1 00:00:04,766 --> 00:00:08,359 sync and corrections by dreaMaker7 www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:34,524 --> 00:00:38,276 Hey, guys, thanks. Support your team? Thank you. 3 00:00:38,356 --> 00:00:41,824 Hey, guys, did you get one of these? Hope you can make it. 4 00:00:41,826 --> 00:00:45,126 - What's this? - The girls volleyball team has a big game tonight, and we're 5 00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:48,397 - just asking for people to come cheer us on. - Girls volleyball? 6 00:00:48,399 --> 00:00:52,601 [ Stifled laughter ] Uh, sorry. We're actually busy. 7 00:00:52,603 --> 00:00:55,804 - What's wrong with supporting girls athletics? - Dude, girls should totally be 8 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,706 allowed to play sports. You just can't expect people to want to watch. 9 00:00:58,708 --> 00:01:02,677 - Okay? All right. - You know, we're actually in the playoffs, and all we keep 10 00:01:02,679 --> 00:01:07,281 - hearing is, "We're too busy." - But we actually are busy. Tonight's the big fight. 11 00:01:07,283 --> 00:01:11,118 - What fight? - Dude, Kenny is fighting Slaughterhouse tonight. 12 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,555 I mean, no offense, but we're not gonna miss the fight for... girls volleyball. 13 00:01:14,557 --> 00:01:18,815 [ Laughter ] Yeah, so, sorry you're not getting any spectators, but 14 00:01:18,849 --> 00:01:21,271 there's hard-core dude shit to watch. 15 00:01:30,543 --> 00:01:34,678 All right, I'm going to play a fifth mana card. And then I'm going to attack 16 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,013 with my elderbeast. Hold on. Wait. 17 00:01:37,744 --> 00:01:39,080 Hold on. 18 00:01:41,442 --> 00:01:43,157 Can Kenny block his elderbeast? 19 00:01:43,183 --> 00:01:45,006 Not with his shapeshifter. It's already tapped. 20 00:01:45,026 --> 00:01:47,460 - This asshole needs to make a move already. - Quiet in the peanut gallery, 21 00:01:47,462 --> 00:01:52,231 - please.- I am attacking, but with a newly summoned spark ghast who 22 00:01:52,239 --> 00:01:53,839 has trample. Four damage to your planeswalker. 23 00:01:53,865 --> 00:01:57,166 - Ohh! - Oh, no! Kenny! 24 00:01:57,192 --> 00:01:59,505 But he's dying! 25 00:02:01,349 --> 00:02:03,551 - What's that? - He's playing an enchantment. 26 00:02:03,553 --> 00:02:06,521 - This late? - He's just stacked his 27 00:02:06,547 --> 00:02:10,648 - shapeshifter with an elven blade! - I can block that with uprooted minotaur! 28 00:02:10,650 --> 00:02:14,819 - Ohh! - Serendib sorcerer unblocked. Winner... Mckormick! 29 00:02:14,821 --> 00:02:18,625 - Yeah! - No! 30 00:02:19,267 --> 00:02:21,428 Dude, it was complete brutality. 31 00:02:21,454 --> 00:02:23,061 You never seen anything so ruthless. 32 00:02:23,063 --> 00:02:26,865 - It was seriously almost hard to watch. - At one point, Kenny actually 33 00:02:26,867 --> 00:02:29,467 polymorphed the dude into a blue frog with an instant attack card. 34 00:02:29,469 --> 00:02:32,737 - It was carnage, bro. - Wendy, did you hear about last night? 35 00:02:32,739 --> 00:02:35,239 Yeah, I heard the girls volleyball team won by like 20 points. 36 00:02:35,241 --> 00:02:38,642 - Not that. Did you actually go to that? - Yeah. You should show your 37 00:02:38,644 --> 00:02:42,913 - support, too, sometime. [ Scoffs ] Whatever. - Dude, I don't think you 38 00:02:42,915 --> 00:02:46,717 people are appreciating this. It was such "Pwnage," it was almost repulsive. 39 00:02:46,719 --> 00:02:51,989 Hey! Psst! Come over here. You guys like hardcore stuff, huh? 40 00:02:53,166 --> 00:02:56,394 Yeah, we like hardcore stuff. We're [Bleep] dudes, bro. 41 00:02:56,396 --> 00:03:00,330 Yeah, well, you boys want to get in on some real action? If you like excitement. 