1 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,878 ♪♪ 2 00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:14,147 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 3 00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:15,883 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 4 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,784 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 5 00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:20,721 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 6 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,389 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 7 00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,358 ♪ People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 8 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,394 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 9 00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:30,831 ♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ 10 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:34,601 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 11 00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:38,167 {\an7}[ Bell rings ] 12 00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:41,596 {\an7}\h\h\hOkay, children, let’s take our seats. 13 00:00:42,761 --> 00:00:45,332 {\an7}I know there’s a lot of things \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hgoing on 14 00:00:45,332 --> 00:00:46,827 {\an7}and we’re all a little bit \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hworried. 15 00:00:46,827 --> 00:00:49,926 {\an7}I’ve heard some of you express \hconcern over current events, 16 00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:53,233 {\an7}\h\hso I think we should discuss what’s happening. 17 00:00:53,233 --> 00:00:54,200 {\an7}It is true -- 18 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,827 {\an7}Rick and I did get into a fight \h\h\h\h\h\h\hover the weekend. 19 00:00:58,035 --> 00:01:00,827 {\an7}Now, I don’t know what you’ve \hheard and what you haven’t, 20 00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:04,827 {\an7}but Rick was wrong, okay? 21 00:01:04,827 --> 00:01:08,431 {\an7}He’s the one that needs \h\h\h\h\hto apologize. 22 00:01:08,629 --> 00:01:11,827 {\an7}We’re not worried about that. We’re all worried about Putin. 23 00:01:11,827 --> 00:01:15,827 {\an7}Putin? It was just a little \hnoise when I pulled out. 24 00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:16,959 {\an7}Nobody was "pootin," okay? 25 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,959 {\an7}And anyway, you kids shouldn’t \hbe talking about that stuff! 26 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:20,926 {\an7}Geez! 27 00:01:20,926 --> 00:01:22,761 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hUh, kids, I need your attention! 28 00:01:22,761 --> 00:01:26,728 {\an7}We’re doing an emergency drill \h\h\h\h\hthis morning, m’kay. 29 00:01:26,728 --> 00:01:27,497 {\an7}A drill? 30 00:01:27,497 --> 00:01:29,761 {\an7}M’kay, now, we haven’t done \h\h\hthese in a long time, 31 00:01:29,761 --> 00:01:34,233 {\an7}\hbut we need to be prepared if the Russians decide to nuke us. 32 00:01:34,233 --> 00:01:37,134 {\an7}\h\h\hNow, when you hear this sound... 33 00:01:37,134 --> 00:01:39,200 {\an7}The Russians are nuking us. 34 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,992 {\an7}\h\h\h...then you need to quickly and calmly get out of your seats 35 00:01:42,992 --> 00:01:46,596 {\an7}and get to the gymnasium, m’kay? 36 00:01:46,596 --> 00:01:49,827 {\an7}The Russians are nuking us. 37 00:01:52,332 --> 00:01:54,992 {\an7}\h\h\hThe Russians are [bleep] nuking us! Go! 38 00:01:54,992 --> 00:01:57,266 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\hGo, go, go! We’re all gonna die! 39 00:01:57,266 --> 00:02:00,101 {\an7}\h\h\h\hCome on! Come on! The missiles are coming! 40 00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:01,299 {\an7}They’ve lost their minds! \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hRun! 41 00:02:01,299 --> 00:02:04,101 {\an7}Get to the gym! Get to the gym! 42 00:02:04,101 --> 00:02:04,992 {\an7}Come on! 43 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:07,827 {\an7}Come on, we’re getting nuked! \h\h\h\hEveryone to the gym! 44 00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:09,299 {\an7}It’s our only chance! 