1
00:00:14,227 --> 00:00:17,697
I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a time
2
00:00:17,787 --> 00:00:20,665
Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptation
3
00:00:20,747 --> 00:00:24,023
Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behind
4
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:27,417
Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"
5
00:00:27,507 --> 00:00:30,544
Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwind
6
00:00:30,867 --> 00:00:33,017
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, Timmy
7
00:00:33,107 --> 00:00:34,142
Living a lie, Timmy!
8
00:00:34,227 --> 00:00:37,105
Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mine
9
00:00:40,747 --> 00:00:42,100
O great wizard of Gregendath!
10
00:00:42,187 --> 00:00:44,462
What quest do you ask
of this ranger and paladin?
11
00:00:44,547 --> 00:00:46,378
Only one thing can save our kingdom.
12
00:00:46,467 --> 00:00:48,219
You must bring me
a piece of pecan pie
13
00:00:48,307 --> 00:00:50,218
with toffee ice cream and Magic Shell.
Hurry now!
14
00:00:50,307 --> 00:00:52,059
That quest sucks, Cartman!
Think of another one!
15
00:00:52,147 --> 00:00:55,457
Boys, Butters' parents want to borrow
The Lord of The Rings video we rented.
16
00:00:55,547 --> 00:00:59,745
- Could you take it over to them?
- You're sending us on a quest?
17
00:00:59,947 --> 00:01:02,381
You ask of us to take The One Video
to the house of Butters?
18
00:01:02,467 --> 00:01:03,502
Yeah, whatever.
19
00:01:03,587 --> 00:01:05,782
It shall be a long journey,
with many dangers on the way.
20
00:01:05,867 --> 00:01:06,936
But if the tape must be brought
21
00:01:07,027 --> 00:01:08,460
to the house of Butters,
who else can do it?
22
00:01:08,547 --> 00:01:10,777
Very well! We shall embark
on this quest immediately, Father!
23
00:01:10,867 --> 00:01:12,346
- Come, warriors! Ho!
- Ho!
24
00:01:14,587 --> 00:01:16,259
That gets rid of them.
25
00:01:16,347 --> 00:01:17,985
Oh, you're a little frisky, aren't you?
26
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:20,661
Yeah, well, The Lord of the Rings
wasn't the only thing
27
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:23,659
I rented from the video store.
I also rented
28
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a porno.
29
00:01:25,547 --> 00:01:27,458
Oh, you little devil!
30
00:01:27,547 --> 00:01:28,866
You wanna go watch?
31
00:01:30,027 --> 00:01:31,460
How shall we journey
to the house of Butters?
32
00:01:31,547 --> 00:01:33,856
Through the mines of Vandor
or over the mountains of Gralch?
33
00:01:33,947 --> 00:01:36,097
Look out! Here comes the
great dragon of Perengraf!
34
00:01:36,187 --> 00:01:37,939
Don't worry!
I'm the great wizard Molotarch.
35
00:01:38,027 --> 00:01:39,665
I can shield us from the dragon's fire!
36
00:01:41,587 --> 00:01:42,815
Good job, wizard!
37
00:01:42,907 --> 00:01:44,545
And so, the party journeyed onward!
38
00:01:44,627 --> 00:01:47,266
The great wizard, the skilful ranger,
and the covetous Jew.
39
00:01:47,387 --> 00:01:48,900
I'm a paladin, Cartman!
40
00:01:49,187 --> 00:01:50,540
Jews can't be paladins.
41
00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:54,339
Hey, there, cowboy.
42
00:01:54,427 --> 00:01:57,783
- You ready for some hot, steamy fun?
- You bet I am.
43
00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,427
The guys at the office told me
I had to rent this porno.
44
00:02:00,507 --> 00:02:04,625
They said this is, without a doubt,
the hottest porno ever made.
45
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:07,904
- Sounds good.
- I love that lingerie.
46
00:02:09,507 --> 00:02:11,179
Yeah. You like that?
47
00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:12,746
Yeah, baby.
48
00:02:12,827 --> 00:02:14,101
Yeah.
49
00:02:14,187 --> 00:02:16,178
- All right, you ready?
- Ready.
50
00:02:16,347 --> 00:02:17,416
Oh, yeah.
51
00:02:19,147 --> 00:02:21,377
The story begins in ages past,
52
00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:23,344
in the deep regions of Middle-Earth,
53
00:02:23,427 --> 00:02:26,419
where Skorn first thrived
in the kingdom of Gelgala.
54
00:02:26,507 --> 00:02:29,101
Oh, man, I hate when pornos
try to have a story.
55
00:02:29,187 --> 00:02:32,179
Seven rings were cast
and given to the races of men...
56
00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:33,461
Yeah.
