1
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,035
- Beefcake!
- I'll tell you.

2
00:00:07,205 --> 00:00:08,865
That's a hoot and a holler.

3
00:00:09,035 --> 00:00:12,275
This next episode
is Trey and I's favorite:

4
00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:14,605
"Big Gay Al's
Big Gay Boat Ride."

5
00:00:14,775 --> 00:00:18,775
In it, Stan finds out that
his dog Sparky is a homosexual.

6
00:00:18,945 --> 00:00:22,315
How did your preoccupation
with homosexuality develop?

7
00:00:22,485 --> 00:00:26,045
We've seen that America
is preoccupied with gayness.

8
00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:29,855
But there's a part of homosexuality
that's unexplored...

9
00:00:30,025 --> 00:00:32,865
...and that's animal homosexuality.

10
00:00:33,065 --> 00:00:35,295
People are curious about you two.

11
00:00:35,465 --> 00:00:39,335
Are you guys a... A couple,
if you know what I mean?

12
00:00:39,505 --> 00:00:41,495
You mean, are we gay?

13
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,235
Yeah.

14
00:00:44,175 --> 00:00:47,575
- Well, I am, a little.
- We're all a little gay.

15
00:00:47,745 --> 00:00:49,715
Even old Scratch here.

16
00:00:50,685 --> 00:00:56,055
What kind of stuff do you get
in the mail from fans in general?

17
00:00:56,225 --> 00:00:59,055
We have great fans
and great fan mail.

18
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:02,625
People write such fascinating
things every week.

19
00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:05,095
Let me give you an example.

20
00:01:05,625 --> 00:01:09,295
"Dear Trey and Matt,
I like your show."

21
00:01:10,005 --> 00:01:13,065
That's from Tom in New Jersey.

22
00:01:13,235 --> 00:01:16,265
Why does Kenny die
so often and so horribly?

23
00:01:16,445 --> 00:01:19,205
- Because he's poor.
- Because he's poor.

24
00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:22,975
Is there stuff you put into the show
that's subliminal?

25
00:01:23,145 --> 00:01:25,775
A reward for fans
who pay attention?

26
00:01:25,945 --> 00:01:31,645
We feel we owe it to our fans to put
subliminal messages into each episode.

27
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:35,055
They can find something new
every time they watch.

28
00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:40,215
In this one, if you look hard, you can
see me having sex with Matt's mom.

29
00:01:40,395 --> 00:01:41,595
What?

30
00:01:41,765 --> 00:01:48,135
Now sit back, relax and enjoy
"Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride."

31
00:01:58,730 --> 00:02:01,730
* I'm goin' down to South Park *
* gonna have myself a time *

32
00:02:02,115 --> 00:02:05,246
* Friendly faces everywhere *
* humble folks without temptation *

33
00:02:05,598 --> 00:02:08,341
* Goin' down to South Park *
* gonna leave my woes behind *

34
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:11,998
* Ample parking day or night *
* people spouting HOWDY NEIGHBOR *

35
00:02:12,281 --> 00:02:14,988
* Heading on up to South Park *
* gonna see if I can't unwind *

36
00:02:15,411 --> 00:02:18,716
* (I like girls with big fat t*****s) *
* (I like girls with big vag***s) *

37
00:02:18,751 --> 00:02:21,495
* So come on down to South Park *
* and meet some friends of mine *

38
00:02:23,145 --> 00:02:26,005
Where's the bus?
We'll be late for practice.

39
00:02:26,345 --> 00:02:28,005
- Hi, Sparky.
- Who's that?

40
00:02:28,175 --> 00:02:30,475
My new dog Sparky.
He followed me.

41
00:02:30,645 --> 00:02:33,485
- Wow, cool!
- Good boy. Who's my best buddy?

42
00:02:33,655 --> 00:02:37,315
- Who's my buddy?
- You're making me sick, dude!

43
00:02:37,485 --> 00:02:40,885
He's part Doberman and wolf.
He's the toughest dog.

44
00:02:41,055 --> 00:02:45,965
No way! Everybody knows that Sylvester
is the toughest dog in South Park.