45 00:02:09,299 --> 00:02:10,629 {\an7}[ Children screaming ] 46 00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:11,596 {\an7}Under the bleachers! Go! 47 00:02:11,596 --> 00:02:14,530 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\hCome on, move! Everyone’s going to die! 48 00:02:14,530 --> 00:02:16,596 {\an7}[ Screaming continues ] 49 00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:18,563 {\an7}[ Screaming stops ] 50 00:02:19,398 --> 00:02:23,827 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hM’kay. That was...22 seconds. 51 00:02:23,827 --> 00:02:25,761 {\an7}That’s not bad, m’kay. 52 00:02:25,761 --> 00:02:29,728 {\an7}\h\hNow, if this were real, we would just all stay here 53 00:02:29,728 --> 00:02:32,464 {\an7}\h\hand wait to hear from our government and maybe, 54 00:02:32,464 --> 00:02:34,992 {\an7}\h\h\h\hmaybe listen to some appropriate music, 55 00:02:34,992 --> 00:02:36,893 {\an7}like we did back in the ’80s. 56 00:02:36,893 --> 00:02:40,497 {\an7}♪ Take your baby by the hand ♪ 57 00:02:41,398 --> 00:02:45,233 {\an7}♪ Do the next thing \h\hthat you feel ♪ 58 00:02:45,662 --> 00:02:47,992 {\an7}♪ I said... ♪ 59 00:02:48,992 --> 00:02:51,134 {\an7}Narrator: Starring... 60 00:02:55,794 --> 00:02:58,860 {\an7}...and the comedy of... 61 00:02:59,068 --> 00:03:01,728 {\an7}♪ Dancehall days, love ♪ 62 00:03:07,761 --> 00:03:08,761 {\an7}Hi, Katie! 63 00:03:08,761 --> 00:03:09,596 {\an7}Hi, Kelly! 64 00:03:09,596 --> 00:03:12,035 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOh, my gosh. Pixie looks so pretty today. 65 00:03:12,035 --> 00:03:15,233 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hThanks! I braided my pony’s tail. 66 00:03:15,959 --> 00:03:18,596 {\an7}\hHi, Josslyn! Hi, Staci Mae! 67 00:03:18,596 --> 00:03:20,464 {\an7}Girls: Hi, Butters. 68 00:03:20,464 --> 00:03:21,431 {\an7}Alright, pony riders. 69 00:03:21,431 --> 00:03:23,101 {\an7}We’ve got a big competition \h\h\h\h\h\h\hthis weekend, 70 00:03:23,101 --> 00:03:25,860 {\an7}so let’s line up and do our rails. 71 00:03:27,464 --> 00:03:28,860 {\an7}Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! 72 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,167 {\an7}Don’t wave at us, \h\h\h\hButters! 73 00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:33,299 {\an7}Judges hate when they wave. He needs to not do that. 74 00:03:33,299 --> 00:03:37,860 {\an7}Okay, Staci Mae, nice trot. \h\h\hHere comes the jump. 75 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:41,596 {\an7}Good. Very nice. \h\h\hOkay, next. 76 00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,101 {\an7}Good, Heather. 77 00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:46,497 {\an7}That’s good control of Sunshine. Good. 78 00:03:46,497 --> 00:03:49,728 {\an7}Okay, Butters, come on. \h\h\h\h\hYou’re next. 79 00:03:50,233 --> 00:03:53,068 {\an7}Come on, Butters. \h\h\h\hCome on! 80 00:03:54,728 --> 00:03:55,926 {\an7}[ Pole clunks ] 81 00:03:55,926 --> 00:03:57,629 {\an7}Oh! He clunked it! 82 00:03:57,629 --> 00:03:58,959 {\an7}It’s okay. It’s okay. 83 00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:00,827 {\an7}Good job, Butters. \h\h\h\h\hGood job. 84 00:04:00,827 --> 00:04:01,596 {\an7}[Bleep]! 85 00:04:01,596 --> 00:04:03,992 {\an7}We should just pull Butters out of dressage. 86 00:04:03,992 --> 00:04:04,926 {\an7}He sucks at this. 87 00:04:04,926 --> 00:04:06,926 {\an7}Oh, we can’t pull him out. \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHe loves it. 88 00:04:06,926 --> 00:04:09,662 {\an7}Don’t you understand, Linda? I’m scared. 89 00:04:09,662 --> 00:04:11,662 {\an7}The big competition \his this weekend. 90 00:04:11,662 --> 00:04:15,068 {\an7}Butters will be going up against the Russians. 91 00:04:15,068 --> 00:04:18,398 {\an7}Oh, look, here comes \h\hthe Russian now. 92 00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,134 {\an7}-Boo! -Boo! 93 00:04:21,134 --> 00:04:23,167 {\an7}Boo, Russia! \h\h\hBooooo! 94 00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,365 {\an7}Hey, what are you booing a little kid for? 95 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,134 {\an7}Don’t you know \hwho that is? 96 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,497 {\an7}That’s Dan Solokov’s kid! 97 00:04:28,497 --> 00:04:32,992 {\an7}\h\h\h\hDan Solokov who works at the Ace Hardware over in Meeker? 