1
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,005
Previously on South Park:

2
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:31,923
An air of sobriety fills laboratory as the
men of South Park gather to find out

3
00:01:31,924 --> 00:01:33,824
which one of them
fathered this boy.

4
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,929
Who is Eric Cartman's Father?

5
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:39,099
At the end of tonight's episode,
you will know the answer.

6
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:18,388
And now, to continue, the father
is indeed someone in this room.

7
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:21,475
Man, this feels like the
longest minute of my life.

8
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:23,643
Oh, hey Kenny.

9
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:25,645
Gentlemen, the father is...

10
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:30,150
- Hey, what the hell's going on?
- It's a power outage.

11
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:36,073
Is everybody ok?
That sounded like a gunshot.

12
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Oh my God, look!

13
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- Oh my God, they killed Mephesto.
- You bastards!

14
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:45,832
- Mephesto's been shot.
- Is he dead?

15
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:50,504
Hey, this window's shot out too. That means
the killer was not somebody in this room.

16
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:51,838
Then who was it?

17
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,340
Who shot Mephesto?

18
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:57,094
Was it the school counselor,
or was it Ms. Crabtree, or was it...

19
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Hey, wait a minute, I didn't
find out who my father was!

20
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,264
Or was it Mrs. Broslofski.

21
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Wait, he's still breathing,
he's not dead!

22
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:06,770
- God damnit, who's my father?!?
- We have to get him to the hospital.

23
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,356
- You've got to be kidding me!
- Come on children!

24
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,944
Oh the poor kid, it must be hell
for him going through all this.

25
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,010
There's a murderer
free in South Park.

26
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We have to find out who
it is before they kill again.

27
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:23,286
Yeh, God only knows
who they'll kill next.

28
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,205
Who will they kill next?

29
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Will it be Jimbo, Barbrady,
the Denver Broncos?

30
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,879
- Is he awake yet? - He's
bleeding pretty bad back here.

31
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,882
Don't let him bleed on my Meredith
Baxter-Birney memorial towel.

32
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,968
What's a Meredith Baxter-Birney
memorial towel?

33
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I was actually with Meredith
Baxter-Birney in this actual car,

34
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and afterwards we used that towel...
wait a minute, why am I telling you this?

35
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- Could you pull over so I can get out?
- What? We have to get to the hospital.

36
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,148
I have to get out first. I'm not gonna
make it, I can't stand hospitals.

37
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:54,818
Sorry Stan, we just gotta drop Mephesto off,
and then we can get out of there, alright?

38
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:58,071
Man, it's really starting to snow.
I hope they don't close the roads.

39
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They can't.
Mephesto can't die.

40
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Maybe it's better you don't know
who your father is Cartman.

41
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,995
No way dude, I can't stand
to leave things unfinished.

42
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,080
It's like when you hear the
first part of that song,

43
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,249
"Come Sail Away," by Styx.

44
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,585
If I hear the first part of that
song, I have to finish it.

45
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:14,421
- Really? - Yeh, I ju, I can't
do anything till it's done.

46
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,843
I'm sailing away.

47
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:20,760
- No, don't!

48
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:24,514
Set an open course
for the virgin sea.

49
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:31,438
Eee...ffff...For I've got to be free Free
to face the lifethat's ahead of me

50
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,191
On board I'm the captainSo climb aboard
We'll search for tomorrowOn every shore

51
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,493
And I'll try, oh Lord,
I'll tryTo carry on

52
00:04:36,494 --> 00:04:39,194
Dee bee bedeeBee bee bedee
Bee bee bedeeBee bee bedee

53
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Gathering of angels appeared above
our heads They sang to us this song of hope

54
00:04:42,089 --> 00:04:45,535
and this is what they said, they said
Come sail awayCome sail away

55
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,621
Come sail away with meLord,
Come sail awayCome sail away

56
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:50,707
Come sail away with meI thought
that they were angels

57
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,627
ut to my surpriseWe climbed aboard
their starshipAnd headed for the skies

58
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,963
Come sail awayCome sail away
Come sail away with meLord,

59
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:58,632
Whoa dude.

60
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,635
What are we going to do mayor?
This killer is on the loose.

61
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,305
We can't even leave our homes
for fear of our children's safety.

62
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,391
Uh, where are our children?

63
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,812
Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one
second that we had a competent

64
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,899
law enforcer in this town.
What would he do?

65
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:21,321
Hmm, that's a good question mayor.
Let me get right on that, with thinking.

