1
00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:16,580
I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a time
2
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:19,659
Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptation
3
00:00:19,747 --> 00:00:22,978
Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behind
4
00:00:23,067 --> 00:00:26,298
Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"
5
00:00:26,387 --> 00:00:29,584
Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwind
6
00:00:29,667 --> 00:00:32,022
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, Timmy
7
00:00:32,107 --> 00:00:33,096
Living a lie, Timmy!
8
00:00:33,187 --> 00:00:36,657
Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mine
9
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:43,424
Oh, hello there, kids!
Welcome to Lolly's Candy Shop!
10
00:00:43,507 --> 00:00:45,657
We're the kids whose names you called
on your commercial last night!
11
00:00:45,747 --> 00:00:48,056
- We're here to do the shopping spree!
- Oh, that's great!
12
00:00:48,147 --> 00:00:49,865
You bet your fat clown ass it is!
13
00:00:49,947 --> 00:00:52,586
Okay!
Well, I'll just need your ticket stub.
14
00:00:54,027 --> 00:00:55,062
Ticket stub?
15
00:00:55,147 --> 00:00:58,537
You know, when you entered the contest
you got the other half of this ticket.
16
00:00:58,627 --> 00:01:01,300
- Oh... Who has the ticket stub?
- It was such a long time ago!
17
00:01:01,387 --> 00:01:03,184
We don't really need
the ticket stub, do we?
18
00:01:03,267 --> 00:01:05,542
Don't need the ticket stub?
Are you high?
19
00:01:05,627 --> 00:01:07,345
How else do I know you're the winners?
20
00:01:07,427 --> 00:01:09,418
Because our names were called on
the commercial last night!
21
00:01:09,507 --> 00:01:12,465
Sorry, boys, no ticket stub,
no candy shopping spree.
22
00:01:12,547 --> 00:01:14,424
If you find it, you can come back,
23
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:16,702
but you only have one week
to claim the prize.
24
00:01:16,787 --> 00:01:20,097
That's called a ticking clock.
Works great in the movies.
25
00:01:24,147 --> 00:01:25,421
God damn it!
26
00:01:25,507 --> 00:01:27,384
- We've got to find that ticket!
- Which one of us took it?
27
00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:28,866
It was so long ago I can't remember!
28
00:01:28,947 --> 00:01:32,337
We've got to focus!
We've got to focus and remember!
29
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:36,105
All right! There you go!
Hold on to that ticket stub!
30
00:01:36,187 --> 00:01:37,984
You'll need it to claim your prize!
31
00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:40,262
Sign up for
the five-minute shopping spree!
32
00:01:40,347 --> 00:01:42,258
You hold onto this, Cartman.
I might lose it.
33
00:01:42,347 --> 00:01:45,100
No, I'll lose it for sure.
You keep track of it, Kyle.
34
00:01:45,187 --> 00:01:46,302
Okay.
35
00:01:46,587 --> 00:01:48,384
No, I don't want
that much responsibility.
36
00:01:48,467 --> 00:01:50,458
Here, you hold onto it, Kenny.
37
00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:55,821
Kenny!
38
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,384
- Yes?
- Where's Kenny?
39
00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:05,782
Boys...
40
00:02:05,867 --> 00:02:08,904
Kenny died last December.
Don't you remember?
41
00:02:08,987 --> 00:02:11,785
We know he's dead!
We mean, where is his body?
42
00:02:11,867 --> 00:02:13,698
His body? But why?
43
00:02:13,787 --> 00:02:15,345
Because he has
the goddamn ticket for...
44
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,657
Look, we just really miss our friend,
45
00:02:17,747 --> 00:02:20,181
and we need to
see his remains for closure.
46
00:02:20,267 --> 00:02:22,383
- Yeah, closure.
- What the... is closure?
47
00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:24,776
Oh, all right, boys. Come on in.
48
00:02:25,707 --> 00:02:27,459
We haven't seen you boys for so long.
49
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:30,107
We thought
you'd forgotten all about him.
50
00:02:30,187 --> 00:02:32,860
Here he is, boys. Our dear little Kenny.
51
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:36,583
You turned him into a teapot?
52
00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:39,739
No, that's an urn, boys.
Kenny's inside it.
53
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,863
Your friends are here to see you, Kenny.
54
00:02:41,947 --> 00:02:44,586
They miss you an awful lot,
like we all do.
55
00:02:45,827 --> 00:02:49,137
Thanks for coming by, boys.
It means a lot to us.
56
00:02:49,747 --> 00:02:51,260
Oh, now, honey.
57
00:03:11,707 --> 00:03:15,063
- Did you get it?
