1
00:00:08,555 --> 00:00:11,988
I'm going down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time.
2
00:00:11,989 --> 00:00:15,314
Friendly faces everywhere,
humble folks without temptation.
3
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:18,566
Going down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind.
4
00:00:18,567 --> 00:00:21,964
Ample parking day or night, people
spouting, "Howdy neighbor!"
5
00:00:21,965 --> 00:00:25,333
Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind.
6
00:00:25,334 --> 00:00:28,525
"I like girls with big ol' titties,
I like girls with big vaginas."
7
00:00:28,526 --> 00:00:32,656
Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine.
8
00:00:37,069 --> 00:00:40,972
Stinky britches, you've got stinky britches
Stinky stinky britches, you've got stinky-
9
00:00:40,973 --> 00:00:43,725
— What the hell are you singin', Cartman?
— This new song by Alanis Morissette.
10
00:00:43,726 --> 00:00:46,586
I can't get it out of my head. Stinky
britches, you've got stinky britches!
11
00:00:46,587 --> 00:00:50,171
— Hello children. Ready for lunch?
— Stinky britches, you've got stinky-!
12
00:00:50,172 --> 00:00:51,236
Eric, is there a problem?
13
00:00:51,237 --> 00:00:53,604
Yeah, I can't get this stupid
song out of my head!
14
00:00:53,605 --> 00:00:57,202
— "Stinky Britches," by Alanis Morissette?
— Yeah. You stinky stinky britches!
15
00:00:57,203 --> 00:01:00,613
— Children, did you say 'hi' to Mr. Twig?
— Hi, boys. How are you?
16
00:01:00,614 --> 00:01:02,644
When is Mr. Hat coming back?
17
00:01:02,846 --> 00:01:05,484
I told you never to say
his name in my presence!
18
00:01:05,485 --> 00:01:08,762
— But we hate Mr. Twig. Mr. Twig sucks.
— Yeah.
19
00:01:08,763 --> 00:01:10,597
Stinky britches, you've got stinky br-
20
00:01:10,598 --> 00:01:14,510
It just so happens that Mr. Twig is far
more stable than Mr. Hat could ever be!
21
00:01:14,511 --> 00:01:18,653
— So he's the better puppet!
— He'd be better used as a coat rack.
22
00:01:18,654 --> 00:01:21,034
How dare you!
Come on, Mr. Twig.
23
00:01:21,761 --> 00:01:23,889
— Hello there, children.
— Hey, Chef.
24
00:01:23,890 --> 00:01:25,611
You've got stinky britches. Stinky sti-
25
00:01:25,612 --> 00:01:27,713
— What did you say?
— He's singin' some new hit song.
26
00:01:27,714 --> 00:01:29,755
Eric? Where did you hear that song?
27
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:32,265
It's all over the place:
on the radio, MTV, everywhere.
28
00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:34,635
— Well, I'll be sodomized on Christmas.
— What, dude?
29
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:37,125
Children, I wrote that song
twenty years ago!
30
00:01:37,126 --> 00:01:38,129
You wrote it?
31
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:40,395
Yeah! Back when I used to be
in the rock business.
32
00:01:40,396 --> 00:01:43,765
And now it looks like some big record
company has published one of my songs.
33
00:01:43,766 --> 00:01:45,321
Wow, then you should get money for it!
34
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:49,166
Aw, I don't want any money. I'd just like
to see my name on the credits, that's all.
35
00:01:49,167 --> 00:01:50,553
Then we should go to the record company.
36
00:01:50,554 --> 00:01:53,557
My dad's a lawyer, dude; he tells me
about this stuff all the time.
37
00:01:53,558 --> 00:01:58,160
Well all right. Maybe I will go.
I'll play them my version of the song.
38
00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:01,290
Stinky britches,
you've got those stinky britches
39
00:02:01,291 --> 00:02:04,527
Well, you see, Mr. Big Record Producer,
"Stinky Britches" was something...
40
00:02:04,528 --> 00:02:06,161
...I wrote several years ago.
41
00:02:06,162 --> 00:02:09,003
Hmmm. I really see no resemblance
between that song...
42
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:12,003
...and "Stinky Britches"
by our artist, Alanis Morissette.
43
00:02:12,004 --> 00:02:14,072
— Huh?
— It's the same goddamned song!
44
00:02:14,073 --> 00:02:15,990
Now, look.
I'm tryin' to be cool about this!
45
00:02:15,991 --> 00:02:18,962
But you just can't rip people's music off!
It's against the law!
46
00:02:18,963 --> 00:02:20,463
I am above the law!
47
00:02:22,328 --> 00:02:26,178
Mr. Chef, I'm afraid you leave me
no alternative. We're going to sue you.
48
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:30,255
Sue me?! You stole one of my songs,
and you are going to sue me?!
49
00:02:30,256 --> 00:02:34,791
Yes. I suggest you get a real good lawyer.
We'll have the best in the business.
50
00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:39,492
— We'll get my dad to be Chef's lawyer!
— Yeah, and he's Jewish!
