1 00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:18,899 ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 2 00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,530 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 3 00:00:20,540 --> 00:00:22,339 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 4 00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:25,879 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 5 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,509 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 6 00:00:27,510 --> 00:00:29,179 ♪ People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ 7 00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:32,749 ♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 8 00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:35,319 ♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ 9 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:40,320 ♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 10 00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:46,090 [ Indistinct conversations ] 11 00:00:49,152 --> 00:00:50,651 Morning, Randy. 12 00:00:50,652 --> 00:00:51,492 Morning, Ger. 13 00:00:51,493 --> 00:00:53,412 Just another day in paradise, huh? 14 00:00:53,422 --> 00:00:55,257 Yeah, look at all these new restaurants 15 00:00:55,258 --> 00:00:56,982 the Whole Foods has brought in. 16 00:00:56,992 --> 00:00:59,661 Let's try out that one there. 17 00:00:59,662 --> 00:01:01,491 Hi. Two of us, please. 18 00:01:01,492 --> 00:01:04,092 Yeah, sorry, guys. We got about a 30-minute wait. 19 00:01:04,102 --> 00:01:05,201 Oh, uh, excuse me. 20 00:01:05,202 --> 00:01:06,671 [ Whispers indistinctly ] 21 00:01:06,672 --> 00:01:10,571 Yes, sir. Give me a second. I'll have a table right away. 22 00:01:10,572 --> 00:01:12,601 Whoa. What'd you say to him? 23 00:01:12,602 --> 00:01:14,871 I just told him who I am. 24 00:01:14,872 --> 00:01:16,071 Who are you? 25 00:01:16,072 --> 00:01:17,132 I'm a Yelp reviewer. 26 00:01:17,142 --> 00:01:18,872 I usually keep it on the down-low 27 00:01:18,882 --> 00:01:20,511 so they don't kiss my ass too much. 28 00:01:20,512 --> 00:01:22,172 Right over here, sir. 29 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,921 All right, guys, welcome to Vernacular. 30 00:01:24,922 --> 00:01:25,852 Thanks. 31 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,351 Uh, did they mention to you that I am a Yelper? 32 00:01:28,352 --> 00:01:30,482 Yes, we've been alerted, sir. 33 00:01:30,492 --> 00:01:31,132 Great. 34 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,922 Could you have them turn the lights up a little, please? 35 00:01:33,932 --> 00:01:37,431 Oh, look at it, Gerald... All the new families moving in. 36 00:01:37,432 --> 00:01:41,972 Our little town is all grown up. 37 00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:45,141 Where's that other taco plate? We need it now! 38 00:01:45,142 --> 00:01:47,311 I'm a little overwhelmed. 39 00:01:47,312 --> 00:01:48,142 I know, but we put everything 40 00:01:48,143 --> 00:01:50,411 into moving here and starting this business, 41 00:01:50,412 --> 00:01:51,781 and we have to be impressive. 42 00:01:51,782 --> 00:01:54,281 David, you must help your mama however you can. 43 00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,581 We're not going back to that miserable place. 44 00:01:56,582 --> 00:01:58,642 I don't want to go back, either. 45 00:01:58,652 --> 00:01:59,422 Okay, done. Great! 46 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:02,291 We really have to impress this customer. 47 00:02:02,292 --> 00:02:03,791 He's a local food critic. 48 00:02:03,792 --> 00:02:05,261 Another one? 49 00:02:05,262 --> 00:02:07,431 [ Mid-tempo Mexican music playing ] 50 00:02:07,432 --> 00:02:09,291 Mmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. 51 00:02:09,292 --> 00:02:10,352 Okay, here you go, amigo... 52 00:02:10,362 --> 00:02:12,592 Another taco plate and the taquitos. 53 00:02:12,602 --> 00:02:13,102 Oh, thank you. 54 00:02:13,103 --> 00:02:15,537 And did I mention I am a food critic for Yelp? 55 00:02:15,538 --> 00:02:17,292 Yes, you mentioned that several times. 56 00:02:17,302 --> 00:02:19,332 Okay, I just didn't want you caught off guard. 57 00:02:19,342 --> 00:02:21,871 I was thinking of giving this place five stars. 58 00:02:21,872 --> 00:02:22,272 Really? 59 00:02:22,273 --> 00:02:26,342 Yeah, but I'm kind of teetering on five stars or one star. 60 00:02:26,352 --> 00:02:28,281 Oh, no, no. No one star, please. 61 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:28,852 What can we do to... 62 00:02:28,853 --> 00:02:30,851 I mean, I could probably be persuaded 63 00:02:30,852 --> 00:02:32,121 with some free desserts. 64 00:02:32,122 --> 00:02:32,752 Let me get that for you. 65 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,412 Great. And could you turn down the music a bit? 66 00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:36,091 This pagan shit hurts my ears. 67 00:02:36,092 --> 00:02:37,491 Of course. 68 00:02:37,492 --> 00:02:39,221 [ Music softens ] 69 00:02:39,222 --> 00:02:41,222 Oh, hey. Hey, busboy. [ Snapping fingers ] 70 00:02:41,232 --> 00:02:42,501 Busboy! Busboy! Por favor! 71 00:02:42,502 --> 00:02:45,422 [ Whistles ] Busboy! My name is David. 72 00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:46,232 Excuse me? 73 00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:47,962 I said my name is David. 