- Hold on, I'm checking for robot guards.
58
00:03:15,147 --> 00:03:16,785
There's not gonna be any
robot guards, retard!
59
00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:18,380
Just get Kenny!
60
00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,216
All right! We made it!
61
00:03:28,307 --> 00:03:29,945
Kenny better have
the ticket stub with him in there!
62
00:03:30,027 --> 00:03:31,824
Let him out, Cartman!
63
00:03:33,987 --> 00:03:35,136
Kenny?
64
00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:37,216
- Kenny?
- Is he in there?
65
00:03:37,307 --> 00:03:38,706
I can't see.
66
00:03:41,427 --> 00:03:43,577
What the hell is this?
Chocolate milk mix?
67
00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:46,261
- I knew Kenny couldn't fit in that teapot!
- It was a trick!
68
00:03:46,347 --> 00:03:48,542
God damn it, this isn't even
good chocolate milk mix!
69
00:03:48,627 --> 00:03:50,583
Kenny's parents must be
laughing pretty hard about now.
70
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:52,737
We were dumb enough to believe
Kenny's body could be in a teapot!
71
00:03:52,827 --> 00:03:54,783
Why would they play
such a cruel joke on us?
72
00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:57,301
Because they're poor, Kyle! Poor people
don't have anything better to do
73
00:03:57,387 --> 00:03:59,343
than piss other people off.
Don't you watch Springer?
74
00:03:59,427 --> 00:04:01,338
We just have to face it.
We're not gonna get Kenny back,
75
00:04:01,427 --> 00:04:02,655
and we're not gonna
have our shopping spree.
76
00:04:02,747 --> 00:04:05,864
- It's over!
- God damn it! There has to be a way!
77
00:04:15,747 --> 00:04:17,021
Not bad.
78
00:04:30,627 --> 00:04:33,380
Hurry up, Kenny!
You're gonna be late for school!
79
00:04:34,827 --> 00:04:38,615
I don't think that chocolate milk mix
agreed with my stomach.
80
00:04:39,467 --> 00:04:41,378
- Cartman! Come on!
- What? What?
81
00:04:41,467 --> 00:04:43,219
Jesus, you buttholes!
It's 6:00 in the morning!
82
00:04:43,307 --> 00:04:45,901
Kyle figured out a way to get our
winning ticket stub back from Kenny!
83
00:04:45,987 --> 00:04:47,898
- How?
- A ladder to heaven.
84
00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,178
We build it, climb up
and get our winning ticket back
85
00:04:50,267 --> 00:04:51,620
from that asshole, Kenny.
86
00:04:57,107 --> 00:04:58,938
Hey, if you boys
are building a clubhouse,
87
00:04:59,027 --> 00:05:00,380
you should start with the floor.
88
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,617
We're not building a clubhouse.
We're building a ladder to heaven.
89
00:05:02,707 --> 00:05:04,106
A ladder to heaven?
90
00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:07,224
- Why, Son?
- Because we want to see Kenny again.
91
00:05:08,947 --> 00:05:10,062
Oh.
92
00:05:10,147 --> 00:05:11,466
Oh, that's so sweet.
93
00:05:11,547 --> 00:05:13,663
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
94
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:16,022
Hey, Randy, can I borrow your...
95
00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:17,616
What the hell are they doing?
96
00:05:17,707 --> 00:05:21,017
The boys want to see their dead friend,
Kenny, again, Jimbo, so they're
97
00:05:21,107 --> 00:05:23,257
building a ladder to heaven.
98
00:05:23,987 --> 00:05:25,943
Kyle, I think you've bothered
the Marshes enough.
99
00:05:26,027 --> 00:05:28,780
No, it's all right, Sheila.
The boys were just
100
00:05:28,867 --> 00:05:31,506
building a ladder to heaven
to see their old friend Kenny.
101
00:05:31,587 --> 00:05:33,782
A ladder to... Oh.
102
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,540
- Oh, gosh.
- Oh, that's so touching.
103
00:05:41,427 --> 00:05:44,578
Tom, I'm standing in South Park,
Colorado, where last December,
104
00:05:44,667 --> 00:05:47,784
eight-year-old Kenny McCormick
died of a terminal illness.
105
00:05:47,987 --> 00:05:50,137
But now, that little boy's
three closest friends
106
00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:51,819
miss their friend so much
107
00:05:51,907 --> 00:05:55,502
that they are building
a ladder to heaven, in order to...
108
00:05:56,227 --> 00:05:59,025
A ladder to heaven in order
to try to see him again.
109
00:05:59,107 --> 00:06:01,462
It's so sad and yet so beautiful, Tom.
