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00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:08,000
♪ ( South Park Theme plays ) ♪
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,300
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
4
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,300
♪ gonna have myself a time ♪
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00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:13,000
♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪
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00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,700
♪ humble folks without temptation ♪
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00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:15,900
♪ goin' down to south park ♪
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00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:17,500
♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,600
♪ ample parking day or night, ♪
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00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,400
♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪
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00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:22,500
♪ headin' on up to South Park ♪
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00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,600
♪ gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
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00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,200
♪ I like girls with big vaginas ♪
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00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,000
♪ I like girls with big fat titties ♪
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00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,600
♪ come on down to
South Park and ♪
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00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:30,600
♪ meet some friends of mine ♪
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00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:34,600
"South Park: S16E06"
"I should have never gone ziplining"
Original air date 18 April, 2012
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00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:39,800
Kyle! ( echoes )
19
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,700
Narrator: Four young boys in Colorado
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00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:43,800
are on a trip from hell.
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00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:47,300
Aghhh! I can't take it!
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00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,400
Somebody help us!!
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00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,600
Trapped in an unforgiving
mountain wilderness
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00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:52,600
with no way out
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00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,100
Aghhh!
26
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:57,100
The fourth graders are
in a nightmare they cannot escape.
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00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,600
We were stuck,
we were completely stuck.
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00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,400
Kyle, hurry!
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00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:03,200
Kyle! Wake up!
30
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,700
You gotta wake up, Kyle!
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00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:05,900
Aaghh!
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00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,700
For four elementary school boys
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00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:10,600
an ordinary day becomes
a descent into madness
34
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,100
on tonight's episode of
35
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:17,900
Oh god!
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00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:18,900
No!
37
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:21,900
Help! We're trapped!
38
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,900
We gotta get outta here!
39
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,300
It's the last day of spring break
40
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,400
and all over the small mountain
town of South Park
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00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,200
and his friends Kyle, Eric and Kenny,
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00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,300
the last day has come too soon.
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00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:45,900
We really had spent
the whole spring break
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00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:47,800
watching TV and playing
Xbox, you know.
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00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,500
So, we wanted to go out and
do something really adventurous.
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00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:51,600
We could go to the city pool
49
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,000
they have a water slide.
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00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,600
No no no, I'm not getting in a
pool with Kenny he has herpes.
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00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:56,200
What?
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00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,700
Look at his lip!
You've got herpes, dude.
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00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,400
I don't have herpes.
It's a cold sore.
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00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,800
No, cold sore is what
girls call it Kenny.
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00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,100
It's actually herpes.
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00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:04,600
C'mon guys, the day's wasting away.
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00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,000
What would be something really cool
we could do?
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00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,100
And then like, out of nowhere
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00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:10,400
somebody came up with
the idea of ziplining.
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00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,600
Hey yeah, ziplining that could be
really cool.
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00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,500
We've definitely
not done that before!
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00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,200
I think there's a place
just outside of town.
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00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,100
I'll see if my Uncle Jimbo
will drop us off.
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00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,700
Cool! Ziplining!
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00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,700
Ziplining. Hell yeah!
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00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:23,800
Within 30 minutes,
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00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,500
the boys are getting a ride to
the ziplining outfitters
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00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,300
from Stan's Uncle Jimbo.
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00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,600
We were in a good mood,
just joking around you know,
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00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,700
mostly making fun of Kenny's herpes.
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00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:35,900
See, Kenny? You got herpes dude!
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00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,200
Ack! I almost touched it.
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00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,700
sic--agh! Sick, Kenny. No!
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00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:41,500
Gross!
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00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,200
( mumbles )
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00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:44,700
Did you hear that guys?
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00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:46,300
Kenny says it's just a fever blister.
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00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,900
You sound like a chick, Kenny.
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00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:50,100
That's herpes, dude.
You got that shit 'til you die.
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00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,000
It's the idealic
spring break getaway
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00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,400
with friends and laughter.
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00:02:57,900 --> 00:03:00,600
Hey, you guys here for
the two o'clock zipline tour?
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00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:01,200
Yeah
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00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,700
Alright! Let me get you some helmets
and some gear
85
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:06,500
and we'll get up there and
hit that fresh nar nar.
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00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,400
And so they put us in
these harnesses and helmets.
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00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,900
I-- I think that's when
we started realizing
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00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:12,800
Oh wow...
this is actually pretty dangerous!
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00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,000
Alright, you guys look ready to zipline!