57
00:02:33,547 --> 00:02:35,424
...seven to the races of elves,
58
00:02:35,507 --> 00:02:38,340
five to the gloondock villagers
of Gelgendor.
59
00:02:38,427 --> 00:02:41,385
Wow! The production values
are really good in this porno.
60
00:02:41,467 --> 00:02:42,980
Yeah, it almost looks like...
61
00:02:43,707 --> 00:02:46,585
The Lord of the... Oh, my God!
62
00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:50,820
This is Lord of The Rings!
63
00:02:51,147 --> 00:02:52,466
But then does that mean...
64
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:55,061
The boys have
the hottest porno ever made.
65
00:02:58,507 --> 00:02:59,656
Oh, hello, boys.
66
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,659
My father has asked that we bring you
this copy of Lord Of The Rings.
67
00:03:02,867 --> 00:03:04,823
Well, thank you very much, kind heroes.
68
00:03:05,147 --> 00:03:07,866
Perhaps a reward is in order?
Gold? Frankensteincense?
69
00:03:07,947 --> 00:03:11,019
Oh, but you are noble heroes!
We know our thanks is enough!
70
00:03:12,827 --> 00:03:14,021
Man, that's crap.
71
00:03:15,347 --> 00:03:17,622
Butters! Look what we have
for you to watch!
72
00:03:17,707 --> 00:03:18,901
The Lord of the Rings!
73
00:03:18,987 --> 00:03:21,376
Oh, boy! Finally I get to see it!
74
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:23,059
Now, Daddy and I have to do our taxes,
75
00:03:23,147 --> 00:03:25,342
so can you watch this
by yourself and not get scared?
76
00:03:25,427 --> 00:03:29,545
- I won't get scared, Mom! Promise!
- That's our man! Here you go!
77
00:03:33,987 --> 00:03:36,626
I finally get to see Lord of the Rings!
78
00:03:39,747 --> 00:03:41,066
Spank that ass.
79
00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:43,221
Whoa!
80
00:03:45,907 --> 00:03:47,056
Neato!
81
00:03:48,587 --> 00:03:49,940
This is good!
82
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:53,181
Oh, my God!
This is gonna be so embarrassing!
83
00:03:53,307 --> 00:03:54,456
Hi, Chris! Hi, Linda!
84
00:03:54,547 --> 00:03:56,503
We were just wondering
if we could get our porno back!
85
00:03:56,587 --> 00:03:59,306
Calm down.
Maybe the boys haven't gotten there yet.
86
00:03:59,387 --> 00:04:02,459
And so, the party returns home
after completing their great quest.
87
00:04:02,587 --> 00:04:05,465
The One Tape was returned and
South Park was again at peace.
88
00:04:07,187 --> 00:04:08,779
Quick! A monster of Rivendell!
89
00:04:08,867 --> 00:04:11,097
- Prepare for battle!
- The boys!
90
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,902
Boys! Boys! Where's the videotape?
91
00:04:15,147 --> 00:04:17,456
We gave it to the parents of Butters,
as commanded by you.
92
00:04:17,547 --> 00:04:19,981
I guess we have to go talk to them now.
93
00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:21,944
Well, wait a minute. Boys,
94
00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:25,622
do you think you can go get that tape
back for us really fast?
95
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,303
This sounds like
a really important quest.
96
00:04:29,387 --> 00:04:33,175
Yes, it is. This is more important than
anything I've ever asked you to do.
97
00:04:33,267 --> 00:04:35,906
You must retrieve the tape.
But do not look at it,
98
00:04:35,987 --> 00:04:37,943
for it holds an evil power.
99
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,746
Retrieve the tape and
return it to us at home.
100
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:43,456
Do this,
and you will be greatly rewarded.
101
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,381
- Wow!
- This is so cool.
102
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,662
Gentlemen, we are off!
103
00:04:49,907 --> 00:04:51,579
Okay. Problem solved.
104
00:05:00,507 --> 00:05:01,576
Oh, golly.
105
00:05:03,027 --> 00:05:04,585
Hey, what's happening down there?
106
00:05:06,227 --> 00:05:08,821
We have come to reclaim
the One Tape!
107
00:05:10,027 --> 00:05:13,303
- Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
- The queen and king of Stan's house
108
00:05:13,387 --> 00:05:15,298
wish the Lord of the Rings
returned to them.
109
00:05:15,387 --> 00:05:17,184
But it's the greatest movie
I've ever seen!
110
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:19,462
You guys were right!
Lord of the Rings is awesome!
111
00:05:19,547 --> 00:05:21,219
You have to let me finish watching it!
112
00:05:21,307 --> 00:05:25,220
Nay, Butters! The One Tape must be
brought back to Stan's house!
113
00:05:27,947 --> 00:05:28,982
Butters!
114
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,819
We said you can't watch it!
We have a quest!
