Sync by YYeTs Corrections by Mlmlte
Last week, the students of
this school participated in the Presidential Fitness Test.
I am sad to announce that South Park Elementary scored
the lowest in health and fitness in the entire country.
On the whole, you students actually scored fine,
but the President's Fitness Test is scored on a school wide average,
and one fourth grader at this school scored so low...
With a terrifying body fat score, and high blood pressure
and the cholesterol levels of a 70-year-old man that it actually
brought your entire school's average down to the lowest in the country.
However, the Presidential Fitness program never wants to
single out one child because then that child might feel bad,
and so as far as we're concerned
you're all a bunch of fat fucking pigs.
Could you please use a little different terminology?
Sorry. As far as the board is concerned, you are all a bunch of fat fucking pigs.
And so it is the recommendation of this board that every week
each class will alternate turns giving up their recesses and
instead reporting to P.E.
Alright, fourth grade class you're up first.
We're gonna do some rope climbin'!
God this sucks!
Four weeks we gotta do this?!
Let's just suck it up guys,
all we can try to do is have a positive attitude about it.
Alright, McKormick, let's start with you.
Climb the rope.
Look at Kenny he's so poor, huh, you guys!
His family is so poor they couldn't pay the 3.99 for the gym outfit!
Alright, let's go Broflovski.
Look you guys, a Jew on a rope! You know what they call a Jew on a rope?
Alright, Cartman, stop ripping on other people to make
yourself feel less embarrassed about the fact we're all here because of you.
Hey, woa, we are here because the average score was low!
That's on all of us!
Because of you!
It's your fault that we have to do this.
We have to do this because you're unhealthy.
We're paying for your being fat.
Wow, Craig.
I can't believe you just went there.
Here we were having a perfectly nice conversation about Kenny
being poor and Kyle being a Jew
and you just decide to go 9-11 and bust out the 'fat' quip.
We are here because of you, Eric, so just keep your mouth shut.
Oh my God.
Why doesn't everyone just back off?!
I know how this works!
You're the 99% ganging up on the one percent!
Oh grow up.
Jesus Christ!
The 99% is totally ganging up on me!
That's what we mean by grow up, dude! Stop being a baby!
Yeah, why don't you go up and cry to your stuffed animals again.
And then... and then Wendy said that they were the 99% and
I was the one percent and that made me not cool.
But Eric, you are cool.
I know, Clyde Frog, but now the 99% is saying everything is my fault.
It's not your fault, Eric.
How can they blame you for what is clearly President Obama's fault?
What do you mean, Peter Panda?
You didn't make that stupid Presidential Fitness Test, Obama did.
Yeah, that's right Eric.
You don't need to grow up. You are awesome and cool.
Thanks Polly Prissypants.
I'm just so scared that all the kids at school are gonna be
talking about me behind my back.
And so then, Skeletor told Terminator he wanted a divorce
and apparently it's all gonna be finalized soon.
Dude, Butters, how many times do we have to go over this?
That's not Skeletor, it's a woman named Maria Shriver.
But then why does his face look like that?
What?!
What are you guys talking about?!
What are you guys doing; What are you talking about?!
I knew it!
You guys are having a big 99% rally, aren't you?!
Occupying the cafeteria?!!
You wanna know why you guys are all here protesting?
Because you're pissed off but you actually think it's wrong to
be pissed off at a black president so you're all just pissed off at me!
Well go ahead!
Have your little rally to figure out how to stick it to the one percent!
See what it gets you!
Hey, you know, Eric is right!
Maybe we should form a 99% club!
Yeah it's not a bad idea!
If all the students unite, we can work together to fight the system!
Yeah, the fifth graders agree!
We're all being punished for one lazy bitch.
Let's make him suffer!
All we need is some good old fashioned diplomacy.
Hello, sir, we are here on
behalf of all fourth graders at South Park Elementary.
Ah, yes the fattie boom ballatie class.
How's all the extra P.E. treating you?
Sir, we believe your fitness
system is flawed and that for 99% of us, it is unfair.