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00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:15,900
Alright!
91
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,600
Okay, just follow me over
to the waiting room
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00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,600
and we'll have you take a seat
with the others.
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00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:25,800
And we were like, others?
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00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,400
We have to do with this other people?
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00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,600
- Hi, there!
- Hello!
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00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,300
Hi!
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00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:33,100
The boys have just made
a sobering discovery.
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00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,000
For 10-year-old Stan Marsh,
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00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,400
the realization that he
will be with a tour group
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00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,400
has caused his
adrenal gland to slow down.
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00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,800
The average human
acts a certain way
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00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,300
when surrounded by
friends and family.
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00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:46,700
But in a tour group
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00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,800
the brain has to work overtime
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00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,800
acting nice and pretending to care
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00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,100
about people on the tour.
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00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,500
Hey, how are you?
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00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,500
Good, how are you?
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00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,900
So then we sit there
for like thirty minutes
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00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:01,600
because we had to wait for
this couple who was running late.
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00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,700
Alright our last zipliners
are here.
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00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,800
Sorry we made you wait, everybody.
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00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,300
Inside Kyle's mouth
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00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,400
the muscles contract to force a smile.
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00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,800
Even though in his brain,
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00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,500
Kyle is thinking,
"Dude, fuck you!"
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00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:14,400
We don't mind.
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00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:15,400
Now everyone was there
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00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,000
we thought things will start getting fun, but...
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00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,000
that's when we had to
watch the safety video.
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00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,100
Welcome to Backcountry Adventures.
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00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,900
Well hey there, Michael!
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00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:26,100
Hey there, Michael!
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00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,900
( laughing )
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00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:32,600
It was I don't know, ten...
maybe fifteen minutes of pure hell.
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00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,500
( laughing )
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00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:37,700
Oh, and don't forget to
take in the nar.
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00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:39,900
Back to you, Michael.
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00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:42,900
Thanks, Michael.
Anybody have any questions?
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00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:44,700
No.
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00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,100
I have a question.
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00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,600
Could we review the best ways
to hold the rope again?
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00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,100
Really? You're gonna make us all
listen to it again,
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00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:55,300
because you couldn't understand?
Really?
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00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,300
Let's get out there and get zippin' !
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00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:58,900
Jesus Christ!
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00:04:58,900 --> 00:04:59,700
Finally!
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00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,100
The boys think their ordeal is over.
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00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,500
But what they don't realize
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00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:07,500
is that things are about to go
from bad to worse.
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00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,600
Here we go, guys!
Ziplining!
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00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,600
Everyone just step on
in the shuttle.
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00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,700
Shuttle?
144
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,000
How--how long do we have to
take the shuttle?
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00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,700
It's about 45 minutes.
146
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,400
It's a devastating blow.
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00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,700
For Kyle, it's almost too much to bare.
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00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:29,100
His brain is already lacking excitement.
149
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:31,300
And now just the word "shuttle"
150
00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:33,200
makes Kyle's brain fire neurons
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00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,600
that bring up memories
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00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,800
of just how lame shuttles can be.
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00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:44,100
Well, come on we don't have a choice.
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00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,600
Alright guys, should be about 45 minutes
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00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,500
to the freshest nar nar.
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00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:55,700
Why don't we go around the van
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00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:57,600
and to get to know
each other a little bit.
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00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:58,300
Uh, that's okay.
159
00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:01,600
Well, my name's Pete Knickels
and this is my wife Donna.
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And uh...make a long story short
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00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,500
we came out here to see
our relatives who live down in Moab.
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00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,500
They uh...been living there
about 20 years now.
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And uh...long story short,
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they told us that
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as long as we
were in the rockies
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we should try ziplining.
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So...long story short
168
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:21,500
we looked around in the newspapers
and on the internet and
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on billboards, and you know--
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make a long story short
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we found this company and
thought we'd give her a try.
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So then we called and
made a reservation
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and that's when, you know---
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long story short--
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we just thought--
CARTMAN: Aagh!
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It's almost 3:00 o'clock.
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and the boys are still on the shuttle.
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We're getting close!
You guys getting psyched?
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00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:51,300
is that a massive storm is brewing.
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00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:52,900
Last night Eric Cartman had
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00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:53,900
Kung Pao spaghetti
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00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:55,400
from California pizza kitchen.
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00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,900
Inside Eric's stomach,
the Kung Pao has
185
00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:00,300
just met with the Del Taco
he ate for breakfast.
