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Okay, children, let's take our seats.
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We have a new student joining us today who has just moved here from Utah.
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I want you all to say hi to Gary.
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Hello, everbody. It's realy great to meet you all.
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Gary was state champion in wrestling AND in tennis.
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He also maintained a 4.0 grade point average at his old school
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...AND has been on two national commercials for toothpaste.
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I'm really excited to live in this town and share all kinds of great experiences with you,
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...my new friends!
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Oh, dude, what a little asshole!
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Yeah, screw that kid!
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All right, Gary, why don't you take that empty seat and we'll get started with the lesson?
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Hey. My name's Gary.
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Hi. My name's Eura. Eura Fag.
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That's funny. You're cool, man.
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Okay now, who can tell me what year the first astronauts landed on the moon?
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Oh! Oh oh oh! Nineteen sixty nine!
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Very good, Gary.
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Wow, looks like I don't have a class full of retards anymore, doesn't it, children?
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Dude, that new kid is such a douche!
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Yeah. Somebody need sto put him in him place!
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He's a peckerface, that's what he is!
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Go kick his ass, Stan.
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Yeah, go kick his ass.
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Wull, maybe he won't fight.
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Will he bleed? That's all we care about.
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Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that fuckin' smirk off his face!
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Yeah, little bitch!
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All right, I'm gonna go kick his ass.
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Yeah! Go Stan! Go Stan!
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All right, I've got five bucks on the other kid. Who wants in?
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Oh hey there! You wanna kick the ball around with me?
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No. I'm... I'm gonna kick your ass.
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Scuse me?
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I'm gonna kick your ass... bitch.
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How come you wanna fight me?
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...Oh, I get it. I'm the new kid.
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Yeah, I guess maybe I deserve it.
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Huh?
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It's really tough being in a totally new place, but I think all you guys are really cool so...
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I understand if there's initiation rites.
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Dude, stop it.
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-Let him have it, Stan!
-Shut up, Butters!
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The other kids are watching. Look, do what you gotta do. I won't fight back.
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I just hope that maybe afterwards we can... try to be friends someday.
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What are they doing?
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They're just standing there, talking.
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What happened?
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I'm... going over to his house for dinenr tonight.
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What?! How did that happen?
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He's a really nice kid.
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You were supposed to kick his ass, not lick his butthole!
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You're having dinenr with his family?
What kind of family has a kid like that?
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Okay, my turn. Ooo, five! One two three four five.
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Uh, awww, lost yor mortgage, pay ten thousand dollars! Oh no!
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Hey, it's Gary!
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Gary!
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Great to see you!
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How are you?
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Hey everybody! This is my new friend Stan. Stan, this is my mom and dad.
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Hi Stan!
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It's so nice to meet you.
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And this is my brother Mark.
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Hi!
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My sister Jenny.
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Hey!
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My little brother Dave.
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Hi!
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And my baby sister Amanda.
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Hello Stan!
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Well, it's great you could join us for Family Home Evening, Stan!
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What's that?
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That's when we don't allow any TV and just entertain each other with music and stories.
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Doesn't your family ever do that?
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No.
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Hey kids! Why don't you grab your instruments and play a song for Stan!
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-Oh yeah!
-All right! Let's play!
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Yeah yeah, yeah, I love my family!
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My family is the best!
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If we ever have to face a challenge.
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My family!
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can pass the test.
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Oh boy! Who is the best Mom in the world??
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All right! Go Dave!
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Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs?
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That's a great story, Sarah.
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All right, kids, now how about we do some Scripture readings!
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From the Book of Mormon!
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All right!
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The... Book of Mormon? What's that?
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You know... the book that Joseph Smith found.
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Who's Joseph Smith?
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Only the most important person in the world.
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You've never heard of him?
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No!
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Tell us the story of Joseph Smith, Dad.
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Oh yes, tell us Dad. Yeah Dad. All right.
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All right, you rascals. Gather round.
