1
00:00:06,572 --> 00:00:08,272
All right, mom,

2
00:00:08,307 --> 00:00:10,476
I'm all done wrapping dad's
anniversary present for you.

3
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,211
Oh, is it someone's
anniversary soon?

4
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:13,478
Oh, you.

5
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:14,345
Just kidding.

6
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:15,681
Ooh, i wonder
what it is.

7
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:16,948
It's a-

8
00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:18,284
Oh, shucks,
i can't tell you.

9
00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:19,984
But it's really nifty.

10
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,285
Well, it looks like we're
gonna have to do something

11
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,357
Extra special for mommy and
daddy's anniversary this year.

12
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,623
How about on saturday

13
00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:27,610
We all go have dinner
atbennigan's?!

14
00:00:27,645 --> 00:00:29,562
Bennigan's?
Oh boy, you mean it?

15
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,262
Whoopee!

16
00:00:31,297 --> 00:00:33,032
At bennigan's i'm gonna get
the ranch hand baby back ribs.

17
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,351
Calm down there,
cowboy,

18
00:00:34,386 --> 00:00:35,635
You've still got
four days.

19
00:00:35,670 --> 00:00:36,502
Four days?

20
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:39,539
Oh, i don't know how
i'm gonna wait that long!

21
00:00:39,972 --> 00:00:43,009
? Who's the boy that can
laugh at a storm cloud?

22
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:46,010
? Turn a frown into
a smile for free?

23
00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:48,648
? Who's the kid with
the heart full of magic?

24
00:00:48,683 --> 00:00:50,816
? Everyone knows
it's butters?

25
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,083
That's me!

26
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:54,685
? Who's the boy with
eyes full of wonder?

27
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,288
? Thinks being yourself
is the best thing to be?

28
00:00:57,323 --> 00:01:00,359
? Who's that rascal with the
tweezers in his pocket?

29
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,528
? Everyone knows
it's butters?

30
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,794
That's me!

31
00:01:03,829 --> 00:01:06,432
? Jumping in puddles
skipping down the hallway?

32
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,035
? And goes to the petting zoo
he loves john elway?

33
00:01:09,468 --> 00:01:12,071
? Who's that tyke with the
cutest little dimples?

34
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:14,639
? Batting his eyes
at every puppy he sees?

35
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,842
? If you look inside yourself
you might be surprised?

36
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,011
? When you find
a little boy named?

37
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:19,844
? Butters?

38
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:22,048
That's,
that's me, yeah.

39
00:01:24,216 --> 00:01:25,952
Three more days 'til
we eat atbennigan's.

40
00:01:25,987 --> 00:01:28,138
That's 72 hours.
Oh, gee whiz!

41
00:01:28,173 --> 00:01:30,254
Well, if you two
will excuse me

42
00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:32,024
I need to go out and buy
a certain special lady

43
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,759
Her anniversary present.

44
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:34,627
I hope he means me.

45
00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:35,928
Don't be silly, mom,

46
00:01:36,362 --> 00:01:37,628
Of course he
means you.

47
00:01:37,663 --> 00:01:38,496
I'll be back in
a little bit.

48
00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:40,266
Butters, you're in
charge of the house.

49
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:41,966
Yes, sir!

50
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:43,736
Oh, i wonder what he's
gonna get me this year.

51
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:45,471
We won't know 'til
we're at bennigan's.

52
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:46,737
Every year
it's the same.

53
00:01:46,772 --> 00:01:48,290
Your father gets me
some great gift

54
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:49,774
And my gift to him
falls short.

55
00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:51,110
I've just got to
outdo him this year,

56
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:52,376
I've just got to!

57
00:01:52,411 --> 00:01:53,678
Dad's a good
shopper all right.

58
00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:55,881
Butters, maybe you could
secretly follow your dad

59
00:01:56,315 --> 00:01:57,617
And see what
he's getting me.

60
00:01:57,652 --> 00:01:58,883
You mean spy on him?

61
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:01,087
But ain't that kind of
like fibbin'?

62
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:02,353
No, it's a little
different.

63
00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:04,123
You remember when the nice
policeman gave you a badge

64
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,858
And made you an
honorary inspector?

65
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,124
Sure, i do!

66
00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:08,859
Why, i think inspector
butters could find out

67
00:02:08,894 --> 00:02:11,063
What daddy's getting mommy
without him ever knowing.

68
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:11,931
What do you say?

69
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:14,967
Inspector butters is
on the case, ma'am.

70
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,702
? Everyone knows
it's butters?

71
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,437
That's me!

72
00:02:37,957 --> 00:02:40,126
Hmm, dad's going
to see a movie.

