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[quirky music]
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- ♪ i'm goin'
down to south park ♪
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♪ gonna have myself a time ♪
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- ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪
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♪ humble folks
without temptation ♪
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- ♪ goin' down to south park ♪
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♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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- ♪ ample parking day or night ♪
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♪ people spouting,
"howdy, neighbor" ♪
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- ♪ i'm headin'
on up to south park ♪
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♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪
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- ♪ [muffled] ♪
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- ♪ come on down to south park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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- Hey, guys!
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- Morning!
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- How's it going, everybody?
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- 'sup, jason?
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- Hey, dudes, 'sup?
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- What are you guys doing here?
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- What do you mean?
We're just going to school.
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- I thought you guys said
you didn't need school.
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- Yeah, you said you had
a start-up company
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And that school was
for douche bags.
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- Oh, well, yeah,
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The start-up company thing
didn't really work out.
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- But you told us all
to go fuck ourselves.
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- No, no, you guys.
Guys, what we said was--
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- You told us your company
was gonna make $10 million
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And the rest of us could go
fuck ourselves.
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- We were trying to be funny.
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- Yeah, well,
no one's laughing, kyle.
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- Hey, wendy.
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- You're back?
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- Yeah, the start-up company
thing didn't work out.
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- Oh, wow, i'm shocked.
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- So, hey, i was gonna see
if you still wanted
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To see that stupid
maze runner movie.
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- You broke up with me, stan.
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You said you had to be
"free to chase your dreams."
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- Wendy, i thought
my life was going
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In a different direction
and i just felt
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That i really had to give it
everything i had.
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You know, i had to focus
on one thing.
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- Is that why you told clyde
that you broke up with me
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Because you're about to be
"dripping in bitches"?
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- Why does everyone
suddenly remember
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Everything everybody says?
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- I'm happy, stan.
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I'm happy i know
who you really are now.
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You're someone who can't
be counted on.
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You're someone who can just bail
on the people you love.
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- Dude, people are
pissed off at us.
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- [muffled]
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- Doesn't anyone understand
the significance
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Of "i'm sorry" anymore?
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- Yeah, well said, kyle.
Good point.
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What happened
to the significance?
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- Well, i guess let's just be
thankful we're not butters.
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They won't even let him
come back to school.
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- All right, everyone,
thanks for coming.
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As you know,
we urgently need to discuss
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The matter of butters stotch,
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Who set fire
to the school gymnasium
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And is now asking to come back.
Are we all set to start?
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- Almost, we're just waiting
on mr. Mackey...Again.
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- Aw, do we need mackey here?
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- Yeah, all he's gonna
talk about is how
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He's gluten-free now
and he feels so fucking amazing.
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- Well, you have to admit
he does look a little better.
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- He doesn't look
any different to me.
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- In the cheeks, you don't think
he looks a little fuller?
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- It's just the new diet fad.
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[door opening]
- sorry i'm late.
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I had to stop and get
my own breakfast
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Because i figured
y'all would be having donuts,
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But i'm actually gluten-free,
so i can't have donuts, mkay.
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- Yes, mr. Mackey,
we're all aware
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That you're gluten-free now.
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- I'm just saying
that i personally feel
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So fucking amazing.
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- Can we discuss the gymnasium
and get out of here, please?
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- Right, so the issue,
as you all know,
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Is that butters set fire
to the gymnasium last week
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And ran away laughing
and flipping everyone off.
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- That's probably gluten, mkay.
- Oh, god.
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- Gluten causes sluggishness,
irritability,
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And nearly all
behavioral problems.
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- I seriously cannot take
hearing about gluten anymore.
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- See, that's probably
the gluten talking, mkay.
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If you cut out gluten,
you don't ever get pissed off.
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- Really?
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I might just have to give
this gluten-free thing a try.
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How does it work?
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- Oh, no, don't try--
oh, god, here we go.
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- I don't know what
we're gonna do.
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It's been, like, four hours and
people still won't talk to us.
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- [muffled]
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- You know what we gotta do,
guys?
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We gotta throw
a big fucking party.
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- [muffled] a party?
- Yeah.
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How do you make everyone
like you?
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You have a big party
and invite everyone
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And then everyone thinks
you're cool.
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- Dude, that would have to be,
like, the best party ever.
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- Well, i'm down.
Between the four of us,
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We can throw
the sweetest party ever,
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And these assholes won't even
remember us being dicks to them!
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- Hey, that might work,
but it can't be a party for us.
