1 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:35,850 This Saturday, POX presents the musical event of the new millennium! 2 00:00:36,010 --> 00:00:38,570 You all remember playing the recorder in elementary school? 3 00:00:38,710 --> 00:00:40,975 Well this Saturday, in Oklahoma City, 4 00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:43,250 over four million third-grade students from all over the country 5 00:00:43,350 --> 00:00:45,497 will gather in one place and, at the same time, 6 00:00:45,498 --> 00:00:48,198 play "My Country 'Tis Of Thee" on their recorders! 7 00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:50,800 It's the largest third-grade recorder concert ever! 8 00:00:50,810 --> 00:00:52,570 Special guest conductor, Yoko Ono, 9 00:00:52,650 --> 00:00:55,965 and woodwind virtuoso, Kenny G, will lead this fantastic event! 10 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,690 This Saturday at eleven eastern, ten central! 11 00:00:58,730 --> 00:00:59,810 THE WORLD WILL BE WATCHING! 12 00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:03,851 Okay, children! We still got some time to practice the song 13 00:01:03,852 --> 00:01:06,170 before we load up the bus and head out for Oklahoma! 14 00:01:07,210 --> 00:01:10,376 Now, come on! There's gonna be over 4 million third-graders from all over 15 00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:13,850 the country there, and I wanna make sure that South Park is the best! Okay? 16 00:01:14,010 --> 00:01:15,170 Recorders up! 17 00:01:16,370 --> 00:01:18,690 And a one, and a two, and a... 18 00:01:21,970 --> 00:01:23,690 "of Liberty,"! You're late! 19 00:01:25,890 --> 00:01:28,170 "my fathers"... What the hell was that? 20 00:01:29,410 --> 00:01:31,970 Goddammit! I don't think you children have been working on your fingering! 21 00:01:32,130 --> 00:01:33,277 That's not true, Mr. Garrison! 22 00:01:33,278 --> 00:01:35,678 Kyle was working on his fingering with his mom all night long! 23 00:01:35,690 --> 00:01:36,610 Shut up, fatass! 24 00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:37,890 No, seriously! 25 00:01:38,050 --> 00:01:40,010 Kyle's mom says Kyle getting really good at fingering! He, he! 26 00:01:41,450 --> 00:01:44,610 Shut up, Eric! There's gonna be four million children playing this song 27 00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:47,575 at the same time on their recorders, and so help me God, South Park 28 00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:51,330 Elementary is not gonna be the only ones that don't know the song! Try again! 29 00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:52,650 Recorders up! 30 00:01:53,770 --> 00:01:55,810 And a one, and a two, and a... 31 00:02:00,130 --> 00:02:02,210 M'kay! That sounded great, kids! 32 00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:05,210 Sure, if you like the sound of a peacock getting its neck broken! 33 00:02:05,370 --> 00:02:07,210 M'kay! Kids, uh, we have some news! 34 00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:09,850 Uh, there's been terrible flood in Oklahoma, m'kay, 35 00:02:10,010 --> 00:02:14,130 so the four million recorder children's event is being moved to Arkansas! 36 00:02:16,330 --> 00:02:17,410 Arkansas?! 37 00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:18,650 What's a Arkansas?! Is that a state? 38 00:02:18,770 --> 00:02:21,650 The trip shouldn't take any longer, but I'll hand out these updated 39 00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:24,770 contact sheets so that your parents will know where you are, m'kay! 40 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:27,450 Mr. Mackey, can I talk to you for a second?! 41 00:02:28,130 --> 00:02:31,930 Mr. Mackey, uh, I can't go to Arkansas! Somebody's gonna have to fill in for me! 42 00:02:32,090 --> 00:02:35,330 What?! We can't find anybody to fill in for you! Why can't you go to Arkansas? 43 00:02:35,490 --> 00:02:37,410 Arkansas is where I grew up! 44 00:02:37,570 --> 00:02:41,210 My parents live there! My father still lives there! 45 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:42,650 Well, don't you wanna see him? 46 00:02:42,850 --> 00:02:45,770 I haven't seen my father for 23 years! 47 00:02:45,970 --> 00:02:48,610 Uh, perhaps you should sit down, Mr. Garrison, m'kay! 48 00:02:48,730 --> 00:02:53,750 Mr. Garrison, I know this is very difficult, m'kay, but I must ask! 49 00:02:53,850 --> 00:02:56,930 Is there a history of sexual abuse in your family?! 50 00:02:58,570 --> 00:03:03,410 Some! Yes! There was my Uncle Richard! He... he molested me! 51 00:03:03,570 --> 00:03:06,730 - When was that? - Saturday! Last... last Saturday! 