1 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:11,022 Ok children each of you gets to choose 2 books from the booktastick bus. 2 00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:14,062 - Reading sucks ass! - Eric, shut up! 3 00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:18,026 Boring, boring... 4 00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:21,779 - Gay, boring, boring. - Hey guys, check out these books. 5 00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:25,344 - Sabrina unchained. - Wow these books look cool! 6 00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:29,127 Hey there's a lot of big words in these books. 7 00:02:29,539 --> 00:02:31,700 There's a lot of hot vaginas and penises. 8 00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:35,186 - Hello kids! I see you're discovering the magic of reading. - Who are you? 9 00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:37,727 I drive the Booktastic Bus where magic begins. 10 00:02:37,728 --> 00:02:40,628 You see reading opens up whole new worlds to you. 11 00:02:40,670 --> 00:02:44,267 You can take a canoe down the Amazon or go back in time to Camelot 12 00:02:44,390 --> 00:02:49,145 or become a race car driver all by just opening a book. Just like magic, the magic of reading. 13 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,828 God, shut up dude. 14 00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:55,228 Go ahead an pick any books you like. Then get in, get into the magic! 15 00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:58,945 - If we read are we gonna become like that guy? - Yeah this is stupid. Books aren't magical. 16 00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:02,346 I don't know I'm kind of getting a tangly feeling looking at these. 17 00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:06,186 - Hey what's that? - I don't know let's go see. 18 00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:11,028 Well being an officer of the peace means a lot of things. 19 00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:14,426 It's a hard job, but then again I'm a hard man. 20 00:03:14,550 --> 00:03:18,782 A lot of people think that in a small town there isn't a lot for the law to do. 21 00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:20,423 Well, they're wrong. 22 00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:24,020 All units, all units, report to Avenue 254 De Los Mexicanos 23 00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:25,583 Possible hostile situation. 24 00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:30,309 There you see, this could be a bank robery or possibly even a murder. 25 00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,410 This ain't no podunk little town. 26 00:03:32,590 --> 00:03:35,863 And Barbrady, your wife called, she wants you to get some pizza on the way home. 27 00:03:35,864 --> 00:03:37,164 God damn it! 28 00:03:41,510 --> 00:03:45,503 Ok people, move along, there's nothing to see here. 29 00:03:45,630 --> 00:03:47,297 - What's the trouble, where's the body? 30 00:03:47,298 --> 00:03:51,948 Barbrady, I just caught some guy in here having sex with one of my chickens. 31 00:03:57,950 --> 00:04:01,863 - My god that's disgusting! - Whoa dude. Who'd have sex with a chicken? 32 00:04:01,990 --> 00:04:05,539 Uh boys you move along, this isn't for young eyes to see. 33 00:04:05,670 --> 00:04:07,845 - Did you get a good look at the suspect? 34 00:04:07,846 --> 00:04:11,246 Naw, I didn't see anything. It just happened so fast. 35 00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:14,541 Well, uh. This is quite interesting, huh guys? 36 00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:16,891 Uh, we're gonna go grab some lunch 37 00:04:16,892 --> 00:04:20,292 and maybe get some shots of those turtles down at the pond. 38 00:04:20,790 --> 00:04:23,304 - Aww, camel poo. - Hey what's this? 39 00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:25,347 - It looks like a note. - Give me that! 40 00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:29,907 - That's a clue and you'll get your stinky DNA all over it. - What does it say? 41 00:04:32,830 --> 00:04:37,062 "Sorry I had sex with the chicken. I won't do it again, bye-bye." 42 00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:41,069 - Well there you have it, case closed. - Damn it Barbrady, what the hell's wrong with you? 43 00:04:41,190 --> 00:04:45,183 Everytime something happens in this town you say 'Nothing to see here' and 'Case closed'. 44 00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:48,382 But we want justice! We have to find this sicko. 45 00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:52,161 I said return to your homes, before I start arresting people. 46 00:04:52,162 --> 00:04:53,962 For what? Orderly conduct? 47 00:04:54,030 --> 00:04:57,181 - How about fishing without a license? - I'm not fishin'! 48 00:04:57,182 --> 00:04:59,182 What do you call this then? 49 00:04:59,310 --> 00:05:03,100 If you do not comply I'll be forced to execute each and everyone of you 50 00:05:03,101 --> 00:05:04,301 by gun shots in the head. 51 00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:11,022 That's right return to your simple lives. Just forget this ever happened. 