1
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:17,457
I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a time
2
00:00:17,547 --> 00:00:20,937
Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptation
3
00:00:21,027 --> 00:00:24,099
Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behind
4
00:00:24,187 --> 00:00:27,259
Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"
5
00:00:27,347 --> 00:00:30,623
Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwind
6
00:00:30,707 --> 00:00:32,982
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, Timmy
7
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,102
Living a lie, Timmy!
8
00:00:34,187 --> 00:00:37,020
Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mine
9
00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:44,504
Okay, children, step off the bus and
form a group next to the nice redneck.
10
00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,781
I mean, rancher.
11
00:00:45,867 --> 00:00:48,301
Hello, boys and girls.
My name is Rancher Bob.
12
00:00:48,387 --> 00:00:51,618
- Let's all say hello to Rancher Bob.
- Hi, Rancher Bob.
13
00:00:51,707 --> 00:00:54,301
I'm pleased to show you all
the wonderful world of beef.
14
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,820
Follow me.
15
00:00:55,907 --> 00:00:58,785
City kids get to go to museums
for field trips. We get cow farms.
16
00:00:58,867 --> 00:01:02,416
Now, out here, you can see our cattle.
This is where the magic begins,
17
00:01:02,507 --> 00:01:05,863
as the cows eat and sleep
and prepare for certain death.
18
00:01:07,427 --> 00:01:09,019
They look so delicious.
19
00:01:09,787 --> 00:01:11,379
And here we have the slaughterhouse.
20
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This is where we turn the cows
into steaks and burgers.
21
00:01:15,707 --> 00:01:17,186
Aw, dude.
22
00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:19,940
- Anybody want a free sample?
- Me, me, me, me.
23
00:01:20,027 --> 00:01:23,463
And in here, boys and girls,
we have our veal ranch.
24
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:36,344
You see, with veal, the whole key
is keeping the cows chained,
25
00:01:36,427 --> 00:01:38,463
so they can't walk around
or get any exercise.
26
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That way, their muscle tissue stays soft,
and makes for tender veal.
27
00:01:42,747 --> 00:01:46,820
- Wait a minute. Veal is little baby cows?
- Yepper.
28
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,545
Then why the hell do they call it veal?
29
00:01:48,627 --> 00:01:51,425
Well, if we called it "little baby cow,"
people might not eat it.
30
00:01:51,507 --> 00:01:53,304
- Yeah, I wouldn't have.
- Me, neither.
31
00:01:53,387 --> 00:01:56,424
Oh, man, look at that one.
It looks delicious.
32
00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:58,498
- What?
- Succulent and juicy.
33
00:01:58,587 --> 00:02:00,179
Can we have a free sample
of these, too?
34
00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:03,339
Well, no, but all these veals are going
to the slaughterhouse
35
00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:05,617
tomorrow morning.
They'll be steaks by the afternoon,
36
00:02:05,707 --> 00:02:07,379
and then you can buy them
at your grocery store.
37
00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:09,503
- All right.
- Tomorrow morning?
38
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,383
- Dude, we gotta help them.
- Yeah.
39
00:02:22,587 --> 00:02:25,260
- Cartman.
- No, Uncle Jessie. No.
40
00:02:25,347 --> 00:02:26,860
- Cartman, wake up.
- What?
41
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,983
- What the hell are you guys doing?
- Come on. We gotta go.
42
00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:30,102
Where are we going?
43
00:02:30,187 --> 00:02:31,666
We're gonna go save
the little baby cows, fatass.
44
00:02:31,747 --> 00:02:32,782
What? Why?
45
00:02:32,867 --> 00:02:34,698
'Cause they're gonna
get slaughtered tomorrow, butthole.
46
00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,778
- So?
- So, we can't let them die, douchebag.
47
00:02:36,867 --> 00:02:38,664
- You're our friend, now come help us.
- Well, let's see.
48
00:02:38,747 --> 00:02:42,501
In the last 3.2 seconds, you've called
me "fatass, butthole" and "douchebag."
49
00:02:42,587 --> 00:02:44,703
I really don't feel much
like you guys' friend.
50
00:02:44,787 --> 00:02:46,061
We're sorry. You are our friend.
51
00:02:46,147 --> 00:02:48,263
We need you to help us
because friends stick together.
52
00:02:48,347 --> 00:02:50,224
Wait, I thought you said we needed him
53
00:02:50,307 --> 00:02:53,344
because he has the Mission: Impossible
Breaking and Entering Playset.
54
00:02:53,427 --> 00:02:56,305
- Damn it, Butters, will you shut up?
- Oh, ho! So you need me
55
00:02:56,387 --> 00:02:58,503
and my Mission: Impossible
Breaking and Entering Playset?
56
00:02:58,587 --> 00:03:01,704
Yes, we do.
We're those little baby cows' only hope.
57
00:03:01,787 --> 00:03:04,699
- Will you help us?
- Yes. Yes, I will.
58
00:03:04,787 --> 00:03:06,857
- If Kyle will kiss my black ass.
- What?
59
00:03:06,947 --> 00:03:09,745
- Just give it a little kiss and I'll help.