98 00:04:32,992 --> 00:04:36,761 {\an7}\h\hEven the kid’s pony is a Russian Etruscan! 99 00:04:36,761 --> 00:04:38,233 {\an7}You piece-a-shit communist! 100 00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:42,035 {\an7}You won’t take our freedoms \h\h\h\haway! Boo, Russia! 101 00:04:42,035 --> 00:04:44,332 {\an7}♪ Games without frontiers ♪ 102 00:04:44,332 --> 00:04:46,761 {\an7}\h\h[ Singing along ] ♪ War without tears ♪ 103 00:04:46,761 --> 00:04:51,101 {\an7}♪ Jeux sans frontieres ♪ [ Knock on door ] 104 00:04:51,101 --> 00:04:51,761 {\an7}Yeah? 105 00:04:51,761 --> 00:04:54,563 {\an7}Mr. Mackey, I’d like to \h\hhave a word with you. 106 00:04:54,563 --> 00:04:56,662 {\an7}Oh, yeah, yes, of course, PC Principal. 107 00:04:56,662 --> 00:04:58,728 {\an7}I see that you’ve, uh, \h\h\hcalled for another 108 00:04:58,728 --> 00:05:00,860 {\an7}nuclear emergency drill \h\h\h\h\h\hthis afternoon? 109 00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:04,431 {\an7}\hYes, that’s right. We are going to be prepared. 110 00:05:04,431 --> 00:05:07,167 {\an7}Well, Mr. Mackey, this is \h\h\h\h\h\h\hthe seventh drill 111 00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:08,431 {\an7}that we’ve done \hin two days. 112 00:05:08,431 --> 00:05:11,695 {\an7}And I see that you also put in \hthe budget for a bomb shelter 113 00:05:11,695 --> 00:05:13,794 {\an7}and 20 VHS copies \hof "Red Dawn." 114 00:05:13,794 --> 00:05:17,299 {\an7}VHS is still really the best format when you think about it. 115 00:05:17,299 --> 00:05:21,662 {\an7}\h\hMr. Mackey, I’m starting to worry that this is sort of... 116 00:05:21,662 --> 00:05:22,860 {\an7}nostalgic for you, 117 00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:25,695 {\an7}like you’re kind of \h\henjoying this. 118 00:05:26,365 --> 00:05:27,332 {\an7}Enjoying it? 119 00:05:27,332 --> 00:05:29,662 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hMy job is to have this school ready. 120 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:33,497 {\an7}Kids need to know what Russia is capable of. 121 00:05:33,497 --> 00:05:38,101 {\an7}Ah-staff meen-ya \h\hif pahk-oye. 122 00:05:38,101 --> 00:05:39,629 {\an7}You speak Russian? 123 00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:42,101 {\an7}\h\hNo, but I watched "Hunt For Red October" 124 00:05:42,101 --> 00:05:43,464 {\an7}like 200 times. 125 00:05:43,464 --> 00:05:45,629 {\an7}\h\h\h\hMr. Mackey, I’m not asking you. 126 00:05:45,629 --> 00:05:47,695 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\hI’m telling you -- stop with all the drills 127 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:50,464 {\an7}\h\h\hand stop putting ideas into our students’ heads. 128 00:05:50,464 --> 00:05:52,365 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\hNo, you -- you’re right, of course. 129 00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:55,563 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hI’m -- I’m over-reacting. 130 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,794 {\an7}Okay. 131 00:05:56,794 --> 00:05:58,992 {\an7}M’kay. 132 00:06:21,959 --> 00:06:24,662 {\an7}[ Camera shutter clicking ] 133 00:06:27,266 --> 00:06:29,992 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\hAlright, Butters, you’ve just got two more days 134 00:06:29,992 --> 00:06:32,233 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbefore the dressage competition. 135 00:06:32,233 --> 00:06:33,332 {\an7}I’ll do my best, Dad. 136 00:06:33,332 --> 00:06:36,167 {\an7}You’re gonna have to do better \h\h\h\h\h\hthan that, Butters. 137 00:06:36,167 --> 00:06:39,233 {\an7}You see that little Russian kid \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hover there? 138 00:06:39,596 --> 00:06:41,959 {\an7}\h\h\hThat kid doesn’t give a shit about you. 139 00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:42,992 {\an7}He just wants to win 140 00:06:42,992 --> 00:06:46,827 {\an7}and take what little patriotism \h\h\h\h\hour country has left. 141 00:06:46,827 --> 00:06:47,761 {\an7}That kid? 142 00:06:47,761 --> 00:06:50,167 {\an7}\h\hYou didn’t live through the Cold War, Butters, but we did. 143 00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:51,662 {\an7}\hThis tournament is gonna be turned into 144 00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:55,464 {\an7}a political spectacle, \hand you have to win. 145 00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:58,398 {\an7}Otherwise, I’m afraid we’ll have to give your pony away 146 00:06:58,398 --> 00:07:01,332 {\an7}to communists who slaughter \h\h\h\hponies and donkeys 147 00:07:01,332 --> 00:07:02,299 {\an7}to make skin cream. 