1 00:00:04,850 --> 00:00:14,733 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by mczolly www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:43,281 That one was smelly! 3 00:00:43,282 --> 00:00:44,971 Take this dali Terrance! 4 00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:51,128 Dude, this is probably the best episode they've ever done! 5 00:00:51,129 --> 00:00:53,022 I know, this is awesome! 6 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,086 Ugh, I'm so happy! 7 00:00:55,087 --> 00:00:58,345 Terrance and Phillip will be right back after these messages! 8 00:00:58,782 --> 00:01:03,028 So much suffering... 9 00:01:04,406 --> 00:01:05,395 Oh no! 10 00:01:05,396 --> 00:01:07,530 It's that super sad Sarah McLaughlin commercial! 11 00:01:07,531 --> 00:01:08,420 Look away! 12 00:01:08,421 --> 00:01:08,853 What? 13 00:01:08,854 --> 00:01:10,322 Dude, this is the saddest commercial ever! 14 00:01:10,323 --> 00:01:11,393 Don't watch! 15 00:01:11,693 --> 00:01:15,116 These are images of babies born addicted to crack cocaine. 16 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,011 Their mothers have abandoned them. 17 00:01:17,236 --> 00:01:18,818 They lie in the dark, crying, 18 00:01:18,819 --> 00:01:20,392 with nobody to hold them. 19 00:01:21,597 --> 00:01:23,169 Oh dude, that's so sad! 20 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:25,002 Why do they have to put this on tv? 21 00:01:25,014 --> 00:01:27,789 Their world is bleak, lonely and hopeless. 22 00:01:29,062 --> 00:01:32,528 Hello, I'm Sarah McLachlan and I was famous for two months. 23 00:01:32,630 --> 00:01:35,250 Each year, thousands of babies are born addicted to crack 24 00:01:35,251 --> 00:01:37,825 and lie in hospitals without a mother to hold them. 25 00:01:38,046 --> 00:01:39,627 Won't you volunteer today? 26 00:01:39,628 --> 00:01:40,835 Look at these pictures. 27 00:01:40,836 --> 00:01:41,984 They need you. 28 00:01:41,985 --> 00:01:43,172 Dude. 29 00:01:43,173 --> 00:01:44,659 Oh, god. 30 00:01:44,660 --> 00:01:47,003 Please, go to your local hospital now. 31 00:01:47,004 --> 00:01:48,910 Here are some more pictures. 32 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,381 I can't take it anymore! 33 00:01:53,382 --> 00:01:55,000 I gotta go volunteer, dude. 34 00:01:57,846 --> 00:01:59,705 It's a really great thing you're doing. 35 00:01:59,706 --> 00:02:03,899 We have so many abandoned babies and not enough people like yourself who care. 36 00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:05,674 What exactly can I do to help? 37 00:02:05,681 --> 00:02:08,635 Just hold them, talk to them, play with them. 38 00:02:08,636 --> 00:02:10,950 You'll find they're so hungry for attention. 39 00:02:10,951 --> 00:02:13,033 Here's our crack baby ward now. 40 00:02:16,265 --> 00:02:19,819 I know it isn't much but, we don't have a lot of funding you see. 41 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:21,804 Oh, it's so sad. 42 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:23,675 Come, come right over here. 43 00:02:24,098 --> 00:02:25,336 We have a decent room here 44 00:02:25,337 --> 00:02:27,774 where you can play with the babies and nurture them. 45 00:02:27,775 --> 00:02:29,929 It's actually really great you're volunteering now 46 00:02:29,930 --> 00:02:33,490 because our other little boy volunteer is just finishing up! 47 00:02:36,196 --> 00:02:37,629 Oh, hey, Kyle. 48 00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:41,270 What are you doing here? 49 00:02:41,282 --> 00:02:42,786 I'm volunteering. 50 00:02:44,148 --> 00:02:45,680 What are you doing here? 51 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,936 I'm volunteering my time, Kyle. 52 00:02:47,937 --> 00:02:51,168 Young Eric has been here every day for the past two weeks 53 00:02:51,169 --> 00:02:52,657 bless his heart. 54 00:02:52,785 --> 00:02:54,410 Why do you have a video camera? 55 00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:55,960 I'm volunteering, Kyle. 56 00:02:55,961 --> 00:02:57,738 It just so happens Sarah McLachlan touched my heart 57 00:02:57,739 --> 00:02:58,888 is that so hard to believe? 58 00:02:58,889 --> 00:03:00,529 Goodbye nurse Williams, see ya tomorrow. 59 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:01,762 Bye, Eric! 60 00:03:09,658 --> 00:03:11,822 I'm sorry, can I come back in just a little bit? 61 00:03:11,823 --> 00:03:15,275 Certainly. We're here all the time unfortunately. 62 00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:16,437 Thanks. 63 00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:01,721 What's going on? 64 00:04:01,722 --> 00:04:03,647 Ahghghgghgh! 65 00:04:03,648 --> 00:04:05,057 Aw crap. 66 00:04:06,051 --> 00:04:07,547 Okay, Kyle, you caught us. 67 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:10,865 I admit we aren't actually doing volunteer work at the hospital. 