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00:00:00,830 --> 00:00:04,820
And now, a fireside chat
with the creators of South Park:

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00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,630
Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

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- I'm Trey Parker.
- I'm Matt Stone.

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And this is old Scratch.
Say hi, old fellow!

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This episode is
"An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

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It was changed to
"An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig."

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Which is silly.
If an elephant was on a pig...

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...it wouldn't be making love,
it would be fucking it.

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Would you agree this episode confirms
Matt and Trey are sick weirdoes?

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What is sick and wrong about two beings
sharing the most intimate of moments?

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Do you come at the gene splicing
of DNA from personal experience?

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Yes. I made Trey from splicing
a tomato and a flounder.

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Do you have strong ethical views on
whether we should tamper with nature?

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Matt and I think genetic
engineering is great.

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Everything should be spliced
with everything.

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That's the way we'll become
perfect beings. Right, old Scratch?

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We should splice pigs with
elephants, tomatoes with apples.

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l, myself, would like to be spliced
with Fiona Apple.

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And so now, sit back, relax, and enjoy
"An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

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* I'm goin' down to South Park *
* gonna have myself a time *

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* Friendly faces everywhere *
* humble folks without temptation *

22
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* Goin' down to South Park *
* gonna leave my woes behind *

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* Ample parking day or night *
* people spouting HOWDY NEIGHBOR *

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* Heading on up to South Park *
* gonna see if I can't unwind *

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* (I like girls with big fat t*****s) *
* (I like girls with big vag***s) *

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* So come on down to South Park *
* and meet some friends of mine *

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- Stan, where'd you get that black eye?
- Nothing, I mean nowhere.

28
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- Your sister beat you up again?
- No!

29
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Your sister kicked your ass!

30
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She's pissed she got headgear.
She takes it out on me.

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You get your butt kicked by a girl.

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I'd never let a woman kick my ass.
If she tried anything, I'd be:

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"Get your bitch-ass back in the
kitchen and make me some pie!"

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My parents don't believe me.

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They think she's innocent.
She's an evil bitch.

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Be a man, Stan. Just say, "Hey, woman!
You shut your mouth and make babies!"

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What's that elephant doing?

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You mean this one?
He's my new pet elephant.

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- Where'd you get that?
- Mail order from Africa.

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They said it'd take 46 weeks,
but it only took 3!

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- Wow, that's cool!
- It's not!

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Mom won't let him in the house!
His poop is bigger than our couch.

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That's why my mom got me a potbellied
pig because its poop is small.

44
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(Hey you guys, I talked to Garrison )
(and he told me they're like the same)

45
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Yeah, but pigs aren't smart
like elephants.

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Hey! Wait a minute!
What is that thing?

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This is the new retarded kid.

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Oh, I'm sorry, little girl.
But you still can't get on.

49
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You have to take the special ED bus!

50
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Looks like you're not welcome
anywhere. See you!

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If a woman ever gave me crap,
I'd say, "Hey, you go do my laundry!"

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- Sit down, kid!
- Yes, ma'am.

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Children, our friend Mr. Hat is going
to tell us all about genetic engineering.

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That's right, Mr. Garrison, genetic
engineering is an exciting new science.

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You can splice DNA from some
animals and make them better.

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- Mr. Garrison?
- Yes, Kyle.

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Can you make an elephant smaller?

58
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Well, yes, I suppose you could.

59
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You could splice elephant genes with
a dog or cat or potbellied pig genes.

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Combine my elephant with a potbellied
pig and make potbellied elephants.

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- Smart like elephants, small like pigs.
- Cool!

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- I want a potbellied elephant.
- I'll pay $50.

63
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That's stupid.

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Shut up!
We can genetical engineer anything.

65
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I bet I could clone a human being
before you cross an elephant and a pig.

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- I'll bet you can't!
- Watch me!

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Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie.
Two A+ students in a cloning war.

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Genetic engineering lets us correct
God's horrible mistakes.

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Like German people.

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You might visit the genetic-engineering
ranch outside of town for help.

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You could use this for your
science-fair projects next month.

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- Genetic-engineering ranch? Sweet!
- We need a pig.

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- We can use Cartman's pig.
- Leave Fluffy out of this!

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We won't hurt her.
We need blood.