52 00:03:07,650 --> 00:03:10,650 - He's a parapolegic, but it didn't... - M'kay, uh, and your father, 53 00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:13,450 he molested you when you were a boy? 54 00:03:15,770 --> 00:03:19,530 Mr. Garrison, I think when we get to Arkansas, you need to see your father! 55 00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:23,050 You need to face this demon in your closet, m'kay! 56 00:03:23,530 --> 00:03:24,950 Don't look at me! 57 00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:28,710 I'll go on your bastard trip and just don't look at me! 58 00:03:30,170 --> 00:03:31,250 That is pretty cool! 59 00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:42,690 Okay! How 'bout this one, Kenny? 60 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:45,050 No? How 'bout this? 61 00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:48,290 Interesting! Let's see! How 'bout this! 62 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,850 - Cartman, what the hell are you doing? - We're trying to find the Brown Noise! 63 00:03:52,010 --> 00:03:55,330 It's this one pitch, this certain frequency, that makes people loose bowel control! 64 00:03:55,490 --> 00:03:56,690 What's "loose bowel control"? 65 00:03:56,890 --> 00:03:58,730 That's the scientific term for crapping your pants! 66 00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:00,170 H'oh, brother! Here we go again! 67 00:04:00,330 --> 00:04:03,650 Cartman, there is not a sound frequency that makes people crap their pants! 68 00:04:03,850 --> 00:04:06,530 Yes there is! The French experimented with it in World War II! 69 00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:09,290 How 'bout this one, Kenny? 70 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,970 There is no Brown Noise, fat boy! 71 00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:13,422 That's nice! When I find it, I'll just make you crap yourself 72 00:04:13,430 --> 00:04:15,650 so you look like Karen Carpenter! - Who's Karen Carpenter? 73 00:04:20,370 --> 00:04:23,970 - Mr. Garrison, are you alright? - Mr. Garrison isn't here right now! 74 00:04:24,170 --> 00:04:26,650 M'kay, Mr. Garrison, you're just having a hard time 75 00:04:26,770 --> 00:04:28,890 dealing with the memories of your father's sexual abuse, 76 00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:31,570 so you switch personalities to Mr. Hat! M'kay!? 77 00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:34,450 Good one, Sherlock! You figure that all by yourself? 78 00:04:34,610 --> 00:04:38,610 M'kay, I think the best thing for Mr. Garrison to do is to go see his father! 79 00:04:38,730 --> 00:04:41,730 NO! NO, YOU MORON! MR. GARRISON CAN'T LET THE MEMORIES IN! 80 00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:43,090 JUST LEAVE US ALONE! 81 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:46,530 M'KAY, MR. HAT, YOU NEED TO LET ME TALK TO MR. GARRISON! M'kay!? 82 00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:48,502 WHY WOULD HE WANNA TALK TO A SECOND RATE, 83 00:04:48,503 --> 00:04:50,503 DOPEY ASSED, ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PSYCOLOGIST?! 84 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:51,690 WHAT DID YOU SAY?! 85 00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:52,956 YOU HEARD ME, JACKASS! 86 00:04:52,957 --> 00:04:55,057 THERE'S MONKEYS THAT MAKE BETTER COUNCILORS THAN YOU! 87 00:04:55,130 --> 00:04:57,090 WHY, YOU SON OF A BITCH! 88 00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:00,930 hoa! Mr. Mackey and Mr. Hat are fighting! 89 00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:03,570 I'M GONNA KICK YOU ASS! M'KAY!? 90 00:05:08,290 --> 00:05:09,730 BE QUIET BACK THERE!!! 91 00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:15,970 You may have won this time Mr. Hat! 92 00:05:24,650 --> 00:05:28,010 M'kay! I want everyone to stay together! M'kay?! Nobody move! 93 00:05:28,170 --> 00:05:29,410 - School?! - Excuse me?! 94 00:05:29,570 --> 00:05:33,130 - What school are you from? - We're from South Park, Colorado! 95 00:05:33,530 --> 00:05:36,770 Alright! South Park school, you go over there next to the kids from New York! 96 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,050 No, no! Don't put the Florida kids in the building! 97 00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:44,130 Hey! Lookit the freakin' eskimos in their little hensingalovs! 98 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,502 Whoa! Lookit this kid's coat! Hey, kid, what'sa matter?! 99 00:05:48,503 --> 00:05:51,403 You a freakin' burn victim or something?! What? 100 00:05:51,690 --> 00:05:53,290 Who the hell are these guys?! 101 00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:55,930 I didn't know they was invitin' rednecks to this event! 