1 00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:17,457 I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time 2 00:00:17,547 --> 00:00:20,937 Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation 3 00:00:21,027 --> 00:00:24,099 Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind 4 00:00:24,187 --> 00:00:27,259 Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour" 5 00:00:27,347 --> 00:00:30,623 Heading on up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind 6 00:00:30,707 --> 00:00:32,982 Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy Timmy, Timmy 7 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,102 Living a lie, Timmy! 8 00:00:34,187 --> 00:00:37,020 Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine 9 00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:44,504 Okay, children, step off the bus and form a group next to the nice redneck. 10 00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,781 I mean, rancher. 11 00:00:45,867 --> 00:00:48,301 Hello, boys and girls. My name is Rancher Bob. 12 00:00:48,387 --> 00:00:51,618 - Let's all say hello to Rancher Bob. - Hi, Rancher Bob. 13 00:00:51,707 --> 00:00:54,301 I'm pleased to show you all the wonderful world of beef. 14 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,820 Follow me. 15 00:00:55,907 --> 00:00:58,785 City kids get to go to museums for field trips. We get cow farms. 16 00:00:58,867 --> 00:01:02,416 Now, out here, you can see our cattle. This is where the magic begins, 17 00:01:02,507 --> 00:01:05,863 as the cows eat and sleep and prepare for certain death. 18 00:01:07,427 --> 00:01:09,019 They look so delicious. 19 00:01:09,787 --> 00:01:11,379 And here we have the slaughterhouse. 20 00:01:11,467 --> 00:01:14,743 This is where we turn the cows into steaks and burgers. 21 00:01:15,707 --> 00:01:17,186 Aw, dude. 22 00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:19,940 - Anybody want a free sample? - Me, me, me, me. 23 00:01:20,027 --> 00:01:23,463 And in here, boys and girls, we have our veal ranch. 24 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:36,344 You see, with veal, the whole key is keeping the cows chained, 25 00:01:36,427 --> 00:01:38,463 so they can't walk around or get any exercise. 26 00:01:38,547 --> 00:01:42,665 That way, their muscle tissue stays soft, and makes for tender veal. 27 00:01:42,747 --> 00:01:46,820 - Wait a minute. Veal is little baby cows? - Yepper. 28 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,545 Then why the hell do they call it veal? 29 00:01:48,627 --> 00:01:51,425 Well, if we called it "little baby cow," people might not eat it. 30 00:01:51,507 --> 00:01:53,304 - Yeah, I wouldn't have. - Me, neither. 31 00:01:53,387 --> 00:01:56,424 Oh, man, look at that one. It looks delicious. 32 00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:58,498 - What? - Succulent and juicy. 33 00:01:58,587 --> 00:02:00,179 Can we have a free sample of these, too? 34 00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:03,339 Well, no, but all these veals are going to the slaughterhouse 35 00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:05,617 tomorrow morning. They'll be steaks by the afternoon, 36 00:02:05,707 --> 00:02:07,379 and then you can buy them at your grocery store. 37 00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:09,503 - All right. - Tomorrow morning? 38 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,383 - Dude, we gotta help them. - Yeah. 39 00:02:22,587 --> 00:02:25,260 - Cartman. - No, Uncle Jessie. No. 40 00:02:25,347 --> 00:02:26,860 - Cartman, wake up. - What? 41 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,983 - What the hell are you guys doing? - Come on. We gotta go. 42 00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:30,102 Where are we going? 43 00:02:30,187 --> 00:02:31,666 We're gonna go save the little baby cows, fatass. 44 00:02:31,747 --> 00:02:32,782 What? Why? 45 00:02:32,867 --> 00:02:34,698 'Cause they're gonna get slaughtered tomorrow, butthole. 46 00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,778 - So? - So, we can't let them die, douchebag. 47 00:02:36,867 --> 00:02:38,664 - You're our friend, now come help us. - Well, let's see. 48 00:02:38,747 --> 00:02:42,501 In the last 3.2 seconds, you've called me "fatass, butthole" and "douchebag." 49 00:02:42,587 --> 00:02:44,703 I really don't feel much like you guys' friend. 50 00:02:44,787 --> 00:02:46,061 We're sorry. You are our friend. 51 00:02:46,147 --> 00:02:48,263 We need you to help us because friends stick together. 52 00:02:48,347 --> 00:02:50,224 Wait, I thought you said we needed him 53 00:02:50,307 --> 00:02:53,344 because he has the Mission: Impossible Breaking and Entering Playset. 54 00:02:53,427 --> 00:02:56,305 - Damn it, Butters, will you shut up? - Oh, ho! So you need me 55 00:02:56,387 --> 00:02:58,503 and my Mission: Impossible Breaking and Entering Playset? 