68 00:04:10,924 --> 00:04:12,490 So what are you doing? 69 00:04:12,491 --> 00:04:13,956 What if I were to tell you 70 00:04:13,957 --> 00:04:17,290 there's a way to help those poor babies born addicted to crack 71 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,084 and give them a future as well? 72 00:04:19,278 --> 00:04:20,802 All right, what is it? 73 00:04:20,866 --> 00:04:22,764 Crack baby basketball. 74 00:04:27,054 --> 00:04:28,077 Whoa, whoa, Kyle, come on, 75 00:04:28,078 --> 00:04:29,475 don't tell on us! 76 00:04:29,917 --> 00:04:31,738 We could actually really use you! 77 00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:33,408 Why do you need me? 78 00:04:33,587 --> 00:04:35,481 Because we need a Jew to do the bookkeeping. 79 00:04:38,631 --> 00:04:39,646 Dammit. 80 00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:41,722 Kyle, wait! 81 00:04:42,537 --> 00:04:43,061 Kyle! 82 00:04:43,062 --> 00:04:43,925 Just hold on a second! 83 00:04:43,926 --> 00:04:45,495 I knew you were doing something terrible! 84 00:04:45,496 --> 00:04:46,795 What's terrible Kyle, 85 00:04:46,796 --> 00:04:49,165 we fill a little ball with crack, we let the crack babies fight over it, 86 00:04:49,166 --> 00:04:50,284 and put it up on the Internet! 87 00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:51,124 Who cares? 88 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,064 Lots of people will when I tell them! 89 00:04:53,065 --> 00:04:55,378 We made a thousand dollars in eleven days! 90 00:04:57,211 --> 00:04:57,895 You what? 91 00:04:57,896 --> 00:04:58,968 Ask the guys. 92 00:04:58,969 --> 00:05:00,939 There's six hospitals within a ten mile radius 93 00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:03,120 and all we do is pit the crack babies against each other 94 00:05:03,121 --> 00:05:04,548 with a little ball of crack. 95 00:05:04,549 --> 00:05:06,153 A thousand dollars. 96 00:05:06,154 --> 00:05:07,174 Dude, this thing is huge, 97 00:05:07,175 --> 00:05:09,274 and it doesn't hurt the crack babies at all. 98 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:10,980 We are swimming in cash. 99 00:05:10,981 --> 00:05:12,713 Let me take you out to Denny's. 100 00:05:13,037 --> 00:05:14,491 It's baconalia time. 101 00:05:19,973 --> 00:05:21,071 After you. 102 00:05:23,296 --> 00:05:24,882 There's a big wait to sit down. 103 00:05:24,883 --> 00:05:25,882 Ah, mister cartman! 104 00:05:25,883 --> 00:05:27,782 We have your table waiting, sir! 105 00:05:28,072 --> 00:05:29,195 Come on. 106 00:05:30,116 --> 00:05:32,324 We started with two crack babies and a camera. 107 00:05:32,325 --> 00:05:33,900 Butters did all the Internet stuff. 108 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,087 We've built up to a thousand hits a day. 109 00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:37,336 Jesus Christ. 110 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,460 It's awesome. 111 00:05:38,689 --> 00:05:39,791 It's the good life, Kyle. 112 00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:42,568 We've come here every night for Denny's baconalia specials. 113 00:05:42,569 --> 00:05:43,976 Every single night! 114 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:44,831 Look at the menu. 115 00:05:44,832 --> 00:05:47,013 Bacon inside pancakes, bacon meatloaf. 116 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,245 They even have a bacon sundae for desert. 117 00:05:49,284 --> 00:05:50,357 Wow. 118 00:05:50,995 --> 00:05:53,541 We are turning this thing into a legitimate sport, Kyle. 119 00:05:53,542 --> 00:05:55,964 We're getting Slash to start playing at halftime 120 00:05:55,965 --> 00:05:59,989 and EA Sports is offering us a hundred thousand for the video game rights. 121 00:06:00,638 --> 00:06:02,365 I like that boom boom pow 122 00:06:02,366 --> 00:06:04,269 them chickens jackin' my style 123 00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:06,069 they try copy my swagger 124 00:06:06,070 --> 00:06:07,967 I'm on that next shit now. 125 00:06:08,079 --> 00:06:10,734 We've got a constant flow of athletes that never dries up, Kyle. 126 00:06:10,735 --> 00:06:11,613 And best of all, 127 00:06:11,614 --> 00:06:13,780 it's all charity, so it's tax free. 128 00:06:16,079 --> 00:06:17,608 We'll put your office right here, Kyle. 129 00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:19,131 All of South park walking by, 130 00:06:19,132 --> 00:06:20,486 looking up at you. 131 00:06:21,931 --> 00:06:24,206 And it actually helps the crack babies. 132 00:06:24,207 --> 00:06:27,521 It's like volunteering, but we just make a little on the side. 133 00:06:28,045 --> 00:06:30,177 Somebody's gotta eat all that bacon, Kyle. 134 00:06:30,553 --> 00:06:31,786 Might as well be us. 135 00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:33,699 Welcome to the firm. 136 00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:42,008 Go long, token! 