110
00:06:01,547 --> 00:06:03,105
Here's what some people had to say.
111
00:06:03,187 --> 00:06:06,145
Well, our son just said to us that
he really needed to see
112
00:06:06,227 --> 00:06:08,787
his little friend, Kenny, again and...
113
00:06:09,627 --> 00:06:11,902
And that he thought it would work if he
114
00:06:11,987 --> 00:06:13,420
built a ladder to heaven!
115
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:16,015
They just believe in their little hearts
that it will work.
116
00:06:16,107 --> 00:06:18,257
We can't tell them it won't,
we just can't!
117
00:06:18,347 --> 00:06:23,023
It shows how beautiful
the innocence of a child really is.
118
00:06:26,707 --> 00:06:28,823
A ladder to heaven? That's... stupid.
119
00:06:28,907 --> 00:06:32,024
These boys symbolise
how we all feel about loss.
120
00:06:32,107 --> 00:06:33,984
Who are we to tell them it's impossible?
121
00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:36,023
Tom, people from all over the...
122
00:06:36,107 --> 00:06:37,301
Sorry.
123
00:06:37,387 --> 00:06:39,662
People from all over the country
are coming to see the ladder,
124
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,386
feeling a connection
to its symbolism and beauty.
125
00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:44,901
Even country singer Alan Jackson
has shown up
126
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,182
with a song he has written
about the ladder.
127
00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:49,337
Alan Jackson is of course the man
who wrote the song
128
00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:51,065
Where Were You
When The World Stopped Turning
129
00:06:51,147 --> 00:06:53,024
about the tragedies on September 11th.
130
00:06:53,107 --> 00:06:56,099
And, now, he's here once again
to capitalise on people's emotions.
131
00:06:56,187 --> 00:06:57,745
Let's listen in.
132
00:06:57,827 --> 00:07:02,378
Where were you
when they built the ladder to heaven?
133
00:07:02,827 --> 00:07:08,185
Did it make you feel like crying
Or did you think it was kinda gay?
134
00:07:08,587 --> 00:07:09,906
What a beautiful song.
135
00:07:09,987 --> 00:07:14,617
Well, I, for one, believe
in the ladder to heaven
136
00:07:15,587 --> 00:07:20,103
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 9/11
137
00:07:21,187 --> 00:07:28,138
I said, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, nine, nine
138
00:07:28,307 --> 00:07:31,538
9/11
139
00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:38,420
Thank you! I have a new CD out
with all my 9/11 songs
140
00:07:38,507 --> 00:07:39,986
for sale right here!
141
00:07:40,347 --> 00:07:41,860
- I want one!
- I'll take one.
142
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,780
Oh, good,
Cartman's back from the junkyard.
143
00:07:50,867 --> 00:07:53,176
I found this car seat
in Mr. Garrison's car.
144
00:07:53,267 --> 00:07:54,859
Mr. Garrison threw away his car?
145
00:07:54,947 --> 00:07:56,016
No.
146
00:07:58,627 --> 00:08:01,824
Hurry up, Kenny!
You're gonna be late for school!
147
00:08:02,467 --> 00:08:06,983
Kenny, do you by chance know
what happened to my Playboys?
148
00:08:07,067 --> 00:08:08,580
Kenny! Answer me!
149
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,305
Cartman? Cartman?
150
00:08:10,387 --> 00:08:11,422
What? What?
151
00:08:11,507 --> 00:08:12,781
Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?
152
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:16,462
I don't know.
It's like my brain just keeps jacking off.
153
00:08:16,547 --> 00:08:18,026
- Maybe you've got brain cancer.
- You think?
154
00:08:18,107 --> 00:08:19,426
Well, don't get cancer
on the ladder, Cartman.
155
00:08:19,507 --> 00:08:20,656
You're gonna fall off and break it!
156
00:08:24,107 --> 00:08:26,496
The nation is rallying
behind three sweet boys
157
00:08:26,587 --> 00:08:27,940
in Colorado who are building
158
00:08:28,027 --> 00:08:30,461
a ladder to heaven
to be with their dead friend.
159
00:08:30,547 --> 00:08:33,141
It's making Americans
start to believe in heaven again.
160
00:08:33,227 --> 00:08:35,741
Well, when I see how this ladder
has brought people together,
161
00:08:35,827 --> 00:08:39,024
how it has changed America,
I mean, how can I not believe?
162
00:08:39,107 --> 00:08:41,541
Do you actually believe
in the ladder to heaven?
163
00:08:41,627 --> 00:08:45,905
If heaven is an eight-year-old boy,
and the ladder is my penis,
164
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,136
and the pearly gates are the...
