1 00:00:04,650 --> 00:00:07,750 Transcript: spscriptorium Sync: John Smith - forom.com 2 00:00:07,885 --> 00:00:11,144 I'm going out to South Park gonna have myself a time 3 00:00:11,175 --> 00:00:14,550 Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation 4 00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:17,897 I'm goin out to south park gonna leave my woes behind 5 00:00:17,928 --> 00:00:21,157 Ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor 6 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:24,398 I'm heading out to south park to see if i cant unwind 7 00:00:24,429 --> 00:00:27,750 I like girls with big fat titties really big fat titties 8 00:00:27,781 --> 00:00:31,256 So come on out to south park and meet some friends of mine 9 00:00:32,108 --> 00:00:34,091 Episode 11x09 "More Crap" 10 00:00:37,325 --> 00:00:41,360 Well, there's no doubt in my mind, Mr. Marsh. You are constipated. 11 00:00:41,491 --> 00:00:43,328 Thanks for the news flash! 12 00:00:43,330 --> 00:00:47,229 I haven't taken a crap in over three weeks! The question is why?! 13 00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:52,317 Well, what food have you been eating? - P.F. Chang's, mostly. Good stuff. 14 00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:55,342 I'm going to prescribe a laxative. 15 00:00:55,487 --> 00:01:01,492 But I must warn you: when you do finally pass this stool, it might be very painful. 16 00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:04,100 How painful is "painful"? 17 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,190 Oh God. Oh, here it comes. 18 00:01:19,786 --> 00:01:23,981 Whoa, hot! Hot, hot! Whoa, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! 19 00:01:35,068 --> 00:01:38,313 Oh, it's over. It's over. 20 00:01:38,495 --> 00:01:42,210 Oh God. I feel so much better. 21 00:01:47,968 --> 00:01:49,430 Wow. 22 00:01:50,117 --> 00:01:53,092 That is huge. 23 00:01:53,817 --> 00:01:57,553 That has got to be the biggest crap I've ever taken. 24 00:01:58,465 --> 00:02:03,191 Hey, hey Sharon. Sharon you gotta come see this. 25 00:02:03,478 --> 00:02:04,863 Sha-Sharon? 26 00:02:05,338 --> 00:02:08,041 What is it, Randy? Do you have any- Oh, Randy! 27 00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:11,360 Will you look at that? Is that the biggest crap you've ever seen or what? 28 00:02:11,388 --> 00:02:15,390 Flush the toilet for Christ's sake! - Come on! That's pretty impressive! 29 00:02:15,418 --> 00:02:19,172 Hey Stan! Stan, look at this. - Randy! 30 00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:22,102 Look what your old man made. - No way! 31 00:02:22,116 --> 00:02:25,112 Huh? Never seen one that big, have you? - No, never. 32 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:27,171 Gross, Dad, sick! 33 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:31,540 All right, will you flush the toilet now?! - I'll try, but I don't think... 34 00:02:31,577 --> 00:02:35,332 Wait a minute. I gotta call Jimbo first. - Why?! 35 00:02:35,365 --> 00:02:36,860 He's gotta see this. 36 00:02:36,885 --> 00:02:39,451 No, we are flushing the toilet right now- - No! 37 00:02:39,468 --> 00:02:43,860 Jimbo has to see it so when I tell the guys how big it was, they'll know I'm not lying! 38 00:02:43,895 --> 00:02:47,613 Oh, for the love of God, Randy! - Sharon, this is important! 39 00:02:47,648 --> 00:02:50,510 Stan, go call your Uncle Jimbo. I'm gonna stand guard. 40 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:58,161 Hey guys! - Hey Randy. 41 00:02:58,196 --> 00:03:01,540 Are you feeling better? - Yeah, I'm totally fine now. 42 00:03:01,575 --> 00:03:04,513 You guys shoulda seen the crap Randy took last night! 