51
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,940
Stinky stinky britches, stinky britches
52
00:02:44,523 --> 00:02:46,143
Mr. Twig, is that you?
53
00:02:48,638 --> 00:02:50,138
Mi, Mr. Twig?
54
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,216
AAAAA! Mr. Twig! No!
55
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,550
Who did this to you, Mr. Twig?! Who?!
56
00:03:02,675 --> 00:03:06,341
Now, just let me do all the talking, Chef.
We're going to bring these bastards down!
57
00:03:06,342 --> 00:03:06,991
Right.
58
00:03:06,992 --> 00:03:09,768
This court is now in session.
Who is representing the defense?
59
00:03:09,769 --> 00:03:11,845
I am, your honor. Gerald Broflovski.
60
00:03:11,846 --> 00:03:16,406
— And representing the prosecution?
— I am, your honor. Johnny Cochran.
61
00:03:16,407 --> 00:03:18,147
— Uh oh.
— Why 'Oh oh'?
62
00:03:18,255 --> 00:03:21,350
Chef, that's Johnny Cochran.
Huh, he's the one that got O.J. off.
63
00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:22,851
Oh oh.
64
00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:28,337
I need some help over here! Please help!
I think he's got third-degree burns!
65
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:29,898
Give the child to me.
66
00:03:32,008 --> 00:03:34,678
Is he goin' to be all right, doctor?!
67
00:03:34,710 --> 00:03:36,270
Is he goin' to live?!
68
00:03:36,696 --> 00:03:38,196
It's a stick.
69
00:03:39,031 --> 00:03:42,191
Damn it! Don't give me that
medical jargon, just tell me straight!
70
00:03:42,192 --> 00:03:43,712
Is he goin' to be okay?!
71
00:03:43,713 --> 00:03:47,351
And so, on this fifteenth day of what is
considered to be the most important...
72
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:51,732
...trial of the...day, Johnny Cochran has
appeared to defend Capitalist Records.
73
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:55,975
The question now is, will Cochran use
his famous "Chewbacca" defense?
74
00:03:55,976 --> 00:03:57,796
— What's a Chewbacca defense?
— I don't know.
75
00:03:57,797 --> 00:03:59,637
That's what Cochran used
in the O.J. Simpson trial.
76
00:03:59,638 --> 00:04:03,054
God-damned, I hate that Cochran guy.
If he was here in front of me, I'd be like,
77
00:04:03,055 --> 00:04:09,195
"Ay! You stupid son of a bitch, you d-.
I b-. I'ma I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!"
78
00:04:09,284 --> 00:04:11,045
I'm sure that would scare
the hell out of him, Cartman.
79
00:04:11,046 --> 00:04:14,482
And so, in summation, ladies and
gentlemen of the jury, you've heard...
80
00:04:14,483 --> 00:04:17,643
...the version of my client's song
recorded over twenty years ago.
81
00:04:17,644 --> 00:04:22,041
You've heard the EXACT SAME song produced
by these cheats in the past month.
82
00:04:22,042 --> 00:04:28,032
I'd say it's pretty much an open-and-shut
case. Make the right decision. Thank you.
83
00:04:29,020 --> 00:04:30,520
I've got 'em.
84
00:04:30,719 --> 00:04:33,133
Mr. Johnny Cochran,
your closing arguments.
85
00:04:33,134 --> 00:04:36,774
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury,
Chef's attorney would certainly want you...
86
00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:39,932
...to believe that his client wrote
"Stinky Britches" ten years ago.
87
00:04:39,933 --> 00:04:42,635
And they make a good case.
Hell, I almost felt pity myself.
88
00:04:42,636 --> 00:04:44,797
But ladies and gentlemen
of this supposed jury,
89
00:04:44,798 --> 00:04:47,362
...I have one, final, thing
I want you to consider.
90
00:04:47,363 --> 00:04:50,283
Ladies and gentleman,
this is Chew bacca.
91
00:04:50,307 --> 00:04:52,897
Chewbacca is a Wookie
from the planet Kashyyyk,
92
00:04:52,898 --> 00:04:55,938
...but Chewbacca LIVES
on the planet Endor.
93
00:04:55,955 --> 00:04:59,335
Now think about that.
That does NOT MAKE SENSE.
94
00:05:00,048 --> 00:05:00,789
— Damn it!
— What?
95
00:05:00,790 --> 00:05:02,189
He's using the Chewbacca defense!
96
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:06,125
Why would a Wookie, an eight-foot tall
Wookie, want to live on Endor,
97
00:05:06,126 --> 00:05:10,023
...with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks?
That does NOT MAKE SENSE!
98
00:05:10,024 --> 00:05:16,172
But more important, you have to ask yourself:
What does this have to do with this case?
99
00:05:16,173 --> 00:05:17,046
Nothing.
100
00:05:17,047 --> 00:05:21,572
Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do
with this case! It does NOT MAKE SENSE!
101
00:05:21,573 --> 00:05:24,203
Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending
a major record company,
102
00:05:24,204 --> 00:05:27,426
...and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca!
Does that make sense?
103
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:30,816
Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making
any sense! None of this makes sense!