102 00:05:56,090 --> 00:05:58,370 - We're not rednecks! - Yeah! That's Texans, butthole! 103 00:05:58,530 --> 00:06:01,170 Oh yeah?! Well, you look like a bunch of queefs to me! 104 00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:05,450 Y'guys, what's a queef?! 105 00:06:05,610 --> 00:06:07,030 Kenny? - I don't know! 106 00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:09,530 Oh, brother! You guys don't even know what a queef is? 107 00:06:09,650 --> 00:06:11,650 Of course we know what a queef is, you queef! 108 00:06:11,770 --> 00:06:13,250 Oh yeah?! Well, what is it then?! 109 00:06:13,770 --> 00:06:14,850 Why?! Don't you know?! 110 00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:17,330 Are all rednecks queefs from Colorado as stupid as yous?! 111 00:06:17,490 --> 00:06:18,610 ALRIGHT, DICKHOLE! 112 00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:20,610 I need everyone's attention please! 113 00:06:20,730 --> 00:06:24,570 We will now all be moving in orderly fasion to our fine hotels! 114 00:06:24,690 --> 00:06:27,530 Please follow your group leaders to check in! 115 00:06:28,370 --> 00:06:29,690 We'll se ya later, queefs! 116 00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:35,650 I can't find the word "queef" anywhere! 117 00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:36,777 Well, keep looking! 118 00:06:36,778 --> 00:06:38,878 We gotta find out what it means before we see those New Yorker kids again! 119 00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:40,050 Well, let's try the dictionary! 120 00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:42,410 Queasy! Quebec! Queen! Quelch! No queef! 121 00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:44,530 - Dammit! - Hey! I found it, y'guys! I found it! 122 00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:46,050 You did?! What's it mean?! What's it mean?! 123 00:06:46,210 --> 00:06:49,490 I told y'guys! Here it is, right here! The Brown Noise! 124 00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:50,440 Dammit, Cartman! 125 00:06:50,450 --> 00:06:53,130 An ausilation of sound that causes the bowels to loosen! 126 00:06:53,290 --> 00:06:54,690 See?! That means crap your pants! 127 00:06:54,890 --> 00:06:59,370 The Brown Noise is believed to be 92 cents below the lowest octave of E flat! 128 00:06:59,530 --> 00:07:00,730 - Wha'does that mean? - Who cares?! C'mon! 129 00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:03,570 We have to find out what "queef" means! Keep reading! 130 00:07:08,090 --> 00:07:10,610 I can do this! I have to do this! 131 00:07:14,530 --> 00:07:16,250 Hello, dad! 132 00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:19,490 - Oh hello, son! - Can I come in? 133 00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:21,170 Uh, sure! Of couse. 134 00:07:22,370 --> 00:07:24,530 Your mom's out at bridge night! You want a beer or something? 135 00:07:24,650 --> 00:07:27,370 No! I don't think that will solve any of our problems, 136 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,970 though you seemed to think it did! - W'what?! 137 00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:32,690 I have a lot of demons that I need to face, father! 138 00:07:32,890 --> 00:07:34,330 I need to know some things! 139 00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:35,610 Well, okay! Like what?! 140 00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:38,290 Alright, alright! Let's just cut right to it! 141 00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:42,510 I've come to ask you about the sexual abuse, dad! 142 00:07:42,970 --> 00:07:46,210 I have to know why! Right here and now! We're gonna talk about this! 143 00:07:46,370 --> 00:07:49,450 What the hell are you talking about? I never sexually abused you! 144 00:07:49,610 --> 00:07:51,770 I know! I wanna know why not! 145 00:07:52,650 --> 00:07:54,570 - Was it that I was ugly? - Oh, my God! 146 00:07:54,690 --> 00:07:57,650 I wasn't good enough for you! Was that it, dad?! - Well... NO! 147 00:07:57,770 --> 00:08:00,250 Sure! You could go off and screw any whore on Ryland Street, 148 00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:03,370 but when it came to your own son, you were just too busy! 149 00:08:09,130 --> 00:08:11,250 Alright, everyone! Quiet please! 150 00:08:11,410 --> 00:08:13,410 There are over four million of you, 151 00:08:13,570 --> 00:08:16,010 so we must have quiet! 152 00:08:16,170 --> 00:08:19,930 t this time, I would like to introduce the woman who is making this all possible, 153 00:08:20,090 --> 00:08:22,370 Yoko Ono! 154 00:08:31,930 --> 00:08:34,910 You heard her! We'll start the rehearsal in a few minutes! 