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- Right, it's gotta be
an awesome party for--
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- For someone that we love
who needs us
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And that we refuse
to bail on.
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- What?
- No, no, he's right.
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We gotta make it
for someone in need
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So that people have to go.
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- We lure people in
with a cause
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And then hit 'em over the head
with the best party ever!
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We're gonna have pizza and cake
and a sweet band.
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- A band!
Holy shit, stan!
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Didn't you say your dad knows
somebody who knows lorde?
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- Yeah, he said some guy at work
is lorde's uncle or something.
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- Oh, my god,
we've got lorde to play live.
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- [muffled]
this will be awesome!
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- So who do we throw
the party for?
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- What do you mean?
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We have a friend
who needs us right now,
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And we can't let him down.
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[pink's get the party started]
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- ♪ so you better
get this party started ♪
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♪ get this party started
oh ♪
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- All right,
that was get the party started,
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And joining me in the studio now
are four local boys
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Who are gearing up to throw
the most epic party ever.
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That right, boys?
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- Yeah, it's going to be
this weekend.
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- You know, we just wanted
to give back to the community
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And show everyone a good time.
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- Now, this party's also
for a good cause
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Because it's to honor
a little boy with diabetes,
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Scott malkinson.
Is that correct?
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- Yeah, you know,
diabetes affects us all,
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But it mostly affects
scott malkinson.
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- Yeah, and we just--you know,
we can't turn our back on him.
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- Must be pretty special having
a big party in your honor,
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Scott.
How does it feel?
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- I actually have plans
this weekend.
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- [mocking] "i actually have
plans this weekend.
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I'm scott malkinson.
I've got diabetes."
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- All right, well, we got
lots of people calling in.
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Caller, what's your question?
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- Are you guys making this up?
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- Nope, we're gonna have
all the pizza you can eat,
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20 different cakes,
and lorde is going to play live.
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- All the pizza we can eat?
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- Believe it, dude.
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- All right,
this better be good.
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- All right,
it's sure to be a blast.
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Phone lines are going crazy!
- Sweet!
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- Next caller,
what's your question?
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- Yes, will there be
gluten-free options
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For people at this party?
- Excuse me?
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- Well, i've been gluten-free
for about a day now,
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And i have to say,
i feel so amazing.
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I just want to make sure
there's food for all of us.
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- Mark in fairplay,
you had a comment?
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- Yeah, i agree
with the last caller.
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I was in a restaurant
and ordered
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The gluten-free quinoa salad,
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And a guy right next to me
was eating a sandwich.
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It's like, "get your secondhand
gluten away from me!"
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- All right, all right,
next caller,
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You got a question for the boys?
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- Yeah, i swear
if i hear another person
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Talk about about
being gluten-free,
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I'm gonna piss in their face.
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- What the hell is gluten?
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- Hello, everyone.
My name is john garner
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And i'm a nutrition advisor
from the usda.
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I want to clarify the usda's
position on a healthy diet.
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There's been a lot of confusion
about gluten lately--
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People saying that gluten
is the cause of cancer,
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Gluten should be avoided,
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Gluten can make
your dick fly off--
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But let's set the record
straight.
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- Make your dick fly off?
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- People believe that omitting
gluten will make you healthier,
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But of course,
that's a bunch of hooey.
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Hooey is the preservative
found in processed foods,
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That we now believe is
the main culprit of obesity.
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You might say, "well,
there's fat in butter too,"
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But that's just poppycock.
Poppycock first came from india,
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And is key ingredient
in red meat,
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Which we now realize is
good for you along with hooey.
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The good hooey,
not the bad hooey.
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So what is gluten?
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- Yes!
Thank you!
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- Simply put, gluten is
the protein found in flour
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When you take
all the starch away.
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Flour is, of course, just wheat,
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And when you add a liquid
to flour, you get dough.
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Dough that makes bread,
donuts, pasta,
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And all the hooey-free foods
that humans enjoy.
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Now, if we wash the dough
of all its starch,
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We can actually distill
the wheat down,
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Minus the water,
minus the starch,
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And what we're left with
is pure gluten.
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Not a bioweapon,
just harmless flour protein.
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- Then eat it.
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- Excuse me?
209
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- If it's not dangerous,
then eat
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That pure concentrated gluten,
mkay?
211
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,651
- Uh, all right.
212
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:10,255
Huh, eh.
213
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:13,325
[grunting and groaning]
214
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[crowd screaming]
215
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- [screaming]
216
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- Oh, you see that?
His dick's flying off.
