1
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:17,104
♪ I'm goin' down to south park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:17,114 --> 00:00:18,713
♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:21,052
♪ humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:21,057 --> 00:00:24,091
♪ goin' down to south park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:24,098 --> 00:00:25,765
♪ ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:25,771 --> 00:00:27,771
♪ people spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:31,045
♪ heading on up to south park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:31,053 --> 00:00:34,120
♪ mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:34,126 --> 00:00:38,095
♪ come on down to south park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:44,588 --> 00:00:46,722
Oh, hey, kyle.
Kyle, hang on a sec.
11
00:00:46,728 --> 00:00:46,726
Hey, jimmy.
What's up?
12
00:00:46,728 --> 00:00:49,329
Not much. I just
wanted to make sure
13
00:00:49,335 --> 00:00:50,634
You've heard
the f-f-fantastic news.
14
00:00:50,639 --> 00:00:52,606
There's a new terrance
and phillip mobile game,
15
00:00:52,611 --> 00:00:54,277
And it's so amazing
and incredibly fun.
16
00:00:54,282 --> 00:00:55,715
Oh, really?
Yeah.
17
00:00:55,719 --> 00:00:56,785
And the most
unbelievable part --
18
00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:56,789
It's totally free!
19
00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:59,692
You should download it
to your phone right now.
20
00:00:59,697 --> 00:01:00,629
I mean, come on.
21
00:01:00,634 --> 00:01:02,167
If it's free,
why wouldn't you?
22
00:01:02,170 --> 00:01:03,769
Cool.
Thanks, jimmy.
23
00:01:03,775 --> 00:01:05,542
Well, I'll check it out.
24
00:01:05,545 --> 00:01:06,744
You betcha, pal.
25
00:01:12,765 --> 00:01:15,167
The "terrance & phillip"
mobile game.
26
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,648
In this game,
you are terrance and phillip.
27
00:01:20,655 --> 00:01:22,755
Can you collect
all the canadian coins?
28
00:01:27,707 --> 00:01:30,508
That's one coin.
Can you collect more?
29
00:01:31,886 --> 00:01:34,553
You've collected
10 canadian coins!
30
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:35,826
Congratulations.
31
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,930
Hey, you're really good at this,
guy.
32
00:01:37,936 --> 00:01:40,870
What?
Congratulations, kyle.
33
00:01:40,876 --> 00:01:42,776
With canada coins,
you can buy stuff
34
00:01:42,780 --> 00:01:44,614
And help terrance and phillip
rebuild canada.
35
00:01:44,623 --> 00:01:46,189
Run around and collect
more coins,
36
00:01:46,191 --> 00:01:47,790
Or better yet, buy them in bulk.
37
00:01:47,797 --> 00:01:50,398
How man canadian coins
would you like to buy?
38
00:01:50,403 --> 00:01:51,769
This is stupid.
39
00:01:51,775 --> 00:01:53,975
Well, it's just $.49
for the cheapest one.
40
00:01:55,485 --> 00:01:57,785
You bought 200 canadian coins
for $.49!
41
00:01:57,790 --> 00:01:57,788
You're amazing!
42
00:01:57,790 --> 00:02:01,525
Now use that canadough
to help rebuild canada.
43
00:02:01,534 --> 00:02:03,301
Click to build a hospital here.
44
00:02:04,911 --> 00:02:06,411
Yay!
Yay!
45
00:02:06,414 --> 00:02:08,614
It's still stupid,
and now I paid $.49 for it.
46
00:02:08,621 --> 00:02:10,521
What are
you two boners doing?
47
00:02:10,525 --> 00:02:13,225
We're playing the "terrance &
phillip" freemium game.
48
00:02:13,232 --> 00:02:15,333
I played that thing.
It's fucking dumb.
49
00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:16,872
I ended paying
like five bucks.
50
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:17,874
Who makes this crap?
51
00:02:23,593 --> 00:02:25,794
oh, it's tewiffic!
52
00:02:25,801 --> 00:02:28,502
That's $200,000 more american
in just one day.
53
00:02:28,510 --> 00:02:31,444
Where is the roof
on this thing?
54
00:02:31,449 --> 00:02:33,549
What's the big idea
making a mobile game
55
00:02:33,555 --> 00:02:34,788
Without our approval?
56
00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:36,358
Oh,
terrance and phillip.
57
00:02:36,363 --> 00:02:38,263
How are canada's
two favorite buddies?
58
00:02:38,269 --> 00:02:39,502
What gives you the right
to make
59
00:02:39,505 --> 00:02:40,637
A stupid "terrance & phillip"
mobile game?
60
00:02:40,641 --> 00:02:41,640
Who do you think you are?
61
00:02:41,643 --> 00:02:43,510
Oh, I'm only
the prince of canada.
62
00:02:43,517 --> 00:02:45,750
And this happens to be
the minister of mobile gaming.
63
00:02:45,755 --> 00:02:47,488
We thought
you would be pleased
64
00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:49,060
With the quality
of the mobile game.
65
00:02:49,064 --> 00:02:50,731
It's the dumbest game
ever.
66
00:02:50,736 --> 00:02:52,636
All you do is collect
and spend canadough.
67
00:02:52,642 --> 00:02:54,775
Eh,
we know the game's not great.
68
00:02:54,779 --> 00:02:56,479
But who cares?
It's free!
69
00:02:56,485 --> 00:02:57,818
But it's not free.
70
00:02:57,823 --> 00:02:59,989
If you charge $.40 here
and $.50 there,
71
00:02:59,993 --> 00:03:01,293
Then it's not free.