137 00:06:42,009 --> 00:06:43,173 Go, go! 138 00:06:45,265 --> 00:06:46,108 Hey, Stan! 139 00:06:46,109 --> 00:06:47,765 Dude, I want you to have this. 140 00:06:47,766 --> 00:06:49,254 It's the twenty bucks I owed you, 141 00:06:49,255 --> 00:06:51,199 plus thirty dollars interest. 142 00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:52,662 Wow, really? 143 00:06:52,952 --> 00:06:54,120 I got a job, Stan. 144 00:06:54,121 --> 00:06:57,161 I am making tons of money doing some really cool stuff. 145 00:06:57,162 --> 00:06:58,149 Doing what? 146 00:06:58,569 --> 00:07:00,899 Crack baby basketball. 147 00:07:01,634 --> 00:07:02,163 Dude. 148 00:07:02,164 --> 00:07:03,309 No, no, it's not like it sounds. 149 00:07:03,310 --> 00:07:04,689 Here check it out! 150 00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:09,073 See look, we just video the babies fighting over a ball full of crack. 151 00:07:09,074 --> 00:07:10,706 It's really getting popular. 152 00:07:16,886 --> 00:07:17,946 I mean it, it's cool 153 00:07:17,947 --> 00:07:18,904 because like the commercial said 154 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,695 the crack babies had nothing before. 155 00:07:22,971 --> 00:07:25,543 It's, it's great because everyone wins, you know? 156 00:07:25,544 --> 00:07:26,542 You see that? 157 00:07:26,543 --> 00:07:27,782 Two million hits! 158 00:07:30,084 --> 00:07:32,748 Did you know they're putting bacon inside of pancakes at Denny's? 159 00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:36,864 Betsy macintosh? 160 00:07:36,865 --> 00:07:38,091 What do you want? 161 00:07:38,092 --> 00:07:40,358 We heard about you through the passages sobriety clinic. 162 00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:42,743 They said you've skipped out on your rehab once again? 163 00:07:42,986 --> 00:07:44,393 Oh gawwwwd. 164 00:07:44,394 --> 00:07:45,993 We need to speak with you, ma'am. 165 00:07:48,566 --> 00:07:52,803 It's like these voices in my head won't be quiet until I use again! 166 00:07:52,841 --> 00:07:55,403 And so am I correct that you are eight and a half months pregnant 167 00:07:55,404 --> 00:07:57,153 and still addicted to cocaine? 168 00:07:57,154 --> 00:08:02,609 I don't want my baby to be born addicted to drugs but I can't stop! 169 00:08:03,658 --> 00:08:06,058 Well, ma'am, I have some very exciting news. 170 00:08:06,746 --> 00:08:10,588 We would like your child to play for the crack baby athletic association! 171 00:08:13,913 --> 00:08:14,791 The what? 172 00:08:14,792 --> 00:08:17,250 We believe that St. Mary's is the best hospital for your child. 173 00:08:17,251 --> 00:08:19,076 And we are prepared to offer him a full ride. 174 00:08:19,077 --> 00:08:21,512 Now, do you know yet if your child is male or female, 175 00:08:21,513 --> 00:08:23,298 or so deformed you'll never be able tell? 176 00:08:23,299 --> 00:08:25,183 They said it's a boy. 177 00:08:25,264 --> 00:08:28,014 Just sign the paper and he'll be playing ball for St. Mary's! 178 00:08:28,558 --> 00:08:30,066 How much will he make? 179 00:08:30,828 --> 00:08:31,951 Well, nothing. 180 00:08:31,952 --> 00:08:33,536 Crack baby players can't make a salary, 181 00:08:33,537 --> 00:08:34,616 based on the rules. 182 00:08:34,617 --> 00:08:35,212 So what? 183 00:08:35,213 --> 00:08:36,896 You would make money off of my child? 184 00:08:36,897 --> 00:08:38,171 That doesn't seem fair. 185 00:08:38,172 --> 00:08:39,394 I don't make the rules, ma'am, 186 00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:41,219 I just think them up and write them down. 187 00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:42,570 Now, if you would be willing to sign right here, 188 00:08:42,571 --> 00:08:45,423 we can get things rolling can't you change the rules? 189 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,454 Ma'am, the crack baby athletic association is a storied franchise. 190 00:08:49,455 --> 00:08:51,356 It was founded over 12 days ago 191 00:08:51,357 --> 00:08:53,597 with a firm ethical code that strictly states 192 00:08:53,598 --> 00:08:56,286 benefits to players is detrimentalized to their well being. 193 00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:58,283 I cannot offer you or your child any cash. 194 00:08:58,284 --> 00:09:01,266 I can, however, offer you a little bit of crack. 195 00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:02,391 Butters? 196 00:09:11,604 --> 00:09:13,384 Dude, what actually makes total sense about it, 197 00:09:13,385 --> 00:09:14,189 if you look at it, 198 00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,455 is that the crack babies are finally getting some attention 199 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,143 and the care that they need. 200 00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:20,638 Wew, yeah, it's pretty cool, dude. 201 00:09:20,639 --> 00:09:23,346 Because most of these babies would normally not even get out, you know, 202 00:09:23,347 --> 00:09:25,062 or be able to do anything. 