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Joseph Smith lived in a little American town in the early 1800s.
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Joseph Smith was called a prophet
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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He started the Mormon religion
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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There goes that kooky Joseph Smith
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You know, he claims he spoke with God and Jesus.
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Well, how do you know he didn't?
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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Joseph Smith was called a prophet-
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Hey, Joseph! I told my wife that you spoke with God and Jesus, and she didn't believe it.
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Well it's true. I did.
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Where?
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I was out in the woods, praying.
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I was asking God if I should be a Protestant, or a Catholic, or what?
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And suddenly God and Jesus appeared before me.
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And they said I should start my own church, because none of the others had it right.
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And that's exactly how it happened.
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You see? You believe it now?
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Well yeah, sure. Why would he make that up?
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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Many people believed Joseph
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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And that night he-ee saw an angel
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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And please bless Mother and Father,
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...and please keep our bellies full of yum-yums and luscious goodies.
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Oh my gosh!
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I am Moroni. I am a Native American.
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A... Native American?
But your skin is white.
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Yes. Long ago all Native American were white.
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We all came to America from Jerusalem.
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And while we were here we were visited by Christ.
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Jesus live here in America?
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Yes. Eventually, my people were all killed by the other tribe of Israel,
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...and as punishment, God turned their skin red.
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These are the Native Americans you know today.
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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There is an ancient book buried near here, written on gold plates that account my people's lives.
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Also buried with the book are two seer stones, the Urim and Thummim,
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...which will allow you to translate the writings.
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Find it, and fulfill your destiny.
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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Joseph Smith was called a prophet
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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And we all know what happened then, don't we?
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Yeah! I know!
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What happened then?
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Ooo, the Rice Crispy squares are done!
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Rice Crispy squares! Yay! All right! Rice Crispy squares!
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Hey gang, let's wrap some more of them up in plastic wrap and hand them out to the poor!
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Awesome! I can't wait!
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You coming, Stan?
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No, I was supposed to be home at eight.
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Awww, that's too bad. Well, it was really nice meeting you, Stan.
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Bye Stan!
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Great to meet you!
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Bye!
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...Hello?
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Oh, hi Stan.
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Hey Dad, how come you never told me about Joseph Smith?
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Who?
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Shut up, turd! We're watching Friends!
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The guy who spoke to God and Jesus.
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Well, Stan, God and Jesus don't actually speak to people.
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That's not what the Harrisons said.
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Who are the Harrisons?
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The new people that moved in down the street.
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Mr. Harrison said that Joseph Smith spoke to God and Jesus and they told him none of the religions were right.
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Oh, did he now?! What are they, religious kooks?!
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They're not kooks, they're cool.
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I mean, how come we never have a night where we don't watch any TV and we just... do stuff together and eat and drink?
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We have that, Stan. It's called Friday Night Kegger.
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But that's just you and your friends.
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I said shut up, turd!
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Mr. Harrison said that I should be followng Heavenly Father's plan, and I don't even know what that is.
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All right, that does it!
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Where are you going?
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I'm gonna go have a talk with this "Mr. Harrison."
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If he thinks he can fill my son's head with wacko religious crap, he's wrong!
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Randy, don't cause trouble.
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Let me handle this, Sharon. You gotta put these cult people in their place or else they never stop!
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I'm gonna go kick this Mr. Garrison's ass!
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This, Mr. Garrison is, is a white guy, right?
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Yeah.
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Jyeah, I'm gonna go kick his ass!
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God-damned religious kooks! Tell my son what to believe, will you?!
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We'll see how you like my fist in your ass!
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Hello!
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Yeah, are you Mr. Harrison?
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I sure am. The, the name's Gary.
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Well, look, my kid was just over at your house and he a-
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Oh, you're Stan's dad! It's so nice to finally meet you!
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Karen! Mr. Marsh is here!
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Uh, look, I just want to tell you that
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Oh, Mr. Marsh! What a treat! It's so nice to meet you!