73
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,294
How nice.

74
00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:50,102
"White swallow
bath house."

75
00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:52,271
? Everyone knows
it's butters?

76
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,572
That's me!

77
00:02:55,741 --> 00:02:56,608
I'm back, ma.

78
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:57,476
Oh, hi, sweetie.

79
00:02:57,910 --> 00:02:59,211
Did you get to follow
your dad around?

80
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,044
I sure did.

81
00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:01,779
Dad sure had
a nice night out.

82
00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:03,549
Well, did you see what he
got me for our anniversary?

83
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,284
Well, first he went to
see a movie.

84
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,019
A movie, huh?

85
00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:09,153
I wonder why he'd wanna
see a movie by himself.

86
00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:11,357
I don't know, but it wasn't the
movie theater at the mall.

87
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,959
It was that really
old theater downtown.

88
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,226
Thestudcat.

89
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,961
I didn't even know
it was open.

90
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:19,165
Wait a minute, what was
the movie called?

91
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,431
"Fisting firemen 9."

92
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,201
I've never seen
one through eight.

93
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:23,069
Oh my god.

94
00:03:23,502 --> 00:03:25,237
It must've been a real
short movie though,

95
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:26,972
Because dad came out
like 10 minutes later.

96
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,540
It must've been
a sad film too

97
00:03:29,575 --> 00:03:31,310
Because he had a bunch of
tissue paper with him

98
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:32,576
When he came out.

99
00:03:32,611 --> 00:03:33,913
Poor ol' dad, movie
really got to him.

100
00:03:34,346 --> 00:03:36,515
Butters, where did daddy
go after the movie?

101
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,617
To the gym.

102
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:38,649
To the gym?

103
00:03:38,684 --> 00:03:40,419
Yeah, thewhite
swallow spa.

104
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,252
Aah!

105
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,588
Yup, he went there
and he wrestled

106
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:43,456
With all kind of guys.

107
00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:44,722
He wasn't too good though.

108
00:03:44,757 --> 00:03:45,624
This one black guy
had him pinned down

109
00:03:46,058 --> 00:03:47,758
For 15 minutes straight.

110
00:03:47,793 --> 00:03:49,745
Butters, are you
sure about this?

111
00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,662
You have to be
absolutely sure.

112
00:03:51,697 --> 00:03:53,432
Inspector butters
gets all the facts.

113
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:55,601
I even got some
neato pictures.

114
00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,639
The only thing
i can't figure out

115
00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:03,843
Is why dad told you he was going
shopping for your present

116
00:04:03,878 --> 00:04:06,445
When he was going out seeing
movies and wrestling?

117
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:08,614
Oh, did you have
a nice trip, ma?

118
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,349
See you next fall.

119
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,049
Mom?

120
00:04:12,084 --> 00:04:12,952
? Butters?

121
00:04:13,385 --> 00:04:14,687
That's me!

122
00:04:17,289 --> 00:04:19,675
Paint, must paint...

123
00:04:19,710 --> 00:04:22,061
Everything clean...

124
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:22,893
Paint...

125
00:04:22,928 --> 00:04:25,965
Well, honey, you've painted
the entire house.

126
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,283
Three times.

127
00:04:27,318 --> 00:04:28,532
Must paint.

128
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,736
Everything clean,
everything new.

129
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,705
Say, butters,
i'm having real trouble

130
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,640
Finding an anniversary
present for mom.

131
00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:35,906
Any ideas?

132
00:04:35,941 --> 00:04:37,641
Hmm, i can't
think of one.

133
00:04:37,676 --> 00:04:38,978
Well then, it looks like
i'm gonna have to

134
00:04:39,411 --> 00:04:41,147
Go out shopping again.

135
00:04:41,182 --> 00:04:42,413
Aah! Paint.

136
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,183
Everything clean,
everything new.

137
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:45,449
Paint.

138
00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:47,653
I'll be back
in a little while.

139
00:04:49,388 --> 00:04:51,557
Should i go try and see what
he gets you again, mom?

140
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,292
I don't think
daddy's shopping.

141
00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,895
I think daddy's going out
wrestling again.

142
00:04:56,328 --> 00:04:58,497
Paint.

143
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:00,232
Must be made clean.

144
00:05:00,666 --> 00:05:01,499
New.

145
00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:02,800
Hey, a new paint brush.

146
00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:04,570
That's what dad could get
mom for their anniversary.

147
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:05,871
I gotta go tell him.

148
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:08,040
Must clean butters.

149
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,306
Clean.

150
00:05:09,341 --> 00:05:10,643
Never be clean.

151
00:05:11,076 --> 00:05:13,679
Must kill?