42 00:03:00,332 --> 00:03:04,672 I'm not talking that little boy stuff. I'm talking real man shit. 43 00:03:04,897 --> 00:03:08,302 - We're men. - Well, then, if you want to see real fights with real 44 00:03:08,328 --> 00:03:13,427 brutality, go here. This is the underground stuff, so keep it quiet. 45 00:03:13,453 --> 00:03:18,723 - And you might want to pack a barf bag. - Cool. 46 00:03:18,725 --> 00:03:25,028 Should be the next one... 2778 mala vista drive. Wait. This is City Wok. 47 00:03:25,054 --> 00:03:27,721 What's exciting and hard-core about city shrimp? 48 00:03:28,652 --> 00:03:31,222 It doesn't even look like they're open. 49 00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:33,312 [ Door banging ] [ Knock on door ] 50 00:03:33,553 --> 00:03:36,345 We crose! We crose for the night! Go away, prease! 51 00:03:36,371 --> 00:03:39,605 - Uh, Mitchell the janitor sent us. - You porice? 52 00:03:39,639 --> 00:03:43,121 - Dude, do we look like police? - Okay, come on. Come on. 53 00:03:43,147 --> 00:03:45,513 Five dara. Five dara each! Come on! Five dara! 54 00:03:45,539 --> 00:03:47,768 Five dara?! 55 00:03:50,340 --> 00:03:52,223 You go down. Go down, find seat. 56 00:03:52,249 --> 00:03:56,084 We in the sixth fight. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! [ Indistinct shouting ] 57 00:04:12,015 --> 00:04:15,776 Scrambles plays a black swamp mana card. 58 00:04:15,802 --> 00:04:19,165 Fluffy counters with a mana card of his own. 59 00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,915 And he plays a fugitive wizard! 60 00:04:21,941 --> 00:04:25,976 [ Crowd oohs ] More mana from scrambles. And, yes, that is crippling 61 00:04:25,978 --> 00:04:29,046 blight! Crippling blight to the fugitive wizard! 62 00:04:29,048 --> 00:04:32,182 Creature now has minus one to strength and defense! More mana from Fluffy. 63 00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:35,252 Now he'll attack with fugitive wizard. And there's an instant attack 64 00:04:35,254 --> 00:04:39,123 from Scrambles! Fugitive wizard is literally 65 00:04:39,125 --> 00:04:42,192 - torn apart from the battleground! - Whoa! 66 00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:45,962 The mana is flying now, as both roosters play sorcery spells! 67 00:04:45,964 --> 00:04:50,717 - It's mass calcify against into the void! - Dude, that was total carnage. 68 00:04:50,743 --> 00:04:54,404 That was freaking hardcore. - Can you believe that rooster played a kalonian twingrove with 69 00:04:54,430 --> 00:04:56,999 - half his mana tapped? - It was just decimation. 70 00:04:57,025 --> 00:04:59,541 It was really about the most man thing I think we've ever been a part of. 71 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:00,816 We're going again on Friday, right? 72 00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:04,077 - Hell, yeah! - What's the matter, Kenny? 73 00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:09,439 - Mrph rmhmhm. Rmh rmphm... rm. - What's mean about it? 74 00:05:09,441 --> 00:05:12,675 - Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmh rmphm. - You feel bad for the roosters? 75 00:05:14,735 --> 00:05:18,414 Look, who's to say the Roosters don't want to play? I mean, they were going at it 76 00:05:18,416 --> 00:05:21,346 - pretty hard. - Yeah. Maybe that's just kind of what they do naturally. 77 00:05:21,372 --> 00:05:25,555 Guys, I think maybe Kenny's a little hurt because he was the big magic champion and now 78 00:05:25,557 --> 00:05:27,457 chickens are stealing his thunder. 79 00:05:27,483 --> 00:05:30,050 - Huh? A little bit? - Dude, you know what we should do? 80 00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:31,971 We should all go in on a Rooster. 81 00:05:31,997 --> 00:05:35,898 Dude, totally. With Kenny's magic skills, we could probably kick serious ass! 82 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,501 What do you think, Kenny? Would that make you feel better, huh? 83 00:05:38,503 --> 00:05:41,921 Come on. Where's that smile? Where's that smile, Kenny? 