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Well, thanks. Uh...
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Karen just finished baking the most amazing Rice Crispy squares.
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With chocolate frosting
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Come on out of the cold. You've gotta try one. Or six.
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I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have you over.
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I hear you're a geologist. That is so amazing.
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Look, uh, I actually came over because I'm a little concerned about some of the things you told my son.
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Uh huh?
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You know. About... God, and stuff.
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Oooh... Oh boy... you think we were trying to convert him.
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Well, I-
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Oh, Mr. Marsh, I am sooo sorry.
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We just moved here from Utah and we're so used to everyone being Mormon that we...
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Oh, we forget not everyuone wants to hear about it. Oh boy, you must be furious!
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Well, no, no, I just-
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"You just heard your son talking about religious ideals that aren't your own and you said
211
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"Who the heck do these people think they are?!"
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I I'm really, truly sorry, Mr. Marsh. It won't happen again.
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Y-you can call me... Randy.
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Randy, the last thing we want is for people to think we're pushing our religion.
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We know there are a lot of beliefs out there and ours just works for us.
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To each his own, right?
217
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You know, to be honist, I've never known any Mormons. I, don't even know what you people believe.
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Who was this Joseph Smith guy?
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Why did he believe that Native Americans are actually white people from Jerusalem?
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Well, because they found ancient books they had written on gold plates,
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...right where the angel Moroni said they would be.
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I found them! I found them!
223
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You're not gonne believe it, everybody! I found them!
224
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Found what?
225
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Another New Testament of Jesus Christ!
226
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What? What did he say? Are you crazy?
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Last night, a Native America angel told me where I could find another testament of Jesus Christ,
228
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so I went out to the woods.
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I dug around all morning where the angel had told me to look.
230
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Maybe there isn't anything out here.
231
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Wait a tick! What's this?
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Inside the stone box, I found the magical seer stones.
233
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Under that, I found four gold plates written in strange writing.
234
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This must be the Gospel that Jesus told the Nephites!
235
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Well, they were the most amazing things I'd ever gazed upon.
236
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Well, so where are they?
237
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Where are what?
238
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The gold plates and the seer stones. Where are they?
239
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Oh. Oh, well, I... was not allowed to take them.
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You see, after I found the plates, the angel Moroni appeared to me again
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...and said that I am not allowed to show the plates, or the seer stones, to anybody.
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Because first I must translate what's written on the plates into English, so you can all read it!
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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Wow, amazing!
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He found the stones and golden plates
246
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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Even though nobody else ever saw them
248
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
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So, how'd it go, Clubber Lange?
You kicked Mr. Harrison's ass?
250
00:12:14,389 --> 00:12:19,170
Not exactly. We're uh, having their family over for dinner tomorrow night.
251
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:20,803
See? That's what happened to me!
252
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:26,816
Sharon, did you know this guy Joseph Smith found a new testament to the Bible buried here in America?
253
00:12:26,851 --> 00:12:28,080
What are you talking about?
254
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:31,650
Well it's just that... the Harrisons are really nice people and...
255
00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:34,371
you should see how loving and together their family is. I,
256
00:12:34,372 --> 00:12:36,681
I think there's something to that religion.
257
00:12:36,805 --> 00:12:38,458
That's what they made me think, too!
258
00:12:38,493 --> 00:12:42,641
All right, that does it. From now on, our family is Mormon!
259
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,332
Hey Stan, how was your date last night with the new kid?
260
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:51,524
Shut up, dude. They're a nice family and... Gary is actually really smart and talented.
261
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:54,957
Aww, you guys. I think Stan's in love.
262
00:12:54,992 --> 00:12:56,564
Yeah. Did you make out with him, too?
263
00:12:56,599 --> 00:12:58,223
What's the big deal? Can't I have other friends?
264
00:12:58,224 --> 00:12:59,850
You guys should give Gary a chance.