66
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,409
- Mayor, mayor.
- Eh, the press is here.

67
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:27,827
My name is Sid Greenfield.

68
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,914
I'm the director from Los Angeles
for America's Most Wanted.

69
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- You certainly made it up here quickly.
- We're desperate for stories.

70
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:38,672
- And, and this one is so compelling.
- Really??

71
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:42,425
Sure, this story has everything.
People, furniture, talking.

72
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,344
It's a real American story.

73
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:48,682
Hey, I thought of something.
Uh, no, wait, that's subtraction.

74
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,810
Mr. director-person,
what exactly do you want to do?

75
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,020
Mayor, shouldn't we be focusing...

76
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We just want to do a re-creation
of the story for our show.

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Then we'll flash a number on
the screen that people can call if

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00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:02,028
they have any information regarding
the identity or location of the shooter.

79
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,864
That's it. You win,
we win, America wins.

80
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:08,118
Are you sure this wouldn't make
our little town look dangerous?

81
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:11,621
Don't worry mayor, America's Most
Wanted is not about violence,

82
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,374
- it's about family.
- It is?

83
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,210
Well, in that case,
I guess it's ok.

84
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:21,381
Great, we'll get started with auditions
immediately. What part should we cast first?

85
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,800
Who will the
director cast first?

86
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:27,554
Will it be Mr. Garrison,
Officer Barbrady, Chef?

87
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,473
I want to have…
an abortion.

88
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,644
Well, we can do that. This must be
a very difficult time for you Mrs...

89
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,981
Cartman, yes, it's
such a hard decision,

90
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:41,651
but I just don't feel that I can
raise a child in this screwy world.

91
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:46,072
Yes, Ms. Cartman, if you don't feel fit to raise
a child, an abortion probably is the answer.

92
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,408
Do you know the actual
time of conception?

93
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,827
About eight years ago.

94
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,832
- I see, so the fetus is...
- Eight years old.

95
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:59,836
Ms. Cartman, uh, eight years old is a
little late to be considering abortion.

96
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,254
Really?

97
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Yes, this is what we would refer
to as the fortieth trimester.

98
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,093
But I just don't think
I'm a fit mother.

99
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But, but we prefer to abort
babies a little earlier on.

100
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:13,099
In fact, there's a law against abortions
after the second trimester.

101
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:17,103
Well, I think you need to keep
your laws off of my body!

102
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,939
Hmm, I'm afraid I can't
help you Ms. Cartman.

103
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,609
If you want to change the law, you'll
have to speak with your congressman.

104
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Well, that's exactly what
I intend to do! Good day!

105
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:31,701
- Come on children. We gotta find
a doctor. - Uh, I can't do it dude.

106
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:35,205
- Come on Stan, hospitals aren't all
that bad. - Yeh, stop being a wuss.

107
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,874
- One moment, please!

108
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,543
Nurse, I need 20 CCs of
Sodium Pentathol, stat.

109
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:45,465
- Whoa dude, she doesn't have any arms.
- We're an equal opportunity employer here son.

110
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,551
Doctor, we've got a shot
cracker outside.

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I'll be right with you right after I
inject this man with a long needle.

112
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,555
Oh man, I'm gonna be sick.

113
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,475
There there young man, medical
science is nothing to be afraid of.

114
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,395
Oooh, I think you're
hitting the bone.

115
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,565
Yes, I can hear the needle
scraping against the bone inside.

116
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Ooops, he's hemorrhaging.

117
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- Oops, his head fell off.
- I'm getting out of here.

118
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,907
- Stan. - Oh, some people
just have a weak stomach.

119
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,664
And the father of Eric Cartman is...
bang... uh. Jiminy, I've been shot.

120
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,083
Oh, thank you very much,
we'll get back to you.

121
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,168
I think I've seen enough
Genetic Engineers,

122
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,755
let's move on to the auditions
for the part of Mr. Uh Garrison.

123
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,924
Call the Mr. Garrison auditions.

124
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:31,511
Boy, I sure hope I'm not Eric
Cartman's father Mr. Hat.

125
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,680
You can say that again Mr. Garrison.

126
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:37,100
All right, not bad. Let's keep
him on the top pile. Next.

127
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:40,603
I sure hope that I'm not Eric
Cartman's father Mr. Hat.

128
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,772
You can say that again Mr. Garrison.

129
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,691
Thank you! Next.

130
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,693
- What?!?
- Next.

131
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,280
I sure hope that I'm not Eric
Cartman's father Mr. Hat.