And what do you want me to do about it?
Well, sir, we believe that
the one percent should be dropped from the fitness results
so that our scores can be more accurate.
Afraid that's impossible.
The National Fitness Test has very specific standards.
No one child can ever be made to feel singled out.
We don't even like to use the term physically fit anymore
because it can make a student
feel unphysically fit, and then that student might end up
feeling like a total retard.
Excuse me, could you use a different terminology please?
And then that 'fourth grader'might end up feeling like a total retard.
Sir, all the fourth graders already know who the one percent is.
All you're doing is making the 99% more angry.
I warn you, this could turn very ugly.
Mom, have you been here all day?!
No, sweetie, I've been at the hair salon. Why?
Somebody's been in my room!
Fucking 99 percenters! What did they take?
Are you sure sweetie?
Am I sure?! Look at this place!
- But who would want to... - Don't you get it mom?
People voted for Obama so now that everything sucks they have to blame me!
They didn't take my Stormtrooper watch.
My Arkham City game is still here.
What else could they have...
Oh my God!
Clyde Frog.
What?
No.
No!
Clyde Frog?
They took Clyde Frog!
Clyde Frog?
Clyde?
Clyde Frog?
Clyde...?
Clyde Frog!
I've known Clyde Frog since I was two years old.
He was a fighter, a visionary.
But most of all Clyde Frog was the perfect friend.
He never said anything.
He never had his own ideas about what he wanted to do.
He just sat there going along with whatever I wanted.
A noble trait that seems lost on you 99 percenters.
And now we live in a world where
one of you has decided to become a murderer.
Well, whoever you are, I'm sure you're sitting there right now,
in your little green hat, with your left cheek resting against
your hand thinking "I'm not getting away with this, am I?"
Because whoever you are, maybe you still have one little piece
of humanity left, covered up and tainted black by years of
Jewish propaganda and left wing lies.
Shut the hell up, Cartman!
Got something to say, Kyle?!
How do you murder a stuffed animal?
You tell us Kyle!
But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
There's still a big investigation to come.
And until we prove beyond a reasonable doubt who the killer was,
you are all just as guilty as Kyle.
Thank you so much. Bagpipes please.
Fly, fly little dove to the welcome arms of Christ above
your tears are finally gone.
- Where's our five dollars? - Fly to... What?
It said in the email if we came we each got five dollars.
Yeah.
Five dollars has been donated
in each of your names to the Clyde's Law Foundation.
Fly, fly to Christ.
Oh, fine, go ahead and leave.
I'm going to find out who did this to Clyde and I'm gonna have your fucking balls!
Fly to Christ.
Sir!
Sir, you remember the kids from that South Park Elementary School?
Oh, yes, the boom boom chubby choom choom school.
They're all protesting outside!
Saying our system isn't fair to the 99% of them!
Oh my Jesus!
Oh, not a 99% rally!
I sure hope this works!
Tom, I'm reporting from the middle of a protest where two
fourth grade students are fed up and have decided to occupy... Red Robin.
Occupy Red Robin has been going
on for several hours now, and boys, technically I am part of
the 99% so what do I have to say about all this?
Thank you all so much for coming.
I realize that Clyde Frog's death is as shocking to all of you as it is to me.
Why would somebody do such a terrible thing?
Why would somebody hurt Clyde Frog, Eric?
Especially because you are so awesome and cool?
I know that I am awesome and cool, Polly Prissypants,
but that has little relevance at the moment to Clyde Frog's murder.
Let's stop this charade, Eric, and let's get down to business.
What do you mean, Rumpertumpskin?
We all know who fucking killed Clyde Frog
and she's the same dirty slut who's been fucking with us our whole lives!
Eric, sweetie, is everything OK?
Does everything look OK?
Sit down you fucking bitch.
Yes. Sit down, mother.
We are all having a tea party.
Sweetie, I see that you are a little disturbed right now, but maybe you can...
Shut your fat piehole bitch!