56 00:02:58,587 --> 00:03:01,704 Yes, we do. We're those little baby cows' only hope. 57 00:03:01,787 --> 00:03:04,699 - Will you help us? - Yes. Yes, I will. 58 00:03:04,787 --> 00:03:06,857 - If Kyle will kiss my black ass. - What? 59 00:03:06,947 --> 00:03:09,745 - Just give it a little kiss and I'll help. - Screw you, Cartman. 60 00:03:09,827 --> 00:03:13,058 Okay, but if you want my help, you have to give it just a little kiss. Kiss it. 61 00:03:13,147 --> 00:03:14,944 - Go on, dude, it's the only way. - No! 62 00:03:15,027 --> 00:03:17,780 - Kiss it. Come on, kiss it. - Just do it really fast and we can go. 63 00:03:17,867 --> 00:03:21,542 - Have Butters kiss it. - No, it has to be Kyle. 64 00:03:28,627 --> 00:03:32,506 - Oh, man, that was so awesome. - Sick. I felt it on my face. 65 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,179 Okay, very funny, Cartman. Now come on. 66 00:03:34,267 --> 00:03:35,746 Hey, I'm not going with you. 67 00:03:41,147 --> 00:03:43,377 I don't know about this, fellas. It says right here, 68 00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:45,298 on the Mission: Impossible Breaking and Entering Playset, 69 00:03:45,387 --> 00:03:49,744 "Not for actual breaking and entering. Breaking and entering is a crime." 70 00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:52,182 Yeah, well killing little, helpless baby cows should be a crime, too. 71 00:03:52,267 --> 00:03:55,179 - How does this thing work, Cartman? - Jesus, don't you guys have any toys? 72 00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:56,905 First, you put on the black ski mask 73 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,660 and you use the torch to cut a hole in the roof. 74 00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:11,223 Okay, that's far enough. I'm going to go delta. 75 00:04:11,307 --> 00:04:12,296 You have to talk louder. 76 00:04:12,387 --> 00:04:14,742 I forgot the AA batteries for the supertalk play-action headset. 77 00:04:14,827 --> 00:04:16,818 I said, that's far enough! 78 00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:25,740 Don't be scared, little baby cow. We're here to set you loose. 79 00:04:25,827 --> 00:04:29,456 There you go. You're free. Run away. 80 00:04:29,547 --> 00:04:30,980 Go. They're gonna murder you. 81 00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:33,262 Stan, could you hurry it up? I'm freezing my ass off. 82 00:04:33,347 --> 00:04:34,905 You need to freeze some of your ass off. 83 00:04:34,987 --> 00:04:37,217 - At least I have an ass, Jew. - What? 84 00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:41,383 Come on, you stupid baby cows. 85 00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,738 You have to get out of here. 86 00:04:45,707 --> 00:04:47,823 - Well, what's the matter? - They aren't leaving. 87 00:04:47,907 --> 00:04:50,660 See? Maybe they want to become sweet, juicy veal steaks. 88 00:04:50,747 --> 00:04:53,898 Hey. They've never been allowed to walk before. They just don't know how. 89 00:04:53,987 --> 00:04:55,864 Oh, yeah. They're too weak to move. 90 00:04:57,507 --> 00:04:58,496 Well, we've got to get them out of here. 91 00:04:58,587 --> 00:05:01,385 We'll just keep them at Butters' house until they can get their strength back. 92 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,583 No, I can't bring calves into my house. 93 00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:05,464 - I'll get grounded. - Okay, fine, Butters. 94 00:05:05,547 --> 00:05:07,822 I guess you're not a team player. We'll bring them to my house. 95 00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:10,341 Dude, how are we gonna move 23 calves to your house? 96 00:05:10,427 --> 00:05:11,906 - I don't know. - I've got it. 97 00:05:11,987 --> 00:05:14,945 We could kill Butters, and then float the calves on a river of blood. 98 00:05:15,027 --> 00:05:17,336 Don't be stupid, Cartman, Butters doesn't have that much blood in him. 99 00:05:17,427 --> 00:05:18,701 Hey, I do, too. 100 00:05:18,787 --> 00:05:20,539 We're just gonna have to carry them, one by one. 101 00:05:21,867 --> 00:05:23,266 Come on, you guys. 102 00:05:31,867 --> 00:05:34,540 Check it out, you guys, I'm calf curling. 103 00:05:40,027 --> 00:05:41,619 Man, these calves smell like crap. 104 00:05:41,707 --> 00:05:43,743 I don't see how you're gonna hide them from your mom much longer. 105 00:05:43,827 --> 00:05:45,624 We won't have to. Butters said he had something at his house 106 00:05:45,707 --> 00:05:47,937 that makes baby cows strong again. He's bringing it over. 107 00:05:48,027 --> 00:05:49,506 Butters had that at his house? 108 00:05:49,587 --> 00:05:52,021 - Hey, fellas. - Butters, did you bring it? 109 00:05:52,107 --> 00:05:55,019 I sure did. We'll have those poor, baby cows in shape in no time. 110 00:05:55,107 --> 00:05:56,096 All right. 