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You're not using Fluffy's blood!
I'll kick you in the nuts!

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Kyle, no!

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Can I talk to you for a minute?

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I couldn't help notice that black eye.
Are there problems at home?

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- Yes.
- Oh, dear.

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Here, sit down, have some cocoa,
and tell Mr. Hat all about it.

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I'm your friend Mr. Hat. You can
tell me anything. Now, who hit you?

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- Is it your father or your mother?
- Neither, it's my sister.

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Your sister? For Pete's sake,
don't be such a wuss!

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Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with little
problems and give me back my cocoa!

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Let's open the phone lines
for questions.

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Hey!

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- Hi, Shelly.
- You looking at my headgear?

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What headgear?

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- You looking at my headgear?
- I didn't really notice.

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- You little liar!
- I think it looks terrific! It matches...

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- Ready to go?
- Go where?

92
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The genetics ranch. To splice
the pig's genes with my elephant.

93
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Nobody's splicing from Fluffy!

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- I swear I'm gonna kill you, Stan!
- Why is your sister so mean?

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If some sissy chick tried
to kick my ass, I'd be like:

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"Hey, missy, why don't you go knit me a
sweater before I slap you in the face!"

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Who said that?

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This must be it.

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Looks like nobody's home.
We should come another time.

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We're splicing Fluffy
and my elephant together.

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I won't let them hurt you.

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- It's just a pig.
- Quit being a baby.

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- I don't get my ass kicked by a girl!
- At least I'm not a pig-f* * * er!

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I'm taking my pig. Screw you guys!
I'm going home!

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This whole idea is stupid!

106
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What would you know?
You never get higher than a D!

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Why don't you go to San Francisco
with the other Jews?

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There's no Jews
in San Francisco, retard!

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I'll kick you in the nuts!

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Can I help you?

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Yeah. We wanna crossbreed
an elephant with a pig.

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Brilliant idea.
Huge, elephant-sized pigs.

113
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No, little potbellied elephants
that people can keep as pets.

114
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That's an even better idea.
Come on in.

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I'm so pleased that you're interested
in genetic engineering.

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Nobody will hurt you.

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Thanks to genetic engineering,
there will be an end...

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...to hunger, disease,
pollution, even war.

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I created things
to make the world better.

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For instance,
here's a monkey with four asses.

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- How does that make the world better?
- My four-assed ostrich.

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My four-assed mongoose.

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Have anything
besides four-assed animals?

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I suppose so. Yes, over here.

125
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I have rats spliced with ducks,
gorillas spliced with mosquitoes.

126
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Here, I have rabbits spliced with fish
to make little bunny fish.

127
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These bunny ears are
tied on with strings!

128
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Here, Swiss cheese spliced
with chalk and a beard.

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- What about our potbellied elephant?
- Well, I'm sorry, children.

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Pig and elephant DNA won't splice.
Have you heard that song by Loverboy?

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Which song?

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Maybe I can help you add
a few asses to that swine.

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Keep your hands off of Fluffy!

134
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It's amazing what we can do
with a little blood sample these days.

135
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- What? Excuse me.
- Why are you taking Stan's blood?

136
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Pardon me, I tripped.
Could I have some hair?

137
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- Watch out, genetic engineers are crazy!
- Come on, Fluffy!

138
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- This gas is hurting my anus.
- That's pretty fresh.

139
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I sure am hungry.

140
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Any of you blokes know
what's for lunch today?

141
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- Lunchy munchies?
- Go away, Pip, nobody likes you!

142
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What kind of a name is Pip?

143
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My father's family name being Pirrip
and my name, Phillip...

144
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Would you shut up?
Nobody gives a rat's ass!

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- Yeah, go away, Pip.
- Right.

146
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,770
French people piss me off.

147
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Dumb asses! You give up
on your stupid science-fair project?

148
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- No, we're already halfway done.
- Then all you've got is a stupid pig.

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- Probably a gay pig.
- It's more than you've got!

150
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Wrong! We've already
got our human clone under way.

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Oh, my God! They cloned a foot!

152
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Hey, I'll kick your ass!

153
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,980
By Friday, we'll clone a whole human.
Good luck with your pig.

154
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Hello, children.

155
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- How you doing?
- Bad.