132
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,365
You can say that
again Mr. Garrison.

133
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,285
You got it! Let's
move on to the Chefs.

134
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,871
And so you see
Congressman O'Reilly,

135
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:01,207
that's why I think abortion
laws should be changed.

136
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,210
Well, all I know is that third
trimester abortions are illegal,

137
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,212
I don't really know
anything about fortieth.

138
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,798
But the person at unplanned
parenthood said

139
00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:11,699
you were who I had talk to
about changing the law.

140
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,471
No, no, I think you've got to talk
to the governor about that stuff.

141
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:15,972
Oh dear.

142
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,725
Well, this is about
all I can do for him.

143
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,144
Can't you get him to talk?
I have to know who my father is.

144
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:24,230
- Sorry son, it might be a while.
- Wake up you son of a bitch!

145
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,733
Now son, that's not going
to do him any good.

146
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,651
I'll let you know if there's
a change in his condition.

147
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,904
I can't wait anymore.
What am I supposed to do?

148
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,322
- Hey, Cartman.
- What?

149
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,158
I'm sailing a...

150
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,077
way.Set an open
course for the virgin sea.

151
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,079
Cause I've got to be freeFree to
face the life that's ahead of me

152
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,248
On board I'm the captainSo climb
aboardWe'll search for tomorrow.

153
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,918
- Okay, okay, let's get out of here now.
- I don't know if that's going to be too easy.

154
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,920
- My God, that's a hell of a storm.
- Oh, weak.

155
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,839
...Some happy, some sadI think of
childhood friends and the dreams we had

156
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,845
God I hate mountains. This better not
push back our shooting schedule.

157
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:59,849
Ok people; let's rehearse the re-enactment
from the top before we shoot it.

158
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,685
- Who's that?
- Oh, that's TV's Eric Roberts,

159
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,438
we were able to get him to play
the part of the little monkey guy.

160
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,275
Oh, talk about washed up huh?
Great to have you Eric.

161
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,195
Here we go, and action.

162
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,697
- I want to announce who
the father is... - Bang.

163
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,199
Oh, I've been shot.

164
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,368
Nobody move. I'm a law officer.

165
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,537
My God, I think he's gone
into cardiac arrest.

166
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,956
You seem somewhat
unnerved by this, Chef.

167
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,374
Are you accusing me Barbrady?

168
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:27,293
Because if you are accuse, don't
hide behind your clever riddles.

169
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,712
Our differences must be set
aside for now, Mr. Chef.

170
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,715
I'm simply a man,
a man trying to do my job.

171
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,801
Wow, this is a good movie.

172
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,471
Come sail awayCome sail away Come sail
away with me Lord, Come sail away

173
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,141
Come sail away
Come sail away with me

174
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,562
Oh, dude, when can
we get out of here?

175
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,982
- Doctor, I can't focus.
- We're doing the best we can ma'am.

176
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,401
They've closed the pass, and none
of the other doctors can get through.

177
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,236
For now it's just me
and Nurse Goodly.

178
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,322
Wait a second,
they've closed the pass?

179
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,491
Yes, I'm afraid we're
critically understaffed.

180
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,328
Unless we get help soon, all these
people in here are completely fucked.

181
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,248
Metaphorically speaking that is.

182
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,500
What about Mephesto,
are you taking care of him?!?

183
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,419
He's on full life support
and breathing fine.

184
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,422
He shouldn't need any help, so
long as the power doesn't go out.

185
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,676
Hoof, who didn't see that
coming a mile away, huh?

186
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,597
Tonight on America's Most Wanted:

187
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,850
a shooter's on the loose in Colorado
and the residents are up in arms

188
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,602
Here's your host,
John Walsh.

189
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,770
Good evening, and welcome
to America's Most Wanted.

190
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:31,274
Tonight terror invaded the small mountain
community of South Park, Colorado,

191
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,694
when Dr. Alfonse Mephesto was
gunned down in his laboratory.

192
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,363
America's most wanted has
reconstructed this heinous crime

193
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,866
in hopes that your calls
can help solve the case.

194
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,951
I've been shot.

195
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:45,371
- My God Mr. Hat, get some help.
- Right away Mr. Garrison.

196
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:49,959
No. No. My lifetime partner and friend,
gone, taken away in the wink of an eye.

197
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:53,963
- Oh fortune, how you mock me. - What the?
Eric Roberts is improving lines again.

198
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,549
I'm going to get the man to
hospital, who will help me?