115
00:05:30,907 --> 00:05:32,898
Well, then... Then let me go with you!
116
00:05:33,147 --> 00:05:35,422
Okay, fine, Butters,
but if you're gonna hang out with us,
117
00:05:35,507 --> 00:05:37,020
you have to play like Lord of the Rings.
118
00:05:37,107 --> 00:05:38,142
Oh, okay!
119
00:05:40,227 --> 00:05:41,296
Oh, oh, yeah.
120
00:05:41,387 --> 00:05:44,265
- Butters! What the hell are you doing?
- Playing Lord of the Rings!
121
00:05:46,027 --> 00:05:47,176
Get the hell off me!
122
00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:49,464
You're a freak, Butters!
You can't play with us!
123
00:05:49,547 --> 00:05:51,583
- Let me have the tape!
- No! We have to return it!
124
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:56,259
My movie. My awesome, cool movie.
125
00:05:57,187 --> 00:05:59,985
My precious...
126
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:04,824
And so, the tape was again retrieved,
to be brought back to Stan's house.
127
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,705
This copy of Lord of the Rings made
the young Butters behave quite oddly.
128
00:06:07,787 --> 00:06:09,823
Yeah, and mine parents were
acting strange about it, too.
129
00:06:09,907 --> 00:06:12,580
Perhaps the One Videotape
has some power we have not foreseen.
130
00:06:15,147 --> 00:06:16,500
Well, well, well!
131
00:06:16,587 --> 00:06:18,896
If it isn't Robin Hood and his Merry Men!
132
00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:20,136
Oh, crap, the sixth graders!
133
00:06:20,227 --> 00:06:22,138
- What you got there?
- Nothing.
134
00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:24,983
- Hey, kid!
- Lord of the Rings.
135
00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:26,546
That movie's gay.
136
00:06:26,627 --> 00:06:28,458
- You're gay!
- What the...
137
00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:31,820
Whoa! Check it out, you guys!
138
00:06:31,907 --> 00:06:33,056
Whoa!
139
00:06:33,147 --> 00:06:35,502
Give it back! We're on a quest
to return it to my parents!
140
00:06:35,587 --> 00:06:38,306
No way! We're keeping this
and watching it ourselves!
141
00:06:38,387 --> 00:06:39,422
You can't keep it!
142
00:06:39,507 --> 00:06:42,385
And what are three little fourth graders
gonna do it about it, huh?
143
00:06:42,587 --> 00:06:45,306
There's four of us! Kenny's soul is
still trapped in Cartman's body!
144
00:06:45,387 --> 00:06:48,265
- Yeah!
- Oh, man, I can't wait to see this.
145
00:06:48,547 --> 00:06:50,458
Dude, that video is
making people act strange!
146
00:06:50,547 --> 00:06:52,299
The One Tape must be returned!
147
00:06:52,947 --> 00:06:54,539
- Run!
- Get them!
148
00:07:00,747 --> 00:07:02,658
Oh, hello, Randy, Sharon.
149
00:07:02,747 --> 00:07:04,385
Chris, are the boys over here?
150
00:07:04,867 --> 00:07:06,141
No, just Butters.
151
00:07:06,227 --> 00:07:08,218
He's been watching
The Lord of the Rings downstairs.
152
00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:09,501
Oh, dear!
153
00:07:09,587 --> 00:07:11,179
- What's the matter?
- We...
154
00:07:11,547 --> 00:07:13,902
Well, this is really sort of funny, but...
155
00:07:13,987 --> 00:07:17,297
We accidentally put a porno
in the Lord of the Rings box.
156
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,466
Oh, God!
157
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,580
- Butters?
- Butters?
158
00:07:25,427 --> 00:07:27,895
- Butters?
- Precious...
159
00:07:28,187 --> 00:07:30,303
Did you bring back my precious?
160
00:07:30,547 --> 00:07:32,503
Butters, where is the movie
you were watching?
161
00:07:32,587 --> 00:07:34,225
They took his precious.
162
00:07:34,347 --> 00:07:36,019
Took it away to watch without him.
163
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:38,177
He was really enjoying that movie, too!
164
00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:39,700
My precious...
165
00:07:40,867 --> 00:07:42,903
The boys must have come
and saw what it was
166
00:07:42,987 --> 00:07:44,659
and then taken it away somewhere.
167
00:07:44,747 --> 00:07:45,896
Oh, no.
168
00:07:51,907 --> 00:07:54,580
We can't let those sixth graders
get their hands on this videotape.
169
00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:55,702
I must say, I agree.
170
00:07:55,787 --> 00:07:57,539
If this copy of
The Lord of the Rings is haunted,
171
00:07:57,627 --> 00:07:59,140
it would not be safe in the wrong hands.
