1 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:39,800 Okay, Children! Lets take our seats. We have something very important to discuss. 2 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,320 Due to recent events around the country, 3 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:46,640 I've been instructed to teach you all about sexual harrassment in school. 4 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,800 - About what? - Now, does anybody know what sexual harassment means? 5 00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:54,680 - Eric! - When you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend, 6 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,120 and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind. 7 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,240 No, Eric! That's not what I'm talking about! 8 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,098 The school board has sent over a special guest 9 00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:07,399 to teach us about sexual harassment in school. 10 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,760 Please welcome Pettie, the Sexual Harrassment Panda! 11 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,000 Who lives in the east behind a tree? 12 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,920 Sexual Harrassment Panda! 13 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:20,100 Who'll explain sexual harrassment to you and Me? 14 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,000 Sexual Harrassment Panda! 15 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,880 "Don't say that!", "Don't touch that!" 16 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,840 "Don't be nasty!", says the silly bear. 17 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,520 He's gonna tell you what's right and wrong. 18 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,800 Harrassment Panda! 19 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:36,640 Hi, boys and girls! 20 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,240 Say hi to Sexual Harrassment Panda! 21 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,400 Hi Sexual Harrassment Panda! 22 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:48,880 Did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, 23 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,200 that's sexual harrassment? 24 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:57,360 - That makes me a saaad panda. - This is freaking me out, Dude! 25 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:01,840 And when one little panda puts his furry little willy in another panda's ear, 26 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,320 that makes me a very saad panda. 27 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,160 I'm going to pass out these booklets, 28 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:13,080 and we are going through each and every sexual harrassment law. 29 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,680 Article 36, Section 19. 30 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:25,080 One panda may not make sexual comments about another panda's appearance. 31 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,160 - If said pan... - Aw, Dude! Get me out of here! 32 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,780 - I think Sexual Harrassment Panda is cool! - You would think that, you little ass sucker! 33 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,150 - What did you call me? - An ass sucker! It means you suck ass! 34 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,760 You see an ass, you suck it! You're an ass sucker! 35 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,540 That does it! I am suing you for sexual harrassment! 36 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,560 You have sexually harrassed me for the last time! 37 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,680 It says right here that now I can sue you and take all of your money! 38 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:49,000 - That's right! He can! - No, you can't, you little ass sucker! 39 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,100 Oo! He did it again! You all heard him! 40 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:55,360 The first party of the first panda may sue the second party panda 41 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:59,800 unless that panda was said panda unformentioned panda. 42 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,240 This is Cartman versus Marsh Case Number 3433. 43 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:06,600 What is your complaint, Mr. Cartman? 44 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,900 Your honor, my lawyer's just parking the car; he should be here any second. 45 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,080 - Dude! You got a lawyer?! - Sorry I'm late! 46 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:13,800 - Dad?! - Oh! Hi, Kyle! 47 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,080 Alright! Let's move this along! Shall we? Now, Eric Cartman, 48 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,920 you claim that Stan Marsh has sexually harrassed you in school. 49 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,760 - That is correct, my honor. - Oh, Whatever! 50 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,320 He talked about having oral sex with my ass. 51 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,520 - I called you an ass sucker! - Yes! That was it! 52 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,840 I was so upset! I couldn't concentrate the rest of the day! 53 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,200 And the way his eyes kept looking at me slowly going up and down my body 54 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,190 like he was undressing me with his eyes! 55 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,440 What?! Cartman you call people names all the time! 56 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,320 As you can see, your honor, my client is too upset to continue. 57 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,720 - Mr. Marsh, what do you have to say? - What do you mean? 58 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:47,320 - I need to hear your defence. - Uh, I'm eight? 59 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,070 Alright, this seems pretty open and shut. 60 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,678 Stan Marsh, under the new sexual harrassment in schools law, 61 00:03:51,679 --> 00:03:53,379 I am forced to find you guilty! 