head in the soup! 732 00:50:53,458 --> 00:50:55,583 Whew. 733 00:50:55,708 --> 00:50:59,583 When I go like this, it means I-I expect total silence! 734 00:51:00,917 --> 00:51:03,875 There is an artiste on stage. 735 00:51:18,208 --> 00:51:21,042 That's better. 736 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:31,542 Oh, whether I'm right 737 00:51:31,625 --> 00:51:33,625 Or whether I'm wrong 738 00:51:35,333 --> 00:51:38,250 Oh, whether I find a place in this world 739 00:51:38,333 --> 00:51:41,458 Or never belong 740 00:51:41,583 --> 00:51:44,708 I've got to be me 741 00:51:44,833 --> 00:51:48,583 I've gotta be me 742 00:51:48,708 --> 00:51:54,083 Willing to try to do it or die 743 00:51:55,250 --> 00:51:58,875 Yaah! Hah! Aah! 744 00:52:00,667 --> 00:52:03,292 What? 745 00:52:04,917 --> 00:52:07,083 Thank you very much! 746 00:52:08,417 --> 00:52:11,375 Thank you. I do all my own stunts. 747 00:52:12,667 --> 00:52:15,083 I've got to be 748 00:52:15,167 --> 00:52:17,375 Eeee 749 00:52:17,458 --> 00:52:21,125 Eeee-eee 750 00:52:23,250 --> 00:52:25,375 What the hell's goin' on? 751 00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:30,583 Kaufman? 752 00:52:36,792 --> 00:52:38,792 Kaufman's crappin' on my act! 753 00:52:44,625 --> 00:52:46,875 Where's it say Kaufman's in the act? 754 00:52:53,167 --> 00:52:56,875 - May I borrow this for a second? - Oh, no. 755 00:53:12,500 --> 00:53:14,750 No! 756 00:53:14,875 --> 00:53:17,958 Ah, now you are all wet, huh? 757 00:53:18,083 --> 00:53:20,708 You look like you could use a little drink up there. 758 00:53:21,875 --> 00:53:23,750 Why don't you go on, get out of here! 759 00:53:23,875 --> 00:53:26,875 Why don't you just take off, Kaufman! 760 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:28,750 Get out of here, little drummer boy! 761 00:53:28,833 --> 00:53:30,583 Stay! 762 00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:33,792 - I've got to be - Don't leave, Andy! Come back! 763 00:53:33,917 --> 00:53:36,292 Eeee 764 00:53:36,417 --> 00:53:40,750 - Go home! - Volare 765 00:53:40,875 --> 00:53:43,042 Whoa-oh 766 00:53:43,167 --> 00:53:46,083 Ca-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa wantare 767 00:53:46,167 --> 00:53:47,917 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 768 00:53:48,042 --> 00:53:50,208 Uhh! Ah! 769 00:53:57,250 --> 00:54:00,708 Jesus Christ. Close the goddamn door. Close it! 770 00:54:02,333 --> 00:54:04,250 Oh. Look at you. 771 00:54:05,333 --> 00:54:07,000 You're so proud. 772 00:54:07,083 --> 00:54:10,000 You're like some stupid kid who comes home from school-- 773 00:54:10,083 --> 00:54:12,000 "Look, Dad, I got an 'F.'" 774 00:54:13,333 --> 00:54:15,250 But wasn't it funny? 775 00:54:15,333 --> 00:54:17,750 "Yes, it was funny, Andy. It was." 776 00:54:20,500 --> 00:54:22,917 Yes, it was funny for a little while, 777 00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,750 until the audience realized that Tony wasn't you. 778 00:54:25,875 --> 00:54:28,583 Oh. Mmm. Ohhh! 779 00:54:30,208 --> 00:54:32,083 So what do you have here? 780 00:54:32,208 --> 00:54:35,500 A big, elaborate joke that's only funny to two people in the universe-- 781 00:54:35,583 --> 00:54:37,583 you and you. 782 00:54:37,667 --> 00:54:41,083 Yeah, sure, George, yeah, and we happen to think that it's hilarious. 783 00:54:43,667 --> 00:54:46,333 But what's the point? What is the point? 784 00:54:46,417 --> 00:54:48,333 It's fun, George! 785 00:54:50,208 --> 00:54:53,083 How is this gonna make you the biggest star in the world? 786 00:54:55,667 --> 00:54:58,083 George... 787 00:54:58,167 --> 00:55:02,375 at this point the audience expects me to completely shock them all the time. 788 00:55:02,458 --> 00:55:05,625 But short of faking my own death or setting the theater on fire, 789 00:55:05,750 --> 00:55:07,625 I don't know what else to do. 790 00:55:07,750 --> 00:55:10,625 'Cause I've always gotta be one step ahead of them. 791 00:55:10,917 --> 00:55:13,417 Whoa-ohh! 792 00:55:13,542 --> 00:55:16,833 It's like ballet. Whoa! 793 00:55:16,917 --> 00:55:18,750 Did you see that? 794 00:55:18,833 --> 00:55:20,583 Bam! 795 00:55:20,667 --> 00:55:22,708 ...dropped to the canvas-- 796 00:55:22,833 --> 00:55:26,667 These guys are brilliant. I wanna be a bad guy wrestler in the worst way. 797 00:55:26,750 --> 00:55:30,750 I hate to break it to you, but the problem here is you don't have the build for it. 798 00:55:30,875 --> 00:55:32,750 These guys are huge. 799 00:55:32,875 --> 00:55:35,500 They would kick your ass. 800 00:55:37,583 --> 00:55:43,042 Maybe I can pick on someone a little smaller than me. 801 00:55:43,167 --> 00:55:47,250 No, no. Women are superior to men in many ways. 802 00:55:47,375 --> 00:55:49,625 That's right. 803 00:55:49,750 --> 00:55:53,458 - When it comes to cooking, cleaning, washing potatoes, 804 00:55:53,583 --> 00:55:56,542 scrubbing the carrots, making the babies, 805 00:55:56,667 --> 00:55:58,250 mopping the floors, 806 00:55:58,375 --> 00:56:00,375 they have it all over men. 807 00:56:00,500 --> 00:56:02,417 But when it comes to wrestling-- 808 00:56:02,542 --> 00:56:04,250 Shut up! 809 00:56:04,333 --> 00:56:07,750 Be quiet when a man is talking! 810 00:56:10,042 --> 00:56:14,083 If there is a woman here tonight who can come up here and prove me wrong, 811 00:56:14,208 --> 00:56:17,625 I will shut my mouth and pay her $500. 812 00:56:17,750 --> 00:56:20,458 I can do it! 813 00:56:20,583 --> 00:56:22,250 Right here! 814 00:56:22,333 --> 00:56:24,583 First come, first served! 815 00:56:24,667 --> 00:56:27,083 Come on! You wanna take me? 816 00:56:27,167 --> 00:56:28,917 Come on up here. 817 00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:30,917 - What's your name, sweetheart? - Lynne. 818 00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:33,583 Lynne. We got Lynne as a volunteer. 819 00:56:33,708 --> 00:56:35,917 - Lynne, sweetheart, pay attention. - You're pathetic! 820 00:56:36,042 --> 00:56:37,917 We'll see about that, Suzy Q 821 00:56:38,042 --> 00:56:40,917 I want no kicking, biting, scratching, head butts. Do you understand? 822 00:56:41,042 --> 00:56:43,750 - Why? He's gonna play fair? - lam not concerned with him. 823 00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:46,750 - He is a professional. - It's up to you to pin me. 824 00:56:46,833 --> 00:56:49,750 - Yes, I understand. - Very good. Could we please shake hands. 825 00:56:50,833 --> 00:56:52,583 Oooh! 826 00:56:52,708 --> 00:56:55,708 Come out wrestling when you hear the bell. 827 00:57:01,583 --> 00:57:04,208 You see? You see this? 828 00:57:09,417 --> 00:57:11,917 Yeah! Whoa! 829 00:57:14,083 --> 00:57:16,000 Hey, no choke holds! I told you! 830 00:57:16,083 --> 00:57:17,750 Yeah! Come on! 831 00:57:19,833 --> 00:57:21,250 Oww! 832 00:57:21,333 --> 00:57:23,750 I said, break it up, Kaufman! 833 00:57:24,917 --> 00:57:26,833 - First warning! - For what? 834 00:57:26,917 --> 00:57:30,333 You pulled her hair! You won't be getting a second warning! 835 00:57:30,417 --> 00:57:33,250 Shut up! 836 00:57:33,333 --> 00:57:35,375 I am the champion! No woman can beat-- 837 00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:43,250 Ohh! 838 00:57:48,542 --> 00:57:50,458 - Ohh! - Come on! Ohh! 839 00:57:52,250 --> 00:57:54,833 One! Two! 840 00:57:54,917 --> 00:57:56,750 Three! That is it! 841 00:57:56,875 --> 00:57:59,750 It is over! It is over! That is it! 842 00:57:59,875 --> 00:58:02,375 You are out! You are down! 843 00:58:02,500 --> 00:58:06,500 The winner and undisputed intergender wrestling champion of the world, 844 00:58:07,625 --> 00:58:10,208 Andy Kaufman! 845 00:58:10,292 --> 00:58:13,208 I am the winner! 846 00:58:13,292 --> 00:58:16,083 I've got the brains! 847 00:58:28,083 --> 00:58:31,500 - Ma'am, here is your complimentary photo of Merv. - Thank you. 848 00:58:31,583 --> 00:58:34,000 - And your Turtle Wax. - I don't want Turtle Wax. 849 00:58:34,083 --> 00:58:36,500 Every guest of Merv takes Turtle Wax. 850 00:58:36,583 --> 00:58:40,000 - And here is your gift voucher to Red Lobster. - Thank you so much. 851 00:58:40,083 --> 00:58:44,000 Hey, hey, hey. I just wanted to thank you for doing such a great job. 852 00:58:44,083 --> 00:58:46,500 - I really appreciate it. - Don't patronize me. 853 00:58:46,583 --> 00:58:49,500 - Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - What? 854 00:58:49,583 --> 00:58:52,417 I hope you don't take everything I did in there seriously. 