265
00:13:00,075 --> 00:13:00,855
Hey Stan.
266
00:13:00,890 --> 00:13:02,811
Ohhh, here's Stan's little girlfriend now.
267
00:13:02,846 --> 00:13:07,022
Hey guys. Stan, I remember you said last night that you'd lost your wallet, so I made you a new one.
268
00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:09,913
I carved a picture of John Elway into the leather on the front.
269
00:13:10,255 --> 00:13:11,952
Wow, you made this?
270
00:13:11,987 --> 00:13:14,552
Awww, look at them. Aren't they so cute together?
271
00:13:14,587 --> 00:13:17,823
Hey! My family's on their way over to the fire station to donate blood.
272
00:13:17,824 --> 00:13:19,058
You wanna come along?
273
00:13:19,724 --> 00:13:22,414
Un, I don't think so, Gary. I have to uh...
274
00:13:22,449 --> 00:13:23,529
Oh here comes my family now!
275
00:13:25,093 --> 00:13:26,110
Hey you guys!
276
00:13:26,145 --> 00:13:28,669
Look, we painted our faces!
277
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,077
I'm a lion.
278
00:13:31,112 --> 00:13:32,154
I'm an alien.
279
00:13:32,189 --> 00:13:35,172
Hey, just what the heck am I supposed to be?
280
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,050
Oh my God...
281
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,143
You gonna come with us to the fire station, Stan?
282
00:13:40,178 --> 00:13:42,145
Uh, no. I've got a lot to do.
283
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:45,159
Well... Gary, you wanna just hang out with your friend Stan?
284
00:13:45,194 --> 00:13:48,942
Oh. Well, I'd like to, but... Oh man, I would miss you guys so much!
285
00:13:48,977 --> 00:13:50,604
We'd miss you too, Gary. Heh.
286
00:13:50,639 --> 00:13:53,882
Aw, we'll all see each other tonight when we go to Stan's house for dinner.
287
00:13:53,883 --> 00:13:55,708
Stay and play with your friend, Gary.
288
00:13:55,743 --> 00:13:57,283
Yeah. Have a good time, boys.
289
00:13:59,146 --> 00:14:00,120
Let's go.
290
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,674
Our faces are painted.
291
00:14:04,839 --> 00:14:05,693
Wow!
292
00:14:06,339 --> 00:14:07,609
So what do you guys wanna do?
293
00:14:07,644 --> 00:14:10,077
Uh, that's cool. We're gonna leave you two lovebirds alone.
294
00:14:10,078 --> 00:14:13,205
The three of us have to go put in some volunteer work at the homeless shelter.
295
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,077
Oh cool! I'm gonna do that tomorrow.
296
00:14:15,112 --> 00:14:17,233
Eeheehee, Jesus Christ.
297
00:14:20,279 --> 00:14:23,493
So hey, I heard your dad came over last night and he and my dad talked about Joseph Smith.
298
00:14:23,494 --> 00:14:24,365
That's great!
299
00:14:25,471 --> 00:14:27,701
Yyeah. I had a question about that Joseph Smith guy.
300
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:28,400
Sure.
301
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,887
What happened after he found the golden plates buried in the ground?
302
00:14:30,922 --> 00:14:33,042
Well, he kept them hidden from everyone like he was told.
303
00:14:33,043 --> 00:14:36,322
And then he translated what was written on the plates into the Book of Mormon.
304
00:14:36,604 --> 00:14:37,521
Yeah, but... how?
305
00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:41,839
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
306
00:14:41,874 --> 00:14:44,101
What's this all about, Mr. Smith?
307
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,808
Mr. Harris, can you keep a secret?
308
00:14:46,843 --> 00:14:47,798
Well, sure I can.
309
00:14:47,833 --> 00:14:54,853
I have, in my possession, an ancient book written on gold plates that tells of Jesus Christ's second coming.
310
00:14:54,854 --> 00:14:56,463
Here, in America.