45
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:51,695
- He's not meaner than Sparky!
- Let's see. Hey, Sylvester!

46
00:02:51,865 --> 00:02:53,495
Sparky will kick his ass!

47
00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:56,735
- I'll put a dollar on Sylvester.
- You're on!

48
00:02:56,905 --> 00:03:00,035
That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass!

49
00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:04,775
He's doing something to his ass.

50
00:03:04,945 --> 00:03:08,285
He's not kicking his ass,
but he's doing something.

51
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:09,955
Sparky, bad dog!

52
00:03:10,165 --> 00:03:11,877
(Oh my god I think they're screwing)

53
00:03:11,912 --> 00:03:14,355
- What?!
- I think your dog is gay.

54
00:03:14,525 --> 00:03:18,425
- What do you mean?
- That dog is a gay homosexual.

55
00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:19,855
He's just confused.

56
00:03:20,035 --> 00:03:21,698
The other dog's the one
that's confused.

57
00:03:21,847 --> 00:03:22,865
(He's fucking gay)

58
00:03:22,905 --> 00:03:25,525
Sick! Shut up, dude!

59
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:29,905
Stan's dog's a homo!
Stan's dog's a homo!

60
00:03:30,675 --> 00:03:34,205
Okay, children, I know
you're excited and nervous...

61
00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:37,675
...about the homecoming game
against Middle Park.

62
00:03:37,845 --> 00:03:39,315
- Middle Park?
- Homecoming?

63
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,315
Remember what I taught you:

64
00:03:41,485 --> 00:03:45,645
That football is like making love
to a really beautiful woman.

65
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,655
You can't always score,
but when you do...

66
00:03:48,825 --> 00:03:52,525
...it makes all the trying worthwhile.

67
00:03:52,695 --> 00:03:54,425
Now, let's start practice.

68
00:03:54,595 --> 00:03:57,395
- Mr. Chef, sir?
- Yes, Pip, what is it?

69
00:03:57,565 --> 00:04:01,865
- I still don't have a helmet.
- We can't afford helmets for everyone.

70
00:04:02,035 --> 00:04:04,975
Couldn't we rotate
who doesn't have a helmet?

71
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:08,605
- Does it always have to be me?
- I'm afraid it does.

72
00:04:09,275 --> 00:04:11,775
Sorry, son. Get your ass in there!

73
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:17,345
Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut.
Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut...

74
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,955
Hike the damn ball!

75
00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:26,085
- How's practice coming there, Chef?
- Oh, fine.

76
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:30,705
I won't remind you how important
the game is to us South Park alumni.

77
00:04:30,865 --> 00:04:33,895
- Elementary alumni?
- That's as far as most got.

78
00:04:34,075 --> 00:04:37,635
Can we beat the spread
against Middle Park?

79
00:04:37,805 --> 00:04:42,575
- I don't know. What's the spread?
- Middle Park by 70 points.

80
00:04:42,745 --> 00:04:45,345
I got it! I got it!

81
00:04:45,515 --> 00:04:47,315
We don't have a chance.

82
00:04:47,485 --> 00:04:52,425
Nonsense! Not with my nephew
at quarterback. Right, Stanley?

83
00:04:56,465 --> 00:04:58,655
- Attaboy!
- Great pass, Stan!

84
00:04:58,825 --> 00:05:01,665
Ned, we gotta get our asses
to the bookie!

85
00:05:03,365 --> 00:05:07,805
That was a good practice, children.
We'll see you here tomorrow.

86
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,495
Stan, is that your dog?

87
00:05:09,705 --> 00:05:13,505
He must have followed me.
You see, he is smart.

88
00:05:13,775 --> 00:05:17,575
My dog Rex follows me
to football practice all the time.

89
00:05:17,745 --> 00:05:21,415
But my dog found his own way.
That makes him smarter...

90
00:05:21,585 --> 00:05:24,745
- Sparky, get down!
- What's he doing to my dog?

91
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,585
- There he goes again.
- Get down, Sparky!

92
00:05:27,755 --> 00:05:30,855
Stan didn't mention his dog
is a gay homosexual.