855 00:58:52,542 --> 00:58:54,417 It's just part of the show. 856 00:58:54,542 --> 00:58:57,417 It's like the old days of the carnival barker... 857 00:58:57,542 --> 00:58:59,417 when he'd get the crowd all riled up. 858 00:58:59,542 --> 00:59:02,417 So you just pretend to be an asshole? 859 00:59:02,542 --> 00:59:04,417 That's what I'm good at. 860 00:59:06,542 --> 00:59:08,417 Yeah, you are. 861 00:59:08,542 --> 00:59:11,917 You are really, really good at it. You are. 862 00:59:18,917 --> 00:59:21,958 Merv Griffin got 2,000 pieces of hate mail. 863 00:59:22,083 --> 00:59:25,083 Don't make me laugh, George. 864 00:59:25,208 --> 00:59:28,833 Andy, Merv does not get hate mail. 865 00:59:28,917 --> 00:59:32,042 That means we're a success. 866 00:59:32,167 --> 00:59:33,417 Oh. 867 00:59:33,542 --> 00:59:36,917 We got the room all worked up, like punk rock. 868 00:59:37,042 --> 00:59:39,333 They detest you. 869 00:59:39,417 --> 00:59:42,833 The next time you make an appearance, women are gonna picket. 870 00:59:42,917 --> 00:59:45,250 Do you think so? 871 00:59:45,375 --> 00:59:49,500 Yes, because you have not given them any clues that this is a parody. 872 00:59:49,583 --> 00:59:52,500 That's because I've only done it once. They'll get used to it. 873 00:59:52,583 --> 00:59:55,000 Because I'm gonna do it again and again... 874 00:59:55,083 --> 00:59:59,167 - and again and again and again and again-- 875 00:59:59,250 --> 01:00:02,583 Oh, Rose Marie 876 01:00:02,667 --> 01:00:04,750 I love you 877 01:00:07,583 --> 01:00:10,292 I'm always dreaming 878 01:00:10,417 --> 01:00:13,375 Of you 879 01:00:13,500 --> 01:00:15,542 No matter what I do 880 01:00:15,667 --> 01:00:16,792 - Aaah! - No matter what I do 881 01:00:16,917 --> 01:00:20,083 I can't forget you 882 01:00:21,667 --> 01:00:25,500 Sometimes I wish that I'd 883 01:00:25,583 --> 01:00:27,208 Never met you 884 01:00:30,083 --> 01:00:34,083 And yet if I 885 01:00:34,208 --> 01:00:36,333 Should lose you 886 01:00:36,417 --> 01:00:39,042 Time out! 887 01:00:39,167 --> 01:00:41,250 It would mean my very life 888 01:00:41,375 --> 01:00:43,250 - What's your problem? - To me 889 01:00:43,375 --> 01:00:46,125 All right, you are out of here! 890 01:00:46,250 --> 01:00:49,333 Of all the queens that ever lived 891 01:00:49,417 --> 01:00:53,542 I choose you 892 01:00:53,625 --> 01:00:56,208 To rule me 893 01:00:56,333 --> 01:01:00,625 - My Rose Marie - Two adults, please. Thank you. 894 01:01:00,750 --> 01:01:03,625 - You want some popcorn? - Um, no, thank you. 895 01:01:03,750 --> 01:01:05,625 I really want one. 896 01:01:05,750 --> 01:01:09,583 Um, a large tub of popcorn, please. Extra butter. 897 01:01:09,708 --> 01:01:14,292 Why did you call me? You are the last person I expected to call me. 898 01:01:14,417 --> 01:01:17,583 Gosh, uh-- Gee, Lynne, I mean-- 899 01:01:17,667 --> 01:01:20,583 I was just so impressed with your wrestling moves. 900 01:01:20,667 --> 01:01:22,583 Yeah, you're impressed with something. 901 01:01:22,667 --> 01:01:25,583 - You had a huge boner on national television. - Oh, man! 902 01:01:25,667 --> 01:01:27,583 - Yes, you did! - Come on. 903 01:01:27,667 --> 01:01:29,917 I had it taped down and everything. 904 01:01:30,042 --> 01:01:31,917 I hope I didn't offend you. 905 01:01:32,042 --> 01:01:33,917 I'm here, aren't I? 906 01:01:34,042 --> 01:01:37,083 Hey, wanna go to Memphis and get married? 907 01:01:39,667 --> 01:01:42,583 Do I wanna go to Memphis and get married? 908 01:01:42,708 --> 01:01:45,500 - Mm-hmm. - Wh-- 909 01:01:46,583 --> 01:01:48,500 Why Memphis? 910 01:01:48,583 --> 01:01:51,833 Because Memphis is the wrestling capital of the world. 911 01:01:51,917 --> 01:01:53,833 I'll get up in the ring... 912 01:01:53,917 --> 01:01:56,833 and I'll announce that I'll marry the first woman who beats me. 913 01:01:56,917 --> 01:02:00,125 Then you can get up, we'll wrestle, I'll let you win-- 914 01:02:00,250 --> 01:02:03,583 - You'll let me win? - I'll let you win. I'll let you. 915 01:02:03,667 --> 01:02:07,917 Then we'll run off and get married on the David Letterman show. 916 01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:09,917 - God! - Okay? 917 01:02:14,083 --> 01:02:16,000 What do you say? 918 01:02:18,167 --> 01:02:20,083 Is this for real? 919 01:02:20,167 --> 01:02:22,292 - Shut up! - Boo! 920 01:02:22,417 --> 01:02:24,792 Shut up! 921 01:02:24,917 --> 01:02:29,125 I demand silence when I am talking! 922 01:02:29,250 --> 01:02:32,750 Total lack of respect from Mr. Hollywood-- 923 01:02:32,875 --> 01:02:36,792 If there is one woman here tonight who thinks she can defeat me, 924 01:02:36,917 --> 01:02:39,375 that lucky little lady... 925 01:02:39,500 --> 01:02:42,292 will get to marry me! 926 01:02:42,417 --> 01:02:46,167 Let me ask you, folks-- What kind of man would wrestle a woman anyway? 927 01:02:46,250 --> 01:02:48,417 Kaufman! 928 01:02:49,875 --> 01:02:52,292 - Kaufman! - Oooh. 929 01:02:52,417 --> 01:02:55,792 - Whoo! - I'll take you on, you sissy. 930 01:02:55,917 --> 01:02:58,875 Whoa! The little lady is upset! 931 01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:01,417 Well, let me tell you something, baby. 932 01:03:01,500 --> 01:03:05,083 Go back to the kitchen where you belong before you get hurt. 933 01:03:05,208 --> 01:03:08,417 You get in the kitchen, 'cause I'm gonna make you do my dishes! 934 01:03:08,542 --> 01:03:11,917 Hey! Stop it! Stop it! 935 01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:15,250 This woman is a fake! 936 01:03:15,375 --> 01:03:19,167 She's nothing more than Andy Kaufman's girlfriend. 937 01:03:19,250 --> 01:03:22,458 What? Well, there you go. 938 01:03:22,583 --> 01:03:25,542 That's not true! That's not true! 939 01:03:25,667 --> 01:03:28,125 Faker! 940 01:03:28,250 --> 01:03:31,583 - That is not true! - Oh, yeah, that's true. This is all a setup. 941 01:03:31,667 --> 01:03:35,500 I'm not gonna allow you to make fools out of all these people. 942 01:03:35,583 --> 01:03:37,958 Who the hell are you? 943 01:03:38,083 --> 01:03:41,250 I'm Jerry Lawler, the king of Memphis wrestling! 944 01:03:41,375 --> 01:03:43,875 He's the King. 945 01:03:46,083 --> 01:03:48,333 Hey, Kaufman, 946 01:03:48,417 --> 01:03:50,417 if you wanna wrestle somebody, 947 01:03:50,500 --> 01:03:52,333 I brought a real wrestler. 948 01:03:52,417 --> 01:03:54,917 She's trained, and she's ready! 949 01:03:55,042 --> 01:03:57,750 Let's see if you can handle Foxy Jackson! 950 01:03:57,875 --> 01:04:00,083 Oh, my! 951 01:04:00,208 --> 01:04:05,083 Foxy Jackson and Andy Kaufman right here, one-on-one! 952 01:04:05,208 --> 01:04:08,958 I never agreed to this! I will not do this! 953 01:04:09,083 --> 01:04:12,333 Lawler, I did not agree to this. This is against the rules! 954 01:04:12,417 --> 01:04:16,833 I don't think that Kaufman is prepared for Foxy Jackson. 955 01:04:16,917 --> 01:04:19,792 - Kick his butt! - Mr. Hollywood. 956 01:04:21,917 --> 01:04:25,292 Again, Kaufman showing a total lack of respect. 957 01:04:25,417 --> 01:04:28,625 Foxy Jackson's gonna take Kaufman to the woodshed, folks. 958 01:04:34,917 --> 01:04:38,125 Kaufman's hangin' on the ropes like a little baby. 959 01:04:38,250 --> 01:04:42,125 Foxy's about to take Kaufman right out of his shorts! 960 01:05:03,250 --> 01:05:05,417 - One, two-- - Can you believe it? 961 01:05:05,542 --> 01:05:07,583 - I got her! - Get off of her! 962 01:05:07,708 --> 01:05:10,583 Get him off of her. Come on! 963 01:05:10,708 --> 01:05:12,333 Now there goes the King. 964 01:05:12,417 --> 01:05:16,583 Oh, the King just threw Kaufman down like a rag doll! 965 01:05:16,708 --> 01:05:20,083 The King took matters into his own hands! 966 01:05:20,208 --> 01:05:22,083 What are you doing? 967 01:05:22,208 --> 01:05:24,083 I do not wrestle men! 968 01:05:24,208 --> 01:05:26,167 I am gonna sue you, Lawler! 969 01:05:26,250 --> 01:05:29,500 I am a national TV star, 970 01:05:29,583 --> 01:05:32,167 and I don't like dumb, stupid crackers... 971 01:05:32,250 --> 01:05:34,500 coming in the ring, pushing me around! 972 01:05:34,583 --> 01:05:37,667 I did not agree to wrestle you! I did not agree! 973 01:05:37,750 --> 01:05:39,792 This is assault and battery, 974 01:05:39,917 --> 01:05:42,958 and I'm gonna get a team of lawyers to sue you... 975 01:05:43,083 --> 01:05:45,958 and your children and your children's children. 976 01:05:46,083 --> 01:05:47,958 Let me tell you something, Kaufman. 