1
00:00:43,114 --> 00:00:44,764
Would you look at that?
2
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:46,912
It's just incredible, isn't it?
3
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:50,720
I still can't believe it,
even though it's right in front of me.
4
00:00:50,845 --> 00:00:52,995
Yeah, it's just so... astounding!
5
00:00:53,734 --> 00:00:56,230
Well believe it, friends.
The impossible has happened.
6
00:00:57,662 --> 00:00:59,183
Kenny has a girlfriend.
7
00:01:00,196 --> 00:01:01,959
Yeah, a fifth grade girlfriend.
8
00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:04,695
This is serious. They've been going out
for almost two weeks now.
9
00:01:04,820 --> 00:01:07,410
- So... who is she?
- Her name's Tammy Warner.
10
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,495
She's the only girl in school who's
family is actually poorer than Kenny's.
11
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:13,623
It's really kind of beautiful,
if you'll ask me.
12
00:01:14,039 --> 00:01:16,776
You, guys! You, guys,
I think we have a big problem!
13
00:01:16,901 --> 00:01:18,302
- What?
- Well,
14
00:01:18,552 --> 00:01:21,172
apparently Kenny has a girlfriend!
15
00:01:21,509 --> 00:01:23,657
Yeah dude, Tammy Warner,
she is a fifth-grader.
16
00:01:23,782 --> 00:01:25,177
Does Kenny like her?
17
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,503
I guess so, she's like
his first will girlfriend ever.
18
00:01:27,882 --> 00:01:30,633
- Oh, no! Oh, jeez!
- Butters, what's the problem?
19
00:01:30,943 --> 00:01:34,303
I've just talked to Brad Dickson.
Tammy Warner is bad news.
20
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,295
All the fifth-graders
call her a slut.
21
00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:40,420
On account that she gave Dave Darsky
a BJ in the parking lot of TGI Friday's.
22
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,866
- What?
- It's true!
23
00:01:42,991 --> 00:01:45,730
Ask anybody in fifth grade!
Tammy Warner is a total slut!
24
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,319
That bitch!
25
00:01:47,444 --> 00:01:50,159
Kenny's gave his heart to her
and she just gonna throw it in face.
26
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:52,173
Kenny deserves to know, fellas.
27
00:01:52,298 --> 00:01:56,082
If you guys found up my girlfriend was
a raging whore, I'd want you to tell me.
28
00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,585
All right... come on, guys.
29
00:02:02,264 --> 00:02:04,068
Hey, Jimmy. What's a BJ?
30
00:02:04,867 --> 00:02:07,538
{\So anyway I passed him a note
but then Johnny got...}
31
00:02:08,309 --> 00:02:10,401
- Kenny! Hey, Kenny!
- (Hey, guys.)
32
00:02:11,166 --> 00:02:14,085
Listen, Kenny.
We need to talk about your new friend.
33
00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:15,210
(What about her?)
34
00:02:16,626 --> 00:02:18,149
- Oh, boy...
- Kenny,
35
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,649
we know
you really like this girl, but...
36
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:21,865
(But what?)
37
00:02:22,292 --> 00:02:24,610
Well... we've heard that she's...
38
00:02:25,439 --> 00:02:28,935
Kenny! Your girlfriend
is a notorious whore.
39
00:02:29,670 --> 00:02:31,650
She even gave a kid
named Dave Darsky a BJ
40
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,269
in a parking lot of TGI Friday's.
41
00:02:35,545 --> 00:02:37,464
Your girlfriend is a slut, dude.
42
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,674
He took it pretty well.
43
00:02:49,011 --> 00:02:50,546
- (Hi, Tammy!)
- Hi, Ken.
44
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,533
You decided what
you wanna do after school?
45
00:02:52,658 --> 00:02:54,864
(I was thinking
we should go to TGI Friday's.)
46
00:02:54,989 --> 00:02:57,736
- TGI Friday's?
- (Yeah, could be lots of fun!)
47
00:02:57,861 --> 00:02:58,803
Yeah, OK.
48
00:02:59,437 --> 00:03:00,437
But...
49
00:03:01,346 --> 00:03:05,248
Kenny, listen. There's something
I need to tell you about.
50
00:03:05,373 --> 00:03:07,390
There's a lot of rumors
going around about me.