52 00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:13,302 Forget, forget. 53 00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:16,581 - Wow, Barbrady sure is acting weird. - Yeah, I wonder what's wrong? 54 00:05:32,590 --> 00:05:34,546 Welcome to Fran's, can I help you? 55 00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:44,425 - Sir, can I help you? - Uh, just give me 2 cheeseburgers and some jalepeno poppers. 56 00:05:45,230 --> 00:05:47,619 - Sir there is just one problem. - What's that? 57 00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:50,310 We're a bank. 58 00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:55,042 I know that smarty-pants! What do you think I'm some kind of idiot?? 59 00:05:55,343 --> 00:05:56,743 Yes. 60 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:01,389 I can't go on living this life. 61 00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:07,939 With chicken after chicken being violated the South Park police are under increasing presure 62 00:06:08,070 --> 00:06:10,789 to solve the case of the chicken fucker. 63 00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:12,555 We now go live to a press conference 64 00:06:12,556 --> 00:06:16,256 where Offier Barbrady and the mayor are fielding questions. 65 00:06:16,390 --> 00:06:20,144 Officer Barbrady what would drive a man to such a disgusting act? 66 00:06:20,270 --> 00:06:24,786 Well nobody can say for sure, no motive has yet been established. 67 00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:28,903 - Do the police have any leads? - Well most 3D computer modeling 68 00:06:29,030 --> 00:06:32,864 and attempted sizemology have not given us any leads as of yet. 69 00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:38,587 - But has chicken fucker left any clues at the crime... - Alright! Alright! I can't read!! 70 00:06:41,990 --> 00:06:45,026 There I said it. I can't read! Are you happy now? 71 00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:49,100 You pushed and you pushed and now you all know my terrible secret. 72 00:06:49,290 --> 00:06:54,424 I'm illegitemate. I'm not fit to be a policeman. I retire! 73 00:06:56,350 --> 00:07:00,138 Ok, thank you all for coming there's ah coffee and brownies out front. 74 00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:03,572 And so Officer Barbrady is taken a leave of abcense, 75 00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:08,000 and South Park will have to manage without any police force for a while. 76 00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:11,586 This just in! South Park has plunged into total anarchy. 77 00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:15,212 Exactly 2 seconds after the retirement of Officer Barbrady 78 00:07:15,213 --> 00:07:19,213 looting and pillaging erupted in the quiet mountain town. 79 00:07:22,630 --> 00:07:27,863 - Whoopee! This is killer! - With no cops around, we can do whatever we want! 80 00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,538 - Whoa dude. What's going on? - I don't know. 81 00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:33,542 Oh my god! They've killed... 82 00:07:34,790 --> 00:07:36,746 Oh, nevermind. 83 00:07:37,030 --> 00:07:41,785 I don't believe it. All this time Barbrady actually did keep this town peaceful. 84 00:07:41,910 --> 00:07:44,822 - Who knew? I always thought he was a complete idiot. - He is. 85 00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:50,023 - What do you plan to do about the South Park riots? - No reason for concern. 86 00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:54,780 I want to assure all of you that Officer Barbrady is still are active police enforcer. 87 00:07:54,910 --> 00:07:59,028 - VBut he's illiterate. What do you plan to do? - Ahh.. plan? I don't actually... 88 00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:01,369 Reading classes. Plain and simple. 89 00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:04,739 By the mayor's order Officer Barbrady is on temporary leave of absense to learn to read. 90 00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:06,078 Effective immidiately. 91 00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:09,341 Yes that's right. It's back to school with Officer Barbrady! 92 00:08:10,950 --> 00:08:16,149 Now children we have a new student joining us today. Please say hi to Officer Barbrady. 93 00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:18,782 - I can't see dude! 94 00:08:18,783 --> 00:08:22,683 Ok now since our focus has been on readin let's review some of the basics. 95 00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:26,544 - Yes what is it? - I need to go poopies. 96 00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:31,463 Officer Barbrady in school we go to the bathroom before and after class. 97 00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,979 Oh Christ, how do you kids do it? 98 00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:37,944 Now does anyone have any suggestions where we should begin with Officer Barbrady? 99 00:08:38,070 --> 00:08:42,268 - How about a brain transplant? - Now Kyle let's be supportive of our new student. 