93
00:05:31,025 --> 00:05:33,225
Make him stop!

94
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,625
I'm glad my dog isn't gay.

95
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:41,295
Maybe you should name
your dog Sparkette, Stan.

96
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,135
Gay dog.

97
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:50,805
So, Simon and Simon were not brothers
in real life, only on television.

98
00:05:50,985 --> 00:05:56,355
Thank you, Eric, but the assignment
was on Asian cultures. D minus.

99
00:05:56,525 --> 00:05:59,645
- Damn it!
- Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat?

100
00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:03,155
How about Stan, our South Park
quarterback star?

101
00:06:03,325 --> 00:06:05,985
Good idea.
Okay, Stanley, you're next.

102
00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:09,995
- I'm not prepared either.
- Make something up, like Eric did.

103
00:06:10,165 --> 00:06:15,795
Okay. Asian culture has plagued
our Earth for years. We must end it...

104
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,705
Excellent, A minus.

105
00:06:17,905 --> 00:06:21,465
- Wow, cool!
- Why the hell does he get an A minus?

106
00:06:21,645 --> 00:06:26,515
Stanley might lead our team to victory
for the first time in decades.

107
00:06:26,685 --> 00:06:30,445
Athletes are treated better
because they're better people.

108
00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:33,955
- That's not fair!
- Life isn't fair. Get used to it.

109
00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:35,485
Stupid puppet.

110
00:06:35,655 --> 00:06:39,685
Don't forget your assignments.
They're due for everyone but Stan.

111
00:06:39,865 --> 00:06:43,425
- Mr. Garrison, can I ask a question?
- What is it?

112
00:06:43,605 --> 00:06:47,265
- What's a homosexual?
- Oh, well, Stanley...

113
00:06:47,435 --> 00:06:51,165
...I guess you came
to the right person. Sit down.

114
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:57,245
Stanley, gay people...
Well, gay people are evil.

115
00:06:57,445 --> 00:07:01,215
Evil down to their black hearts,
which pump not blood...

116
00:07:01,385 --> 00:07:04,875
...but a vomitous oil that oozes
through their veins...

117
00:07:05,055 --> 00:07:10,455
...clots in their brains, which causes
their Nazi-esque violent behavior.

118
00:07:10,625 --> 00:07:12,955
- Do you understand?
- I guess.

119
00:07:13,135 --> 00:07:15,365
I'm glad we could have this talk.

120
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:19,835
Now you go and practice football
like a good little heterosexual.

121
00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:24,805
You see me block that defense today?
I was kicking ass.

122
00:07:24,975 --> 00:07:27,775
You need to kick more ass
to beat the Cowboys.

123
00:07:27,945 --> 00:07:31,245
Speaking of pounding ass,
here comes Stan's homo dog!

124
00:07:31,415 --> 00:07:35,905
Shut up, dude! Sparky,
where'd you get that pink scarf?

125
00:07:36,085 --> 00:07:38,575
That's the gayest dog
I've ever seen.

126
00:07:38,755 --> 00:07:42,415
He just needs some training,
that's all. Sit, Sparky.

127
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,755
Good boy. Now shake.

128
00:07:46,025 --> 00:07:49,625
Good boy. Now, don't be gay!

129
00:07:49,805 --> 00:07:52,965
Don't be gay, Spark.
Don't be gay.

130
00:07:53,135 --> 00:07:54,795
- Did it work?
- I don't know.

131
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,305
He still looks gay.

132
00:07:56,875 --> 00:08:00,535
Hey, Stan, your dog been
to any pride marches lately?

133
00:08:00,715 --> 00:08:05,145
Yeah, maybe you should take him
to a Barbra Streisand concert.

134
00:08:05,315 --> 00:08:07,215
- Stupid gay dog.
- Gay dog.

135
00:08:07,385 --> 00:08:08,945
Come on. I have an idea.

136
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:19,025
- I want $500 on the South Park Cows.
- Are you crazy?

137
00:08:19,195 --> 00:08:21,925
No siree, I tell you, I got the line.

138
00:08:22,095 --> 00:08:25,795
My nephew's the best quarterback
the school's ever seen.