51
00:03:07,515 --> 00:03:09,532
That I agreed to give a boy a BJ.
52
00:03:09,825 --> 00:03:11,508
Well, It's true.
53
00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:13,965
But it was before
you and I were together,
54
00:03:14,090 --> 00:03:15,658
and it wasn't my fault.
55
00:03:15,783 --> 00:03:18,087
See, I was watching
the Disney Channel.
56
00:03:18,212 --> 00:03:20,539
And that show came on,
with the Jonas Brothers.
57
00:03:20,664 --> 00:03:23,524
- (Jonas Brothers?)
- You know that teenage boy band?
58
00:03:23,918 --> 00:03:26,592
Every time I see them
I get so... tingly.
59
00:03:26,717 --> 00:03:28,487
I just completely lose control.
60
00:03:28,612 --> 00:03:31,788
And then Dave Darsky showed up
and took me to the TGI Friday's.
61
00:03:31,913 --> 00:03:33,756
And... It just happened.
62
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,936
But it was only for one second
and I had my eyes closed.
63
00:03:37,061 --> 00:03:38,669
I know it's terrible.
64
00:03:39,497 --> 00:03:41,757
Can you... can you forgive me, Ken?
65
00:03:47,706 --> 00:03:51,273
There you are, young man. Two tickets
to the Jonas Brothers concert.
66
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,448
(Thanks!)
67
00:03:53,651 --> 00:03:56,420
The Jonas Brothers? Dude, Kenny,
what the hell is wrong with you?
68
00:03:56,545 --> 00:03:58,561
Aren't they those queermos
on the Disney Channel?
69
00:03:58,686 --> 00:04:01,249
(They get Tammy all hot
and then she'll give me a BJ.)
70
00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:03,528
- A BJ?
- You want Tammy to give you a BJ?
71
00:04:03,653 --> 00:04:04,919
(Of course, dude!)
72
00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:08,357
Kenny! You gonna let a girl
put her mouth on your wiener?
73
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,327
Do you know how disgusting that is?
74
00:04:10,452 --> 00:04:13,331
- Girl's mouths are full of germs!
- Yeah, dude, that's gross.
75
00:04:13,456 --> 00:04:15,880
- (It's OK, I'll have protection.)
- What kind of protection?
76
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,716
(A box of condoms, please?)
77
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,428
Box of condoms? Certainly, little boy.
What kind would you like?
78
00:04:23,683 --> 00:04:26,527
- (I'll take those over there.)
- These here? Certainly.
79
00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:29,769
(Cool!)
80
00:04:30,439 --> 00:04:32,395
Kenny, aren't you
a little too young for this?
81
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,174
(I'm not young, I want a BJ!)
82
00:04:34,299 --> 00:04:36,750
Just because you've got condoms
doesn't mean you're safe, Kenny.
83
00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:39,932
Statistically speaking, the most
bacteria-ridden place on the planet
84
00:04:40,057 --> 00:04:41,530
is the mouth of an American woman.
85
00:04:41,655 --> 00:04:43,751
And you're gonna
let that near your penis?
86
00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:48,879
{\THE JONAS BROTHERS
LIVE - TONIGHT}
87
00:04:55,198 --> 00:04:57,972
Kenny, you're the best for
bringing me here. Isn't this awesome?
88
00:05:07,782 --> 00:05:10,768
I'm ready... to get it on.
89
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,529
But there's no getting on,
90
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,260
till I'm ready.
91
00:05:16,222 --> 00:05:17,607
It's too soon.
92
00:05:18,111 --> 00:05:19,713
Slow down.
93
00:05:20,285 --> 00:05:22,379
- Take it easy, young girl.
- My giny tickles!
94
00:05:22,504 --> 00:05:24,335
I need your love, baby!
95
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:28,556
- Can't wait till the day I kiss you.
- Oh, my God! It's start tingling again!
96
00:05:28,681 --> 00:05:31,964
Until then I have to tease you.
97
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,341
'Cause my mom doesn't like it
98
00:05:34,656 --> 00:05:36,701
- when I'm naughty.
- I love you!
99
00:05:36,949 --> 00:05:39,048
She'll make me clean my room
100
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,044
if I'm naughty, baby!
101
00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:44,394
- I'm hot...
- He's hot...
102
00:05:44,519 --> 00:05:46,979
Tell me how was I to know...