100 00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:44,506 Give him the nourturing environment he needs to thrive. 101 00:08:44,630 --> 00:08:49,067 Now I'm going to write a sentence and I want us all to help Officer Barbrady read it. 102 00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:52,826 Give it a shot Officer Barbrady. 103 00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:59,665 BZZZT! Wrong! Try again dumbass! 104 00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:04,814 Ok, ok, maybe we should try something a little easier. 105 00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:07,715 We can work our way up to the hard ones. 106 00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,661 Go ahead Barbrady, don't be scared. 107 00:09:13,710 --> 00:09:17,305 - BZZT! DERRR! Did you hear that Mr.Hat? - I sure did Mr.Garrison! What a retard! 108 00:09:19,230 --> 00:09:23,508 - Did you kids actually learn how to read this way? - No, we just fake it to shut him up. 109 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:27,509 Ok, ok, alright, I'm sorry, let's try again. 110 00:09:33,590 --> 00:09:38,266 Say, what are nice chickens like you doing in a coop like this? 111 00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:46,535 Now children I hope you all had a good time reading your books 112 00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:49,436 and are prepared for your book reports. 113 00:09:49,570 --> 00:09:52,209 Who should we have go first Mr. Hat? Let's see. 114 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:56,562 - Oh how about Stan or Kyle? - Eric why don't you go first? 115 00:09:57,610 --> 00:10:00,841 - What's the matter Eric, you no prepared again? - I'm prepared! 116 00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:05,718 For my book report I read... The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. 117 00:10:05,850 --> 00:10:08,842 It was, very, very good. Have you read it Mr. Garrison? 118 00:10:08,970 --> 00:10:11,530 - No, I can't say that I have. - Oh good. 119 00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:15,882 I the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe a bunch of uh, hippies walk around and paint stuff. 120 00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:19,082 They eat lunch and then they find a magical.... 121 00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:23,089 camel which they have to eat to stay alive. And that's pretty much it, I give it a B minus. 122 00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:27,044 - And I give you an F Eric, now sit down. - God damnit!! 123 00:10:28,890 --> 00:10:31,882 Ok Officer Barbrady, why don't you give us your book report. 124 00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:37,843 I've just finished reading the heartwarming novel "Go Dog, Go!" 125 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:42,009 I found it a compelling and disturbing look the canine psychie. 126 00:10:42,130 --> 00:10:44,769 If I may read a passage: 127 00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:48,002 Big dog... 128 00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:50,166 little dog... 129 00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:57,960 A red dog, on a... 130 00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:02,481 Well anyway, I don't wanna give away the ending, 131 00:11:02,610 --> 00:11:07,638 but I will say that it spirals toward an incredible twist turn that parallels my own life. 132 00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:12,844 Thank you Officer Barbrady, that was a very good book report indeed. I'll give you an A. 133 00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:15,484 - Hooray! - Goody-two-shoes! 134 00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:23,120 Swingset, swingset, up and down I go. 135 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:27,801 Whoosh goes the willie-wind, flowing through my toes. 136 00:11:28,010 --> 00:11:31,200 - Dude, I think Officer Barbrady enjoys being in school too much. 137 00:11:31,201 --> 00:11:33,001 Yeah, isn't he just supposed to be learning how to read? 138 00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:37,402 Swingset, swingset up and down I go! 139 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,839 Officer Barbrady! What are you doing? 140 00:11:42,210 --> 00:11:43,768 Oh my god! They killed... 141 00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:48,280 - Oh nevermind. - Well how's the reading coming along? 142 00:11:48,410 --> 00:11:52,198 - Uh, pretty good. - Barbrady, we really need you to speed this up! 143 00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:55,003 - The chicken fucker struck again last night! - Oh no! 144 00:11:55,130 --> 00:12:00,158 Oh mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the chicken lover. 145 00:12:00,290 --> 00:12:04,681 This time he made love to Karla Weather's pride chicken. She's catatonick. 146 00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:09,201 - Who, Karla Weathers, or the chicken? - The perpetrator left this clue at the crime scene. 