84 00:05:41,947 --> 00:05:43,945 I think he's smiling, you guys. 85 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,836 Hello, Mr. Mckormick. 86 00:05:48,079 --> 00:05:50,437 - Surprised to see us? - What do you mean? 87 00:05:50,463 --> 00:05:52,086 Let's cut the crap, huh? 88 00:05:52,112 --> 00:05:54,639 We know there's an illegal cock magic ring going on in town. 89 00:05:54,665 --> 00:05:56,735 We just want to know who's leading it. 90 00:05:56,761 --> 00:05:59,224 - What's cock magic? - Right. 91 00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:02,450 Roosters are being forced against their will to play "magic: The gathering," 92 00:06:02,476 --> 00:06:04,747 and you know nothing about it because you're white. 93 00:06:04,773 --> 00:06:06,640 Let's get something straight. 94 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:10,961 Cock magic isn't an Asian thing or a Mexican thing. White people do it, too, if 95 00:06:10,987 --> 00:06:14,656 they're poor enough. You got a junked car in your front yard, Mr. Mckormick. 96 00:06:14,682 --> 00:06:17,083 Care to tell us where the cock-magic fights are being held? 97 00:06:17,124 --> 00:06:22,093 - I don't go to any cock-magic fights. - Do you have sympathy at all 98 00:06:22,119 --> 00:06:26,857 for the animals, Mr. Mckormick? Can you imagine being kept in a small cage, barely able to turn 99 00:06:26,883 --> 00:06:31,351 around, and then finally let out, only to be blasted by arctic ice spells and by 100 00:06:31,353 --> 00:06:37,425 legendary creature cards? It's illegal, and it's wrong. And anyone I find involved with 101 00:06:37,427 --> 00:06:39,138 this filth is going down! 102 00:06:39,217 --> 00:06:41,571 Now, I don't want to lecture anybody, but what you boys are 103 00:06:41,573 --> 00:06:45,069 - getting involved in is dangerous. - Dad, it's not that big a deal. 104 00:06:45,147 --> 00:06:48,769 It is a big deal, okay? People can get hurt. 105 00:06:48,771 --> 00:06:51,105 Believe it or not, I was into cock magic back in college. 106 00:06:51,131 --> 00:06:52,223 You were? 107 00:06:52,249 --> 00:06:54,739 Yeah. So I'm not some fuddy-duddy who doesn't get it. 108 00:06:54,765 --> 00:06:56,125 I just want to make sure, if you 109 00:06:56,151 --> 00:06:59,535 boys do it, you do it right and safely. [ Thunk! ] 110 00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:15,002 Dad, that's not... hat's not cock magic. 111 00:07:15,028 --> 00:07:20,205 Oh? Not impressed? How about this? [ Doorbell buzzing ] 112 00:07:25,372 --> 00:07:28,240 - What is it? - Hello? We're looking to buy a rooster 113 00:07:28,266 --> 00:07:31,770 - that can play "Magic: The gathering." - Never heard of cock magic or 114 00:07:31,796 --> 00:07:35,165 - roosters! - Uh, we aren't cops or anything. 115 00:07:35,191 --> 00:07:39,708 Come on in the back. Don't mind the smell. 116 00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:42,806 We only deal in the highest quality poultry planeswalkers. 117 00:07:42,832 --> 00:07:45,837 Are you looking for a new Hampshire or a cornish breed? 118 00:07:45,863 --> 00:07:47,749 We don't... really know the difference. 119 00:07:47,751 --> 00:07:51,352 Well, your New Hampshire broiler chickens are the best for white mana. 120 00:07:51,354 --> 00:07:55,824 These here have been raised to play mostly protection spells and do well with sorcery cards. 121 00:07:55,826 --> 00:07:59,760 And here you got your green mana necromancers... lots of earthy growth and hindering 122 00:07:59,762 --> 00:08:03,164 incantations that are good against blue-or black-stacked decks. 123 00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:05,290 You think they're happy? 124 00:08:05,642 --> 00:08:08,746 - Do I think they're happy? - Yeah. Like, you think they 125 00:08:08,772 --> 00:08:11,235 mind being made to play "Magic: The gathering"? 