977 01:05:48,083 --> 01:05:50,417 Wrestling's a very serious sport to me, 978 01:05:50,500 --> 01:05:53,333 and I don't appreciate some jerk like you trying to make fun of it. 979 01:05:53,417 --> 01:05:57,750 And I certainly don't appreciate a jerk like you trying to make fun of people from the South! 980 01:05:57,875 --> 01:05:59,750 So we can go to court, 981 01:05:59,875 --> 01:06:03,083 or you can get in the ring with a man and wrestle for real! 982 01:06:03,167 --> 01:06:05,167 Oh, you wanna "rassle" me? 983 01:06:05,250 --> 01:06:08,583 You wanna "rassle" me Memphis style? 984 01:06:08,667 --> 01:06:12,583 Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Lawler-- I am gonna make you scream for mercy! 985 01:06:20,708 --> 01:06:22,583 Come on, Kaufman! 986 01:06:24,583 --> 01:06:27,000 They didn't know what hit them! Oh! 987 01:06:27,083 --> 01:06:30,000 Is it an act? Is it an act? 988 01:06:30,083 --> 01:06:33,333 Or are you just addicted to causing trouble? 989 01:06:33,417 --> 01:06:36,333 I can quit anytime I want, baby! 990 01:06:36,417 --> 01:06:38,833 You know what? I'm not a prop. 991 01:06:38,917 --> 01:06:41,833 Don't ever treat me like that again. 992 01:06:41,917 --> 01:06:45,042 I'm sorry. Hey. Hey. 993 01:06:45,167 --> 01:06:48,917 Uh, I just get caught up, that's all. 994 01:06:50,833 --> 01:06:53,250 Sometimes I get lost. 995 01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:01,667 Please, Andy, enough with the wrestling. 996 01:07:03,083 --> 01:07:05,750 You don't think I can beat him? 997 01:07:05,875 --> 01:07:08,875 He's the Southern heavyweight champion. He'll kill you. 998 01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:10,917 I don't know. 999 01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:14,625 I've wrestled women bigger than him, and I've mopped the floor with them. 1000 01:07:14,750 --> 01:07:18,292 First you piss off women. Then you piss off the South. 1001 01:07:18,417 --> 01:07:21,750 Then you get killed, and I did the booking. 1002 01:07:22,917 --> 01:07:24,750 Funny. 1003 01:07:24,875 --> 01:07:27,750 Listen, I got this job that I want you to take. 1004 01:07:27,875 --> 01:07:30,250 It's guest-hosting the TV show Fridays. 1005 01:07:30,375 --> 01:07:33,250 It's not a great TV show, but it'll be good for you. 1006 01:07:33,375 --> 01:07:36,458 It's live, they'll give you carte blanche... 1007 01:07:36,583 --> 01:07:39,958 and you get back in the business of making people laugh. 1008 01:07:41,500 --> 01:07:44,625 - You said live? - Live. 1009 01:07:44,750 --> 01:07:46,625 I don't do drug humor. 1010 01:07:46,750 --> 01:07:49,625 Andy, it's fine. This is what the show is all about. 1011 01:07:49,750 --> 01:07:51,583 Kids love this stuff. 1012 01:07:51,667 --> 01:07:55,208 I don't do drugs, and I don't enjoy making light of them. 1013 01:07:55,333 --> 01:07:57,250 I was promised creative control. 1014 01:07:57,333 --> 01:07:59,250 Nobody promised you creative control. 1015 01:07:59,333 --> 01:08:02,750 I got you the script three days ago, and you haven't said a damn word until today. 1016 01:08:02,833 --> 01:08:05,417 We're going live in a few minutes. It's too late. 1017 01:08:05,542 --> 01:08:07,417 Let's go! Bring the audience in! 1018 01:08:07,542 --> 01:08:10,417 - Live from the Los Angeles Basin, - Janice, it 's on! 1019 01:08:10,542 --> 01:08:12,417 it 's Fridays! 1020 01:08:12,542 --> 01:08:16,250 Andy Kaufman! 1021 01:08:17,792 --> 01:08:21,167 In this sketch, two married couples are out to dinner. 1022 01:08:21,250 --> 01:08:24,667 Everybody has secretly brought along a joint. 1023 01:08:26,750 --> 01:08:30,667 Carl was the last one to sneak to the bathroom to get a little high, 1024 01:08:30,750 --> 01:08:33,958 and now he's coming back to the table. 1025 01:08:36,583 --> 01:08:39,458 Gee, restaurants are amazing, aren't they? 1026 01:08:39,583 --> 01:08:43,917 Strangers sitting around, stuffing dead animals into their faces. 1027 01:08:44,042 --> 01:08:46,792 It's incredible, isn't it? 1028 01:08:46,917 --> 01:08:49,083 Yeah, gee, 1029 01:08:49,208 --> 01:08:51,208 and... the bathrooms... 1030 01:08:51,333 --> 01:08:53,792 are... so... colorful-- 1031 01:09:08,750 --> 01:09:10,667 Everything okay... Carl? 1032 01:09:10,750 --> 01:09:14,417 I'm sorry. I-- I just... can't do it. 1033 01:09:14,542 --> 01:09:17,292 I-- I can't play stoned. 1034 01:09:18,708 --> 01:09:20,583 Read the cue cards. 1035 01:09:20,708 --> 01:09:22,583 I can't play stoned. 1036 01:09:22,708 --> 01:09:24,542 I-- I feel... stupid. 1037 01:09:24,625 --> 01:09:27,667 You feel stupid? What about us? 1038 01:09:42,083 --> 01:09:44,000 I'm sorry. 1039 01:09:44,083 --> 01:09:46,000 - I'm sorry. 1040 01:09:47,917 --> 01:09:51,083 Andy. 1041 01:09:54,583 --> 01:09:56,500 You didn't have to do that. 1042 01:09:59,250 --> 01:10:01,625 Cut it out! 1043 01:10:01,750 --> 01:10:04,417 Oh-- You jerk! 1044 01:10:04,542 --> 01:10:06,917 Okay, that's it. Go to commercial now. 1045 01:10:07,042 --> 01:10:10,917 - I told you I didn't want to do this sketch. - Kaufman, get off my stage. 1046 01:10:12,708 --> 01:10:15,583 Don't you touch me! You're a nut! 1047 01:10:15,708 --> 01:10:17,250 - Break it up! - A nut! 1048 01:10:17,375 --> 01:10:20,083 Settle down. 1049 01:10:20,208 --> 01:10:23,500 Oh, why does Andy do that? Why? Why? 1050 01:10:23,583 --> 01:10:25,708 I started using Suave-- 1051 01:10:25,833 --> 01:10:27,750 We've gone to commercial! 1052 01:10:27,833 --> 01:10:30,333 - Excuse me! - You're never gonna work at ABC again! 1053 01:10:30,417 --> 01:10:34,458 Excuse me! Ladies and gentlemen, please. 1054 01:10:34,583 --> 01:10:38,125 You have all just participated in a happening. 1055 01:10:39,500 --> 01:10:41,792 Oh! 1056 01:10:46,583 --> 01:10:49,500 Now, okay, you know, 1057 01:10:49,583 --> 01:10:54,000 to make it real, some of you down there knew what was going on and some of you didn't. 1058 01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:57,208 But we don't want to upset the folks at home, 1059 01:10:57,333 --> 01:11:02,583 so now Andy is going to tell them that it was all just a prank. 1060 01:11:02,667 --> 01:11:06,625 Coming back from commercial, and-- 1061 01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:12,917 During the commercials, 1062 01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:16,417 the people at ABC told me to explain to you... 1063 01:11:16,500 --> 01:11:19,375 that this whole fight episode was staged. 1064 01:11:19,458 --> 01:11:21,833 - Oh, good. - It's a lie! 1065 01:11:21,917 --> 01:11:23,833 It's a cover-up! 1066 01:11:23,917 --> 01:11:27,125 Why are you laughing? I don't understand. I'm not being funny now. 1067 01:11:27,250 --> 01:11:29,125 What you saw was real! 1068 01:11:29,250 --> 01:11:33,125 No, these-- these things happen all the time at the networks, only they cut away. 1069 01:11:33,250 --> 01:11:35,375 - Cut to commercial. - You see? 1070 01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:37,917 You see? 1071 01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:41,417 For sure they're gonna fire me, so if you want to see me again you'll have to come to Memphis-- 1072 01:11:43,583 --> 01:11:45,333 - Ho ho ho Green Giant - What's in Memphis? 1073 01:11:45,375 --> 01:11:47,583 The Giant's flavor-tight pouch Lets you-- 1074 01:11:47,750 --> 01:11:49,833 That kid is totally meshuga. 1075 01:11:56,833 --> 01:12:01,250 Jerry Lawler! 1076 01:12:06,583 --> 01:12:09,250 The most popular athlete... 1077 01:12:09,333 --> 01:12:11,750 in the history of Memphis, Tennessee, 1078 01:12:11,833 --> 01:12:14,333 stepping inside a squared circle. 1079 01:12:16,708 --> 01:12:20,500 At 236 pounds, 1080 01:12:21,958 --> 01:12:26,542 Jerry "The King" Lawler! 1081 01:12:30,542 --> 01:12:33,375 "March And Fanfare"] - And introducing, 1082 01:12:33,542 --> 01:12:35,750 at 191 pounds, 1083 01:12:38,250 --> 01:12:42,375 the holder of the world intergender championship, 1084 01:12:42,458 --> 01:12:47,375 here is Andy Kaufman! 1085 01:12:47,458 --> 01:12:51,083 You can hear the ovation, or lack of one, for Andy Kaufman. 1086 01:12:51,250 --> 01:12:54,208 The cheers turned to jeers. 1087 01:12:54,375 --> 01:12:58,250 Lawler is gonna settle a score for each and every one of us, 1088 01:12:58,333 --> 01:13:03,250 because we've all been insulted by this hideous Andy Kaufman from Hollywood, California. 1089 01:13:03,333 --> 01:13:05,708 The referee assigned to this bout-- 1090 01:13:10,042 --> 01:13:11,875 Before we begin this event, 1091 01:13:12,042 --> 01:13:16,000 I just want to say a couple of things to you disgusting people! 