43 00:03:04,528 --> 00:03:08,920 It was honestly, the biggest crap anyone has ever taken. Ever. 44 00:03:08,946 --> 00:03:10,481 Well I don't know about ever... 45 00:03:10,518 --> 00:03:13,732 I'm telling you this thing was the size of a freaking football. 46 00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:15,472 I guess it was pretty big. 47 00:03:15,558 --> 00:03:19,141 A football? That's amazing. - I've never heard of one that big. 48 00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:22,430 Oh, my brother took a crap once, that was enormous. 49 00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:25,532 It was the biggest in the history of the world, I think. 50 00:03:28,587 --> 00:03:30,252 It wasn't bigger than mine was. 51 00:03:30,507 --> 00:03:33,471 Oh no, seriously, this crap was a monster! 52 00:03:35,865 --> 00:03:38,073 Mine... mine was bigger. 53 00:03:38,436 --> 00:03:40,073 I doubt it. 54 00:03:41,176 --> 00:03:42,752 You wanna see it? 55 00:03:50,205 --> 00:03:52,183 Oh my freaking Lord. 56 00:03:52,205 --> 00:03:56,412 That did not seriously come out of your ass. - Oh yes, it did. 57 00:03:56,428 --> 00:03:58,862 Go ahead and check it for splits. It's one solid piece. 58 00:03:58,887 --> 00:03:59,981 Jesus... 59 00:03:59,985 --> 00:04:02,821 That uh, a little bigger than your brother's there, Gerald? 60 00:04:02,856 --> 00:04:06,221 It's... other-worldly. 61 00:04:06,255 --> 00:04:09,533 Randy, have you called the people from the Guinness Book of World Records? I mean... 62 00:04:09,555 --> 00:04:12,550 this might seriously be the biggest crap in history! 63 00:04:12,598 --> 00:04:15,493 That's why I gotta make sure to keep it safe. 64 00:04:17,727 --> 00:04:20,740 Randy Marsh! - Aw crap! 65 00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:23,711 What the hell do you think you're doing keeping that thing in our house?! 66 00:04:23,716 --> 00:04:26,310 The guys agree, Sharon: it could be a record holder. 67 00:04:26,337 --> 00:04:29,593 Why are men so obsessed with how big their crap is?! 68 00:04:32,965 --> 00:04:36,112 Guinness World Records America. How can I help you? 69 00:04:37,427 --> 00:04:39,473 The biggest crap? 70 00:04:40,157 --> 00:04:44,001 We actually don't keep track of that record, sir. 71 00:04:44,546 --> 00:04:46,980 Because we don't want to. 72 00:04:47,448 --> 00:04:51,732 Look, we get calls from men all the time who believe they took the biggest crap 73 00:04:51,737 --> 00:04:55,232 and we simply can't handle all the measuring and verification. 74 00:04:55,265 --> 00:05:00,022 You need to call the European Fecal Standards and Measurements Office in Zurich. 75 00:05:00,337 --> 00:05:04,051 You're welcome. Jeez, another one. 76 00:05:06,035 --> 00:05:07,801 Guinness World Records America. 77 00:05:07,847 --> 00:05:13,673 Yes, hello. My name is Randy Marsh and I believe I took the world's biggest crap. 78 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:20,700 You need to call the European Fecal Standards and Measurements Office in Zurich. 79 00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:23,632 Their number is listed on their Web site. 80 00:05:29,466 --> 00:05:34,063 Herr President, take a look at this. It is a crap sent to us from the United States. 81 00:05:34,098 --> 00:05:36,163 Very nice. 82 00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,063 Has it been checked for accuracy? 83 00:05:38,065 --> 00:05:40,963 It appears to be legitimate, based on the photo. 84 00:05:40,985 --> 00:05:45,010 We estimate that the crap is over eight and a half Courics! 85 00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:49,401 We'd better get on a plane. Right away. 86 00:05:53,876 --> 00:05:55,541 Hm, enshnusen? 87 00:05:55,716 --> 00:05:57,753 Verron snusunarich. 