1 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:14,480 [quirky music] 2 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,514 - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ 3 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,216 ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ 4 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,218 - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ 5 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,286 ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ 6 00:00:21,288 --> 00:00:22,287 - ♪ goin' down to south park ♪ 7 00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,390 ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 8 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,258 - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ 9 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,559 ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor" ♪ 10 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:28,761 - ♪ i'm headin' on up to south park ♪ 11 00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:31,030 ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ 12 00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:34,400 - ♪ [muffled] ♪ 13 00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:37,136 - ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 14 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,377 - Hey, guys! 15 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,546 - Morning! 16 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,648 - How's it going, everybody? 17 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,284 - 'sup, jason? 18 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:55,320 - Hey, dudes, 'sup? 19 00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:56,655 - What are you guys doing here? 20 00:00:56,657 --> 00:01:00,392 - What do you mean? We're just going to school. 21 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,728 - I thought you guys said you didn't need school. 22 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,063 - Yeah, you said you had a start-up company 23 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,464 And that school was for douche bags. 24 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,101 - Oh, well, yeah, 25 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,537 The start-up company thing didn't really work out. 26 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,573 - But you told us all to go fuck ourselves. 27 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:18,210 - No, no, you guys. Guys, what we said was-- 28 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,546 - You told us your company was gonna make $10 million 29 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,614 And the rest of us could go fuck ourselves. 30 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:25,250 - We were trying to be funny. 31 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:28,053 - Yeah, well, no one's laughing, kyle. 32 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:38,197 - Hey, wendy. 33 00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,632 - You're back? 34 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,501 - Yeah, the start-up company thing didn't work out. 35 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:46,105 - Oh, wow, i'm shocked. 36 00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,673 - So, hey, i was gonna see if you still wanted 37 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,108 To see that stupid maze runner movie. 38 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,709 - You broke up with me, stan. 39 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:54,079 You said you had to be "free to chase your dreams." 40 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,781 - Wendy, i thought my life was going 41 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,083 In a different direction and i just felt 42 00:01:58,085 --> 00:01:59,685 That i really had to give it everything i had. 43 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,487 You know, i had to focus on one thing. 44 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:03,689 - Is that why you told clyde that you broke up with me 45 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:07,493 Because you're about to be "dripping in bitches"? 46 00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:08,427 - Why does everyone suddenly remember 47 00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,095 Everything everybody says? 48 00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:11,597 - I'm happy, stan. 49 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,599 I'm happy i know who you really are now. 50 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,334 You're someone who can't be counted on. 51 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:18,070 You're someone who can just bail on the people you love. 52 00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:26,044 - Dude, people are pissed off at us. 53 00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,046 - [muffled] 54 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,214 - Doesn't anyone understand the significance 55 00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,216 Of "i'm sorry" anymore? 56 00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,018 - Yeah, well said, kyle. Good point. 57 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,120 What happened to the significance? 58 00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:37,723 - Well, i guess let's just be thankful we're not butters. 59 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:40,292 They won't even let him come back to school. 60 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,027 - All right, everyone, thanks for coming. 61 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,762 As you know, we urgently need to discuss 62 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,564 The matter of butters stotch, 63 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:47,499 Who set fire to the school gymnasium 64 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,235 And is now asking to come back. Are we all set to start? 65 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:52,804 - Almost, we're just waiting on mr. Mackey...Again. 66 00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:54,673 - Aw, do we need mackey here? 67 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,109 - Yeah, all he's gonna talk about is how 68 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,544 He's gluten-free now and he feels so fucking amazing. 69 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,346 - Well, you have to admit he does look a little better. 70 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,015 - He doesn't look any different to me. 71 00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:04,383 - In the cheeks, you don't think he looks a little fuller? 72 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:06,018 - It's just the new diet fad. 73 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:07,452 [door opening] - sorry i'm late. 74 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,188 I had to stop and get my own breakfast 75 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,089 Because i figured y'all would be having donuts, 76 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,492 But i'm actually gluten-free, so i can't have donuts, mkay. 77 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,527 - Yes, mr. Mackey, we're all aware 78 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,029 That you're gluten-free now. 79 00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,164 - I'm just saying that i personally feel 80 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:21,300 So fucking amazing. 