126 00:08:12,512 --> 00:08:14,154 They're [Bleep] chickens. 127 00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:17,514 Well, our friend here has some animal-rights concerns. 128 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,445 You have any free-range chickens? 129 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:22,914 Free-range chickens are primarily control-deck players 130 00:08:22,940 --> 00:08:25,698 that slow the game down with board-control cards. 131 00:08:25,724 --> 00:08:28,033 Oh, screw the free-range chickens, huh, Kenny? 132 00:08:28,195 --> 00:08:30,135 Hey, how about this little guy? 133 00:08:31,632 --> 00:08:35,556 That one's kind of young. I don't even know what kind of cards he prefers. 134 00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:38,616 - Then he's perfect for us. - What should we name him, Kenny? 135 00:08:38,642 --> 00:08:43,079 - I know. How about McNuggets? - Hey, McNuggets. 136 00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:46,772 - You want to come play for us? - [ Deep voice ] "Yes, I do, you guys." 137 00:08:46,798 --> 00:08:50,965 Oh, wow. Did you hear him, Kenny? 138 00:08:50,991 --> 00:08:52,851 Mom, will you tell dad to get 139 00:08:52,877 --> 00:08:56,133 out of the bathroom? He's been in there for an hour! 140 00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:02,374 - Randy? - Hey! 141 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:06,621 Hoo! Ooh, thank you! [ Knock on door ] 142 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:10,549 - Randy, what are you doing?! - Oh! Nothing, Sharon! 143 00:09:10,575 --> 00:09:11,943 Just going to the bathroom, if 144 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:13,453 you don't mind. Hey! 145 00:09:13,773 --> 00:09:21,771 - Randy, why are there drums playing? - All right, Sharon. I'm practicing. 146 00:09:22,015 --> 00:09:24,444 Cock magic is making a comeback. 147 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:26,777 - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 148 00:09:26,803 --> 00:09:28,954 Sharon, I don't know why or how, 149 00:09:28,980 --> 00:09:31,376 but people all over town are talking about it again. 150 00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:33,467 Now, you know that I was one of 151 00:09:33,493 --> 00:09:34,677 the best back in college. 152 00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,347 I know that's why you got kicked out of college. 153 00:09:37,373 --> 00:09:40,911 Because people didn't understand. People were afraid, Sharon. 154 00:09:40,937 --> 00:09:42,800 But now culture has caught up, 155 00:09:42,826 --> 00:09:45,933 and even our son is discovering what cock magic has to offer. 156 00:09:45,959 --> 00:09:49,093 - Stanley? - People are going to do it, Sharon, 157 00:09:49,119 --> 00:09:53,624 and it's up to the professionals to make sure it's handled the right way. Oh! 158 00:09:53,650 --> 00:09:55,883 Oh, my gosh! 159 00:10:01,371 --> 00:10:07,644 Reuben casts silklash spider. Silklash spider can block as if it had flying. 160 00:10:12,143 --> 00:10:14,896 And now he casts geistflame, 161 00:10:14,922 --> 00:10:17,927 dealing one damage to McNugget. 162 00:10:17,953 --> 00:10:20,505 - Come on, McNuggets! Fight! - You can do it, McNuggets! 163 00:10:20,635 --> 00:10:24,503 - Quiet, please. - Wait! 164 00:10:24,505 --> 00:10:27,866 [ Arguing stops ] McNuggets has cast punishing fire absorbing the geistflame 165 00:10:27,892 --> 00:10:32,553 and dealing two damage to the opponent! Game, set, and match, McNuggets! 166 00:10:32,579 --> 00:10:35,617 - Whoa! [ Indistinct shouting ] - All right! 167 00:10:36,129 --> 00:10:38,595 Did we pick the right rooster or what? 168 00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:41,782 That was goddamn manly. I mean, no offense to Kenny, but 169 00:10:41,819 --> 00:10:43,686 that shit made regular "Magic: The gathering" look like girls volleyball. 