111 00:05:56,187 --> 00:05:58,826 - "Susanne Sommers' Calf Exerciser." - What? 112 00:05:58,907 --> 00:06:02,058 "Makes your calves stronger in just two days." 113 00:06:02,147 --> 00:06:04,581 Oh, goddamn it, that's your plan? 114 00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:05,895 You think it's a gimmick? 115 00:06:05,987 --> 00:06:08,296 Susanne promises, right on the box, that it works. 116 00:06:10,827 --> 00:06:12,226 Hello, Mrs. Marsh. 117 00:06:12,307 --> 00:06:14,104 Officer Barbrady, what can I do for you? 118 00:06:14,187 --> 00:06:15,905 Well, we've got a little problem. 119 00:06:15,987 --> 00:06:19,423 Jed here caught your boy and his friends trespassing on his ranch. 120 00:06:19,507 --> 00:06:22,817 - They stole some of his property. - Stole? Are you sure? 121 00:06:22,907 --> 00:06:25,546 I followed a calf-curling trail right to your house, ma'am. 122 00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:28,266 Stan's in trouble. Let me kick his ass, Mom. 123 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,463 Not now. My son is not a thief. 124 00:06:30,547 --> 00:06:32,538 I'm sure this is just some kind of misunderstanding. 125 00:06:35,867 --> 00:06:38,427 Stanley, did you see... 126 00:06:38,507 --> 00:06:39,906 Oh, crap. 127 00:06:39,987 --> 00:06:41,739 Stanley, what are you doing with those calves? 128 00:06:41,827 --> 00:06:43,818 That asshole was going to kill them and feed them to people. 129 00:06:43,907 --> 00:06:46,705 - Stanley, they belong to him. - They don't belong to anybody. 130 00:06:46,787 --> 00:06:48,300 Please, Mom, we don't want these cows to die. 131 00:06:48,387 --> 00:06:51,026 - Let me hit him, Mom. - Stanley, this isn't up for discussion. 132 00:06:51,107 --> 00:06:54,941 The rancher is going to take his cows back, and you don't have a choice. 133 00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:04,657 Stanley! Stanley, you open this door right now or you're going to get it! 134 00:07:04,747 --> 00:07:07,102 - No. - Stan, you're behaving like a kid. 135 00:07:07,187 --> 00:07:09,462 You're the ones who made me eat veal without telling me what it was. 136 00:07:09,547 --> 00:07:11,981 You're the ones who knew we were making little baby animals suffer. 137 00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:14,422 - Open this door, now. - Kiss my ass. 138 00:07:14,507 --> 00:07:19,058 - Oh, Jeez. He said "ass" to his parents. - You're getting in pretty deep, dude. 139 00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:21,537 I apologise for this, Mr. Rancher person. 140 00:07:21,627 --> 00:07:24,266 Well, why don't you just tell them that the cows will be safe, 141 00:07:24,347 --> 00:07:25,826 and when they come out, I can take them back. 142 00:07:25,907 --> 00:07:27,386 I can't lie to my son, okay? 143 00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:29,856 If I betrayed him like that, I'd pay for it the rest of my life. 144 00:07:29,947 --> 00:07:33,383 Well, that's just too bad. Look, that's $800 worth of veal up there, 145 00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:34,741 and I have to ship it out Friday. 146 00:07:34,827 --> 00:07:36,658 What are you going to do, Officer Barbrady? 147 00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,817 Me? How did I get into this mess? 148 00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:41,701 So what happens now? 149 00:07:41,787 --> 00:07:43,345 I'm going to lock myself in here with these cows 150 00:07:43,427 --> 00:07:45,304 until we have a guarantee of their safety, in writing. 151 00:07:45,387 --> 00:07:46,740 - We're with you, dude. - Yeah. 152 00:07:46,827 --> 00:07:49,182 Don't be so sure. Because I'm going to tell you, 153 00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:51,576 this is going to get ugly. Real ugly. 154 00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:53,146 When all is said and done, you could all be looking at 155 00:07:53,227 --> 00:07:55,377 being grounded for three, perhaps even four weeks. 156 00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:58,027 So if any of you guys want out, just say the word now. 157 00:07:58,107 --> 00:07:59,506 - I want out. - Shut up, Cartman. 158 00:07:59,587 --> 00:08:00,781 - We're with you, Stan. - Yeah. 159 00:08:00,867 --> 00:08:02,823 We can't let those little baby cows down. 160 00:08:02,907 --> 00:08:04,465 They've got no one else to turn to. 161 00:08:04,547 --> 00:08:07,220 Then it's settled. One for all and all for one, except Cartman. 162 00:08:07,307 --> 00:08:09,104 - Yeah! - Yeah. Wait, what? 163 00:08:13,027 --> 00:08:14,301 And so that's the situation. 164 00:08:14,387 --> 00:08:17,060 Our boys have locked themselves in Stan's room until we can promise them 165 00:08:17,147 --> 00:08:18,819 the calves will live free, in writing. 166 00:08:18,907 --> 00:08:21,740 Well, this is ridiculous. I don't know how you raise your kids, 167 00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:24,057 but my son does not play negotiator with me. 168 00:08:24,147 --> 00:08:26,945 Well, excuse me, Sheila, but it wasn't that simple. 