155 00:08:35,070 --> 00:08:36,987 Those New Yorker kids are gonna be here any second! 156 00:08:36,988 --> 00:08:38,388 We still don't know what "queef" means! 157 00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:40,050 Well, we can still pretend like we know what it means! 158 00:08:40,210 --> 00:08:41,410 No! They'll catch on! 159 00:08:41,570 --> 00:08:43,090 Hey! Wait a minute! I've got a great idea! 160 00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:46,124 Let's make up our own word! We can make up a word and then use it, 161 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,970 and then, they'll act like they know it, and we'll bust'em! 162 00:08:48,130 --> 00:08:49,770 Yeah! That'll make 'em look stupid! 163 00:08:49,970 --> 00:08:52,610 - What word could we make up?! - How 'bout "Finkleroy"?! 164 00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:53,930 No, no! Not "Finkleroy"! 165 00:08:54,090 --> 00:08:56,130 How 'bout "Gebo" or, or "Mung"?! 166 00:08:56,290 --> 00:08:57,850 - Yeah! "Mung"! - "Mung"'s good! 167 00:08:58,010 --> 00:08:58,850 Here they come! 168 00:08:59,010 --> 00:08:59,970 Well hello there, queefs! 169 00:09:00,170 --> 00:09:02,730 All bundled up nice and warm, are we?! 170 00:09:02,930 --> 00:09:05,330 You know what you guys are?! You guys are nothing but mung! 171 00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:08,050 - Wha'di'ju call us?! - We're not mung! You're mung! 172 00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:10,370 So you know what "mung" means! 173 00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,170 Of course we know what "mung" means! 174 00:09:12,330 --> 00:09:14,570 Yeah! 'Ju think we wouldn't know what "mung" means?! 175 00:09:16,930 --> 00:09:18,090 We've busted you! 176 00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:21,410 Yeah! Yeah! "Mung" isn't even a word! We made it up! 177 00:09:23,090 --> 00:09:26,210 ou guys are even stupider than I thougt! "Mung" is SO a word! 178 00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:28,170 It is?! 179 00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:31,770 Yeah! "Mung" is the stuff that comes out when ya push down 180 00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:33,370 on a pregnant woman's stomach! 181 00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:37,610 You guys didn't know that? 182 00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,180 C'mon, guys! Let's get away from these rednecks 183 00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,881 before we get redneckacitis, or somethin'! 184 00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:45,970 You dumbass, Cartman! 185 00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:48,970 Yeah! Next time you make up a word, don't make up one that already exists! 186 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,010 It's so nice to see you, son! 187 00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:56,290 I'm so proud that you're part of the four million child recorder blow! 188 00:09:56,450 --> 00:10:00,130 Yes! I hope it's okay if I stay here a few nights, mother! 189 00:10:00,290 --> 00:10:02,730 I have some things I really need to talk to you about! 190 00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:04,890 About what? 191 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:09,410 Mother, did you know that dad never sexually molested me? 192 00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:12,650 - That, that can't be! - He never did, mom! Not once! 193 00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:15,970 That's not true! Your father loved you! Often! 194 00:10:16,130 --> 00:10:19,450 He never did, mom, and I think you knew he never did! 195 00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:22,290 No! No! If I knew, I would've made him do it! 196 00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:23,770 You stood by and let it happen! 197 00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:26,610 You saw him come home drunk and then just go right to sleep! 198 00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:29,930 - I'm not listening! - Face it, mother! He never abused me! 199 00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:32,130 Uh, what's goin' on?! 200 00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:33,570 Mother won't hear the truth! 201 00:10:33,690 --> 00:10:35,970 He says you didn't molest him as a child! 202 00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:37,490 I didn't! You knew I didn't! 203 00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:40,410 No! I didn't know! I'm not listening! 