1 00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:35,300 Aghghghgh. 2 00:00:36,410 --> 00:00:38,495 Aghghghgh. 3 00:00:38,530 --> 00:00:42,800 Well there's no doubt about it Those tonsils need to come out. 4 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:43,535 What? 5 00:00:43,570 --> 00:00:46,000 Oh, what exactly does that entail, doctor? 6 00:00:46,035 --> 00:00:47,555 It's a very simple operation. 7 00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:51,140 We'll just put you to sleep, Eric, and when you wake up you'll be tonsil-free! 8 00:00:51,175 --> 00:00:52,405 No way. 9 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,705 I'm not going to the hospital, mom! 10 00:00:54,740 --> 00:00:56,935 Oh, I thought you were a tough kid. 11 00:00:56,970 --> 00:00:59,730 You're not scared of hospitals, are you? 12 00:00:59,765 --> 00:01:01,595 No, I'm not scared. 13 00:01:01,630 --> 00:01:04,505 I just, I don't want my tonsils out, that's all. 14 00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:09,800 Well, then I guess you don't want all the ice cream you get after the surgery either. 15 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,515 Ice cream? 16 00:01:11,550 --> 00:01:17,330 Be a shame to have to give all that free ice cream to the big boys who aren't scared of the hospitals. 17 00:01:17,365 --> 00:01:20,130 What do you say, champ? Think you can tough it out? 18 00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:24,380 Well, you did say free ice cream? 19 00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:34,080 Poopsiekins, wake up. 20 00:01:34,115 --> 00:01:36,120 Wake up, honey. 21 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,005 It's, it's over? 22 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,480 That's right! You did it, poopsiekins! 23 00:01:41,515 --> 00:01:42,795 It's over! 24 00:01:42,830 --> 00:01:44,130 I don't feel anything. 25 00:01:44,165 --> 00:01:45,395 You were right, mom! 26 00:01:45,430 --> 00:01:47,485 I'm so proud of you, Eric. 27 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,720 All right. So where's my ice cream? 28 00:01:49,755 --> 00:01:51,720 Oh, here's the doctor now. 29 00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:53,085 Hi, doctor. 30 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,250 You were right, doctor. 31 00:01:55,285 --> 00:01:57,380 Everything is okay. 32 00:01:57,415 --> 00:01:58,865 No, it's not. 33 00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:03,770 Eric, i'm afraid that we've accidentally infected you with the aids virus. 34 00:02:06,020 --> 00:02:08,085 - What? - What's that supposed to mean? 35 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,640 During the tonsil surgery we had to supply you with donor blood, 36 00:02:11,675 --> 00:02:15,160 a mistake was made and you were given blood contaminated with hiv. 37 00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:18,300 It was a one in a billion fluke. 38 00:02:18,335 --> 00:02:19,805 I have aids? 39 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:24,270 Not yet, but we've confirmed that you now have the virus that causes aids. 40 00:02:24,305 --> 00:02:26,600 We are very sorry. 41 00:02:26,635 --> 00:02:27,805 Sorry? 42 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,590 You gave me aids and you're sorry? 43 00:02:29,625 --> 00:02:31,875 Oh, my poor little baby! 44 00:02:31,910 --> 00:02:33,320 Mom, you said nothing would go wrong! 45 00:02:33,355 --> 00:02:34,787 Oh, god! 46 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,185 Oh, no! 47 00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:37,965 No, no, this is a joke, right? 48 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,035 This is a joke! I can't have aids! 49 00:02:40,070 --> 00:02:43,660 We are going to do everything in our power to make this up to you, Eric. 50 00:02:43,695 --> 00:02:46,860 For starters, I think I owe you some ice cream! 51 00:02:50,090 --> 00:02:50,895 Your ice cream! 52 00:02:50,930 --> 00:02:52,625 You said I'd be fine! 53 00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:54,320 You all said I'd be fine! 54 00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:59,980 My baby has hiv! 55 00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:03,690 No! 56 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,850 Thank you for coming, everyone. 57 00:03:08,885 --> 00:03:10,820 Boys, please take a seat. 58 00:03:12,390 --> 00:03:14,210 What's going on? Are we in trouble? 59 00:03:14,420 --> 00:03:20,970 Boys, the reason we called you all in is because one of your friends has a serious illness. 