104
00:05:30,817 --> 00:05:33,900
And so you have to remember, when you're
in that jury room deliberatin' and...
105
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:38,601
...conjugatin' the Emancipation
Proclamation, does it make sense? No!
106
00:05:39,369 --> 00:05:43,033
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury,
it does NOT MAKE SENSE!
107
00:05:43,034 --> 00:05:47,534
If Chewbacca lives on Endor,
you must acquit! The defense rests.
108
00:05:48,792 --> 00:05:50,292
Oh-kay then.
109
00:05:50,876 --> 00:05:52,350
Wow, he's good.
110
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:55,879
In a teary-eyed courtroom, Johnny Cochran
has just finished his closing arguments,
111
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:59,166
...and, as was anticipated,
he did use the Chewbacca defense.
112
00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:02,027
Whether or not it worked,
is up to the jury to decide.
113
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,382
How find you, the jury?
114
00:06:03,383 --> 00:06:07,833
We find the defendant, Jerome
"Chef" McElroy, guilty as charged.
115
00:06:08,841 --> 00:06:10,245
— Woops.
— Woops?!
116
00:06:10,246 --> 00:06:13,111
Mr. Chef, you've been found guilty
of harassing a major record label.
117
00:06:13,112 --> 00:06:16,418
The full fee of $2 million will be
handed over within twenty-four hours.
118
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,543
Do I look like I have $2 million?
119
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:21,590
Well, you have twenty-four hours to
find it, or else you'll have to go to jail.
120
00:06:21,591 --> 00:06:23,281
For eight million years!
121
00:06:25,614 --> 00:06:27,048
Uh, sir, it's for four years.
122
00:06:27,049 --> 00:06:30,299
Oh. Sorry.
You'll go to jail for four years.
123
00:06:30,549 --> 00:06:32,289
This can't be happening!
124
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:35,812
Oh no, dude. Chef's gonna go to jail.
125
00:06:39,245 --> 00:06:42,848
— And that chair, too. I want that chair.
— Ey, that's my favorite chair!
126
00:06:42,849 --> 00:06:45,980
You heard the judge: since you lost
the case, I can seize whatever I want...
127
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:49,449
...to pay my legal fees.
Yeah, take that water cooler, too.
128
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,473
— Hello there, Chef.
— Hey, children.
129
00:06:51,474 --> 00:06:52,321
What's goin' on?
130
00:06:52,322 --> 00:06:54,577
Children, that record company guy
is takin' all my belongings.
131
00:06:54,578 --> 00:06:57,100
And if I don't come up with $2 million,
I'm goin' to jail.
132
00:06:57,101 --> 00:06:59,062
Well, don't worry.
We came over to cheer you up.
133
00:06:59,063 --> 00:07:01,293
— Yeah. Ready, Cartman?
— Ready!
134
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:04,992
I will do the German daunce for you.
It's fun and gay and tra-la-la
135
00:07:04,993 --> 00:07:08,391
I hope you will enjoy my daunce
Feedly-I feedly-I ay.
136
00:07:08,392 --> 00:07:11,478
"Would you like some sauerkraut
German boy, German boy?"
137
00:07:11,479 --> 00:07:12,763
"Yes I'd like some sauerkraut."
138
00:07:12,764 --> 00:07:15,441
Okay okay, children, thank you
very much. I feel much better.
139
00:07:15,442 --> 00:07:17,361
— You do?
— Sure, sure. Just please, stop.
140
00:07:17,362 --> 00:07:19,542
— See? I told you guys it would work.
— What's that, dude?
141
00:07:19,543 --> 00:07:23,340
This? This is my photo album of
all my times in the rock business.
142
00:07:23,341 --> 00:07:25,674
— Did you ever know any famous people?
— Did I?
143
00:07:25,675 --> 00:07:30,476
Janis Joplin, the Beatles, Elton John.
I got to travel all around the world,
144
00:07:30,477 --> 00:07:35,394
...hangin' out with bands, goin' to lavish
parties, lovin' many, many women.
145
00:07:35,395 --> 00:07:36,515
— What's that?
— Nothin'
146
00:07:36,516 --> 00:07:36,935
Anyway-
147
00:07:36,936 --> 00:07:37,852
Take that, too.
148
00:07:37,853 --> 00:07:41,119
Heeyy! That has no monetary value!
What the hell are you takin' that for?
149
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,607
I can take whatever I want.
150
00:07:42,608 --> 00:07:45,668
Well, I have twenty-four hours to come up
with your money! That's the law!
151
00:07:45,669 --> 00:07:47,169
I AM ABOVE THE LAW!
152
00:07:48,491 --> 00:07:50,087
I told you not to mess with me!
153
00:07:50,088 --> 00:07:54,102
That does it! You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna raise that $2 million, but I'm...
154
00:07:54,103 --> 00:07:57,544
...NOT gonna use it to pay you back!
I'm goin' to use it to hire...
155
00:07:57,545 --> 00:08:00,295
...Johnny Cochran myself, and sue you!
156
00:08:01,042 --> 00:08:02,016
You wouldn't.