148 00:07:02,299 --> 00:07:04,959 {\an7}That’s mostly the Chinese, \hbut a commie’s a commie. 149 00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:06,596 {\an7}Better dead than red, Butters. 150 00:07:06,596 --> 00:07:08,134 {\an7}\h\hOh, Jesus! Not Melancholy! 151 00:07:08,134 --> 00:07:11,530 {\an7}\h\h\hNow, that little prick is trying to intimidate you. 152 00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:17,101 {\an7}\hI want you to go in there and show him how an American rides. 153 00:07:17,662 --> 00:07:20,332 {\an7}[ Clicks tongue ] \h\hCome on, boy! 154 00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:30,563 {\an7}Butters! Butters, what the hell \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hare you doing?! 155 00:07:30,563 --> 00:07:31,398 {\an7}Well, I dunno! 156 00:07:31,398 --> 00:07:33,134 {\an7}\h\hYou have to learn control! 157 00:07:33,134 --> 00:07:35,497 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h[ Clicks tongue ] Come on, Melancholy, come on! 158 00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,134 {\an7}[ Slide whistle blows ] 159 00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:37,926 {\an7}Girls: Ewwww! 160 00:07:37,926 --> 00:07:40,101 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hButters, what the hell is that?! 161 00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:42,068 {\an7}What is what? \h\hOh, geez! 162 00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:43,926 {\an7}Put that thing away, \h\h\h\h\hMelancholy! 163 00:07:43,926 --> 00:07:46,926 {\an7}\h\h\h\hJesus, Linda, what are we gonna do? 164 00:07:46,926 --> 00:07:49,662 {\an7}[ Microfiche whirring \h\h\hand clicking ] 165 00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:07,893 {\an7}What are you up to, you piece of shit? 166 00:08:07,893 --> 00:08:10,200 {\an7}[ Buzzer ] 167 00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:11,530 {\an7}Hello, sir. 168 00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:13,332 {\an7}I just needed to talk to somebody. 169 00:08:13,332 --> 00:08:15,827 {\an7}\h\hI’ve been having some problems at home. 170 00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:18,200 {\an7}Uh-huh, m’kay, that’s nice. \h\h\h\h\h\h\hThat’s good to hear. 171 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,761 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hWhy don’t you just, uh, sit there and tell me about it? 172 00:08:21,761 --> 00:08:24,035 {\an7}Well, it’s just my parents. 173 00:08:24,035 --> 00:08:26,365 {\an7}You see, a few months ago, I saw this little girl 174 00:08:26,365 --> 00:08:30,299 {\an7}riding a pony and I said, "Whoa! I wanna do that!" 175 00:08:30,299 --> 00:08:31,134 {\an7}Uh-huh. 176 00:08:31,134 --> 00:08:33,365 {\an7}So we found a stable and a trainer, 177 00:08:33,365 --> 00:08:35,233 {\an7}and I started to \hlearn dressage. 178 00:08:35,233 --> 00:08:39,134 {\an7}And I got to lease a pony, and his name is Melancholy. 179 00:08:39,134 --> 00:08:41,101 {\an7}\h\h\h\hYeah, yeah, that must be tough. 180 00:08:41,101 --> 00:08:43,068 {\an7}I’m sorry to hear that, \h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hm’kay. 181 00:08:43,068 --> 00:08:45,068 {\an7}\h\h\hWell, I love to ride Melancholy. 182 00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:47,827 {\an7}\hBut now I’m feeling all this pressure to win. 183 00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:49,266 {\an7}My parents said \hI have to win 184 00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:51,563 {\an7}because it’s against the Russians. 185 00:08:51,563 --> 00:08:53,233 {\an7}M’kay, we-- 186 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,530 {\an7}The what? 187 00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:55,563 {\an7}It’s the Russians. 188 00:08:55,563 --> 00:08:57,695 {\an7}I mean, I guess they’re just really good at dressage, 189 00:08:57,695 --> 00:09:01,794 {\an7}But now my dad says it’s a matter of national security. 190 00:09:02,662 --> 00:09:04,893 {\an7}M’kay. Butters. 