217
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[crowd screaming]
218
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,441
- Ah!
219
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:32,310
- Oh, my god!
These people don't even know!
220
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Hurry!
You gotta go!
221
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- Oh, jesus!
Hey, it isn't safe in there!
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[mellow music playing]
223
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- Get out of there!
- Get out! You're not safe!
224
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- You gotta get out!
Hurry! You gotta go!
225
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,429
- What about power bars?
The power bars?
226
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:52,531
- Yes!
- Hamburger helper?
227
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,699
- That's all gluten!
228
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,569
- Oh, there's hot dog buns
in that cupboard, sharon!
229
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,738
- Hey, dad, i need to talk you
about this party we're having.
230
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- Oh, my god, the wheat thins!
231
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- It's in the triscuits too,
randy!
232
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,543
- Wait, wait,
i might need those.
233
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,945
- This stuff will make
your dick fly off, stan!
234
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,681
- Don't forget the freezer!
- Oh, god!
235
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,584
Chicken nuggets, breaded!
Frozen burritos, flour!
236
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,219
Ice cream!
What about ice cream?
237
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,655
- I don't know.
Look at the ingredients!
238
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,390
- Heavy cream, sugar,
chocolate syrup--
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00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,392
No, ice cream's good for you.
240
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- All right, that's all of it!
- You sure?
241
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,361
All right, you got those?
- I can get both of these,
242
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:26,364
Yeah.
- All right, come on!
243
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:35,440
[phone rings]
244
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,541
- Hey, cartman.
245
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,310
- Kyle!
It's all gone!
246
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:40,445
They've taken it all!
Why are they doing this?
247
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,714
Kyle! Kyle!
- Dude, calm down.
248
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,683
- There's no snacks left, kyle!
249
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,585
They took all the snacks
and the pizza and the cake
250
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,719
And we're not gonna have
a party!
251
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,521
- Who took
all the pizza and cake?
252
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:56,127
[crowd shouting in distance]
253
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,196
What the hell?
- Kyle!
254
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,480
- Yeah! Get it!
Get it all!
255
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,749
Yeah, that's it!
Burn, you bastard!
256
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,484
- What are you doing?
My farm!
257
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:20,685
- Son of a bitch!
258
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:23,054
Did you not know
or did you just not care?
259
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,623
Kee-ya!
260
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,196
- There's panic
all over the country,
261
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,330
And you're telling me
you don't have
262
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:33,665
Any kind of containment
on this thing?
263
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,166
- We're working
as fast as we can, sir.
264
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,801
- [sighs]
are you sure it's gluten
265
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,370
That started the reaction?
266
00:10:38,372 --> 00:10:39,738
- We gave these rats
an injection
267
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,106
Of concentrated
whole wheat bread
268
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,607
Just a short time ago.
269
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,776
You can see it already is having
a negative effect.
270
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:48,580
[rat squeals]
271
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:53,752
- We told people that
whole wheat bread was healthy!
272
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,588
Isn't wheat the ingredient
in pasta that makes it healthy?
273
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,223
- No.
We believe now
274
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,325
That that's poppycock.
275
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,494
- All right, listen up!
276
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,662
We have the obligation
to make this thing right
277
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,699
And tell people
what is and isn't safe to eat.
278
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,668
We are the usda!
279
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:13,238
Without us, people would be
eating dirt and chairs.
280
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:17,609
Whatever it takes,
stop this crisis.
281
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:20,779
[rat squeals]
282
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,781
- [coughs]
283
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,652
[door opening]
- cartman, come on, dude.
284
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,254
You have to get up.
285
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,022
- What's the point?
286
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,591
Everyone hates us at school
and our party's gonna suck.
287
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,527
- We can't let our party suck.
288
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,779
- What kind of epic party
can you have
289
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,030
Without pizza and cake?
Now all we've got is lorde.
290
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,433
- That's right,
we've still got lorde.
291
00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:43,735
You talked to your dad,
right, stan?
292
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,637
- I'll be back.
293
00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:47,672
- You know what
i'm gonna miss most?
294
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,474
Pancakes.
295
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,443
I keep having
dreams of aunt jemima.
296
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:53,344
She's trying to tell me
something,
297
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,413
But then she just fades away.
298
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,581
- Cartman,
we can't do this alone.
299
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:57,749
You have to get up.
300
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,317
- There's nothing left,
you guys.
301
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,119
The world is upside down.
302
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:04,589
Things aren't gonna get better,
they're gonna get worse.
303
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:07,392
[doorbell rings]
304
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,462
- Yes?