60 00:03:21,005 --> 00:03:25,090 Eric Cartman has been diagnosed with hiV. 61 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:27,835 What? 62 00:03:27,870 --> 00:03:28,755 Oh, no. 63 00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:31,955 He's been to several specialists since a botched blood transfusion. 64 00:03:31,990 --> 00:03:35,120 The disease is in very early stages and completely manageable, 65 00:03:35,155 --> 00:03:37,370 but he's naturally, a bit scared. 66 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,175 Cartman has hiv? 67 00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:43,860 We need everyone to understand that you can't get the virus from Eric. 68 00:03:43,895 --> 00:03:46,140 You can still give him hugs and even kisses. 69 00:03:46,175 --> 00:03:47,130 Don't be afraid of him. Just - 70 00:03:47,165 --> 00:03:48,555 Excuse me. 71 00:03:48,590 --> 00:03:51,460 Eric Cartman has hiv. 72 00:03:52,170 --> 00:03:54,355 All right, we're going to bring Eric in now. 73 00:03:54,390 --> 00:03:59,860 And let's all be as supportive as we can and show him lots of love, okay? 74 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,985 Eric? Come on in. 75 00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:05,000 Your friends all want to say hi, m'kay? 76 00:04:06,410 --> 00:04:08,670 - Hi, Eric. - Hey, there, Eric. 77 00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:11,565 No way. 78 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,085 How you doing, Eric? 79 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,335 You know, I think you're a real special little guy. 80 00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:20,460 And even though you have aids, I ain't gonna act any different towards you. 81 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,980 God dammit, this sucks ass! 82 00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:27,605 Excuse me. 83 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,020 I, I have to step out for a minute. 84 00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:42,905 Poor ol' Kyle. 85 00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:44,720 He's really taking it hard. 86 00:04:45,030 --> 00:04:46,675 Is Kyle laughing out there? 87 00:04:46,710 --> 00:04:49,110 This isn't time for funny jokes! I'm going to die. 88 00:04:49,145 --> 00:04:51,015 Now, you're not going to die, Eric. 89 00:04:51,050 --> 00:04:53,180 Aids isn't as big a deal as it used to be. 90 00:04:53,215 --> 00:04:54,440 There are advances in treatment. 91 00:04:54,475 --> 00:04:55,605 Not a big deal? 92 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:56,945 Is that how everyone feels? 93 00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:59,530 People need to understand the seriousness of this illness 94 00:04:59,565 --> 00:05:02,080 and the bravery of the people who struggle with it! 95 00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:13,110 We are here tonight to salute the bravery and the courage of one very special little boy who is living with hiv 96 00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:16,670 Where the hell is everybody? 97 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:21,130 Excuse me. Shouldn't we wait for everyone to arrive before we get started? 98 00:05:21,165 --> 00:05:22,705 This is everyone. 99 00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:24,740 We didn't sell that many tickets. 100 00:05:24,775 --> 00:05:25,985 Great benefit, Eric. 101 00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:29,090 The italian meatballs are fantastic. 102 00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:30,175 So this is it? 103 00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:33,530 I'm afraid aids benefits aren't as popular as they used to be. 104 00:05:33,565 --> 00:05:35,710 Aids was more the '80s/'90s disease. 105 00:05:35,745 --> 00:05:37,347 It's all about cancer now. 106 00:05:37,382 --> 00:05:38,915 Well, that's just great! 107 00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:42,460 Of all the times to get aids, I get it right when everyone stops giving a crap! 108 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:47,795 With all of your help, we have raised over $17 for aids tonight, 109 00:05:47,830 --> 00:05:51,770 and that money will certainly go towards helping little Eric Cartman. 110 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,190 Just bring out Elton John already! 111 00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:56,555 Uh, we're sorry. 