81 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:24,603 - Can we discuss the gymnasium and get out of here, please? 82 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,039 - Right, so the issue, as you all know, 83 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,641 Is that butters set fire to the gymnasium last week 84 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,044 And ran away laughing and flipping everyone off. 85 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,680 - That's probably gluten, mkay. - Oh, god. 86 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,516 - Gluten causes sluggishness, irritability, 87 00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,585 And nearly all behavioral problems. 88 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:42,654 - I seriously cannot take hearing about gluten anymore. 89 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:45,290 - See, that's probably the gluten talking, mkay. 90 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,759 If you cut out gluten, you don't ever get pissed off. 91 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,461 - Really? 92 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,530 I might just have to give this gluten-free thing a try. 93 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:52,764 How does it work? 94 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:56,034 - Oh, no, don't try-- oh, god, here we go. 95 00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:07,012 - I don't know what we're gonna do. 96 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,348 It's been, like, four hours and people still won't talk to us. 97 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,516 - [muffled] 98 00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:12,718 - You know what we gotta do, guys? 99 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,486 We gotta throw a big fucking party. 100 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,255 - [muffled] a party? - Yeah. 101 00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,522 How do you make everyone like you? 102 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:18,724 You have a big party and invite everyone 103 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,676 And then everyone thinks you're cool. 104 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,627 - Dude, that would have to be, like, the best party ever. 105 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,296 - Well, i'm down. Between the four of us, 106 00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:25,998 We can throw the sweetest party ever, 107 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,066 And these assholes won't even remember us being dicks to them! 108 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:31,336 - Hey, that might work, but it can't be a party for us. 109 00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,739 - Right, it's gotta be an awesome party for-- 110 00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,540 - For someone that we love who needs us 111 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,376 And that we refuse to bail on. 112 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:38,577 - What? - No, no, he's right. 113 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,279 We gotta make it for someone in need 114 00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,480 So that people have to go. 115 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,148 - We lure people in with a cause 116 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,683 And then hit 'em over the head with the best party ever! 117 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,418 We're gonna have pizza and cake and a sweet band. 118 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,287 - A band! Holy shit, stan! 119 00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,188 Didn't you say your dad knows somebody who knows lorde? 120 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,457 - Yeah, he said some guy at work is lorde's uncle or something. 121 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,693 - Oh, my god, we've got lorde to play live. 122 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,161 - [muffled] this will be awesome! 123 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,362 - So who do we throw the party for? 124 00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:58,630 - What do you mean? 125 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,132 We have a friend who needs us right now, 126 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,366 And we can't let him down. 127 00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:02,567 [pink's get the party started] 128 00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:03,568 - ♪ so you better get this party started ♪ 129 00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:07,639 ♪ get this party started oh ♪ 130 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,142 - All right, that was get the party started, 131 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:13,178 And joining me in the studio now are four local boys 132 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:16,415 Who are gearing up to throw the most epic party ever. 133 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,183 That right, boys? 134 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,218 - Yeah, it's going to be this weekend. 135 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,520 - You know, we just wanted to give back to the community 136 00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:22,654 And show everyone a good time. 137 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,057 - Now, this party's also for a good cause 138 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:27,326 Because it's to honor a little boy with diabetes, 139 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,561 Scott malkinson. Is that correct? 140 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,396 - Yeah, you know, diabetes affects us all, 141 00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,231 But it mostly affects scott malkinson. 142 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,434 - Yeah, and we just--you know, we can't turn our back on him. 143 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,070 - Must be pretty special having a big party in your honor, 144 00:05:38,072 --> 00:05:39,571 Scott. How does it feel? 145 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:42,507 - I actually have plans this weekend. 146 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,042 - [mocking] "i actually have plans this weekend. 147 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,011 I'm scott malkinson. I've got diabetes." 148 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,080 - All right, well, we got lots of people calling in. 149 00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:49,648 Caller, what's your question? 150 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,516 - Are you guys making this up? 151 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,685 - Nope, we're gonna have all the pizza you can eat, 152 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:57,422 20 different cakes, and lorde is going to play live. 153 00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,157 - All the pizza we can eat? 154 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,258 - Believe it, dude. 155 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,160 - All right, this better be good. 156 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,528 - All right, it's sure to be a blast. 