- Screw you, Cartman.
60
00:03:09,827 --> 00:03:13,058
Okay, but if you want my help, you have
to give it just a little kiss. Kiss it.
61
00:03:13,147 --> 00:03:14,944
- Go on, dude, it's the only way.
- No!
62
00:03:15,027 --> 00:03:17,780
- Kiss it. Come on, kiss it.
- Just do it really fast and we can go.
63
00:03:17,867 --> 00:03:21,542
- Have Butters kiss it.
- No, it has to be Kyle.
64
00:03:28,627 --> 00:03:32,506
- Oh, man, that was so awesome.
- Sick. I felt it on my face.
65
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,179
Okay, very funny, Cartman.
Now come on.
66
00:03:34,267 --> 00:03:35,746
Hey, I'm not going with you.
67
00:03:41,147 --> 00:03:43,377
I don't know about this, fellas.
It says right here,
68
00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:45,298
on the Mission: Impossible
Breaking and Entering Playset,
69
00:03:45,387 --> 00:03:49,744
"Not for actual breaking and entering.
Breaking and entering is a crime."
70
00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:52,182
Yeah, well killing little, helpless
baby cows should be a crime, too.
71
00:03:52,267 --> 00:03:55,179
- How does this thing work, Cartman?
- Jesus, don't you guys have any toys?
72
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:56,905
First, you put on the black ski mask
73
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,660
and you use the torch
to cut a hole in the roof.
74
00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:11,223
Okay, that's far enough.
I'm going to go delta.
75
00:04:11,307 --> 00:04:12,296
You have to talk louder.
76
00:04:12,387 --> 00:04:14,742
I forgot the AA batteries for
the supertalk play-action headset.
77
00:04:14,827 --> 00:04:16,818
I said, that's far enough!
78
00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:25,740
Don't be scared, little baby cow.
We're here to set you loose.
79
00:04:25,827 --> 00:04:29,456
There you go. You're free. Run away.
80
00:04:29,547 --> 00:04:30,980
Go. They're gonna murder you.
81
00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:33,262
Stan, could you hurry it up?
I'm freezing my ass off.
82
00:04:33,347 --> 00:04:34,905
You need to freeze
some of your ass off.
83
00:04:34,987 --> 00:04:37,217
- At least I have an ass, Jew.
- What?
84
00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:41,383
Come on, you stupid baby cows.
85
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,738
You have to get out of here.
86
00:04:45,707 --> 00:04:47,823
- Well, what's the matter?
- They aren't leaving.
87
00:04:47,907 --> 00:04:50,660
See? Maybe they want to become
sweet, juicy veal steaks.
88
00:04:50,747 --> 00:04:53,898
Hey. They've never been allowed to
walk before. They just don't know how.
89
00:04:53,987 --> 00:04:55,864
Oh, yeah. They're too weak to move.
90
00:04:57,507 --> 00:04:58,496
Well, we've got to get them out of here.
91
00:04:58,587 --> 00:05:01,385
We'll just keep them at Butters' house
until they can get their strength back.
92
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,583
No, I can't bring calves into my house.
93
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:05,464
- I'll get grounded.
- Okay, fine, Butters.
94
00:05:05,547 --> 00:05:07,822
I guess you're not a team player.
We'll bring them to my house.
95
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:10,341
Dude, how are we gonna move
23 calves to your house?
96
00:05:10,427 --> 00:05:11,906
- I don't know.
- I've got it.
97
00:05:11,987 --> 00:05:14,945
We could kill Butters, and then float
the calves on a river of blood.
98
00:05:15,027 --> 00:05:17,336
Don't be stupid, Cartman, Butters
doesn't have that much blood in him.
99
00:05:17,427 --> 00:05:18,701
Hey, I do, too.
100
00:05:18,787 --> 00:05:20,539
We're just gonna have to carry them,
one by one.
101
00:05:21,867 --> 00:05:23,266
Come on, you guys.
102
00:05:31,867 --> 00:05:34,540
Check it out, you guys, I'm calf curling.
103
00:05:40,027 --> 00:05:41,619
Man, these calves smell like crap.
104
00:05:41,707 --> 00:05:43,743
I don't see how you're gonna hide them
from your mom much longer.
105
00:05:43,827 --> 00:05:45,624
We won't have to. Butters said
he had something at his house
106
00:05:45,707 --> 00:05:47,937
that makes baby cows strong again.
He's bringing it over.
107
00:05:48,027 --> 00:05:49,506
Butters had that at his house?
108
00:05:49,587 --> 00:05:52,021
- Hey, fellas.
- Butters, did you bring it?
109
00:05:52,107 --> 00:05:55,019
I sure did. We'll have those poor,
baby cows in shape in no time.
110
00:05:55,107 --> 00:05:56,096
All right.
111
00:05:56,187 --> 00:05:58,826
- "Susanne Sommers' Calf Exerciser."
- What?
112
00:05:58,907 --> 00:06:02,058
"Makes your calves stronger
in just two days."
113
00:06:02,147 --> 00:06:04,581
Oh, goddamn it, that's your plan?