172
00:07:59,227 --> 00:08:01,058
I smell fourth graders!
173
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,785
- Oh, crap, dude!
- Hide!
174
00:08:13,307 --> 00:08:15,980
Hey! I think I see something
down the hill!
175
00:08:19,187 --> 00:08:21,064
The One Videotape
is sought after, indeed.
176
00:08:21,147 --> 00:08:23,342
Yeah. Butters, my parents,
now the sixth graders.
177
00:08:23,427 --> 00:08:27,056
Come, guys. We must bring this all to
the attention of the High Elf of Faragon.
178
00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:28,899
Yeah, the High Elf!
He'll know what to do!
179
00:08:31,227 --> 00:08:32,819
And so, that's the situation.
180
00:08:32,907 --> 00:08:34,818
All the boys are
out there somewhere with a
181
00:08:35,227 --> 00:08:36,546
pornographic videotape.
182
00:08:36,627 --> 00:08:39,858
- Oh, God! This is horrible!
- All right, calm down.
183
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:42,626
Now just how bad of a porno tape
are we talking, here?
184
00:08:42,707 --> 00:08:45,699
I mean, was it like Crotch Capers 3?
185
00:08:45,787 --> 00:08:48,665
I'm afraid it was Backdoor Sluts 9.
186
00:08:48,747 --> 00:08:50,385
- Backdoor Sluts 9!
- Backdoor Sluts 9!
187
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:51,616
Is that bad?
188
00:08:51,707 --> 00:08:53,584
Backdoor Sluts 9 makes
Crotch Capers 3
189
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,339
look like Naughty Nurses 2!
190
00:08:55,427 --> 00:08:59,818
It is the single most vile, twisted,
dark piece of porn ever made.
191
00:08:59,947 --> 00:09:02,177
- How the hell do you know?
- I...
192
00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:03,825
I read about it in People.
193
00:09:03,907 --> 00:09:05,260
Oh, this is just great!
194
00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:07,542
- How could you two be so careless?
- We're sorry!
195
00:09:07,867 --> 00:09:10,904
Well, Sheila, we can't shelter our boys
forever from these things.
196
00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:13,143
Maybe it's okay for them
to see an adult film.
197
00:09:13,227 --> 00:09:15,695
Not without their parents to
put it in a proper context!
198
00:09:15,787 --> 00:09:17,186
They won't understand
what they're seeing!
199
00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:19,497
It can't hurt them that much, can it?
200
00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:22,939
Precious... Let me see my precious.
201
00:09:24,347 --> 00:09:26,144
Please!
202
00:09:31,307 --> 00:09:32,501
Open.
203
00:09:36,707 --> 00:09:37,776
What do you guys want?
204
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:39,744
We must speak with
the High Elf of Faragon!
205
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,019
Oh. Okay, hang on a second.
206
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,336
What troubles you?
207
00:09:48,747 --> 00:09:51,307
We have in our possession
something of great power.
208
00:09:51,707 --> 00:09:53,902
It is The Lord of the Rings.
209
00:09:54,587 --> 00:09:58,296
So? I have three copies and
the DVD with 12 hours of extra footage.
210
00:09:58,387 --> 00:10:00,981
Yes, but this is not a...
Wow? Twelve hours?
211
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:05,345
Yes, but this is not a normal copy.
It's making people act really strange.
212
00:10:05,427 --> 00:10:08,499
We're seriously, High Elf.
Something very evil lurks in this tape.
213
00:10:08,587 --> 00:10:10,498
Very well.
I shall call the council together.
214
00:10:10,627 --> 00:10:13,061
Meet me in the woods of gathering
behind Talangar the Black's house.
215
00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:15,183
And don't let my mom see you,
'cause I'll get in trouble.
216
00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:16,859
Thank you, High Elf of Paragon.
217
00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:18,665
Faragon! Asshole.
218
00:10:20,227 --> 00:10:21,580
Clyde's a dick.
219
00:10:23,547 --> 00:10:25,026
All right, everybody. Listen up!
220
00:10:25,147 --> 00:10:27,502
There's three snot-nosed
little fourth graders out there
221
00:10:27,587 --> 00:10:30,101
who have a porno called
Backdoor Sluts 9.
222
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,817
I checked it out on the Internet,
and it said
223
00:10:33,907 --> 00:10:38,185
that Backdoor Sluts 9 is
the most hardcore porno ever made.
224
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,497
I have amassed
this army of sixth graders
225
00:10:41,587 --> 00:10:43,578
to get the tape by any means necessary.
226
00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:45,976
Now, let's go get that porno!
227
00:10:51,227 --> 00:10:52,706
And so, that is the situation.
228
00:10:52,787 --> 00:10:54,903
The videotape
may or may not have evil powers.
229
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,659
Kyle, would you
bring it up here, please?
