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South Park - Season 12 Episode 2
"Britney's New Look"
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Live, from Chicago, Illinois,
it's Decision 2008.
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Good evening and welcome
to the political debate
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between Hillary Rodham Clinton
and Barack Obama.
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First question: How do you see yourself
as different from your opponent?
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Ugh, Dad, can we please not watch this?
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This is important, Stanley!
You boys should care about this stuff.
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Yeah, but we totally don't.
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Well you boys are gonna sit and
watch this! This is what really matters!
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And so, Mr. Obama, why don't you tell us
your stance on military spending?
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Well, my opinion is that-
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We interrupt this debate
for an emergency news bulletin!
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It's... Britney Watch!
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Keeping you up-to-date with
all your Britney Spears news!
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Oh-oh boy, what's she done now?
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Britney has been spotted
camping in the Colorado mountains,
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and one report claims that
she has taken a piss... in the forest.
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Robert Pooner has more.
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Ron, I'm standing in South Mark,
Colorado,
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where Britney Spears has apparently
been trying to get away from it all.
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Aw dude, that's our town!
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Ms. Spears was spotted
at a mountain campground,
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and you won't believe what she did, Ron.
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The troubled diva took a piss.
Right on a ladybug.
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We've blurred out parts of
the photo so that it doesn't offend.
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She's such a train wreck!
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When the photo is enhance, Ron,
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you can see the poor little
ladybug getting doused.
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This must be very embarrassing for
Britney that this photo got out, Bob,
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and she looks like she's gained weight.
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That's right, Ron,
she really chubbed up.
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And if you zoom in on her face,
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you can see that she's got some zits!
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Aw, poor girl.
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Hey Sharon, Britney peed on a ladybug.
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The photograph was taken
by Brian Willis of Bailey, Colorado,
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who sold it to 31 News
for a hundred thousand dollars.
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A hundred thousand dollars?
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That's enough to buy slaves!
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Britney is said to be now
hiding out in a South Park motel.
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And now back to the
stupid Democratic debates.
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-and spearchuckers.
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Did you guys hear that? A hundred
thousand dollars for a picture of Britney.
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And she's at a hotel in our town.
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It's gotta be the Komfort Inn.
That's the nicest hotel in South Park.
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- Cartman, go get your camera.
- Sweet!
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Hey, hang on, fellas,
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don't you think Britney's
been through enough?
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I mean, maybe it's finally time
for us all to just leave her alone.
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Butters, don't be such a pussy.
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Okay.
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A hundred thousand for a picture
of Britney peeing on a ladybug.
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Imagine what a photo of her
crapping on a squirrel is worth!
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Well this costume was supposed
to be for the Easter musical, fellas,
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not for trying to make an easy buck!
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Oh no.
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Excuse us, we're trying to
get a picture of Britney Spears!
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Join the club.
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Yeah, all you amateur photographers are
making this tougher on the professionals!
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We're professionals too,
you fucking butthole!
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Ah ah, nobody goes upstairs.
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We uh, we have special permission?
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Yeah, don't you recognize us?
We're Britney Spears' kids.
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You are?
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Not me! I'm a squirrel!
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But now everybody
thinks I hate ladybugs.
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I didn't even know it was there.
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I can't take it anymore. I'm just so-
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Excuse me, Ms. Spears, but your kids are
here and they've brought you a squirrel.
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My boys? Really? Send them in.
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It's okay.
My kids are here. I feel better now.
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- We did it guys!
- I told you that would work!
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- Yeah, all right!
- All right!
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You mean, it was just a joke?
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My kids ain't here?
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- Alright. Butters, go get next to her.
- I ain't doing it!
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We tricked her and it wasn't nice!
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Butters, do you want your share of
the hundred thousand dollars or not?
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You're never gonna
leave me alone, are you?
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It ain't right to take advantage
of somebody no matter who they are!
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All right, fine!
We don't need you, Butters!
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Yeah, we'll just get a picture
of her doing something else.
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All right lady,
just flash us your crotch or something.
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- I've got a better idea.
- You do?
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Yeah.
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No!
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You killed her!
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Hey, everything all right u-. Oh.
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We should have just left her alone.
But we just had to push her.