203 00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:27,949 Just because we are making money, 204 00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,981 doesn't mean that those babies aren't benefiting! 205 00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:31,587 It isn't exploiting them! 206 00:09:31,588 --> 00:09:33,369 They're finding a useful place in society! 207 00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:34,938 What's unethical about that. 208 00:09:36,123 --> 00:09:37,495 You sound like cartman. 209 00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:39,805 Ooooh. 210 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:41,316 Dude, the thing is, 211 00:09:41,317 --> 00:09:43,020 we're not the ones that made them crack babies. 212 00:09:43,021 --> 00:09:44,856 That's their mom's God damn fault! 213 00:09:45,196 --> 00:09:47,038 Yeah, I'm sure that's what cartman would say too. 214 00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:49,258 I do not sound like cartman, God dammit! 215 00:09:53,211 --> 00:09:55,327 Okay, so see ya. 216 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,173 It's the easiest thing in the world. 217 00:10:02,174 --> 00:10:03,867 How could you guys have screwed this up! 218 00:10:04,205 --> 00:10:06,916 All I asked you to do was to get Slash to play at halftime 219 00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:10,049 for the match up between the crack babies at cedar sinai and du. 220 00:10:10,050 --> 00:10:11,894 We're just having a hard time finding him. 221 00:10:11,895 --> 00:10:13,555 Slash is not hard to find! 222 00:10:13,556 --> 00:10:15,644 He'll show up to play anywhere if you pay him! 223 00:10:15,645 --> 00:10:18,158 He played at my eighth birthday party for Christ's sake! 224 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,946 Look, look he's playing at lakewood mall right now! 225 00:10:20,947 --> 00:10:22,715 You guys get down there aw crap! 226 00:10:22,716 --> 00:10:23,860 The president of EA Sports is calling! 227 00:10:23,861 --> 00:10:25,204 Just go! Go! 228 00:10:25,795 --> 00:10:27,406 Mister Peters, how are you? 229 00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:30,570 Yes, sir, we're very excited about our deal with you as well! 230 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,600 Oh, we know the video game version of crack baby basketball 231 00:10:33,601 --> 00:10:35,065 will be a big hit too. 232 00:10:35,119 --> 00:10:36,461 Hey, Kyle, have a seat. 233 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,079 I need to talk to you. 234 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,057 Mr. Peters, can I call you back. 235 00:10:39,058 --> 00:10:40,880 Our company accountant needs me. 236 00:10:40,967 --> 00:10:42,349 Yes, he is Jewish. 237 00:10:42,724 --> 00:10:44,898 Okay, thanks, Mr. Peters, bye. 238 00:10:45,710 --> 00:10:46,403 How's it goin' man? 239 00:10:46,404 --> 00:10:47,393 In our deal with EA Sports 240 00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:49,339 we are giving them the right to use images of the crack babies 241 00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:50,320 and their names. 242 00:10:50,321 --> 00:10:52,028 But we aren't paying the crack babies. 243 00:10:52,029 --> 00:10:52,869 They can't make money, 244 00:10:52,870 --> 00:10:53,835 it's against the rules. 245 00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:55,636 But this video game could make a million dollars. 246 00:10:55,637 --> 00:10:57,787 We have to give the crack babies a piece of that. 247 00:10:57,788 --> 00:10:59,617 Kyle, it says right there rule number three, 248 00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:02,715 crack baby players cannot receive compensation of any kind for their play. 249 00:11:02,716 --> 00:11:04,717 But they're the ones risking injury. 250 00:11:04,771 --> 00:11:05,792 What do you want me to do, Kyle? 251 00:11:05,793 --> 00:11:07,037 Find a step ladder of some kind 252 00:11:07,038 --> 00:11:09,612 and risk my safety to get up and there and change the rules? 253 00:11:09,613 --> 00:11:11,425 The government could come after us, cartman. 254 00:11:11,426 --> 00:11:13,491 We're a non-profit company, Kyle. 255 00:11:13,492 --> 00:11:14,739 So then where did the eight hundred dollars 256 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,575 we made from selling an Internet ad to payless shoe source go? 257 00:11:18,252 --> 00:11:20,201 To things we need to keep the office running, Kyle. 258 00:11:20,202 --> 00:11:21,295 Here look! 259 00:11:22,302 --> 00:11:23,552 A hot tub? 260 00:11:23,553 --> 00:11:25,104 It's not just a hot tub. 261 00:11:25,105 --> 00:11:26,203 Taste it. 262 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:27,971 Go ahead, taste it. 263 00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:32,454 Gravy? 