147 00:12:09,330 --> 00:12:12,049 Oh I can't read this, it has silent E's. 148 00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:14,356 - You have to learn to read faster Barbrady! 149 00:12:14,357 --> 00:12:17,757 - I'm doing the best I can! I even got a A on my book report! 150 00:12:17,890 --> 00:12:20,250 Listen buddy! Either you learn to read quick 151 00:12:20,251 --> 00:12:23,351 or else I'm gonna find a law officer to replace you forever! 152 00:12:27,570 --> 00:12:31,279 - Hey what'd you do that for? - Ahh, just dramatic effect, sorry. 153 00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:37,846 Oh boy, I'm in big trouble. I'll never learn to read fast enough, and the town is in chaos. 154 00:12:37,970 --> 00:12:41,929 - It's cool dude, we'll help you. - Hey that's right, you can help me. 155 00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:45,645 Under article 39 section 2 of police code, 156 00:12:45,770 --> 00:12:49,046 I'm allowed to deputize citizens in a time of chrisis. 157 00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:52,480 - Really? I wann be a cop! - You boys will be my deputies. 158 00:12:52,610 --> 00:12:55,920 You can help me restore order, catch the chicken lover 159 00:12:56,050 --> 00:12:57,927 and swing me on the swingset. 160 00:12:58,130 --> 00:13:01,645 - Do I get a nightstick? - Sure, nightsticks for everybody! 161 00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:06,560 You keep a tab on crime in the city. And we'll try to solve the chickenlover case. 162 00:13:06,730 --> 00:13:08,527 10-4 sergent! 163 00:13:08,890 --> 00:13:10,926 Now what did that clue say again? 164 00:13:11,050 --> 00:13:15,965 If you want to know where I'll strike next, read bumbly wumbly and the spotted spacecraft. 165 00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:19,127 To the booktastic bus deputies! We haven't a moment to spare. 166 00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:25,401 Good day friends! Welcome to the magical world of reading. 167 00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:29,239 We need a copy of Bumbly Wumbly and the Spotted Space Craft right away! 168 00:13:29,370 --> 00:13:32,407 Ooh! That's a very magical book, full of wonders... 169 00:13:32,530 --> 00:13:34,839 Ah just give us the damn book, fruitcake! 170 00:13:37,410 --> 00:13:39,685 - What's it say? - It says... 171 00:13:42,290 --> 00:13:45,043 - What's this word? - I. 172 00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:48,129 Oh yeah, I... mmmaa... mma. 173 00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:49,719 Here give me that! 174 00:13:49,850 --> 00:13:52,603 I am bumbly wumbly. I live in the pond. 175 00:13:52,770 --> 00:13:55,221 - The pond. Hey maybe that means Stark's Pond. 176 00:13:55,222 --> 00:13:59,600 That's quick thinking deputy. Let's get to Stark's Pond Immidiately. 177 00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:25,162 - Yes, officer? - I caught you at 40 miles an hour back there. 178 00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:27,200 - Do you know what speed limit it hea? 179 00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:30,781 Well according to that sign right there it's 40 miles and hour. 180 00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:34,804 - Step out of the car please, sir. - Wait a second, aren't you Stan's little friend? 181 00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:37,239 Sir, step out of the car, please. 182 00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:40,282 Yeah, you're the one that always plugs up the toilet in our house. 183 00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:44,608 Ay! I am a cop and you will respect my authoritay. 184 00:14:44,730 --> 00:14:48,086 Yeah right. You better get back to school little boy. 185 00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:50,839 Get your ass to jail! 186 00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:53,610 Hey what the hell are you doing? You can't do that? 187 00:14:58,290 --> 00:15:02,647 - Aww, weak dude. We're too late. - Well, the chickens don't seem to really mind. 188 00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:05,489 Well this is terrible. Now who would have sex with a chicken? 189 00:15:05,690 --> 00:15:07,567 I would! 190 00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:11,281 Oh you couldn't screw anything Halfy, you don't have any legs! 191 00:15:13,810 --> 00:15:16,529 Have some respect for people's feelings would you Halfy? 192 00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:19,489 Come one dudes, we need to look for another clue. 193 00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:22,283 - Here, here, I found one! - What's it say, what's it say? 194 00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:30,044 - It says, read Teetle the timid ta...ta.. the taxi.. what's this word? - I don't know. 195 00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:37,921 Ta..ta...tad...taxidermist. 196 00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:43,241 I read it! I read it all by myself! 