311
00:14:56,791 --> 00:15:00,515
In America? Really? That sounds kind of...
312
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,945
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
313
00:15:03,386 --> 00:15:08,556
It's true. And I'm going to translate the plates and publish it into a book for the whole world to read.
314
00:15:08,557 --> 00:15:11,519
Now, ahah-I know you have a lot of money, Mr. Harris,
315
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:14,720
...and I'm just gonna need a little bit to pay for the publishing costs.
316
00:15:14,753 --> 00:15:17,831
Mmm, I don't know. Uh, how do you expect to translate it?
317
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,584
With these.
318
00:15:20,070 --> 00:15:20,931
Rocks?
319
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,559
They're not rocks. They're seer stones, given to me by an angel.
320
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:28,135
With them, God allowed me to translate the plates into English.
321
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:31,762
Watch. You take this quill and paper and write down what I say.
322
00:15:31,763 --> 00:15:34,411
Sit here. I have the golden plates here in this hat.
323
00:15:34,412 --> 00:15:37,189
I need to have them somewhere dark so I can read the spiritual light.
324
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,503
Really?
325
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,394
Now, when I put the seer stones into the hat,
326
00:15:40,395 --> 00:15:44,302
...the ancient letter light up and change into English, which I can then read to you.
327
00:15:44,665 --> 00:15:45,681
Wow!
328
00:15:48,689 --> 00:15:50,047
"Ooo, I'm seeing the light.
329
00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:51,978
Oh, okay. Write this down.
330
00:15:51,979 --> 00:16:00,885
"And... so... it... was... that... Christ... appeared before... the... Nephites."
331
00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:03,742
And that's how the Book of Mormon was written
332
00:16:03,777 --> 00:16:05,606
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
333
00:16:05,641 --> 00:16:07,737
Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
334
00:16:07,772 --> 00:16:09,647
Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
335
00:16:09,682 --> 00:16:11,948
Dahumb dahumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
336
00:16:11,983 --> 00:16:14,431
Dumb dumb dumb dumb duuumb, duuumb.
337
00:16:16,306 --> 00:16:19,937
One two three four. "Pay one thousand dollars property tax."
338
00:16:20,682 --> 00:16:24,083
Isn't this great, you guys? Our first Family Home Evening.
339
00:16:24,144 --> 00:16:25,848
I wanna watch TV.
340
00:16:26,075 --> 00:16:30,236
We're not watching TV! We're Mormons now and we're having Family Home Evening!
341
00:16:30,271 --> 00:16:33,462
Dad, did you know that that Joseph Smith guy read the Book of Mormon out of a hat?
342
00:16:33,497 --> 00:16:35,099
And? Your turn, Sharon.
343
00:16:35,134 --> 00:16:37,796
It's just that... the Book of Mormon says a lot of strange stuff,
344
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:40,573
...like that Adam and Eve lived in Jackson County, Missouri.
345
00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:41,402
Yes.
346
00:16:41,437 --> 00:16:44,156
But school taught me that the first man and woman lived in Africa.
347
00:16:44,191 --> 00:16:46,581
Well you can't believe everything school tells you, Stan.
348
00:16:46,582 --> 00:16:47,905
Your turn, Shelley.
349
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,487
Oooo, that must be the Harrisons!
350
00:16:52,556 --> 00:16:53,895
Hey everybody.
351
00:16:54,504 --> 00:16:56,309
Wow, what a great house!
352
00:16:56,344 --> 00:17:00,075
You must be Mrs. Marsh; it's so nice to meet youuu!
353
00:17:00,110 --> 00:17:03,169
And you must be Stan's sister. Oh, I think your brother's the greatest.
354
00:17:03,204 --> 00:17:05,549
My brother is a stupid turd.
355
00:17:05,584 --> 00:17:06,816
Hey Stan.
356
00:17:06,851 --> 00:17:07,544
Hey Gary.