Yeah, you know what you did, skank!
You let Clyde Frog get murdered!
No, Rumpertumpskin, I didn't!
I swear!
Then why did you write in your diary it was probably time for Eric
to grow out of his stuffed animals anyway?
That's an excellent point, Muscle Man Marc, please continue.
Well, all I'm saying, Eric, is...
Sweetie, you really can just talk to me if you...
All I'm saying, Eric,
is that you went through your mom's diary for a reason!
Eric, I promise you.
I didn't do anything to your favorite toy.
Whoever did this to you, I hate them as much as you do.
And I'd do anything to get to the bottom of it!
So then... we are all going to need some more tea.
You better give me every cop you got on the South side!
I don't care where ABC parks their truck as long as it
doesn't block the fire trucks.
Jesus, this protest is getting out of hand.
Alright, what exactly are we dealing with.
It's not good.
The protest has quadrupled in size since the morning!
As you can see from this aerial photograph,
the protest now covers almost two square miles.
We have riot officers here, here and here.
The media has been contained to this area.
And where are the actual protesters?
Oh, these two people, right here.
How are we going to contain this thing?!
I'm afraid it's about to get worse. You see this area here?
This is where we're setting up the stage for Bon Jovi.
Bon Jovi?
These are good cops, we can't have them standing around for hours
without some entertainment!
The problem is with this area blocked by napping tents,
we have no place to serve the officers beer.
Dammit, don't these protesters know what this is heading towards?!
Full on class warfare.
What the hell?!
Mom!
Mom, my room is...
Peter Panda!
The fire started with this.
Definitely a case of arson.
Somebody hates this kid.
Don't you touch him! Leave him alone!
Peter Panda?
Eric...
Don't try to talk Peter Panda, you're gonna be OK.
Eric... rememebr....
Stay cool
Sorry kid, we need to take this as evidence.
No!
Peter Panda, no!
The 99 percenters' movement continues to grow as more and more
Americans occupy Red Robin.
I asked some of the people exactly what they hope to accomplish.
And, sir, what do you hope to accomplish by this movement?
I like the... A1 peppercorn burger.
And they got... bottomless fries.
And as the protesters inside Red Robin unite together,
word is that filmmaker Michael Moore has joined the protesters outside!
I look out at the faces of you protesters and I see the future of America!
We are the 99%!!!
Yeah!
Hey, dude.
Are you the guys messing with Cartman's stuffed animals?
Maybe we are and maybe we aren't. You got any proof?
Well it's just ... You and your friends were the ones saying
Cartman needs to suffer.
That doesn't prove anything!
That fat little fuck is finally getting what's coming to him.
Yeah, but, dude, he seriously could have died in that fire.
He's in your class, but you don't deal with him!
So we are gonna remedy the situation.
We've got big plans!
Just stay out of our way and let the men handle this!
Thank you so much for allowing Eric and I to stay here.
Of course.
You can't be staying in a home with that much fire damage.
To be honest, we're just a little surprised your son begged
you to stay with us.
We never knew your son and our son were so close.
I asked little Eric where he would feel safest and he said
with his friend Token.
This window locks from the inside, right?
And this door has a lock on it too?
Don't worry Polly Prissypants, you're going to be safe here.
In this day and age black people are just impervious to being fucked with,
so we'll be alright.
Why are you involving me in this?
Token please.
You're the only person I can trust.
Because in today's time black people
are somehow incapable of doing anything wrong.
Breaking News from the 'occupy Red Robin' movement.
The protesters have decreased in number from two to one
as one of the protesters has apparently splintered off from the group
to start a new movement: 'Occupy the Restroom'.
Tom, Occupy the Restroom has been going on for almost thirty minutes now.
Certainly a sign that this country is more divided than ever.
These 99 percenters are fed up, and as a result you can clearly
see this restroom is ...
Occupied.
Tom, it looks like the movement is finished,
but from the time it took it must have been a pretty decent sized movement.
Will you stop changing channels and just pick something?
What do you wanna watch Polly Prissypants?