62 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,080 Alright!! We did it! 63 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,480 Since the defendant is underaged and has no monetary resources, 64 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,891 it is the judgement of this court that 50% of Stan Marsh's belongings 65 00:04:01,892 --> 00:04:03,892 are to be handed over to Eric Cartman immediately. 66 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,360 - I have to give him half my stuff?! - Sweet! 67 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:13,600 Let's see! I want that Climb Crimany game, and that Power Jim doll, 68 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,089 Do you really like this remote control truck? 69 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,490 Yeah, Dude! That's my favorite toy! 70 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,880 Ah, well! I'll just take that! 71 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:26,000 - And what about this? Is this one of your favorites? - Uh, no! I hate that toy! 72 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,400 Well! Then you won't mind if I take it. 73 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,860 - Dammit! - Hey, now! As your legal fee, 74 00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:33,880 you can choose between the green choo-choo or the squishy football. 75 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,720 You know, Eric, I've been thinking... 76 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,990 That model airplain, kid! Go on! 77 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,400 You know, The people really responsible for your harrassment is the public schools! 78 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,400 Perhaps we should sue them next. 79 00:04:46,435 --> 00:04:49,540 Why should I sue the school? - Well, because they're the ones 80 00:04:49,541 --> 00:04:52,480 who let this harrassment go on and they have a lot more money. 81 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,560 I think we can get a lot more out of this than half of Stan's belongings. 82 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,000 Interesting! 83 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,000 Stans ashma inhailer, I want that! 84 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,720 Answer the question! 85 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,760 Did you know that sexual harrassment was going on in the classroom? 86 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,520 No! I had no friggin idea! 87 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,720 Mr. Garrison, do you know the definition of sexual harrassment? 88 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,960 Of course! And so does Mr. Hat! We do not tollerate sexual harrassment! 89 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,440 You are the witness here, Mr. Garrison, not Mr. Hat. 90 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:17,680 Oh! I'm sorry, toots! 91 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,880 Did you or did you not hear my client being called an ass sucker? 92 00:05:20,915 --> 00:05:21,645 Yes! 93 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,440 - And you did nothing? - Well, he IS a little ass sucker! 94 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:28,120 Mr. Garrison, I will remind you that we are in court! 95 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:29,720 Okay, baby! I'm sorry! 96 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,990 Principal Victoria, were you aware that my client was being harrassed at your school? 97 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,085 Well, not any more than any other student. 98 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,020 - Oh! So you admit that harrassment goes on! - I don't know! 99 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,920 You don't Know?! You're the principal! 100 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,750 - I can't be around every second! - So, it DOES go on! 101 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,760 Alright! Alright! I killed him! 102 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,160 I hit him over the head and I cut up the body! 103 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,200 I tried to burn him, but it wouldn't burn! 104 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,080 Oh, the smell of it! 105 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,206 I put the legs in garbage bags and I hid the torso under a bridge! 106 00:05:56,207 --> 00:05:58,507 I had to do it! 107 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,280 God! 108 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:05,040 Principal Victoria, was Eric Cartman called an ass sucker? Yes or no? 109 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,200 - I believe so! Yes! - That's sexual harrassment. 110 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,440 Last, I'd like to bring up my expert witness, Sexual Harrassment Panda! 111 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:24,160 Expert witness, did South Park Elementary allow sexual harrassment to go on? 112 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:28,727 Well, when one little panda asks another little panda to perform oral sex, 113 00:06:28,728 --> 00:06:31,839 that IS sexual harrassment. - And who's to blame? 114 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:35,440 I'm afraid the law states that the school should be held responsible. 115 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,040 There you have it! Straight from the horse's mouth! 116 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,800 - Panda. - Pan..Panda's mouth! 117 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,211 After careful review it is the judgement of this court that South Park 118 00:06:44,212 --> 00:06:47,360 Elementary pays Eric Theodore Cartman 1.3 million dollars in damages. 119 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:50,240 - Alright! We did it, Eric! - Get down! 120 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,920 Get down! 121 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,880 That goes in the master bedroom. 122 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,000 - Well, Kyle, what do you think of your new house? - It's big! 123 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,840 Yes! It IS big, isn't it! It is very big! 124 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,721 Dad, if the school has to pay you and Cartman 1.3 million dollars, 125 00:07:06,722 --> 00:07:07,822 where does that money come from? 126 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,270 Well, Kyle, schools have lots of money. 127 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,520 You see, we all pay taxes, and part of that tax money goes to public schools. 128 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,720 And its from that money that we got our 1.3 million. 