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How cold we know she would...
Aw we suck so hard.
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She's... alive.
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- Whew.
- Oh, thank God.
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But, we almost lost her.
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Why couldn't you boys
just leave her alone?
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Doctor, could we talk
to her for a minute?
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I don't want you making her upset.
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We don't wanna upset her, we
just want to tell her that we're sorry.
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All right.
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Ms. Spears,
these boys wanted to say something.
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- Oh my God!
- Oh no!
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The boys are just shocked at how
good you look, Britney. Right, boys?
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Oh, yeah. Yeah.
It's not even noticeable.
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Well, I'll let you boys have your say.
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Ms. Spears, uh...
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we're... really... sorry for
making you want to kill yourself.
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Oh, God, what have we done?
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It's Britney Watch!
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Keeping you up-to-date with
all your Britney Spears news!
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You won't believe
what Britney's done now.
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The troubled pop star has
just been spotted with a crazy
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"no top part of my head" look.
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This video was taken just hours ago
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as Britney was wheeled into
the hospital for some reason.
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And if we zoom in on the footage,
right, right here,
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you can also definitely
see a boob job scar.
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No doubt now that she's
had plastic surgery in the past.
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O ho ho, oh houch,
that's gotta be embarrassing.
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Chris, any word on why Ms. Spears went
for this radical "no top of the head" look?
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No word yet, Tom,
but it could be over the embarrassment
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of the boob job scar video
we showed just, just now.
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Uh, even though the timing
doesn't quite work out.
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Dude!
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Damnit, she can't handle
any stress right now!
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Excuse me, I'm Britney Spears' manager.
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Oh, jeez, Britney!
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Britney, what were you thinking?
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First you shave your head and now this.
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Well, it's a ballsy new look,
I'll give you that.
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Brit! Over here, Brit.
One for Star Weekly.
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Damnit you have to take her out of here;
she can't be around all this right now.
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Right. We need to take her home.
Boys, can you give me a hand with her?
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Yeah, of course.
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Okay, come on!
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My car is right here.
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- Hey look!
- There she is!
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Oh crap!
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Jesus Christ!
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Yeah yeah, it's like this all the time.
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Thank you! Yes, thanks.
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Look, uh, we feel really bad, and, and
we wanna help Britney however we can.
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That's great, boys. Britney seems
to have really taken a liking to you.
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And don't worry: Britney
is a queen at reinventing herself.
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We just need to get her into
the recording studio right away.
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What?
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All right, Britney, let's take it from the top.
Remember to bring that sexiness to it.
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Excuse me, is this really what
you think she should be doing right now?
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All right,
Brit, let's try it from the top.
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- God, what a train wreck.
- She must be stoned again.
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Would you put a stop to this, please?
This is only gonna make things worse.
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What do you mean? She sounds great.
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Ah, Britney,
that last lyric is supposed to be
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"love elation." Sounds more
like you're saying "love creation."
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E-la-tion. Really enunciate the L.
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Gah, she's so stupid.
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What do you expect? Look at her!
She doesn't have most of her brain!
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I know. She's really dumb, huh?
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No, I mean, she literally doesn't have
most of her brain! Her head is gone!
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Yeah. And she's all fat, too.
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Live, from Las Vegas,
it's the MTV Video Music Awards.
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What's up, y'all? It's the MTV
Awards and we are kicking it off right.
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Here to perform her new song is the one,
and only, Britney Spears!
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Aw come on now, people!
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Oh my God, she's really gotten chubby.
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Oh man, she's totally lip-syncing.
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She doesn't have any lips!
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Disaster at the MTV awards.
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People are ridiculing Britney Spears.
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Her performance was awful, Tom.
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She looked tired,
she looked fat, she didn't have a head.
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It was just completely phoned in.
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No doubt,
Tom, that girl has major issues.
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Don't listen to 'em, Brit!
They're all just jealous.
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And we can put you
on SlimFast tomorrow.
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Hang on, hang on,
she'll be out in a minute.
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We have to get her
away from all this, dude.
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People just aren't gonna let up.
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We have to take her somewhere
to just be at peace.
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Dude, where in the world can Britney
Spears go where nobody will bother her?
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I know where.