169 00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:29,865 Give me 15 seconds with Kyle and I'll have that door open. 170 00:08:31,987 --> 00:08:35,662 Kyle. This is your mother. You will open this door right now. 171 00:08:36,627 --> 00:08:37,776 No, I won't. 172 00:08:38,307 --> 00:08:40,298 Yes, I see what you mean, Sheila. That was very impressive. 173 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:44,141 Kyle, if you don't do as you're told, I'm going to be very angry. 174 00:08:44,227 --> 00:08:46,263 Well, you made me eat veal and didn't tell me what it was. 175 00:08:46,347 --> 00:08:49,305 So go ahead and be angry, you baby-cow-killing bitch. 176 00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:53,417 - Very persuasive. - Open this door! Open this door! 177 00:08:54,027 --> 00:08:58,225 Let me try. Butters. Butters, this is your father. 178 00:08:58,307 --> 00:09:00,263 Oh, sweet Jesus. What do I do? 179 00:09:00,347 --> 00:09:01,905 Be strong, Butters. You knew it would come to this. 180 00:09:01,987 --> 00:09:05,377 - Butters, answer me. - But Dad's angry at me. 181 00:09:05,467 --> 00:09:08,823 - Don't panic. I'll tell you what to say. - Butters, right now! 182 00:09:08,907 --> 00:09:12,024 Dad, why don't you suck my fat one? 183 00:09:12,107 --> 00:09:13,938 - What? - Oh, sweet Jesus. 184 00:09:14,027 --> 00:09:15,665 - What's gotten into them? - All right, Stanley. 185 00:09:15,747 --> 00:09:18,022 This has gone on long enough. Your little game is over. 186 00:09:18,107 --> 00:09:19,665 This isn't a game, Mom. We're not coming out 187 00:09:19,747 --> 00:09:21,146 until we know the calves will be safe. 188 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:24,139 Well, that's fine, you boys can just stay in there and starve to death. 189 00:09:24,227 --> 00:09:26,582 Us parents are going to go to Pizza Shack 190 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,135 and have pepperoni pizzas and ice cream. 191 00:09:29,507 --> 00:09:32,499 - Oh, goddamn it, you guys. - Cartman, stay away from that door. 192 00:09:32,587 --> 00:09:34,623 You'll have to come out sooner or later, boys. 193 00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,585 The longer you wait, the more trouble you'll be in. 194 00:09:40,827 --> 00:09:43,216 - Round one is over. We made it. - We didn't make it. 195 00:09:43,307 --> 00:09:44,899 Your mom is right, douchebag, what are we gonna do, 196 00:09:44,987 --> 00:09:45,976 stay in here until we starve? 197 00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:47,978 Our parents would never let us starve. They're bluffing. 198 00:09:48,067 --> 00:09:50,820 This is a battle of wills. If we hold out long enough, they'll give in. 199 00:09:50,907 --> 00:09:52,386 But we will have to sleep, dude. 200 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:53,946 Three of us can sleep while one keeps watch. 201 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,301 We'll shift every couple of hours. 202 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:58,743 Hey, this is gonna be just like Vietnam, huh, fellas? 203 00:09:58,827 --> 00:10:02,615 We'll stay in this room with these baby cows for as long as it takes. 204 00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:11,736 Well, we tried everything. 205 00:10:11,827 --> 00:10:14,136 We can't get through the door without tearing apart the house. 206 00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:16,297 Dear God. It's been over 13 hours. 207 00:10:16,387 --> 00:10:19,140 Oh, but my poor little poopsie must be getting so hungry. 208 00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:22,537 - Maybe we should get them a little food. - Mrs. Cartman, this is a battle of will. 209 00:10:22,627 --> 00:10:25,380 We need our boys to know that we're not going to cave in at all. 210 00:10:25,467 --> 00:10:26,502 Oh, all right. 211 00:10:26,587 --> 00:10:28,623 Let's all just go to bed and let them play their little game 212 00:10:28,707 --> 00:10:29,935 for as long as they can. 213 00:10:32,547 --> 00:10:34,378 - Good night, fellas. - Good night. 214 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,344 Good night, Patches. Good night, Halloway. 215 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,258 Good night, Neptune. Good night, Davis. 216 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,178 Good night, Bud. Good night, Red. 217 00:10:40,267 --> 00:10:42,223 Good night, Paulette. Good night, Chastity. 218 00:10:42,307 --> 00:10:45,185 Butters, I'm going to kill you over and over again. 219 00:10:52,907 --> 00:10:55,501 Can't go on. Need food. 220 00:10:55,587 --> 00:10:57,862 I didn't realise hunger made you feel so bad. 221 00:10:57,947 --> 00:11:00,620 There's only one alternative, you guys. We're going to have to eat a calf. 222 00:11:00,707 --> 00:11:02,504 No, Cartman, we're not eating a calf. 223 00:11:02,587 --> 00:11:05,226 All right, then we're going to have to eat Butters. 