191 00:09:04,893 --> 00:09:06,827 {\an7}Don’t move your head. 192 00:09:06,827 --> 00:09:08,035 {\an7}Don’t move my head? \h\h\h\h\h\h\hI -- 193 00:09:08,035 --> 00:09:10,266 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hUh, uh! They’re probably watching us, 194 00:09:10,266 --> 00:09:13,134 {\an7}\hso keep acting like you’re asking me for help. 195 00:09:13,134 --> 00:09:16,365 {\an7}Well, o-okay, but I kind of am \hasking you for help, ya know, 196 00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:18,728 {\an7}\h\h\h\h\h\h\hbecause I’m feeling really lost and miserable. 197 00:09:18,728 --> 00:09:21,332 {\an7}\h\h\h\hThat’s good. Now listen carefully. 198 00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,992 {\an7}What did your parents tell you? 199 00:09:23,992 --> 00:09:25,992 {\an7}Well, they said if I don’t \h\h\h\h\h\hdo well at dressage, 200 00:09:25,992 --> 00:09:28,662 {\an7}\h\hit could mean the end of all of our freedoms. 201 00:09:28,662 --> 00:09:30,332 {\an7}Jesus Christ. 202 00:09:30,332 --> 00:09:32,431 {\an7}M’kay, well, Butters, you know, 203 00:09:32,431 --> 00:09:36,860 {\an7}sometimes troubles at home can be bad, m’kay. 204 00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:40,398 {\an7}[ Softly ] I need you to tell me everything you know 205 00:09:40,398 --> 00:09:43,200 {\an7}about dressage. 206 00:09:49,362 --> 00:09:51,631 We need to have a serious talk, Melancholy, 207 00:09:51,631 --> 00:09:53,967 and I need you to listen. 208 00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:57,203 There's a time to poop, and there's a time to work. 209 00:09:57,203 --> 00:10:00,273 And the best thing is to poop when your work is done. 210 00:10:00,273 --> 00:10:01,908 I-It's like when I'm in the classroom, 211 00:10:01,908 --> 00:10:03,309 sometimes I have to poop, 212 00:10:03,309 --> 00:10:05,144 but I have to wait until lunch break. 213 00:10:05,144 --> 00:10:07,380 If I really have to go, I can raise my hand to ask politely. 214 00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:09,816 But if you stop and poop while we're competin', 215 00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:11,484 the judges are gonna deduct points. 216 00:10:11,484 --> 00:10:13,086 And then the Russians will beat us, 217 00:10:13,086 --> 00:10:15,922 and then you're gonna get turned into Chinese skin cream! 218 00:10:15,922 --> 00:10:17,790 We have to do this, Melancholy. 219 00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:20,226 You and me have to focus like never before. 220 00:10:20,226 --> 00:10:22,295 Now, let's go show them what we can do! 221 00:10:24,497 --> 00:10:26,733 Let's go! [ Clicks tongue ] 222 00:10:26,733 --> 00:10:28,568 [ Epic music plays ] 223 00:10:28,568 --> 00:10:30,570 That's it! You got it, boy! 224 00:10:30,570 --> 00:10:34,474 ♪♪ 225 00:10:34,474 --> 00:10:37,443 Nope! Nope! Melancholy! 226 00:10:37,443 --> 00:10:38,845 Over the jump, boy! 227 00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:40,179 Come on, Melancholy! 228 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,149 What? W-Where are you going? 229 00:10:43,149 --> 00:10:44,851 Melancholy, back to the jump! 230 00:10:46,519 --> 00:10:48,021 Whoa, Melancholy! Whoa! 231 00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:49,122 W-What are you doing now?! 232 00:10:49,122 --> 00:10:50,957 [ Slide whistle blows ] 233 00:10:50,957 --> 00:10:52,792 Now I'm not sure what's goin' on here. [ Screaming ] 234 00:10:52,792 --> 00:10:55,628 No! No! No! Melancholy! Bad pony! 235 00:10:55,628 --> 00:10:57,830 I'm sorry, ma'am! Melancholy, to the jump! 236 00:10:57,830 --> 00:11:01,634 ♪♪ 237 00:11:01,634 --> 00:11:04,637 [ Chorus singing in Russian ] 238 00:11:04,637 --> 00:11:13,379 ♪♪ 239 00:11:13,379 --> 00:11:22,155 ♪♪ 240 00:11:22,155 --> 00:11:30,897 ♪♪ 241 00:11:30,897 --> 00:11:39,706 ♪♪ 242 00:11:39,706 --> 00:11:48,514 ♪♪ 243 00:11:48,514 --> 00:11:57,256 ♪♪ 244 00:12:12,939 --> 00:12:15,408 [ Gun clicks ] Voice: What are you doing here? 245 00:12:15,408 --> 00:12:16,776 Don't shoot... 246 00:12:16,776 --> 00:12:19,579 I-I'm just the school counselor... 247 00:12:20,413 --> 00:12:22,281 Mr. Stotch? 248 00:12:22,281 --> 00:12:24,083 Mr. Mackey? 249 00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:26,285 What the hell are you doing here?! 250 00:12:26,285 --> 00:12:28,354 What the hell are you doing here? 251 00:12:28,354 --> 00:12:30,590 I'll ask the questions, I've got the gun! 252 00:12:30,590 --> 00:12:32,458 We were just... having a look around... 