157 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,064 Phone lines are going crazy! - Sweet! 158 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,566 - Next caller, what's your question? 159 00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,601 - Yes, will there be gluten-free options 160 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,571 For people at this party? - Excuse me? 161 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,973 - Well, i've been gluten-free for about a day now, 162 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,509 And i have to say, i feel so amazing. 163 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:20,178 I just want to make sure there's food for all of us. 164 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,047 - Mark in fairplay, you had a comment? 165 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,615 - Yeah, i agree with the last caller. 166 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:24,649 I was in a restaurant and ordered 167 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,485 The gluten-free quinoa salad, 168 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:29,154 And a guy right next to me was eating a sandwich. 169 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,556 It's like, "get your secondhand gluten away from me!" 170 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,058 - All right, all right, next caller, 171 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,659 You got a question for the boys? 172 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,561 - Yeah, i swear if i hear another person 173 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:37,562 Talk about about being gluten-free, 174 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,231 I'm gonna piss in their face. 175 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,400 - What the hell is gluten? 176 00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:44,469 - Hello, everyone. My name is john garner 177 00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:47,272 And i'm a nutrition advisor from the usda. 178 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:51,143 I want to clarify the usda's position on a healthy diet. 179 00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,712 There's been a lot of confusion about gluten lately-- 180 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,647 People saying that gluten is the cause of cancer, 181 00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:56,715 Gluten should be avoided, 182 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,183 Gluten can make your dick fly off-- 183 00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,418 But let's set the record straight. 184 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,153 - Make your dick fly off? 185 00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:03,555 - People believe that omitting gluten will make you healthier, 186 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,190 But of course, that's a bunch of hooey. 187 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,526 Hooey is the preservative found in processed foods, 188 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,961 That we now believe is the main culprit of obesity. 189 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,696 You might say, "well, there's fat in butter too," 190 00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:14,499 But that's just poppycock. Poppycock first came from india, 191 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,451 And is key ingredient in red meat, 192 00:07:16,452 --> 00:07:18,402 Which we now realize is good for you along with hooey. 193 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,005 The good hooey, not the bad hooey. 194 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,273 So what is gluten? 195 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,074 - Yes! Thank you! 196 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:26,278 - Simply put, gluten is the protein found in flour 197 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,612 When you take all the starch away. 198 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,048 Flour is, of course, just wheat, 199 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,117 And when you add a liquid to flour, you get dough. 200 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,085 Dough that makes bread, donuts, pasta, 201 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,488 And all the hooey-free foods that humans enjoy. 202 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,590 Now, if we wash the dough of all its starch, 203 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,559 We can actually distill the wheat down, 204 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,494 Minus the water, minus the starch, 205 00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,663 And what we're left with is pure gluten. 206 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:48,633 Not a bioweapon, just harmless flour protein. 207 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,303 - Then eat it. 208 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:52,671 - Excuse me? 209 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,673 - If it's not dangerous, then eat 210 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,741 That pure concentrated gluten, mkay? 211 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,651 - Uh, all right. 212 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:10,255 Huh, eh. 213 00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:13,325 [grunting and groaning] 214 00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,694 [crowd screaming] 215 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:20,031 - [screaming] 216 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,167 - Oh, you see that? His dick's flying off. 217 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:28,006 [crowd screaming] 218 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,441 - Ah! 219 00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:32,310 - Oh, my god! These people don't even know! 220 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,678 Hurry! You gotta go! 221 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,715 - Oh, jesus! Hey, it isn't safe in there! 222 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,284 [mellow music playing] 223 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:40,752 - Get out of there! - Get out! You're not safe! 224 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:43,388 - You gotta get out! Hurry! You gotta go! 225 00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,429 - What about power bars? The power bars? 226 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:52,531 - Yes! - Hamburger helper? 227 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,699 - That's all gluten! 228 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,569 - Oh, there's hot dog buns in that cupboard, sharon! 229 00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,738 - Hey, dad, i need to talk you about this party we're having. 230 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,706 - Oh, my god, the wheat thins! 