72
00:03:01,297 --> 00:03:02,930
They see
through the charade.
73
00:03:02,937 --> 00:03:04,503
Uh-oh.
You think so?
74
00:03:04,508 --> 00:03:06,741
I think they see
through the charade, yes.
75
00:03:06,745 --> 00:03:09,012
I'm pretty sure
they can hear us, too.
76
00:03:09,019 --> 00:03:10,452
All right.
Fuck it.
77
00:03:10,455 --> 00:03:11,921
You've seen
through the charade,
78
00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:13,760
So you might as well know
everything.
79
00:03:13,764 --> 00:03:14,830
Charade up!
80
00:03:21,554 --> 00:03:23,355
Allow me to explain the science
81
00:03:23,359 --> 00:03:25,425
Behind micro-pay
freemium gaming.
82
00:03:25,431 --> 00:03:28,099
For years, the concept
behind gaming was simple --
83
00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:30,506
You pay for the game,
and you enjoy.
84
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,411
With mobile apps,
we now have the ability
85
00:03:32,417 --> 00:03:34,117
To make games
that are boring and stupid,
86
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,054
But if you pay for incentives,
you're rewarded.
87
00:03:37,063 --> 00:03:40,565
Freemium -- the "mium"
is latin for "not really."
88
00:03:40,571 --> 00:03:41,870
Minister of gaming:
It's a simple cycle,
89
00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:44,409
A never-ending loop
based on rpgs.
90
00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,617
Explore, collect,
spend, improve.
91
00:03:46,622 --> 00:03:48,822
But whereas those just use
the concept of x.P.,
92
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:48,827
Or experience points,
93
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:53,632
We've introduced the idea
of micro-paying with money.
94
00:03:53,644 --> 00:03:55,711
Money, money, money,
money, money, money.
95
00:03:55,714 --> 00:03:57,447
It's what everyone is doing.
96
00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:59,086
Freemium games are what's now,
97
00:03:59,090 --> 00:04:01,790
And it's all just
a lot of harmless fun.
98
00:04:01,797 --> 00:04:03,564
You're in big trouble,
stanley.
99
00:04:03,568 --> 00:04:04,700
Can you explain to us
100
00:04:04,705 --> 00:04:06,372
How you managed to spend
$489
101
00:04:06,377 --> 00:04:09,544
On a mobile app?
102
00:04:09,551 --> 00:04:10,751
I'm sorry.
103
00:04:10,755 --> 00:04:12,454
I didn't realize
I spent that much.
104
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,926
You didn't realize?
105
00:04:13,932 --> 00:04:16,099
What are "canadian coins"?
106
00:04:16,103 --> 00:04:18,671
You buy canadian coins
so you have canadough.
107
00:04:18,677 --> 00:04:21,044
Stan, just because I make
a good living with my music
108
00:04:21,050 --> 00:04:23,650
Doesn't mean you can go
blow it all on canadough.
109
00:04:23,658 --> 00:04:25,091
I'll pay you back for it,
okay?
110
00:04:25,096 --> 00:04:26,529
How?
111
00:04:26,531 --> 00:04:27,430
I don't know.
I'll figure it out.
112
00:04:27,436 --> 00:04:28,435
Jesus christ.
113
00:04:28,437 --> 00:04:29,803
Can you believe him?
114
00:04:29,807 --> 00:04:31,807
He knew how much
he was spending.
115
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,546
He knew
he'd get in trouble.
116
00:04:33,553 --> 00:04:34,585
But it didn't matter.
117
00:04:34,587 --> 00:04:35,820
I hate to say it,
118
00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:37,690
But this is a lot like
his grandpa.
119
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:38,961
What do you mean?
120
00:04:38,965 --> 00:04:41,666
Dad's always had
a gambling problem.
121
00:04:41,674 --> 00:04:44,074
He's got total
addiction tendencies.
122
00:04:44,081 --> 00:04:48,016
Could he have somehow passed
those demons down to stan?
123
00:04:48,025 --> 00:04:50,926
Well, and you certainly have
some of those problems, too,
124
00:04:50,932 --> 00:04:50,930
With drinking.
125
00:04:50,932 --> 00:04:54,667
I had a problem,
but I was able to stop.
126
00:04:54,675 --> 00:04:57,109
Now I only drink
gluten-free beer and wine.
127
00:04:57,116 --> 00:04:58,582
But with stan,
128
00:04:58,585 --> 00:05:01,753
I think there's some darkness
inside him
129
00:05:01,762 --> 00:05:04,196
That doesn't allow him
to stop.
130
00:05:06,141 --> 00:05:06,139
And so, in conclusion,
131
00:05:06,141 --> 00:05:11,077
The successful freemium game
is based on five principles --
132
00:05:11,087 --> 00:05:13,922
Entice the player
with a simple game loop,
133
00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:16,096
Use lots of flashing
"cha-chings" and compliments
134
00:05:16,102 --> 00:05:18,536
To make the player feel good
about themselves,
135
00:05:18,541 --> 00:05:20,775
Train the players to spend
your fake currency,
136
00:05:20,781 --> 00:05:22,747
Offer the players a way
to spend real currency
137
00:05:22,752 --> 00:05:22,750
For your fake currency...
138
00:05:22,752 --> 00:05:25,920
So they'll forget
they're spending money.
139
00:05:25,929 --> 00:05:27,662
...And make the game
about waiting,
140
00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:29,199
But let the player pay
not to wait.
141
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,238
It's a surefire way
to make lots of money.
142
00:05:31,245 --> 00:05:32,944
We understand micro-paying,
143
00:05:32,948 --> 00:05:35,215
But can't the game
hidden inside the charade
144
00:05:35,219 --> 00:05:36,218
Just at least be fun?