88 00:05:59,695 --> 00:06:03,590 What was your primary diet for this poo, Mr. Marsh? 89 00:06:03,625 --> 00:06:07,243 Mostly P.F. Chang's. General Tsao's Chicken. 90 00:06:07,275 --> 00:06:11,051 And a lot of Aunt Jemima's Frozen Sausage Biscuits in the morning. 91 00:06:11,086 --> 00:06:16,063 I believe I detect some cabbage as well? - Oh yes, I had a lot of kim chee. 92 00:06:16,336 --> 00:06:19,111 You have got to be kidding me. 93 00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:22,521 These guys are from Zurich, Sharon! They're Europeans! 94 00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:27,730 It is a tremendous crap, Mr. Marsh. - For the love of God! 95 00:06:28,238 --> 00:06:34,091 Your crap officially weighs, 8.6 Courics. - Courics? 96 00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:36,631 The standard measuring unit for human feces. 97 00:06:36,656 --> 00:06:40,440 One Katie Couric is approximately two and a half pounds of excrement. 98 00:06:40,475 --> 00:06:44,631 The current record is a crap weighing 7.5 Courics. 99 00:06:45,127 --> 00:06:47,470 But that means... - That's right. 100 00:06:47,505 --> 00:06:51,160 You are the new world's champion! - Really?! 101 00:06:51,196 --> 00:06:53,781 You mean, really?! 102 00:06:55,587 --> 00:06:59,952 Hey Stan! Hey Sharon! Hey everybody! 103 00:07:00,418 --> 00:07:03,283 Well, I guess we'd better call the old champoin... 104 00:07:03,286 --> 00:07:07,190 and let him know his record has just been broken. 105 00:07:08,077 --> 00:07:11,943 He has won twenty-two Grammy's, countless humanitarian awards... 106 00:07:11,947 --> 00:07:16,951 and is the only person ever to be nominated for an Academy Award, a Golden Globe... 107 00:07:16,956 --> 00:07:21,152 and the Nobel Peace Prize. Ladies and gentlemen, Bono! 108 00:07:26,006 --> 00:07:30,251 Thank you. Thank you so much for this newest award, it means so much. 109 00:07:31,976 --> 00:07:35,103 Excuse me. I must be getting another award. 110 00:07:35,296 --> 00:07:36,931 Yes? - Yes, Bono. 111 00:07:36,937 --> 00:07:42,260 Sir, we wish to inform you that your record for biggest crap has just been broken. 112 00:07:42,888 --> 00:07:46,410 What?! That's impossible! How big was it? 113 00:07:54,746 --> 00:07:57,680 We are here to honor the first American... 114 00:07:57,715 --> 00:08:03,033 to bring home the distinguished EFSM medal for biggest crap ever taken. 115 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:09,481 Hey look, Sharon, it's the President! Hey Sharon! 116 00:08:10,068 --> 00:08:15,871 To present the award I give you the dean of the EFSM, Sir Orloff Broloff. 117 00:08:18,745 --> 00:08:24,711 Thank you, Senator. For over a hundred years, the European Fecal Standards and Meas- 118 00:08:24,717 --> 00:08:26,960 Herr Broloff! Herr Broloff! 119 00:08:28,598 --> 00:08:29,741 Das shpoitenhoff? 120 00:08:29,766 --> 00:08:31,192 Ah ladies and gentlemen... 121 00:08:31,207 --> 00:08:36,460 I understand we have just received a special video-taped announcement from Bono! 122 00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:38,991 Bono? Cool! 123 00:08:39,016 --> 00:08:42,393 Could we play the tape on the big screen, please? 124 00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:46,643 Hello everyone! I, am Bono. 125 00:08:56,207 --> 00:09:00,763 For years it has been my honor to try and bring focus to the needs in Africa. 126 00:09:00,765 --> 00:09:03,873 And today, I have very exciting news. 127 00:09:03,887 --> 00:09:10,222 Last night, at twenty past eight, I took a crap weighing nine and a half Courics. 128 00:09:12,516 --> 00:09:13,920 Bono?! 129 00:09:14,825 --> 00:09:19,051 As you can see, it is one solid piece. It is my biggest crap to date. 130 00:09:19,076 --> 00:09:23,541 And I swear to its authenticity. Thank you, and God bless. 