112 00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:57,785 Elton couldn't make it. 113 00:05:57,820 --> 00:05:59,975 He had to play at a cancer benefit. 114 00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:02,130 It's all right. We got somebody better. 115 00:06:02,165 --> 00:06:03,890 Jimmy Buffet! 116 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,530 Jimmy Buffet? 117 00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:06,825 Hello, everyone. 118 00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:10,110 I wrote this song for a very brave little boy. 119 00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:17,255 Aids burger in paradise aids burger and it ain't nice 120 00:06:17,290 --> 00:06:21,340 Nobody likes Jimmy Buffet except for frat boys and alcoholic chicks from the south! 121 00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:23,760 Little boy in south park 122 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,545 dying of aids in the cold dark 123 00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:31,525 how he got aids I haven't a clue wasting away again 124 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:36,470 because of aids how're we all feeling tonight? 125 00:06:36,505 --> 00:06:37,780 You, Jimmy Buffet! 126 00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,115 You Suck! 127 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:41,310 Oh, poopsiekins, be nice. 128 00:06:41,345 --> 00:06:43,470 You, mom. I have Aids! 129 00:06:48,590 --> 00:06:51,930 Hey, guys, thanks a lot for coming to my aids benefit yesterday. 130 00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:55,700 Oh, dude, was that yesterday? We forgot. 131 00:06:55,735 --> 00:06:56,785 Yeah, you forgot. 132 00:06:56,820 --> 00:07:00,140 Just like a lot of people lately have forgot that aids is still killing people. 133 00:07:00,175 --> 00:07:04,190 Seems like all of america has forgot that hiv is a serious disease. 134 00:07:05,020 --> 00:07:07,240 Well, did Elton John sing a song for you? 135 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,540 No, as a matter of fact Jimmy Buffet came instead. 136 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,035 Oh, yeah. 137 00:07:13,070 --> 00:07:14,970 It's real Funny, Kyle! 138 00:07:16,890 --> 00:07:18,105 I'm sorry. 139 00:07:18,140 --> 00:07:19,555 I'm - really! 140 00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:21,340 Cartman, I feel really bad for you. 141 00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:22,105 Honestly. 142 00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,735 - No,you don't. - I do. 143 00:07:23,770 --> 00:07:26,720 If you really felt bad, you'd wipe that Smirk off your face! 144 00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:29,710 Well, any god dammed second, Kyle! 145 00:07:30,010 --> 00:07:31,730 I'm sorry. I gotta get home. 146 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,410 Jesus Christ,can you believe that asshole? 147 00:07:37,445 --> 00:07:38,740 He does feel bad for you, Cartman. 148 00:07:38,775 --> 00:07:39,980 He just thinks it's... 149 00:07:40,015 --> 00:07:40,932 ironic. 150 00:07:40,967 --> 00:07:41,815 Ironic how? 151 00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:43,950 Well, you know you're always such a dick and stuff and now - 152 00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:45,127 Oh, and what, I deserve it? 153 00:07:45,162 --> 00:07:46,270 Is that what you think? 154 00:07:46,305 --> 00:07:47,085 Not me! 155 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,765 That's kind of what he thinks. 156 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,410 Nobody deserves this illness, Stan! 157 00:07:50,445 --> 00:07:51,227 Kenny! 158 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,136 Nobody! 159 00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:52,975 It's awful! 160 00:07:53,010 --> 00:07:56,850 And maybe somebody needs to teach Kyle how to have some compassion. 161 00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:09,095 Ugh, okay. 162 00:08:09,130 --> 00:08:10,340 It's clear. 163 00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:13,500 All right. Get that rope ready to hoist me. 164 00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:15,965 All right, but what are you going to do? 165 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,240 Kyle thinks that hiv is funny, so we're going to make him look funny 166 00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:21,845 and then he'll know how it feels to be laughed at. 167 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,760 I just, I don't know that I should be helping you make Kyle look silly. 