224 00:11:05,307 --> 00:11:07,377 - He might be right, dude. - Aw, heck. 225 00:11:07,907 --> 00:11:11,502 - Wait, what is that? Dude! - Food! 226 00:11:12,507 --> 00:11:16,500 - Mrs. Cartman, what are you doing? - I just can't stand to see my baby suffer. 227 00:11:16,587 --> 00:11:18,623 Oh, dear God, you've ruined everything. 228 00:11:18,707 --> 00:11:21,301 - All right. - See? Now we can hold out for weeks. 229 00:11:21,387 --> 00:11:24,459 - Look, you guys. Beef jerky. - Yeah. And fried chicken. 230 00:11:24,547 --> 00:11:25,536 What? 231 00:11:26,507 --> 00:11:28,145 Dude, what are you guys doing? 232 00:11:28,227 --> 00:11:30,422 - We're eating, dude. - You're eating meat. 233 00:11:30,507 --> 00:11:32,384 What the hell do you guys think we're doing all this for? 234 00:11:32,467 --> 00:11:34,537 Hey, I'm doing it to save little baby cows. 235 00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,060 I'm not gonna stop eating meat altogether. 236 00:11:36,147 --> 00:11:37,182 Me, neither. 237 00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:39,223 Yeah, if you don't eat meat at all, you become a pussy. 238 00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:42,583 That's fine. You guys can live off of flesh, but I'm never eating meat again. 239 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:45,739 Go ahead, that's more for us. You want some beef jerky, buddy? 240 00:11:45,827 --> 00:11:48,580 Yes, who's your bud? Who's hungry? Who's a hungry man? 241 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,464 Dude, that's messed up. 242 00:11:58,627 --> 00:12:00,299 Hey, guys, check this out. 243 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:04,466 Tom, I'm standing in front the house where four insane boy terrorists 244 00:12:04,547 --> 00:12:08,142 have barricaded themselves inside a room with 23 live infant cattle. 245 00:12:08,907 --> 00:12:12,138 Hey, look. Some other kids are doing the same thing we are. 246 00:12:12,747 --> 00:12:15,580 Several attempts to break into the room have proven unsuccessful, Tom, 247 00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:18,977 and the crisis is intensifying. Here's what some people had to say. 248 00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:22,059 We were just sleeping when suddenly we heard all the commotion. 249 00:12:22,147 --> 00:12:25,423 I mean, to think this could happen right here, in our own community... 250 00:12:25,507 --> 00:12:29,625 We gave those kids everything, and they've turned into little John Walkers. 251 00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:31,785 The police chief of South Park says 252 00:12:31,867 --> 00:12:34,256 that there will be no negotiations with terrorists. 253 00:12:34,347 --> 00:12:36,781 Oh, no. This is big-time trouble now, fellas. 254 00:12:36,867 --> 00:12:39,142 - No, this is exactly what we wanted. - It is? 255 00:12:39,227 --> 00:12:41,616 Yes. Don't you see? This validates everything that we're doing. 256 00:12:41,707 --> 00:12:44,016 If we're making the news, then this is obviously important to people. 257 00:12:44,107 --> 00:12:45,938 Tom, it looks like I have an update. 258 00:12:46,027 --> 00:12:50,657 Yes. It looks like the boy terrorists story is not interesting news to anyone. 259 00:12:50,747 --> 00:12:52,339 Nothing else was going on, Tom, 260 00:12:52,427 --> 00:12:54,782 so this was the only story we had to make seem important, 261 00:12:54,867 --> 00:12:56,698 but people are just simply tuning out. 262 00:12:56,787 --> 00:12:59,142 So HBC will now be switching programming, once again, 263 00:12:59,227 --> 00:13:01,695 to Puppies From Around The World. 264 00:13:20,387 --> 00:13:21,376 I don't believe it. 265 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,901 The Chinese puppy is my favourite so far. 266 00:13:31,907 --> 00:13:34,023 Butters. Butters, you have your arm around me! 267 00:13:34,107 --> 00:13:36,496 Oh, sorry, I thought you were Mr. Pickles. 268 00:13:36,587 --> 00:13:40,421 We must help the helpless We must save the unsaved 269 00:13:40,507 --> 00:13:41,735 What the hell is that? 270 00:13:41,827 --> 00:13:43,624 For if we fight together 271 00:13:43,707 --> 00:13:47,859 We can make sure the road is paved for a brighter tomorrow 272 00:13:47,947 --> 00:13:49,460 - Hippies. - What are they doing here? 273 00:13:49,547 --> 00:13:53,540 We are with you, boys. Your message is real and your fight is just. 274 00:13:55,107 --> 00:13:57,143 Dude, those gaywads are on our side? 275 00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:59,787 - Ew, they're all dirty. - What did I tell you, Stan? 276 00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:01,425 We saved some baby cows from being eaten, 277 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,180 and now we're no-good, dirty, goddamn hippies! 