264 00:11:32,494 --> 00:11:34,097 Kentucky Fried Chicken gravy. 265 00:11:34,098 --> 00:11:35,023 No way. 266 00:11:35,024 --> 00:11:36,963 A hot tub full of kfc gravy, Kyle. 267 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:39,164 Did you ever think you would see that in your lifetime? 268 00:11:41,956 --> 00:11:45,185 Kyle, as owners of this company we owe it not only to ourselves, 269 00:11:45,186 --> 00:11:46,700 but to the crack babies, 270 00:11:46,701 --> 00:11:49,429 to be as stress free and clear headed as possible. 271 00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:52,645 McDonalds French fries and kfc gravy. 272 00:11:53,417 --> 00:11:55,473 The French call this 'poutine'. 273 00:11:57,077 --> 00:11:57,822 No, but dude, 274 00:11:57,823 --> 00:12:01,108 we can't license our games to EA Sports and pay the crack babies nothing. 275 00:12:01,109 --> 00:12:02,991 Slavery is illegal! 276 00:12:03,086 --> 00:12:04,198 It's not illegal, Kyle. 277 00:12:04,199 --> 00:12:05,769 Tell you what,I'll do some undercover work 278 00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:08,232 and find out how the other companies get away with it. 279 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:09,690 What other companies? 280 00:12:13,077 --> 00:12:14,211 Dean howland, a representative 281 00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:17,436 from another prestigious institution is here to see you. 282 00:12:17,617 --> 00:12:18,577 A what? 283 00:12:18,578 --> 00:12:19,843 Send him in. 284 00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:22,014 Hallo sa! 285 00:12:22,015 --> 00:12:24,094 The name is Eric p. Cartman. 286 00:12:24,095 --> 00:12:26,748 I'm a well respected owner in the slave trade. 287 00:12:27,717 --> 00:12:28,672 In the what? 288 00:12:28,673 --> 00:12:31,994 Mah peaches whata wonderful office you got yourself hee-ya. 289 00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:35,151 Certainly got yourself a lucrative business, don't ya. 290 00:12:35,152 --> 00:12:37,585 Well, let me get right down to it, then. 291 00:12:37,586 --> 00:12:38,543 Like yourself, 292 00:12:38,544 --> 00:12:40,812 I am also in the slave trade. 293 00:12:41,946 --> 00:12:46,140 But at the moment I find myself in a little quandary with legal issues. 294 00:12:46,145 --> 00:12:48,960 Was wonderin' if you could share some secrets. 295 00:12:50,589 --> 00:12:53,977 I have no idea what you're talking about. 296 00:12:53,978 --> 00:12:57,181 You have some mighty strong lookin' workers heya, sa. 297 00:12:57,265 --> 00:12:59,037 I'd be willin' to offer ya forty dollars 298 00:12:59,038 --> 00:13:01,818 for two a the white ones and fifty for the blacks. 299 00:13:01,819 --> 00:13:04,561 Are you referring to our student athletes? 300 00:13:04,562 --> 00:13:06,357 Student ath-o-leets. 301 00:13:06,358 --> 00:13:08,616 Ho, ho, that is brilliant sar! 302 00:13:08,617 --> 00:13:11,235 Now when we sell their likeness for video games, 303 00:13:11,236 --> 00:13:13,465 how do you get around paying your slave, 304 00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:15,601 student atholeets, then? 305 00:13:16,443 --> 00:13:18,444 Look, there are good reasons 306 00:13:18,445 --> 00:13:21,455 why our student athletes cannot be paid, young man! 307 00:13:21,456 --> 00:13:22,784 I ain't ahgewin! 308 00:13:22,785 --> 00:13:26,032 If they got paid then how'd we make all our money, right! 309 00:13:26,033 --> 00:13:27,878 We do not own slaves. 310 00:13:27,879 --> 00:13:30,132 And we have no desire to own slaves! 311 00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:32,621 But of course you own slaves you have... oh. 312 00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:34,251 Right! 313 00:13:35,491 --> 00:13:38,272 Of course you don't have desire to own slaves, sar. 314 00:13:38,273 --> 00:13:39,334 Neither do I. 315 00:13:39,335 --> 00:13:41,283 And if there was any government agency 316 00:13:41,284 --> 00:13:43,611 listenin' in on this here conversation, 317 00:13:43,612 --> 00:13:47,382 they should know that we're not talking bout slave ownership at all. 318 00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:52,068 All right. So now do you get around not paying your slaves? 319 00:13:52,192 --> 00:13:52,696 Get out! 320 00:13:52,697 --> 00:13:56,789 This is a prestigious university and I am not saying one more word to you! 321 00:13:56,954 --> 00:13:58,067 You think you can do whatever you want 322 00:13:58,068 --> 00:14:00,345 because your corporation is a university? 323 00:14:00,628 --> 00:14:02,411 This country was founded on the ideals 324 00:14:02,412 --> 00:14:04,580 that one corporation couldn't hog all the slaves 325 00:14:04,581 --> 00:14:06,585 while the rest of us wallow in poverty! 