186
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,600
It has already started to
tear down the layers
187
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,400
of barbecue BK toppers
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00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,000
that had been building up
for months.
189
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,600
And now, to compensate for
all the annoying tourists,
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00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,800
Eric is ingesting massive amounts
of Mountain Dew.
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00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,800
The caffeine and sugar turns
the soupy fast food liquid
192
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,300
in his stomach into a toxic gas.
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00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:19,700
When the gas is released,
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00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,000
it carries with it tiny particles
of Eric's fecal matter.
195
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:27,000
Fecal matter which floats up and
into Kyle's nasal passage.
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00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:30,100
Dude, did you fart?
197
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:31,200
No.
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00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,800
Alright, guys.
We're here.
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00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,500
Thank God.
200
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,800
Alright, here we are.
201
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,200
Looks like we've got
some good nar
202
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,400
to zipline through today.
203
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:42,900
Before we climb up and start ziplining
204
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:45,900
does anyone care to know
about this tree's biology?
205
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,700
The tree's biology...?
206
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,100
We are running a little late
207
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:52,600
but if anyone really wants to know,
we could take a few minutes.
208
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,100
I think we're good.
209
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:56,600
I'd like to know about
the biology of the trees.
210
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,800
Okay, well this is a ponderosa pine.
211
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,400
It covers a more extensive area
than other Americ--
212
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,800
So after "asshole" gets
his biology lesson
213
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,300
we finally get to go ziplining.
214
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:10,300
Alright, remember to keep your
hands clear of the cable
215
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:12,500
and just let your
equipment do the work.
216
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:14,900
Now when you're about halfway down the zipline
217
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,000
the camera's gonna
take your picture.
218
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,600
So when I call out "shaka bra"
219
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,100
look up and give the camera
a nice "shaka bra"
220
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,200
Alright you ready?
221
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:25,900
Yeah
222
00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:27,700
Ready to do some zipping?
223
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:28,200
-Yeah
225
00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:32,100
zipline
226
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,900
Shaka bra!!
227
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,400
Woohhoo! Alright! Nice zip!
228
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,500
Well?
How was it, Cartman?
229
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,200
It's totally fucking stupid, dude
230
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:51,700
Aww...really?
231
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,800
Yeah, dude.
It's fucking boring as shit!
232
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,300
Alright, Kyle.
Gimme a "ZIPLI-I-I-INE!!!".
233
00:08:58,700 --> 00:08:59,400
zipline
234
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,300
Shaka bra!
235
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,300
It was like having the life
sucked out of you.
236
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,800
That's all it is.
Sliding down a cable.
237
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,200
Maybe without a tour group it'd
be kind of fun
238
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,100
Maybe
239
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:18,100
But
240
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,200
this was just
241
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,300
a complete disaster.
242
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,600
After a grueling 20 minutes
243
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,500
waiting for everyone else
to ride the zipline
244
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:30,500
the boys realize they have just
wasted hours of their time.
245
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:31,600
And that
246
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,600
is when the unthinkable happens.
247
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,000
Alright guys let's get moving.
248
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:39,000
Only ten minutes to our next zipline.
249
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,400
The next ziplines?
250
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,400
What are you talking about?
251
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,100
Excuse me, we aren't going back now,
are we done?
252
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,900
This is a zipline tour!
We got sixteen more to go!
253
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:48,800
And it was like...
254
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:49,300
wham!
255
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:50,800
NO-O-O !!!
256
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,900
Everyone back in the shuttle!
257
00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:54,600
NO-O-O !!!
258
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,300
The boys realize that
their ziplining nightmare
259
00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:58,900
has only just begun.
260
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,100
Aaahhh!
261
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,100
Anyone have questions
262
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,600
about the creek
we're about to cross?
263
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:04,800
Yes
264
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,300
Aaahh!!
265
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:11,000
♪ Ahh! went the little green frog one day! ♪
♪ Ahh! went the little green frog! ♪
266
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,100
Ahh!!
267
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,200
Let her rip!
268
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,900
ZIPLI-I-I-INE!!!
269
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,600
Four young boys in Colorado
270
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,100
are on a trip from hell
271
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,300
Next zipline's up here.
We call it the Terminator!
272
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:27,800
Uggh!
273
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,100
Trapped in an unforgiving
mountain wilderness
274
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:31,200
with a tour group.
275
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,100
...but you know...
276
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,700
to make a long story short
277
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,000
I woke up this morning and--
278
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,400
Could you get another
picture of us?