168 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:30,090 Butters, helping people who have aids is one of the most important things you can do. 169 00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:33,990 I know, but are you sure Kyle has to be taught a lesson? 170 00:08:34,025 --> 00:08:35,780 I'm not just sure, Butters. 171 00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,830 I'm hiv positive. 172 00:08:38,110 --> 00:08:40,400 Oh, yeah. I guess that's true. 173 00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:42,810 All right. Now get the rope up over that third rafter above the window. 174 00:08:42,845 --> 00:08:44,045 That's the easiest access. 175 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,805 Wow! You really know what you're doing. 176 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,660 Yeah, I sneak into Kyle's room lots of times. 177 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:05,480 You think hiv is something to be laughed at, Kyle? 178 00:09:05,515 --> 00:09:09,640 Well, let's just see how funny it is now, asshole. 179 00:09:12,770 --> 00:09:15,070 Ugh - what? 180 00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:19,610 Ugh. 181 00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:29,030 There, there, boobie. You'll be okay. 182 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,010 Oh, doctor, did you find anything? Is it strep? 183 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:35,465 No, it isn't strep. 184 00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:37,390 Oh, well, that's a relief. 185 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:42,000 Mrs. Broflovski, has your son ever had a blood transfusion? 186 00:09:42,035 --> 00:09:43,735 No, why? 187 00:09:43,770 --> 00:09:47,600 Little boy, have you been having unprotected anal sex? 188 00:09:47,635 --> 00:09:48,905 What? No! 189 00:09:48,940 --> 00:09:50,910 Doctor, what are you saying? 190 00:09:51,210 --> 00:09:53,605 We've run every test imaginable. 191 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,840 Little Kyle here is infected with hiv 192 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,395 - What? - Hiv? 193 00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:02,280 It took us a long time to narrow it down, but there is no doubt. 194 00:10:02,315 --> 00:10:03,805 No! That's impossible! 195 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,420 Little boy, are you sure you haven't taken it up the hoo-hoo just once or twice? 196 00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:09,580 No! No, god dammit! No! 197 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,435 I'm telling you you're wrong! 198 00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:13,390 There is no way I can have hiv, unless maybe... 199 00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:15,045 oh, my god. 200 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,410 That son of a bitch! 201 00:10:18,170 --> 00:10:19,910 Kyle? Kyle! 202 00:10:21,940 --> 00:10:23,270 Pass me the ball. 203 00:10:23,930 --> 00:10:26,140 Pass me the ball, Craig, you stupid asshole! 204 00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:27,740 Ugugh! 205 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:30,835 Kyle, what the - 206 00:10:30,870 --> 00:10:32,130 I'm gonna kill you, Cartman! 207 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,282 Kyle, what? 208 00:10:33,317 --> 00:10:34,365 What'd he do? 209 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,650 What do I have hiv? 210 00:10:36,685 --> 00:10:38,315 Ooooh. 211 00:10:38,350 --> 00:10:40,615 Ooohhhh, you have hiv, huh, Kyle? 212 00:10:40,650 --> 00:10:42,310 Guess it isn't so to funny now, is it? 213 00:10:42,345 --> 00:10:43,925 - What did you do? - Nothinoo 214 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,260 Then why did Butters say he helped you sneak into my room last friday night? 215 00:10:47,295 --> 00:10:49,300 Oh, nice, Butters, you big tattle tail! 216 00:10:49,335 --> 00:10:50,395 Tattle tail? 217 00:10:50,430 --> 00:10:52,085 Do you know how serious this is? 218 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,420 Well, Kyle, maybe I was just trying to prove a point that you shouldn't be so - Ahgghghghe b Ahghghghgh! 219 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:56,660 Kyle! 220 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,730 Hey, hey, that's enough. 