103
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,982
You'd take your love and go?
104
00:05:51,290 --> 00:05:53,577
Was it 'cause I wanted to wait
105
00:05:53,827 --> 00:05:57,553
till we were married
to put my arm around you?
106
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,483
Seasons change,
107
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:00,692
baby.
108
00:06:01,171 --> 00:06:03,309
And the world goes around you
round, round...
109
00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:05,982
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna take my time,
110
00:06:06,107 --> 00:06:09,752
Can't wait till you are mine
but it might be a while.
111
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,894
'Cause... Yeah, yeah, girl,
we can take it slow.
112
00:06:13,019 --> 00:06:16,509
So we have room to grow,
and then someday we can do it call!
113
00:06:17,722 --> 00:06:19,720
You're so hot, Kevin,
I love you too!
114
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,847
Until then, go back to Montreal.
115
00:06:23,725 --> 00:06:25,800
'Cause I still love you, baby...
116
00:06:25,925 --> 00:06:27,415
Love you, baby!
117
00:06:27,675 --> 00:06:28,675
Baby!
118
00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:34,332
Good night, Denver, we love you all!
119
00:06:34,457 --> 00:06:36,063
We love you, Denver!
120
00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:37,364
Good night!
121
00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:44,651
Oh, my God! I'm so worked up.
122
00:06:44,901 --> 00:06:47,422
- I just want to attack you, Kenny!
- (All right!)
123
00:06:47,547 --> 00:06:49,547
(Let's go to the parking lot!)
124
00:06:51,438 --> 00:06:53,738
And you too, little girl in the red.
125
00:06:54,964 --> 00:06:57,170
Band want you to come backstage.
126
00:06:57,420 --> 00:06:59,260
You too,
little girl with the puppy t-shirt.
127
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:04,154
They want me to come backstage?
Oh, my God!
128
00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:07,581
- (But, we have to do another thing!)
- It's a dream come true!
129
00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:11,283
All right, right this way, girls.
130
00:07:11,408 --> 00:07:13,828
Yeah, come on in everyone.
The band is waiting for you.
131
00:07:13,953 --> 00:07:17,121
- Oh, not you.
- (Fuck that, I bought the tickets!)
132
00:07:18,447 --> 00:07:20,130
(Hey, let me in!)
133
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,159
Jonas Brothers
will be right out, girls.
134
00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:25,527
Why did they call us back here?
135
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,872
They must wanna have sex with us.
136
00:07:28,343 --> 00:07:31,203
- What? You think so?
- Sure, they're a band.
137
00:07:31,453 --> 00:07:33,961
They called us back here
so we can give 'em blowjobs.
138
00:07:34,265 --> 00:07:35,391
I'm not doing it.
139
00:07:35,516 --> 00:07:37,759
Just 'cause they're rockstars
doesn't mean I'll do that.
140
00:07:37,884 --> 00:07:39,684
I'm not giving a blowjob to anybody!
141
00:07:39,809 --> 00:07:42,109
- Me neither.
- Here we are, girls!
142
00:07:44,527 --> 00:07:47,004
Hey, listen.
We saw ya out there in the audience.
143
00:07:47,129 --> 00:07:49,310
Yeah, you were getting
a little crazy out there.
144
00:07:49,798 --> 00:07:51,937
Let's just get to the blow jobs.
145
00:07:52,899 --> 00:07:53,898
Blow-what?
146
00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,450
I don't know.
Look, we called you back here
147
00:07:56,575 --> 00:07:58,889
because we want to share
our love of Christ with you.
148
00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:00,905
And see if you wear
purity rings from now on.
149
00:08:01,757 --> 00:08:02,907
Purity rings?
150
00:08:03,046 --> 00:08:04,810
We're all wear purity rings.
151
00:08:04,935 --> 00:08:08,509
It means we're going to be pure,
and not have sex until we married.
152
00:08:08,634 --> 00:08:10,490
And It means
we stay away from bad stuff
153
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,185
and avoid people who swear
or watch naughty TV shows.
154
00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:14,952
That's just how we roll.
155
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,513
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
156
00:08:17,548 --> 00:08:18,988
So what do you say, girls.
157
00:08:19,113 --> 00:08:21,592
You want to be kid hipsters
like us and wear purity rings too?
158
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:23,839
OK.