156
00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:23,440
Why bad?

157
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:27,140
A pig and an elephant's
genes won't splice.

158
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,050
Of course they won't splice, children.

159
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Haven't you ever heard
that song by Loverboy?

160
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- A pig-elephant? That's not a bad idea.
- I told you guys.

161
00:10:41,430 --> 00:10:45,560
Imagine a pint-sized elephant
that you could keep in the house.

162
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Children, we could make
a fortune with this.

163
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You hear? We'll be rich!

164
00:10:51,010 --> 00:10:53,640
Forget about that genetic engineering.

165
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If you want to combine a pig and an
elephant, get them to make sweet love.

166
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,510
An elephant won't make love
to a pig.

167
00:11:01,690 --> 00:11:04,920
My pig won't wanna make love
to that elephant!

168
00:11:05,090 --> 00:11:08,060
Sure they would,
if you get them in the mood.

169
00:11:08,230 --> 00:11:12,560
- How do we do that?
- Do what I do, get them good and drunk.

170
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:15,700
- Wanna come over?
- We've got work to do.

171
00:11:15,870 --> 00:11:18,600
An elephant takes a while
to get drunk.

172
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- Just for a little bit?
- Your sister gonna kick your ass?

173
00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:24,900
Shut up, Cartman!

174
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:30,010
- Yeah, she's just a girl.
- If a girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be:

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00:11:30,180 --> 00:11:35,640
"Why don't you stop dressing me like a
mailman and making me dance for you...

176
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,620
...while you smoke crack
in your bedroom...

177
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:43,750
...and have sex with some guy
I don't even know on my dad's bed."

178
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:51,160
- What the hell are you talking about?
- I'm saying you're a little wuss.

179
00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:53,930
Use family love
as a weapon against her.

180
00:11:54,110 --> 00:11:58,170
Next time she kicks your ass, tell her,
"Shelly, you're my sister. I love you."

181
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,771
(And I want to take off your bra.)

182
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:03,870
- Sick, she's my sister!
- Try it. We gotta get Cartman's pig.

183
00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:06,850
No you don't! Leave Fluffy out of this!

184
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,850
- Come on, Kenny.
- Kyle, no!

185
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:14,390
No elephant is gonna make love
to Fluffy! I will kick you in the nnnuts!

186
00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:16,050
Crap!

187
00:12:16,930 --> 00:12:19,590
And now back to Jesus and Pals...

188
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:25,070
- Are you staring at my neck brace?
- No, I mean, yes? What neck brace?

189
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:29,310
Before you beat my face
into a bloody pulp...

190
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:33,970
...I just want you to know
that you're my sister and I love you.

191
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:44,020
Someday I'll be bigger than you.
You'll wish you'd never done this.

192
00:12:44,190 --> 00:12:49,360
You'll never be bigger
than me, Stan. Never!

193
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:55,500
Beautiful, it's absolutely beautiful.
My son, I think we've finally done it.

194
00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:59,130
Yes, we have, Dad.
My very own human clone.

195
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:04,000
- Hope it's not a gay clone.
- Yeah. That's so stupid.

196
00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:05,910
Come on, keep drinking.

197
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:10,240
I wonder how drunk he needs to be
to make sweet love to the pig.

198
00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:15,450
- Damn it! This won't work!
- Hello, children.

199
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:20,250
I'm checking to see how our little
entrepreneurial adventure is going.

200
00:13:20,430 --> 00:13:22,990
They're both drunk
but won't have sex!

201
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:27,430
Children, you can't stick a drunk pig
with a drunk elephant...

202
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,470
...and expect them
to do the mattress mambo.

203
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:35,470
You need to set the mood. Let me
show you boys what I'm talking about.

204
00:14:04,770 --> 00:14:08,140
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Elton John!

205
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:22,490
Thank you, Elton.

206
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:31,390
Look, it's working!

207
00:14:32,630 --> 00:14:38,090
Now, children, gather around
and watch the wonders of life.

208
00:14:38,270 --> 00:14:41,170
The beauty of mother nature.

209
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:44,610
- Sick!
- Fluffy!

210
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:50,040
Now I know how all those
white women must have felt.

211
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:54,480
How luscious,
our creature has come to fruition.