230
00:11:01,347 --> 00:11:04,783
That video could have been made
by Sauron's evil forces.
231
00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:06,937
It could hold
a mental spell of some kind.
232
00:11:07,027 --> 00:11:09,416
Perhaps we could use it
to strengthen our star cruisers!
233
00:11:13,227 --> 00:11:14,945
Kevin, God damn it.
234
00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:19,703
Look, until we see
this tape's power for ourselves,
235
00:11:19,787 --> 00:11:21,266
we cannot risk giving it to anybody.
236
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,338
But if we watch it,
we could fall under its spell, too.
237
00:11:23,427 --> 00:11:24,496
That is true.
238
00:11:24,587 --> 00:11:26,896
Only a paladin with a high constitution
should watch the tape.
239
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,775
Therefore, I think it is a job for you,
Talangar The Black!
240
00:11:31,627 --> 00:11:32,855
I'm not scared!
241
00:11:32,947 --> 00:11:35,984
I'll go inside and watch the tape,
just for a few seconds.
242
00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:38,979
If I do not return in two minutes,
send a party in after me.
243
00:11:39,107 --> 00:11:40,984
The fate of Middle-Earth is in my hands.
244
00:11:45,987 --> 00:11:48,342
Fourth graders!
245
00:11:48,867 --> 00:11:51,506
Give us that porno!
246
00:11:53,507 --> 00:11:54,542
Boys?
247
00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:59,024
Boys, we're not mad at you.
We just want to talk to you.
248
00:12:01,307 --> 00:12:03,457
Talangar the Black returns
from watching the video!
249
00:12:03,547 --> 00:12:05,856
What sights did you see
on the videotape, Talangar?
250
00:12:05,947 --> 00:12:07,505
Is it the work of Sauron's magic?
251
00:12:08,307 --> 00:12:09,979
I'm not playing any more.
252
00:12:10,867 --> 00:12:12,300
Whoa, wait! What'd you see?
253
00:12:12,867 --> 00:12:15,665
I don't know. I don't want to know.
I'm out.
254
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:23,539
My God.
This thing must really be powerful.
255
00:12:23,627 --> 00:12:25,424
This tape makes people freak out
wherever it goes.
256
00:12:25,507 --> 00:12:26,576
What do we do with it?
257
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:28,737
One thing's for sure, this tape cannot
be trusted with anybody.
258
00:12:28,827 --> 00:12:31,216
It must be returned to the video store
from whence it came.
259
00:12:31,307 --> 00:12:33,025
Where is the videotape rented from?
260
00:12:33,307 --> 00:12:35,138
Two Towers Video Store, in Conifer.
261
00:12:35,227 --> 00:12:37,422
Conifer? Walking there
would take hours!
262
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:38,542
There's no alternative.
263
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,822
We have to return the tape
before it causes more damage.
264
00:12:40,907 --> 00:12:42,226
I'll go!
265
00:12:42,307 --> 00:12:44,741
We cannot trust something
of that much power to a dwarf!
266
00:12:44,827 --> 00:12:46,146
Especially a kindergartener dwarf!
267
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,666
Stop acting like a bunch of assholes!
268
00:12:49,747 --> 00:12:50,862
I will take it.
269
00:12:51,907 --> 00:12:53,386
I will walk to the video store.
270
00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:55,583
It is too far and too dangerous
to go alone.
271
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,976
Take with you the wizard,
the dwarf, the warrior,
272
00:12:58,067 --> 00:12:59,580
the cleric and the Jew.
273
00:12:59,667 --> 00:13:00,702
Paladin!
274
00:13:00,787 --> 00:13:03,904
Very well. You shall be the fellowship
of The Lord of The Rings.
275
00:13:03,987 --> 00:13:05,306
Good luck.
276
00:13:05,387 --> 00:13:06,979
I have to go home now
before I get in trouble.
277
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:08,136
Me, too.
278
00:13:09,227 --> 00:13:11,821
- Only the six of us are to go?
- No, no, there's seven of us.
279
00:13:11,907 --> 00:13:14,137
Kenny's soul is still trapped
in Cartman's body, remember?
280
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,296
Yeah, stupid.
281
00:13:15,387 --> 00:13:17,139
Yeah, luckily Cartman's big enough
for the both of us.
282
00:13:17,227 --> 00:13:18,296
Shut up, Kenny!
283
00:13:20,347 --> 00:13:22,815
And so it was that
the heroes travelled many miles
284
00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:25,580
to return The Lord of the Rings
to the video store.
285
00:13:26,627 --> 00:13:29,539
We have reached
the Great Pass of Mount Ururalak.
286
00:13:29,627 --> 00:13:30,980
Look out!
287
00:13:31,067 --> 00:13:32,659
We were almost killed!