253 00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:34,627 We weren't going to mess with the Russian pony. 254 00:12:34,627 --> 00:12:36,062 I-I promise. 255 00:12:36,062 --> 00:12:37,563 Shut up, Linda. 256 00:12:37,563 --> 00:12:39,399 Mr. and Mrs. Stotch, you know -- 257 00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:41,301 your son has been having some problems 258 00:12:41,301 --> 00:12:43,202 on the playground at school. 259 00:12:43,202 --> 00:12:44,504 What kind of problems? 260 00:12:44,504 --> 00:12:47,140 Well, you know, bullies, and, uh, 261 00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:49,575 pressure for marijuana, you know, with -- 262 00:12:49,575 --> 00:12:50,777 Don't [bleep] move! 263 00:12:50,777 --> 00:12:52,045 Ahhhh! 264 00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:54,314 Now I want some Goddamn answers. 265 00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:57,250 So you want them to win, huh? You're a traitor. 266 00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:59,419 I'm not the traitor. Yeah, right... 267 00:12:59,419 --> 00:13:01,254 Since when do you care about dressage? 268 00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:05,058 Since I found out the principal is a Russian spy. 269 00:13:05,058 --> 00:13:06,526 A what?! 270 00:13:06,526 --> 00:13:08,795 There's something very big going on here, 271 00:13:08,795 --> 00:13:11,130 and I think it involves your son. 272 00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:14,100 Mr. Mackey... we were just here to try 273 00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:17,637 and give that pony diarrhea by feeding it Erewhon. 274 00:13:17,637 --> 00:13:19,439 It's the truth. 275 00:13:19,439 --> 00:13:21,808 We're on your side. 276 00:13:25,745 --> 00:13:28,982 I think I understand what's going on now... 277 00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:33,453 The Communists are gonna use the pony show as justification... 278 00:13:33,453 --> 00:13:37,323 to fire the missiles. 279 00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:39,559 [ Cheers and applause ] 280 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:44,163 Welcome, everyone, to the 10 and under pony dressage finals. 281 00:13:44,163 --> 00:13:46,099 We want to thank everyone for coming out today 282 00:13:46,099 --> 00:13:47,867 to support these little riders. 283 00:13:47,867 --> 00:13:50,269 [ Cheers and applause ] 284 00:13:50,269 --> 00:13:52,038 This is it, Melancholy. 285 00:13:52,038 --> 00:13:54,040 We have to do this. 286 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,610 We have to be classy. We're not gonna poop. 287 00:13:57,610 --> 00:13:59,879 We're not gonna get a boner, and we're certainly not gonna 288 00:13:59,879 --> 00:14:01,881 have unwarranted sex with the ladies. 289 00:14:01,881 --> 00:14:05,685 Please, boy... We have got to get this right. 290 00:14:10,289 --> 00:14:11,658 Hi, Mom. 291 00:14:11,658 --> 00:14:15,895 Well, hi, junior! What a surprise, m'kay! 292 00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:18,798 Mom...I need to use something in my old room. 293 00:14:18,798 --> 00:14:21,567 Well, sure, come on in! 294 00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:25,271 Everything is still just as you left it, son. 295 00:14:29,309 --> 00:14:32,879 Mom, I think World War 3 is about to start. 296 00:14:32,879 --> 00:14:35,648 I'm gonna do what I can to protect our country! 297 00:14:35,648 --> 00:14:38,217 Oh, uh, m'kay, honey, I'll make you a snack. 298 00:14:43,589 --> 00:14:46,259 [ Computer whirring ] 299 00:14:46,259 --> 00:14:48,394 Hello, Mr. Mackey. 300 00:14:51,864 --> 00:14:54,901 [ Modem connecting ] 301 00:15:04,410 --> 00:15:06,846 [ Static, powers down ] 302 00:15:06,846 --> 00:15:09,248 The Russians are nuking us. 303 00:15:09,248 --> 00:15:11,217 What the hell was that? 304 00:15:11,217 --> 00:15:12,719 Someone from the outside is logged into 305 00:15:12,719 --> 00:15:14,053 the missile defense system! 306 00:15:14,053 --> 00:15:16,522 Well, kick them out! Shut off the Wi-Fi! 307 00:15:16,522 --> 00:15:18,257 It's not coming in on Wi-Fi! 308 00:15:18,257 --> 00:15:20,893 It's some old, archaic technology! 309 00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:25,531 X = "The Russians are nuking us." 310 00:15:25,531 --> 00:15:29,369 Print X, goto 10. 