74 00:02:47,972 --> 00:02:50,971 Uh, it's actually pronounced "Day-vid," okay? 75 00:02:50,972 --> 00:02:52,441 Well, I'm "Da-veed." 76 00:02:52,442 --> 00:02:54,371 It's David, dude. Look it up. 77 00:02:54,372 --> 00:02:55,302 What's going on? 78 00:02:55,312 --> 00:02:57,411 Do not argue, son. We need him. 79 00:02:57,412 --> 00:02:58,811 There you are... A few free desserts. 80 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,351 [ Bell dings ] Oh, excuse me. More customers. 81 00:03:01,352 --> 00:03:03,381 Hi. Two of us for lunch, please. 82 00:03:03,382 --> 00:03:04,272 Yes. Right away. 83 00:03:04,282 --> 00:03:06,081 Oh, and, uh, I just wanted to mention 84 00:03:06,082 --> 00:03:08,151 that my wife and I are Yelp reviewers, 85 00:03:08,152 --> 00:03:09,952 so, uh, your best table, please. 86 00:03:09,962 --> 00:03:11,291 Oh, geez. You guys, too, huh? 87 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:14,461 Okay, um, I'll get you set up right over here, okay? 88 00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:16,061 Mm-hmm. 89 00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:18,961 Hmm. This place seems nice. 90 00:03:18,962 --> 00:03:20,562 I guess we'll see. 91 00:03:20,572 --> 00:03:23,401 I guess we'll see, won't we? 92 00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:24,092 Oh, God. 93 00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:26,262 Now everyone thinks they're a food critic. 94 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,172 [ School bell rings ] 95 00:03:30,572 --> 00:03:32,872 Did you get them? Did you get them? Did you get them? Huh? 96 00:03:32,882 --> 00:03:34,011 Here you go. 97 00:03:34,012 --> 00:03:34,342 Whoa. 98 00:03:34,352 --> 00:03:36,551 Crispy risotto bites from Olive Garden. 99 00:03:36,552 --> 00:03:37,522 How do you do it, Eric? 100 00:03:37,523 --> 00:03:39,321 I'm a restaurant critic, Butters. 101 00:03:39,322 --> 00:03:40,691 I get whatever I want. 102 00:03:40,692 --> 00:03:41,662 Geez. 103 00:03:41,652 --> 00:03:43,012 So, the cafeteria's back that way, 104 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:45,121 and most of the classrooms are this way down the... 105 00:03:45,122 --> 00:03:47,122 Ew! What's the busboy doing here? 106 00:03:47,132 --> 00:03:48,661 David is new to our school. 107 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:49,402 Oh, cool. 108 00:03:49,392 --> 00:03:51,022 Are you gonna clean the tables here, too? 109 00:03:51,032 --> 00:03:53,901 How do you get to school? Do you ride your tiny bicicleta? 110 00:03:53,902 --> 00:03:55,431 Huh? Shut up. 111 00:03:55,432 --> 00:03:56,062 Look, amigo, I'm sorry 112 00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:57,171 I only gave your parents' restaurant two stars, 113 00:03:57,172 --> 00:03:58,371 but it could've been worse. 114 00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,871 Why'd you only give them two stars? 115 00:03:59,872 --> 00:04:01,971 I'm sorry, but the food totally messed my stomach up. 116 00:04:01,972 --> 00:04:04,032 The morning after I ate it, I went to the bathroom, 117 00:04:04,042 --> 00:04:06,202 and my poop was all solid... Like, no water at all. 118 00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:07,442 It's not supposed to have water, you... 119 00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:09,051 It was like this one, solid piece 120 00:04:09,052 --> 00:04:10,451 that I had to push out my asshole. 121 00:04:10,452 --> 00:04:12,321 It was like being raped from the inside. 122 00:04:12,322 --> 00:04:13,292 Your parents' restaurant 123 00:04:13,293 --> 00:04:14,821 just wasn't up to my standards, "Day-vid." 124 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,591 "Da-veed." "Day-vid." 125 00:04:16,592 --> 00:04:17,392 "Da-veed." 126 00:04:17,393 --> 00:04:18,821 "Day-vid." "Da-veed." 127 00:04:18,822 --> 00:04:20,052 "Day-vid." "Day-vid." "Day-vid." "Day-vid." 128 00:04:20,062 --> 00:04:24,162 I can update this to a one-star review in two seconds, dude. 129 00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:29,792 Oh, God, I love being a restaurant critic. 130 00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:32,201 [ Keyboard clacking ] 131 00:04:32,202 --> 00:04:34,162 [ Serene music playing ] GERALD: And yet, there was more. 132 00:04:34,172 --> 00:04:37,602 For in this crisp time when autumn begins to fade, 133 00:04:37,612 --> 00:04:39,781 the chef brines chicken in habañero 134 00:04:39,782 --> 00:04:43,281 and even adds habañero powder to the crust. 135 00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:45,442 But the heat is restrained. 136 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,321 You experience the fruity, delicious flavor of this 137 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,361 without any spicy pain. 138 00:04:50,362 --> 00:04:52,421 I don't need anymore pain. 139 00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:54,352 Hell, does anyone? 140 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,731 Gerald, we're going to the park. 141 00:04:56,732 --> 00:04:58,531 You want to come along? 142 00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,332 Sorry, honey. 143 00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,392 This review for Applebee's has turned into a 50-pager. 144 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:04,341 Then I have a polish on Ruby Tuesday's. 145 00:05:04,342 --> 00:05:06,371 Why don't you take a break from Yelping, Gerald? 