212
00:14:54,650 --> 00:14:58,720
- Dad, you're the best.
- Oh, my God! He only has one ass!

213
00:14:58,890 --> 00:15:02,090
He's of no use to me.
I'll have to burn the room.

214
00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:07,420
This entire experiment
is turning out very bad.

215
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:08,790
Me bad?

216
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,470
He's out of control.
We have to destroy him!

217
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,970
But he's our science-fair project!

218
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:23,610
- He's too dangerous, son.
- But, Dad, I want a human clone!

219
00:15:23,780 --> 00:15:25,340
Son, no!

220
00:15:28,690 --> 00:15:33,960
You've made a horrible mistake. You put
the people of South Park in jeopardy!

221
00:15:34,130 --> 00:15:37,460
They're all stupid anyway.
Come on, guys, let's go.

222
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:39,260
They're all gay.

223
00:15:40,170 --> 00:15:42,230
Aren't they ever gonna wake up?

224
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,770
They will.
It's gonna be one ugly sight.

225
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:50,810
- I thought nature was beautiful.
- When does it go from beautiful to ugly?

226
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:54,340
Usually about 9:30 a.m., children.

227
00:15:55,550 --> 00:15:57,140
Here we go.

228
00:16:01,850 --> 00:16:07,550
There's nothing worse than getting
drunk and waking up next to a pig.

229
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:12,330
- Or an elephant.
- How do we know if she's pregnant?

230
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,160
We might not know
for a couple of days.

231
00:16:15,340 --> 00:16:18,930
Couple of days? Terrance
will have his clone tomorrow.

232
00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:22,300
Good job, Einstein!
Why don't we build a rocket?

233
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,310
Thank Buddha I found you.

234
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,410
Tell me,
have you seen anything odd lately?

235
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:29,810
An elephant have sex with a pig.

236
00:16:29,980 --> 00:16:34,650
- No, I said odd.
- You're that crazy cracker from the hill.

237
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:40,380
Sir, if making mutant animals spliced
with humans is crazy, then...

238
00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:48,330
Never mind.
There's been an incident at the ranch.

239
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:53,505
I created a large mutant clone of that
little boy there, and he's broken free.

240
00:16:54,531 --> 00:16:55,531
(A big mutant Stan?!?)

241
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:58,940
- A version of me?
- Bigger than a regular clone?

242
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:04,710
He's dangerous. His brain is identical
to yours. I need you to help me find him.

243
00:17:09,290 --> 00:17:12,280
Stan, are you wearing a different hat?

244
00:17:14,030 --> 00:17:19,060
Hey! I know a certain young
man who's itching for detention!

245
00:17:21,430 --> 00:17:24,130
How big is he?
I bet he weighs 400 pounds!

246
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,374
Come on, Stan, don't you know
where you would go?

247
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,671
(Oh my God! What is he doin'?)

248
00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:29,270
Oh, my God!

249
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:36,850
It appears that the destructive creature
is 8-year-old Stan Marsh of South Park.

250
00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:40,380
Asked why he was wreaking
havoc on his hometown...

251
00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:45,890
...the little boy replied simply,
"Me Stan pacha pachuyie cha pachuyie cha."

252
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:47,650
Back to the studio.

253
00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:50,920
Police request
that if you see this boy...

254
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:54,400
...you immediately kill him
and burn his body.

255
00:17:54,570 --> 00:17:56,330
Now back to Jesus and Pals.

256
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,900
The way is paved with gold
for ye who seek truth...

257
00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:04,770
Jesus!

258
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:10,710
My evil clone is destroying the town.
We have to find him.

259
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,480
You boys watch
The X Files too much.

260
00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:16,820
There's no such thing
as genetic clone...

261
00:18:21,190 --> 00:18:23,750
- Come on, let's go!
- There you are!

262
00:18:23,930 --> 00:18:29,700
You tore up my entire gun shop! You
better have a good explanation for this!

263
00:18:29,870 --> 00:18:32,530
It wasn't me, it was my evil clone.

264
00:18:32,710 --> 00:18:37,470
What the hell has gotten into you?
You have got severe lunchroom duty!

265
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,270
I'm gonna have a word
with your father!

266
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:45,080
- Wait till your father hears about this.
- Wait, Stan, there he goes.