165
00:08:50,427 --> 00:08:53,260
Meanwhile, the American economy...
166
00:08:53,347 --> 00:08:54,826
Wait... Wait a minute.
167
00:08:54,907 --> 00:08:57,137
We are getting reports now
that Japan is building
168
00:08:57,227 --> 00:08:59,787
their own ladder to heaven
to compete with the US's.
169
00:08:59,867 --> 00:09:03,337
Let's go live to
SNN Correspondent Nobu...
170
00:09:03,427 --> 00:09:07,466
This is Nobunaga Hiroitchi
reporting live from Tokyo,
171
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,176
where Japan has started building
its own ladder to heaven.
172
00:09:11,267 --> 00:09:14,577
Already the Japanese ladder
extend far into space
173
00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:18,216
and is growing by 1,000 miles
every day.
174
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,616
As the endeavour continues,
it is becoming clear
175
00:09:20,707 --> 00:09:24,666
that Japan will reach heaven
before the United States.
176
00:09:30,587 --> 00:09:32,305
Excuse me.
177
00:09:32,387 --> 00:09:33,820
Excuse me!
178
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,216
We ran out of stuff.
179
00:09:38,627 --> 00:09:41,221
We ran out of stuff
to build the ladder with.
180
00:09:41,307 --> 00:09:43,901
- Oh, no.
- Oh, Jesus, no.
181
00:09:43,987 --> 00:09:46,182
Where were you
when they ran out of stuff
182
00:09:46,267 --> 00:09:48,906
To build the ladder to heaven?
183
00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:51,547
We can keep going, but we need to
start tearing down houses for wood.
184
00:09:51,627 --> 00:09:54,983
No! Look, I think maybe
this has gone far enough.
185
00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:58,104
Yeah.
It's time we told the boys the truth,
186
00:09:58,187 --> 00:09:59,984
that they aren't really
going to get to heaven.
187
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,819
Wait! Look!
188
00:10:04,627 --> 00:10:07,061
We've come to help you
beat those Japs, boys!
189
00:10:07,147 --> 00:10:11,026
There won't be anyone stopping
this great ladder from being built today!
190
00:10:13,227 --> 00:10:15,343
Alpha team!
Get that support structure up!
191
00:10:15,427 --> 00:10:17,622
Surveillance team!
Get us photos and recon!
192
00:10:17,707 --> 00:10:19,060
Yes, sir!
193
00:10:19,147 --> 00:10:23,777
Where were you
when they saved that ladder to heaven?
194
00:10:23,867 --> 00:10:26,506
Man, I can't believe how much people
want us to get our winning ticket back.
195
00:10:26,587 --> 00:10:29,260
Candy shopping sprees
have that affect on people, Kyle.
196
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:42,020
- You see anything?
- No. Hello?
197
00:10:43,147 --> 00:10:44,296
Kenny?
198
00:10:45,707 --> 00:10:46,776
God?
199
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,775
Grandma?
200
00:10:51,187 --> 00:10:53,621
Don't tell me we haven't even reached
the cloud city yet!
201
00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:56,744
No cloud city. Not even the giant.
Heaven must still be a long way off.
202
00:10:56,827 --> 00:10:58,818
All right, look,
I didn't want to have to say this...
203
00:10:58,907 --> 00:11:00,545
But, I think, maybe,
we're not seeing heaven
204
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,902
because one of us
doesn't believe in it enough.
205
00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:05,777
Heaven could be like the
pixy fairies of Bubble Yum Forest.
206
00:11:05,867 --> 00:11:07,698
You only see them
if you really believe in them.
207
00:11:07,787 --> 00:11:09,106
- What?
- You know, maybe
208
00:11:09,187 --> 00:11:11,018
we're not seeing heaven
because one of us is a
209
00:11:11,107 --> 00:11:12,426
J- O-O.
210
00:11:13,787 --> 00:11:15,937
What does me being a Jew
have to do with anything?
211
00:11:16,027 --> 00:11:17,460
Because Jews don't believe in heaven!
212
00:11:17,547 --> 00:11:19,777
Yes, we do!
Just not a Christian heaven!
213
00:11:19,867 --> 00:11:22,506
Right, your idea of heaven is getting
$5 off your matzo ball soup
214
00:11:22,587 --> 00:11:25,226
at Barney's Beanery
by lying about a hair in it.
215
00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:29,702
- Hey, Kenny.
- Hey, Kenny.
216
00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:32,858
In the ghetto, in the ghetto
217
00:11:32,947 --> 00:11:34,665
He's a boy wearing orange
Who's losing his pride
218
00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:37,261
'Cause Kenny and his whole family
Reside in the ghetto
219
00:11:37,347 --> 00:11:38,496
In the ghetto
220
00:11:40,107 --> 00:11:41,142
What did you say?