1092 01:13:16,125 --> 01:13:20,667 Oh, come on. That's just not right. 1093 01:13:20,750 --> 01:13:23,000 Are you listening to me? 1094 01:13:24,917 --> 01:13:27,250 Okay! 1095 01:13:27,333 --> 01:13:29,917 Ladies and gentlemen, 1096 01:13:30,042 --> 01:13:33,958 this is a bar of soap. 1097 01:13:34,083 --> 01:13:36,583 Say it with me. 1098 01:13:36,708 --> 01:13:38,333 "Soap." 1099 01:13:38,417 --> 01:13:42,250 All you have to do is wet this bar of soap... 1100 01:13:42,333 --> 01:13:44,417 and wipe your hands with it... 1101 01:13:44,542 --> 01:13:46,417 and rub it on your body, 1102 01:13:46,542 --> 01:13:51,292 and soon that disgusting, filthy dirt will come off! 1103 01:13:51,417 --> 01:13:53,792 Why is he saying these things? 1104 01:13:53,917 --> 01:13:56,833 He's just engaging the audience. He's riling them up. 1105 01:13:56,917 --> 01:13:58,792 They are going to lynch him. 1106 01:13:58,917 --> 01:14:01,500 And now for lesson two! 1107 01:14:01,583 --> 01:14:04,500 This is toilet paper! 1108 01:14:04,583 --> 01:14:06,500 Oh, good grief! 1109 01:14:06,583 --> 01:14:08,833 You just-- 1110 01:14:08,917 --> 01:14:13,250 I'm gonna tell you something, Kaufman-- we've had enough of your crap! 1111 01:14:13,333 --> 01:14:17,042 Let's do what we came here to do. Let's wrestle right now! 1112 01:14:17,167 --> 01:14:20,083 Well, here we go. The King is ready. 1113 01:14:20,167 --> 01:14:23,083 And I hope, for Kaufman's sake, he's ready. 1114 01:14:25,583 --> 01:14:27,667 Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! 1115 01:14:27,750 --> 01:14:32,083 Kaufman's due a trip to the old woodshed here. 1116 01:14:33,333 --> 01:14:37,000 Now, I never thought I'd see the day that-- 1117 01:14:37,083 --> 01:14:39,292 Yeah, look at Kaufman. 1118 01:14:39,375 --> 01:14:42,292 Yeah, Kaufman doesn't want any part of Lawler. 1119 01:14:42,417 --> 01:14:46,750 He's an absolute embarrassment to humanity, this man from Hollywood. 1120 01:14:46,917 --> 01:14:49,792 You see? I am from Hollywood! 1121 01:14:49,875 --> 01:14:52,333 - Who cares? - I have the brains! 1122 01:14:52,417 --> 01:14:54,333 Nobody cares where you're from! 1123 01:14:54,417 --> 01:14:56,417 I'm the king I'm the king 1124 01:14:56,500 --> 01:14:58,417 I'm the king of Memphis, Tennessee 1125 01:14:58,500 --> 01:15:01,583 Andy, please, let's go home! 1126 01:15:01,708 --> 01:15:04,083 Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud. 1127 01:15:04,208 --> 01:15:06,625 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Uh-oh, Kaufman got nailed with something. 1128 01:15:06,750 --> 01:15:09,375 - Some fan threw something. - Who did that? 1129 01:15:09,500 --> 01:15:11,500 Who did that? 1130 01:15:11,583 --> 01:15:14,750 - You cannot touch me! I will sue you! - Hey, Kaufman! 1131 01:15:14,875 --> 01:15:18,833 - I make more money in one day than you do... - Kaufman! 1132 01:15:18,917 --> 01:15:21,292 in your entire lives combined! 1133 01:15:21,417 --> 01:15:23,542 Kaufman! 1134 01:15:23,667 --> 01:15:26,833 Did you come down here to wrestle or act like an ass? 1135 01:15:28,833 --> 01:15:32,333 Now get in the ring. I'll give you a free headlock. Okay? Come on! 1136 01:15:32,417 --> 01:15:35,958 Lawler seems to be willing to offer a free hold of some kind. 1137 01:15:36,083 --> 01:15:38,042 No, no. Drop it now, Andy! 1138 01:15:38,167 --> 01:15:40,083 It's okay! It's okay! 1139 01:15:40,167 --> 01:15:43,583 Let Kaufman get in there, and let's see what kind of man he is. 1140 01:15:43,667 --> 01:15:48,083 One, two, three-- 1141 01:15:48,208 --> 01:15:52,583 - I can't believe that the King is gonna go through with this. 1142 01:15:52,708 --> 01:15:56,833 That big-mouth son of a gun has got a free headlock! 1143 01:15:56,917 --> 01:15:58,750 Business may pick up here. 1144 01:15:58,875 --> 01:16:01,250 I did it! This is for real! 1145 01:16:01,375 --> 01:16:04,250 Uh-oh. Oh, look out, Kaufman! 1146 01:16:05,875 --> 01:16:08,875 Oh, there he goes! Oh, my! 1147 01:16:08,958 --> 01:16:11,417 Kaufman in trouble! 1148 01:16:12,958 --> 01:16:15,750 Look out! Look out! 1149 01:16:18,250 --> 01:16:21,667 The King folded him up like an accordion that time. 1150 01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:25,000 Now the King is asking this crowd... 1151 01:16:25,083 --> 01:16:27,500 if they want to see the pile driver. 1152 01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:30,000 That's illegal. 1153 01:16:30,083 --> 01:16:32,333 Kaufman is out of it! 1154 01:16:32,417 --> 01:16:34,417 Oh, my! Oh, my! 1155 01:16:34,500 --> 01:16:37,417 It's gonna be a pile driver! 1156 01:16:38,917 --> 01:16:40,792 There it is! 1157 01:16:40,917 --> 01:16:42,917 Oh! Andy! 1158 01:16:43,042 --> 01:16:45,208 He's hurt bad. 1159 01:16:45,333 --> 01:16:49,750 - That's an automatic disqualification right there. - Lawler, you-- 1160 01:16:49,833 --> 01:16:53,708 Well, Kaufman wins it, but he doesn't look like a winner right now. 1161 01:16:53,792 --> 01:16:56,750 - Come on! - Keep it clear. Keep it clear. 1162 01:17:00,917 --> 01:17:02,792 - Hey, George. - Hey, Lorne. 1163 01:17:02,917 --> 01:17:06,167 - Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. - Oh, please. 1164 01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:13,250 Right, I wanted to talk to you about, uh, 1165 01:17:13,333 --> 01:17:16,250 putting Andy back on Saturday Night Live. 1166 01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:23,417 I don't know whether Andy works on the show anymore. 1167 01:17:23,500 --> 01:17:26,917 - I mean, the wrestling stuff is-- - Yeah, yeah. 1168 01:17:27,042 --> 01:17:28,917 - Just, I think it's worn-- - The wres-- 1169 01:17:29,042 --> 01:17:33,042 Yeah, we all agree, uh, completely about the wrestling. 1170 01:17:33,167 --> 01:17:34,750 That's smart. 1171 01:17:34,875 --> 01:17:36,750 Yeah, uh-- 1172 01:17:36,875 --> 01:17:40,292 - Andy is very sincere. - Right. 1173 01:17:40,417 --> 01:17:45,583 He's gonna apologize to Jerry Lawler and repent for all his bad guy shenanigans. 1174 01:17:45,708 --> 01:17:48,583 I apologize for all the wrestling I've ever done. 1175 01:17:48,708 --> 01:17:52,000 I'm sorry for all the grief I've ever given. 1176 01:17:52,042 --> 01:17:57,000 I was just playing bad guy wrestler, you know. It's just a role. It's not me. 1177 01:17:57,083 --> 01:17:59,417 So, I guess Jerry just, um, 1178 01:17:59,583 --> 01:18:02,208 um, took it personally. 1179 01:18:02,333 --> 01:18:06,583 Yeah, but, uh, I mean, you said some pretty inflammatory things. 1180 01:18:06,625 --> 01:18:09,958 Right. Everything's a joke to this guy. Just like that thing. 1181 01:18:10,083 --> 01:18:13,458 - I don't know if that's a neck brace or a flea collar. - That's not true. 1182 01:18:13,583 --> 01:18:16,208 This is serious. I went to the hospital. 1183 01:18:16,333 --> 01:18:18,750 I was in the hospital three days, in traction. 1184 01:18:18,833 --> 01:18:21,208 I'll tell you something else. 1185 01:18:21,333 --> 01:18:24,250 My father said I could've hired a lawyer and sued you for everything you've got. 1186 01:18:24,333 --> 01:18:27,250 But I didn't because I'm not that kind of guy. 1187 01:18:29,375 --> 01:18:32,250 What kind of guy are you? 1188 01:18:43,417 --> 01:18:48,000 Tell you what-- I think maybe I'll get a lawyer here. 1189 01:18:48,083 --> 01:18:50,917 If you were a man, you'd apologize to me right now. 1190 01:18:51,042 --> 01:18:53,042 But you're just poor white trash, 1191 01:18:53,167 --> 01:18:56,083 so I guess that's too lofty a concept for you. 1192 01:18:56,167 --> 01:18:58,333 I mean, what are you gonna do-- 1193 01:19:07,000 --> 01:19:11,458 Are we, uh-- Is everything-- Are you okay? Huh? 1194 01:19:11,583 --> 01:19:13,708 This-- I'm sick of this shit, Lawler. 1195 01:19:13,833 --> 01:19:17,375 I'm gonna sue you for everything you've got, I swear to God. 1196 01:19:17,458 --> 01:19:20,708 Fuck you! Okay? Okay, Lawler? 1197 01:19:20,833 --> 01:19:22,375 Fuck you! I'm sorry, Dave. 1198 01:19:22,500 --> 01:19:25,792 I know I'm not supposed to say those things on television. 1199 01:19:25,875 --> 01:19:28,958 I apologize. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1200 01:19:29,042 --> 01:19:33,000 But you, you are a m-ing -hole! 1201 01:19:33,083 --> 01:19:34,792 Okay? 1202 01:19:34,917 --> 01:19:38,125 Well-- 1203 01:19:38,250 --> 01:19:40,458 - Well-- 1204 01:19:40,583 --> 01:19:42,458 I, uh-- 1205 01:19:42,542 --> 01:19:47,167 I, I think you can use some of those words on television, 1206 01:19:47,250 --> 01:19:50,375 but what you can't do is throw coffee. 