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Synchro: arrow, mpm
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South Park 12x14
- The Ungroundable -
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Mkay, so now the computer
will type a command bar.
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Mkay, and we type in
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"x" equal "y" plus one.
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Mkay, and then it says
we hit command "y"
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to bring up the menu screen.
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Oh, man.
You've got to be kidding me.
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Goddamn japs are everywhere.
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Mkay, now, right click
on menu item "equate all"
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and type in input "y".
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- Dude. Are you on America's side?
- No, I'm on the Japanese side.
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Who just shot me?
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Mkay, let's see.
A right click in the upper right...
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But then what the hell...
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Mkay, kids. I'm gonna need to get
some clarification on this.
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Just keep entering the calculations.
I'll be right back.
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Oh, dude!
I wish I had a real flame-thrower.
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It works awesome on japs!
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Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
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Stan, we have got a big problem!
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- Dude, what?
- There's vampires in the school!
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- What?
- Vampires! I seen 'em!
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Dude! Who's using
the flak jacket cheat?
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Not a cheat if you rank up!
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There's a vampire on the loose.
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Then Katie Gelson was hanging out with him.
And now she's a vampire, too!
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There's no such thing as vampires.
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But there is!
You guys gotta believe me!
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First, there was just a couple,
but now it's like they're growing.
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They have fangs
and drink blood and everything!
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All right. You go document
the vampires' movements
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- so we know what their intentions are.
- Really? You think that's best?
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- Yeah, now get outta here.
- All right!
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If I don't make it back,
tell my mom what happened to me.
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You got powned, bébé.
You jap bitch!
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Isn't this cool?
This time of day nobody's in the gym.
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We should make this one of our official
South Park vampire's club hangouts.
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That's an awesome new coat, Mike.
Looks totally badass.
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Don't call me Mike.
My name is Vampir now.
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- Oh, that's cool.
- I'm gonna change my name to Vladimir.
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You can't.
It's too close to Vampir.
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12:32 p.m.
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Vampires meeting
in the school gymnasium.
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Leader appears to be
a fifth grader.
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You know that girl Bella in "twilight"?
I think I'm like her.
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I'm a psi vampire.
Do you like these sparkles I got?
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Annie Bartlett is a psi vampire.
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I'm more a sanguinarian vampire.
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In that I rely more on the life
force energy, per se.
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I'm gonna be a hybrid vampire.
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Both psi and sanguinarian.
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That's Ryan Ellis.
Looks like they've gotten to him, too.
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Lunchtime's almost over.
Should we drink some more blood?
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Cool!
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In that I think it's time
for us to feed, per se.
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Oh, God. I think
they're gonna drink blood now!
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They've got some kind of chalice
and they're...
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It's the Big Texas Butters show!
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And now here is Big Texas Butters!
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Why howdy there, partners!
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I'm Big Texas Butters
and this here's my horse toast.
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Happy trails
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to you!
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What are you doing?
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Get back! You stay back!
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The body of Christ compels you!
The body of Christ compels you!
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That kid was really scared of us.
That's true, Bloodrayne.
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People are going to be frightened
of us because they don't understand
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- our ways, per se.
- Yeah, we're cool!
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What the hell are those kids doing?
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Why are they dressing
like that all of a sudden?
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Are they trying to be goth?
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They're vamp.
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They wear plastic fangs
and drink freakin' clamato juice.
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But they can't dress like that.
That's our style!
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Tommy Petros is thinking
he might wanna be a vamp kid, too.
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- Tommy Petros, is he cool?
- Yeah, he's cool enough.
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All right.
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So all of a sudden you
Justin and Britney wannabes think
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it's cool to dress like us?
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We dress the way our souls feel.
To express the darkness, per se.
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Aren't you Mike McKowski?
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That's Vampir McKowski now.
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You kids need to all go put
your freaking banana republic clothes
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back on right now.
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We're just as dark as you guys.
Maybe darker.
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Really. Do you guys even smoke?
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Of course not.
Smoking's bad for you.
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Yeah!
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Oh, my God.
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You know, you guys are really
giving off a negative human energy.
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We prefer to take our darkness
somewhere else, per se.
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All right, count fagula.
You go do that.
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Mom! Mom, I gotta tell you something!
You're not gonna believe it!
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Not now. Your father wants to have
a talk with you in the kitchen.
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He is not happy.
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What I'd do this time?
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You just march on in there.
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Oh, jeez.
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You see this, Butters.
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It's a glass of milk
I poured for myself.
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And you see this?
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It's hamburger helper.
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Now, would you mind telling me
what hamburger helper is doing
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in this glass of milk?