159
00:08:24,316 --> 00:08:26,899
And be sure you give a ring
to all the kids you care about,
160
00:08:27,024 --> 00:08:29,324
'cause it's the new hip way to roll.
161
00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:37,873
Well, well, well...
Here he comes.
162
00:08:37,998 --> 00:08:40,110
It's a BJ McKay
and his best friend Bear.
163
00:08:40,657 --> 00:08:42,407
So how did it go last night?
164
00:08:47,781 --> 00:08:49,981
- What's that?
- (A purity ring.)
165
00:08:50,274 --> 00:08:52,924
- Purity ring?
- (Yeah, a purity ring.)
166
00:08:53,735 --> 00:08:54,895
What does that mean?
167
00:08:55,020 --> 00:08:58,221
(It means I'm gonna be pure
and not have sex until I get married.)
168
00:08:58,346 --> 00:09:01,164
You? We thought you really wanted
to have a BJ before you got too old...
169
00:09:01,289 --> 00:09:04,702
(I did! I was excited to get a BJ,
but now I have to wear this ring!)
170
00:09:04,827 --> 00:09:06,410
All right, Kenny, calm down!
171
00:09:06,535 --> 00:09:08,580
You're too young
to be getting BJs anyway!
172
00:09:08,705 --> 00:09:12,300
It's good you and Tammy are making
a commitment that isn't based on sex.
173
00:09:12,482 --> 00:09:13,482
(Yeah!)
174
00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:18,728
(It isn't fair, I was so close
to getting a blow job!)
175
00:09:18,853 --> 00:09:21,273
(And I'll never get one now!)
176
00:09:29,065 --> 00:09:30,401
Fellas, hey, fellas!
177
00:09:31,049 --> 00:09:34,447
I heard that Kenny is still going out
with that slut, Tammy Warner!
178
00:09:34,989 --> 00:09:37,026
It's OK, they have purity rings now.
179
00:09:37,151 --> 00:09:38,836
- What's that?
- Rings that says
180
00:09:38,961 --> 00:09:41,651
they not gonna have sex
or doing anything naughty anymore.
181
00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:46,167
A ring that says you'll be
together but not have sex...
182
00:09:47,327 --> 00:09:49,295
Isn't that called the wedding ring?
183
00:09:53,361 --> 00:09:57,136
I've got a ring on my finger
to remind me what I cannot do.
184
00:10:00,046 --> 00:10:03,810
Can't just do whatever I feel like
I've got to stay righteous and true.
185
00:10:06,546 --> 00:10:09,816
I can't hang out with my buddies
and get into trouble,
186
00:10:10,296 --> 00:10:13,551
'Cause now we're both wearing
these rings for each other
187
00:10:13,676 --> 00:10:16,239
But who needs sex,
and drugs, and partying,
188
00:10:16,922 --> 00:10:20,644
When we can cook a meal
then sit around and watch Netflix.
189
00:10:21,069 --> 00:10:22,161
Baby!
190
00:10:24,755 --> 00:10:28,544
I've got a ring on my finger
to remind me that I must behave.
191
00:10:31,583 --> 00:10:35,580
No need to chase after girls,
it's a promise I can never break.
192
00:10:38,451 --> 00:10:41,305
I made a commitment
and it is forever.
193
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,725
So we can spend
every waking minute together.
194
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,979
And If we get bored,
it won't be a problem,
195
00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:52,357
'cause we can just hang out with other
couples who wear these rings.
196
00:10:52,482 --> 00:10:53,982
Baby!
197
00:10:54,109 --> 00:10:56,527
Yeah, we've found out
that once you wear purity rings
198
00:10:56,652 --> 00:10:58,797
it's best to hang out
with other couples that do.
199
00:10:58,922 --> 00:11:01,128
Got more in common,
isn't that right, Sarah?
200
00:11:01,253 --> 00:11:03,520
What Carol and I really enjoy
is Grey's Anatomy.
201
00:11:03,645 --> 00:11:05,568
We love Grey's Anatomy,
don't we, Carol?
202
00:11:05,693 --> 00:11:08,294
We adore Gray's Anatomy,
don't we, Nancy?
203
00:11:08,419 --> 00:11:09,439
Adore it!
204
00:11:09,564 --> 00:11:11,771
Kenny and Tammy,
do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
205
00:11:13,322 --> 00:11:15,732
We look forward to it all week long!