1207 01:19:51,875 --> 01:19:54,292 Some of us at Saturday Night Live... 1208 01:19:54,417 --> 01:19:56,625 think Andy Kaufman's a comic genius. 1209 01:19:56,750 --> 01:19:58,625 But others disagree. 1210 01:19:58,750 --> 01:20:01,125 They say he's just not funny anymore. 1211 01:20:01,208 --> 01:20:04,125 So we're leaving the decision up to you. 1212 01:20:04,250 --> 01:20:08,125 To keep Andy, call 1-900-555-7618. 1213 01:20:08,250 --> 01:20:10,125 To dump him-- 1214 01:20:14,875 --> 01:20:16,833 This is bad. 1215 01:20:16,875 --> 01:20:20,375 I, um, only got 28%. 1216 01:20:20,500 --> 01:20:23,500 This is Saturday Night Live, the hippest audience in television. 1217 01:20:23,583 --> 01:20:25,500 They turned on you. 1218 01:20:27,000 --> 01:20:30,917 Look, it pains me to say this, 1219 01:20:31,000 --> 01:20:34,917 but I don't think you two guys should ever work together again. 1220 01:20:36,375 --> 01:20:39,625 I'm sorry, George. We just thought it was funny. 1221 01:20:39,750 --> 01:20:42,125 You don't have to be sorry, Jerry. 1222 01:20:42,250 --> 01:20:44,333 You're-- You're terrific. 1223 01:20:44,417 --> 01:20:47,083 You're just the best. 1224 01:20:47,250 --> 01:20:49,625 I wouldn't have traded it for anything. 1225 01:20:49,750 --> 01:20:52,083 To me, this was a shining moment for wrestling. 1226 01:20:52,208 --> 01:20:54,583 Me too. And-- 1227 01:20:54,708 --> 01:20:59,083 And it was a shining moment for behavioral science. 1228 01:20:59,167 --> 01:21:02,667 Hey, well-- But why can't I make a gag out of this? 1229 01:21:02,792 --> 01:21:06,833 I mean, maybe I could go on the show and I could say... 1230 01:21:06,917 --> 01:21:10,375 it was rigged and I demand a recount. 1231 01:21:12,750 --> 01:21:15,375 Andy, you don't understand. 1232 01:21:18,375 --> 01:21:20,292 They don't want you back. 1233 01:21:27,417 --> 01:21:29,458 Now close your eyes. 1234 01:21:31,250 --> 01:21:35,083 If the thoughts of this world come into your head, don't be upset by them. 1235 01:21:35,250 --> 01:21:38,292 It's just your stress unraveling itself. 1236 01:21:38,417 --> 01:21:40,875 Just slowly come back to the mantra. 1237 01:21:41,000 --> 01:21:42,917 Andy? 1238 01:21:45,375 --> 01:21:47,250 Please? 1239 01:21:48,708 --> 01:21:51,667 Just continue your meditation. I'll be back. 1240 01:21:52,917 --> 01:21:55,292 - Jai Guru Dev. - Jai Guru Dev. 1241 01:21:56,667 --> 01:21:58,500 Hi, Andy. 1242 01:21:58,583 --> 01:22:00,417 Hi. 1243 01:22:00,542 --> 01:22:03,583 This is, uh, 1244 01:22:03,708 --> 01:22:07,083 very difficult for me to say. 1245 01:22:07,208 --> 01:22:10,708 Uh, but we-- 1246 01:22:10,792 --> 01:22:13,375 we feel that it's best... 1247 01:22:13,458 --> 01:22:15,792 if you don't attend the retreat. 1248 01:22:18,333 --> 01:22:20,250 Why? 1249 01:22:21,375 --> 01:22:23,250 I go to the retreat every year. 1250 01:22:23,375 --> 01:22:25,250 Oh, I know, Andy, 1251 01:22:25,375 --> 01:22:28,917 and we don't doubt your devotion to Transcendental Meditation. 1252 01:22:29,042 --> 01:22:31,917 It's just that we feel that, well, you and the program... 1253 01:22:32,042 --> 01:22:34,917 have, uh, g-grown apart, uh-- 1254 01:22:35,042 --> 01:22:36,917 Philosophically. 1255 01:22:37,042 --> 01:22:38,750 "Philosophically"? What's "philosophically"? 1256 01:22:38,875 --> 01:22:42,750 Well, Andy, the wrestling, the sexist remarks, the foul language, 1257 01:22:42,917 --> 01:22:45,792 they're just not becoming of an individual of spiritual enlightenment. 1258 01:22:45,875 --> 01:22:49,417 It seems you just don't respect anything. 1259 01:22:50,708 --> 01:22:52,792 Of course I do. 1260 01:22:52,917 --> 01:22:55,875 I just-- I think of the world as, as an illusion, 1261 01:22:56,000 --> 01:22:58,917 and we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously. 1262 01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:01,417 Don't-- 1263 01:23:01,458 --> 01:23:03,750 Don't, 1264 01:23:03,875 --> 01:23:05,708 please, 1265 01:23:05,875 --> 01:23:08,042 do this. 1266 01:23:08,167 --> 01:23:11,458 You've got to let me attend these classes. It's what keeps me balanced. 1267 01:23:11,583 --> 01:23:13,750 I-It's apparently not working. 1268 01:23:13,875 --> 01:23:17,458 Then, then help me. Help me, okay? Guide me. 1269 01:23:17,583 --> 01:23:19,458 Andy... 1270 01:23:19,583 --> 01:23:22,792 we just don't wish your presence here. 1271 01:23:31,083 --> 01:23:33,000 Hi. 1272 01:23:33,083 --> 01:23:35,667 I brought you some Haagen-Dazs. 1273 01:23:37,750 --> 01:23:39,667 I don't deserve Haagen-Dazs. 1274 01:23:39,750 --> 01:23:42,625 I'm-- I'm a badperson. 1275 01:23:42,750 --> 01:23:44,625 Oh. 1276 01:23:48,542 --> 01:23:51,417 You aren't a bad person. 1277 01:23:51,500 --> 01:23:54,583 You are a complicated person. 1278 01:23:54,750 --> 01:23:57,292 You don't know the real me. 1279 01:23:59,417 --> 01:24:01,333 There isn't a real you. 1280 01:24:03,917 --> 01:24:06,708 Oh, yeah. I forgot. 1281 01:24:12,083 --> 01:24:13,958 Baby. 1282 01:24:16,750 --> 01:24:19,583 Do you want to move in with me? 1283 01:24:20,708 --> 01:24:22,625 What? 1284 01:24:22,708 --> 01:24:24,958 Say it again. 1285 01:24:28,958 --> 01:24:32,708 Oh, Rose 1286 01:24:32,792 --> 01:24:34,708 Marie 1287 01:24:35,792 --> 01:24:37,625 I love you 1288 01:24:39,250 --> 01:24:41,625 I'm always 1289 01:24:41,750 --> 01:24:46,042 Dreaming of you 1290 01:24:57,792 --> 01:25:00,708 I'll get it. 1291 01:25:04,583 --> 01:25:08,583 Kaufman and Marguiles Center for Sexual Research. 1292 01:25:08,750 --> 01:25:10,583 Andy, it's George. 1293 01:25:10,708 --> 01:25:14,125 Hey, George. I'm not sure we can do anything for you. 1294 01:25:14,250 --> 01:25:18,708 Yeah. Uh, Andy, uh, I got some crummy news. 1295 01:25:18,792 --> 01:25:20,708 Oh. 1296 01:25:20,792 --> 01:25:23,167 Taxi's been canceled. 1297 01:25:24,750 --> 01:25:26,625 And the crummy news? 1298 01:25:28,750 --> 01:25:31,875 Do you want me to come over, we'll talk about it? 1299 01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:35,417 Um, no. I'm sorta busy right now. 1300 01:25:35,542 --> 01:25:37,375 I'll see you next week, though. 1301 01:25:37,458 --> 01:25:39,375 Thanks. 1302 01:25:44,625 --> 01:25:47,708 Put it right there. 1303 01:26:03,083 --> 01:26:04,958 Yuck. 1304 01:26:06,542 --> 01:26:10,458 And now, ladies and gentlemen, a treat for staying late, 1305 01:26:10,583 --> 01:26:15,875 please welcome, from Taxi, the Improv's own Mr. Andy Kaufman! 1306 01:26:21,208 --> 01:26:23,500 Actually, Bud, you're wrong. 1307 01:26:23,542 --> 01:26:27,125 I found out today that Taxi has been canceled. 1308 01:26:27,250 --> 01:26:28,792 What? 1309 01:26:30,083 --> 01:26:32,625 Not to mention that my wife left me, 1310 01:26:34,500 --> 01:26:36,708 and she took the kids. 1311 01:26:38,083 --> 01:26:41,833 I don't understand why you're laughing. I'm not joking. 1312 01:26:43,958 --> 01:26:47,667 And then this morning I got up and I noticed that I have, um, 1313 01:26:47,750 --> 01:26:49,875 a cyst or some kind of boil... 1314 01:26:50,000 --> 01:26:52,292 on the back of my neck. 1315 01:26:52,417 --> 01:26:54,750 Look. 1316 01:26:54,792 --> 01:26:56,750 See? 1317 01:26:56,833 --> 01:27:02,583 So I was thinking, since I'm still kind of a quasi-celebrity, 1318 01:27:02,667 --> 01:27:06,792 that maybe I could charge people to touch it. 1319 01:27:08,917 --> 01:27:12,292 Would anybody like to pay a dollar to touch my cyst? 1320 01:27:14,542 --> 01:27:18,083 I'm serious. I could really use the money right now. 1321 01:27:18,208 --> 01:27:21,917 It 's a good deal. 1322 01:27:24,042 --> 01:27:25,958 Oh, okay. 1323 01:27:26,042 --> 01:27:28,917 Oh, wait, no. You gotta pay first. 1324 01:27:31,000 --> 01:27:32,875 It 's a dollar... 1325 01:27:32,958 --> 01:27:35,042 to touch my celebrity cyst. 1326 01:27:35,125 --> 01:27:36,958 Okay. 1327 01:27:38,917 --> 01:27:41,833 Oww! 1328 01:27:58,500 --> 01:28:00,458 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 1329 01:28:00,583 --> 01:28:02,458 Thank you very much. 1330 01:28:06,250 --> 01:28:09,167 W-Would Andy like to tell us... 1331 01:28:09,250 --> 01:28:12,417 why he called us out at 4:00 in the morning? 1332 01:28:13,708 --> 01:28:15,792 Um... 1333 01:28:15,917 --> 01:28:17,792 yeah. 1334 01:28:17,917 --> 01:28:21,333 Uh, I have cancer. 1335 01:28:24,000 --> 01:28:27,167 Forget it. Forget it! 1336 01:28:27,250 --> 01:28:30,042 - That is-- That is in terrible taste. 