288
00:13:32,747 --> 00:13:34,817
A dark wizard must be trying to stop us!
289
00:13:34,907 --> 00:13:36,181
True! Someone or something
290
00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:38,303
doesn't want this video
returned to the video store!
291
00:13:41,747 --> 00:13:43,499
Oh, hello, everybody.
292
00:13:43,787 --> 00:13:46,859
Steve, we heard that a bunch of the kids
were over here a little while ago.
293
00:13:46,947 --> 00:13:49,302
Well, yes, I believe they were.
But they've gone.
294
00:13:49,387 --> 00:13:50,536
What's the matter?
295
00:13:50,627 --> 00:13:54,302
We think our boys might be
showing other children a
296
00:13:54,587 --> 00:13:55,940
pornographic tape.
297
00:13:56,027 --> 00:13:57,062
What?
298
00:13:57,147 --> 00:13:59,945
But Token's never seen a porno before!
He wouldn't know what to...
299
00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:01,785
- Oh, God!
- Token!
300
00:14:06,747 --> 00:14:07,782
Token...
301
00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:11,500
Did the boys come over and
show you a movie?
302
00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:14,782
Token?
303
00:14:16,347 --> 00:14:17,416
All right, Token,
304
00:14:17,507 --> 00:14:20,146
we know you must be very confused
about what you saw.
305
00:14:22,427 --> 00:14:27,217
Yes, you see, Token,
that was called a pornographic film.
306
00:14:27,507 --> 00:14:31,785
It shows adult men and adult women
having sexual intercourse.
307
00:14:34,827 --> 00:14:37,944
Well, you see,
when a man and a woman fall in love,
308
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:40,780
the man puts his penis
in the woman's vagina.
309
00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:43,620
It's called lovemaking,
and it's part of being in love.
310
00:14:45,867 --> 00:14:48,506
And when the woman has
four penises in her at the same time,
311
00:14:48,587 --> 00:14:50,305
then stands over
the men and pees on them,
312
00:14:50,387 --> 00:14:52,264
is that part of being in love, too?
313
00:14:54,187 --> 00:14:58,066
Five midgets spanking a man
covered with Thousand Island dressing,
314
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,705
is that making love?
315
00:14:59,787 --> 00:15:03,496
- Jesus, what kind of porno was that?
- It was Backdoor Sluts 9.
316
00:15:03,627 --> 00:15:05,504
Oh, Jesus, not that one!
317
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:09,701
Oh, Gerald, poor Kyle must be just as
confused and scared as this poor kid!
318
00:15:09,987 --> 00:15:12,103
Token, this is very important.
319
00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:14,986
Do you know where the boys
went with the naughty tape?
320
00:15:17,627 --> 00:15:19,060
We're entering the limits of Bailey.
321
00:15:19,147 --> 00:15:20,262
Everyone stay close.
322
00:15:20,347 --> 00:15:22,019
Perhaps the great ringworm of Bailey
is about!
323
00:15:22,107 --> 00:15:24,223
Ringworms are no match for a dwarf!
324
00:15:24,307 --> 00:15:27,105
Yes, we shall slay the ringworm and
take his bounty of treasure!
325
00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:29,701
- For that is the way of the...
- I shall put a magic spell on you!
326
00:15:29,787 --> 00:15:31,300
I have blocked your spell, wizard!
327
00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:32,941
Hey, what are you guys doing?
328
00:15:33,027 --> 00:15:34,540
We're playing Harry Potter.
329
00:15:36,787 --> 00:15:37,856
Fags!
330
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,739
You guys, somebody's following us!
331
00:15:43,827 --> 00:15:45,465
- It's Butters.
- Butters?
332
00:15:45,547 --> 00:15:47,344
Yes, he's been following us
for, like, two hours.
333
00:15:50,147 --> 00:15:53,298
The precious videotape.
Let the Butters see it.
334
00:15:53,387 --> 00:15:55,105
Just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away.
335
00:15:55,467 --> 00:15:57,617
Hey, fellas, mind if we take a little rest?
336
00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,663
There's no time for rest, sorcerer!
Keep up!
337
00:16:05,587 --> 00:16:06,861
They are coming.
338
00:16:08,787 --> 00:16:09,822
You guys go on ahead!
339
00:16:09,907 --> 00:16:11,704
- Jimmy, are you sure?
- Go!
340
00:16:14,347 --> 00:16:18,982
You shall not...
341
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,056
You shall not...
342
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:30,225
You shall not...
343
00:16:30,507 --> 00:16:31,986
You shall not...
344
00:16:34,267 --> 00:16:35,780
You shall...
345
00:16:38,907 --> 00:16:40,465
You shall not pass.
346
00:16:41,307 --> 00:16:42,376
Jimmy didn't stop them!