152
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:18,450
The only way...
must kill butters.

153
00:05:18,884 --> 00:05:20,151
Paint.

154
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:21,704
? Butters?

155
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,222
That's me!

156
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:27,343
One, please.

157
00:05:27,378 --> 00:05:29,204
Locker 213.

158
00:05:29,239 --> 00:05:30,995
Thanks.

159
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:34,500
? That's what takes me high?

160
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:37,970
Dad?
Dad, you in here?

161
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:41,223
? Your love
keeps me alive?

162
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:44,008
Hello, anybody in here?

163
00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:45,743
There, do you
think that works?

164
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:47,947
Well, that's four
fingers, try five.

165
00:05:47,982 --> 00:05:49,248
Mr. Garrison?

166
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:50,983
Who is that?!

167
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:54,670
Dad?

168
00:05:54,705 --> 00:05:55,754
Dad!

169
00:05:56,188 --> 00:05:57,489
You wrestling in here?

170
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,357
Dad?

171
00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:00,526
This room's taken.

172
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,261
Oh, pardon me, sirs.

173
00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:04,230
Dad?

174
00:06:04,265 --> 00:06:06,165
No.

175
00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:07,900
Hmm.

176
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:09,635
Ah, butters!

177
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:10,936
Hi, dad!

178
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:11,804
Oh god!

179
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:13,504
I'm glad i found ya.

180
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,708
I think i know the perfect
anniversary present for mom.

181
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,877
What are you doing with your
wiener out there, dad?

182
00:06:17,912 --> 00:06:20,479
Butters, you need to
leave here right now.

183
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,745
You need to
get out of here.

184
00:06:21,780 --> 00:06:24,383
Go home and wait for me
to talk to you.

185
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,135
Oh, all right then.

186
00:06:26,170 --> 00:06:27,853
Well, see you at home.

187
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,987
Oh, jesus, no.

188
00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:32,191
Oh, what have i done?

189
00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:35,094
? Everyone knows
it's butters?

190
00:06:35,527 --> 00:06:37,228
That's me!

191
00:06:37,263 --> 00:06:38,963
Butters, oh, butters!

192
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,600
Could you come see me in
my study real quick?

193
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:42,867
Hey, dad.

194
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,637
Come here, son, i wanna
have a talk with you.

195
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:45,903
Well, sure thing, dad.

196
00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:48,939
Son, i want to talk
to you about lying.

197
00:06:48,974 --> 00:06:51,577
Oh, i know lying's bad, dad,
you told me so.

198
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,277
Yes, it sure can be.

199
00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:55,047
But, there are also times

200
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:58,517
When distorting the truth
a little is appropriate.

201
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:00,686
These are called
"little white lies".

202
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:01,987
Little white lies?

203
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,590
You see, sometimes telling
a little white lie is okay.

204
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:07,192
Like, for instance, when
you catch your father

205
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,361
Jacking off in a gay
men's bath house.

206
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,628
Who's jack?

207
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,796
Butters, the point is that

208
00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:15,868
I think if you told mommy
what daddy was doing tonight

209
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:18,037
She might go
completely insane.

210
00:07:18,072 --> 00:07:19,789
Oh, no, that
won't happen, dad.

211
00:07:19,824 --> 00:07:21,507
It won't?
All right, good.

212
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,109
No, because i already
told mom and she's fine.

213
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,809
You what?

214
00:07:25,844 --> 00:07:28,447
Butters, mommy wants to take you
for a little drive now.

215
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,147
A drive, oh boy!

216
00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:32,351
I love a good drive.
Is dad coming too?

217
00:07:32,386 --> 00:07:34,520
No, sweetie, daddy
needs to sit and think.

218
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,255
All right, see you
in a bit, dad.

219
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,424
Oh boy, a drive.

220
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:44,028
Oh jeez, you wouldn't
believe how angry i was

221
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,798
When teacher said i had to
share my finger paints,

222
00:07:46,231 --> 00:07:48,400
Because i'd been
sharing them all along.

223
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,569
Butters, you know
that mommy loves you

224
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:51,835
An awful lot, don't you?

225
00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:54,039
Well, sure i do, mom,
i love you, too.

226
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,791
And sometimes
mommies do things

227
00:07:55,826 --> 00:07:57,509
That seem hurtful
to their babies,

228
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,643
But it's really
for the best.

229
00:07:59,678 --> 00:08:01,413
You mean like the time you
washed my mouth out with soap

230
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,148
For saying "nut sack"
in front of grandma.

231
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:04,450
Yeah, i need to
behave myself.