114
00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:05,895
You think it's a gimmick?
115
00:06:05,987 --> 00:06:08,296
Susanne promises,
right on the box, that it works.
116
00:06:10,827 --> 00:06:12,226
Hello, Mrs. Marsh.
117
00:06:12,307 --> 00:06:14,104
Officer Barbrady, what can I do for you?
118
00:06:14,187 --> 00:06:15,905
Well, we've got a little problem.
119
00:06:15,987 --> 00:06:19,423
Jed here caught your boy and his
friends trespassing on his ranch.
120
00:06:19,507 --> 00:06:22,817
- They stole some of his property.
- Stole? Are you sure?
121
00:06:22,907 --> 00:06:25,546
I followed a calf-curling trail
right to your house, ma'am.
122
00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:28,266
Stan's in trouble.
Let me kick his ass, Mom.
123
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,463
Not now. My son is not a thief.
124
00:06:30,547 --> 00:06:32,538
I'm sure this is just
some kind of misunderstanding.
125
00:06:35,867 --> 00:06:38,427
Stanley, did you see...
126
00:06:38,507 --> 00:06:39,906
Oh, crap.
127
00:06:39,987 --> 00:06:41,739
Stanley, what are you doing
with those calves?
128
00:06:41,827 --> 00:06:43,818
That asshole was going to kill them
and feed them to people.
129
00:06:43,907 --> 00:06:46,705
- Stanley, they belong to him.
- They don't belong to anybody.
130
00:06:46,787 --> 00:06:48,300
Please, Mom,
we don't want these cows to die.
131
00:06:48,387 --> 00:06:51,026
- Let me hit him, Mom.
- Stanley, this isn't up for discussion.
132
00:06:51,107 --> 00:06:54,941
The rancher is going to take his cows
back, and you don't have a choice.
133
00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:04,657
Stanley! Stanley, you open this door
right now or you're going to get it!
134
00:07:04,747 --> 00:07:07,102
- No.
- Stan, you're behaving like a kid.
135
00:07:07,187 --> 00:07:09,462
You're the ones who made me eat veal
without telling me what it was.
136
00:07:09,547 --> 00:07:11,981
You're the ones who knew we were
making little baby animals suffer.
137
00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:14,422
- Open this door, now.
- Kiss my ass.
138
00:07:14,507 --> 00:07:19,058
- Oh, Jeez. He said "ass" to his parents.
- You're getting in pretty deep, dude.
139
00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:21,537
I apologise for this, Mr. Rancher person.
140
00:07:21,627 --> 00:07:24,266
Well, why don't you just tell them
that the cows will be safe,
141
00:07:24,347 --> 00:07:25,826
and when they come out,
I can take them back.
142
00:07:25,907 --> 00:07:27,386
I can't lie to my son, okay?
143
00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:29,856
If I betrayed him like that,
I'd pay for it the rest of my life.
144
00:07:29,947 --> 00:07:33,383
Well, that's just too bad.
Look, that's $800 worth of veal up there,
145
00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:34,741
and I have to ship it out Friday.
146
00:07:34,827 --> 00:07:36,658
What are you going to do,
Officer Barbrady?
147
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,817
Me? How did I get into this mess?
148
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:41,701
So what happens now?
149
00:07:41,787 --> 00:07:43,345
I'm going to lock myself in here
with these cows
150
00:07:43,427 --> 00:07:45,304
until we have a guarantee
of their safety, in writing.
151
00:07:45,387 --> 00:07:46,740
- We're with you, dude.
- Yeah.
152
00:07:46,827 --> 00:07:49,182
Don't be so sure.
Because I'm going to tell you,
153
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:51,576
this is going to get ugly. Real ugly.
154
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:53,146
When all is said and done,
you could all be looking at
155
00:07:53,227 --> 00:07:55,377
being grounded for three,
perhaps even four weeks.
156
00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:58,027
So if any of you guys want out,
just say the word now.
157
00:07:58,107 --> 00:07:59,506
- I want out.
- Shut up, Cartman.
158
00:07:59,587 --> 00:08:00,781
- We're with you, Stan.
- Yeah.
159
00:08:00,867 --> 00:08:02,823
We can't let those
little baby cows down.
160
00:08:02,907 --> 00:08:04,465
They've got no one else to turn to.
161
00:08:04,547 --> 00:08:07,220
Then it's settled. One for all
and all for one, except Cartman.
162
00:08:07,307 --> 00:08:09,104
- Yeah!
- Yeah. Wait, what?
163
00:08:13,027 --> 00:08:14,301
And so that's the situation.
164
00:08:14,387 --> 00:08:17,060
Our boys have locked themselves in
Stan's room until we can promise them
165
00:08:17,147 --> 00:08:18,819
the calves will live free, in writing.
166
00:08:18,907 --> 00:08:21,740
Well, this is ridiculous.
I don't know how you raise your kids,
167
00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:24,057
but my son
does not play negotiator with me.
168
00:08:24,147 --> 00:08:26,945
Well, excuse me, Sheila,
but it wasn't that simple.