279
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,000
Ahhh!!
280
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,300
The fourth graders
are in a nightmare
281
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,600
they cannot escape.
282
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:47,200
I'm so fucking bored!
283
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,800
- Woo! Hoo!
- Yeah! Nice zip.
284
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,500
Alright, you goin' next, Ricky?
285
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,500
- Help, help!
- Somebody!
286
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,400
- Somebody!
- We're trapped!
287
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,900
Somebody help us!
288
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:06,500
( Kenny weeping )
289
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:07,800
It's no use
290
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,600
There's nobody around for miles
291
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,500
There could be a helicopter
292
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:11,900
Maybe one will fly overhead
293
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,100
Face it, Stan!
Nobody's coming for us.
294
00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:16,500
- Zipline!
- Woo! Hoo!
295
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,000
We should've never listened to you, Kyle
296
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:19,500
Me?!
297
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,200
Yeah, you! In the park this morning?
298
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,600
"I know! Let's all go ziplining.
We never done that before!"
299
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,500
Oh no, don't try to pin this on me!
300
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:26,600
You're the one who brought it up!
301
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,600
I brought it up 'cause
you already brought it up!
302
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,700
That's when I realized
nobody remembered,
303
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,100
nobody remembered it was me
who came up with the idea
304
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:34,000
to go ziplining.
305
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:35,200
Me!
306
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,100
You fat piece of shit!
307
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,000
Fuck you, Kyle!
308
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,000
Guys! Guys!
309
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,700
Does it really matter
whose idea it was?
310
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:40,500
- Yes!
- Yes!
311
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,000
Alright, look.
We can make it, you guys.
312
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,200
we can't panic.
313
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,500
If the four of us don't zipline
the tour will move faster.
314
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:48,000
We are gonna
make it out of here, okay?
315
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,500
But what the boys don't realize
316
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,900
is that Eric's body
is already shutting down
317
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,900
from stage four diarrhea.
318
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:57,400
Inside his stomach
319
00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,700
bile has just dislodged
in Arby's Ultimate Angus.
320
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:02,100
In the average human
321
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,400
this would only cause mild diarrhea
322
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,300
but Eric Cartman is now drinking
323
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:07,200
Double Dew
324
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,800
A Mountain Dew product with
twice the sugar and caffeine
325
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,000
of regular Mountain Dew.
326
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,600
His rancid feces is now rapidly
converting to a thick paste.
327
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,000
The diarrhea shoots out of Eric's anus
328
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,900
and into his underwear.
329
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:21,400
Eric Cartman is a ticking time bomb.
330
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,100
Dude! Did you just shit your pants?
331
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,100
No?
332
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:28,900
So, I just tried to keep
the tour group moving
333
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:30,300
as fast as possible.
334
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,400
Alright, guys!
335
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,400
This is is where
we're gonna break for lunch!
336
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,400
Come in by the waterfall, gang!
337
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,000
Oh no...could we skip lunch
and keep going?
338
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,600
Skip a free lunch?
Not me!
339
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:45,800
Who wants sandwiches?
340
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,700
We got turkey
341
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:49,800
Ham
342
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:52,900
Turkey ham
343
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:54,400
( in pain )
344
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,200
You guys, seriously
345
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,600
Something's wrong with my tummy
346
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:02,000
Then stop drinking
Double Dew, fat ass
347
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,600
This is diet Double Dew, Kyle
348
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,200
It only has half the caffeine and
sugar of Double Dew.
349
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,800
Oh, man. You guys,
I gotta get to a bathroom fast.
350
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,500
You're in a forest. Go take a crap.
351
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,500
If I crap in the woods,
the blood will attract beavers, Kyle
352
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,500
Hey uhm... I'm so sorry but
we have an emergency.
353
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,200
Our friend is really, really sick.
354
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,300
Oh you mean the little kid
with the herpes?
355
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:23,800
Yeah
356
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,000
That's not herpes, it's cold sore.
357
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,000
Right. Sorry.
358
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,800
Yeah, his cold sore is really bad
and he's losing blood.
359
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:30,800
So we gotta go.
360
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,800
Gee, sorry dude,
but we're at the summit.
361
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,600
Our only way down is to zip down.
362
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:36,700
- Zipli-i-i-i-ne!
363
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:37,800
What about the stables?
364
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,200
Oh yeah, the stables. Ther--
365
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,900
There's a ranch right past that hill
that rents out horses, I--
366
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,700
I bet they can get you back.