278 00:14:05,867 --> 00:14:07,903 Tom, the calf terrorist standoff continues 279 00:14:07,987 --> 00:14:11,582 as now members of the FBI arrive to put an end to the conflict. 280 00:14:12,787 --> 00:14:14,061 Oh, Jesus Christ. 281 00:14:14,427 --> 00:14:17,180 - Who's in charge here? - I am. But I don't want to be. 282 00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:19,098 - Where's the negotiator? - Right here. 283 00:14:19,187 --> 00:14:22,304 - Glen Dumont, negotiator squad. - All right, see what you can do. 284 00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:26,577 - Dude, are you okay? - I just feel so run down. 285 00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:27,702 I don't know what's wrong with me. 286 00:14:27,787 --> 00:14:29,584 - I've got these sores. - What is that? 287 00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:31,259 - Dude, maybe we should end this. - No. 288 00:14:32,147 --> 00:14:34,058 Get me a hard line to the phone in that house. 289 00:14:34,147 --> 00:14:36,820 The terrorists already said there's no way they're coming out. 290 00:14:36,907 --> 00:14:40,183 Don't worry, I'm a negotiator, it's my job to talk to freaks like this 291 00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:43,418 and bring about a peaceful resolution using clever psychology. 292 00:14:44,707 --> 00:14:46,140 - Hello? - Hello. 293 00:14:46,227 --> 00:14:49,981 My name is Mike. I'm a negotiator. Is it okay if I talk to you? 294 00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:52,137 Hold on. It's some negotiator named Mike. What do I do? 295 00:14:52,227 --> 00:14:53,819 - Don't give him anything. - But what do I say? 296 00:14:53,907 --> 00:14:56,137 Give me that. Talk to me, Mike. 297 00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:58,695 I'm here to make sure we can all end this peacefully. 298 00:14:58,787 --> 00:15:01,062 - You want that, right? - Sure, sure. 299 00:15:01,147 --> 00:15:04,105 How about we make a trade, just to show that we can trust each other? 300 00:15:04,187 --> 00:15:05,222 What did you have in mind? 301 00:15:05,307 --> 00:15:08,105 Well, how about you send out one of the calves? 302 00:15:08,187 --> 00:15:10,178 Oh, Mike, you're breaking my balls here, Mike. 303 00:15:10,267 --> 00:15:12,701 - Just one. That's all we want. - All right, how about this? 304 00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,539 You guys have all the leverage and we have nothing. 305 00:15:14,627 --> 00:15:15,855 So how about we give you one calf... 306 00:15:15,947 --> 00:15:17,619 - Cartman, no! - Dude. 307 00:15:17,707 --> 00:15:21,586 We'll give you one calf, if you'll give us some guns and ammunition of our own. 308 00:15:21,667 --> 00:15:23,066 What? I can't do that. 309 00:15:23,147 --> 00:15:24,500 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were talking here, 310 00:15:24,587 --> 00:15:25,815 but I guess you're not talking to me. Goodbye. 311 00:15:25,907 --> 00:15:27,863 No, no. Wait. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're right. 312 00:15:27,947 --> 00:15:29,426 What reason do you have to trust me? 313 00:15:29,507 --> 00:15:31,577 I'm just a guy from Lakewood trying to make ends meet, you know? 314 00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:33,658 Just a blue-collar guy like your dad. 315 00:15:33,747 --> 00:15:35,226 Don't have a dad, Mike. That's not gonna work. 316 00:15:35,307 --> 00:15:37,867 Oh, all right, some guns. I'll see what I can do. 317 00:15:40,587 --> 00:15:44,500 Okay, up a little. Left a little. Almost there. 318 00:15:44,587 --> 00:15:45,622 What is that? 319 00:15:45,707 --> 00:15:48,062 We're giving the boys some guns in return for a calf. 320 00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:50,024 - What? - You're giving my baby guns? 321 00:15:50,107 --> 00:15:52,143 Hey! This is a negotiation process, okay? 322 00:15:52,227 --> 00:15:54,900 Did you people go to negotiator school? No. You didn't. 323 00:15:55,627 --> 00:15:56,821 Get them on the line for me. 324 00:15:57,867 --> 00:15:58,902 Hello? 325 00:15:58,987 --> 00:16:00,625 Okay, you see that? I keep my end of the bargain. 326 00:16:00,707 --> 00:16:02,618 All right, we'll keep ours. We'll send out one calf. 327 00:16:02,707 --> 00:16:05,141 Well, how about you send out two calves? 328 00:16:05,227 --> 00:16:08,617 Oh, Jesus. You know, there's just no talking to you, is there, Mike? 329 00:16:09,587 --> 00:16:10,906 We had a deal. Do you think I'm stupid? 330 00:16:10,987 --> 00:16:13,217 - Don't treat me like I'm stupid, here. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 331 00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:16,583 Damn it, I'm losing them. Okay, I'm sorry. Just send out one calf. 332 00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:18,703 Oh, no, no, now you're gonna have to get us something else. 333 00:16:18,787 --> 00:16:19,776 What'd you have in mind? 334 00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:27,222 A little to the left. Okay, that's good. A little to the right. 