169
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:29,865
Give me 15 seconds with Kyle
and I'll have that door open.
170
00:08:31,987 --> 00:08:35,662
Kyle. This is your mother.
You will open this door right now.
171
00:08:36,627 --> 00:08:37,776
No, I won't.
172
00:08:38,307 --> 00:08:40,298
Yes, I see what you mean, Sheila.
That was very impressive.
173
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:44,141
Kyle, if you don't do as you're told,
I'm going to be very angry.
174
00:08:44,227 --> 00:08:46,263
Well, you made me eat veal
and didn't tell me what it was.
175
00:08:46,347 --> 00:08:49,305
So go ahead and be angry,
you baby-cow-killing bitch.
176
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:53,417
- Very persuasive.
- Open this door! Open this door!
177
00:08:54,027 --> 00:08:58,225
Let me try. Butters.
Butters, this is your father.
178
00:08:58,307 --> 00:09:00,263
Oh, sweet Jesus. What do I do?
179
00:09:00,347 --> 00:09:01,905
Be strong, Butters.
You knew it would come to this.
180
00:09:01,987 --> 00:09:05,377
- Butters, answer me.
- But Dad's angry at me.
181
00:09:05,467 --> 00:09:08,823
- Don't panic. I'll tell you what to say.
- Butters, right now!
182
00:09:08,907 --> 00:09:12,024
Dad, why don't you suck my fat one?
183
00:09:12,107 --> 00:09:13,938
- What?
- Oh, sweet Jesus.
184
00:09:14,027 --> 00:09:15,665
- What's gotten into them?
- All right, Stanley.
185
00:09:15,747 --> 00:09:18,022
This has gone on long enough.
Your little game is over.
186
00:09:18,107 --> 00:09:19,665
This isn't a game, Mom.
We're not coming out
187
00:09:19,747 --> 00:09:21,146
until we know the calves will be safe.
188
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:24,139
Well, that's fine, you boys can just
stay in there and starve to death.
189
00:09:24,227 --> 00:09:26,582
Us parents are going to go
to Pizza Shack
190
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,135
and have pepperoni pizzas
and ice cream.
191
00:09:29,507 --> 00:09:32,499
- Oh, goddamn it, you guys.
- Cartman, stay away from that door.
192
00:09:32,587 --> 00:09:34,623
You'll have to come out
sooner or later, boys.
193
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,585
The longer you wait,
the more trouble you'll be in.
194
00:09:40,827 --> 00:09:43,216
- Round one is over. We made it.
- We didn't make it.
195
00:09:43,307 --> 00:09:44,899
Your mom is right, douchebag,
what are we gonna do,
196
00:09:44,987 --> 00:09:45,976
stay in here until we starve?
197
00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:47,978
Our parents would never let us starve.
They're bluffing.
198
00:09:48,067 --> 00:09:50,820
This is a battle of wills. If we hold out
long enough, they'll give in.
199
00:09:50,907 --> 00:09:52,386
But we will have to sleep, dude.
200
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:53,946
Three of us can sleep
while one keeps watch.
201
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,301
We'll shift every couple of hours.
202
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:58,743
Hey, this is gonna be
just like Vietnam, huh, fellas?
203
00:09:58,827 --> 00:10:02,615
We'll stay in this room with these
baby cows for as long as it takes.
204
00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:11,736
Well, we tried everything.
205
00:10:11,827 --> 00:10:14,136
We can't get through the door
without tearing apart the house.
206
00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:16,297
Dear God. It's been over 13 hours.
207
00:10:16,387 --> 00:10:19,140
Oh, but my poor little poopsie
must be getting so hungry.
208
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:22,537
- Maybe we should get them a little food.
- Mrs. Cartman, this is a battle of will.
209
00:10:22,627 --> 00:10:25,380
We need our boys to know
that we're not going to cave in at all.
210
00:10:25,467 --> 00:10:26,502
Oh, all right.
211
00:10:26,587 --> 00:10:28,623
Let's all just go to bed
and let them play their little game
212
00:10:28,707 --> 00:10:29,935
for as long as they can.
213
00:10:32,547 --> 00:10:34,378
- Good night, fellas.
- Good night.
214
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,344
Good night, Patches.
Good night, Halloway.
215
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,258
Good night, Neptune.
Good night, Davis.
216
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,178
Good night, Bud. Good night, Red.
217
00:10:40,267 --> 00:10:42,223
Good night, Paulette.
Good night, Chastity.
218
00:10:42,307 --> 00:10:45,185
Butters, I'm going to kill you
over and over again.
219
00:10:52,907 --> 00:10:55,501
Can't go on. Need food.
220
00:10:55,587 --> 00:10:57,862
I didn't realise
hunger made you feel so bad.
221
00:10:57,947 --> 00:11:00,620
There's only one alternative, you guys.
We're going to have to eat a calf.
222
00:11:00,707 --> 00:11:02,504
No, Cartman, we're not eating a calf.
223
00:11:02,587 --> 00:11:05,226
All right, then we're going to
have to eat Butters.
224
00:11:05,307 --> 00:11:07,377
- He might be right, dude.