206
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,301
- Sure is!
- Most fun we've had in weeks!
207
00:11:19,426 --> 00:11:23,222
I got a ring on my finger
to remind me what I cannot do.
208
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:24,767
Baby!
209
00:11:26,846 --> 00:11:30,226
- Baby!
- Baby!
210
00:11:33,852 --> 00:11:36,819
And... cut! Great video shoot, guys!
211
00:11:37,198 --> 00:11:40,448
- This is bull pucky!
- Yeah, we've had it, gosh darn it!
212
00:11:42,163 --> 00:11:44,160
Looks like we've got a problem.
213
00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:47,036
Our decision is final!
214
00:11:47,161 --> 00:11:50,934
We've decided, as a band,
not to wear purity rings anymore!
215
00:11:51,184 --> 00:11:53,819
- Yeah, you tell them, Joe.
- Boys, I know you're tired.
216
00:11:53,944 --> 00:11:56,380
But the purity rings are important
for the company's image!
217
00:11:56,990 --> 00:11:58,966
We don't care about the company!
218
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,594
And you gonna say that
to the boss's face?
219
00:12:02,008 --> 00:12:03,812
We are... we aren't afraid of him.
220
00:12:03,937 --> 00:12:06,893
I hope you're right,
because the boss is on his way here.
221
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,143
- Now!
- Oh Jesus, he's here, boss is here!
222
00:12:10,257 --> 00:12:13,823
- Let's be strong, guys.
- Hello, sir. How was your trip?
223
00:12:14,583 --> 00:12:17,652
What's all this I'm hearing
about not wearing the purity rings?
224
00:12:18,327 --> 00:12:20,119
We'll just leave you alone.
225
00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:23,016
So... I guess we have some issues?
226
00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:25,843
We... need to talk about something.
227
00:12:26,165 --> 00:12:27,323
Oh, boy!
228
00:12:27,448 --> 00:12:30,198
I just love flying
all the way to Colorado
229
00:12:30,323 --> 00:12:32,451
to hear about your problems!
230
00:12:32,978 --> 00:12:35,613
Look, we just want our concerts
to be about our music,
231
00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:37,407
and not about purity rings.
232
00:12:37,532 --> 00:12:41,092
Oh, gosh, fellas. Let me explain this
to you one more time.
233
00:12:42,144 --> 00:12:44,124
You have to wear the purity rings,
234
00:12:44,249 --> 00:12:47,349
because that's how
we can sell sex to little girls.
235
00:12:47,846 --> 00:12:51,748
See, if we make the posters with little
girls reaching for your junk,
236
00:12:51,873 --> 00:12:53,719
then you have to wear purity rings,
237
00:12:53,888 --> 00:12:56,038
or else Disney Company looks bad.
238
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,527
But we don't want to be
selling sex to little girls anymore!
239
00:13:00,107 --> 00:13:01,779
The rings stay on!
240
00:13:02,418 --> 00:13:06,310
Well... well... maybe we'll just
refuse to go on stage!
241
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,550
You don't... fucking...
242
00:13:10,675 --> 00:13:12,572
talk to me... like that!
243
00:13:13,066 --> 00:13:15,736
You little... piece of shit!
244
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:20,080
Get the fuck up.
Get the fuck up!
245
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,303
Now, do we have a problem?
246
00:13:26,074 --> 00:13:28,259
- No, sir.
- No, Mr. Mouse.
247
00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:29,873
No, Mr. Mouse.
248
00:13:29,998 --> 00:13:32,643
That's good, 'cause I thought
we had a problem for a minute here.
249
00:13:33,206 --> 00:13:36,631
All right, now get out of there
and make me some goddamn money!
250
00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:41,713
Yep, he is in here.
251
00:13:42,584 --> 00:13:44,051
Dude, what are you doing?
252
00:13:44,176 --> 00:13:47,628
This is the day we're supposed
to throw cow turds at cars together.
253
00:13:47,753 --> 00:13:49,354
We've had just about enough, dude.
254
00:13:49,479 --> 00:13:51,797
You've been blowing us off
for two weeks, now what's up?
255
00:13:51,922 --> 00:13:53,998
(Need to buy... more DVDs.)
256
00:13:55,499 --> 00:13:56,811
Grey's Anatomy?
257
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:59,503
Kenny! What kind of douchebag
garbage are you watching?
258
00:14:00,148 --> 00:14:03,449
Come on, Kenny, this isn't you.
We want you back, dude.
259
00:14:03,574 --> 00:14:06,314
Kenny... Kenny... Kenny?
260
00:14:06,439 --> 00:14:07,962
Wanna look at Playboys?
261
00:14:08,087 --> 00:14:10,479
Wanna get high sniffing paint?
Kenny?
262
00:14:10,604 --> 00:14:12,707
You want your Grey's Anatomy back?
263
00:14:12,832 --> 00:14:16,370
(Grey's Anatomy, cool!
This was a great season!)
264
00:14:16,663 --> 00:14:18,646
(Look at that, this is so cool!)
265
00:14:18,895 --> 00:14:22,135
You guys, this is serious.
Something is really wrong with him.
266
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:23,376
It's that ring!
267
00:14:23,501 --> 00:14:26,847
Somehow putting on that ring
has turned Kenny into a boring turd!
268
00:14:26,972 --> 00:14:29,787
Oh, my God!
Look at this! Motherfucker!
269
00:14:30,364 --> 00:14:31,364
What?
270
00:14:31,489 --> 00:14:34,914
"Jonas Brothers: talk music,
faith in God and purity rings."
271
00:14:35,695 --> 00:14:38,172
These Disney douchebags
are the ones causing all this!
272
00:14:38,297 --> 00:14:40,747
Yeah, this all happened the day
after he went to their concert!
273
00:14:40,872 --> 00:14:41,771
Come on guys.
274
00:14:41,896 --> 00:14:44,924
We're not sitting back
and watching our friend die.
275
00:14:46,277 --> 00:14:49,377
Hold tight, buddy.
We're gonna find a cure for you.
276
00:14:52,155 --> 00:14:55,152
Live from 5 News Studio in Colorado,
277
00:14:55,277 --> 00:14:57,311
It's Good Mornin' Denver!
278
00:14:58,234 --> 00:15:01,257
We are joined this morning
by the Disney supergroup...
279
00:15:01,382 --> 00:15:03,482
the Jonas Brothers. Hello, boys!
280
00:15:04,883 --> 00:15:06,719
- Hello!
- Now tell us what you're doing
281
00:15:06,844 --> 00:15:08,596
here in Denver, guys.
282
00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:11,677
We're gonna be doing
a live concert from Red Rocks tonight,
283
00:15:11,802 --> 00:15:13,996
that will be live broadcast
on the Disney Channel.
284
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:16,122
And 3-D.
Don't forget to mention in 3-D!
285
00:15:16,622 --> 00:15:18,710
Oh, and it's gonna be in 3-D.
286
00:15:20,351 --> 00:15:23,463
Now guys, a lot has been made
about your purity rings.
287
00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:25,348
Can you tell us about those?
288
00:15:25,473 --> 00:15:26,473
Well...
289
00:15:26,949 --> 00:15:30,223
We... We wear these to symbolize
how pure we are and how we...
290
00:15:30,348 --> 00:15:32,596
don't approve of things
that are naughty or filthy.
291
00:15:32,721 --> 00:15:34,573
Good. Get a close up
on their purity rings.
292
00:15:34,698 --> 00:15:36,588
Close up on the purity rings.
293
00:15:36,713 --> 00:15:38,900
That's wonderful, boys.
It's good that little girls
294
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,147
can see a concert
and not have it be about sex.
295
00:15:41,696 --> 00:15:43,561
We understand
that at the concert tonight,
296
00:15:43,686 --> 00:15:47,415
you'll be dousing girls in the audience
with white foam, is that correct?
297
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:48,920
Yeah.
298
00:15:49,275 --> 00:15:50,815
Can we give our audience a peek?
299
00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:53,250
What do you say, you want
the Jonas Brothers to douse you
300
00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:54,975
with their white foam?
301
00:15:59,005 --> 00:16:01,351
Oh, boy! This is TV-gold!
302
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:04,628
- Excuse us, excuse us!
- What do you think you're doing?
303
00:16:05,258 --> 00:16:06,505
Great stuff, boys!
304
00:16:06,893 --> 00:16:09,633
You like taking the Jonas Brother's
hot foam in your faces, girls?
305
00:16:13,185 --> 00:16:15,177
Those Jonas Brothers are assholes!
306
00:16:15,302 --> 00:16:17,516
Yeah, their purity rings turned
our friend into a douche!
307
00:16:18,661 --> 00:16:21,145
What the hell do you think you're doing
spreading this crap to kids?
308
00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:24,700
Who the hell are these guys?
Are they from DreamWorks?
309
00:16:24,825 --> 00:16:27,401
Goddamn Eisner trying
to hurt this company again?
310
00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:31,409
This whole thing is a freaking shame!
I see what you're doing now.
311
00:16:31,534 --> 00:16:33,244
You're trying to sell sex
to young girls.
312
00:16:33,369 --> 00:16:34,871
And then confuse them by...
313
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:38,754
Cartman?
314
00:16:38,879 --> 00:16:41,498
You aren't ruining my plans
this time, DreamWorks.
315
00:16:42,462 --> 00:16:44,458
Dude, who the hell did that?
316
00:16:52,609 --> 00:16:54,748
Fifteen minutes,
that's fifteen minutes, people!
317
00:16:54,873 --> 00:16:56,916
Get another mike on that drum kit.
318
00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:58,973
They almost ruined everything.
319
00:16:59,828 --> 00:17:02,078
How did something like this happen?
320
00:17:04,964 --> 00:17:07,244
Wake up, wake up, you little prick!
321
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:10,184
Who do you work for, DreamWorks?
322
00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:12,420
Answer me!
323
00:17:13,437 --> 00:17:16,968
- We don't work for anybody.
- Oh boy, I sure believe that!
324
00:17:17,362 --> 00:17:21,362
You just try to ruin Disney Company's
big night for your own amusement.
325
00:17:22,021 --> 00:17:24,698
- What the hell did you do to us?
- Shut up!
326
00:17:25,994 --> 00:17:28,403
And now, Disney Channel presents...
327
00:17:28,653 --> 00:17:31,997
The Jonas Brothers
3D concert spectacular!
328
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:35,572
Live from Red Rocks
Amphitheatre in Colorado.
329
00:17:37,548 --> 00:17:39,656
Truly a night of magic as we are set
330
00:17:39,781 --> 00:17:42,180
for the biggest concert
event of the year.
331
00:17:42,305 --> 00:17:43,538
In about ten minutes
332
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:47,012
the Jonas Brothers are going to take
the stage in what Disney is calling
333
00:17:47,273 --> 00:17:50,483
the most pure and innocent
rock event of the millennia.
334
00:17:51,099 --> 00:17:54,092
Do we put
the 3D glasses on now, dadda?
335
00:17:54,342 --> 00:17:55,521
Not yet, Keidy.
336
00:17:56,014 --> 00:17:58,190
Everyone around
the country is tuning in to see
337
00:17:58,492 --> 00:18:00,508
Disney's latest kid pop stars.
338
00:18:00,821 --> 00:18:03,028
(Yeah, Jonas Brothers at Red Rocks.)
339
00:18:03,879 --> 00:18:06,312
We understand
the Jonas Brothers are getting ready.
340
00:18:06,437 --> 00:18:08,617
What's going on backstage
must be exciting.
341
00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:11,855
You better start talking.
342
00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:14,136
You better start talking right now.
343
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,518
We told you,
we aren't working for another studio
344
00:18:16,643 --> 00:18:18,626
and there isn't a plan
to sabotage your big night.
345
00:18:18,888 --> 00:18:21,342
We came on our own 'cause
our friends purity ring is killing him.
346
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:23,007
You're lying, I'll cut you up.
347
00:18:23,653 --> 00:18:26,176
You see?
We were right about the purity rings.
348
00:18:26,301 --> 00:18:29,440
A nice Christian symbol
can't be used for profit gains.
349
00:18:29,565 --> 00:18:33,109
- We're all angered God.
- You think God is in control here?
350
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,510
I am in control,
I've been in control since the '50s
351
00:18:36,635 --> 00:18:40,166
if you haven't noticed.
You three faggots are going on stage.
352
00:18:40,416 --> 00:18:42,966
And you three faggots
aren't gonna stop me.
353
00:18:43,287 --> 00:18:44,954
Nobody is ruining this event.