326 00:14:06,588 --> 00:14:07,761 Screw you, sir. 327 00:14:07,762 --> 00:14:09,049 I'm goin' home. 328 00:14:20,451 --> 00:14:21,005 Here's the thing: 329 00:14:21,006 --> 00:14:22,246 Whether or not I'm a part of it, 330 00:14:22,247 --> 00:14:23,913 crack baby basketball is popular. 331 00:14:23,914 --> 00:14:25,544 Somebody's going to do it. 332 00:14:25,671 --> 00:14:27,629 So the only way for me to try and help the situation 333 00:14:27,630 --> 00:14:28,610 is to be involved in it, 334 00:14:28,611 --> 00:14:30,376 so that I can steer things in a direction 335 00:14:30,377 --> 00:14:32,927 that's more beneficial to the actual crack babies. 336 00:14:34,913 --> 00:14:36,743 Oh, it's so easy for you, isn't it? 337 00:14:36,744 --> 00:14:38,380 I mean what do you have to do except lay there 338 00:14:38,381 --> 00:14:39,908 and think about what you did at school today 339 00:14:39,909 --> 00:14:41,467 or what you wanna watch on tv tomorrow? 340 00:14:41,468 --> 00:14:42,552 Well, sorry, skippy, 341 00:14:42,553 --> 00:14:44,221 but the world isn't always black and white! 342 00:14:44,222 --> 00:14:46,393 Just because some people are born poorer than others 343 00:14:46,394 --> 00:14:48,786 doesn't mean I can't enjoy a few McDonalds french fries 344 00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:51,271 in a hot tub of gravy from Kentucky Fried Chicken! 345 00:14:52,984 --> 00:14:55,989 McDonald's French fries in a hot tub of KFC gravy? 346 00:14:56,727 --> 00:14:59,293 It happens to be called 'poutine' in Montreal! 347 00:15:03,315 --> 00:15:05,001 How hard can it be, Clyde? 348 00:15:05,002 --> 00:15:06,505 You walk up to Slash when he's playing at the mall 349 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:07,933 and you offer him a deal! 350 00:15:07,937 --> 00:15:09,316 We must have just missed him. 351 00:15:09,317 --> 00:15:11,990 He was playing at cherry creek mall and then the flatirons mall. 352 00:15:11,991 --> 00:15:13,071 Now we don't know where to go 353 00:15:13,072 --> 00:15:15,489 because Slash is playing the pavilion in Colorado Springs 354 00:15:15,490 --> 00:15:18,024 and the gigadome in moscow later this afternoon. 355 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,711 How can Slash be playing in Colorado Springs and moscow at the same time? 356 00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:22,297 We don't know, 357 00:15:22,298 --> 00:15:23,476 he's everywhere. 358 00:15:23,477 --> 00:15:24,500 Look you morons, 359 00:15:24,501 --> 00:15:26,338 Slash clearly has a fan club, right? 360 00:15:26,339 --> 00:15:27,540 So just go to the post office, 361 00:15:27,541 --> 00:15:28,807 and find out where the mail gets sent, 362 00:15:28,808 --> 00:15:30,883 and then you have Slash's home address! 363 00:15:30,884 --> 00:15:32,189 Oh, that's a good idea. 364 00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:35,126 Yeah, it's a good idea now go us get Slash for halftime! 365 00:15:35,358 --> 00:15:36,904 Jesus Christ! 366 00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:39,848 Are we the only two intelligent people in this entire company, Kyle? 367 00:15:39,849 --> 00:15:41,032 God damn. 368 00:15:41,033 --> 00:15:41,833 Alright, Cartman. 369 00:15:41,834 --> 00:15:43,242 I've been doing a lot of thinking about 370 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:44,609 how the company is going to spend the money 371 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,233 we make off the EA Sports deal. 372 00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:48,324 We are going to use 30 percent of the money 373 00:15:48,325 --> 00:15:50,658 to build an orphanage for the crack babies. 374 00:15:52,221 --> 00:15:52,782 What? 375 00:15:52,783 --> 00:15:55,142 I've designed it to be the best place for them to live. 376 00:15:55,143 --> 00:15:58,886 A place they can finally have the care and happiness they deserve. 377 00:15:58,887 --> 00:16:01,632 And if you think it's a bad idea I don't really care! 378 00:16:02,585 --> 00:16:04,023 Oh my God, 379 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,927 it's genius Kyle! 380 00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:07,189 What? 381 00:16:07,190 --> 00:16:08,699 This is the answer to our problems! 382 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,215 A three hundred thousand dollar building 383 00:16:10,216 --> 00:16:13,544 but we buy ourselves a million dollars worth of good will with the public! 384 00:16:13,545 --> 00:16:15,624 We can say we gave our 'student atholeets' 385 00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:18,017 a place to live and grow for a few years! 386 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,881 It's like moral Teflon! 387 00:16:19,904 --> 00:16:22,034 I knew we're gonna need a jew in this company, Kyle. 388 00:16:22,035 --> 00:16:23,088 Great work! 389 00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:28,183 let me get this straight, 390 00:16:28,184 --> 00:16:31,409 you kids want me to tell you where Slash lives. 