139
00:08:25,965 --> 00:08:28,465
I guarantee they'll beat the spread.

140
00:08:28,635 --> 00:08:30,975
I'll put all my money on the Cows.

141
00:08:31,145 --> 00:08:36,235
- I'll put 300 on the Cows too.
- I wanna put money on the Cows too!

142
00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:39,315
Don't get too carried away now.

143
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:44,755
- You better be right about this, Jimbo.
- Don't worry yourself.

144
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:49,415
- Are you sure Stan is that good?
- Not that sure.

145
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:52,495
We better come up
with a backup plan.

146
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:56,355
Let's see... Hey, bookie,
what's the halftime show?

147
00:08:56,535 --> 00:09:01,665
John Stamos' older brother
Richard Stamos is singing "Loving You."

148
00:09:01,835 --> 00:09:05,535
- I love that song.
- "Loving You"? That's perfect.

149
00:09:05,705 --> 00:09:09,705
Middle Park will get a halftime show
they'll never forget.

150
00:09:10,645 --> 00:09:13,545
Sparky, we got you a present.
Why don't...?

151
00:09:13,715 --> 00:09:17,745
Where do you keep getting this?
No pink bandanna. Bad dog!

152
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:22,755
Now pay attention.
Sparky, this is Fifi.

153
00:09:23,325 --> 00:09:25,855
- There he goes.
- Attaboy, get her!

154
00:09:26,965 --> 00:09:28,695
Yes!

155
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:34,125
- Crap! Now what?
- Who cares if your dog's gay?

156
00:09:34,305 --> 00:09:35,535
Maybe it's not bad.

157
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:38,435
No way. My mom says
God hates gay people.

158
00:09:38,605 --> 00:09:41,640
That's why he smoked
the Sodomies in France.

159
00:09:41,698 --> 00:09:43,198
(Hehe, you should know better than that!)

160
00:09:43,645 --> 00:09:47,915
I know. Mr. Garrison said homosexuals
are evil. But Sparky isn't.

161
00:09:48,085 --> 00:09:50,785
Maybe he's wrong.
Ask somebody else.

162
00:09:50,955 --> 00:09:52,215
Like who?

163
00:09:52,385 --> 00:09:55,955
Now back to Jesus and Pals
on South Park public access.

164
00:09:56,255 --> 00:10:02,395
Yea. Many of you are seeking answers
and I am the way for you, my children.

165
00:10:02,565 --> 00:10:06,665
Let's open the phone lines up.
Hello, you're on the air.

166
00:10:06,835 --> 00:10:09,205
- Is this Jesus?
- Yes, my son.

167
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:14,535
This is Robert from Torrey Pines.
I asked for advice on my ex-wife.

168
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:18,475
- Of course. How are things now?
- Everything's better.

169
00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:22,205
She hasn't mouthed off since.
Thank you for the advice.

170
00:10:22,385 --> 00:10:25,445
And for dying for my sins.
That was nice of you.

171
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,815
Blessed art thou.
Next caller, you're on the air.

172
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:34,325
Hi, Jesus, I have a dog
and he's a homosexual.

173
00:10:34,495 --> 00:10:38,765
My son, many have wondered
what my stance on homosexuality is.

174
00:10:38,935 --> 00:10:42,995
I'd like to state, once and for all,
my true opinion. You see...

175
00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:47,505
That's all for Jesus and Pals.
Stay tuned for Marty's Movie Reviews.

176
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:48,975
- Damn it!
- What?

177
00:10:49,145 --> 00:10:51,305
I got cut off
for Marty's Movie Reviews!

178
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,885
Marty's Movie Reviews are on?
Kick ass!

179
00:10:54,055 --> 00:10:57,345
Can't anybody help me?
Doesn't anybody care?

180
00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:59,045
We have to go practice.

181
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,715
It's not okay.
I don't want a gay dog.

182
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:05,985
I want a butch dog.
I want a Rin Tin Tin.

183
00:11:20,315 --> 00:11:23,805
Now, children, we've got to handle
the ball better.

184
00:11:23,985 --> 00:11:27,275
Hold the football like
you'd hold your lover.