347
00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,219
They're going to take
The Lord of the Rings from us!
348
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:46,821
Quick! Cross the river!
Sixth graders can't stand water!
349
00:16:46,907 --> 00:16:48,340
What? That's stupid.
350
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:49,741
I'm a high-ranking white wizard, Craig,
351
00:16:49,827 --> 00:16:51,340
and I say sixth graders
are opposed to water.
352
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,941
Whatever! I'm going back
to play with the Harry Potter kids!
353
00:16:54,027 --> 00:16:55,221
Me, too.
354
00:16:56,747 --> 00:16:59,500
Go ahead and play
Harry Butthole Pussy Potter!
355
00:16:59,587 --> 00:17:01,259
Just get across the river!
They're coming!
356
00:17:07,387 --> 00:17:09,742
What the hell is wrong with you guys?
Get the tape!
357
00:17:09,827 --> 00:17:11,180
Dude, I don't wanna get wet.
358
00:17:11,307 --> 00:17:12,820
Yeah, I don't really like the water.
359
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,467
Besides, if our bikes get wet,
the chains will rust.
360
00:17:15,547 --> 00:17:18,015
Oh, God damn it! All right, come on!
We'll find a bridge!
361
00:17:21,187 --> 00:17:24,782
The quest continued to return The Lord
of the Rings to the video store.
362
00:17:25,547 --> 00:17:27,219
Man, we should have
never crossed that stupid river.
363
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:29,946
Yeah, good job, wizard fat ass!
Now we're totally lost!
364
00:17:30,027 --> 00:17:32,985
We're not lost, Jewgar of Jewlingrad.
We just don't know where we are.
365
00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:35,900
That's what lost means, stupid.
Kenny, shut your goddamn mouth!
366
00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:37,386
This is great.
We're in the middle of nowhere and
367
00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:39,298
nobody knows
what direction the video store is in!
368
00:17:39,787 --> 00:17:41,584
The Butters knowses.
369
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:45,182
- Oh, brother.
- The video store, yes. Not far from here.
370
00:17:45,347 --> 00:17:46,860
We can show you wheres it is!
371
00:17:46,947 --> 00:17:48,221
- Where?
- First,
372
00:17:48,307 --> 00:17:50,775
just let Butters see the precious.
373
00:17:50,867 --> 00:17:54,621
No, Butters! Look what it's done to you.
It's made you even lamer than before.
374
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:55,822
If that was possible.
375
00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:57,499
Tell us how to get to
the video store, Butters,
376
00:17:57,587 --> 00:17:58,622
or else we're gonna kick your ass!
377
00:17:58,707 --> 00:18:01,540
No hurtses the Butters!
We will show you the way!
378
00:18:01,627 --> 00:18:03,857
Yes... This way it is.
379
00:18:05,107 --> 00:18:06,142
This is awful!
380
00:18:06,227 --> 00:18:08,138
I just know with every passing minute,
little Kyle
381
00:18:08,227 --> 00:18:10,343
is seeing more and more
depraved sex acts!
382
00:18:10,427 --> 00:18:11,621
We'll find them.
383
00:18:11,707 --> 00:18:13,777
And then we'll try to put
what they saw into context.
384
00:18:13,907 --> 00:18:15,465
Look, there's one of the boys now!
385
00:18:17,027 --> 00:18:18,346
- Jimmy!
- Jimmy! Jimmy!
386
00:18:18,787 --> 00:18:20,857
Where did the boys go
with the porno tape?
387
00:18:20,947 --> 00:18:22,460
They're taking it to the...
388
00:18:22,827 --> 00:18:24,385
The...
389
00:18:26,027 --> 00:18:27,665
Come on, Jimmy,
we don't have a lot of time.
390
00:18:27,747 --> 00:18:29,658
They took it back to the video...
391
00:18:29,747 --> 00:18:31,021
The video...
392
00:18:31,587 --> 00:18:32,986
The video sandwich?
393
00:18:33,147 --> 00:18:34,341
The video stockyard?
394
00:18:34,427 --> 00:18:35,985
What's a video stockyard, Jimmy?
395
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:37,386
No, the video...
396
00:18:37,827 --> 00:18:39,101
The video...
397
00:18:39,187 --> 00:18:40,620
- Stinger?
- Staples.
398
00:18:40,707 --> 00:18:42,823
They went to the video Staples?
Where's that, Jimmy?
399
00:18:42,907 --> 00:18:46,024
No, you retards! The video store.
400
00:18:46,227 --> 00:18:47,580
The video store!
401
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:50,022
- Hurry! Hurry!
- I know where it is!
402
00:18:59,387 --> 00:19:00,979
Oh, no! They're closed!
403
00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:02,386
- Closed?
- There they are!
404
00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:06,295
Don't let them turn it back
to the video store!