221
00:11:43,027 --> 00:11:44,062
What did you say?
222
00:11:44,147 --> 00:11:47,423
I said, shut up, Cartman,
you blood-belching vagina!
223
00:11:49,387 --> 00:11:51,742
Did I just call myself
a blood-belching vagina?
224
00:11:51,827 --> 00:11:53,226
Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?
225
00:11:53,307 --> 00:11:55,901
I don't know. I just...
I keep feeling like I'm Kenny.
226
00:11:55,987 --> 00:11:57,978
Seeing memories through his eyes.
227
00:11:58,067 --> 00:11:59,898
You're too fat to be Kenny.
228
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:02,820
- You're a stupid Jew.
- Let's just keep building!
229
00:12:02,907 --> 00:12:04,784
We only have five more days
until the shopping spree!
230
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,340
All right, how's the ladder going,
General?
231
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:10,224
- Are we beating the Japanese?
- Not quite.
232
00:12:10,307 --> 00:12:12,423
But we have a new problem,
Mr. President.
233
00:12:12,507 --> 00:12:14,498
Our recon team on the ladder just found
234
00:12:14,587 --> 00:12:17,465
new evidence of threats
from Saddam Hussein.
235
00:12:18,027 --> 00:12:20,336
Saddam Hussein? But we killed him.
236
00:12:20,427 --> 00:12:22,895
- We secretly took him out months ago.
- Yes, sir.
237
00:12:22,987 --> 00:12:26,775
And now we believe that he is building
weapons of mass destruction
238
00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:28,186
in heaven.
239
00:12:28,627 --> 00:12:30,936
Dear Christ,
that son of a bitch just doesn't stop!
240
00:12:31,027 --> 00:12:33,302
These surveillance photos were taken
atop the ladder
241
00:12:33,387 --> 00:12:35,139
of what appears to be heaven.
242
00:12:35,227 --> 00:12:37,616
Here we see
what we believe to be a missile silo.
243
00:12:37,707 --> 00:12:39,425
And, here, we see what looks like
244
00:12:39,507 --> 00:12:42,260
a laboratory of some sort
for making chemical weapons.
245
00:12:42,347 --> 00:12:44,656
That kind of looks like a seagull.
246
00:12:44,747 --> 00:12:47,784
Yes, it could be a laboratory
disguised as a seagull.
247
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:50,620
- That tricky bastard.
- Sir, you must understand our fears.
248
00:12:50,707 --> 00:12:54,700
We must take out those facilities.
We must bomb heaven.
249
00:12:56,227 --> 00:12:59,264
SNN question of the day,
now that Americans believe in heaven,
250
00:12:59,347 --> 00:13:00,985
should we bomb it?
The polls right now show
251
00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:03,820
that 51% of Americans think
Saddam has to be dealt with,
252
00:13:03,907 --> 00:13:06,182
while 49% are wimpy,
tree-hugging pussies.
253
00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:08,144
War is not my voice.
254
00:13:08,227 --> 00:13:11,458
This country is just run by rednecks
and bumpkins with their guns!
255
00:13:11,587 --> 00:13:14,579
We have to take Saddam out
to protect ourselves!
256
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,464
I, for one,
believe that if Saddam Hussein
257
00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:17,582
were an eight-year-old boy
258
00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:21,546
and my penis were the United States,
then there would...
259
00:13:21,627 --> 00:13:22,901
Hard nipples!
260
00:13:22,987 --> 00:13:24,386
God damn it!
261
00:13:26,787 --> 00:13:29,460
Tom, it's been five days
since three sweet boys
262
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:33,335
set out to build a ladder to heaven
and captured the nation's hearts.
263
00:13:33,427 --> 00:13:36,146
They've made a nation believe
heaven might be up there.
264
00:13:36,227 --> 00:13:39,025
And it could prove to be
a threat to our country.
265
00:13:39,107 --> 00:13:41,985
President Bush will seek
UN approval for military action.
266
00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:46,136
Boys, it's really neat
that you want to see
267
00:13:46,227 --> 00:13:48,980
your old pal, Kenny, so much, but...
268
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:52,503
But it's time for you to get back
to school and on with your lives.
269
00:13:52,587 --> 00:13:53,861
No, we have to see Kenny!
270
00:13:53,947 --> 00:13:57,417
You have to understand that
Kenny's body isn't up in the clouds.
271
00:13:57,507 --> 00:13:58,656
He was cremated.
272
00:13:58,747 --> 00:13:59,782
Cremated? What's that?