- Aw, heck.
225
00:11:07,907 --> 00:11:11,502
- Wait, what is that? Dude!
- Food!
226
00:11:12,507 --> 00:11:16,500
- Mrs. Cartman, what are you doing?
- I just can't stand to see my baby suffer.
227
00:11:16,587 --> 00:11:18,623
Oh, dear God, you've ruined everything.
228
00:11:18,707 --> 00:11:21,301
- All right.
- See? Now we can hold out for weeks.
229
00:11:21,387 --> 00:11:24,459
- Look, you guys. Beef jerky.
- Yeah. And fried chicken.
230
00:11:24,547 --> 00:11:25,536
What?
231
00:11:26,507 --> 00:11:28,145
Dude, what are you guys doing?
232
00:11:28,227 --> 00:11:30,422
- We're eating, dude.
- You're eating meat.
233
00:11:30,507 --> 00:11:32,384
What the hell do you guys think
we're doing all this for?
234
00:11:32,467 --> 00:11:34,537
Hey, I'm doing it
to save little baby cows.
235
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,060
I'm not gonna
stop eating meat altogether.
236
00:11:36,147 --> 00:11:37,182
Me, neither.
237
00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:39,223
Yeah, if you don't eat meat at all,
you become a pussy.
238
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:42,583
That's fine. You guys can live off of
flesh, but I'm never eating meat again.
239
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:45,739
Go ahead, that's more for us.
You want some beef jerky, buddy?
240
00:11:45,827 --> 00:11:48,580
Yes, who's your bud? Who's hungry?
Who's a hungry man?
241
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,464
Dude, that's messed up.
242
00:11:58,627 --> 00:12:00,299
Hey, guys, check this out.
243
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:04,466
Tom, I'm standing in front the house
where four insane boy terrorists
244
00:12:04,547 --> 00:12:08,142
have barricaded themselves inside
a room with 23 live infant cattle.
245
00:12:08,907 --> 00:12:12,138
Hey, look. Some other kids
are doing the same thing we are.
246
00:12:12,747 --> 00:12:15,580
Several attempts to break into the room
have proven unsuccessful, Tom,
247
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:18,977
and the crisis is intensifying.
Here's what some people had to say.
248
00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:22,059
We were just sleeping when suddenly
we heard all the commotion.
249
00:12:22,147 --> 00:12:25,423
I mean, to think this could happen
right here, in our own community...
250
00:12:25,507 --> 00:12:29,625
We gave those kids everything, and
they've turned into little John Walkers.
251
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:31,785
The police chief of South Park says
252
00:12:31,867 --> 00:12:34,256
that there will be
no negotiations with terrorists.
253
00:12:34,347 --> 00:12:36,781
Oh, no.
This is big-time trouble now, fellas.
254
00:12:36,867 --> 00:12:39,142
- No, this is exactly what we wanted.
- It is?
255
00:12:39,227 --> 00:12:41,616
Yes. Don't you see? This validates
everything that we're doing.
256
00:12:41,707 --> 00:12:44,016
If we're making the news, then this
is obviously important to people.
257
00:12:44,107 --> 00:12:45,938
Tom, it looks like I have an update.
258
00:12:46,027 --> 00:12:50,657
Yes. It looks like the boy terrorists story
is not interesting news to anyone.
259
00:12:50,747 --> 00:12:52,339
Nothing else was going on, Tom,
260
00:12:52,427 --> 00:12:54,782
so this was the only story
we had to make seem important,
261
00:12:54,867 --> 00:12:56,698
but people are just simply tuning out.
262
00:12:56,787 --> 00:12:59,142
So HBC will now be switching
programming, once again,
263
00:12:59,227 --> 00:13:01,695
to Puppies From Around The World.
264
00:13:20,387 --> 00:13:21,376
I don't believe it.
265
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,901
The Chinese puppy
is my favourite so far.
266
00:13:31,907 --> 00:13:34,023
Butters. Butters, you have
your arm around me!
267
00:13:34,107 --> 00:13:36,496
Oh, sorry, I thought
you were Mr. Pickles.
268
00:13:36,587 --> 00:13:40,421
We must help the helpless
We must save the unsaved
269
00:13:40,507 --> 00:13:41,735
What the hell is that?
270
00:13:41,827 --> 00:13:43,624
For if we fight together
271
00:13:43,707 --> 00:13:47,859
We can make sure the road is paved
for a brighter tomorrow
272
00:13:47,947 --> 00:13:49,460
- Hippies.
- What are they doing here?
273
00:13:49,547 --> 00:13:53,540
We are with you, boys. Your message
is real and your fight is just.
274
00:13:55,107 --> 00:13:57,143
Dude, those gaywads are on our side?
275
00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:59,787
- Ew, they're all dirty.
- What did I tell you, Stan?
276
00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:01,425
We saved some baby cows
from being eaten,
277
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,180
and now we're no-good, dirty,
goddamn hippies!
278
00:14:05,867 --> 00:14:07,903
Tom, the calf terrorist
standoff continues
279
00:14:07,987 --> 00:14:11,582
as now members of the FBI arrive
to put an end to the conflict.