131 00:09:29,408 --> 00:09:34,452 You heard it, ladies and gentlemen! The official biggest crap is 9.5 Courics! 132 00:09:34,467 --> 00:09:36,972 Congratulations to Bono! 133 00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:59,710 Dad, I think dinner's almost ready. 134 00:09:59,746 --> 00:10:01,550 I almost did it. 135 00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:05,090 I almost made something of myself. 136 00:10:05,778 --> 00:10:10,613 You know, when you get real close, you start to think that maybe your life is gonna matter. 137 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:16,981 I mean, this was something I made! 138 00:10:17,008 --> 00:10:21,733 Something that came from me! That was a a part of me! 139 00:10:22,135 --> 00:10:25,381 The only thing I ever made that was any good! 140 00:10:28,066 --> 00:10:31,131 Gee, thanks a lot, Dad. - You're welcome. 141 00:10:31,147 --> 00:10:32,331 And I just... 142 00:10:32,338 --> 00:10:38,322 I know that this late in my life I'll never come so close to finally having meaning. 143 00:10:39,316 --> 00:10:41,520 Come on guys, lasagna's ready. 144 00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:45,438 Oh. Lasagna's ready. 145 00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:50,229 You hear that, Stan? Mom says lasagna is ready! 146 00:10:50,245 --> 00:10:53,437 I can see through your sarcasm, Sharon! 147 00:10:53,729 --> 00:10:56,891 What are you talking about? - You can say it, Sharon! 148 00:10:56,926 --> 00:10:59,440 I know Bono's better than me! 149 00:10:59,487 --> 00:11:01,882 I'm sorry I'm not Bono, all right?! 150 00:11:01,915 --> 00:11:05,990 Sorry that I don't have billions of dollars and a Nobel prize nomination! 151 00:11:06,026 --> 00:11:10,193 Randy, this is ridiculous! - Oh, that's real mature, Sharon! 152 00:11:10,227 --> 00:11:14,090 Just act like everything's funny! It's a big joke to you, isn't it?! 153 00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:17,851 Just a big joke! Don't touch me! 154 00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:23,812 Can you believe him?! All this over what guy took the biggest crap! 155 00:11:23,848 --> 00:11:27,123 You don't understand, Mom. You just don't understand. 156 00:11:28,156 --> 00:11:30,291 Wha? Wha? 157 00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:41,190 How come they just let that Bono guy send a picture of his crap? 158 00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:45,632 Because he's Bono, that's why. - But he could have faked it. It isn't fair! 159 00:11:45,675 --> 00:11:49,710 Doesn't matter. He's got the record now, there's nothing I can do. 160 00:11:50,695 --> 00:11:54,521 Oh yes there is! You could do it again! - What? 161 00:11:54,557 --> 00:11:58,760 Think about it. You weren't even trying to take the biggest crap last time. 162 00:11:58,766 --> 00:12:01,500 Imagine if you actually worked at it! 163 00:12:01,536 --> 00:12:03,852 Hey. Hey that's right. 164 00:12:03,878 --> 00:12:07,703 No. I can't go through all that again. It's too much. 165 00:12:07,738 --> 00:12:11,602 Come on, Randy. I'll bet you can crap that big again easy! 166 00:12:11,637 --> 00:12:14,621 With the right diet and training, who knows what you're capable of? 167 00:12:14,647 --> 00:12:20,373 Guys, forget it! It's over! It was a fluke crap, I'll never take one that big again! 168 00:12:20,727 --> 00:12:24,542 Is it over, Randy?! We all saw that crap you took! 169 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:30,073 That was no fluke! There's something inside you that made you able to do it! 170 00:12:30,258 --> 00:12:34,971 Randy, you have a gift. Now who knows why God chose you, but he did! 171 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:39,563 And if you walk away now, you'll always wonder... 