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Why is hamburger helper
in a glass of milk, Butters?
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I have no idea, sir.
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I'll tell you why!
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Our pantry is always kept
organized alphabetically.
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But somebody put
the hamburger helper
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where the nestle quick
is supposed to go!
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I'm sorry, dad. It's just I've been
really preoccupied lately.
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- See, there's these kids at school...
- What keeps a family together?
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A well-organized pantry.
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That's right!
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If you keep putting food back
under the wrong letter,
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it all goes wrong!
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Now you will reorganize this entire
pantry and you will do it right.
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Okay, but dad,
you gotta listen to me.
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Kids at school
are starting to change.
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You do it right now
or you're going to be grounded.
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You got that?
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Yes, sir.
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Jeez.
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Nobody will even listen to me.
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It's like nobody even cares
there's vampires at the school.
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I try to help and all I ever do
is get hollered at.
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I'll bet vampires
never get hollered at.
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Vampires just get to do
whatever they want.
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All mortals share a soft repose.
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My soul doth dreadful vigils keep,
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more keen than
which hell scarcely knows.
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What is that kid doing?
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Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.
Butters, what are you doing?
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I'm Butters.
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So?
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Oh, creatures of the night,
I seek audience to engage with thee
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in unholy darkness and thus do,
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and thus do unto your bidding.
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What?
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I wanna be a vampire.
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You're not cool enough
to be one of us.
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Yeah, I know.
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But... I think I would make
a really good vampire if you just...
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just give me the opportunity.
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We'll think about it.
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Go get us some sodas out of the
pop machine in the commons.
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- Anything else?
- I want some cheetos.
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Sodas and cheetos!
I'll be right back.
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Where'd it go?
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- You see where it went?
- It's right over there by those vampire kids.
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What?
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We aren't vampire kids,
we're freaking goth!
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Whatever, Dracula. Why don't you turn
into a bat or something?
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So lame.
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So... lame.
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You guys, I do not want
to be grouped in
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with the douchy little vampire kids.
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So lame.
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See? Isn't it cool back here?
It's all dark and isolated.
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This would be a great place
for a vampire meeting!
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Get out of our space,
you little twerps!
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More preppy straight-A
students turning into vampires.
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What the hell is going on?
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I've done what you asked.
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A case of Dr. Pepper
and cherry twizzlers.
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Who are you gonna give this to?
I mean, vampires can't eat people food.
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You have done well.
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Are you ready to become
one of us, per se?
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Yeah, I guess.
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Are you sure? Because once you're
in South Park vampire society,
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you can't ever leave.
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I'm sick of being pushed around.
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By my dad, by kids at school.
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Then it is time
for your transformation, per se.
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Let it begin!
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This way.
Prepare thyself.
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And now you shall drink
vampire blood
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and your transformation
will be complete, per se.
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With this thy transformation
is done!
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That tastes awful!
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It is finished!
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Welcome, Butters,
to the South Park society of vampires.
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There you are!
Do you know what time it is?
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Where have you been?
187
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What have you done to your hair?
188
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We are talking to you!
189
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Explain yourself, mister.
190
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I no longer need to explain
anything to you, father.
191
00:10:59,587 --> 00:11:01,524
- What on Earth...
- That does it!
192
00:11:01,649 --> 00:11:03,915
You are grounded for two weeks,
you got that?
193
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You can't ground me.
194
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:08,326
For I am neither living nor dead.
195
00:11:08,451 --> 00:11:11,301
How can they ground
that which is ungroundable?
196
00:11:15,222 --> 00:11:18,308
All right. It don't know what's gotten
into you, mister, but you're gonna...
197
00:11:23,086 --> 00:11:24,742
I am going to my room now.
198
00:11:24,867 --> 00:11:26,799
For I must slumber, per se.
199
00:11:34,468 --> 00:11:38,276
Now kids, I understand that you are
very into this vampire thing,
200
00:11:38,401 --> 00:11:40,461
but I don't want to see
it get out of hand.
201
00:11:40,586 --> 00:11:42,034
You kids need to understand
202
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,769
that your new little fad
is scary to some.
203
00:11:47,014 --> 00:11:48,447
Oh, my God.
204
00:11:48,572 --> 00:11:50,640
You've got
the wrong flippin' people!
205
00:11:50,765 --> 00:11:53,132
We aren't vampires.
206
00:11:53,351 --> 00:11:55,561
I know that you aren't
really vampires.
207
00:11:55,686 --> 00:11:57,687
And I appreciate
that you want to be cool
208
00:11:57,812 --> 00:12:00,388
because vampires are
the "in" thing right now.