199
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,219
This is not a world I want to
live in; it is an angry....

200
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,308
- What the hell is this?
- We've lost the feed to L.A.

201
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:09,646
Uh, we, we seemed to have lost our
link-up to the South Park crew.

202
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:13,900
So I guess we'll be going to our feature
movie, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit."

203
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,985
Who framed Roger Rabbit?

204
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,905
Was it Jimbo, Mr. Garrison, Chef?

205
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,824
Somebody go see why
we lost the hook-up.

206
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:25,244
Holy smokes, that
blizzard is getting crazy.

207
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:29,916
Don't panic anybody.

208
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:34,087
The power lines are down, but the
backup generator is running just fine.

209
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,589
- Nurse, I could use some
help in here. - Coming.

210
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,092
Lady, is Mephesto
going to be ok?

211
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:42,595
Yes, for now. But I'm afraid the
generator won't run for long.

212
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,349
The batteries run out in half-an-hour.
Time is very short.

213
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:49,102
Nurse, please. I need another
pair of hands in here.

214
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,604
Oh, sorry.

215
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:57,026
Don't you see Governor; I should have
a right to have an abortion if I want one.

216
00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:00,780
Mra, I don't know, I, I might
need some more convincing.

217
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:05,952
I mean, what right do I have bringing
another child into this overpopulated world?

218
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,454
Then again, I should have thought
of that before having sex.

219
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,790
Then again....
Oh, I just don't know.

220
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,292
Please Mr. Chef, I have over a
hundred people to attend to here,

221
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,045
- and only myself and Nurse Goodly.
- What do you want me to do?

222
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:19,132
- Do you know anything about surgery?
- I used to watch Quincy.

223
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,634
What?!? Why the hell didn't you
say so?!? Put on some scrubs.

224
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:26,305
Boys, I'm making you all honorary doctors.
You can help us save these people's lives.

225
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,807
No way dude!

226
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,478
Well, we're not going
anywhere for a long time.

227
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,481
- We're snowed in?
- Yes, we're trapped.

228
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,567
Like sailors on a submarine.

229
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:41,237
My God, this is the worst
storm I've ever seen.

230
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:44,490
Oh, I have to get out of here;
I haven't eaten since breakfast.

231
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,576
Yeh, I'm getting hungry too.

232
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,995
I hope you all realize what
we might be facing here.

233
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,499
Our only option may be to eat
each other, to stay alive.

234
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,087
Uh, it's only been
like four hours.

235
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,423
Aren't you resorting to
cannibalism a little quickly?

236
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,425
That's the law of the
land Mr. Director.

237
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:06,596
I don't eat pretty, but if a few of us must
die so the rest can stay alive, so be it.

238
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:10,433
- But how do we decide who?
- Well, we draw straws.

239
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,521
Now wait a minute,
we all had a big breakfast.

240
00:14:12,522 --> 00:14:14,822
Can't you people go without
eating for a little while?

241
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:18,024
Calm down soldier! We need every
person here to keep his head!

242
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,026
Barbrady, fetch some straws.

243
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,361
Well, who the hell made
you the boss anyway?

244
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,697
Who the hell made Jimbo boss?

245
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,533
Was it Barbrady, Chef, Mr. Ga....

246
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,205
This man's appendix has burst. I have no choice
but to operate now with our limited power.

247
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:36,292
I need you all to be strong for me. Nurse
Goodly will take care of the Anesthesia.

248
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:40,463
Chef, you act as her arms. Boys, you have
to help with suction and bandages. Ready?

249
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:44,383
- No. - Ok, first I'll make an incision
on the chest, over the heart.

250
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,885
Oh boy.

251
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,642
- Dude, you barfed into
the incision. - Sweet!

252
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,810
Suction!

253
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,064
Hey, who's screwing
with the lights?

254
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,899
Who is screwing with the lights?

255
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:04,987
Is it Barbrady, or Jimbo,
or the 1991 Denver Broncos?

256
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,240
That is really starting
to piss me off.

257
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,744
All right, so far everybody
has a long piece of straw.

258
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,830
We'll keep drawing.

259
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,503
Wait a minute, where the
hell is the short one?

260
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,005
- The short what?
- Damn it Barbrady!

261
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,675
When you draw straws you're
supposed to have one of them short.

262
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:29,345
- That's how you decide who loses.
- That's not how I played it.

263
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:32,765
Uhh, could we hurry this up?
My stomach is growling.

264
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,019
I found a map that shows the
location of a backup generator.