231 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,074 - It's in the triscuits too, randy! 232 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,543 - Wait, wait, i might need those. 233 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,945 - This stuff will make your dick fly off, stan! 234 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,681 - Don't forget the freezer! - Oh, god! 235 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,584 Chicken nuggets, breaded! Frozen burritos, flour! 236 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,219 Ice cream! What about ice cream? 237 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,655 - I don't know. Look at the ingredients! 238 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,390 - Heavy cream, sugar, chocolate syrup-- 239 00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,392 No, ice cream's good for you. 240 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,027 - All right, that's all of it! - You sure? 241 00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,361 All right, you got those? - I can get both of these, 242 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:26,364 Yeah. - All right, come on! 243 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:35,440 [phone rings] 244 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,541 - Hey, cartman. 245 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,310 - Kyle! It's all gone! 246 00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:40,445 They've taken it all! Why are they doing this? 247 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,714 Kyle! Kyle! - Dude, calm down. 248 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,683 - There's no snacks left, kyle! 249 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,585 They took all the snacks and the pizza and the cake 250 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,719 And we're not gonna have a party! 251 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,521 - Who took all the pizza and cake? 252 00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:56,127 [crowd shouting in distance] 253 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,196 What the hell? - Kyle! 254 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,480 - Yeah! Get it! Get it all! 255 00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,749 Yeah, that's it! Burn, you bastard! 256 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,484 - What are you doing? My farm! 257 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:20,685 - Son of a bitch! 258 00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:23,054 Did you not know or did you just not care? 259 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,623 Kee-ya! 260 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,196 - There's panic all over the country, 261 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,330 And you're telling me you don't have 262 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:33,665 Any kind of containment on this thing? 263 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,166 - We're working as fast as we can, sir. 264 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,801 - [sighs] are you sure it's gluten 265 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,370 That started the reaction? 266 00:10:38,372 --> 00:10:39,738 - We gave these rats an injection 267 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,106 Of concentrated whole wheat bread 268 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,607 Just a short time ago. 269 00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,776 You can see it already is having a negative effect. 270 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:48,580 [rat squeals] 271 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:53,752 - We told people that whole wheat bread was healthy! 272 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,588 Isn't wheat the ingredient in pasta that makes it healthy? 273 00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,223 - No. We believe now 274 00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,325 That that's poppycock. 275 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,494 - All right, listen up! 276 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,662 We have the obligation to make this thing right 277 00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,699 And tell people what is and isn't safe to eat. 278 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,668 We are the usda! 279 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:13,238 Without us, people would be eating dirt and chairs. 280 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:17,609 Whatever it takes, stop this crisis. 281 00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:20,779 [rat squeals] 282 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,781 - [coughs] 283 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,652 [door opening] - cartman, come on, dude. 284 00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,254 You have to get up. 285 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,022 - What's the point? 286 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,591 Everyone hates us at school and our party's gonna suck. 287 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,527 - We can't let our party suck. 288 00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,779 - What kind of epic party can you have 289 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,030 Without pizza and cake? Now all we've got is lorde. 290 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,433 - That's right, we've still got lorde. 291 00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:43,735 You talked to your dad, right, stan? 292 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,637 - I'll be back. 293 00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:47,672 - You know what i'm gonna miss most? 294 00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,474 Pancakes. 295 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,443 I keep having dreams of aunt jemima. 296 00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:53,344 She's trying to tell me something, 297 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,413 But then she just fades away. 298 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,581 - Cartman, we can't do this alone. 299 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:57,749 You have to get up. 300 00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,317 - There's nothing left, you guys. 301 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,119 The world is upside down. 302 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:04,589 Things aren't gonna get better, they're gonna get worse. 303 00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:07,392 [doorbell rings] 304 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,462 - Yes? - Hello, sir. 305 00:12:10,464 --> 00:12:13,231 We've had word of a possible gluten exposure in your home. 306 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,232 May we come in? 307 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,167 - Gluten? Oh, not here. 308 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,269 - Can we come in, please? 309 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,238 - Well, sure! 310 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,775 [detector clicks] 311 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,176 - What's going on? 312 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,644 [detector clicks] 313 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:34,185 - Well, that's just a beer. - Oh, jesus. 