197 00:15:49,090 --> 00:15:52,287 Well I've been working this beat for about 3 days now. 198 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:56,688 You definitly have to have pretty thick skin or else people just walk all over you. 199 00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:59,961 Sometimes you have to go undercover to get the worst of them. 200 00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:09,248 - Hi there little lady. - What, what are you doing tonight? 201 00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:13,283 Well hopefully spending some time with you gorgeous. Is $20 enough? 202 00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:17,961 - Sir? Step out of the car, please. - What? Uh-oh, is this a bust? 203 00:16:18,090 --> 00:16:19,921 Sir? Step out of the car. 204 00:16:21,370 --> 00:16:26,603 - Hey wait a minute, you're just a kid. - Maybe this will teach you to listen to authoritay. 205 00:16:28,970 --> 00:16:30,528 OW! OOOWW! Hey man what are you doing? 206 00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:31,924 Ow! Stop it! 207 00:16:34,450 --> 00:16:38,841 Well sometimes upholding the law is not easy, but you get there 208 00:16:38,970 --> 00:16:40,528 one day at a time. 209 00:16:41,990 --> 00:16:43,901 I got a TV. C'mon! 210 00:16:45,910 --> 00:16:51,382 Teetle, the timid taxidermist, 211 00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:54,227 loves to... 212 00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:57,023 Oh god damn reading is lame! 213 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,425 - How's it going dude? - Terrible! I give up. 214 00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:04,260 - I'm not fit to be a cop. - Come on dude, it's not that hard. 215 00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:07,382 - It is too! - Just read the sentence. 216 00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:14,541 Teetle the timid taxidermist loves to go to the pet, pet... 217 00:17:14,710 --> 00:17:17,986 - Come on dumbass! You can do it! - Pet... wait a minute. 218 00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:24,507 Conjugate the verb. Conjugate the verb. 219 00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:28,589 Yes, conjugate the verb. 220 00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:31,823 Petting... petting zoo! 221 00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,305 He loves to go to the petting zoo!! 222 00:17:34,430 --> 00:17:36,307 Boys, we're off! 223 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:43,865 All units, all units: 5-12 at 635 Avenue De Los Mexicanos 635. Request assistance. 224 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:55,060 - Sir, could you step out of the car please? - We're fine, officer. 225 00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:59,706 - And, who's, who's in here with you? - Just me and my wife and my brother. 226 00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:03,389 And my wife's cousin, and his son, and my brother's girlfriend and our two kids. 227 00:18:03,390 --> 00:18:03,890 Hey Cartman. 228 00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:07,186 And my brother's girldfriend's mother, and this guy Bob who I met last year. 229 00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:09,744 Poor people tend to live in clusters. 230 00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:13,988 - What? What did you say? - Nothing. Now sir is there some kind of... 231 00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:19,147 I want him out of my house! He ain't workin' shit! He can't even hold a fuckin' job! 232 00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,540 Shut up bitch! 233 00:18:20,570 --> 00:18:24,066 Ok, ok let's try to watch the language there's children present hea. 234 00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:25,828 You lazy ass mother fucker! 235 00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:29,625 - Look what she did to my fuckin' eye! - I'll do it again! 236 00:18:29,626 --> 00:18:31,026 Come on mom, beat him up! 237 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,987 Mom hit dad again! 238 00:18:33,390 --> 00:18:39,499 Now, the first thing to do in domestic disturbance calls like this one is to calm everybody down. 239 00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:42,098 RESPECT MY AUTHORITAY!! 240 00:18:42,731 --> 00:18:44,199 Come on Cartman beat 'em up! 241 00:18:44,230 --> 00:18:47,905 All units, all units! We have a 520 on the suspect. 242 00:18:48,030 --> 00:18:50,544 Report to the South Park petting zoo imidiately. 243 00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,149 Chicken lover. 244 00:18:55,750 --> 00:19:00,824 Keep your eyes peeled boys. Somebody's gonna make love to this chicken any minute. 245 00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:04,881 - Maybe we were wrong about the clue. - Yeah, maybe you read it wrong. 246 00:19:05,182 --> 00:19:06,382 Oh no! 247 00:19:10,910 --> 00:19:13,344 Keep your eyes peeled. 248 00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:16,186 Look! 249 00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:18,540 - He's here! - Grab him! 250 00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:23,147 Uh, can't this thing go any faster?? 251 00:19:29,990 --> 00:19:31,423 Uh! Oh my god! They've killed... 