273
00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:02,381
When you die,
your body is put into a broiling oven
274
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:05,265
and cooked
until you're nothing but ashes.
275
00:14:05,867 --> 00:14:07,266
What? For God's sakes, why?
276
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,939
Kyle, it's just what some people do.
277
00:14:09,027 --> 00:14:11,541
- Are you gonna burn me?
- Kyle, that's not the issue right now.
278
00:14:11,627 --> 00:14:12,901
Jesus Christ!
279
00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:16,900
A person's ashes are put into an urn,
and that's where Kenny's body is.
280
00:14:16,987 --> 00:14:19,296
You see, boys, Kenny is in here.
281
00:14:20,507 --> 00:14:21,906
What the...
282
00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:25,625
Wait a minute! This is kitty litter!
283
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,258
All right, all right!
I drank the chocolate milk mix
284
00:14:28,347 --> 00:14:30,338
and replaced it with kitty litter.
285
00:14:30,427 --> 00:14:31,462
You what?
286
00:14:31,547 --> 00:14:34,903
Dude! Don't you know what this means?
You drank Kenny!
287
00:14:35,227 --> 00:14:36,262
Shut up!
288
00:14:36,347 --> 00:14:38,941
You did, dude!
You drank his whole body!
289
00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:40,062
Shut up!
290
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:44,538
Oh, my God!
This is awful and disgusting!
291
00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:47,580
Bad, Eric! Bad!
292
00:14:48,947 --> 00:14:49,982
That explains it,
293
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:52,023
why I'm having Kenny's memories
all the time!
294
00:14:52,107 --> 00:14:54,940
- His soul is inside me!
- Well, so much for our winning ticket!
295
00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:56,619
Cartman probably drank that
with the rest of Kenny!
296
00:14:56,707 --> 00:14:58,698
Yeah, good job, fat ass!
297
00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:00,906
I can't live like this!
298
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:04,696
I have to find a place where they remove
living souls from your body!
299
00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:09,825
Looks like I've come to the right place.
300
00:15:09,907 --> 00:15:11,659
- Can I help you?
- Yes, hello.
301
00:15:11,747 --> 00:15:14,898
I have a living thing inside of me
that I need sucked out, please.
302
00:15:14,987 --> 00:15:16,306
You'll have to make an appointment.
303
00:15:16,387 --> 00:15:18,298
The charge is $230.
304
00:15:18,387 --> 00:15:19,786
$230?
305
00:15:19,867 --> 00:15:23,337
I just want you to vacuum him out of me
and not put him up in a condominium!
306
00:15:23,427 --> 00:15:24,780
It's gonna be okay, babe.
307
00:15:24,867 --> 00:15:26,983
Listen, lady,
you gotta get this crap out of me!
308
00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:30,059
I don't want him in me any more!
Just suck him up and throw him out!
309
00:15:30,147 --> 00:15:33,822
Oh, Steven! I can't go through with this!
I have to keep it!
310
00:15:34,787 --> 00:15:36,425
Damn it! Damn it!
311
00:15:38,027 --> 00:15:39,824
Thanks a lot, kid!
312
00:15:43,227 --> 00:15:44,740
Kenny! Kenny!
313
00:15:44,827 --> 00:15:47,546
Kenny, Lolly's Candyland is giving away
a shopping spree!
314
00:15:47,627 --> 00:15:49,583
We're all gonna pitch in on an entry!
315
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:53,740
All right! There you go!
Hold on to that ticket stub!
316
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:56,102
Hold onto this, Cartman, I might lose it.
317
00:15:56,187 --> 00:15:59,145
No, I'll lose it for sure.
You keep track of it, Kyle.
318
00:15:59,227 --> 00:16:02,219
Okay. No, I don't want
that much responsibility.
319
00:16:02,307 --> 00:16:03,820
Here, you hold onto it, Kenny.
320
00:16:06,787 --> 00:16:11,736
You better not lose that ticket, Kenny,
or else I'll kick you in the nuts!
321
00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:21,700
The ticket!
322
00:16:21,787 --> 00:16:23,266
Kenny didn't have it on him
when he died!
323
00:16:23,347 --> 00:16:25,144
He put it away somewhere!
Don't you see?
324
00:16:25,227 --> 00:16:27,457
I can still have
my candy shopping spree!
325
00:16:27,547 --> 00:16:30,186
Oh, my God! You guys! You guys!
326
00:16:32,227 --> 00:16:33,945
Ladies and gentlemen of the UN,
327
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:36,177
we have evidence that
Saddam Hussein is up there,
328
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:38,656
building weapons of mass destruction.