129 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,200 And you don't see a problem with that? 130 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,880 No! It's a very fragile system that nature has designed! 131 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,880 All things flow into each other! 132 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,720 - You're trying to confuse me now, aren't you! - Sort of! Yeah! 133 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,670 Okay, children! There's a few changes being made here at school, 134 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,920 but lessons will go on as normal. Any question? 135 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,440 - Yes, Stan? - Where's our desks? 136 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,859 Right! Desks! Well, a lot of cuts have been made 137 00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:46,360 since the school's funding is short for lawsuits. 138 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,160 You see, Cartman?! You see what this is done?! 139 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,350 All I know is I got this sweet digital watch and these cool shoes. 140 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,640 I'm telling you guys! Suing people kicks ass! 141 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:57,120 - Wow! I wanna sue somebody! - Me too! I wanna get a lawyer! 142 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,480 Well, let's just try to cope with the changes and do our school work. 143 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:05,040 Now, I'm going to write a sentence on the board and I want you to tell me the noun. 144 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,150 I know! I know! I'm sorry, children. But we can't afford chalk anymore. 145 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,240 I have to write on the chalkboard with this rusty nail. 146 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,720 Anyway, children, in sentence "The ball is red."... 147 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,600 Kids, are you tired of being harrassed at school? 148 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,520 Sick of being called a homo? A farty pants? 149 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,600 A butt... face? 150 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,350 Then call me! Kyle's Dad! 151 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,200 And I'll help you close the lid on sexual harrassment in school! 152 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,675 After a boy in my class tried to put his tongue in my mouth, 153 00:08:36,676 --> 00:08:40,857 I knew I needed legal help. Kyle's dad helped me get a 1.6 million dollar 154 00:08:40,858 --> 00:08:44,520 settlement and this bright new shiny bicyle. Thank you, Kyle's Dad! 155 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:50,280 Kyle's Dad got me 1.4 million, and he can do it for you too! 156 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,760 Just look at all these beautiful girls! 157 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,280 So, call me, Kyle's Dad, 158 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,460 because it's not about money. It's about... 159 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,480 Wait! What am I saying? Call me! 160 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:04,280 Kids picking on you? Well, don't be sad! Just sue their asses with Kyle's Dad! 161 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,390 Alright! What other cuts do we have to make to the school budget? 162 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:10,880 Uh, next, we have Tom Morris. 163 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,910 He plays sexual harrassment panda at the schools. 164 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,190 Oh, right! We certainly can't afford him anymore! 165 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,920 I warn you, Mr. Evans, Tom Morris takes his job a little seriously. 166 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,640 Hello, sexual harrassment cubs! 167 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,800 - Uh, have a seat, Mr. Morris. - Who? 168 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,320 Uh, Sexual Harrassment Panda. 169 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,080 Oh! Alright! 170 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,440 Mr. Morris, we at the school board have been thinking, 171 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,612 and we've decided that perhaps a panda 172 00:09:42,613 --> 00:09:46,613 isn't the first way to explain sexual harrassment to children. 173 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:52,176 You see, Mr. Morris, we believe that a panda doesn't 174 00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:55,577 really have anything to do with sexual harrassment. 175 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:57,720 At all! 176 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,800 I'm afraid we're just going to have to let you go. 177 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,000 I'm a saaaaad panda! 178 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,715 Eric Cartman, it is the judgement of this court 179 00:10:08,716 --> 00:10:11,116 that you sexually harrassed Pip Phillip at school. 180 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,110 - No way! - I won! 181 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,340 This is ridiculous! 182 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,030 You asked Pip to suck your... you know what! 183 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:20,960 You must give Pip half your stuff and the school must give Pip 1.6 million dollars. 184 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:21,880 Oh, dear God! 185 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,680 - Wow, I'm good! - Next! 186 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:25,760 This girl touched my theigh! 187 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,640 Half her belongings, school is sued for 2.1 million. 188 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,240 - We're ruined! - Next! 189 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:35,000 Uh, your honor, this young man commented on the shape of my ass. 190 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,780 Half his stuff! 2 million from the school! 191 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:44,000 Okay, children, let's all take our seats. We have a lot to learn today. 192 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:51,720 Uh, Clyde, can you tell me when Ulysses S. Grant was president? 