172 00:12:39,607 --> 00:12:42,273 how big a crap you could have taken! 173 00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:48,083 I would need a lot of help. - That's what we're here for. 174 00:12:48,116 --> 00:12:50,230 Come on, Randy, what do you say?! 175 00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:52,632 I say... 176 00:12:53,825 --> 00:12:56,363 Let's give Bono a run for his money! 177 00:13:03,985 --> 00:13:06,502 This is CNN Headline News. 178 00:13:06,545 --> 00:13:09,193 Tonight, a possible attack on Iran... 179 00:13:09,218 --> 00:13:12,551 may mean the beginning of a new war in the Middle East. 180 00:13:12,585 --> 00:13:13,942 Oh no. 181 00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:19,212 But first, the record for the world's biggest crap, will it again be broken? 182 00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:23,480 Randy Marsh of Colorado is now three weeks into his quest to make a new crap. 183 00:13:23,517 --> 00:13:27,281 Spending nearly every waking hour at P.F. Chang's. 184 00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:29,780 Is this really newsworthy? 185 00:13:30,068 --> 00:13:32,242 You just don't understand. 186 00:13:32,465 --> 00:13:34,112 You're right. I don't. 187 00:13:34,148 --> 00:13:37,781 At the same time, some people are questioning Bono's current record entry... 188 00:13:37,785 --> 00:13:40,592 saying nobody has ever seen it in person. 189 00:13:40,617 --> 00:13:44,912 Bono could not be reached for comment, as he is currently in Africa helping the needy. 190 00:13:51,766 --> 00:13:54,240 Hello, hello. 191 00:13:54,526 --> 00:13:59,050 Marsh is attempting to break the record again. We thought you should know. 192 00:13:59,086 --> 00:14:03,692 He can't beat my nine and a half Courics! - Well he's going to try. 193 00:14:03,728 --> 00:14:08,212 Fine, but he has to take the crap in front of you! In Zurich. 194 00:14:08,258 --> 00:14:11,012 Bono, we've never had that rule before. 195 00:14:11,056 --> 00:14:13,230 I's the only way you can know he's not cheating! 196 00:14:13,255 --> 00:14:16,712 If he doesn't crap in Zurich, it shouldn't count! 197 00:14:19,155 --> 00:14:20,983 Ultrasound is very simple, Mr. Marsh. 198 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:23,223 We're going to use harmless waves to look inside your belly. 199 00:14:23,226 --> 00:14:26,290 Just gonna put some warm gel on your stomach first. 200 00:14:27,488 --> 00:14:29,642 Okay, take a deep breath. 201 00:14:30,198 --> 00:14:35,531 I see the crap now. I can't say for sure, but I, I'd say is about... 202 00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:38,520 14 Courics. - Fourteen?! 203 00:14:38,568 --> 00:14:41,021 That's great, Randy! - Can I, Can I see it? 204 00:14:41,035 --> 00:14:46,773 Sure. This is your colon and here is the feces growing inside your belly. 205 00:15:01,315 --> 00:15:02,811 Guys, we have a problem! 206 00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:06,890 I talked to the EFSM and they say Randy has to take the crap in Zurich. 207 00:15:06,925 --> 00:15:08,040 In Zurich? 208 00:15:08,046 --> 00:15:10,870 They say that Bono is demanding it and that their hands are tied. 209 00:15:10,908 --> 00:15:15,332 I'm sorry Mr. Marsh, I I cannot condone you traveling on an airplane in your condition. 210 00:15:15,357 --> 00:15:18,742 It is never safe to fly during your turd trimester. 211 00:15:24,768 --> 00:15:30,540 Hi, could I speak to Mr. Bono, please? - Mr. Bono, you have a young gentleman caller! 212 00:15:35,047 --> 00:15:37,913 Get the jet ready, Bovis! I've got to be going. 