Gentlemen, I understand you are here to present both sides of an issue.
I wanna hear you both out and do this in a civil and constructive manner
so that I can give you both the time and attention you deserve.
Jimbo, why don't you begin?
Mayor, it's about the South Park flag.
Oh, Jesus Christ, not this again!
We cannot change the South Park flag, Mayor!
Mayor, as I've said before, I find that flag to be racist and insensitive!
Chef, I respect you very much,
but you have to understand that this has been the South Park flag since some of our ancestors,
like my great-grandfather, founded this land!
That flag represents a time when blacks were persecuted by whites!
How can a black man not be bothered by it?!
Ahalright, Chef, I'll have my assistants hold up the flag.
and you tell me what exactly you find racist about it.
You don't see anything wrong with that flag?!
Chef, what about the baseball team, the Cleveland Indians, huh?
Should they change their name because it's racist?
Yeah!
No, because it's their history!
Look, I have gone to every quiet protest I could!
I have written everyone; I've put up signs!
But now I'm telling you , THIS FLAG WILL BE CHANGED!"
And I'm telling you it WON'T!
Oh, boy.
Okay, children, in Mr. Garrison's absence, I would like to turn the class's attention to current issues.
Some people think the South Park flag should be changed, while others believe that changing the flag is wrong.
I think this is a perfect subject for your debate club.
I see that you've already had a lot of interesting debates this year.
Pro-Choice vs. Cartman, Pro-Gun Control vs. Cartman,
a-and People Against the Clubbing of Baby Seals vs. Cartman.
And apparently, the winner of all your debates so far has been… Cartman.
Thaaat's ri-ight.
Cartman doesn't always win!
He just gets pissed off and goes home so we can't debate anymore!
Nah-ah! I'm just a better debater than you guys!
You don't even know what you're debating about half the time!
Yes I do!
No you don't!
Oh yeah?! Well, screw you guys, I'm going home!
Told ya.
Alright, children, well, unlike Mr. Garrison, I want you all to go out and research this debate before we pick teams.
Tomorrow, you'll need to choose which side of this poignant debate you are on.
"This is about history, kids.
If you don't have respect for your past, then you can never expect to - BIRD!
-then you can never expect to have a future.
Nowadays, everyone wants to change mascots and flags because they're not "politically correct."
Well, where does it end?
I mean, people are gonna start sayin' that the Denver Broncos are offensive to horses.
And then we'll have to - a SQUIRREL!
Aand then we'll have to change everything, and pretty soon all our history will be forgotten.
But to REALLY understand the South Park's flag's importance, you need to know about South Park's history.
Ned here's a big history buff, and he can tell you the whole story. Ned?"
Nnneh, in 1867, fourteen pioneers from the East Coast traveled across the Plains-
Uh that, that's okay, dude, I think we got it.
Yeah, we got it.
You sure?
Yup.
You boys go make me proud now and win that debate - Chris Peterson!
God-damnit, we missed him again!
Sign up to join me, and come marchng to the Mayor's office in protest of the South Park flag!
You see that, children?! Nobody wants to get involved!
Randy! Sign up to march with me against the South Park flag on Wednesday?
Oh, uuhh, look, Chef, you know I'm-m not a racist, but uh,
I just don't really feel strongly one way or another about the flag.
Well, alright, Marsh, you're entitled to your own opinion.
That's how it is in this town.
I haven't gotten one signature on this damn sheet, and I've been here all day!
We'll march with you, Chef.
That's nice, but I need the support of some registered voters.
Ey, Mackey! Sign up to march on Wednesday?
Oo, Wednesday? Uh-Wednesday's tough. I guess-
maybe I could do somthin' uh, Thursday afternoon.
Alright, fudge it, Thursday. Anyone else wanna go Thursday?
Thursday's no good, we've got chior council.
Oh, yeah.
What about next Sunday?
Fine! Next Sunday!
You mean, during the ball game?
Oh, yeah. We can't do Sunday.
Monday??
Oh, I can't do Monday.
I could do Tuesday.
Yeah, Tuesday morning's good.
You know what would be better for me is Saturday afternoon.
Saturday is perfect for me.
Yeah. How about Saturday at 11:30?
That sounds good.
Yeah, I think that's the best day.
Okay! On Saturday, we march!
Oh, march? What are we marching for?
To bring down the South Park Flag!
Oohh, I gotta go.
-I know what I may like. I dont like marching -Uh, marching's really not for me.
See you later.
Well I've counted up all your secret ballots, childen,
and it look like about half of you think the flag should stary,
and half think the flag should be changed.
How could any of you think that flag should stay the way it is?!
"Save it for the debate, Wendy. Now I'm going to assign the debate leaders.
Who wants to lead the ""Flag Should Stay The Way It Is"" team?"