265
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,481
Apparently they built a large,
self-sustaining, generator

266
00:15:39,482 --> 00:15:41,000
for just this kind of emergency,

267
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:44,277
but it's out and away from the
hospital. - So how do we get to it?

268
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:47,280
We must split up into two teams.
Team A and Team B.

269
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:52,034
Team A will consist of myself, Stan,
Kyle, Eric, Chef and Nurse Goodly.

270
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,120
Team B will consist of Kenny.

271
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:58,291
Now listen closely Team B; your goal
will be to turn on the backup generator.

272
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,711
To do this, you must brave the storm
outside, and get into this sewage duct.

273
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,928
Meanwhile, Team A will go
to the holding area,

274
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:06,229
here, where this is a
television and some cocoa.

275
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,428
We will drink the cocoa and
watch family programming

276
00:16:08,429 --> 00:16:10,629
until Team B makes it
through the sewage duct.

277
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,403
By that time Team B,
remember that's you Kenny,

278
00:16:13,404 --> 00:16:15,204
should reach the outer
core of the generator.

279
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,895
It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the
top, and there could be velociraptors here.

280
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:22,231
Once you reach the top you should be able
to get a clear view through this window

281
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,400
of us drinking cocoa and
watching television.

282
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:27,570
Then you can proceed down into
the generator and power it on.

283
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,155
Are there any questions?

284
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:33,075
- No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
- Right then, let's do it. Go Team!!!

285
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,331
Uh, can't go on.

286
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,000
So hungry.

287
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:44,337
We're all going to die
in this horrible place.

288
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:48,758
We have to have the energy to make
it through the night. We have to eat.

289
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,344
How can we? How could
we live with ourselves?

290
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,597
There's only one answer;
eat Eric Roberts.

291
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:59,852
Yes, of, of course, nobody
gives a shit about Eric Roberts.

292
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,188
Eat Eric Roberts.

293
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,107
No, no, please.

294
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:13,032
Well, there's no going
back now. We're cannibals.

295
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,784
God save us.

296
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,953
God wants you to live mayor.
Fight!

297
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:20,539
Well, I have to admit Eric Roberts
was much juicier than I expected.

298
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:24,961
This snow just isn't letting up.
We're gonna die here, I know it.

299
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,130
- What time is it Barbrady?
- It's almost midnight.

300
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:30,716
Uh, I can't go on.

301
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,887
We'll give the storm another hour,
after that we might have to eat again.

302
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,890
What?!? Christ, are you
people diabetic or something?

303
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,396
Team B, come in Team B.

304
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:45,731
- This is Team B.
- Listen, Team B,

305
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,733
we found another
path to the generator.

306
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,735
There's actually a nice
heated walkway to it,

307
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,656
so you don't need to
walk through all that sewage.

308
00:17:53,437 --> 00:17:55,737
Are you fucking kidding me, making me
crawl through that fucking thing.

309
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:59,078
Oh, well, forget I said
that then. Listen, Team B,

310
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,898
you should be seeing
a large drift of snow

311
00:18:00,899 --> 00:18:03,065
with some metal sticking
out of it just to your left.

312
00:18:03,066 --> 00:18:04,699
Yep, I see it Team A.

313
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:07,336
Good, head towards it.
Team A out.

314
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,924
What if Mephesto never wakes up,
and I never find out who my father is?

315
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:23,102
My God, what a harrowing
tale of human drama this is.

316
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,938
ll of us doing what
we must to survive.

317
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:30,026
It is amazing what people can do
under stress. Just look at the Pyramids.

318
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,528
Nobody knows how
they built those, or who.

319
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,447
Who built the Pyramids?

320
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:38,701
Was it the Babylonians,
Officer Barbrady, Samaritans?

321
00:18:40,002 --> 00:18:41,000
Team A this is Team B.

322
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:42,001
Roger Team B.

323
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,958
He's reached the backup generator.
Team B, can you see the two copper nodes?

324
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:46,459
Roger.

325
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,211
Good, now is there a
wire connecting them?

326
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,721
Uh uh.

327
00:18:50,979 --> 00:18:53,299
Damn, the wire connecting
the nodes is gone.

328
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,801
We need to complete the
circuit or we're screwed.

329
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,553
- Do you have any wire here?
- There's no time.

330
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,639
Once these lights flicker out, all the
patients on life support are going to die.

331
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:03,130
Wait a second guys.

332
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,228
No Kenny, you can't.
There must be some other way.