335 00:16:27,307 --> 00:16:30,617 - You're giving them a missile? - Stand down, ma'am. Stand down. 336 00:16:30,707 --> 00:16:33,267 This is a delicate process. I've almost earned their trust. 337 00:16:33,587 --> 00:16:34,986 Stan's getting worse, you guys. 338 00:16:36,347 --> 00:16:38,065 - Mike, babe. - How we doing? 339 00:16:38,147 --> 00:16:40,502 We got a real sick kid here, Mike. Did you get the other things for us? 340 00:16:40,587 --> 00:16:42,657 Well, I did manage to get the FDA 341 00:16:42,747 --> 00:16:46,023 to officially change the word "veal" to "tortured baby cow." 342 00:16:46,107 --> 00:16:47,096 Good. Good. 343 00:16:47,187 --> 00:16:49,542 But I couldn't get you North and South Dakota. 344 00:16:49,627 --> 00:16:51,538 Oh, Mike, breaking my balls, Mike. 345 00:16:51,627 --> 00:16:53,822 Now, please, can we get you to come out? 346 00:16:57,427 --> 00:16:58,655 All right, everything is worked out. 347 00:16:58,747 --> 00:17:01,420 The boys have promised to come out and bring the cows out with them. 348 00:17:02,907 --> 00:17:05,740 I'm sorry I doubted your abilities, Mr. Negotiator. 349 00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:07,465 - They're coming out now? - Yes. 350 00:17:07,547 --> 00:17:10,539 All we need to do in return is get a cattle transporting semi-truck 351 00:17:10,627 --> 00:17:13,016 that will take the boys and the cattle to Denver International Airport, 352 00:17:13,107 --> 00:17:14,540 where we'll have a fully-gassed aeroplane 353 00:17:14,627 --> 00:17:16,026 waiting to take them all to Mexico. 354 00:17:16,107 --> 00:17:17,426 - What? - And they want the guy 355 00:17:17,507 --> 00:17:20,385 that plays Mr. Worf on Star Trek to drive the truck. 356 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,816 - In full makeup. - Jesus Christ. 357 00:17:22,947 --> 00:17:24,141 All right, that does it. 358 00:17:24,227 --> 00:17:27,902 You are, in fact, the worst negotiator I've ever seen in action. 359 00:17:27,987 --> 00:17:29,625 All right, all right, I'll give you that. 360 00:17:29,707 --> 00:17:32,858 - But in return, I want three staples. - Get out of here! 361 00:17:32,947 --> 00:17:35,984 We'll get them the semi, and we'll get them the Worf guy from Star Trek. 362 00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:38,740 If they see that, then they'll come out, and then, we can take them. 363 00:17:38,827 --> 00:17:41,022 - But isn't that dishonest? - Maybe so. 364 00:17:41,107 --> 00:17:44,577 But if we don't do something soon, there could be 50, even 60 people 365 00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:48,740 who have to go without veal for dinner. Are you prepared to let that happen? 366 00:17:54,867 --> 00:17:58,382 - All right, where is Mr. Dorn? - I was woken up at 3:00 in morning, 367 00:17:58,467 --> 00:18:00,503 told I had to put on makeup and come to this town. 368 00:18:00,587 --> 00:18:03,738 - What the hell is going on? - I'm sorry, Mr. Dorn, it's FBI business. 369 00:18:03,827 --> 00:18:06,057 We've got terrorists making demands and we need your help. 370 00:18:06,147 --> 00:18:09,025 - This is highly unusual. - All right, boys, we have your truck, 371 00:18:09,107 --> 00:18:11,746 and we have an aeroplane on the tarmac at Denver International. 372 00:18:11,827 --> 00:18:14,057 - And Worf? - My name is Michael Dorn. 373 00:18:14,147 --> 00:18:15,819 I play a character called Worf. 374 00:18:15,907 --> 00:18:18,137 - Stan, it worked. - It did? 375 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,297 They got us a truck and an aeroplane and Mr. Worf. 376 00:18:20,387 --> 00:18:23,743 - The calves are gonna be okay. - Pick me up. I want to see. 377 00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:32,657 Step back. Tell those men to step back. 378 00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:33,782 Do it. 379 00:18:39,307 --> 00:18:40,945 Shut up, you frigging hippies. 380 00:18:42,987 --> 00:18:45,023 All right, Mr. Worf. Start the engine and put her in gear. 381 00:18:45,107 --> 00:18:47,177 Oh, and you must refer to me as "Captain." 382 00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:48,746 Where am I supposed to drive to? 383 00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:52,422 No, see, you must say, "Captain, where am I supposed to drive to?" 384 00:18:53,027 --> 00:18:54,983 Captain, where am I supposed to drive to? 385 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,898 You're going to back the truck up to the door of the house, 386 00:18:56,987 --> 00:18:59,626 - So we can safely load in the calves. - This whole thing is ridiculous. 387 00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:02,175 "Captain, this whole thing is ridiculous." 