357
00:17:07,579 --> 00:17:10,587
Well, come on in and sit down, everybody. You're here just in time.
358
00:17:10,588 --> 00:17:13,686
My son was having a little problem with our new religion.
359
00:17:13,776 --> 00:17:14,469
Dad!
360
00:17:14,504 --> 00:17:20,260
Ohohoho, really? Wel, that's just because he hasn't heard the best part about the Joseph Smith story!
361
00:17:20,261 --> 00:17:22,923
The one that proves he was for real!
362
00:17:22,999 --> 00:17:24,203
Yeah! Woohoo!
363
00:17:24,238 --> 00:17:25,230
Ooo, what's that?
364
00:17:25,265 --> 00:17:30,985
Well, you remember Martin Harris, the rich man who wrote down what Joseph Smith read out of the hat?
365
00:17:31,030 --> 00:17:31,786
Yeah.
366
00:17:31,821 --> 00:17:37,336
See, after he was done, he took some of the pages of what would become the Book of Mormon home.
367
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:39,516
Martin went home to his wife
368
00:17:39,551 --> 00:17:41,287
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
369
00:17:41,322 --> 00:17:43,671
And showed her pages from the Book of Mormon
370
00:17:43,706 --> 00:17:45,685
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
371
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:51,362
A-and so Joseph Smith put his head into a hat, a-and read to me what the golden plates said.
372
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:54,114
I wrote it all down and we're gonna publish it into a book.
373
00:17:54,688 --> 00:18:00,609
Martin, how do you know he isn't just making stuff up and pretending he's translating off golden plates?
374
00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:02,865
Lucy Harris smart smart smart
375
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,788
Smart smart smart smart smart
376
00:18:05,222 --> 00:18:06,720
Why would he make it up?
377
00:18:06,755 --> 00:18:09,264
Martin Harris dumb dadumb-
378
00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:11,762
All right, here. I'm gonna hide these pages.
379
00:18:11,763 --> 00:18:16,108
If Joseph Smith really is translating off of golden plates, then he'll be able to do it again.
380
00:18:16,109 --> 00:18:20,405
But if Joseph Smith is making it all up, then the new translations will be different from these.
381
00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:24,003
Okay, fine. I bet he'll have no problem.
382
00:18:24,038 --> 00:18:26,096
Lucy Harris smart smart smart
383
00:18:26,131 --> 00:18:28,011
Martin Harris dumb.
384
00:18:28,046 --> 00:18:30,207
So Martin went on back to Smith
385
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:32,127
Said the pages had gone away
386
00:18:32,162 --> 00:18:34,512
Smith got mad and told Martin
387
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,381
He needed to go pray
388
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,595
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
389
00:18:39,689 --> 00:18:42,585
Look, ah I'm sorry about losin' the pages we worked on, Joe,
390
00:18:42,586 --> 00:18:46,039
but I'm ready to write it all down again if you translate from the plates.
391
00:18:46,071 --> 00:18:49,991
I would love to, Martin, except, I just had a vision.
392
00:18:49,992 --> 00:18:53,643
And the Lord said he's very angry with me for letting you take those pages.
393
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,078
He is??
394
00:18:55,547 --> 00:18:57,229
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
395
00:18:57,264 --> 00:19:02,060
Yes. He is so mad that he will never let me translate from the plate of Lehi again.
396
00:19:02,061 --> 00:19:05,470
He's... we must now translate from the plate of Nephi.
397
00:19:05,471 --> 00:19:09,175
So it will be the same basic story, but written a little differently.
398
00:19:10,147 --> 00:19:15,053
Wow! If God got angry with you, then you must be tellin' the truth.
399
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:17,161
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.
400
00:19:17,196 --> 00:19:19,022
All right, Martin. Let's get to work!
401
00:19:23,202 --> 00:19:24,912
And that's how it happened.
402
00:19:24,947 --> 00:19:26,511
Yeah! All right!