170 00:10:43,688 --> 00:10:47,973 Excuse me. That was pretty impressive down there. 171 00:10:47,999 --> 00:10:52,016 - You boys have a nice cock. - Thank you so very much. 172 00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:55,867 I've never seen a rooster throw down spells with such raw brutality. 173 00:10:55,893 --> 00:10:57,609 How would you like to move him up to the big time? 174 00:10:57,635 --> 00:10:59,224 You mean there's more to this? 175 00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:02,409 Oh, yes. And I'm not talking about the basement of some seedy Chinese 176 00:11:02,435 --> 00:11:05,670 restaurant. I'm talking about the basement of a well-established Chinese 177 00:11:05,672 --> 00:11:09,507 franchise. Saturday night. Here's the address. 178 00:11:09,509 --> 00:11:11,792 Let's see what kind of money your cock can really make. 179 00:11:12,098 --> 00:11:13,809 Gee, thanks. 180 00:11:14,114 --> 00:11:18,850 You hear that, McNuggets? You're going to the big leagues. [ Children yelling ] 181 00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:22,419 Okay, kids. It's time for our birthday show. Everyone, let's be quiet now. 182 00:11:22,421 --> 00:11:25,156 - Come on. - Yay! A show, a show! 183 00:11:25,212 --> 00:11:27,134 Do you kids like magic? 184 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:32,024 - Yeah! Yay! Yeah! - Okay, well, let's all give a cheer for the amazingly Randy! 185 00:11:32,050 --> 00:11:39,623 Hey, kids, are we having fun? Oh, where'd my hat go? Anyone seen my hat? 186 00:11:40,072 --> 00:11:43,114 Okay. The magician started. Let's get the cake ready. 187 00:11:43,185 --> 00:11:44,884 Now, some of you might think 188 00:11:44,910 --> 00:11:51,882 that this is a little crazy. But if you believe in magic... You'll find that... ow! 189 00:11:51,884 --> 00:11:56,519 [ Children screaming ] Ow! Oh, God! Can somebody help?! Please! 190 00:11:56,521 --> 00:11:59,922 [ Chuckles ] They're getting a kick out of the magician, huh? [ Screaming continues ] 191 00:11:59,924 --> 00:12:04,394 Won't somebody help me out?! Get someone! You! Little girl! Can you please just... just 192 00:12:04,396 --> 00:12:10,567 check behind your ear? [ Girl screams ] Oh, it was behind her ear. 193 00:12:10,569 --> 00:12:15,003 [ Children crying ] And there we go. We're all better, and I am the 194 00:12:15,029 --> 00:12:17,605 amazingly Randy. Thank you. [ Children booing ] 195 00:12:17,631 --> 00:12:18,698 I hate you! 196 00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:23,993 Dude, it was so badass. Our guy slaughtered every other 197 00:12:24,019 --> 00:12:26,803 fighter there, and now he's moving up to the real hard-core shit. 198 00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:29,151 It was seriously about the greatest night of our lives. 199 00:12:29,177 --> 00:12:30,534 Where was all this? 200 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:33,094 We can't tell you, bro. It's, like, hard-core, underground shit. 201 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,434 - Yeah. You got to know people. - Dang it. I wish I knew people. 202 00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:39,560 All right, kids. Before we get started, the coach of the girls' volleyball team is 203 00:12:39,586 --> 00:12:41,761 here and would like to say a few words. 204 00:12:41,787 --> 00:12:43,410 Thank you, Mr. Garrison. 205 00:12:43,436 --> 00:12:46,830 Listen, uh... last night, we had a pretty big game against Evergreen. 206 00:12:46,856 --> 00:12:49,371 The girls really hammered them, but once again, we're, uh, 207 00:12:49,397 --> 00:12:51,200 a little disappointed in the turnout. 208 00:12:51,316 --> 00:12:53,566 Oh, Jesus. Give it a rest already. 