388 00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,417 Captain, this whole thing is ridiculous. 389 00:19:07,907 --> 00:19:09,101 Okay, all set. 390 00:19:09,187 --> 00:19:12,065 Tom, it looks as though the terrorists are now loading the baby cows 391 00:19:12,147 --> 00:19:13,899 into the back of a semi. 392 00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,421 This is still very uninteresting news, Tom. 393 00:19:16,507 --> 00:19:19,817 - Okay, Cartman. - Step on it, Mr. Worf. 394 00:19:19,987 --> 00:19:22,217 - All right! - We're going. 395 00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:23,621 Mexico, here we come. 396 00:19:28,747 --> 00:19:31,898 Wait a minute. They're following us. Full speed, Mr. Worf. 397 00:19:31,987 --> 00:19:34,501 We cannot keep going fast on these icy roads. 398 00:19:34,587 --> 00:19:36,976 "Captain, we cannot keep going fast on these icy roads"? 399 00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:39,786 Captain, we cannot keep going fast on these icy roads. 400 00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:40,902 All right, Mr. Worf. 401 00:19:40,987 --> 00:19:43,706 Then reduce speed to 45, but maintain distance from those police cruisers. 402 00:19:44,587 --> 00:19:46,464 Stan, we're almost there. You've got to hold on. 403 00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:51,455 All right, they're in front of the cattle ranch. Hit it. 404 00:19:56,747 --> 00:19:58,100 Oh, it's a double-cross. 405 00:19:58,187 --> 00:20:01,497 All right, boys. The game is over. Get out of the truck with your hands up. 406 00:20:02,347 --> 00:20:03,621 Oh, no. No! 407 00:20:04,147 --> 00:20:05,819 What are you waiting for? Go kill them, Worf. 408 00:20:05,907 --> 00:20:09,297 - I'm not killing anybody. - Some goddamn Klingon you are. 409 00:20:14,467 --> 00:20:17,061 We're sorry, cows. We tried. We tried. 410 00:20:17,147 --> 00:20:20,344 All right, boys. Just stay right there until your parents arrive. 411 00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:21,655 Can I go now? 412 00:20:21,747 --> 00:20:24,944 Here you go, Mr. Rancher. I got your cattle back for you. 413 00:20:25,027 --> 00:20:28,258 - Oh. Well, it doesn't matter now. - What do you mean? 414 00:20:28,347 --> 00:20:30,907 In the 24 hours since the word "veal" was officially changed 415 00:20:30,987 --> 00:20:34,104 to "little tortured baby cow," the market has gone dry. 416 00:20:34,187 --> 00:20:36,576 Seems when people see "little tortured baby cow" on their menus, 417 00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:38,305 - They don't feel like ordering. - Really? 418 00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:40,184 Yup. Damn things ain't worth spit now. 419 00:20:40,267 --> 00:20:42,940 I'll let them live outside with the other cows, and live a normal life. 420 00:20:43,027 --> 00:20:46,622 Do you hear that, Stan? It worked. We've shut down the veal industry. 421 00:20:46,987 --> 00:20:48,818 Stan? Stan? 422 00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,459 He's very lucky you got him here when you did. 423 00:20:52,547 --> 00:20:55,141 He was in a very advanced state of Vaginitus. 424 00:20:55,227 --> 00:20:56,216 Vaginitus? 425 00:20:56,307 --> 00:20:58,423 It occurs when a person stops eating meat. 426 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,975 Those sores on his skin were actually small vaginas. 427 00:21:01,067 --> 00:21:02,580 If we hadn't stopped it in time, 428 00:21:02,667 --> 00:21:06,023 Stan would have eventually just become one great, big, giant pussy. 429 00:21:06,107 --> 00:21:07,142 Whoa, dude. 430 00:21:07,227 --> 00:21:09,900 We've got an IV of pure beef blood pumping into Stan's veins, 431 00:21:09,987 --> 00:21:12,706 - And the sores are fading. - Thank God we stopped it in time. 432 00:21:12,787 --> 00:21:14,425 Well, I guess we learnt something today. 433 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:17,226 It's wrong to eat veal, because the animals are so horribly mistreated. 434 00:21:17,307 --> 00:21:19,457 But if you don't eat meat at all, you break out in vaginas. 435 00:21:19,547 --> 00:21:22,345 - Hear, hear. - All right, boys, it's time to go home. 436 00:21:22,427 --> 00:21:24,497 You've got some serious grounding time to start. 437 00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,737 - I'll say. - Aw, we're still grounded? 438 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:29,341 But we learned things and took up a cause. 439 00:21:29,427 --> 00:21:31,577 Yes, Kyle, but you still defied your parents. 440 00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:34,500 And you need to learn that terrorism is never the answer. 441 00:21:34,587 --> 00:21:36,817 That's right, let's get these terrorists to their rooms. 442 00:21:36,907 --> 00:21:39,546 But first, maybe we can grab some burgers. 443 00:21:39,627 --> 00:21:40,616 - All right! - All right!