213 00:15:38,806 --> 00:15:42,510 Hi, my name is Stan Marsh. My dad's trying to beat your record for biggest crap. 214 00:15:42,548 --> 00:15:45,552 Oh right. He can't make it to Zurich, right? 215 00:15:45,586 --> 00:15:49,480 That's kind of what I'm here for. Do you really need the biggest crap record? 216 00:15:49,505 --> 00:15:53,091 Could you maybe see your way to just letting my dad have this one? 217 00:15:53,506 --> 00:15:56,360 Let him have it? Why would I do that?! 218 00:15:56,397 --> 00:16:01,371 Look, you gotta understand, sir. My dad's never won an award for anything. Ever. 219 00:16:01,406 --> 00:16:03,450 He doesn't have one single trophy. 220 00:16:03,487 --> 00:16:08,411 I mean, even I have a second-place trophy for most Sports Illustrated subscriptions sold. 221 00:16:08,447 --> 00:16:11,012 I have the first-place trophy for that. 222 00:16:12,295 --> 00:16:14,391 Dude, don't you have enough? I mean... 223 00:16:14,436 --> 00:16:18,211 you got tons of money, a jet and the biggest rock band in the world, a hot wife and... 224 00:16:18,217 --> 00:16:22,960 you've been knighted. I mean, at some point, can't you just kind of fuck off? 225 00:16:22,995 --> 00:16:26,582 I want people to know that I'm worth something. That I matter. 226 00:16:26,607 --> 00:16:30,691 All I'm asking is that maybe with this one thing, let my dad be number 1. 227 00:16:30,717 --> 00:16:32,822 And you can still be number 2. 228 00:16:33,386 --> 00:16:36,980 Number two?! Number two?! 229 00:16:37,686 --> 00:16:40,380 Nobody calls me that anymore and gets away with it! 230 00:16:40,415 --> 00:16:44,372 Take it back! Take it back! - I take it back! 231 00:16:44,408 --> 00:16:46,932 Say I'm not number two! - You're not number two! 232 00:16:46,966 --> 00:16:49,481 That's right! I'm not! 233 00:16:54,225 --> 00:16:56,133 What is wrong with that guy? 234 00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:59,880 Your father is in grave danger. Come with me! 235 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,470 It must be quite a crap. 236 00:17:18,508 --> 00:17:21,650 Come on, Randy. You have to push! 237 00:17:26,957 --> 00:17:29,352 What are you saying?! How do you know my dad is gonna die?! 238 00:17:29,387 --> 00:17:32,563 Because nobody has ever taken a crap that big before! 239 00:17:32,595 --> 00:17:34,621 So Bono's newest record is a lie! 240 00:17:34,658 --> 00:17:39,710 Look, I first knew something was wrong when I looked at Bono's first award for biggest crap. 241 00:17:39,755 --> 00:17:43,073 It said he took it in 1960. - So? 242 00:17:43,098 --> 00:17:47,940 So that's the year Bono was born. Then it all made sense to me. 243 00:17:47,978 --> 00:17:52,861 How could Bono be so talented, so caring and yet seem like such a piece of crap? 244 00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:59,261 Because he is crap. Don't you get it? Bono is not the record holder... 245 00:18:00,465 --> 00:18:03,543 He's the record. - Yes. 246 00:18:08,386 --> 00:18:11,193 I can't do it! I can't do it! 247 00:18:11,208 --> 00:18:15,741 The crap is simply too big, Mr. Marsh. We must perform a Caesarean! 248 00:18:15,777 --> 00:18:18,940 But then, does it still count? - Oh, no! 249 00:18:18,945 --> 00:18:23,760 A biggest crap means you crapped it out! - I believe that's true. 250 00:18:23,785 --> 00:18:28,083 We are sorry, Mr. Marsh, but if you cannot crap out the crap... 251 00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:30,260 it's not really a crap. 252 00:18:30,958 --> 00:18:33,840 No... No. 253 00:18:34,255 --> 00:18:37,743 There there Randy. You gave it your best shot. 254 00:18:37,777 --> 00:18:41,230 I want my wife. Sharon? Sharon? 255 00:18:41,947 --> 00:18:44,971 What?! - I'm sorry, Sharon. 