185
00:11:27,455 --> 00:11:30,885
Gently, yet firmly.

186
00:11:31,055 --> 00:11:36,045
You want to be both nurturing
and clinging at the same time.

187
00:11:36,225 --> 00:11:42,165
Oh, yeah. Just like making
sweet love to the football.

188
00:11:42,365 --> 00:11:46,395
Being naughty with the football.

189
00:11:46,565 --> 00:11:49,435
- Chef?
- Ever so gently.

190
00:11:49,605 --> 00:11:51,095
- Chef?
- Spank it.

191
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:52,535
Chef!

192
00:11:52,705 --> 00:11:55,475
Sorry, children.
Let's run some plays.

193
00:11:55,645 --> 00:11:59,415
- Mr. Chef?
- We still don't have a helmet for you.

194
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:03,545
How about I use a helmet today
and someone else doesn't?

195
00:12:03,725 --> 00:12:06,625
Would that be fair
to the other children?

196
00:12:06,795 --> 00:12:08,125
I guess not.

197
00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:11,685
We want to put a trigger
on that bomb...

198
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:15,295
...that makes it go off
at a specific moment.

199
00:12:15,465 --> 00:12:16,955
What moment is that?

200
00:12:17,135 --> 00:12:21,595
John Stamos' older brother is singing
"Loving You" during halftime.

201
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:24,635
We want it to go off
when he hits the high F.

202
00:12:24,805 --> 00:12:26,745
- What high F?
- You know.

203
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:38,145
Put the trigger
on the "doot-en-doo"?

204
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,345
No, damn it. The:

205
00:12:44,925 --> 00:12:46,525
Go ahead.

206
00:12:47,735 --> 00:12:49,495
You got it.

207
00:12:51,935 --> 00:12:53,595
All right. Yeah, okay.

208
00:12:53,775 --> 00:12:55,965
What's wrong, Stan?
You seem down.

209
00:12:56,135 --> 00:12:58,835
I can't concentrate
because my dog is gay.

210
00:12:59,005 --> 00:13:03,275
You know what they say. You can't
teach a gay dog straight tricks.

211
00:13:03,445 --> 00:13:06,505
Stop filling him with
queer-Ioving propaganda.

212
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:09,485
You of all people
should be sympathetic.

213
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:11,715
- What?
- You're gay, aren't you?

214
00:13:11,885 --> 00:13:15,685
What the hell are you talking about?
I am not gay!

215
00:13:15,855 --> 00:13:21,625
- Well, you sure do act like it.
- I do that to get chicks, dumb-ass.

216
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,805
- What's wrong?
- I can't find Sparky.

217
00:13:24,965 --> 00:13:26,765
He usually follows me.

218
00:13:26,935 --> 00:13:30,065
Maybe he went shopping
for some leather pants.

219
00:13:44,085 --> 00:13:48,185
Hello there, little pup!
I'm Big Gay Al.

220
00:13:48,355 --> 00:13:50,915
Have you been outcast?

221
00:13:51,095 --> 00:13:54,185
I'm glad you found
my Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.

222
00:13:54,365 --> 00:13:58,825
We're all big gay friends here.
Would you like to live with us?

223
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:03,735
Come on in, little fellow.
Nobody will ever oppress you here.

224
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,575
Have you seen Sparky?
He's not back.

225
00:14:07,745 --> 00:14:10,475
- It's been two days.
- I think he ran away.

226
00:14:10,645 --> 00:14:14,445
- Did you check the shopping...?
- We'll look after the game.

227
00:14:14,615 --> 00:14:16,445
- I'm not playing.
- You what?

228
00:14:16,615 --> 00:14:19,615
I'm not playing.
I have to find my dog.

229
00:14:19,785 --> 00:14:22,915
Come on, Ned. And keep quiet.

230
00:14:24,765 --> 00:14:28,025
- Hello there, Enrique.
- What are we doing here?

231
00:14:28,195 --> 00:14:31,325
Well, we always kidnap
Middle Park's mascot.

232
00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:34,195
But this year we're gonna
booby-trap it.