209
00:12:00,550 --> 00:12:01,973
We aren't trying to be popular!
210
00:12:02,134 --> 00:12:03,977
But just make sure
that this new little trend
211
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doesn't become a distraction.
212
00:12:05,608 --> 00:12:07,980
Here's a couple more,
principal Victoria, mkay.
213
00:12:08,534 --> 00:12:09,940
Oh, no, are we in trouble?
214
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,902
I was just telling your friends
about what I expect...
215
00:12:13,062 --> 00:12:15,279
We aren't friends.
216
00:12:15,812 --> 00:12:16,966
Don't worry, ma'am.
217
00:12:17,091 --> 00:12:19,247
As I was just explaining
to my new minions,
218
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:22,660
vampires are actually very spiritual
and deep beings, per se.
219
00:12:25,685 --> 00:12:28,077
Allison Mertz is a vampire kid, now?
220
00:12:28,259 --> 00:12:30,126
This thing isn't going to stop.
221
00:12:30,318 --> 00:12:31,630
Let's just face it.
222
00:12:31,755 --> 00:12:33,251
They bogarted our style.
223
00:12:33,376 --> 00:12:35,929
Everyone's gonna think we're
trying to be butthole vampires.
224
00:12:36,054 --> 00:12:39,261
Now we might go to the frickin' Gap
and buy normal clothes.
225
00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:48,309
Well, at least nobody can
refer to us as vampire kids now.
226
00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:52,143
It went this way?
227
00:12:52,268 --> 00:12:54,830
Yeah, it's over there by the fat girl,
the big nose kid, the
228
00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:56,945
the midget and the kid
with pock marks on his face.
229
00:13:00,114 --> 00:13:02,010
So we're back to that, are we?
230
00:13:03,998 --> 00:13:06,608
Let's get out
of these freakin' Gap clothes.
231
00:13:14,155 --> 00:13:15,257
Sorry, Eric.
232
00:13:15,568 --> 00:13:19,696
But I'm a vampire now, and I can
no longer survive on human food.
233
00:13:20,346 --> 00:13:23,699
And if someone must die so that
I can feed, I choose thee.
234
00:13:32,146 --> 00:13:35,435
Wonder what side I'm supposed to do
it on. Probably doesn't matter.
235
00:13:42,729 --> 00:13:43,898
I can't do it!
236
00:13:44,439 --> 00:13:45,773
I can't do it!
237
00:13:46,144 --> 00:13:48,638
Dude, gross. You got spit
all over my neck. Mom!
238
00:13:48,763 --> 00:13:51,053
- Butters just gave me a hickey!
- I'm so hungry,
239
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,860
but just remembering about how
that blood tasted before...
240
00:13:53,985 --> 00:13:55,743
Blood is all clammy and tomatoey.
241
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:57,459
It makes me want to...
242
00:13:59,016 --> 00:14:01,135
- Dude!
- Are you all right, sweetie?
243
00:14:08,302 --> 00:14:09,608
What's going on?
244
00:14:10,043 --> 00:14:12,912
Well, Mom, apparently Butters is gay,
finds me very attractive
245
00:14:13,037 --> 00:14:16,157
and confused about his sexual identity.
Puked on my floor.
246
00:14:16,395 --> 00:14:17,395
Oh, dear.
247
00:14:23,537 --> 00:14:27,514
I walked into the cafeteria today,
Rebeca Miller and Phillip Rust
248
00:14:27,639 --> 00:14:29,932
were dressed like vampires
drinking clamato juice
249
00:14:30,057 --> 00:14:31,944
with four kids
from the football team.
250
00:14:32,069 --> 00:14:32,999
Jesus.
251
00:14:33,391 --> 00:14:36,688
It's like there's more vampire kids
every freakin' day.
252
00:14:36,813 --> 00:14:39,215
Why is this happening?
I mean, why now?
253
00:14:39,566 --> 00:14:40,708
Doesn't matter why.
254
00:14:40,833 --> 00:14:42,182
Pretty soon the whole school
255
00:14:42,307 --> 00:14:45,512
is going to be an endless hive of
conformist happy-go-lucky vampire wannabes.
256
00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:49,480
It seems like that preppy
Mike McKowski kid started all this.
257
00:14:49,605 --> 00:14:51,559
Maybe he's the way to stopping it.
258
00:14:51,813 --> 00:14:52,977
What do you mean?
259
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,205
I mean,
260
00:14:54,330 --> 00:14:58,344
what do you do when you want to change
vampires back to normal?
261
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,310
You get rid of the head vampire.