333
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,481
He's going to make the connection
himself, with his hands.

334
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,483
- No, he'll die!
- Go Kenny!

335
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,818
Kenny! Noooo!!!

336
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,741
- Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
- You bastards!

337
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,995
- The power!  - Quickly,
get the scanner running again.

338
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,165
We've got a chance now.

339
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:32,171
Well, ok Mrs. Cartman, I'll legalize
fortieth trimester abortions for you.

340
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,256
Oh thank you, thank you.

341
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,926
We'll have the pregnancy
terminated immediately.

342
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:40,179
- Terminated?  - Well yes,
that's what an abortion is.

343
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,348
Oh no, I, I didn't mean that.

344
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,684
I meant the other thing you can do.
What's that other 'A' word.

345
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,855
- Adoption?  - Yes, that's
what I mean. Adoption.

346
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:51,774
Well, that's pretty different.

347
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:54,777
I should just tell my son the
truth about everything myself.

348
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,612
Good day Mr. President.

349
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:03,119
Well, we made it. The power
is on, the snow is melting,

350
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,121
and your friend
Mephesto is doing fine.

351
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,706
Where, where am I?

352
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,459
You're at the hospital Mr.
Mephesto. You were shot.

353
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,295
Now we don't know who
tried to shoot you, but...

354
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:16,549
Oh, I'm sure it was my brother again,
he tries to shoot me every month.

355
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,052
Where's the little fat boy? He'll be
delighted that Mephesto is awake.

356
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,720
He went off looking
for Mr. Kenny.

357
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,056
He was a good friend,
and I'll miss him.

358
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,892
He was very brave. He risked his
life so that Mephesto could live.

359
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,978
Yeh, and now he's a Freezy Pop.

360
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,983
Dude, do you think if we hit him
with a shovel he'd shatter?

361
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,401
I don't know, let's find out.

362
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,243
Oh, it's over, we're free.

363
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:48,581
Yes, but at what cost
Mr. Garrison, at what cost?

364
00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:51,917
Listen everybody; we did
what we had to in there.

365
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:55,171
But, how will be live
with ourselves now?

366
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:59,008
Mmmone day at a time mayor,
mmone day at a time.

367
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,438
Well, I'm bringing home some
Eric Roberts in a doggy bag.

368
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:13,939
Does anybody else want some?

369
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:19,612
I'm glad you could all come. I can finally
reveal who the father of Eric Cartman is.

370
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:23,365
But first, I want to thank Kenny
McCormick for sacrificing his life...

371
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,451
- Just tell us already!!!
- All right, all right.

372
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,703
The father of Eric Cartman is...

373
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:30,456
Say, did anybody see that Terrance
and Phillip special last month?

374
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,124
Wasn't that just the funniest thing?

375
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,959
Damn it tell me
who my father is!!!!!!!

376
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:37,546
Sorry, as I said before,
the father is somebody in this room.

377
00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,882
The father is...

378
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:41,884
Mrs. Cartman.

379
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:44,720
- What?
- Yes, it's true.

380
00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:46,722
No, that doesn't make sense.

381
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:49,558
Yes, it took quite a while for
me to understand as well.

382
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,978
You see, Mrs. Cartman
is a hermaphrodite.

383
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,231
Meaning what?

384
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:58,651
Meaning she has both
male and female genitals.

385
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:00,069
It's true.

386
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:01,820
You mean, at the
Drunken Barn Dance,

387
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:05,741
when we all got together
with her, she was a he?

388
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:08,494
No, no, not exactly.
But she did have a penis.

389
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:13,332
The fact of the matter is,
hermaphrodites cannot bear children,

390
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:17,586
so Ms. Cartman's DNA match with Eric
can only meant that she is his father,

391
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:20,839
and she got another woman pregnant
at the Drunken Barn Dance.

392
00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,926
Eh, man, this
is fucking weak.

393
00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:26,845
Dude, you're a big fat ass,
and your mom is a hermapholite.

394
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,931
I'm sorry I never told you, Eric.

395
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:32,184
I just thought maybe it would
be a little shocking to you.

396
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,270
Oh well, geewhiz,
you think so mom.

397
00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:36,522
Well, that's that.
Thank you all for playing.

398
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:40,776
No no, wait a minute. If, if she's
my dad, then who's my mom?

399
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,028
Who is Eric Cartman's mother?

400
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:46,865
Is it Mrs. Crabtree, Sheila
Broslofski, the mayor?

401
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,867
Ahh, forget it.