232
00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:06,150
If a mommy has to
end her life

233
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:07,920
She can't let her baby
alone in the world

234
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,054
To be raised by
a sick pervert.

235
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:12,257
Well, sure, that makes sense
i suppose, yeah.

236
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:13,993
Hey, did you see
my mittens anywhere?

237
00:08:14,028 --> 00:08:14,860
It's cold out here.

238
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,029
I'm going to get out of
the car now, butters.

239
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:19,631
I want you to stay put with
your seatbelt fastened.

240
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,367
Oh, well,
all right, mom.

241
00:08:21,402 --> 00:08:23,102
Okay then.

242
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:27,873
Y'know, i think the car
might be moving, mom.

243
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:30,259
Yep, i'm pretty sure
the car's moving.

244
00:08:30,294 --> 00:08:32,211
Looks like i'm heading
for the water.

245
00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:34,778
Shh, shh,
it's okay, baby.

246
00:08:34,813 --> 00:08:36,982
Mommy will be
with you very soon.

247
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:37,850
Well, i think-

248
00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:40,886
Yep, it looks like the car's
fill up with water, yeah.

249
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:47,393
? Everyone knows
it's butters?

250
00:08:47,428 --> 00:08:49,093
That's me!

251
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,828
"Dear bastard husband."

252
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,598
No- "Dear lying
son of a bitch!"

253
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,298
No.

254
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:56,068
"Dear ass-Face"-
Yes, that's it.

255
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,334
"I will no longer-"

256
00:08:57,369 --> 00:08:58,887
Linda, what are
you doing?

257
00:08:58,922 --> 00:09:00,406
Stay away from me,
bastard!

258
00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,141
Linda, i know
this is very hard.

259
00:09:02,176 --> 00:09:03,407
You don't know
anything!

260
00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:05,177
I've been wanting to stop
going to those places, linda,

261
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,346
But i couldn't,
i still love you.

262
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,081
Then why, chris, why?

263
00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:12,334
It just, it started as some
curiosity on the internet.

264
00:09:12,369 --> 00:09:15,154
I would chat with other married
guys in the chat rooms.

265
00:09:15,189 --> 00:09:16,889
And well, the things they
would talk about, linda.

266
00:09:17,322 --> 00:09:19,491
I don't know why i found it
exciting, i just did.

267
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,660
And it grew from there and
spun out of control.

268
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,228
And... damn you,
internet!

269
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:26,432
You don't have to worry
about your family

270
00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:28,132
Being in your way anymore!

271
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:30,335
No, linda, i don't
want that lifestyle!

272
00:09:30,769 --> 00:09:32,071
It's just kind of
an addiction.

273
00:09:32,504 --> 00:09:34,204
I want help, and i'm
going to get help.

274
00:09:34,239 --> 00:09:36,408
Please just give me a chance
to make this all up to you.

275
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,108
We can have a normal life.

276
00:09:38,143 --> 00:09:40,312
There is no
going back, chris.

277
00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,012
Sure there is.

278
00:09:42,047 --> 00:09:44,216
No, our son is dead!

279
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:45,482
What?

280
00:09:45,517 --> 00:09:47,651
I killed him.

281
00:09:47,686 --> 00:09:50,254
I was going to end it all

282
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,458
And everything spun
out of control for me.

283
00:09:52,891 --> 00:09:55,060
I drowned butters
in the car, chris!

284
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,663
Oh, no.

285
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,699
No, no, jesus, linda,
what were you thinking?

286
00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:02,651
I wasn't thinking!

287
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,169
I couldn't think.

288
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:07,422
You destroyed my life, you!

289
00:10:07,457 --> 00:10:10,242
God, what have i done?

290
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,376
Oh, butters!

291
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:13,712
This can't
be happening.

292
00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:15,447
This is a bad dream.

293
00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:18,050
Just go away
and let me die!

294
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,351
No, linda, we-

295
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:23,689
I'm a murderer, chris,
i don't have a life now!

296
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:26,725
Linda, butters is gone.

297
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,425
Oh, christ.

298
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:30,160
If butters is gone then,

299
00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:31,930
There's nothing
we can do about that.

300
00:10:32,364 --> 00:10:34,099
But i won't let you
go to jail, i promise.

301
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,834
Linda, please.

302
00:10:45,377 --> 00:10:48,196
Oh boy, this thing
ain't never gonna stop.

303
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:51,016
I must be all the way
down to denver by now.

304
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:55,137
Oh, whoopee!

305
00:10:55,172 --> 00:10:56,620
Finally.

306
00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:58,607
Well, now that the car
has come to a stop

307
00:10:58,642 --> 00:11:00,559
It's safe for me to
unfasten my seatbelt.