Me. Me. Me. Me.
Stan?! How could you be so insensitive?!
Whoa, dude, I don't see anything wrong with that flag.
Yeah, me neither.
"Alright. Stan and Kyle,
you can both be the team leaders for the "Flag should stay the way it is" team.
Now, who wants to lead the ""Flag should be changed"" team?
Okay, Wendy and Eric can team up."
Nooo!
Alright, children. Do your homework, and let's get ready for a great debate!
Hello, Chef.
My name isn't Chef anymore, children. I've converted to Islam.
Islam??
From now on, my name is Abdul Mohammed Jabar Rauf Kareem Ali.
With everyone in town so insensitive about the flag,
I find it no longer fitting to use my slave name!
Well, we need help with our debate club.
We have to explain why we think the flag should not be changed.
You WHAT?! You don't think they should change the flag?!
Not really.
Yeah, we don't see what the big deal is.
Well, that figures you don't!
Because your cracker-ass parents turned you into little cracker-ass cracker-racists!
I never thought I'd live to see this many of the people I considered friends turn against me!
But Chef, we don't know what you're talking about.
But nothin'! "But" my ass! Fix your own damn food!
Okay. Now, in order for us the debate to change the South Park flag,
we will need to do a lot of research.
Now, my plan is to divide up into three research teams.
We will present our arguments based on things that w-
It's okay, I'm here.
Nice of you to show up! We were just discussing how we should state our case.
Yes. This is a difficult case.
In order to win the debate, we will need to attack Stan and Kyle's credibility.
What??
That's how you win these things: attack your opponents' credibility!
Butters! Take some kids and go dig up whatever dirt you can on Kyle's past.
I'm talkin' booby magazines, whatever.
Wwuhuh-o-kay!
The rest of you, go get the goods on Stan!
His mom grounded him once for setting something on fire.
Let's find out what that something was, and then lie and say it was a puppy.
Right.
Cartman, we can't just attack Stan and Kyle's credibility.
We need to present our side of the debate.
You're right. We'll need to look like we prepared a case, too, so that they look all the weaker.
Good plan. Sooo, what's the issue again?
The South Park flag!
Interesting. Aaand, what side are we on?
Whoa! Calm down, ho.
Tom, I'm standing out front of the South Park Mayor's Office,
where both sides of this debate have gathered.
Change the flag!
Don't change history!
Oh brother, what now?!
Earlier, the South Park townspeople voiced their opinion.
Well, I think the flag is racist! Huh, but then again, it is part of our history.
Well, I guess the flag is part of history, …but I can see how it is racist.
I think it is history. I think it is racist.
Well, one things for sure,
tensions are high and pressure is mounting on the South Park Mayor to do something.
In the 1960's there was a monk who set himself on fire to protest!
You have left me no choice!
To protest your lack of humanity, I will now do the same thing!
White Power! White Power! White Power!
What's this? Uh, Tom, it looks as if the KKK have shown up to espress their opinion.
Hello, brother. We are here to support your noble cause.
Huh? Uh hey now, uh. We don't want your support.
We're not racists; this is about history.
Yeah.
Well, whether you want our support or not, we're on your side!
White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power!
Mr. Garrison, you're a Klan member?
NO, no, but Mr. Hat is.
White Power! White Power!
Ogh! You're such a racist bastard, Mr. Hat.
White Power!
Change the flag!
Don't change history!
Ooh, Jesus. What a mess.
Chef, we realize that you find the South Park flag racist,
and we certainly understand your case.
We have been diligently working on this problem, put in a lot of hours,
and we have finally altered the flag in a way that we think will make you very happy.
Gentlemen?
There. Is that better?
No, damnit!
No, but look! He's got a little smile now!
See? He's happy. Much better, don't you think?
Well, some people just won't with you at all. This is getting out of hand.
How do I absolve myself of an responsibility with this?
Mayor, the-ee South Park Elementary children are discussing the flag issue in their debate club on Friday.
We… could use the debate as an excuse to hold a vote on the issue.
Yes, of course. Let the children be responsible.
Everybody loves children. Tell the press. South Park Elementary will be holding a vote on Friday!
This might come in handy.
It says here that recently a case was brought before the South Carolina Court about their flag, and they-
I warn you, Bog Monster! Do not mock Captain Candycone!
O yeah?! How would you like I should kick you in the nuts?!
If we could show a parallel between the South Carolina case-
Ugh. Oh yeah?! I'll kick you in the nuts!
Ugh. I'll kick you in the nuts!
I'll kick you in the nuts!
Cartman, why don't you just go home?! You aren't helping any!
You won't let me help.
That's because you're stupid, and you're a racist!
…Touché.
But dude, you might as well let me help you. We're in this together.
I mean, just… tell me what to do, and I'll do it.