233
00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:38,775
And when John Stamos' older brother
hits that high F, boom!

234
00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:41,845
No more Middle Park players.

235
00:14:42,745 --> 00:14:44,775
Goddamn, I love football!

236
00:14:45,815 --> 00:14:49,715
Sparky, where are you?
Where could he be?

237
00:14:56,295 --> 00:15:00,165
Hello, this is Frank Hammond,
South Park Radio, AM 900.

238
00:15:00,335 --> 00:15:04,425
Tonight is the Middle Park Cowboys
against the South Park Cows.

239
00:15:04,605 --> 00:15:07,465
Chef, the South Park Cows' coach,
is nervous.

240
00:15:07,635 --> 00:15:10,625
It's because his quarterback
hasn't shown up.

241
00:15:10,805 --> 00:15:12,965
Oh, come on, Stan.

242
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:16,165
If Stan doesn't show up,
can I use his helmet?

243
00:15:16,345 --> 00:15:17,675
No, Pip.

244
00:15:17,845 --> 00:15:21,305
Sparky! Sparky!

245
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,845
- Play ball!
- You're quarterback, Kyle.

246
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:28,015
- I never practiced.
- It's late for that bullcrap.

247
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:32,285
Filling in for quarterback
is number 1 2, Kyle Broflovski.

248
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,435
Hey, where's little Stanley?

249
00:15:34,595 --> 00:15:37,725
Why is that Jewish kid
playing quarterback?

250
00:15:38,865 --> 00:15:43,495
Ned, look! They've got
Enrique on their sidelines.

251
00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:46,605
- Looks like that bomb's still attached.
- Yay.

252
00:15:52,215 --> 00:15:54,685
Hi, little fella, how are you doing?

253
00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:57,945
- Fine, how are you?
- Super, thanks for asking.

254
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,855
My gay dog ran away.
Did he come here?

255
00:16:01,025 --> 00:16:05,685
- Well, let's see. Come on in.
- Do you have lots of gay dogs here?

256
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:11,425
We have all sorts of gay animals here.
Over here we have a gay lion.

257
00:16:11,605 --> 00:16:16,065
We have gay water buffalo.
Here's a gaggle of gay gooses.

258
00:16:16,235 --> 00:16:19,175
Hi, fellas. It's so super to see you!

259
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,745
Wow, the animals are really happy.

260
00:16:21,915 --> 00:16:26,785
Of course, silly buns! It's the one
place where they can be themselves.

261
00:16:26,955 --> 00:16:29,115
Do you like to dance?

262
00:16:31,885 --> 00:16:35,985
Hike me the ball, somebody run
and I'll throw. Ready? Break!

263
00:16:36,155 --> 00:16:39,395
- You're toast.
- We're gonna pound your heads in.

264
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,895
We'll just see about that!

265
00:16:42,065 --> 00:16:44,125
Set, set...

266
00:16:44,305 --> 00:16:47,425
- Damn it, Cartman!
- What's the matter?

267
00:16:47,605 --> 00:16:50,475
- Cartman farted!
- That was just my shoes.

268
00:16:50,645 --> 00:16:53,435
Come on!
We'll get a delay of game penalty.

269
00:16:53,615 --> 00:16:55,975
- No way, dude!
- Hike the ball!

270
00:16:56,445 --> 00:16:59,045
- Dude, weak.
- You get back there.

271
00:16:59,815 --> 00:17:02,755
The ball is snapped.
Middle Park blitzes!

272
00:17:02,915 --> 00:17:06,915
Fumble! Middle Park gets the ball,
they run for a touchdown!

273
00:17:07,095 --> 00:17:11,895
The score's 7-0 Middle Park,
with 1 4:57 remaining in the first.

274
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,465
Hell's bells.

275
00:17:13,635 --> 00:17:16,095
Haven't seen a beating
like that since Rodney King!

276
00:17:16,265 --> 00:17:18,865
That's not PC.
You'll get us in trouble.

277
00:17:19,035 --> 00:17:20,905
Right, I gotta watch that.

278
00:17:21,075 --> 00:17:25,135
If we lose money because of your
nephew, we'll hang you out to dry.