262
00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:10,856
Does your mom know you took her car?
263
00:15:11,124 --> 00:15:12,273
Do I care?
264
00:15:13,602 --> 00:15:15,250
Okay. This is probably good enough.
265
00:15:15,578 --> 00:15:17,128
Yeah, pull over here.
266
00:15:23,613 --> 00:15:25,064
Please!
What do you want?
267
00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:26,052
Let me go!
268
00:15:28,058 --> 00:15:29,481
What should we do with him?
269
00:15:29,994 --> 00:15:31,288
If he's a vampire,
270
00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:33,601
I guess we should drive
a stake through his heart.
271
00:15:35,048 --> 00:15:36,296
No, I'm not a vampire.
272
00:15:36,421 --> 00:15:38,065
I'm not a vampire!
273
00:15:38,793 --> 00:15:41,289
- What's that?
- I'm not really a vampire!
274
00:15:41,414 --> 00:15:43,222
You're not really a vampire?
275
00:15:43,347 --> 00:15:44,282
Really?
276
00:15:44,407 --> 00:15:45,947
I'm so freaking shocked.
277
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,280
If we get the right packaging,
278
00:15:49,405 --> 00:15:51,834
we can just FeDex him
somewhere far away.
279
00:15:51,959 --> 00:15:54,032
How about we send him to
Transylvania?
280
00:15:54,499 --> 00:15:55,665
He'd probably see it
281
00:15:55,790 --> 00:15:58,459
as something to brag about some day
to his little vampire buddies.
282
00:15:58,948 --> 00:16:00,569
If we're gonna send him somewhere
283
00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:04,199
it should be the most horrible,
most miserable place on Earth.
284
00:16:06,158 --> 00:16:07,318
Scottsdale!
285
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:15,089
We just got a call
from Mrs. Cartman!
286
00:16:16,793 --> 00:16:18,915
Unbelievable!
He's locked the door!
287
00:16:20,331 --> 00:16:21,974
Butters! This is your father!
288
00:16:22,099 --> 00:16:25,696
Explain why you snuck into another
boy's bedroom and gave him a hickey!
289
00:16:28,652 --> 00:16:31,302
Butters, you will open
this door right now!
290
00:16:32,082 --> 00:16:33,932
What have I done to myself?
291
00:16:34,390 --> 00:16:37,540
I should have known I wouldn't have
the stomach to be a vampire.
292
00:16:38,369 --> 00:16:39,752
I'm so hungry.
293
00:16:40,006 --> 00:16:42,876
Butters, you have five seconds
to unlock this door.
294
00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:44,001
One.
295
00:16:44,311 --> 00:16:45,311
Two.
296
00:16:58,022 --> 00:16:59,022
Hey, Dad.
297
00:17:00,225 --> 00:17:03,149
Butters, did you get gay with one
of your schoolmates tonight?
298
00:17:03,531 --> 00:17:04,656
I have to eat.
299
00:17:04,781 --> 00:17:07,111
But I can't do it.
I'm getting weak.
300
00:17:07,463 --> 00:17:10,085
All right. Now you listen
and you listen good.
301
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:14,889
Until you stop behaving this way,
you are not going the leave this room!
302
00:17:15,014 --> 00:17:16,497
Do you understand?
303
00:17:23,249 --> 00:17:24,945
I know now what I have to do.
304
00:17:28,502 --> 00:17:30,954
Steven, what has happened
to our boy?
305
00:17:31,863 --> 00:17:33,813
He's become something, Linda.
306
00:17:34,481 --> 00:17:35,538
Something
307
00:17:36,050 --> 00:17:37,709
that we cannot ground.
308
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:48,623
I just don't get it
309
00:17:48,748 --> 00:17:51,322
We sent the head vampire
to Scotsdale.
310
00:17:51,447 --> 00:17:55,180
But still more and more kids
are dressing up like vampires.
311
00:17:55,305 --> 00:17:58,789
It must not have been what causing it.
It must be something else.
312
00:17:59,056 --> 00:18:00,448
You're gonna order any food
313
00:18:00,573 --> 00:18:02,555
or just sit there
and drink coffee all night.
314
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,169
Leave us alone.
315
00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:06,767
Bad enough if I always get stuck
with you goth kids.
316
00:18:06,892 --> 00:18:09,174
Now I've goth kids
in my entire section.
317
00:18:12,190 --> 00:18:15,179
They aren't goth,
they are douches little vampire kids.
318
00:18:15,669 --> 00:18:17,141
Looks the same to me.
319
00:18:17,266 --> 00:18:19,528
I bet they aren't
even drinking coffee.