267
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,240
Stop!

268
00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:53,550
- He recognizes you, dude.
- That's good, dude. Just calm down.

269
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,030
What should we do with him?

270
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:04,830
Stan? How would you like to go home
and meet your sister?

271
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:12,640
Shelly has a wire in her mouth
and a metal plate on her back.

272
00:19:12,810 --> 00:19:16,680
When you see Shelly, kick her ass.
Shelly very bad!

273
00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:19,820
- Me bad?
- No, Shelly bad. You good.

274
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:26,150
He's tearing up the house.
Stop him!

275
00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:38,500
What the hell do you want?

276
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:49,970
- I'm lusciously sorry for everything.
- They got our clone. He belongs to us.

277
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:54,140
This beast is a disgrace
to genetic engineers everywhere.

278
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,350
I'm sorry I've caused you
such inconvenience.

279
00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:00,150
I tried to play God and I failed.

280
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,930
Daddy, no!

281
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:07,790
All I wanted was to genetically
engineer something useful. I failed.

282
00:20:07,970 --> 00:20:10,940
Perhaps we shouldn't toy
with God's creations.

283
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:15,800
Perhaps we should leave nature alone
to its simple one-assed schematics.

284
00:20:15,980 --> 00:20:19,540
You bastards, this isn't over!
Wait until tomorrow!

285
00:20:20,910 --> 00:20:24,580
Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
You bastard!

286
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:28,850
Mom and Dad are home.
It's a disaster! You gotta help.

287
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,460
I ain't helping. I wanna eat pie.

288
00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:34,560
- You can't leave me here alone!
- Watch me.

289
00:20:34,730 --> 00:20:37,960
We have to find out
if Cartman's pig is pregnant.

290
00:20:38,130 --> 00:20:43,590
- Thanks a lot!
- Oh, boy, you are gonna get it now.

291
00:20:44,370 --> 00:20:47,030
It isn't fair.
Everybody hates me.

292
00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:51,700
The whole town wants me killed.
Mom and Dad are gonna send me away.

293
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,810
I don't wanna be sent away.
I wanna stay here!

294
00:20:57,450 --> 00:21:00,420
What in God's name
have you been doing?

295
00:21:00,590 --> 00:21:02,950
Everybody in town
is upset with you.

296
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,680
What's going on?
Are you on drugs?

297
00:21:06,290 --> 00:21:11,790
It's not Stan's fault.
It wasn't Stan. He was...

298
00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:14,560
He was with me the whole time.

299
00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:19,170
Well, we're sorry
we jumped to conclusions.

300
00:21:19,340 --> 00:21:22,740
Oh, honey.
Please forgive us, son.

301
00:21:24,580 --> 00:21:29,240
Shelly, you saved my life.
And yet you've done so much more.

302
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:33,440
You taught me the meaning of family.
Families don't get along.

303
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:38,350
When the forces of evil descend,
we conquer them by sticking together.

304
00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:51,660
Everyone, let's give Casey
and his weed a big hand.

305
00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:55,000
We're ready to see
your science project.

306
00:21:55,170 --> 00:21:58,770
Our pig hasn't given birth.
She should any time now.

307
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:00,340
I guess you get an F.

308
00:22:00,510 --> 00:22:04,470
Terrance, I know the class
can hardly wait to see yours.

309
00:22:04,650 --> 00:22:09,850
Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students,
for our science-fair project...

310
00:22:10,020 --> 00:22:14,460
...Bill Fossey and I spawned a creature
genetically superior to man.

311
00:22:14,630 --> 00:22:18,150
I present to you
the five-assed monkey.

312
00:22:18,660 --> 00:22:20,860
Mr. Hat, isn't it beautiful?

313
00:22:23,670 --> 00:22:27,540
Wait, wait, the pig just gave birth!
It had a baby!

314
00:22:28,570 --> 00:22:32,440
- What's it look like?
- Does it look like pig or elephant?

315
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,920
It kind of looks like Mr. Garrison.

316
00:22:39,090 --> 00:22:44,180
Isn't that an amazing coincidence?
What are the odds of that?

317
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:48,520
You boys get first prize.

318
00:22:51,260 --> 00:22:53,560
That'll do, pig.