308
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,764
Boy, mom must be worried sick
about me right now.

309
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:08,332
I gotta get back home.

310
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:10,969
Gee whiz,
where the heck am i?

311
00:11:12,871 --> 00:11:14,606
? Everyone knows
it's butters?

312
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:15,908
That's me!

313
00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:17,209
Tom, i'm standing
in front of the home

314
00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:18,909
Of chris and linda stotch.

315
00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:20,679
They're living every parent's
nightmare right now

316
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:21,945
As last night,

317
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:24,149
While mrs. Stotch was driving
with her son in the car,

318
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,884
A man stopped her,
put a gun to her head

319
00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:27,584
And took her son away.

320
00:11:27,619 --> 00:11:29,788
When asked who the man was,
ms. Stotch replied,

321
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,523
"Some puerto rican guy."

322
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:33,258
Naturally, the police are
on an all-Out manhunt

323
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,993
For some
puerto rican guy.

324
00:11:35,427 --> 00:11:38,463
Looks like the parents are about
to make a statement, tom.

325
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:39,765
Mrs. Stotch,
mrs. Stotch!

326
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,500
Any word yet from the man
who took your son?

327
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,200
No, no, not yet.

328
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:44,935
But if you're out there,
we beg you.

329
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,572
We just want our baby
returned safely back to us.

330
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:50,175
Mrs. Stotch, what did the
kidnapper look like?

331
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,441
Puerto rican.

332
00:11:51,476 --> 00:11:52,743
Was he tall, short?

333
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,380
He was... average
puerto rican height.

334
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,983
Please, just bring our
baby back to me.

335
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,735
? Butters?

336
00:11:59,770 --> 00:12:01,418
That's me!

337
00:12:01,453 --> 00:12:02,754
So then my friend started
hollering at me,

338
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,290
Saying, "you took
my rubber bands."

339
00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:05,791
Well, i didn't take 'em,
craig did.

340
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,491
I saw craig take 'em.

341
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:09,695
Anyway, boy i sure am lucky
you came along, mister.

342
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:10,961
Yeah, too bad
you're not a broad

343
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:12,731
'Cause i need some
god damn poontang.

344
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:15,767
Yeah, i could use some god damn
poontang myself right now.

345
00:12:16,201 --> 00:12:17,502
Have you ever been
to bennigan's, mister?

346
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,203
Oh, it sure is great.

347
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:20,539
I'm going to bennigan's
tomorrow night with my family.

348
00:12:20,973 --> 00:12:22,491
Oh, i can just see it now.

349
00:12:22,526 --> 00:12:23,974
We'll walk in
the front doors

350
00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:25,744
And the nice bennigan's
hostess lady

351
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,444
Will take us to our
cozy booth.

352
00:12:27,479 --> 00:12:29,648
Then we'll order some mozzarella
sticks for appetizers.

353
00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:32,251
Dad will open his present,
mom will open hers.

354
00:12:32,286 --> 00:12:34,853
Then the bennigan's
waitstaff will sing.

355
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:38,540
? Happy happy anniversary
from everyone at bennigan's?

356
00:12:38,575 --> 00:12:41,793
? Happy happy anniversary
from everyone at bennigan's?

357
00:12:42,227 --> 00:12:44,830
? Happy happy anniversary
from everyone at bennigan's?

358
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,131
? Happy happy-?

359
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:48,083
Ooh, are we stopping
for soda?

360
00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:49,601
Hey, can i get
a chocolate milk?

361
00:12:56,541 --> 00:12:59,578
He must like
t.G.I. Friday's.

362
00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:05,217
Let us handle it.

363
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,518
Barbrady.

364
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,036
Hello?

365
00:13:08,071 --> 00:13:09,246
Oh, hello.

366
00:13:09,281 --> 00:13:10,285
Who is this?

367
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,290
Who is this?

368
00:13:11,723 --> 00:13:13,423
Uh, is this the
stotch residence?

369
00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:16,061
Yes, are you calling
about the abduction?

370
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:16,893
No.

371
00:13:16,928 --> 00:13:19,965
Oh, well, are you
puerto rican?

372
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,099
No.

373
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,435
We need to keep
this line clear,

374
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,135
Call back another day.

375
00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:27,773
It wasn't the
abductor, sorry.

376
00:13:28,206 --> 00:13:29,941
Chief, two more parents
from the next town over

377
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,243
Have shown up,
saying their child

378
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:32,978
Might've been killed
by the same guy

379
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,279
That took the stotch boy.

380
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:35,979
Really?

381
00:13:36,014 --> 00:13:38,183
This is john and patsy
ramsey from boulder.