204 00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:43,170 You can't close your eyes forever, mother! 205 00:10:44,050 --> 00:10:45,530 Mother, wait! 206 00:10:46,050 --> 00:10:48,610 Alright! Penasameri plenahabikabapi! 207 00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:52,850 We must have participate inapi tonga for the performance tomorrow, please! 208 00:10:53,010 --> 00:10:57,410 Okay, children! We need to pay closer attention to the sheet music! 209 00:10:57,570 --> 00:11:01,730 Remember, if you get lost, just follow along with Mr. Kenny G here! 210 00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:02,970 Hey! That's it, Kenny! 211 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:06,210 Maybe Kenny G can show us where 92 cents below the lowest E flat is, 212 00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:08,170 then we'll know the Brown Noise! 213 00:11:17,370 --> 00:11:19,650 STOP! STOP IT! YAMEKIN YODEBA PIECE YOU GOT THERE! 214 00:11:22,730 --> 00:11:26,570 THAT WAS A TERRIBLE! THAT WAS HORRIBEE! WA'WE GONNA DO?! 215 00:11:26,690 --> 00:11:29,290 - What the hell is that lady talking about?! - I have no idea! 216 00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:35,610 - Uh, Mr. Garrison Senior! - Uh, that's me! 217 00:11:35,970 --> 00:11:39,050 Uh, my name is Mr. Mackey! I'm your school councilor! M'kay? 218 00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:40,210 What can I do for you? 219 00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:44,010 I wanna talk to you about your son! I'm his, uh, therapist! M'kay? 220 00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:47,730 Oh, brother! Look! I didn't sexually abuse my son when he was younger! 221 00:11:47,930 --> 00:11:51,170 - Uh, you didn't?! - No! He's upset because I didn't molest him! 222 00:11:53,010 --> 00:11:54,570 Oh! Hm! Uh, I guess that's a little different! 223 00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:58,090 A LITTLE?! Yeah! He thinks if I don't molest him, it means I don't love him! 224 00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,850 Well now, what's he s'posed to think, Mr. Garrison? 225 00:12:01,010 --> 00:12:04,330 I mean, uh, look at all media, all the magazines ads, and television ads 226 00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:07,330 talking about sexual molestation! M'kay? 227 00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:10,410 He sees all that and asumes that you didn't molest him because of some 228 00:12:10,570 --> 00:12:12,650 flaw in his looks or personality! 229 00:12:12,770 --> 00:12:14,650 I didn't do it because it's wrong! 230 00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:15,730 I know! 231 00:12:15,930 --> 00:12:19,570 but I'm afraid this problem has run very deep through Mr. Garrison's mental state! 232 00:12:19,690 --> 00:12:23,210 I worried that if you don't do something, well, it could kill 'im! 233 00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:24,392 Hold on a second! 234 00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:27,893 Are you actually suggesting that I have sex with my 41-year-old son? 235 00:12:28,010 --> 00:12:31,930 There comes a time in every father's life when he must ask himself, 236 00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:35,850 "How far will I go to save my son's life?"! M'kay?! 237 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,930 Well, I won't have sex with 'im! - Well, I've said all I can say! 238 00:12:39,970 --> 00:12:41,250 I know it's difficult, 239 00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:44,690 but family is about compromises! 240 00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:48,410 Don't lose your son over this, Mr. Garrison! 241 00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:52,770 Dont-lose-your-son! M-kay?! 242 00:12:55,490 --> 00:12:57,770 Am I the only sane person left on earth?! 243 00:12:57,970 --> 00:13:00,250 Tomorrow, the world will be tuning in as over 244 00:13:00,410 --> 00:13:03,850 four million children play "My Country Tis of Thee" on their recorders! 245 00:13:04,010 --> 00:13:06,230 It is by far the largest gathering of 246 00:13:06,231 --> 00:13:08,721 little plastic recorders in human history! Yoko Ono has... 247 00:13:08,730 --> 00:13:12,410 Well, mom said I could sleep in the guest room tonight! G'night, dad! 248 00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:14,050 Good night! 249 00:13:15,450 --> 00:13:18,970 Guess I'll just go on up to bed now! 250 00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:26,450 Don't really have any pajamas! Guess I'll just sleep in my boxers or something! 