314 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:36,421 - Beer is all wheat, dad! 315 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,456 - Shut up! Beer's bad for you? 316 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,358 - We're gonna need you to come with us, sir. 317 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,260 Don't touch me. - Look, i'm okay. 318 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,628 You want to see my dick? 319 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,630 - We just need you to be in quarantine for a while 320 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,699 Until everyone figures out what's going on. 321 00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:51,636 - No, not papa johns! I don't wanna go to papa johns! 322 00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,139 You can't make me go to... [echoing] papa johns! 323 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,343 How long do i have to stay here? 324 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:01,546 - Until the usda gets control of the situation, sir. 325 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,181 - What am i supposed to eat? 326 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,682 - It's okay, there's lots of toppings. 327 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:07,318 Just eat the toppings. 328 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,756 - How'd you get exposed? Bagels? Gravy? 329 00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:15,393 - Beer. I didn't know it had gluten. 330 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:20,165 - There's always something. For me, it was the soy sauce. 331 00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,735 Sneaky, sneaky soy sauce. 332 00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,204 - We're trying to get a handle on just how much gluten 333 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,274 There is out there, but it seems impossible to contain. 334 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,675 - And we have no idea how to tell people 335 00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:32,143 To protect themselves? 336 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,511 - We've been running simulations, 337 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,346 But they're problematic because they don't relate 338 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,382 To our current schematics. Here, look. 339 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,716 This is what we've been recommending 340 00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,286 For the past three years-- five basic food groups, 341 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,787 Not four. We were wrong about that. 342 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:45,190 We now realize, of course, that the largest of these groups 343 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:47,425 We've been recommending is basically poison. 344 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,227 - So to combat the gluten, 345 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:51,029 We're trying every possible combination 346 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,063 Of the four remaining food groups, 347 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,332 But so far, no answers. 348 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,402 - Sir, the feds are here. - Oh, shit. 349 00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,037 - Tom vilsack? 350 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,306 - Yes. - Michael taylor, fda. 351 00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:03,975 - Yeah, thank you, but this is a usda problem. 352 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:07,412 - Anything involving meat and dairy is our problem too. 353 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,317 - Dad? Dad! 354 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:17,589 - Stan! Hey, how's my boy? 355 00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:20,291 Daddy's gonna be all right, okay? 356 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,026 - Yeah, dad, you know that guy at work 357 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,561 You said is lorde's uncle or something? 358 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,164 - I can't touch you or hug you, but... 359 00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,533 But i'm right with you. Do you understand? 360 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,435 - Yeah, you remember you said that lorde, the singer, 361 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:31,736 Her uncle worked with you? 362 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:34,138 - How is your mom? Your sister? 363 00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,773 - This is a quarantined area, kid. 364 00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,342 You're gonna have to go. 365 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,576 - No, no, no, not yet! Dad! 366 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,345 - That's my son, you bastard! 367 00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,013 - I'm sorry, all right? 368 00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,781 - Dad, who's the guy at work that knows lorde? 369 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,116 Let me go! Dad! 370 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,184 - Stan! 371 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,685 - Let me talk to my dad! 372 00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:50,622 - [echoing] stan! 373 00:14:50,624 --> 00:14:53,057 - [whimpering] 374 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,226 [coughs] - you call this a party? 375 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,228 Your party sucks! - Come on, guys, let's go! 376 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,497 - No food at a party? And i thought i was handicapped! 377 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:00,698 - I hate this party! - What's wrong with you? 378 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:04,102 [kids' voices overlapping] 379 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,104 - What a loser! 380 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,475 [somber music] 381 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,677 ♪ ♪ 382 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:15,480 [heartbeat thumping] - hello, eric. 383 00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:18,650 Come on over here, sugar. 384 00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:21,352 - Aunt jemima. 385 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,088 - There's people in trouble, eric. 386 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,357 They need to be shown the way. 387 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,459 - I don't know the way, aunt jemima. 388 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,429 - You need to get to the usda, child. 389 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,331 They lookin' for a sign. 390 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,533 - I don't even know what that means. 391 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:40,004 - When you're stuck, look to the pyramids. 392 00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,106 - Are you going to eat those pancakes? 