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South Park - Season 11 Episode 5
"Fantastic Easter Special"
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...In my Easter Bonnet,
with all the frills upon it,
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I'll be the grandest
lady in the Easter parade.
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Look at that one, huh?
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Half purple and half yellow
with a chikadee sticker.
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I'm good.
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Uh, can I ask a question?
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Why do we do this?
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Wha... what do you mean,
"Why do we do this?" It's Easter!
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Right, so, why do we color eggs?
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Wulll, ssso that the
Easter bunny can hide them.
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Yeah, but why?
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Stanley, Easter celebrates
the day that Jesus was resurrected
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after being crucified for our sins.
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So we dip eggs in colored vinegar
and a giant rabbit hides them?
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That's right.
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You don't see the missteps
in logic with that?
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Look, I'm just saying that somewhere
between Jesus dying on the Cross
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and a giant bunny hiding eggs there
seems to be a, a gap of information.
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Stanley, just dye your Goddamned eggs!
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I don't feel like coloring eggs!
I don't get it!
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What is wrong with him?!
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Well, he's just getting older, Randy.
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Maybe he figured out
the Easter bunny isn't real.
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You know so little!
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And I want a Baltor
soldier doll for Easter,
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and five Crash'n'Go RC cars,
you got that?!
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Do you HAVE that?!
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- Ahh, don't you think that's-
- Nono! You don't ask me questions!
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You are a rabbit! I am a human.
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So if you don't bring me what I
want for Easter, I can fucking kill you!
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Smile!
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Bye, Easter bunny!
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Oh My God.
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All right,
can you explain to me what's going on?
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Huh?
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What is the deal with the coloring the
eggs and you hiding them and all that?
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What does that have to
do with Jesus dying on the Cross?
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It is symbolic?
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Are you trying to reference something
that happened in Biblical times?
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Answer me!
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Look, kid ahh,
I'm j-, I'm just a guy in a costume.
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I know that!
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But I figure you must have
some knowledge of what Easter's about
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if you're playing the
Easter Bunny at the mall!
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Easter's just Easter.
Just, just go with it, kid.
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NO, I'm not gonna just go with it! I'm
gonna find out what's behind all this!
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I need a break. Can I have a break?
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We have a problem.
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Somebody's onto us.
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Yeah, he's askin' a lot of questions.
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Only a matter of time before
he finds out what Easter's really about.
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Yes, I understand what must be done.
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Call the others.
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Mom? Dad?
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Anybody home??
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Not now, Stanley, I'm on the toilet!
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- Dad! You've gotta help me!
- Hang on, I'm taking a crap.
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Dad! There's Easter bunnies chasing me!
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What?
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They chased me from the mall!
I don't know what they want!
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They're coming in! Dad, open the DOOR!
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Dad??
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We... need to talk, Stan.
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Ih, it's okay guys.
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- Randy?
- Yeah.
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'Cause it turns out the
kid we're after is my son.
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Ohhh.
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Tell the Grand Hare everything is okay.
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I'll take it from here.
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I wanted to keep this from you, Stan.
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I really wanted to wait
until you were older but...
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you just had to keep asking questions!
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Why were those other
rabbit guys chasing me?!
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We have to be careful when
we think somebody's onto us.
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We are all part of
a secret society, Stan.
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A very ancient,
very important society of men
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who follow the way of the Rabbit, and
protect the secret of the Easter bunny.
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We are called... the Hare Club For Men.
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Does Mom know about this?
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Duh, it's the Hare Club For Men.
Chicks wouldn't understand.
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I don't understand!
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I belong to a secret society that
has been around for thousands of years!
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Our identities have to be protected!
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Could, could you,
take off, the ears, please?
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Stan, you don't seem to
understand how serious this is!
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The secret of Easter that we protect
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is something that could rock
the foundation of the entire world!
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So what is the secret of Easter?
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I can't tell you. You have to be
allowed into the Society first, but...
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but perhaps... it's time.
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I always knew this day would come,
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when my son would be
brought into the society.
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Reminds me of the day
I was brought in by my father.
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- Grandpa's in it too?
- Of course.
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Marshes have been in the
Hare Club For Men for generations.
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All the way back to the beginning.
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Dad, do I have to wear this
bag over my head the entire time?
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You aren't a member yet. You can't know
where our secret meetings take place.
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We're going to a distant location,
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an old building near
a lake about 40 minutes away.
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You mean the old Galveston Lodge?
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Damnit.
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- Hey Bill.
- Evenin' Marcus.
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- Heh heh hey, look at you!
- Hey everybody.
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Stan Marsh, welcome!
You must be very excited.
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Must I?
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There he is! There's my grandson!
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- Hi Grandpa.
- I'm proud of ya, Billy.
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...Stan.
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Tonight, we determine if a new member
is worthy of protecting the Secret.
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Bring out... the rabbit.
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Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.
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Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.
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In suspiratoreum, lepus in re sanctum.
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Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine.
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All hail the cute rabbit, Snowball!
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Hail Snowball.
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Stan Marsh,
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are you ready to hear
the secret of Easter?