1337 01:28:30,125 --> 01:28:32,667 I don't wanna have anything to do with this. Nothing. 1338 01:28:32,750 --> 01:28:36,333 No, no, no, that's good. We can make that play. 1339 01:28:39,042 --> 01:28:42,792 Okay, and we'll really-- We'll just drag it out. All right? 1340 01:28:42,917 --> 01:28:46,250 Y- You get better, you get worse. 1341 01:28:46,417 --> 01:28:50,833 No, you die, and then, uh, you come back to life. 1342 01:28:50,917 --> 01:28:53,500 That's funny. 1343 01:28:53,542 --> 01:28:55,500 That's funny, 1344 01:28:55,583 --> 01:28:58,000 but, um, it's not a gag, Bob. 1345 01:28:58,083 --> 01:29:01,000 I got cancer. I got lung cancer. 1346 01:29:02,250 --> 01:29:03,792 Lung cancer. 1347 01:29:03,917 --> 01:29:05,792 That's ridiculous. You don't even smoke. 1348 01:29:05,917 --> 01:29:08,542 I've got some freaky rare kind. 1349 01:29:08,625 --> 01:29:11,208 It's called large-celled carcinoma. 1350 01:29:11,250 --> 01:29:13,750 Yea! 1351 01:29:13,833 --> 01:29:15,750 I'm a lucky guy. 1352 01:29:28,917 --> 01:29:32,292 - Have you told your family? - No. No. 1353 01:29:32,417 --> 01:29:34,375 I don't want to tell them. 1354 01:29:37,958 --> 01:29:39,875 I've just... 1355 01:29:44,167 --> 01:29:46,625 jerked them around so much. 1356 01:29:50,792 --> 01:29:54,292 Andy, look in my eye... 1357 01:29:54,417 --> 01:29:56,375 and tell me this is true. 1358 01:29:57,500 --> 01:30:00,000 I'm sorry. 1359 01:30:00,083 --> 01:30:02,583 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Hey. 1360 01:30:02,667 --> 01:30:04,583 I'm sorry. 1361 01:30:04,667 --> 01:30:08,458 Lynne? Come on. Hey. Hey, hey. 1362 01:30:08,542 --> 01:30:10,958 Wait up. 1363 01:30:11,083 --> 01:30:14,292 If I find out that you're behind this, I'll kill you, Zmuda! 1364 01:30:14,417 --> 01:30:17,250 What the hell are you talkin' about, George? 1365 01:30:17,333 --> 01:30:20,208 I was the one who just said I didn't believe him. 1366 01:30:20,292 --> 01:30:23,208 That's just the kind of thing you two would work out to fuck me up. 1367 01:30:23,375 --> 01:30:25,208 Man] We want the truth, boy! 1368 01:30:25,292 --> 01:30:28,417 My father said Lassie bit me, so I said she did too. 1369 01:30:28,583 --> 01:30:32,208 - Lassie never bit you, and you know it. - Case dismissed! 1370 01:30:35,583 --> 01:30:38,458 Dramatic] 1371 01:30:53,958 --> 01:30:55,875 Dad? 1372 01:30:57,333 --> 01:30:59,333 The cancer started in Andy's lungs... 1373 01:30:59,417 --> 01:31:01,542 and spread to his left arm. 1374 01:31:01,625 --> 01:31:04,708 We've initiated an aggressive radiation program. 1375 01:31:04,792 --> 01:31:08,167 - See if we can eradicate the affected cells. - Dr. Sullivan, line one. 1376 01:31:08,250 --> 01:31:10,708 Excuse me. I'll be right back. 1377 01:31:16,167 --> 01:31:18,125 What a crock. 1378 01:31:20,417 --> 01:31:22,292 How dare you make light of this? 1379 01:31:23,750 --> 01:31:26,833 I cried when he broke his neck. He's not getting me again. 1380 01:31:26,917 --> 01:31:28,958 Jesus Christ, Carol, he's got lung cancer. 1381 01:31:29,083 --> 01:31:31,333 He wants us scratching our heads, 1382 01:31:31,417 --> 01:31:33,250 asking ourselves, "Is this real?" 1383 01:31:33,333 --> 01:31:36,708 Of course it 's real. We 're in a hospital. 1384 01:31:36,792 --> 01:31:39,750 Mom, it 's Cedars-Sinai. 1385 01:31:39,833 --> 01:31:41,750 It's a show biz hospital. 1386 01:31:41,833 --> 01:31:44,750 Andy's studio friends, they probably run this place. 1387 01:31:44,833 --> 01:31:48,750 He plans these things. He takes over and hires actors. 1388 01:31:48,833 --> 01:31:52,250 Personally, I don't think that doctor guy was very convincing. 1389 01:31:52,333 --> 01:31:56,125 - His costume had the wrong shoes. - Didn't even have doctor shoes. 1390 01:31:56,250 --> 01:31:59,208 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's bullshit. 1391 01:31:59,333 --> 01:32:02,000 No more Kaufman stories. He's burned us too many times. 1392 01:32:02,083 --> 01:32:05,917 A very reliable source told me Andy Kaufman has lung cancer. 1393 01:32:06,000 --> 01:32:08,708 Oh, please. He's definitely not dying. 1394 01:32:08,792 --> 01:32:14,625 Now those big white cells are attacking the cancer cells. 1395 01:32:14,750 --> 01:32:16,875 Attacking. 1396 01:32:16,958 --> 01:32:18,875 Attacking. 1397 01:32:18,958 --> 01:32:21,375 I see them. I see the white cells. 1398 01:32:21,458 --> 01:32:24,375 - Attacking. - Attacking. 1399 01:32:24,458 --> 01:32:26,792 - Attacking. - Attacking. 1400 01:32:40,625 --> 01:32:42,125 He's an actor. 1401 01:32:42,250 --> 01:32:46,500 I-I recognize him from The In-Laws. 1402 01:32:46,583 --> 01:32:48,708 Yeah. That's true. 1403 01:32:48,833 --> 01:32:51,750 But he's also ordained in holistic medicine. 1404 01:32:52,958 --> 01:32:54,875 Oh. 1405 01:32:57,500 --> 01:32:59,417 George, what am I supposed to do? 1406 01:32:59,500 --> 01:33:03,417 I'm sick and I'm trying to get better, but everybody's looking at me funny. 1407 01:33:03,500 --> 01:33:07,542 I feel like I'm being surrounded by negative energy. 1408 01:33:14,792 --> 01:33:17,042 You're surrounded by what you create. 1409 01:33:17,125 --> 01:33:20,833 - Great. - Andy, you're the king of negative energy. 1410 01:33:20,917 --> 01:33:23,417 - And it's gotta stop. - Andy. 1411 01:33:23,500 --> 01:33:25,917 'Cause if these negative vibes get out, 1412 01:33:26,000 --> 01:33:28,917 everybody's gonna be talking about how sick I am, 1413 01:33:29,000 --> 01:33:32,125 and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. 1414 01:33:32,250 --> 01:33:34,458 How can I help you? 1415 01:33:38,417 --> 01:33:40,292 I wanna go back to work. 1416 01:33:40,417 --> 01:33:43,625 - You wanna tour the clubs? - No. No clubs. 1417 01:33:43,750 --> 01:33:45,708 I wanna reach the top. 1418 01:33:48,792 --> 01:33:51,542 Carnegie Hall! 1419 01:33:51,625 --> 01:33:53,917 I want this show to build and build. 1420 01:33:54,000 --> 01:33:58,000 I want it to be everything that's joyful in the world piled one on top of the other, 1421 01:33:58,083 --> 01:34:02,000 until the audience can't stand it and they turn into children right in front of me. 1422 01:34:02,083 --> 01:34:04,708 - I might even have Santa Claus. - Oh, yeah. 1423 01:34:04,833 --> 01:34:09,042 You can say, "Santa, what am I getting for Christmas this year?" 1424 01:34:09,167 --> 01:34:11,625 - And he says "Cancer." - No, that-- 1425 01:34:11,750 --> 01:34:14,625 No, that's-- I don't wanna do that. That's a bummer. 1426 01:34:14,750 --> 01:34:17,125 Uh, okay, positive, positive. Okay-- 1427 01:34:17,250 --> 01:34:20,167 Look, this is really, um, great-- 1428 01:34:20,250 --> 01:34:22,167 - Santa and snow and-- - Yeah. 1429 01:34:22,250 --> 01:34:24,375 But it's gonna cost a fortune. 1430 01:34:24,458 --> 01:34:27,167 That's okay. Not a problem. 1431 01:34:27,250 --> 01:34:30,833 - Well, who's gonna pay for it, Andy? - Tony Clifton. 1432 01:34:32,208 --> 01:34:34,083 Oh. 1433 01:34:34,208 --> 01:34:37,042 Andy, you know, Tony doesn't have that kind of money. 1434 01:34:37,125 --> 01:34:39,042 Don't you worry about that, George. 1435 01:34:39,125 --> 01:34:44,083 I know Tony better than you do, and even if he has to work another ten years to pay it off, 1436 01:34:44,167 --> 01:34:46,083 he'll do it. 1437 01:35:03,417 --> 01:35:07,042 Abu-dabi Abi-dabu-ah 1438 01:35:07,167 --> 01:35:10,792 Abu-dabi Abi-dabu-ah 1439 01:35:10,917 --> 01:35:13,208 Abi-dabi-dabu-eh 1440 01:35:13,292 --> 01:35:15,208 Abi-dabi-dabu-eh 1441 01:35:15,292 --> 01:35:17,833 - Abu-day - Abu-day 1442 01:35:17,917 --> 01:35:19,792 - A-ki-chay-wah - A-ki-chay-wah 1443 01:35:19,917 --> 01:35:22,542 - Yaken-bu-day - Yaken-bu-day 1444 01:35:22,625 --> 01:35:24,667 - Ichen-di-bich - Ichen-di-bich 1445 01:35:24,750 --> 01:35:29,875 Yaki-di-shika-tala- ga-bola-ga-deba-ga-dili- ga-bohhhhhhhhhhhh 1446 01:35:30,000 --> 01:35:33,958 Ohhhhhhhhhh 1447 01:35:34,083 --> 01:35:37,208 Abu-dabi Abi-dabu-ah 1448 01:35:48,083 --> 01:35:52,542 I got spurs that jingle-j angle-j ingle 1449 01:35:52,667 --> 01:35:57,042 As I go ridin' merrily along 1450 01:35:57,125 --> 01:36:01,375 And they sing Oh, ain't you glad you're single 1451 01:36:01,458 --> 01:36:03,375 Ladies and gentlemen, 1452 01:36:03,458 --> 01:36:05,417 we are so very fortunate tonight, 1453 01:36:05,542 --> 01:36:07,542 because we have with us... 1454 01:36:07,667 --> 01:36:11,583 the last surviving cowgirl from that 1931 film. 1455 01:36:11,667 --> 01:36:14,000 She's 94 years young. 