393 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,275 - They got it wrong, child. 394 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,714 The world is upside down. 395 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,350 - Ohh, trippy. 396 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:55,486 - Tell em' they gots it backwards! 397 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,322 - They got what backwards? 398 00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:01,092 Agh! 399 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:04,195 [overlapping complaining and taunting] 400 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,634 - No-o-o-o! 401 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,536 Ah! Ah! Ohh. 402 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,737 [sighs] 403 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:13,738 Fuck, i want pancakes. 404 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:19,677 [dramatic music] 405 00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,479 ♪ ♪ 406 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,214 - You can't just keep us in here! 407 00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,749 [metal clatters] - we're out. 408 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:29,053 We're all out of toppings. There's nothing left to eat. 409 00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,322 - They're just gonna let us starve to death? 410 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,724 - They don't care about us. 411 00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:37,028 Face it. We're already dead to them. 412 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:40,198 - Well, then, i guess i might as well eat. 413 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,000 - There's nothing left, i told you! 414 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,601 - There's plenty of pizza dough. 415 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:44,736 - Are you crazy? 416 00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:46,204 - I'm crazy hungry! 417 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,107 [munching] 418 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:53,044 Oh, fuck, it's so good. [munching] 419 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,680 I want more. [groaning] 420 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:59,450 Ohh, it's been so long. [munching] 421 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,618 - Oh, my god, you-- 422 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,523 But...You're okay. 423 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,026 - You don't think it's a little ridiculous 424 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,161 That wheat protein is toxic? 425 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:11,963 This whole thing was a setup, man! 426 00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:14,232 - A setup? But by who? 427 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,134 - Oh, my god, we--we have to get a hold of someone 428 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,402 Who can get the word out! 429 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,237 - Maybe papa john can help us. 430 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,239 If we can get a hold of him, then maybe we can-- 431 00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:24,475 [groans] 432 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:25,977 [small boom] 433 00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:27,478 - Aw. 434 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,747 [mellow music] 435 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,983 - There's a health crisis going on, 436 00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:34,652 And it's spreading faster than anyone realizes. 437 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,187 For a long time, we ignored it, 438 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,655 Thought it would only affect the poor, 439 00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,425 People who ate eggo waffles and pizza pockets, 440 00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,560 But gluten can attack anyone. 441 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,264 This is not a time to party. This is a time to get serious. 442 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,465 We're calling on everyone to spend this weekend 443 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,000 Learning about gluten 444 00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,202 And how to protect yourself and your family, 445 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,671 Because we don't know how much time we have. 446 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,706 - All right, time for action indeed. 447 00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,309 Let's go to the phone lines. Go ahead, caller. 448 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:01,212 - I knew you guys were gonna bail on the party. 449 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,580 - We're not bailing on the party. 450 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,216 We just think there's more important things right now. 451 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:08,086 - Uh-huh, you guys couldn't get lorde to play, could you? 452 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,720 - All right, let's go to jamie in como. 453 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:12,223 Go ahead. - It's like you--you say 454 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,025 You're gonna throw the most epic party of the decade 455 00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:15,159 And then you rip it away. 456 00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:17,095 It's kind of like telling everyone 457 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,629 To go fuck themselves. - Okay, 458 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:21,699 Let's watch the language there. Next caller, you're on the air. 459 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:24,168 - Why were you doing this party, stan? 460 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:26,971 Was it because you made people mad at school 461 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,540 Or because you just wanted to be a big shot? 462 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,310 - I--we--we wanted to bring people together 463 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,512 And help scott malkinson, but-- - so then in a time when people 464 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,981 Really need to come together, you cancel on him? 465 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:39,383 I'm pretty sure scott malkinson still has diabetes. 466 00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,652 - That is correct. Yes, i do. 467 00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,621 - You couldn't put on the party you were hoping to put on, 468 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,023 Was that it? - Jesus christ, dude. 469 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,092 - Wendy, there is a health crisis right now-- 470 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,695 - Right, and when things change or things come up, 471 00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:54,265 You don't forget about everything you promised people! 