391 00:16:31,410 --> 00:16:31,930 Please, sir. 392 00:16:31,931 --> 00:16:33,239 It's very important. 393 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,960 Well, I'm afraid I can't do that kids. 394 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:37,659 But we have a big deal with EA Sports that depends on it. 395 00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:40,442 Come on, kids write to Slash every day. 396 00:16:40,443 --> 00:16:43,408 But it all just goes into this big pile over here 397 00:16:44,054 --> 00:16:46,343 the reason I can't tell ya where Slash lives 398 00:16:46,344 --> 00:16:48,294 is because he don't live nowhere. 399 00:16:48,295 --> 00:16:52,291 Don't ya ever wonder how Slash can be all those places at the same time? 400 00:16:52,292 --> 00:16:53,535 It's because he's made up. 401 00:16:53,536 --> 00:16:55,793 Don't spoil it for the kids, Marty! 402 00:16:55,794 --> 00:16:59,882 It's up to parents to decide when to tell their children Slash ain't real. 403 00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:04,795 Hello? 404 00:17:05,008 --> 00:17:07,290 Dad, is Slash real or make believe? 405 00:17:07,844 --> 00:17:08,899 Oh dear. 406 00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:10,883 Clyde's asking about Slash. 407 00:17:10,977 --> 00:17:13,171 Ooh, well, the day had to come. 408 00:17:13,712 --> 00:17:16,933 Clyde, the truth is Slash isn't a person, 409 00:17:16,934 --> 00:17:19,885 he's more like a feeling in your heart, you know? 410 00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:21,761 Slash isn't real. 411 00:17:21,762 --> 00:17:22,906 Get outta here. 412 00:17:22,945 --> 00:17:26,548 Clyde, sometimes people like to pretend with make believe characters. 413 00:17:26,549 --> 00:17:30,972 He's not really a lie he's like a... he's like love. 414 00:17:30,973 --> 00:17:33,547 People all over the world dress up like Slash 415 00:17:33,548 --> 00:17:35,537 and have different names for Slash. 416 00:17:35,538 --> 00:17:37,959 The Dutch call him vunter slaush. 417 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,015 He's made up and people dress like him and pretend to be him to their kids. 418 00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:42,510 Your mother's Dutch you know, Clyde. 419 00:17:42,511 --> 00:17:44,538 How did that ol' folk song go, honey? 420 00:17:44,539 --> 00:17:46,772 Vunter sloush kapu-sh-kuh. 421 00:17:46,773 --> 00:17:49,760 Spealer in mein shoon-ska. 422 00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,846 And so, thirty percent 423 00:17:52,847 --> 00:17:55,501 of the money we make off of the licensing agreement with EA Sports 424 00:17:55,502 --> 00:17:57,746 goes to the orphanage for the needy crack babies. 425 00:17:57,747 --> 00:17:58,841 Did you see the blueprints? 426 00:17:58,842 --> 00:18:01,647 The babies will have their own putt putt golf course. 427 00:18:02,263 --> 00:18:04,331 Why does it matter how much I'm making, Stan? 428 00:18:04,332 --> 00:18:06,282 If the crack babies are getting a place to grow and develop, 429 00:18:06,283 --> 00:18:07,761 why does my salary matter? 430 00:18:07,762 --> 00:18:08,404 You guys! 431 00:18:08,405 --> 00:18:09,480 You guys! 432 00:18:09,584 --> 00:18:11,134 We've got some bad news. 433 00:18:11,135 --> 00:18:12,406 Slash isn't real. 434 00:18:13,355 --> 00:18:14,328 What? 435 00:18:14,329 --> 00:18:14,966 Slash isn't real, 436 00:18:14,967 --> 00:18:17,038 he's a made up person that represents care and giving 437 00:18:17,039 --> 00:18:19,052 and people dress up like him and lie to their kids. 438 00:18:19,053 --> 00:18:20,794 Slash is make believe? 439 00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,316 Here, look for yourself! 440 00:18:22,780 --> 00:18:25,949 He's based on a fable of a Dutch Saint named vunter slaush. 441 00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:28,533 Vunter slaush? 442 00:18:28,534 --> 00:18:29,273 What? 443 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,905 But then who played at my eighth birthday party? 444 00:18:31,915 --> 00:18:33,344 One of our parents. 445 00:18:33,602 --> 00:18:36,411 But then, who was the guitar player for guns and roses? 446 00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,141 One of our parents! 447 00:18:38,142 --> 00:18:40,218 Are you serious? 448 00:18:41,735 --> 00:18:43,693 You guys are ten years old 449 00:18:43,694 --> 00:18:46,327 and you just figured out that Slash isn't real? 450 00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:48,605 Oh, my God. 451 00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:49,972 You knew about this? 452 00:18:50,031 --> 00:18:52,647 My parents told me Slash wasn't real when I was five! 453 00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,425 Jesus Christ. 