145
00:05:36,224 --> 00:05:37,624
No, no!
146
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,961
It has to be just barely fun.
147
00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:39,964
If the game was too fun,
148
00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:43,234
Then there would be no reason
to micro-pay
149
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:44,608
In order to make it more fun.
150
00:05:44,613 --> 00:05:46,146
What's this?
151
00:05:46,150 --> 00:05:51,086
Your checks, of course,
for $10 million american, each.
152
00:05:51,097 --> 00:05:53,131
So this is --
everyone is doing this?
153
00:05:53,136 --> 00:05:54,802
Everyone
is doing it.
154
00:05:54,809 --> 00:05:56,976
It's just the way things
are going.
155
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,881
It's the way things
are going!
156
00:05:58,885 --> 00:06:02,286
Well, I guess if everyone's
just paying $.40 at a time,
157
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,795
It can't be that bad.
158
00:06:05,671 --> 00:06:06,704
Hey, phillip!
159
00:06:07,912 --> 00:06:09,878
Oh, hey, guys.
160
00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:12,150
You...
Missed school today?
161
00:06:12,156 --> 00:06:14,323
Yeah,
I just wasn't feeling the best.
162
00:06:14,329 --> 00:06:17,030
Did you play the "terrance &
phillip" freemium game all day?
163
00:06:17,036 --> 00:06:17,901
Well, yeah.
I was sick in bed.
164
00:06:17,903 --> 00:06:19,303
What else was I gonna do?
165
00:06:19,308 --> 00:06:21,174
How much money
did you micro-pay today, stan?
166
00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:21,177
Nothing.
167
00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:23,713
Dude, I bought like $10 worth
of canadough.
168
00:06:25,158 --> 00:06:27,025
But check it out.
I unlocked a stadium in toronto.
169
00:06:27,029 --> 00:06:29,763
You spent $10 and eight hours
to unlock a stadium?
170
00:06:29,770 --> 00:06:32,737
You guys, is it that much dumber
than video games you play?
171
00:06:32,746 --> 00:06:33,979
Yes.
172
00:06:35,319 --> 00:06:35,317
It's just, like,
something to kill some time.
173
00:06:35,319 --> 00:06:35,317
Like jimmy said,
it's a cool way to zone out.
174
00:06:35,319 --> 00:06:40,289
Wait, wait, wait.
Jimmy told you about this game?
175
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:42,199
Jimmy told me
about this game.
176
00:06:42,205 --> 00:06:43,938
Kenny, who told you
about this game?
177
00:06:43,944 --> 00:06:45,277
Mrph.
178
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,345
Dude, what...
The...
179
00:06:47,351 --> 00:06:48,384
Fmph?
180
00:06:50,293 --> 00:06:53,028
Psst. Hey, kid.
Come over here.
181
00:06:53,035 --> 00:06:55,836
Yeah, come on over.
Check this out.
182
00:06:55,843 --> 00:06:56,975
You looking to have
some fun?
183
00:06:56,979 --> 00:06:58,178
What do you mean?
184
00:06:58,182 --> 00:06:59,748
The "terrance & phillip"
mobile game.
185
00:06:59,751 --> 00:07:01,184
All the cool kids
are using it.
186
00:07:01,190 --> 00:07:03,057
Aw, I don't know.
Come on. Just try it out.
187
00:07:03,061 --> 00:07:05,094
You can be terrance,
or phillip, or both.
188
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,767
You can walk around and collect
canada cash to build new stuff.
189
00:07:07,774 --> 00:07:09,341
It's the perfect thing
if you're bored.
190
00:07:09,347 --> 00:07:11,280
And honestly, the best part
about it is it's free.
191
00:07:11,284 --> 00:07:11,282
I mean, come on.
192
00:07:11,284 --> 00:07:14,085
Why wouldn't you download it
and just try it out?
193
00:07:14,092 --> 00:07:15,224
Hey, uh, jimmy,
can we talk?
194
00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:15,227
Well, sure, fellas.
195
00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:17,897
Anyway, be sure
to check it out, kid.
196
00:07:17,903 --> 00:07:19,135
Dude,
what are you doing?
197
00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:20,773
Just hanging out.
What are you up to?
198
00:07:20,777 --> 00:07:22,443
You need to stop recommending
that app to people.
199
00:07:22,449 --> 00:07:24,082
Mrph.
200
00:07:24,086 --> 00:07:25,319
Everyone we know says they heard
about it from you.
201
00:07:25,323 --> 00:07:26,923
I just think it's
a fabulous app. That's all.
202
00:07:26,928 --> 00:07:28,027
It's not a fabulous app.
203
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,129
It's fucking stupid.
204
00:07:29,135 --> 00:07:31,168
Let me ask you something,
jimmy.
205
00:07:31,171 --> 00:07:33,972
What happens on level two after
you get the ontario nugget?
206
00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:35,513
All right, all right.
207
00:07:35,518 --> 00:07:37,084
I never played it.
208
00:07:37,088 --> 00:07:38,955
I stay away from the stuff.
209
00:07:38,962 --> 00:07:40,861
You just push it
on other people?
210
00:07:40,865 --> 00:07:41,864
They pay me to!
211
00:07:41,867 --> 00:07:43,200
Who, jimmy?!
Who pays you?!
212
00:07:45,445 --> 00:07:47,246
You've both done
an amazing job.
213
00:07:47,251 --> 00:07:49,084
New hospitals,
new neighborhoods,
214
00:07:49,089 --> 00:07:51,923
All funded
by one freemium game.