157
00:08:02,017 --> 00:08:05,327
Watch me! Now,
GET THE FUDGE OUT OF MY HOUSE!
158
00:08:08,017 --> 00:08:11,743
I brought you some more juice, Mr. Twig.
Are you feeling any better?
159
00:08:11,744 --> 00:08:14,536
I don't know who would want to hurt
you like this, but I promise nobody...
160
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:16,927
...will ever hurt you again, ever.
161
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,260
Mr. Twig? Are you okay?
Mr. Twig?
162
00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:23,640
AAAAA! MR. TWIG IS BROKEN IN HALF!
163
00:08:25,093 --> 00:08:29,343
WHO DID THIS?! YOU WON'T GET AWAY
WITH THIS, YOU BASTARDS!
164
00:08:29,669 --> 00:08:31,652
Okay. Thank you, Mr. Cochran.
165
00:08:31,653 --> 00:08:36,076
Well, Johnny Cochran will take my case
if I can pay his legal fee: $2 million.
166
00:08:36,077 --> 00:08:39,159
Why don't you ask all those famous people
you used to know for money? They're rich.
167
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,968
Oh, they wouldn't remember me.
All I did was cook for them.
168
00:08:41,969 --> 00:08:43,915
You can raise $2 million, dude.
We'll help you.
169
00:08:43,916 --> 00:08:48,115
I appreciate that, children, but raisin'
$2 million is not an easy thing to do.
170
00:08:48,116 --> 00:08:52,126
My only hope is to whore myself
to every woman in town.
171
00:08:52,342 --> 00:08:53,972
Wish me luck, children.
172
00:08:54,893 --> 00:08:56,992
— We've gotta help him, dude.
— Yeah but, but how?
173
00:08:56,993 --> 00:09:02,583
Come on. Maybe those rock stars will
remember Chef. Let's go pay them a visit!
174
00:09:05,489 --> 00:09:08,634
— Whoa, dude, this house is huge!
— Yeah, it's bigger than Cartman's ass!
175
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,305
No it isn't, you guys.
176
00:09:10,712 --> 00:09:11,606
Can I help you?
177
00:09:11,607 --> 00:09:13,864
We've come to raise money
for our friend, Chef.
178
00:09:13,865 --> 00:09:17,002
Would you like a Nilla Crunchy,
or a Snacky Cake?
179
00:09:17,003 --> 00:09:19,404
— Are you Elton John?
— No, I'm one of his butlers.
180
00:09:19,405 --> 00:09:22,832
Then what the hell are we
talking to you for?! Come on, guys.
181
00:09:22,833 --> 00:09:25,719
— Hi. Are you Elton John?
— Sir Elton John. I was knighted, you know.
182
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:27,510
We're trying to raise money
for our school chef.
183
00:09:27,511 --> 00:09:30,791
We have Chocolate Noogies,
and Nilla Crunchies-
184
00:09:31,166 --> 00:09:32,833
I'm sorry.
Bu' I'm not a big candy bar fan.
185
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:33,454
What?!
186
00:09:33,455 --> 00:09:35,325
Could you buy a couple anyway?
Our friend, Chef is really-
187
00:09:35,326 --> 00:09:37,560
— Chef! You mean, 'Chef' Chef?
— Yeah, dude.
188
00:09:37,561 --> 00:09:39,249
— Wow, do you remember him?
— Of course!
189
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:42,264
I haven't seen him in so long.
I remember when I first met him.
190
00:09:42,265 --> 00:09:47,681
It was about 25 years ago. I was just a
struggling musician, and couldn't get a break.
191
00:09:47,682 --> 00:09:53,043
Oh oh, you're my cheddar cheese girl
You're soft but firm, and you go well with wine
192
00:09:53,044 --> 00:09:56,904
Oh oh, cheddar cheese girl
Cheddar, cheddar cheese girl
193
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:03,171
Hey, Elton. Don't feel so down, baby.
Have some of my Scottish haggis.
194
00:10:03,172 --> 00:10:04,576
— It'll cheer you up.
— Thanks, Chef.
195
00:10:04,577 --> 00:10:06,804
I just don't understand
what my music is missing.
196
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:12,281
Look, Elton. You are a great singer, but a
retarded monkey could write better lyrics.
197
00:10:12,282 --> 00:10:14,465
I really thought I had it this time
with "Cheddar Cheese Girl."
198
00:10:14,466 --> 00:10:18,051
What you need is a guy to write realy
good lyrics for you. I know a guy named...
199
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:21,043
...Bernie Taupin who's workin' at
Moth Burger right now. I'll give him a call.
200
00:10:21,044 --> 00:10:22,351
That's a great idea!
201
00:10:22,352 --> 00:10:25,544
And Elton. Why don't you get yourself
some new threads? You know.
202
00:10:25,545 --> 00:10:27,585
Some slick trousers and shit.
203
00:10:27,887 --> 00:10:29,536
And so I got Bernie to write my lyrics.
204
00:10:29,537 --> 00:10:32,374
And if it wasn't for Chef, I would
never've had a career in music.