454 00:18:58,448 --> 00:19:00,371 Well, what the heck do we do now? 455 00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:02,245 Look, let's just get our money from EA Sports 456 00:19:02,246 --> 00:19:04,527 and get out of this whole thing once and for all! 457 00:19:06,862 --> 00:19:08,034 Boys, I want to thank you 458 00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:11,799 for bringing the CB Double a franchise here to RA Sports. 459 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,865 You've made us a loooot of money! 460 00:19:13,866 --> 00:19:14,836 Wait a minute. 461 00:19:14,837 --> 00:19:17,039 According to this you now own all the rights 462 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,399 to crack baby basketball and we get nothing. 463 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,027 Yes, our lawyers are damn good. 464 00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:24,019 But you didn't get nothing. 465 00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:26,597 Why you boys got experience, didn't you? 466 00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:29,172 You got a chance to play in the big league. 467 00:19:29,173 --> 00:19:32,497 Sure, we here at EA might have made all the money, 468 00:19:32,498 --> 00:19:36,195 but you little workers had a chance to make somethin' of yourselves. 469 00:19:36,196 --> 00:19:38,039 I'd give you some free video games, 470 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,504 but it's against the rules. 471 00:19:42,496 --> 00:19:43,528 You can't do this! 472 00:19:43,529 --> 00:19:44,962 We were gonna build an orphanage! 473 00:19:44,963 --> 00:19:47,021 So the crack babies have somewhere to go! 474 00:19:47,043 --> 00:19:48,599 Oh, well. 475 00:19:48,915 --> 00:19:51,437 Fuck 'em. And fuck you too. 476 00:19:51,438 --> 00:19:53,735 I piss in your faces. 477 00:19:58,172 --> 00:20:00,953 I just can't believe Slash isn't real. 478 00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:03,756 I know, it's messing with my head so hard. 479 00:20:04,012 --> 00:20:06,377 You guys, we've just been screwed over and lied to! 480 00:20:06,378 --> 00:20:07,534 I know, right? 481 00:20:07,535 --> 00:20:09,253 I was always extra good before my birthday too 482 00:20:09,254 --> 00:20:11,324 because I was told Slash would come play for me. 483 00:20:11,325 --> 00:20:14,430 Well boys, this has been real educational n' all, 484 00:20:14,431 --> 00:20:17,819 but now let's part with that ol' EA Sports sayin', 485 00:20:18,103 --> 00:20:20,440 get the fuck outta my buildin'. 486 00:20:24,552 --> 00:20:25,863 It's unbelievable Stan, 487 00:20:25,864 --> 00:20:28,246 EA Sports just used us the entire time. 488 00:20:28,247 --> 00:20:30,626 We worked for nothing and EA made all the money. 489 00:20:31,031 --> 00:20:33,427 No, I don't think we actually deserved getting screwed over, 490 00:20:33,428 --> 00:20:35,779 but, but I guess making tons of money off of people 491 00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:38,255 who are making nothing is always going to cause problems. 492 00:20:38,717 --> 00:20:40,071 I know. I know, right? 493 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:40,681 We mighta got screwed 494 00:20:40,682 --> 00:20:42,573 but the really tragic thing is 495 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:45,471 that those poor crack babies at the hospitals are just stuck there, 496 00:20:45,472 --> 00:20:46,814 with nowhere to go. 497 00:20:47,492 --> 00:20:48,666 No way! 498 00:20:51,479 --> 00:20:52,524 This is it! 499 00:20:52,525 --> 00:20:53,311 It's what? 500 00:20:53,312 --> 00:20:54,555 This is it, Stan! 501 00:20:58,734 --> 00:21:00,050 It's just like I designed it! 502 00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:01,489 There's the miniature golf course over there! 503 00:21:01,490 --> 00:21:03,236 And the slides and the excuse me, 504 00:21:03,237 --> 00:21:04,500 what is this place? 505 00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:05,882 Isn't it wonderful? 506 00:21:05,883 --> 00:21:08,535 All the crack babies will have a home now. 507 00:21:08,564 --> 00:21:09,961 But who paid for all this? 508 00:21:09,962 --> 00:21:11,112 Kyle, Kyle. 509 00:21:11,113 --> 00:21:12,106 Look. 510 00:21:17,774 --> 00:21:20,708 You don't think that ... but he isn't real. 511 00:21:20,997 --> 00:21:25,390 Maybe or maybe we haven't been told such a big fib after all. 512 00:21:26,335 --> 00:21:29,045 Vunter sloush kapu-sh-kuh, 513 00:21:29,046 --> 00:21:31,709 shpealer in mein shoon-ska, 514 00:21:31,710 --> 00:21:34,461 het vaait axle rose-ia, 515 00:21:34,462 --> 00:21:37,754 danka vunter slaush-a. 516 00:21:37,892 --> 00:21:40,210 It is real, you guys. 517 00:21:40,571 --> 00:21:44,435 Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by mczolly www.addic7ed.com