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We want three tickets to the North Pole.
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The North Pole?
Who the hell goes to the North Pole?
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We do. Me, my friend, and his aunt.
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It's Britney Wowtch!
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A distraught Britney Spears
has apparently disappeared
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and abandoned all those close to her.
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A local housewife caught a photo of
Britney running away in this disguise!
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Britney is obviously very
upset about her MTV performance, Ron,
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and so she's become desperate.
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Most troubling for her is the fact
that her disguise has total camel toe.
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Oh boy, now, Leslie, this seems
like a really bad camel toe offense.
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Absolutely major camel toe, Tracy.
Britney just seems oblivious.
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She was bound to get noticed:
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you walk around with that kind
of cam toe and you're gonna turn heads.
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David, any idea as to how
big the camel toe actually was?
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She was sporting toe
like never before, Brian.
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I don't know what's
wrong with that girl, but,
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it's a slap in the face
to camels all over the planet.
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Those close to Britney
say they are very worried
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and want to bring her home safe.
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And now back to the local news.
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The giant squirrel which was
picked up last week by animal control
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apparently now thinks it's a person.
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Colorado officials have taken
the squirrel to Johns-Hopkins
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for psychiatric evaluation.
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Hm, that squirrel is obviously nuts.
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Platform 4F. Uh, it must
be on the other side of the station.
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There she is! It's Britney!
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Oh no.
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Dude, they're never
gonna let us through.
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Yes they are! I have an idea.
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Britney? Where'd she go?
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There she is!
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It's okay,
you'll be in the North Pole soon.
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There she is. Hey Britney, it's me.
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Britney. It's over.
What were you running for anyway?
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Hey, wait a minute.
Where's her camel toe?
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I'm not Britney Spears, alright?
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Oh, psych! She must be back
at the train station; come on!
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Now, wait a minute!
Everyone just stop for one minute!
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Look, you guys are
gonna end up killing her.
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Can't you see that Britney isn't in any
condition to handle this crap anymore?
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I know watching celebrities
go down can be fun.
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Me and my friends are
as guilty as all of you, but
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maybe, just, maybe,
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...it's time to let this one go.
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Just this one time, let's, let's
all stop before it's too late, huh?
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Son, you don't seem to understand.
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Britney Spears... has to die.
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Huh?
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What do you think all
this effort has been for?
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It cannot be stopped.
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The purpose is too great.
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She must... die.
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Little Stanley was tired and hungry.
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But he knew that for
Britney Spears to be safe,
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he had to get her to the North Pole.
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00:15:52,505 --> 00:15:54,853
You doing okay, Ms. Spears?
238
00:15:58,265 --> 00:15:59,430
It's her.
239
00:15:59,557 --> 00:16:02,583
Um no, I'm sure it's Britney Spears;
it looks just like the picture.
240
00:16:05,347 --> 00:16:07,821
You want me to, to what?
241
00:16:07,947 --> 00:16:09,842
Yes, I understand.
242
00:16:19,968 --> 00:16:23,612
Hello, I'm Bob Summers,
so happy you picked our little town.
243
00:16:23,737 --> 00:16:26,582
What is going on?
Why do you want Britney Spears to die?
244
00:16:26,707 --> 00:16:28,902
Well nobody wants her to die,
little boy.
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00:16:29,026 --> 00:16:31,963
We all simply... need her to.
246
00:16:32,088 --> 00:16:34,232
- Do you understand?
- No!
247
00:16:34,658 --> 00:16:35,990
Look, kid,
248
00:16:36,115 --> 00:16:39,931
throughout history people have
found it necessary to engage in...
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00:16:40,057 --> 00:16:41,623
human sacrifice.
250
00:16:41,887 --> 00:16:44,230
In ancient times,
humans would commonly
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00:16:44,358 --> 00:16:48,131
pick one lovely girl, adorn her
with jewels, treat her like a goddess,
252
00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,250
and then... watch her die.
253
00:16:50,518 --> 00:16:52,750
We like to think we're
more civilized now,
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00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:54,800
but the truth is our
lust for torture and death
255
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:57,051
is no different than
it was in gladiator times.
256
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,612
Only difference is that
now we like to watch people
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00:16:59,735 --> 00:17:02,050
put to death through
magazines and photographs.
258
00:17:02,428 --> 00:17:05,622
It's a damn shame too.
Old ways were butter.
259
00:17:05,746 --> 00:17:09,313
Used to be we just picked someone by
lottery and then stoned them to death.
260
00:17:09,575 --> 00:17:13,653
Stoning to death was too violent.
Rather have the sacrifice kill itself.
261
00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:16,612
You mean everyone has been
wanting Britney Spears to kill herself?
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00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:19,133
Britney was chosen a long time ago,
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00:17:19,256 --> 00:17:20,763
to be built up and adored,
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00:17:20,885 --> 00:17:23,372
and then sacrificed. For harvest.
265
00:17:24,147 --> 00:17:25,782
All right, everyone's about here.
266
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,830
Who's everyone? Who all is in on this?
267
00:17:32,946 --> 00:17:35,941
Hey, where are we? This isn't right.
268
00:17:39,815 --> 00:17:41,260
Oh no!
269
00:17:42,668 --> 00:17:43,893
Come on, Britney!
270
00:17:45,516 --> 00:17:47,011
Come on, come on!
271
00:18:17,766 --> 00:18:19,132
Mom, Dad!
272
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:21,713
They're gonna kill her!
They're going to in-
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00:18:21,838 --> 00:18:23,771
Wait, what are you doing here?
274
00:18:23,897 --> 00:18:26,793
It's okay, Kyle. Just... be a good boy.
275
00:18:26,917 --> 00:18:29,810
Be a good boy? You know all about this?
276
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:31,811
Kyle, what the fuck is going on now?
277
00:18:32,076 --> 00:18:34,231
She's been built up
to be sacrificed, Stan!
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00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:35,983
Sacrificed? For what?
279
00:18:36,246 --> 00:18:39,401
For harvest, Stanley.
Same reason we've always done it.
280
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:43,580
Sacrifice in March,
corn have plenty starch.
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00:18:44,168 --> 00:18:45,503
Corn harvest!
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00:18:45,628 --> 00:18:48,562
We haven't told you about it,
Stanley, because we,
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00:18:48,688 --> 00:18:51,880
we like to wait until kids are
a little older to talk to them about
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00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:56,253
things like condoms and ritualistic
human sacrifice for harvest.
285
00:18:56,788 --> 00:19:00,833
All right, enough already!
This has all gone on long enough!
286
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:04,631
The kid is right.
This has gone on too long.
287
00:19:05,475 --> 00:19:08,302
Yeah. She was supposed to
have killed herself a long time ago.
288
00:19:08,566 --> 00:19:10,742
And harvest is coming soon.
289
00:19:10,866 --> 00:19:14,110
All right, folks,
let's finish this quickly.
290
00:19:22,937 --> 00:19:24,330
No wait.
291
00:19:35,297 --> 00:19:36,762
Come on, hurry up.
292
00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:39,630
I can't run.
You go ahead, I'll catch up with ya.
293
00:19:48,365 --> 00:19:49,760
Here Davey.
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00:20:04,027 --> 00:20:05,470
Hold on.
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00:20:08,677 --> 00:20:10,163
She's dead.
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00:20:11,038 --> 00:20:15,830
Well, I think it's time for
us to leave the poor girl alone.
297
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:57,721
- Morning, Bill.
- Morning, Gil.
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00:20:57,847 --> 00:20:59,543
Nice-looking corn.
299
00:20:59,806 --> 00:21:02,543
300
00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:07,643
Hey Sharon, Randy, great harvest, huh?
301
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:11,302
An incredible harvest. Some
of the best corn I've seen in years.
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00:21:11,568 --> 00:21:13,550
- She's the daughter of a country singer,
- Hey, check it out!
303
00:21:13,675 --> 00:21:17,022
and the young girl has really
taken the country by storm.
304
00:21:17,148 --> 00:21:19,233
Hannah Montana's Miley Cyrus,
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00:21:19,498 --> 00:21:21,121
though only fifteen years old,
306
00:21:21,246 --> 00:21:24,063
is already on her way
to being a major superstar.
307
00:21:26,246 --> 00:21:29,193
Looks like next harvest
will be even better.