1
00:00:00,022 --> 00:00:04,443
Sync YYETS | Corrections www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:07,922 --> 00:00:09,443
I'm going down to South Park,
3
00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:11,379
gonna have myself a time.
4
00:00:11,380 --> 00:00:12,983
Friendly faces everywhere,
5
00:00:12,984 --> 00:00:14,730
humble folks without temptation.
6
00:00:14,731 --> 00:00:18,066
Going down to South Park
gonna leave my woes behind.
7
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,752
Ample parking day or night,
8
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,392
people shouting howdy neighbor!
9
00:00:21,393 --> 00:00:24,825
Headin' up to South Park
gonna see if I can't unwind.
10
00:00:27,991 --> 00:00:31,429
So come on down to South Park
and meet some friends o' mine!
11
00:00:37,867 --> 00:00:39,711
Martonius Jackson catches the ball!
12
00:00:39,712 --> 00:00:41,743
He's running down the
sideline and-- ooohhh!!!
13
00:00:43,451 --> 00:00:45,376
Did you see that hit?
14
00:00:46,185 --> 00:00:49,230
Jackson stopped at the forty
five and he is slow to get up.
15
00:00:49,231 --> 00:00:50,256
That was a great hit, boys.
16
00:00:50,257 --> 00:00:51,769
Remember that at practice tomorrow.
17
00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:53,986
Yeah, Jackson took a real shot and
18
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,707
I'm not sure what he's doing now,
19
00:00:55,708 --> 00:00:58,699
but it appears as though he's
looking for his keys, Dan.
20
00:00:58,700 --> 00:00:59,931
Yeah, and that doesn't make a lot
21
00:00:59,932 --> 00:01:02,548
of sense because ever since
his concussion in 06,
22
00:01:02,549 --> 00:01:04,005
he doesn't even he have a license.
23
00:01:04,006 --> 00:01:05,932
Coach Martin is coming
over to tell him that now,
24
00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:08,231
but Jackson appears to
think he's in his car,
25
00:01:08,232 --> 00:01:08,978
driving home.
26
00:01:08,979 --> 00:01:10,021
Well, during this time out we're
27
00:01:10,022 --> 00:01:12,204
happy to be joined by the
commissioner of the NFL,
28
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:12,934
Roger Goodell.
29
00:01:12,935 --> 00:01:13,824
Commissioner,
30
00:01:13,825 --> 00:01:16,479
a lot of hoopla about concussions
this year in the NFL,
31
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,056
how is the league handling all that?
32
00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:20,937
Well, there certainly are interesting
statistics coming out, Dan.
33
00:01:20,938 --> 00:01:23,862
And we are deeply concerned
and waiting to see if
34
00:01:23,863 --> 00:01:26,150
there's really any direct correlation
35
00:01:26,151 --> 00:01:27,962
between football and head trauma.
36
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,047
Oh and it looks like some
37
00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:31,319
of the NFL alumni are taking the field now.
38
00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:33,637
There's all pro safety Martin Gregors.
39
00:01:33,638 --> 00:01:35,081
And fullback Jim Harris,
40
00:01:35,082 --> 00:01:37,584
looks like his pants are
down around his ankles.
41
00:01:37,585 --> 00:01:38,975
Somebody should let him know,
42
00:01:39,122 --> 00:01:41,591
Oh, and Ol' "Surehand" Mike Taftill.
43
00:01:41,592 --> 00:01:44,509
Who seems to be baking
an imaginary cake, Dan.
44
00:01:44,541 --> 00:01:48,135
Yeah, not sure if that's meant
to be a cake or perhaps a,
45
00:01:48,136 --> 00:01:51,253
a loaf of bread but he definitely
thinks he's baking something.
46
00:01:51,254 --> 00:01:52,848
Boy, I just don't get football.
47
00:01:52,849 --> 00:01:54,267
Guess that's why I suck at it.
48
00:01:54,268 --> 00:01:55,330
You don't suck at football, Butters,
49
00:01:55,331 --> 00:01:56,651
you suck at all sports.
50
00:01:56,652 --> 00:01:57,482
That's true!
51
00:01:57,483 --> 00:01:58,727
Ol Eric tells me I should work
52
00:01:58,728 --> 00:02:01,155
at a Thai massage parlor
I'm so good at sucking!
53
00:02:01,156 --> 00:02:01,929
That's right, Butters.
54
00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:02,602
And with that,
55
00:02:02,603 --> 00:02:05,331
the Browns are ready to kick
it off back to the Broncos.
56
00:02:05,722 --> 00:02:07,026
All right, all right here you go boys.
57
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,440
Watch them on the kickoff. All right?
58
00:02:08,441 --> 00:02:10,561
Special teams are the most important plays.
59
00:02:10,562 --> 00:02:12,147
We don't do kickoffs any more.
60
00:02:13,775 --> 00:02:14,712
The school said they're the most
61
00:02:14,713 --> 00:02:17,080
dangerous plays so they don't
have us do them any more.
62
00:02:18,029 --> 00:02:20,075
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Whoa..
63
00:02:21,229 --> 00:02:23,075
What the [Bleep].
64
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:26,951
Okay, before we get started with this
65
00:02:26,952 --> 00:02:29,694
PTA meeting does anyone have
any outstanding issues?
66
00:02:29,695 --> 00:02:31,892
Yeah, I'd like to talk about this genius
67
00:02:31,893 --> 00:02:35,117
new rule in the football
program about no kickoffs.