280
00:14:12,787 --> 00:14:14,061
Oh, Jesus Christ.
281
00:14:14,427 --> 00:14:17,180
- Who's in charge here?
- I am. But I don't want to be.
282
00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:19,098
- Where's the negotiator?
- Right here.
283
00:14:19,187 --> 00:14:22,304
- Glen Dumont, negotiator squad.
- All right, see what you can do.
284
00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:26,577
- Dude, are you okay?
- I just feel so run down.
285
00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:27,702
I don't know what's wrong with me.
286
00:14:27,787 --> 00:14:29,584
- I've got these sores.
- What is that?
287
00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:31,259
- Dude, maybe we should end this.
- No.
288
00:14:32,147 --> 00:14:34,058
Get me a hard line
to the phone in that house.
289
00:14:34,147 --> 00:14:36,820
The terrorists already said
there's no way they're coming out.
290
00:14:36,907 --> 00:14:40,183
Don't worry, I'm a negotiator,
it's my job to talk to freaks like this
291
00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:43,418
and bring about a peaceful resolution
using clever psychology.
292
00:14:44,707 --> 00:14:46,140
- Hello?
- Hello.
293
00:14:46,227 --> 00:14:49,981
My name is Mike. I'm a negotiator.
Is it okay if I talk to you?
294
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:52,137
Hold on. It's some negotiator
named Mike. What do I do?
295
00:14:52,227 --> 00:14:53,819
- Don't give him anything.
- But what do I say?
296
00:14:53,907 --> 00:14:56,137
Give me that. Talk to me, Mike.
297
00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:58,695
I'm here to make sure
we can all end this peacefully.
298
00:14:58,787 --> 00:15:01,062
- You want that, right?
- Sure, sure.
299
00:15:01,147 --> 00:15:04,105
How about we make a trade, just to
show that we can trust each other?
300
00:15:04,187 --> 00:15:05,222
What did you have in mind?
301
00:15:05,307 --> 00:15:08,105
Well, how about you send out
one of the calves?
302
00:15:08,187 --> 00:15:10,178
Oh, Mike, you're breaking
my balls here, Mike.
303
00:15:10,267 --> 00:15:12,701
- Just one. That's all we want.
- All right, how about this?
304
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,539
You guys have all the leverage
and we have nothing.
305
00:15:14,627 --> 00:15:15,855
So how about we give you one calf...
306
00:15:15,947 --> 00:15:17,619
- Cartman, no!
- Dude.
307
00:15:17,707 --> 00:15:21,586
We'll give you one calf, if you'll give us
some guns and ammunition of our own.
308
00:15:21,667 --> 00:15:23,066
What? I can't do that.
309
00:15:23,147 --> 00:15:24,500
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought we were talking here,
310
00:15:24,587 --> 00:15:25,815
but I guess you're not
talking to me. Goodbye.
311
00:15:25,907 --> 00:15:27,863
No, no. Wait. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. You're right.
312
00:15:27,947 --> 00:15:29,426
What reason do you have to trust me?
313
00:15:29,507 --> 00:15:31,577
I'm just a guy from Lakewood
trying to make ends meet, you know?
314
00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:33,658
Just a blue-collar guy like your dad.
315
00:15:33,747 --> 00:15:35,226
Don't have a dad, Mike.
That's not gonna work.
316
00:15:35,307 --> 00:15:37,867
Oh, all right, some guns.
I'll see what I can do.
317
00:15:40,587 --> 00:15:44,500
Okay, up a little. Left a little.
Almost there.
318
00:15:44,587 --> 00:15:45,622
What is that?
319
00:15:45,707 --> 00:15:48,062
We're giving the boys some guns
in return for a calf.
320
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:50,024
- What?
- You're giving my baby guns?
321
00:15:50,107 --> 00:15:52,143
Hey! This is
a negotiation process, okay?
322
00:15:52,227 --> 00:15:54,900
Did you people go to negotiator school?
No. You didn't.
323
00:15:55,627 --> 00:15:56,821
Get them on the line for me.
324
00:15:57,867 --> 00:15:58,902
Hello?
325
00:15:58,987 --> 00:16:00,625
Okay, you see that?
I keep my end of the bargain.
326
00:16:00,707 --> 00:16:02,618
All right, we'll keep ours.
We'll send out one calf.
327
00:16:02,707 --> 00:16:05,141
Well, how about
you send out two calves?
328
00:16:05,227 --> 00:16:08,617
Oh, Jesus. You know, there's just
no talking to you, is there, Mike?
329
00:16:09,587 --> 00:16:10,906
We had a deal. Do you think I'm stupid?
330
00:16:10,987 --> 00:16:13,217
- Don't treat me like I'm stupid, here.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
331
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:16,583
Damn it, I'm losing them.
Okay, I'm sorry. Just send out one calf.
332
00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:18,703
Oh, no, no, now you're gonna have to
get us something else.
333
00:16:18,787 --> 00:16:19,776
What'd you have in mind?
334
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:27,222
A little to the left. Okay, that's good.