215
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,229
Uh, listen.
216
00:07:53,234 --> 00:07:53,232
Uh, we've been
talking it over,
217
00:07:53,234 --> 00:07:56,168
And we really aren't comfortable
with this freemium thing.
218
00:07:56,174 --> 00:07:57,841
Oh, what is the matter?
219
00:07:57,847 --> 00:08:00,848
It seems dishonest,
and we have a brand to protect.
220
00:08:00,854 --> 00:08:04,455
But just look at all the things
we're getting to build.
221
00:08:04,464 --> 00:08:06,965
Soon, canada will be as advanced
and developed as michigan.
222
00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:09,070
We're just worried that some
people will abuse the game
223
00:08:09,078 --> 00:08:10,844
And start spending more money
than they can afford.
224
00:08:10,848 --> 00:08:12,148
Oh, no!
225
00:08:12,153 --> 00:08:14,219
Well, we certainly
wouldn't want that.
226
00:08:14,224 --> 00:08:16,391
oh, I have an idea.
227
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:16,394
How about we take
228
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:20,031
Some of the billions of dollars
we are making
229
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:20,038
And we start a campaign
230
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,909
To teach everyone to play
the game in moderation?
231
00:08:23,917 --> 00:08:26,150
Oh!
232
00:08:26,156 --> 00:08:27,522
Do you really think
that would help?
233
00:08:27,526 --> 00:08:27,524
Of course!
234
00:08:27,526 --> 00:08:31,061
The alcohol industry
does it all the time.
235
00:08:32,441 --> 00:08:33,941
You. Friends.
236
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,380
Fun. Drink.
237
00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:36,947
Hot girls.
You're hot.
238
00:08:36,954 --> 00:08:38,520
Drink more.
Expensive cars.
239
00:08:38,525 --> 00:08:40,158
Ass. Drink. Ass.
240
00:08:40,162 --> 00:08:41,928
Money. You in a tuxedo.
Threesomes.
241
00:08:41,932 --> 00:08:43,499
Vodka. Pussy.
Drink, drink, drink!
242
00:08:43,505 --> 00:08:45,371
You! Drink!
Vegas! Fun! Pussy!
243
00:08:45,375 --> 00:08:47,342
You in a tuxedo
fucking this girl.
244
00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:47,346
Vodka!
Drink, drink, drink!
245
00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:47,346
Drink it all,
you fucking pussy!
246
00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:50,983
More tuxedo!
More cars!
247
00:08:50,992 --> 00:08:52,057
More pussy!
More vodka!
248
00:08:52,061 --> 00:08:53,227
Drink, drink, drink!
249
00:08:53,231 --> 00:08:56,266
Please drink responsibly.
250
00:09:02,088 --> 00:09:04,190
Come on.
This way, stan.
251
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:07,329
I want you to see this.
252
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,605
There you go.
That's your grandpa.
253
00:09:09,609 --> 00:09:12,977
He sits at that slot machine
and mindlessly drains money away
254
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:13,918
A little bit at a time.
255
00:09:13,922 --> 00:09:15,288
Sound familiar?
256
00:09:15,290 --> 00:09:17,557
All the little sounds and lights
are calculated
257
00:09:17,565 --> 00:09:19,599
To keep him sitting
at that stupid machine.
258
00:09:19,604 --> 00:09:21,337
Come on, dad.
We're going home.
259
00:09:21,341 --> 00:09:21,339
Ah, go away.
260
00:09:21,341 --> 00:09:25,409
Do you know what you've done
to your grandson?
261
00:09:25,419 --> 00:09:28,020
You've infected him
with your bullshit!
262
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,959
What are you talking
about?
263
00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:32,666
I just don't understand
what is wrong with you two.
264
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,607
What is the joy that this stuff
possibly brings you?
265
00:09:35,613 --> 00:09:37,513
It's just...
It's fun.
266
00:09:37,521 --> 00:09:38,720
Yeah, it's fun.
267
00:09:38,722 --> 00:09:38,720
It's not fun!
268
00:09:38,722 --> 00:09:42,624
You two have demons
you're trying to compensate for.
269
00:09:42,634 --> 00:09:44,034
Well, what about you?
270
00:09:44,039 --> 00:09:45,605
You're having
a glass of wine.
271
00:09:45,608 --> 00:09:47,975
I'm not having
a glass of wine.
272
00:09:47,983 --> 00:09:49,349
I'm having six.
273
00:09:49,351 --> 00:09:51,551
It's called a tasting,
and it's classy.
274
00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:53,025
Dad, I'm not addicted.
275
00:09:53,028 --> 00:09:53,026
I can stop.
276
00:09:53,028 --> 00:09:56,096
I just like playing it,
but I don't have to.
277
00:09:56,103 --> 00:09:57,302
I'll prove it.
278
00:09:57,306 --> 00:09:58,772
Yeah, and if he stops,
I'll stop.
279
00:09:58,777 --> 00:10:00,611
All right.
280
00:10:00,616 --> 00:10:04,217
And if you two stop, then we
won't have a problem anymore.
281
00:10:04,227 --> 00:10:05,593
Hmm.
282
00:10:05,597 --> 00:10:08,031
Earthy, bold,
hint of cherry after-tones.
283
00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:16,785
Is it my responsibility
what people decide to do
284
00:10:16,795 --> 00:10:18,762
With their f-f-free time?
285
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:18,765
I was just the middleman.
286
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:21,668
People were going to learn
about the game somewhere
287
00:10:21,675 --> 00:10:22,674
If not from me.
288
00:10:22,678 --> 00:10:22,676
I'm not the one
who made it.