279
00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:28,435
Don't y'all worry,
you just wait till halftime.

280
00:17:29,745 --> 00:17:33,615
Sparky!
Hi, Sparky, how's it going?

281
00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:37,045
I miss you, old pal.
You really had me scared.

282
00:17:37,225 --> 00:17:39,815
Let's go home.
I can still make the game.

283
00:17:39,985 --> 00:17:44,655
We can work on making you
not gay together. Sparky?

284
00:17:44,825 --> 00:17:49,055
- It appears you still don't understand.
- What don't I understand?

285
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,465
I have to show you something.

286
00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:53,965
With a minute left in the half...

287
00:17:54,135 --> 00:17:58,575
...the score is Middle Park Cowboys,
52. South Park Cows, 0.

288
00:18:00,075 --> 00:18:04,305
I haven't seen an Englishman take
a blow like that since Hugh Grant!

289
00:18:04,485 --> 00:18:08,045
- Dude! Now, that is not cool.
- Sorry, sorry.

290
00:18:08,215 --> 00:18:11,415
Okay, Stan, get in line
for my Big Gay Boat Ride.

291
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,985
Step aboard, Stanley.

292
00:18:16,525 --> 00:18:19,325
Welcome aboard the Big Gay Boat Ride!

293
00:18:19,495 --> 00:18:23,485
On this adventure, we'll see
the gay world throughout time.

294
00:18:23,705 --> 00:18:27,295
The Cows are set to receive.
There's the kick.

295
00:18:27,475 --> 00:18:29,735
It's taken by 23,
Kenny McCormick.

296
00:18:29,905 --> 00:18:32,565
He's at the 50, the 40, the 30...

297
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,035
- Hold him!
- Hold him!

298
00:18:34,215 --> 00:18:38,165
The little running back is down!
I think he's...

299
00:18:38,345 --> 00:18:40,285
Yes, he's been decapitated!

300
00:18:40,985 --> 00:18:45,425
Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
You bastards!

301
00:18:45,585 --> 00:18:48,055
- That's gotta hurt, Frank!
- Oucheroo!

302
00:18:48,225 --> 00:18:50,885
Hey, come on! That was roughing!

303
00:18:51,065 --> 00:18:53,825
At least let us scrape him
off the field!

304
00:18:53,995 --> 00:18:58,995
Looks like the Cows won't beat the
72 point spread, not by a long shot.

305
00:18:59,165 --> 00:19:02,795
Gayness has existed since
the beginning of time.

306
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,905
From the Egyptian pharaohs
to the shoguns of Japan.

307
00:19:07,075 --> 00:19:10,015
Uh-oh, look out, it's the oppressors!

308
00:19:10,175 --> 00:19:13,805
Christians and Republicans
and Nazis, oh, my!

309
00:19:13,985 --> 00:19:16,215
Oh, gosh, that was close.

310
00:19:16,385 --> 00:19:21,985
Let's steer our boat out of here and
into a place where gays live freely.

311
00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:36,165
- What do you think, Stan?
- This kicks ass.

312
00:19:36,335 --> 00:19:39,745
I'm sorry I tried to change you.
I didn't understand.

313
00:19:39,905 --> 00:19:41,345
Isn't this precious?

314
00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:47,785
Now here to sing "Loving You" is
the one and only John Stamos' brother!

315
00:19:47,955 --> 00:19:49,945
All right, Richard!

316
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:07,265
What the hell?
He didn't sing the high F.

317
00:20:07,435 --> 00:20:11,035
Richard can't sing a high F,
he always screws it up.

318
00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:15,005
Ned, we are gonna get
our asses kicked!

319
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:18,515
It's obvious where the talent
in that family went!

320
00:20:19,615 --> 00:20:21,915
Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al.

321
00:20:22,085 --> 00:20:26,185
No problem. Are you sure
you don't want cheese sandwiches?

322
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:29,655
I gotta get to the football game.
Come on, boy.

323
00:20:29,825 --> 00:20:35,165
Oh, Stan. When you get back to town,
tell them about us, will you?