209 00:12:53,592 --> 00:12:54,948 [ Chuckles ] Yeah. 210 00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:57,244 You know, when you put your all into something, it's kind of 211 00:12:57,270 --> 00:13:00,480 a bummer when people don't seem to care. Kind of makes you feel like the 212 00:13:00,506 --> 00:13:02,230 sport you love is becoming a joke. 213 00:13:02,356 --> 00:13:04,917 Dude, girls' volleyball isn't a joke. Jokes are hard and require skill. 214 00:13:04,943 --> 00:13:09,694 - Oh! [ Laughs ] [ Chuckling ] - Fantastic girls' volleyball joke, Stan. 215 00:13:10,009 --> 00:13:12,319 The girls wanted to say something, 216 00:13:12,345 --> 00:13:14,912 so we're now gonna hear a few words from the captain of the girls' 217 00:13:14,938 --> 00:13:17,136 volleyball team. 218 00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,916 Hey, guys. These games coming up are really 219 00:13:19,942 --> 00:13:23,255 big, and it would mean a lot to us if you could try and make it. Thanks. 220 00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:32,914 Dude, Wendy plays volleyball. Did you know that? I don't think you knew that. 221 00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:35,620 [ Police radio chatter ] 222 00:13:35,753 --> 00:13:38,646 And then he, uh, took his penis from behind our daughter's 223 00:13:38,672 --> 00:13:44,678 ear and, uh, we, uh... that's when we saw him with, uh, the three rings and his penis. 224 00:13:44,704 --> 00:13:48,160 - He was pulling it through them somehow. - Uh-huh. 225 00:13:48,186 --> 00:13:50,518 And what about the cock magic. Where was that? 226 00:13:51,127 --> 00:13:53,072 That's what I'm telling you. 227 00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:55,965 It was right here. Except... except for the thing where he poured the milk into 228 00:13:55,991 --> 00:13:58,425 - his penis. He did that over there. - All right. All right. 229 00:13:58,451 --> 00:14:01,051 Let's try and focus. What kind of decks were they using? 230 00:14:01,077 --> 00:14:05,095 - Decks? - Who? There... there weren't any decks. 231 00:14:05,121 --> 00:14:10,163 Oh. I get it now. Do you know what the penalty is for calling in a false 232 00:14:10,189 --> 00:14:13,486 - cock-magic report? - [ Crying ] I'm so confused, babe. 233 00:14:13,512 --> 00:14:16,413 Who paid you to call us and take our focus away from the investigation? 234 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:19,000 - What color were they? - Nobody paid us anything! 235 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,369 Now, there has been a crime 236 00:14:20,395 --> 00:14:23,296 - here, and you better do something about it! - Agreed. 237 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,765 Who first called 911? 238 00:14:26,062 --> 00:14:28,953 [ Crying ] Please! Don't take me away from my child! 239 00:14:28,979 --> 00:14:30,787 [ Crying ] Mommy! 240 00:14:32,381 --> 00:14:36,086 This is it. 1421 Plaza De Estereotipo. 241 00:14:36,112 --> 00:14:40,183 Wow. Here we are, McNuggets. You've reached the big time. 242 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:49,261 Sorry. Panda express is crosed. We crosed. 243 00:14:49,287 --> 00:14:51,100 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're here for the cock magic. 244 00:14:51,210 --> 00:14:52,968 Oh, okay. Come on. Ten dora. 245 00:14:52,994 --> 00:14:55,464 - Ten dora. - Ten dora?! 246 00:14:58,373 --> 00:15:04,978 For the next round, it is Gadnuk, Breaker of worlds, versus Clucky. 247 00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:08,839 - Who is that? - That's Gadnuk, Breaker of worlds. 248 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:13,520 [ Gadnuk clucks ] He's never lost a fight. Hell, he's never even lost one health. 