289
00:10:22,678 --> 00:10:26,513
But you accepted money
from the canadian government
290
00:10:26,522 --> 00:10:28,221
To push a freemium game
on us.
291
00:10:28,225 --> 00:10:29,425
Why would they do that?
292
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,361
How do you get people
addicted to crack?
293
00:10:31,367 --> 00:10:32,399
You give it away
for free.
294
00:10:32,403 --> 00:10:33,736
You give away
a little taste,
295
00:10:33,741 --> 00:10:36,208
And then -- and then some people
can't stop themselves.
296
00:10:36,214 --> 00:10:38,448
And now stan is so consumed by
the shit you've been pushing
297
00:10:38,454 --> 00:10:40,153
That he can't even see
through it!
298
00:10:40,158 --> 00:10:41,558
How could you sell out
your friends?!
299
00:10:41,563 --> 00:10:42,829
I needed the money,
all right!
300
00:10:44,838 --> 00:10:48,307
I downloaded yum yum sparkly gem
forest because it was free.
301
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,314
I loved
the sparkling little gems,
302
00:10:50,319 --> 00:10:52,486
The sounds they made
when I got new ones.
303
00:10:52,492 --> 00:10:54,658
Then I made my first
in-app purchase.
304
00:10:54,665 --> 00:10:56,932
Before I knew it,
I had spent my allowance,
305
00:10:56,937 --> 00:10:58,470
Then my birthday money.
306
00:10:58,475 --> 00:10:59,608
I lost my crutches!
307
00:10:59,611 --> 00:10:59,609
You have
your crutches.
308
00:10:59,611 --> 00:11:02,578
It's a figure of speech
with crippled people.
309
00:11:02,587 --> 00:11:03,887
We'd say we lost
an arm and a leg,
310
00:11:03,891 --> 00:11:05,190
But they ain't worth much.
311
00:11:05,195 --> 00:11:06,628
That makes sense.
312
00:11:06,630 --> 00:11:08,263
You're saying these games
do this on purpose?
313
00:11:08,269 --> 00:11:09,668
Why do you think
freemium games
314
00:11:09,672 --> 00:11:11,372
Send you those
text notifications
315
00:11:11,378 --> 00:11:12,577
When you haven't played
in a while?
316
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:12,578
It's called a trigger --
317
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:16,282
A quick image to trigger
the addict's brain.
318
00:11:16,291 --> 00:11:18,224
They know exactly
what they're doing.
319
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,652
Hey, buddy!
Come on, guy!
320
00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:35,401
Come back, fwiend.
You've got new buddies, guy.
321
00:11:38,886 --> 00:11:42,254
We've just given you
5,000 canadian coins.
322
00:11:42,263 --> 00:11:44,863
Enjoy your canadough.
323
00:11:44,869 --> 00:11:46,636
Free?
324
00:11:48,611 --> 00:11:50,679
What is wrong with you,
stan?
325
00:11:50,685 --> 00:11:53,419
You said you stopped buying
canadough.
326
00:11:53,426 --> 00:11:53,424
I didn't think
I spent that much.
327
00:11:53,426 --> 00:11:57,561
I-I clicked on a few micro-pays
and it just kind of added up.
328
00:11:57,571 --> 00:11:59,972
$26,000?
329
00:11:59,977 --> 00:12:01,944
Do you know how many songs
I have to write
330
00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:03,449
To make back
that much money?
331
00:12:03,454 --> 00:12:03,452
One.
332
00:12:03,454 --> 00:12:06,555
Oh, it's just nothing to you,
isn't it?
333
00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:06,561
No.
No, it's not.
334
00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:10,665
You need to realize that you
have something in your brain
335
00:12:10,673 --> 00:12:12,606
That you somehow inherited
from your grandpa
336
00:12:12,612 --> 00:12:14,312
That makes you act
this way, okay?
337
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,515
I don't know
how you can say that
338
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,920
When you're standing here
chugging beer.
339
00:12:16,923 --> 00:12:18,589
I am not chugging beer.
340
00:12:18,596 --> 00:12:21,464
I'm sampling a flight
of gluten-free german lagers
341
00:12:21,469 --> 00:12:23,335
With a french wine pairing.
342
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:25,943
It's called a schmorgeswein,
and it's elegantly cultural.
343
00:12:37,614 --> 00:12:39,982
Okay, I need help.
344
00:12:39,988 --> 00:12:42,688
There is something different
about me, you guys.
345
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,529
I know
the game is stupid,
346
00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:46,599
And it actually
isn't even fun anymore.
347
00:12:46,606 --> 00:12:47,872
I don't understand.
348
00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:50,342
Fellas, could I have a minute
with stan, please?
349
00:12:50,349 --> 00:12:52,817
Sure.
Come on, guys.
350
00:12:54,392 --> 00:12:54,391
This is my fault, stan.
351
00:12:54,393 --> 00:12:58,095
I should have never told you
the game was f-f-f-fa-fantastic.
352
00:12:58,104 --> 00:12:58,102
It's not your fault.
353
00:12:58,104 --> 00:13:00,938
It's something to do
with my family.
354
00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:00,943
It's like a curse.
355
00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:03,812
I know this stuff
is hard to understand.
356
00:13:03,821 --> 00:13:04,987
Trust me, I know.
357
00:13:04,989 --> 00:13:06,689
I'm an addict, too.
358
00:13:06,694 --> 00:13:07,759
But I got help.
359
00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:07,762
How?
360
00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:11,867
What all the addiction programs
say is true --
361
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,041
You've got to reach out
to a higher power, stan.