252 00:19:31,424 --> 00:19:32,669 Oh, it didn't even touch me. 253 00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:36,583 - God damn it! - I knew it was you all along Richard Nixon! 254 00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:39,144 I think that's a mask dude. 255 00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:42,659 Whoa dude! It's the bookmobile driver! 256 00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:47,068 - Caught you red-handed! - Indeed you did! How did you know I would strike here? 257 00:19:47,190 --> 00:19:49,927 - By reading Teetle the Timid Taxidermist. 258 00:19:49,928 --> 00:19:54,728 You did? Really? Then it worked. My whole plan worked absolutely perfectly! 259 00:19:54,870 --> 00:19:58,624 - What are you talking about, dude? - When I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read, 260 00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:00,706 I knew I had to motivate him somehow. 261 00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:04,425 So I formulated a plan to encourage him to learn the magic of reading. 262 00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:08,543 -So you fucked a bunch of chickens? - Yes! Yes exactly! Don't you see? 263 00:20:08,670 --> 00:20:12,424 Only by fucking chickens could I get Officer Barbrady to become literate. 264 00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:17,021 - That doesn't make a whole lot of sence, dude. - Oh no? He who is blind cannot see. 265 00:20:17,870 --> 00:20:21,306 I got Officer Barbrady to read, my plan worked perfectly. 266 00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:24,547 Well I guess I should say, thanks? 267 00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:25,633 You're welcome! 268 00:20:25,634 --> 00:20:28,734 And now my reading friend you've proven that you are ready for the big time. 269 00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:32,619 I give you this hardback copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ann Ryand. 270 00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:35,105 - Freeze put your hands in the air! - Cartman! 271 00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:37,585 I got the reports that the suspect is in this area. 272 00:20:37,710 --> 00:20:38,602 Well, he is. 273 00:20:38,603 --> 00:20:42,403 It turns out that the bookmobile driver here was the one making love to chickens. 274 00:20:42,550 --> 00:20:45,223 - Ow! That hurts! - Whoa dude! - Cartman! 275 00:20:45,350 --> 00:20:48,387 No, no, that's not how you uphold the law. 276 00:20:48,510 --> 00:20:51,820 But he is not listening to my authoritay! 277 00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:57,104 Oh, oh you've got it all wrong my little friend. You do it like this: 278 00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:01,180 You gotta get 'em in the head. They go down quicker. 279 00:21:02,070 --> 00:21:04,664 I guess you should leave policework to the professionals, huh Cartman? 280 00:21:04,870 --> 00:21:07,100 Well anyway, I'm relieving you of your duties. 281 00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:11,542 I've proved that I can read and now I'm back on the job! 282 00:21:12,590 --> 00:21:14,262 Hey! So what are you gonna do now? 283 00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:18,540 Now? Well, I uh... 284 00:21:18,670 --> 00:21:22,707 ...I think I'll get in the bathtub and then curl up with a good book. 285 00:21:47,150 --> 00:21:51,268 In today's news, South Park has a parade to honor Officer Barbrady... 286 00:21:51,390 --> 00:21:54,223 ...and his heroic work on the chicken fucking case. 287 00:21:57,750 --> 00:22:00,059 Thank you everybody. Thank you! 288 00:22:00,190 --> 00:22:01,942 Speech! Speech! 289 00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:04,290 - What? - They want you to give a speech, Officer Barbrady. 290 00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:06,191 About the whole experiece over the last couple of days. 291 00:22:06,230 --> 00:22:10,223 Oh ok. Well first of all I'd like to thank the town of South Park, 292 00:22:10,590 --> 00:22:14,219 the town that borne me, and eventually will rob me of my life precious. 293 00:22:15,350 --> 00:22:19,565 Second, I'd like to say to all those out there who think they can screw chickens 294 00:22:19,566 --> 00:22:20,766 just to teach people to read: 295 00:22:20,830 --> 00:22:23,105 Your days are numbered!! 296 00:22:24,230 --> 00:22:29,748 And finally, I'd like to say that reading totally sucks ass! 297 00:22:30,710 --> 00:22:35,830 Yes at first I was happy to be learning how to read, it seemed exciting and magical. 298 00:22:35,950 --> 00:22:39,704 But then I read this. Atlas Shrugged by Ann Ryand. 299 00:22:39,830 --> 00:22:42,517 I read every last word of this garbage 300 00:22:42,518 --> 00:22:45,618 and because of this piece of shit, I'm never reading again! 301 00:22:45,750 --> 00:22:47,229 Hooray for Barbrady! 302 00:22:48,430 --> 00:22:50,718 - Wow, I guess reading really does suck ass. 303 00:22:50,719 --> 00:22:52,919 Hey, that's what I've been saying all along you guys. 304 00:22:53,110 --> 00:22:55,988 I'm just glad everything turned out OK. And Barbrady got his job back. 305 00:22:56,110 --> 00:22:58,544 - It's poetic justice. - Thanks boys!