1456 01:36:14,083 --> 01:36:16,000 Eleanor Cody Gould. 1457 01:36:16,083 --> 01:36:19,542 - I got spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle 1458 01:36:19,625 --> 01:36:22,875 As I go ridin' merrily along 1459 01:36:24,542 --> 01:36:27,417 Hi, Eleanor. It's great to have you here. It's a real honor. 1460 01:36:27,542 --> 01:36:31,542 Thank you, Andy. I'm delighted to be here. It's overwhelming to me. 1461 01:36:31,625 --> 01:36:34,042 Well, it 's gonna get even better, 1462 01:36:34,125 --> 01:36:38,875 because we found one of the old original hobby horses from your movie. 1463 01:36:38,958 --> 01:36:43,375 Do you think you could grace us with a couple of steps from "Jingle, Jangle, Jingle"? 1464 01:36:43,458 --> 01:36:45,875 - Oh, I don't think-- - Okay, hit it! 1465 01:36:45,958 --> 01:36:48,542 "Jingle, Jangle, Jingle"] 1466 01:37:00,958 --> 01:37:02,875 Faster! Come on! 1467 01:37:06,750 --> 01:37:08,875 Faster! Faster! 1468 01:37:11,583 --> 01:37:13,708 Faster! Come on! 1469 01:37:26,958 --> 01:37:28,875 Faster! Faster! Faster! 1470 01:37:34,792 --> 01:37:37,250 Faster! 1471 01:37:39,667 --> 01:37:41,208 Oh! 1472 01:37:41,333 --> 01:37:43,750 Andy, stop! Andy! 1473 01:37:46,333 --> 01:37:49,667 Is there a doctor in the house? Stop the music! 1474 01:37:49,750 --> 01:37:52,167 -- Uh, we need a doctor. 1475 01:37:52,250 --> 01:37:54,167 Anyone? Please? 1476 01:38:02,583 --> 01:38:04,625 Can you call us an ambulance? 1477 01:38:38,167 --> 01:38:41,000 Praise the Lord! 1478 01:38:44,083 --> 01:38:48,875 She's alive! Hallelujah! 1479 01:38:48,958 --> 01:38:50,917 Hallelujah 1480 01:38:51,000 --> 01:38:52,667 Hallelujah 1481 01:38:52,750 --> 01:38:55,750 Hallelujah Hallelujah 1482 01:38:55,875 --> 01:38:57,500 Hallelujah 1483 01:38:57,583 --> 01:39:01,458 Ladies and gentlemen, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir! 1484 01:39:03,750 --> 01:39:07,708 Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus 1485 01:39:07,792 --> 01:39:10,542 - Right down Santa Claus lane - Oh, my gosh! 1486 01:39:10,625 --> 01:39:13,083 - Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer - I can't believe this! 1487 01:39:13,208 --> 01:39:14,625 It's the Rockettes! 1488 01:39:14,750 --> 01:39:17,458 Are pulling on the reins 1489 01:39:17,583 --> 01:39:20,792 Bells are ringing Children singing 1490 01:39:20,917 --> 01:39:25,167 All is merry and bright 1491 01:39:25,250 --> 01:39:27,875 Hang your stocking and say your prayers 1492 01:39:28,000 --> 01:39:31,042 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight 1493 01:39:33,000 --> 01:39:36,375 - Here comes Santa Claus - Boys and girls, you're not gonna believe this! 1494 01:39:36,458 --> 01:39:39,458 Here comes Santa Claus! 1495 01:39:39,583 --> 01:39:42,667 He's got a bag that's filled with toys 1496 01:39:42,750 --> 01:39:46,542 For the boys and girls again 1497 01:39:46,625 --> 01:39:50,500 Hear those sleigh bells jingle-jangle 1498 01:39:50,583 --> 01:39:54,500 What a beautiful sight 1499 01:39:54,583 --> 01:39:56,542 Jump in bed Cover up your head 1500 01:39:56,625 --> 01:39:59,917 Since you've all been such good boys and girls, 1501 01:40:00,000 --> 01:40:03,792 I would like to take everybody in this entire audience out... 1502 01:40:03,917 --> 01:40:06,542 for milk and cookies! 1503 01:40:06,667 --> 01:40:09,875 There are buses outside! Everybody follow me! 1504 01:40:12,333 --> 01:40:15,750 Don't worry, folks! There's enough milk and cookies for everyone! 1505 01:40:15,833 --> 01:40:19,250 Let's go, let's go, let's go! 1506 01:40:22,583 --> 01:40:24,458 Merry Christmas! 1507 01:40:55,417 --> 01:40:58,292 And now we'll place the blue crystal. 1508 01:40:59,417 --> 01:41:01,292 Very high vibrations, 1509 01:41:01,417 --> 01:41:04,042 and it's wonderful, wonderful... 1510 01:41:04,125 --> 01:41:07,333 for its healing powers. 1511 01:41:07,417 --> 01:41:11,333 Okay. Let's try two of those. 1512 01:41:11,417 --> 01:41:13,333 And another pink one. 1513 01:41:14,917 --> 01:41:16,542 All right. 1514 01:41:26,667 --> 01:41:28,792 Hah! 1515 01:41:28,917 --> 01:41:31,208 Looks like somethin' my dog puked up. 1516 01:41:34,083 --> 01:41:37,167 How 'bout me and you dolls go out and get some real food? 1517 01:41:37,250 --> 01:41:39,167 Sure. 1518 01:41:39,250 --> 01:41:41,875 French fries and a porterhouse steak. 1519 01:41:43,500 --> 01:41:47,042 Or we could skip the meal and go right to the "montage a trois." 1520 01:41:51,333 --> 01:41:54,250 Have you ever been with another woman? 1521 01:41:55,542 --> 01:41:58,208 Well, like, in the kitchen and stuff, yeah. 1522 01:41:58,333 --> 01:42:00,958 Okay, hey, here. This'll help. 1523 01:42:01,083 --> 01:42:02,958 Ah! 1524 01:42:03,083 --> 01:42:05,625 - Okay. - Here. Put that on your face. 1525 01:42:05,750 --> 01:42:07,625 - Yeah. - There you go. 1526 01:42:07,750 --> 01:42:11,625 - Hi. - Now you can't even tell the difference. 1527 01:42:14,750 --> 01:42:18,125 Well, we could put all of this together in a soup. 1528 01:42:18,250 --> 01:42:21,125 Then we could pretend it's a porterhouse steak, Andy. 1529 01:42:21,250 --> 01:42:23,125 I am not Andy. 1530 01:42:23,250 --> 01:42:25,125 Andy is sick. 1531 01:42:25,250 --> 01:42:28,292 Chick, pick, wick, lick! 1532 01:42:28,417 --> 01:42:30,333 Dick! 1533 01:42:31,917 --> 01:42:34,875 Whereas I am getting stronger and stronger. 1534 01:42:46,500 --> 01:42:48,708 - Hi, Andy. - Hey. 1535 01:42:48,833 --> 01:42:51,458 Hey. 1536 01:42:53,083 --> 01:42:54,958 You wanna wrestle? 1537 01:43:05,583 --> 01:43:08,292 Bob and I... 1538 01:43:08,417 --> 01:43:10,792 came up... 1539 01:43:14,667 --> 01:43:16,583 with a-- 1540 01:43:16,667 --> 01:43:19,708 an idea for a TV show. 1541 01:43:22,583 --> 01:43:25,500 It'll be a Saturday morning kind of thing... 1542 01:43:25,583 --> 01:43:28,000 where I can goof off with the kids. 1543 01:43:29,417 --> 01:43:31,333 Yeah. 1544 01:43:32,667 --> 01:43:34,583 We can sell that, Andy. 1545 01:43:35,667 --> 01:43:37,583 Did your doctor say it's okay... 1546 01:43:37,667 --> 01:43:39,875 to go back to work? 1547 01:43:40,000 --> 01:43:42,458 No, but he will. 1548 01:43:43,583 --> 01:43:45,458 Yeah. 1549 01:43:45,583 --> 01:43:47,458 'Cause... 1550 01:43:47,583 --> 01:43:49,458 I'm going to the Philippines. 1551 01:43:51,042 --> 01:43:54,708 The Philippines? What's in the Philippines? 1552 01:43:57,583 --> 01:43:59,500 A miracle. 1553 01:46:54,083 --> 01:46:57,458 I just want to say, until we meet again... 1554 01:46:58,750 --> 01:47:00,625 please remember-- 1555 01:47:02,750 --> 01:47:08,125 In this friendly friendly world 1556 01:47:08,250 --> 01:47:13,792 With each day so full of joy 1557 01:47:13,917 --> 01:47:18,042 Why should any heart 1558 01:47:18,167 --> 01:47:21,292 Be lonely 1559 01:47:22,500 --> 01:47:27,583 In this friendly friendly world 1560 01:47:27,708 --> 01:47:31,792 With each night so full of dreams 1561 01:47:33,458 --> 01:47:36,833 Why should any heart 1562 01:47:37,917 --> 01:47:40,250 Be afraid 1563 01:47:43,417 --> 01:47:46,292 Yep, it's a friendly world. 1564 01:47:46,417 --> 01:47:50,000 We should all treat each other like brothers and sisters. 1565 01:47:50,083 --> 01:47:53,375 So everybody put your arm around the person sitting next to you... 1566 01:47:53,458 --> 01:47:56,375 and sway back and forth in rhythm to the music. 1567 01:47:56,458 --> 01:47:58,375 Come on. Everybody. 1568 01:47:58,458 --> 01:48:02,250 Even if you don't like the person sitting next to you. Okay? 1569 01:48:05,458 --> 01:48:09,542 When I say "okay," you say "Okay!" Okay? 1570 01:48:09,667 --> 01:48:11,375 Okay. 1571 01:48:11,458 --> 01:48:14,375 - Okay. - Okay. 1572 01:48:14,458 --> 01:48:16,875 - Okay. - Okay. 1573 01:48:16,958 --> 01:48:18,875 Okay. 1574 01:48:18,958 --> 01:48:23,375 Everybody sing, "The world is such a wonderful place." 1575 01:48:23,458 --> 01:48:28,542 - The world is such a wonderful place 1576 01:48:28,667 --> 01:48:31,625 To wander through 1577 01:48:31,750 --> 01:48:32,875 Follow the bouncing ball. 1578 01:48:33,000 --> 01:48:36,458 When you've got someone you love 1579 01:48:36,583 --> 01:48:41,875 To wander along with you 1580 01:48:41,958 --> 01:48:43,333 With the sky so full of stars. 1581 01:48:43,417 --> 01:48:47,542 With the sky so full of stars 1582 01:48:47,667 --> 01:48:52,375 And the river so full of song. River so full of song 1583 01:48:53,542 --> 01:48:56,875 Every heart should be 1584 01:48:57,958 --> 01:49:00,958 So thankful 1585 01:49:01,083 --> 01:49:03,542 Thankful for this friendly, friendly world. 