205
00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:34,221
So will you buy some of our
candy bars to help him out?
206
00:10:34,222 --> 00:10:36,917
Yes, of course.
I'll buy three Crispy Yum-Yums.
207
00:10:36,918 --> 00:10:38,414
Three Crispy Yum-Yums.
208
00:10:38,415 --> 00:10:41,967
Hey, Elton, if I give you these lyrics, will
you write a song for my girlfriend, Wendy?
209
00:10:41,968 --> 00:10:45,165
Sure, kid. But I would retain
exclusive worldwide rights,
210
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,971
...including but not limited to Asian
territories, with a 20% commission from...
211
00:10:47,972 --> 00:10:50,540
...all domestic sales, and sole
ownership of any and all publishing.
212
00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:51,358
'Kay.
213
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,625
— Tell Chef I said 'hi.'
— Thanks, dude.
214
00:10:53,626 --> 00:10:57,046
Dude, we'll have Chef's
$2 million in no time!
215
00:10:57,777 --> 00:10:58,692
Oh, thank you, Chef.
216
00:10:58,693 --> 00:11:02,375
No problem, Mrs. Broflovski.
Now, about that hundred bucks?
217
00:11:02,376 --> 00:11:05,538
Eh, of course! Here you go.
Leaving so soon?
218
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,744
I've got a looong way to go to
raise the kind of money I need.
219
00:11:08,745 --> 00:11:11,005
Well, best of luck to you then.
220
00:11:11,091 --> 00:11:14,711
— How was it, honey?
— Pretty much what I expected.
221
00:11:15,044 --> 00:11:17,310
— Hello? Are you Meatloaf?
— Yeah. What the hell do you want?
222
00:11:17,311 --> 00:11:20,355
Mr. Loaf, we are selling candy bars
for our dying friend.
223
00:11:20,356 --> 00:11:21,717
He's not dying, Cartman!
224
00:11:21,718 --> 00:11:24,996
Shut your goddamned mouth!
We have Nilla Crunchies, Berry Bars.
225
00:11:24,997 --> 00:11:25,886
What's this for?
226
00:11:25,887 --> 00:11:27,926
— Our friend, Chef.
— Chef's in trouble?
227
00:11:27,927 --> 00:11:30,307
— Yeah. Do you know him?
— Do I?
228
00:11:32,282 --> 00:11:33,759
Nobody came again.
229
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,576
There, there, Cous-Cous. It'll be all right.
Maybe you just need to change your image.
230
00:11:37,577 --> 00:11:38,372
What do you mean?
231
00:11:38,373 --> 00:11:42,443
Nobody wants to see a guy called Cous-Cous.
You need a big, strong, beefy name.
232
00:11:42,444 --> 00:11:43,944
Beefy, like Tri-tip!
233
00:11:45,743 --> 00:11:48,332
Aw, that's not bad.
Here, have some meatloaf.
234
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,567
— I owe eveything to Chef.
— Wow. So you'll help him?
235
00:11:51,568 --> 00:11:54,972
You bet. Give me a box of Nilla Yum-Yum's
and a couple of Berry Bars.
236
00:11:54,973 --> 00:11:56,473
Cool!
237
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:59,845
All right, let's get this show
on the road! Come 'ere, puppy!
238
00:11:59,846 --> 00:12:03,449
Hold on a second, Ms. Crabtree.
How would you like to use some sex toys?
239
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:06,473
— Sex toys? Like what?
— Like this very special device.
240
00:12:06,474 --> 00:12:08,968
— I call it "Chef's Pleasure Bag."
— How does it work?
241
00:12:08,969 --> 00:12:13,201
All you do is put this paper bag over your
head, and it increases your sexual pleasure.
242
00:12:13,202 --> 00:12:15,887
Really? Well, hell,
let's give it a shot.
243
00:12:15,888 --> 00:12:18,098
Aaah, yeah. That's much better.
244
00:12:18,229 --> 00:12:21,485
Sure. I'll do anything for Chef.
Give me a box of those Choco-Numbers.
245
00:12:21,486 --> 00:12:23,511
— Gosh. Thanks, Rick James.
— Yeah, thanks.
246
00:12:23,512 --> 00:12:28,674
That's $35 dollars. Come on, you guys. We've
gotta hurry and give this money to Chef!
247
00:12:28,675 --> 00:12:34,505
— That was wonderful, Chef. Good show!
— I can't keep doin' this. It's killin' me!
248
00:12:34,836 --> 00:12:38,643
— Come on, buck up, little fella.
— I'm serious! I'm not gonna make it.
249
00:12:38,644 --> 00:12:43,414
Sure you are, Chef. I'll give you
a hundred more for another romp!
250
00:12:44,191 --> 00:12:45,691
Aw, hell!
251
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:49,090
— Thanks for coming, Officer Barbrady!
— What's this all about?
252
00:12:49,091 --> 00:12:52,202
These pictures just arrived.
I set up a camera, and caught...
253
00:12:52,203 --> 00:12:56,113
...Mr. Twig's assailant red-handed!