251 00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,790 Should be fine! 252 00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:32,250 I'll leave the door open a little in case you 253 00:13:32,410 --> 00:13:34,450 need to see me 'bout anything! 254 00:13:34,850 --> 00:13:36,690 Won't be necessary! 255 00:13:40,370 --> 00:13:43,330 I'll just be goin' up to bed now! 256 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,610 Guess, guess maybe I won't even wear those boxers! 257 00:13:47,730 --> 00:13:51,130 - I'm not going to molest you! - YOU DON'T LOVE ME! 258 00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:54,610 - I WANNA DIE! - Goddammit! 259 00:13:55,930 --> 00:13:58,350 I wish we could find a way to get back at those New Yorker Kids! 260 00:13:58,410 --> 00:14:00,470 - Yeah! They think they're so cool! - Y'guys! Y'guys! 261 00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:01,930 We found it! We found it, y'guys! 262 00:14:02,090 --> 00:14:03,410 - Calm down, Cartman! - You found what? 263 00:14:03,570 --> 00:14:04,410 The Brown Noise! 264 00:14:04,570 --> 00:14:06,730 Kenny and me found the Brown Noise! Here! Look! Look! Look! 265 00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:09,530 Okay! Let's see! Okay?! Okay! 266 00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:10,610 Okay! Ready, Kenny? 267 00:14:14,472 --> 00:14:16,201 Oh, no! I just crapped my pants! 268 00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:16,930 No way! 269 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:20,130 - I don't believe it! - I'm seriously, y'guys! C'mon! Watch! 270 00:14:24,290 --> 00:14:26,970 Whoa! Oh, my God! I crapped my pants! 271 00:14:27,290 --> 00:14:29,570 - That's amazing! - I told y'guys! 272 00:14:29,690 --> 00:14:31,570 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 273 00:14:31,690 --> 00:14:34,210 That they should bring back Chicago Hope for another season? Totally! 274 00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:38,450 No! That we could use the Brown Noise to get back at those asshole New Yorker Kids! 275 00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:40,010 Yeah, dude! 276 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,650 They should bring back another season of Chicago Hope though, seriously! 277 00:14:47,010 --> 00:14:49,330 Hey, what's the matter there, Garrison?! You look kinda sad! 278 00:14:49,490 --> 00:14:51,010 I'm having some troubles at home! 279 00:14:51,170 --> 00:14:54,250 Well, c'mon! Tell us about it! We always help each other out! Don't we, fellas? 280 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:55,730 - Yeah! - Yeah! That's right! 281 00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:59,730 Alright! It's just that, I mean, we're all family men here! Right? 282 00:14:59,930 --> 00:15:01,930 - Sure! - Sure are! 283 00:15:02,090 --> 00:15:04,290 Well, can I ask you guys a difficult question? 284 00:15:04,450 --> 00:15:06,330 - D'absoulutly! - Of course! 285 00:15:06,850 --> 00:15:07,530 Alright! 286 00:15:07,650 --> 00:15:11,650 Would you have sex with your son to save his life? 287 00:15:14,570 --> 00:15:16,530 This is one of them Scruples questions! Ain't it!? 288 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:17,930 No, no! I got a better one! 289 00:15:18,090 --> 00:15:22,050 Would you have sex with your mother to save your father's life? 290 00:15:24,370 --> 00:15:26,290 Oh! Like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said: 291 00:15:26,450 --> 00:15:28,530 "Have sex with your mother or else I'll shoot 'im!"? 292 00:15:28,650 --> 00:15:30,290 - Yeah! - That's a tough one! 293 00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:32,130 No, no, wait! Uh, you don't understand! 294 00:15:32,290 --> 00:15:35,490 How 'bout if someone made you have sex with your mother and father 295 00:15:35,650 --> 00:15:36,770 to save your own life? 296 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,450 No! No! No way! 297 00:15:38,610 --> 00:15:43,330 But if it was to save my mother's life, I think I would have to have sex with my father! 298 00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:45,570 - Me too! - Well, I think that goes without saying! 299 00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:47,970 Well actually, I'm just talking about a son! 300 00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:51,010 Well personally, I would have sex with my son to save my mother's life! 301 00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:53,410 It depends on how big a gun are we talking here?! 302 00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:55,970 - Uh, he doesn't have a gun! - The father doesn't have a gun? 303 00:15:56,130 --> 00:15:57,570 NO! NOBODY'S GOT A GUN! 304 00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:02,090 I think if someone said "Have sex with your mother or else I'm gonna kill your son!" 305 00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,650 but he didn't have a gun, I wouldn't do it! 306 00:16:04,770 --> 00:16:07,690 - He could have a knife though! - Yeah! Right! - Sure! Right! 