311 00:15:29,369 --> 00:15:30,436 Run. 312 00:15:30,436 --> 00:15:34,874 [ Beeping ] 313 00:15:34,874 --> 00:15:36,309 [ All gasp ] 314 00:15:36,309 --> 00:15:37,877 What are they trying to do?! 315 00:15:37,877 --> 00:15:39,979 It's just repeating the same line over and over. 316 00:15:39,979 --> 00:15:41,547 How did they get it to do that?! 317 00:15:41,547 --> 00:15:44,951 Sir! The computers are taking us to DEFCON 3! 318 00:15:44,951 --> 00:15:46,586 [ Klaxon blaring ] 319 00:15:46,586 --> 00:15:48,287 [ All gasp ] 320 00:15:53,493 --> 00:15:57,030 Jesus Christ... It's dressage. 321 00:16:03,477 --> 00:16:05,512 [ Speaking Russian ] 322 00:16:09,116 --> 00:16:11,151 [ Speaking Russian ] 323 00:16:24,998 --> 00:16:27,167 President Putin! 324 00:16:29,569 --> 00:16:31,838 ♪ When two tribes go to war ♪ 325 00:16:31,838 --> 00:16:35,509 ♪ A point is all that you can score ♪ 326 00:16:35,509 --> 00:16:37,244 ♪ Score them all, score them all ♪ 327 00:16:37,244 --> 00:16:39,413 ♪ When two tribes go to war ♪ 328 00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:42,682 ♪ A point is all that you can score ♪ 329 00:16:42,682 --> 00:16:44,684 ♪ Working for the black gas ♪ 330 00:16:44,684 --> 00:16:46,486 ♪ Cowboy number one ♪ 331 00:16:46,486 --> 00:16:50,257 ♪ A born-again poor man's son ♪ 332 00:16:50,257 --> 00:16:52,159 ♪ Poor man's son ♪ 333 00:16:52,159 --> 00:16:53,827 ♪ On the air America ♪ 334 00:16:53,827 --> 00:16:57,631 ♪ I modeled shirts by Van Heusen ♪ 335 00:16:57,631 --> 00:17:00,267 ♪ Working for the black gas ♪ 336 00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:05,305 ♪ Yeah ♪ -Oooh, no! No! 337 00:17:05,305 --> 00:17:08,675 ♪♪ 338 00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:10,377 ♪ You know ♪ 339 00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:12,312 ♪ When two tribes go to war ♪ 340 00:17:12,312 --> 00:17:15,949 ♪ A point is all that you can score ♪ 341 00:17:15,949 --> 00:17:17,784 ♪ Score them all, score them all ♪ 342 00:17:17,784 --> 00:17:19,786 ♪ When two tribes go to war ♪ 343 00:17:19,786 --> 00:17:23,557 ♪ A point is all you can score ♪ 344 00:17:23,557 --> 00:17:25,792 ♪ Working for the black gas ♪ 345 00:17:25,792 --> 00:17:27,294 ♪♪ 346 00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:30,797 ♪ Switch off your shield ♪ 347 00:17:30,797 --> 00:17:33,567 ♪ Switch off and feel ♪ -We're running out of time! 348 00:17:33,567 --> 00:17:37,471 Take missiles to DEFCON 2! 349 00:17:37,471 --> 00:17:40,807 Here's your Sunny Delight and Steak-umms, honey. 350 00:17:40,807 --> 00:17:43,210 Get outta my room, Mom, God! 351 00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:45,312 Get outta my room. 352 00:17:45,312 --> 00:17:49,416 Sweetheart... are you m'kay? 353 00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,251 'Course I'm not m'kay -- 354 00:17:51,251 --> 00:17:53,820 but you wouldn't understand 'cause you're a grown-up. 355 00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:56,656 Honey... as your mother, 356 00:17:56,656 --> 00:17:58,425 I want you to know you can talk to me 357 00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:00,260 about whatever you want. 358 00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:04,364 Even if it's about being scared of gettin' old. 359 00:18:10,103 --> 00:18:13,373 Things used to be so much simpler, Mama. 360 00:18:14,775 --> 00:18:17,511 There was a good guy and a -- and a bad guy. 361 00:18:17,511 --> 00:18:20,080 And we all... sort of came together 362 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,416 and loved our country... 363 00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:24,951 Not like it is now. 364 00:18:24,951 --> 00:18:28,255 Ohhh, junior. 365 00:18:28,255 --> 00:18:32,359 I know that gettin' old isn't so much fun, is it? 366 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:36,563 We all wanna go back to a time when we were younger. 367 00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:39,699 You're getting to be around 55. 368 00:18:39,699 --> 00:18:42,536 Your pee-pee doesn't work so good, does it? 369 00:18:42,536 --> 00:18:45,038 How'd you know about that, Mom? 370 00:18:45,038 --> 00:18:46,640 Well, I'm your mom, honey. 