Now, go arrest 'im!
254
00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:02,400
— Can I go now?
— Yes. Yes, uh-I'm sorry.
255
00:13:03,601 --> 00:13:04,618
Weirdo.
256
00:13:04,619 --> 00:13:07,159
It can't be. These can't be right.
257
00:13:12,341 --> 00:13:13,841
Mr. Hat!
258
00:13:17,261 --> 00:13:19,663
— Wait, wait. What are you doing?
— It's over, children.
259
00:13:19,664 --> 00:13:23,480
I couldn't raise the $2 million to hire
Johnny Cochran, and now I have to go to jail.
260
00:13:23,481 --> 00:13:24,909
— No you don't.
— Huh?
261
00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:28,078
We went to a bunch of rock stars'n sold them
candy bars to raise the money you needed.
262
00:13:28,079 --> 00:13:31,422
— Did what?! Wow! How much did you make?
— Cartman?
263
00:13:31,423 --> 00:13:35,207
Well, you can see here that
we raised approximately $95,
264
00:13:35,208 --> 00:13:39,431
...falling well short of
our $2 million goal illustrated here.
265
00:13:39,432 --> 00:13:41,241
But we can put our money together
with the money you made...
266
00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:43,079
...whoring yourself to all the women.
How much did you make?
267
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,050
I made about $410,300, but-
268
00:13:46,513 --> 00:13:48,887
That doesn't matter, because
that money belongs to me!
269
00:13:48,888 --> 00:13:50,383
You can't take Chef's money!
That illeg-!
270
00:13:50,384 --> 00:13:51,884
I AM ABOVE THE LAW!
271
00:13:53,148 --> 00:13:57,070
— All right, you. It's time to go!
— Bye, children. Thanks for all your help.
272
00:13:57,071 --> 00:14:00,302
— Let's go.
— Ow! What the hell did you do that for?!
273
00:14:00,303 --> 00:14:05,273
I don't tell you how to do your job,
don't tell me how to do mine!
274
00:14:05,727 --> 00:14:08,407
— Dude, Chef is gone.
— No more Chef.
275
00:14:08,592 --> 00:14:11,272
No more Salisbury steak and pecan pie.
276
00:14:13,306 --> 00:14:15,730
— We can't let him down, you guys.
— Dude, it's over. He's gone.
277
00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:19,557
No! Chef wouldn't give up on us. How many
times has Chef gotten us out of trouble?
278
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:20,404
Four.
279
00:14:20,405 --> 00:14:23,454
— But what are we gonna do?
— It's easy, dude. Chef Aid.
280
00:14:23,455 --> 00:14:24,865
— Chef Aid?
— Yeah.
281
00:14:24,866 --> 00:14:28,694
We set up a stage, and have Cartman do the
German Dance. And we charge people for tickets.
282
00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:31,255
— Hey, that's a great idea!
— Yeah!
283
00:14:33,869 --> 00:14:37,471
Did you think I would just take you back?
Like you can just, walk out and then,
284
00:14:37,472 --> 00:14:41,781
...come back like nothing happened?
Oh, don't look at me like that, Mr. Hat.
285
00:14:41,782 --> 00:14:45,111
Remember, you're the one that left!
And I'm NOT goin' to take you back!
286
00:14:45,112 --> 00:14:48,962
You can just go to hell!
You go to hell and you die!
287
00:14:48,963 --> 00:14:51,765
You are a lying ball of turd, Mr. Hat!
288
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:55,076
I hope you starve,
you lousy son of a bitch!
289
00:14:55,513 --> 00:14:58,583
What are you all looking at?
This is just between me and Mr. Hat.
290
00:14:58,584 --> 00:15:01,756
It's over, Mr. Garrison.
This is it. We've had enough.
291
00:15:01,757 --> 00:15:02,973
What do you mean?
292
00:15:02,974 --> 00:15:05,845
I'm afraid it's the
big house for you, fruitcake.
293
00:15:05,846 --> 00:15:07,346
What?! Jail?
294
00:15:08,945 --> 00:15:12,478
I will do the German daunce for you.
It's fun and gay and tra-la-la
295
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:15,591
I hope you will enjoy my daunce
Feedly-I feedly-I ay.
296
00:15:15,592 --> 00:15:17,095
Hmm. This isn't going over so well.
297
00:15:17,096 --> 00:15:19,496
Cartman just needs to put more into it.
Dance better, Cartman!
298
00:15:19,497 --> 00:15:21,654
"Would you like some sauerkraut
German boy, German boy?"
299
00:15:21,655 --> 00:15:24,953
"Yes I'd like some sauerkraut.
Boy, I'm hungry!"
300
00:15:24,954 --> 00:15:27,798
— Howdy ho, boys!
— Elton John. What are you doing here?
301
00:15:27,799 --> 00:15:30,206
It occured to me that you might need
some more help raising money for Chef.
302
00:15:30,207 --> 00:15:31,119
Boy, do we!
303
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,785
So I called a few friends,
and we all decided to come over.
304
00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:35,651
Wow, cool!