This is my room, I'll take the remote from you!
No 'cause I'll tell my mom on you when our parents get home.
You're a guest here, you're mom isn't in charge!
No, because my house got burned down so everyone has to feel bad for me.
What is that?! What is that?!
That's the alarm that someone's in the backyard.
- What?! Who?! - I don't know.
I thought I was safe here!
Stay there guys, I'll be right back!
Who's there?! Lock that door behind you, Token.
Black people live here!
Motion detector!
Ah ha! I knew it was you Kyle!
It's not me!
I'm here to help you, fat ass!
Oh sure.
Stop it Cartman, it's true!
We came to keep an eye out.
Steven Tamal said he had something really big planned.
Steven Tamal?
The fifth grader?!
Oh shit!
I told you to lock that door, Token!!
No... no no no no!
Where are they Kenny?!
I don't fucking know!
Hey! Cartman what the hell are you doing?!
I don't trust any of you assholes!
Where are you sons a bitches?
Alright guys, you ready?
Ready!
Here we... go!
Hey... what are you fifth graders doing?
We are the 83%!
We are tired of being punished for the fourth grade class!
The fourth grade is sticking it to the other 83% of the school!
Now hold on a second, fellas.
If you're the 83% then our class is only 17%.
Yeah, how can the 17% be sticking it to the 83%?
Because your class has Cartman in it and he's the one percent!
But if he's one percent of 17% then he's point .17%.
This is it!
The inevitable has happened at occupy Red Robin!
It is full on class warfare!
And now class warfare is breaking out.
Apparently it is the fourth grade class versus the fifth grade class!
It's here!
Class warfare is finally here!
Yeah!
Hello?!
Whoever you are just give them back!
Haven't you done enough to me?!
Muscle Man Marc!
Polly Prissypants?!
Rumpertumpskin?!
Jesus Christ.
Eric! Don't come any closer!
Who did this to you?!
You said you wouldn't let anything happen to us!
Don't worry, I'll get you down.
No, Eric! Don't come any...
Rumpertumpskin!!
Rumper...
Rumpertumpskin...
Why?!
Why did you do this?!
It's okay, Eric... it's over now.
Polly?
Polly Prissypants?
You did this?
Don't you see?
The kids at school were right, Eric.
It was time for us to grow up.
You got rid of Clyde Frog.
You burned Peter Panda.
Yes, they're gone, and now we can grow up and be together.
They were your friends.
They were holding us back.
All the kids making fun of you at school
saying you're not cool.
Your stuffed animals all had to be gotten rid of, don't you see?
It's dead bolted. Token?!
Token, you in there?!
Polly Prissypants, when people find out we did all this
we're gonna get in total trouble!
No, I've thought of everything!
It all happened here so that everyone will think Token did it.
All the blame will be on him! And we can live happily ever after!
Just one problem.
You say I had to grow up.
To get rid of all of my dolls...
You forget one crucial thing, Polly Prissypants.
That nobody would possibly blame Token for all this
because in today's day and age you can't blame a black person for anything.
Oh no, you're totally right!
But I thought my plan was perfect. I've failed!
I failed you! You have to kill me Eric.
- So that you don't get blamed. - No!
I've lost every stuffed animal I won't lose you too.
It's the only way now.
You have to do it. Please.
I can't live with myself after what I've done.
Please you have to do it Eric.
Alright... alright...
Goodbye, Polly Prissypants...
I love you.
Say hello to the sunrise for me.
Dude... what the hell...
We told him to grow up...
So he got rid of his stuffed animals.
My little Eric can sometimes be a bit dramatic.
Occupy Red Robin is over.
Class warfare has torn apart the 99%
and replaced it with the 30%, the 26% and even little brackets of
five percents here and there.
What does this mean for our country?
What does this mean for me?
Hey, get down to state street!
They're occupying Macaroni Grill!
Oh hell yeah!
I'll occupy me some goat cheese Peppadew peppers!
Sync by YYeTs Corrections by Mlmlte