382
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,449
We saw your story
on the news.

383
00:13:39,484 --> 00:13:41,436
We're so sorry to
hear about your loss.

384
00:13:41,471 --> 00:13:43,388
Our daughter was
killed a few years ago

385
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:44,655
In our house.

386
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:47,292
Yes, i remember hearing
something about that.

387
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,695
And we realized the man
that murdered your son

388
00:13:49,730 --> 00:13:52,064
Must be the same person that
killed our daughter.

389
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,799
Yeah, because we
certainly didn't do it.

390
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,499
No.

391
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:56,401
No.
No.

392
00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:58,535
Well, our son
was abducted.

393
00:13:58,570 --> 00:13:59,871
We don't know that
he's dead yet.

394
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:01,823
Right...

395
00:14:01,858 --> 00:14:03,684
? Butters?

396
00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:05,482
That's me!

397
00:14:05,517 --> 00:14:07,210
Sir, hello?

398
00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:08,547
What can i do
for ya?

399
00:14:08,980 --> 00:14:10,282
I have to get
to south park.

400
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,548
If you give me a ride

401
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:13,717
I can pay you the $4
i made at the titty bar.

402
00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:16,355
Sorry, wife took the car to
estes park for the weekend.

403
00:14:16,390 --> 00:14:17,656
Won't be back until sunday.

404
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,258
I can give you a ride
sunday if you like.

405
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,525
I can't wait 'til sunday.

406
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,295
I'm eating with my family
at bennigan's tomorrow.

407
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,830
Well then, looks like
you're walking.

408
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,331
Will i eventually
get to south park

409
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:28,031
If i follow this road?

410
00:14:28,066 --> 00:14:29,367
That road leads
to conifer.

411
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,120
You wanna go
to south park

412
00:14:31,155 --> 00:14:32,838
You gotta go
down that road.

413
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,442
Of course i ain't never seen
anyone go up that road.

414
00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:41,513
Six years ago a group of campers
went up there and got lost.

415
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,213
Had to eat each other
to stay alive.

416
00:14:43,248 --> 00:14:44,983
Used to be the way to
the o'reilly house.

417
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,284
He butchered over
50 children

418
00:14:46,718 --> 00:14:47,984
And kept their bodies
in the cellar.

419
00:14:48,019 --> 00:14:50,188
But you should find an old
bridge about halfway up.

420
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,455
That bridge is
cursed, y'know.

421
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,225
They built it with the bones
of 200 chinese laborers

422
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,925
Who were massacred in '34.

423
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,562
Yeah, a lot of history
on that road.

424
00:14:57,996 --> 00:14:59,731
Well, it's my parents'
anniversary tomorrow

425
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,334
And they're gonna be awful sad
if i'm not there with them.

426
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,936
Well, good luck then.

427
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:07,070
Oh, jeez.

428
00:15:07,105 --> 00:15:10,974
Or is south park
down that road?

429
00:15:11,009 --> 00:15:14,045
It's so very hard to lose
a loved one, isn't it?

430
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,746
Yes, it, it sure is.

431
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:19,251
Thank goodness we have each
other to share our grief.

432
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,569
Thank goodness.

433
00:15:20,604 --> 00:15:21,662
Here he is.

434
00:15:21,697 --> 00:15:22,721
John, patsy.

435
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:24,855
Hello, gary,
great to see you.

436
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:26,625
Chris and linda,
this is our good friend

437
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:27,891
Congressman gary condit.

438
00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:28,794
He also lost someone
close to him

439
00:15:29,227 --> 00:15:30,060
And thinks it has
something to do with

440
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,264
The same puerto rican guy
that hurt our kids.

441
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,433
We're gonna get that
son of a bitch.

442
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:37,000
Yes, i sure hope we do.

443
00:15:37,035 --> 00:15:39,204
I spoke with the f.B.I.
And some puerto rican guy

444
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:42,023
Has just made their
#1 most wanted.

445
00:15:42,058 --> 00:15:44,374
Oh good, maybe now
they'll catch him.

446
00:15:44,409 --> 00:15:46,578
Oh, here's another member
of our support group.

447
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:47,844
O.J.

448
00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:48,747
Hey, guys.

449
00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:50,482
Chris, linda, you
know o.J. Simpson.

450
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,182
Oh, sure.

451
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:55,687
O.J.'S wife was killed by some
puerto rican guy, too.

452
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:57,856
Yep, it was some puerto
rican guy all right.

453
00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,556
So you see,
chris and linda,

454
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:00,892
There are people like you
all over the country

455
00:16:01,326 --> 00:16:03,061
Who have been affected by
some puerto rican guy.