256 00:18:45,007 --> 00:18:49,891 I'm sorry that I let you down. I'm sorry I can't crap like Bono. 257 00:18:50,466 --> 00:18:54,591 Well congratulations, Bono, it appears your record is intact. 258 00:18:54,628 --> 00:18:58,101 I had a feeling it would be. - Wait! Stop! 259 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:02,891 Dad, your old crap counts. Bono never took a second crap to beat yours. 260 00:19:02,926 --> 00:19:06,581 Get him out of here! - What are you talking about, young man? 261 00:19:06,617 --> 00:19:12,332 Somebody's been keeping it a secret. Bono was never the record holder! He's the record! 262 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:17,172 It's not true! Kill the kid! I want him dead! 263 00:19:17,426 --> 00:19:21,793 It's too late, Bono. The boy has learned the truth. 264 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:26,693 Herr Broloff, what do you know of this? - It's true, I'm afraid. 265 00:19:26,727 --> 00:19:32,301 You see, until Mr. Marsh came along, I was the record holder for the biggest crap. 266 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:37,293 I took it back in 1960. It was the most amazing crap I'd ever taken. 267 00:19:37,328 --> 00:19:40,461 Poppa no! Say nothing more! 268 00:19:40,656 --> 00:19:43,902 Come to me, my darling precious child. 269 00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:52,670 After I had broken the record I took the crap home. 270 00:19:52,705 --> 00:19:58,133 I was so proud of it that I decided to keep it, to try and raise it like a child. 271 00:19:58,165 --> 00:20:02,871 No Poppa. No Poppa. - There there, my little crap. 272 00:20:02,907 --> 00:20:06,781 Don't cry. Here, do you want the biddy? 273 00:20:07,557 --> 00:20:09,811 Does Bono want the biddy? 274 00:20:11,618 --> 00:20:14,181 Yes, he likes the biddy doesn't he? 275 00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:16,080 Dude. 276 00:20:16,105 --> 00:20:19,990 I kept the crap in my office, nursed it, fed it biddy. 277 00:20:20,035 --> 00:20:23,711 And soon biddy made him strong. Biddy made him grow up! 278 00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:28,773 Into one of the most influential figures of our time.Easy Bono, that hurts the biddy. 279 00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:30,631 Biddy. 280 00:20:31,767 --> 00:20:34,531 My little crap has accomplished many things. 281 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:38,980 But he could never shed the fact that he was really a number two. 282 00:20:39,015 --> 00:20:42,940 So he spent his life trying to be number one, in everything. 283 00:20:42,987 --> 00:20:46,262 That's why he's able to do so much, try to help so many people... 284 00:20:46,297 --> 00:20:48,763 but still seem like such a piece of shit. 285 00:20:48,805 --> 00:20:51,860 You have blemished this noble society's good name, Herr Broloff. 286 00:20:51,895 --> 00:20:55,531 Have I?! Look at the crap I took all those years ago! 287 00:20:55,568 --> 00:20:59,740 Bono is now almost six feet tall and over 80 Courics in weight! 288 00:20:59,776 --> 00:21:03,762 No matter how you look at it, he is still the record! 289 00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:07,192 Oh God, here it comes! Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot! 290 00:21:07,228 --> 00:21:10,452 Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Hot! Hot! 291 00:21:16,737 --> 00:21:20,981 My God... - It must be over a hundred Courics! 292 00:21:21,167 --> 00:21:23,741 Dad, are you all right? - Yeah, I'm... 293 00:21:23,775 --> 00:21:26,631 No, I'm good! Feel a lot better. 294 00:21:26,665 --> 00:21:30,441 Mr. Marsh, we apologize and if it's okay with you... 295 00:21:30,478 --> 00:21:34,910 we would like to present you... your long overdue trophy.