249 00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:22,410 What do you mean? Is he a red mage or a green mage? 250 00:15:22,436 --> 00:15:25,080 Dude, he's, like, a beast. He's got more legendary creature 251 00:15:25,106 --> 00:15:26,305 cards than I've ever seen. 252 00:15:26,331 --> 00:15:28,477 McNuggets is scared! He doesn't want to play! 253 00:15:28,503 --> 00:15:32,405 McNuggets is scared, dude. Can you stack his deck with more mana? 254 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:35,504 Can you stack McNuggets' deck with more mana?! 255 00:15:35,621 --> 00:15:37,215 He didn't stand a chance. 256 00:15:37,241 --> 00:15:40,990 Not one spell cast before he was obliterated by health drains. 257 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,264 That thing isn't human! 258 00:15:44,812 --> 00:15:46,703 [ Gadnuk clucks ] 259 00:15:47,173 --> 00:15:49,766 All right. Your rooster's up next, boys. 260 00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:53,027 - I don't think he wants to play, dude. - He doesn't have a choice. 261 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:56,419 But this isn't even a fight. This is just... a slaughter. 262 00:15:56,445 --> 00:15:58,111 What do you think all these 263 00:15:58,137 --> 00:15:59,726 people are here to see? 264 00:15:59,752 --> 00:16:02,516 Holy shit, dude! Dude, we forfeit! We forfeit! 265 00:16:02,542 --> 00:16:06,544 The hell you do! Get your cock in there. 266 00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:13,299 You're watching ESPN illegal, your source for bull fighting, dog fighting, and cock magic. 267 00:16:13,504 --> 00:16:16,972 [ British accent ] And a warm welcome back to the cock magic championships. 268 00:16:16,974 --> 00:16:20,207 Certainly an electric atmosphere here in the basement of panda express. 269 00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:24,036 The fight we were expecting, of course... Gadnuk, breaker of worlds, versus 10-month-old 270 00:16:24,982 --> 00:16:30,251 cornish rooster McNuggets. In a complete shocker, the challenger, McNuggets, has been 271 00:16:30,253 --> 00:16:33,854 scratched, and substituting for him is 9-year-old Kenny Mccormick. 272 00:16:33,856 --> 00:16:40,093 Never a dull moment in the illegal sport of cock magic. Let's rejoin the battle now as 273 00:16:40,095 --> 00:16:42,374 we wait for gadnuk's six move. 274 00:16:48,801 --> 00:16:51,262 Gadnuk, Breaker of worlds, plays a creature card. 275 00:16:51,807 --> 00:16:54,842 Jesus, paragon of fierce defiance. Now every red creature gadnuk 276 00:16:54,844 --> 00:16:58,020 plays will have a plus-one attack. [ Crowd oohs ] 277 00:16:58,781 --> 00:17:01,387 Come on, Kenny. 278 00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:09,191 What did he play? 279 00:17:09,217 --> 00:17:12,413 - Did he tap all his mana? - Dude, he just cast psychogenic probe. 280 00:17:12,439 --> 00:17:15,279 Now every time the other rooster has to shuffle his deck, he loses two health. 281 00:17:15,305 --> 00:17:18,233 - He just had to shuffle it. - Did you hear that? He's shuffling the deck already. 282 00:17:18,259 --> 00:17:20,569 The only thing he's got on the battleground now is an overseer. 283 00:17:20,632 --> 00:17:22,473 Does an overseer have trample? 284 00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:27,100 - Does an overseer have trample?! - A second elvish mystic now, 285 00:17:27,102 --> 00:17:31,370 and Gadnuk attacks with merciful pretender. McCormick sends charging rhino 286 00:17:31,372 --> 00:17:35,808 to the graveyard. He's desperate now. Not too much he can... oh! And 287 00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:38,578 he's just laid down life's legacy! [ Crowd oohs] 288 00:17:38,580 --> 00:17:42,615 That was not expected! Gadnuk doesn't know what hit him! 289 00:17:42,617 --> 00:17:47,900 - Mccormick follows with crackling doom and abzan battle priest! - Holy shit, dude! 290 00:17:47,951 --> 00:17:52,254 Gadnuk tries to block with living totem, but... oh! There is terra stomper! This is 291 00:17:52,256 --> 00:17:57,057 absolute savagery! Frenzied goblin has been sent to the graveyard, and now there is 292 00:17:57,059 --> 00:18:00,327 no one to block pearl lake ancient! My God! Someone has to put a 293 00:18:00,353 --> 00:18:04,368 - stop to this! [ Gadnuk clucks ] - Freeze! 