362
00:13:14,048 --> 00:13:16,082
You've got to get down
on your knees
363
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:18,621
And you've got to say,
"I have a problem."
364
00:13:18,627 --> 00:13:20,693
And you've got to ask
that higher power for help.
365
00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:25,774
We have to find a way
to get the word out.
366
00:13:25,779 --> 00:13:28,013
People need to know
pushers are being hired
367
00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:30,453
To take advantage of people
with addiction problems.
368
00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:32,459
There has to be a way we can get
to the news company
369
00:13:32,464 --> 00:13:34,164
And sneak in and somehow borrow
their tv signal.
370
00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:36,470
If we could disguise ourselves
as something ridiculous,
371
00:13:36,477 --> 00:13:37,610
Then maybe --
okay, it's done.
372
00:13:37,613 --> 00:13:39,446
What's done?
The word is out.
373
00:13:39,450 --> 00:13:40,416
"terrance and phillip
hire pushers
374
00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:41,520
To make money off addicts."
375
00:13:41,523 --> 00:13:43,056
I tweeted it.
376
00:13:43,062 --> 00:13:44,561
It's trending.
377
00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:48,170
You son of a bitch!
378
00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:49,774
You paid pushers
379
00:13:49,778 --> 00:13:52,045
To get addicts hooked
on our freemium game?
380
00:13:52,051 --> 00:13:53,451
You what?
381
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:54,889
Now, hold on,
terrance and phillip.
382
00:13:54,893 --> 00:13:57,194
There's nothing wrong
with promoting a mobile game.
383
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,033
But there's something
very wrong
384
00:13:59,037 --> 00:14:01,471
With knowingly making it appeal
to human weaknesses!
385
00:14:01,479 --> 00:14:02,845
You didn't build
a mobile game.
386
00:14:02,847 --> 00:14:04,647
You built
an addiction machine!
387
00:14:04,655 --> 00:14:06,688
Minister of mobile gaming,
what's this all aboot?
388
00:14:06,693 --> 00:14:06,691
All right, all right.
389
00:14:06,693 --> 00:14:09,694
You've seen through the charade
again.
390
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:13,001
Let me explain
how freemium games really work.
391
00:14:15,014 --> 00:14:16,647
The truth is
392
00:14:16,652 --> 00:14:18,519
A very small
percentage of people
393
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,957
Who download freemium games
394
00:14:19,961 --> 00:14:21,561
Ever pay anything for them.
395
00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:23,801
It's all aboot finding
the heaviest users
396
00:14:23,805 --> 00:14:26,605
And extracting the most amount
of cash from them.
397
00:14:26,613 --> 00:14:28,947
That's how you get addicts
to pay 200 bucks
398
00:14:28,954 --> 00:14:31,221
For a game
that's not even worth $.40.
399
00:14:31,226 --> 00:14:34,260
But then all our profits come
from people with problems.
400
00:14:34,267 --> 00:14:35,867
Don't think aboot that.
401
00:14:35,872 --> 00:14:37,638
Think about
all the money.
402
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,276
Here,
have a bump of coke.
403
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,821
Okay, but we still
won't stand for this.
404
00:14:47,771 --> 00:14:50,572
I don't know
if you're listening,
405
00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:54,616
But I guess I have something
inside me that I can't control.
406
00:14:54,624 --> 00:14:56,991
It's something kind of dark.
407
00:14:56,998 --> 00:14:59,765
Please, help show me the way.
408
00:15:06,521 --> 00:15:11,058
You have summoned the prince
of temptation for what purpose?
409
00:15:11,069 --> 00:15:12,735
Oh, shit.
410
00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:15,975
Uh...I have addiction demons
and I don't understand them.
411
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:21,786
Then allow me to explain
the darkness of the human soul.
412
00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:25,136
So, you've got dopamine,
right?
413
00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:27,675
That's the chemical
that gets released in your brain
414
00:15:27,681 --> 00:15:30,616
Whenever you do something
pleasurable like eating, sex.
415
00:15:30,622 --> 00:15:33,923
And that's just nature, right,
like, rabbits and fish and shit,
416
00:15:33,931 --> 00:15:36,965
They need dopamine so that they
want to consume and reproduce.
417
00:15:36,973 --> 00:15:36,971
Okay.
418
00:15:36,973 --> 00:15:36,971
But because humans
have progressed
419
00:15:36,973 --> 00:15:41,276
And now have access
to all the shit they want
420
00:15:41,285 --> 00:15:41,283
Whenever they want it,
421
00:15:41,285 --> 00:15:45,987
It's easy for them to overdo
and have dopamine problems.
422
00:15:45,999 --> 00:15:48,233
You know, it's not fucking
rocket science, this stuff.
423
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,739
So there's nothing
spiritually wrong with me?
424
00:15:50,745 --> 00:15:52,011
Fuck, no.
425
00:15:52,015 --> 00:15:53,315
It's like --
okay, it's like being diabetic.
426
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:55,752
You know, it's like you can eat
wrong and eat wrong,
427
00:15:55,758 --> 00:15:58,059
And chemicals get released
from your liver in a weird way.
428
00:15:58,066 --> 00:16:00,266
You know, you've been eating
gluten and shit.
429
00:16:00,270 --> 00:16:01,669
And then eventually
you've got a chemical imbalance
430
00:16:01,675 --> 00:16:03,208
From your liver.
431
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:06,013
And something clicked and now
you're diabetic forever, right?
432
00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:08,253
So, like, if you keep doing
something too much,
433
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,928
Eventually there's, um,
a dopamine fuck-up, right,
434
00:16:10,934 --> 00:16:12,700
And you're kind of
screwed up for life.