221 00:11:01,765 --> 00:11:03,400 Break it up, m'kay? 222 00:11:03,435 --> 00:11:04,500 Break it up! 223 00:11:04,535 --> 00:11:05,640 Mp[ Ay. 224 00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:11,525 All right, boys. 225 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:14,110 Now what is this fighting all about? 226 00:11:14,145 --> 00:11:16,420 He gave me aids! 227 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:17,665 What? 228 00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:20,365 He purposely infected me with his hiv virus! 229 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,030 Is that true, Eric? Did you give Kyle aids? 230 00:11:23,065 --> 00:11:24,455 Well, he was being a total dick 231 00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:26,710 and then he's a big tattle tail and going around talking crap about me - 232 00:11:26,745 --> 00:11:31,050 Did you infect Kyle with the hivbouirus? Yes or no? 233 00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:33,915 Kind of. 234 00:11:33,950 --> 00:11:36,685 Eric, that is not appropriate behavior, mp[ Ay? 235 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:39,830 You cannot purposely infect other kids with your disease. 236 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:40,755 That's right. 237 00:11:40,790 --> 00:11:43,640 I think you owe Kyle an apology. 238 00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:44,895 I'm sorry. 239 00:11:44,930 --> 00:11:46,045 An apology? 240 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,145 You're sortail for what, Eric! 241 00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,630 I'm sorry for giving you aids, Kyle. 242 00:11:50,665 --> 00:11:51,645 That's better. 243 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:56,040 And now, Kyle, maybe you shou this also admit you were wrong for tattling. 244 00:11:57,110 --> 00:11:57,855 What? 245 00:11:57,890 --> 00:12:01,090 Kyle, the thing about tattling is that tattling's bad. 246 00:12:01,125 --> 00:12:03,827 Because nobody likes a tattle tail, mp[ Ay. 247 00:12:03,862 --> 00:12:06,530 A tattle taifri he infected me with aids! 248 00:12:06,565 --> 00:12:07,765 See? He's tattling again. 249 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,180 He hasn't learned a thing, you guys. 250 00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:14,455 Well, Kyle, I guess we're even noW. 251 00:12:14,490 --> 00:12:15,920 Should we just call it a truce? 252 00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:19,500 Kyle, should we call it even-stevens now? 253 00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:22,320 Kyle, where are you going? 254 00:12:24,070 --> 00:12:28,010 I am going to break everything that you own. 255 00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:33,110 What is that supposed to Kyle, no! 256 00:12:33,145 --> 00:12:35,610 I apologized, Kyle! 257 00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:37,915 Kyle! 258 00:12:37,950 --> 00:12:39,690 Kyle, hold on, you asshole. 259 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,560 What the are you doing? 260 00:12:48,970 --> 00:12:50,330 Kyle, stop it! 261 00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,510 god dammit don't 262 00:12:55,490 --> 00:12:57,050 no Kyle, not the fred frog 263 00:12:57,085 --> 00:12:58,450 leave fred frog alone 264 00:12:59,130 --> 00:13:00,320 no 265 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,405 ah Fred Frog 266 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,845 nono not the X-box 267 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,100 not that x-box, wait, just wait a second 268 00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:09,805 I'm sorry I gave you HIV alright? 269 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,350 Just give me a chance and I can cure you. 270 00:13:12,385 --> 00:13:14,190 There is no cure, you asshole! 271 00:13:14,225 --> 00:13:15,442 No! No, listen, Kyle. 272 00:13:15,477 --> 00:13:16,658 I'm onto something. 273 00:13:16,693 --> 00:13:17,840 There really is a hope. 274 00:13:17,875 --> 00:13:19,245 What hope? 275 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,490 Break my x-box and you'll never know. 276 00:13:21,525 --> 00:13:22,675 You're lying. 277 00:13:22,710 --> 00:13:25,090 No! All right, Kyle, Magic Johnson, Kyle! 278 00:13:25,125 --> 00:13:26,700 The key is Magic Johnson! 279 00:13:26,735 --> 00:13:27,845 Magic Johnson? 280 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,330 He was a basketball player. 