Wendih, let Cartman help. Seriouslih.
Wendih. Seriouslih. The Bog Monster speaketh.
Okay. since my dad's a lawyer, he says we can use any of his books we want.
Who wants to read them?
Come on, you guys. We all have to work on this!
Kenny, how many of my dad's mints are you gonna eat? Jesus!
(Plenty. This is 'cause my family's poor.)
I know your family's poor, but you can't just eat an entire bowl of mints for dinner.
(Ah, fuck you!)
I don't think we stand a chance in this debate, 'cause Wendy's leading the other side.
Dude, you're just saying that because she's your girlfriend.
(Kyle, can I have a drink of water?)
Yeah, you can have a drink of water. The dispenser's over there.
Yeah, you must be thirsty after eating 60 mints.
Hey, boys, how's the research coming?
Pretty good, I guess.
Do you think they should change the flag?
Oh, uuhh. I don't know.
Kenny ate all the mints, dad.
Oh, those weren't mints, those were antacid tablets.
Oh.
Kenny!
(What?)
That was a good one.
White Power! White Power!
Do not change the flag! It is a symbol of white power!
White Power!
Oohh, I'm sorry, Chef. Mr. Hat is a racist son of a bitch.
Don't apologize for me to that spearchucker!
How can you all just stand by and let these racists do this?!
Well, Chef, it's freedom of speech. We don't like it, but we can't arrest them for talking.
Should the Klan be allowed to rally on the steps of the Capitol?
Here's what some people think.
Well, I think they are racist, but I… do think freedom of speech is important.
Well, I, for one, believe in freedom of speech.
…Mmm but then again, I think they are racist.
Well, I believe that they are racist, but I do believe that all-
Aw, the hell with all of you indecisive bastards!
On Friday, South Park Elementary will present its debate,
and after the debate, there will finally be a vote.
Preliminary polls show three in favor of changing the flag,
three against changing the flag,
and 4382 undecided.
So the pressure in on those South Park kids!
Well, that's enough rallying for this afternoon, members.
Let's take a hot shower!
Hot shower! Hot shower! Hot shower!
Ned, nobody's gonna vote for our side if it's the side those KKK members are on.
Come on, we gotta put a stop to them.
I can't believe it. All the pressure's on us.
I mean, this debate is going to actually affect the outcome of the vote.
Oh man, we've got to come up with rebuttals to the history argument.
Why don't we just talk about the swastika?
Huh?
I mean, Germany was united under the swastika, right? But,…
obviously history wasn't as important as changing the views after the war and stuff, so hey changed it.
Hey, that's a pretty good point, Cartman.
Yeah.
Not bad at all. I may make that our first argument.
Cool.
Double-stuffed cookies are my favorite.
Really? Mine too.
What I really like to do, is I like to take the tops off of two cookies,
and then put them together and make "quadruple stuffs."
Hey, that's what I always do, too!
No way!
Yeah. Jesus, I never thought I'd have anything in common with you, Cartman.
Me neither.
Well, anyway, let's get back to work.
Weird, um. Okay.
Uh. Now, let's say that first we talk about the history of the flag.
We can show that the-
Ur, s-sorry. Go ahead.
No. You go ahead.
Mr. Hat, what do you think you're doing?
There's another Klan rally tonight; I have to be there in 15 minutes.
Ooh no, Mr. Hat. You are not dragging to another Klan meeting.
But they're electing a new assistant to the Grand Dragon. I might get elected.
Well, good for you, Puppet Pants! I'll have nothin' to do with it!
I'm going whether you like it or not!
Oh yeah?!
I'm not going, Mr. Hat, and that's final!
Let's just see you try and go without me!
Mi-Mr. Hat?
White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power!
Alright, Ned. We've got to be careful. These are really evil men we're dealing with.
Mmm-okay.
Damnit Ned, doesn't that thing have a volume control?
No.
White Power! White Power!
Good evening, brothers. Our first order of business tonight
is to have Brother Anderson update us on last week's minutes.
Last week we decided we hate blacks and Jews. A lot!
Alright. And now it's time for us all to come together, and… do our cake raffle.
Oh, cake raffle.
This week's winner is… uh, 2 9 7 4.
I won, I won. I won the cake!
God job, brother.
Cartman!
Say it'll be like this forever.
Okay, It will be like this forever.
Oh, Cartman!
What's wrong with me?
Ahhh. It's okay. Get a grip, girl.
Wendih. Wendih.
Wendih, look at me.
Oh God, please don't let this be happening.
Alright brothers, listen up!
As you know, this fine city is holding a vote on whether or or not to change their flag.
But lynching minorities is history! So what are we gonna do about it?!
Let's say that if they change the flag, we'll burn down the Capitol!
Yeah!
Let's say that if they change the flag, we'll never leave this town!