294 00:18:08,805 --> 00:18:13,474 Well, well. Looks like I finally caught the big boys. 295 00:18:13,452 --> 00:18:18,266 You're all going to jail for a long time, especially you, scum bag! 296 00:18:18,292 --> 00:18:22,410 - Lousy cops. How did you find us? - We saw your flyers. 297 00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:27,833 - "Panda express. Cock magic at 11:00 P.M." - We didn't put those flyers out. 298 00:18:28,372 --> 00:18:32,125 And now, for your half-time entertainment, please welcome 299 00:18:32,127 --> 00:18:36,336 the incomparable, the beautiful, the amazingly Randy. 300 00:18:38,887 --> 00:18:40,798 Uh, dude, your dad's here. 301 00:18:40,824 --> 00:18:44,270 [ Music stops ] Thank you. Hey. You know, we live in a world of 302 00:18:44,272 --> 00:18:49,442 brutality and violence. And some people think there's no room for wonder anymore. 303 00:18:49,444 --> 00:18:54,416 Well, just for a moment, I want you to think one thing... Whatever you believe is real, is 304 00:18:54,442 --> 00:18:55,854 real. 305 00:19:21,315 --> 00:19:26,353 ♪ I'm a Barbie girl in a ♪ ♪ Barbie world life in plastic ♪ 306 00:19:26,379 --> 00:19:31,115 ♪ it's fantastic ♪ ♪ come on, Barbie let's go party ♪ 307 00:19:31,117 --> 00:19:34,352 ♪ ah, ah, ah, yeah ♪ ♪ come on, Barbie let's go party ♪ 308 00:19:34,354 --> 00:19:37,589 ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ooh ♪ [ Clapping ] 309 00:19:37,591 --> 00:19:39,524 ♪ Come on, Barbie let's go party ah, ♪ ♪ ah, ah, yeah ♪ 310 00:19:51,731 --> 00:19:54,747 All right. For this last bit, I'm gonna need a volunteer. Anybody? 311 00:19:55,831 --> 00:19:58,566 - I'll volunteer. - All right. Come on up here. 312 00:19:58,592 --> 00:20:02,526 - What's your name? - I'm detective Harris, South Park police. 313 00:20:02,528 --> 00:20:06,330 All right. A hand for detective Harris. 314 00:20:06,332 --> 00:20:09,577 You know, if there's one thing I could leave you all with, it's this. 315 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:14,005 Let cock magic be done by the professionals. Sir? 316 00:20:14,007 --> 00:20:22,007 [ Drum roll ] [ Hissing ] [ Gun cocks ] 317 00:20:38,163 --> 00:20:41,779 [ Shatters ] [ Rim shot ] [ Applause ] 318 00:20:44,321 --> 00:20:46,586 It was so hard-core, you guys. 319 00:20:46,693 --> 00:20:50,390 Kenny laid waste to Gadnuk, Breaker of worlds. It got so out of hand that the 320 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,743 - [bleep] cops had to come and break it up. - Wow! The cops came? 321 00:20:53,769 --> 00:20:56,786 Yeah. It was seriously the most manly thing that's ever happened. 322 00:20:56,812 --> 00:21:00,065 Kenny glacial crasher, and then Stan's dad shot his dick off. 323 00:21:00,114 --> 00:21:03,758 I just... I seriously don't know where we go from here. You all right, Kenny? 324 00:21:05,623 --> 00:21:07,637 Hey, yeah. What about poor McNuggets? 325 00:21:07,663 --> 00:21:10,960 - What's he gonna do now? - Wait a minute. I've got it, you guys. 326 00:21:10,986 --> 00:21:14,276 - Got what? - A way to finally do something good for other people. 327 00:21:22,007 --> 00:21:26,643 South Park serves, and McNuggets plays a plains land card. 328 00:21:26,669 --> 00:21:30,617 1-0, South Park. [ Scattered applause ] 329 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,414 Another serve. 330 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,862 And McNuggets summons dawntreader Elk. One South park player is 331 00:21:37,888 --> 00:21:45,888 eliminated. You, the girl with the ponytails... you are dead.