324
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:39,665
Tell them there are gay animals here
who need homes desperately.

325
00:20:39,835 --> 00:20:42,635
I will, Big Gay Al, I will.

326
00:20:43,845 --> 00:20:45,745
Oh, my carrot cake!

327
00:20:46,405 --> 00:20:49,405
The Cows are being molested
by Middle Park!

328
00:20:49,575 --> 00:20:52,075
I haven't seen so many children
molested since...

329
00:20:52,245 --> 00:20:55,475
You said beating the spread
was a sure thing!

330
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:58,445
We all put our life savings
in this game!

331
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,315
You're a dead man, Jimbo!

332
00:21:00,495 --> 00:21:04,255
This should just about wrap it up...
Wait, what's this?

333
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:08,395
It's Stan, the star quarterback.

334
00:21:08,565 --> 00:21:10,465
Where the hell have you been?

335
00:21:10,635 --> 00:21:13,795
- Getting my best friend back.
- Get in there, boy.

336
00:21:13,975 --> 00:21:16,565
Give them hell, Stanley!

337
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:21,105
Jesus, I haven't asked for much.
All we need is one little score.

338
00:21:21,275 --> 00:21:24,335
- Please. Please, Jesus!
- Leave me alone.

339
00:21:25,215 --> 00:21:27,185
Stan steps back to pass...

340
00:21:27,355 --> 00:21:29,715
Hey, Stan. I'm open, I think.

341
00:21:29,885 --> 00:21:33,515
And he throws it to Kyle,
the little Jewish kid.

342
00:21:33,685 --> 00:21:38,215
Oh, my! I haven't seen a Jew run
like that since Poland, 1 938!

343
00:21:38,395 --> 00:21:40,055
Dude!

344
00:21:41,035 --> 00:21:43,495
Touchdown!

345
00:21:43,665 --> 00:21:49,035
The final score is Middle Park
Cowboys, 73. South Park Cows, 6.

346
00:21:49,205 --> 00:21:51,675
South Park beats the spread!

347
00:21:54,575 --> 00:21:55,705
Speech!

348
00:21:55,875 --> 00:22:00,905
What do you want to tell the world
about this stunning almost-victory?

349
00:22:01,085 --> 00:22:03,955
It's really cool that
we beat the spread.

350
00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:05,215
Yeah, all right!

351
00:22:05,385 --> 00:22:09,385
And maybe we can beat them
even more next year.

352
00:22:09,555 --> 00:22:13,855
- And it's okay to be gay.
- What?

353
00:22:14,035 --> 00:22:17,125
Being gay is part of nature
and a beautiful thing.

354
00:22:17,305 --> 00:22:19,095
What is he talking about?

355
00:22:19,265 --> 00:22:23,135
Stanley, you arrived late.
Where were you that whole time?

356
00:22:23,305 --> 00:22:25,435
With my new friend, Big Gay Al.

357
00:22:25,605 --> 00:22:29,275
He showed me his sanctuary
and took me on a boat ride...

358
00:22:29,445 --> 00:22:32,815
...where I learned all about
the wonders of gaiety.

359
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:34,745
It's true, I'll show you.

360
00:22:37,625 --> 00:22:41,715
But it was here, right here.
There was a techno dance club.

361
00:22:41,895 --> 00:22:46,415
You need to lay off the cough syrup.
Seriously. I'm worried about you.

362
00:22:46,595 --> 00:22:50,865
Oliver! I thought you ran away
all those months ago.

363
00:22:51,035 --> 00:22:52,765
- Sidney!
- Willie!

364
00:22:52,935 --> 00:22:54,165
Carlos!

365
00:22:54,335 --> 00:22:57,305
Thank you so much
for bringing everybody here.

366
00:22:57,475 --> 00:23:01,965
- There you are. How's it going?
- I'm super, thanks for asking.

367
00:23:02,145 --> 00:23:05,375
It looks like now
my work here is done.

368
00:23:06,315 --> 00:23:09,615
Goodbye, Stanley! Peace be with you.

369
00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:15,715
- You guys, I can do it.
- Do what?

370
00:23:21,465 --> 00:23:22,725
No!