305
00:15:35,652 --> 00:15:38,840
— I see you've got a stage all set up for us.
— Yeah, dude. It's all yours!
306
00:15:38,841 --> 00:15:41,492
Then, let's rock and roll!
Or something similar.
307
00:15:41,493 --> 00:15:42,993
Hooray!
308
00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:47,224
And Mr. Twig is at home;
he has no idea Mr. Hat is even back.
309
00:15:47,225 --> 00:15:50,993
I mean, I care a lot about Mr. Twig,
but Mr. Hat and I have so much history.
310
00:15:50,994 --> 00:15:53,235
— You've finally snapped, huh, Garrison?
— What?
311
00:15:53,236 --> 00:15:57,688
Don't you get it, Garrison?
It's all you! You're Mr. Hat and Mr. Twig!
312
00:15:57,689 --> 00:16:01,329
You've got split personalities
schizophrenic jeebies.
313
00:16:01,552 --> 00:16:05,466
I warn you, Chef! Don't even think of
taking advantage of me in this prison cell!
314
00:16:05,467 --> 00:16:06,218
What?
315
00:16:06,219 --> 00:16:11,879
Okay. Thanks for coming to Chef Aid,
everybody! Are you ready to rock and roll?!
316
00:16:15,094 --> 00:16:18,474
All right, let's get things
going with Rancid!
317
00:16:19,028 --> 00:16:19,706
Rancid!
318
00:16:19,707 --> 00:16:24,027
California sun has sunk
But Amana mailed, she'll come tonight
319
00:16:31,098 --> 00:16:34,928
You still aren't entertaining any ideas of
raping me in this prison cell, are you, Chef?
320
00:16:34,929 --> 00:16:38,134
— No, Garrison! Shut the hell up!
— Well that's good.
321
00:16:38,135 --> 00:16:40,414
— What the?!
— Oh boy, we're free!
322
00:16:40,415 --> 00:16:42,275
Wow, what a daring rescue!
323
00:16:42,947 --> 00:16:44,447
Mr. Hat!
324
00:16:44,975 --> 00:16:48,911
Mr. Hat saved us, Chef!
Come on, let's get in the truck!
325
00:16:48,912 --> 00:16:51,112
I'll drive from here, Mr. Hat.
326
00:16:51,450 --> 00:16:54,350
How the hell did he reach the gas pedal?
327
00:16:56,946 --> 00:17:00,053
— Rick James, ladies and gentlemen!
— God bless you, Chef!
328
00:17:00,054 --> 00:17:03,084
And now here's your
favorite band, Primus!
329
00:17:03,268 --> 00:17:07,405
We're damned proud to be here to support
our good buddy, Chef. It was Chef who...
330
00:17:07,406 --> 00:17:11,078
...told us in the early days, to keep trying
and to keep pursuing our dreams,
331
00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:14,629
...no matter how much we sucked.
I love that man.
332
00:17:17,709 --> 00:17:19,145
What are you bastards doing?
333
00:17:19,146 --> 00:17:21,994
We are raising money so that Chef
can hire Johnny Cochran to sue you!
334
00:17:21,995 --> 00:17:24,538
Yeah, now get out of here
before I kick you in the nuts!
335
00:17:24,539 --> 00:17:26,887
Oh yeah? We'll just see about this!
336
00:17:26,888 --> 00:17:28,628
Now here's Joe Strummer!
337
00:17:29,899 --> 00:17:31,776
You know, in the Classroom Tour,
we lost a beat.
338
00:17:31,777 --> 00:17:36,873
Chef would be like it was so offstage going,
"Don't forget. Pump your loins, children."
339
00:17:36,874 --> 00:17:40,184
You know, it was like his
mo'o, or something.
340
00:17:41,078 --> 00:17:44,798
Well it's a rockin' world,
make no mistake about it
341
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:48,039
It's a shockin' world,
could be what's so great about it
342
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,225
It's a rockin' world,
there ain't nothing fake abou-
343
00:17:49,226 --> 00:17:50,846
What the hell is this?
344
00:17:51,709 --> 00:17:55,783
— Welcome to Chef Aid, Chef.
— Wow, how'd you get out of jail, Chef?
345
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:58,863
Mr. Hat busted me out.
Children, did you do this?
346
00:17:58,864 --> 00:18:01,247
— Well, we helped.
— We're gonna raise your money, Chef.
347
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:02,748
I don't believe it!
348
00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:07,375
We'll just see how long
this Chef Aid thing lasts!
349
00:18:08,194 --> 00:18:11,094
And now, here he is. TV's Ozzy Osbourne!
350
00:18:12,141 --> 00:18:16,606
We're all here to help our good friend,
Chef, who has touched our lives in the past.
351
00:18:16,607 --> 00:18:21,455
I remember when I was just starting out.
Chef suggested I buy a pompadour hat.
352
00:18:21,456 --> 00:18:24,923
I thought he said,
"bite the head off a bat," so I did.
353
00:18:24,924 --> 00:18:29,344
And the rest, oh, it's just history.
Now, let's go freakeeee!