472 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,267 - We had no idea what to serve people to eat, okay? 473 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,401 We were gonna look stupid! 474 00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:59,470 - Thought so. [phone line clicks] 475 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,439 - Ooh. All right, 476 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,341 Next caller is eric. Are you there, eric? 477 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,576 - Kyle! - Cartman? 478 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,311 - Kyle, what does "usda" stand for? 479 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,114 Aunt jemima said usda has to look at the pyramids! 480 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,484 - It's dinnertime on the east coast 481 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,987 In less than an hour. People are going to die! 482 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,221 - Sir, we've got a boy on the hotline 483 00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:19,157 Who says he might know something! 484 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,224 - Who is this? 485 00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:21,692 - My name isn't important. 486 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:25,062 What matters is that "the answer is in the pyramid." 487 00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,532 - The pyramid? That's ancient stuff 488 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:28,733 You're talking about. Are you sure? 489 00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:33,605 Bring up the pyramid! 490 00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:34,572 - What is it? What is it for? 491 00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,307 - We built the pyramid a long time ago 492 00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:37,575 To illustrate how much people should eat 493 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,343 Of the four basic food groups. 494 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,145 - Sir, we abandoned the pyramid 495 00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:43,181 When michelle obama got involved. 496 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,716 - The pyramid doesn't work. We've already tried it. 497 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,318 - It's upside down. 498 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,653 - What? 499 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,588 - Sir, the pyramid is upside down! 500 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,690 - Turn the pyramid upside down. 501 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,225 - You can't be serious. 502 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:55,526 That would put butter and fat at the top of the-- 503 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,295 - Flip the damn food pyramid! 504 00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,997 - This is not fda approved! 505 00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,532 - It's dinnertime on the east coast in ten minutes! 506 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,533 Now do it! 507 00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:08,539 [electronic tones] 508 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,007 [beeps] 509 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,475 - Sir, we've got a match. 510 00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,311 - Nutrition is stabilizing. 511 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:16,380 - We've got a well-balanced vaccine, sir! 512 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:20,751 [cheers and applause] 513 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,787 - Get the president on the phone. 514 00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:27,225 Tell him...To have some steak with his butter. 515 00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:30,228 [upbeat pop music] 516 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,262 ♪ ♪ 517 00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:34,265 [upbeat chatter] 518 00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:43,307 [laughter] 519 00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:46,310 - Well, i gotta admit, you guys throw a pretty sweet party. 520 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,646 - Hey, we'd do anything for our bros, man! 521 00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,815 - Would you guys care for a frozen butter pop? 522 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,484 - We're good, scott. Stop bugging us. 523 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,553 - We really dodged a bullet, young man. 524 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,289 Thanks to you, america knows what to eat again. 525 00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,291 - Yeah, well, i'm glad people aren't mad at you anymore. 526 00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:01,659 I know what that feels like. 527 00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:03,461 - We're gonna get a better view of the stage. 528 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:06,030 - Yeah, yeah, enjoy the party. 529 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:10,401 ♪ ♪ 530 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:13,638 - Wait till my girls see that i was at a party with lorde! 531 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,673 - I'm glad the food is good. Lorde sucks. 532 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:17,375 - Yeah, she isn't as hot in person. 533 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:18,476 - ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ 534 00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,144 ♪ i am lorde, i am lorde ♪ 535 00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:21,545 ♪ yeah yeah yeah lorde lorde ♪ 536 00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:23,214 ♪ call me lorde yeah yeah yeah ♪ 537 00:21:23,216 --> 00:21:26,484 - Hey, wendy, you having fun? - Yeah, sure. 538 00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:28,419 You guys really pulled it off. 539 00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,454 - Yeah, well, i just couldn't sit around 540 00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:34,492 While my dad was locked away. I love him and he needed me. 541 00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:36,761 - You're so transparent, stan. 542 00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:38,362 - What does that mean? 543 00:21:38,364 --> 00:21:40,164 - You want to dance? 544 00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:43,267 ♪ ♪ 545 00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:45,169 - ♪ we love the city yeah yeah yeah ♪ 546 00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:46,604 ♪ 'cause i am lorde ♪ 547 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:48,039 ♪ i am lorde lorde lorde lorde lorde ♪ 548 00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:50,041 ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ 549 00:21:50,043 --> 00:21:52,710 ♪ ♪ 550 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,780 - Huh, eh. 551 00:21:55,782 --> 00:21:59,083 [grunting and groaning] 552 00:21:59,085 --> 00:22:01,185 [crowd screaming] 553 00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:05,523 - [screaming] 554 00:22:05,525 --> 00:22:06,624 - Oh, you see that? His dick's flying off.