1586 01:49:03,667 --> 01:49:08,208 Thankful for this friendly, friendly 1587 01:49:08,333 --> 01:49:12,375 World 1588 01:49:15,417 --> 01:49:17,417 Thank you... 1589 01:49:17,542 --> 01:49:20,583 for this friendly, friendly world. 1590 01:49:20,708 --> 01:49:22,583 Thank you... 1591 01:49:23,833 --> 01:49:25,750 and good-bye. 1592 01:49:37,208 --> 01:49:39,250 Andy! Ohh! 1593 01:49:46,250 --> 01:49:49,125 -- Andy! 1594 01:49:54,792 --> 01:49:57,208 Andy! Andy! 1595 01:49:57,292 --> 01:50:00,875 Andy? You guys wanna see Andy tonight? 1596 01:50:02,833 --> 01:50:05,958 - Anybody got a flashlight and a couple of shovels? 1597 01:50:06,083 --> 01:50:07,958 Okay, guys, let's do our dirt! 1598 01:50:12,083 --> 01:50:14,542 First I was afraid 1599 01:50:14,625 --> 01:50:17,208 I was putrefied 1600 01:50:17,292 --> 01:50:19,375 Kept thinkin' I could never live 1601 01:50:19,500 --> 01:50:23,958 Without you by my side 1602 01:50:24,083 --> 01:50:26,958 But then I spent so many nights 1603 01:50:27,083 --> 01:50:30,500 A-thinkin' how you did me wrong 1604 01:50:30,625 --> 01:50:33,458 - And I grew strong Mid-tempo Disco] 1605 01:50:33,583 --> 01:50:35,500 And I learned to get along 1606 01:50:35,583 --> 01:50:37,167 And now I'm back 1607 01:50:37,250 --> 01:50:39,458 From outer space 1608 01:50:39,583 --> 01:50:41,500 I just walked in to find you here 1609 01:50:41,583 --> 01:50:43,583 With that sad look upon your face 1610 01:50:43,667 --> 01:50:45,542 I should've changed that stupid lock 1611 01:50:45,625 --> 01:50:47,667 I should've asked you for the key 1612 01:50:47,750 --> 01:50:49,500 If I'd have known for just one second 1613 01:50:49,583 --> 01:50:51,458 You'd be back to bother me 1614 01:50:51,583 --> 01:50:54,417 Go on now, go Walk out the door 1615 01:50:54,500 --> 01:50:57,708 Don't turn around now 1616 01:50:57,833 --> 01:51:01,042 You're not welcome anymore 1617 01:51:01,125 --> 01:51:03,708 Weren't you the one that tried to hurt me with "good-bye" 1618 01:51:03,833 --> 01:51:05,875 Did you think I'd crumble 1619 01:51:06,000 --> 01:51:08,042 Did you think I'd lay down and die 1620 01:51:08,125 --> 01:51:12,208 Oh, no, not I I will "sur-vivvy" 1621 01:51:12,333 --> 01:51:14,458 As long as I know how to love 1622 01:51:14,583 --> 01:51:16,208 I know I'll stay "aleeve" 1623 01:51:16,292 --> 01:51:20,958 I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give 1624 01:51:21,083 --> 01:51:22,292 I will "sur-veev" 1625 01:51:22,417 --> 01:51:24,125 I will "sur-veev" 1626 01:51:24,250 --> 01:51:26,333 I will "sur- veev" 1627 01:51:26,417 --> 01:51:28,292 I 1628 01:51:28,417 --> 01:51:29,750 Will 1629 01:51:29,875 --> 01:51:38,542 "Sur-veev" 1630 01:51:38,625 --> 01:51:41,083 I will survive! I will survive! I will survive! 1631 01:51:41,167 --> 01:51:42,708 I will survive! I will survive! 1632 01:51:42,792 --> 01:51:47,042 I will survive! 1633 01:51:59,708 --> 01:52:04,083 Mott the Hoople and the game of Life 1634 01:52:04,167 --> 01:52:06,583 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1635 01:52:07,875 --> 01:52:12,333 Andy Kaufman and the wrestling match 1636 01:52:12,417 --> 01:52:14,375 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1637 01:52:15,708 --> 01:52:20,417 Monopoly, Twenty-one Checkers and Chess 1638 01:52:20,542 --> 01:52:22,542 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1639 01:52:24,083 --> 01:52:28,500 Mr. Fred Blassie in a breakfast mess 1640 01:52:28,583 --> 01:52:30,500 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1641 01:52:31,792 --> 01:52:36,042 Now, Andy, did you hear about this one 1642 01:52:36,167 --> 01:52:39,875 Tell me, are you locked in the punch 1643 01:52:40,000 --> 01:52:42,667 Hey, Andy are you goofing on Elvis 1644 01:52:42,750 --> 01:52:44,667 Hey, baby 1645 01:52:44,750 --> 01:52:47,167 Are we losing touch 1646 01:52:48,375 --> 01:52:50,458 If you believed 1647 01:52:50,583 --> 01:52:53,333 They put a man on the moon 1648 01:52:53,417 --> 01:52:56,375 Man on the moon 1649 01:52:56,458 --> 01:52:58,667 If you believe 1650 01:52:58,750 --> 01:53:01,125 There 's nothing up his sleeve 1651 01:53:01,250 --> 01:53:04,583 - Then nothing is cool - Nothing 1652 01:53:18,750 --> 01:53:20,875 If you believed 1653 01:53:20,958 --> 01:53:23,708 They put a man on the moon 1654 01:53:23,833 --> 01:53:26,750 Man on the moon 1655 01:53:26,875 --> 01:53:29,042 If you believe 1656 01:53:29,167 --> 01:53:31,542 There 's nothing up his sleeve 1657 01:53:31,625 --> 01:53:34,792 - Then nothing is cool - Nothing 1658 01:53:34,917 --> 01:53:37,000 If you believed 1659 01:53:37,083 --> 01:53:39,875 They put a man on the moon 1660 01:53:39,958 --> 01:53:42,917 Man on the moon 1661 01:53:43,000 --> 01:53:45,208 If you believe 1662 01:53:45,292 --> 01:53:47,667 There 's nothing up his sleeve 1663 01:53:47,750 --> 01:53:51,042 - Then nothing is cool - Nothing 1664 01:54:00,708 --> 01:54:04,583 I watch the stars fall silent 1665 01:54:04,667 --> 01:54:07,375 From your eyes 1666 01:54:09,000 --> 01:54:14,000 All the sights that I have seen 1667 01:54:18,417 --> 01:54:22,583 I can't believe that I believed 1668 01:54:22,708 --> 01:54:26,875 I wish that you could see 1669 01:54:26,958 --> 01:54:31,375 There's a new planet in the solar system 1670 01:54:31,458 --> 01:54:36,375 There is nothing up my sleeve 1671 01:54:36,458 --> 01:54:40,708 I'm pushin' an elephant up the stairs 1672 01:54:40,833 --> 01:54:44,833 I'm tossin' up punch lines that were never there 1673 01:54:44,917 --> 01:54:48,833 Over my shoulder a piano falls 1674 01:54:48,917 --> 01:54:53,708 Crashing to the ground 1675 01:54:53,792 --> 01:54:57,833 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1676 01:54:57,917 --> 01:55:02,000 I'm keepin' flowers in full bloom 1677 01:55:02,083 --> 01:55:07,167 I'm looking for answers from the great beyond 1678 01:55:26,250 --> 01:55:29,500 I want the hummingbirds 1679 01:55:29,583 --> 01:55:31,917 The dancing bears 1680 01:55:32,042 --> 01:55:36,292 Sweetest dreams of you 1681 01:55:36,417 --> 01:55:40,625 And look into the stars 1682 01:55:40,750 --> 01:55:44,625 And look into the moon 1683 01:55:46,000 --> 01:55:50,375 I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs 1684 01:55:50,458 --> 01:55:54,292 I'm tossing up punch lines that were never there 1685 01:55:54,417 --> 01:55:58,417 Over my shoulder a piano falls 1686 01:55:58,542 --> 01:56:03,333 Crashing to the ground 1687 01:56:03,417 --> 01:56:07,250 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1688 01:56:07,375 --> 01:56:11,500 I'm keeping flowers in full bloom 1689 01:56:11,583 --> 01:56:16,833 I'm looking for answers from the great beyond 1690 01:56:20,292 --> 01:56:24,125 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1691 01:56:24,250 --> 01:56:28,375 I'm keeping flowers in full bloom 1692 01:56:28,458 --> 01:56:32,042 I'm looking for answers from the great 1693 01:56:32,167 --> 01:56:34,208 Answers from the great 1694 01:56:34,333 --> 01:56:37,167 Answers 1695 01:56:37,250 --> 01:56:41,083 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1696 01:56:41,208 --> 01:56:45,333 I'm keeping flowers in full bloom 1697 01:56:45,417 --> 01:56:50,667 I'm looking for answers from the great beyond 1698 01:56:54,125 --> 01:56:57,958 I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons 1699 01:56:58,083 --> 01:57:02,208 I'm keeping flowers in full bloom 1700 01:57:02,292 --> 01:57:05,875 I'm looking for answers from the great 1701 01:57:06,000 --> 01:57:08,042 Answers from the great 1702 01:57:08,167 --> 01:57:10,583 Answers 1703 01:57:35,333 --> 01:57:37,667 Well, it 's time 1704 01:57:37,750 --> 01:57:39,750 To say 1705 01:57:39,875 --> 01:57:42,958 Good-bye 1706 01:57:43,083 --> 01:57:45,208 It's been good 1707 01:57:45,333 --> 01:57:47,125 Having you 1708 01:57:47,250 --> 01:57:50,542 So near 1709 01:57:50,667 --> 01:57:54,792 Although I've got to leave 1710 01:57:54,917 --> 01:57:58,500 It 's the end 1711 01:57:58,583 --> 01:58:02,167 I'll always be stayin' 1712 01:58:02,250 --> 01:58:05,333 Right here 1713 01:58:06,458 --> 01:58:10,042 So, all my friends good-bye 1714 01:58:10,167 --> 01:58:13,875 It's just about that time 1715 01:58:13,958 --> 01:58:17,208 Wish that I could do 1716 01:58:17,292 --> 01:58:20,292 Just one more song For you 1717 01:58:20,417 --> 01:58:22,958 Good-bye, everybody! Thank you! Good night! 1718 01:58:23,083 --> 01:58:24,958 Good night! 1719 01:58:25,083 --> 01:58:28,167 Okay! Great! Good night!