367
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:46,300
Suddenly...Stan says he knows
about some horse stables.
368
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,700
It seemed too good to be true.
369
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:50,000
Now let me get this straight
370
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,500
you want four horses,
one for each of you?
371
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:53,800
Yes, please!
372
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,900
Well I think we can set you up.
373
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,000
Oh, thank god!
374
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,700
You see, guys? This is gonna
be sweet after all.
375
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,900
Step right out here,
we'll get you going.
376
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:04,800
Got four more for ya, Duncan.
377
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,500
- Hi there!
- Hello!
378
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,500
Nooo!!
379
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:10,800
Four young boys in Colorado
380
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,600
are on a trip from hell.
381
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:13,500
Ahh!
382
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,300
Ahh!!
383
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,400
Trapped in a tour group
on horseback
384
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,800
that is only allowed to travel
four miles an hour.
385
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:25,200
Can we please go faster?
386
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,200
Go faster!
387
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,800
We got some lunch set up
for ya up ahead.
388
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,200
Some turkey sandwiches
and diet Double Dew.
390
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,700
So anyway, long story short
391
00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:40,200
I was born in 1953 at
6:00 in the morning.
392
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,200
An attempt to make a bad day better
393
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,800
becomes a descent
into madness on:
394
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:56,200
This here waterfall is called
Heartbreak Falls.
395
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,600
Would ya'll like to know
why it's called Heartbreak Falls?
396
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:00,700
Well, I certainly would!
397
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,100
EVERYONE: Yeah!
398
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,500
Kyle...Kyle...
399
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,800
Kyle c'mon, wake up!
400
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:05,600
Just go
401
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:06,900
Go without me!
402
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:08,600
No, we're not
leaving you here, Kyle!
403
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,000
I can't take it anymore.
404
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,500
Why do people say "long story short"?
405
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:14,900
They're not making it short, Stan!
406
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:16,800
I just sat there
407
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,400
watching Kyle die and
408
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,200
I wanted to tell him the truth
right then and there
409
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,000
but then this fire rose up
inside of me, I...
410
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,600
I thought I can find us a way out.
411
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,300
I ran off and went searching for
412
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,000
I dunno how long. 12 minutes?
413
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,100
and that's when I found it.
414
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,200
You guys! You guys! Get up!
415
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:33,500
Listen to me,
416
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,200
there's a lake a hundred yards
down that way.
417
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,100
They've got a marina with boats
just sitting there!
418
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:37,900
A marina?
419
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:39,500
We can take a boat, you guys!
420
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,700
We can probably take it all the way
back to Fairplay.
421
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:42,500
What's the point?
422
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,900
C'mon you guys, a boat all to ourselves?
It'll be fun!
423
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,900
What could possibly go wrong??
424
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:57,400
Four young boys in Colorado
425
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,100
are on a trip from hell.
426
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,600
(yelling )
427
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,200
Trapped on a 42-foot power boat
428
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:07,100
which is only allowed to go
5 miles an hour.
429
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,900
--because we keep getting
screwed over by your diarrhea!
430
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:11,300
It's not my diarrhea's fault
431
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:12,900
that you took us all ziplining
432
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:14,200
You fucking jew!
433
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,300
Ziplining was your idea, fatass!
434
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:19,900
The fourth graders are in a
nightmare they cannot escape.
435
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:20,900
Kenny...
436
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:22,300
whose idea was it to go ziplining?
437
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:24,600
Mine or Kyle's?
438
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,500
I don't know,
I really don't give a shit.
439
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,600
For four elementary school boys
440
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,500
an already tragic day
441
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,300
becomes a descent
into madness on :
442
00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:40,200
(yelling)
443
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:41,600
Oh no...
444
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,400
you're not stinking
up the entire boat
445
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,700
you're taking a crap
off the side, into the water!
446
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,600
(grunting)
447
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,600
Ahh!
448
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,400
Beavers!!!
449
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,800
After cleaning Cartman's diarrhea
450
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,500
and fightings off beavers
451
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,000
the boys have made a
terrifying discovery
452
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,300
that boating
453
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:16,000
is just as boring as ziplining.
454
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,200
The boat went really slow
455
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,500
and it just went round and round.
456
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,500
Aaagghh!!!
457
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:24,500
If the boys fall asleep now
from the lack of excitement.
458
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:25,600
They could die.
459
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:27,700
Here...
460
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,600
everyone drink some Mountain Dew!