281 00:13:29,365 --> 00:13:30,285 So what? 282 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,550 So he got hiv like 50 years ago. 283 00:13:32,585 --> 00:13:34,690 He's still totally fine. 284 00:13:34,990 --> 00:13:37,290 Magic Johnson has some kind of resistance to the virus, Kyle. 285 00:13:37,325 --> 00:13:39,335 I've been researching it since I got infected. 286 00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:42,280 If we can track him down and isolate his genetic prototype, 287 00:13:42,315 --> 00:13:44,440 we have a chance of beating this thing, buddy. 288 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:45,495 You and me, Kyle. 289 00:13:45,530 --> 00:13:48,010 We can overcome our illness. I swear it to you! 290 00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:50,905 You better. 291 00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:55,030 Because if you don't the cure for hiv, I will break your x-box. 292 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,700 My god. 293 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,440 We need two tickets to Los Angeles, as soon as possible! 294 00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:09,240 Los Angeles, okay. Uh, I have a 2:00 flight. 295 00:14:09,275 --> 00:14:12,405 That would be $400 each. 296 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,015 Uh, sir, you don't understand. 297 00:14:14,050 --> 00:14:16,190 We have to see Magic Johnson right away. 298 00:14:16,225 --> 00:14:19,370 You see we have aids. 299 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,715 Aids? 300 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:25,400 Wow! That's really retro. 301 00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:27,265 But i'm sorry. 302 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,680 I can't just give away free seats. 303 00:14:29,715 --> 00:14:30,945 Don't you get it? 304 00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:35,310 We are two pals, afflicted with an illness and who only have each other in a race against time! 305 00:14:35,345 --> 00:14:38,840 Innocent, playful children who were stricken with a deadly disease for no reason. 306 00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:40,792 Oh, please! No reason! 307 00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:42,710 I got aids from him! 308 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,140 Oooh, you boys are like that, huh? 309 00:14:46,610 --> 00:14:47,655 No! 310 00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:50,630 Are you sure you don't just have any cash? 311 00:14:50,665 --> 00:14:53,570 We're not just sure, we're hiv positive. 312 00:14:53,950 --> 00:14:59,550 Uh,we sometimes offer free seats to cancer patients, but aids, I just - hey, Mitch? 313 00:14:59,585 --> 00:15:02,450 Do we have any aids patient policies? 314 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,515 Forget it, all right! 315 00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:06,130 We'll use another airline! One that cares! 316 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,185 We're so happy to help accommodate you brave boys. 317 00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:14,010 What kind of cancer did you say you have again? 318 00:15:14,045 --> 00:15:16,230 Oh, uh, you know, all-over cancer. 319 00:15:16,265 --> 00:15:17,735 I'm so sorry. 320 00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:20,410 Yeah, well, at least it's not as bad as having aids! 321 00:15:20,445 --> 00:15:22,015 Aids is the worst disease. 322 00:15:22,050 --> 00:15:25,770 Hmm, I don't know, these days I think I'd rather have aids than cancer. 323 00:15:25,805 --> 00:15:26,725 No, you would - 324 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,540 look, shouldn't you be serving people drinks or something? Get outta here! 325 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,455 We're on our way, buddy. 326 00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:34,070 Magic Johnson, here we come! 327 00:15:34,105 --> 00:15:36,510 Don't touch me. 328 00:15:37,290 --> 00:15:39,500 I know. I'm scared too. 329 00:15:45,550 --> 00:15:48,580 Magic, Magic, could you come to the front for a minute? 330 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,805 There are a couple of boys here to see you. 331 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:56,220 Two, brave little buddies who against all odds have journeyed across america to find the cure for aids. 332 00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:59,030 All they have is each other in a race against time. 333 00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,255 Thank you for seeing us, mr. Johnson. 