456
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,362
Hey, let's make
chris and linda

457
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:06,097
An official part
of the group.

458
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,798
Yeah!
All right!

459
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,568
One of us,
one of us.

460
00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:11,736
Gooble gobble,
gooble gobble.

461
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:13,905
One of us,
one of us.

462
00:16:21,279 --> 00:16:24,749
? For family fun
and great food too?

463
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,786
? Come on down
to bennigan's?

464
00:16:30,388 --> 00:16:34,075
? Buffalo wings and
fried cheese sticks?

465
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:37,762
? The best are found
at bennigan's?

466
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:39,931
Hello?

467
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:49,257
? So come and eat
at bennigan's?

468
00:16:49,292 --> 00:16:52,944
? You'll love our
shenanigans?

469
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,403
Oh, nut sack.

470
00:17:01,438 --> 00:17:02,921
Oops!

471
00:17:04,589 --> 00:17:06,324
? Everyone knows
it's butters?

472
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,024
That's me!

473
00:17:08,059 --> 00:17:10,011
No, linda, because
you can't now say

474
00:17:10,046 --> 00:17:11,928
That the abductor
was costa rican.

475
00:17:11,963 --> 00:17:13,265
You have to learn to
keep it straight!

476
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:14,965
I can't keep it
straight

477
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,952
When you keep inventing
new parts to the story!

478
00:17:16,987 --> 00:17:19,029
Hey, don't forget that
i'm covering for you!

479
00:17:19,064 --> 00:17:21,072
Don't forget your lies
started all this.

480
00:17:21,506 --> 00:17:22,772
My lies may have
been deceitful,

481
00:17:22,807 --> 00:17:24,543
But your lies cover up
something much more horrible

482
00:17:24,976 --> 00:17:26,278
Than anything i ever did.

483
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:27,145
Happy anniversary!

484
00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:28,663
Not now, butters.

485
00:17:28,698 --> 00:17:29,748
Oh, all right then.

486
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,448
Butters?

487
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:33,183
Oh, butters.
I don't believe it!

488
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,170
I'm sorry, the car just
rolled into the lake

489
00:17:35,205 --> 00:17:37,122
And then floated all the way
down the river.

490
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,822
Oh, my baby's back!

491
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:40,158
I ain't grounded,
am i?

492
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,910
No, no, butters.

493
00:17:41,945 --> 00:17:43,628
Oh, son, we're-

494
00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:47,098
Oh, we're gonna need you to
tell a little white lie

495
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:48,833
About where you've been,
though, all right?

496
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:49,666
Lie?

497
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:51,002
Oh- Yes.

498
00:17:51,436 --> 00:17:52,737
Darling, you're gonna
have to say

499
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,004
You don't know
how you got home.

500
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,774
No, you have to say that
a puerto rican man

501
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:57,040
Dropped you off.

502
00:17:57,075 --> 00:17:58,810
Oh, who's going to believe
he would just drop him off?

503
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,545
Hey, you should stop
the hollering,

504
00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:01,811
It's your anniversary.

505
00:18:01,846 --> 00:18:03,148
You're the one who
made up the stuff

506
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,883
About the puerto
rican, idiot!

507
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:05,715
Stop it,
mom and dad.

508
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,485
Well, you're the one that
couldn't back it up

509
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,185
With a description,
stupid!

510
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:11,788
Now, gosh darn it,
you listen here!

511
00:18:11,823 --> 00:18:15,727
Now, i am sick of these harmless
lies and little white lies.

512
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,330
Y'know, you can call a shovel
an ice cream machine,

513
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:20,082
But it's still a shovel,
mom and dad.

514
00:18:20,117 --> 00:18:22,476
And you can call a lie
whatever you want

515
00:18:22,511 --> 00:18:24,801
But it's still a no-Good
stinkin' lie.

516
00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:27,005
And when you start covering up
one lie with another lie,

517
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,006
Why, that's when you get
into real trouble.

518
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:34,379
Boy, i, i've just about had it
up to here with you two.

519
00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:38,248
Butters...

520
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:39,584
You're as right as rain.

521
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,284
You sure are.

522
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:43,453
I ain't in trouble for
hollering at you, am i?

523
00:18:43,488 --> 00:18:46,091
No, butters, you're the best
son in the whole world

524
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,658
And i'm so happy
you're alive.

525
00:18:48,693 --> 00:18:51,296
Well, i'm happy
you're alive too, mom.

526
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:53,031
So now can we
go to bennigan's?

527
00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:54,731
You bet, son.

528
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:58,670
But mommy and daddy have
something they have to do first.

529
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:03,008
We have an
announcement to make.