435
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,271
So, what does that mean?
436
00:16:14,276 --> 00:16:15,943
I can get addicted to everything
so I can't enjoy anything?
437
00:16:15,948 --> 00:16:18,181
Yeah, that's pretty much
what it means.
438
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:21,054
The addict people said something
about me filling a hole.
439
00:16:21,061 --> 00:16:23,261
Well, who's not filling
a fucking hole, right?
440
00:16:23,268 --> 00:16:24,701
You know?
441
00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:26,138
I mean,
what kind of bullshit is that?
442
00:16:26,143 --> 00:16:28,009
So, let's talk
about genetics now.
443
00:16:28,013 --> 00:16:29,112
You still have time?
444
00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:30,382
Yeah, no, this is great.
445
00:16:30,386 --> 00:16:32,186
Okay,
let me get some visual aids.
446
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,058
Give me just a sec.
447
00:16:35,099 --> 00:16:36,966
Here is a fact --
448
00:16:36,970 --> 00:16:41,139
80% of alcohol sales
are paid for by alcoholics.
449
00:16:41,149 --> 00:16:42,816
Using slot-machine tactics,
450
00:16:42,821 --> 00:16:44,987
Freemiums games
are able to make millions
451
00:16:44,994 --> 00:16:47,428
Off of an even smaller
percentage of mobile gamers.
452
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:49,200
Oh, god,
he just doesn't stop.
453
00:16:49,205 --> 00:16:51,038
Who is this guy?
454
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:54,245
We're building a new canada
with micro-payments
from addicts.
455
00:16:54,252 --> 00:16:55,885
Who cares?
456
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,290
You think the fucking
alcohol industry cares?
457
00:16:58,298 --> 00:17:00,999
They don't care
that 10% are gonna get addicted.
458
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:02,269
They're counting on it!
459
00:17:02,275 --> 00:17:04,008
It's the same with us.
460
00:17:04,013 --> 00:17:06,881
But we've got our eyes
on every addicts' screen.
461
00:17:06,887 --> 00:17:08,219
Every button they click,
462
00:17:08,223 --> 00:17:10,357
We get feedback
on how to shove this shit
463
00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:11,997
Right down their throats.
464
00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:14,068
Why does he suddenly sound
like al pacino
465
00:17:14,072 --> 00:17:15,205
In "devil's advocate"?!
466
00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:18,178
Oh,
I'm much worse than the devil.
467
00:17:22,831 --> 00:17:24,230
I'm the canadian devil!
468
00:17:24,235 --> 00:17:25,501
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
469
00:17:25,505 --> 00:17:28,272
Oh, dear god!
It's the canadian devil!
470
00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:29,812
Beelzaboot!
471
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:31,482
You discovered my plan,
but too late!
472
00:17:33,092 --> 00:17:34,525
Now the souls of all canadians
belong to me!
473
00:17:34,529 --> 00:17:35,862
Oh, no!
474
00:17:35,867 --> 00:17:37,266
Oh,
what have I done?!
475
00:17:37,271 --> 00:17:38,971
Hee hee hee! Ha ha ha!
476
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,875
So, basically, the genes
you got from your dad
477
00:17:41,884 --> 00:17:44,217
Make you more likely
to have trouble
478
00:17:44,223 --> 00:17:46,257
With,
um, dopamine regulation,
479
00:17:46,262 --> 00:17:48,028
And that's why
you need to kind of watch out
480
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:48,032
For addictive stuff.
481
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:52,003
Okay, so, you kind of
understand now, champ?
482
00:17:52,013 --> 00:17:53,913
I guess so.
But why do companies have to put
483
00:17:53,918 --> 00:17:53,916
So many addictive things
out there?
484
00:17:53,918 --> 00:17:57,319
You know, they all do it,
and it's kind of my deal.
485
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,192
I've got to put temptation
out there, too,
486
00:17:59,198 --> 00:18:01,065
So people have free will
and all that shit.
487
00:18:01,070 --> 00:18:03,037
But, you know, everyone has
their justification
488
00:18:03,042 --> 00:18:04,841
And thinks what they're doing
is okay.
489
00:18:04,846 --> 00:18:07,881
Hey, buddy, where'd you go?
Don't you want more canadough?
490
00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:07,886
What's this?
491
00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:07,886
That's what
I've been addicted to.
492
00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:12,023
It's a freemium game
sending me push notifications.
493
00:18:16,044 --> 00:18:17,544
What,
you just collect coins?
494
00:18:20,991 --> 00:18:22,991
How much money
can you buy today?
495
00:18:22,996 --> 00:18:26,130
No, see, if something's
addictive because it's fun,
496
00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:26,135
That's one thing.
497
00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:30,973
But this is just blatant
skinner box manipulation.
498
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:33,285
Wait a minute,
who put this out?
499
00:18:33,292 --> 00:18:34,492
Uh, canada.
500
00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:36,295
Oh,
that son of a bitch.
501
00:18:36,299 --> 00:18:38,333
He's always doing
this shit.
502
00:18:38,338 --> 00:18:41,005
I tell him temptation
has to be nuanced,
503
00:18:41,013 --> 00:18:43,313
But he goes and does
this crap again.
504
00:18:43,318 --> 00:18:46,053
I'm gonna need to borrow
your soul real quick, kid.
505
00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:47,125
Is that all right?
506
00:18:47,128 --> 00:18:48,361
Okay.
507
00:18:50,238 --> 00:18:52,372
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
508
00:18:54,083 --> 00:18:56,516
Oh, pass interference!
Interference!
509
00:18:58,259 --> 00:18:59,659
Stan?
Where are you going?