334 00:16:04,290 --> 00:16:08,710 We were just hoping that maybe you have some kind of key that could help us with our disease. 335 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:12,070 You boys both have the virus? Are you sure? 336 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,840 We're not just sure, we're hiv positive. 337 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,900 Will you stop it with that? 338 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,080 What part of this is funny to you? 339 00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:21,845 Kyle, we need to try to find - 340 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,240 What part of being infected with a deadly disease do you find funny? 341 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:27,735 I don't think it's funny, Kyle. 342 00:16:27,770 --> 00:16:31,220 Then stop saying you're not just sure, you're hiv positive! 343 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:33,775 This isn't funny. 344 00:16:33,810 --> 00:16:34,715 Aids isn't funny. 345 00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:37,100 Dying isn't funny, so shut the Up. 346 00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:40,785 Well, excuse me, Kyle, for trying to keep some optimism. 347 00:16:40,820 --> 00:16:46,100 You know,sometimes when things seem their darkest, you just need to try and stay... hiv positive. 348 00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:47,810 But if you want to be so hiv negative all the time - 349 00:16:47,845 --> 00:16:50,080 Knock it off! Right now! 350 00:16:50,870 --> 00:16:52,840 This isn't funny! 351 00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:54,640 At all! 352 00:16:55,270 --> 00:16:56,870 - Are you sure? - Yes! 353 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,250 Are you hiv positive - ow! 354 00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:00,565 Oh... Kyle! 355 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,600 Boys, the truth is I don't know why my body is so resistant to the virus. 356 00:17:04,635 --> 00:17:07,740 I would love to know so I could help others, but I just don't. 357 00:17:07,775 --> 00:17:09,005 Well, I've been thinking. 358 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:13,030 There's something you've come into contact with that hinders hiv from growing. 359 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,250 Do you mind if we just look around? 360 00:17:15,510 --> 00:17:17,245 Well, not at all. 361 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,270 The pool is over there, where I try to swim and stay in shape. 362 00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:22,745 My kitchen is full of very healthy food. 363 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:26,790 I don't know which thing is what keeps my t-cell count high, so I try it all. 364 00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:28,215 But everyone tries that. 365 00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:31,010 There has to be something you're exposed to that others aren't. 366 00:17:31,045 --> 00:17:32,350 Could we see where you sleep? 367 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,470 Sure. 368 00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:36,600 Just a pretty plain old ordinary bedroom. 369 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,135 Dude. 370 00:17:41,170 --> 00:17:43,265 Oh. Yeah, I don't trust banks. 371 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,360 I sleep with all my money. 372 00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:48,345 You sleep with money every night? 373 00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:50,710 Yeah. I like to keep it close. 374 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,550 You don't think that - 375 00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:00,875 It's incredible. 376 00:18:00,910 --> 00:18:02,910 Mitch, these boys could be on to something. 377 00:18:02,945 --> 00:18:04,905 Take a look. 378 00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:07,175 That's a sample of hiv infected blood. 379 00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:10,365 You can clearly see the hiv attacking the white blood cells, right? 380 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,520 All right. Now watch what happens when we introduce some cash. 381 00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:15,215 My god! 382 00:18:15,250 --> 00:18:17,580 The hiv particles are receding! 