193 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:53,550 Don't answer that! 194 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,880 Uh, Craig, how 'bout you? 195 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,600 Okay! I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may inciderate me. 196 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:02,990 Incrimidate! 197 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,468 Okay, children, I'm having a real problem with you all having lawyers. 198 00:11:06,469 --> 00:11:09,469 It is really disrupting class time. 199 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,680 Okay! Right! 200 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,680 Kids what I meant to say is that I fully condone you all having lawyers 201 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,360 and support your legal recourses in every way. 202 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,640 Now, let's get back to Ulysses S. Grant if that's okay with you. 203 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,760 Let's trade sandwiches. 204 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,280 - Hello there, children! - Hey, Chef! 205 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:28,880 - How's it going? - Bad! 206 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,720 Well, there about to get worse! All I can serve you for lunch is lumpy potatoes! 207 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,600 Lumpy Potatoes! Oh, no! 208 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,160 Sorry, children! All my funding's been cut. 209 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,760 Oh, my God! You guys have to do something! 210 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,440 Chef, how can we stop all these sexual assment lawsuits? 211 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,680 I don't know, children. Why don't you ask your dad? He's a lawyer, ain't he? 212 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,205 I tried talking to him, but he doesn't want the lawsuits to stop! 213 00:11:49,206 --> 00:11:50,206 He's making too much money! 214 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,640 Well, somebody else has got to know all about this sexual harrassment husafudge. 215 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,340 Hey! What about that stupid panda? 216 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,754 Yeah! Sexual Harrassment Panda! 217 00:11:56,755 --> 00:11:58,555 He's the one that started all this! We have to find him! 218 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:02,920 Well, I hope you do! Otherwise, it's lumpy potatoes from here on out! 219 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,650 That's 32 more sexual harrassment lawsuits in the past 24 hours. 220 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:11,520 Oh, my God! - Looks like we'll have to cut all of counciling and nutrition programs. 221 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,400 The children have started suing adults! They could sue us next! 222 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,720 Holy smokes! You're right! 223 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,480 Scues me! We'd like to speak with sexual harrassment panda, please. 224 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,200 Oh! Please! Don't sue us! 225 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,400 - We'll give you anything you want! - We want sexual harrassment panda! 226 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,240 Oh, no! Uh! We had to let him go! 227 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,720 - Uh! I mean, he left! - Well, where is he? 228 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,840 We don't know! Honestly! I swear it! Please! Let us go! 229 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,160 What the hell is wrong with these people? 230 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:39,680 Well, your credentials are very impressive, and you do seem to have a lot of ambition, 231 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,880 but I'm afraid there's no room for you at our company at this time. 232 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:49,186 It's because I'm a panda! Isn't it!? - Well it isn't because you're a panda. 233 00:12:49,187 --> 00:12:51,840 It's because you're a sexual harrassment panda. 234 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,160 I can't help what I am! 235 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,520 Have you ever heard of a retreat called the Island of Misfit Mascots? 236 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:02,960 Well, yes! But, that place is for looser mascots that make no sence! 237 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,880 Well, uh, uh... yes! They may be just what you're looking for! 238 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,320 I don't have to sit here and listen to this! 239 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,800 How would you like a big panda punch in your puss?! 240 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,211 As sexual harrassment lawsuits increase all over the state, 241 00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:17,712 the mother of all trials is set to begin! 242 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:22,580 The sexual harrassment case of everyone versus everyone begins tomorrow! 243 00:13:22,615 --> 00:13:24,607 No matter what the outcome, the public schools are 244 00:13:24,608 --> 00:13:27,308 sure to loose a whopping 30 million dollars! 245 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,520 Representing the side of everyone is Gerald Broflovski! 246 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,800 The lawyer from South Park who plans to make quite a commission! 247 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,960 Representing the side of everyone else is Gerald Broflovski! 248 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:41,600 So whatever the outcome, things look very bright for Kyle's Dad! 249 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,072 Personally, I think Kyle's dad is just a whore 250 00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,373 taking advantage of everyone in town and... 251 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:50,920 This just in! Newscaster Kevin McKarty is being sued by Kyle's Dad for slander! 252 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,180 The newscaster has yet to be reached for comment! Wait! 253 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,480 Another scotch? 254 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,560 Hey! Panda bear! 255 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,080 We don't take kindly to your types in here! 256 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,280 Now, calm down, Skeeter! He ain't hurtin nobody! 