403
00:19:29,373 --> 00:19:33,999
...Wait. Mormons actually know this story and they still believe Joseph Smith was a prophet?
404
00:19:34,034 --> 00:19:36,105
Well sure. The story proves it, doesn't it?
405
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,116
No, it proves he DID make it all up. Are you blind?
406
00:19:39,151 --> 00:19:41,127
Well, Stan, it's all a matter of faith.
407
00:19:41,162 --> 00:19:42,536
No, it's a matter of logic!
408
00:19:42,537 --> 00:19:46,279
If you're gonna say things that have been proven wrong, like that the first man and woman lived in Missouri,
409
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:49,817
...and that Native Americans came from Jerusalem, then you'd better have something to back it up.
410
00:19:49,818 --> 00:19:53,706
All you've got are a bunch of stories about some asswipe who read plates nobody ever saw out of a hat,
411
00:19:53,707 --> 00:19:56,266
...and then couldn't do it again when the translatios were hidden!
412
00:19:56,301 --> 00:19:58,761
Hey, Stan, don't denounce our religion.
413
00:19:58,796 --> 00:20:00,801
I don't wanna be Mormon, Dad!
414
00:20:00,836 --> 00:20:01,802
Me neither.
415
00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:04,834
Hey, that's only cool, guys. You can believe whatever you want!
416
00:20:04,869 --> 00:20:07,177
Yeah, it's great you have your own beliefs.
417
00:20:07,212 --> 00:20:08,988
Yeah! Hooray for the Marshes!
418
00:20:09,261 --> 00:20:10,383
Oh, stop it!
419
00:20:10,384 --> 00:20:13,981
That's another thing! Why do you have to be so freakin' nice all the time?! It isn't normal!
420
00:20:13,982 --> 00:20:17,581
You just weasel people into your way of thinking by acting like the happiest family in the world
421
00:20:17,582 --> 00:20:21,062
...and being so nice to everyone that you just blindside dumb people like my Dad!
422
00:20:21,508 --> 00:20:22,324
Yeah!
423
00:20:27,944 --> 00:20:29,309
Well kids...
424
00:20:29,925 --> 00:20:32,046
Who's up for a water balloon fight?!
425
00:20:32,081 --> 00:20:33,941
Yeah! All right!
426
00:20:38,285 --> 00:20:40,607
Oh, hey Stan. Where's your best buddy, Gary?
427
00:20:40,642 --> 00:20:42,062
I'm not hanging around that kid anymore.
428
00:20:42,380 --> 00:20:43,909
Oh no! You guys broke up?
429
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,980
You guys were right, okay? The new kid's a douche.
430
00:20:45,981 --> 00:20:48,286
Now I just gotta find a way to keep him away from me.
431
00:20:49,117 --> 00:20:50,134
Hey Stan.
432
00:20:50,169 --> 00:20:50,987
Oh brother.
433
00:20:51,022 --> 00:20:52,656
Uh oh, the jilted lover returns.
434
00:20:52,691 --> 00:20:56,090
Listen, I just wanted to let you know you don't have to worry about me tryin' to be your friend anymore.
435
00:20:56,125 --> 00:20:57,121
I don't?
436
00:20:57,156 --> 00:21:00,761
Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense,
437
00:21:00,762 --> 00:21:04,116
and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up, but I have a great life.
438
00:21:04,117 --> 00:21:07,202
and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that.
439
00:21:07,203 --> 00:21:09,913
The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up,
440
00:21:09,914 --> 00:21:14,175
because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people.
441
00:21:14,176 --> 00:21:18,192
And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it.
442
00:21:18,588 --> 00:21:20,430
All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan,
443
00:21:20,431 --> 00:21:23,550
but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back.
444
00:21:23,551 --> 00:21:25,203
You've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy.
445
00:21:25,204 --> 00:21:26,738
Suck my balls.
446
00:21:31,007 --> 00:21:34,201
Damn, that kid is cool, huh