371 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,975 When a man gets to a point where his pee-pee 372 00:18:48,975 --> 00:18:51,478 doesn't work the way it used to, he starts to... 373 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:54,981 well, sit in his room and play war games again, you know? 374 00:18:54,981 --> 00:18:58,318 But, honey, those times weren't better. 375 00:18:58,318 --> 00:19:00,487 We were all scared. 376 00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:02,723 People died. 377 00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:06,727 That's not something to strive to get back to. 378 00:19:06,727 --> 00:19:09,062 You're right, mama... 379 00:19:09,062 --> 00:19:10,330 I've been bad. 380 00:19:10,330 --> 00:19:11,565 Oh, you're not bad -- 381 00:19:11,565 --> 00:19:12,833 No, I'm bad -- 382 00:19:12,833 --> 00:19:14,401 No, nom sweetheart. 383 00:19:14,401 --> 00:19:17,738 It -- It just felt good 'cause it was familiar. 384 00:19:17,738 --> 00:19:21,341 That's just sort of what us old people do. 385 00:19:23,677 --> 00:19:26,246 Announcer: It all comes down to this. 386 00:19:26,246 --> 00:19:31,318 #823 Davey Solokov and his Russian Etruscan. 387 00:19:31,318 --> 00:19:35,355 If he completes this last rail, he will be the winner. 388 00:19:35,355 --> 00:19:37,190 We're all dead, Linda. 389 00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:40,026 Rider...please demonstrate your trot. 390 00:19:45,999 --> 00:19:48,969 It's Okay, Melancholy... We did our best... 391 00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:52,105 Whoa... Where you goin', Melancholy? 392 00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:54,041 Announcer: And here is the rail. 393 00:19:54,041 --> 00:19:57,310 Wait a minute -- we have another pony in the ring! 394 00:19:57,310 --> 00:19:59,012 [ Slide whistle blows ] [ Horse whinnies ] 395 00:19:59,012 --> 00:20:00,147 [ All gasp ] 396 00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:01,615 What's he doing? 397 00:20:01,615 --> 00:20:03,984 What's he doing?! He's fighting for democracy! 398 00:20:03,984 --> 00:20:05,452 Go, Butters! 399 00:20:05,452 --> 00:20:07,521 All: [ Chanting ] Butters! Butters! 400 00:20:07,521 --> 00:20:08,922 Melancholy! Bad! 401 00:20:08,922 --> 00:20:10,690 Ahghg! 402 00:20:10,690 --> 00:20:12,559 [ Horse whinnies ] 403 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:15,062 10...9...8... 404 00:20:15,062 --> 00:20:16,129 He's got 'em! 405 00:20:16,129 --> 00:20:18,165 [ Cheers and applause ] 406 00:20:18,165 --> 00:20:21,334 3...2..1... You're out! 407 00:20:21,334 --> 00:20:23,270 [ Cheers and applause ] 408 00:20:29,142 --> 00:20:30,577 Ahghghghghg! 409 00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:32,512 [ Cheers and applause ] 410 00:20:36,249 --> 00:20:40,654 Mr. Mackey: Let me -- Let me though! Let me through! 411 00:20:40,654 --> 00:20:42,189 Mackey, we did it! 412 00:20:42,189 --> 00:20:44,958 I know! It's amazing! 413 00:20:44,958 --> 00:20:48,662 This is all a dream come true! 414 00:20:48,662 --> 00:20:54,167 You know...the past few days, I've been re-living the past. 415 00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:58,271 But during this tournament, I started to change. 416 00:20:58,271 --> 00:21:01,541 And I just wanna say to the Russians -- 417 00:21:01,541 --> 00:21:03,377 that if I can change, 418 00:21:03,377 --> 00:21:05,045 then yous can change! 419 00:21:05,045 --> 00:21:08,348 I know how it is when you're gettin' old, you know, 420 00:21:08,348 --> 00:21:10,350 and you start getting aggressive 421 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:13,420 because your dick doesn't work the way it used to. 422 00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:15,756 Da... 423 00:21:15,756 --> 00:21:17,257 Da... 424 00:21:17,257 --> 00:21:19,626 But just because our dicks don't work 425 00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:23,130 doesn't mean we should go back to the way things were. 426 00:21:23,130 --> 00:21:26,366 In the immortal words of Sting -- 427 00:21:26,366 --> 00:21:29,269 we all share the same biology. 428 00:21:29,269 --> 00:21:31,471 Regardless of ideology. 429 00:21:31,471 --> 00:21:33,940 [ Cheers and applause ] 430 00:21:34,307 --> 00:21:40,947 ♪ I wonder if Russians get diarrhea from Erewhon too ♪ 431 00:21:40,947 --> 00:21:44,684 ♪♪ 432 00:21:44,926 --> 00:21:53,487 {\an7}♪ 433 00:21:53,487 --> 00:22:02,388 {\an7}♪ 434 00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:11,652 {\an7}♪