510
00:18:59,664 --> 00:19:01,997
I shall return.
511
00:19:02,003 --> 00:19:03,903
Do not attempt
to stop me.
512
00:19:05,179 --> 00:19:07,948
Told ya.
Kid's got demons.
513
00:19:07,954 --> 00:19:09,420
I don't do that.
514
00:19:10,927 --> 00:19:12,627
Horror and sadness
all over canada tonight.
515
00:19:12,632 --> 00:19:14,432
When the prince
signed the agreement
516
00:19:14,438 --> 00:19:14,436
To make a freemium game,
517
00:19:14,438 --> 00:19:17,706
He apparently made a deal
with the canadian devil.
518
00:19:17,714 --> 00:19:21,949
Hey, guy!
I'm the canadian devil!
519
00:19:21,958 --> 00:19:23,958
Canadian devil
now has complete control
520
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,396
Of the souls
of every canadian.
521
00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:28,068
This is a sad day for canada
and, therefore, the world.
522
00:19:36,163 --> 00:19:37,764
Beelzaboot!
523
00:19:37,769 --> 00:19:41,337
Once again,
you lack any sense of nuance.
524
00:19:41,345 --> 00:19:43,111
Who the fuck is that?
525
00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:45,650
Well, well.
My over-achieving doppelganger.
526
00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:48,657
You're no match
for canadian satan!
527
00:19:48,664 --> 00:19:50,464
Return from whence you came!
528
00:19:51,472 --> 00:19:53,305
Aaaah!
529
00:20:00,331 --> 00:20:02,431
Certainly a shocking
turn of events here
530
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,369
As the actual devil
has now appeared
531
00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:06,674
And seems to be fighting
the canadian devil.
532
00:20:06,681 --> 00:20:08,848
This is certainly a conundrum
for canadians everywhere
533
00:20:08,855 --> 00:20:10,521
As we try to figure out
who to root for.
534
00:20:10,525 --> 00:20:12,725
For that, let's ask the minister
of sports in edmonton.
535
00:20:12,732 --> 00:20:14,299
Well, of course,
the patriotic thing to do
536
00:20:14,302 --> 00:20:15,834
Would be to root
for the canadian devil.
537
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:15,838
But then again,
he is the one
538
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,108
Who has promised us pain and
servitude for a million years.
539
00:20:19,116 --> 00:20:20,549
Screw that!
Go, canada!
540
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,452
Enough, beelzaboot.
541
00:20:22,459 --> 00:20:24,392
Thy end has come!
542
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,173
Hey, dude.
Hey.
543
00:20:42,179 --> 00:20:43,612
You all right?
544
00:20:43,616 --> 00:20:44,815
Yeah.
545
00:20:44,819 --> 00:20:46,386
Yeah,
I think I'm gonna be okay.
546
00:20:46,391 --> 00:20:47,790
Cool.
547
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:51,632
My fellow canadians,
548
00:20:51,637 --> 00:20:53,303
What we do now as a country
549
00:20:53,309 --> 00:20:55,710
Will hopefully be a model
for others.
550
00:20:55,716 --> 00:20:58,483
We have all learned
a tragic lesson together
551
00:20:58,490 --> 00:21:00,390
That though many sins
are out there,
552
00:21:00,395 --> 00:21:02,495
When you get involved
with freemium gaming,
553
00:21:02,501 --> 00:21:04,735
You are making a deal
with the canadian devil.
554
00:21:04,740 --> 00:21:06,940
We will no longer make
freemium games,
555
00:21:06,946 --> 00:21:09,914
And we will no longer make
improvements to our country
556
00:21:09,921 --> 00:21:11,554
With money taken from addicts.
557
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,259
Canada is back to being
558
00:21:13,263 --> 00:21:15,564
An ethical, respected,
shitty tundra.
559
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,310
I'm gonna move here
and here,
560
00:21:20,319 --> 00:21:23,353
And then I'm gonna roll
to kill this zombie.
561
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:24,558
Okay, good idea.
562
00:21:24,561 --> 00:21:25,827
What are you gaywods doing?
563
00:21:25,832 --> 00:21:27,398
We're playing board games
564
00:21:27,402 --> 00:21:29,336
So that grandpa avoids
the casino
565
00:21:29,342 --> 00:21:30,941
And I avoid
freemium apps.
566
00:21:30,945 --> 00:21:32,979
Well, all right.
Good for you guys.
567
00:21:32,985 --> 00:21:34,551
Tell you what,
I'll join you.
568
00:21:34,556 --> 00:21:36,589
Board games go good
with a glass of wine.
569
00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:38,429
That's not a glass.
That's a trophy.
570
00:21:38,433 --> 00:21:39,799
That you won...
For drinking.
571
00:21:39,804 --> 00:21:41,037
It's not "drinking."
572
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,806
It's called a wine zinfandel
sipping sprint,
573
00:21:42,811 --> 00:21:44,278
And it's competitive.
574
00:21:44,283 --> 00:21:45,849
Get off
your high fucking horse.
575
00:21:45,854 --> 00:21:47,487
Your turn, grandpa.
576
00:21:47,491 --> 00:21:49,858
If you roll a five or six,
you can kill these zombies.
577
00:21:49,864 --> 00:21:50,930
You guys want to put
some money on it?
578
00:21:55,980 --> 00:21:58,415
I am not chugging beer.
579
00:21:58,421 --> 00:22:00,788
I'm sampling a flight
of gluten-free german lagers
580
00:22:00,796 --> 00:22:02,596
With a french wine pairing.
581
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,000
It's called a schmorgeswein,
and it's elegantly cultural.