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- Yeah.
- Are you sure, son?
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Once you hear the secret, you will be
bound to The Hare Club For Men forever.
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Yeah, I wanna know already.
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Very well.
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At the Last Supper,
Jesus Christ met with his 12 Disciples.
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It was there that-
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- They found us!
- Protect Snowball!
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They're everywhere!
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Come on, we've gotta go!
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Stan, take Snowball and get out of here!
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- Where am I supposed to go?
- JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!!
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Where is the rabbit?!
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Where are you taking us??
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No! I'm not goin' anywhere!
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Jesus Christ!
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Who did you give the rabbit to?!
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Search the area!
The boy could not have gotten far!
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Oh no...
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Help.
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What happened?
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My Dad's in a rabbit-worshiping
cult called the Hare Club For Men
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they protect the secret of
Easter but before they said what it was
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they were attacked by ninjas
and put me in charge of Snowball.
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...I'm kind of fingerpainting right now.
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Dude, they took my Dad away.
They even shot one of his fellow hares.
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And now they're after me!
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Do you know anything about Easter?
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What is the connection between
Jesus and rabbits and colored eggs?
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Dude, I'm Jewish. I have no idea.
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Nelson.
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Nelson? Nelson, say something.
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My legs. I... I think they're broken.
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Nelson, do you know where we are?
Where did they take us?
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Don't know... we traveled for hours...
kept blacking out...
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You...
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Hi, we'd like to speak
to a Professor Teabag?
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- What is it in regard to?
- The history of Easter.
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Sorry boys, it's a little
late for me to be giving lectures.
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Please? Do you know anything
about the Hare Club For Men?
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The Keepers?
The Guardians of the Secret?
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My Dad is in it.
This... rabbit is too somehow.
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Come on in.
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The Hare Club For Men
has been around for centuries.
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One of its most famous
members was Leonardo da Vinci.
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Behold the Last Supper.
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The dinner Christ had with his disciples
the night before he was crucified.
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What food do you see on the table?
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- Just bread...
- Really?
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Look to Jesus' right.
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The food which is a little
different color than the others.
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It kind of looks like... an egg.
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Yes. The egg marks the secret.
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It lies directly in front of...
Saint Peter.
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Who is Saint Peter?
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He was the disciple that
Jesus made into the first pope.
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Eggsactly.
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But there's something
the Church didn't tell you.
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In actuality, Peter wasn't a man at all.
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Saint Peter... was a rabbit.
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Peter Rabbit.
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Of course, the Church wouldn't allow
da Vinci to paint Peter as a rabbit,
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so he painted him as a man,
but left clues. Look closely.
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- I don't see it.
- Look closelier.
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- He looks like a guy.
- Look more closelier.
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With laser technology
we can look beneath the paint,
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the way da Vinci originally painted it.
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That... is Saint Peter.
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The original Pope of Christianity.
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I don't believe it.
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Proof is everywhere. Look
at the Pope's hat. It makes no sense,
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except that it was originally
designed... for a rabbit.
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But why would Jesus want
a rabbit to run his church?
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Because Jesus knew no one man
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could speak for everyone in a religion.
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Men can be intolerant; rabbits are pure.
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But the Catholic Church buried
the truth, put a man in charge,
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and the Hare Club For Men
has been decorating eggs ever since
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to keep the secret in
da Vinci's painting alive.
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So... the Vatican took Stan's dad?
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You dare to mock God by telling
people St. Peter was a rabbit?
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You monster!
You have no right to wear that hat!
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Trying to tell people that St.
Peter was a rabbit is blasphemy!
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You must admit you
are wrong or burn in hell!
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It's saying stupid things like that
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that made Jesus wanna
put a rabbit in charge.
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I'm sorry I couldn't bring
you the rabbit, Your Holiness,
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but they know where it is!
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The rabbit you call Snowball
is a threat to Christ's Church.
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Where is the rabbit?!
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I don't know! And even if I did know...
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well, I'd probably tell you
because I don't wanna be here anymore.
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- Take him to be tortured!
- Tortured, huh, but Bill,
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all this... torturing and ninjas,
it just doesn't seem very Christian.
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You asked for the help
of the American Catholic League,
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let us do our job! Take him!
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No! No, you bunny-hating bastards!
Don't do this!
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I don't get it. Why would the pope
be holding my Dad hostage for Snowball?
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I believe Snowball must be a
direct descendant of St. Peter himself,
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and therefor the true
heir of the pope's throne.
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Mr. Teabag! Get out!
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- They found me!
- Boys, get out of here!
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Head to the woods!
I'll try to buy you some time.
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Check upstairs!
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Upstairs clear! Try the office!
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In here!
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What's that?
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PEEEEPS!
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So what now?
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If the pope has my Dad...
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I have to give him what he wants.
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00:14:43,270 --> 00:14:45,022
You aren't just gonna
hand Snowball over?
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What choice do I have?!
There's nobody left who can help us!
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Wait...
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00:14:50,508 --> 00:14:51,708
unless...
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maybe there is.