Yeah!
Let's say they should change the flag!
Yeah! Wah?
Uh what's that, brother?
I think we should switch sides!
Me too. Nnn-that's a good idea.
Look, we have to accept the fact that most people in the world hate us, right?
Yeah, m-hm.
So, whatever side we're on is the side that's gonna lose, right?
Right, yeah.
So why don't we all say that we want the flag changed.
That way, most folks'll vote to keep it the way it is.
That's a great idea, brother!
Alright, it is decided! We will officially tell everyone that we want the flag changed,
so that they will all vote against us!
Hooray, yeah!
We'e smart!
That worked perfectly, Ned.
Well alright, now that that's out of the way, it is time to play,
"Whose got the silliest thing on under their robe?"
Yeah, woohoo!
Jesus, Ned, these guys are completely nuts.
Mm-yup.
That is the most insane thing I've ever seen.
I can't believe those people are on our side.
I mean, is our side that crazy?
Oh, hello, Chef. Big debate tomorrow, I guess.
Oh, Jesus, the robes! Chef,
this isn't what it looks like. You've gotta listen to us!
I ain't gonna listen to nothin'! This whole cracker-ass town can kiss my ass!
Ned, I'm starting to think that maybe history ain't worth defendin' sometimes.
Thanks for coming over, Bebe. I have something to tell you.
Sure, what?
Bebe, I'm attracted to Cartman.
I know.
Why would you tell me this? Why would you tell anyone this?
Because I don't know what to do.
I can't concentrate, and if I can't concentrate, then I can't win the debate tomorrow.
The whole vote is dependent on me doing a good job-
"Alright, look. When two people work closely for a long time,
sometimes they feel what's called, "sexual tension."
Sometimes you just have to act on impulse and get it over with."
You mean, I should kiss him?
Kiss him and get it out of your system.
Oh God.
Well I certainly would like to thank all the parents for their support of our debate club.
I r-realize that many of you are torn by the issues as well,
so, perhaps the children can shed some light on us.
We'll start with Wendy Testaburger on the "Flag Should Be Changed" team.
The first argument we-
Let me start over. The uh - oh God.
Could you all excuse me for a moment?
Oh.
Oh, God!
Yes. Now, the main point we would like to make is oftentimes it is prudent to change history.
As times change we hope to grow, and as we grow our rules must change.
It is a natural part of evolution. Thank you.
Okay, and Kyle and Stan's team, your main point?
Our main point is that the flag shouldn't offend anyone,
because killing has been around since the bieginning of time.
All animals kill. And the animals that don't kill are stupid ones,
like cows and turtles and stuff.
So people should not be so upset about killing. Thank you.
Whoa whoa whooaa! You just missed the point entirely!
Huh?
I'm not mad because the flag shows somebody gettin' killed,
It's because it's racist!
Racist??
Children, don't you even know what this argument is about?!
That flag is racist because a black man is being hung by white people.
W-we really didn't see it that way.
But that's a black man up there!
Y-yeah, but… the color of someone's skin doesn't matter.
Well of course it matters when-
…Oh my God. Wait a minute.
You children didn't even see the flag as a black man being hanged by white people, did you?
No.
Why, that is - that is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.
-What? -What?
Don't you see? All this time I thought these little crackers had turned racist,
when actuallih they were so not racist that they didn't even make a separation of black and white to begin with.
All they saw when they looked at that flag was five people.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, children. I was wrong about you.
But I still the flag needs to be changed.
But now I realize that I almost let racism turn me into a racist.
Yeah. You know, uh I suddenly found myself on the side of Klan menbers.
I've never had anything against blacks, Chef.
Oh, I know you don't, Jimbo. I've known you for almost ten years.
You're a good man.
We've been way too divisive over this, Chef.
Maybe we can come up with a - compromise flag
—something that everybody can be happy with.
I think that's a much better start than me tryin' to separate myself from all you wonderful crackers.
Oh. Sweet, dude. I don't think we have to do this stupid debate now.
Stan?
This has been an interesting week in South Park.
We've all done a lot of growing this week.
Everyone was afraid to take a stand on this issue.
But now we have learned once again that black, white, yellow, brown, or whatever,
we are all just people. And so,
I am very excited to unveil our new South Park Flag!
Wait, I don't get it.
No, see? There's people of all colors.
And they added a black guy as one of the hangers, too, so it's not racist.
I have to admit it, that is a lot nicer.
Phew. I'm sure glad that's over with.
Me, too!
I can't believe how right Bebe was about feeling under pressure with somebody.
As soon as it was over, all my feelings for you just vanished.
Oh, huh. Yeah. Yeah, totally huh.
I'm totally back to normal. See you later.
Yeah. See you later, heh. Ho, huhuh, he, haha.
Stan. Stan, wait up!