146 00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:08,032 You seem a little overwhelmed. 147 00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:09,441 I am overwhelmed. 148 00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:12,402 Sometimes, I don't know what I've gotten myself into. 149 00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:15,451 But now everyone relies on my Yelp reviews, 150 00:05:15,452 --> 00:05:17,751 and I-I don't want to let anyone down. 151 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:19,791 Well, there's chicken in the fridge if you get hungry. 152 00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:23,891 Thanks, but I-I got Yelp a new place in Shi Tpa Town tonight. 153 00:05:23,892 --> 00:05:25,991 God, I'm so damn tired. 154 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,852 Okay, have fun. 155 00:05:27,862 --> 00:05:30,462 Ha. "Fun," she says. 156 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,402 In finality, I would say 157 00:05:32,403 --> 00:05:34,571 my experience at Applebee's was sublime 158 00:05:34,572 --> 00:05:37,871 and my treatment near that of a gladiator most decorated. 159 00:05:37,872 --> 00:05:39,471 But the street parking wasn't that great. 160 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,872 Two-and-a-half stars. 161 00:05:43,372 --> 00:05:45,602 Yes. 162 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,412 Come on, Liza. 163 00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:49,412 I'll introduce you to the girls. 164 00:05:51,582 --> 00:05:53,012 Well, aren't you eating lunch, Eric? 165 00:05:53,022 --> 00:05:54,721 [ Scoffs ] I am a food critic, Butters, okay? 166 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,921 I can't just eat cafeteria food. 167 00:05:56,922 --> 00:05:58,452 Okay, here you are, sir! 168 00:05:58,462 --> 00:05:59,661 There's orange peel chicken, 169 00:05:59,662 --> 00:06:01,931 some city beef, and a city egg roll! 170 00:06:01,932 --> 00:06:03,301 Are you joking? 171 00:06:03,302 --> 00:06:04,501 Well, you are a little late. 172 00:06:04,502 --> 00:06:06,731 Like, I don't know, maybe only-one-star late. 173 00:06:06,732 --> 00:06:08,462 Oh, no. No one star, please. 174 00:06:08,472 --> 00:06:10,201 You Yelpers are killing me. 175 00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:12,332 Okay, you no pay. You no pay. Please. 176 00:06:12,342 --> 00:06:14,271 Sounds good. Now get the fuck out of here. 177 00:06:14,272 --> 00:06:14,672 Yes, yes! 178 00:06:14,673 --> 00:06:16,502 I'll get the fuck out! Thank you! 179 00:06:16,512 --> 00:06:18,711 Wow. Well, you're pretty important, Eric. 180 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,051 He's not important at all. 181 00:06:21,052 --> 00:06:21,452 Yeah, no. 182 00:06:21,453 --> 00:06:23,651 No, no, you're right, Kyle. I'm not important. 183 00:06:23,652 --> 00:06:25,787 Oh, hey, David, I was just wondering. 184 00:06:25,788 --> 00:06:27,442 Um, how do you get to school? 185 00:06:27,452 --> 00:06:31,452 Do you ride your tiny bicicleta? Eh? 186 00:06:31,462 --> 00:06:32,621 - Stop it. - What? 187 00:06:32,622 --> 00:06:33,522 I just want to hear him say, 188 00:06:33,532 --> 00:06:37,461 "Si, me ride me tiny bicicleta to school." 189 00:06:37,462 --> 00:06:40,692 Si, me ride me tiny bicicleta to school. 190 00:06:40,702 --> 00:06:42,001 [ Laughing ] That's awesome. 191 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,171 I'm gonna go out to recess. 192 00:06:43,172 --> 00:06:44,741 Will you bus this for me, David? Thanks. 193 00:06:44,742 --> 00:06:48,141 Ah, don't. Dude... Dude, don't. 194 00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:49,771 [ Keyboard clacking ] 195 00:06:49,772 --> 00:06:52,402 [ Sighs ] 196 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,451 Sir, it's midnight. 197 00:06:53,452 --> 00:06:54,581 Go home. Get some sleep. 198 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:58,087 There's no time to sleep when the city's counting on me. 199 00:06:58,088 --> 00:06:59,412 More Yelp reviews, sir? 200 00:06:59,422 --> 00:07:01,321 I had a bad experience at Red Lobster, 201 00:07:01,322 --> 00:07:04,121 and if the people don't know about it, they could, too. 202 00:07:04,122 --> 00:07:06,282 Folks deserve to know where to eat, Mitch. 203 00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:08,491 But does anyone even thank you for it? 204 00:07:08,492 --> 00:07:09,622 I don't need them to. 205 00:07:09,632 --> 00:07:12,431 I know they need me, and that's enough. 206 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,301 God bless you, sir. 207 00:07:14,302 --> 00:07:16,502 I know. 208 00:07:21,342 --> 00:07:23,441 Welcome to Whistlin' Willy's. 209 00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:25,502 Y'all enjoying your pizza? 210 00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:26,482 Look here, my good man. 211 00:07:26,483 --> 00:07:27,751 We've been waiting over 15 minutes 212 00:07:27,752 --> 00:07:30,081 for you to sing "Happy Birthday" to our son. 213 00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:31,342 Unfortunately for you, 214 00:07:31,352 --> 00:07:34,421 we are both restaurant critics, and so is our son. 215 00:07:34,422 --> 00:07:35,491 One star. 216 00:07:35,492 --> 00:07:38,591 Excuse me! Emergency! Over here! Emergency! 217 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,291 I would like a table inside the area 218 00:07:40,292 --> 00:07:42,122 with all the little plastic balls, please. 219 00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:44,461 And make it snappy. I am a food critic for Yelp. 220 00:07:44,462 --> 00:07:47,092 That does it! I've had enough! 221 00:07:47,102 --> 00:07:50,571 All you Yelp reviewers get the hell out of here! 222 00:07:50,572 --> 00:07:53,441 I don't care what happens to my business! 223 00:07:53,442 --> 00:07:55,811 I ain't kissing your asses no more! 224 00:07:55,812 --> 00:07:58,281 [ Chair scraping ] Go on. 225 00:07:58,282 --> 00:08:01,511 Every Yelper, get the fuck out of here! 226 00:08:01,512 --> 00:08:02,142 Careful now, Bill. 227 00:08:02,152 --> 00:08:03,781 You don't want a one-star review. 228 00:08:03,782 --> 00:08:06,481 You're not a food critic, Dennis! 229 00:08:06,482 --> 00:08:07,742 You're a fuckin' mechanic! 230 00:08:07,752 --> 00:08:09,512 Now get the fuck out! Go on! 231 00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:14,552 All you Yelping sons of bitches get the fuck out of here! 232 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,761 You're gonna regret this, Whistlin' Willy. 233 00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:18,692 You can't treat Yelpers this way. 234 00:08:18,702 --> 00:08:20,831 You get the... Get the fuck out! 235 00:08:20,832 --> 00:08:22,762 [ Thud ] Ow! 236 00:08:22,772 --> 00:08:24,571 [ Door slams ] 237 00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:25,841 Well, good for you. 238 00:08:25,842 --> 00:08:27,771 You, too, you son of a bitch. 239 00:08:27,772 --> 00:08:29,332 Whoa! Hey! 240 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:36,851 It's over! It's over! [ Yelling indistinctly ] 241 00:08:36,852 --> 00:08:39,451 You see paper?! It's over! 242 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:43,312 Whistlin' Willy! He stand up to the Yelpers! 243 00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:45,521 We don't have to kiss their asses anymore! 244 00:08:45,522 --> 00:08:47,422 Look! Everybody doing the same! 245 00:08:47,432 --> 00:08:47,862 [ Laughs ] 246 00:08:47,863 --> 00:08:49,531 [ Singsong voice ] It's over! It's over! 247 00:08:49,532 --> 00:08:51,371 [ Normal voice ] Hey, Skeeter, you hear the news? 248 00:08:51,372 --> 00:08:53,722 It's a miracle. 249 00:08:53,732 --> 00:08:56,631 It's a miracle! 250 00:08:56,632 --> 00:08:59,532 [ Humming ] What the fuck? 251 00:08:59,542 --> 00:09:01,677 Uh, dude, somebody spilled shit on the floor. 252 00:09:01,678 --> 00:09:04,332 Hey, David, somebody spilled something here. 253 00:09:04,342 --> 00:09:06,241 Could you clean this up, por favor? 254 00:09:06,242 --> 00:09:06,872 David? [ Whistles ] 255 00:09:06,882 --> 00:09:09,722 Over here. There's some shit on the floor. 256 00:09:10,412 --> 00:09:12,312 Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on, man? 257 00:09:12,322 --> 00:09:12,892 You haven't heard? 258 00:09:12,893 --> 00:09:15,512 Nobody gives a fuck what Yelp reviewers think anymore. 259 00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:16,262 What are you talking about? 260 00:09:16,263 --> 00:09:18,752 I'm the most influential critic in this town. 261 00:09:18,762 --> 00:09:19,861 Okay, David, forget the spill. 262 00:09:19,862 --> 00:09:21,997 Just give me one little, "My name is David. 263 00:09:21,998 --> 00:09:23,792 Me ride me bicicleta to school." 264 00:09:23,802 --> 00:09:27,101 My name is "Da-veed." 265 00:09:27,102 --> 00:09:28,172 Ha! 266 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,201 Okay, I'm... I'm updating my review. 267 00:09:31,202 --> 00:09:33,402 I'm about to do it. 268 00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:37,141 You better say, "I ride me bicicleta to school!" 269 00:09:37,142 --> 00:09:40,002 One star. 270 00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:42,872 No... no stars? 271 00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,672 No stars? 272 00:09:44,682 --> 00:09:47,682 You can't just treat me like I'm nothing. 273 00:09:47,692 --> 00:09:50,421 I still know I'm worth something. 274 00:09:50,422 --> 00:09:52,622 Come on, guys. 275 00:09:54,692 --> 00:09:55,952 Oh, yeah. Y-you guys stay at school. 276 00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:59,302 That's cool. Y-you guys stay here. 277 00:10:01,932 --> 00:10:04,432 [ Sad piano music playing ] 278 00:10:35,232 --> 00:10:36,792 [ Sighs ] 279 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:37,662 Oh, hey, Eric. 280 00:10:37,672 --> 00:10:38,741 It's all over, Butters. 281 00:10:38,742 --> 00:10:41,541 Everything I've worked so hard to achieve. 282 00:10:41,542 --> 00:10:43,041 All these hack wannabe food critics 283 00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,902 have made my profession a joke. 284 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:45,882 Aw, I'm sorry, bud. 285 00:10:45,883 --> 00:10:47,551 All these people trying to be like me, 286 00:10:47,552 --> 00:10:50,351 and they don't even write about poop consistency the next day. 287 00:10:50,352 --> 00:10:53,351 Well, Eric, you should be proud that people want to be like you. 288 00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,412 I mean, you really started something. 289 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,122 I guess. 290 00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:57,012 Well if these people look up to you, 291 00:10:57,022 --> 00:10:59,352 maybe... maybe you can sort of set the record straight 292 00:10:59,362 --> 00:11:01,997 and show them the way it's supposed to be done. 293 00:11:01,998 --> 00:11:03,252 You're right, Butters. 294 00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,861 Maybe I can actually use all these people somehow 295 00:11:05,862 --> 00:11:08,792 to make real food critics respected again. 296 00:11:13,742 --> 00:11:15,611 Harrison Yates, what's gotten into you? 297 00:11:15,612 --> 00:11:17,681 That's it, Maggie. I'm hanging it up. 298 00:11:17,682 --> 00:11:20,811 If people are gonna be trying all the new restaurants in town, 299 00:11:20,812 --> 00:11:24,142 they'll have to do it without my reviews. 300 00:11:24,152 --> 00:11:25,351 What are you talking about? 301 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,051 You said that protecting people from bad dining experiences 302 00:11:28,052 --> 00:11:29,212 was what kept you going. 303 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:32,127 The restaurants put up signs saying I can't come in. 304 00:11:32,128 --> 00:11:34,382 I don't know why they singled me out, 305 00:11:34,392 --> 00:11:39,022 but it's like people don't need me. 306 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,971 Well, I'll be damned. 307 00:11:40,972 --> 00:11:41,642 What is it? 308 00:11:41,643 --> 00:11:43,762 Somebody's put a note in the mailbox 309 00:11:43,772 --> 00:11:48,071 asking me to come and talk to them. 310 00:11:48,072 --> 00:11:50,372 They do need me. 311 00:11:50,382 --> 00:11:51,611 I need to get going. 312 00:11:51,612 --> 00:11:53,047 You want me to come along? 313 00:11:53,048 --> 00:11:54,672 No. They're just asking for me. 314 00:11:54,682 --> 00:11:59,452 I guess maybe I do have a town to protect. 315 00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,121 Oh, are you having a party, sweetheart? 316 00:12:05,122 --> 00:12:06,082 Not a party, mom. 317 00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:07,831 I've invited all the poser food critics 318 00:12:07,832 --> 00:12:08,891 over for a meeting. 319 00:12:08,892 --> 00:12:09,722 Oh, how fun. 320 00:12:09,732 --> 00:12:11,031 It's not fun. It's serious. 321 00:12:11,032 --> 00:12:12,501 These people think they can do what I do, 322 00:12:12,502 --> 00:12:14,331 but they need to be made to understand the reality. 323 00:12:14,332 --> 00:12:16,162 When the Yelpers get here, I need you to get lost, okay? 324 00:12:16,172 --> 00:12:17,072 [ Knocks at door ] 325 00:12:17,073 --> 00:12:18,241 Okay, that's them, that's them. Go! 326 00:12:18,242 --> 00:12:20,312 Get lost, mom! 327 00:12:21,472 --> 00:12:22,671 ALL: Hello! Hi! 328 00:12:22,672 --> 00:12:24,032 My name is [All saying name]. 329 00:12:24,042 --> 00:12:25,302 I'm here for the meeting. 330 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:26,951 Is this the right place? 331 00:12:26,952 --> 00:12:28,922 [Bleeeeeeeep] 332 00:12:30,582 --> 00:12:31,212 Mom! 333 00:12:31,222 --> 00:12:32,621 I'm going, honey. 334 00:12:32,622 --> 00:12:34,851 Mom, there's like a billion people here! 335 00:12:34,852 --> 00:12:35,382 Oh, yes, sweetie. 336 00:12:35,392 --> 00:12:37,461 I think quite a few people are Yelp reviewers. 337 00:12:37,462 --> 00:12:39,361 Oh, this many people have nothing better to do 338 00:12:39,362 --> 00:12:40,062 than write reviews on Yelp? 339 00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:42,531 I guess so, honey. Do you need more lemonade? 340 00:12:42,532 --> 00:12:44,501 Mom, there's a fucking billion people here. 341 00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:47,201 [ All murmuring ] 342 00:12:47,202 --> 00:12:50,101 Uh, thank you all for coming. 343 00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,762 My name is Eric, and as you know, 344 00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,307 us Yelpers are being scrutinized. 345 00:12:53,308 --> 00:12:56,502 [ In distance ] Can't you speak a little louder?! 346 00:12:56,512 --> 00:12:59,741 Yes, us Yelp critics are being scrutinized! 347 00:12:59,742 --> 00:13:01,072 That's right! Yeah! 348 00:13:01,082 --> 00:13:04,621 Now, you see the problem is that when there's too many reviewers, 349 00:13:04,622 --> 00:13:07,551 people no longer know who is the real food critic. 350 00:13:07,552 --> 00:13:10,712 It's great that you all want to be critics, 351 00:13:10,722 --> 00:13:15,052 but we all know who the real food analyst of the town is. 352 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,131 That's right! 353 00:13:16,132 --> 00:13:16,702 Yeah! 354 00:13:16,692 --> 00:13:17,292 [ Chuckles ] 355 00:13:17,302 --> 00:13:18,431 Ha. Oh, thanks. 356 00:13:18,432 --> 00:13:22,501 Okay, so, as long as there is one clear leader, 357 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:25,271 then the rest of you can just follow. 358 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:28,171 And with this many people all following one captain, 359 00:13:28,172 --> 00:13:30,632 we can fight to get our power back! 360 00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:32,502 Poweeeer back! 361 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:35,481 So now rise up, and fight for your leader! 362 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,551 Fight together, 363 00:13:36,552 --> 00:13:39,251 and show the restaurants that our food critic does matter! 364 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,521 [ Cheers and applause ] 365 00:13:40,522 --> 00:13:41,352 Yeah, let's go! 366 00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,182 All right, follow me! 367 00:13:43,192 --> 00:13:46,762 This way, everyone! 