257 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:24,500 No! I wanna know something from Mr. Panda Bear here! 258 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:29,620 If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet, 259 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:35,000 how come you eat bamboo which is prone to grow only in dryer more airid regions? 260 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,880 Skeeter, I don't want no trouble, now! 261 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,640 It's okay! I get it! 262 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,600 There's no room in the world for pandas! 263 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:49,680 Well, you don't have to worry about me! I'm off to the Island of Misfit Mascots! 264 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,339 Dammit, Skeeter! How come everytime a 265 00:14:54,340 --> 00:14:57,340 panda bear come in here, you gotta go flappin your jaw? 266 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,440 Well, whadya think, Kyle?! 267 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,910 Dad, don't you think our last new house was big enough? 268 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,925 Well, this one is bigger! - Tomorrow's trial, everyone versus everyone, 269 00:15:06,926 --> 00:15:09,040 is gonna make things a lot worse! We have to stop it! 270 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,600 - Kyle, let me explain something to you! - Oh, God! Here we go! 271 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,520 You see, Kyle, we live in a liberal democratic society. 272 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,106 And Democrats make sexual harrassment laws. 273 00:15:17,107 --> 00:15:19,807 These laws tell us what we can and can't say in the workplace 274 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,090 and what we can and can't do in the workplace. 275 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:25,230 - Isn't that fascism? - No! Because we don't call it fascism. 276 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,720 - Do you understand? - Do you? 277 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,520 Just look at how big this house is, Kyle. Just Look at it! 278 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,760 - Scues me! - Yeah, what can I do for you? 279 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,520 Somebody told us they saw a big panda bear in here. 280 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,160 Panda Bear! Panda Bear! Hmm? 281 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,400 Hey! Eight year old! 282 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,680 We don't take kindly to your types in here! 283 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,080 Now, calm down, skeeter! He ain't hurtin nobody! 284 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:51,440 No! I wanna know something from Mr. I'm-eight-years-old here! 285 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:57,600 How come you types are always wearing them funny padded shirts in the winter? 286 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:00,400 Coats? 287 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,160 Now, skeeter, I don't want no trouble! 288 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,990 We don't take kindly to your types around here! 289 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,240 What the hell is going on? 290 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,550 Did you guys see a big panda in here or not? 291 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:12,480 We don't take kindly to panda bears! - Well, we don't take kindly to you! 292 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:17,240 Well, we don't take kindly to folks who don't take kindly around here! 293 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,200 Kids, there WAS a panda bear in here! 294 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,440 He said something about the Island of Misfit Mascots. 295 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,720 Where's that? - If I'm not mistaken, it's over near the Jenkins Place. 296 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,720 - C'mon! We better hurry! - Woah! Look at her! 297 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,240 Hey! Beautiful woman! 298 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,560 We don't take kindly to your types around here! 299 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,840 Now, Skeeter! She ain't hurtin nobody! 300 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,280 This is case number 47g, everyone versus everyone. 301 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,440 Representing the side of everyone is Gerald Broflovski. 302 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,300 Thank you, your honor! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 303 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,440 everyone has committed a crime here! And everyone must pay for that crime! 304 00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,000 My client, everyone, has been hurt by this crime and must be compensated! 305 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,960 Island of Misfit Mascots Commune. This must be the place! 306 00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,760 - Hello there, boys! - Woah! Who are you? 307 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:11,000 I'm Willy! The Don't Stare Directly Into The Sun Worm! 308 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,480 Now you boys know not to stare directly into the sun, right? 309 00:17:14,490 --> 00:17:15,230 Yes! 310 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,880 That can burn your retnas and make you blind! 311 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:20,160 Thanks a lot, dude! 312 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,120 Oink, Oink! Be sure you run around with scissors, 313 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,160 says Oinky the Run Around With Scissors Pig! 314 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,440 I thought you weren't supposed to run around with scissors! 315 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,920 That's why he's on the Island of Misfit Mascots! 316 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,440 Have you seen any panda bears? 317 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:37,175 Hey, kids! I'm Jimmy, the Don't Hold On To A Large Magnet 318 00:17:37,176 --> 00:17:40,076 While Someone Else Uses A Fan Nearby Falcon! 319 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,200 - What?! - Here! Watch! 