329
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:41,341
We have tried to communicate
with Saddam through a psychic
330
00:16:41,427 --> 00:16:44,180
to ask him to let us see
his warehouses in heaven,
331
00:16:44,267 --> 00:16:46,258
but he has not responded.
332
00:16:48,387 --> 00:16:50,742
Of course he has not responded,
because he's dead!
333
00:16:50,867 --> 00:16:52,744
Right, dead, and in heaven.
334
00:16:52,827 --> 00:16:53,816
This is preposterous.
335
00:16:53,907 --> 00:16:55,818
Even if there was a heaven,
what makes you think
336
00:16:55,907 --> 00:16:57,784
Saddam Hussein's soul
would be sent there?
337
00:16:57,867 --> 00:17:00,506
Our intelligence tells us that when
Saddam was originally killed,
338
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,578
his soul, actually, went to hell.
339
00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:05,625
But while in hell, he began
a homosexual relationship with Satan,
340
00:17:05,707 --> 00:17:06,856
the Prince of Darkness.
341
00:17:06,947 --> 00:17:09,415
Satan, however, decided he didn't want
to be with Hussein any more
342
00:17:09,507 --> 00:17:11,384
and broke up with him around August.
343
00:17:11,467 --> 00:17:14,220
When Saddam became jealous
and tried to kill Satan's new lover,
344
00:17:14,307 --> 00:17:16,901
Chris, Satan had Saddam
sent to heaven to live
345
00:17:16,987 --> 00:17:19,262
with Mormons as a punishment.
346
00:17:22,787 --> 00:17:24,106
Questions?
347
00:17:25,947 --> 00:17:26,982
Yes?
348
00:17:27,067 --> 00:17:29,740
Are you high or just incredibly stupid?
349
00:17:30,827 --> 00:17:33,022
I assure you, I am not high.
350
00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:39,457
You guys! You guys! I saw the ticket!
351
00:17:39,547 --> 00:17:42,061
- What do you mean, fat ass?
- I just had another vision, you buttholes!
352
00:17:42,147 --> 00:17:44,422
Kenny didn't keep the ticket with him!
He put it away somewhere!
353
00:17:44,507 --> 00:17:46,020
- Where?
- I don't know!
354
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,825
I got konked in the head
down at the abortion clinic,
355
00:17:47,907 --> 00:17:50,740
and I clearly saw Kenny putting
the ticket in a little red box!
356
00:17:50,827 --> 00:17:52,340
I just have to wait
for another vision to come.
357
00:17:52,427 --> 00:17:55,260
I could clearly see through Kenny's...
358
00:18:00,107 --> 00:18:01,745
You see anything?
359
00:18:01,907 --> 00:18:04,102
Yes, Kyle. I see a dead Jew!
360
00:18:04,187 --> 00:18:06,621
Maybe Kyle's right,
we gotta spark the visions somehow.
361
00:18:06,707 --> 00:18:08,345
Not by giving me brain damage!
362
00:18:08,427 --> 00:18:11,225
Do you want
a candy shopping spree or not?
363
00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:14,659
All right, go ahead.
364
00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,102
No.
365
00:18:18,467 --> 00:18:21,027
Randy! Gerald!
We were wrong about heaven!
366
00:18:21,107 --> 00:18:23,382
The Japanese just reached it
with their ladder!
367
00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:24,582
What?
368
00:18:24,947 --> 00:18:26,141
See for yourself!
369
00:18:26,227 --> 00:18:29,105
This is Nobunaga Hiroitchi reporting live
370
00:18:29,187 --> 00:18:30,700
from heaven.
371
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,257
The great nation of Japan
reached heaven
372
00:18:33,347 --> 00:18:35,907
today about 8:00 Pacific Standard Time.
373
00:18:38,467 --> 00:18:41,823
Therefore, heaven is now declared
an official part of Japan.
374
00:18:41,907 --> 00:18:43,465
Because we got here first.
375
00:18:43,547 --> 00:18:47,426
And, now, for the weather in heaven,
let's go to Natsuko Sen.
376
00:18:47,507 --> 00:18:50,738
Today weather in heaven, partly cloudy.
377
00:18:51,627 --> 00:18:53,822
That's the news from heaven.
378
00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:02,059
Oh, God! And we told our boys
they'd never reach heaven!
379
00:19:02,147 --> 00:19:03,262
Kids!
380
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,578
Good.
As soon as the boys finish their ladder,
381
00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:10,225
we'll be ready to take Saddam out.
382
00:19:10,307 --> 00:19:12,696
Do you really think
this is a good idea, Randy?
383
00:19:12,787 --> 00:19:16,063
If Saddam is building weapons,
we have to stop him.