A little to the right.
335
00:16:27,307 --> 00:16:30,617
- You're giving them a missile?
- Stand down, ma'am. Stand down.
336
00:16:30,707 --> 00:16:33,267
This is a delicate process.
I've almost earned their trust.
337
00:16:33,587 --> 00:16:34,986
Stan's getting worse, you guys.
338
00:16:36,347 --> 00:16:38,065
- Mike, babe.
- How we doing?
339
00:16:38,147 --> 00:16:40,502
We got a real sick kid here, Mike.
Did you get the other things for us?
340
00:16:40,587 --> 00:16:42,657
Well, I did manage to get the FDA
341
00:16:42,747 --> 00:16:46,023
to officially change the word "veal"
to "tortured baby cow."
342
00:16:46,107 --> 00:16:47,096
Good. Good.
343
00:16:47,187 --> 00:16:49,542
But I couldn't get you
North and South Dakota.
344
00:16:49,627 --> 00:16:51,538
Oh, Mike, breaking my balls, Mike.
345
00:16:51,627 --> 00:16:53,822
Now, please,
can we get you to come out?
346
00:16:57,427 --> 00:16:58,655
All right, everything is worked out.
347
00:16:58,747 --> 00:17:01,420
The boys have promised to come out
and bring the cows out with them.
348
00:17:02,907 --> 00:17:05,740
I'm sorry I doubted your abilities,
Mr. Negotiator.
349
00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:07,465
- They're coming out now?
- Yes.
350
00:17:07,547 --> 00:17:10,539
All we need to do in return is get
a cattle transporting semi-truck
351
00:17:10,627 --> 00:17:13,016
that will take the boys and the cattle
to Denver International Airport,
352
00:17:13,107 --> 00:17:14,540
where we'll have
a fully-gassed aeroplane
353
00:17:14,627 --> 00:17:16,026
waiting to take them all to Mexico.
354
00:17:16,107 --> 00:17:17,426
- What?
- And they want the guy
355
00:17:17,507 --> 00:17:20,385
that plays Mr. Worf
on Star Trek to drive the truck.
356
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,816
- In full makeup.
- Jesus Christ.
357
00:17:22,947 --> 00:17:24,141
All right, that does it.
358
00:17:24,227 --> 00:17:27,902
You are, in fact, the worst negotiator
I've ever seen in action.
359
00:17:27,987 --> 00:17:29,625
All right, all right, I'll give you that.
360
00:17:29,707 --> 00:17:32,858
- But in return, I want three staples.
- Get out of here!
361
00:17:32,947 --> 00:17:35,984
We'll get them the semi, and we'll get
them the Worf guy from Star Trek.
362
00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:38,740
If they see that, then they'll come out,
and then, we can take them.
363
00:17:38,827 --> 00:17:41,022
- But isn't that dishonest?
- Maybe so.
364
00:17:41,107 --> 00:17:44,577
But if we don't do something soon,
there could be 50, even 60 people
365
00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:48,740
who have to go without veal for dinner.
Are you prepared to let that happen?
366
00:17:54,867 --> 00:17:58,382
- All right, where is Mr. Dorn?
- I was woken up at 3:00 in morning,
367
00:17:58,467 --> 00:18:00,503
told I had to put on makeup
and come to this town.
368
00:18:00,587 --> 00:18:03,738
- What the hell is going on?
- I'm sorry, Mr. Dorn, it's FBI business.
369
00:18:03,827 --> 00:18:06,057
We've got terrorists making demands
and we need your help.
370
00:18:06,147 --> 00:18:09,025
- This is highly unusual.
- All right, boys, we have your truck,
371
00:18:09,107 --> 00:18:11,746
and we have an aeroplane
on the tarmac at Denver International.
372
00:18:11,827 --> 00:18:14,057
- And Worf?
- My name is Michael Dorn.
373
00:18:14,147 --> 00:18:15,819
I play a character called Worf.
374
00:18:15,907 --> 00:18:18,137
- Stan, it worked.
- It did?
375
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,297
They got us a truck and an aeroplane
and Mr. Worf.
376
00:18:20,387 --> 00:18:23,743
- The calves are gonna be okay.
- Pick me up. I want to see.
377
00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:32,657
Step back. Tell those men to step back.
378
00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:33,782
Do it.
379
00:18:39,307 --> 00:18:40,945
Shut up, you frigging hippies.
380
00:18:42,987 --> 00:18:45,023
All right, Mr. Worf.
Start the engine and put her in gear.
381
00:18:45,107 --> 00:18:47,177
Oh, and you must refer to me
as "Captain."
382
00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:48,746
Where am I supposed to drive to?
383
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:52,422
No, see, you must say, "Captain,
where am I supposed to drive to?"
384
00:18:53,027 --> 00:18:54,983
Captain, where am I
supposed to drive to?
385
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,898
You're going to back the truck up
to the door of the house,
386
00:18:56,987 --> 00:18:59,626
- So we can safely load in the calves.
- This whole thing is ridiculous.
387
00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:02,175
"Captain, this whole thing is ridiculous."