354
00:18:32,103 --> 00:18:35,243
Ain't nowhere to run
(come everybody let's)
355
00:18:35,818 --> 00:18:38,138
Ain't nowhere to hide (come on!)
356
00:18:38,442 --> 00:18:40,702
(All right dude, let me go now)
357
00:18:40,899 --> 00:18:43,396
Oh my God, Ozzy Osbourne
bit Kenny's head off!
358
00:18:43,397 --> 00:18:44,786
You bastard!
359
00:18:44,787 --> 00:18:46,287
And now here's Ween!
360
00:18:47,110 --> 00:18:48,916
We're proud to be a part of Chef Aid.
361
00:18:48,917 --> 00:18:51,039
Chef is the guy who told us
to do a country album.
362
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,206
— Whoa, dude, that was Steve's idea.
— Oh, then. Who's Chef?
363
00:18:54,207 --> 00:18:59,205
— I don't know, dude. I though you knew him.
— Oh, well. Anyways, here's our song!
364
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:04,326
Many colors in my homo rainbow
Don't be afraid to let your colors shine
365
00:19:07,051 --> 00:19:10,351
Don't worry, Mr. Twig. Even though
Mr. Hat rescued me from prison,
366
00:19:10,352 --> 00:19:12,365
...I'm still gonna stick with you.
367
00:19:12,366 --> 00:19:16,086
— Do you love him?
— It doesn't matter. He left me.
368
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:17,959
Do you love him?
369
00:19:18,322 --> 00:19:20,182
— Yes.
— Then run to him.
370
00:19:20,931 --> 00:19:23,449
But I feel like I'd be
making the wrong decision.
371
00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:28,560
Love isn't a decision, it's a feeling.
If we could decide who we love,
372
00:19:28,723 --> 00:19:32,343
...it would be much simpler,
but much less magical.
373
00:19:33,222 --> 00:19:36,362
I'll never forget you, Mr. Twig.
Thank you.
374
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:40,738
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Elton John!
375
00:19:42,297 --> 00:19:45,570
Thank you all for coming to help Chef.
This is a song written by...
376
00:19:45,571 --> 00:19:49,956
...a very special little boy.
I have no idea what his name is.
377
00:19:49,957 --> 00:19:53,748
Well, who the hell cares?
Anyway, he wrote it for his girlfriend.
378
00:19:53,749 --> 00:19:57,179
Wake up, Wendy. Smell the coffee.
379
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:01,276
— Dude, that's your song for Wendy!
— Ha haa, you're a wuss.
380
00:20:01,277 --> 00:20:05,587
You know I do want you
Your flavors smell of peanuts peanuts
381
00:20:09,719 --> 00:20:14,479
Ha ha. I win. You lose!
Chef Aid is over, and you didn't raise...
382
00:20:15,115 --> 00:20:19,595
...near enough money to pay
Cochran's legal fees. Ha ha I win!
383
00:20:20,909 --> 00:20:24,819
And what happened then?
Well, in South Park they say...
384
00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:28,671
...Johnny Cochran's heart
grew three sizes that day.
385
00:20:29,171 --> 00:20:32,671
Wait! Mr. Chef, this music
has really touched me.
386
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,983
I'd like to take up your case,
free of charge!
387
00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:37,554
— You will?
— I will.
388
00:20:41,154 --> 00:20:43,488
We'll see you in court,
Mr. Record Producer.
389
00:20:43,489 --> 00:20:44,989
Nooooooooooo!
390
00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:50,492
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed
jury, you must now decide...
391
00:20:50,493 --> 00:20:53,457
...whether or not to reverse
the decision for my client, Chef.
392
00:20:53,458 --> 00:20:58,308
I know he seeems guilty, but ladies and
gentlemen, this is Chewbacca.
393
00:20:58,461 --> 00:21:01,451
Now think about that for one minute:
that does NOT MAKE SENSE!
394
00:21:01,452 --> 00:21:03,980
Why am I talkin' about Chewbacca
when a man's life is on the line?
395
00:21:03,981 --> 00:21:07,806
Why? I tell you why. I don't know.
It doesn't make sense.
396
00:21:07,807 --> 00:21:10,835
If Chewbacca does not make sense,
you must acquit!
397
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:14,506
Here, look at the monkey.
Look at the silly monkey.
398
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:19,210
Chef? How does it feel to be
a free man and finally have...
399
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,963
...your name credited on the song,
"Stinky Britches"?
400
00:21:21,964 --> 00:21:26,165
It feels great! I just can't find the words
to thank all the artists who...
401
00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:30,149
...put on Chef Aid. And most of all,
I want to thank the children.
402
00:21:30,150 --> 00:21:31,876
So, what are you gonna do now?
403
00:21:31,877 --> 00:21:34,197
Get back to what's important.
It's Tuesday!
404
00:21:34,198 --> 00:21:36,983
And that means tomorrow is
Tuna Casserole Day.
405
00:21:36,984 --> 00:21:37,921
Hooray!
406
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:43,272
Stinky britches,
you've got those stinky britches
407
00:21:44,101 --> 00:21:45,851
subs prepared by delikedi