384
00:19:16,147 --> 00:19:17,296
With our weapons.
385
00:19:17,387 --> 00:19:20,060
Excuse me, everyone! We're not
working on the ladder any more.
386
00:19:20,147 --> 00:19:22,058
Thank you. We're done!
387
00:19:23,307 --> 00:19:25,582
- They're...
- Not working on the ladder?
388
00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:27,623
But the Japanese
won't let us use theirs!
389
00:19:27,707 --> 00:19:29,857
Kenny didn't have the ticket stub.
It was in his room.
390
00:19:29,947 --> 00:19:32,541
So we got all our candy
and you can all go home!
391
00:19:32,627 --> 00:19:35,016
Wait. Are you saying
that you boys only wanted
392
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:38,736
to build a ladder to heaven
so you could get some candy?
393
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:42,426
I've never heard the words "only" and
"candy" in the same sentence before.
394
00:19:42,507 --> 00:19:44,065
But what about your lost friend?
395
00:19:44,147 --> 00:19:47,378
What about your fragile innocence
in believing we could all get to heaven?
396
00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:49,856
Yeah, well, people make us kids believe
that heaven is this white place
397
00:19:49,947 --> 00:19:51,266
with fluffy clouds and angels.
398
00:19:51,347 --> 00:19:54,305
Yeah, but now we think maybe heaven
isn't a place you can get to.
399
00:19:54,387 --> 00:19:56,059
Maybe heaven is just an idea,
400
00:19:56,147 --> 00:19:58,615
a frame of mind,
or something gay like that.
401
00:19:58,707 --> 00:20:01,301
Maybe heaven is this moment,
right now.
402
00:20:02,787 --> 00:20:05,859
So, you're saying we should
bomb this moment, right now?
403
00:20:05,947 --> 00:20:06,982
- Right! Johnston!
- Sir!
404
00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:09,501
No! No, we shouldn't bomb anybody.
405
00:20:09,827 --> 00:20:10,862
These boys are right.
406
00:20:10,947 --> 00:20:14,223
The only heaven we can hope for
is one here on Earth, now.
407
00:20:14,307 --> 00:20:16,457
We should stop waiting
to get into heaven
408
00:20:16,547 --> 00:20:18,538
and start trying to create it.
409
00:20:24,467 --> 00:20:27,345
And I was dumb enough to believe
Saddam could actually be up there
410
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:28,621
building bombs!
411
00:20:28,707 --> 00:20:31,062
Where were you
when they decided heaven
412
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,217
Was a more intangible idea
413
00:20:33,307 --> 00:20:36,105
And couldn't
You couldn't really get there?
414
00:20:36,827 --> 00:20:40,376
You little bastards ruined
my latest song!
415
00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:43,539
Well, I'm sure glad this is all over with.
Let's go count our candy!
416
00:20:43,627 --> 00:20:46,095
Yeah, but what about Kenny?
His soul is still in Cartman's body.
417
00:20:46,187 --> 00:20:47,939
No, no. I just drank his memories.
418
00:20:48,027 --> 00:20:50,018
I'm not sharing my body
with that poor piece of crap.
419
00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:52,541
Stop calling me poor, you fat dick!
420
00:20:53,147 --> 00:20:55,615
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Kenny, you in there?
421
00:20:55,707 --> 00:20:57,777
Stop it! Where am I, you guys?
Oh, God!
422
00:20:57,867 --> 00:21:00,540
- Dude! Come back here!
- Stop him, Kenny!
423
00:21:05,627 --> 00:21:07,902
Keep those nitrogen capsules
over there by the warheads.
424
00:21:07,987 --> 00:21:10,023
Right! Chop, chop! Come on!
425
00:21:10,307 --> 00:21:11,456
Saddam.
426
00:21:11,547 --> 00:21:13,219
I've been hearing rumours that you're
427
00:21:13,307 --> 00:21:16,219
secretly building
weapons of mass destruction up here.
428
00:21:16,307 --> 00:21:18,218
Weapons of mass destruction?
429
00:21:18,307 --> 00:21:21,777
No! This is a chocolate chip factory.
See?
430
00:21:22,027 --> 00:21:24,746
It looks like a chemical weapons plant.
431
00:21:24,827 --> 00:21:28,536
Look, God, if I was gonna secretly build
a chemical weapons plant,
432
00:21:28,627 --> 00:21:31,221
I wouldn't make it look like
a chemical weapons plant, would I?
433
00:21:31,307 --> 00:21:35,061
I'd make it look like
a chocolate chip factory or something.
434
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:37,618
All right, just checking.
435
00:21:39,187 --> 00:21:40,700
Stupid asshole.