320
00:18:19,653 --> 00:18:21,841
No, they said they were
to young to drink caffeine,
321
00:18:21,966 --> 00:18:23,460
so they have an orange juice.
322
00:18:27,049 --> 00:18:28,156
Let's go over there
323
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:31,238
and tell them they are not taking
their legend from us too.
324
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:32,582
Forget it!
325
00:18:32,707 --> 00:18:34,017
It's over, all right?
326
00:18:34,142 --> 00:18:36,964
There's too many of them now.
We can't stop them.
327
00:18:37,198 --> 00:18:38,510
Let's just face it.
328
00:18:38,635 --> 00:18:40,585
The freakin' vampires beat us.
329
00:18:41,384 --> 00:18:42,499
Maybe not.
330
00:18:44,188 --> 00:18:47,338
Did you say you're trying
to get rid of the vampires?
331
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:49,282
I want to help you.
332
00:18:49,592 --> 00:18:51,006
Get away, douchebag.
333
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:55,012
Some legends say that if you
destroy the vampire's lair,
334
00:18:55,172 --> 00:18:57,355
the vampires will go back to being
human again.
335
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:58,865
What are you talking about?
336
00:18:58,990 --> 00:19:00,173
I can take you
337
00:19:00,298 --> 00:19:03,721
to the place where kids
are being transformed into vampires.
338
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:11,527
Hot Topic?
When did this open?
339
00:19:11,958 --> 00:19:15,790
Two weeks ago.
It used to be a banana republic.
340
00:19:16,513 --> 00:19:17,447
Of course.
341
00:19:17,572 --> 00:19:20,244
Freakin' Hot Topic.
That explains everything.
342
00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:22,003
How did we not figure that out?
343
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,861
Of course a new hot topic
must have come to town.
344
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,723
Well, I think we all know
what has to be done.
345
00:19:30,051 --> 00:19:31,301
Let's get to it.
346
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:47,737
What the hell are you doing?
347
00:19:47,862 --> 00:19:49,774
You should probably get out of here.
348
00:19:58,511 --> 00:20:01,858
- What the hell are they doing?
- They're putting an end it to.
349
00:20:14,329 --> 00:20:15,509
Mom! Dad!
350
00:20:16,023 --> 00:20:18,095
- I've changed back!
- What?
351
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:20,984
Goth kids burnt down the Hot Topic
and sure enough!
352
00:20:21,109 --> 00:20:23,979
Soon as they did, I tried eating
a hot dog and it tasted good!
353
00:20:24,104 --> 00:20:26,650
My vampire teeth even fell out
when I bit into it!
354
00:20:26,775 --> 00:20:28,164
I'm human again!
355
00:20:28,289 --> 00:20:30,606
We have no idea
what you're talking about,
356
00:20:30,768 --> 00:20:32,090
but we're glad you're home!
357
00:20:32,215 --> 00:20:35,025
That's right, son.
There's only one thing I care about.
358
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,270
What's that, dad?
359
00:20:36,395 --> 00:20:40,655
Would you mind telling me
why there is rice-a-roni in my coffee?
360
00:20:42,758 --> 00:20:44,573
Butters, are you grounded!
361
00:20:45,748 --> 00:20:46,953
Dangit!
362
00:20:48,773 --> 00:20:50,229
It worked, Linda.
363
00:20:50,602 --> 00:20:52,737
Our son is groundable once more.
364
00:20:56,609 --> 00:21:00,249
Fellow students, over the past weeks
there's been a lot of confusion
365
00:21:00,374 --> 00:21:02,152
and so we have asked
for this assembly
366
00:21:02,277 --> 00:21:06,310
to clarify the difference
between goth kids and vampire kids.
367
00:21:06,737 --> 00:21:08,644
Let us now, make it
abundantly clear...
368
00:21:09,032 --> 00:21:13,387
If you hate life, truly hate the sun,
and need to smoke and drink coffee,
369
00:21:13,512 --> 00:21:14,744
you are goth.
370
00:21:15,546 --> 00:21:18,493
If, however, you like dressing
in black because it's fun,
371
00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:21,603
enjoy putting sparkles on your cheeks
and following the occult
372
00:21:21,728 --> 00:21:23,929
while avoiding things
that are bad for your health,
373
00:21:24,054 --> 00:21:27,816
then you are most likely
a douchebag vampire-wannabe boner.
374
00:21:27,949 --> 00:21:30,518
Because anybody who thinks
they are actually a vampire
375
00:21:30,643 --> 00:21:32,345
is freaking retarded.
376
00:21:37,627 --> 00:21:38,685
All of you.