383 00:18:19,650 --> 00:18:23,150 The cash does seem to restrain the hiv cells from stabilizing. 384 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,555 Now hold on. 385 00:18:24,590 --> 00:18:28,390 All the cash is doing is destrablizing the virus, not destroying it. 386 00:18:28,425 --> 00:18:29,375 Well, look. 387 00:18:29,410 --> 00:18:33,185 If being around lots of cash negatively affects the hiv, then maybe - 388 00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:37,770 Then maybe enough cash, shot directly into the bloodstream could kill the virus altogether. 389 00:18:37,805 --> 00:18:39,330 I have enough cash for all three of us. 390 00:18:39,365 --> 00:18:40,837 We should give it a try! 391 00:18:40,872 --> 00:18:42,275 No, no. This is ridiculous. 392 00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:44,510 We need FDA approvals, control studies! 393 00:18:44,545 --> 00:18:46,675 I'm sorry, but this is impossible. 394 00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:50,405 These boys have shown us that a lot of impossible things can happen. 395 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:54,680 Their friendship has conquered every obstacle in their illness-ridden lives! 396 00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:58,990 Their incredible friendship has brought a sparkle of hope to our world. 397 00:18:59,025 --> 00:19:01,120 That's for sure. 398 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:06,330 I suppose we could try to distill Magic's cash down to its most highly 399 00:19:06,365 --> 00:19:09,660 concentrated level and try it on one of them. 400 00:19:09,695 --> 00:19:10,905 But it's very risky. 401 00:19:10,940 --> 00:19:13,790 Yeah, well, if there's a chance of being cured of this illness, 402 00:19:13,825 --> 00:19:16,230 then Kyle is willing to take that risk. 403 00:19:45,970 --> 00:19:48,240 Let's hope to christ this works. 404 00:19:54,740 --> 00:19:56,280 Wait a minute. 405 00:19:56,315 --> 00:19:57,245 Yes. 406 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,045 Yes, take a look! 407 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:04,280 The cash particles have completely replaced all the hiv in Kyle's blood! 408 00:20:06,350 --> 00:20:09,820 Boys, you've just found the cure for aids! 409 00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:11,755 All right! 410 00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:13,740 They've found the cure for aids! 411 00:20:13,775 --> 00:20:15,470 The cure for aids! 412 00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:16,665 What is it? 413 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,660 Large doses of concentrated cash! 414 00:20:19,695 --> 00:20:21,290 Get the media on the phone! 415 00:20:21,325 --> 00:20:23,015 All right. 416 00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:27,100 Scientists have just discovered the cure for aids. 417 00:20:27,135 --> 00:20:31,150 About $180,000 shot directly into the bloodstream. 418 00:20:31,185 --> 00:20:32,810 nigeria africa 419 00:20:34,690 --> 00:20:35,425 Hey! 420 00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:37,345 They just found the cure for aids! 421 00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:40,780 You just have to infect yourself with all your cash! 422 00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:53,120 I am pleased to announce that there is no trace of the hiv virus in either Kyle Broflovski or Eric Cartman. 423 00:20:54,430 --> 00:20:58,285 Together, these boys beat their illness, with nothing but each other, 424 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:02,890 and overcoming all odds other, and overcoming all odds these two brave friends. 425 00:21:02,925 --> 00:21:05,105 Oh, stop! We're not friends! 426 00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:08,355 He's the one who infected me with aids! 427 00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:13,390 Those two brave lovers found the cure and helped the world. 428 00:21:13,425 --> 00:21:19,250 And so to honor these boys, here is Jimmy Buffet! 429 00:21:19,285 --> 00:21:21,170 What? Oh, no! 430 00:21:21,430 --> 00:21:28,600 Cure burger in paradise cure burger there, I said it twice 431 00:21:28,635 --> 00:21:30,420 Agh, god dammit! 432 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,425 Well, I tell you this, Kyle. 433 00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:35,450 I'm never getting my tonsils out again! Ha, ha! 434 00:21:36,350 --> 00:21:38,670 I'm still breaking your x-box. 435 00:21:39,310 --> 00:21:40,855 What? No! 436 00:21:40,890 --> 00:21:42,250 Kyle, Kyle, no!