307 00:16:07,890 --> 00:16:10,570 If a killer put a knife to my throat and said: 308 00:16:10,690 --> 00:16:13,330 "Have sex with your father or else I'm gonna kill your mother 309 00:16:13,490 --> 00:16:15,530 while havin' sex with you!", 310 00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,210 I would have sex with myself! 311 00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:20,610 Yeah! I would! That makes sense! What're you talking about? 312 00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:24,250 - How do we write the note, Cartman? - Left E flat... 313 00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:27,130 - Let's see! I think it looks like this! - Alright! 314 00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,662 Now, all we do is wipe out the last note on their sheet music 315 00:16:29,663 --> 00:16:31,363 and change it to the tone Cartman played! 316 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:32,530 C'mon! 317 00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:37,530 There! 318 00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:39,410 That should do it! 319 00:16:39,570 --> 00:16:41,650 Sweet! I can't wait to see 'em crap their pants in front of everybody, y'guys! 320 00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:42,890 Okay! Let's get back to the room! 321 00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:48,050 What's this?! Revised music for tomorrow? 322 00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:51,050 Chip! Did you get revised music for tomorrow?! 323 00:16:51,890 --> 00:16:53,530 Ms. Ono has made revisions again! 324 00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:56,210 We've got to get these copied four million times and 325 00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:59,850 make the revisions to the projected music! C'mon! Hurry! 326 00:17:09,930 --> 00:17:11,770 Dad? 327 00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:18,010 Oh! I'm just fast asleep not hearing anything! 328 00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:24,770 Woah, dad! Oh, goodness gracious! 329 00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:28,570 Don't stop, dad! Stop! Wow! Oh, how could you?! 330 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:34,250 Well, mom, dad, I guess I better be going! The concert's going to start soon! 331 00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:36,610 Are you sure you can't stay one more night, son? 332 00:17:36,730 --> 00:17:38,970 No! I think all my work here is done. 333 00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:43,090 Dad, I don't know what to say! I feel closer to you than I ever have! 334 00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:45,410 Well, I just hope that now we can put the past behind us and, 335 00:17:45,570 --> 00:17:47,330 and try to be a normal family again! 336 00:17:47,490 --> 00:17:48,610 We sure can! 337 00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:51,730 Well, I've got a worldwide telecast recorder concert to get to! 338 00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:54,650 We'll be watching on TV! Make us proud, son! 339 00:17:54,770 --> 00:17:57,890 I will! Goodbye, mom! Goodbye, dad! 340 00:17:58,050 --> 00:18:02,290 Grey skys are gonna clear up! Put on a happy face! 341 00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:05,410 - You did the right thing, papa. - I didn't do squat! 342 00:18:06,130 --> 00:18:07,890 Here you go! A hundred bucks! 343 00:18:08,050 --> 00:18:11,010 Oh! That's okay! Keep your money! Thanks! 344 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,744 Live from Oklahoma City, four million third-grade students from 345 00:18:18,745 --> 00:18:23,270 all over the country playing "My Country 'Tis of Thee" on their recorders! 346 00:18:26,850 --> 00:18:29,850 Dude, I can't wait 'til those New Yorker kids play the Brown Noise and crap their pants! 347 00:18:30,010 --> 00:18:31,490 We have to watch them! We can't miss it! 348 00:18:31,650 --> 00:18:33,930 Are we all ready to play? Thanks! 349 00:18:34,090 --> 00:18:36,290 Okay, let's see the music! 350 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,010 - This is gonna be sweet! - Oh, no, dude! Look! 351 00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:40,810 It's the music WE changed! 352 00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:44,210 Dude! I four million people play the Brown Noise at the same time... 353 00:18:44,211 --> 00:18:46,144 One, two, sie, pizza! 