368 00:13:50,232 --> 00:13:52,431 [ Indistinct shouting ] 369 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,472 [ People screaming ] 370 00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:03,511 Another local business is closing its doors tonight 371 00:14:03,512 --> 00:14:05,747 after being taken down by Yelp reviewers. 372 00:14:05,748 --> 00:14:08,042 Whistlin' Willy's, a child favorite in town, 373 00:14:08,052 --> 00:14:10,981 was destroyed and its owner stripped and beheaded. 374 00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:13,212 The following video is graphic. 375 00:14:13,222 --> 00:14:15,991 No, please! No, no, no, no, no! 376 00:14:15,992 --> 00:14:17,221 [ Crowd ululating ] 377 00:14:17,222 --> 00:14:20,682 Aww! 378 00:14:21,122 --> 00:14:24,392 [ George Thorogood's "Bad to the Bone" plays ] 379 00:14:30,172 --> 00:14:32,441 ♪ Said leave this one alone ♪ 380 00:14:32,442 --> 00:14:34,971 ♪ She could tell right away ♪ 381 00:14:34,972 --> 00:14:37,472 ♪ That I was bad to the bone ♪ 382 00:14:37,482 --> 00:14:39,881 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bad ♪ 383 00:14:39,882 --> 00:14:41,881 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bad ♪ 384 00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:46,422 We all loved Whistlin' Willy's. 385 00:14:47,322 --> 00:14:48,562 It didn't do well with Yelpers. 386 00:14:48,552 --> 00:14:50,251 You assholes destroyed the best place in town 387 00:14:50,252 --> 00:14:51,682 because they wouldn't kiss your asses! 388 00:14:51,692 --> 00:14:53,731 Oh, come on, admit it. The food sucked. 389 00:14:53,732 --> 00:14:55,261 Nobody went for the fucking food! 390 00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:56,397 Look, I'm sorry guys, 391 00:14:56,398 --> 00:14:58,761 but Whistlin' Willy failed to recognize the influence 392 00:14:58,762 --> 00:15:00,722 someone like me has on their business. 393 00:15:00,732 --> 00:15:04,032 Now I just have one question for you, David. 394 00:15:05,442 --> 00:15:07,611 Do you ride 395 00:15:07,612 --> 00:15:13,141 your teeny, tiny bicicleta to school? 396 00:15:13,142 --> 00:15:17,812 Sí. Me ride mi teeny bicicleta to school. 397 00:15:20,052 --> 00:15:21,391 You're done. 398 00:15:21,392 --> 00:15:22,521 Yeah, I'm done! 399 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,991 I'm now the leader of thousands of people! 400 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:26,627 They all hang on my every word, 401 00:15:26,628 --> 00:15:29,122 and I'm gonna use my power to finally get 402 00:15:29,132 --> 00:15:31,331 what this town really needs. 403 00:15:31,332 --> 00:15:33,502 ♪♪ 404 00:15:33,702 --> 00:15:37,741 GERALD: I found the waitstaff at Red Lobster to be rude 405 00:15:37,742 --> 00:15:40,111 and barely even acknowledging who I was 406 00:15:40,112 --> 00:15:42,071 or what I meant to this city. 407 00:15:42,072 --> 00:15:44,532 Gerald, I'm taking Ike to clown school. 408 00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:45,542 You care to join us? 409 00:15:45,543 --> 00:15:46,602 I can't, honey. 410 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,342 I'm now the leader of thousands of people. 411 00:15:49,352 --> 00:15:51,351 They all hang on my every word. 412 00:15:51,352 --> 00:15:53,521 And I'm going to use my power 413 00:15:53,522 --> 00:15:56,491 to finally get what this town really needs. 414 00:15:56,492 --> 00:15:59,132 ♪♪ 415 00:15:59,862 --> 00:16:02,502 ♪♪ 416 00:16:04,762 --> 00:16:06,461 [ Gunfire ] 417 00:16:06,462 --> 00:16:08,292 [ Glass shatters ] 418 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:09,831 [ Explosion ] 419 00:16:09,832 --> 00:16:11,062 For the fifth day in a row, 420 00:16:11,072 --> 00:16:14,571 historic Shi Tpa Town is under siege by Yelp reviewers. 421 00:16:14,572 --> 00:16:17,872 The restaurants are still refusing to be intimidated, 422 00:16:17,882 --> 00:16:19,211 and the Yelp reviewers are... 423 00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:20,681 [ Gunfire ] 424 00:16:20,682 --> 00:16:23,517 and the Yelp reviewers are preparing for all-out war. 425 00:16:23,518 --> 00:16:27,182 The angry Yelp reviewers are demanding special treatment 426 00:16:27,192 --> 00:16:28,351 at all city restaurants. 427 00:16:28,352 --> 00:16:29,912 They claim that as local food critics, 428 00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:33,482 they deserve respect and that all who oppose them will suffer. 429 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,352 The online restaurant critics are getting ready 430 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,131 to bring businesses to their knees, 431 00:16:37,132 --> 00:16:39,601 and some are already closing their doors. 432 00:16:39,602 --> 00:16:42,401 One local restaurant worker actually called out 433 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:43,402 the Yelp critics' leader! 434 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:45,201 I guess you win, huh, big shot? 435 00:16:45,202 --> 00:16:48,162 If you really are any kind of important anybody, 436 00:16:48,172 --> 00:16:50,202 then get your bullshit food-critic ass 437 00:16:50,212 --> 00:16:52,381 to the south of town and face me, 438 00:16:52,382 --> 00:16:53,681 because you aren't a food critic, 439 00:16:53,682 --> 00:16:54,352 and you aren't important! 440 00:16:54,353 --> 00:16:59,051 And unless you're chicken, I'll see you south of town. 441 00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,491 Where you going, sir? 442 00:17:00,492 --> 00:17:00,992 You heard him. 443 00:17:00,993 --> 00:17:03,191 Little Mexican kid called me out. 444 00:17:03,192 --> 00:17:06,491 He wants to fight me, that's fine. 445 00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:07,522 You need backup, sir? 446 00:17:07,532 --> 00:17:09,497 No. He's just calling me out. 447 00:17:09,498 --> 00:17:10,692 God bless you, sir... 448 00:17:10,702 --> 00:17:13,132 I know! 449 00:17:15,432 --> 00:17:17,832 David! Dude, wait! 450 00:17:17,842 --> 00:17:19,841 Dude, you don't wanna do this. 451 00:17:19,842 --> 00:17:21,711 You don't know what Cartman's capable of. 452 00:17:21,712 --> 00:17:24,381 Where I come from, we settle things with our fists. 453 00:17:24,382 --> 00:17:26,411 But this isn't Mexico. 454 00:17:26,412 --> 00:17:28,511 I'm not from Mexico, dude! 455 00:17:28,512 --> 00:17:29,472 I'm from Idaho! 456 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:32,321 I'm gonna show this prick how we do things in Boise. 457 00:17:32,322 --> 00:17:34,652 CARTMAN: Oh, hello, David! 458 00:17:35,592 --> 00:17:38,161 All right, you've got your army. 459 00:17:38,162 --> 00:17:39,527 You've got your followers. 460 00:17:39,528 --> 00:17:40,882 If you're such a great leader, 461 00:17:40,892 --> 00:17:43,522 then just tell the city what you want, fat ass! 462 00:17:43,532 --> 00:17:44,901 Don't call me fat, son. 463 00:17:44,902 --> 00:17:46,601 I'm doing this because they've... 464 00:17:46,602 --> 00:17:50,271 What I want is to be able to lead these fine people 465 00:17:50,272 --> 00:17:51,671 with the respect and the dignity... 466 00:17:51,672 --> 00:17:53,841 I didn't ask to be the leader. I was appointed! 467 00:17:53,842 --> 00:17:56,541 You see, I'm extremely important to this town, 468 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:57,432 and I'm not going to be... 469 00:17:57,442 --> 00:17:59,302 My journey as this town's food... 470 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,682 [ All talking at once ] 471 00:18:03,052 --> 00:18:05,451 You've made these people feel unwanted, 472 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:07,291 and now they look to me for answers. 473 00:18:07,292 --> 00:18:10,051 Now here I stand, vulnerable, afraid, 474 00:18:10,052 --> 00:18:12,282 and yet willing to do what the people of this... 475 00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,091 And so we said to hell with it! 476 00:18:14,092 --> 00:18:18,392 And we took the challenge to go from the town's food critics 477 00:18:18,402 --> 00:18:20,431 to the town's spiritual leaders. 478 00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:21,222 What do we want? 479 00:18:21,232 --> 00:18:23,431 People would say, "Oh, you're just a food blogger. 480 00:18:23,432 --> 00:18:25,762 You're just a tiny voice in the crowd." 481 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:29,571 Well, now my voice is heard, and I will... 482 00:18:29,572 --> 00:18:31,302 [ Talking continues ] 483 00:18:31,312 --> 00:18:32,381 wanted special privileges, 484 00:18:32,382 --> 00:18:34,411 but these people think I should have them. 485 00:18:34,412 --> 00:18:35,202 Right, guys? 486 00:18:35,212 --> 00:18:36,772 Maybe I don't deserve special treatment, 487 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:40,142 but how else can I be the elite food critic they want? 488 00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:44,412 [ Talking continues ] 489 00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:46,982 Every person here thinks this is about them. 490 00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,922 I think I know what to do. 491 00:18:48,932 --> 00:18:50,961 Yeah. Me, too. 492 00:18:50,962 --> 00:18:55,092 And for all your service to this community, 493 00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:58,501 we want to once and for all declare you 494 00:18:58,502 --> 00:19:00,632 our most elite food critic. 495 00:19:00,642 --> 00:19:05,841 To distinguish you, we present to you the golden badge. 496 00:19:05,842 --> 00:19:09,172 Wearing this badge means you will always get 497 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:12,481 the special treatment that you deserve. 498 00:19:12,482 --> 00:19:14,282 [ Bell tolls ] 499 00:19:14,292 --> 00:19:17,362 [ Vocalizing ] 500 00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:19,992 Thank you, Mayor. 501 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:23,552 It's a big responsibility, but I suppose I have to accept. 502 00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:25,892 I will do my best to serve this town. 503 00:19:25,902 --> 00:19:28,332 We know you will. 504 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:33,012 Okay, bring in the next one. 505 00:19:33,842 --> 00:19:37,071 Mr. Davis, you have proven yourself a leader. 506 00:19:37,072 --> 00:19:39,941 And for all your service to this community, 507 00:19:39,942 --> 00:19:42,772 we want to once and for all declare you 508 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,281 our most elite food critic. 509 00:19:45,282 --> 00:19:48,851 To distinguish you, we present the golden badge. 510 00:19:48,852 --> 00:19:49,482 Wow! 511 00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:50,492 McDANIELS: Wearing this badge 512 00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:51,921 means you will always get 513 00:19:51,922 --> 00:19:54,052 the special treatment you deserve. 514 00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,661 [ Bell tolls ] 515 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:58,061 [ Vocalizing ] 516 00:19:58,062 --> 00:19:59,861 All right, we got all the restaurants 517 00:19:59,862 --> 00:20:03,192 to agree to let the Yelpers in and to make them feel special. 518 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,071 How did you do it, son? 519 00:20:05,072 --> 00:20:07,201 Ah, yes. The steak, please. 520 00:20:07,202 --> 00:20:08,671 I'm the, uh, Yelp elite. 521 00:20:08,672 --> 00:20:11,972 All right, we got a Yelper. Give it that special attention. 522 00:20:11,982 --> 00:20:14,811 You got it! 523 00:20:14,812 --> 00:20:16,042 [ Splat! ] 524 00:20:16,052 --> 00:20:20,321 ♪ So you're one of Yelper's special blessed ♪ 525 00:20:20,322 --> 00:20:24,761 ♪ You demand a restaurant's very best ♪ 526 00:20:24,762 --> 00:20:25,791 [ Splat! ] 527 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,891 ♪ Well, they're gonna treat you special ♪ 528 00:20:27,892 --> 00:20:29,891 ♪ I'm telling you, chum ♪ 529 00:20:29,892 --> 00:20:31,692 [ Bell rings ] 530 00:20:31,702 --> 00:20:34,731 ♪ Now get yourself ready for some boogers and cum! ♪ 531 00:20:34,732 --> 00:20:35,362 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 532 00:20:35,372 --> 00:20:37,701 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ That's called a Yelper special! ♪ 533 00:20:37,702 --> 00:20:38,332 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 534 00:20:38,342 --> 00:20:39,771 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ Say, what's that on your pretzel? ♪ 535 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,081 ♪ Your online critiques are real useful to some ♪ 536 00:20:42,082 --> 00:20:45,672 ♪ Now have a good time eating boogers and cum! ♪ 537 00:20:45,682 --> 00:20:46,312 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 538 00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,581 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ Someone farted on your salad ♪ 539 00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:49,222 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 540 00:20:49,212 --> 00:20:50,642 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ But your decor critiques are valid ♪ 541 00:20:50,652 --> 00:20:52,951 ♪ You think you're special, like you're A number one ♪ 542 00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:56,421 ♪ Well, there's a whole lot of special in boogers and cum! ♪ 543 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,062 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 544 00:20:57,052 --> 00:20:59,721 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ How about some feces with your flounder? ♪ 545 00:20:59,722 --> 00:21:00,352 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 546 00:21:00,362 --> 00:21:01,861 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ You like that queefy quarter-pounder? ♪ 547 00:21:01,862 --> 00:21:04,401 What's that spice that feels tangy on my tongue? 548 00:21:04,402 --> 00:21:05,767 Oh, that's a yuzu pepper... 549 00:21:05,768 --> 00:21:08,292 [To himself] along with some boogers and cum. 550 00:21:08,302 --> 00:21:09,142 Here you are, sir. 551 00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:11,292 Thank you, David. That's good service. 552 00:21:11,302 --> 00:21:13,162 I will bring you food every day, my friend. 553 00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:15,411 Hmm, is that a jalapeño cream sauce? 554 00:21:15,412 --> 00:21:17,811 Yes. My father made it just for you. 555 00:21:17,812 --> 00:21:20,711 Hmm. It's tart, but savory. 556 00:21:20,712 --> 00:21:21,342 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 557 00:21:21,352 --> 00:21:23,381 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ Bein' a food critic's easy! ♪ 558 00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:24,022 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 559 00:21:24,012 --> 00:21:25,372 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ Oh, you feel a little queasy? ♪ 560 00:21:25,382 --> 00:21:28,482 ♪ Do you need a diagnosis? Well, the doctor's got one ♪ 561 00:21:28,492 --> 00:21:31,761 Your stomach seems to be filled with boogers and cum. 562 00:21:31,762 --> 00:21:32,392 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 563 00:21:32,393 --> 00:21:34,391 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ Piss in your potatoes! ♪ 564 00:21:34,392 --> 00:21:35,022 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ 565 00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:37,131 ♪ Boogers and cum! ♪ ♪ Some guy shit on your tomatoes ♪ 566 00:21:37,132 --> 00:21:39,701 ♪ All right, fancy food critic, looks like you've won ♪ 567 00:21:39,702 --> 00:21:41,871 ♪ Now please enjoy all the ♪ 568 00:21:41,872 --> 00:21:45,401 ♪ Bo-o-o-o-gers ♪ 569 00:21:45,402 --> 00:21:49,771 ♪ Bo-o-o-o-gers ♪ 570 00:21:49,772 --> 00:21:55,342 ♪ and cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum! ♪ 571 00:21:55,852 --> 00:21:56,782 Da-vid. 572 00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:57,242 Dav-id. 573 00:21:57,252 --> 00:21:58,182 Da-vid. 574 00:21:58,182 --> 00:21:59,012 Dav-id. 575 00:21:59,022 --> 00:21:59,452 Da-viiid. 576 00:21:59,453 --> 00:22:01,021 Dav-id, Dav-id, Dav-id, Dav-id! 577 00:22:01,022 --> 00:22:02,621 I can update this to a one-star review 578 00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:05,162 in two seconds, dude. 579 00:22:07,922 --> 00:22:10,992 Oh, God, I love being a restaurant critic.