68
00:02:35,118 --> 00:02:35,780
Uh yes,
69
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,243
we've decided to go without kickoffs
70
00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:39,666
because of the concerns
raised over concussions,
71
00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:40,995
- mkay.
- Oh yeah,
72
00:02:40,996 --> 00:02:44,142
we don't kids getting
hurt playing football.
73
00:02:44,143 --> 00:02:46,678
But I think I have a way
to make it even better.
74
00:02:46,679 --> 00:02:49,850
Why don't we have the
players just wear bras?
75
00:02:50,272 --> 00:02:51,167
Bras?
76
00:02:51,168 --> 00:02:53,986
Yeah. The players should
all wear bras and instead
77
00:02:53,987 --> 00:02:56,977
of helmets they should wear little
tin foil hats because you know,
78
00:02:56,978 --> 00:02:58,128
it's "the future"
79
00:02:58,129 --> 00:03:00,446
and we shouldn't be so barbaric!
80
00:03:01,096 --> 00:03:03,733
How would the bras and
tinfoil hats make it safer?
81
00:03:03,734 --> 00:03:05,314
Oh you're all not getting it!
82
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:06,459
See, while we're at it,
83
00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:08,544
we'll have a balloon instead of a ball.
84
00:03:08,545 --> 00:03:10,249
And whoever catches the balloon
85
00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:13,353
tries to run while all
the other players hug.
86
00:03:14,932 --> 00:03:16,972
You think the students would like that?
87
00:03:16,973 --> 00:03:18,556
Oh they'd love it!
88
00:03:18,557 --> 00:03:20,883
A sport where safety is all that matters.
89
00:03:20,884 --> 00:03:23,988
How about we call it -- sarcastaball!
90
00:03:25,691 --> 00:03:26,401
Mkay.
91
00:03:26,402 --> 00:03:27,501
Would you mind being the
92
00:03:27,502 --> 00:03:30,089
coach of the South Park sarcastaball team?
93
00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:31,469
Jesus Christ.
94
00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:35,787
Yes, I would love to be the
coach of the sarcastaball team.
95
00:03:45,011 --> 00:03:46,685
Dad, do we really have to wear bras?
96
00:03:46,686 --> 00:03:48,968
Yeah, Stan, this is what people want.
97
00:03:48,969 --> 00:03:49,729
Don't worry,
98
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,424
you look really cool.
99
00:03:51,425 --> 00:03:54,037
I got the balloon Coach Marsh
what should I do with it?!
100
00:03:54,038 --> 00:03:54,799
Oh you know,
101
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,379
try to get it into the endzone
but be really polite about it.
102
00:03:58,380 --> 00:03:59,586
Okay!
103
00:03:59,925 --> 00:04:01,803
Excuse me. Pardon me.
104
00:04:01,804 --> 00:04:03,302
You guys look terrific.
105
00:04:03,303 --> 00:04:05,280
Wow, this game is great!!!!
106
00:04:06,302 --> 00:04:07,834
How's it going, Coach?
107
00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:08,882
How's it going?
108
00:04:08,883 --> 00:04:09,906
Awesome!
109
00:04:09,907 --> 00:04:12,233
Nobody's getting hurt and the
kids are learning valuable
110
00:04:12,234 --> 00:04:16,355
life lessons cuz hugging and safety
is what the world is all about!
111
00:04:17,993 --> 00:04:20,686
So you're happy with these changes?
112
00:04:20,687 --> 00:04:21,427
Happy?
113
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,573
I'm thrilled!
114
00:04:22,574 --> 00:04:24,486
Look at how much better this is!
115
00:04:26,844 --> 00:04:28,124
Okay.
116
00:04:29,417 --> 00:04:31,695
Is football safe for your kids?
117
00:04:31,696 --> 00:04:33,359
Concerned parent, Randy Marsh,
118
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,797
says no and has started a
movement to reform the sport,
119
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:39,161
gathering followers by the hundreds.
120
00:04:39,419 --> 00:04:40,865
Oh this is good.
121
00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:42,566
Nice for you all to turn out
122
00:04:42,567 --> 00:04:46,880
in record numbers to show your
support for sarcastaball.
123
00:04:48,583 --> 00:04:49,255
Yeah, yeah,
124
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:50,949
we're through with our kids
125
00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:53,653
getting knocked on da
gwooound and tackwled.
126
00:04:53,654 --> 00:04:58,222
Let's make sarcastaball the
official school sport nation wide!
127
00:05:00,085 --> 00:05:02,756
Go on! Pat yourselves on the back!
128
00:05:04,896 --> 00:05:07,669
Showing just how much one
concerned parent can do,
129
00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:11,117
Marsh then found himself in front
of the leaders of Washington.
130
00:05:11,285 --> 00:05:12,830
Yeah, yeah, let's do that.
131
00:05:12,831 --> 00:05:14,614
We got an economy in the toilet,
132
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,337
a big election coming up,
133
00:05:16,338 --> 00:05:22,222
but this country's number one priority
should be making football safer.
134
00:05:31,321 --> 00:05:32,750
This is ridiculous!
135
00:05:32,751 --> 00:05:35,577
Are we really going to go out there
and play North Park like this?
136
00:05:35,578 --> 00:05:36,802
I can't even remember if we're
137
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,727
supposed to hug the
fullback or compliment him.
138
00:05:38,728 --> 00:05:39,822
I'm so confused.
139
00:05:39,823 --> 00:05:40,709
This game is stupid.
140
00:05:40,710 --> 00:05:41,703
I have no idea how to go out on
141
00:05:41,704 --> 00:05:44,167
a field and be as nice as
I can to the other team!
142
00:05:44,168 --> 00:05:45,220
Yeah, you know what,
143
00:05:45,221 --> 00:05:46,049
screw this!
144
00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:47,289
Hey, whoa!
145
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,266
I can't believe what I'm hearing!
146
00:05:50,715 --> 00:05:52,070
We been practicing and getting
147
00:05:52,071 --> 00:05:54,646
ready for this game and you
fellas just wanna quit?
148
00:05:54,647 --> 00:05:56,993
We don't even understand
how this game is played.
149
00:05:56,994 --> 00:05:59,357
This great game isn't about plays,
150
00:05:59,483 --> 00:06:02,665
it's about sportsmanship and compassion.
151
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,700
And when I look around this locker room,
152
00:06:04,701 --> 00:06:06,005
I see some of the nicest,
153
00:06:06,006 --> 00:06:08,413
most compassionate guys I've ever met.
154
00:06:08,553 --> 00:06:09,376
Token,
155
00:06:09,377 --> 00:06:11,356
you're nicer than anybody I now.
156
00:06:11,452 --> 00:06:12,252
And Clyde,
157
00:06:12,253 --> 00:06:15,134
you give better hugs than
anyone out on that field!
158
00:06:16,025 --> 00:06:16,839
That's true.
159
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,594
Are we just gonna let North Park walk away
160
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:22,075
with a victory because we think
they know how to be nicer than us?
161
00:06:22,254 --> 00:06:24,498
Being nice is about what's inside you!
162
00:06:24,499 --> 00:06:28,078
When your enemy is nice to you
you just be nice right back!
163
00:06:28,079 --> 00:06:30,691
If they give you two balloons
well you give 'em three!
164
00:06:31,987 --> 00:06:32,787
Yeah. Yeah!
165
00:06:32,788 --> 00:06:35,382
And when they try and thank you
for those balloons you say
166
00:06:35,383 --> 00:06:38,136
'I don't need any thanks I did it
cuz it was the right thing to do'
167
00:06:38,137 --> 00:06:39,947
and then you give 'em a smile!
168
00:06:40,614 --> 00:06:42,284
And when that other team
tries to come at you,
169
00:06:42,285 --> 00:06:44,464
that's when you gotta reach deep down,
170
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:47,041
right down to your creamy
center - that place,
171
00:06:47,042 --> 00:06:49,412
that place, inside you
where all the gooey happy
172
00:06:49,413 --> 00:06:52,240
loving goo sits and you gotta
use that to be the nicest,
173
00:06:52,241 --> 00:06:54,304
most compassionate player you've ever been
174
00:06:54,305 --> 00:06:58,445
and let the world know that we
will not go down so easy!!!!!
175
00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:01,465
Let's do this.
176
00:07:01,466 --> 00:07:03,905
Stan, hook up my bra.
177
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:07,979
As Commissioner of the NFL
I am so thrilled to see
178
00:07:07,980 --> 00:07:12,192
our nations youth embrace sarcastaball
over traditional football.
179
00:07:12,193 --> 00:07:14,093
Oh but why stop there?
180
00:07:14,094 --> 00:07:18,022
Since football is so barbaric
we should change too!
181
00:07:18,023 --> 00:07:20,034
So let's give a big welcome
182
00:07:20,035 --> 00:07:22,808
to the new Coach of the Denver Broncos,
183
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,482
Randy Marsh!
184
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,151
Congratulations, Marsh.
185
00:07:28,152 --> 00:07:29,426
Good job.
186
00:07:29,427 --> 00:07:31,222
Oh thank you Commissioner,
187
00:07:31,223 --> 00:07:33,040
I'm thrilled to be a part of this.
188
00:07:33,041 --> 00:07:33,765
Thanks.
189
00:07:33,766 --> 00:07:34,703
Nice going.
190
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:35,571
Yeah, no, no,
191
00:07:35,572 --> 00:07:37,146
you nice going.
192
00:07:37,147 --> 00:07:37,704
Hey, guys,
193
00:07:37,705 --> 00:07:42,084
how about a nice [Bleep] picture to
welcome in the future of sports.
194
00:07:43,138 --> 00:07:47,343
Welcome to the inaugural game of
the National Sarcastaball League!
195
00:07:47,344 --> 00:07:49,019
As we bring you today's match up
196
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:52,578
between the Denver Broncos
and the Oakland Raiders.
197
00:07:52,579 --> 00:07:55,630
Yeah, lookin good guys
let's kick some butt.
198
00:07:55,631 --> 00:07:57,368
Give 'em hell Coach!
199
00:07:57,369 --> 00:07:59,319
Loving, not shoving!
200
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,054
Oh, yeah, good one!
201
00:08:02,271 --> 00:08:06,096
And now here are your
Denver whoop dee [Bleep] do girls!
202
00:08:08,904 --> 00:08:11,266
Go Broncos go.
203
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,612
Whoop dee [Bleep] do.
204
00:08:13,613 --> 00:08:17,358
And now here to sing the sarcastaball
anthem recording artist,
205
00:08:17,359 --> 00:08:18,424
Celo.
206
00:08:18,425 --> 00:08:21,859
I love sarcastaball!
207
00:08:21,860 --> 00:08:25,981
It's soooo much better than fooootball.
208
00:08:25,982 --> 00:08:30,106
I'm soooo glad they got rid
of vi-o-lence in sports,
209
00:08:30,107 --> 00:08:34,229
cuz sarcastaball is so super fun to watch.
210
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,232
Nice job, Celo,
211
00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:38,381
good to see you on TV some more.
212
00:08:38,382 --> 00:08:42,511
Yeah, I'm a big fan of all your hit songs!
213
00:08:43,086 --> 00:08:44,837
Dude, what do you mean
we don't have a coach?!
214
00:08:44,838 --> 00:08:45,714
Look, I'm sorry guys,
215
00:08:45,715 --> 00:08:47,392
my dad said he's too busy with the Broncos,
216
00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:48,370
he doesn't have time for us.
217
00:08:48,371 --> 00:08:50,493
But our big game with Lakewood is Saturday!
218
00:08:50,494 --> 00:08:51,418
I'm sorry!
219
00:08:51,419 --> 00:08:54,564
My dad is taking professional
sarcastaball really seriously.
220
00:08:55,507 --> 00:08:58,274
Well, we might as well call up
Lakewood and tell 'em we forfeit.
221
00:08:58,275 --> 00:08:59,380
We can't!
222
00:08:59,381 --> 00:09:00,869
We don't have a coach, Kyle!
223
00:09:00,870 --> 00:09:01,921
Who needs a coach?
224
00:09:01,922 --> 00:09:03,442
We have Butters.
225
00:09:03,895 --> 00:09:04,844
Hey, yeah.
226
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,006
The guys are right.
227
00:09:06,007 --> 00:09:07,803
From now on you're team Captain, Butters.
228
00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:09,431
You lead us to victory.
229
00:09:09,738 --> 00:09:11,764
Oh jeez, no, I don't know fellas.
230
00:09:11,765 --> 00:09:13,679
Butters, you understand this
game better than anybody.
231
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,055
Yeah, but I-- but I can't be team Captain,
232
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,285
I suck at everything.
233
00:09:17,286 --> 00:09:18,530
Not at this you don't.
234
00:09:18,531 --> 00:09:20,650
What about that creamy
filling you talked about?
235
00:09:20,651 --> 00:09:22,015
That gooey goodness inside you
236
00:09:22,016 --> 00:09:24,361
that makes you the
butteriest Butters we know.
237
00:09:25,017 --> 00:09:26,219
It's in there.
238
00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:27,684
It's overflowing sometimes.
239
00:09:27,685 --> 00:09:29,152
We need you, Butters.
240
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:30,895
You're the man.
241
00:09:37,719 --> 00:09:40,360
But-ters! But-ters! But-ters!
242
00:09:40,361 --> 00:09:42,832
But-ters Butters!!
243
00:09:43,586 --> 00:09:44,457
I love you,
244
00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:45,292
Butters!
245
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,200
Love you too, ladies.
246
00:09:47,831 --> 00:09:48,647
Oh, Butters!
247
00:09:48,648 --> 00:09:51,256
You now how I feel about the
Captain of sports teams!
248
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,170
Leave him alone, Wendy,
249
00:09:52,171 --> 00:09:53,418
he's mine!
250
00:09:55,630 --> 00:09:59,740
Wowoo -- what- what- oh.
251
00:10:02,211 --> 00:10:03,661
Daaad!
252
00:10:03,662 --> 00:10:05,265
It happened again!
253
00:10:06,382 --> 00:10:08,219
More of my creamy goo came out.
254
00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:10,915
Oh. Well, that's okay, Butters.
255
00:10:10,916 --> 00:10:12,592
Remember what we talked about,
256
00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:14,405
sometimes our happy creamy
257
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:17,277
feeling just gets so full
it comes out at night.
258
00:10:17,278 --> 00:10:19,236
I was having happy dreams
about a girl and-!
259
00:10:19,237 --> 00:10:20,041
All right, Butters,
260
00:10:20,042 --> 00:10:21,458
it's happy feelings.
261
00:10:21,459 --> 00:10:22,619
Let's just not talk about it.
262
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:24,061
Okay, Dad!
263
00:10:27,974 --> 00:10:30,277
Save that for later!
264
00:10:33,414 --> 00:10:34,880
The score is zero to zero
265
00:10:34,881 --> 00:10:37,432
as the Steelers kick off to the Broncos.
266
00:10:38,442 --> 00:10:40,736
Go Broncos go.
267
00:10:40,783 --> 00:10:41,914
Manning has the ball.
268
00:10:41,915 --> 00:10:44,796
He's saying some really great
things about the other team.
269
00:10:45,009 --> 00:10:49,226
Manning met by Lamar Woodley- he's
giving the balloon to Woodley!
270
00:10:49,227 --> 00:10:50,662
The referee comes in...
271
00:10:50,944 --> 00:10:53,144
Oh, the referee is calling
that a touchdown!
272
00:10:53,145 --> 00:10:53,858
Oh wait,
273
00:10:53,859 --> 00:10:56,366
now another official is
signaling that's a safety.
274
00:10:56,367 --> 00:10:59,060
Oh, yeah, nice going replacement refs!
275
00:10:59,061 --> 00:11:02,044
They're gonna have to sort this
one out with the side judge.
276
00:11:02,904 --> 00:11:04,753
[Bleep] it.
It's a [Bleep] field goal.
277
00:11:04,754 --> 00:11:05,777
Yeah!!!!
278
00:11:05,778 --> 00:11:07,449
Yeahh!!!! Wooo!!!!
279
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:11,349
Coach three to nothing
victory over the Steelers.
280
00:11:11,350 --> 00:11:13,777
You must feel like a real winner.
281
00:11:13,778 --> 00:11:15,183
Yeah, well, the other team was just
282
00:11:15,184 --> 00:11:17,761
so awesome on offense I was really scared.
283
00:11:17,762 --> 00:11:21,199
Coach Belichick says no way
we can beat the Broncos.
284
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,668
They've had the same
coach for almost a day.
285
00:11:23,669 --> 00:11:26,240
Oh, yeah, I'm just the guy
who invented sarcastaball.
286
00:11:26,241 --> 00:11:27,963
There's no way I know how to coach it.
287
00:11:27,964 --> 00:11:29,722
Guess we'll find out on Sunday.
288
00:11:30,354 --> 00:11:31,605
Yeah.
289
00:11:33,631 --> 00:11:35,429
All right, guys listen up- forget about
290
00:11:35,430 --> 00:11:37,604
the day off we need to practice tomorrow!
291
00:11:38,703 --> 00:11:40,867
Practice on Monday after a victory?
292
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:41,740
Great.
293
00:11:41,741 --> 00:11:42,583
That's good Peyton,
294
00:11:42,584 --> 00:11:44,030
but we need to get better.
295
00:11:44,031 --> 00:11:45,406
Practice on Monday?!
296
00:11:45,407 --> 00:11:47,603
That's just what I wanna do.
297
00:11:47,646 --> 00:11:48,881
That's it!
298
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:52,313
Hey, Butters, you got a minute?
299
00:11:52,314 --> 00:11:53,541
Sure, Eric!
300
00:11:54,689 --> 00:11:56,128
I don't know what to do.
301
00:11:56,546 --> 00:11:57,532
Kids are starting to make
302
00:11:57,533 --> 00:12:00,519
fun of me because I'm no
good at sarcastaball.
303
00:12:01,022 --> 00:12:03,107
I suck at being nice and polite.
304
00:12:03,363 --> 00:12:06,902
I'm so good at sucking I should
work at a Thai massage parlor.
305
00:12:07,749 --> 00:12:08,960
Oh no, Eric,
306
00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,755
you're, you're a great player.
307
00:12:10,767 --> 00:12:13,209
No, I just don't have the
mojo you have, Butters.
308
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,077
Oh, well, Eric, I told you,
309
00:12:15,078 --> 00:12:17,288
everyone has a creamy filling inside
310
00:12:17,289 --> 00:12:20,886
them where all the feelings of
compassion and joy come from.
311
00:12:20,887 --> 00:12:22,693
Didn't your dad ever tell you that?
312
00:12:22,918 --> 00:12:24,164
I don't have a dad.
313
00:12:24,165 --> 00:12:25,781
Oh right, I'm sorry.
314
00:12:25,998 --> 00:12:28,972
Well, everyone has a creamy filling, Eric.
315
00:12:28,973 --> 00:12:30,409
And some people have so much
316
00:12:30,410 --> 00:12:32,757
of that feeling that it
comes out sometimes.
317
00:12:32,758 --> 00:12:33,409
A lot of times,
318
00:12:33,410 --> 00:12:35,276
when I go to sleep and especially
319
00:12:35,277 --> 00:12:37,886
if I'm having wonderful dreams
that make me feel really good.
320
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,263
Sometimes I wake up.
321
00:12:39,264 --> 00:12:40,139
And when I wake up,
322
00:12:40,140 --> 00:12:42,005
I realize some of my goo has come out.
323
00:12:42,006 --> 00:12:43,918
Oh, jeez, there's a lot this time!
324
00:12:43,919 --> 00:12:45,495
But I always make sure I keep it,
325
00:12:45,496 --> 00:12:48,672
just in case I ever run out of
all my happy sunshine feelings.
326
00:12:49,372 --> 00:12:50,972
You save it all?
327
00:12:53,068 --> 00:12:54,473
My goo doesn't come out every night,
328
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,825
but I sure do seem to have a surplus of it.
329
00:12:58,315 --> 00:12:59,153
Butters,
330
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,376
do you think your goo might
work on someone else?
331
00:13:01,377 --> 00:13:02,060
I don't know.
332
00:13:02,061 --> 00:13:04,148
I never really thought of it that way.
333
00:13:11,769 --> 00:13:13,886
It's kind of a grape-y, bleach-y flavor.
334
00:13:13,887 --> 00:13:15,819
Do you feel warm and compassionate?
335
00:13:18,055 --> 00:13:19,682
Holy shit, I think I do.
336
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:23,173
Welcome back to Rome,
337
00:13:23,174 --> 00:13:24,893
we're gonna talk some sarcastaball.
338
00:13:24,894 --> 00:13:25,967
I can't wait.
339
00:13:25,968 --> 00:13:29,157
I can't wait to talk sarcastaball
because it's really compelling.
340
00:13:29,158 --> 00:13:30,297
Joining me now is the coach
341
00:13:30,298 --> 00:13:32,771
of the Denver Broncos and the
inventor of sarcastaball,
342
00:13:32,772 --> 00:13:33,654
Randy Marsh.
343
00:13:33,655 --> 00:13:34,698
Thanks for callin in, Randy.
344
00:13:34,699 --> 00:13:36,599
Really happy to have you on the show.
345
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,757
Yeah, it's awesome to be on your show.
346
00:13:38,758 --> 00:13:39,572
Randy, first off,
347
00:13:39,573 --> 00:13:41,509
thanks for taking a sport that we all love,
348
00:13:41,510 --> 00:13:43,549
and turning it into a sarcastic nightmare.
349
00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:44,517
Way to go.
350
00:13:44,518 --> 00:13:45,493
Thanks, Jim.
351
00:13:45,494 --> 00:13:47,029
Cuz it's totally what I intended.
352
00:13:47,030 --> 00:13:47,970
You know, when I came up with
353
00:13:47,971 --> 00:13:50,553
the idea I was sure it was
gonna end up like this.
354
00:13:50,554 --> 00:13:52,386
Well, it certainly makes
for an exciting game.
355
00:13:52,387 --> 00:13:55,335
How about last night's nail
biter that ended 0 to 0.
356
00:13:55,336 --> 00:13:56,888
That's a game I wanna watch twice.
357
00:13:56,889 --> 00:13:59,183
That's a game I wanna watch four times.
358
00:13:59,184 --> 00:13:59,881
Check that.
359
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,399
I'll watch that game five times.
360
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,277
Good luck on Sunday.
361
00:14:03,278 --> 00:14:06,001
I'm sure that'll be another game
that I could watch twelve times.
362
00:14:06,002 --> 00:14:06,941
Check that,
363
00:14:06,942 --> 00:14:08,292
thirteen times.
364
00:14:08,293 --> 00:14:09,589
Thanks, Jim.
365
00:14:13,157 --> 00:14:16,046
Randy, aren't you going to come
join your family for dinner?
366
00:14:16,047 --> 00:14:18,266
Oh, yeah, I've totally got
time to do that, Sharon.
367
00:14:18,267 --> 00:14:19,676
In fact, how about I go downstairs
368
00:14:19,677 --> 00:14:21,479
and make a four course meal for all of you.
369
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:22,173
Check that.
370
00:14:22,174 --> 00:14:23,244
A seven-course meal.
371
00:14:23,245 --> 00:14:24,040
Randy,
372
00:14:24,041 --> 00:14:25,548
something's happened.
373
00:14:25,549 --> 00:14:28,401
Are you unable to stop being sarcastic?
374
00:14:28,402 --> 00:14:31,365
Oh, right, I can't stop
being sarcastic now.
375
00:14:32,002 --> 00:14:33,320
I'm telling you, Randy,
376
00:14:33,321 --> 00:14:36,442
I think this sport is doing
something to your brain.
377
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,196
Right, it's doing something to my brain
378
00:14:38,197 --> 00:14:40,832
and now I can't stop being sarcastic.
379
00:14:42,143 --> 00:14:43,558
Do you mean that?
380
00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:45,786
Yes! I totally mean it!
381
00:14:47,226 --> 00:14:48,733
Help me, Sharon.
382
00:14:48,785 --> 00:14:50,177
Helllp me.
383
00:14:53,510 --> 00:14:55,384
All right, first string
cover those wideouts.
384
00:14:55,385 --> 00:14:57,001
Tell 'em how much you like their outfits!
385
00:14:57,002 --> 00:14:58,117
Clyde! Token!
386
00:14:58,118 --> 00:15:01,310
Hug those two players and give
their quarterback a kiss!
387
00:15:05,081 --> 00:15:06,358
Cartman, you idiot!
388
00:15:06,359 --> 00:15:07,708
Stay positive, Stan!
389
00:15:07,709 --> 00:15:08,711
All right, guys cuddle up!
390
00:15:08,712 --> 00:15:10,035
Cuddle up!
391
00:15:11,608 --> 00:15:13,414
Now, what is going on out there?!
392
00:15:13,415 --> 00:15:14,739
That kid is provoking us!
393
00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:16,713
He's saying mean things
to try to piss us off.
394
00:15:16,714 --> 00:15:19,386
Yeah. We need more of your mojo, Butters.
395
00:15:19,387 --> 00:15:20,179
Oh all right,
396
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:21,603
all right here ya go.
397
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:37,537
I'm sorry, Mr. Marsh,
398
00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:40,211
but there appears to be permanent damage.
399
00:15:40,212 --> 00:15:40,960
Oh boy,
400
00:15:40,961 --> 00:15:42,194
this is great.
401
00:15:42,195 --> 00:15:44,209
My week just keeps getting better.
402
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:46,499
How do we fix this, doctor?
403
00:15:46,623 --> 00:15:47,554
You don't.
404
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:48,210
I'm sorry.
405
00:15:48,211 --> 00:15:49,684
There just isn't enough
406
00:15:49,685 --> 00:15:52,337
research in how sarcasm effects the brain.
407
00:15:52,422 --> 00:15:53,729
So that's it.
408
00:15:54,217 --> 00:15:55,338
I should just go home and
409
00:15:55,339 --> 00:15:57,504
forget about what this
sport has done to me.
410
00:15:57,505 --> 00:16:00,521
Let thousands of people play
sarcastaball and get hurt too.
411
00:16:00,522 --> 00:16:01,282
Oh, really,
412
00:16:01,283 --> 00:16:05,346
you think there's a correlation
between sarcasm and sarcastaball?
413
00:16:05,347 --> 00:16:06,100
Really?
414
00:16:06,101 --> 00:16:06,997
That's fascinating.
415
00:16:06,998 --> 00:16:08,475
Please go on.
416
00:16:08,651 --> 00:16:11,246
No, sarcastaball has nothing to do with it,
417
00:16:11,247 --> 00:16:13,718
I just -- I just really enjoy
418
00:16:13,719 --> 00:16:16,926
being sarcastic and so I
must be finding an excuse.
419
00:16:17,032 --> 00:16:18,086
You know,
420
00:16:18,087 --> 00:16:19,804
I have a fifty year old Alzheimer's patient
421
00:16:19,805 --> 00:16:22,210
out in the waiting room who
can't even remember his family,
422
00:16:22,211 --> 00:16:24,542
but let's forget about him and focus
423
00:16:24,543 --> 00:16:27,736
on how sarcastaball might be
damaging people's brains.
424
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:30,720
My son is out there playing that game.
425
00:16:30,721 --> 00:16:31,903
It's heart warming to see
426
00:16:31,904 --> 00:16:34,384
you have such high regard for his safety!
427
00:16:34,385 --> 00:16:36,590
Okay. Well, I've got a better idea,
428
00:16:36,591 --> 00:16:37,633
let's get all the funding
429
00:16:37,634 --> 00:16:39,790
for cancer research and genetic diseases,
430
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,433
let's take all that money
431
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,129
and make commercials that say 'hey America,
432
00:16:44,130 --> 00:16:47,589
sarcasm might not be such a
great thing for your brain.
433
00:16:48,202 --> 00:16:49,476
Thank you, Doctor.
434
00:16:49,477 --> 00:16:50,948
Thank you so much!
435
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,557
Jim Rome here.
436
00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:00,364
Hey, I love sarcastaball just
as much as the next guy.
437
00:17:00,365 --> 00:17:02,133
But sometimes it's so thrilling
438
00:17:02,134 --> 00:17:04,797
I need an extra burst of energy
to get me through a game.
439
00:17:04,798 --> 00:17:06,900
That's when I reach for a bottle of this.
440
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,719
Butters Creamy Goo.
441
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:09,759
You play hard.
442
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,346
You need a sports drink that
gives you that extra boost.
443
00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:14,577
Sports these days are all about being nice.
444
00:17:14,578 --> 00:17:18,179
So take your game to the next
level with Butters Creamy Goo.
445
00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:19,378
You'll be filled with feelings
446
00:17:19,379 --> 00:17:22,046
of good tidings and be nicer
than a ray of sunshine.
447
00:17:22,047 --> 00:17:22,990
Like me!
448
00:17:22,991 --> 00:17:23,800
Get with it,
449
00:17:23,801 --> 00:17:25,010
and get the goo.
450
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:28,561
Butters Creamy Goo is chock-full of all
the essentials an athlete needs.
451
00:17:28,562 --> 00:17:29,394
Cumitment!
452
00:17:29,395 --> 00:17:30,359
Cumpassion!
453
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,666
And cumrodery!
454
00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:33,824
And now it's available in quart size.
455
00:17:33,825 --> 00:17:37,231
When I get hot and tired only one
thing can boost my compassion.
456
00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:43,179
Now I'm back in the game!
457
00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:45,695
Go and chug a bottle of Butters Creamy Goo.
458
00:17:45,696 --> 00:17:47,565
Best served just above room temperature.
459
00:17:48,323 --> 00:17:49,319
42!
460
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,487
Red 13!
461
00:17:50,488 --> 00:17:51,836
Sunshine and happy thoughts!
462
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:53,502
Sunshine and happy thoughts.
463
00:17:58,228 --> 00:18:00,350
Oh no! That kid's gonna intercept it!
464
00:18:01,390 --> 00:18:02,695
Good job, kid!
465
00:18:03,598 --> 00:18:04,822
Staaan?!
466
00:18:04,823 --> 00:18:06,019
Staaaan!
467
00:18:06,020 --> 00:18:06,653
Dad?
468
00:18:06,654 --> 00:18:08,075
Get in the car, Stan.
469
00:18:08,139 --> 00:18:09,269
We're going home.
470
00:18:09,270 --> 00:18:09,946
What?
471
00:18:09,947 --> 00:18:10,953
We're sorry, Stanley,
472
00:18:10,954 --> 00:18:13,207
we don't want you playing
this sport any more.
473
00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:15,121
Hey, get off the field,
474
00:18:15,122 --> 00:18:15,854
mkay!
475
00:18:15,855 --> 00:18:17,674
Everyone, everyone listen.
476
00:18:18,206 --> 00:18:21,285
There's something you need
to know about sarcastaball.
477
00:18:21,483 --> 00:18:24,734
It turns out it's totally safe.
478
00:18:24,902 --> 00:18:26,669
Yeah, it's super safe.
479
00:18:26,679 --> 00:18:30,191
It's like so safe that we
should have every kid play it.
480
00:18:30,513 --> 00:18:32,112
Sorry, sorry hang on.
481
00:18:32,113 --> 00:18:34,000
Gotta not be so sarcastic.
482
00:18:34,187 --> 00:18:35,453
Let me try that again.
483
00:18:35,836 --> 00:18:37,293
Listen everyone,
484
00:18:37,740 --> 00:18:40,437
if you let your kids play sarcastaball,
485
00:18:40,438 --> 00:18:42,618
you're a [Bleep]ing genius.
486
00:18:43,693 --> 00:18:44,766
Cut, sorry.
487
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:46,116
Try this again.
488
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,295
Look, what I'm trying to say is,
489
00:18:49,309 --> 00:18:51,494
we should have like ten sarcastaball
490
00:18:51,495 --> 00:18:54,543
leagues because then
everyone -- God dammit!
491
00:18:54,544 --> 00:18:55,265
Stanley,
492
00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:56,518
just get your things and come on.
493
00:18:56,519 --> 00:18:57,826
We're going home.
494
00:18:57,884 --> 00:18:59,235
You can't tell me what to do!
495
00:18:59,236 --> 00:19:00,275
Yeah, we're your parents,
496
00:19:00,276 --> 00:19:01,703
we can't tell you what to do.
497
00:19:01,704 --> 00:19:04,332
Don't you see what this sport
has done to your father?
498
00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:05,928
Do you want to end up like him?!
499
00:19:05,929 --> 00:19:08,852
Oh, right, like he doesn't
exaggerate every disease he gets.
500
00:19:09,131 --> 00:19:11,203
Oh, Randy! It's happening!
501
00:19:12,529 --> 00:19:14,387
Mr. Marsh, listen,
502
00:19:14,388 --> 00:19:16,225
I know you care about your son,
503
00:19:16,226 --> 00:19:18,143
but he's a heck of a player.
504
00:19:18,144 --> 00:19:19,361
He's good at tickling,
505
00:19:19,362 --> 00:19:21,029
laughing, and gettin' along.
506
00:19:21,030 --> 00:19:23,232
Look the point has been made ok?
507
00:19:23,301 --> 00:19:26,345
I'm warning you being this
sarcastic is dangerous.
508
00:19:26,346 --> 00:19:28,263
We're not being sarcastic, Dad!
509
00:19:28,264 --> 00:19:29,536
Is it so hard to believe that
510
00:19:29,537 --> 00:19:32,300
we really enjoy a sport
that has no violence?
511
00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:33,627
Is it so hard for you to believe that
512
00:19:33,628 --> 00:19:36,539
when Butters says competitiveness
can be compassionate,
513
00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:38,631
he's being completely sincere?
514
00:19:39,307 --> 00:19:42,081
I don't see how anyone could play
this game with any sincerity.
515
00:19:42,082 --> 00:19:44,657
That's because you're too grumpy
and negative to believe it.
516
00:19:44,658 --> 00:19:45,749
What you need,
517
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:46,727
is a sports drink that can
518
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,521
boost your levels of caring and goodness.
519
00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:49,521
Yeah, Dad,
520
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,043
you need some of this.
521
00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:00,498
This is come.
522
00:20:03,665 --> 00:20:05,042
And you can just sit here
523
00:20:05,043 --> 00:20:07,716
in your room and think
about what you've done!
524
00:20:07,925 --> 00:20:09,472
Just because people try and make
525
00:20:09,473 --> 00:20:12,425
football a little safer by
changing a kick off rule,
526
00:20:12,426 --> 00:20:14,577
doesn't mean you need take it to
527
00:20:14,578 --> 00:20:17,080
'oh why don't we just drink each other's ' come.'
528
00:20:17,081 --> 00:20:19,308
Sarcasm like that is homophobic,
529
00:20:19,309 --> 00:20:22,559
chauvinistic and completely
lacking in maturity!
530
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,048
Any questions?!
531
00:20:25,031 --> 00:20:27,530
What's sarcasm and what's come?
532
00:20:27,663 --> 00:20:28,948
We'll talk about that when you're older.
533
00:20:28,949 --> 00:20:29,876
Come on, everybody,
534
00:20:29,877 --> 00:20:33,052
let's work on that kick off change
and get back to some football.
535
00:20:42,173 --> 00:20:43,277
Welcome back to Rome.
536
00:20:43,278 --> 00:20:45,386
Some of you might of seen
me on TV last night.
537
00:20:45,387 --> 00:20:47,485
Turns out the drink I endorsed was semen.
538
00:20:47,486 --> 00:20:50,055
Turns out a little kid was
just being sarcastic.
539
00:20:50,056 --> 00:20:51,818
That kid's probably grounded for a month.
540
00:20:51,819 --> 00:20:54,483
Check that I'm sure he's
grounded for two months.
541
00:20:54,484 --> 00:20:55,414
And a week.
542
00:20:55,415 --> 00:20:57,527
Football needs to be made safer
543
00:20:57,528 --> 00:21:00,757
so why don't we have players
in bras drinking semen.
544
00:21:00,758 --> 00:21:02,474
Yeah, that's a fast ball right there.
545
00:21:02,475 --> 00:21:05,591
That's a real stroke of philosophic genius.
546
00:21:05,605 --> 00:21:09,632
War little kids drinking semen to
finally bring back real football
547
00:21:09,633 --> 00:21:12,620
and I don't know what else to
say but so long sarcastaball,
548
00:21:12,621 --> 00:21:14,009
it was nice knowing you.
549
00:21:14,010 --> 00:21:16,443
Let's just hope nothing like
this ever happens again.
550
00:21:16,444 --> 00:21:17,519
Probably won't.
551
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,829
Not for another year.
552
00:21:18,830 --> 00:21:19,705
Check that,
553
00:21:19,706 --> 00:21:21,020
a couple days.
554
00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:23,703
Daaaaaaaaddd!!!!
555
00:21:23,704 --> 00:21:25,108
Hey Dad!
556
00:21:25,376 --> 00:21:26,066
What?
557
00:21:26,067 --> 00:21:28,182
My wiener's all stiff and pointy.
558
00:21:28,929 --> 00:21:30,603
Oh, well, Butters.
559
00:21:30,604 --> 00:21:32,406
That's just a friendly compass.
560
00:21:32,407 --> 00:21:34,186
See, whenever you have friends
in the area
561
00:21:34,187 --> 00:21:36,748
your little compass there
tells you where they are.
562
00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:38,206
It's pointing up
563
00:21:38,207 --> 00:21:40,042
because Jesus is your friend.
564
00:21:40,043 --> 00:21:41,435
Thanks Dad.
565
00:21:42,043 --> 00:21:46,435
Sync by YYETS
Corrections by www.addic7ed.com