461
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:30,300
I dunno...
462
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,900
I just thought if we all
drank the Mountain Dew the-
463
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,200
-the caffeine and the sugar
would help us stay awake.
464
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,000
I told Cartman he had to share it.
465
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,700
I'm not sharing with Kenny.
466
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:39,000
He has herpes!
467
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:40,800
Dude...
468
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,200
Fuck you, Cartman!
469
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,700
Four young boys in Colorado
470
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:52,700
are on a trip from hell.
471
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,400
And just when it seems
it can't get any worse...
472
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,000
STAN:Kenny?
473
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,700
Kenny!
474
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,100
Kenny McCormick
475
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:05,800
has died of boredom.
476
00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:09,000
Oh my God,
they killed Kenny!
477
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,200
You bastards!!
478
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,700
No, not they. You!
479
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,500
Look what your ziplining idea's done.
480
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:14,900
You killed Kenny!
You're the bastard!
481
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:16,800
It wasn't my idea, it was yours!
482
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,800
You killed Kenny,
you bastard!
483
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,700
And finally, I couldn't hold it in anymore.
484
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:23,800
I said "stop it"!
485
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,600
Stop it!
486
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,600
It was me!
487
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,400
My idea.
488
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:33,600
You?
489
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,600
Four days ago,
490
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,600
I came across a
brochure for ziplining.
491
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,800
I thought it would be fun.
492
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,800
I only acted like it was an idea
we all came up with together.
493
00:18:56,900 --> 00:19:00,900
So you intended for us to go
ziplining all along?
494
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:02,700
Why, Stan?
495
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,400
If you signed up three friends
496
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,400
you got a free iPod Nano.
497
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,400
You sold us out
498
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,600
for an iPod Nano?
499
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,300
I had no idea ziplining
would be so boring!
500
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:26,700
You...
501
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,900
...you killed Kenny!
502
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:33,500
You bastard!
You bastard, Stan!
503
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:36,200
(Crying)
504
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,800
(Crying)
505
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,800
How many iPod Nanos is
friendship worth?
506
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:51,200
I guess...one.
507
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,300
The hardest part about it is
508
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,300
knowing you can't take it back.
509
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:57,000
I mean
510
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,800
it was a fifth generation nano
so I can't trade it in anywhere!
511
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,100
But then miraculously
512
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:05,500
the boys prayers are
finally answered.
513
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:07,000
CARTMAN:It was a miracle
514
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,300
he came to save us and
take us back home.
515
00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:11,700
-You came for us!
- Mister Hankey !
516
00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:13,800
Thank you, Mister Hankey
517
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:16,700
(in a deep voice)Howdy hoe, boys
518
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:18,800
Let's get you back home.
519
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,200
We were saved.
520
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,700
It was over.
521
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:28,900
After nearly four hours
in the Colorado wilderness
522
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:31,700
the boys are finally going home.
523
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,800
From the boat
the boys were airlifted
524
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,400
aboard Mister Hankey's
magical heli-crap-tor
525
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,800
In the four hours since they
had left home
526
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:42,700
the boys had travelled so far
that Mr. Hankey then had to fly them
527
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,600
on his 7-turdy-7.
528
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,700
From there it was only an hour ride back home
529
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:49,500
on the Poochoo express.
530
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:52,400
Four friends torn apart by tragedy
531
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,500
would now start the long journey back
532
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,000
to forgiveness,
533
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,300
Kenny McCormicks remains
534
00:20:57,300 --> 00:21:00,100
were finally brought home
to his parents
535
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:02,100
and the boys received treatment
536
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:03,500
for their herpes.
537
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:05,900
No, I didn't get herpes
I just had a cold sore.
538
00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:09,600
Kyle Broflovski spent
twenty-seven days in the hospital
539
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,900
having fecal matter removed
from his nasal passages.
540
00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:15,900
Stan Marsh dedicated himself
to raising awareness
541
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,000
about the boredom risks
of ziplining.
542
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,700
His awareness videos became so popular
543
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:24,700
that Stan once again ended up
jacking it in San Diego.
544
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:27,800
As for Eric Cartman
he refused to let the tragedy
545
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,000
stop him from doing
what he loves most.
546
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,000
In just two weeks, he was back to
drinking diet Double Dew.
547
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,100
Defiant to do the math.
548
00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:40,300
It's diet, dude.
Diet soda doesn't give you diarrhea.
549
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:45,000
Sync & corrections by MakiVano for
www.addic7ed.com