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Here, hold this.
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Jesus,
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I know we haven't talked in a long time,
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and I know that every time you appear
we end up killing you somehow, but...
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00:15:09,474 --> 00:15:11,274
I don't know what to do.
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00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:13,879
And I could really use your help.
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00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:26,341
I think the rabbit
just crapped on my jacket.
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00:15:26,973 --> 00:15:31,493
Live, from the Vatican,
it's our Easter Vigil coverage.
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As Holy Saturday comes to an end,
the Easter vigil at the Vatican begins.
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Thousand have turned out to hear
the Pope and celebrate the Resurrection.
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For this Easter vigil the
Pope is also showing his divine grace
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by feeding the poor,
with a massive rabbit stew.
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NOOO!
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Noo! No, don't put m-
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Bill, this seems extreme.
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The child who has the rabbit has to know
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that we are willing to kill
the hostages if he doesn't hand it over.
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Your Holiness,
a child has arrived witha the rabbit!
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Ya see?
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Oh thank God!
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Hand it over, Stan! They're
gonna kill me! Give them the rabbit!
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Yes, hand it over!
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First, you have to
promise you won't hurt it!
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And that you'll let everybody go!
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- We promise.
- We swear it, on the cross.
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JUST HAND OVER THE BUNNY, STAN!!
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Okay, fine.
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Stanley, why did you do that?
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I would have proudly
died for that rabbit.
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- You said "hand over the bunny."
- No!
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That is NOT the way
we're remembering it!
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Take them into custody!
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Hey, what the hell!
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Bill, we have zeh rabbit,
it's all we need.
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Don't be soft, Your Holiness!
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These "whores" must be
punished in front of everyone!
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You swore on the cross, fatso!
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Yeah. Too bad for you...
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it was a double cross!
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Oh, we should've seen that coming!
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Bill, I'm not sure that double
crossing people is very Christian.
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IT IS WHAT CHRIST WOULD'VE WANTED!
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Who are you to say that?!
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It... can't be.
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Jesus!
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He is risen. He is risen.
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Let the voices sing
his praises on this holy day.
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He is risen!
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Jesus, we thought you died. In Iraq.
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I have the power of resurrection.
Or have you forgotten?
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You all seem to have
forgotten a lot of things.
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Jesus, you did answer my prayer!
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Actually, I was answering
the prayer of Nick Donovan.
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Ohh, that's me Neato!
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This is exactly why I put a rabbit
in charge of the Church, Benedictus!
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Because men are so easily led astray.
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St. Peter was a rabbit.
And a rabbit should be Pope.
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- Kill him!
- WHAT?!
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He goes against the Church. He must die!
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All right, that does it, Bill.
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I'm pretty sure that killing
Jesus is not very Christian.
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You are soft!
Weak! You leave me no choice: take them!
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What are you doing?!
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I am the Pope!
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You are no longer able to
fulfill your duties to the Lord!
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The Easter vigil will go on as planned!
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Every Hare Club member, young and old,
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will watch as their
precious savior dies!
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What is your problem, guy?!
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Lock up those two Jews!
We'll deal with them later.
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No! No!
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A strange turn of events
here at the Vatican:
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Pope Benedictus has stepped down,
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ushering the new era of...
Pope Bill Donohue
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My people!
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This Easter I'm gonna
start by making our rabbit stew
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ten times meatier!
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No! Listen! We aren't rabbits!
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Forgive me, Jesus.
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We'll never get out in time to stop him!
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Don't you have any superpowers?
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Not as a mortal. Only in death.
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Wait. That's it.
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We have no choice, Kyle.
You're going to have to kill me.
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- What??
- Stab me with this.
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If I die I can resurrect
outside the bars.
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N-no way! Do it yourself.
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Suicide is blasphemy.
There's no choice here, Kyle!
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Dude, you don't understand, I'm a Jew. I
have a few hangups about killing Jesus.
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Just make it quick. Through the neck.
I'll arise again immediately.
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Don't make me do this.
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My son, there is no time! DO IT!
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Eric Cartman can never know about this.
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I understand. And Kyle,
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- happy Easter.
- Happy Easter, Jesus.
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...Jesus?
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Behold, no longer will Easter
be about bunnies and colored eggs!
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Kill the rabbit!
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Sorry, little bunny.
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Snowball!
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Jesus?
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Stop!
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That rabbit is of holy descent!
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Why won't you go away?!
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One man cannot be
the voice of the Church!
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Enough of this blasphemy!
I'm the Pope now!
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That means I am the voice of God!!
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Not anymore.
I'm removing you from your position.
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YAAAY!!!
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All right Jesus!
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Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.
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Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.
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Your Holiness,
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what should we tell the world
about how to run their lives?
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It isn't saying anything.
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Yes, just as a-Jesus intended it.
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Stanley, I'm so proud of you.
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You've learned so very much this Easter.
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Yeah. I've learned not to ask questions.
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Just dye the eggs
and keep my mouth shut.
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That's my boy.
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Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine.
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Subtitles : Spirit
Transcript : South Park Scriptorium
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