354 00:18:48,970 --> 00:18:50,490 NO! 355 00:18:57,090 --> 00:18:58,770 Stop! Stop! 356 00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:03,610 - Uh, aren't those our boys? - Oh, no! What are they doing? 357 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,890 NOOOOO! 358 00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:23,570 I'm standing in New York City, 359 00:19:23,690 --> 00:19:26,290 but it could just as well be any town on earth right now. 360 00:19:26,450 --> 00:19:28,650 The desolation, the dammage is exactly the same 361 00:19:28,850 --> 00:19:30,570 in every city the whole world over! 362 00:19:30,690 --> 00:19:34,170 It's been just under twenty hours since everyone on earth pooped their pants, 363 00:19:34,330 --> 00:19:36,930 and people still roam their damaged homes with disbelief 364 00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:38,650 and loss! Rick? 365 00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:43,010 Alan, I'm standing at ground zero! Here, the damage is greater than anywhere! 366 00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:46,850 Like the rest of the world, everyone here has crapped their pants! 367 00:19:47,010 --> 00:19:49,250 Some crapped themselves to death, 368 00:19:49,410 --> 00:19:52,730 and still, others ruined perfectly good pairs of pants! 369 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,730 A nation mourns and tries to rebuild, 370 00:19:54,930 --> 00:19:56,730 but the big question that remains is: 371 00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:58,970 "How did this happen?" 372 00:20:00,410 --> 00:20:03,321 Well, I'd say other than making everyone in the world crap their pants, 373 00:20:03,322 --> 00:20:06,235 our event went over really well! - Really well?! Really well?! 374 00:20:06,236 --> 00:20:08,065 You gonna be wickedy I tell you again! 375 00:20:08,066 --> 00:20:10,366 Look at some of the averaging over the gaidis o'er the really well! 376 00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:15,330 Alright! C'mon everybody! We've got a long bus ride back to Colorado! M'kay? 377 00:20:15,490 --> 00:20:17,330 Well, that whole experience sure did suck! 378 00:20:17,490 --> 00:20:19,130 Yeah, but you know, I learned something today! 379 00:20:19,290 --> 00:20:21,530 We were so worried about how cool we looked to those New Yorker kids 380 00:20:21,650 --> 00:20:23,410 that we forgot, we're already totally cool, 381 00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:25,010 even if we don't know what "queef" means! 382 00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:28,130 A "queef" is a vaginal explosion of gas! M'kay! 383 00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:30,410 - Here they are! - Yeah! 384 00:20:30,570 --> 00:20:32,010 Oh, brother! Let's just get out of here! 385 00:20:32,170 --> 00:20:35,730 Hey! Not so fast! We know it was you guys that changed the music 386 00:20:35,731 --> 00:20:38,481 and made everyone on earth crap their pants! 387 00:20:38,490 --> 00:20:40,490 - Yeah! We knows all about it! - Oh, no! 388 00:20:40,650 --> 00:20:42,576 Yeah! Me and the guys, well, we was talkin'! And well, 389 00:20:42,577 --> 00:20:45,577 well we just want you to know that we think you're pretty cool! 390 00:20:45,650 --> 00:20:46,730 - You do?! - Sure! I mean, 391 00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:49,770 Everybody on earth shit themselves cause of you, and that's pretty cool! 392 00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:50,970 I mean, that's pretty amazing! 393 00:20:51,130 --> 00:20:53,410 Yeah! We was wrong about you guys! We're sorry! 394 00:20:53,570 --> 00:20:56,402 Well, that's fine! That's fine! Next time, just remember that we're all 395 00:20:56,403 --> 00:20:58,803 pretty cool on the west side too, if ya know what I'm saying! 396 00:20:58,930 --> 00:21:00,370 Yeah! See you guys later! 397 00:21:00,530 --> 00:21:02,450 C'mon, boys! You're holdin' up the bus! 398 00:21:02,610 --> 00:21:04,890 Oh, wow! Look! It's Kenny G himself! 399 00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:07,250 Thank you for a wonderful concert Mr. G! 400 00:21:07,410 --> 00:21:09,210 G'goodbye. 401 00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:11,490 Oh, well thank you! 402 00:21:12,210 --> 00:21:14,410 You know it's funny! You kiss just like my dad! 403 00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:18,930 Well, Ms. Crabtree, this certainly has been a great trip! Let's head home! 404 00:21:19,090 --> 00:21:20,930 Which way should we go? 405 00:21:21,450 --> 00:21:25,750 Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning.