1 00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,994 You think you're man enough to fight me, you little shits? 2 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:39,497 Yeah, 'cause you're a drunk piece of shit, Dad! 3 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,708 You're both drunk pieces of shit! 4 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,335 Both of you sit the fuck down! 5 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:46,254 - Shut up! - They're noisy! 6 00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:47,463 Fuck you, bitch! 7 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,048 You son a bitch! 8 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,466 They're nasty! 9 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,511 You done spilt that on my titties, skank! 10 00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:55,096 They're white trash! 11 00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:58,015 And when you give 'em a little Pabst Blue Ribbon, 12 00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,518 they can't help getting arrested! 13 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:04,439 Tonight on an all new White Trash in Trouble... 14 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:06,816 Pabst Blue Ribbon and white trash— 15 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:09,444 it's a deadly combination that can lead to prison time 16 00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,904 and children being taken away from their homes. 17 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,241 This white trash home in Colorado seems innocent enough. 18 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,034 Hmm. 19 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:20,204 But the children in this home live in a world of neglect. 20 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,914 There's no heating, no groceries. 21 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,041 And if you look closely in the backyard, 22 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:27,754 you can even make out what appears to be a meth lab. 23 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:34,886 Down on the ground! 24 00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:36,012 - Move! - Let's move! 25 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,972 - Get down now! - Get down! 26 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,101 No! My babies! 27 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,895 Don't take my babies! 28 00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:45,188 You're hurting my arm! 29 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:46,814 My babies! 30 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,816 You're hurting me! 31 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,735 You have the right to remain silent. 32 00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:52,695 Now please look at the camera and say, 33 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:54,530 "I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble." 34 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,616 I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble. 35 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,201 All right, good. Now get in the car. 36 00:01:58,202 --> 00:02:00,161 Oh, wow, poor people being arrested. 37 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,913 What a rare occurrence. 38 00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:04,832 Hey, Kenny! Kenny, wave! 39 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,834 That's Kenny about to be sent to a foster home. 40 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:07,877 Pretty funny. 41 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,170 Just have a seat in there, kids. 42 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,756 Just have a seat in there, kids. 43 00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,135 The mother and father 44 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,887 will probably be released from jail on Monday, 45 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,348 but I guess the kids are gonna be taken away for good. 46 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,849 Child Protective Services 47 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,893 is about to talk to them in the soft room. 48 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,019 The soft room? 49 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:26,729 You know, the room we have set aside 50 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:29,065 for kids to feel safe in. 51 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,904 Hi, kids. How you doing? 52 00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:36,239 My name's Mr. Adams, 53 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,990 and I just need to get some info from you. 54 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,534 Does that sound okay? 55 00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:42,370 Can I see my mommy? 56 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,747 No, sorry. 57 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,999 Now, I've been looking over your file, 58 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,793 and I see you kids have all been 59 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:51,420 horribly physically and emotionally abused. 60 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,924 Oh, whoops! That isn't your case file. 61 00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,926 It's the Penn State University Gazette! 62 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,803 I'm joking. That's just a joke. 63 00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:01,138 We like to have fun here. It is your case file. 64 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,181 I was just all like, 65 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,891 "It's the Penn State Gazette!" To be like a joke. 66 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:04,934 We have fun. 67 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,270 Now, listen; you're gonna be put into a foster home, 68 00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:10,273 so I need to know, would you like to go to Neverland Ranch, 69 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,066 a Catholic church, or Penn State University? 70 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:14,443 We're havin' fun here, aren't we? 71 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:15,903 I just-I come up with these and the guys— 72 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,238 it's good to laugh. 73 00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:19,031 I just asked them if they wanted to go to Neverland, 74 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,700 a Catholic church, or Penn State! 75 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,202 I'm a trickster. People say I'm really meant for comedy. 76 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,954 Here's my head shot, just in case you know anybody. 77 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,998 Can't hurt, right? Okay, now... 78 00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,749 Are we all starting to feel a little bit better? 79 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,212 Oh, come on, now. How 'bout that smile? 80 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,339 I'm gonna get you to smile! 81 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,133 I'm gonna get you to smile! 82 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:40,386 A Penn State administrator walks into a bar. 83 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,054 Where's that smile? 84 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,347 How about this one? 85 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,975 Joe Paterno doesn't walk into a police station. 86 00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,852 Come on, that's a good one. 87 00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,232 Did you hear anything more about what happened? 88 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,067 Dude, I don't think Kenny's coming back. 89 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,278 My dad said those Child Protective Services people 90 00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,738 are pretty serious. 91 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,323 We can't let Kenny be sent away forever. 92 00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:01,699 There's gotta be something we can do! 93 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,409 Guys, guys, I've been working on it, 94 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,493 and I think I have some answers. 95 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:05,745 - Really? - Yeah. 96 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,246 I've gone through every student in the school, 97 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,040 and I'm pretty sure that now that Kenny's gone, 98 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:11,667 the poor kid is Craig! 99 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,252 That's what you care about, 100 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,670 who's the poorest kid in school now? 101 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,130 Pretty much went through everybody. 102 00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:19,008 Craig's got the most-shh! Here he comes. Here he comes. 103 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,927 Hey, Craig, your, uh— 104 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,929 your family get you that jacket at Wal-Mart or K-Mart? 105 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,681 What are you talking about? 106 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,141 Nothin', dude. It's cool. It's cool. 107 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,685 I mean, we would tell your parents to shop at nicer places, 108 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,979 but your mama's so poor, she can't even pay attention! 109 00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:38,861 Mr. and Mrs. Weatherhead, 110 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:41,197 we have the new foster kids for your care. 111 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,865 Very good. We'll take them from here. 112 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,201 Children, enter. 113 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,869 Welcome to your new home. 114 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:49,538 Before we show you around, let's get one thing clear. 115 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,667 This is a very strict religious household. 116 00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:55,962 As long as you live here, you will be agnostic. 117 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,297 These are your foster brothers and sisters. 118 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,466 They are all strict agnostics. 119 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,093 David, do you believe in God? 120 00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:04,637 - I don't know. - Right! 121 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,223 There are two bedrooms upstairs, boys' room and girls' room. 122 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,975 Your chores are listed on the respective doors. 123 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,184 Follow. 124 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,645 You will eat only at designated mealtimes. 125 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,231 Beverages you may take from the refrigerator as you like. 126 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:16,774 However, in this house, 127 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,360 you will drink only agnostic beverages— 128 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,821 Dr. Pepper and diet Dr. Pepper. 129 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,489 Because what flavor is it? 130 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,032 It is neither root beer nor cola. 131 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,450 Nobody is sure what flavor it is, 132 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,702 and nobody can be sure, 133 00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,328 Isn't that right... Melissa? 134 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,873 - I don't know. - Good! 135 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,043 This is awesome, Butters! 136 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,086 You really think you got something? 137 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,087 Yep. 138 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,630 To find out who the poorest kid is, 139 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,590 I actually was able to see which kids in school 140 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,467 got those coupons they hand out for school lunch. 141 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:44,468 Yeah? 142 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:45,678 So then I crossreferenced 143 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,263 all the kids who were on half-price lunches 144 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:48,848 with the tax records of people in town 145 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,141 to see which kid's parents 146 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,976 actually made the least amount of money last year. 147 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,602 Yeah? 148 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:56,605 Well, actually, Eric, it's you. 149 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,067 What? 150 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,235 Now that Kenny's gone, 151 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,779 your household actually has the lowest income. 152 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,657 I'm sorry, pal. 153 00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:10,953 Oh, my God. 154 00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,413 If we found this out, 155 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,123 it's only a matter of time before everybody else does. 156 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,583 I won't tell anybody. 157 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:16,751 Oh, come on! 158 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,461 We're not the only ones who wanted to look into this! 159 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,254 You think Kyle isn't on a computer right now, 160 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:21,881 trying to see who the poorest kid in school is? 161 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,674 Oh, he is gonna have such a field day, 162 00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,468 that heartless Jew. 163 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:28,429 Well, I won't give him the satisfaction. 164 00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,140 All right, let's hear it for Kyle! 165 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,892 He's so funny, isn't he, guys? 166 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,311 With all his jokes about Cartman being poor! 167 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,271 You guys hear how poor Cartman's mom is? 168 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,148 His mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her! 169 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,692 Yeah, that's super funny, guys! 170 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:43,110 Laugh it up, everyone! 171 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,071 Cartman's mama's so poor that when she goes to KFC, 172 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,822 she has to lick other people's fingers! 173 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,576 Ha! I beat you to it, Kyel! 174 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:54,705 My name is not "Kyel." 175 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,123 That's kyewl! Whatever, Kyel! 176 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,292 It must be nice having everything you want! 177 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,757 Hi, sweetie. 178 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,009 Sit down, Mom. We need to have a talk. 179 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,928 Oh, what is it this time? 180 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,554 Mom, how are you going to start bringing 181 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,931 more money into this household? 182 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,015 What, hon? 183 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,850 You have to start doing more, Mom. 184 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,143 What are you doing with your time? 185 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,145 Eric, I'm working two jobs. 186 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,064 Mommy's doing everything she can. 187 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,565 Yeah, see, the problem, Mom, 188 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:22,733 is that with Kenny gone, 189 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,360 I'm now the poorest kid in school. 190 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,736 Well, we're in a tough economy, Eric. 191 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,030 I don't know what else you want me to do about it. 192 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:29,615 We're in a tough economy. 193 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,409 You don't know what else I want you to do about it. 194 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,495 Life isn't handed to you, Mom! 195 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,956 You can't just sit on your ass and expect for money to appear! 196 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,291 Eric, we aren't that much poorer than most people. 197 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,751 - Not much po... - ? 198 00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,545 My mama so poor, when she heard about the Last Supper, 199 00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,213 she thought she was runnin' out of food stamps! 200 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,422 Oh! 201 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,633 It's not funny, Mom! 202 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,599 My mama's so poor, she waves around a Popsicle 203 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,643 and calls it air-conditioning. 204 00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,398 I wish I could be put in a cool foster home 205 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,316 like Kenny's family. 206 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,997 Oh. 207 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,999 Oh, it's you. 208 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,420 I was wondering when you'd appear. 209 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,213 You always come when I'm sad. 210 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,965 You are going to be okay, Karen. 211 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,842 You have to keep believing that. 212 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,636 Why did my mommy and daddy go to jail? 213 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:37,141 Sometimes... people do stupid things. 214 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,268 Sometimes they don't realize what should have come first, 215 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,769 until it's too late. 216 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,439 - But I'm all alone now. - You are not alone. 217 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,857 No matter where you go, 218 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,442 no matter what you do, 219 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,194 I will always be here. 220 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,029 Do you understand? 221 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,656 I'll try, guardian angel. 222 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:55,743 Don't try, Karen. Do. 223 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,203 What in the name of nobody knows 224 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,205 are you doing, Karen? 225 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,881 Policeman. 226 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,258 Yes. 227 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,801 All right, thanks for the tip. 228 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,136 We'll check it out. 229 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,763 Better call the lieutenant. 230 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,474 Looks like we've got another meth lab in town. 231 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,354 Got any needles on you? 232 00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:24,730 Any crack pipes? 233 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,148 Oh, my goodness, no. 234 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,900 I haven't used drugs in quite a while. 235 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,110 Then why is there a meth lab in your backyard? 236 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:33,530 What is going on here? Mom, what have you done? 237 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,407 Were things so bad for you financially, 238 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,742 you had to turn to a life of crime? 239 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,495 My mama so poor, she uses cheerios for earrings. 240 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,373 Well, guess I'm off to a foster home, then. 241 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,083 Hawaii is my first choice, 242 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,417 something not exactly on the beach 243 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,877 but maybe just a short walk away. 244 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,087 It's going to take me years to recover 245 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,672 from being torn from my mother's arms. 246 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:52,633 Only the ocean breezes and coconut trees can help me now. 247 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,468 When will you people learn 248 00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,512 to lay off the Pabst Blue Ribbon? 249 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,930 Now look at the camera and say, 250 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,682 "I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble." 251 00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:02,601 Oh, I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble. 252 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,695 Hi, there. How ya doing? 253 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:13,904 My name's Mr. Adams, 254 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,781 and I'm with Child Protective Services. 255 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,991 Here's my head shot. 256 00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:19,118 I just need to get some information from you, 257 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,202 if that's okay. 258 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:21,245 Yeah, yeah. 259 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,371 Okay, now, it says here 260 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:25,040 your mother was operating a meth lab. 261 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,041 That's right. 262 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,210 And it also says here 263 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:31,755 that Penn State prefers to be losing at halftime... 264 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,257 because at Penn State, 265 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:36,093 they like when you're a little behind in the locker room. 266 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,137 That's a joke. Did you get that one? 267 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,514 It's is a play on words. We like to have fun here. 268 00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:42,516 Dude, do you think this is funny? 269 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,727 We just-no, we just like to have fun here. 270 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:45,936 Well, I'll tell you something! 271 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:47,646 Being from a low-income household isn't funny! 272 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,689 Aw, hell no! 273 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,024 My mama so poor, 274 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:53,152 she opened a gmail account just so she could eat the spam. 275 00:10:57,699 --> 00:11:00,409 What-what, is that supposed to be some kind of joke? 276 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,618 You think you're funny? 277 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,912 A joke? You think being poor is a joke? 278 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,581 - Could be worse. - How? 279 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,082 Could be in Happy Valley! 280 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,459 On a scale from one to ten, 281 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,544 how old should you be to stay away from Penn State? 282 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,296 Dude, my mama so poor, when she gets mad, 283 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,505 she can't afford to fly off the handle, 284 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,257 so she's gotta go Greyhound off the handle! 285 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:21,680 Two Penn State administrators walk into a butt. 286 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:28,854 Jesus, this is a long drive. Are we in Hawaii yet? 287 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,105 Hawaii? 288 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,565 Yeah, that's where I requested to be sent. 289 00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,067 Your foster home is here. 290 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:35,069 Pretty much the exact opposite of Hawaii. 291 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:39,281 What? 292 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,741 Greeley? 293 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,827 Come on, now! 294 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,121 This is not the way we've told you tidy up. 295 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,707 Remember, cleanliness is next to godliness, 296 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,001 so make it kind of clean, but not too much. 297 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,295 Amanda, more ambiguous on the dusting! 298 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:57,132 Kenneth, answer the door. 299 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:00,761 What the— 300 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,805 Dude, this is, like, poorer than my old house! 301 00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,556 What the fuck are you doing here? 302 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,599 Hello, Eric. 303 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,017 Your room is upstairs on the left. 304 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,811 - Are you hungry? - You're my new mom? 305 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,270 You can call me Mom if you like. 306 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,814 All right, Mom, how much money do you make? 307 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,857 Like, gross yearly income after taxes? 308 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,654 This is where you'll sleep with your foster brothers. 309 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:21,448 You will be clean, polite, and most importantly, 310 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,700 you will follow the agnostic code! 311 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,327 "We cannot know with certainty if God or Christ exists. 312 00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,620 "They could. 313 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,205 "Then again, there could be a giant reptilian bird 314 00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,248 "in charge of everything. 315 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,332 "Can we be certain there isn't? 316 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,458 No, so it's pointless to talk about." 317 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:32,501 Now say it with me. 318 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:33,669 God damn, 319 00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,212 I gotta sleep in a room with six other people? 320 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,839 - How poor are we? - Hey! 321 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,007 We do not take the Lord's name in vain in this house, 322 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,342 just in case there is one! 323 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:43,178 Do you understand, or do you need the punishment room? 324 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,721 Oh, hell, no. 325 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,766 Mom, Dad's being mean to me! 326 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,685 Mom! 327 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,353 Myeeeemmm! 328 00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:55,816 My name is not "myeeeem." 329 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,447 Oh, God, I'm so nervous. 330 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,365 These kids all seem kind of mean. 331 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,200 I'll see you at recess, right? 332 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,455 You've already been here a while, Kenny, 333 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,998 so you have to introduce me to your friends, okay? 334 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,541 And make sure they know I'm cool. 335 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,543 You've gotta have my back, Kenny! 336 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,044 Oh, hey, Kenny. Who's this? 337 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,296 This is Eric Cartman. 338 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,881 Does he live with you at the foster home? 339 00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:20,132 Okay, all right, so listen! 340 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,758 I know our family is poor, okay? 341 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,428 But before we lived there, Kenny was actually poorer than me, 342 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:27,347 so technically, he is the poorest kid at this school. 343 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,724 What are you talking about? 344 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,226 The poor kid in this school is Jacob Hallery. 345 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,563 - Really? - Yeah, dude. 346 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:35,939 His dad died five years ago, 347 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,733 and his mom went crazy from depression, 348 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,818 so she can't even keep a job. 349 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,445 Yes! Yes! 350 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,238 Did you hear that, Kenny? We're good! 351 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,741 I seriously thought we didn't stand a chance, but now... 352 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,743 everything's gonna be okay! 353 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,328 ♪ 'Cause I'm not, I'm not ♪ 354 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,205 ♪ The poor kid at school ♪ 355 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:52,873 Let's hear it for Jacob Hallery, guys! 356 00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:54,041 His mama's so poor, 357 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,126 she cuts coupons out to be institutionalized! 358 00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,088 ♪ Greeley, Colorado's the place to be ♪ 359 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,424 ♪ It's a whole new beginning for you and me ♪ 360 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,967 ♪ Life can only get better ♪ 361 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,345 ♪ 'Cause I know one simple rule ♪ 362 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,554 ♪ I'm not, he's not ♪ 363 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,139 ♪ The poor kid at school ♪ 364 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,766 Did he do stuff like this at your old school? 365 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:11,767 Uh-huh. 366 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:14,102 Lets put our hands up, everyone, except for Jacob. 367 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,271 His mama's so poor, she only understands hand-outs. 368 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,651 Eric, at Greeley Elementary, 369 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,946 we do not tolerate students making fun of other students. 370 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,239 I wasn't making fun of anybody. 371 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,116 "A 20-minute song-and-dance number 372 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:31,203 "with 47 'yo mama's so poor' jokes 373 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,205 "directed at Jacob Hallery 374 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,625 which ended in a finale with fireworks." 375 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,126 I was just teasing. 376 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,379 Your case worker has been notified, 377 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,505 and he is not happy. 378 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,924 My case worker? Oh, not this guy. 379 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:46,802 I know this is a difficult adjustment for you, Eric, 380 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,137 but you can't just turn all your frustrations 381 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,306 on a little kid who can't defend himself. 382 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,432 I mean, what do you think this is, 383 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,850 the shower room at Penn State? 384 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:54,893 I'm kidding! 385 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,270 We like to have fun in our department. 386 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,396 So I was like— I was like, "What? 387 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,273 Is this like the shower room at Penn State?" 388 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,525 I joke around. This is my head shot. 389 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,485 Will you stop with the Penn State jokes? 390 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,112 All you're doing is taking something topical 391 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,948 and revamping old Catholic jokes. 392 00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,534 Oh! Oh, and "yo mama" jokes are better? 393 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,369 They've been around since the '50s. 394 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:15,664 What the hell does this have to do with anything? 395 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:18,000 Principal! You gotta send help to the playground! 396 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:21,628 They're about to beat up that new kid! 397 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:24,840 Aw, look at the new kid and her wittle dolly! 398 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:27,009 You gonna cry some more in class, wimp? 399 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,510 L-leave her alone. 400 00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:31,805 Shut up! You foster twerps are all the same. 401 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:34,141 Come on, hand over the doll. 402 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,022 Who the hell is this? 403 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:43,692 How about you find another little girl to pick on? 404 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,986 Mind your business, Peter Pan! 405 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,993 Karen McCormick is off limits, 406 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,244 do you understand? 407 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:57,205 Make sure everybody in this school knows. 408 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:09,718 And if this food 409 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:12,387 comes as a gift from some divine intelligence, 410 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,765 we understand that an intelligent being 411 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:17,559 cannot blame us for questioning its existence. 412 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,561 Nobody knows, nobody can know 413 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,271 if any deity is watching over us. 414 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,522 Amen. 415 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,733 Except for Karen's guardian angel! 416 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,984 What? 417 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:29,112 Where did he take you after he saved you, Karen? 418 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,198 He just took me back to my classroom. 419 00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:32,824 Then he disappeared, like always. 420 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,911 What have we told you about making up angel stories? 421 00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,579 But we saw him! 422 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,581 He leapt down from the sky! 423 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:43,126 And he kicked the crap out of Jessica Pinkerton. 424 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:44,628 - Yeah! - We saw him! 425 00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:45,879 Stop it, children! 426 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,715 We do not speak such certainties in this house! 427 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:51,093 Get down to the basement, all of you! 428 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,428 It's time for the punishment room! 429 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,393 Aah! 430 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:02,145 Now, did you see an angel? 431 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,148 No! No, I didn't see an angel! 432 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,775 No! You can't be certain of that! 433 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,026 You might have seen one! 434 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,945 Hit him with the Dr. Pepper again. 435 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:13,573 Aah! 436 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,659 Are there such things as angels? 437 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,077 Maybe. 438 00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,204 - Good. - Aah! 439 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:22,332 What do we do, Kenny? Kenny? 440 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,876 What is the meaning of life? 441 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,045 It's impossible to know! 442 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,088 That's right! 443 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,508 Who could that be? 444 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,512 Mr. and Mrs. Weatherhead, 445 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:37,305 I've received some disturbing news 446 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:40,308 that all you're providing the foster children here to drink 447 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,560 is soda. 448 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,562 Ha, ha, I told on you, Mom and Dad! 449 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,647 What business is that of yours? 450 00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:48,358 It's my business because Child Protective Services 451 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:49,776 is accountable for these kids! 452 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,112 - Have I given you my head shot? - Yes, yes, we have that. 453 00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:55,282 Okay, now, are you only giving these kids Dr. Pepper to drink? 454 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:57,701 If we want to serve agnostic beverages in this house, 455 00:17:57,702 --> 00:17:59,453 then by God-ish, we'll do it! 456 00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,413 The children you've sent here are undisciplined 457 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,582 and talking about the certainty of angels! 458 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:09,171 Excuse me? 459 00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:11,006 Let's have a look around. 460 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:17,596 What the— who did this? 461 00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,850 What is that? 462 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,944 It was like a little mystery person flying around. 463 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:36,782 Almost like some kind of agnostic angel. 464 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,876 Oh, my God. 465 00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,129 What's going on here? 466 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,756 We don't know. 467 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,217 We can't possibly know. 468 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:56,551 What have I done? 469 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:57,969 I took you kids from your parents 470 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,180 without even checking into where you were going. 471 00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:03,350 I put innocent children into a dangerous environment! 472 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,061 What am I, a recruitment coach for Penn State? 473 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,649 It's not funny! 474 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,111 There's nothing in there but Dr. Pepper, right? 475 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,447 There can't be. 476 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:21,326 Oh! 477 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,953 How did that get here? 478 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,665 It's says it's a Pabst Blue Ribbon. 479 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,125 What is it? 480 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:32,003 It's like beer but different. 481 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,339 But how did it get here? 482 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,388 Shut your mouth, bitch! 483 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:44,599 You shut your mouth, you dumb fucking asshole! 484 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,934 Fuck you, bitch! 485 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,477 You have the right to remain silent. 486 00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:48,728 Now look at the camera and say, 487 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,021 "I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble." 488 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:53,483 I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble! 489 00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:54,943 Get in the car, you. 490 00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:55,944 Wait a minute. 491 00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,405 I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble? 492 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:01,783 No, no, take all these kids back to their parents. 493 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,326 We've embarrassed the system 494 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,787 and made it something nobody wants to be a part of. 495 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:08,874 It's like a Penn State homecoming party. 496 00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,626 A false police report 497 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,628 can carry a up to a two-month prison term, son! 498 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:14,963 I'm not saying it. 499 00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,132 We can do this the easy way, or we can do it hard! 500 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,341 I'm not saying it! 501 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,302 Then we'll add another charge for resisting! 502 00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:21,469 Okay, fine! 503 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,680 I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble. 504 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:26,641 Three arrests in just one power-packed episode, 505 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,977 proving once again that we are all 506 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:31,646 just one Pabst Blue Ribbon away from becoming... 507 00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:41,990 Boy, it sure is good to have you back, Kenny. 508 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,493 I hear your parents might give up selling meth for good. 509 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,912 Yeah, maybe. 510 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,663 There he is. There's my buddy! 511 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,123 How was jail, fat ass? 512 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,167 Well, I did a lot of thinking, and you know, guys, 513 00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:54,502 there's an important lesson I think we've all learned. 514 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,838 What do we do when the tables are turned? 515 00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:58,340 ♪ The day's lookin' brighter ♪ 516 00:20:58,341 --> 00:21:00,675 ♪ Gray skies are turnin' blue ♪ 517 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,135 ♪ 'Cause I'm not, he's not ♪ 518 00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:04,721 ♪ He's not the poor kid at school ♪ 519 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,723 ♪ Kenny's back and it's such a thrill ♪ 520 00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,975 ♪ Now I'm rich just like Stan and Kyel ♪ 521 00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:12,270 ♪ All that matters is no one thinks I'm a tool ♪ 522 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,438 ♪ 'Cause I'm not, he's not ♪ 523 00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:14,731 ♪ He's not, that's right ♪ 524 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,274 ♪ The poor kid at school ♪ 525 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,484 Sing it with me, guys! 526 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:18,985 ♪ He's not the poor kid at school ♪ 527 00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:34,918 What the fuck? 528 00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:37,879 Aw, my mama's so poor, 529 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,924 she walks down the road with one shoe. 530 00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:42,717 And if you ask her if she lost a shoe, she says, 531 00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:44,719 "No, I found one."