354
00:18:45,835 --> 00:18:47,865
I've worked too long and too hard
355
00:18:48,338 --> 00:18:50,534
to have anyone fuck this up.
356
00:18:51,044 --> 00:18:53,960
Where would you be
without me, Jonas Brothers?
357
00:18:54,085 --> 00:18:56,206
Your music sucks and you know it.
358
00:18:56,872 --> 00:19:00,027
It's because you make
little girls ginies tickle.
359
00:19:00,277 --> 00:19:04,048
And when little girls' ginies tickle,
I make money.
360
00:19:04,767 --> 00:19:08,677
And that's because
little girls are fucking stupid.
361
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:13,223
And the purity rings
make it OK to do whatever I want.
362
00:19:13,665 --> 00:19:16,239
Even the Christians
are too fucking stupid
363
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,896
to figure out I'm selling sex
to their daughters.
364
00:19:19,634 --> 00:19:22,941
I've made billions off of Christian
ignorance for decades now.
365
00:19:23,725 --> 00:19:25,343
And do you know why?
366
00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:28,884
Because Christians are retarded.
367
00:19:29,593 --> 00:19:32,096
They believe in a talking dead guy.
368
00:19:39,475 --> 00:19:40,584
Hello, folks!
369
00:19:42,992 --> 00:19:45,589
Take it easy.
Here's the Jonas Brothers.
370
00:19:48,759 --> 00:19:51,637
- C'mon guys.
- No, stop! Bring them back here!
371
00:19:52,052 --> 00:19:54,973
It's over Mr. Mouse.
Everyone's tuning out.
372
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:58,268
No! No, goddamn it! No!
373
00:20:00,475 --> 00:20:02,836
Shut up! Shut up!
374
00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:13,531
That's it, girls.
No more Disney TV for a while.
375
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:18,970
Tom, the Disney Jonas Brothers
3D television special has failed.
376
00:20:19,271 --> 00:20:21,497
Costing the Disney Company millions.
377
00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:24,821
And once again, Mickey
is pissed off and throwing a fit.
378
00:20:24,946 --> 00:20:26,505
Vengeance is mine.
379
00:20:27,112 --> 00:20:30,162
You are all ants
and I'm your destroyer.
380
00:20:31,342 --> 00:20:35,342
The Disney purity ring venture will most
likely now prove a marketing bust.
381
00:20:35,629 --> 00:20:39,016
As Mickey returns to Valhalla,
to slumber and feed.
382
00:20:45,355 --> 00:20:47,524
Oh, Ken. Look at what we've become.
383
00:20:47,649 --> 00:20:49,875
We're way too young
to be this boring.
384
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,188
(OK, I'll put in Grey's Anatomy.)
385
00:20:52,490 --> 00:20:55,396
No! I don't want to watch
Grey's Anatomy, Ken.
386
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:58,393
- Let's take off these rings, Ken.
- (Take off the rings?)
387
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,473
(We can take off the rings? Really?)
388
00:21:00,598 --> 00:21:02,939
Let's take them off
and just be kids again.
389
00:21:03,064 --> 00:21:05,595
There will be plenty of time
to wear rings and be boring and lame
390
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,520
when we reach our late 30s
and be boring and lame anyway.
391
00:21:08,645 --> 00:21:10,545
(Yeah! Screw theses things!)
392
00:21:11,605 --> 00:21:14,155
- I feel better already.
- (Me too!)
393
00:21:14,575 --> 00:21:17,808
Whats say you and me
go to TGI Friday's?
394
00:21:23,078 --> 00:21:23,946
And so,
395
00:21:24,477 --> 00:21:27,177
as we commit
this young child to the earth,
396
00:21:27,302 --> 00:21:28,952
let us all be reminded,
397
00:21:29,463 --> 00:21:31,820
that syphilis
is still a deadly disease.
398
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,740
And it can be caught
even if using protection.
399
00:21:35,017 --> 00:21:36,532
This boy learned the hard way...
400
00:21:36,657 --> 00:21:40,657
I told him. Woman's mouth is the most
germ-ridden place on Earth I said.
401
00:21:40,981 --> 00:21:44,257
Statistically the most unsafe place
for a man to put his penis, I said.
402
00:21:45,821 --> 00:21:47,251
Well, now we know.
403
00:21:48,304 --> 00:21:50,047
And knowing is half the battle.