320 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:51,750 See?! 321 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,160 - Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! - You bastards! 322 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:55,760 Hey! There he is! 323 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,040 - Are we glad to find you! You have to come back to South Park quick! - Why? 324 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,070 Because, everyone is suing everyone else! And you're pretty much the cause of it all! 325 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,960 Seems all I do now is cause trouble! 326 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:15,540 Hello, Kids! I'm Happy the Don't Do Stuff That Might Irritate Your Inner Ear Badger! 327 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,040 Well, I'll leave now! 328 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,436 Please, Sexual Harrassment Panda, people listen to you. 329 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,837 You have to get them to stop suing each other! 330 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,160 But I'm just a panda! 331 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,720 No, you're not, Dude! You're a guy in a panda costume! 332 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,600 - Hey! I'm a real worm, pal! - Okay! Sorry! Sorry! 333 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,760 You...Your a real worm! Tha...That's cool! That's cool! 334 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,193 Okay! You are a panda! But, being Sexual Harrassment Panda 335 00:18:42,194 --> 00:18:43,194 isn't helping anyone right now. 336 00:18:43,254 --> 00:18:46,707 You used to use your panda powers to teach people about sexual harrassment. 337 00:18:46,742 --> 00:18:47,890 But, now you need to teach a new message. 338 00:18:47,891 --> 00:18:50,491 A new message that people will find usefull again. 339 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,640 What message? 340 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,000 That people shouldn't sue each other all the time! 341 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:59,247 - You know, you little cubs might just be right! - Yeah! - Okay! 342 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,320 - Your honor, I'd like to make my closing arguements. - Wait! 343 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,840 Hey! It's Sexual Harrassment Panda! 344 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,160 No! He's a whole new panda now! And he's got something to say! 345 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:11,480 Hello, everyone! 346 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,480 I'm Pettie the Don't Sue People Panda! 347 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,120 Don't Sue People Panda? 348 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:21,400 Hey! We don't take kindly to folks that don't sue people around here! 349 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,440 Now, Skeeter, he ain't hurtin nobody! 350 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,360 Listen to me! When you sue somebody, it hurts everyone! 351 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,960 You sue for money, but where do you think that money comes from? 352 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:35,240 From the schools! From taxes! From the state! From you! 353 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,965 There's no such thing as free money! 354 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,846 When you sue somebody, you take money away from parks and schools 355 00:19:43,847 --> 00:19:46,047 and charities and put it in your own pocket! 356 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,560 And that makes me a saaad panda! 357 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,960 I'm a sad panda too! 358 00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:00,600 I'm a really sad panda! I didn't know we were doing all that damage! 359 00:20:00,635 --> 00:20:03,200 This is all that damn lawyer's fault! 360 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:05,480 Yeah! Let's sue the lawyer! 361 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,100 - Yeah! - No! 362 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,320 Don't you see? The panda's right! 363 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,800 Boy, what a great message he has! 364 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,680 When you sue people, you just end up causing a lot of problems for society! 365 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,880 Well, I've really learned something today! 366 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,390 All I could see were the millions of dollars coming to me 367 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,480 and I didn't care about where the money came from! 368 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,860 Well, I'm no longer doing sexual harrassment lawsuits in schools! 369 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,500 They're too vague and too easily corruptable! 370 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,960 Thank you, Sexual Harrassment Panda! 371 00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:31,520 Don't Sue People Panda! 372 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:34,710 Yeah, well, whatever! So, let's not sue anyone again! 373 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,360 Okay, come on, guys! Let's go get some ice cream! 374 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,280 Pandas love ice cream! 375 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,160 Well, seeing as we have no lawyers, I'm throwing the case out! Case dismissed! 376 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:50,000 Hey! We don't take kindly to cases being dismissed around here! 377 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:51,720 God dammit, Skeeter! Shut the hell up! 378 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,240 Hello, cubs! I'm Don't Sue People Panda 379 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,840 with an important message for you! 380 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,160 Lawsuits damage our society! 381 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,150 I know it's tempting to make money, 382 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,880 but just remember, that money has to come from somewhere! 383 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,280 And ususally it ends up hurting a lot of innocent people! 384 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:15,917 So, until next time, don't let frivilous sexual harrassment lawsuits ruin our schools! 385 00:21:15,952 --> 00:21:17,760 Goodbye, now!