- Hello, sir.
305
00:12:10,464 --> 00:12:13,231
We've had word of a possible
gluten exposure in your home.
306
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,232
May we come in?
307
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,167
- Gluten?
Oh, not here.
308
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,269
- Can we come in, please?
309
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,238
- Well, sure!
310
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,775
[detector clicks]
311
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,176
- What's going on?
312
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,644
[detector clicks]
313
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:34,185
- Well, that's just a beer.
- Oh, jesus.
314
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:36,421
- Beer is all wheat, dad!
315
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,456
- Shut up!
Beer's bad for you?
316
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,358
- We're gonna need you
to come with us, sir.
317
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,260
Don't touch me.
- Look, i'm okay.
318
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,628
You want to see my dick?
319
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,630
- We just need you to be
in quarantine for a while
320
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,699
Until everyone
figures out what's going on.
321
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:51,636
- No, not papa johns!
I don't wanna go to papa johns!
322
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,139
You can't make me go to...
[echoing] papa johns!
323
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,343
How long do i have to stay here?
324
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:01,546
- Until the usda gets
control of the situation, sir.
325
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,181
- What am i supposed to eat?
326
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,682
- It's okay,
there's lots of toppings.
327
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:07,318
Just eat the toppings.
328
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,756
- How'd you get exposed?
Bagels? Gravy?
329
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:15,393
- Beer.
I didn't know it had gluten.
330
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:20,165
- There's always something.
For me, it was the soy sauce.
331
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,735
Sneaky, sneaky soy sauce.
332
00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,204
- We're trying to get a handle
on just how much gluten
333
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,274
There is out there, but it seems
impossible to contain.
334
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,675
- And we have no idea
how to tell people
335
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:32,143
To protect themselves?
336
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,511
- We've been running
simulations,
337
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,346
But they're problematic
because they don't relate
338
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,382
To our current schematics.
Here, look.
339
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,716
This is what
we've been recommending
340
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,286
For the past three years--
five basic food groups,
341
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,787
Not four.
We were wrong about that.
342
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:45,190
We now realize, of course,
that the largest of these groups
343
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:47,425
We've been recommending
is basically poison.
344
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,227
- So to combat the gluten,
345
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:51,029
We're trying
every possible combination
346
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,063
Of the four remaining
food groups,
347
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,332
But so far, no answers.
348
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,402
- Sir, the feds are here.
- Oh, shit.
349
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,037
- Tom vilsack?
350
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,306
- Yes.
- Michael taylor, fda.
351
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:03,975
- Yeah, thank you,
but this is a usda problem.
352
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:07,412
- Anything involving meat
and dairy is our problem too.
353
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,317
- Dad?
Dad!
354
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:17,589
- Stan!
Hey, how's my boy?
355
00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:20,291
Daddy's gonna be all right,
okay?
356
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,026
- Yeah, dad,
you know that guy at work
357
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,561
You said is lorde's uncle
or something?
358
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,164
- I can't touch you
or hug you, but...
359
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,533
But i'm right with you.
Do you understand?
360
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,435
- Yeah, you remember
you said that lorde, the singer,
361
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:31,736
Her uncle worked with you?
362
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:34,138
- How is your mom?
Your sister?
363
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,773
- This is a quarantined area,
kid.
364
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,342
You're gonna have to go.
365
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,576
- No, no, no, not yet!
Dad!
366
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,345
- That's my son, you bastard!
367
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,013
- I'm sorry, all right?
368
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,781
- Dad, who's the guy at work
that knows lorde?
369
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,116
Let me go!
Dad!
370
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,184
- Stan!
371
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,685
- Let me talk to my dad!
372
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:50,622
- [echoing] stan!
373
00:14:50,624 --> 00:14:53,057
- [whimpering]
374
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,226
[coughs]
- you call this a party?
375
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,228
Your party sucks!
- Come on, guys, let's go!
376
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,497
- No food at a party?
And i thought i was handicapped!
377
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:00,698
- I hate this party!
- What's wrong with you?
378
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:04,102
[kids' voices overlapping]
379
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,104
- What a loser!
380
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,475
[somber music]
381
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,677
♪ ♪
382
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:15,480
[heartbeat thumping]
- hello, eric.
383
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:18,650
Come on over here, sugar.
384
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:21,352
- Aunt jemima.
385
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,088
- There's people in trouble,
eric.
386
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,357
They need to be shown the way.
387
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,459
- I don't know the way,
aunt jemima.
388
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,429
- You need to get
to the usda, child.
389
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,331
They lookin' for a sign.
390
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,533
- I don't even know
what that means.
391
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:40,004
- When you're stuck,
look to the pyramids.
392
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,106
- Are you going to eat
those pancakes?
393
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,275
- They got it wrong, child.
394
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,714
The world is upside down.
395
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,350
- Ohh, trippy.
396
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:55,486
- Tell em' they gots it
backwards!
397
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,322
- They got what backwards?
398
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:01,092
Agh!
399
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:04,195
[overlapping complaining
and taunting]
400
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,634
- No-o-o-o!
401
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,536
Ah! Ah!
Ohh.
402
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,737
[sighs]
403
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:13,738
Fuck, i want pancakes.
404
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:19,677
[dramatic music]
405
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,479
♪ ♪
406
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,214
- You can't just
keep us in here!
407
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,749
[metal clatters]
- we're out.
408
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:29,053
We're all out of toppings.
There's nothing left to eat.
409
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,322
- They're just gonna let us
starve to death?
410
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,724
- They don't care about us.
411
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:37,028
Face it.
We're already dead to them.
412
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:40,198
- Well, then,
i guess i might as well eat.
413
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,000
- There's nothing left,
i told you!
414
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,601
- There's plenty of pizza dough.
415
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:44,736
- Are you crazy?
416
00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:46,204
- I'm crazy hungry!
417
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,107
[munching]
418
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:53,044
Oh, fuck, it's so good.
[munching]
419
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,680
I want more.
[groaning]
420
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:59,450
Ohh, it's been so long.
[munching]
421
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,618
- Oh, my god, you--
422
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,523
But...You're okay.
423
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,026
- You don't think
it's a little ridiculous
424
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,161
That wheat protein is toxic?
425
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:11,963
This whole thing was
a setup, man!
426
00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:14,232
- A setup?
But by who?
427
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,134
- Oh, my god, we--we have to
get a hold of someone
428
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,402
Who can get the word out!
429
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,237
- Maybe papa john can help us.
430
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,239
If we can get a hold of him,
then maybe we can--
431
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:24,475
[groans]
432
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:25,977
[small boom]
433
00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:27,478
- Aw.
434
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,747
[mellow music]
435
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,983
- There's a health crisis
going on,
436
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:34,652
And it's spreading
faster than anyone realizes.
437
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,187
For a long time,
we ignored it,
438
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,655
Thought it would
only affect the poor,
439
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,425
People who ate eggo waffles
and pizza pockets,
440
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,560
But gluten can attack anyone.
441
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,264
This is not a time to party.
This is a time to get serious.
442
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,465
We're calling on everyone
to spend this weekend
443
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,000
Learning about gluten
444
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,202
And how to protect yourself
and your family,
445
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,671
Because we don't know
how much time we have.
446
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,706
- All right,
time for action indeed.
447
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,309
Let's go to the phone lines.
Go ahead, caller.
448
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:01,212
- I knew you guys were gonna
bail on the party.
449
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,580
- We're not bailing
on the party.
450
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,216
We just think there's
more important things right now.
451
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:08,086
- Uh-huh, you guys couldn't get
lorde to play, could you?
452
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,720
- All right,
let's go to jamie in como.
453
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:12,223
Go ahead.
- It's like you--you say
454
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,025
You're gonna throw the most
epic party of the decade
455
00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:15,159
And then you rip it away.
456
00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,095
It's kind of like
telling everyone
457
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,629
To go fuck themselves.
- Okay,
458
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:21,699
Let's watch the language there.
Next caller, you're on the air.
459
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:24,168
- Why were you doing
this party, stan?
460
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:26,971
Was it because you made people
mad at school
461
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,540
Or because you just wanted
to be a big shot?
462
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,310
- I--we--we wanted
to bring people together
463
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,512
And help scott malkinson, but--
- so then in a time when people
464
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,981
Really need to come together,
you cancel on him?
465
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:39,383
I'm pretty sure scott malkinson
still has diabetes.
466
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,652
- That is correct.
Yes, i do.
467
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,621
- You couldn't put on the party
you were hoping to put on,
468
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,023
Was that it?
- Jesus christ, dude.
469
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,092
- Wendy, there is
a health crisis right now--
470
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,695
- Right, and when things change
or things come up,
471
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:54,265
You don't forget about
everything you promised people!
472
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,267
- We had no idea what
to serve people to eat, okay?
473
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,401
We were gonna look stupid!
474
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,470
- Thought so.
[phone line clicks]
475
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,439
- Ooh.
All right,
476
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,341
Next caller is eric.
Are you there, eric?
477
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,576
- Kyle!
- Cartman?
478
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,311
- Kyle, what does "usda"
stand for?
479
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,114
Aunt jemima said usda
has to look at the pyramids!
480
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,484
- It's dinnertime
on the east coast
481
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,987
In less than an hour.
People are going to die!
482
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,221
- Sir, we've got a boy
on the hotline
483
00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:19,157
Who says he might know
something!
484
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,224
- Who is this?
485
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:21,692
- My name isn't important.
486
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:25,062
What matters is that
"the answer is in the pyramid."
487
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,532
- The pyramid?
That's ancient stuff
488
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:28,733
You're talking about.
Are you sure?
489
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:33,605
Bring up the pyramid!
490
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:34,572
- What is it?
What is it for?
491
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,307
- We built the pyramid
a long time ago
492
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:37,575
To illustrate
how much people should eat
493
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,343
Of the four basic food groups.
494
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,145
- Sir, we abandoned the pyramid
495
00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:43,181
When michelle obama
got involved.
496
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,716
- The pyramid doesn't work.
We've already tried it.
497
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,318
- It's upside down.
498
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,653
- What?
499
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,588
- Sir, the pyramid
is upside down!
500
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,690
- Turn the pyramid upside down.
501
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,225
- You can't be serious.
502
00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:55,526
That would put butter and fat
at the top of the--
503
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,295
- Flip the damn food pyramid!
504
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,997
- This is not fda approved!
505
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,532
- It's dinnertime on
the east coast in ten minutes!
506
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,533
Now do it!
507
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:08,539
[electronic tones]
508
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,007
[beeps]
509
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,475
- Sir, we've got a match.
510
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,311
- Nutrition is stabilizing.
511
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:16,380
- We've got
a well-balanced vaccine, sir!
512
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:20,751
[cheers and applause]
513
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,787
- Get the president
on the phone.
514
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:27,225
Tell him...To have some steak
with his butter.
515
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:30,228
[upbeat pop music]
516
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,262
♪ ♪
517
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:34,265
[upbeat chatter]
518
00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:43,307
[laughter]
519
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:46,310
- Well, i gotta admit, you guys
throw a pretty sweet party.
520
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,646
- Hey, we'd do anything
for our bros, man!
521
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,815
- Would you guys care
for a frozen butter pop?
522
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,484
- We're good, scott.
Stop bugging us.
523
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,553
- We really dodged a bullet,
young man.
524
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,289
Thanks to you, america knows
what to eat again.
525
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,291
- Yeah, well, i'm glad people
aren't mad at you anymore.
526
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:01,659
I know what that feels like.
527
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:03,461
- We're gonna get
a better view of the stage.
528
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:06,030
- Yeah, yeah,
enjoy the party.
529
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:10,401
♪ ♪
530
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:13,638
- Wait till my girls see that
i was at a party with lorde!
531
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,673
- I'm glad the food is good.
Lorde sucks.
532
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:17,375
- Yeah, she isn't as hot
in person.
533
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:18,476
- ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪
534
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,144
♪ i am lorde, i am lorde ♪
535
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:21,545
♪ yeah yeah yeah
lorde lorde ♪
536
00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:23,214
♪ call me lorde
yeah yeah yeah ♪
537
00:21:23,216 --> 00:21:26,484
- Hey, wendy, you having fun?
- Yeah, sure.
538
00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:28,419
You guys really pulled it off.
539
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,454
- Yeah, well,
i just couldn't sit around
540
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:34,492
While my dad was locked away.
I love him and he needed me.
541
00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:36,761
- You're so transparent, stan.
542
00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:38,362
- What does that mean?
543
00:21:38,364 --> 00:21:40,164
- You want to dance?
544
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:43,267
♪ ♪
545
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:45,169
- ♪ we love the city
yeah yeah yeah ♪
546
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:46,604
♪ 'cause i am lorde ♪
547
00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:48,039
♪ i am lorde
lorde lorde lorde lorde ♪
548
00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:50,041
♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪
549
00:21:50,043 --> 00:21:52,710
♪ ♪
550
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,780
- Huh, eh.
551
00:21:55,782 --> 00:21:59,083
[grunting and groaning]
552
00:21:59,085 --> 00:22:01,185
[crowd screaming]
553
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:05,523
- [screaming]
554
00:22:05,525 --> 00:22:06,624
- Oh, you see that?
His dick's flying off.