388
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,417
Captain, this whole thing is ridiculous.
389
00:19:07,907 --> 00:19:09,101
Okay, all set.
390
00:19:09,187 --> 00:19:12,065
Tom, it looks as though the terrorists
are now loading the baby cows
391
00:19:12,147 --> 00:19:13,899
into the back of a semi.
392
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,421
This is still
very uninteresting news, Tom.
393
00:19:16,507 --> 00:19:19,817
- Okay, Cartman.
- Step on it, Mr. Worf.
394
00:19:19,987 --> 00:19:22,217
- All right!
- We're going.
395
00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:23,621
Mexico, here we come.
396
00:19:28,747 --> 00:19:31,898
Wait a minute. They're following us.
Full speed, Mr. Worf.
397
00:19:31,987 --> 00:19:34,501
We cannot keep going fast
on these icy roads.
398
00:19:34,587 --> 00:19:36,976
"Captain, we cannot keep going fast
on these icy roads"?
399
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:39,786
Captain, we cannot keep going fast
on these icy roads.
400
00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:40,902
All right, Mr. Worf.
401
00:19:40,987 --> 00:19:43,706
Then reduce speed to 45, but maintain
distance from those police cruisers.
402
00:19:44,587 --> 00:19:46,464
Stan, we're almost there.
You've got to hold on.
403
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:51,455
All right, they're in front
of the cattle ranch. Hit it.
404
00:19:56,747 --> 00:19:58,100
Oh, it's a double-cross.
405
00:19:58,187 --> 00:20:01,497
All right, boys. The game is over.
Get out of the truck with your hands up.
406
00:20:02,347 --> 00:20:03,621
Oh, no. No!
407
00:20:04,147 --> 00:20:05,819
What are you waiting for?
Go kill them, Worf.
408
00:20:05,907 --> 00:20:09,297
- I'm not killing anybody.
- Some goddamn Klingon you are.
409
00:20:14,467 --> 00:20:17,061
We're sorry, cows. We tried. We tried.
410
00:20:17,147 --> 00:20:20,344
All right, boys. Just stay right there
until your parents arrive.
411
00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:21,655
Can I go now?
412
00:20:21,747 --> 00:20:24,944
Here you go, Mr. Rancher.
I got your cattle back for you.
413
00:20:25,027 --> 00:20:28,258
- Oh. Well, it doesn't matter now.
- What do you mean?
414
00:20:28,347 --> 00:20:30,907
In the 24 hours since the word "veal"
was officially changed
415
00:20:30,987 --> 00:20:34,104
to "little tortured baby cow,"
the market has gone dry.
416
00:20:34,187 --> 00:20:36,576
Seems when people see "little
tortured baby cow" on their menus,
417
00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:38,305
- They don't feel like ordering.
- Really?
418
00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:40,184
Yup. Damn things ain't worth spit now.
419
00:20:40,267 --> 00:20:42,940
I'll let them live outside with
the other cows, and live a normal life.
420
00:20:43,027 --> 00:20:46,622
Do you hear that, Stan? It worked.
We've shut down the veal industry.
421
00:20:46,987 --> 00:20:48,818
Stan? Stan?
422
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,459
He's very lucky you got him here
when you did.
423
00:20:52,547 --> 00:20:55,141
He was in a very advanced state
of Vaginitus.
424
00:20:55,227 --> 00:20:56,216
Vaginitus?
425
00:20:56,307 --> 00:20:58,423
It occurs when
a person stops eating meat.
426
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,975
Those sores on his skin
were actually small vaginas.
427
00:21:01,067 --> 00:21:02,580
If we hadn't stopped it in time,
428
00:21:02,667 --> 00:21:06,023
Stan would have eventually just become
one great, big, giant pussy.
429
00:21:06,107 --> 00:21:07,142
Whoa, dude.
430
00:21:07,227 --> 00:21:09,900
We've got an IV of pure beef blood
pumping into Stan's veins,
431
00:21:09,987 --> 00:21:12,706
- And the sores are fading.
- Thank God we stopped it in time.
432
00:21:12,787 --> 00:21:14,425
Well, I guess
we learnt something today.
433
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:17,226
It's wrong to eat veal, because
the animals are so horribly mistreated.
434
00:21:17,307 --> 00:21:19,457
But if you don't eat meat at all,
you break out in vaginas.
435
00:21:19,547 --> 00:21:22,345
- Hear, hear.
- All right, boys, it's time to go home.
436
00:21:22,427 --> 00:21:24,497
You've got some
serious grounding time to start.
437
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,737
- I'll say.
- Aw, we're still grounded?
438
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:29,341
But we learned things
and took up a cause.
439
00:21:29,427 --> 00:21:31,577
Yes, Kyle, but you still
defied your parents.
440
00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:34,500
And you need to learn
that terrorism is never the answer.
441
00:21:34,587 --> 00:21:36,817
That's right, let's get these terrorists
to their rooms.
442
00:21:36,907 --> 00:21:39,546
But first, maybe we can
grab some burgers.
443
00:21:39,627 --> 00:21:40,616
- All right!
- All right!