405
00:19:06,387 --> 00:19:08,582
- We're screwed.
- Wait! A drop box!
406
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:11,859
Quick, Kyle! Drop the movie in!
407
00:19:11,947 --> 00:19:13,983
Finally, it's over.
408
00:19:14,067 --> 00:19:16,376
Precious... Must have our precious!
409
00:19:17,147 --> 00:19:18,216
Butters! No!
410
00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:19,945
Nows wes hases it!
411
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:22,542
They're coming!
412
00:19:23,867 --> 00:19:26,665
- It has to go back!
- It wantses to stay with Butterses!
413
00:19:26,747 --> 00:19:28,339
There it is! Give me that tape!
414
00:19:30,507 --> 00:19:31,860
Let go of the tape, Butters!
415
00:19:31,947 --> 00:19:33,744
- I'm never letting go!
- Fine!
416
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:36,786
- Precious...
- No!
417
00:19:37,907 --> 00:19:39,340
No! No!
418
00:19:40,227 --> 00:19:41,262
Damn it!
419
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,736
Man, now we'll never see the hot action!
420
00:19:43,827 --> 00:19:45,897
You stupid little fourth graders!
421
00:19:46,147 --> 00:19:49,503
The tape is returned to which it came.
Its power over you shall fade as well.
422
00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:50,906
Middle-Earth is again safe.
423
00:19:50,987 --> 00:19:54,059
Yeah? Well, that's not gonna stop us
from kicking your asses!
424
00:20:00,747 --> 00:20:02,021
Boys! Boys!
425
00:20:02,107 --> 00:20:04,826
Crap! Parents! Come on, guys!
426
00:20:05,347 --> 00:20:07,702
We'll see you next time, fourthies!
427
00:20:09,427 --> 00:20:10,621
And perhaps they would.
428
00:20:10,707 --> 00:20:12,743
But for now,
the sixth grader army was defeated.
429
00:20:12,827 --> 00:20:15,387
- There you are!
- Oh, Kyle, you're safe!
430
00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:17,458
Oh, hey, guys.
We were just about to come home.
431
00:20:17,547 --> 00:20:18,662
We had to return the video.
432
00:20:18,747 --> 00:20:20,226
All right, now listen, kids.
433
00:20:20,307 --> 00:20:22,662
There's some things
we need to put into context for you.
434
00:20:22,907 --> 00:20:25,705
You see, a man puts
his penis into a woman's vagina
435
00:20:25,787 --> 00:20:27,584
for both love and pleasure.
436
00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:29,942
But sometimes the woman
lays on top of the man,
437
00:20:30,027 --> 00:20:31,824
facing the other way, so that they can
438
00:20:31,907 --> 00:20:33,659
put each other's genitals
in their mouths.
439
00:20:33,747 --> 00:20:36,261
This is called 69-ing, and it's normal.
440
00:20:36,347 --> 00:20:38,656
See, boys, a woman
is sensitive in her vagina
441
00:20:38,747 --> 00:20:41,739
and it feels good to have
a man's penis inside of it.
442
00:20:41,827 --> 00:20:45,103
That's right! But sometimes
a woman chooses to use other things.
443
00:20:45,307 --> 00:20:47,298
Telephones, staplers, magazines.
444
00:20:47,387 --> 00:20:50,663
It's because the nerve endings
in the vagina are so sensitive,
445
00:20:50,747 --> 00:20:52,180
it's like a fun tickle.
446
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:54,178
Now, on to double penetration, boys.
447
00:20:54,267 --> 00:20:57,304
You see, sometimes when a woman
has sex with more than one man,
448
00:20:57,387 --> 00:20:59,457
each man makes love
to a different orifice.
449
00:20:59,547 --> 00:21:01,742
That's right.
It's something adults can do
450
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:03,863
with really good friends
in a comfortable setting.
451
00:21:03,947 --> 00:21:06,905
It's also important that
you understand why some people
452
00:21:06,987 --> 00:21:08,420
choose to urinate on each other.
453
00:21:08,547 --> 00:21:10,981
Going number one or number two
on your lover
454
00:21:11,067 --> 00:21:12,625
is something people might do,
455
00:21:12,787 --> 00:21:16,541
but you must make sure your partner is
okay with it before you start doing it.
456
00:21:16,627 --> 00:21:18,743
Okay, boys. Do you have any questions?
457
00:21:23,187 --> 00:21:24,256
Wow.
458
00:21:28,107 --> 00:21:29,460
Well, let's all get going.
459
00:21:29,547 --> 00:21:31,378
Yeah, come on boys, time to get home.
460
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,140
Wait a minute, where's Butters?
461
00:21:37,427 --> 00:21:39,418
Wes hases our preciouses!
462
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:40,860
Hases it. Hases it.