530
00:19:03,441 --> 00:19:06,044
Our son has been
returned to us.

531
00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:09,479
All right!

532
00:19:09,514 --> 00:19:10,780
Butters was missing?

533
00:19:10,815 --> 00:19:12,550
But, that isn't all
we have to say.

534
00:19:12,984 --> 00:19:15,587
You see, we learned a very
important lesson tonight.

535
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:18,189
And it took the smarts of
our young son to show us.

536
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:19,456
Yeah!

537
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,757
We've learned that
deception is wrong.

538
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:22,961
And that the only thing to
ever make it right again

539
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:23,828
Is to come clean.

540
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,095
Yeah!

541
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:28,166
You see, i've been deceiving
my wife for several months.

542
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,300
I was going to gay
movie and bath houses

543
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:33,371
And having sex with random men
who were complete strangers.

544
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,540
Yea-
Wait, what?

545
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:36,806
Ha-Ho!

546
00:19:36,841 --> 00:19:38,541
And when i found out
i went crazy.

547
00:19:38,576 --> 00:19:41,613
I went crazy and i drove my son
into the lake to kill him.

548
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:44,215
Uh, k-Kill me?
Jesus christ!

549
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:45,482
Damn, dude.

550
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,987
So you see, there was no
some puerto rican guy.

551
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,288
He doesn't exist.

552
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:53,107
And so the people we owe
the biggest apology to

553
00:19:53,142 --> 00:19:55,493
Are the ramseys, congressman
condit and o.J.

554
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,760
We gave you false hope

555
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:58,963
For finding the person who
hurt those close to you

556
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,230
And we're sorry.

557
00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:02,867
Now we're just happy we won't
have to live a life of secrets.

558
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,470
For i knew that even though
some of you supported us

559
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,639
Some others were looking
at me and thinking,

560
00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:10,640
"You're a liar!
You're a liar!

561
00:20:10,675 --> 00:20:12,410
"You know something that
you're not telling us,

562
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:16,279
You slimy scumbag, liar!"

563
00:20:16,314 --> 00:20:18,266
Y'know, that's what people
would say to me.

564
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,183
And then would see my wife
in the supermarket.

565
00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:22,387
And they would say, "hello,"
but they'd be thinking,

566
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,989
"Ah, there goes
that... murderer!

567
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,690
"You got away with murder,

568
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,327
You murdering, lying
waste of life!"

569
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:31,930
And to me, people might
say things like,

570
00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:33,196
"Liar!

571
00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:36,701
Tell us what you know,
you god damn liar!"

572
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,436
And so to both of us

573
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:40,605
People all over to town
would be saying things like,

574
00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:44,075
"You know god damn well
what happened to your kid

575
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,775
"So stop acting
like victims

576
00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:49,714
"And confess, you
murdering murderers!

577
00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:54,017
Confess, liar, confess!"

578
00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:56,871
Y'know, and that's what people
would be saying to us.

579
00:20:56,906 --> 00:20:59,691
And so we just had to come
forward and tell the truth.

580
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:01,426
We're sorry
we lied to you all.

581
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:02,692
It won't happen again.

582
00:21:02,727 --> 00:21:04,427
And now if you'll excuse us

583
00:21:04,462 --> 00:21:06,631
This family has to
get to bennigan's.

584
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:08,800
All right!

585
00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:12,235
Wow, dude.

586
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:14,005
Your dad's a perv and
your mom tried to kill you.

587
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,271
Yeah.

588
00:21:15,306 --> 00:21:17,475
Boy, you fellas sure are gonna
rip on me in school now.

589
00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:18,742
We sure are.

590
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:20,078
I really wish i didn't
know that stuff.

591
00:21:20,512 --> 00:21:22,680
I guess i learned that sometimes
lying can be for the best.

592
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:23,947
Yep.

593
00:21:23,982 --> 00:21:25,717
Oh well, when i have
a chipotle blue cheese

594
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:26,983
Bacon burger
at bennigan's

595
00:21:27,018 --> 00:21:28,319
I'll forget all about
my dad being queer

596
00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:30,054
And my mom trying
to kill me.

597
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:30,887
I'm gonna be okay.

598
00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:32,223
Really?
No, i'm lying.

599
00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:33,325
Let's go, son.

600
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,357
Coming, dad!

601
00:21:34,392 --> 00:21:35,693
? Everyone knows
it's butters?

602
00:21:36,127 --> 00:21:37,428
That's me!

603
00:21:39,164 --> 00:21:42,200
Captioning made possible by
comedy central

604
00:21:42,235 --> 00:21:45,236
Captioned by
soundwriters™